Justin McElroy (0:00)

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? 1, 2, 3. It's the start of something beautiful A small acquaintance has blossomed it's ripened into a precious friends I could have never seen what was coming for me Hangs at the skate park Hangs by the beach My life, it feels like it's better it's better with you My life, it's better it's better with you this is who you are it's better it's better with two I It's better with you hello everybody and welcome to My Brother, My Brother and Me, an advice show for the modrine era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. What's up Trav Nation? I'm your middlest brother, Travis. Vroom Vroom, McElroy. What's up Trav Nation? It's me, Griffin, sweet baby brother. 30 under 30 media luminary Bill Ford, tough McElroy. All right, you're right. He needs this more than we do. Yeah, that's the message I'm getting. And I couldn't agree more. Now, Dad, I hope you don't go too far, pal. Anybody go see Superman today? Anybody see Superman at the Grove 30AMC at 9am? 9am in, in fucking IMAX. At 9am in IMAX. The time to see movies. When we asked for the tickets, they said. Are you sure? They yell a lot in this movie. There's so much yelling your. Your mind can't handle that at 9 in the morning. Hey, but we are 2,000 miles from where we live. So we thought, let's go see a movie. Now I mention that distance because I'd like Dad to come back out real quick if he could. Cause I asked him to stay close by. Show us. It's his fucking movie merch. So this is again. This is a man that has a suitcase. This is a man that has a suitcase. And I just want to show you. Dad, what have you bought for us? What have you brought today? Well, Justin, today I have the special Superman commemorative cup. Yeah. Yes. With cape. Which also came with commemorative. It gets better. I know. And this lovely popcorn box in shape like a Daily Planet newspaper box. I want to touch on. Before the movie started, I overheard a conversation that happened in the Seats directly behind us between a father and his son. I believe his son was probably about 10 years old. And he was talking about how he wanted one of those popcorn boxes that dad had set up on the ledge in front of him. And the dad goes, no way. Do you see how big that thing is? Yeah, great. It's like the size of a seat. You don't need that. And then I made eye contact with this child, like, you're going a different path than I went just because of who's raising you. But Justin also said the meanest thing I've ever heard him or anyone say to our father. Would you like to repeat that in front of the. No. Come on, Juice. You were proud enough of this to say it out loud in front of this little kid who was seated right behind him. Come on, come on. Justin, my son. My firstborn. Juice. I don't want dealers. Juice. No, no, no. Juice. It was mean, but you too mean. And I was mad cause of how early it was. And I wasn't. I didn't. It was. I don't know what this is about me. I didn't think it was that mean. I thought it was pretty mean. But you did eat, so can you please. I just told dad that absolutely guaranteed, 100%, no question, I was gonna be putting his ashes in it. And it was not a damn thing he could do. He goes right in there where the newspapers go. Yeah. And then. That's great, cuz. Anytime we need a scoop of papa, like. Like if it snows and there's ice on the driveway or something, we need to grid it. Yeah, yeah. Also be a great little gerbil litter box. Hey, that popcorn can't still be good, huh? Cuz we saw that movie at nine in the goddamn morning. All right, thanks, dad. Thank you so much, dad. Appreciate you. Thank you, thank you. Don't forget, you don't want to lose the cup. Yeah, yeah. Do you guys ever see him buy shit like that and think, oh, man, that money would have been mine in about 10 years. You know what sucks? What sucks is I clown on him so hard when the box came out. And I was clowning on him so hard that when the cup came out and I thought, man, that cup kind of fucks. But you can't. I can't at that point get one for myself. Cause I talk so much shit. The cup with a cape kinda fucks. I like Superman, dude. Yeah, y' all sure do. I like a big tumbler I can make. It's perfect for white wine. Cause you Need a lot of space for that. This is my brother, my brother me. It's an advice show. We take your questions on this show and turn them alchemy, like into wisdom. We asked you, the people of Anaheim, we took a poll, and these are the questions that you send in to us. The brothers McElroy. Yeah, that's usually how it works. Justin, Travis and Griffin, you guys know I'm vamping because my WI fi won't connect. Now hang on. How do you ask your neighbors if you can power wash their sidewalks for fun? That's from one of you in here named Power Wash of Friendship. Are you here? Wait, sorry. Are you here? All right. Do you ever think in those moments when we ask, are you here? When there's like a significant break and then someone woos that someone in the audience thought, oh, they're not here. The McElroy brothers are gonna feel terrible. I'll make a noise. It's definitely happened at least once, guaranteed. That was the enthusiastic yelp of a power washer if I've ever heard one. And I get it. Hold on. I got my own power washer at home. I love that dang thing. Yeah, it's fun. And I feel like I'm just taking care of bugs and ghosts or whatever. It's great. I get it. You're just fucking bragging now on stage. I'm just talking about power washing, Griffin. Yeah, I guess so. I don't know how you can communicate to the person that you are not just passive aggressively telling them they need to clean up their sidewalk. Because that sounds like an excuse that you would invent, like, well, I gotta clean them somehow. Oh, I know, I'll tell em. I love to do it. That'll smooth things along. How many times would you have to watch your neighbor power wash their own sidewalk before you went over to them, hat in hand, very shame faced and said, could you do mine too? Yeah, yeah. I would need to know they can handle their instrument. Cause it's a dangerous job. I don't want them going rogue and blasting one of my gnomes. Like, no fucking way, man. I need to make sure they're constantly moving. If they stay in one place for too long, they'll bore a hole. Yeah, right. Sidewalk. I don't need that. I think the most surprising thing about a power washer and if you have a power washer, you know this and I learned it the hard way, is that if you put the nozzle on just the right way, you will rip through cement. You will make lines in the Cement. Now, I didn't know this. And when it first happened, my thought was this. Well, that can't be right. It's just water. It's just water. It's just fast water. And so I just like kept how the fast water go in the rock? I just sat there doing it and thinking, that's the damnedest thing. Do you think that's no way. There's no way. That's what I keep thinking. There's no way this is happening. Do you think that's what God felt when he watched the river carve out the Grand Canyon? Yeah. Yeah. And he was like, no. Fuck fucking way. So big. Gabriel. Gabriel. Gabriel. Watch. Wait, watch. Hold on. