MBMBaM 761: My Other Dad is a Helicopter

Summary

Summary of MBMBaM Episode 761: "My Other Dad is a Helicopter"

Release Date: May 5, 2025

In episode 761 of My Brother, My Brother And Me (MBMBaM) titled "My Other Dad is a Helicopter," The McElroy brothers—Justin, Travis, and Griffin—deliver their signature blend of humor, wit, and unconventional advice. The episode tackles a series of unique listener questions, ranging from rescue missions to designing anti-vaping escape rooms, all infused with the brothers' trademark banter and comedic insights.

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1. The Mount Fuji Phone Retrieval Conundrum

Summary: The episode opens with a listener scenario involving a 27-year-old university student who was rescued twice from Mount Fuji. Initially, he was airlifted off the mountain after losing his crampons and falling ill. Five days later, he realized he had forgotten his phone and embarked on a risky journey to retrieve it, necessitating a second rescue.

Key Discussion Points:

• Responsibility in Rescue Situations: Justin grapples with understanding his responsibility when witnessing the second rescue, questioning if he should intervene or let professionals handle it.
• Dependence on Rescue Services: Griffin humorously compares the constant rescues to having a "helicopter parent," emphasizing the irony of relying too heavily on external help.

Notable Quotes:

• Griffin McElroy [14:08]: "This is my other dad, a helicopter. He's always gonna get me out of any sticky situation I find myself in."
• Justin McElroy [11:16]: "He got rescued from Mount Fuji five days earlier... he was like, 'Ah, man, I forgot my phone.'"

2. Convincing a Clown Juggler Professor to Perform

Summary: Justin presents a dilemma from a game design student whose professor is a former professional clown and juggler. The student wants to see the professor juggle during class but struggles to prompt him without seeming intrusive or disrupting the teaching process.

Key Discussion Points:

• Subtle Encouragement: The brothers brainstorm ways to create organic opportunities for the professor to showcase his juggling skills without direct confrontation.
• Creative Problem-Solving: Suggestions include introducing juggling-themed projects or setting up scenarios that naturally lead to juggling performances.

Notable Quotes:

• Justin McElroy [15:27]: "How do you get this man to juggle without making him think that it was while making him think it was his idea?"
• Griffin McElroy [17:02]: "If you show up and trip the apples, there's no way he can resist that. He's gonna put some produce in the air."

3. Designing an Effective Anti-Vaping Escape Room

Summary: A teacher seeks advice on creating an escape room aimed at discouraging kids and teens from vaping. The goal is to design puzzles and activities that effectively communicate the dangers of vaping while keeping participants engaged.

Key Discussion Points:

• Incorporating Vaping Themes: The brothers explore ideas like using vape-related challenges or consequences within the escape room to highlight the risks.
• Balancing Education and Engagement: Emphasis is placed on making the experience compelling without being overtly preachy, ensuring that participants absorb the message naturally.

Notable Quotes:

• Travis McElroy [23:34]: "Thank you to the universe, I guess. The idea of being able to make an anti-vape escape room is kind of perfect."
• Griffin McElroy [24:20]: "We're trying to deliver any kind of message at all, it's done. It does have to be subtle."

4. Handling a Goose-Induced Workplace Incident

Summary: Justin shares an incident where a co-worker was aggressively chased by a goose near a hospital cafeteria bench. The co-worker's frantic attempts to escape left Justin pondering his role and responsibility in such wildlife-related confrontations.

Key Discussion Points:

• Personal Responsibility vs. Authority Intervention: The brothers discuss the limits of personal intervention in wildlife emergencies, agreeing that it's unreasonable to expect individuals to manage aggressive animals.
• Humorous Takes on Confrontation: They joke about needing a "goose costume" to establish dominance or using unconventional methods to deter the goose.

Notable Quotes:

• Justin McElroy [46:17]: "What’s my responsibility in this goose attack?"
• Griffin McElroy [46:56]: "No, can't do that. That's too much to put on you."

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Flow and Engagement

Throughout the episode, The McElroy brothers maintain a natural and engaging flow, seamlessly transitioning between advice segments and humorous interludes. Their interactions are marked by playful teasing, quick wit, and a genuine attempt to provide thoughtful yet entertaining answers to each unique challenge. The inclusion of notable quotes with specific timestamps adds depth to the summary, capturing the essence of their discussions and the humor interwoven throughout.

Conclusion

MBMBaM Episode 761, "My Other Dad is a Helicopter," exemplifies The McElroys' ability to tackle bizarre and real-life dilemmas with a blend of humor and insightful commentary. Whether discussing the ethics of rescue missions, encouraging a professor to juggle, designing educational escape rooms, or dealing with aggressive geese, the brothers provide listeners with both laughs and unconventional perspectives. This episode serves as a testament to their unique approach to modern advice, making complex and quirky situations both relatable and entertaining.

Transcript

[Griffin McElroy]

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed.

[Justin McElroy]

Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if.

[Griffin McElroy]

There'S a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out.

[Justin McElroy]

There will know how cool they are for listening.

[Griffin McElroy]

What's up, you cool baby?

[Travis McElroy]

It's the start of something beautiful A.

[Griffin McElroy]

Small acquaintance has blossomed it's ripened into.

[Travis McElroy]

A precious friends I could have never seen what was coming for me Hangs at the skate park Hangs by the beach My life, it feels like it's better it's better with you My life, it's better it's better with you this is true it's better it's better with.

[Griffin McElroy]

You.

[Justin McElroy]

Hello everybody and welcome to My Brother, My Brother and Me, an advice show for the modern era. Oldest brother Justin McElroy here reporting for duty.

[Unknown]

What's up Trav nation? It's me, your middlest brother, Travis. Vroom, vroom. McElroy here also, I guess, reporting for duty.

[Justin McElroy]

Welcome, welcome to the service.

[Unknown]

Oh, okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

This is Lieutenant Commander Sergeant Corporal Griffin. Built for tough McElroy. And guys, I don't know about you, but on this, our year of turbo driving, I'm pulling a lot of horsepower today.

[Unknown]

Oh, wait, doesn't the horsepower pull you?

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm being tugged by a lot of horses today.

[Justin McElroy]

Well, you drive horses, right? What is it you still drive Thunder? Drive horses? Pull you?

[Unknown]

I don't think. If you're pulling horses, then.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, they're pulling you. You're totally right. And I do actually want to stop my bit and just get into the semantics of who's tugging who, who's tugging who.

[Unknown]

Don't tug horses.

[Griffin McElroy]

Don't tug horses. Let them tug you. But the derb happened this past weekend.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, the derb.

[Griffin McElroy]

I mean we're recording this well before the derb, but I gotta say, I'm sitting pretty flush. I bet you think you did good.

[Justin McElroy]

With your bets, your various bets.

[Unknown]

You're gonna make how much money?

[Griffin McElroy]

I like to think of them as investments. In my shitty investments maybe is how I do bad investments.

[Unknown]

I bet equally on every horse to win.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's cool. That'll at least get you your money back. Yeah.

[Unknown]

So no matter what, worst case scenario, tie.

[Justin McElroy]

If you believe in multiverses, it's gonna hit. For one of you, that's cool. Or all of us.

[Griffin McElroy]

So yeah, I took my kids savings that they've been saving up at their part time kid jobs and I went to My horse, Guy.

[Unknown]

And I said, he prefers Centaur Griffin.

[Griffin McElroy]

I said, what's the Morning Light odds on American Promise? And he got confused by the sentence for a second. Cause he was, like, so bad.

[Unknown]

I think all of us would right now if you said you were betting on America's Promise, betting on the future of America's Promise.

[Justin McElroy]

American Promise betting on is a bet.

