MBMBaM 763: The Revenge Pope

Summary

Podcast Summary: My Brother, My Brother And Me – MBMBaM 763: The Revenge Pope

Release Date: May 19, 2025

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1. Introduction and Setting the Tone (00:00 - 01:01)

The episode kicks off with the quintessential McElroy humor, where the brothers jest about their lack of expertise and the inappropriateness of their advice. This light-hearted banter sets the playful tone for the episode.

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2. The Fraud Concern Discussion (02:21 - 04:44)

Topic: Griffin expresses anxiety about inadvertently committing fraud, leading to jail time.

• Griffin McElroy (02:27): "I'm afraid I might accidentally commit fraud. Cause I don't know what it is."

• Travis McElroy (02:44): "Well, Griffin, I'm wearing a wire. This has all been. I'm part of the 40 over 40 that are sent to collect the 30 under 30 and bring them in."

The brothers humorously navigate Griffin's fear, blending it with their signature wit and creating a mock-serious atmosphere around the topic.

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3. The American Pope and Religious Satire (04:38 - 18:22)

Topic: A satirical take on the concept of an "American Pope," dubbed the "Revenge Pope."

• Travis McElroy (07:21): "American leaders are doing it right."

• Travis McElroy (08:00): "Cause the other one was. He is an American Pope."

The brothers delve into a fictional scenario where J.D. Vance is linked to the Pope's demise, leading to the rise of a "Revenge Pope." This segment is filled with humorous conjecture about religious leadership, language barriers, and pop culture references.

Notable Quote:

• Justin McElroy (09:07): "Everyone cares so much about the nationality of the Pope. I want to talk about Pope size. Give us a huge Pope."

This remark highlights their comedic approach to blending absurdity with current events.

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4. "Fuck, Marry, Kill" – Ghostbusters Edition (18:22 - 25:53)

Topic: The brothers engage in a game of "Fuck, Marry, Kill" focusing on Ghostbusters characters.

• Travis McElroy (19:01): "I kill Ray."

• Griffin McElroy (19:53): "You need nothing else."

Their playful exchanges and exaggerated reactions emphasize their camaraderie and improvisational skills, turning a simple game into a source of endless laughter.

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5. Listener Question: VR Roller Coaster Dilemma (30:00 - 36:27)

Topic: A listener from West Virginia is vexed by the challenge of riding a VR roller coaster alone without feeling self-conscious.

• Justin McElroy (33:38): "He says, just like Walton Goggins says, you put the goggles on and you immerse yourself in a magic chase."

• Griffin McElroy (36:00): "I would need you two to stand up from your computers and walk away 25ft before I would feel like this is a safe space."

The brothers offer humorous yet relatable advice on overcoming social anxiety in public settings, using imaginative scenarios and pop culture references to illustrate their points.

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6. Motorcyclist Names and Biker Culture (37:12 - 58:35)

Topic: A deep dive into crafting unique motorcyclist names and the nuances of biker club culture.

• Griffin McElroy (37:27): "Let’s do Fuck, Mary, Kill."

• Travis McElroy (39:20): "Mantis would be cool."

• Justin McElroy (43:43): "Oh, shit, here comes Shotgun."

The segment explores the challenges and creativity involved in selecting biker names, blending genuine advice with the brothers' trademark humor. They discuss the importance of authenticity, the potential pitfalls of certain names, and the imaginary dynamics within biker gangs. Their playful interaction keeps the conversation engaging and entertaining.

Notable Quote:

• Griffin McElroy (41:38): "Dynamite could be like a tough name. But it can also be like, I'm about to dazzle you with my incredible bike skills."

This highlights their knack for balancing humor with insightful commentary on the biker subculture.

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7. Concluding Remarks and Live Show Promotions (58:35 - End)

While the episode wraps up with typical promotions and advertisements, the brothers maintain their engaging banter, briefly touching upon their upcoming live shows and merchandise. However, as per the summary guidelines, these sections are acknowledged but not detailed.

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Overall Insights and Themes

Throughout the episode, My Brother, My Brother And Me masterfully blends absurd humor with relatable life scenarios. From satirical takes on religious figures to playful games and practical advice, the brothers maintain a balance that entertains and engages listeners. Their ability to improvise and weave in pop culture references makes the content both fresh and timeless.

Key Takeaways:

• Humor can be an effective tool to navigate and discuss various life anxieties.
• The creativity involved in subcultures, like biker gangs, can be both humorous and insightful.
• Engaging with listener questions allows for relatable and interactive content.

Conclusion

MBMBaM 763: The Revenge Pope exemplifies the show's strength in combining humor with genuine advice, all while showcasing the unique chemistry of the McElroy brothers. Whether dissecting fictional scenarios or engaging in playful debates, the episode offers a delightful listening experience for both longtime fans and newcomers.

Transcript

[Travis McElroy]

The McElroy brothers are not experts and.

[Griffin McElroy]

Their advice should never be followed.

[Justin McElroy]

Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if.

[Griffin McElroy]

There'S a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.

[Justin McElroy]

Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out.

[Travis McElroy]

There will know how cool they are for listening.

[Griffin McElroy]

What's up, you cool baby?

[Theme Song]

It's the start of something beautiful A small acquaintance has blossomed it's ripened into a precious friends I could have never seen what was coming for me Hangs at the skate park Hangs by the beach My life, it feels like it's better it's better with you My life, it's better it's better with you this is true it's better it's better with.

[Griffin McElroy]

Two.

[Justin McElroy]

It'S better with you hello everybody, and welcome to My Brother, My Brother and Me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

What's up, Trav Nation? It's me, your middlest brother, Travis. Vroom, vroom, McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

And it's me, your sweet baby brother. 30 under 30 media luminary, Griffin. Built for tough, McElroy. Another tough week for the 30 under 30 crowd. By the way, I don't know how closely you guys keep tabs on this, but every once in a while a think piece does get written about how many dang many of us went to jail for fraud and other bad stuff. And it's like, yeah, man, I mean, I barely squeaked on there. I don't like. I know I say it a lot, but I don't really own that. You know what I mean?

[Travis McElroy]

Do you feel bad, Griffin, that you haven't committed fraud or ended up in jail yet? Like maybe you haven't squandered your potential enough?

[Griffin McElroy]

I cannot stress to you enough, Travis, how disruptive to my whole life jail would be.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, that's why they're called disruptors, Gryffon.

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, they should be called Disrupted if they are being the ones imprisoned. But no, I don't regret that. I don't want to do that stuff. I live in fear of the fact that I don't want to accidentally do fraud.

[Travis McElroy]

I thought you were just going to stop at the end of I live in fear.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sure, sure, sure.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. You're afraid you might accidentally commit fraud.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm afraid I might accidentally commit fraud. Cause I don't know what it is.

[Travis McElroy]

It's basically you say you're gonna do something and then you don't do it. Have you ever done That.

[Griffin McElroy]

I mean, all the time. Little stuff.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, Griffin, I'm wearing a wire. This has all been. I'm part of the 40 over 40 that are sent to collect the 30 under 30 and bring them in.

[Justin McElroy]

It's kind of like that old like, which is libel and witches slander thing. Yeah. It's a conversation I've had so many times that I start to wonder, like, am I publicly lying about people too much?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Is that too much? A fixture of my life that I'm having to figure out. I have to remember all the time which crime is which.

[Travis McElroy]

Is it too late to add that into our intro? To, like, add it and, like, if any of this sounds like liable. It's slander. Don't worry about it.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's slander. And I think that's the good one. This is one of those things that I definitely, definitely learned in my journalism ethics classes. And now I just think I remember. But I bet you if I did even a cursory Google search, I would realize. I don't know either.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't remember any of the botany class I took in college. But yours seems more important to your everyday life for this exact moment than mine is. Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay. I mean, let's keep each other. Let's mirror each other. Cause we have so few other support systems in our lives. And I'll let you guys know if it seems like you're starting to do fraud. And you guys can check me too.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, cool, man. Because I know it would be disruptive to your life, Griffin, but in many ways, it would also be disruptive to my life if you went to prison. Cause I don't think they let you podcast from there.

[Griffin McElroy]

It would wreck our whole shit, man.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

And God, I hope this clip isn't like, I have no intention of committing any kind of major crimes. And I'm saying that now. Before you say it, though, I know it sounds suspicious the more I kind of emphasize it, but this clip is gonna be uncomfortable.

