MBMBaM 772: Spiders Are Writing and God Is Real

Summary

MBMBaM 772: Spiders Are Writing and God Is Real
Released on July 21, 2025
Hosts: Justin, Travis, and Griffin McElroy
Podcast: My Brother, My Brother & Me

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I. Donkey Kong: A Critical Analysis

00:00 – 05:00

The episode kicks off with the McElroy brothers delving into a comedic yet critical analysis of the classic video game character, Donkey Kong. Justin expresses discomfort over his daughter's enjoyment of the game, prompting a deeper discussion about the character's questionable actions.

• Justin:
  [02:04] "I felt uncomfortable... Do you guys think there is something inherently puerile about Donkey Kong?"

• Griffin:
  [02:27] "He kidnapped women. Professional. Like, the only thing you knew about this dude is he liked to climb a tower, he liked to throw a barrel."

Travis and Griffin unanimously agree that Donkey Kong's outdated and problematic behaviors make him an unsuitable role model in contemporary society. They humorously argue that it's unacceptable to associate with such a character, especially in front of their children.

II. The Curious Case of Donkey Kong and Diddy

04:00 – 05:00

The conversation shifts to Donkey Kong's relationship with his sidekick, Diddy Kong. Justin introduces a playful theory regarding Funky Kong's true identity.

• Justin:
  [04:33] "My theory is that Funky Kong is an undercover cop."

Travis and Griffin find humor in this speculation, pondering the potential backstories of these beloved characters. This lighthearted banter underscores the brothers' knack for blending humor with pop culture critiques.

III. Managing the Hairstylist's Obsessive Pet Pig

09:35 – 21:00

Justin presents a comedic dilemma dubbed "Porky Problems," where he grapples with working for a hairstylist who incessantly talks about his pet house pig.

• Justin:
  [09:54] "How could I steer the conversation away from her or make him stop talking about her altogether?"

The brothers brainstorm various strategies to tactfully change the subject without offending the hairstylist. They explore humorous scenarios and offer exaggerated solutions, highlighting their unique approach to everyday annoyances.

IV. Farting in Sandals: A Social Quandary

18:00 – 25:00

The discussion pivots to the awkwardness of managing unexpected noises from footwear, particularly sandals that emit flatulence-like sounds.

• Justin:
  [19:44] "How do I convince these plumbers that I did not in fact fart in front of them or demonstrate to them the flatulent capacity of my sandals?"

Travis and Griffin delve into the social implications of such situations, debating the best ways to normalize these occurrences. They propose methods to acknowledge without judgment, fostering a culture of acceptance and reducing embarrassment.

• Justin:
  [20:31] "Can we normalize just looking at someone dead in the eyes, no conversation, and just saying, that's life."

This segment showcases the brothers' ability to turn mundane social faux pas into humorous and relatable content.

V. Urinary Emergencies on a Loopy Flight

25:00 – 32:00

Justin shares a hilariously exaggerated tale of needing to urinate urgently during a turbulent flight. His recounting captures the intense desperation and comedic frustration of being unable to access the airplane restroom due to the pilot's unexpected maneuvers.

• Griffin:
  [27:25] "It's what they don't tell you that pissing your pants is an act of rebellion."

• Travis:
  [32:18] "It's what they don't tell you that pissing your pants is an act of rebellion."

The brothers embellish the story with creative metaphors and playful commentary, transforming a relatable discomfort into an entertaining narrative. They explore themes of bodily needs versus social expectations, all wrapped in their signature comedic style.

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Notable Quotes

• Griffin McElroy:
  [02:27] "He kidnapped women. Professional. Like, the only thing you knew about this dude is he liked to climb a tower, he liked to throw a barrel."

• Justin McElroy:
  [09:54] "How could I steer the conversation away from her or make him stop talking about her altogether?"

• Justin McElroy:
  [19:44] "How do I convince these plumbers that I did not in fact fart in front of them or demonstrate to them the flatulent capacity of my sandals?"

• Justin McElroy:
  [20:31] "Can we normalize just looking at someone dead in the eyes, no conversation, and just saying, that's life."

• Griffin McElroy:
  [27:25] "It's what they don't tell you that pissing your pants is an act of rebellion."

Conclusion

In this episode of My Brother, My Brother & Me, the McElroy brothers expertly blend humor with sharp commentary, addressing everything from classic video game characters to everyday social dilemmas. Their ability to transform mundane topics into engaging and entertaining discussions ensures that listeners are both amused and thoughtfully entertained. Whether dissecting the morality of Donkey Kong or navigating the perils of pet-centric conversations, Justin, Travis, and Griffin deliver their trademark blend of wit and wisdom, reaffirming why they are beloved as "the world's most related experts."

Transcript

[Griffin McElroy]

The McElroy brothers are not experts and.