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Just keep watching. Yeah, just like 2 million years. Just watch. Wait for once. Wait for 2 million years. Crazy, right? I gotta make people so they can see this. I'm gonna act like I planned it. You watch. It's gonna be amazing. I better make donkeys too. I got a plan. Would it be easier to make their sidewalk soothe super duper yucky through some sort of sneaky means? Do you have a neighbor on the other side of their house who's a big messy boy? Yeah. And you just happened to be walking through with the nozzle on and you just did their sidewalks? Oh, you were doing your own sidewalk, but you went a little too far. Yeah. And then you offer to even it out. Yeah, that's good. I was trying to fly around on it like a Super Mario Sunshine did, and I got a little bit on your sidewalks and I am sorry about that. No, no, Steve, just let me do your sidewalks for free. You don't understand the joy it'll bring me. I will. I do think you can make the argument that you have made my sidewalks look demonstrably worse by comparison. But you do owe me something, right? Like you've just gone out there, cleaned your sidewalks and made me aware of how bad mine look. So you do. You are in debt to me. Somehow I thought we were all in this together. I didn't know we were like a power washing street when I bought the house. I do love the impulse to explain to the neighbor that you are doing it for fun and not for nice. Like you're explicitly telling them like you don't have to pay me. But also this is about me and not about you. Yeah, I wouldn't do this if I didn't love it. I actually hate your fucking guts. But you have a long unblemished trail of asphalt out there that I would love to get back. It would be actually supremely blemished. Right. That's the issue. Right. It's tantalizingly blemished. Yeah. How about another question? Can I ask you guys a question? Yeah. Yeah, I guess so. I was thinking about this the other day, and then I was reminded of it today during a conversation we had during dinner. You know how there are people who think like, oh, 100 guys versus a gorilla. I think if I was one of those guys, I'd win. Or they think like, oh, I've never been in a fight before. I think I win a fight. I don't have. I don't know. Do you think it's normal. I don't know about this. To believe that if faced with just something inhumanly evil, like something from hell. Yeah. That in that moment I could summon a blade of pure light? Okay, I'm gonna put up. Do you think that's normal? Okay. Do other people feel that way? This is. I feel like I'm having a dream and it's not a good one. Do I think you would summon a blank? I would. Do you think it's normal that I think I would. I need you to promise not to yell because me and Justin are about to say a lot of mean stuff at you right pretty fast. And if we start talking over each other, it's gonna get unpleasant, sonically. Would you produce a blade of pure light if faced up? You can't, Trav. Fuck, man. You just introduced this subject out of nowhere. The fucking bridge that you used to get us to the subject was a meme that is, at this point, 600 years old. You brought up fucking David after dentist and asked us to play in the space. And then also. That's not really what you want to talk about on stage with your two brothers in front of 5,000 people. It is. Can you project a blade of pure light out of your arm? Like, what the fuck, man? Griffin, I can't stress this enough. I'm not asking if you think I could do it. I'm asking, do you think other people think they could do it just like I do? Is it normal to feel that way? What you're asking is, do other people think that it's normal for you to think it? Yes. And the answer to that is a resounding yes. If you start producing shit made out of pure radiant light out of your chest or whatever, it would be in my hand. Like, I would just kind of throw my hand out and the blade would form. Okay, that's weird. It's going to come out blade first. Then it's going to hurt your hand. If it comes out of your chest, then now it just. The handle would be in my hand and the blade would form. If someone sees you produce anything made out of pure light from your hand or chest, do you realize the expectation you have then set in their mind? You're hanging out with them later and they're like, where's the clicker? I don't know. Travis. Produce one mother lift like a burning car off their child. You're not like, great, Debbie can help me move later. At first, it's funny, at first I was tolerating this just because I still couldn't get connected to the WI fi. And then at a certain point I did get connected to the WI fi and I found myself powerless to stop it. It was like a real. It was a real hand on the stove kind of moment. You know what I mean? I was thinking like, how long can you. Can you take it? It's not like I don't know. No, I'm an engineer, not an artist, but I mess around with drawing for fun. Hey, you're an artist. Many years ago. A machine artist. Many years ago I made a silly drawing based on a sillier inside joke between me and a friend. I thought it came out pretty good, so I decided to gift it to said friend. This friend displays all sorts of things around their house, from capital a art to McDonald's Happy Meal toys. And my drawing would absolutely fit in nicely. It has been well over a decade and I have. I wanted to see how your would react if I didn't put any mustard on it at all. And the answer was still pretty good. Yeah, he put some mustard. Put the appropriate amount of mustard on it. It's been well over a decade and I have never seen my draw again. How do I ask for it back? That's from no public display of friendship in orange. Are you here? And I'm kind of hoping no. Cause I'm scared of you a little bit. Hi. Hello. Hi. This is a. Hi. You're very close. You're quite close, huh? Thought you'd be farther away. A decade is a way of putting things that is so interesting to me because a decade is how a supervillain thinks in time. A supervillain thinks in terms of decade score. Millennia. Aeon. Eon for eons. Millennia. Yeah, millennia. I can't remember shit from a decade ago. And it's so awesome and great that this is one of your decade long memories. So much in my life has changed in the last decade, I've moved numerous times. The idea of someone I know saying, hey, do you remember that thing I handed you over a decade ago? Go get it for me now. Yeah, I'd change my name and fake my death. Do you think that they are going to say, oh, of course, I have it here. I have it. I have it. I filed it right here under Friend drawings. Oh, that drawing you made. I have was too beautiful. It's in my safety deposit box. Oh, that drawing. It's here in my house. We have it hanging in the annex in reserve. I sealed it in resin. I got news for you. If they liked your art, they got a place to put it and it's called their waltz. I'm very afraid to say that I don't think it is still Exit. In terms of what you think. I go through this almost every day. I have two children. They will hand me things that they have made constantly. And in my head I have to decide, are they handing it to me to display or to get rid of? And I can't ask them. And they don't ever say it. They don't ever say, get rid of this for me, or this is a test. I was using a service to help with this for quite a while called Archive. And what you do is there's a big box and then you throw your kids art, the good stuff, not the weak shit. Like the good stuff, they're like, I just kind of scribbled on a thing, look. Yeah, you traced your hand. Thank you. So the good stuff I'll save. But then, I swear to God, this is the most demented I have loved this system because it has saved me from having to do this calculation all the time. If there's any doubt, I'm just like, put it in the box. I came home and. Oh, sorry. With the box, what you do is you ship it off to this company and digitize everything. Oh, wow. So they'll like digitize. They'll send you back like a digital file or whatever book, however you want it. So I come in and I see Cooper has drawn a painting on the box. Wow. Oh, my gosh. Oh, dude, it's the Kobayashi Maru. Guys, she drew a painting on the box over the label. I need to send it to the company to digitize it. Dude. Can I just say though, that's some Banksy level meta commentary. If you held onto that, it's worth millions. At this point, Justin, it couldn't even be mad. So draw your friend another drawing and then insist that they put them Together that you're like. I just. It's a companion piece. I'd love to see the two side by side. I'll wait. Yeah. You know, it's funny. If you didn't hang the front, could have. I thought you would have hung the map on the back. Oh, that's good. What's the map go to? And you'll say, like, I'm sure you noticed it. Well, why don't you go check it out right now? Yeah, that'll get them. You got me good. I got no response to that, man. When they go to look for it, they'll never come back out. You just don't have that friend anymore. They will wait for you to leave their house. They do not need to be party to that. Listen, it's so wonderful to be here in Anaheim. I was thinking that I'd like to take this moment to just kind of clash up the show a little bit. It's been a little silly and a little. Jesus Christ. A little puerile, if you will, with random people bringing up swords of pure light. So I'd like to present a little work of fart. I hate that stinger. Every fucking time I hear it played. Do you realize what a shame it is to me? For me, what a shame it is on me Whenever people ask me what I do and I explain. This is the moment I always think of playing that wet fart noise at 64 