[Griffin McElroy]

They say the morning light odds, 30 to 1. So this is gonna be a big weekend for me.

[Unknown]

I'm thinking, how much money did you put down?

[Griffin McElroy]

$200. Oh, yeah, it's my children's. They don't have a lot of money, but they said, how do we turn this into more money? And I said, I have the investment opportunity of a lifetime. Its name is American Promise.

[Justin McElroy]

Can I speak on the Kentucky Derby for a moment?

[Unknown]

Oh, please, please.

[Justin McElroy]

You have Virginia as a West Virginian. I'd like to speak for a moment on the Kentucky Derby.

[Griffin McElroy]

Go ahead and. And go off, King.

[Justin McElroy]

Thank you. Dear Kentucky, it's me, Justin McElroy from West Virginia. You know, right next door. Every once in a while, you guys like to pretend that you guys are fancy over there. There's the stuff with the bourbon where you're starting to act like that's really fancy. And then there's the stuff with the horses and the big hats. And every time the nation's eye turns back to you, you like to act like you're pretty fancy. And we just want you to know Kentucky. We see you every day.

[Griffin McElroy]

We.

[Justin McElroy]

Over here in West Virginia. Yeah, we see you every day.

[Unknown]

And over here in Ohio, by the way, we've got your flanked. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Ohio weighing in. You see Kentucky every day, right, Trav?

[Griffin McElroy]

Sort of temporal pincer on Kentucky you guys are putting down.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And, Trev, when you roll on over there to what's on the Covington is that. Does it feel a lot fancier than where you left on the other side?

[Griffin McElroy]

More aristocratic, perhaps.

[Justin McElroy]

Bigger hats.

[Unknown]

That's. That's not necessarily the word I would use, Justin.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, interesting, Trevor.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Unknown]

And fewer horses, too. I think I see more horses here in Ohio than I see over in Covington.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sold a false bill of goods. You think you roll up on any city in Kentucky, it's going to be equine in that shit. But no, Kentucky.

[Justin McElroy]

All of Kentucky, holistically speaking. Mr. Bashir, I assume you're a listener. Thank you. We see you.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's it.

[Justin McElroy]

We see you.

[Griffin McElroy]

You can't just change the whole kind of, like, identity of your state for other people who Never really learned much about your state. Cause if you could do that, we could all. Everybody in West Virginia could just start acting like Ro. And then whenever people think about West Virginia, they'll think, oh, the robot state. Which is great.

[Unknown]

I think a lot of this, I think, is coming from a place of jealousy, because West Virginia hasn't figured out how to do that kind of rebrand. And I think it's unfair that Kentucky kind of took the home of podcasting.

[Justin McElroy]

Never caught on. I tried.

[Unknown]

We out did our best.

[Griffin McElroy]

They went through so many state mottos. I thought we could sneak the home of podcasting in there, but no dice.

[Unknown]

Hey, one of my favorite moviegoing memories was being in a West Virginia theater when Die Hard 4 came out. And there's a shot where they drive into West Virginia and you can see the welcome to West Virginia sign. And at that point, I believe the slogan was open for business.

[Griffin McElroy]

Fuck yeah.

[Unknown]

And that sign came up and everyone in the theater booed.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. It's so good, man. That shit still goes down so smooth. No state has ever been brave enough to be like please in their state motto.

[Unknown]

Please, Please, anything, please.

[Justin McElroy]

But at least we're not like, things.

[Unknown]

Have been fancy here.

[Griffin McElroy]

We're owning it. We could use sneakers.

[Justin McElroy]

We love the horsies and big. And that's the whole deal here in Kentucky. It's fancy. All the minced julep for me, it's so fancy here. We see you every day. You drive here. You drive over here. I see you every day. Okay, you're not fooling me.

[Unknown]

The derby and the mint julep and stuff, that's your fancy sitting room in your house that you keep clean for company. We see the rest of the house all the time is what we're saying, Griffin.

[Justin McElroy]

You notice I'm not judging.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Should I see it?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, we do see it.

[Unknown]

We see it. Griffin, who's favored to win that old derby?

[Griffin McElroy]

I mean, this one coming in eighth post. We've got Journalism.

[Justin McElroy]

Kick ass.

[Griffin McElroy]

Kick ass.

[Unknown]

Time for the game is just journalism.

[Griffin McElroy]

The horse's name is Journalism. This one's trained by Matthew W. McCarthy. Three to one, morning line odds. I mean, pretty. Pretty good stuff. Pretty good stuff there. Coming in not too far behind, we got Sovereignty. That's on a horse. Actually feels a little intimidating to me. Yeah, we got Sandman, named for Adam Sandler, actually. It's like naming the horse after Adam Sandler's nickname. I mean, people are.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, but if the horse is named Adam Sandler, that would be a little. That would be pretty good. Actually, I think I would really like that. That would make me really happy.

[Griffin McElroy]

Then we start getting to a pretty big gap here of the quality of some of these ponies I'm seeing. Because we got Grande, Burnham Square, Rodriguez clocking in on 10. And then it's like, no. 1. And then it's like a bunch of Snickle Fritz. And the Snickle Fritz has the best names, which is the frustrating thing. Cause I wanna see Owen Almighty roll up on first, you know, I wanna see Coal Battle win something.

[Justin McElroy]

Coal Battle.

[Griffin McElroy]

Coal Battle. Like this.

[Justin McElroy]

Coal Battle.

[Griffin McElroy]

Coal Battle. Feels cool to say it. Admire Daytona. Japan. This one's from Japan. I guess they put it in the name of it, but it's called Admire Daytona, which is really good. No horse names in the commanding sort of tense. You like this horse? Admire Daytona.

[Unknown]

We need more interrogative horse names.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes.

[Justin McElroy]

More questions.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes.

[Unknown]

Do you admire Daytona?

[Justin McElroy]

Asked her.

[Griffin McElroy]

Render judgment. That's another horse name without the question mark.

[Unknown]

America's promise.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. America Promise. Travis. It's not Possessive.

[Unknown]

Oh, wow. You really, really opened my eyes, Griffin. Made me think about. I don't own America. Prom America. American promise.

[Griffin McElroy]

All you need to happen. And this is what I. The great thing about horse racing, dudes, is it's the great equalizer. Because all you really need to hit it big is for one horse to run really fast. And that could happen for any reason at any time.

[Unknown]

And all the other horses to not run as fast.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, I mean, obviously that's important, too. But you just need your horse to be the fastest one. So all you need. You make these outside bets, your horse might go super duper. Do you know that you run the same speed every time you run? No. You probably have good runs and bad runs.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

You might get, you know, Rodriguez out there, and he might have the fucking run of his life. And then you're up $6,000.

[Justin McElroy]

You're rich.

[Unknown]

Or put all your money on it. Think about all the money you could win.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

There's no downside to gambling. Yeah, that's what they don't tell you.

[Griffin McElroy]

But the gambling thing. Yeah, like, obviously, there's lots and lots of downsides. This is just. There's bad. There's lots of bets. But, like.

[Unknown]

Wait, really?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Yeah, like really?

[Unknown]

But. Oh, fuck.

[Griffin McElroy]

For this I gotta call.

[Unknown]

You can bet lose.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, this is. I can lose.

[Justin McElroy]

It's not too lose.

[Griffin McElroy]

You bet too.

[Justin McElroy]

They will lose.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's gone. But. And it's gone and it's bad. And you can get, like, really, really into it. So it's like not great, like don't with it, but like knowing your personality. Stay, stay, stay. Far from.

[Unknown]

I bet the show.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, but it's. Okay, that makes sense.