[Justin McElroy]

Are we on a similar haircut schedule? Guys, I'm looking around.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think we have synced up. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, I think we've synced up, guys.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, it's that time of the year when a young man's fancy turns to haircuts.

[Justin McElroy]

You know, I think it's about a week or two before we go to do live shows.

[Travis McElroy]

Isabelle.

[Griffin McElroy]

Isabelle.

[Justin McElroy]

We should probably go get a haircut.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey, guys, is this anything? American Pontiff. Stay away from J.D. said anything.

[Griffin McElroy]

Stay away from J.D.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, J.D. vance. He kills Popes.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh.

[Griffin McElroy]

American Pontiffs. Stay away from J.D. it's something.

[Justin McElroy]

It is something.

[Travis McElroy]

Cause the other one was. He is an American Pope.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, no, no, no, no. The Lenny Kravitz. Keep the stay on Kravitz. Always bet on Kravitz.

[Travis McElroy]

American pontiff.

[Griffin McElroy]

How bad do you guys wish that Protestants also had, like, a king? How dope would that be? Like, I'm so jealous of my Catholic friends. I have so many Catholic friends, you guys.

[Travis McElroy]

All right, we get it because they.

[Griffin McElroy]

Have, like, the one guy who's like, it's cool. But on Protestants, it's like, we got, like, 80 different people.

[Travis McElroy]

It must be nice to have a religious king that you can one point to. To justify things, but also to blame things on.

[Griffin McElroy]

Right? Is just like, it all up. Anytime we talk about the Pope for, like, it kind of seems like you were afraid there would be a Sinead o' Connor sort of situation. Are you that uncomfortable with it, or what do you think is gonna happen?

[Travis McElroy]

Okay. It's an audio podcast. They're doing a handpick. It's an audio podcast.

[Griffin McElroy]

No one can see you're making hand puppets.

[Travis McElroy]

Will work.

[Justin McElroy]

No, the truth of the matter is, gentlemen.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

I did something to my chair this morning. I pulled a lever.

[Griffin McElroy]

Justin, I thought for sure you were hiding from the bit.

[Justin McElroy]

No, I did something on my chair this morning during besties this morning, and I podcast so consecutively. And I don't have the time to get in here and really figure out. So the problem is, if you review the video footage that has been taken of me today, there are at least four of me leaning back a little bit and then absolutely falling.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

And then there's a couple minutes of me fiddling with the chair and saying, what fucking lever did I pull that made it so I can't lean back without falling anymore? And, guys, that's the truth of the matter. That's where I'm at.

[Travis McElroy]

It's not that you're uncomfortable discussing the Pope.

[Justin McElroy]

No, I love discussing the Pope. I love discussing the Pope. Sydney's actually a little disappointed that I don't. I'm not following. I wasn't following it more closely. She texted me like white smoke. I'm like, seems like they cracked it.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't know a ton about the process, but it seems like they cracked this one pretty fast, huh?

[Justin McElroy]

I think that all the popes looked at America and thought, they have been cushing it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, sure.

[Justin McElroy]

We have got to get.

[Travis McElroy]

American leaders are doing it right.

[Justin McElroy]

We gotta get on board the hype train. America fever, which is what they should call Covid. America fever is just sweeping the globe, and we gotta get America. You've earned it. Says God.

[Travis McElroy]

You've heard of the American. The British invasion. Now it's time for American fever. Here's what I think happened. J.D. killed the old pope, right?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

J.D. vance. Well, I'm not saying he directly did it, but I'm saying he was there. And then three days later, Pope was dead. That's all I'm saying.

[Justin McElroy]

He may have killed the Pope in the sense that, like, a spoonful of sugar could cure your hiccups if you happen to the hiccups leave you after you eat some shit.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm just saying that in some way, J.D. vance is attached, rather either causally or historically, to the Pope's death.

[Griffin McElroy]

Right.

[Travis McElroy]

And then they looked through American Pope's tweets and saw him badmouthing JD Vance at some point. And then they were like, oh, cool, we're gonna put him in. Take that, Pope Killer Vance.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

And now. Now he's there for payback. This is a revenge Pope.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, cool.

[Justin McElroy]

Guys. It's my most embarrassing thing that I will say. When the new Pope got up to do his address, I had a moment where I thought, oh, man, he knows Italian.

[Griffin McElroy]

That is cool.

[Justin McElroy]

I thought he was about to bust out, like a fully American.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hey, what's up, you guys?

[Travis McElroy]

Hey, dudes.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thanks a ton. I.

[Justin McElroy]

When I heard American Pope, I think in my head I was picturing John Goodman.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. That this was a. Like, we looked through the Pope family tree, and it seems the last living Pope is John Goodman.

[Griffin McElroy]

Everyone cares so much about the nationality of the Pope. I want to talk about Pope size. Give us a huge Pope. Give us a John Goodman sized Pope. A big, burly.

[Travis McElroy]

Just a wall of Pope.

[Griffin McElroy]

A huge mound of Pope.

[Justin McElroy]

Big old wall of Pope.

[Griffin McElroy]

Big old wad. Give me that.

[Justin McElroy]

But I'm proud that he did.

[Griffin McElroy]

What are you doing? What are you doing?

[Travis McElroy]

You think he learned Italian after becoming Pope?

[Justin McElroy]

No, I think that he learned Italian way before that. I'm just embarrassed to think that it. Like, I was really impressed by how good his Italian was. And then I thought, you probably don't get to that level unless you've gotten pretty good at Italian.

[Travis McElroy]

He would probably have a hard time getting around in Vatican City instead of asking for directions, trying to find where the bathroom, ordering food, if he didn't speak Italian.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, that's tr. That's probably. That's.

[Griffin McElroy]

I actually heard guys the night before they sent that smoke up to say it's Leo. Bitch. They.

[Travis McElroy]

It spelled that out when it went up.

[Griffin McElroy]

It spells it out like a skywriting thing. He didn't know any Italian, but then they were like, hey, we're gonna pick you tomorrow, but first you gotta cram for this big Italian test. He learned it all in one night.

[Travis McElroy]

Morpheus showed up and put the chip in his brain.

[Griffin McElroy]

Put the chip in his brain. And he took that test the next morning. And the principal of the Vatican came up and said, you did it. You did it, son. And then he became the Pope.

[Justin McElroy]

The whole thing's just so neat. I just wish we had some neat stuff.

[Griffin McElroy]

Anything.

[Justin McElroy]

Any kind of stuff.

[Travis McElroy]

Rich stuff. I've gone to Catholic Mass with Theresa a couple times, you know, when I was still trying to impress her parents before they found out what I did for a living. And I love all the showmanship.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes.

[Travis McElroy]

Hatching tree. All the dogma stuff. I'm not wild about, but I like the incense and stuff.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's when you roll up to the mass. You should be given a little, like, punch card. And you tell them, like, which parts of it you want to like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because, like, all the stuff about, like, the chanting, and then you pass a cup around or whatever, it's like, whoa, this is like arcane magic. But then when you talk a long.

[Travis McElroy]

Time about, yeah, I'm not wild about that part. If I could leave before that part starts.

[Griffin McElroy]

The cinchers, the braziers. Fuck yeah, dude. Here for it. Dark souls, man. I'm here for it.

[Travis McElroy]

Hell, yeah, dude.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

When you can trade in all the souls you've collected for upgrades. I love that part.

[Griffin McElroy]

And you can always tell, too, the transitions need a little bit of work. Cause it'll be like, I missed you. I'm floating. And they have, like, the sensors throwing smoke around. They're like, this weekend I went to Denny's with my kids. Like, oh, man. Can we not take a smoother step from ritual into.

[Travis McElroy]

I think, Griffin, if the priest starts talking about hanging out with these kids, there's a lot of question marks happening in the room at that point.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, I guess they're not really supposed to have those darn things.

[Justin McElroy]

Not extensively. So they're not. They could have a couple kids, but if they get, like, a lot of kids, it starts to get like.

[Travis McElroy]

I think the kids have to happen before the priesthood part. You can have kids grandfathered in, I think.

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, where are we getting new priests, guys? This doesn't make any fucking sense.

[Travis McElroy]

They just keep finding them.

[Justin McElroy]

My papa was a priest. Hold on, wait, wait, hold on, hold on.

[Griffin McElroy]

That should have ended his line.

