MBMBaM 768: Face 2 Face: No Toes as a General Rule

Summary

Podcast Title: My Brother, My Brother And Me
Hosts: Justin, Travis, and Griffin McElroy
Episode: MBMBaM 768: Face 2 Face: No Toes as a General Rule
Release Date: June 23, 2025

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Introduction

In episode 768 of My Brother, My Brother And Me (MBMBaM), titled "Face 2 Face: No Toes as a General Rule," the McElroy brothers dive into their signature blend of humor and unconventional advice. Skipping the typical advertisements and intros, the trio engages listeners with a series of entertaining topics, humorous anecdotes, and interactive segments that showcase their unique dynamic.

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Exploring "Otherworld" and the Quest for Adult Climbing Spaces

The episode kicks off with the brothers reminiscing about their recent visit to "Otherworld," an immersive entertainment venue designed for adults. They humorously lament the restrictions placed on adults, such as not being allowed to climb, hang, or draw on the installations—activities typically reserved for children.

• Griffin McElroy [02:09]: "Otherworld was a truly transportive, wonderful experience. But they do need to let big boys climb on stuff."
• Travis McElroy [03:01]: "And ladders. Fuck yeah, ladders."

Determined to create their version of "Another World," the brothers envisage transforming an abandoned Circuit City into a playground for adults, complete with alien-themed structures and ample climbing opportunities. Their exaggerated enthusiasm highlights the often absurd limits placed on adult recreational activities.

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Mascot Madness: A Hilarious Trivia Segment

One of the standout segments of the episode is "Mascot Madness," where Travis invents a playful trivia game centered around university mascots. The brothers take turns describing mascots with over-the-top, humorous characteristics before posing multiple-choice questions to each other.

• Travis McElroy [17:00]: "I'm going to tell you about three university mascots and ask you a trivia question about them, okay?"

The segment features mascots like Friar Dom from Providence College and Otto the Orange from Syracuse University, each description more outrageous than the last. This playful competition not only entertains but also showcases their quick wit and ability to invent amusing scenarios on the fly.

• Clint McElroy [19:02]: "He looks like in the They Might Be Giants music videos when they would put, like, a big president head on them for some reason."

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Adventures with Wombats and Zoo Hugs

The conversation shifts to a humorous debate about hugging wombats at the zoo. Clint calls in with his dilemma of wanting to hug a wombat but facing institutional restrictions.

• Clint McElroy [07:00]: "I desperately want to hug the wombat, as this might be my only chance ever to meet one."
• Travis McElroy [08:54]: "What if your brother is like, damn, I'm a huge JRE head fuck."

The brothers offer comical yet impractical solutions, such as sneaking into the zoo or disguising oneself, emphasizing the absurdity of the original predicament.

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Scar Talk: Navigating Conversations About Personal Injuries

In a heartfelt yet humorous segment, Clint shares a story about a scar on his big toe from nearly severing it with a hatchet. He seeks advice on how to naturally bring up this unique injury in conversations.

• Clint McElroy [26:02]: "I have a pretty cool scar on my big toe from the time I almost completely severed it with a hatchet. How do I organically get people to acknowledge and appreciate my cool scar?"

Travis offers a surprisingly thoughtful suggestion amidst the usual banter:

• Travis McElroy [30:04]: "You go to the people who are most important to you in your life. You tell them, hey, listen, if I ever get in a horrible accident and you have to identify my body without my head on it, I need you to see this scar."

Griffin initially misreads the seriousness of Clint’s query, leading to an amusing exchange and eventual validation of Travis’s advice.

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Live Call-In Fun: Garden Gnomes and Hot Air Balloons

The episode features live call-ins from listeners seeking advice on quirky problems. Two notable calls include:

1. Garden Gnome Dilemma:

   • Meredith P. [44:10]: "I really wanted to take a cute garden gnome from my neighbor's trash and display it in my yard without them noticing."

   • The brothers brainstorm inventive (and ridiculous) methods to discreetly reposition the gnome, ranging from disguising it to orchestrating a neighborhood-wise trash exchange.

   • Travis McElroy [45:00]: "You could make it so they have to slam the weights down when they're done."

2. Hot Air Balloons Crashing in Yards:

   • Katie H. [46:43]: "Every year, a hot air balloon has landed, crashed, or tried to land in my yard. How do I get them to stop?"

   • The McElroys humorously suggest turning her yard into a magnet for balloons or equipping it with defenses, blending practical advice with their trademark irreverence.

   • Travis McElroy [50:07]: "Make it so they have to crash in your yard, cause your yard is the scout."

These segments highlight the brothers' ability to handle unusual questions with a mix of creativity and comedy.

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Conclusion and Reflections

Throughout the episode, the McElroy brothers maintain their engaging and humorous tone, providing both laughter and oddly insightful advice. By blending absurd scenarios with relatable issues, they create an entertaining and memorable listening experience.

Notably, the episode concludes with light-hearted reflections and teasing, keeping listeners hooked until the very end.

• Justin McElroy [65:18]: "It's better with you."
• Clint McElroy [65:15]: "My life."

The brothers wrap up by reinforcing their strong bond and mutual support, embodying the essence of the My Brother, My Brother And Me podcast.

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Key Takeaways

• Humor Meets Advice: The McElroy brothers excel at transforming bizarre and niche problems into sources of humor and creative solutions.
• Dynamic Interaction: The seamless interplay between Justin, Travis, and Griffin showcases their strong familial bond and comedic timing.
• Engaging Segments: Segments like "Mascot Madness" and live call-ins keep the content fresh and interactive, catering to a wide range of listener interests.

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Notable Quotes:

• Griffin McElroy [02:09]: "Otherworld was a truly transportive, wonderful experience. But they do need to let big boys climb on stuff."
• Travis McElroy [17:00]: "I'm going to tell you about three university mascots and ask you a trivia question about them, okay?"
• Clint McElroy [26:02]: "I have a pretty cool scar on my big toe from the time I almost completely severed it with a hatchet. How do I organically get people to acknowledge and appreciate my cool scar?"
• Travis McElroy [30:04]: "You go to the people who are most important to you in your life. You tell them, hey, listen, if I ever get in a horrible accident and you have to identify my body without my head on it, I need you to see this scar."
• Travis McElroy [45:00]: "You could make it so they have to slam the weights down when they're done."
• Griffin McElroy [46:06]: "You got this dick high with your..."

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Final Thoughts:

Episode 768 of My Brother, My Brother And Me continues to deliver the brand of humor and camaraderie that fans have come to love. By addressing outlandish scenarios with wit and heart, the McElroy brothers reaffirm their place as beloved figures in the podcasting world.

Transcript

[Griffin McElroy]

The McElroy brothers are not experts.

[Travis McElroy]

And their advice should never be followed. Old Travis insists he's a sexpert. If there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool babies?

[Griffin McElroy]

1, 2, 3, 4.

[Justin McElroy]

It's the start of something beautiful. A small acquaintance has blossomed.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's ripened into a precious friendship.

[Justin McElroy]

I could have never seen what was coming for me. Hangs at the skate park Hangs by the beach My life, it feels live it's better it's better with you My life is. It's better it's better with you this is true it's better it's better with you.

[Clint McElroy]

Hello everybody and welcome to My Brother, My Brother and Me and advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

What's up Trav Nation? I'm your middle is brother Travis. Vroom vroom, McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hey, what's up Trav Nation? It's me, your sweet baby brother, Griffin. 30 under 30, media luminary Bill Ford tough McElroy. Hell yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Today we traveled to another world.

[Clint McElroy]

True, true.

[Travis McElroy]

A world of a lot of sensory input all at the same time for men who average age 40.

[Griffin McElroy]

True.

[Travis McElroy]

And then we were told we weren't allowed to climb on shit.

[Clint McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Otherworld was a truly transportive, wonderful experience. And you all are lucky to have it here. It's a wonderful place. But they do need to let big boys climb on stuff.

[Travis McElroy]

Cause they made everything look so fucking climbable.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, I think it's fucked up how they don't let big boys climb on stuff or hang on stuff or draw on stuff.

[Clint McElroy]

We decided to make this the launch point for our another world that's after theirs.

[Griffin McElroy]

Apostrophe in another world.

[Clint McElroy]

And in our house, I'll put it.

[Travis McElroy]

In the empty Best Buy right next door to theirs.

[Clint McElroy]

Yeah, I think it's an abandoned Circuit City. It's an abandoned Circuit City.

[Travis McElroy]

No, it's blue.

[Griffin McElroy]

Doesn't matter. Soon it's gonna be full of alien shit for big boys to swing on.

[Travis McElroy]

And ladders. Fuck yeah, ladders.

[Griffin McElroy]

There's gonna be ladders for you to play on too. For sure.

[Travis McElroy]

And you know when you go to an escape room and they're like, we put stickers on vents and shit that you don't pull off the walls. The stickers are for things you should pull off the walls.

[Clint McElroy]

Yeah. The vents are suggestions the vents are opening offers. You guys see what's behind those guys.

[Griffin McElroy]

Also, if you're a kid at Another world, you can't complain about how tired you are.

