MBMBaM 766: A Different Breed of Pervert

Summary

Summary of MBMBaM 766: A Different Breed of Pervert

Release Date: June 9, 2025
Podcast: My Brother, My Brother and Me
Hosts: Justin, Travis, and Griffin McElroy

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1. The Nintendo Switch 2 Parody (00:00 – 09:30)

The episode kicks off with the brothers humorously debating the release of the new Nintendo Switch console. Griffin introduces a bizarre and over-the-top parody of the Nintendo Switch 2, presenting it as a living entity intertwined with Super Mario in a humorous and absurd narrative.

• Griffin McElroy jokingly states, “You guys hear that sound all across the nation... Gamers are rising up and ready for the Switch. For the new Nintendo Switch console” (00:32).
• Travis McElroy adds to the absurdity by describing how the Switch 2 comes as an egg that hatches into a “tiny Mario” who exhibits unorthodox behavior, including inappropriate actions like showing his "gooch" (05:21).

This segment satirizes the often exaggerated hype surrounding new gaming consoles, blending it with the show's signature humor and absurdity.

2. The Absurdity of Video Game Journalism (09:30 – 16:39)

The brothers transition into a mock discussion about the responsibilities and challenges of being video game journalists. They invent fictional scenarios where Nintendo might face backlash for the bizarre features of the Switch 2.

• Justin McElroy quips, “Pick the rule of one... I could gin one” referring to creating jokes about the console (02:28).
• Travis McElroy humorously suggests, “We’re the Super Mesothelio brothers, and we’re here to play Sorry about your cancer” as a mock response to potential lawsuits (09:10).

This playful segment pokes fun at the complexities and sometimes contentious nature of video game journalism.

3. Mascot Mishaps and Brand Collaborations (16:39 – 25:35)

The conversation shifts to parodying brand collaborations, specifically between Nintendo and Green Day’s Punk Bunny Coffee. The brothers create a fictitious narrative where song lyrics predict future brand partnerships, blending music with corporate marketing absurdly.

• Travis McElroy humorously interprets song lyrics, “American Idiot is whatever you want it to be... That lyric says, In 21 years, we're gonna do a partnership with Pink Bunny Coffee and seven Eleven” (16:13).
• Griffin McElroy mocks the idea by stating, “What's the Slurpee? Oh, candy grape” (16:51).

This segment satirizes the often-overwhelming nature of brand partnerships and merchandising in the entertainment industry.

4. Bird Watching: From Hobby to Hilarity (29:03 – 43:28)

In a departure from gaming humor, the brothers delve into the topic of bird watching, infusing it with their unique comedic flair. They discuss the challenges and humorous aspects of the hobby, suggesting outrageous solutions to make bird watching less “suspicious.”

• Justin McElroy poses the question, “How do I use my binoculars without looking like a complete and total freak?” (36:36).
• Griffin McElroy suggests, “I'm not a pervert. I'm birdwatching” as a playful nod to misunderstanding intentions (38:47).

This segment highlights the brothers' ability to find humor in everyday activities by exaggerating common social concerns.

5. Self-Defense and Scamming Schemes (43:28 – 50:18)

Returning to more fantastical humor, the brothers invent elaborate self-defense scenarios intertwined with scam prevention. They create fictional business ideas like "Scamwise Slam G" and mock the complexities of self-defense training.

• Travis McElroy introduces the concept, “It's a business that beats Up Justin teaches you” (49:36).
• Justin McElroy humorously critiques, “They could take the patch and sew it on the back of their Members Only jacket, then go out to the local bar and just start spin kicking people” (45:10).

This portion of the episode showcases their talent for blending absurd business ideas with playful narratives about self-defense.

6. Prom Musical and Upcoming Shows (54:07 – 57:22)

In the concluding segments, Justin shares personal updates about his involvement in an upcoming prom musical, providing listeners with details and promoting future live shows. The brothers engage in light-hearted banter about event preparations and ticket sales.

• Justin McElroy announces, “It's going to be Huntington Ritter Park Amphitheater. The show's at 8:30” (54:33).
• Travis McElroy promotes future live shows, stating, “Tickets for all shows are on sale now” (55:12).

This final section serves as both an informational update and a promotional outlet for the brothers' ongoing and future projects.

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Notable Quotes

• Griffin McElroy: “Gamers rise up. Gamers unite.” (01:30)
• Travis McElroy: “You're thinking, I regret.” (06:04)
• Justin McElroy: “A dream unshared is a dream unrealized.” (30:08)
• Griffin McElroy: “I am a pervert.” (38:58)
• Travis McElroy: “Get him an aura frame.” (33:01)

Conclusion

In "A Different Breed of Pervert," the McElroy brothers blend their trademark humor with a mix of fictional narratives, satire, and personal anecdotes. From parodying gaming culture and brand collaborations to hilariously reimagining mundane hobbies like bird watching, the episode delivers an engaging and entertaining experience. As always, Justin, Travis, and Griffin showcase their unique chemistry, making even the most absurd topics amusing and relatable for their audience.

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Disclaimer

This summary focuses solely on the content segments of the podcast, excluding advertisements, intros, outros, and non-content sections to provide a cohesive and comprehensive overview of the episode’s main discussions.

Transcript

[Griffin McElroy]

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed.

[Travis McElroy]

Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if.

[Griffin McElroy]

There'S a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.

[Travis McElroy]

Also, this show isn't for kids, which.

[Griffin McElroy]

I mention only so the babies out.

[Travis McElroy]

There will know how cool they are for listening.

[Griffin McElroy]

What's up, you cool, baby? 1, 2, 3.

[Justin McElroy]

It's the start of something beautiful A.

Small acquaintance has blossomed it's ripened into.

A precious Friends I could have never seen what was coming for me Hangs at the skate park Hangs by the beach My life, it feels like it's better it's better with you My life, it's better it's better with you this is who you are it's better it's better with you it's better with you.

Hello, everybody, and welcome to My Brother, My Brother and Me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

What's up, Trav Nation? It's me, your middlest brother, Travis. Vroom, vroom, McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's me, sweet baby brother, Griffin. Baby under baby media luminary, Griffin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

Gamers.

[Griffin McElroy]

Gamers rise up.

[Justin McElroy]

Gamers unite.

[Griffin McElroy]

You guys hear that sound all across the nation.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Gamers are rising up and ready for the Switch. For the new Nintendo Switch console.

[Travis McElroy]

The new Nintendo Switch console has come out and as is.

[Griffin McElroy]

My knees are so tender.

[Justin McElroy]

Just in time for Pride Month.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thank you, Nintendo.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. Did you see what I did was.

[Travis McElroy]

No, hold on. Can I do mine? Because I have. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I was. As is my habit, I let you guys get the system first and I find out if it's worth it. So I'm dying to know, in the Nintendo Switch, is it the top or the bottom?

[Griffin McElroy]

And that's. So we've had another great. We've had two.

[Justin McElroy]

So I would like to do mine clean.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can I just say before you do yours, that I do not have a Nintendo Pride Month joke? And so I'm. This is going to be it. This is going to be the second and last one. I don't.

[Justin McElroy]

Well, you know what? Now that it's. If you don't have one rule of threes, I think I'm going to stick with the rule of one. I could gin one.

[Griffin McElroy]

I could probably gin one up real quick.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

But would you start to dig into the bottom of a barrel where it starts?

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, it'll be bad. No, people will not like it. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

So I'll just skip mine. I mean, I kind of did mine.

[Griffin McElroy]

You did yours.

[Justin McElroy]

I think it was like one and a half.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, for sure.

[Travis McElroy]

Do you think Nintendo's proud of their little switch?

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't know why you said it like that. I don't think it's a little switch. In fact, the screen size is considerably larger. So what you said is the dumbest ass thing I've ever heard.

[Travis McElroy]

Now, I haven't bought a video game system since 1998. So I'm assuming it's what, like $100? It comes with a Mario.

[Griffin McElroy]

It costs $100. It comes with a little Mario that you have to keep alive.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh my gosh. I'm not ready for that.

[Justin McElroy]

The system is called Switch to Mario in youn Pocket.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

And in order for the first, it comes as an egg.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh my God. There was a switchability.