[Justin McElroy]

This summer, I'm going to meet Walton Goggins at a convention. I'm absolutely petrified. I'm going to shit the bed. The last convention I went to, in 2023, I waited in the autograph line for hours to meet an actor I really admire. As soon as I got up to the table, I completely froze. I barely remember the conversation. We share a name. He asked how I was finding it, and all I remember saying was, it's misspelled a lot, actually. And he was kind enough to laugh. My question is this. How do I face down Walton Goggins and not completely black out like last time or maybe even make a good impression?

[Griffin McElroy]

Who's that from?

[Justin McElroy]

That's from. In a total. Well, it's in a total tizzy in.

[Travis McElroy]

Texas, but I assume it's from a Travis. They talked about having the same name as an actor they admire. Must be me, right?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Imagine they've seen my work in Cesa's. My Brother, My Brother and Me.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Texarkana Waltz.

[Travis McElroy]

Texarkana Waltz. In college. Yeah, in college.

[Griffin McElroy]

They definitely on the stage there.

[Justin McElroy]

I feel. I think it's because of the accent. Walton Goggins is like one of the very, very few celebrities that I feel like I would say hey to. Like, I feel like I would. Just from the accent, I feel like it would be a rare enough thing for him to encounter somebody from, you know, has a little bit of a twang, if you will.

[Griffin McElroy]

Right.

[Justin McElroy]

And I feel like it would really put him at ease and I think we'd connect.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

I will say it's hard for me to separate having first become aware of him through Justified, as I believe a lot of people did. Sure, sure. That I think of him as kind of a hometown hero esque thing. And then I have to remind myself he's a very famous, successful actor and he doesn't, like, live in Ashland.

[Griffin McElroy]

He's not from Aholer.

[Justin McElroy]

Travis. Okay. Yeah, you're hitting on it, Trav. Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think so confidently that Walton Goggins has maybe a bit of an Appalachian twang. But then I saw you second guess, like, does he actually have that, or am I thinking of his character in Justified?

[Travis McElroy]

He's from Atlanta, Georgia, I believe.

[Justin McElroy]

I mean, yeah, but like I'm saying, yes. Okay, that's fair. I am projecting a little bit. I think that that is. That is accurate. But it does seem pretty relaxed.

[Travis McElroy]

Do you think if you rolled up wearing a pair of Walton Goggins Goggles.

[Justin McElroy]

That I. Goggins Goggle glasses.

[Griffin McElroy]

Put some respect on the name, please.

[Travis McElroy]

If you roll up wearing Walton Goggins goggle glasses, is that a point in your favor or grab my.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm going to grab my real quick.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, get it for the clip. Because I would love. I've been trying so hard to get the brand going. I feel like it's a brand deal that's just waiting to happen. I would love to have Walton on the clubhouse to pitch the Walton Goggins goggle glasses. It's another free ad for Walton Goggins goggle glasses here on my brother. My brother.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't know if they.

[Travis McElroy]

Griffin, you just became so much more likable.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't know if they make them in a jumbo size for gentlemen of perhaps a larger head carriage.

[Travis McElroy]

You look great.

[Griffin McElroy]

But I love the way I look. But can I swim with them? Like, if I showed up to the meet and greet with Walton Goggins and was like, love them, but can I swim in them?

[Travis McElroy]

Can I weld in them?

[Griffin McElroy]

Can I weld in them? You call them goggle glasses. You need to be very clear about what these things can do.

[Justin McElroy]

I mean, they are a little pricey for Walton Goggins goggle glasses, but if you did go to the meet and greet wearing them. Yeah, you're right. That, that would. I mean, that gets you through the interaction.

[Griffin McElroy]

That gets you through the interaction.

[Travis McElroy]

That's enough material.

[Griffin McElroy]

You need nothing else.

[Justin McElroy]

You need nothing else. Hey, I see your glasses point. Hey, I have the glasses. The connection's been made. I tell you the. When I've done meet and greets with folks before, I tell you the only problem that I ever have is the hearing. If the story, if the thing that they're trying to communicate is too complex. My brain is not in a place.

[Travis McElroy]

Where a lot of sorcery stuff going on.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, there's a lot. So keeping it tight. I love you acting fantastic.

[Travis McElroy]

I love you acting fantastic acting. Keep it up.

[Justin McElroy]

I saw Walton Goggins recently say that the secret to acting is you read it 250 times and then you give yourself over to imaginary circumstances.

[Griffin McElroy]

Damn, that's good.

[Travis McElroy]

That's pretty good.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hey, can you see everything I'm doing on my computer while I'm wearing these? Because now I'm realizing from an OPSEC perspective the Walton Goggins goggle glasses may not be very good for this type of telecommuting.

[Justin McElroy]

I can tell exactly how disengaged you are from the conversation by the flicker of Your monitor tabs.

[Travis McElroy]

You could also find the most obscure project that Walton Goggins has ever participated in and then specifically compliment that. That has worked.

[Justin McElroy]

Walton Goggins, goggle glasses, dress.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't know if that's much more obscure than that. Hey, when I wear them up on my head like this, do I look like a cool Final Fantasy character? Like a Highlander?

[Travis McElroy]

I was gonna say guy.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. You look like Egon, too. Like, if they did a new Egon in a new Ghostbusters, he would look like that.

[Griffin McElroy]

They've done that in. Was he a sort of conventionally agreed upon, attractive character?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, lots of glasses. Like, he found new places. Glasses everywhere on Harold Ramis. Glasses on.

[Travis McElroy]

I would argue, Griffin, that Harold Ramis as Egon Spangler, did it for a lot of people.

[Griffin McElroy]

That was the. Who's the hottest Ghostbuster?

[Justin McElroy]

Venkman?

[Travis McElroy]

No, I think it's Egon.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm sorry I asked this question. I don't want to know the answer to it, okay?

[Travis McElroy]

Hey, listen, if you're talking about personality wise. Yeah, Venkman. But if we're just talking about looks, body, body.

[Griffin McElroy]

Ernie Hudson.

[Justin McElroy]

Ernie Hudson.

[Travis McElroy]

Sexiest. That's a good point. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Ernie Hudson is the fit. Like, okay, okay, okay. Physical body.

[Griffin McElroy]

Why did I fucking Ernie, right?

[Justin McElroy]

Ernie has it, right?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Now, Venkman, good time. Not a long time. You know what I mean? We're having fun with Venkman. If you want to marry someone, you marry Ray.

[Griffin McElroy]

There's got to be.

[Travis McElroy]

But I'm saying, Egon, I can fix him. You know what I mean? He's a little different.

[Justin McElroy]

You're going to try to fix Egon, and then he's going to ghost you.

[Travis McElroy]

And I'm just saying, that profile, though. Like, he's cutting a look so hard. Like his face. Face card. Hundo, Right.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, there's four of them. So let's do. We'll do Fuck. Fuck, Mary. Kill.

[Travis McElroy]

No, you get a bonus.

[Justin McElroy]

I. I hate that game.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's a shame, because you're playing it. You are playing it right now, as. I don't like this.

[Travis McElroy]

I kill Ray.

[Justin McElroy]

It's like Brocktoon, right? We can find people sexy and want to marry them and not include killing.

[Travis McElroy]

I kill Ray.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's the. That's.

[Justin McElroy]

We don't need to kill any Ghostbusters.

[Travis McElroy]

I kill Ray.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's got to be tough, huh? Conflict of interest at that point.

[Justin McElroy]

How do you do.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey, Trav.

[Justin McElroy]

How do you kill Trav? Describe me in detail how you kill. Race.

[Travis McElroy]

Dance slowly.

[Griffin McElroy]

And describe it, and then with every other sentence, just tell me how you want to fuck Slimer or whatever.

[Travis McElroy]

No, Slimer wasn't. I didn't know that was available. I would kill Slimer.

[Griffin McElroy]

Juice, you gotta get that chair fixed, man.

[Justin McElroy]

It's a. I know, Griffin. I know. But when I try to fix it, my brothers think I'm ducking poop jokes.

[Travis McElroy]

Right? I'm marrying Ernie Hudson. I'm fucking Vinkman now. Yeah. I'm fucking Venkman. I'm fucking Egon. I'm killing Ray.

[Griffin McElroy]

This version of the game is a lot easier. You still have to kill someone.

[Justin McElroy]

Why can't we fuck three Ghostbusters, kill nut, and then marry one of them for life.