[Clint McElroy]

Yeah. And also, if you see an adult that's working hard on one of the puzzles, you have to let him do it. You have to let him do it before you just start hitting a bunch of switches and buttons.

[Travis McElroy]

Cause it's the order of things, Tyler. I went green, blue, and then you just hit red, orange.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm trying to milk a space cow. Tyler, get the fuck out of here.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't care if it's your birthday.

[Griffin McElroy]

Otherworld really made a choice with the space cow milking room. The rest of it. I was like, I see where you're going with this. And then you do turn a corner and it's like, milk this huge space cow. I was like, whoa.

[Travis McElroy]

What? I love. It really did highlight how it was for all ages because at one point there was, like, weird vines, right, that had, like, utter, like, growths out of them. And I watched Henry, who's 8, be like, oh, udders. And grab one of the teeth.

[Griffin McElroy]

I watched our dad, who.

[Travis McElroy]

And then I saw our dad do it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Our dad tried to milk a big inflatable tentacle. And it was like, is this. Do we need to have a talk?

[Travis McElroy]

And no one was looking. It wasn't a bit. For a kid, it was done in a lot of sincerity.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think he thought a puzzle was going to come squirting out.

[Travis McElroy]

I was puzzled to be a fan.

[Clint McElroy]

If you haven't been to the Otherworld, it's in a. It's in a strip mall that is largely abandoned. It's one of abandoned places I've ever seen. It looks like an EMP went off and just all the stores except for this Other world, right? So it's this large, black obelisk in the middle of this largely abandoned area. And then it just says Otherworld in nondescript letters outside. And I kept thinking, I get it now that there's reviews and stuff online. But the first person who's in one of the scariest, most abandoned places I've ever been, and they see a sign that says otherworldly. Do you know how raw it has to be for you to be like, eh, fuck it. Yeah, I'll get.

[Travis McElroy]

You know what?

[Clint McElroy]

Fuck it. I'll give it a shot.

[Travis McElroy]

Why not?

[Clint McElroy]

It's gotta beat this, right? Come on, let's go. Let's roll the dice.

[Travis McElroy]

I was expecting to see a sign as we pulled up that it Just said this can't be the right Place Plaza.

[Clint McElroy]

It is, but it is.

[Travis McElroy]

This can't be it. Oh, there it is.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thank you for having us, Otherworld. Don't yell at us next time. We're big. We're fucking high rollers, boys.

[Travis McElroy]

We work hard, grown up jobs and pay taxes so that we can climb on stuff.

[Griffin McElroy]

Cosi lets me climb on stuff.

[Clint McElroy]

That's. Cosi lets you wrestle the play the rats in basketball. If you give them $100, Cosi lets.

[Griffin McElroy]

You touch a breast.

[Clint McElroy]

It's true, Griffin.

[Travis McElroy]

To be fair, Otherworld did too.

[Griffin McElroy]

A cow, but it was that of a space cow.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, well, don't get choosy.

[Griffin McElroy]

I remember going to seeing the breast exam demonstration at Cosi when I was way too young to take that seriously in the way that it deserves. And I was also there on a youth group trip, and that's when the wheels really started to fall off the wagon for me, I think, in my walk, so to speak.

[Travis McElroy]

Cause you were like, this is way better than anything that Jesus guy did.

[Griffin McElroy]

I was worried. I was worried someone was in the youth group, was gonna see me do it. So then I went right next door to the testicular check area just to be like, all right, I'm here. I'm a scientist. I'm a doctor.

[Clint McElroy]

I'm going to the Columbus Zoo on Saturday specifically to see their wombat. Wombats are my favorite animal. And they're one of the only, like, only four zoos in the US that have one. I believe his name is Glenn.

[Griffin McElroy]

Fucking good.

[Travis McElroy]

That's a great wombat name. That sounds like a wombat who has some worries. Yeah, yeah, sure, right? I picture Glenn like, oh, fuck. I was supposed to turn that report in yesterday. God damn it.

[Clint McElroy]

I desperately want to hug the wombat, as this might be my only chance ever to meet one. They are so round and adorable. But the zoo doesn't offer any option to give them extra money to pet or meet them like they do with some of the other animals.

[Travis McElroy]

You know the ones.

[Clint McElroy]

You know how you heard the rumors. How can I get them to let me hug the wombat? That's from wanting the wombat from Williamsport. Are you here?

[Griffin McElroy]

Hello?

[Travis McElroy]

There you are.

[Clint McElroy]

Don't be embarrassed.

[Travis McElroy]

I just want to say, hearing it said many times by my brother out loud, I don't think wombat is the right name for that creature.

[Griffin McElroy]

All right?

[Travis McElroy]

Because it's not. It doesn't have many bat like features.

[Clint McElroy]

We're not gonna.

[Travis McElroy]

And it's a big. When I hear wombat what I want is a koala with bat wings. Yeah, that's what it should be. And I'm now realizing I don't know what a wombat actually looks like.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm realizing that too. Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm just picturing a quall with bat wings that I think I have been all day and thinking, yeah, yeah, that's exactly it.

[Clint McElroy]

That's it.

[Griffin McElroy]

You got it in one. All I remember is that they shit cubes. And that's all right with me.

[Clint McElroy]

Pretty cool.

[Travis McElroy]

I think you could get away with asking. I mean, they might not say yes, but I don't think that you become like a zookeeper without being interested in hugging the animals at the zoo. I think that that's probably your starting point.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sorry, you think that's the. The qualification?

[Travis McElroy]

No, I didn't say you don't. You have to be qualified in hugging. I said an interest in it. That when you're like 8 years old, you're like, I want to hug that wombat. So I'm going to go to years of schooling to become a zookeeper so I can hug that wombat.

[Clint McElroy]

When you have an interest in hugging to be a zookeeper, I don't think an interest in hugging should disqualify you, though.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm not saying a qualification. I'm not saying. They asked you in the job interview, hey, do you like hugging? Get out.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think what Travis is saying is that there probably isn't a zookeeper who when they wander into the panda exhibit and the panda comes to hug their leg, they're like, oh, fuck. Gross. Yeah. Oh, gross. Get out.

[Travis McElroy]

Fuzzy.

[Clint McElroy]

Fuck.

[Travis McElroy]

Gross.

[Clint McElroy]

Fuck. What I'm saying is that hugging is one of nature's first attacks. And I think that if you are dumb enough to get lured in by animal hugs, I don't want you working at my zoo.

[Travis McElroy]

There's a high turnover rate.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can you say you are a location scout for some sort of wombat based film? Maybe We Bought a Zoo 2. It's front of mind for me right now in this present moment.

[Travis McElroy]

Wombatman Begins.

[Griffin McElroy]

Wombatman Begins is pretty good, Travis. Yeah, absolutely. We'll allow it. You could say that you are the assistant of a perverse billionaire who really wants to touch this wombat. But you were sent in as the advanced team.

[Travis McElroy]

He has certain specifications he's looking for.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes. And then you can get in there with the wombat, really pick it up and examine it, and then set it down and be like, no, he's not right.

[Clint McElroy]

This isn't the one you'll give the wombat a complex, too. It'll be a great afternoon.

[Travis McElroy]

What if you were the first one to ask and they were like, yeah, you totally can. No one's ever asked before. Yeah, why would we have wombats and not let people hug them? That's mean.

[Clint McElroy]

I think you've kind of messed yourself up here by considering this. One of the opportunities you have to hug a wombat because you're saying it's the only chance you're going to have. And I just want to remind you, it is also still not that, like, just because it's the closest to it.

[Travis McElroy]

Right.

[Clint McElroy]

It is. Like, just because you are in physical proximity to it does not mean this is, like, your chance to do it.

[Travis McElroy]

Right.

[Clint McElroy]

You still can't. There's still quite a few. The physical distance between you and the wombat is not the preliminary only problem keeping you from hugging the wombat.

[Travis McElroy]

Now, let's assume that a zoo like membership with as many times going as you want is financially feasible for you. How many times do you think they would have to go and how long each time would they have to stand on looking longingly at the wombat exhibit before a zoo employee was like, okay, fine.

[Clint McElroy]

Well, Trav, one of two things is going to happen. Either a zoo employee will take pity, or they will eventually spot a crack. You're eventually going to see a week.

[Travis McElroy]

That's in a week.

[Clint McElroy]

You're just going to be like Bill Murray Groundhog Day, just, like, slipping past the guards.

[Griffin McElroy]

Every Thursday, they reset the electric fence power supply from 11am to 11.05am that's your window.

[Clint McElroy]

If I open the lion enclosure, I can slip through there to get to the wombats.

[Travis McElroy]

No, I'm glad they returned to the Ocean's Universe, but I think Ocean's 14 was the weirdest fucking one.

[Griffin McElroy]

Really, really low stakes.

[Clint McElroy]

I need some advice. I'm here at your show in Columbus with my younger brother. After we bought tickets to your shows this week, we found out our eldest brother is also a fan of the show. Should we either avoid telling him and all of social media about this experience and keep it a secret, or do you brotherly experts know how we can break the bad news of his not attendance of this most likely amazing show? That's from my brother, not my other brother and me in Columbus, Ohio.

[Griffin McElroy]

Now, are you here?

[Clint McElroy]

Wait, no. Hold on.