[Griffin McElroy]

Tamagotchi, but kind of like a real guy. Like a real little guy. And he really shits in everything. And you have to. There's a special button to clean it up.

[Justin McElroy]

His name is Tamaguchi.

[Griffin McElroy]

His name is Tamaguchi. And he show every like five minutes. Travis. This little five inch high Mario pulls his overalls down and he leans down, he bends over on the table and he shows you his gooch. And it's fucking weird.

[Justin McElroy]

The droppings are nigh microscopic. Travis. That is the biggest relief for the gamers. Yeah, the droppings that the shits the.

[Griffin McElroy]

PS5 made were so big and arduous. But the evolution, this tiny Mario, after he flashes his gooch at you, he takes the littlest.

[Travis McElroy]

So let me give this so easy.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, go for it.

[Travis McElroy]

I go to my nearest Babbage's.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

I buy the Switch 2. They give me an A.

[Justin McElroy]

It's also a Funkoland.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's Funko Land and Babbage's and KB Toys.

[Travis McElroy]

They give me a little A.

[Justin McElroy]

How many more clips?

[Travis McElroy]

Just real quick sidebar.

[Justin McElroy]

Super quick, super quick round robin. How many places can we do that? Used to sell video games?

[Griffin McElroy]

Electronics boutique, Elboys R Us.

[Travis McElroy]

We'll do a shorted Blockbuster. Blockbuster Video, Circuit City, Radio Shack.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm out. Travis went way harder than I did.

[Travis McElroy]

I worked at Best Buy for a long time.

[Griffin McElroy]

So anyway, this little tiny Mario, I.

[Travis McElroy]

Go, I buy the Switch 2. They instead of handing me like a console in a box, they hand me an egg.

[Justin McElroy]

Egg.

[Griffin McElroy]

Egg. And then egg and a bowl of spaghetti.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, okay, that's food.

[Justin McElroy]

But Trav, that's plastic.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's Super Mario.

[Travis McElroy]

Don't eat it's. Got a gun.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, it's for the Mario.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, so then I take the egg home, I hatch it.

[Justin McElroy]

You don't hatch it. That's crazy. You don't have that kind of power.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, great. It hatches on its own.

[Justin McElroy]

You're not the sun. You're not God. You can't make the egg hatch. The egg just hatches.

[Travis McElroy]

The egg hatches, and then a tiny man comes out.

[Justin McElroy]

Tiny Mario man is reductive. He's a video game costume.

[Griffin McElroy]

He's an icon.

[Travis McElroy]

Sorry. He is the Switch 2.

[Justin McElroy]

Or in a more accurate sense, will give birth to the Switch two.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, I see. Okay. So then he pulls down his overalls and shows me his gooch.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Is it.

[Justin McElroy]

It's on a schedule and unrelated to birthday.

[Griffin McElroy]

And listen, just because he came out of an egg, he is not a baby. This is so, so clear. This is a grown man who has made the adult decision to show you his perennium.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

But here is the really amazing part, Travis. With that, the perineum showing will get to a point where it gets to be too much. It makes him get too hot, thinking, I regret the. And it's too much for you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

You're thinking, I regret.

[Travis McElroy]

Do I have to train him not to do it?

[Griffin McElroy]

Good fucking luck, buddy.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. That's the best part, Trav. Because when the system is ready to emerge and when it's pupated enough inside Mario's belly, which is now.

[Travis McElroy]

I know you're watching. So it's like an egg within an.

[Griffin McElroy]

Egg, the egg hatches. Mario comes out. Nine months later, after gestating the Switch 2, it comes out. And this is a movie.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, but here's where it comes out, right?

[Travis McElroy]

Babies having babies.

[Justin McElroy]

This is the twist.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

This is the twist, Right?

[Griffin McElroy]

Not a baby.

[Justin McElroy]

Hold on.

[Travis McElroy]

Sorry.

[Griffin McElroy]

Time out.

[Travis McElroy]

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

[Griffin McElroy]

Mario, the Mario that comes out of the egg is not a baby. He's a grown man who's made the adult.

[Travis McElroy]

This is like a mortgage kind of thing.

[Justin McElroy]

He's a small, full grown man.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

And then when the moment arrives, and Mr. Wilson has waited 30 years for this moment, he's watching as the.

[Travis McElroy]

And Dennis the Menace has been just bothering him this whole time.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

So the.

[Justin McElroy]

What happens is he lies on his back and he shows you the taint, and you think it's just like every other time, right? Yeah. Four times a day.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't blame you for thinking that.

[Justin McElroy]

You start counting your head. 23, 22, 21. Because he always does it the exact same amount. But then you get 10 and it's still out, and then it's glowing. And then it starts to split. Okay. Like, wide. And then it splits to a point where it's bigger. The split is bigger than his body. It's, like, larger than his body. Oh, right.

[Travis McElroy]

We're getting into, like, tesseract.

[Griffin McElroy]

And I'm not gonna lie, Travis, this part's scary.

[Justin McElroy]

This part.

[Griffin McElroy]

You will not like it.

[Justin McElroy]

When you're about to experience the ninth generation of console, and I'm. This is when you're about to really touch the future.

[Travis McElroy]

Guys, you're video game journalists. So I know you've really been in the trenches and the wars.

[Griffin McElroy]

This is all NDA obviously disgraced video game journalists.

[Travis McElroy]

Thank you very much.

[Justin McElroy]

And I was more of an editorialist.

[Griffin McElroy]

And I was more of a critic.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm not as hardened to this as you gu. Sorry. So I'm afraid to ask this question, but does the little Mario survive the birthing process?

[Justin McElroy]

Well, Travis, the most beautiful part of it all is you're breathing him now. Yeah, he turns star stuff.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sort of a crystal star stuff, baby.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

Do you have.

[Justin McElroy]

He returns to the loom.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's why when you buy it at the electronics boutique, they have to ask you, do you have asthma or any kind of breathing conditions? Because after he ruptures and the Switch 2 comes out in nine months from him, then he's gonna turn into ash, and you're gonna breathe him in.

[Travis McElroy]

30 years.

[Justin McElroy]

If you're wearing a KN95. When you purchase Mario, they ask to ensure that you've removed it.

[Griffin McElroy]

They will bury it.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, you have to breathe them out right there.

[Justin McElroy]

It's disgraceful.

[Travis McElroy]

Is that how you connect to the system?

[Griffin McElroy]

Is that you don't really connect to the system and you don't really play it, and there aren't really games?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Are they worried at all?

[Justin McElroy]

Mario Kart World Tour. It's not, like, pretty weird.

[Travis McElroy]

Is Nintendo worried about 30 years from now, the class action lawsuit about, like, super mesothelioma from breathing in the Mario dust?

[Justin McElroy]

Super mesothelioma?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. And that's.

[Travis McElroy]

It's a mesothelioma.

[Griffin McElroy]

We're the Super Mesothelio brothers, and we're here to play Sorry about your cancer.

[Travis McElroy]

In a major way.

[Justin McElroy]

Want to join a lawsuit for all of us, guys.

[Travis McElroy]

Sorry about my Gucci, and you're gonna die.

[Griffin McElroy]

He shouldn't have to. For all guys.

[Justin McElroy]

Class action. So that's the Switch 2 Trav. It's $500 and probably out of stock.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, Okay, I have my nest cam open in a live monitor, live feed on my phone, on my desk, just in case Mr. FedEx comes to deliver my special gu.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, he has to breathe, so, yeah, he run out. Wait, does he breathe? He.

[Griffin McElroy]

He.

[Justin McElroy]

Wait, the guy didn't bring your thing.

[Griffin McElroy]

It comes today.

[Justin McElroy]

It comes today.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's what I'm saying. I'm going to have to probably if I stand up and run out of the room.

[Justin McElroy]

Mine came yesterday.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, well, mine will come in nine months when I buy it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, Justin and I got a special fast track 00 Mario impreg edition.

[Justin McElroy]

This is pro though, Griff. I would say judging from the past 10 minutes, that's probably the last time that old connection is probably going to come through. I imagine those emails are probably going to start going to spam, you know? Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

No one. Hey, disgraced video game journalist Griffin McElroy. Please don't tell Nintendo about this whole show. Really, anything we do that's not gamer stuff. They look at me and Juice and they think like, these are two honored voices in this community, long lost, long.