[Travis McElroy]

Their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if.

[Griffin McElroy]

There'S a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.

[Travis McElroy]

Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? It's the start of something beautiful A.

[Griffin McElroy]

Small acquaintance has blossomed it's ripened into.

[Travis McElroy]

A precious friends.

[Griffin McElroy]

I could have never.

[Travis McElroy]

Seen what was coming for me Hangs at the skate park Hangs by the.

[Griffin McElroy]

Beach My life.

[Travis McElroy]

It feels like.

[Justin McElroy]

It'S.

[Travis McElroy]

Better it's better with you My life ah, it's better it's better with you.

[Griffin McElroy]

This is true.

[Travis McElroy]

It'S better it's better with two.

[Justin McElroy]

Hello everybody, and welcome to My Brother, My Brother and Me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

What's up, Trav Nation? It's me, your mildest brother, Travis. Vroom, vroom, McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

What's good, trav Nation? It's me, your Sweet baby brother, 30 under 30. Griffin McElroy.

[Justin McElroy]

I. The new Donkey Kong is here. Donkey Kong. Banana. Bananananza.

[Griffin McElroy]

You couldn't sound more enthusiastic.

[Travis McElroy]

Banana Nanza. There we go, Justin. Well, I'm. Coughing issues. Griffin, how dare you.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. Ralph. What a jerk. It's also not my job to try to sell Nintendo products. That's the job of Shigeru Miyamoto and his best friend, Reggie Fils. A B. Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

That's the only job.

[Griffin McElroy]

God, that fucking. I would watch that buddy cop movie. Big cop, little genius cop. Gimme.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. Where Shigeru Miyamoto is like, solving the crimes and Reggie Fils. Aimee is out there. Like, has his muscle. He's enforcer.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Absolutely.

[Travis McElroy]

Now we're on to something.

[Justin McElroy]

No, but I was. I was playing the new Donkey Kong game today and I was thinking, like, it was this sense I had where my daughter was playing the Donkey Kong and she was enjoying it and I felt uncomfortable. And I started thinking about it and I think there's something. Do you guys think there is something inherently puerile about Donkey Kong?

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, for sure.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, man.

[Griffin McElroy]

For sure. Dude. He's not this man. We have all been so quick to forgive.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

He kidnapped women. Professional. Like, the only thing you knew about this dude is he liked to climb a tower, he liked to throw a barrel. He liked to kidnap a woman, I would say. And now we're just supposed to. And now, because it's been 40 years or whatever. We're supposed to just let bygones be bygones. I don't think so, Mr. Kong.

[Travis McElroy]

No, I would say this pretty confidently. I would say that Donkey Kong is the kind of person that you were really good friends with in college and you loved his party animal antics. And now, like, that you're a parent, a grown up.

[Griffin McElroy]

I can't bring him around my kids. No way.

[Justin McElroy]

No way. Right.

[Travis McElroy]

You might, like, enjoy remembering the times you spent with Donkey Kong. But when you hang out with Donkey Kong, you start to realize, wow, I'm apologizing to my current friends, alive, to them, on his behalf.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'll follow DK's ignore, but I'm not gonna. I can't have a friend like that around the crew. I can't have that reflecting on me.

[Travis McElroy]

No, I'm not gonna have him, like, at my kid's birthday party or something. Thank God. Are you kidding me?

[Justin McElroy]

Just inherently, as a organism, I feel like there's just something lascivious about that.

[Griffin McElroy]

And it might just be that, like, I don't think we can have him back here knowing how close he is with Diddy. Like, I don't think it is anything that can.

[Justin McElroy]

Hey, Griffin, that's such a good point. His relationship with. His relationship with Diddy, they were very close for a number of years, him and Diddy.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, that's true.

[Justin McElroy]

I think that we've got. It's not.

[Travis McElroy]

It's not beautiful, but I think it's beautiful to recognize.

[Justin McElroy]

I mean, is what I mean right now in 2025. I think his relationship with Diddy is a huge problem.

[Travis McElroy]

I think so too.

[Griffin McElroy]

There's no way that fool shows up in the new game. Right. There's no way they're gonna give him a game off. Probably to let the dust settle a little bit.

[Travis McElroy]

Maybe change that name. Yeah, maybe Jason Didson, maybe.

[Justin McElroy]

My theory is that Funky Kong is an undercover cop.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Because they're all funky. He feels like, you know what I mean?

[Travis McElroy]

For sure.

[Justin McElroy]

The whole family is funky.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

He feels like he overshot at sneaky pizza style and he showed up a few years later. Like, we're all pretty funky here, right? Hey, where are we burying all the money?

[Travis McElroy]

100%. Can I also say, I think the world is ready now that this Donkey Kong game is out for like a God of War esque reboot where we see Donkey Kong now. A responsible human being who doesn't smash anymore.