[Travis McElroy]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Clint McElroy]

This is a big Are you here?

[Griffin McElroy]

Before you say, are you here? If you are here, I need you to disguise your voice somehow. Like you're being interviewed anonymously. So I'll ask. Are you here? Okay, that's great. Big mistake.

[Travis McElroy]

Before. Before we say anything else, I just want to point out this show wasn't sold out.

[Clint McElroy]

Totally could have gotten a tick for the big bro.

[Griffin McElroy]

Totally could have hooked big bro up, no problemo. In fact, you're rubbing our nose in the fact that you didn't buy an extra ticket to this show.

[Clint McElroy]

If this show would have been sold out and you had emailed us this story, we would have found a way to get the NHL.

[Travis McElroy]

We would have done something. Something.

[Clint McElroy]

We would have made it happen.

[Griffin McElroy]

But no, you went a different way about it. Process of elimination. They're gonna figure out this is you and your brother for sure.

[Clint McElroy]

Okay, before we do any jokes about this, I need to have a serious moment. If you folks who enjoy this podcast are not talking to your immediate loved ones about my brother, my brother, me, you are failing us in the most fundamental way I can imagine. The idea that you have not spoken to this brother who not only might like our show, but does about our show.

[Travis McElroy]

Danny's one of three siblings. What if you're one of the fuck. We're talking about a brother. A brother. And you. And you weren't like, hey, you know what this fucking reminds me of?

[Clint McElroy]

Like, it never came up. You were never like, I wonder if Peter likes this too. Like, it never crossed your mind to even fucking ask?

[Travis McElroy]

Like, I checked out that Zach Braff show about the guy who started a podcast corporation. I didn't want to, but it makes sense.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Clint McElroy]

Hey, one second. Charlie and Cooper, can you say woo? Those are my kids. I'm trying to feed them with this podcast. Just please, you have to tell your family members about our podcast.

[Travis McElroy]

That's a good selling point, too. If you're like, this show's really good, and he's got hungry kids.

[Clint McElroy]

You got hungry kids. Please talk to your brothers.

[Travis McElroy]

Call my brother. My brother.

[Clint McElroy]

Me, too.

[Griffin McElroy]

For the reason.

[Travis McElroy]

And any sibling, to be fair, doesn't have to be brothers or. But at least brothers.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. For the reasons we have outlined, you obviously cannot let your brother know that you have done this ever. It is a crime.

[Clint McElroy]

The cruelty is unthinkable. Your capacity for it.

[Griffin McElroy]

I mean, so you're. Yeah. You're gonna need to go dark. Everyone else needs to make up for the darkness of social media that you are going to need to experience. You cannot let a single.

[Travis McElroy]

None of you talk about this show.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, the rest of you talk about this show.

[Travis McElroy]

The show didn't happen. It got Rained.

[Griffin McElroy]

You specifically need to burn your ticket stubs and then scatter the ashes into a river or something.

[Travis McElroy]

Maybe come up with an alibi. Tell him you took a surprise trip, just you and your brother, to, like, Vegas. Yeah. And had a great time without him there.

[Griffin McElroy]

You went to a taping of the Joe Rogan Experience and not a live show.

[Travis McElroy]

You got to sit in studio.

[Griffin McElroy]

But what if your brother is like, damn, I'm a huge JRE head fuck.

[Travis McElroy]

If there's two things I love because of how similar they are, it's the McElroy brothers and the Joe Rogan Experience. Two great tastes that taste great together. It's all the shared views they have. I've only listened to two episodes of both, but.

[Griffin McElroy]

Man, I feel like I'm gasping for a segment.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, are you?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, Trav, I'm dying for a segment.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, I don't know if you guys know this, but we're in the home of the Ohio State.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes.

[Travis McElroy]

Which is home to the very famous Brutus the Buckeye, who is an anthropomorphic buckeye man.

[Clint McElroy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

And it got me thinking about mascots. So I came up with a whole new segment called Mascot Madness.

[Griffin McElroy]

Wow. Wow. Is there art? Is this.

[Travis McElroy]

Wow, hold on.

[Griffin McElroy]

This is really fucking abstract tricks.

[Travis McElroy]

Hold on and play Mascot Madness University edition.

[Griffin McElroy]

Now, wait, now, hold on.

[Clint McElroy]

Dude. Hey, dude, you just made this up and you're already doing an edition of it?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Clint McElroy]

You're spinning it off. It's like as it's coming into being, it has another head just extending from its abdomen. It would be like if the university.

[Griffin McElroy]

New in story. It's the first seen it game. Murder she Wrote edition.

[Meredith P.]

Fuck it.

[Travis McElroy]

It's a little thing called the long game. I have a long view of this.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's Trivial Pursuit, Rugrats edition. The first one of them.

[Clint McElroy]

This fucking quado emerging from Travis's mind is what it is.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm not gonna apologize to you guys for having a plan, okay, Man, I so rarely do. I'm going to tell you about three, three university mascots and ask you a trivia question about them, okay?

[Clint McElroy]

Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

Let's see. Our first mascot, Paul fucking shit dog. Friar Dom, the mascot for Providence College.

[Griffin McElroy]

He's gotta be Friar Dom, though. Are you sure, man?

[Travis McElroy]

Friar Dom.

[Clint McElroy]

He's certainly a friar.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm happy to be in charge.

[Travis McElroy]

This monastic monster strikes fear into the opposing team and anyone who makes eye contact with him. Griffin, do you want to describe him for the people at home?

[Griffin McElroy]

Imagine the face of the biggest sexual deviant you've ever seen in your entire life with the hair of maybe a late stage beetle And I'm sorry, Mr.

[Travis McElroy]

Johnson, you have late stage Beatles.

[Clint McElroy]

Imagine if the berries and cream guy went missing for three weeks and then re emerged in a lake.

[Griffin McElroy]

With an eight yard wide, ghastly grin across his face and hungry eyes.

[Travis McElroy]

All right, let's see that question, Paul. Friar Tom is often accompanied by what animal companion? A, Francisco the sheep, B, Brutus the Holstein bull, C, Huxley the Dalmatian, or D, Dingus the fruit bass?

[Griffin McElroy]

I want it to be Dingus the fruit bat so bad that I'm gonna say it.

[Travis McElroy]

We don't.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't want the answer.

[Clint McElroy]

Yeah, you don't wanna cheat.

[Griffin McElroy]

We're better than that. But it does feel like Francisco the sheep is the correct answer.

[Clint McElroy]

Yeah, I would say Francisco the sheep for sure. Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Because of the religious.

[Clint McElroy]

Sort of the religious angle.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, let's reveal Huxley the Dalmatian. Hey.

[Griffin McElroy]

Fucking cool. I feel like you cheated Huxley. The Dalmatians vibe right now is like, yeah, I'm hanging with Friar Dom. Fucking chill about it. He's actually a super cool dude if you get to know him.

[Travis McElroy]

I know he's not good on first impressions or whatever, but this guy saved my life. Do you want to see the original Friar Dom and the original Dalmatian? Yeah, we do.

[Griffin McElroy]

Does he have. Yes, dude.

[Clint McElroy]

Yes, dude right there.

[Travis McElroy]

That's Providence College's original Friar Dom. And it used to be a live Dalmatian named Fire Boy. But after Fire Boy the fifth passed away, they said, you know what? Maybe a guy in a suit is a better way to go.

[Griffin McElroy]

He looks like in the they Might Be Giants music videos when they would put, like, a big president head on them for some reason.

[Travis McElroy]

All right, let's see our next mascot. Paul Otto the Orange from Syracuse University.

[Griffin McElroy]

All right, some Syracuse fans in the house.

[Travis McElroy]

Now, I found conflicting reports here. One that said he is the fruit an orange, but also one that said he is an anthropomorphization of the color orange.

[Clint McElroy]

Oh, wow.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay. He's also spherical. So I'm gonna go with the fruit one.

[Travis McElroy]

I want it to be the fruit. All right, Paul, let's see that question. Which of these.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hold on, Paul. Go back and now go forward. That's a different fucking guy. Go back again and forward. The vibe's way different, guys, I like this guy.

[Clint McElroy]

He's gonna sell you a lotto ticket that's already scratched off.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, dude, it looks like his hat. If you could see the other Angle of it says, suck my orange dick.

[Clint McElroy]

It's all jumbled in the ck. My orange dick is all on one side.

[Travis McElroy]

Which of these was one of the names considered for Otto before being rejected out of fearing of rhyming with an insult? A, Cupid. B, Opie. C, Jingle Jerry. D, Art.

[Griffin McElroy]

I mean, Art.

[Clint McElroy]

Opie.

[Griffin McElroy]

Art. Could be fart.

[Clint McElroy]

It's dopey, man. People love Snow White back then.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, I'm gonna say art, just. But damn. Jingle Cherry's really. I'm gonna say Jingle Jerry. Cause that's where my heart wants to go, Travis.

[Travis McElroy]

And you said what, Justin? I would.

[Clint McElroy]

What I said was, griffin, what insult? Okay, thank you, Justin.

[Griffin McElroy]

Got it in one. It is though, because what's going on with his fucking morphology here? The fuck is up with his anatomy, dude?