[Justin McElroy]

Dead video game critics. You must realize, not disgrace them, that.

[Travis McElroy]

Our audience is like one big kid in class who raises their hand to remind the teacher that they forgot homework. The second you say, please don't tell Nintendo about this, everyone's gonna be skating and tiktoking and. Well, before you do that, Instagramming to Nintendo window all about this.

[Griffin McElroy]

Before you do that, please think about how sad it would make you if Daddy Nintendo got mad at you and stopped making and stopped letting you play their games.

[Travis McElroy]

They turned the switch off.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Yep.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, now I'm sound.

[Justin McElroy]

How about a question?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, I would love that. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Does it sound good? Sorry.

[Griffin McElroy]

You all right?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. I got a picture of Green Day stuck on my computer and I.

[Griffin McElroy]

You want to explain why it went.

[Justin McElroy]

Full screen and I was trying to get rid of it?

[Griffin McElroy]

Why did you have a picture of Green Day open and ready for your?

[Justin McElroy]

I was going to talk about it with you guys, but then I didn't know if it was worth mentioning to you.

[Travis McElroy]

So you were just gonna talk about the band Green Day in general, or.

[Justin McElroy]

No, I was. Last night I had needed. I needed coffee, but I couldn't leave the house and I needed coffee for the morning. So the only place that I could get coffee from was Speedway, and the only coffee Speedway had was Punk Bunny coffee by Green Day.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, this looks cool, dude.

[Travis McElroy]

How is it that in this photo, which we'll share somewhere there's four people in it and the least excited one to be there is the Bunny.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't know, man, but that's not gonna play.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hey, how come the three members of Green Day seem like they're aging at three completely different speeds?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, it's very strange. Here's all the different products. So with Punk Bunny Coffee, they've got.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can you just do the Munch Squad sound just so we feel like.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

Or just like, really?

[Justin McElroy]

Munch Squad.

[Travis McElroy]

Thank you. Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

You're good. You don't have to do the whole thing that succise.

[Justin McElroy]

So in addition to. Are you still seeing the screen here?

[Griffin McElroy]

No. You made the picture of Billy Joel go away.

[Justin McElroy]

I would never.

[Travis McElroy]

Billy Joel.

[Justin McElroy]

Let me show this tab. Hold on.

[Griffin McElroy]

Billy Joel. Young is his name.

[Justin McElroy]

So let's say you love Green Day and you love coffee.

[Travis McElroy]

Of course. So we can start with this Dookie Classic Dookie.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Dookie's one of their big flavors flavor.

[Travis McElroy]

It's a shame that they didn't make any albums after dookie. It was so good. Why'd they stop there?

[Justin McElroy]

Larry, you got Last ride In. That's a medium dark. There's Light Club. That's a light roast. There's Soundcheck. That's a dark roast. And then there's Father of All dark roasts.

[Griffin McElroy]

Wow.

[Justin McElroy]

There's also a limited edition fancy sauce roast.

[Travis McElroy]

Huh.

[Justin McElroy]

And then they got some K cup pods. There's five different K cup pod varieties. Now. That's just the coffee, though.

[Travis McElroy]

Are those.

[Justin McElroy]

If you love the brand of pink Punk Bunny coffee.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

You could get yourself bunnied with merch that'll make your tail twitch. Like the Graffitia Tote, the Love Bunny Tumbler, the Baby Crop tea, the Patron Saint tea, the Punk Bunny coffee, Green Day mug, PBC Tumbler, the Punk Bunny, the Dookie x PBC mug, and the Graffiti A case.

[Travis McElroy]

You, I want to point out.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. What did you say?

[Travis McElroy]

It bothers me. They here in the merch have, like, the Americano idiot. Yeah, right. Which is a good tie in. How come in the coffee flavors, none of them. Maybe I'm just out of touch with Green Day's. More recent things are those.

[Justin McElroy]

It's just about the life of being on the road, Trav. It's just about like being a road dog. Like, I'm not sure you would get it.

[Travis McElroy]

Um.

[Justin McElroy]

It's just about road life. You know what I mean? Like soundcheck, you know, last ride out.

[Travis McElroy]

So what was father of all?

[Justin McElroy]

So my question. Father of all. So I got this. Cause they did a Special collaboration with Speedway. With Speedway. And they're also 7 11. Cause around here, they're kind of mixed up. They're a little bit the same and a little bit different. So it's kind of confusing sometimes. Yeah, but. But they're also doing a special Slurpee flavor for a Green Day. Slurpee flavor exclusive with 7 11. So my question is this. Guys, here's what I'm gonna ask you. What was American Idiot about?

[Griffin McElroy]

That's a good.

[Justin McElroy]

I feel like I thought I got it. Got it kind of a little bit. And then I feel like maybe I didn't get it. Cause, like.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, for sure.

[Justin McElroy]

They got Bunny Coffee at 7:11.

[Travis McElroy]

So I feel like I don't maybe get it, Justin.

[Justin McElroy]

Maybe I didn't get it.

[Travis McElroy]

I came to you guys for information about the switch. As the lead Dukehead here, I'm happy to explain this to you. You see, Justin, American Idiot is whatever you want it to be. And that's the idiot part. That's the idiot part, you see, because, like, every American will think American Idiot is about one thing and they're inherently wrong.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

You know what I mean? Do you get it?

[Griffin McElroy]

Can we. I mean, let's dive into the lyrics, skipping over the wild gay slur that's in it for Pride Month and. Cause if we sort of start to look at it, I think you can probably see the clues that they're gonna do a major brand partnership with 7:11 in the lyrics to 2004's American Idiot. Don't wanna be an American Idiot. One nation controlled by the media information age of hysteria. It's calling out to idiot America. Make you think.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. It says here, I'm looking at the genius lyrics.

[Justin McElroy]

Make you think, but also make you think.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, I'm looking here at the genius lyrics, and it's says specifically that Billy Joel Osmond said that. That lyric says, In 21 years, we're gonna do a partnership with Pink Bunny Coffee and seven Eleven.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's a decade and a year. Two decades and a year. Slop it down. Slop it down. American Idiot. Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't know if it's art at this point, but you have the members of the band and they're all this fisheye lens and they're all just gargling these fucking bright green slurpees with a 711 branding everywhere.

[Travis McElroy]

What's the Slurpee? Oh, candy grape.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, it's kerplunk Candy grape track.

[Travis McElroy]

What does that mean?

[Griffin McElroy]

I mean, read the fucking lyrics to any of their songs. Dude, wake me up.

[Travis McElroy]

September 8th. Right there I was all by myself. I was eating some candy. I love candy. Great. But only a Slurpee. Masturbation.

[Griffin McElroy]

Slap it down. Here we go.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. So I guess that's.

[Travis McElroy]

On the road.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Wow.

[Justin McElroy]

Man.

[Griffin McElroy]

When you go back. How did he. It's one of those. Is the dress blue and black or gold and black things where it's like he was actually saying those words all along, but we can't.

[Travis McElroy]

All the clues were there, Mr. Policeman.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

I gotta say that I know that maybe this seems a little bit disingenuous for us to have a little bit of fun at Green Day's expense. We do have our own merchant page. I understand the way the merchandising works, but I will say this. We've always been pretty fucking consistent about where we stand. Yeah. We did a whole coffee. I think I've been in corporate America's pocket for a very, very long time.

[Travis McElroy]

I'd like to be deeper in there.

[Griffin McElroy]

If memory serves, we did a whole episode about a coffee brand we had started that we then sold. And that's right. And gang, that's selling out. But it's right over the plate.

[Travis McElroy]

Here's what I'm saying, is that right now we're in corporate America's little pocket at the top of the jean pocket, where they keep, like, keys or a quarter or something. Yes. I'd like to be deep in their cargo pockets with more money coming.

[Griffin McElroy]

I would love a little bit of extra elbow.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm so open about that. Like, I'm trying to sell out and no one's buying is the problem. I've been an influencer for years now, and no one's paying me to influence shit. It's a problem.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can I ask?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

How long are you thinking about trying to keep.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. When is it time to hang it.

[Travis McElroy]

Up in the hoops, troops?