[Travis McElroy]

And I'm taking Janine on a date, a lovely date, where I'm being very respectful and we're gonna have a great time.

[Griffin McElroy]

And Slimer on a pizza. Not date, but hang.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, I'd watch the game with Slimer. I think that that would be fun as hell.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'd smoke up with Slimer and watch the game.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, I'd smoke up with Slimer. Are you kidding me?

[Griffin McElroy]

Because then you could just like get it from him. Like, he puffs it in and then it just leaves his body.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, imagine putting your head inside Slimer. Like, Slimer encases your head while he takes a huge risk.

[Griffin McElroy]

If you die, you would suffocate and die in the worst imaginable.

[Travis McElroy]

That's how I'd kill. That's how I'd kill Ray.

[Griffin McElroy]

You put Slimer on his head.

[Travis McElroy]

I'd put slimer on his head.

[Griffin McElroy]

You'd make Slimer complicit in the loving.

[Justin McElroy]

Are you getting me that nasty dog? And that's how I killed Ray. That was a slammer. I have an indoor slash outdoor cat. One day when I was following him around outside, he went down the outdoor stairs of my multi complex home and to my alarm, headed inside the open and screenless window of my downstairs neighbor. I went to grab him, saying, no, don't go into someone else's house. In a very high pitched voice. And to my extreme alarm, neighbor, who I hadn't noticed, said, no, it's okay. He's done this before. Brothers, is there a social code for my cat occasionally visits your home? I was so freaked out that I fear I may have flunked it. I said, well, as long as you don't feed him. And stood by anxiously watching my cat, unsure of what to do with myself. That's from anxious cat mom in Michigan.

[Griffin McElroy]

Your cat Wants an open relationship, but can't communicate that to you because it's a cat. This isn't a matter of pride. The cat's gotta get what the cat is gonna get. And sometimes that means fresh tinned sardines from your cool downstairs neighbor.

[Travis McElroy]

That's interesting. I didn't take it as pride.

[Griffin McElroy]

What do you mean?

[Travis McElroy]

I would take the anxiety of, like, I hope they behave themselves. What if the cat. The cat makes a mess or like, messes something up and that reflects poorly on me.

[Griffin McElroy]

Cause that's not. But then he's not gonna do it in my house. Like, sorry, the cat shitted in your house. That I didn't know he was going to. But that's one shit that's not gonna be in my house. So thank you so much.

[Justin McElroy]

They're habitual creatures though, aren't they?

[Griffin McElroy]

They are.

[Justin McElroy]

What if they get so used to pissing at the neighbor's house that they can't go anywhere else and you have to go downstairs and knock on the door like, hey, listen, listen. Mr. Mittens has got a.

[Griffin McElroy]

He's full tubers.

[Justin McElroy]

He's full bladder. Yeah, you gotta let him come in, please.

[Griffin McElroy]

Talk about.

[Justin McElroy]

Lay out the jacket. Lay out your favorite jacket like he likes it, please. Thank you.

[Travis McElroy]

This seems like a meet cute from a movie. I'm not saying that's what's happening here, but it seems like something from a movie where it's like, oh, my cat went in your window and it's like, that's your cat. I've been calling it my cat in.

[Griffin McElroy]

One shard of the multiverse. I think it's a meet cute. I think in every other shard, it's just sort of an uncomfortable social situation. I don't want them thinking it's a meet cute. Because.

[Travis McElroy]

No, I'm not saying this is a meet cute. I'm saying that this is movie level wild to me. Like, you don't have this problem with a dog, right? My dogs. If I found out my dogs are in someone's home, they've been dognamped or.

[Justin McElroy]

They'Re loose for a cat, it's too powerful, I think, to give them the ability to go to someone else's house that isn't your house, that's the great injustice of a cat's life, is that when it finds you distasteful, it cannot abandon you and go somewhere else to teach you a lesson. Now that it has had a taste of that, I don't think you're gonna get them off of it. I think that they're hooked.

[Travis McElroy]

And this step owner now has no responsibility. Right. They can give this cat ice cream, let him stay up late to watch movies, do the fun stuff.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Like, get them a new bike or whatever. And then when the cat is having homework trouble or. Or, like, fighting with a friend at school or whatever, it's gonna come back to you, and you gotta deal with it. You gotta seal that neighbor's window.

[Justin McElroy]

Yep.

[Travis McElroy]

They're not gonna nail it shut.

[Justin McElroy]

Sorry.

[Griffin McElroy]

Would have enjoyed any kind of information on the neighbor before the three of us dove into this one. Cause that could be a real minefield. They're a huge.

[Travis McElroy]

Have any.

[Griffin McElroy]

What?

[Travis McElroy]

They said they don't know them.

[Griffin McElroy]

Right. But they probably got to know a little bit of the. Like, you can clock a vibe pretty quick, and they've encountered each other. Give us anything about the vibe. Like, anything to work with. Because what if they're a fucking creep? I don't know.

[Travis McElroy]

Or a giant, like, coyote or something.

[Griffin McElroy]

It could be a big coyote.

[Justin McElroy]

I keep imagining them standing there talking to the neighbor and trying to decide if they should leave or stay. And, man, it's just giving me palpitations to think about. Cause you think once the neighbor's like, it's okay. He's done this before. There's part of you. It's like, well, I'm gonna go. I get.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

I mean, so you. Please enjoy my cat. I mean, like. Or if you. I guess you stay. And then they're like, well, I told you, it's fine.

[Griffin McElroy]

But it's not a play date. You don't have to stay.

[Justin McElroy]

It's not a play date. Right. I'm not gonna get to know you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. No, I mean, that is why they wrote into this advice podcast.

[Justin McElroy]

I know, but I don't think it's.

[Griffin McElroy]

Doing us a lot of favors to have our shit so completely fall apart at the premise of one of the questions. But we have to keep a secret.

[Justin McElroy]

No, I know, but it's trying to be. I'm trying to be honest, Griffin. I think that, like, empathy is maybe the first step in trying to say, this is hard. And maybe that's. And, Griffin, maybe in 2025, we need to be comfortable with, like, sometimes that's all people. Maybe people don't need answers. They need just to have their feelings affirmed.

[Travis McElroy]

They asked if they. Yeah. Did you do anything wrong? No. That's exactly what we would have done. Felt weird.

[Justin McElroy]

That was very hard.

[Griffin McElroy]

But it's an advice podcast, not an affirmation podcast. Yes, but I'm trying To fix our problems.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm trying to make space for the fact that movies and TV have taught us that social interaction should be smooth and effortless. What I'm saying is it almost never is, you know, a meat ugly, if you will. Yeah, most meets are ugly. And that doesn't mean you should have to feel be good at it. But it does mean that maybe you can't be good at it.

[Travis McElroy]

You know what I mean?

[Justin McElroy]

Maybe you can't. Maybe you can't. Maybe most things, you just can't. And you just gotta say, huh, that was the pits. Yeah, absolutely the worst. I'm glad that was finite.

[Travis McElroy]

I only hope it was as bad for them as it was for me.

[Justin McElroy]

No, 100% of the time they never thought about it ever again.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, it's fully, fully imagined in your own 100% wonder emporium up there. I thought we were going to get past all this stuff once everyone had email addresses. Because then you could just be like, oh, cats in your house. This is a weird situation. What's your email? I will hit you up digitally.

[Justin McElroy]

I think the reason that didn't happen is because of the. And then the URL, because people don't.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's too long.

[Justin McElroy]

It's too long and you don't know when it's over. Like it's feeling pretty good. When you're giving someone your email address, it's feeling pretty good. And then you say the. And then you think, man, I hope they don't judge whatever I say next. Cause whatever I say next, they're gonna have a feeling about, you know.

[Griffin McElroy]

And there's so many terms that we could use had they not been already sort of co opted where you just be like in an uncomfortable situation and say like, this is uncomfortable. Let's just cyber. And that means like we're gonna communicate cyber in cyberspace with typing and stuff instead of having to talk about it right now.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. What's your pulse id by the way? Pulse is just the name I came up with for the software, but it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Would be like subdermal cuff. Right.

[Justin McElroy]

The pulse ID is a subdermal.

[Travis McElroy]

And as your pulse races because you're in an anxious situation, it just automatically pings the person to say they're gonna leave now.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

And you're allowed to just turn mid sentence and bounce. And is there a version of the show Black Mirror, but where everything works out good and cool? White mirror, that's what it says.