[Travis McElroy]

Jingle Jerry would be Dingleberry Justin.

[Clint McElroy]

Thank you, Travis. This is him giving birth, actually.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, well, this is him after he had some ribs removed. Yeah, I finally did it, guys.

[Clint McElroy]

That's why.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can you go back again, Paul?

[Clint McElroy]

Can you go back?

[Griffin McElroy]

The reason he's so pissed off here is because he hadn't quite figured out how to do the next thing that it's image in the next slide yet.

[Clint McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Now he's satisfied.

[Clint McElroy]

He got what he needs until that he was blue. What is the.

[Griffin McElroy]

Jesus Christ, Justin.

[Clint McElroy]

That's just one thing you could say.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, next slide, Paul. Fun fact about Otto. He is portrayed throughout the year by a select crew of 10 to 12 students whose identities are kept anonymous.

[Griffin McElroy]

A third fucking vibe. They have put on this anthropomorphized orange.

[Travis McElroy]

This feels more like a trophy hunting.

[Clint McElroy]

Yeah, he looks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, important mascot point. If you give something legs, you can't take them away. You know what I mean? Like, once you say Otto has legs, he always has to have legs. Otherwise don't bring him round.

[Travis McElroy]

All right, and our final mascot, Paul. Big Red.

[Griffin McElroy]

All right.

[Travis McElroy]

Western Kentucky University's Big Red.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, the crotchet area sucks to see on a big screen. Maybe go ahead to the next slide, Paul, just so you don't get any.

[Travis McElroy]

Decency, which of these statements about Big Red is false? A, Big Red is non binary. B, students who portray Big Red must never reveal their identity. C, Big Red is in the Mascot hall of Fame, or D, Big Red signature moves are the belly slide and the belly shake.

[Clint McElroy]

I have decided that it's C because I don't think the Mascot hall of Fame exists.

[Griffin McElroy]

If they did, they sure wouldn't let in this fucking Reddit upvote symbol, man. I Mean, I also think it's C, but that's not very funny. I'll say B. I think if they let you be Big Red, you can be proud about it. I'm the world's premier non binary mascot. Sports mascot.

[Travis McElroy]

Let's show the answer, Paul. This belly shaking inside non binary icon was the first mascot inducted into the Capital One Mascot hall of Fame. Wait. Students who portray Big Red are permitted to wear the big red gloves at their graduation to reveal their identity. Can you imagine?

[Griffin McElroy]

Can you imagine? They call that nerdy kid from history. From gymnastics class. Why can't I think of a single college course?

[Travis McElroy]

We're too far out from it, I guess. So.

[Griffin McElroy]

From science. From book class, from college science. And he's like that blow my mind. I love you, Big Red.

[Clint McElroy]

Yes.

[Travis McElroy]

Last slide, Paul. Wait, sorry.

[Clint McElroy]

The first mascot. Hold on, hold on. The first. First mascot.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Clint McElroy]

So your kid, you're going to do a mascot hall of fame, and the first one you get is this jabroni.

[Griffin McElroy]

Whoa.

[Clint McElroy]

Sorry. What about Mr. Met? He's all right.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't know if he's eligible. Justin.

[Travis McElroy]

He's also.

[Griffin McElroy]

He's also kind of upsetting.

[Travis McElroy]

And he also bet on his own games.

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, show me this next slide. Paul. Tease me with a squeeze.

[Travis McElroy]

Yes. Big Red is out there every game, repping the WKU Hilltoppers and the Lady Toppers.

[Clint McElroy]

Fuck yeah. Hey. Hey. It's probably time to change that, don't you think? I bet it's not.

[Travis McElroy]

That's the original suit. It was made for $300 and was approved of by the college. Yeah, we love it.

[Griffin McElroy]

We love it.

[Travis McElroy]

Get that irritated penis in there.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, for sure. Man, he looks like if the noid got run over by a big truck.

[Travis McElroy]

And that's mascot minus.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thank you, Trav.

[Clint McElroy]

I love looking at those guys. It turns out I have a pretty cool scar on my big toe from the time I almost completely severed it with a hatchet.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sorry, can you read the first part of that sentence again? Cause there was some clapping and I missed the anatomy.

[Clint McElroy]

I have a pretty cool scar on my big toe from the time I almost completely stuck. Severed it with a hatchet. I think it's a really neat looking scar and I'd like to be able to show it to more people, but I don't know how to bring it up in casual conversation. How do I organically get people to acknowledge and appreciate my cool scar? And that's from it. Reallyiscool in Rochester.

[Griffin McElroy]

Are you here? All right.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm thinking about the physics of it, yes.

[Griffin McElroy]

This is my immediate question is what's your toe doing around the action line of a hatchet? I can't think of too many before.

[Travis McElroy]

If you almost severed, not split it in twain, mind you, which I'd get. You had your foot.

[Griffin McElroy]

Foot at a rakish angle.

[Clint McElroy]

Okay, now, Griffin, okay, now listen, I'm juggling you before we get too sassy here. If used as directed, most hatchets do tend to avoid the blood emitting sections of the body. I would argue if you have hit yourself with a hatchet since something has gone terribly wrong with the arc of the hatchet, no matter where you hit it was an unfortunate occurrence. I think, Griffin, it doesn't matter if it's at the toe or anywhere. It was probably a big mistake.

[Griffin McElroy]

Was it? Can you just shout a one word answer? Was this an injury of hubris or of accident?

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, you know what? Without saying yes or no, I get it. Yeah, for sure.

[Griffin McElroy]

I, generally speaking, am not scope and toes.

[Clint McElroy]

Yeah, uh huh.

[Travis McElroy]

Someone who is scope and toes to me, I don't think you'd go around, you wouldn't walk into a room like.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hey, I scope toes, I'm not scoping toes.

[Clint McElroy]

If I was the type of person.

[Griffin McElroy]

Who scoped toes and I saw a big scar on a toe, I'm not.

[Clint McElroy]

Gonna be like, the idea that I'd.

[Griffin McElroy]

Be like, what are those at your scars.

[Travis McElroy]

I will say this. If you're like out there in like sandals with this cool scar, they're not gonna bring it up, but they are excited if you like, hey, would you like to know how I got this wicked scar on my toe cut?

[Griffin McElroy]

You look, you're gonna have to do a lot of like propping your feet up on the cooler.

[Clint McElroy]

Yeah, no one's gonna ask. You could wear a shirt that says ask me about my bad toe and people still would not ask about it, I don't think.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, but you could use it like a early 2000s, like ABC sitcom Dad. Like, you know, seems like life's got you down. You didn't do too well on the test. You know what that reminds me of? The time I almost cut my toe off with a hatchet. Oh, what's that you'd like to see?

[Griffin McElroy]

I bet, I bet you would.

[Travis McElroy]

But first, let's talk about premarital sex or whatever.

[Griffin McElroy]

There'S, you know, when you commit premarital sex, it's a lot like you're cutting off a part of your body that you can't get back.

[Travis McElroy]

Now, luckily I didn't Go all the way with my toe? I stopped at third base.

[Griffin McElroy]

You'll have a lot more than a scar if you commit premarital sex. That scar's gonna be on your soul when you get to heaven.

[Travis McElroy]

Sorry, where? Heaven.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's where Mr. Bean goes when he dies.

[Clint McElroy]

I don't care how.

[Travis McElroy]

He goes to hell.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, I know Mr. Me goes to hell for sure.

[Clint McElroy]

I don't care if you figure out a way to bring it up in conversation. You can sell this story to me however you like. I am not, I repeat, not going to look at your toe. You could make a trailer for this story. You could do a fashion shoot for the toe. You could buy a cameo for me from the toe. I am not gonna look at it. No way, no how, no thank you.

[Travis McElroy]

Unless the scar spells something out.

[Griffin McElroy]

Their name. What'd you say your name was? Michael, you're never gonna believe this shit. I almost cut my toe off in the shape of your name. You gotta check this shit out. How'd you almost cut your toe off with a hatchet? It shouldn't be.

[Clint McElroy]

Were you barefoot?

[Griffin McElroy]

We're not gonna get the answer to this. Can you text someone a picture of your big toe scar and then immediately follow up? Immediately follow up with, oops, wrong person. Please delete.

[Clint McElroy]

I thought Griffin meant to like our organization, which we. I don't need it. No, can't be more explicit.

[Griffin McElroy]

We don't want to see your toes. And it's not because of the scar. That's just a general rule we have about toes.

[Travis McElroy]

Don't want to see no toes.

[Griffin McElroy]

No toes.

[Travis McElroy]

Here's what you do. Are you ready? You go to the people who are most important to you in your life. You tell them, hey, listen, if I ever get in a horrible accident and you have to identify my body without my head on it, I need you to see this scar.

[Griffin McElroy]

If I get too crazy with the hatchet again.

[Travis McElroy]

Listen, that hatchet's out to get me. Sometimes I see it in dark alleys following me around. If that hatchet ever gets me, I want you to be able to identify the wound.

[Clint McElroy]

Griffin, I'm so mad, man. Because Travis has had one of the best ideas I've ever heard, and you cheapened it into a joke. Travis had such a great solution to this problem. I can't believe you turned that into something as puerile as a goof. Travis just solved this one, Griffin. We should take a moment to recognize it. You're right.

