MBMBaM 764: Sneak a Pi in that Mobo

Summary

Podcast Summary: My Brother, My Brother & Me – Episode MBMBaM 764: "Sneak a Pi in that Mobo"

Release Date: May 26, 2025

Introduction

In episode 764 of "My Brother, My Brother & Me" (MBMBaM), the McElroy brothers—Justin, Travis, and Griffin—dive into a blend of hilarious banter, inventive discussions on biohacking, and their trademark comedic advice segments. Titled "Sneak a Pi in that Mobo," this episode showcases their unique approach to tackling everyday problems with a humorous twist.

---

1. Biohacking and Tech Modifications

The episode kicks off with the brothers engaging in a playful conversation about biohacking and technological modifications. Justin reveals his latest endeavor:

• Justin McElroy [02:02]: "I had the icons put in so they can pop out whenever I see a beautiful lady. And it says 'Aruga.'"

Griffin and Travis jest about Justin's implants, likening them to gadgets that offer him unique capabilities:

• Griffin McElroy [02:35]: "He did his procedures where it makes my mouth, my jaw fall all the way down to the floor, and my tongue unrolls like a rug anytime I see a babe."

Travis shares his own "bio mods," albeit with a comedic twist, discussing a tattoo that affects his behavior when encountering money:

• Travis McElroy [03:08]: "If someone offers me a bunch of money, my eyes roll around like a slot machine, and then comes up, dollar sign, dollar sign."

The brothers reflect on past interventions related to Justin's tech upgrades, blending humor with sibling dynamics:

• Griffin McElroy [03:42]: "Do you remember, Trav, when we had to stage that intervention because of how big an ink fiend Justin had become?"

This segment underscores the brothers' inventive imaginations and their ability to turn tech discussions into comedic gold.

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2. Advice Segment: Obstructed Giraffe View at the Zoo

Transitioning into their advice segment, the brothers tackle a listener's dilemma about obstructed views of giraffes at a local zoo:

• Listener's Question [11:43]: "The train I take to work every morning passes the local zoo... My view of the giraffes is fully obscured... How do I get the zoo to trim its trees?"

The McElroys dissect the question with their characteristic humor and unconventional solutions:

• Travis McElroy [13:14]: "Maybe go and trim leaves lower down."

• Griffin McElroy [14:18]: "I think you do. There is a... They're the... they Capitalism."

The brothers creatively reframe the problem from both the listener's and the giraffes' perspectives, suggesting fantastical solutions like organizing a heist to prune the trees:

• Griffin McElroy [14:28]: "What are we in? What was on the Facebook invite right now? What are we in?"

Their humorous approach highlights their knack for turning mundane issues into entertaining discussions.

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3. Advice Segment: Navigating Pizza Parties as a Delivery Driver

Another listener seeks advice on how to secure a slice of pizza during workplace gatherings:

• Listener's Question [16:05]: "How do I get in on that hot slice? These parties have not offered. Do I ask them? What if they say no?"

The brothers analyze the social dynamics of pizza parties, exploring scenarios where delivery drivers might feel excluded:

• Travis McElroy [17:00]: "If there's too much left, you should give the delivery driver some."

• Griffin McElroy [17:31]: "Statistically insignificant. A single slice of pizza. Slide it on down."

They playfully debate the logistics of obtaining pizza slices, ultimately suggesting that it's acceptable to discreetly grab a slice:

• Justin McElroy [18:28]: "Just ask for a slice of that one they can spare."

Their lighthearted take offers both humor and relatable advice for listeners navigating similar social scenarios.

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4. Advice Segment: Introducing a Pirate Dress Code at a Restaurant

A listener working as a hostess at a pirate-themed restaurant seeks advice on incorporating pirate attire into their uniform:

• Listener's Question [30:37]: "How can I introduce the idea of my boss possibly letting me dress like a pirate, too?"

The brothers brainstorm inventive yet comedic strategies to blend Pirate aesthetics with restaurant professionalism:

• Griffin McElroy [31:10]: "You gotta have the burger orb, the spicy cheese fries, the giant sundae and the huge pink lemonade and the adventure."

• Travis McElroy [34:03]: "You could slowly introduce, like, over time, pirate accessories to your look."

They humorously explore the feasibility of integrating elements like cutlasses and crowns into a restaurant setting, balancing the fantasy with practicality:

• Justin McElroy [35:08]: "Cutlass before flintlock, but then you're done after cutlass."

The segment showcases their ability to merge creative ideas with everyday challenges, providing entertaining yet imaginative solutions.

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5. Promotional Segments (Skipped)

In alignment with the request to exclude advertisements, promotional content related to Squarespace, Fast Growing Trees, and other sponsors has been omitted from this summary. The focus remains solely on the content-driven discussions and advice segments.

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6. Closing Remarks and Upcoming Events

The episode concludes with the brothers sharing upcoming tour dates, merchandise updates, and encouraging listeners to engage with their various platforms. They maintain their signature humor, ensuring listeners leave with a smile.

• Griffin McElroy [50:29]: "This has been My Brother, My Brother & Me. Kiss you on the Lips."

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Notable Quotes:

• Justin McElroy [02:02]: "I had the icons put in so they can pop out whenever I see a beautiful lady. And it says 'Aruga.'"

• Travis McElroy [13:14]: "Maybe go and trim leaves lower down."

• Griffin McElroy [31:44]: "We're gonna be talking about stretching the perimeter of the pirate immersion another 20, 30ft."

• Justin McElroy [17:00]: "If there's too much left, you should give the delivery driver some."

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Conclusion

Episode MBMBaM 764: "Sneak a Pi in that Mobo" exemplifies the McElroy brothers' unique blend of humor, creativity, and sibling camaraderie. From inventive tech discussions to their signature comedic advice, the episode offers listeners both laughs and unconventional perspectives on everyday issues. Whether you're a longtime fan or a newcomer, this episode delivers the engaging and entertaining content that "My Brother, My Brother & Me" is renowned for.

Transcript

[Justin McElroy]

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if.

[Griffin McElroy]

There'S a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.

[Justin McElroy]

Also, this show isn't for kids, which.

[Travis McElroy]

I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening.

[Griffin McElroy]

What's up, you cool baby?

[Travis McElroy]

1, 2, 3. It's the start of something beautiful A.

[Justin McElroy]

Small acquaintance has blossomed it's ripened into.

[Griffin McElroy]

A precious friends.

[Travis McElroy]

I could have never seen what was coming for me Hangs at the skate park Hangs by the beach My life, it feels live it's better it's better with you My life, it's better it's better with you this.

[Justin McElroy]

Is who you are.

[Travis McElroy]

It'S better, it's better with two.

[Justin McElroy]

It'S better with you hello everybody. Welcome to My Brother and My Brother Me and Advice show for the modern Era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

What's up Trav Nation? It's me, your middlest brother, Travis. Vroom vroom, McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

Start your engines, baby. It's me. Griffin McElroy built Ford. Tough. Start your engines, Time to race.

[Justin McElroy]

Hey, speaking of car stuff, okay, beauty blog it. That's what's inside of a garage door opener.

[Griffin McElroy]

Justin's been so cool lately. Travis, are you getting these Mr. Robot vibes from this dude?

[Justin McElroy]

Cause you know what?

[Travis McElroy]

Justin's been biohacking.

[Justin McElroy]

Justin's been biohacking.