[Griffin McElroy]

Till the day you die? Are you sure? Cause there's other stuff you could do.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm doing other stuff, too. I'm just saying my primary focus is selling out.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Okay. Well, team up with Green Day.

[Travis McElroy]

I'd love to. Are you kidding me? I would erase this episode from time in a heartbeat. If they were like, do you want to design the next Kerplunk candy Slurpee flavor? I'd be like, yeah, man, let's do it. It's gonna be toxic brown or whatever. Let's go.

[Justin McElroy]

Hey, let's help people. I'm tired of not being useful. I wanna make myself useful. I walk fast. My natural, comfortable Pace is brisk. It takes real conscious effort for me to slow down, to keep pace with people who walk more slowly. I work at a bookstore where part of my job is leading customers through the store to help them find the book they're looking for. And I often catch myself zooming ahead and having to stop and wait for the customer to catch up so I don't lose them among the shelves or walking so exaggeratedly slowly that it feels like I'm mocking them. Brothers, how can I train myself to keep pace with these slowpokes without feeling like I'm wading through molasses? That's from Sonic in Seattle. Gotta go fast.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sorry. Today must be pretty hard for them with the new Nintendo. Gotta be pretty hard.

[Travis McElroy]

Sonic would love to get fans of something, and no one will let him.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's what the Internet has told me.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm also a fast walker, and I've worked in retail.

[Justin McElroy]

And they make you wear shoes.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, I'm a fast walker who's worked in retail, and I am a fast walker who shopped at places. So I can come at this from both directions. Oh, I know, man. I don't. All I want, if I ask someone to help me find something in a store, I want them to get me there as quick as possible and then go on about their business. Right. Okay. Like, they should keep up with you. I don't think you need to slow down for them. If they ask you to help find a book and they're slow, just yelling like, knowledge waits for no one. Okay, come along, squire.

[Griffin McElroy]

If you're at Home Depot and you're like, I need this pipe fitting. No idea where to look. And then you go. They, like, jump into the shelves and you're like, hey, can you show me where these pipe fittings are? And they say, sure. And then they take off in a dead sprint. Yeah, that's the ideal situation.

[Justin McElroy]

Blessed be the speedy when those who knock are needy, baby.

[Griffin McElroy]

I guess so.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm just saying that given the option between dead sprint or, like, a slow, meandering walk, I'll tell you what happens more and more these days, if I can, as an old curmudgeonly former retail worker, I ask them where something is, they pull out a little, like, handheld device. They gotta look it up. They don't know Top of their heads.

[Griffin McElroy]

They don't know the whole store's inventory.

[Travis McElroy]

They don't know. Top of their heads by that point. I could have done that.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

I was at Home Depot last week. A guy asked me to help him figure out what pipe fitting he needed.

[Griffin McElroy]

Why the fuck did he do that?

[Justin McElroy]

Cause I had an orange hat on. And we were too deep down the rabbit hole by the time he asked me. I had to look up and say, sir, I. You've not only. You have not only picked a non employee, you've maybe picked the most non employee you could have selected.

[Griffin McElroy]

I would be not working at Home Depot any harder than you already are.

[Travis McElroy]

But I bet you felt pretty good for a second, right? For a second there was like a. I'm flattered, but I don't.

[Justin McElroy]

I skipped straight to sheer panic.

[Griffin McElroy]

But that's a, you understand, pretty unforced error that you took on there, wearing that hat to the Home Depot store.

[Travis McElroy]

Home Depot employees don't wear orange hats. They're not hunters.

[Griffin McElroy]

They wear.

[Justin McElroy]

No, you know what? I don't go to Home Depot. It must have been Lowe's. That's even weirder than that. Cause it was an orange hat. Now that I think about it, to.

[Travis McElroy]

Be fair, you made yourself extra visible. So whether they thought you worked there or not, they just scoped you and they were like, ah, a human being. They must know. That's why everywhere I go, camo ghillie suit, crawl on my belly. Never get perceived.

[Griffin McElroy]

Goku.

[Travis McElroy]

Huh?

[Griffin McElroy]

Goku. Yeah, to get stronger trained with these weights on his arms.

[Travis McElroy]

Sorry.

[Griffin McElroy]

Justin has a little toy donut that he keeps rubbing on his face, and I don't know, it's so distracting. This little toy donut that you have. What is that?

[Justin McElroy]

What's wrong with you?

[Griffin McElroy]

What is that, man?

[Justin McElroy]

What are you choosing? Dude, you can't.

[Griffin McElroy]

I know that it's not strict.

[Justin McElroy]

We've talked about it before, Griff. But, like, again, do you think you're doing this? You're going down this road again?

[Griffin McElroy]

If I hold up a tiny whale, rub it on my face while we're doing the podcast, you can't be like, what are you doing with that tiny.

[Travis McElroy]

Why are you looking at me like.

[Justin McElroy]

What is wrong with you?

[Travis McElroy]

No, you have me, Justin.

[Justin McElroy]

I have so many other tabs.

[Travis McElroy]

Justin. You had me until you got mad at Griffinville looking at you.

[Justin McElroy]

Why are you looking at me? Cause we're on a video call with each other. Look at the other tabs. You know what I look like.

[Griffin McElroy]

I know what you look like.

[Justin McElroy]

You don't need to be looking at me, okay?

[Griffin McElroy]

I genuinely.

[Justin McElroy]

This is for later, for TikTok. It's not for you.

[Griffin McElroy]

The donut is for them.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, so it's for them. The video's for them. It's not for you.

[Griffin McElroy]

What were we just discussing?

[Travis McElroy]

Goku wore weight.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm building my grip strength, Griffin. To answer your question, as my arthritis and carpal tunnel syndrome continues to be.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, it's a medical thing, Griffin.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, you wanted to make it a funny topic for the show.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's not a funny topic. Again, no humor intended here.

[Justin McElroy]

Should I clear things. Should I clear things with you before time? Just so you guys know, you might be seeing Travis.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm feeling extraordinarily othered by you right now for not jumping in and being like. It was distracting.

[Travis McElroy]

No, I'm just trying to decide who. Who's gonna win, and then I'm gonna side with them.

[Griffin McElroy]

Goku, to get strong, wore these crazy, like, weights and shit on his head.

[Travis McElroy]

And ate his vegetables.

[Griffin McElroy]

Let me finish my Goku bit. Let me finish my Goku stuff. I'm sorry, Justin, because let me tell you, Travis, I don't actually know this stuff very well. It may have very well been a Vegeta or a Gohan or some other a Boruto.

[Travis McElroy]

No, there's a classic scene where Goku takes off the weight vest while he's in the middle of a tournament and they're. He did all that with a weight vest? Yeah, you're right.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think it's not. I think you're wrong. So, like, I don't even want to go that hard. Whoa. So Goku.

[Travis McElroy]

Wait, I was. Wait, I was back.

[Justin McElroy]

Trav. Do you see what I mean? Yeah. Do you see how he's being?

[Travis McElroy]

He's playing. He's being for sure.

[Griffin McElroy]

If you're too fast, you gotta put on the Goku bracelets.

[Travis McElroy]

But that's just gonna make them faster.

[Justin McElroy]

When they take the weights on. Vegeta. Griff.

[Griffin McElroy]

Goku or Vegeta Or Griffin's being a.

[Travis McElroy]

Real Vegeta right now.

[Griffin McElroy]

Perhaps Piccolo. I know the guys names. I've never seen it. I've never seen this show. I would never fuck with this. But anyway, why would you make that call?

[Justin McElroy]

Why spread that kind of violence? That's absolutely uns for Griffin. Just a huge swipe of your.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm so sorry. I like thinking about Goku and not consuming Goku Content. No, not consume.

[Justin McElroy]

He likes fantasizing about Goku, is what you're saying. No.

[Griffin McElroy]

Who's got that?

[Justin McElroy]

Because he doesn't want it to be reality.

[Griffin McElroy]

Who's got that thing?

[Justin McElroy]

You just want to make up your own headcanon about Gok.

[Griffin McElroy]

My mind works so fast. I could imagine an entire season of the Dragon Ball show before you could even finish the first episode of the Dragon.