[Travis McElroy]

I can't tell if you're serious or not. I'm not used to this kind of feedback.

[Griffin McElroy]

I guess I assumed that any suggestion we gave that had anything to do with when you talk to your friends and family about your death, that it wouldn't actually be on the level. But I apologize for misreading the situation.

[Clint McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Speaking of, have I told you guys about when I die, what I want?

[Griffin McElroy]

How are we gonna identify Travis? Probably from his many tattoos.

[Clint McElroy]

I would guess as a starting point.

[Travis McElroy]

That could be faked. I need you to look inside. I've swallowed a series of objects. The order is important, right? One of them is a key, but.

[Clint McElroy]

It'S not the one you think. Thank you, Ziggy.

[Travis McElroy]

I'll show you the diagram backstage. It's color coded. That matters.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Clint McElroy]

I'm not gonna hold your butt up to a candle, Travis, no matter what you say.

[Travis McElroy]

God damn it, Justin. It's in my will, so you legally have to.

[Griffin McElroy]

Legally, we have to hold his butt up.

[Clint McElroy]

I begrudging.

[Travis McElroy]

I need to carbon date some of the items.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sure. Thank you. We will.

[Clint McElroy]

I begrudgingly lift weights twice a week at a trendy. We'll say color themed. Jim. Sometimes my annoyance slips through Ringworld, my filter, and I'll mutter things out loud like, sorry, girls, fuck this shit. And I could be eating a donut and watching Endor right now. My spouse needed a minor procedure recently, and the surgeon told me in the post op that he recognized me from the gym. I can't stop thinking about what he might have heard me say. Brothers, how do I stop blurting out complaints when I'm pumping iron? That's from. Please don't spot me in Columbus, but are you here?

[Travis McElroy]

Yep. It's Orange Theory, Right. Are you worried about Orange Theory coming for you?

[Griffin McElroy]

No. They'll kick you right the fuck out.

[Travis McElroy]

Really?

[Griffin McElroy]

If they. Oh, they'll. Oh, man, they don't.

[Travis McElroy]

Orange Theory does not listen to where.

[Clint McElroy]

The splats come from. Dude. It's from people who got out of line.

[Griffin McElroy]

They get splatter.

[Clint McElroy]

They get turned into splats.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, splats are people.

[Clint McElroy]

Splats is orange. Splats are people.

[Griffin McElroy]

You gotta cuss to get strong.

[Clint McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Cussing is strength entering the body. When you let the profanity out, you're making room for the power of the weights.

[Clint McElroy]

There was a scientific study, wasn't there, recently.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Clint McElroy]

That if you cursed, it made you strong.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's true. Yeah.

[Clint McElroy]

Scientists did this. Oh, you remember. And it was only in all the journals. And if you did something you cursed, it would make you more powerful. Very briefly.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Are you talking about the brainchild episode that our children watched yesterday on Netflix Kids?

[Clint McElroy]

Yes, I believe I am talking about that data. Yes, Travis, there's been some research where cursing make you strong, I believe.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't get why I also go to the gym. I know. And I don't get why everyone isn't cussing. I'd feel so no one. Listen, even if you feel good after the gym, even if you feel good about how much it hurts to do the gym, no one fucking likes it. Yeah, right. If I said to any strong person who goes to the gym and works out all the time, you could look like this and feel like this without having to do it, they would do that. So why isn't everyone like, fuck this constantly while they're doing it, I'd look around and be like, yeah, man.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, man.

[Travis McElroy]

I agree. I get this.

[Griffin McElroy]

Is this an opportunity for us to open the world's first nasty R rated, but only for language gym?

[Travis McElroy]

And you can climb on shit.

[Griffin McElroy]

You can climb on whatever you want.

[Clint McElroy]

Ride on anything.

[Travis McElroy]

And no one's allowed to slam the weights down when they're done. Those are the three things.

[Clint McElroy]

And everybody has their own machine that.

[Griffin McElroy]

They bring from home.

[Travis McElroy]

And they do it outside. Cause we couldn't pay rent this month. And I have been thinking about. There's a gym that I see in Cincinnati all the time called House of Pain.

[Griffin McElroy]

Fucking yeah, man.

[Travis McElroy]

I want to open a bakery right next to it called House of Pain.

[Clint McElroy]

That's convenient too. Cause you whale on the pecs and.

[Travis McElroy]

Then a little treat afterwards. Yeah, treat for the peck whale. Feed yourself a croissant. You fucking earned it. Cause that shit's.

[Griffin McElroy]

It sucks so bad.

[Clint McElroy]

That's why I had to give it up, man. It was too bad for my walk with Christ. That's why I can't work out anymore. I curse so much. And like all the weights I left in the world, if I get strong like that, I still can't be really truly strong if I'm having. There's a lot of distance between.

[Travis McElroy]

You're not strong enough to carry the weight of the sins.

[Griffin McElroy]

You know what I mean? The walk with Christ is purely an aerobic workout. There is no.

[Travis McElroy]

That's the problem. And sometimes he has to carry you. You can't even.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, for sure.

[Travis McElroy]

Like, no matter how much you walk, you. You can't keep doing it for me.

[Clint McElroy]

You see where there was one set of footprints? That's where you had no gains.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. They never mentioned in that thing how disappointed Jesus sounds in that moment. Where he's like, that's where I carried you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Fuck.

[Clint McElroy]

Jeremy, really?

[Travis McElroy]

We've been walking for 10 minutes. What gives? The hotel's right there.

[Griffin McElroy]

I told you, don't wear those shoes to the beach. I'm gonna end up carrying you.

[Clint McElroy]

Do you think when that person finished Footsteps, they were like, there it is. The funniest thing anyone's ever done.

[Travis McElroy]

There's the. There's the setup. Let the punchlines roll in.

[Clint McElroy]

It is the first half of the greatest joke in the world. You can pull it at any point and it still kills. It's better.

[Justin McElroy]

It's better with you.

[Travis McElroy]

Hi, everybody, it's us, the McElroy brothers.

[Griffin McElroy]

What's up?

[Clint McElroy]

Yay. Justin here.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, okay. You know. You know what really brings the McElroy brothers together?

[Clint McElroy]

Ad reads.

[Travis McElroy]

Ad reads. Money. Squarespace is what I was gonna say.

[Clint McElroy]

If it weren't for Squarespace, I'm not sure I would be talking to my brothers as often as I do, to be honest with you folks.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, it's the power of beautifully designed and easy to set up websites is what brings the McRoy brothers together. If there's one thing we can agree on, it's website design.

[Clint McElroy]

A lot of people forget that. My brother, my brother, me. The podcast was spun off from mbmbam.com, the website.

[Griffin McElroy]

True.

[Clint McElroy]

So we had to start somewhere.

[Travis McElroy]

And you know, we agree on Squarespace because Squarespace gives you everything you need to offer services and get paid all in one place. They have cutting edge design, everything you could possibly need to set up a beautiful and functional website all of your very own.

[Clint McElroy]

Yeah, you never know when you're going to need to pop up a website when an idea will strike you. And Squarespace really lowers that barrier, lets you get right started on your creative project before the spark flies away.

[Travis McElroy]

Griffin just had a great idea right now. Griffin, what's that idea?

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, I'm not going to say it here because someone will snatch it up. And that's why I did want to say, if you're a listener of our show and you have idea for a website, I'm going to find out. I'm going to snatch it up before you get to it. So you better use Squarespace fast. Whoa.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, you better hurry. Head to squarespace.com mybrother for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code mybrother all one word to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

[Griffin McElroy]

Subscriptions are like a little burglar who comes to your house every month so that you can continue watching your programs, getting your creams, whatever you're subscribed to, you're enjoying this stuff. But there is a little burglar. Sometimes you stop using the creams. That burglar still comes unless you kill him. Rocket Money will kill the burglar for you. This is in the ad copy. It says Rocket Money will kill the burglar for you. Rocket Money.

[Clint McElroy]

He will let you and your wife watch.

[Griffin McElroy]

Rocket money is $1,000 personal financing.

[Clint McElroy]

He will let your wife kill the burglar for $10,000.

[Griffin McElroy]

And snuff film manufacturer that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when they use all the app's premium features.

[Travis McElroy]

That's a lot of burglar carcasses piling up.

[Griffin McElroy]

It sure is.

[Clint McElroy]

These things are stacking like cordwood. Thank you so much.

[Griffin McElroy]

Every time I use Rocket Money, it always catches some stuff in the dragnet to step away from the burglar murder metaphor for just a moment. And it is now.

[Clint McElroy]

It's a nationwide manhunt.

[Griffin McElroy]

We will come right back. It always grabs stuff and I always save a bunch of money. And Rocket Money can help you do that also and help you meet your financial goals and other stuff in the process. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Download the Rocket Money app and enter my show name, my brother, my brother and me in the survey so they know I sent you. Don't wait. Download the Rocket Money app today and tell them you heard about it from my show.