[Unknown]

I bet this show.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's not gambling on a horse. It's not gambling. You just need one horse to run really fast. That's all that it is. It's like a guess. It's like a guess saying, I think my horse is going to run really, really fast today.

[Unknown]

Okay. So I could still. We could still keep the show. Okay, that's good.

[Justin McElroy]

What a relief.

[Griffin McElroy]

What would you. In this example, Travis, was the show converted to a currency amount? And I would love to know what you think that number is.

[Unknown]

Well, my friend Adam Carolla, who is.

[Griffin McElroy]

Move on, Justin. Start the show. Move on.

[Justin McElroy]

Move on.

[Griffin McElroy]

Move on and start the show.

[Justin McElroy]

This is an advice show. And before we get started though, I did want to talk about one other thing. And I know that sometimes we just get distracted by stuff. And I promise this isn't that, but did you guys hear about the guy they rescued from Mount Fuji?

[Griffin McElroy]

No, I did hear about the guy they rescued from Mount Fuji.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, okay. Well.

[Griffin McElroy]

But Travis hasn't. So you could deliver it to one of us and all just sit here with my. Yeah, maybe I'll just cross my arm now.

[Unknown]

I don't know what it is.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, it's probably better that way.

[Unknown]

Oh, my God. Justin.

[Justin McElroy]

Trav, they rescued a guy from Mount Fuji. And I'm saying this guy, because they haven't identified him yet for probably a good reason. This guy, Trav, he. He got rescued from Mount Fuji. Now that in and of itself is not that surprising. Right?

[Griffin McElroy]

It's quite a hike.

[Justin McElroy]

Quite a hike up there. Literally speaking, he's a 27 year old university student. And the only thing is interesting about him being airlifted out of Mount Fuji is that he had been. He had been airlifted off of Mount Fuji five days earlier. Trav.

[Unknown]

What?

[Justin McElroy]

Now, wait, I know what you're asking, Justin. How could this happen? Well, Trav. Oh, man. He got rescued from Mount Fuji, but he forgot his phone on Mount Fuji.

[Unknown]

Out of the town.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, he forgot his photo about Fuji and so he went back to go get his foe. At Mount Fuji. Yeah, and he was airlifted off after he. The first time he left because he lost his crampons. And I know what you're saying, Justin. What? Yeah, you're the spiky things you put on your shoes to help you climb ice. Good. He lost them.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sorry, those are called what now?

[Justin McElroy]

Crampons.

[Griffin McElroy]

Crampons, Crampons, Crampons.

[Justin McElroy]

Crampons.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, cool. They're called crampons.

[Unknown]

And he's just cramp em on when you need them, you know?

[Justin McElroy]

According to this story, he just lost them. According to the Nippon TV story, he lost them and he fell sick. So they came and got him. But then five days later, he's like, ah, man, I forgot my phone.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. And went on back up for it. Now what I do think is quite courageous is on that return trip to get his phone. That's pretty risky because if you don't at least make it to where you left your phone the first time, you're fucking dead, dude. Because you don't have a phone. I know exactly where it is. It's halfway up Mount Fuji.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Can you imagine how? What a bummer that would be when you do, like, find my device and you're like, it must be in the couch some back on Mount Fuji.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, man. He did the second time, by the way. It was a different student who just saw him and he was like, this dude, he came back to town, he's like, hey, you remember the guy from before? No, no, no. He's back. You gotta get back up there. He's out there on the.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

I think the problem with airlifting people from dangerous situations is you're not letting them learn from their mistakes. So now this guy believes that every time he goes to Mount Fuji because he's lost something, literally, they're just gonna airlift him out.

[Griffin McElroy]

Just a helicopter parent. Quite literally. This is my. This is my other dad, a helicopter. He's always gonna get me out of any sticky situation I find myself in.

[Justin McElroy]

I do. I do think that it is not clear. Okay. It's not clear whether or not he did get the phone. So that is something that I will say right now up front. If it turns out this didn't work, the three of us will go up and get it for you.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'd love.

[Justin McElroy]

Please don't go up.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, my God, are you kidding?

[Justin McElroy]

Please don't go up again.

[Griffin McElroy]

So beautiful this time of year. I would love to go rescue a.

[Justin McElroy]

Pretty good hiking video. I don't know if you knew, but we're kind of good at hiking. Yeah.

[Unknown]

And there's three of us. Which I think increases our chances of.

[Justin McElroy]

Living through it and getting the phone for sure.

[Unknown]

And I.

[Griffin McElroy]

Listen, we don't have to get to the top. We just got to get to the fucking phone.

[Unknown]

That's it. How do you think the airlifting people would feel if, like the three of us were going, and just one of us was done.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

And we were like, airlift. Just me. And then the other two were like, we're actually going to keep going, but we're vibing. Actually on standby.

[Justin McElroy]

What did you say?

[Griffin McElroy]

We're vibing. Take him to the hospital for sure. But we're on a vibe right now.

[Unknown]

But be on standby.

[Griffin McElroy]

Be on standby to get the phone.

[Unknown]

We are going to give you a call. We're not going back.

[Griffin McElroy]

My feet are super sweaty. So be ready to deal with that situation with a quickness. But do get him to the hospital.

[Justin McElroy]

Let's help people.

[Unknown]

Yes. Finally.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm a senior in college, about to graduate with a degree in game design. Every year I've been in college, I've had at least one class with a particular professor who's somewhat infamous within the department. This professor used to be a professional clown. In particular a juggler. Since he first mentioned this in my freshman year, I wanted to see this man juggle, but I can't figure out a way to make it happen without the danger of him thinking I'm intentionally interrupting class. Brothers, how do you get this man to juggle without making him think that it was while making him think it was his idea? That's from craving clownery in Chicago.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, man. The public Persona that clowns have have kind of made random acts of clowning more rare in public spaces. And that's a real shame, this stigma.

[Unknown]

Well, don't you think if the professor brought it out, you say, since he first mentioned this in my freshman year, I don't think you drop into casual conversation or into a teaching situation. I was a professional juggler. And then think, I hope no one asks me to juggle.

[Justin McElroy]

Have you noticed how many of your lessons revolve around four bowling pins? Well, there you go. That's. He's begging for it.

[Unknown]

Maybe just sit in the front row of a class and be like, are you hungry, Orange? Here's another. Here's another. And now he's juggling.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, he can handle it, too. There's. Have you guys ever noticed that there's no such thing as, like, a bad amateur juggler? Anytime anyone tells you that they're into juggling, they're like, check it out. With knives. Like, anyone who gets into this gets into it deep enough that they can do, like, the dangerous stuff. So he's got to be able to handle whatever you toss at him.

[Unknown]

I'd like to think that's a result of. I don't think anyone who's maybe tried to juggle twice, goes to people and says, watch what I can do.

[Griffin McElroy]

Watch this. I think I can.

[Justin McElroy]

So this person, just so I can track the chronology, went from being a professional clown juggler to a game designer to a person teaching game design. They must just be swimming in it, huh, Justin? Just absolutely drowning in it.

[Unknown]

Like money. Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can we suggest that. You're saying it, man. He's drowning in. You're suggesting he's drowning in whatever. He.

[Justin McElroy]

Whatever. Whatever. Fill in the blanks. All right? Drowning in it.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't wanna. Man.

[Unknown]

I don't want to. Justin.

[Griffin McElroy]

I know we're not supposed to say no and shit, man. But, like, I don't want to do.

[Justin McElroy]

That's fine. That's fine. I'm just saying it's just the truth of the.

[Griffin McElroy]

But we don't. But, like, we don't know them, and you know that. So just saying that they're drowning.

[Justin McElroy]

That makes it better. If I knew them, I wouldn't say these things, these terrible things.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's true.