[Griffin McElroy]

He put a garage door opener under some subcutaneous folds.

[Justin McElroy]

I had this chip. I had this installed. Actually, this is an implant.

[Griffin McElroy]

And that's fucking cool.

[Travis McElroy]

And open and close your garage.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, no, it open, closes in my mouth. Stop it.

[Travis McElroy]

You didn't need that.

[Griffin McElroy]

Tell me about some of your other sort of like remote control bio mods that you've got going on.

[Justin McElroy]

Well, my remote control bio mods, well, I had the icons put in so they can pop out whenever I see a beautiful lady. And it says Aruga.

[Travis McElroy]

Nice.

[Justin McElroy]

And I had the trumpet mouth put in.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

How much did that cost you?

[Justin McElroy]

What?

[Travis McElroy]

How much did it cost?

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, he did it himself, that's what.

[Justin McElroy]

I'll tell you the truth, Travis. $300 a dame. Every time a dame strolls by, per game. Because it's a CO2 cartridge.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, you gotta load it.

[Justin McElroy]

It's like airbags.

[Griffin McElroy]

It launches distance from.

[Travis McElroy]

Do you need to get your eyes reset back in every time?

[Justin McElroy]

Well, do you remember Dad's friend Lee that used to work at Pearle Vision at the Charleston Town Center? He did he just puts him back in for me like a mob doctor? He did just go to his house, and he just scoots him back in for $38. And I have to help him reprogram his security.

[Griffin McElroy]

He did my. He does my procedures where it makes my mouth, my jaw fall all the way down to the floor, and my tongue unrolls like a rug anytime I see a babe.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

And he, like, focuses, I guess, only on, like, sort of babe slotting.

[Travis McElroy]

If someone offers me a bunch of money, my eyes roll around like a slot machine, and then comes up, dollar sign, dollar sign. He'll reset that back to where I can see again.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's cool.

[Travis McElroy]

But that wasn't a bio mod. That was a tattoo of a dollar sign I got on the back of my eyeballs. And then I trained really hard to get the.

[Griffin McElroy]

Just to be able to spin around when you see money didn't train.

[Justin McElroy]

This fiend is more. This ink fiend has had so many jobs done. He's more tuned than man. And then it's like, just like you've gotten so many things. You've got the big, flat hand, like somebody just drove over with a steamroller.

[Griffin McElroy]

Do you remember, Trav, when we had to stage that intervention because of how big an ink fiend Justin had become and was becoming more tuned than man?

[Travis McElroy]

And it was problematic because during the intervention, he walked over to the sandwich table, and he stacked them all up into one big sandwich and then opened his jaw all the way, and they ate the sandwich in one bite. While we were reading the letters about how his toon man behaved, stuck out.

[Griffin McElroy]

And made the shape of a sandwich. I remember that, and I think that's probably. And he started crying then. I think that's when he realized he had taken things too far.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

There's a code.

[Travis McElroy]

And he left the toothpick in.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

If you look at a resistor, there's colored bands around it that tell you what kind of resistor it is. And if you understand the code, you can know what kind of resistor you're looking at.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm resisting this right now, Justin.

[Justin McElroy]

What?

[Travis McElroy]

I'm resisting this right now.

[Griffin McElroy]

You should open up to it, because I think it's cool that Justin's learning about the secrets of how the world works.

[Travis McElroy]

Where are we out on this? Because you were just saying intervention, and now you're like, I actually like this, and it's cool. Where were you at?

[Justin McElroy]

I feel like sometimes Griffin just says whatever he thinks is funny.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's true. But I left the cartoon analogy behind I love having Techno Justin. Like I love.

[Travis McElroy]

I mean, yeah, we all love Techno Justin.

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, no, it doesn't sound like it. You just said you're resisting Techno Justin. I'm fully embracing him. And I'm saying hack it, mod it, buy it, fix it, chop it, screw it.

[Travis McElroy]

Now, just like Griffin only says things when they're funny, I say things to make people like me. And I thought Griffin was gonna agree with me and then he didn't. So I'll tell my real truth.

[Griffin McElroy]

That must have been really, really, really bad. Really hard. That must have been really tough. And I'm proud of you for getting through it.

[Travis McElroy]

It was. Thank you so much.

[Justin McElroy]

I only speak the truth. That's my thing as a brother. And I'll tell you, I'm in hour seven of Lake Washington Technical College's Elec 102 course presented by Professor Joe. And I am learning so much. Travis. And I will say also Sydney is learning so much.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh wow.

[Justin McElroy]

And she's loving that because I have so many opportunities in our day to day life to relate to her things that I like. She'll say, will you hand me a battery? And I'll say, oh, you know what? Actually that double A is not a battery, it's actually a cell, which would be a battery, would be a group. And then she leaves.

[Griffin McElroy]

She's gone.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, probably house or wherever.

[Travis McElroy]

You know, I think maybe Dr. Sidney McElroy is afraid of having any practical knowledge.

[Justin McElroy]

That's the problem. That's the problem. It's all flights of flibberty gibberts with her. Yeah, she's just not the grounded sort like me.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm just glad that here 764 episodes in, we finally laid out the rules of the riddle where Griffin's the brother who always says something funny. I'm the brother who always says something to people, make people like them. And Justin always speaks the truth. Now you get to ask us one question to see if you can move on through the dungeon.

[Griffin McElroy]

One of us has the gems.

[Justin McElroy]

One of us is immaculate in his word. And it's me.

[Travis McElroy]

And I'll give you a gem if you want. Do you want a gem? Would that make you happy?

[Griffin McElroy]

He says that. But can you even. I don't even know, man.

[Justin McElroy]

They want you to not know how to fix your own electronics. This is they. They want you to not know how to fix it. But if you get in there in the guts, unplug it, you know?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, sure.

[Travis McElroy]

Wait, I'm writing this down.

[Justin McElroy]

Hold on Unplug it. Write that down your ass. Then find new brother who's more tolerant of your hijinks.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

And then get in there and get in the guts and fix it yourself.

[Griffin McElroy]

Have you had a. Have you had a shaking humility moment yet? Because I got into modifying game consoles. Old game consoles. Mostly as a flibberty jibbit during COVID A Covid flippity jibbet. And then one time, my lamp on my bedside table started to flicker. And Rachel was like, that's been doing that a lot lately. I don't know what's going on. We might need to replace it. And I was like, I'll just fix it. And then she was like, that probably won't happen. I was like, don't worry about it. And then I took the wire out of it, and I was like, oh, I don't know. This isn't a game boy. Fuck. Where's the motherboard? It's a lamp. Fuck. Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

That happened to me. Cause I took to fix it. I took a lot of blacksmithing classes during COVID And then I was out on the street walking with my wife with a parasol when a horse threw a shoe.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

And then they were like, oh, we need a new one of these. And I'm like, oh, you got it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

And then I didn't have any of the tools or knowledge calipers.

[Justin McElroy]

They don't want you to reshod your own horse. They don't want that.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. What is the same they as the technology people is the horse people or.

[Justin McElroy]

I mean, eventually. Yeah, that is. It was a technology at some point.

[Travis McElroy]

You understand, Justin, when you say horses.

[Justin McElroy]

Pulling, something blew someone's mind is the they.

[Travis McElroy]

You're talking about, like, the developers of, like, civ games and the technology tree that they make that you have to, like, research each one and spend time doing.