[Griffin McElroy]

He has a new son named, like Charles or something normal. Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

And then like, somebody comes to him. And they're like, we need you to smash stuff. And he's like, I don't need that anymore. I don't smash.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's a pretty good God of war.

[Travis McElroy]

Thank you. I can't do it on purpose.

[Griffin McElroy]

Nope.

[Justin McElroy]

It's like, there's also something about just his name that feels gaslighting to me. Like, he tells you it, and you're like, nice. And then, like, a few hours later, you're like, kong? No, not. I know a famous Kong. It's not him. And he's not a donkey. You know what I mean? Like, he gave me this fake name to try to set me at easy.

[Travis McElroy]

It once again, feels like a nickname that. That he got in college for being a cool party dude. That now he's in, like, his 40s.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, dude.

[Travis McElroy]

Everybody calls me Donkey Kong. And it's like, hey, man, at the.

[Justin McElroy]

Office, he's like, let's just hope at the New Year's party you guys don't meet Donkey Kong. That's all our thing.

[Travis McElroy]

And they're like, what are you talking about coming to my office? We need to talk for a second. There's been a lot of. Hr. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Do you want James or Kong?

[Travis McElroy]

No, I need to talk to James right now.

[Justin McElroy]

One second. Let me get him.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay. You do great work.

[Justin McElroy]

Sorry, boss.

[Travis McElroy]

Data analysis. And we're really happy.

[Griffin McElroy]

Your ties are always so crisp.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, but we've had a lot of complaints about Donkey Kong.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, I have spoken to him repeatedly, sir. And unfortunately, when I get one whiff of a banana, the animal comes out.

[Griffin McElroy]

Now, that's funny you say that because we talked. I'm hr, and I talked it over with some of my colleagues, and they said that's simply not a thing. They said there's a lot of things that, you know, will create special circumstances in the workplace. But after extensive research and consultation with many medical Experts, we got Dr. Mario. Dr. Mario was there. Dr. Robotnik. They did confirm that there is no condition where if you smell a banana, you turn into a. Crazy. Crazy.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

That's. Oh, that's. That's so.

[Justin McElroy]

You know, that's so interesting. I would love to talk with Popeye about that. Because Popeye beat the living shit out of Jeremy after one bite of spinach, and he was back in the office the next week.

[Griffin McElroy]

Now, that's a huge.

[Justin McElroy]

So you tell me that is.

[Travis McElroy]

That's related to his iron levels, and that's medically documented.

[Griffin McElroy]

James, that is real. That is very real. We are also Chiquita Banana Company. So like, it seems like your exposure to your triggering compound is gonna be pretty unavoidable. I would ask why you came to work here. Why would you want to work here in the.

[Travis McElroy]

No, don't open.

[Griffin McElroy]

A banana, James, please. James.

[Travis McElroy]

James, don't open.

[Griffin McElroy]

James, we are going to have to ask you to leave the building. James.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm gonna love it.

[Griffin McElroy]

James. What are you opening it up on both ends? Oh, you have two bands.

[Justin McElroy]

I've got two.

[Griffin McElroy]

I thought you peeled it from both ends.

[Travis McElroy]

That was really good, James. We have a minecart right here that we can.

[Griffin McElroy]

He's got stuck in his armpits.

[Justin McElroy]

Out of the building. I'm holding four at once.

[Griffin McElroy]

Let's hope, Juice, that the audio accompanies that clip wherever it may rear its head. Cause otherwise, the pantomime you just did.

[Justin McElroy]

Was those two always. They need to be fused together like Lady Hawk man. I need them to be sharing a body. I never want them separate. The audio and the video are one. One. One of a whole. You know how Mario was originally named Jumpman? Yeah. Everybody knows this. And then they. They needed to get an extension on their lease at the NOAA headquarters in Seattle. And their landlord at the time was named Mario, so they named Mario Mario in his honor. So he would give them a little bit more leniency with the loan. But originally it was Jumpman. And my head cannon for that has always been that that is how Donkey Kong understands what has been presented to him. This is his game. It's his pov. As far as he knows, it's just a jump man. It's just a man that he can't understand.

[Griffin McElroy]

He can't understand, like, words. So, like, that's just Jump Man. For sure.

[Justin McElroy]

Jump Man. That's. I understand it to be Jump man. He still doesn't understand Mario. Like, he doesn't know the name.

[Travis McElroy]

Did you know all the time?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, for sure. Did you all know that Yoshi's full name is T. Yoshiasaur Munchakoopas, which was actually the name of Shigeru Miyamoto's podiatrist?

[Travis McElroy]

Huh?

[Griffin McElroy]

And he named T. Yoshisaur Munchakoopas after his podiatrist, Dr. Munchakoopas.

[Travis McElroy]

Did you know that Zelda is the boy?

[Griffin McElroy]

I did.