[Justin McElroy]

You would be like, griffin, fair point. That would be rude. You can't get better at throwing stuff at them. Like, you can't get better than everyone in the class. Throw five balls at them. But I can't just, like.

[Griffin McElroy]

But we can't have us out here saying on our show, throw stuff.

[Justin McElroy]

Throw balls at people.

[Unknown]

Then when he comes into class the next time, what's that on his desk? It's five perfectly placed bowling pins. And you're all sitting perfectly, like, attentive and ready.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, but you're. Again, that is gonna seem like a setup. He's gonna read that for what it is.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes.

[Justin McElroy]

You've gotta make him think that it was his idea to juggle.

[Griffin McElroy]

You know, you come into the room carrying a big crate of apples. You're gonna have to do this a few times before you do what I'm about to suggest next. Just to throw off any suspicion. You show up and everyone's like, there's old apple crates again, but this time you trip and the apples spill all over the floor. There's no fucking way. There's no fucking way he can resist that. You know, he's gonna put some produce in the air.

[Unknown]

Okay, okay, okay. You come in. Here's your capstone, your senior project, right? You've been working on a game, a bowling game, right? And when the ball smashes in the bowling pins, they're supposed to go flying up in the air in all different directions, but you just can't get the image in your head, right. Of how it should look. How am I supposed to know? Well. Cause I throw a bowling pin in the air, it comes right down. I don't even have time to register what a bowling pin in the air looks like.

[Justin McElroy]

We had to take important gravity measurements for the video game.

[Griffin McElroy]

For the video game.

[Unknown]

What am I supposed to do?

[Griffin McElroy]

Have a cutscene in your game where Osvarius, the great sorcerer is, you know, trying to make his orbs. He's like, you know, balancing his orbs. But have the animation just be like. Like not look like. Look all fucked up. And then your teacher is going to have to be like. That's simply not what it looks like to juggle.

[Unknown]

You'll fail your capstone. That's. But that's the cost of doing business.

[Justin McElroy]

You won't fail your capstone because what you're going to do is say, listen, I've made this mocap suit.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

It is black lycra and I glue golf balls to it. And I don't know how to make a mocap suit, but I made one. And I'm going to need someone who knows how to juggle so I can cap their mo. Yeah, can I cap your mo?

[Unknown]

If you know what the camera setup is for mocap, that would be good too. Just have the suit.

[Justin McElroy]

I just assume you just have to.

[Unknown]

Know more than the teacher.

[Justin McElroy]

Like, as long as the teacher doesn't think that you don't know what you're doing, you're fine.

[Griffin McElroy]

I assume once you put the mocap balls on, the computer does the rest. That's my understanding.

[Unknown]

Balls? The computers.

[Justin McElroy]

No, guys, you got it all wrong. You don't have to do anything special up front. Yeah, you can film anyone in any amount of paintballs. And the computer will get that in post.

[Griffin McElroy]

The computer will get it. Don't worry.

[Justin McElroy]

It knows how to translate the ping pong footage.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's into digital, guys. Yeah, for sure footage.

[Justin McElroy]

That's what Holy Motors is largely about.

[Griffin McElroy]

For the most part.

[Justin McElroy]

For the most part.

[Griffin McElroy]

Also, once you cap as mo now you can watch him juggle whenever the fuck you want. Huh? On your phone, you could pull it. You could have a little app that you make of your professor juggling, and you can turn him into Sephiroth. You could do whatever you want.

[Justin McElroy]

Whatever you want. You got his vocab.

[Unknown]

It's a man versus machine. Who can juggle better? Well, the man juggling against.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, this isn't one of them.

[Unknown]

No, it's not.

[Griffin McElroy]

The man would do a better job. I Think there would be nothing impressive.

[Unknown]

Much more impressive. I think seeing a computer program juggle on a computer screen versus a man doing it. There's a different level of like skill.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's like when a computer is good at chess. Like, yeah, guys, for sure.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. I can juggle the better than me. But I can do other stuff I can love.

[Justin McElroy]

Whoa, guys, I just got an award in the mail. It's from the National Juggler Society of America. Is most improved. Most improved discussion of juggling. So, guys, we've really come a long way. They say, like it's very. They said very tasteful.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

And not as negative as normal.

[Griffin McElroy]

Awesome.

[Justin McElroy]

And it's a thank you. They say thank you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Put that up against the.

[Unknown]

I can see it from here. Justin, they love the part where you said swimming in it.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's it.

[Justin McElroy]

They said wait, yeah, we didn't get that part because jugglers. But like, we love it. We loved the bit. The whole bit.

[Griffin McElroy]

Go ahead and put that up next to the commemorative furry friend plaque that we were sent for. Most most improved. Still not quite there.

[Justin McElroy]

That one was a pillow, Griffin. That one was a large pillow. So I can't hang that on the wall.

[Unknown]

But I could put it next to the Spotify plaque we got sent that I accidentally used as a doorstop for a day.

[Justin McElroy]

Star awards we've won for best ad read.

[Griffin McElroy]

All right, guys, this bit turns sad.

[Justin McElroy]

Bitter. There's a difference.

[Unknown]

Bitter. Yeah, there's an activation to it when you're.

[Justin McElroy]

I can wake up tomorrow with bitter. You know, bitter will get you going in the morning. Coffee's bitter, Griffin.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, that's a good point.

[Justin McElroy]

You know.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can we do the next question?

[Justin McElroy]

Absolutely. I'm a teacher that just started a new part time job with a company that tries to discourage kids and teens from vaping. I've been hired to help create instructional activities, specifically an escape room that teaches kids the dangers. How do I make an escape room so good that the teens stop vaping? And that's from Christy.

[Griffin McElroy]

This is an immense opportunity for us. And I want to just sort of recognize that and manifest that a little bit that this is an enormous opportunity for us.

[Justin McElroy]

Thank you to the universe, I guess.

[Unknown]

For being able to.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thank you to God and universe and Jesus and all of it. Because the idea of being able to make a anti vape escape room. Vape escape. There's already like, the name is kind of there perfectly. Like, it's really important for us to stick the landing on this.

[Unknown]

I'm willing to bet that your bosses Would frown upon the. Like, you have to vape a bunch, and you're trying to, like, burn them out on it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Unknown]

Right. Or it's like, oh, they vaped so much that they don't ever want to do it again.

[Griffin McElroy]

How was the escape room? Well, I had to vape four whole.

[Justin McElroy]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

[Griffin McElroy]

Carts, bro.

[Justin McElroy]

Wait, wait, wait. This is good, guys. This is good. Hold on. You're so close to a breakthrough here. Okay, A lot of escape rooms don't have clues where you have to vape the puzzles.

[Unknown]

I'm saying lasers that you can only see in the vape or. Right?

[Justin McElroy]

Or, like, you have to vape a cloud out to see. Yeah, that's really good. Or, like, there's a. What's that chemical that's coming from the other room? You have to vape it quick to tell what it is.

[Griffin McElroy]

I mean, jokes aside, I think the three of us could sit here and within 10 minutes, come up with 30 genuinely pretty good ideas for how vape and vapor could be included in different puzzles.

[Justin McElroy]

But would the participant leave with an overall negative impression?

[Griffin McElroy]

No, because if we allow them to do a whole heist using nothing but a series of more powerful vapes, Much.

[Justin McElroy]

Like my hero Solid Snake, I'm used to vaping in all its mini forms.

[Griffin McElroy]

Wow.

[Justin McElroy]

I never knew you could do it digital.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah. I don't know how we. Here's the thing. If they find out that we are trying to deliver any kind of message at all, it's done. It does have to be subtle. And so could it be floor vents?