[Justin McElroy]

Travis here, you know you, right? You know your family and friends.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay. Okay. Now, you know everybody else that you see walking around, right? Yeah, that's us. Okay. And then they.

[Griffin McElroy]

Anyone you've never seen or met before is your.

[Justin McElroy]

That is evil. And pulling the strings. They Capitalism.

[Griffin McElroy]

Capitalism.

[Travis McElroy]

Capitalism.

[Justin McElroy]

Capitalism doesn't want you to fix your own stuff. Doesn't want you to throw it in the landfill.

[Griffin McElroy]

Phil, look at those.

[Justin McElroy]

Do you know how. Listen, I'm down to five pieces of this garage door opener that I have. I'm closer than ever.

[Griffin McElroy]

Fuck yeah, man. One of these days, you're gonna take apart.

[Justin McElroy]

I lost one of them. I probably didn't need that One, but, you know.

[Travis McElroy]

No, that's crap.

[Griffin McElroy]

You're gonna take apart a gadget one of these days. Inside, you're gonna find the secret you need to destroy the government.

[Justin McElroy]

They leave all these parts like buttons. Like this case. I don't want any. I want this. You know what I mean? I just want chip. I want.

[Travis McElroy]

You want that fragile, vulnerable chip.

[Griffin McElroy]

To me, that's cyber. That garage door opener is way too big. It needs to just be the cyber. And a single little input. That's all we need. I don't need a case for my PC. All the parts just sit on the floor.

[Justin McElroy]

Look at all this wasted PCB right here. Carve all this off. I'm gonna get in there, drill it down.

[Griffin McElroy]

Good. Second mobo right there, Paul.

[Travis McElroy]

This is great, Justin.

[Justin McElroy]

I could get a pie there.

[Griffin McElroy]

Get a 24 peek a pie in that mobo.

[Travis McElroy]

You've really. You've seized the means of opening and closing your garage door, and I respect that immensely.

[Griffin McElroy]

Don't try to hide a mobo from Justin. He will get it.

[Travis McElroy]

He will find that mobo.

[Griffin McElroy]

He will.

[Travis McElroy]

That's my one. Get one free. No, listen.

[Justin McElroy]

When the robots come for us, if you need a human who hasn't lost the knowledge of how to get a keyboard, a calendar, from a small computer onto a large TV display, I will be right there ready to hack that in, no problem.

[Travis McElroy]

Or if your dad just needs help setting it up. Yeah, ask Justin.

[Griffin McElroy]

Are you gonna rebuild the remote, the garage door opener, or what's the plan here?

[Justin McElroy]

You saw it, right? I have absolutely no, no plan.

[Griffin McElroy]

So you're like Jason Bourne taking apart his M16 rifle or whatever, and he sets it on the bed. And then his handler's like, good, now rebuild it. And he's like, I don't. Are you kidding me?

[Travis McElroy]

I didn't keep track of how I.

[Griffin McElroy]

Dropped one of the fucking things on the floor. Like, that's gone. I really broke this.

[Travis McElroy]

Good. Do you have one that's already together that I can look at? So I get kind of an idea of where what goes or y. So maybe schematics.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hey, how about we do some advice? That's a lot of tech you got jangling around in there, Paul.

[Justin McElroy]

I moved it all out of reach, or else I'm gonna be fiddling with it. Yeah, the solution will come to me at some point and I'll just.

[Griffin McElroy]

I got into lock picking during COVID I bought a little lock pick practice lock. And there were a lot of times where I was working and also picking locks just out of the camera's eyesight.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm doing it right now.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, cool.

[Travis McElroy]

You'll never know. Am I?

[Justin McElroy]

Hey, Griffin. Where'd you go with that?

[Griffin McElroy]

I mean, the same place I went with hard candy making and retro game console modifying, which is that I had a second child and stopped fucking all of it. All of it's gone. All of it's done.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. This is an advice show. So we're going to take your questions and turn the Malcolm you like into wisdom. This is the first one. The train I take to work every morning passes the local zoo, specifically the giraffe enclosure. All spring, my absolute favorite part of my long commute has been getting a glimpse at these amazing long neck fellas. However, as the foliage has grown, I believe they added new trees. My view of the giraffes is fully obscured, and I've been robbed of my daily moment of joy. How do I get the zoo to trim its trees? Or perhaps to cut out a little window for train passengers to see the animals through? But for a second. That's from Must See Mammals on the mass.

[Griffin McElroy]

Your complaint is that they're not giving away their product for free and just bleeding money.

[Justin McElroy]

You're sampling it every day, having free giraffe looks. That's all they have.

[Griffin McElroy]

Literally the only product they have on offer is giraffe looks. They've got stuffies, corn dogs, and they have, look at it, giraffe.

[Justin McElroy]

That's annoyingly large lollipops that your kids will have finished and leave stuck somewhere.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Giraffe is also like one of the five or six animals at the zoo. That's like. You came to see this one, right? Yeah, yeah. Here's a whole. We built a whole house full of bugs and snakes or whatever. And you're like, cool. I'll tell you what the problem is.

[Griffin McElroy]

What?

[Travis McElroy]

Giraffe is supposed to be eating the leaves on the trees.

[Justin McElroy]

Yes, yes.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Why aren't they doing. Maybe you need to.

[Justin McElroy]

And I know you look at them.

[Travis McElroy]

This is going to be hard, but you're going to have to buy a ticket to the zoo and you're. I know, I know. Listen, I know. But then you're gonna have to go maybe coach these giraffes on, like, maybe. Oh, look. Oh, look at those leaves over there. Look how good they look. Cause if they were seeing the giraffes, the giraffes can reach it. Giraffes eat the leaves on the top of the trees. That's why they stretch their necks out so hard and so Long, Right. And so why aren't they eating that? Maybe go and trim leaves lower down.

[Griffin McElroy]

I.

[Travis McElroy]

If I.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, let's flip a perspective. You're a giraffe. You go to the zoo meeting and you say, hey, I have to see train every day.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

And I'm trying to pretend that I live in the jungle, okay. Or the savannah or what have you. I would like to.

[Griffin McElroy]

Wherever they're at, you know, my general, it's one of the trees ones, probably.

[Travis McElroy]

And I don't think it's just one place, so maybe, I don't know, we can walk, so who knows where.

[Griffin McElroy]

You see, I was in a zoo.

[Justin McElroy]

I never got a chance to know these things.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm voiced by David Schwimmer. Call him down.

[Justin McElroy]

My accent's a little off from the other giraffes. All right, Sorry. I was raised in captivity.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think you do. There is a. You're gonna need to get started on an elaborate heist. But it's like instead of stealing something, you're gonna be doing a little bit of pruning. You're gonna need to roll up to this place with a little. Some big clippers or chainsaw, depending on the thickness of these trees. Actually, if someone spots you climbing into the giraffe exhibit with a chainsaw, they're.

[Travis McElroy]

Gonna assume there's some assumptions might be made.

[Griffin McElroy]

They're gonna assume God didn't want them.

[Travis McElroy]

To be this tall.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, man, that horse was built wrong.

[Travis McElroy]

Come on down here, big fella. You think it's so tough?

[Griffin McElroy]

The good news with tree heist, Operation Tree heist is if you do get caught, you have an amazing exit strategy of you slide down the giraffe's neck, of course, Like a Fred Flintstone that.

[Justin McElroy]

Is right at us.