[Justin McElroy]

I recently started working at Griffin Griffin.

[Griffin McElroy]

We do that more often than. We don't do that. We all start talking at the same time together.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, but only one of us has the list of questions. The other two are about to kibitz and second guess and one of us is about to lead us to the promised land of a new bit. Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, we'll get there.

[Justin McElroy]

I recently started working as a hairstylist assistant at a local salon. My boss, the hairstylist, seems that track. Can I just say, I'm really relieved your boss is the hairstylist. Because if there was yet another layer of middle management in the barber industry that I did not know about, I was really going to be thrown for a loop. I'm glad there's just the two. The one layer of assistant to the barber that I did not know existed. There's not an assistant to the assistant. My boss, the hairstylist seems nice and cool overall, and he revealed me pretty much as soon as I started working there, that he has a pet house pig. He won't stop bringing up the pig in conversation with clients and repeat stories about her constantly. I have no problem with him owning a pig and in fact think it's pretty awesome. But I think I'm going to go insane if I keep hearing the same stories over and over again. How could I steer the conversation away from her or make him stop talking about her altogether? That's from Porky Prob. Porky Problems in Chicopee.

[Griffin McElroy]

I never thought about this about pig as a.

[Travis McElroy]

You've never thought about what would it be like to work for a hairstylist who has a pet house pig that talks about it constantly?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, of course not. That's really.

[Justin McElroy]

If you are somebody that shares a barber space or a hair salon space with other hairstylists. Right?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

They probably come in with their five to 10 minutes. They're five. Here's my thing that I'm doing today. Here's what I got spun up, and I'm gonna give everybody this anecdote. If you got the chair next to him, you could be hearing the same fucking anecdote over and over and over again. Guys, my masking. I. I'm. I don't think I could cover the fact that I've heard this story before. I don't think I could cloak it. No way. No way.

[Griffin McElroy]

I do think if you have a pig, you do want to be talking about it.

[Justin McElroy]

Of course.

[Griffin McElroy]

Just so it's worth it. It's just so it's worth it. We have friends who got a pig once because they had a yard space for pig and we lived in Texas and why the fuck not? And did you all know this is actually cool. A pig is the loudest animal on the earth and when it does it squeal or anything. It's not Babe in the City. And it is a shrieking air raid siren that goes off 120 times a day. I think maybe if you do have that particular type of pig in your home, you have to talk about it just to one, let some of the pressure out from time to time so you don't. And two, so it just feels like it's eat it.

[Travis McElroy]

Are you maybe given.

[Justin McElroy]

Is this guy maybe given the softest sell? Is he maybe hoping eventually he'll be like, I don't know, I'd hate to give him up. He's really a great pig. I mean, I mean, I guess hearing my.

[Travis McElroy]

And now if you look at the. Where I've trimmed the back of your hair. Whoa. It looks like the pig came in and shaved some pig in the back of your hair.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, what the fuck?

[Griffin McElroy]

The pig can talk through. Hey, in Charlotte's Web, what's the story there? Because everyone sees the spider web that says some pig. And then everyone's like, holy shit. But it doesn't seem like anyone's really necessarily crediting the spider much.

[Travis McElroy]

No, they think the pig did it.

[Justin McElroy]

Everyone in the. Everyone in the book has. It's important for Charlotte toy to work that everyone in the book be among the dumbest human beings that have ever lived on the planet.

[Travis McElroy]

Yes, they have a fundamental misunderstanding of pigs and their web slinging capabilities.

[Griffin McElroy]

If they showed up and Wilbur had a fucking golden egg sitting in his trough, would they be like, damn, Wilbur, you laid a golden egg for cloaca shit, man.

[Justin McElroy]

Absolutely not.

[Travis McElroy]

Now it is important, though, to note that would convince them that he was pretty special. I think within the fiction of Charlotte's Web, the fact that he is able to spin a web that says some pig. If they thought all pigs could do that, it wouldn't be that notable.

[Justin McElroy]

But it's so fucked up. Like, it's clearly a spider talking about a cool pig. And it's like, I'm glad the spider likes the pig. But the big headline is, spiders are riding and God is real. Like, God is real. Come to our barn and see there's a creator. He made us in a loving way, in his loving image, and he wants us to know this pig is okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

Ignore the dipshit pig because, like, the spider won't do her thing. Clearly.

[Justin McElroy]

We got rid of the pig.

[Griffin McElroy]

The pig's so fucking loud. We got rid of it because it would, like, scare the guests away when they would come and we'd charge a thousand dollars to take it to see the God spider. But, like, if we do take the pig away, the spider gets really fucking cranky about it.

[Justin McElroy]

Folks, here's what I'm here to tell you, folks. It doesn't fucking matter what the spider's writing. The impulses in a spider's brain, we can't decode that. I don't know why the spider likes the pig. You know what I mean? It's a spider. The important thing is there's letters.