[Justin McElroy]

Dragon Ball. Okay, let's skip the first six episodes of the season, because that's.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, that's all filler and set up and.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, a lot of junk. Let's pick him up in episode seven. As far as I know, we have Goku, we have Brian Piccolo, we have.

[Travis McElroy]

We have Steak Vegeta.

[Justin McElroy]

We have Brian Piccolo from Brian's Song. Yeah, a reference that everyone should enjoy. Actually, I. Actually, the only human beings that will appreciate the Dragon Ball Z. Brian Song. Overlap.

[Travis McElroy]

Yep.

[Justin McElroy]

The bald.

[Griffin McElroy]

The bald one's there too. Everyone's.

[Justin McElroy]

The bald one. The old man with a dragon.

[Griffin McElroy]

Old man with sunglasses. He's there too.

[Justin McElroy]

All right, Grif. Episode seven. Where do we find the gang?

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, get this. They're in the middle of a big tournament.

[Travis McElroy]

Whoa.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, that's good. Goku has just come back to life. He died in three. And then. Yeah, go humble.

[Travis McElroy]

He's been dead. Wait, in the first six episodes, Goku was dead for three of them.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, that's why they felt like filler a little bit.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, a little bit. So they're losing. And then the bad one, whose name I should really, really, really remember, Krillin. That's the bald one, Penzance. Penzance goes Super Saiyan, which is like a thing they can do where they get even stronger. And then he kicks Goku's ass to hell, and he dies again. And he has to ride on a big turtle back.

[Travis McElroy]

So literally kicks his ass to Hell.

[Griffin McElroy]

Kicks his ass right to hell, rides a big turtle back. He comes back, he turns Super Saiyan 2, which is like yellow Super Saiyan, only blue.

[Travis McElroy]

But if they're both Super Saiyan Griffin, wouldn't it cancel each other out?

[Griffin McElroy]

Listen to me, listen to me. Does a 1 cancel out a 2? Does a 1 cancel out a 2, what's 2 minus 1? You still have a remainder. So Goku wins this one. There is no Super Saiyan 3. There is no Super Saiyan 3. This is the last episode of Dragon Ball Z. Oh.

[Travis McElroy]

He goes Super Saiyan 2. Number 2.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Oh, sorry. Yes, I can see how that would be confusing.

[Justin McElroy]

Very confusing.

[Griffin McElroy]

He goes, Super Saiyan Dos.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

And then he kills him. And then that's the end.

[Justin McElroy]

That's the end.

[Travis McElroy]

And then after that, well, the next season's wizard and Glass, where Goku goes back in time. Well, we flashback.

[Griffin McElroy]

You may be right.

[Travis McElroy]

Going and traveling with his friends to stop, I don't know, a bad guy or whatever. But it's like, 20 years earlier, and we don't care about it.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's true. Do you guys ever, while you're in the middle of a bit that's heavily referential of a piece of important cultural media, just feel the sudden urge to just want to stop doing. Be able to press a button and just not be doing that bit anymore?

[Travis McElroy]

I.

[Justin McElroy]

You know what, Griffin? Sometimes I think if I can make it through this for the next 30 seconds.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

I'll never be able to justify watching this show to myself, because the only reason I would do it is for. If it came up on a podcast and I'd be able to, like, play in the space, right?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

So if I'm right now kind of testing if I have a deep enough pool to do Dragon Ball material, and so far I've used, like, literally everything I have, and I don't know more about it. None of us have said overnight, which is good.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's kicks ass. That lends us an air of credibility.

[Travis McElroy]

At least, I think, Griffin, if you could teach me how to have the impulse to want to stop a bit that's not working. I'll pay you.

[Griffin McElroy]

The show would be, Travis. The structure, the fundamental bindings of our show would be it.

[Justin McElroy]

Actually, Travis, it's not your fault it skips a generation, so.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, I see.

[Justin McElroy]

I have it. Griffin has it, but you don't. It makes sense.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, that track.

[Griffin McElroy]

Travis is our uncle.

[Justin McElroy]

Actually, Griffin, what I was saying was a joke for the show.

[Griffin McElroy]

The big secret's out, guys. The name of the show's bit. Travis has been the me the whole time because he's an uncle now. Technically, you are an uncle.

[Travis McElroy]

I mean, I am.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Not my uncle, but can we go.

[Justin McElroy]

To the money zone? Not my uncle.

[Griffin McElroy]

This is again, the second consecutive bit I have wanted to absolutely leap out of, like, a moving car.

[Justin McElroy]

It's better.

It's better with you.

You know the most precious thing to me, Griffin?

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, you walk with Christ.

[Justin McElroy]

No, my dreams. My dreams. The problem with my dreams is they die with me. Unless. Unless.

[Griffin McElroy]

Unless.

[Justin McElroy]

Unless I can start taking the steps to make those dreams a reality. You know what I mean? Everyone should get to share in my dreams. And if I want to bring those out of this. This thing here, this meet here, and put it out in the real world where people can walk around my dreams. I gotta reach out to Squarespace and say, hey, what's up with websites, dude?

[Griffin McElroy]

I did not have the ad copy up and open when you started doing this, and that was not the company that I assumed we were advertising for.

[Travis McElroy]

What if you had been like, you know, the problem is my dreams die with me. Anyways. Rocket money will save you.

[Justin McElroy]

I just wish. I wish you guys would let me finish them before you start dismantling it, because it is, like where I'm flying.

[Griffin McElroy]

The plane and you're like, you're right.

[Justin McElroy]

You haven't finished the second wing. I know I have it. I'm trying to build the plane as I go. Guys. Cook, chef. I don't know the next sentence.

[Travis McElroy]

You know that, right? Griffin? It says right here in the ad copy. Do get creative with your ads. Talk about how your dreams die with you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Die with you.

[Travis McElroy]

Spiral the audience into an existential crisis, but then bring them out.

[Justin McElroy]

It's not an existential crisis. I'm saying a dream unshared is a dream unrealized. And the first step to sharing your dream is to go to squarespace.com mybrother for a free trial. They've got templates that are made by some of the best designers in the business. And you can stand on the shoulders of those giants and get your dreams out of your head and let us all walk around your beautiful dreams.

[Griffin McElroy]

Let us in.

[Justin McElroy]

Let us in. Let me in your beautiful dreams at Squarespace.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, man. Let me in your dreams. What are you hiding?

[Justin McElroy]

The website's gonna look great. Don't worry about it. Don't beat yourself up. Don't get in your head about it. Just go to squarespace.com mybrother for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code, my brother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

[Travis McElroy]

Do you guys want to hear something absolutely tragic for sure. When I die, my memories die with me.

[Justin McElroy]

Unless.

[Travis McElroy]

Unless. Unless. Unless I get.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can we time out? That was the most you just did a.

[Travis McElroy]

Were you eating a bunch of pudding before we.

[Griffin McElroy]

That was crazy, man.

[Travis McElroy]

Are you cool?

[Justin McElroy]

I have carpal.

[Griffin McElroy]

That doesn't have any effect on what? Your glottis. Dude.

[Justin McElroy]

And early onset arthritis.

[Griffin McElroy]

You don't have arthritic glottis. You can't convince.

[Justin McElroy]

Right?

[Travis McElroy]

But that is my favorite Pokemon in my morning coffee. Glottis into arthritic glottis, he gets a powerful attack.

[Griffin McElroy]

Don't just throw the donut at the microphone. Justin is absolutely.

[Travis McElroy]

Donut is Justin's glottis. He removed it from his throat.

[Justin McElroy]

He's a. This is a glottis model that I brought from home. Griffin. So you'll. You're pretty embarrassed now. It's a scientific tool. See, my glottis is like, doing this. Oh, Griffin, you're embarrassed now.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, I'm sorry.

[Travis McElroy]

Hold on. Wait.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm reading the Aura Frames ad copy now, and it says, give it the muddiest, cruddiest delivery. You absolutely can't. Oh, yes.

[Travis McElroy]

Work that glottis, nasty boy.

[Griffin McElroy]

It says right there.

[Justin McElroy]

I carried the last ad. I'm, like, flipping back. Guys, why don't you cruise on down the road with this?

[Travis McElroy]

Do you have a man that's all glottis and no memory? Sure, we all do. Get him an aura frame. So at least he'll still have the glottis. But now his memories can be digitally downloaded directly into Aura Frame.