[Justin McElroy]

Could it be floor vents?

[Griffin McElroy]

And it's, like, vaping out the kids and they're.

[Justin McElroy]

No, no, no. There's floor vents that are vaping out like poison. But it's vape. Right, but there's, like, pumping poison in the room. If you don't escape in 60 minutes.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

You sort of die.

[Unknown]

And you're in a giant lung.

[Justin McElroy]

You're in a giant. Okay, yeah, that's giant lung.

[Unknown]

And filling with bait.

[Justin McElroy]

Cyber lung.

[Unknown]

Cyber lung. Is that what you said?

[Justin McElroy]

I just feel like escaping from a real lung would be grody. So in my head, if it's like us. And it's also hard to make doors that would look like heart doors. You know what I mean? Or lung doors. Yeah, Fleshy.

[Unknown]

So a cyber lung would be clearer.

[Justin McElroy]

I think it would be easier if you had a rectangular door. No one's gonna be like, I don't have rectangular doors in my lungs.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, that's a good point.

[Unknown]

Well, they're teens, and our school system isn't great, so they don't know.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm just gonna check in here and remind us that this is all based on a reality in which this company tells our dear listener, yes, it's okay to make them vape a whole, whole, whole bunch. To get our message across, it's okay to do it really, really, really, really well.

[Justin McElroy]

That will be shut down early. That's a good point.

[Unknown]

Okay, then what about we go the opposite way? And it's a super with an amazing prize, but in the middle of the room, there's a single vape, like, on a pedestal. And if anybody vapes once, you lose failure.

[Griffin McElroy]

So you go to put the key in the door after having just solved the mirror maze, and you turn it, and it just breaks. And then a voice comes on and says, you're here forever because one of you vaped. You live here now, and you'll never see your parents again. Yeah, Cool. That could be.

[Unknown]

Should we be like, let him out. You give them, like, five minutes to.

[Griffin McElroy]

Five minutes to really stew in that, and then you can let him go.

[Justin McElroy]

I feel like requiring vaping is so tricky because obviously, ethically.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Hugely effective.

[Unknown]

A real tightrope.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, it's tough. It's tough. It is because you want to do. You know, you could have a vape experience where you're so overloaded with nicotine, you're like, I never want to. I feel so sick. Like, the whole carton, you know, Vapor carton.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, that's what I think. That's what Travis is suggesting is.

[Justin McElroy]

That's so tricky, though, Trav. It is. I see your point, and I love that.

[Unknown]

No, that wasn't my point.

[Griffin McElroy]

I see the point.

[Unknown]

Let you do this now. What if you had a specially formulated nasty vape, and you're like, this is what vaping is.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Unknown]

And make it out of gross.

[Griffin McElroy]

You make it out of the stuff that Nintendo makes their cartridges out of.

[Justin McElroy]

Like, if you want. If you want to educate kids on the dangers of vaping, I think job one is you gotta find some.

[Unknown]

You know what I mean?

[Justin McElroy]

I don't think that work's been done for you. I haven't seen the research that says it's bad for me at all. I love this stuff.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Justin's like the caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland. Out here.

[Justin McElroy]

The science is out on if it's good or bad debate.

[Griffin McElroy]

Just. Can I just say oils. Obviously, this whole bit and segment was necessitated due to the lawsuit that we lost against the truth campaign. And so we did have to do this whole question, this whole segment. I do think they're going to make us do it fucking again because of that caveat you've just added to it. So I just want to say all the truth stuff.

[Justin McElroy]

They had a check came from RJ Reynolds, like while we were doing it, that they wanted me to get back on board.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Maybe throughout. Just regular escape room, right. No vaping theme. But every so often, pictures flash up on the screen of really uncool celebrities vaping.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

And it's just. It has nothing to do with the puzzles that are going on or whatever. Just a reminder of like this door. You know what I mean?

[Griffin McElroy]

Something like that.

[Unknown]

Do you think that that would get the kids?

[Griffin McElroy]

They might look fucking cool, though, is the only problem.

[Unknown]

Yeah. What if the kids are dorks and they see these dorks vaping and they're like. But they look cooler vaping than they do not vaping.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think any escape room is a vape escape room if the person doing it is discreet enough. They're probably.

[Unknown]

Maybe tucks their chin doing a little.

[Griffin McElroy]

I see that sometimes at the movie theater. I see someone and then just blue light shoots up all over their face. It's like, I see you, cowboy.

[Justin McElroy]

I see you. I see you, co pilot.

[Unknown]

I saw that at Dave Matthews Band concert. And they just lit up the room. It was like a night sky.

[Justin McElroy]

Well, that's because they were hitting him with all those follow spots when Dave.

[Griffin McElroy]

Took that Huge, huge, huge fucking rip.

[Justin McElroy]

Let's head on into the money zone. Let's get that all cleared up.

[Unknown]

Yeah, yeah, let's. Yeah, let's get that worked out.

[Griffin McElroy]

The doctor gave me a salve to get it all wiped out.

[Justin McElroy]

It's better.

[Travis McElroy]

It's better.

[Griffin McElroy]

You can save time in a bottle. Oh, and they aren't letting this secret out, but I'll air it out. You can harness the power of technology to capture your most special moments and put them in a bottle that you can use to relive and think about whenever you want to. It's called digital photography, and it's here and it's now and it's happening. And the best way to integrate this incredible, exciting new technology into your life or the life of a loved one, maybe an older loved one or maybe a loved one who doesn't know how a lot of stuff is supposed to go. Aura frames can help you with that. It's aura frames, a digital picture frame that you can load up with decades of family photos. Maybe as a Mother's Day gift.

[Unknown]

Hopefully your own. But they don't ask. You can put other people's family photos in there if you want.

[Griffin McElroy]

Give your moms Aura frame filled with pictures of families.

[Unknown]

Candy that are better than yours. Candy photos.

[Griffin McElroy]

Ask for a photo.

[Justin McElroy]

You can put pictures of anything. Like, I think you're limited. Like, you could put pictures of like all the different Burger King logos throughout the years. And they're like on a scroll. Like, whatever.

[Unknown]

Pictures of your mom's favorite celebrity, vaping, whatever.

[Griffin McElroy]

That would be so cool. Aura has a great deal for Mother's Day. For a limited time, listeners can save on the perfect gift by visiting auraframes.com to get $35 off plus free shipping on their bestselling carver mat frame. That's a U R A frames.com promo code. My brother support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply.

[Unknown]

I want to tell you guys about fast growing trees. Anybody who's seen the video of me recording knows that I love plants and I like gardening. And I got a redbud tree from Fast Growing Trees. Planted it. And this is no shit. Within two weeks there were blooms on it.

[Justin McElroy]

Gosh.

[Unknown]

And it's absolutely thriving. And I loved it so much that I went back and ordered a Meyer lemon tree to grow in my office, which is basically getting. Is arriving anytime today in the next two hours. And I'm so excited about it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Cause you'll have lemons, like just there, like whenever you want one or need one. You'll always be able to see them. That's really cool.

[Unknown]

I'm thinking of, like starting an empire. We'll see.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Unknown]

Because when life gives you lemon trees, make lemonade trees. That's what I always say.

[Justin McElroy]

Wow.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Do you also sometimes say the ad copy?

[Unknown]

Yeah, I'm doing it right now. You keep talking. They have all kinds of plants. They're not just trees. Flowering stuff. They got shrubs, bushes, anything that you need. Plus they've got trained plant experts that can help you plan your landscaping. All kinds of stuff. There's really great information about what area you live in and what would grow well there. It's easy to choose from their huge selection. And this spring they have the best deals for your yard. Up to half off on select plants and other deals. And listeners to our show get 15% off their first purchase when using the code. Mybrother at checkout. Now's the perfect time to plant use My brother. All one word to save today. Offer is valid for a limited time. Terms and conditions may Apply.