[Travis McElroy]

Now that said, we know that the spider has recently been spinning some questionable statements, and they're problematic. We understand that. We understand that.

[Griffin McElroy]

Ignore the sentiment.

[Travis McElroy]

Ignore the sentiment. It's the fact that the spider can.

[Griffin McElroy]

Write, can make words that's important.

[Travis McElroy]

Please don't take the words to heart. You're not endorsing it.

[Griffin McElroy]

She's got something new. It says pizza time. Okay, like, that doesn't mean anything. And it's not the strong biblical message that we are hoping the spider will get across. But it's crazy that the spider knows how to write the letters to spell pizza time in the first place.

[Justin McElroy]

The words that Charlotte writes in the book include terrific, some pig, and radiant as well as humble. Now, had it been me, Charlotte, I would have begun with humble, because that is going to get people in the right mindset to accept whatever comes next. Bow before the Lord thy God. He has made this spider in his divine image as his messenger.

[Travis McElroy]

She also should have started with some pig, because if he just says terrific.

[Griffin McElroy]

That could mean anything.

[Travis McElroy]

How do we know that? She's, like, she's an influencer, right? And she's figuring out her hashtags and just putting terrific isn't a good hashtag.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, that might.

[Justin McElroy]

A different thing.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, and Travis said it.

[Justin McElroy]

I said it should start with humble.

[Travis McElroy]

No.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, like, I guess from God, but I said a different thing from you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, that happens sometimes.

[Justin McElroy]

Both, though.

[Travis McElroy]

What about some pig, comma, humble.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's cool. Some pig, comma, complimentary.

[Travis McElroy]

Ooh, oh, maybe it's this. Some pig. And then in tiny letters, I know I the spider wrote this, but I'm keeping it humble. Keeping it 100. This ain't about me. It's about the pig. Signed, Charlotte the spider. Please don't kill me either. I know how human beings feel about spiders.

[Justin McElroy]

Can you pretend that you have two pigs?

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, nice, dude.

[Justin McElroy]

Because if you start. I think the barber is gonna get. If you start spinning tails. Right. Of your two pigs that are gallivanting around, he's not gonna have the guts to even mention his poultry. One pig. That's half the Laughs Half the hijinks, half the hot dog eating. No, thank you.

[Travis McElroy]

Maybe come in with a couple blue ribbons that you're like, I didn't even enter them. But they're so cool.

[Griffin McElroy]

They're so good.

[Travis McElroy]

Somebody came by. Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

You could get a bite mark on your arm. And over the weekend, say there was a terrible pig accident. And so now when Barber brings up pigs, it really. It gets you pretty freaked out.

[Travis McElroy]

So, please, you could try to lure.

[Justin McElroy]

The pig into biting you.

[Travis McElroy]

I thought we were going to go into a werepig thing.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, yeah, you could also do a werepig Peter porker.

[Justin McElroy]

Or you could lure the pig into biting you and have the authorities put it down because, well, maybe not a pig.

[Griffin McElroy]

Cause then you'd have to go to their house and that's a whole fucking.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, then you're gonna have to look at all the.

[Justin McElroy]

Maybe you'd be enchanted by the pig. Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

But there is a pretty good chance that the owner of the pig is gonna be like, oh, no. Oh, no, stop.

[Travis McElroy]

Is it possible? Like, I can't. If. So, pigs are very intelligent, right?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

The idea of a house pig, when a pig is like, hey, all the stuff I really like, like mud and digging for things, sloppy shit. That's all outside. And you won't bring any of that stuff in here.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. If a pig could talk, the first thing the pig says when it gets adopted is, are you sure, man? I'm a sloppy shit monster and I'm gonna fuck all your stuff up. That's what I want in my life.

[Travis McElroy]

That's what I do.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm gonna get in your garbage can. I'm gonna make a terrible mess every day. Are you sure?

[Travis McElroy]

And I'm not gonna appreciate you or anything you do. Cause I know better. I know better. Do you think I'm a dog? Those guys, they're happy with anything. They love it. Oh, that's great.

[Griffin McElroy]

If you're a pig head and you're listening to this, you have a pig at your house. Please know we're not talking about your special precious angels.

[Travis McElroy]

No, your special angels.

[Griffin McElroy]

We're talking about bad pigs.

[Justin McElroy]

We don't want to hear about your pig either.

[Griffin McElroy]

No. But we know that it's a good, precious angel. Just know that. We're talking about shitty pigs.

[Travis McElroy]

How do you know? When you look at a pig that's just been born, how do you know that that is going to be a good house pig versus a farm pig?