kilobytes. And that was a new one. Paul changed it up with. I was actually going to say that sounded fully lossless. Yes. Well, now when I tell people what I do and I think of this exact fucking moment, I won't feel embarrassed because the fart noise was a higher resolution, for sure. What I do is I notice the difference in bit rates of fart noises. Yeah, I notice whether or not fart noises are OG Files. I will present to both of you some works of fart. Yeah. Specifically this time Disney related. As we were here in Anaheim, home of Disneyland. Amazing. So you will have to tell me which Disney titles slightly changed. Yeah, sure. I am talking about. I despise this game and I absolutely smash ass at it. Let's fucking go. This version of the animated undersea classic reveals that those creepy shriveled things, the little spring. I'm just saying you gotta get out of bed a little bit. No. Get down. Now. Can I say. Oh, I'm sorry. Do I not smash? Just ask me that. Just say Griffin. Griffin. Please, please, please. No. Smash my ass. Say that like. Just say if you want super not gonna say that. Like, super not gonna say that. You know, I'm not gonna say anything like that. Super not say, don't smash that much ass, dude. And I will back. I swear. I promise you. Dude. I was saying, he wrote the jet. Yeah. I'll pump the brakes if you don't want me to smash complete ass, dude. For sure. You zoom out. It's a comedy podcast. Yeah. They came here. A competitive comedy podcast. Yeah. And I'm smashing ass over here. Travis went through the trouble of writing the jokes. Can I tell you, the biggest joke is on Griffin as proving he thinks about this the same way I do. No, it sucks. I smash ass at this and very little else. I just feel like you should be forced to let him finish the setup. Okay, cool. So the audience can enjoy the whole bit. What if I'm wrong? This version of the animated undersea classic reveals that those creepy, shriveled things Ursula has captured are mermaid jizz. Okay. And it was the Little Mermaid. Little Sperm mate. Thank you. Okay, this next one is written in the form of a personal ad. Thank goodness. Why are you. Why? As I suspected you would say soon. Cursed furry with anger issues, seek to cake up book lover with ass for days. Oh, the Booty and the Beast. Correct. That sucks. I hate that it took me as long as it took me to get that. I'm embarrassed that I didn't get it faster. Fuck. In a retelling of the Rapunzel story from Flynn Rider's point of view, he spends most of the movie hanging his dick over things. Dangle. You're fucking. All right, Travis McElroy. Okay. He may not be a real boy, but this puppet is all man. And his nose isn't the only thing that grows dildokyo. No, I was looking for Pinocchio. I also would have accepted Penis. Okio. It just doesn't work as well. No. Okay, I got one more. He may not be considered a looker, but this guy sure knows how to ring those bells and swing his balls. The hunch sack of Notre Dame. Correct. Sucks. Sucks. That's great. I can't even tell who won. It's hard to say. I mean, I got all of them. Only I win in work of. Except I do. But I did. But I did. But I did win, right? Yeah, you won. He needs this, Justin. We don't need it. You and I have our own things going. We coach a high school esports team and we want to buy matching uniforms to help our players be taken seriously. How do we convince a bunch of skeptical gamer teens that wearing matching uniforms is cool. That's from Jersey. Jadeds in Orange county, are you here awesome poggers. What? Poggers? I do not know what that is. I mean, does it have to be an athletic looking uniform? Could it just be like. Could it just. You have six Wolverines, at least let him be Deadpool. They said they wanted to be respectful. You have to earn Deadpool. The team captain can be Deadpool. Deadpool. Whoa. What if you have. Are you saying you have one Deadpool and several Wolverines on each team? Or are you saying you have a power on each team? Hold on. So you're saying that competing teams of esports would have one day. Sometimes a family is one Deadpool and is five Wolverines. I'm think. Here's what I'm saying. However many numbers of your chess team there are, you should have that many iconic outfits. If you have four, then you should do Sex and the City characters. So each one of you, there's one Samantha, one Charlotte, one, you know, Terry. You get it. One Miranda. Yeah, the whole. The whole bed. But if you got seven or eight Avengers, I don't know. Cool. The wheels fell off. Once you get to seven, it's a lot harder to consider sexualized. Like a seven member team, I mean. Yeah, I should have said five because then you got the planet ears. You gotta have them dress up. Yeah, sure. I think that you're missing the obvious option here is one word. Skins. Like Fortnite skins. Okay, it sounded like about. Okay, I heard it. I heard it as I said it. So I assume we're getting a bunch of war boys together. A bunch of. It's just a bunch of shirtless teens. Zerging. Zerging out. Zerging out. They do the same thing every time. But look at them. They're so intimidating. No, I meant don't call them uniforms. Call them skins. Like Fortnite skins. But now I see that maybe don't introduce the concept of skins to your teenagers because it'll be too powerful. And then all the teams will want to be skin skins. And then it'll just be a fight over who gets to be skins and who is on shirts today. I think if you could earn. What if you did? Loot crates. Just little cardboard boxes. You let them rip them open. There's different size uniforms. Maybe they fit, maybe they don't. You know, it's kind of like you gotta trade them in. Gotta trade them in and give them cans of spray paint that they can spray their own tags. On stuff. They don't make you worry about that in Fortnite. When you open one up and it's like, oh, cool, I can wear a suit to look like Bruno Mars. Oh, man, it's way too big for my guy. I look like I'm wearing Bruno Mars. Dad's clothes. Dang it. They also don't show whatever custodial staff there is in Fortnite who has to go around scrubbing all the spray paint tags off of everything. Yeah, sure. After the game ends. Oh, dang, kids. By the way, we're about to do 20 minutes of observational Fortnite humor, so brace your asses. More like fart night. Okay. I mean, can it give you some sort of advantage in the game? Can it be pumping? Have pumps with coolant. Okay. Yeah, I'm imagining sort of like Bane, but it's, like, pumping, like, you know, energy drinks. Yeah, like monster. Yeah, like monster. Too big. But if they could make suits that would, like, work your muscles to keep you from getting carpal tunnel syndrome, that would be huge. Yeah, that'd be sick. Send a little electrical pulses. What about, like, darts? Like, what if the uniforms had dart guns, like, built in? Like, weapons, I guess? Like weapons? Yeah. Yeah. Like smoke bombs and stuff. Yeah. Do you think that would let. Do you think they would let that happen? Do you think they would let that? Just, like, six predator costumes. Yeah. An EMP that they can set off if the match starts going not their way. A bunch of switchblades. We're just talking about loadout at this point. I don't think these are uniforms anymore. Hey, here's another question. I'm an artist, and I like to go to places like coffee shops to practice drawing strangers as they go about their business. It's a great way to practice figure drawing. The problem is, from a distance, it looks like I'm just intently staring at people while scribbling in a notebook. I mean, from a distance, it looks like what it is. Brothers, how do I get my art practice in without coming across as creepy? And that's from my promise. I'm an artist, not a serial killer. Are you here? Hello? Hey. I want to say, first off, most are both. That is a good point. The Venn diagram. Most artists aren't. Most serial killers are. For sure. For sure. Have you ever considered building a hunting blind? Obviously not for hunting. No, no, no. Then maybe call it something for an artist blind. Some kind of camouflage, perhaps A fake bookcase that you can stand behind, not be spotted by your prey. The subject. Everybody's so PC these days. Can't even call human prey anymore. If I saw someone taking discreet photos of me while seated in the corner of a cafe, I would be bummed out by that. I would not. But I would want to walk over and say, like, hey, don't take a picture of me. If someone's