[Griffin McElroy]

We've all thought it. What a wonderful, wonderful angle they provide. I could really zoom down one of those hairy necks.

[Travis McElroy]

It must be hard for a giraffe to, I assume, want to be ridden like a horse. They're jealous, but no one can reach it. It's not like, ergonomically designed to mount. You know what I mean? And the giraffe would love it if somebody just hopped on and rode it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Here's my theory of evolution. Giraffes evolved from horses. And they were just the horses that whenever humans would be like, time to ride, they'd be like, I really not feeling it. Let me just scoot up.

[Travis McElroy]

Tiptoes, tiptoes.

[Griffin McElroy]

They stretch up. Now you can't get up there.

[Travis McElroy]

And it just makes sense.

[Justin McElroy]

It just makes sense. I'm a delivery driver. Most of my stops are businesses. It's not uncommon for there to be a pizza party happening at said business. When I arrive, sometimes they offer me a slice, which is always appreciated. However, sometimes I don't, which I find quite rude, if I'm being honest. Brothers, how do I get in on that hot zot. These parties have not offered. Do I ask them? What if they say no? Do I just grab a slice when no one's looking? Please help me. I'm so hungry for pizza. That's from Pizza Party Pirate in Rochester. Hmm.

[Travis McElroy]

Hmm. Is this pizza for everybody or just the ones who close the account or.

[Griffin McElroy]

Or employees or PMV or strangers?

[Travis McElroy]

Just Dave over there. Where are we at on the pizza availability?

[Justin McElroy]

Pizza is one of those loaves and fishes type things where you wouldn't. It wouldn't ever occur to you, I think, to eat some beef medallions, you.

[Travis McElroy]

Know what I mean?

[Justin McElroy]

Like, if there was some leftover beef medallions and asparagus tips, you wouldn't think I'm gonna fix me a plate. But there is something about pizza where it does feel communal almost as soon as it's prepared.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sure.

[Travis McElroy]

And frankly, no one ever calculates perfectly the amount of pizza that's needed per person anyways. So either it was already gonna run out before everybody got their fail, or there was gonna be too much left. Right. If there's too much left, you should give the delivery driver some. And if it was gonna run out too early anyways, give it to the delivery driver.

[Griffin McElroy]

Statistically insignificant. A single slice of pizza. Slide it on down. I would be bummed if my pizza arrived and there was a piece already eaten if the request was made. Hey, let me get down on this. Absolutely. For sure it's one slice. Who cares, man?

[Justin McElroy]

No problem.

[Griffin McElroy]

No problem. It's a single slice.

[Travis McElroy]

Unless the delivery driver is, like, the second person to the pizza party. Right. Like, everybody's there. If anybody's so late that they didn't get a piece of pizza, sometimes we have to be reminded that there are consequences to our decision.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes.

[Travis McElroy]

And if I come in and I'm like, 20 minutes late to the pizza party. And I'm like, you guys didn't save me a slice. And I look over and the delivery driver is eating one, and I'm like, what the hell? And they're like, you were 20 minutes late to the pizza party.

[Justin McElroy]

That's tough, though, because you don't want to be the person who's like, go on, man, get in there. And then everybody else Comes down, it's like, I'm so sorry. I thought you got in there already. I'm so sorry.

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, no, I'm not sorry. Don't be late next time. If you are a delivery driver, they.

[Justin McElroy]

Had a project they were trying to get done and the boss was telling them if they didn't get it done, they were out of here.

[Griffin McElroy]

No excuses. No excuses.

[Justin McElroy]

They need this job.

[Griffin McElroy]

If you are. If you're a delivery driver and you roll up to a function where you're going to be catering and the vibe is off, you are endowed certain rights in that scenario. And some of it is the pizza that you are delivering.

[Justin McElroy]

Are we supposing that we are agreed in this that the person asking the question is not delivering the pizza equipment?

[Travis McElroy]

Yes. Correct.

[Justin McElroy]

Right.

[Griffin McElroy]

I assumed that's exactly what we're talking about.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, I thought you two were trying.

[Justin McElroy]

To get cross purposes. I wanted to clarify this.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, so let me get this straight, Travis. In your imagination, this delivery driver is stopping by to drop off unrelated lunch items to a place that has already had pizza delivered to?

[Travis McElroy]

Well, yes, Griffin. Here's why. I think that. Because it's what it goddamn says in the question.

[Justin McElroy]

Let's see what the tech supports. Go on, Travis.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm a delivery driver. Most of my stops are businesses. It's not uncommon for there to be a pizza party happening at said business when I arrive.

[Griffin McElroy]

But that's.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, let's speak now.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, but that's.

[Justin McElroy]

We're arguing.

[Griffin McElroy]

So we're arguing fucking semantics now?

[Travis McElroy]

We're not.

[Griffin McElroy]

They're having a pizza party and the party shows.

[Justin McElroy]

Arguing semantics. Please go on.

[Griffin McElroy]

The party is going. The party is popping. One little. The catalyst for setting off this party. Powder Keg hasn't showed up yet. That's you with the za.

[Travis McElroy]

The pizza party's already happening.

[Griffin McElroy]

Why are you delivering food to a place of.

[Justin McElroy]

Griffin, Reality. Griffin, you're enormously wrong and I do want you to keep digging. So what you're saying is that sometimes it's a pizza party and sometimes it's just a pizza? In the context of this question, no.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sometimes it's just the.

[Justin McElroy]

You.

[Griffin McElroy]

If I have people over to have a pizza party.

[Travis McElroy]

Uh huh.

[Griffin McElroy]

Come on over to my place tonight, gang. We're watching. Come on over. We're watching. Andor have a couple slices. It's gonna be a thing.

[Justin McElroy]

They fucking eat. Andor they stop selling. They heard pizza party, they're coming over.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's gonna be time. We're gonna have a time.

[Travis McElroy]

Now what's the other option?

[Griffin McElroy]

Let me please finish the first option. Yes, please. There is no second option. There is merely this hypothetical situation that's gonna take your guys shit apart. We're having a pizza party tonight, gang. Come on over. We're gonna watch all of Andor and we're gonna have a couple slices. My six best friends show up, we're at the house and we're having the time of our lives. But what the pizza's running a little bit late. What are we having right now? What is the moment that we're in right now? What is this event that we're. What was on the Facebook invite right now? What are we in?

[Travis McElroy]

The pizza party. The pizza party? Uh huh.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

The pizza's not there yet, but that's.

[Travis McElroy]

Changed the central thesis.

[Griffin McElroy]

That doesn't change the central thesis of what the gathering's all about.

[Travis McElroy]

But the question says it's not uncommon for there to be a pizza party happening. So what you're saying the question asker doesn't say, I'm delivering pizzas to a pizza party. So that means that there is other uncommon events or maybe the more common event of I'm bringing what, eight pizzas in and a pizza party's not happening. Dave's just real fucking peckish that day.

[Griffin McElroy]

The fact that you.

[Justin McElroy]

I think the essential question that Griffin has to answer is this. And this is where I actually don't. I actually don't have an answer.

[Travis McElroy]

Could you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, juice, you've chosen your side in this. In this division? Oh, no, no.

[Travis McElroy]

In your division.

[Justin McElroy]

No, no, no. Not to my hypothetical. I don't have an answer. Could you have a pizza party where the pizza does not arrive and it is still a pizza party?