[Justin McElroy]

White Lotus.

[Travis McElroy]

The opposite of black mirror. I love that. Hey everybody, it's me, Travis McElroy. And I'm taking my brothers to the Money Zone.

[Justin McElroy]

It's better.

[Theme Song]

It's better with you.

[Justin McElroy]

Ah, dang it, Travis. When we went to the Money Zone, I broke my ass.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, what?

[Justin McElroy]

When we fell into the Money Zone, I broke my ass.

[Griffin McElroy]

This is great. I don't have the ad copy ups, but my mind is racing trying to.

[Justin McElroy]

Figure out there's no doctors here in the Money Zone that I know of. I've never had to find a doctor in the Money Zone, but I do have a broken ass.

[Griffin McElroy]

The infrastructure is not there in the Money Zone.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Mostly harder to help me navigate.

[Travis McElroy]

We don't have a lot of electricity. What is it?

[Griffin McElroy]

Zocdoc? Yeah, Griffin Zocdoc.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, obviously it's a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in network doctors. You choose the right one for your needs and click to instantly book an appointment.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, I'm gonna go to Zocdoc real quick and type in broken ass stuck in money Zone. Not mine, brothers. Oh yeah, it came up with like four of them. Uh huh.

[Justin McElroy]

We're talking about in network appointments. With more than 100,000 healthcare providers across every specialty from mental health to dental health, eye care to skincare, and much.

[Griffin McElroy]

More, I've found everything. My whole health network here in Washington D.C. more or less, I found on Zocdoc. And it was the only way to do that because it's very complicated booking medical shit, especially in a big city.

[Justin McElroy]

So stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to Zocdoc.commybrother to find an instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's Zocdoc.com my brother.

[Travis McElroy]

Zocdoc.com mybrother and Justin, while you're broken ass heals. While you recover, I'm gonna be here every step of the way nursing you back to health, making you delicious meals. And Justin, I don't care how.

[Justin McElroy]

Just take too long, Travis, it'll take too long.

[Travis McElroy]

You need the food now.

[Justin McElroy]

No. Yeah, it'll take to make a nutritious delicious meal. Takes hours and hours.

[Travis McElroy]

No, Justin, I'll be dead by then. Justin, you dumb stupid idiot with your broken ass that you deserve now. Cause you're so stupid. It won't take that long.

[Justin McElroy]

Ah, you re broke my ass.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, you burned your ass so hard it got burned.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah man, that's what you get for being so stupid. Because with factor they have nutritious two minute meals and eating well has never been this easy. Just heat it up and enjoy, Justin.

[Griffin McElroy]

Ooh.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. So when your broken ass is all healed up, get rid of that crack. Instead of spending all your time inside cooking and prepping and all that stuff. Factor meals are ready to eat. Perfect for your active lifestyle with the man with a fully healthy ass. So it says right here for the man with a fully healthy ass.

[Griffin McElroy]

It says here in the copy, don't forget us once your ass has healed, Justin.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, it's weird. They have 45 weekly menu options, so you're guaranteed to find something that works for you. They can power your whole day. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, even snacks and desserts. You gotta check them out. They're delicious and nutritious and fast and ready to go. For the man with a broken or healthy ass.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yep.

[Travis McElroy]

So get [e-mail] brother50 off and use code brother50 that's 50 off to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box. That's code brother50 off at Factor Meals.com brother50 off for 50% off plus free shipping.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's a K I. We don't usually do this, but that's a kick ass URL. That's a kick ass URL. Brother 50 off.

[Travis McElroy]

And now he's the pope.

[Justin McElroy]

Recently at my local mall, a VR game was opened up that takes you on a virtual roller coaster ride. Since it's opening, I've really wanted to try it, but I can't convince anyone, including my 8 year old little sister, to do the ride with me. As an adult, there is no way I can do the ride by myself. So how do I get in on this VR game while retaining my dignity? Note, I have never actually seen anyone using the VR machine and it sits in the middle of the main strip of the mall. So if I were to go ride it, I would basically be on display for any and all passersby. That's from Vexed By VR West Virginia. Well, Vexed By VR West Virginia now.

[Travis McElroy]

Unless there's a rule that says no adults without children, you, you can't. When you say there's no way you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Could buy that you can go in arcades are actually all right. Like you can go in an arcade, you're totally fine.

[Justin McElroy]

I would argue, in fact, that by doing that you've given someone else permission. A beautiful life.

[Griffin McElroy]

You know, as long as before you get on the roller coaster machine, you do have to sit at the Willy Wonka coin drop machine and spend about three hours dropping quarters in there. And then people will be like, that's a fucking grown Ass person. Then you can go on the roller coaster.

[Justin McElroy]

I think where you're. Where I would actually start to second guess myself a lot is not the writing it, but the extent to which I should really lean into the experience. Because I think that virtual reality is best when you are bringing your whole self to the illusion. When you're saying, I am immersed in this. This is me. This is my reality. Me and the Rabbids are running through Santa's workshop, hurling snowballs at each other. I'm part of this.

[Travis McElroy]

Just like Walton Goggins says, you know?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

He says, just like Walton Goggins says, you put the goggles on and you immerse yourself in a magic chase a.

[Griffin McElroy]

Baby Gru through Santa's workshop. Yeah, I'm Walton Goggins. And that's the plot of the Rabbids roller coaster ride at arcades.

[Justin McElroy]

And these are the Apple Vision Walton Goggins Goggle vision goggle glasses. They're $6,000.

[Griffin McElroy]

Amazing.

[Travis McElroy]

Worth every penny.

[Justin McElroy]

Worth every penny.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

I mean, should you keep a straight face? I mean, that looks worse.

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, don't be weed. Yeah, don't yell.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, now, hold on.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay. And don't yell. But you don't give a straight face. What do you want from me? Demonstrate proper. Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, my. Oh, a hill. Ooh.

[Justin McElroy]

Ooh. Titillating Griffith's putting the wattle and Goggins goggle glasses back on.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, Griffin, I'm thinking you hit him with like a. Whoa.

[Justin McElroy]

Wow.

[Griffin McElroy]

A lot of sort of like whispering under your breath.

[Travis McElroy]

Maybe reach out and try to touch something and.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, people love that when it's like, hey, try out the fucking virtual cyber world. It's so, so cool. There's like five Hatsune Miku's and a little spongebob squarepants. You're gonna love this shit. And then you see them reach and try and like, sit down on the chair and they fall down. That shit's so funny, dude. You could be that for someone.

[Travis McElroy]

Open it up. I also, I'm worried because when I picture here's a VR machine in the middle of a mall, no one's using it, and maybe I just watched too much. Are youe Afraid of the Dark? As a Kid? But you're gonna get sucked into that thing. Why is no one else using it? What do they know that you don't? It's cursed.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

You're gonna get pulled into a virtual world and have to fight your way out against maybe Bobcat Goldthwaite, I'm guessing.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think you're right.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. Something like that. You're gonna be trapped in there maybe forever. You're gonna leave there. You're not gonna be sure if you're really out or not.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's the fucked up part. You can never really tell when you took the headset off.

[Justin McElroy]

So realistic.

[Travis McElroy]

It's gonna be a whole thing, man.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Cause there's gonna show up.

[Griffin McElroy]

There's a bit in the Rabbids rollercoaster ride where Gru takes the headset off, but it's still like a cutscene in the game. How many fucking layers deep do they have these guys going on?

[Justin McElroy]

I'm gonna give you one chance, and it's gonna have to be elegant and tasteful for you to excise yourself from it with grace.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

But you're gonna need to explain to me why you keep mentioning Gru in the context of the Rabbids. This is the second, maybe third. I need you to explain to me what happened, where we went wrong.

[Travis McElroy]

This is. We're opening this up. This is a safety zone here, Griffin.

[Griffin McElroy]

It doesn't feel. Can I say, it feels extremely not safe, this zone. It feels extremely. I feel like I am a.

[Travis McElroy]

It's a narrow sliver.

[Justin McElroy]

It's a narrow sliver of grace. It's infinite.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's deep, but it's deep. I would need you two to stand up from your computers and walk away 25ft before I would feel like this is a safe space. The Rabbids are minions with long ears.

[Justin McElroy]

Hello.