doing a sketch of me and I walk over. I guess it depends on how good the sketch is. That's my bar. If the sketch is so good that it almost looks like a photograph of me, fuck that. You can't have that for free. No way. Wait, are you saying. Sorry, is the idea here that the better the picture is, the more upsetting you find? The extra. The more they copy. I agree. Because the better the picture is, the less practice they need. Yeah. You could have hired a model at this point. I understand. If you're so bad at it that you're like, I can't even, like, show this to a model or take a class. They wouldn't see this. Yeah, of course you would have to do that in the wild. But if you're really good at it, go. But if they really fucking capture me, I don't want them to have that. No way. What are you gonna do with it, creepazoid? Why do you need to know what I look like so bad? But if it's a shitty drawing of me where you can't tell it's me, go right ahead. Now, Griffin, let me ask you a question. Yeah, go ahead. I feel like I've established my rules pretty solid. In the same scenario, you look over. Yeah. Someone's clearly drawing you. Yeah. You can hear it, right? You can hear it. Okay, go ahead. They have a big easel set up. Yeah. They're wearing a floppy beret. Maybe like, a linen tunic. They've got, like, a paintbrush behind their ear. They're constantly leaning out pointing a thumb at you. That's clearly an artist. Yeah. Does that help? No, it doesn't. Did you hear my rules? If I walk over and the painting looks exactly like me, I'm gonna say, slap it to the ground and say, you can't have my picture like that. What if it's like a cubist or abstract? But it's clearly you? Go right ahead, baby. That could be fucking anybody. What if it's like you, but very green? But it's clearly you, but it's green. It's like a Shrek hymn. Yeah. Have they. How much of my features have they accurately captured dead on? But it's very green. No way. You can't have that. What are you gonna do with that, you fucking weird beard? What if you're just one of, like, nine different subjects in the picture, but all share equal focus? No way. And you're very red. He doesn't deserve that. No, I can answer this. Hold on, let me run it through the rubric. That's probably just nine that they're gonna, you know, jerk off to or whatever. Okay, what if you go over there? It's a caricature of you on a skateboard, right? Totally shredding. Yeah. And saying like, hang loose, dude. Do I have a shirt on? It's unbuttoned. Yeah, it's on the bubble, but go right ahead. You're in the clear. I understand why you can't mention it to somebody, because if someone said this to me, I would have no problem with it, but I would immediately start posing like Helen Hunt and as good as it gets, you know, arching my back to find the sexiest way of emulating retro games on my Linux laptop. Hey, we're gonna take a quick break and come back and do more goofs and jokes. We got signposters out in the lobby. Have a bathroom break, get whatever, and we'll be back soon by. It's better. It's better with you folks. They say that a fool and their money are often parted and. Anyway, our dad has been interested in using Rocket Money to sort of square up his finances. Yeah, I've been very foolish. Very, very foolish. Griffin, give dad the URL where he can get started right now. Let's start with that. And dad can see start signing up. I mean, it's rocketmoney.com mybrother and then you go there and you can sign up and it's great. Why does it act like Dad's not already convinced, though? And maybe sell him on it or ignore the fact that he's already convinced? Well, while he's signing up, I could tell him that it is gonna look at your spending and it's gonna highlight some places where you could save a few bucks. One great way is subscriptions. It looks at some subs you may have forgotten and ask if you want to keep them. They may even be able to help you cancel them or save a few bucks on them. Dad. Man, now I'm even more convinced. Justin. Okay, yeah, but hold on, dad. Because Rocket Money's 5 million members have saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscription. Just to be clear, dad, that's all of them together have saved 500 million. Not each one saves 500 million. I don't want you to get confused. With each member saving up to $740 a year when they use all of the apps Premium features. Travis Griffin I'm a little bit worried about something. If the Rocket Money robots start climbing through dad's finances looking for, quote, unnecessary purchases, I'm afraid their little robo brains might melt. That's fair. I think that the robots at Rocket Money are top of the line models. They will be able to scan his finances and help him save money. No problem. I would love. Dad, can you report back? Hopefully we'll have another Rocket Money ad at some point. Report back and tell me what crazy garbage that thing found in your in your Instagram. Be like our dad in this one specific way. Only cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney.com my brother today that's RocketMoney.com mybrother One last time. RocketMoney.com mybrother dad, how's that sign up process going? Really good. I need whatever that the code is again. Oh. Rocketmoney.com mybrother we just said it three times, man. Yeah, you had to have already gone to it. I type with my thumb. I'm ignoring my dad now. Yes. Because I also want to bring everyone's attention to the fact that it's nice outside. Especially here. We're recording this live in Anaheim. The weather California is always like 10 degrees better than where you lived. Yeah. And I'll tell you, when the weather's nice like that, I don't want to spend all my time in like cooking. Gross. So instead, with all the oil and all the gritty spices. I do live in an oil. Derek. That's true. And you spill the gritty spices on the floor and you walk around the floor layer feels like sand. The spice must flow. Griffin. No way. That's why I turned to factor. Because Factor's chef crafted meals are ready in just two minutes. Taking the hassle out of eating. Well, drop. All the spaghetti goes down the air conditioning vent on the floor. You gotta fish it out. Yeah. No way, man. Facts happen to me every day. The only factor, I don't have to go spaghetti fishing in an air. Sometimes I accidentally throw the spaghetti. It goes in the ceiling fan gets everywhere. A piece of spaghetti hit my son in the eye the other day. Hey Griffin. A lot of kids at school told me that factory meals are just a bunch of carrots and cucumbers chopped up with ketchup mixed around. That's so weird they said that because it's so not true. They've got 45 weekly menu options that can fit your goals, your tastes, whatever. That's what I like that. It's better that way, for sure. They've got nutritious breakfast. They got on the go lunches, premium dinners. Whatever you are in the mood for. Factor's got your whole day covered. So get started@factormeals.com brother 50 off and use code brother 50 off, that's brother 50 off to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box. That's code BROTHER50OFF@FORANT MEALS.com BROTHER50OFF for 50% off plus free shipping. Factor meals.com Brother50OFF. Oh, my God. He's. He's looping. He's trapped. He's trapped in a singularity. Brother 50 off also sounds like some kind of, like, weird monk character that I've written about. Yeah, sure. I think dad is done signing up for rocket money because it's. His phone is curling into a monkey's paw. Enjoy the rest of the show, folks. Are you a celebrity? Are you searching for meaning, connection and a little levity these days? Hi, I'm Kumail Nanjiani, actor, writer, and yes, a celebrity, too. And I've got four words for you. Bullseye with Jesse Thorne. Are you tired of junkets, red carpets? Sick of the endless spicy snacks you have to eat? Do you want to connect with someone who gets your work and laugh with you a little? Join me, Andre 3000, Tom Hanks, Tina Fey, and many more and become a guest on Bullseye with Jesse Thorne from NPR and Maximum Fun Walking about is the podcast about walking. It's a walkumentary series where I, Alan McLeod, and a fun, friendly guest go for a walkabout. You'll learn about interesting people and places and have the kind of conversations you can only have on foot. We've got guests like Lauren Lapkis. I figured something out about this map, like how to read it. Betsy Sodaro. I had no clue. That's awesome. And nuts. John