[Griffin McElroy]

No. If the pizza doesn't arrive, it's not a. It's. It's a failed pizza party. It's a gathering. If, But.

[Justin McElroy]

So I would argue you're not having a pizza party until the pizza arrives. Well, because you cannot both be having a pizza party and then in hindsight.

[Travis McElroy]

Not have had a pizza party.

[Griffin McElroy]

You were classifying it in hindsight as not a pizza party because the pizza never arrived. If the pizza arrives 30 minutes late, you're gonna look back at that whole event, at all the memories that you formed Orient, and you're gonna say that whole thing was a fucking pizza party. Do you understand what I'm saying?

[Justin McElroy]

There's no way that I as a. Okay, but there's no way that I as a delivery driver of pizzas, in thinking, obviously I have a bias that the pizza party don't start till I walk in?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes. Right, yeah. So wouldn't that embolden you to get a sweet slice?

[Justin McElroy]

No, but I wouldn't state it in the question that a pizza party is going on when I arrive. Because from my point of view, the pizza party cannot begin until I have arrived. So I wouldn't say a pizza party happening at said business when I arrive. Because I'm the pizza delivery driver. Unless I'm not. I'm a different delivery driver.

[Griffin McElroy]

Please. I know people are getting a hell.

[Justin McElroy]

Of a lot more sense.

[Griffin McElroy]

People are getting frustrated. This is so important. This is what we're doing here is always important.

[Travis McElroy]

Obviously the most science.

[Griffin McElroy]

But if we don't know the answer to this, I do not know how to guide this person. I simply don't. And I do. I may be in the wrong here. I've been outvoted. I'm happy to concede the position. But I'm saying a little bit of clarity of language, maybe we get a follow up email. I would love for this to be resolved peaceably.

[Travis McElroy]

And I think a little bit of.

[Justin McElroy]

Grace on my part.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think a little bit of grace, everyone. I mean, don't get me wrong, there's two of you and one of me. So if I'm right, it's gonna be double good. It's gonna feel double fucking good.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay?

[Griffin McElroy]

But I will still be like, pretty chill about it.

[Travis McElroy]

And listen. Question, answer, ask for a slice of the pizza. The weird pizza that they ordered for like one person who had a bunch of special requests and no one else is gonna eat it and they're gonna end up throwing most of it away anyways. They can spare a slice of that one.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, I can't. Do you know what drives my new thing is when I have a large group of people that I'm trying to buy pizza for. This has happened quite a lot recently. And everyone is saying they like all kinds of pizza. You're not helping me. I want to give you the pizza of your dreams. Please, a little guidance.

[Travis McElroy]

My joy, when we're on tour and we get pizza and Rachel's there, and Rachel is like all veggies. And it feels like a mini game that I'm winning where I can just add every veggie on the menu. And the pizza place is gonna be so impressed. But it's like nobody ever orders these. This is great. And I'm just like, yeah, throw Alfalf sprouts on there. Carrot coins. Yeah, go for it. She loves these things. Carrot coins. And it feels like I'm Winning a game.

[Justin McElroy]

Hey, guys, if I could be so bold, why don't we head on over to the Money Zone?

[Travis McElroy]

I respect that.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, please.

[Justin McElroy]

It'S better. You know, Trav, a great way to get started with your project that you were telling me about would be a website.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, yeah, I know.

[Justin McElroy]

I. I know what you were telling me that you thought that there was no way you could ever figure it out.

[Travis McElroy]

And I told you, figure out my project.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, which one was I telling you about, Justin? Because I have so many project ideas bouncing around all the time.

[Justin McElroy]

The candle one. And you were saying that. The candle one, and you were saying you could never build a candle website. And I said, maybe, Trav, you should believe in yourself. I meant. To be clear, what I meant by that, believe in yourself was you should use Squarespace.

[Travis McElroy]

Now, do you remember specifically which candle project I was telling you about? Because I have so many candle ideas.

[Griffin McElroy]

I do remember. It was Travis McRoy's Eaton candles and the multipurpose candles. You can.

[Justin McElroy]

They were the fully edible, non digestible candle that the whole family will love to smell.

[Travis McElroy]

And they don't taste good.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, no. And you had the tagline cooked up, which would look great as a header on a Squarespace website that was like, smell em or eat em, I don't give a shit.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, here's the best part. I'm gonna put non toxic on em, but it's spelled like the bread, like non. Yeah, right, cool. And like the words there will be hyphenated or anything like that. And then when people are like, yeah, I ate this can. I got really sick. I'm like, it says toxic.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, right.

[Justin McElroy]

I was about to say that Squarespace would prefer you not do immoral things with your website. But you know what? Squarespace is probably not in the business of judging morality. I don't think Squarespace wants to be a referee for all the world's problems. You know, I think they just want to get some world class designers, have them make some of the best templates in the world and let you put your photos and the stuff you want to sell and your videos and your text and all that stuff into the templates and give yourself a real professional looking website.

[Travis McElroy]

Edible candles. There's a question mark on it too, which helps.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Head to squarespace.commybrother for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code mybrother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey, Griffin, I've been wondering, did you know that Fast Growing Trees is the biggest online nursery in the US with thousands of different plants and over 2 million happy customers.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, dude.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, cool. Did you know that I'm one of those happy customers?

[Griffin McElroy]

I didn't.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh. I felt like you should keep track of the things happening in my life.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

I got a redbud tree for them, which I planted in my front yard, which is thriving. And I got myself a little Meyer lemon tree that I'm growing in my office. It's a real beaut. The children are thrilled to have lemons in like two or three years. I don't know how long it takes to make lemons, but I'm gonna make lemonade because Fast Growing Trees sold me a lemon tree and I'm very happy with it. And they have like, plant, you know, different kinds of plants. Not just trees, but stuff you can, you know, plant in your yard, plant inside your home.

[Justin McElroy]

Privacy trees. They won't sell you a lemon unless you ask them to.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's cool. That's almost as good as. That's almost as good as smell em or eat them. I don't give a shit.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Thank you.

[Travis McElroy]

Fair.

[Justin McElroy]

Thanks.

[Travis McElroy]

And you can get support from plant experts who are on call to help you with everything you're trying to figure out with the plant. I highly recommend.

[Justin McElroy]

Yes, they really do it. They really do it.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, I highly recommend. I'm not just a spokesman, I'm also a client. And you can be too. This spring, they have the best deals for your yard, up to half off on select plants and other deals. And listeners to our show get 15% off their first purchase when using the code mybrother at checkout. All one word. Now. The perfect time to plant. Use my brother to save. Today. Offer a salad for a limited time. Terms and conditions may apply.

[Justin McElroy]

Hey, Sydney, you're a physician and the co host of a marital tour of Misguided Medicine, right?

[Travis McElroy]

That's true.

[Justin McElroy]

Justin, is it true that our medical history podcast is just as good as a visit to your primary care physician?

[Griffin McElroy]

No, Justin, that is absolutely not true. However, our podcast is funny and interesting and a great way to learn about the medical misdeeds of the past as well as some current, not so legit healthcare fading.

[Justin McElroy]

So you're saying that by listening to our podcast, people will feel better? Sure. And isn't that the same reason that you go to the doctor?

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, you could say that.

[Justin McElroy]

And our podcast is free?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes, it is free.