[Griffin McElroy]

If you need me to tell you that you not keeping your fucking eyes open and keeping a look at these corporations, because I'm pretty sure it's the same one that does both these guys. Okay, it's definitely illumination. But Minions are Rabbids without the ears and bunny like sort of characteristics. They are little horrible Tic Tac men. And that's basically also what a rabbit is. So that's why I kept talking about Gru, who is like the Minion's dad.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay. Do you think that Minions are Smurfs without souls?

[Griffin McElroy]

No. Different looking shape completely. But really, the whole only thing with the Rabbids is the ears.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Thank you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hey, let's go to the wizard. He's got something for us here. This one was sent in by Christian. Thanks, Christian. And it is 200 plus motorcyclist names to help you stand out on the.

[Travis McElroy]

Road as a motorcyclist. Right. Not like I'm standing on the road yelling at them as they go by.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hey, jerk. Hey, jerk. Yeah. They have 200 mean names to yell at passing motorcycles.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay. That Would make you stand out.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, for sure. I bet they wouldn't like it, though. They can get off those bikes so dang quick. It is not a great idea to yell at them.

[Travis McElroy]

Some of them don't even need to stop the bike. They can just jump up. Bike keeps going, they land.

[Griffin McElroy]

So they land. They deploy the parachute. Do you need to find the perfect biker names for your tough as Niels motorcycle Persona? Am I supposed to have one of those?

[Travis McElroy]

Well, not without the name.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's a good point. We'll start there. Don't choose your biker moniker randomly. Check out our list of over 200 biker names, from the uncommon to ones that are ideal for Instagram.

[Travis McElroy]

What?

[Griffin McElroy]

No idea. What? Yeah, you'll also.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm not saying bikers can't be on Instagram, but I didn't know that that was like, a major thought when going into that lifestyle. Is, will this look good on Instagram?

[Griffin McElroy]

No.

[Justin McElroy]

Well, I think that they're thinking about, like, can you get the handle right?

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

You want to be like, Arkansas Spike.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

And there's already a bunch of Arkansas at Arkansas Spikes.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Taking up the handles.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm Potato Dog. But then you go and Potato Dog is definitely.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, then you could be the real Potato Dog. Potato Dog. Real Potato Dog. Real 69420.

[Griffin McElroy]

You'll also find help for creating a name for your motorcycle club and get answers to questions about biker names. Do you guys feel like you know enough about bike culture that you could comfortably pick a biker name right now and, like, really own it? Get it stenciled on your hog or whatever?

[Justin McElroy]

Griffin. I had to pick one with no prep and came up with Arkansas Spike. I think so.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, I Potato Dog. Like, we had.

[Justin McElroy]

I mean, I was very little fat. Neither one of those was.

[Travis McElroy]

I would be the wizard of Bikes.

[Griffin McElroy]

Wizard of Bikes is actually kick ass as the best of the three.

[Justin McElroy]

Trav, I do think that you should have to get the moniker from the biker gang, because I think that if you roll up to a new game that you're not in and you're like, hey, I'm the Texas Torch. They're like, I'm not sure that that's right.

[Travis McElroy]

We already got two of those, man.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, you can't be the take it on Instagram.

[Griffin McElroy]

At what level of organization are you expected to have motorcycle Persona with an original name? Because if it's like a Facebook group meetup bike event, I don't think you get a biker name for that. There has to be a certain amount of membership Involved. And when do you cross that threshold?

[Justin McElroy]

I love, I love the idea of a delay. And can I tell you why? Because I feel like it is a biker solve to. One of the biggest problems in life is when you wait too long to find out someone's name. Because you don't realize they're going to be important in your life until a few too long. Bikers have a fucking kick ass one where they're like, nah, I'll catch them next time. I'll learn it next time.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, for sure.

[Justin McElroy]

And I'll learn it on. Yeah, next go around. I'll learn the new one.

[Travis McElroy]

But you're saying if I may, and I kind of love this and we could all adopt this in everyday society is that you will earn a name from the group when they have decided that you are important enough to them that they need to remember your name so much so they are now giving you a new one.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. And then if you ever forget that name, it's fucking stenciled on the front.

[Justin McElroy]

Of their vest or whatever. Exactly.

[Griffin McElroy]

And you can be like, oh shit, it's been a minute. Buzzard with 4Z.

[Travis McElroy]

Buzzard.

[Griffin McElroy]

Damn, I'm cheating. Because that's one of the first names in hardcore. Biker names use names that show you're tough. Biker names that are considered badass or hardcore are often just one word names that describe something strong or sound rugged. Let's hit. Let's just go through these. Warrior, Cat style. Armor, Axel. Barbarian. Blaze. Boulder. Brick, Buzzard, Claw. Conqueror.

[Travis McElroy]

Satu.

[Griffin McElroy]

Dynamite. Dynamite's cool. Dynamite could be like a tough name. But it can also be like, I'm about to dazzle you with my incredible bike skills.

[Travis McElroy]

You could probably just go through a list of like the top 200x men name and come up with the same kind of list.

[Justin McElroy]

I keep coming up. My brain gave me Dynamite a pun. And then I was like. And then I had to remind myself, like brain. I'm not sure bikers would like puns.

[Travis McElroy]

Hang on.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't think it's a good idea.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't think you would call yourself Dynamike if your first name was John.

[Griffin McElroy]

One of the names on here is rabid spelled like if a dog goes foamy or whatever. But you could throw an extra B in there and be like a rabid fan on the motorcycle. And you got too lost in the sauce on the ride at the mall. And now you have to live that life for real. Stone Cold is one. That's two words. But that's fine. Cool names.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't think you can do that? That one famously belongs to Mr. Austin.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can you fucking believe if someone rolled up to your new awesome biker club and was like, yeah, I decided to go with Stone Cold. Here's my vest and everything. The amount of work they would have to put in for me to consider them. When I think of the word Stone Cold and not the other guy would have to be. I don't know. You could do it in one lifetime.

[Travis McElroy]

Unless you are, like, Stone Cold Steve Austin. Like, I was just thinking, if it's a joke, but if the. If the Undertaker rolled up to your biker gang and said, I'm the Undertaker, you wouldn't be like, well, you have to earn that. You'd be like, yeah, man. You absolutely are.

[Griffin McElroy]

I can't see any scenario in my future, Travis, where I would invite the Undertaker to my biker club. I simply do not think the man qualifies for an invite. How about some cool names?

[Justin McElroy]

Stone Cold Steve Austin would get mad if he joined the club. And they're like, we're gonna call you Danger. Well, America's actually got a pretty good. Like, not a whole thing. I'm gonna just go with the Stone Cold thing. Cause it's like, sorry, pretty scary and everything.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, shit, here comes Shotgun. I told you guys already.

[Justin McElroy]

No, they stunk. I got on a shirt and everything.

[Griffin McElroy]

Like, cool names. I'm gonna skip the fucking explanation of what is cool. Arsenal, Berserk, Cobra, Enigma.

[Travis McElroy]

Now, hold on.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's the. I like mystery. Like, when I cruise past you on the bike, if it says, like, Mad Dog, you're gonna be like, I know that guy's whole deal. But when he rolls through and he's like, conundrum. You have no fucking idea what I'm about.

[Travis McElroy]

If you put a question mark on the stencil and it's like, Enigma. And you're like, wait, was it exactly.

[Justin McElroy]

You run a danger of, like, your crew started to turn into a bunch of Batman, Rogues, Gallery. They're like, this is the Perplexer. Here we go.

[Travis McElroy]

I love it.

[Justin McElroy]

Ice King.

[Travis McElroy]

Got Paralyzer. He's great.

[Griffin McElroy]

Got Thunderdog. That's one of the names actually provided here. I'm just gonna rip through some of these names. Cause there's a lot of filler shit in here. We got Axeman, Buzz, Cougar, Hannibal.

[Travis McElroy]

Cougar's a thing. Once again, if there's already, like, slang that is attached to that name, I don't think I'd want to be Cougar. Because then everyone's like, oh, hey, it's Cougar, right? I don't know.

[Griffin McElroy]

You could be Cougar Town, and that would be cool.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Named after ABC Desperate Housewives. I've been thinking a lot about what these names would look like emblazoned on a vest. And I don't know why my head is there, but thinking that way. I am interested in the name Kevlar because that's one of the names provided here. And if you put that on your clothes and another biker road rash style tries to get up on you, you can point to your vest and be like, sorry, bud.