Gabris. This is, like, great first date for, like, broke 20 something, you know, and more. Check out Walking about with Alan McLeod on Maximum Fun. There's a table and chairs set up by Trev. There's a table and chair set up immediately behind this screen. It's where we signed some of those lovely posters earlier. And right now, right before we walked on stage, we saw that dad is sitting at one of those chairs, literally right behind this screen. Just if we seem a little on edge that is why. All right. Yeah. I want to munch. I want to munch. Welcome to Munch Squad. It's a podcast within a podcast. Profiling, very latest and the very greatest in brand eating. I hope some folks over at Angel Stadium heard that and were like, what the fuck they got going on over there? That sounds like 5,000 people screaming, screaming Squad, what's up with the giant helmets? Hey, what's up with those giant helmets? It protects their giant heads outside the stadium. This is the biggest helmets I've ever seen. It's amazing. I thought that big blue horse in Denver was big, but these helmets are something else. We're gonna start a rivalry between Anaheim and Denver tonight. Yeah. Yeah. Let's get it going. Hey, folks, I don't. You're ready to hate. You guys were too ready. You're so ready to hate. Finally, an excuse to hate Denver. I don't know if you all heard the news, but I hope you heard the news, because snack wraps are back. I mean, they're just back, brother. We're right here in the middle of snack wrap fever. You didn't know it, but this is a snack wrap emergency. They just came back yesterday, and America is losing its fucking mind. Wait, go back. Did that marquis say snack wrap is like, you won? I love how different this is. How McDonald's has been messaging the snack wrapper. Turn. If you can zoom in there on the text, Paul. Cause it's a little difficult to. Oh, I'm wearing my glasses still. Sorry, I. Dad, no, up top. Up top. Dad made me feel bad about my eye, and he told me to put my glasses back on at one point. So I've been wearing them very intentionally. Anytime he's around, like, and apologizing like, oh, I'm sorry, dad. Let me put my glasses back on so you don't have to look at your son. It's because he saw Superman at 9am on IMAX, and it made his left eyeball explode. I'm so glad that McDonald's brought back the snack wrap, because since it went away, I've been craving a chicken tender in a tortilla with a couple shreds of lettuce and some cheese and ranch, and I couldn't crack the recipe. Well, you know what's amazing is dad was confused. He was like, wait a minute. They've had the snack wrap back for a while. I was like, okay, Dad, I understand why you think that. Because the local affiliate. I don't think that's the term. The franchisee of McDonald's in Huntington just went absolutely loco and started their own snack wraps a couple years ago. They looked around and realized that Kroger would legally sell them tortillas and chicken tenders. And they just fucking went for rules. Yeah, so I've been enjoying these bad boys for a while, this pirate radio snack crap. This is the entirety of the press release, by the way, when they announced it. The following statement was released today by Joe erlinger, president of McDonald's USA, in response to questions about the return of the iconic snack wrapped menus. It's back. That's. Why are they so embarrassed of this chick? So mad. And honestly, if you are surprised by this news and you do not see the writing on the wall when the crispy strip was introduced in the menu, you are high. They had all the clue, they had all the clues they needed all in front of you. Can I just say, looking at again, I think maybe one of the reasons they're writing this from such an embarrassed kind of voice is because they realize, like, my theory is that the reason they stopped carrying snack wraps is not because they made a decision. It's like the cheapest, easiest to build ingredients ever. They forgot to, like, check a box on a form at a yearly meeting. And then it was like, oh, fuck. How long has it been since we didn't do snack wraps? Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. You can't make it blast goo like that at home, man. That takes special machinery. So when I say America's losing its fucking mind over this beauty, I mean America's losing its mind, Paul. I've pulled a sampling of some reactions from across the globe. We've got media reports, we've got local testimonials. We got it all. Oh, we got a printed review here. My honest review of the sack wrap is not good. There was so much ranch, like a fruit gusher, but ranch. The chicken tastes like opossum legs. How specific, by the way? My Facebook's all West Virginia people talking about it, so I may be getting some local flavor. I don't know. I was gonna say I waited so long for this. So long. I'm sticking to Burger King's chicken wraps. All right, Are these snack wraps good or not? Cause I haven't ate McDonald's all motherfucking year. So if that go and they're trash, I'm flipping everything over. That's not a review, I guess. We're so back. Woke up feeling much better today and emptier after a stomach bug yesterday. Gross. Guys, this is Fox 13's Regina Gonzalez. Hey, Regina, you. After I blew my asshole inside out yesterday, breaking news. Why hubs looked on. We had obviously had to commemorate this special day. Snack wraps have made a return to McDonald's after five years. It's been 10. Fun fact. When Spencer and I started dating, we would go on weekends. We would always make a point to grab these there on the way home. Kind of feels like a wedding present from McDonald's. That is the ending of someone that forgot they started with dropping ass. Yeah. Now I also love. And sometimes punctuation can be so powerful. Yeah. Kind of feels like a Wedding present from McDonald's. Question mark. Question mark? I don't know. I also don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. I'm so dehydrated right now, I shit for 36 hours straight. Come on, what else? We tried the snack crap. So we were highly disappointed. 3 out of 10. The chicken tender was giving dinosaur tail or something. Shit was chewy as fuck. The fuck dinosaur tail. Okay, Y' all sitting out there judging the West Virginia person for talking about days like a possum. Like, who out here is eating dinosaur tail that we don't know about? You guys have access to that here? Fuck. Paul, do you have. Can you play the Today Show? Yeah. Okay. Okay, listen. The snack wrap is back for good. And guys, look, after nearly 10 long years, we get to sink our teeth into one. Had you had one before? Oh, yeah. Okay. It's like taking a bite of nostalgia. I don't remember the snack wrap, but you've woofed that round down. I used to love a snack wrap. Really? Oh, my gosh. Okay. My kids are gonna be very excited. And look, it's like I brought it back, although it had. So sweet. It's like an I voted sticker. But it's about what's happening. Sorry, one more time. If you could just play the last second of that. Savannah Guthrie just said the craziest thing I've ever heard anybody say out loud. One more time. It's. The sticker is like, what, Savannah? It's like an I voted sticker. But next up, that felt like a thing from a sketch. Is that real? It's all fucking real, Travis. America's losing a bite of nostalgia. Yeah, man, I. You haven't had chicken tenders and ranch in a decade. So, Paul, do you have the Texas message? Okay, so this is how he actually talks to us in group texts, by the way. Just. It starts with, my ass is going to micro center fuck y' all is a pretty good cross section. Of that. So, you know was in response to dad asking if Justin wanted to go to a bookstore with him. He said some mean things about my eyeball though, remember? Yeah, yeah, sure. After you told him you were gonna put his ashes in a popcorn corn bucket. So anyway, dad said right now. And then I was like, I don't want to go to Micro center with dad. So I was like, just kidding. Just JK, JK. And then dad's like, LOL. And then Amanda says, 10 minute lift right away. And I was excited. And then I say, y' all want any snack wraps? I'm gonna order some at 1244. At least two of the people in this chat I see signed their paychecks. See the time at the top of this, Paul? It's 2:30. It's an hour and 45 minutes later. I'm here to tell you friends I could have screen capped it right now. Yeah. Because I still am waiting a response particular I am