[Griffin McElroy]

They have a little bib on them.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, okay.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. They have Wellingtons When I'm indoors, I wear slippers in the colder months and plastic sandals in the warmer months. My plastic sandals occasionally make a delightful farting noise when I turn my bare feet in them. Just so. Not like a real ripper, more like a clarion toot. We have plumbers at our house right now, and when I walked past them at one point, my sandals made the noise. How do I convince these plumbers that I did not in fact fart in front of them or demonstrate to them the flatulent capacity of my sandals? That's from no toots in New England. I do really enjoy the image of you, like, walking back and forth near them, like, oh, there they go again. My farting shoes. Everyone, are you hearing this? Wow, what a zinger.

[Griffin McElroy]

I have to wear them. That's non negotiable.

[Justin McElroy]

They're prescription.

[Travis McElroy]

I bought some for you too. So you can see here. Everybody put on our sandals. Stop your work. Stop your work. Let us walk around the house together barefoot in your sandals.

[Griffin McElroy]

Let's normalize. Putting the pressure to relieve this situation on the audience, on the recipient of it. I think in the same manner that when someone sneezes, you say bless you. When someone scoots a chair or slides their arm against some hardwood, or apparently walks in these clown sandals and it makes a fart noise. But you know, that's not what just happened. There should be a. The onus should be on you to look at them and say, like, you're cool. I know. What if.

[Justin McElroy]

Can we normalize just looking at someone dead in the eyes, no conversation, and just saying, that's life. Like, that's cool.

[Griffin McElroy]

The same energy.

[Travis McElroy]

I fucking love it.

[Justin McElroy]

Same energy. Hey, pal, that's life. Like, you hear, you hear the fart noise. You look at them, either they, you farted or you didn't, you know, But I'll just say, that's life.

[Griffin McElroy]

Now I will say this. I don't want to. That's life. A real fart. I don't want to.

[Travis McElroy]

I think that's part of it. Right. I think that there has to be a level of honesty here where if I am working at someone's home and the noise happens, or someone scoops their chair or whatever.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

And I indicate that I assume it was created by an inanimate object.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, it is.

[Travis McElroy]

Then if you say, no, that was real. And now we're all. We're being honest with each other, we're being direct.

[Griffin McElroy]

But I'm not too honest. I want you to feel comfortable. And the way that I do that is, if you do rip, like, a stage five beefer, like, right next to me, and a picture frame falls off a nearby wall, I'm not gonna look at you or acknowledge that at all. I know what happened, and you don't want me to acknowledge that. They don't want acknowledgement. They only want it if it's a sandal fart and it's not real. You don't want to be acknowledged for your heinous gas. There's no way, guys.

[Justin McElroy]

But there's two. But once. Once it happens, there's a bifurcation right between the reality of the situation and the situation in my head. And if this person has left a complete vacuum, I'm inserting the worst I can come up with. If they look at me and say, that's life, we're done. If you rip a huge action, if.

[Griffin McElroy]

You, Justin, are sitting next to someone on an airplane.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

You rip one, and the cranberry juice on their tray table, like, spills, and they look at you and they go, that's life. You're gonna feel good, or you're gonna feel bad, embarrassed, creeped out, weird and terrible.

[Travis McElroy]

What about instead of that's life? What about pretty convincing? Now, this works on two levels.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's true, actually. Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Because on the one hand. Oh, it's acknowledging. Like, that sounded almost real.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes.

[Travis McElroy]

But also, if it was real, I'm convinced.

[Griffin McElroy]

Or Travis, even better. If you actually did fart and you say something like, sounded pretty convincing, then they think, oh, they thought it was fake. They thought it was a phony coming out of my sandals, when for real, it was real. That also gets rid of any of the bad feelings. That's really good. And it's honest.

[Justin McElroy]

It is honest. Comes from an honest place.

[Griffin McElroy]

Comes from an honest place.

[Travis McElroy]

Is there like a gesundheit, a bless you version that the two parties involved or multiple parties can all, in a very short, maybe one or two words, agree that they are just going to erase the last 15 seconds from their minds. What about, that's life, huh?

[Justin McElroy]

I mean, that's life.

[Griffin McElroy]

If someone says, that's life to me after I, that is life. No, I don't know what situation I'm in in life where I fart out loud enough for a stranger to hear it.

[Justin McElroy]

Hear anything else.

[Griffin McElroy]

But if someone does that to me, I'm gonna be creeped out by them. That is akin to them saying, like, I don't fucking want that.

[Justin McElroy]

It's. Instead of them savoring it. That's not akin to that. At all, Griffin. It's not akin to them being like.

[Griffin McElroy]

It feels akin to that. It feels of a nature relating to that.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm just saying we needed to normalize saying stuff that acknowledges without judgment. And I feel like the problem with the silence is that it is judgmental. There's a. There's a judgment in the silence. So I feel like filling the silence with that's life. Because it is. That's life, guys.