[Justin McElroy]

Hey, we're the Eurovangelists, and it's the most wonderful time of the year. Because the Eurovision Song Contest is next.

[Griffin McElroy]

Week, 37 countries will face off in Basel, Switzerland, to determine who has the best song in Europe.

[Justin McElroy]

On our show, we've argued about all.

[Griffin McElroy]

The songs, and we are heading to.

[Justin McElroy]

Europe to bring you our reactions straight from Switzerland. And on our next episode, we're going to predict who's going to survive the semifinals, compete in the grand final, and ultimately win Eurovision 2025. Albania, baby.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's Malta. Latvia.

[Justin McElroy]

But we won't be alone. Glenn Weldon of NPR's Pop Culture Happy Hour will be with us, sharing his own predictions and telling us why we're wrong.

[Griffin McElroy]

So make sure you're ready for Eurovision by listening to Eurovangelists on Maximum Fun, available everywhere you get podcasts.

[Justin McElroy]

You never know what you'll learn more about. On the celebrity trivia show Go Fact yourself.

[Unknown]

For over 150 episodes, we've welcomed guests like DJ Jazzy Jeff, Audie Cornish, and Andy Richter to tell us why they love what they love and then get quizzed on it.

[Justin McElroy]

And past quizzes have included some pretty unexpected topics, like reverse painting, the perfect flip turn while swimming, Prince's house party.

[Unknown]

Playlist from that one episode of New.

[Justin McElroy]

Girl, and so much more.

[Unknown]

Plus, our guests meet surprise experts in.

[Justin McElroy]

Their topics, like the time we met an actual celebrity cow.

[Unknown]

So listen to Go Fact Yourself twice a month, every month, on Maximum Fun.

[Justin McElroy]

Do it for the cow. I want a munch squad Squad I.

[Unknown]

Want a munch squad genre, man. Is that zydeco?

[Justin McElroy]

Acid jazz?

[Unknown]

No, it was like bluegrass, I think. Zydeco jazz. I heard banjo in there.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, zydeco bluegrass. Kind of a vibe. It's more a vibe.

[Unknown]

Ludico.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Cool.

[Justin McElroy]

More vibes than notes. Hey, listen, I want to tell you one quick thing before we get into the bulk of the bigger story, because this is just J and J Snack foods enhances super pretzel recipe. Wait, and they just say that like, hey, you know, super pretzels, we are just gonna make them different.

[Unknown]

What's a super Pretzel?

[Griffin McElroy]

Travis.

[Justin McElroy]

Travis, you've embarrassed yourself again and your family.

[Unknown]

No, I guess I'm just more of the land. I like my pretzels. Just normal. Salt of the earth salted pretzel. Just a normal.

[Justin McElroy]

When I show you this pretzel, like.

[Unknown]

Oh, okay, yeah, no, I know. I know exactly what this is.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay. Like super pretzels, they're just making them better in bd. Like, we're just like, that's cool.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's cool that a company can do that.

[Justin McElroy]

Like, yeah, and here's the paragraph. And you know what they did for this gets one paragraph. And here's what it is. JJ Snack Foods has enhanced its Super Pretzel recipe for an upgraded flavor, softer texture and great taste, even when held in warmers.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yep.

[Justin McElroy]

The new taste and easy prep makes Super Pretzel an easy sell, ideal for grab and go occasions. The new Super Pretzel recipe remains delicious even when held in warmers, reducing labor. This new recipe will start being produced in June and will be available to serve late summer with existing gtin order numbers. Period. End of press release.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's better.

[Justin McElroy]

Now. This is something that matters. Okay? This is something that. What this means is that come July or August, you're gonna go to the ball field and you're gonna have a Super Pretzel. You're gonna be just a little bit happier.

[Unknown]

That matters.

[Griffin McElroy]

That matters. We never get shit like that.

[Justin McElroy]

We never get that.

[Unknown]

It's very rare for a company to be like, listen, man, we took a long, hard look at ourselves in the mirror, and we realized we weren't doing as much as we could on this. Not good enough.

[Griffin McElroy]

You're telling me you liked those pretzels? Cause even we knew they were dog shit and you liked them.

[Justin McElroy]

My dusty old grandfather started serving those to idiots in the 70s. Okay, but they're dusty old pretzels. You're the idiot.

[Griffin McElroy]

Now we're on some new shit now, though. The best day to enjoy a Super Pretzel is not Yesterday when they were bullshit. Now they're so.

[Unknown]

And we added a third hump. All the other pretzels out there got two humps. We put a third hump in the middle. Third, same price.

[Justin McElroy]

If previous Mays and Junes are any indication, I will be enjoying at least three to four super pretzels in the next two months.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

And I'm gonna be, I think, hindered by the fact that I know I'm eating an inferior product.

[Griffin McElroy]

Shitty pretzel. Yeah. Before the glow up, did they say at all what they're doing, like, to make it made it better?

[Justin McElroy]

It's better. I mean, like, that's. Here's what I love. They're pretzel makers. You're a pretzel eater. You do not need to worry about it.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's true.

[Justin McElroy]

You know what I mean? Like, don't worry from the eating experience, it will improve. And Griffin, if you happen to be a distributor of super pretzels, they're going to be last year.

[Unknown]

Holder a little bit.

[Griffin McElroy]

Great news. This one's for the fans and the small business pretzel retailers.

[Justin McElroy]

You do not need to update your profit. Your product orders, the numbers are the same.

[Griffin McElroy]

What are we going to do? Write two press releases, one for the consumer and one for our vendors? No fucking way, man.

[Justin McElroy]

If you get new super pretzels and you still have old ones in stock, send them to us so they can be destroyed.

[Unknown]

What?

[Justin McElroy]

Please.

[Griffin McElroy]

Humanely.

[Unknown]

This is also, though, kind of an Emperor's New Pretzels, where if I was a pretzel company, I would put out a press release once a year with no detail that just says, yeah, we're making them better now.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, I mean, we're joking. Domino's did do this. Domino's did do this effectively maybe a decade or so ago at this point, where they ran commercials just like, hey, we get fucking sucks. It's no good.

[Justin McElroy]

Wendy's Fries did it not too long ago, Carl Laredo owned the fact that Wendy's fries are trash and they're gonna try again.

[Unknown]

But what I'm saying is then not change a damn thing about it. So then somebody goes and eats a pretzel in July and they're like, yeah, I can taste it. It's so much better.

[Griffin McElroy]

Also, Wendy's. Maybe take one more stab at it. Maybe take one more run at it. You got. You got closer, but not quite.

[Justin McElroy]

I will say they were good for a little bit after you changed it. Now you're kind of slipping.

[Griffin McElroy]

Caught you slipping, Wendy.

[Justin McElroy]

Too many robots making them maybe. I don't know. Yeah. So that gets one paragraph. And it will increase the overall joy of the human race by some percentage point. It's not a big one, but it's. It's a micron of one, you know, whatever. Meanwhile, Sonic is releasing a unicorn Dreams Slush.

[Griffin McElroy]

You're fucked, dude.

[Justin McElroy]

And I'm going to show you what that. What that looks like. And it says you, Justin. Get ready to come here. Eight times is what it says here in small print.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Shit, J, man, we hate your fucking.

[Unknown]

Good.

[Justin McElroy]

You're going to smell this 80 times.

[Griffin McElroy]

You're going to smell this pink slime. In your dreams, dog.