still to this very second trying to decide what sauce I want. 12:44 to 8:55. Yep. It's okay. Griffin just texted. Yes. So I thought everybody would want some and they'd want to get in. I'll try. Dad wants some too. He just said, dad wants some too. I thought everybody would want to get on the action, but they didn't. But that's okay because I brought the experience to you. Hi. Hi. Welcome to my exclusive taste test of the new returned McDonald's snack wrap. I have invited some of the other brothers over and some of our other folks here, but I haven't heard back. But I didn't want him to get cold, so I didn't think that was fair to McDonald's, so let's just get into it. I'm gonna start with this one. I don't know which is which, but this one didn't fit into my pyramid I made, so I wish I hadn't gotten so many. Sorry, I thought I heard it on. Okay, so this is the wrap. This was mine because there's no sauce on it. Let's give this a try. And I'll try one of the ones you asked. For it dry. Yeah, for sure, man. Thank you. No one needs that. I'm going to get a drink. I went to get a drink. Yeah, they're dry. I said it on the video. Tastes exactly like they used to. Anybody who says differently is incorrect. I ate about a hundred thousand of these bad boys back in the day and this is what they tasted like. Just some crispy chicken in a freaking wrap. And Some bites were just tortilla, and that's the way I liked it. This was. Were these all dry? Okay, so this is spicy sauce. Sometimes I can get into, like, a spicy sauce, but if they go too much with the mayo and stuff, I'm gonna bail out of that. You don't have to see that, but we're not gonna complete that bite. Just one second. Okay. Dog. Why was that? The IU closed. I'm going to try knocking over here just to make sure you can hear it of the two. Yeah. Seem like you'd hear it. Yeah. That's spicy. It's really spicy. This is giving me powerful vibes of, like, a grandfather made a bunch of hamburgers for all his grandkids. They didn't show up. Troll. So I think this is. I'm 10 minutes from Disneyland. It's. I really like these snack wraps. This is a great lunch. I'm going to put these in the fridge and maybe nuke them for a poster treat. And what. I'll see if you got some for after show. See if anyone wants to have some after the show or whatever. We'll see. I don't know. I brought some. I brought Mario Kart. So it's. I'll tell you what. Yeah. Snack wraps are better after they steep. It's true. Yeah. So those will be sort of very old by the time we get to that point, but snack wraps are definitely back. And they did. It doesn't matter how they tasted, because who cares? But I will say the scary thing about this is. And this is where it gets a little real. There are. There are chicken snack wrap wars that are firing up right now. Yeah, I know. It's tough. Burger King is already sort of like, can you make that go? Sorry, Paul. Okay. The face was disconcerting to have big. The only human face I have. Just as a reminder, when everybody uses my face is the punchline. It is still the only one that I do possess. I don't want to put the sunglasses back on, but I will if I have to. The thing was, I was singing karaoke and I did fancy so hard that I blew up my eyeball. That's what happened. That's the real truth. Okay. That's the first time he said it publicly, folks. You know what it's like for Griffin and I to know that that's what happened? That's what happened. That he said, Reba McIntyre's fancy so he burst a blood vessel in his eyeball. I did not. So when you all claim Griffin and I or Justin And I, or all three of us, don't like each other. Remember that Griffin and I knew that Justin sang karaoke so hard he popped a blood vessel in his eyeball. And we didn't say it because we love him. Yeah. Yeah, it was. It was submitted for me. That's not really my song anymore. In my 30s, I. I could hit those notes, but not in my 40s. Yeah, I do something in red now by Lori Morgan. Oh, yeah. But I knew I was gonna hurt myself, and somebody submitted Fancy for me and I gave it the old college try and blew up my goddamn eyeball. There is. Sorry. There is the risk of the chicken snack wrap wars firing up. The most troubling. Fuck. The most troubling salvo came from Popeyes. I really hope there will be a rest of this show, but I may want to watch this video 18, 000 times if I watch it one more. Whenever you're ready, Paul. The snack wrap is back at McDonald's, but Popeyes is countering with its own rap Beef. Clowns got back to rapping. It was cool. Oh, my. The fast food chain dropped this AI generated diss track yesterday with the caption to all the clowns in the kitchen. It's time to put down the chicken. Wow. It also has a creepy AI version of Ronald McDonald that you saw there not too long ago, who appears to be losing his mind. Oh, there he is again. That's quite terrifying. Yeah. What a kangaroo. What's the kangaroo doing there? Claw and alien. No, those are real. Honestly, it's not AI. It's kind of like nightmare fuel for people who don't like clowns. Yeah. Candace does not like. They're speechless. Probably why they ran this when she wasn't here. That's clever, dude. You really liked it? That's crazy. Their chicken Sammy over there is pretty good at Popeyes. Yeah. Ranked what? Number five yesterday. Yeah, we talked about that yesterday. What is happening? Chick Fil A. Chick Fil A. No surprises. Cool, man. So the Chicken SA Awards are fully on. Thank you to everyone. I would have told you that was a promo for Twisted Metal. Yeah. So thank you to McDonald's and thank you to everyone in the Munch squad. I appreciate you. Thank you. We. We are going to turn it over to you all. We've asked you to send in your questions. We're going to call some people down to this microphone here. It's house center, right. Right in front of us. Apologize to the people sitting next to the microphone. You're just your co stars now. Welcome to the podcast. We are going to call some people down to the microphone, and we're going to answer your questions. Please don't come down to the microphone phone if we don't call you unless you have, like, a really. No, fucking. Don't. Don't put that out there, dude. Before we start. We do. We have started to knock out some quick ones in, like, rapid succession. And we did receive one message from Jeremy and Rebecca, who brought us a special present. If Justin, you want to walk in what we've got. Yeah. They brought us a box of Progresso soup drops, formerly featured. The soup you can suck on. Formerly featured in the Munch Squad. Yes. This is an unopened tin of soup drops. Of course it is. If it wasn't unopened, we would not even try eating it. Nice try. This is the. On the go, chicken noodle flavor. Open it on Mike, grip it and rip it. Crack that fucking shit. Oh, my God. Wait, wait, wait. Yeah, dude, how many are in there? Looks like three. Plenty. Okay, cool. I don't actually want to do it. I'll do the talking while you all do the second. All right, cool. Coward. Okay, so cheers. Cheers. Yeah. Cheers, Justin. For Paul and Amanda. Oh, wait for one. Rachel, too. Give one to dad and for Shannon. Okay, so I'm not gonna throw any more because they're probably gonna break. Cheers. Cheers, everyone. We're not gonna make any sucking noises on the microphone. I'll leave the stage. Here we go. That sucks instantly. It sucks right away. It's instantly so regret. It's so hard. It's not sweet at all. There's no sweetness. There's no sweetness. It's. It fucking sucks. It sucks. You could get someone so good by giving it to them and saying it's like a butterscotch. This is the lowest. I don't. My mouth doesn't want it in it. I'm out, dude. I'm out. I'm out. I'm cash. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm about to. I might have thrown up. That's so fucking gross. That's grosser than you would even think it is. You would think. It's like doing a bullion hard. Every time we do one of these, it's always like, that kind of sucks. It doesn't. It doesn't fuck at all. No. The back of my throat wanted to throw up. This sucks. It still sucks. It's not even in my mouth anymore, but it is in my mouth forever. Like a ghost Like a ghost. It is haunting my palate. Get it out. If dad put one of those in his mouth, have him switch. Get it away from dad, Paul. Get it away from dad. My dad. There's still popcorn in the 10. We can't put him in yet. Might be a little popcorn in the tin. Hey, if anybody has an extra dad, real quick, Mikey C. Asks, can we vape? No, no, no. You shouldn't do that in here. Not here or I don't know, maybe anywhere. This science is out. We'll see if this one, you know, pans out. But Becca, you gotta take a cleansing breath or two because otherwise we're gonna struggle for the rest of the shows. That was the grossest thing I've literally ever put in my mouth. It is the. I live a pretty easy life at this point. It's 2025, you know what I mean? I don't have a lot of mastodons, but it was a real threat. Warning from my body that there was a serious trying to be contrarian of, like, not so bad. No, like my. My immunosystem was like, get it out. It tasted like a cat food smells pretty much exactly. Becca R. Sent in a message that said, I have a jacket from the crew of the OC Does Griffin want it? Like fucking yeah. Do you have it with you or is this a yes? Do you have it with you or is this a yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you so much. Oh, wait, here comes the spot. Aw, man. Fuck. I've never been jealous of you before. Ever. I've wondered what it would feel like. I'm experiencing it now. Not gonna get you have something I want. We should switch this fucking rules. It smells like Peter Gallagher was close to it. Thank you so much. What an amazing gift. Hello. Hello. How's it going? My name's Emily. Is she her and I don't know which question that you. You asked a question about a pig that I. We were so delighted by. I want to know how I can sneak a pig into my wedding. My venue won't allow it and I'm desperate for it to be like the ring bearer Emily. Do they so, so rarely are the questions we get so deliciously farcical. And I'm excited to tackle this one. Yeah. Do they have a specific, like, airbud inspired rule that says, like, no pigs as ring bearers? Specifically? I mean, I am assuming they won't let me have a pig. It's a nice yacht club and it's inside. It's not outside on the grass. So I'M just thinking maybe we can bring it in with some of the rentals. But is it on a boat? No. Good. You can't put a pig on a boat. That's fucking crazy. That's also bad luck. That's bad luck to get a pig on a boat. They'll get so scared. Are you going to have like a crew of people setting up like the wedding? My family. Okay, could you dress the pig like a member of your family? I could see the resemblance. That's not Emily. That's not what I was saying. Joseph will words him my mouth. This you could say, now, I know that's a pig, but he is the florist and he will depart before the ceremony begins. You don't have to worry about him. And then once the ceremony begins, you put him into a different outfit that makes him look like a guest. And I don't think this is helping you, but imagining it is helping me a great deal. Yeah. You know one thing you could do. Oh, he's a little chef. Now, in my age, actually, we cannot make enough. We cannot make enough beignets for the crowd. Does anyone know Oink Lo Oink? Does anybody know how to cook beignets? Yeah. That's cool. A power that you can wield. And this is not based on fact, but rather old school beliefs of a thing. Just say, yeah, I know we shouldn't have a pig, but it's a favor to my mother in law. That's. Oh, man. One thing that wedding venues are never, ever, ever, ever gonna do is during your wedding, be like, ah, ah, ah, ah. Stop the wedding. Everyone stop the wedding. They won't have the guts. They can get mad afterwards if they want. And you just be like, fine, I'll never get married here again. Yeah. If I may, one piece of feedback is that if you are going to attach your incredibly precious wedding rings to an animal, maybe don't do it on the one that famously people compete to try to catch at county fairs and stuff. This is an excellent point. How have you sourced this pig? Yeah, there's livestock rental companies that will like bring petting zoos to you. So it's not like a pig. It's not like your pig that you. I can't get married without dream. What's happening is just some pig. It's just. It's just so big. It's. We try to have fun, you know, you only go around once in a sudden globe. So just when you picture your wedding, right, what you see is this venue. Whatever dress you're Going to wear or outfit you're going to wear your partner up there and non negotiables. The pig. The pig carrying the rings down the aisle. That's. That's just part of it. Or walking the pig down with me. Well, yeah, I assume there would need to be some chaperoning of the pig. Well, I love the idea that there's a bedding zoo pig. Who on the day is gonna be like. No, no, no, I get it. Trust me. You put the rings on my back, I walk down there, you take them off. I turn around, maybe I throw some flowers out if you want. That costs extra, but that's okay. And then I head back. An open bar, I'm assuming. All these flower petals just scattered around. Are those free game or were you guys planning on eating those? You guys aren't gonna eat me during the. No, that's just a joke that I tell. I've done this a hundred times. I was about to ask you to sit down in a very nice way that we do it. You'll know it when it happens. But before we do that, I did want to say earlier when I said that they're not gonna stop your wedding. I don't know that that's true. I'm sitting up here thinking about it and, like, I just fucking said that. I don't know. And if they, like, did stop it, I would just feel terrible about it. So I don't know. I don't have, like, a better answer, but it's like, don't do that. And count on that being accurate. No, but it would be wild to see, like. And if anyone objects to this wedding, speak now. Yeah, yeah. Yes. What is it? I don't mind, actually, the union. But they shouldn't have pigs in here. Yeah. Wait a minute. You're right. Can you make the pig look like it ran in off the street? That's not. He's not supposed. Oh, no, but the rings fell on him. Oh. Maybe make him look like he's wearing, like, a striped jumpsuit. Like he escaped from prison. That's cool. Yeah. And he stole those rings. Yeah. Does that help? That's so helpful. Thank you. Thank you so much, Emily. What a wonderful little play space to play in. Look at them. Oh, my God. Yeah. If you have two pigs, they gotta say. Yes, you get two pigs, Mary. Especially if you have the pigs walk you down the aisle and say, I was adopted. Hello. Hello. I'm Caitlin. Hi, Caitlin. I'm a scare actor at a theme park in the area. Okay. Do you ever say Scarector. Scare actor. Sorry. Scare actor. Scarector. Scare actor. Sorry. No, while we're actors. Sorry. Shut up. Everyone but me and her shut up. Scare actor. A scarecrow. Yeah. Okay, good. All right, we got it. All right. Scareactor. And I tell you, I thought that's what you said. I wanted to make sure you said. You also extremely answered his question by doing that. In a rare moment, you said, scare actor. My brain went, ask if they ever say scareactor. And I thought, that's too dumb. And then Justin said it. And it was one of the most validating moments in my adult life. The ideas will like fleas between us. That's how big magic works. Sometimes they land on me and they were supposed to go to him. You never know. Right? So how can we help? I love scare acting. I think I'm pretty good at it. But I am a bit of a scaredy cat, personally. You get it how? You know, when I walk to my lunches, there are guests who will try to scare me and it's pretty effective. I try to stay in character as much as as I can. But I'm wondering, if a guest does scare me, how should I retaliate while remaining in character? Caitlin. Okay, is there a way. I don't want you to tell us what character you play. It's impossible for us to do this without knowing it. I know, but I need you to, in a non legally binding way, tell me what character you play. A demon clown. Okay. Yeah, that does. Yeah. Okay, that narrows it down. This is a clown. Sorry, were you a demon first you became a clown or a clown first you became a demon? Like were you became a demon? Yeah. It doesn't go the other way. There's not a demon. Like, it's my calling. Well, okay. What? No, sorry, Griffin. What's fucking wilder? A demon who started as a demon and said, you know what? I'd love to be a clown. Or a clown that during life, Lucifer went, you know what, kid? You've got to changing you. What if you look at the person and say, finally there's someone to scare Pagliacci. That's good. Yeah. Have a complete fucking mental collapse right there on the boardwalk or