[Travis McElroy]

That's life happened. What about safe zone? You just announced safe zone.

[Justin McElroy]

Safe zone. I don't.

[Travis McElroy]

What is that?

[Griffin McElroy]

Wait, that sounds like. Do it closer to safe zone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's no good. I don't know how much longer we want to talk about this, but a fart is selfish.

[Travis McElroy]

Free space.

[Griffin McElroy]

When you do one, you're making the world a worse place for everyone around you. You're saying, huff me like you are. This is a very personal experience that you may or may not have signed on for. I do not think we should be so quick to excuse a real actual fart.

[Justin McElroy]

I do think they pip out sometimes. Sometimes they pip out.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, they pip out. But you try to.

[Justin McElroy]

It's not rude that they pip out.

[Griffin McElroy]

It is still rude. You're hurting people with the bad smell.

[Justin McElroy]

That you get out your body. Pip them out.

[Travis McElroy]

Not my brain.

[Griffin McElroy]

Go further away.

[Travis McElroy]

Be outside sometimes. You're tracking face. You're too deep in a window seat on an airplane. Griffin, what's ruder? Making them get up so you could go to the bathroom just to toot.

[Justin McElroy]

I have to go to the bathroom to toot? No way.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think I've reached my limit, guys. I don't think.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, well, actually, let me. This is great timing then. When I was on the plane back from our recent shows in California, it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Was a thank you, everybody who came out to see us.

[Travis McElroy]

By the way, we didn't fart once during the whole show.

[Justin McElroy]

Second flight back, which should be about 50 minutes long, from Atlanta to Charleston, and I'm in the flight, and it gets to be like, the last five minutes of the flight. And they make the announcement like, okay, everybody strap in, because we're about to land. And I think, ah, damn it, I should have peed, because I really need to pee. And then I like. I kind of, like, raise my hand. I'm like, can I like.

[Griffin McElroy]

I signal always cool. Always. Can I always. The look.

[Justin McElroy]

And she's like, no, no, no. Like this. Don't. So I'm like, okay, fine.

[Travis McElroy]

And that made me think you were saying, can I land the plane? Can I go with it? Can I. Can I take it? I've just always wanted to, if I could. I'm a pilot.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't want to do the landing. I just want to do a loop. So I'm like, I'm going to go. Go ahead and get. Get onto the bathroom. They said no. So then it goes to land and then I see the airport. And then we pass the airport. Oh, no. Then we start doing a loop, one of them. And this guy is doing one of those. So now we're taking a loop. I see that loop start and I know, oh, no, I really had to pee before, but now I really, really gotta pee. And then the guy goes around and five minutes, he does a loop. And then he's about to land at the airport, and then he goes right past it and we're going again. And then I'm look. I look at, at her, the flight attendant, and she looks at me and she's like, what can you do, man? Sorry, man.

[Travis McElroy]

We're looping.

[Justin McElroy]

That's life. We're looping, guys. We loop for a third time. And now the need to pee has gone beyond the sort of like, I'm.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm up against exquisite pain, I think they call it.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm up against physical limits. I'm up against physical barriers, right?

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, I'm. Now at this point, I look at her and I have put my backpack onto my lap because I have decided, like, I'm. I'm going to have to pee my pants a little bit, you know?

[Travis McElroy]

But I'm terrified the pressure.

[Justin McElroy]

But I'm terrified that, like, if I start peeing, that I won't be able to stop. This is literally. This is hubris.

[Travis McElroy]

Hubris.

[Griffin McElroy]

To think you could cut a midstream sitting.

[Justin McElroy]

No way.

[Travis McElroy]

This is an emergency controlled burn scenario, right?

[Justin McElroy]

As a Hail Mary. I look at her and I just say, please. And she. She picks up the phone.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, we got a real piss voice. She picks up the phone and she.

[Griffin McElroy]

Calls the pilot, Justin, how are you just now telling us this story? This is fucking solid gold, dude.

[Travis McElroy]

She dumped you into begging to pee. And then she had to, like, let the captain know, like, I got it out of it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Did the captain have to stop driving the plane for a couple minutes so you could.

[Travis McElroy]

Is that. I think you can argue.

[Justin McElroy]

There was at least a half moment of some attention that I had diverted from the landing of the plane to my person.

[Travis McElroy]

Did he say please? Okay, yeah, that's all he said, sir.

[Justin McElroy]

That's all he said. Was, please.

[Travis McElroy]

How pathetic does he look? Does he backpack in lap like he's about to. Business bans the pressure.

[Griffin McElroy]

He probably thinks he can just do a little bit. But we've seen otherwise, haven't we, Patricia?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, we don't want to have to replace another seat, do we?

[Justin McElroy]

She looks at me and she says, I'm sorry. Shakes her head. She says, he says, we're landing soon.

[Travis McElroy]

Heard that before.