[Justin McElroy]

You heard it here first, folks. Sawbones Merrell tour of misguided medicine right here. On maximum fun. Just as good as going to the doctor.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, no, no. Still not just as good as going to the doctor, but. But pretty good.

[Justin McElroy]

It's up there.

[Travis McElroy]

The Flophouse is a podcast where we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Robert Shaw in Jaws, and they're trying to figure out how to get rid of the ghoulies, and he scratches his nails and goes, I'll get your ghoulie. He's standing above the toilet with a harpoon.

[Travis McElroy]

No, I was just looking forward to.

[Griffin McElroy]

You going through the other ways in.

[Travis McElroy]

Which Wild, Wild west is historically inaccurate.

[Griffin McElroy]

You know how much movies cost nowadays.

[Justin McElroy]

When you add in your popped corn.

[Travis McElroy]

And your bagel bites and your cheese.

[Griffin McElroy]

Fritters, you can't go wrong with a Henry Cavill mustache. Here at Henry Cavill Mustaches, the only supplier.

[Justin McElroy]

The flop House. New episodes every Saturday.

[Griffin McElroy]

Find [e-mail].

[Justin McElroy]

I work as a hostess at a historic pirate restaurant in Savannah, Georgia. At the restaurant, we have pirates on duty who explain our history to guests and give tours of the building. Real pirates used to come here in the 1700s. It's actually pretty cool.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, you don't have to convince us.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, I'm on board.

[Justin McElroy]

These tour guides obviously get to dress like pirates, while I, as a host, wear a simple black shirt and black dress pants. My question is, how can I introduce the idea of my boss to my boss possibly letting me dress like a pirate, too? Maybe not every day, but sometimes at least. I love Renaissance fairs and would very much appreciate being able to carry some of that whimsy to the monotony of regular life.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hmm.

[Travis McElroy]

That's from pirate envy in Savannah, Georgia.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think that this is a question of where does the pirate experience begin? Cause it sounds like it begins beyond the conception stand. Oh, so the pirate experience begins at conception for the pirate. I get the pirate's experience.

[Justin McElroy]

Pirates are born, not made. Travis, is that your.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, when two pirates love each other very much.

[Justin McElroy]

Recessive pirate genius.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah. The instant that they climax, that's when the pirates. That is the exact moment that God has endowed that pirate with their soul.

[Travis McElroy]

When they yell, Varshi blows.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, man. Yeah. With their great harpoon. I don't want to do this anymore.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't blame you.

[Travis McElroy]

Just.

[Griffin McElroy]

We're talking about stretching the perimeter of the pirate immersion another 20, 30ft. Just put some fucking barrels outside of the door and like a sail and have some shanties playing in the parking lot. And then by the time they roll up, they're already in pirate mode. It's not weird that there's a pirate working at the host stand.

[Justin McElroy]

I think that it is weird because I want the romance of piracy. I want the illusion, you know, I don't want to see pirates rolling silverware. I don't want to see pirates helping people to their table or writing down my name. I don't want a pirate to do any of that. I want that to be regular people. I need a pirate to just be a dramatic figure, waltzing in, taking orders, you know.

[Travis McElroy]

Wait, sorry. Pirates taking your dinner order, though?

[Justin McElroy]

Yes. That's like. Cause I'm on their boat. I think in the fiction.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's so wild, man. It's so wild to me that you're saying I can't have a pirate show me to my table. But I will ask a pirate for the wine list.

[Justin McElroy]

It actually can. I say Griffin is right. This person should say the waiters can't be pirates.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't think the waiters should be pirates. What is up with you guys at reading comprehension today? There's pirates on duty that give tours, and there was no mention of waiters or servers or nothing.

[Griffin McElroy]

This is a good point. This is a good point, Travis. When you go to the fucking Epcot Garden Grill, it's not like there's 60 chips and Dales, like, the roast beef is really good.

[Travis McElroy]

Pardon me.

[Justin McElroy]

Excuse me. For a living that I assume in this economy, restaurants can't just have idle pirates walking around.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, you're gonna put them to work. Wait, they're also the bathroom attendants. They're the tour guide and the bathroom attendant.

[Griffin McElroy]

This restaurant has so much excess headcount. I don't do anything with the fucking. You work at a restaurant? Wow. You should make me dinner sometime. No, you don't understand. I'm a historical pirate cosplayer role player.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm kind of like the guy that dances in the Mighty Money Ballstones. So it's like.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, I think this has gotta be an. Everyone dresses like a pirate or no one dresses like a pirate.

[Travis McElroy]

You could slowly introduce, like, over time, pirate accessories to your look and pirate things and just like, slowly add them on until you just do dress like a pirate. And it's like, yeah, you know, if you had asked me straight up, I would have said no. That'd be weird. But now that I've seen you with, like, the bird and the cutlass and the eyepatch and the banter, I will.

[Justin McElroy]

Say this cutlass should be last. That's the hardest.

[Travis McElroy]

Not furthest. God, no. Not first.

[Griffin McElroy]

Cutlass before flintlock, but then you're done after cutlass.

[Justin McElroy]

Flintlock Parrot is actually pretty late. Honestly, that is a health code issue.

[Travis McElroy]

I think you start with boots that kind of fold over on top and maybe are a little floppy. If I walk, that might be style. Your boss doesn't know.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes, I think that's a good. Maybe don't do weapons. Cause if I walked into a restaurant and the host had a gun, no matter how antiquated it may be, I'm still not gonna feel, like, especially comfortable.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, I do like that thing in movies and TV shows sometimes where, like, a bartender will have a weapon, like, up over the bar, like a baseball bat or whatever, to let me know that if stuff goes down, they've got a baseball bat. You could do something like that. A cutlass on the wall behind your host.

[Griffin McElroy]

But we're talking decord. Oh, okay. So cutlass just on the hose stand at all times. Just so people know.

[Justin McElroy]

That's better than in some movies. When the bartender, like, pulls out a shotgun they had underneath the bar. I always think like, God, that's stressful.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Can you imagine? That's your day to day, and you.

[Travis McElroy]

Keep a lot of under other stuff under there. I'm reaching in there to get the cherries for a drink, and my hand brushes the shotgun. I'm going to panic every time.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Like, if someone's like, can I bring.

[Travis McElroy]

My dog in here?

[Griffin McElroy]

It's like, oh, man, I don't think so. My son. My son. My son Tucker loves those maraschino cherries. Yeah, he can't fucking come back here, man.

[Justin McElroy]

But you have all the little umbrellas and stuff. No, this is a gun area.

[Griffin McElroy]

This is a place for cutlasses.

[Travis McElroy]

No, don't order drinks over here. Scoot four feet to the right to order your drinks. Why can't I order them here? It's not safe. It's just not safe.

[Justin McElroy]

It's just not safe for you.

[Travis McElroy]

I want a Munch Squad. I want to Munch Squad.

[Justin McElroy]

Welcome to Munch Squad. It's a podcast and a podcast profiling the latest and greatest brand eating. And guys, I have such good news for you.

[Griffin McElroy]

What?

[Justin McElroy]

Burger King is going to release a menu celebrating the new how to train your dragon movie.

[Travis McElroy]

Yay.

[Justin McElroy]

Now, Trav, I know that you're you appreciate this franchise.

[Travis McElroy]

Thank you.

[Justin McElroy]

So I wanted to run through the items with you to see how you a fan, feel about the menu that is coming along here, because Griffin and I don't have the familiar with the franchise.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

So calling all dragon trainers. So I'm guessing, is that like, is that a title?