[Justin McElroy]

This is among the worst ideas I've ever had in my entire life. It doesn't even hold up to, like, narrative scrutiny. Even for, like, a comedy construction. No fucking nonsense. The idea that you would goad someone in the fake out of a fake armored vest is so decorative.

[Travis McElroy]

Maybe it's real. Maybe it's fake. Do you want to risk it? Wait, what am I risking? Hold on. Why is the risk on me? At this point, you would be getting.

[Griffin McElroy]

Jumped in an on the road surprise attack. Okay, this is not something you. You don't coordinate a badass.

[Justin McElroy]

It's a surprise attack where you want to encourage the oppos shoot you in the head.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, you want to make it extremely.

[Justin McElroy]

Clear that they want to go for a headshot.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't think that's what the vest is meant to do, is to encourage them to shoot other cooler parts of your body. I think it's meant to say they see it and they're like, shit, this one's got armor.

[Justin McElroy]

Don't even waste your time. They're completely Kevlar'd out.

[Travis McElroy]

I would.

[Griffin McElroy]

Once again, my name's also Kevlar. Fuck. Guys.

[Travis McElroy]

Damn it.

[Griffin McElroy]

All these guys are Kevlar shooting.

[Travis McElroy]

I think if I was in a biker gang and I met someone named Kevlar and I found out their real name wasn't Kevin, I'd be very, really disappointed. But I also think that that kind of impulse is maybe why I'm not in a biker gang.

[Justin McElroy]

Exactly.

[Travis McElroy]

That idea of, like. Well, I'll tell you what really pisses me off. Kevlar over there, his real name's not even Kevin. And they'd be like, what the fuck are you talking about, Travis?

[Justin McElroy]

What are you talking about?

[Griffin McElroy]

There's a. There's a category of names that is not really siloed off here in this wikiHow article. But I would like to discuss sort of the power, the potential power of that one of the names on here is Warlord. I'm thinking of, like, can you get a name in your motorcycle club that's like king or ruler or head honcho or boss man? Boss man, Boss guy, big heart, president. But you're not in charge of the biker club.

[Justin McElroy]

They probably would hate that if you're like, hi, I'm secretary treasurer. I'm ready to run. They would already have one of those.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Do you think when you're picking. I bet that when you're picking a biker name for yourself, the amount of introspection that it takes to match up the level of badass that the name is with, like, what you think you can deliver on. Yeah, yeah, well. Cause I don't want to put up a big check that I can't cash. You know what I mean? Because I was thinking Warlord. And then you get in there and it's like, yeah, I'm not actually. I'm kind of. I'm kind of like, threat averse. I'm not really into the fight. I feel like I'd have to pick.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, you want to be reasonable.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. Mantis, I think, would be good for me.

[Griffin McElroy]

Mantis would be cool.

[Justin McElroy]

Mantis.

[Griffin McElroy]

There's a list of women biker names on here.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, good. Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

And they're about as rough as you can imagine. There's two on here I would like to dive into a little bit, though. One is Torque Mistress.

[Travis McElroy]

Nice.

[Griffin McElroy]

That could be now, Juice. What was your reaction to that?

[Justin McElroy]

No, it's good. Torque Mistress.

[Griffin McElroy]

Torque Mistress is like.

[Justin McElroy]

Torque Mistress is cool.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't.

[Justin McElroy]

You're going to meet the exact people you want to. With a name like that. You're going to. That really narrows the demographic. Torque Mistress.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, it will. Unfortunately, it will signal to Torque's wife what's going on between the two of you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Torque is just standing in the middle.

[Travis McElroy]

Uh.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, I don't know.

[Travis McElroy]

Torque Wife gonna be so mad.

[Griffin McElroy]

Who's Torque?

[Justin McElroy]

Now? Torque's always like, I really hate this. But I'm not sure Torque does at this point.

[Griffin McElroy]

Honestly, I haven't tortured it. He would have done. He would have made his choice by now. The other one I wanted to talk about is smooth wheels, which is like, fucking crazy. Crazy because you'll die.

[Justin McElroy]

Those are bad. You don't want those. You need them big.

[Travis McElroy]

Sonny, don't do that. I'm going to pick one for Griffin and I want to nail it. I want to nail it.

[Griffin McElroy]

You do that, and I'll give you one from the list of funny biker names they provided, which I did not even know was an option does each biker club have. I can't. I don't know anything about this world. I never watched a Sons of Anarchy or anything in that vein. Is there always, like, kind of a funny one in the club?

[Travis McElroy]

There's always a funny one.

[Justin McElroy]

They usually get killed, though.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, that's true, I guess.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't know what they're doing most of the time. Like, obviously.

[Justin McElroy]

So normally they yell. I watch some of Sons of Anarchy, and then I quit. So here's how I can tell you. Mostly, they're yelling at each other.

[Travis McElroy]

That's a big thing.

[Justin McElroy]

And then they're fighting amongst each other, which is wild because they only know, like, 10 motorcycle guys. I wouldn't fight with them.

[Griffin McElroy]

And their whole thing is that they all really like riding motorcycles.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. They can't live in a cage, which is a car.

[Travis McElroy]

Justin, when you stopped watching Sons of Anarchy, did the cast show up to beat you up, to let you out? Is that what happened?

[Griffin McElroy]

But then the cast of Yellowstone showed up and was like, stay back. That's our boy now.

[Travis McElroy]

Family Gryffon. I'm gonna call you Porcelain.

[Griffin McElroy]

Porcelain's cool.

[Justin McElroy]

It's us, the cast of Leverage. We were pretending to be the cast of Yellowstone this entire time.

[Travis McElroy]

Dude, I'd love that. Are you kidding me?

[Justin McElroy]

I know. It'd be cool if more shows turned out to be Leveraged.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'd rock with Porcelain so hard. Trev, I think you got me in one because something one. It's true. I would be so. I can't fall off a bike. That's it.

[Travis McElroy]

And you like the toilet.

[Griffin McElroy]

Porcelain is one. Well, I don't. I would love to shed the toilet thing, but it's just like, that's that club's Beauty Boy. I would. I would love to be the beauty boy. The bike.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, man.

[Justin McElroy]

I think they would call you Taxi man because it's like. It's good maybe, like, no one likes you, so you're kind of like a bad boy. I mean that in a biker way. Like, tax me.

[Griffin McElroy]

Like, oh, I just thought you were being the meanest to me you've ever been in your life.

[Justin McElroy]

Like Taxi.

[Griffin McElroy]

Like, but, like, all I thought you just casually dropped. And no one likes you.

[Justin McElroy]

I mean, like a bad boy. Like, no one gets on your bad side. Like the tax man. Like, they're coming after you, but it's also, like, you look like you would be good at doing. Like, you would probably end up doing the taxes for the biker gang if they have taxes from, like, their farmer's market. Stand or whatever. Like, whatever they are doing.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't know how they. How are they getting money.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't know if they're selling heritage butter. I don't. I don't know.

[Travis McElroy]

Facebook has taught me that bikers, when they're not doing biker stuff, are like, accompanying children to scary places. That's what Facebook shows me all the time.

[Griffin McElroy]

Do they get a stipend from the government to be riding bikes around? Because I think that's their job, and I don't know why.

[Justin McElroy]

They're influencers. They're bike influencers. So they see people riding around. You see cool people in a big biker gang. They've got a Motorola motorcycle, one of.

[Travis McElroy]

The good ones, and then a Motorola Big honker. Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think they call them Motorola cycles.

[Travis McElroy]

Justin, I'm gonna call you Bootleg.

[Justin McElroy]

Bootleg is good.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's cool.

[Travis McElroy]

Cause I bet you know how to get movies that, like, maybe aren't available in stores. You know, a lot about, like, VPN and, like, how to, like, if I'm in America and I want to watch, like, British tv, how I could do that.

[Griffin McElroy]

And then when they do, like, biker club movie night, which may or may not be a thing, again, I don't know fucking anything about this entire subculture. You are the one who gets to pick the tapes.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

When everyone gets together to watch movies after every great bike. This sounds cool. I kind of want to be a part of this now.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

I have an E bike.

[Justin McElroy]

I ride motorcycles. Part I'd be in.

[Griffin McElroy]

I mean, I have an E bike. I think that's.

[Justin McElroy]

Can you do. Could your personality in the biker gang be, like, bikeless Barry walking or something? Like the one guy in it that doesn't do the motorcycle stuff?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Side car.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

They look towing.

[Justin McElroy]

Towing.