[Travis McElroy]

And a quick couple announcements for everybody. Thank you so much to everyone who came out to see us in Columbus. The shows are great. It was super fun. Thank you for having us. Next up, we're going to be in Anaheim doing Dadlands and My Brother, My Brother and Me. And then in Sacramento doing My Brother, My Brother and me. And later, we're coming to Texas, Georgia and Utah. All Taz shows this year will be Taz versus except for the Anaheim Dadlands show. So tickets for all those shows are on sale now. More info and ticket links available at Bit Ly McElroyTours. And go check out the merch over at the McElroy merch store. McElroymerch.com There's a new 20 ThunderDrive pin. There's a Monster Factory sticker Set a. Thanks for vibing and keeping it tight. Tees are back in stock. Woo. 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to the Transgender Law Center. Thank you. Montaigne, whose new album it's hard to be a Fish is out now.

[Griffin McElroy]

Fucking rips. I was listening to it this morning. It's so good. Also, I just announced I'm writing a choose your own adventure book. It comes out next March.

[Clint McElroy]

He hasn't signed any deals to do it, but he's trying to use the power of visualization to get it in the universe.

[Griffin McElroy]

I wrote it in a little envelope and I put it in a balloon and I let it go into the sky. But it is real and it comes out in March. It's called the Stowaway. And you can pre order it now at bit lygryphenstowaway. And it would be very helpful if you'd do that. Books can be great. Enjoy the rest of the episode. Sorry, Justin just burped. And we will.

[Clint McElroy]

I was clearing my throat, actually.

[Griffin McElroy]

And we will be back with another episode next week.

[Travis McElroy]

Bye.

[Clint McElroy]

Bye.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hello, this is Alex.

[Travis McElroy]

Hello, this is Katie.

[Griffin McElroy]

We host secretly Incredibly fascinating. And this week we released our 250th episode 250d d d. Every episode stands on its own. And every episode is about a seemingly ordinary topic. We reveal the history and the science of stuff like salt and clouds and your computer mouse. And episode 250 is about the word hello. Hello.

[Travis McElroy]

Hello.

[Griffin McElroy]

You know that word? You're ready to go. So let us say hello to you. Find secretly incredibly [e-mail].

[Katie H.]

Hi, is this Brennan?

[Griffin McElroy]

This is Brennan.

[Katie H.]

This is Ben Harrison. I'm the host of the Greatest Generation and Greatest Trek, along with my buddy Adam on Maximum Fun. I am calling because you, Brennan, have been named Maximum Funds Member of the Month.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, my God. I'm so honored to be the Max.

[Clint McElroy]

Fund Member of the Month.

[Katie H.]

As Member of the month, you'll be getting a gift card to the Max Fund store, a special member of the month bumper sticker, and a special priority parking spot at the Max Fund headquarters in Los Angeles, California, just for you. That's a perk that I don't even get as a host of shows on the network.

[Clint McElroy]

This all sounds fantastic.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm going to have to figure out.

[Clint McElroy]

A way to use that parking spot.

[Katie H.]

Brennan, you have to do it. Just to rub it in my face alone. Have a great day and live long and prosper. I don't know how to do this.

[Clint McElroy]

That works.

[Griffin McElroy]

I will do my best to live long and prosper.

[Clint McElroy]

Become a Max Fund member [e-mail] join.

[Griffin McElroy]

We are going to turn things over to you all now. We're gonna call some folks down to this microphone. If we can get a light up on this microphone here at Stage center, right down this center aisle. When you come down to the microphone, if you want to tell us your name, your pronouns, if you would like and tell us what your question is. And we will do our best to do the thing that we do.

[Travis McElroy]

Hi.

[Griffin McElroy]

How's it going? Oh, it's lit from below dramatically. Whoa.

[Clint McElroy]

Okay. This is wild.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Clint McElroy]

I love it. Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

Hi.

[Meredith P.]

Hi.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm Meredith P. Hi, Meredith P. Hello.

[Meredith P.]

She her.

[Clint McElroy]

Hi, Meredith.

[Griffin McElroy]

What is your question?

[Meredith P.]

So my neighbors, they put this, like, garden gnome out by the curb like that. It was trash, and it was really cute. And so I really wanted to take it and display it in my own yard, but then they would probably see that I had displayed it and been like, why did you take our trash and display it? So I was wondering, like, what. How. How could I do that?

[Griffin McElroy]

Take a trash gnome and make it.

[Meredith P.]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Different. Unrecognizable enough to your neighbors that you wouldn't get clocked on it. Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Can I answer your question with a question?

[Meredith P.]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Isn't it wild that there is a section of yard that someone can put a lawn gnome in? And you're like, that's not decoration anymore. It's trash. Where? If it had been like, four feet further back, you'd be like, that's not fair.

[Griffin McElroy]

Someone's beloved family area. And then they're there and you're like.

[Travis McElroy]

I could take that and they won't care.

[Meredith P.]

Yeah.

[Clint McElroy]

What would you say to a Sharpie mustache?

[Travis McElroy]

Ooh, incognito.

[Clint McElroy]

Incognito.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think it's gonna need to be more than that. You're gonna need to rub in to your neighbor how bad they fucked up by not taking better care of this gnome. You're gonna need to set them up with their own little rec room area in your front yard.

[Travis McElroy]

With footprints going from where they left it to your yard.

[Clint McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

With a note. A note at the start of the footprints that says, I'm way happier now.

[Travis McElroy]

And see if you can make it bigger and stronger. Maybe like some paper mache muscles and abs where it's like, if you had taken better care of me, I could have been bringing this.

[Griffin McElroy]

Since I got with Meredith, I've been taking way better care of myself.

[Travis McElroy]

This is my revenge bod.

[Clint McElroy]

Meredith. What? I would ask of you is that it doesn't so much matter how you get this gnome over into your yard from their trash. But here's what I'm gonna ask. The next time they put something out in the trash, I do need you to go over and put that in your yard too. So if they leave an exercise back out there, I need you to go get the bike and put it in your yard. Put some flowers on it or something. Be like, hell yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

And then move the gnome one yard over to your other neighbor's yard.

[Clint McElroy]

Keep throwing stuff away, idiot. I'm gonna keep taking it and then.

[Travis McElroy]

Eventually loop it back around down the street back to their yard. Now it's a closed loop.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, this is Meredith.

[Travis McElroy]

That's how we build neighborhoods. Yeah.

[Clint McElroy]

Does that help? Merida?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes.

[Meredith P.]

That sounds like a great plan.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thank you so much, Meredith.

[Clint McElroy]

Thank you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Clint McElroy]

Hello.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hi.

[Meredith P.]

Hi, I'm Katie H. I had a question last time I saw you live about hot air balloons.

[Griffin McElroy]

You had a question last time you were on the live episode of mbimbi. I'm here in Columbus. Can you give a brief primer to the folks who were not at that show?

[Meredith P.]

Yeah. So every year I've lived in my home, a hot air balloon has landed, crashed, or tried to land in my yard.

[Clint McElroy]

Right.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'll be honest, Katie. A lot of the questions kind of run together in my mind. When I saw this one, I was like, oh, yeah, I fucking remember that now.

[Travis McElroy]

To be fair, last time we talked about this, we determined that Katie needed to stop putting out the hotter balloon feeders that were attracting nothing.

[Griffin McElroy]

Now, sir, so what's the update?

[Meredith P.]

So I took your advice and I bought a cactus and fuck, that's good.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. We nailed it, man.

[Clint McElroy]

Good job, us. Good joke.

[Meredith P.]

I haven't had a hot air balloon land in my yard this year. And that is the first time in the five, almost six years I've lived there.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's June. Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

Are we like the McElroy cylinder fiscal year or what?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. How do you measure the year in hot air ballooning?

[Meredith P.]

It's been a year since.

[Travis McElroy]

How do you measure. Measure a year in hot air balloons?

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, so no balloons. I'm excited for you. So what's your question now?

[Meredith P.]

I kind of miss them.

[Clint McElroy]

How do I get em to come back?

[Griffin McElroy]

You kind of miss.

[Travis McElroy]

Listen, I can't believe you didn't see that coming. How many movies have you watched where someone has become burdened by, say, a lot of penguins? And they're like, I wanna get rid of these penguins. These Penguins are our burden. And by the end of the movie, they get rid of the penguins and they're like, fuck, man, you know what? I miss those penguins.

[Griffin McElroy]

Mr. Popper was like, how am I supposed to jerk off around here with all these penguins running around?

[Travis McElroy]

How am I supposed to pop off? That's what he calls it.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's what he calls it. Thank you. Yeah, absolutely. Did you get rid of the cactus?

[Clint McElroy]

No.

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, Katie, there's a clear causal connection between you getting the cactus and the hot air balloons. Not crashing and landing in your front yard anymore. That seems like a pretty good first step.

[Travis McElroy]

Here's what's gonna happen. You get rid of the cactus, a little baby hot air balloon is gonna come up, and you're gonna have to earn their trust. But then all the big hot air balloons are gonna see that that baby hot air balloon has a great. I'm still fucking thinking about birds. Yeah, different thinking about birds. Never mind.

[Clint McElroy]

Have you seen the balloon land at other houses near your house?

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, God. Like your neighbors?

[Meredith P.]

Yes.

[Travis McElroy]

You're fucking kidding me. Katie.