[Travis McElroy]

Well, it's right there. It's right there in the name of the movie.

[Justin McElroy]

So a dragon trainer is just any of the people who train the different dragons there?

[Travis McElroy]

Well, eventually there's a name storyline.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, they got names like Funknuts and like all kinds of wild shit.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Burger King. In co promotion with the new live action how to Train youn Dragon film.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, I'm glad they clarified they weren't just doing it solo. Hey, listen, we haven't reached out to them, but we're huge fans.

[Griffin McElroy]

I love this shit.

[Justin McElroy]

They invite guests to take a trip to the Isle of Burke. That's it. Got cut off.

[Travis McElroy]

No, that's it.

[Justin McElroy]

Isle of what?

[Travis McElroy]

Burke. That's just the name.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, that's.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's what I'm saying, man. Everything in this movie is like Gronk.

[Justin McElroy]

4 Dragon inspired takes on fan favorite.

[Travis McElroy]

Nuts and Gronk over there.

[Griffin McElroy]

Chug. Chug Ball. Like everything in this movie has.

[Travis McElroy]

Wait, so you have seen the movie? Griffin?

[Griffin McElroy]

Just saying. Just come up with some normal names.

[Justin McElroy]

Available. Starting Tuesday, May 27, the new lineup was developed to help BK and how to Train youn Dragon fans alike celebrate the release of the new film Cool. Soars into theaters on Friday, June 13th.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

As the home of the Flame Grilled Whopper, Burger King is no stranger to fire.

[Travis McElroy]

Ah.

[Justin McElroy]

And reimagining America's most iconic burger. That's why BK is inviting guests to take their taste buds on a bold and flavorful journey with the adventure's new menu offerings, including the. Okay, now, Trav, this is where you're gonna have to help me. Cause I don't. The Dragon Flame Grilled Whopper. You know what? I actually have an image. So let me share with you guys. Cause I feel like the. Don't jump ahead of me, please. But.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, okay.

[Justin McElroy]

The Dragon Flame Grilled Whopper. The star of the show features a quarter pound of flame grilled beef.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

Served on a red and orange marbled bun colored with natural spices and vegetables.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, okay.

[Justin McElroy]

Topped with American cheese, crispy bacon, tomatoes, lettuce, onions, pickles, ketchup and mayo.

[Travis McElroy]

Woo.

[Justin McElroy]

What are you compensating, Guys, Come on.

[Griffin McElroy]

That burger is the first hamburger I've ever seen that was perfectly spherical. That beautiful.

[Justin McElroy]

Looks like it was John, by God's compass.

[Griffin McElroy]

It looks like a billiard ball. This beautiful, perfect hamburger.

[Travis McElroy]

Now, Justin, if I may, to understand the question you're asking, this burger is.

[Justin McElroy]

Does it remind you of Any of the characters from the movie or.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, I think that many of them would eat it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, that's low.

[Travis McElroy]

Bartisol.

[Justin McElroy]

You could say that about any movie ever made. Maybe supersize me, I guess.

[Travis McElroy]

There's some red on the bun, which does make me think of, I guess, fire or blood.

[Justin McElroy]

Is there a lot of blood in the franchise or.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, they're Vikings and stuff. I think it's implied. Ah, crap.

[Justin McElroy]

He didn't tell me there's Vikings in it.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, now I'm getting interested. I assume when they say it's a Dragon Flame grilled burger that they use Dragon Flame authentic to make it.

[Justin McElroy]

I would assume so, yeah. There's also fiery dragon mozzarella fries.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, that's a big part of the movie. Mozzarella fries come up a lot in the movie, every other minute when they get an injury. Like I mentioned, they will often use mozzarella fries as like tourniquets or to plug up a wound.

[Griffin McElroy]

They're mushy. The dragon doesn't have teeth. He needs mushy food. It's like a whole thing in the movie.

[Justin McElroy]

In addition to bringing the flame, BK is bringing the heat with fiery dragon mozzarella fries featuring melty mozzarella cheese, peppers and fiery Calabrian chili pepper for the perfect fiery snack, served in a one of a kind Toothless inspired carton.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, that's actually what they do with the mozzarella fries too. They stick them inside the dragon's head for storage. Cause dragons are very porous, which is a big plot point in the movie. So when they need to store their dragonflies, they put them in the dragon's head for later.

[Justin McElroy]

Now, Travis, if you can see on there, the special toothless inspired carton, you can see there, and there's wings on it.

[Travis McElroy]

And I guess.

[Justin McElroy]

And I guess what my question is, does that make you feel something?

[Griffin McElroy]

Do you like that box looks like the dragon?

[Travis McElroy]

Here's what I'll say. I do. It makes me feel something, but mostly that I'm looking at a knockoff picture of Toothless that I might see on, like, a boardwalk T shirt and not like spray paint.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, it doesn't look your real son.

[Travis McElroy]

It doesn't look like Toothless. He looks like. He's saying, if you try to eat these fries, I will bite your hands.

[Justin McElroy]

Is that maybe what live action Toothless looks like?

[Travis McElroy]

I don't believe so.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't. I don't know.

[Travis McElroy]

I haven't. But I haven't seen the movie. He's less rectangular than that. In the movie. And he's not as box shaped.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, he does. He is not shaped like a carton of mozzarella fries. Next up, we got Soaring Strawberry Lemonade. And hey, huge promotion to the person that had to try to sell this one.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Soar to new heights and quench your thirst for adventure with the all new soaring Strawberry Lemonade.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, no, that's actually straight. That's canon. Because when they're flying on the dragon's backs, there's a couple points where they go through pink clouds and then they come out and they're like, I'm soaked in strawberry lemonade. Why are there strawberry lemonade clouds up here? Yeah, so that's a direct reference.

[Griffin McElroy]

And Justin, I would love for you to have to come up with a How to Trade youe Dragon theme tie in for this pink. It had to be dragon fruit. It's pink lemonade. Yeah. Dragon fruit would have been better, but dragon fruit maybe doesn't taste so good in lemonade.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, like they need it to. Yeah, they don't. It's just.

[Griffin McElroy]

You think originally it was regular lemonade and they're like, this is dragon's piss.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, man. Can I tell you, if I. If you have a kid of a certain age and you say you want a big cup of dragon piss, they would love it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Probably, yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Lastly, there's a Vikings chocolate sundae. Finish the adventure with Vikings chocolate sundae.

[Travis McElroy]

Now, I take huge issue with this.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

Cause canonically.

[Justin McElroy]

Can I tell you what it is first?

[Travis McElroy]

Well, all of the Vikings are lactose intolerant.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, well, that's good to know.

[Griffin McElroy]

Lots of the spicy mozzarella fries put these guys on the toilet for hours. Hours.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, that's why it balances out. Cause the spice, they're like, it's worth it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

A lot of the movie is real time shitting. After they eat the mozzarellas, they don't cut away.

[Griffin McElroy]

You hear them Dragons mostly train themselves while you' the John because of the Burger King combo.

[Travis McElroy]

But unless you're about to tell me about a spicy sundae, Justin, I can't imagine they're putting them through what would be hours of bathroom experience.

[Justin McElroy]

Finish the adventure with Vikings chocolate sundae. I don't think I've ever heard that. Finish the adventure. Yeah, yeah. A delicious, sweet treat.