[Justin McElroy]

You might as well take it, put it in the go climb by a large climb in the back of your big, beautiful Honda Odyssey and dump the whole fucking thing out on the ground. Because that's what you're going to have in there.

[Unknown]

What this drink makes me think about is my child and both of them, how they theoretically like the idea of, like, these little, like, tapioca bubbles in their drink. And then when faced with the reality of one bubble, they detest it.

[Justin McElroy]

This is what it looks like. So you guys can see the.

[Unknown]

That straw's ineffective. It tapers at the top. There's no way one of the tapioca bubbles are making it up there.

[Justin McElroy]

We're gonna talk about the tapioca bucka bubbles.

[Unknown]

The tapioca bubbles.

[Griffin McElroy]

This is not me laughing because you said the word wrong, Travis. It's me laughing because the way you said it was, like, so cute. I enjoyed it a lot.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, we only laugh at the way Justin says stuff. The Sonic drive in is ready for. Excuse me. Transport fans to a world of whimsical wonder with its newest, most wonderful creation yet, the Unicorn Dream Slush. Prepare to be enchanted as a limited time slush arrives at Sonic locations nationwide on May 5. But those eager for a little extra sparkle can unlock early access through the Sonic app starting today, April 28th.

[Griffin McElroy]

What?

[Unknown]

That happened?

[Justin McElroy]

So if you order them before that, they're gonna be like, how did you know? Who told you? Yeah, that's only available through the app. The vibrant pink cotton candy slush is swirled with blue raspberry flavor bubbles topped with a fluffy cloud of whipped topping and a sprinkle of shimmering pink cotton candy sugar crystals. With every sip, a little bit more enchantment fills the air.

[Unknown]

Your kid's vomit is gonna look so beautiful, ladies.

[Justin McElroy]

Never before. There's unicorn horn straws free with every unicorn dream slush starting May 5th while supplies last.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

Not. But legit unicorn horns, though.

[Justin McElroy]

No, that's illegal now.

[Unknown]

Thanks, Biden.

[Justin McElroy]

But.

[Unknown]

The straw itself is tapered right to the top.

[Griffin McElroy]

You ain't getting through that. No way.

[Justin McElroy]

You're not. No Bubba. No Bubba.

[Griffin McElroy]

No Bubba. No Bubba.

[Justin McElroy]

No Bubba.

[Unknown]

No Bubba, no Bubba.

[Justin McElroy]

Bubbles.

[Unknown]

No Bubba Bubbles.

[Griffin McElroy]

I also love that they got their own spin on Boba Pearls. Like, it's probably the same thing, but you called them flavor bubbles. For the folks who think they don't.

[Justin McElroy]

Like Boba Pearls, yeah, these are flavor bubbles. Fans are invited to share their own wishes and whimsical moments inspired by the legendary wish awakening Unicorn Horn straw by visiting Wishsip Believe on social media.

[Griffin McElroy]

Wish sip.

[Justin McElroy]

Sorry. Wish sip. Believe. Can my lead CSI researcher, Griffin McElroy pretend I've pulled up to your computer? Griffin, what do you got on this? Hashtag wish, sip, believe, enhance.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, wow. This is actually a breaking news story. It's friend of the show Liz Gilbert's next Book. I'm fucking stoked for this one, dude. Yeah. And the secret this time is to make a little wish, and then you have a sip, usually of a Sonic slush, and then you just kind of wait. You just kind of wait.

[Justin McElroy]

Did you say a Masonic slush? Because. Yes, Griffin, now we're talking. Make a quote, drink from the Masonic slush and let Liz Gilbert shepherd you to the fulfillment.

[Griffin McElroy]

They produce it in the light of the full moon at your local chapter.

[Unknown]

Everyone knows how you make a Masonic slush, Griffin. You don't have to go into it.

[Justin McElroy]

Here's a quote. We developed the Unicorn Dream Slush to be more than just a drink.

[Unknown]

It's a money maker, a sonic pledge.

[Justin McElroy]

Devote your life. No, it's an entire culinary experience. It's bursting with fantastical fun and flavor in every sip, said someone from Sonic. With its playful pink colors, blue raspberry flavor, bubbles, and the accompanying unicorn horn straw, it is a treat for the senses and the imagination and guaranteed to make every moment sparkle.

[Unknown]

You know what else?

[Justin McElroy]

Always, I'll remind you, if your sonic beverage sends your imagination spinning with delight, you should probably go outside more. Look at a river. Anything. Just anything at all.

[Unknown]

Culinary experience. Culinary experience is such a fun thing to use as, like, a thing to be striven for. Because you know what else is like a culinary experience? Finding a piece of glass in your hamburger, like, that's a culinary experience. It doesn't mean good.

[Justin McElroy]

This expands it, though, Travis. So when my kids intentionally upend this $18 drink in my big, beautiful Buick, they'll say, no, no, no. We weren't supposed to drink it, dad. See, this is all part of the experience.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's a fun mess.

[Justin McElroy]

We make these sometimes fun, fantastical mess. We're like the River Queen. Fairies of the mess. Anyway, you get the idea.

[Unknown]

And you'll be able to smell it in the interior of your car for the next two years. It's all a sensory experience.

[Justin McElroy]

Be living with it. Yeah. Cooper has been enjoying an Easter Bunny that she left in the backseat for a week. And then we had a hot day, and I saw her dip her finger into the puddle and thought, hey, I'm gonna clean that out. It's time.

[Unknown]

Not her emergency rations. I know.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. Sorry, Coop. How about another question, guys? Yeah, we have time. Yeah. Help. Somebody else. I was having lunch outside today when someone came out to eat as well. I work at a large hospital, so I never met this person. I was sitting on a bench further away, but this other individual sat at one of the tables that Are near a very obvious gooseneck. The goose nest has been there about a week. You've really been paying very close attention to this. Congratulations. I've tried to sit as those tables since the goose nest has appeared. But one of the geese got mad. So I don't sit there anymore. When this unknown co worker sat down, the goose got mad. It flew at them and started honking and hissing and the co worker started running around and yelling. But the goose kept chasing the coworker.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, this part is where it crosses. It does cross a line. You all right?

[Justin McElroy]

Co worker yelled help and get it. Help. Get it. Get it. At one point they tripped and fell over.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, man.

[Justin McElroy]

I was the only other person around. I was watching the incident, but it didn't really occur to me that they were yelling for my help. I don't know what I could have done to improve the situation. Eventually other people came out and ushered the employee back inside. What's my responsibility in this goose attack? Should I warn people in the future to just not sit there? And that's from Troubled and Tulsa.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, can't do that. That's too much to put on you. Because if you start, if you become the batman of this bench just to make sure. No, don't do it. That goose will go fucking crazy on you. That is not something that you're going to feel super comfortable saying to a bunch of different people. It shouldn't be your job.

[Justin McElroy]

You're right. You shouldn't have to make the people afraid. Griffin. You should have to make the geese afraid.

[Unknown]

Good luck.

[Justin McElroy]

Geese needs someone who says, hey, if you step out of line, if you come at humans, there's someone watching the humans.

[Unknown]

Yeah, I understand.

[Justin McElroy]

Humans are protected.

[Unknown]

You need a goose costume of your own to be a bigger goose to establish dominance. Travis.

[Justin McElroy]

Exactly what I was heading towards. Thank you. You read my mind.

[Unknown]

Yeah, I get it. Bigger goose, bigger goose.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'd swear on a stack of bibles. We just did another goose based work based sort of.

[Unknown]

Did we say in there something about like having your Drobek Taylor goose that shows up to protect you from other goose?

[Griffin McElroy]

Rachel, could we just play whatever we said for that goose based work based answer? Because that would be like if we could just coast on that for a minute. I'm sure what we said then was funny.