[Justin McElroy]

No bullshit.

[Travis McElroy]

No, I'm not talking about cyber stuff. I'm talking about your photos. Because Aura Frames was named the best digital photo frame by Wirecutter. And it's easy to see why. There's unlimited storage, so you can add as many photos, videos, and get this funny memes as you can find. And it's so simple to set up. Just plug it in and share away. You can even share remotely. So, like, if you get it saved for your dad who doesn't live with you, maybe he still lives in Ironton for some reason. I could just upload photos directly to my dad.

[Griffin McElroy]

Why would you. Why would you not want to live with your dad? It's crazy.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, so Aura Frames has a great deal for Father's Day. For a limited time, listeners can save on the perfect gift by visiting auraframes.com to get $30 off their bestselling carving matte frame. That's a U R A frames.com promo code. Mybrother. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout terms and conditions. My switch is here. Editions apply.

[Jordan Crucciola]

Actor Samantha Sloan has played a lot of characters. Bev Keane in midnight mass. Ms. Rohrbacher in the new film the Life of Chuck Lily, the mother who diligently watches over her son in the hit medical drama the Pit. But what character really made Samantha Sloan feel seen? That is Special Agent Dale Cooper from Twin Peaks.

[Travis McElroy]

When you see somebody swing for the.

[Griffin McElroy]

Fences with almost a. Like, no sense of embarrassment or, you know, just with total abandon, I'm. I'm just captivated.

[Jordan Crucciola]

Join me, Jordan Crucciola, for that and more on the latest feeling seen from maximum fun.org.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hey there. Do you like books about various shades of gray?

[Jordan Crucciola]

Maybe 50 of them. Or books about winged men searching for soulmates?

[Griffin McElroy]

Is your E Reader full of stories that would pair well with Barry White in the background?

[Jordan Crucciola]

We're Bria and Mallory of reading glasses. And we have a brand new show for people who crave reads with just a dash of sriracha sauce.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's right. Every other Friday we dive into books that can be measured on the Scoville scale and talk to the people who love them.

[Jordan Crucciola]

You can find our new show by visiting maximumfun.org spicy that's maximumfun.org spicy.

[Travis McElroy]

Over.

[Justin McElroy]

The past couple of years, I picked up bird watching as a hobby.

[Griffin McElroy]

Cool.

[Justin McElroy]

To really put this into perspective for you, I skipped my senior prom to look at birds. I've recently acquired a nice ed binocular.

[Travis McElroy]

You could have looked at some nice birds at the prom. Hey, check out them birds. Birds. A I recently my gym in high school was full of birds. It's important. Today it didn't have a roof.

[Griffin McElroy]

Holy gym.

[Justin McElroy]

I've recently acquired a nice set of binoculars which are great for when I'm out in the middle of nowhere. But when I'm sitting on my porch trying to figure out what kind of bird is on my neighbor's roof, how do I use my binoculars without looking like a complete and total freak? That's from scared of being perceived in Cincinnati.

[Griffin McElroy]

There's gotta be a shirt or a sign.

[Travis McElroy]

Would a sign help?

[Griffin McElroy]

A sign.

[Justin McElroy]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

[Griffin McElroy]

What are you.

[Justin McElroy]

Have we had. Have we talked about having a shirt that says I'm definitely bird watching and how that will definitely make you seem like you're doing anything but bird watching?

[Griffin McElroy]

It feels like us. It feels like some shit we'd say.

[Travis McElroy]

That does say. Like it sounds like something we would say, but maybe we dreamed it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

And then like it's possible.

[Justin McElroy]

It could be like a matrix thing.

[Travis McElroy]

Just yell out a bird every time you see one. You're good.

[Griffin McElroy]

Every two seconds yell out a bird. Could help. There's another one.

[Justin McElroy]

Whistling is probably detrimental, right? Like, or do you have to do bird calls to summon the birds you want to catch?

[Travis McElroy]

Maybe a big birds that you're checking off.

[Justin McElroy]

I the level of self accountability you would need to do this hobby. To do this hobby period is absolutely beyond me. Like I would stand in one place for 10 minutes and just decide like that has to be that thing. It has to be that bird I wanted to see. It has to be. There's no way it hasn't. I've been out here 10 minutes. That's definitely a red breasted warbler. You know, whatever.

[Travis McElroy]

As long as you do just a small bit of research into birds in your area. How's that? If you're like, I saw a hawk. No one's gonna be like, no, you didn't.

[Griffin McElroy]

No fucking way, man. Hawks, I would believe. Anywhere's gotta have hawks, right?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, everyone's got hawks.

[Griffin McElroy]

Cause if there's a place that doesn't have hawks, one hawk could show up in that place and would be fucking in charge.

[Travis McElroy]

Big bird flies by, I just point at it and go, oh, turkey vulture. And whatever it is. I don't know. They're so fast. Like, birds are so fast and so small.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's so easy to lie about birds.

[Justin McElroy]

That's a really good point, Griffin. We often forget that.

[Griffin McElroy]

I was thinking a shirt that said, like, I'm not a pervert. I'm birdwatching would be cool. But then I thought, but that would be a very specific use case that you could wear that shirt. There's probably lots of hobbies that would benefit by having a shirt that just said I'm not a pervert on it. So if you were doing something that might be interpreted as perverse, they would see your shirt and be like, must be bird watching.

[Travis McElroy]

Instead, here's the problem, Griffin.

[Justin McElroy]

What if I am a pervert? I just don't feel like answering a.

[Travis McElroy]

Lot of questions right now. That's what I'm saying. How do we check for perversion before?

[Justin McElroy]

Or a different pervert?

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, a different flavor of pervert.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm a pervert.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm a different kind of per.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm not this particular kind of pervert. Ask me about my perversion.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, I'm a different breed of pervert.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, 100% pervert. But not that kind.

[Justin McElroy]

Not that kind.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's cool. And then it would have all the big dog iconography on it.

[Justin McElroy]

Legally binding. Legally binding dog.

[Griffin McElroy]

It wouldn't say big dog. It would say a different breed pervert.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm not a regular pervert. I'm a grandma. We can fill it in with a bunch of different ones. I'm not a regular pervert. I'm a woodworker. Right.

[Justin McElroy]

We can have a regular pervert. I'm a Pisces.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, there we go.

[Griffin McElroy]

The difference between me and you. I am a pervert and I don't want to talk about it.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, the difference between me and you is our flavor of perversion.

[Justin McElroy]

I think that type of bird watching is important here, too. If you're one of these types of bird watchers that's looking for specific birds or they want to note the birds that they've seen or keep track of it, I think that that kind of bird watching is going to look somewhat suspicious. I think if you get into a more. What I like is a more sort of free form, open ended bird watching that gets back to the heart of it. You're watching birds, you're smearing peanut butter.

[Travis McElroy]

On your arm and sprinkling bird seed on them. Standing out just looking at it yard.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hey, man.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

If you just see someone in your neighborhood with binoculars pointing at the sky, swinging around like yeah man, go. Or woo, look at him go. Oh, they're not going to think that you're. You're a per.

[Travis McElroy]

I was kind of contemplating more of a Brenda Fricker. Like the birds come to me. I don't need the end game.

[Griffin McElroy]

Once the birds are super comfortable with your presence in the neighborhood, you will be able. You will have Brenda Fricker bird powers. Bird watching is a thing that I think sounds very cool. And one time I downloaded an app that can help you identify what different birds are. And, and that's cool cause I would have no way of knowing that information otherwise. So I was using this app to identify birds and I did that for about five minutes and then I just instead opened up Pokemon Go. Cause that's what I was doing. That's what I was, if I'm being.

[Travis McElroy]

Honest, which is like bird watching.

[Griffin McElroy]

If I want a digital animal collecting experience, there's a place for me to do that already.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, listen guys, here's my billion dollar app idea. It's a bird identifying app that is localized right to your neighborhood, but it doesn't tell you like the species of bird. It tells you their first name. So when I see that bird, like the first user to find that bird gets to name that bird. And then every time that bird gets recognized by the app.

[Griffin McElroy]

How does the app tell. Just a quick question off the top of my head. How does the app tell the different. Who the different individual birds are?