[Clint McElroy]

Katie. I'm gonna tell you something, Katie. I had a joke written in my head for when you said no. And what you did was you said, yes. And I have no. I mean, I don't.

[Travis McElroy]

That's bad.

[Griffin McElroy]

We can make jokes about that. Katie, don't feel bad.

[Clint McElroy]

It's just.

[Griffin McElroy]

It surprised us.

[Clint McElroy]

It was very surprising.

[Travis McElroy]

Was there a look on the hot air balloon pilot's face where they went, mmm, what now?

[Griffin McElroy]

Or did they look at you kind of side eye, like, you could have had this, but you were playing.

[Travis McElroy]

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Clint McElroy]

Have you thought about giving the cacti to your neighbor as a gift? And then all of a sudden, they're the asshole. Not you. Not to say. I mean, you know.

[Travis McElroy]

No, he's saying you're an asshole. Not like that.

[Clint McElroy]

Not like Travis meant it. But does that help?

[Griffin McElroy]

And you said it. Can you put out a big basket of snacks that says 4? Hot Air Balloon pilots only.

[Travis McElroy]

Wait, hold on. How do they feel about seeing a basket in the yard already?

[Clint McElroy]

Dude, no, it's not in the yard. You float the basket, man. Think about that. You put a bunch of smaller balloons on the basket, you float it up and you're like, free snacks. Of course they're gonna land there. Yes.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Turn your house into a uphouse.

[Travis McElroy]

Thank you.

[Clint McElroy]

Do a uphouse.

[Travis McElroy]

Now you're like an airlock for hot air balloons.

[Griffin McElroy]

Make it so they have to crash in your yard.

[Travis McElroy]

Cause your yard is the scout.

[Clint McElroy]

Although I gotta warn you, Katie, if you turn your house suit uphouse, you may just start to tell those other balloon guys to eat your dookie. Cause you've got the greatest feat of ballooning. A home that flies.

[Griffin McElroy]

Also, Katie, with a harpoon gun and some serious training, you can make any goddamn hot air balloon land in your yard that you want to.

[Clint McElroy]

Katie, does that help? Thank you, Katie. You did great. That's what it looks like. Okay. It's pretty creepy.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hello?

[Travis McElroy]

You're not Katie. You can still see her to this day.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's the lighting. Katie, it's not you.

[Travis McElroy]

Hello?

[Clint McElroy]

Hello, Katie.

[Griffin McElroy]

So this is we. I don't think we've ever brought two people up to the microphone at the same time. I assume you're Christina and Dylan. Yes, yes.

[Travis McElroy]

I want to start with Christina.

[Griffin McElroy]

Christina, if I may just sort of. I'll read Christina's question, which we saw first, and then about an hour later, we saw this question from Dylan. So we'll start with Christina. Do you mind if I read your question? Okay. How do I respectfully ensure that at least three guests decline my wedding invitation so I can invite ketchup, Relish, and most importantly, mustard. The Cleveland Guardians hot dog racers, followed by Dylan an hour later. How do I convince my fiance to finally give up her life ruining obsession with the Cleveland running hot dogs?

[Travis McElroy]

And can I tell you, Griffin, one of the things that strikes me right away that I love?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

That Dylan's like those Cleveland running hot dogs, and Christina's like the Cleveland Guardian racers.

[Griffin McElroy]

They have names. Ketchup, Relish, and Mustard. First of all, I'm glad that you two are engaged to each other, and this was not two completely separate.

[Clint McElroy]

That was my brother's legitimate concern. I was like, we should call him down together. And Griffin was like, what if they're not the same couple? And I was like, griffin, if that happens, it will be the best thing podcast anybody's ever done.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, Christina, can you give us some background, for starters, on this fascination that you have with these hot dog races?

[Niall]

That's a pretty loaded question.

[Travis McElroy]

Just like these hot dogs, am I right?

[Clint McElroy]

So I don't know. I don't know anything about them, so you gotta sell me a little bit.

[Niall]

Yeah. So they are the best part of the baseball game. If you don't really care about sports that much.

[Travis McElroy]

A big caveat, but go on. You know, if you don't care about anything else that happens, you don't keep.

[Clint McElroy]

Me from hearing about these hot dogs anymore. Travis, I swear, wanted John.

[Niall]

So, yeah, at like the sixth inning or Whatever they. They race. Mustard's the best one. They have a big social media presence.

[Travis McElroy]

But that can't be true because ketchup is always going to get there.

[Clint McElroy]

Personal preference, I don't think, because its name is ketchup.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, we got that.

[Clint McElroy]

Yeah, it's good.

[Griffin McElroy]

But mustard is the most athletic hot dog, and you can't change that, man.

[Niall]

So that's objective.

[Clint McElroy]

So let's get the counterpoint on that.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Dylan.

[Clint McElroy]

Dylan, what do you think of these.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hot dogs and how seriously have they run?

[Clint McElroy]

Or is it, like, are they ambulatory?

[Griffin McElroy]

They're ambulatory hot dogs. They're not even just ambulatory. They full on, like, knock each other over. They're rowdy. Oh, that's why you don't want them at the wedding is because they might fight each other at the wedding. They're built for speed and don't hate drama.

[Travis McElroy]

Dylan, that's not real. Like, in real life, they all hang out.

[Griffin McElroy]

I will agree with Travis here that if these three hot dog mascots come to your wedding, they will probably be on good behavior.

[Clint McElroy]

No way.

[Travis McElroy]

Absolutely not.

[Clint McElroy]

If they go, they're going with their social media director who's gonna be filming the whole thing. They're gonna be putting their hands in the chocolate fountains or whatever it's there. They're gonna be doing the whole thing into a whole kerfuffle.

[Travis McElroy]

Christina, is that part of the reason you want them there is to make.

[Griffin McElroy]

A big, messy chocolate mess?

[Clint McElroy]

You think it's gonna be messy?

[Niall]

I didn't want to, like, advertise that part, but. But, yeah.

[Clint McElroy]

Yeah. You want some mischief. I understand.

[Travis McElroy]

This feels like a moment where a couple's therapist will be like, so why do you think you need the hot dogs there?

[Griffin McElroy]

Do you need the hot dogs there, Christina? Cause I got the sense that it was just. You thought it would be fun and cool.

[Niall]

I think I might need them.

[Clint McElroy]

Dylan, can you tell me the conversation that led up to. Okay, okay, here's the deal. If three people cancel.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Clint McElroy]

Then at that point, I will consent to inviting your hot dogs. Is that where it should be?

[Travis McElroy]

Are they soft? Maybe. Yeah.

[Clint McElroy]

Where are we at?

[Griffin McElroy]

And also, where do you place them on the dinner?

[Travis McElroy]

Not at the same table, right?

[Griffin McElroy]

No. Never. Yeah. This is the other issue I have. We're serving Italian sausage and peppers.

[Clint McElroy]

Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

So, yeah, that's fucked up.

[Clint McElroy]

Very problematic.

[Travis McElroy]

You're worried about that moment where they push the plate back and they're like, I thank you.

[Clint McElroy]

I have some crackers in the car.

[Griffin McElroy]

Christina, I'll Be fine.

[Clint McElroy]

Thanks. All right.

[Griffin McElroy]

Christina, are you thinking that they would be more involved in the ceremony or the reception?

[Niall]

I mean, like, if one offered to officiate? I wouldn't say no to that.

[Griffin McElroy]

With mustard.

[Clint McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

What if relish was like, don't worry, I got you. Christina, would you be like, I maybe politely decline?

[Niall]

Respectfully, yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Are you worried about it being a real sausage party, Travis? I mean.

[Clint McElroy]

We get invited to weddings quite a bit. I will warn you, though, if we ever make good on one of those, we are making that wedding about us. Do you understand? And I think these hot dogs are going to do precisely that. This is no longer your wedding. You're a guest.

[Travis McElroy]

If one of those hot dogs doesn't object, that's what you want. Can I just say, if I was at a wedding and it's one of those where it's like, oh, there's. As a friend of a friend, I got brought, you know, as a guest. And in the middle of it, someone in a big hot dog mascot costume showed up and just yelled, hi, I'm Jack. I'd be like, fuck. This is the best thing that's ever happened in my whole life. I have two children. This is the most excited I've ever been.

[Griffin McElroy]

Now, I will say if you.

[Travis McElroy]

There they are.

[Griffin McElroy]

I got it. No.

[Clint McElroy]

Oh, they're people. Okay, so they're not.

[Griffin McElroy]

Wait, hold on.

[Travis McElroy]

Is that ketchup? Mustard and mayonnaise. This is. What's happening.

[Griffin McElroy]

Is the middle one relish?

[Travis McElroy]

That's not relish.

[Griffin McElroy]

I mean, it is hot dog relish.

[Clint McElroy]

Why are we yelling?

[Griffin McElroy]

Because we're so excited about these beautiful hot dogs.

[Clint McElroy]

Listen, can we make.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't.

[Clint McElroy]

I didn't realize there were people in costumes. Okay, so that. Actually, that makes a lot more sense.

[Travis McElroy]

No, wait, hold on. Justin, speak on that. What did you think?

[Clint McElroy]

I just didn't know. I mean, I didn't. I've never seen them before.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, okay, but if they weren't people in costumes, then what did you think.