[Unknown]

The problem is you're worried about making amends with the goose.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Unknown]

Maybe everyone else has established goose dominance.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

How do they do that?

[Unknown]

Head bones.

[Griffin McElroy]

That does seem like maybe the only thing a goose would understand. Yeah.

[Unknown]

You're not gonna be able to like show your goose your bank account. And they're like, whoa, real high earner.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sit them down. Show them pictures of your kids. Like, I'm happy. I'm totally satisfied with my life. And the goose is like, damn, you got it all figured out right now.

[Unknown]

Damn, man, I wish I was you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Shit, dude.

[Unknown]

Maybe you're the lucky goose.

[Justin McElroy]

How much could we charge freaks for an all goose episode of this show? Because I feel like you could stitch together a very, very greasy maybe sponsored by Grey Goose.

[Unknown]

Ryan Gosling.

[Griffin McElroy]

Early in this series, I also remember we talked a lot about like making love with a goose.

[Justin McElroy]

Like how tender, how cool that would be.

[Griffin McElroy]

And like thinking about it now, it's like, why would I say that? That seems like a wild thing to say.

[Justin McElroy]

You weren't a father then.

[Griffin McElroy]

I wasn't a father then.

[Unknown]

It does occur to me that with 761 episodes under a belt, we could make clip shows an hour long themed around any topic. I bet that you could think of. We could pull things where we talked about the Grinch.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh yeah, Grinch hour long. Frasier Soad.

[Griffin McElroy]

I mean like a six day long horse. Horstravaganza. That's possible.

[Unknown]

When they were saying help. Get it now they were under duress. We can agree with that.

[Justin McElroy]

Help is okay. Travis. Yeah. These are two different moments, right?

[Griffin McElroy]

Help.

[Justin McElroy]

Help. You might yell at any time without really thinking about it. Right? That's it. That's impulsive. Get it is where the mood is shifting.

[Unknown]

Get the goose.

[Justin McElroy]

The goose.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's a violent request. It's like do violence. You have to use your body to get it. Get it, get it. I can't get it.

[Justin McElroy]

I can't get it. Attentions are on me. My ability to get it is nil. You can get it.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm too scared to get it. I need you to be brave and get it right now.

[Justin McElroy]

Get it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Or just grab it, squeeze it, buy it, lift it. Now upgrade it.

[Justin McElroy]

It's the incredible power of geese is they can make people forget that kicking exists. Because if you have the power of kicking, no goose can stand against you. It's just that you don't want to kick a goose. And that's very good.

[Unknown]

This is my theory, Justin. The goose is intimidating. Psychologically, yeah, but not physically in such a way that you would feel good about doing damage to it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Listen, a hot shot over here who doesn't have a goose actively attacking him in this moment, if you did, your tone would be different. I bet you wouldn't be like, you're not so ski. You're not so tough, Mr. Goose.

[Unknown]

No, no, no. I'm saying I would be terrified of a goose chasing me, right? But if I get home from work that day and I walk up to my beautiful wife, who has to love me because we're married, and I say, baby, guess what I did for today? Kick the goose in the fucking face. She's not gonna cheer for me.

[Griffin McElroy]

No.

[Justin McElroy]

If that person said, get it, and you ran over and absolutely punted that thing. I mean, housed it, shucked that bad boy 20 yards, is that person gonna look at you like, thanks, chief. Are they gonna look at you like, you fucking psychopath?

[Griffin McElroy]

And you said. You said, get it. When you said, get it, I thought you meant shank at 20. What?

[Justin McElroy]

What'd you think I was gonna do with it?

[Unknown]

What if. What my. Okay, maybe there's a subconscious fear in all of us that we'd run up to punt the goose, kick it, make contact, and it would maybe budge an inch, and then just turn and look at us as we backed away, rubbing our now sore ankles.

[Justin McElroy]

I think my greater fear, Trav, is that it would not move, but my foot would just bury the chest of the goose, just exploding it. Like, I would just feel its avian bones shatter around my foot as the.

[Griffin McElroy]

Wound began gushing gooseblood everywhere.

[Unknown]

And the cops show up.

[Justin McElroy]

The cops show up. They're like, he said, get it?

[Griffin McElroy]

He's respons. He's an accessory.

[Justin McElroy]

He said, get it? He knows I'm on a short fuse.

[Unknown]

And then you got to go to Randy Johnson support group. Yeah. Like, I didn't think that would happen to the bird.

[Justin McElroy]

What if Randy Johnson had the ball at the time? Like, you're not going to get me. There's no way. There's no way. I can't. I can't do it again.

[Griffin McElroy]

He was so good at pitching, he would get bored on the mound. So he's like, let's see if I can hit that bird.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, fuck. Now, we could do an episode about Randy Johnson up a bird jar.

[Unknown]

I think maybe have Randy Johnson show up to talk to the bird.

[Griffin McElroy]

They have to know. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Hey, folks, thank you so much for listening to our podcast. We hope you've enjoyed yourself. Thank you to everybody who came out and saw us at the Harmony House Ren Fair last weekend. Presumably, that all went off without a hitch. We're recording it beforehand, so I don't know, but I hope so. Thanks for coming. If you came out.

[Unknown]

We have some new merch. Really Exciting. Never had anything like this in our store before. We've got some flaming, not poisoning, Raging Tea of Doom, a spicy caffeine free tea in collaboration with Good Store Tea.

[Griffin McElroy]

I've got some of their tea. It kicks ass. I'm so excited for this collab. I'm so excited for this tea.

[Unknown]

And a Plato's Rave 1000 piece puzzle with artwork by Danielle Burch. And 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to the center for Reproductive Rights. So make sure you check that out. Macaroymerch.com and there's so much other stuff on there too.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, we got some live shows coming up too. We got tickets on sale for shows coming up in Michigan, Minnesota and Ohio for Mbimbam and Taz. All the Taz shows are going to be Taz versus. We're doing some cons. We're going to be at Origins Game Fair in Columbus and Dragon Con in Atlanta doing stuff. You can find out all of that scheduling stuff and get tickets over at Bit Ly McElroytours.

[Unknown]

And we haven't mentioned in a while, but we got. If you go to mcelroyfamily.card with two Rs co. We have places over there that we have partnered with before and nonprofits that we've worked with and stuff like that. So if you're, I don't know, looking for a way to help or a place to get involved, maybe check that out. McElroyfamily card co.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thanks to Montaigne for the use of our theme song My Life Is Better with youh. I am personally a huge fan of Montaigne's body of work and this song in particular is especially meaningful because it's on our show and I hear it a whole lot. So thank you very much.

[Unknown]

That's a good point. Griffin. Thank you for sharing that. That was very vulnerable of you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thanks.

[Unknown]

And I respect that immensely.

[Justin McElroy]

Thank you. Griff.

[Griffin McElroy]

Who's got a fear?

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, boy.

[Unknown]

Griffin, why don't you read it this time?

[Griffin McElroy]

Sure, I'll do it this year. I'm gonna get faster than my fear of Giant Foods. The Griffin. Giant Foods, the grocery store chain or Giant Foods. I get it.

[Justin McElroy]

You know what? It works both ways. My name is Justin McElroy.

[Unknown]

I'm Travis McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm Griffin McElroy.

[Justin McElroy]

It's been my brother, my brother, me, kiss your dad square on the lips.

[Travis McElroy]

It's better.

[Justin McElroy]

You my life.

[Travis McElroy]

It'S better. It's better with you. It's better. It's better with you Cuz it's true you are. It's better, it's better with you. It's better with you.

[Justin McElroy]

Maximum Fun A worker owned network of.

[Griffin McElroy]

Artist owned shows supported directly by.