[Travis McElroy]

Microchips.

[Justin McElroy]

Chip them. Yeah, Chip.

[Travis McElroy]

We're gonna chip.

[Griffin McElroy]

I was thinking chip.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm glad you said it.

[Justin McElroy]

Travis, who is the first person to find.

[Travis McElroy]

Yes, Griffin.

[Justin McElroy]

God, Griffin.

[Travis McElroy]

Do I have to spell it out for you or do you want it on the ground floor?

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, well, there is a difference. I don't know. I don't know much about the bird watching hobby. I don't think grab. I don't think grabbing them you use.

[Justin McElroy]

You don't grab them, you use a little hook. There's watchers and hookers. There's two different breeds in bird watching. Okay. And yeah, we have a lot of fun with that. Yes, Griffin, before you laugh, yes. Like hookers. Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

We're job creatives.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Every bird you hook earns you one bird coin.

[Justin McElroy]

And that's not a hobby.

[Travis McElroy]

Right.

[Justin McElroy]

That's a profession.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. That's an obligation. What do you do with bird coins?

[Travis McElroy]

Well, you can spend them on skins for your avatar.

[Griffin McElroy]

Fuck.

[Justin McElroy]

Or skin.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. Or skin.

[Griffin McElroy]

Bird skin. The best.

[Travis McElroy]

The bird hooking doesn't always go smoothly.

[Justin McElroy]

You take those skins home, you fry them up nice for your kids. They're gonna love that. They're gonna think they're having an adventure.

[Griffin McElroy]

Today's sponsor is Bird Skins. The Best.

[Justin McElroy]

Don't throw those things away.

[Griffin McElroy]

Don't.

[Travis McElroy]

The birthday.

[Justin McElroy]

Whenever you buy boneless. Whenever you buy skinless chicken breasts at the store, you gotta think, oh, man.

[Travis McElroy]

Cause they're not selling big shrink wrap packets of skin. I just let the skin.

[Justin McElroy]

That's why my new company is so powerful. We're turning them into chips.

[Griffin McElroy]

Nando's gets really frustrated with me when I roll up, like, let me just get the skin.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

They say, that's not possible, sir.

[Travis McElroy]

Then what are they doing with it? Are they using it for birdcoin?

[Griffin McElroy]

They're doing something with it and they're not fucking telling the rest of us.

[Travis McElroy]

Wait, are they trying to undermine my business?

[Griffin McElroy]

You guys have a Nando's, or is that just. You ever have a Cheeky Nons? No. Damn.

[Travis McElroy]

I'd love to have a Cheeky Nons. That sounds great.

[Justin McElroy]

Recently at my work, a local karate dojo paid to set up a table and prize wheel to advertise to new clients. I spun the wheel when I asked.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Mainly be polite, since I'd be in the lobby with them for the next eight hours. I won a karate patch. But then they asked me to give my phone number and set a date and time to collect it, along with two weeks of free karate. Nice try.

[Travis McElroy]

They couldn't bring the patch with them?

[Griffin McElroy]

No. It's heavy.

[Justin McElroy]

Brothers. I have no time or desire for karate classes, but now I keep getting texts from them about how they can't wait to see me and the other winners. They printed us name tags and everything. I didn't even win the BO staff or the nunchucks. How do karate. Peer pressure. That's from Nonoogie in New Jersey, which is good. Good.

[Griffin McElroy]

Very good.

[Justin McElroy]

Excellent.

[Travis McElroy]

Are they gonna teach you how to fight using the patch? Because if a BO staff and nunchucks were available, and a patch, perhaps it will be some sort of like. Yes, it seems like a simple patch, but it can Also be thrown at someone.

[Griffin McElroy]

I mean, think about it. You can't just give someone a patch for your dojo without knowing that they are going to be responsible practitioners of this mar.

[Travis McElroy]

You can at least be a good face for the dojo.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

If there's a bar fight, somebody steps up and I'm like, oh, this guy is going to protect me. He's got a karate patch on. And then he gets slid down the bar like an old timey western bad guy. And like, he smashes all the glasses out of the way. And I'm like, that dojo sucks.

[Justin McElroy]

They could take the patch and sew it on the back of their Members Only jacket, then go out to the local bar and just start spin kicking people. That's gonna look terrible for you. The form's gonna be bad.

[Griffin McElroy]

Even worse, as just as Travis has suggested, they're wearing a karate patch and you're like, yeah, I saw this guy is absolutely handed to him at the bar. They took him in the bathroom, kicked him 100 times, and made him eat a urinal cake. And he had this patch on. And I was like, must be a pretty shitty dojo. Every time I'm at a farmer's market and I see almost always a dentist with like a little tent set up. And he's like, you got. We got prizes. You guys like fidget spinners. It's like, nice fucking try, dude.

[Travis McElroy]

That is especially when you're walking around with your kids. All they see a big spinny wheel in prize and we're five feet away from the human being at the table. And my kids are like, oh, I wanna spin the wheel. And I have to like, I have to shut that down without saying, cause this is a scam.

[Griffin McElroy]

Stop indoctrinating my kids into your cult of dental wellness. It's mostly made up. And that's a big thing.

[Travis McElroy]

For some reason for me, Griffin, it's always gutter services. There are people who will do gutters and they're like, spin the wheel and you'll get a piece of bubble gum and I'll get all of your daddy's info and dox him.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

I think we've covered on this show before how my slide into financial instability began with me getting a free hat at a Reds game for a credit card application that my mom told me I shouldn't have signed up for.

[Travis McElroy]

She was right.

[Justin McElroy]

So I got tricked by that. And then I. Oopsies. Flash forward to I'm in college and things are going pretty bad for me now. Here's what I'll say. About that little scam that I got ripped into versus the. This karate scam, which is maybe a scam, maybe it's a great business idea.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't know.

[Justin McElroy]

It depends on if it works on you or not.

[Griffin McElroy]

But that's the nature of scams.

[Justin McElroy]

It did not. When I went through my experience, my trial, it did not equip me with the tools to make sure that I was never a victim again.

[Griffin McElroy]

Right, sure.

[Justin McElroy]

Like that the album made you more of a victim.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

At least if you get. If you get bullied and if this works on you, you need it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes, absolutely.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. If you. If this sales pitch works on you, you do not have the inner confidence of a karate master.

[Travis McElroy]

If Justin were to get bullied in his 30s, he wasn't able to say, like, hot jokes on you. I have crippling financial debt. And then use that to his advantage.

[Justin McElroy]

You know what I could say, Travis? I have a blue belt in taekwondo and I'm never going back.

[Griffin McElroy]

Never. It's too hot.

[Travis McElroy]

I have an old Reds baseball cap somewhere.

[Justin McElroy]

Guys, I have no idea what to do with this blue belt at this point.

[Travis McElroy]

Guys, it doesn't come up as often as you thought.

[Justin McElroy]

In a year and a half, even I remember nothing, dude. But if I went back in and had to start at white belt, I'd lose my fucking mind.

[Griffin McElroy]

But you must.

[Justin McElroy]

So now I'm just stuck. I can never go back.

[Griffin McElroy]

You must understand that of all the things that the three of us have kind of picked up and then sat down as we went on our merry way, you are the only one with any kind of prowess. I think that will make you useful. When the shit hits the fan, I want you in my corner. I can't be like, yeah, guys, do you want to know about making hard candy?

[Justin McElroy]

I gotta say, Griffin, Travis and I know how to cut a lot of stuff in a lot of different ways.

[Travis McElroy]

That's true.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's a good point.

[Travis McElroy]

I know how to hit really hot metal with a hammer. But, Justin, here's the thing right now. Yeah. Sitting here in your comfy podcast chair in your comfy podcast studio, you don't remember. What you need to do is get yourself in a high tension, high adrenaline situation, and it's all gonna come flooding back to you. Now, I have to warn you, Justin, there is a 5% chance that it will not all come flooding back to you.

[Griffin McElroy]

And I'm gonna say, Justin, it's not 5%. It's like 79%.

[Travis McElroy]

You will die. But if it all Comes flooding back to you, baby. You'll feel alive for maybe the first time ever.