[Travis McElroy]

Terry, the guy who rides the tower.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Shoe leather. I'm gonna. I'm gonna call my.

[Griffin McElroy]

You're talking about sketch over there. Yeah. It's the weirdest thing. He hates motorcycles. Scared to death of him, but he can draw them like a dream.

[Travis McElroy]

Have you heard his poetry?

[Justin McElroy]

You shook him about him.

[Travis McElroy]

You're talking about Skitsch.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

It's the weirdest thing. He just hangs onto the back of our motorcycles and then rides a skateboard.

[Travis McElroy]

We love it.

[Justin McElroy]

He's everywhere.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's cool.

[Travis McElroy]

He's like our pet. I'm gonna call myself Grimace.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

Cause I have purple hair, but also it's kind of like. Oh, you're.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh.

[Travis McElroy]

It's like a grimace of pain or whatever.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's cool. Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Mostly. Cause I have purple hair.

[Griffin McElroy]

These are all good names. Trav, I think you have. You have a calling here. I don't want you on a motorcycle. I don't want to either.

[Travis McElroy]

Teresa will be so mad at me. Yeah, but I would work as. They're, like, naming Oracle if they would like. I'm Oracle.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's a cool fucking oracle.

[Justin McElroy]

Oracle's cool. Oracle.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

Biker clubs have, like, an operator who, like, hangs out at the lair and, like, tells them where to ride and stuff, because that would be cool.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm in a little motorcycle chair that zooms around the office.

[Justin McElroy]

Tax man would probably handle, like, logistics, I think. Griff.

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, the problem.

[Travis McElroy]

Tar Sands, the numbers guy, he's doing the money.

[Griffin McElroy]

If we're being honest, the three of us can only fill that role and know there is not a biker organization alive that wants three operators back at home base. So we're going to end up on different clubs, I'm afraid.

[Justin McElroy]

All right, well, you do different shifts.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, that's true.

[Griffin McElroy]

You're not. 24 hours of sleep.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. I would also bartend if they needed that. Yeah, I'd be happy to do that. Listen to their troubles. Let me get a course, report them to the police for.

[Justin McElroy]

Do you think sidecars are a big part of biker gangs? Like. Like, finding buddies for your sidecar? Like, you could sit in the. Because I was thinking about. The problem with having a sidecar is if it's ever empty, people are going to assume that you're in a fight.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

You know, like, they're like. It's like, hey, what happened? It's like, nothing. It's just. I just was going out by myself right now.

[Griffin McElroy]

I want to be clear. You keep using the term biker clubs and biker gangs interchangeably. The organization I'm running is just a team of bike enthusiasts who have no. There's no criminal element to it whatsoever. They get paid by the government to ride their bikes around the city.

[Travis McElroy]

Mostly for flavor.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. I think that if you want to join a biker club, you should have to ride in the sidecar for the first year to see if you like it before you get your first motorcycle. Right. Because what if you get your first motorcycle, you hop on, you ride your motorcycle for five minutes, you're like, oh, wait.

[Griffin McElroy]

I hate.

[Justin McElroy]

Sorry, guys.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't. Sorry, guys. I tried. I don't like this. I know. You worked really hard to come up with a name for me.

[Justin McElroy]

You don't like Taxman?

[Griffin McElroy]

It's cool. Taxman's great. It's a shame. I would love to be taxman. I just really didn't like that.

[Travis McElroy]

I didn't like riding on the motorcycle. It was scary. It was loud.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hey, guys, no one told me how windy it was gonna be. That's fucking crazy. You guys deal with that every day.

[Travis McElroy]

What if we put a windshield on it and some, like, doors, Maybe a seat belt to protect. I'm describing a car.

[Justin McElroy]

Fuck.

[Griffin McElroy]

Shit.

[Justin McElroy]

You put a helmet on my head, but I have other parts than head.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. You know, and my Kevlar vest isn't gonna protect my. What's that? It's just the name.

[Justin McElroy]

Fuck.

[Griffin McElroy]

Fuck that's confusing.

[Travis McElroy]

What if someone shoots at me thinking, oh, I see.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, God, Wait, is there much shooting in this biking enthusiast club?

[Justin McElroy]

The idea of the three of us joining a biker gang is the most.

[Griffin McElroy]

I've did it again.

[Justin McElroy]

We still have a TV show, a biker gang or a biker club of enthusiastic.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't see any reality where I join a biker gang, but I can see one where I buy a motorcycle when I turn 40 because I have a panic attack.

[Justin McElroy]

I imagine that this distinction, if you are a member of one of these clubs, is extremely important to you. So I apologize for running a foul.

[Travis McElroy]

I think I could join a biker gang as kind of a mascot. Mascot slash pet kind of thing. No, I'm saying gang.

[Justin McElroy]

Do those.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm saying gang.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm over here in the playground. I'm over here in the playground and I'm having fun with the question. The question's a big, beautiful balloon and I'm bouncing it around in the air. You guys are playing in traffic right now. I'm in the playground where it's fun and scary.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, I could definitely. You're not listening. I could definitely join a biker enthusiast club. Yeah, I'm saying the only way I'm making my way into a biker gang is as a pet mascot kind of character, like Pee Wee Herman in Pee Wee's Big Adventure.

[Griffin McElroy]

Back in the street.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't think any of us are cut out for this life.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, you're right. We can't even get the terminology right.

[Griffin McElroy]

I hope there's not many clips that come out of this episode because there's going to be constant continuity errors with my wearing of the Walton Goggins goggle glasses.

[Justin McElroy]

If it just gets him to notice us and say, boy, those guys sound.

[Griffin McElroy]

Just like, notice me, Goggins.

[Travis McElroy]

Notice me, Goggins.

[Griffin McElroy]

Put on your glasses.

[Justin McElroy]

No, no. We are not at a place in our class.

[Griffin McElroy]

This is your new friend, Griffin Calling.

[Justin McElroy]

Yep. Here's our Seussical parody. We're done. Kaplutzki.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hey, five. Hey five people who got that?

[Justin McElroy]

You're in. Say welcome.

[Griffin McElroy]

Welcome to the fucking real, Real club.

[Justin McElroy]

Thank you for listening to my brother, my brother and me all these years. Really appreciate it. This one too. Especially this one. But all of them, we really appreciate it. Thank you. If you have never seen us in live and in person, you should.

[Travis McElroy]

It's even better. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

We're coming to Michigan and Minnesota next week. And we got new dates in California, Texas, Georgia and Utah. All those Taz shows are going to be Taz Versus. Except for the Anaheim Taz show, which will be dad Lands with Brendan Lee Mulligan. All tickets are on sale now. More info and ticket links are available at bit ly McElroytours.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm also so excited. This week is Champions Grove. I'm excited to see everybody there. It's gonna be a blast.

[Justin McElroy]

I hope you're having fun.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, I'm excited.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hey, we got some merch over at the McElroy merch store. Guys. I brewed my first cup of the flaming, not poisoning, Raging Tea of doom last night that we collabed with Good store. It's a wonderful loose leaf tea. And guys, I'm not just saying this because it's sort of our thing, but it's a good fucking brew. Oh, man, it treated me just right. Wonderful notes of clove, a spicy finish, which I really do enjoy.

[Travis McElroy]

Spicy finish is also a good by Cronin.

[Griffin McElroy]

Flavorful but not cloying, which is a really difficult balance to stick the landing on. Herbal. No caffeine for a nighttime comedown.

[Travis McElroy]

It's a beautiful Nighttime Comedown is another good biker name.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's a beautiful brew and you can find it [e-mail] 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to the center for Reproductive Rights. Thank you so much, Montagne. You're the best. The music is so good. Keep that new shit coming. We're eating good over here.

[Travis McElroy]

I've got a fear here. I'd like to read Faster than Fear. This year I'm moving faster than my fear of my partner's worm farm. The worms aren't strong enough to open it and get me.

[Justin McElroy]

My name is Justin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm Travis McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm Griffin McElroy.

[Justin McElroy]

It's been my brother, My brother, me. Kiss your dad square on the lips.

[Theme Song]

Is better with you. My life. It's better. It's better with you it's better, My life it's better, it's better with you Cuz it's true it's better, it's better with you My life.

[Justin McElroy]

Maximum fun A.

[Griffin McElroy]

Worker owned network of artist owned shows.

[Justin McElroy]

Supported directly by you.