whatever. No, see, because Pagliacci was a clown, right? But there was nobody that could. He towed the doctor. Oh, now take it back. He goes to the doctor and the doctor says, you should go see this clown Pagliacci. And he says, but doctor, I am Pagliacci. No, no, no, you gotta step back. He was sad, right? So he was sad and he was a clown. Did I say he was a clown? And he's sitting there in clown makeup, which makes it so weird that the doctor brought it up. I think if they scare you, you should run as fast as you can, because that is always very funny, but also kind of disconcerting the longer it goes on. Because I would laugh at first, but then the longer you ran, I'd be like, wow, they're really committing to it. I will say I worked as a scare actor and that's what we call it for a while at a couple different places. And the thing that always struck me is the people who wanted to one, show me how unscared they were of the haunted house, and two, try to scare me back. And all I can think is, like, we both know what's going on. You bought a ticket. It's your 1999 pal. Yeah, I'm getting paid to be here. You paid to be here. Which ones? The difference between you and me, I think, is that if that happened to me, the need to piss would immediately disappear and all I would think of is how I was going to scare this person back so fucking hard they wouldn't even know. I would start following them around the park and wait till they're most vulnerable. I mean, by themselves in the dark, follow them home, wait till they're in the toilet, and then stand outside and be like, ooh, nasty. While you've been do you've been like, doxing them on social media. I bet your mom, Karen is disappointing you, Doug. Yeah. It's scary, isn't it? Gr. Escalation, the lengths that they're willing to go to. Does that help? It helps. Okay, cool. Thank you, Caitlyn. Thank you. Can we. Yeah, this is good. Yeah. Come on. Come on down. Hi, I'm Dominic. He him. Hi, Travis. Hi, Dominic. How are you? Good. How you doing? I'm doing great, man. It's good to see you. Good to see you. Hi. Hi. Hi. Okay, so my parents haven't bought any new towels for about 30 years. Yes. Okay. Yes. Yes. It got to the point that I was dreading going home because I had to dry myself with this sandpaper. Yeah. So for the last four years, I've been smuggling new towels into their house and hiding the old ones in, like, little, like, caches around the house. Yeah, Ventilation. I'm getting concerned that if I don't, like, empty the caches soon, they're going to be found and put back in circulation. Right. Dominic, can I ask a question? In your own home, how particular are you about towels, Are you. Do you feel that your parents position on towels has created in you a need to have the finer towels in your home? There are a few things more important to me at this point. Okay, so. Okay, Donna, this is what I suggest. As I suspected this. Our parents were fucking towel degenerates. Our mom bought, I think my mom, our mom bought 30 towels the day I was born and never bought another one as far as I know. I do think when I went to college in Oklahoma, like 2,000 miles away from West Virginia, I took a pre existing towel. I don't think new towels were all. The reason Griffin looked at me confused is because he didn't use a new towel until he was 23 years old. He didn't even know that was a possibility. He didn't even know you had the option. In my home, I have two different kinds of towels. They're the ones that I use and the ones that anybody who isn't me or married to me uses. And if the ones that aren't the ones that get used by me or the people married to me uses, you know, the good towels, if they end up in the wrong drawers, which confusingly, the other half of the team who benefits from this arrangement often is the one messing it up. And it's like, hey, Sydney, do you not care about which towels you use? And she's like, go away, you know, or whatever. I'm a doctor, I'm busy saving lives. So I think it creates a new scarcity mindset, which is clean towels. The towels that touch mine and my wife's body get rolled up. Other towels get folded. That's the difference. Good towels, like, we know, like, oh, these are the towels that deserve Travis. Yeah. One waif. One waif. God, I wish that wasn't true. I know, but it is. And we're really being very vulnerable. You two are being so weirdly vulnerable. Also, most of the towels that touch my body have purple streaks across them. It's true. As if they indicate, like, these are marked. It looks like it. All of it. Travis's towels look like they just cleaned up Grimace's sex mess. That's the color of my hair dye. Yeah. So what I would start with, Dominic, is towels are hard to throw away because when you throw them away, it will fill up a whole trash can and it will be very obvious that you've thrown away a towel. I think you got to start with hand towels. You cut it in half, you got two hand towels. Excellent. Do it again. Washcloths might throw away A washcloth. This one's looking. Do it again. Postage stamps. Yes. Eventually you've cut it up enough times, you can make jeans. Just grind it down the denim. How many towels are we talking about, dominic? At least 20 to 30 to 30. Because they. They kept buying new ones for, like, 10 years. Oh, so they bought new ones, didn't get rid of old ones? Yeah. So there was some, like, slight increase in towel quality, but after, like, 10 years. Can I ask, how wet are your parents getting? Because it's 20 to 30 is pretty. Is that all of them? It's beyond science at this point. Okay, so. Okay. Okay, Dominic, are you ready for this? They're saving those towels for when there's a big mess that needs cleaned up that will ruin towels. Yeah. And they're like, well, those are scrap towels that we won't feel bad cleaning up this thing. Yes. You must create within the house that thing that ruins the towels so bad that they can't be washed. The big one, Dominic. The big one. The big spill. The big spill they've all been waiting for. I'm glad you said spill and not anything more human. No, no big spill. I'm not gonna box you in. No, no, no. This is your art form to create. Because if I tell you what it is, they've probably already thought about it. You're going to generate the next generation of mess. Yeah. Good luck. A mess no one's ever thought of or brace themselves for. Yeah. Show me an AI that can make that kind of mess. No way does that help. Oh, you nailed it. Thank you so much, Dominic. And thank you all. Thank you. Hey, folks, thank you all so much for coming here to our live MUBMA Bam. Here in Anaheim. We have had a wonderful time. You've been so incredibly kind to us. And this has been a weird. They're always weird, but this has been a really weird one, and I've really enjoyed it. So thank you so much. Energy has been off the charts. Thank you all so much. Tomorrow night, we're doing a Taz Dadlands with Brennan Lee Mulligan. Please come to that. Thank you to the Grove of Anaheim for having us. This is a beautiful, beautiful space, beautiful place. And thank you to Montana Kane for these, for a theme song. My life is better with you. Thank you to Fay Day Arts for creating this incredible poster of all of us on a road trip. There's a bunch of Easter eggs in there, too, so make sure you see them. You gotta catch all these Easter eggs. I specifically asked. No Easter eggs. We also have the Paul Sabor Memorial Canned Food Drive Challenge coin for sale. Still benefiting Second Harvest Food bank of Orange County. Thank you to Paul, thank you to, to Amanda and to Rachel and to Shannon and our dad, Clint McElroy. And he's gonna tell us that we were wrong about the towels. And I'm gonna be like, fuck you, man. You don't fucking remember. I've heard how Justin talks to dad vis a vis the Ashes. Thank you to Becca again for this kick ass jacket. It's. I feel very strong. May I. May I read the Fear? Yes, please. Ahem. This year I want to be faster than my Fear of the Pirates of the Caribbean Animatronics. I don't know why, but I'm worried they're going to cut off my glutes. But he's just a McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. Griffin McElroy. My brother. My brother may kiss your dad. Square the lips. My life, it's better it's better with you My life, it's better it's better with you this is true it's better it's better with you My life, it's better Maximum Fun. A worker owned network of artist owned shows supported directly by you.