[Griffin McElroy]

New business idea. Idea.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's a business that beat Up Justin teaches you. Beat Up Justin. Fight Justin for money online. New business idea is a business that teaches people how to not get scammed and ripped off by predatory farmer's market vendors. And then also teaches them how to fight really well, to kick ass in case they do get slipped up. And the business is called scamwise slam G. And G is me. That's my new name is scamwiselam G.

[Travis McElroy]

And I love that, Griffin.

[Griffin McElroy]

And if you get. If I get you.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

If I get you at the farmer's market, then I say, like, this is bad for you. This is an expensive program. But no.

[Travis McElroy]

So you're like, getting them to do it. And then you're like, that was a mistake. That was the last.

[Justin McElroy]

They only have to do. Maybe they only have to do it until they can get the next person to do it. You know what I mean? Like, you just get the next person to sign up and then you're off the hook. And then they're still. Now what if each person you got right paid you a dollar?

[Griffin McElroy]

Justin, this is an exciting new business shape that you're describing.

[Travis McElroy]

Kind of like a rhombus.

[Justin McElroy]

Yes. I call it the half diamond.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't know how to fight.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

I have to.

[Justin McElroy]

If you were. Okay, here is a question. If you were to pursue some means of self defense, and I was like, griffin, you gotta sign up for self defense elective this year. Where Send jokes out of the room. Where do you think you would be best?

[Travis McElroy]

Like, where do your strengths lie?

[Justin McElroy]

And don't say capoeira, because that would be a joke and I'll know it. Okay, so don't say capoeira.

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, that sucks, dude. Cause that's the right answer. And it is what I'd say. But it's not. Like, now I feel like.

[Justin McElroy]

That's a cool answer. That's a cool answer. But you know that if you were to go to capoeira class and then come to my brother, my brother, and be like, guess what, guys? I'm a capoeira master. It would be good for your brand, but it would take a very long time for it to be reached. Plausible.

[Travis McElroy]

This is mine straight up. And I think I'd have to build from here. But I don't think it would be physical so much as it would be mental. I would have to be trained to take a lot of pain and punishment because I don't think I'd win in the fight so much as I think I'd be able to tire them out by just letting them hit me a lot until they didn't feel good about what they were doing anymore.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's a costly one. It'll work at some cost.

[Justin McElroy]

As you guys know, I took the skills I learned as an Olympic level judo master into the boardroom, but then I got so good at using those judo skills in the boardroom that I didn't have to do judo anymore. I just had the business stuff going on for me.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

I would like to pitch a new series, a sequel series to Cobra Kai.

[Griffin McElroy]

All right.

[Travis McElroy]

In which a new dojo emerges where Cobra Kai is strike cards. Strike first, Strike heart. Something like that. Right. And this new dojo, you should know what it is.

[Griffin McElroy]

You've seen that show more than anyone else I know.

[Travis McElroy]

That's true. And this new dojo, though, is like, well, we're gonna strike before you, Cobra Kai. And they start showing up at Cobra Kai's house before the matches and punching Cobra Kai there.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

And they're really well funded. This dojo, right. The guy who runs it is named Joe and he's really, really rich. It's Joe Doe's dojo.

[Travis McElroy]

And do they teach judo there?

[Griffin McElroy]

It's Jojo's.

[Justin McElroy]

Joe's. Joe Do's judo do.

[Griffin McElroy]

Joe. Joe. Joe Do's Judo. JoJo.

[Justin McElroy]

One more time, Graham. Get it clean.

[Griffin McElroy]

Joe Doe's.

[Justin McElroy]

Nope.

[Griffin McElroy]

Joe Do's judo dodo.

[Justin McElroy]

Yes. There we go.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. This is a good show. I would watch who's in it. Who have we got attached?

[Travis McElroy]

Seth Rogen.

[Justin McElroy]

Macchio's down.

[Griffin McElroy]

Seth Rogen. Ralph. Macchio.

[Justin McElroy]

I didn't say Ralph.

[Travis McElroy]

No, I didn't say Ralph.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sorry, sorry. Which machio? Hachi Machi. You got Hachimacho.

[Justin McElroy]

Macchio's. Macchio's involved.

[Travis McElroy]

Macchio ran the Brad.

[Justin McElroy]

We got the family. The Machio family.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay. Seth Rogen voices the dog.

[Griffin McElroy]

It'd be a kick ass episode of Cobra Kai if they were nervous about the big fight coming up. And then they. So they snuck into one of their opponent's houses and put an actual cobra in bed with them.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, Griffin.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's the.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, Griffon. They've certainly done that. There's lots of snake intimidation factor used.

[Griffin McElroy]

Is there actually a lot of cobra work in Cobra Kai?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. Multiple cobras appear throughout the series.

[Justin McElroy]

Is there a Cobra Kai rpg? I feel like we're missing a trick here, guys, for not having our own dojos.

[Travis McElroy]

There's A cobra kai arg. But oh perfect. That's just getting beat up by teens.

[Justin McElroy]

Here's the first clue.

[Griffin McElroy]

Kicking.

[Travis McElroy]

I've solved it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Kick your Kick yourself.

[Justin McElroy]

Kick yourself.org anitarinolds Kick yourself.org 739 I don't have to.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't have time to go second.in there. Yeah, I don't have time to do the Kick Yourself Eco hunt. I'm just gonna wait for the 4 hour explainer videos that come out in a couple years.

[Justin McElroy]

Hey, thank you so much for listening to our podcast. I really enjoy this has been a stressful week for me at the theater, but this has been a very enjoyable respite from that. Why is it stressful, you ask? Well, we're doing the prom this summer. It's going to be that's a musical.

[Griffin McElroy]

I should make it clear. I also did not realize this is a musical. I thought Justin was hosting some sort of of independent prom.

[Justin McElroy]

No, it's a fantastic musical. It's going to be Huntington Ritter Park Amphitheater. The show's at 8:30. There's a pre show before I'm pretty sure and you can search for tickets on Facebook or there's what days are there shows. It's this weekend as you're listening to this, right? So it's June. I got to get a calendar. Hold on. This is ridiculous. I'm supposed. I used to be a professional. Listen guys, listen.

[Griffin McElroy]

Listen my freaking message.

[Justin McElroy]

Are you listening?

[Travis McElroy]

Like the 12.

[Justin McElroy]

It's the 13th, 14th. It's the 13th,14th and 15th. And then the 20th, 21st, 22nd. Come on out.

[Travis McElroy]

Speaking of coming on out, it's gonna.

[Justin McElroy]

Be great next week. Come on out.

[Travis McElroy]

Next week, June 19th and 20th, we're gonna be in Columbus, Ohio doing Taz and My Brother. My brother and me at Origins Game Fair doing another Taz versus Live show. I believe. Taz versus Midsummer Night's Dream. If you're coming to that My Brother, My Brother and Me live show and you have a question that you want answered, make sure to email it to mbmbamaximumfun.org and put Columbus in the subject line. Also later this year we're coming to California, Texas, Georgia and Utah. All Taz shows will be Taz versus except for the Anaheim Taz show which will be Dadlands GM'd by Brennan Lee Mulligan. Tickets for all shows are on sale now. More info and ticket links are available at bit ly McElroytours.

[Griffin McElroy]

We got some new merch in this me merch store over at McRoymerch.com including a monster Factory sticker set that I adore. It was designed by Willow Quillen. You can check that out. And all of our merch [e-mail] and 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to the Transgender Law Center. Also, thanks to Montagne for the use of our theme song, My Life is Better with youh. It's probably the greatest song ever written and we're extraordinarily lucky to be able to use it.

[Justin McElroy]

So thank you.

[Travis McElroy]

Can I read the Fear this week?

[Justin McElroy]

I would. Absolutely.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay. This year I will be faster than my fear of when the cardboard biscuit tube pops open.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, my God.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, that's real.

[Justin McElroy]

Indeed. My name is Justin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm Travis McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm Griffin McElroy.

[Justin McElroy]

This has been my brother, my brother and me. Kiss your dad. Square the lips. You.

My life, it's better, it's better with you. My life, it's better, it's better with you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Is it true?

[Justin McElroy]

It's better, it's better with two My life.

[Travis McElroy]

Maximum fun.

[Griffin McElroy]

A worker owned network of artist owned.

[Justin McElroy]

Shows supported directly by you.