[Travis McElroy]

I've heard it when a pirate climaxes.

[Justin McElroy]

But it features vanilla soft serve with Hershey's chocolate syrup and black and green cookie crumbles. Quote, at bk, we love to bring partnerships to life that create an awesome experience.

[Travis McElroy]

For families and money.

[Justin McElroy]

Our new collaboration with how to Train youn Dragon is gonna be fun for both kids and kids at heart. Says somebody.

[Travis McElroy]

What about grownups at heart?

[Justin McElroy]

Nope. Our team has created delicious.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm a mature, responsible adult, married father of two. I'm an adult at heart and I have to get me some of these spicy cheese fries and this burger.

[Justin McElroy]

Our team has created a delicious menu.

[Travis McElroy]

Inspired have the Dragon Ball Burger inspired.

[Justin McElroy]

By the beloved characters and themes of this exciting new movie that brings the experience to Burger King restaurants. What themes would you say are best captured by fiery dragon mozzarella fans?

[Travis McElroy]

I guess the theme of heat. There's a lot of heat in the movie. Fire. The theme of fire, I guess. Well, they use the mozzarella sticks. It's a metaphor for love and connection. Cause like, Toothless sticks up out of the mozzarella stick and it stretches out between him and Hiccup. And there's a 45 minute long monologue about how the string of mozzarella stick connecting them is like the love that connects them and then they kiss. So that might be the theme.

[Griffin McElroy]

They kiss.

[Travis McElroy]

This movie's eight hours long, by the way.

[Justin McElroy]

So there's the how to Train youn Dragons scoop. Trav, you can start getting that May 27th. Enjoy.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't know if I can wait that long. I might try to make some of this at home. It seems too dangerous. I'm just gonna wait.

[Griffin McElroy]

Does it come with a special crown? You didn't even mention the special crown.

[Justin McElroy]

You know, the special crown is in the press release, so I didn't know how to cover it in our audio podcast. But yes, there is a very good looking crown that has horns on it. So that's very exciting. Travis, does that make you feel something?

[Travis McElroy]

It makes me feel confused because it says how to Train youn Dragon only in theaters. And I know that they're talking about the live action one, but how to Train youn Dragon is also a movie that's available pretty much everywhere else.

[Griffin McElroy]

You're right. It's not only in theaters, is it? Moreover, I don't want a crown that says how to Train Youn Dragon only DreamWorks how to train youn Dragon Only in Theaters on it. I'm the immersion. I get what you guys are going for here with this incredibly immersive, inspired combo meal, but I don't want to wear a crown that says how to Train youn Dragon Only in Theaters on it because that's not what the real Dragon King would wear.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Do you know what I like have the courage of your convictions to know. This is a How to Train youn Dragon officially licensed Burger King crown. You don't need to fucking put it on there. Let me live my fantasy, please.

[Travis McElroy]

They should include a book of matches instead of a crown. I think that would fit the theme more like pretend like you're a dragon at home and set fire to things. And I think that would be feel really on brand.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, that's true. I don't want any of this.

[Justin McElroy]

I celebrate them for not pitching it as a meal though. Thank you. Thank you guys.

[Travis McElroy]

It's an adventure.

[Justin McElroy]

That's why they use the term adventure. Cause they can. Meal. It's an adventure.

[Griffin McElroy]

You can't reflect.

[Travis McElroy]

It's a meal.

[Justin McElroy]

It's a whale. It's a strawberry lemonade and an ice cream sundae. A mozzarella fries and a perfectly round dragon burger and a crown. It's not a meal. It's a. It's a.

[Griffin McElroy]

You gotta have the burger orb, the spicy cheese fries, the giant sundae and the huge pink lemonade and the adventure.

[Travis McElroy]

And then you'll unlock the crown on your third playthrough.

[Justin McElroy]

The real Isle of Burke, the bathroom. Hey folks, thank you so much for enjoying this podcast. Assuming that you did enjoy it and.

[Travis McElroy]

You'Re welcome for us making it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Or sorry if you didn't just. I don't know why we're covering our bases like this, but.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, you usually don't hedge that much on the entertainment value of our products. Apologies. I don't know what got into me. Hey, we're going to be. Are we this week now, as they're listening to this, right?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes.

[Justin McElroy]

We're going to be doing some shows this week in Michigan and Minnesota. So if you can get tickets to those. Still, bit ly McElroytours is where you can get those. If you are coming to those and you got a question you want answered or a fear that you'd like read aloud, email that to mbmb amaximumfund.org and put your city in the subject line.

[Travis McElroy]

And we've got a bunch of other tour dates coming up, including California, Texas, Georgia, Utah and a bunch of other ones. If you go to bit ly McElroytours, you'll find all the info and ticket links and stuff there. All the TAZ shows are gonna be Taz versus except for Anaheim. That TAZ show is going to be Dadlands with Game mom Brennan Lee Mulligan. Check those out. Bit ly McElroytours.

[Griffin McElroy]

We got some new merch including Flaming Not Poisoning Raging Tea of Doom, a spicy caffeine free we made in collaboration with Good Store Tea. I love it. I've gone through our stash entirely already and we'll need to procure more of this delicious, delicious tea. There's also a Plato's Rave 1000 piece puzzle designed by Danielle my Jo Burch and 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to the center for Reproductive Rights. All of that is [e-mail] and hey, thanks to Montagne for these. For our theme song My Life Is Better with youh, check out some of the new tunes that Montagne's been putting out teasing on Soshi, you're going to groove your groove thing.

[Travis McElroy]

I also want to say thank you. We're recording this before Champions Grove, but thank you to everybody who came out to Champions Grove. We had, I assume a great time and I assume it will be great. So thank you all for that. I also want to say I haven't mentioned in a while but I stream on Twitch fairly regularly. If you go to Twitch TV, TheTravisMackroy, you can find it there.

[Griffin McElroy]

We also haven't mentioned, hey, come watch McElroy Family Clubhouse. It's every Tuesday.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, let's take it clean. Where you don't say cumhouse.

[Griffin McElroy]

Did I say I don't think it came out as cumhouse?

[Justin McElroy]

Well, let's just take it clean for me.

[Griffin McElroy]

All right, let me try again. Hey, and we haven't mentioned this in a while. Come on down Tuesdays to the McElroy family cumhouse. And that's on Tuesdays on our YouTube channel, which is the McElroy family.

[Travis McElroy]

Nailed it. Got a new one.

[Justin McElroy]

One of us was right, One of us was wrong and history will dec which is which. Do we have a fear or whatever?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, we do. Griffin, why don't you read it this year?

[Griffin McElroy]

I'd like to be faster than my fear that I am aging to a point where I'm finally going to be able to relate to the Grown Ups film franchise.

[Justin McElroy]

My name's Justin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm Travis McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm Griffin McElroy.

[Justin McElroy]

This has been My Brother. My Brother May Kiss yous dad Square on the Lips. It's about you. My life.

[Travis McElroy]

It'S better it's better with.

[Justin McElroy]

You My life.

[Travis McElroy]

It'S better it's better.

[Justin McElroy]

With you Is it true you are.

[Travis McElroy]

It'S better it's better with you My.

[Justin McElroy]

Life.

[Travis McElroy]

It'S better with you.

[Justin McElroy]

Maximum fun.

[Griffin McElroy]

A worker owned network of artist owned.

[Justin McElroy]

Shows supported directly by you.