[Travis McElroy]

Was gonna show up to the wedding?

[Clint McElroy]

I thought they were, like, animated.

[Travis McElroy]

So you thought.

[Griffin McElroy]

When Christina was saying, I want to invite them to the wedding, was it.

[Travis McElroy]

A Roger Rabbit kind of fucking deal?

[Griffin McElroy]

Christina was saying, I want to get in touch with the animators of the three hot dogs to get them to make a cell overlays.

[Clint McElroy]

In my defense, I found a lot of the previous conversation confusing. So, yeah, Griffin, I. Yeah, there were some holes. I was spotting the holes, too, man. Yeah, I saw the problems.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think you could probably swing this. It will be the only thing people talk about at your wedding, which is maybe cool, like, maybe fun, maybe what you want.

[Travis McElroy]

But they're gonna make it about that than anything else. Don't worry about that. If you can lock down these mascot characters, don't feel like your vows have to be good or whatever.

[Griffin McElroy]

Especially if you say, if mustard wins, the groom's side, free hot dogs, Mustard the ketchup. That's for the bright side.

[Travis McElroy]

And then if Relish wins, this whole thing's all.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, if Relish wins, we all fucking walk, man. It wasn't meant to be.

[Clint McElroy]

Does that help?

[Niall]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

Thank you so much. I feel like we didn't help Dylan a lot there.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sorry, Dylan.

[Clint McElroy]

He'll figure it out.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey, Dylan. Christina's right.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Clint McElroy]

Hey, Dylan, if the hot dogs come to your wedding, you should consider yourself very lucky. I think it's gonna be quite an event.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thank you both so much.

[Clint McElroy]

Thank you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Good luck with everything. Let us know how it turns out. I believe we have one more question. Maybe. Hello? Yes.

[Clint McElroy]

Hi.

[Griffin McElroy]

How's it going? Come on up.

[Dylan]

Hi, I'm Niall.

[Clint McElroy]

Hi, Niall.

[Griffin McElroy]

What's your question?

[Dylan]

So I spent five years in the Navy attached to a submarine crew, but because submarines are so weird, culturally, no one really knows what to think when they hear that. They think, like the submarine that crunched up those rich guys or whatever.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, Niall, I don't think about that as a submarine. When I picture a summary, I don't.

[Clint McElroy]

Think I'm having a bad day.

[Griffin McElroy]

So. So, yeah, man.

[Clint McElroy]

What's the. So, what's your question now? How can we help?

[Dylan]

So when people ask questions, a lot of the times they'll ask for stories, but there aren't really fun stories.

[Griffin McElroy]

Fun submarine stories?

[Dylan]

Yeah. It's a very bad.

[Griffin McElroy]

Niall, finish the question, please.

[Dylan]

It's a very bad place to be. Just in general, it is purely voluntary. If you as a service member, decide you are done doing it, they just let you go.

[Clint McElroy]

Okay?

[Griffin McElroy]

They just tap out.

[Travis McElroy]

That's not true, Niall. Because if you're there in the submarine, under the water, and you say, I want out, I'm out, they don't let you.

[Clint McElroy]

They don't have to take you home, right?

[Travis McElroy]

They don't turn around.

[Clint McElroy]

They do tell you, well, you're gonna have to wait.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey, if that happens to blow the torpedo tube.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hey, if that Nile. If that happens to you, you gotta call a scuba. Fuck you. Everyone who didn't laugh, that was the best joke I'm gonna tell tonight. So, Niall, your question is, how do you talk More interesting about being on a submarine.

[Clint McElroy]

I gotta say, Niall, you could do a lot worse than that factoid about. It's one of the few jobs in the military you can quit and you just.

[Travis McElroy]

And then they. I get it.

[Clint McElroy]

Yeah. And then you're like. But me, I kept doing it. That's pretty good, Niall. I can say that's not a bad starter, Niall.

[Griffin McElroy]

What's the smell like?

[Travis McElroy]

Bad?

[Dylan]

I bet it smells like refrigerant. And when you come back at the end of a patrol, you smell like refrigerant.

[Clint McElroy]

Right.

[Travis McElroy]

For how long?

[Dylan]

Two to three months.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

Do you think.

[Clint McElroy]

What do you think about what to do with your trash a lot?

[Travis McElroy]

Or do you burn it in the engine?

[Dylan]

There's a whole. There's a whole system for canning it and.

[Griffin McElroy]

For canning the trash.

[Dylan]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Niall.

[Griffin McElroy]

Niall. Do you see how the three of us are on the edge of our fucking seats now?

[Clint McElroy]

You've been hiding your light under a bushel. You're now the number one person I want to encounter at a party. I will talk to you for three hours, guaranteed.

[Travis McElroy]

It seems boring to you because you did it every day, right? Right? You were in a tube in the.

[Griffin McElroy]

Ocean for a long time.

[Travis McElroy]

I want to know everything. How many Krakens did you find?

[Clint McElroy]

You know how when you leave the service, they give you a hat with whatever the most interesting thing you did on it is? And then for the old men to wear at the store for you to tell them, thank you for your service in this. You should see if they'll give yours to you early. Like, go ahead and give you your hat so you could be like submarine guy. And people be like, yeah, tell me more. I would love to hear more about that.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Yeah. I smell like a refrigerator because I'm an American hero and you should be embarrassed for asking.

[Clint McElroy]

I could have quit, but I didn't ask for you more.

[Travis McElroy]

I've been underwater for the last five years. What did I miss?

[Griffin McElroy]

That's pretty good.

[Travis McElroy]

8. Nile. Nile.

[Clint McElroy]

That's what you should do. Don't tell him about your thing. Just ask a bunch of questions about.

[Travis McElroy]

What'S been happening up here.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Wait, you guys weren't allowed to see.

[Clint McElroy]

Anyone else, too, for a long time?

[Griffin McElroy]

That's wild, man.

[Clint McElroy]

So it's a Barbie movie, but people were into it. That's crazy.

[Travis McElroy]

That's weird, dude. Wait, Oppenheimer and Barbie at the same time?

[Griffin McElroy]

Fuck, man.

[Travis McElroy]

What a media experience.

[Clint McElroy]

Niall, does that help my friend?

[Dylan]

Yes.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thank you so much.

[Clint McElroy]

Thank you, Niall. You should feel very proud. Thank you. Hey, Y' all, Columbus. This has been so much fun. Thank you so much for having us to your beautiful city. Thank you so much.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes, we truly do love it here. We have a lot of fond memories, Memories here in Columbus, and thank you to this beautiful venue for having us. It fucking rules.

[Clint McElroy]

It's been Temple Live. Thank you so much.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's been wonderful to just wander around backstage. It's. I very rudely asked, as we were looking for a room to do a little bit of prep in. I was like, oh, is this room gonna be creepy? And a staff member backstage heard me and said, oh, I'll show you the creepy room. And then. Not a joke. I just sort of walked into a room with the two of you and was like, we're good. And shut the door. Cause I was genuinely kind of scared. What the heck?

[Clint McElroy]

I missed out on seeing the creepy room.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, well, we'll see it afterwards. We don't need that energy.

[Griffin McElroy]

Also, my son was asking about this building, and I said, yeah, it used to be a Masonic Temple. And he said, this is your Sonic Temple.

[Travis McElroy]

Our kids are funnier than we will ever be.

[Clint McElroy]

Really good. Masonic Temple.

[Travis McElroy]

God damn, we're not gonna top that. We want to say thank you to Matty vine, who did our beautiful, beautiful poster.

[Griffin McElroy]

We signed some of them. You can get them out in the lobby, I believe. Do we have the challenge coin here in Columbia?

[Travis McElroy]

Yes, we do.

[Griffin McElroy]

And it's being. All proceeds are being donated to the Mid Ohio Food Collective for the Paul Sabor Memorial Can Food drive for the old heads who prefer 20 tummy drive.

[Travis McElroy]

Tommy. No, it sucks.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's why we didn't do it. Thank you to Montaigne for the use of our theme song, My Life Is Better with youh. Montaigne has a new album out this week that you should absolutely go and check out. We're very, very glad that we were able to use one of Montaigne's songs.

[Travis McElroy]

We should also mention we're gonna be at Origins Game Fair this weekend. If you weren't already planning to come see us, come see us there. Also, we're gonna be back here tomorrow night doing Adventure Zone versus Midsommar. It's gonna be an absolutely wild time. Make sure you come back for that.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thank you to Rachel and Paul and Amanda for. And our dad, Clint McRoy. Everyone, sawbo, everyone who made this show possible. I have one fear I would like to read. That was submitted by our friends in the audience, and this is a fear that they intend to be faster than this very special year. This year I will be faster than the fear of my pet bird flying into an actively flushing toilet and getting.

[Travis McElroy]

Swept out to sea.

[Clint McElroy]

My name's Chester McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm Travis McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm Griffin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

My brother. My brother me.

[Clint McElroy]

Kiss your dad square on the lips.

[Justin McElroy]

It's better with you.

[Clint McElroy]

My life.

[Justin McElroy]

It'S better it's better with you My life it's better it's better with you this is true it's better it's better with two you My life Better with you.

[Clint McElroy]

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