[Justin McElroy]

So we land, and at this point, I'm thinking to myself, please pee. I'm thinking to myself, pee your pants, Justin. It'll be okay. You won't die. You won't die. They'll put you in jail, maybe for something, but, like, you're not gonna die from it. You're gonna be okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

And I was telling myself to.

[Travis McElroy]

Pete, did you get the impression that the pilot at least tried to give the smoothest landing possible an acknowledgment of your discomfort?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, I. Yeah, it was a. It was a humdinger. And then we land, and we are rolling up to the airport, and I'm doing the thing where, like, I'm just, you know, I'm ready. I'm, like, pushing out of my seat, ready to go. And then the plane stops about 20 yards short. And they say, folks, due to a lightning storm, the ground crew is not able to reach us with the jet bridge right now. So we are going to have to give it about 20 minutes.

[Griffin McElroy]

But you can get up during the 20 minutes. Right?

[Justin McElroy]

Well, she immediately says, everyone, please, please, for your safety and for the legal. You know, for our legal culpability, please stay seated and stays buckled. Stay buckled. And then she looks at me and she says, it's okay. Wow. So now, right after this announcement, as people are like, I'm P.S. i'm towards the front of the plane, and the restrooms are in the very back. So as people are strapping in and they're thinking about how they're gonna be stuck here for 20 minutes, they've just learned, while they wait for the ground crew, I have to strip past them. Like, that's right, folks. Not me, not this.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm a rabble around there.

[Griffin McElroy]

Juice, I don't know how to tell you.

[Justin McElroy]

Three and a half minutes. I timed it. Three and a half minutes. These people must have. There is no way any of these people thought I was in there for number one. No way was that a number one amount of time that I was in the bathroom.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's crazy, dude.

[Travis McElroy]

That's why, Justin, when you're walking back there, you just have to look everybody one by one in the eyes and say, I'm not trying to cause trouble. I've got a piss boy emergency now.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think there was probably something in Justin's body language and the sort of meter of his gait that probably people saw that and immediately was like, damn, that dude's about to pop. Get him to the classroom immediately.

[Justin McElroy]

I feel like if you looked in my eyes, you would have seen beyond the beyond. I feel like you would have learned the secrets of how the pyramids were assembled, like, just by looking. That's how. That's how deep into the horizon my awareness had peeled. I had peeled through the layers. I was. I had to pee so bad that I was no longer a member of the society that we had all agreed on. Right? Yeah, I had. It only took this much before I was like, I think I'm going to leave society and pee my pants in the chair.

[Griffin McElroy]

When you ascend and transcend Lazlo's traditional hierarchy of needs and you reach the sort of piss orb that hovers above the pyramid, it's hard to, like, really relate with the thoughts and feelings of people who are still kicking it on the traditional hierarchy.

[Travis McElroy]

It's what they don't tell you that pissing your pants is an act of rebellion.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

You know what I mean? Like, it says that there is something going on right now in the current status quo that just isn't working for this guy. I'm just going to go ahead and make pissies.

[Griffin McElroy]

And I do just want to say that Laszlo's hierarchy of needs is. That's. That's Maslow's brother and his. I didn't misspeak. He has a different hierarchy of needs.

[Travis McElroy]

And because number one on Laszlo's hierarchy of needs is not pissing your pants.

[Griffin McElroy]

Not pissing your pants is very high on it.

[Justin McElroy]

There's also, like, keeping the people of Liberty City laughing. I mean, that's huge for Laszlo.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's huge.

[Travis McElroy]

Huge.

[Griffin McElroy]

Bro time is, like, big on his. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just like a sort of amorphous bro time.

[Travis McElroy]

Not letting chips go stale.

[Griffin McElroy]

Not letting chips go stale is huge for him. Tornadoes.

[Travis McElroy]

That's a whole base of his tornadoes.

[Griffin McElroy]

He's just really into them.

[Travis McElroy]

And tomatoes.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Can we zone? I was about to suggest. God, you read my mind. It's amazing.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, I think we should go to the money zone.

[Griffin McElroy]

Cool. Dude.

[Justin McElroy]

A little too late. It's better.

[Travis McElroy]

It's better. Squarespace, squarespace, squarespace, squarespace, square, airspace.

[Griffin McElroy]

What if that was. What if we were allowed to do that. Wouldn't that be an effective advertisement if we just said the word Squarespace for two and a half minutes?

[Justin McElroy]

Our dad was in a local ad that where the jingle for it was for a shoe company. It was half price. Half price, half price, half price, half price shoes.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm sure everyone's familiar Juice.

[Justin McElroy]

No, not everyone's familiar. I know because they sell stickers of it at the Red Caboose. So I can't imagine that everyone's familiar with our dad's cradle.

[Griffin McElroy]

Squarespace is first of all, not our dad. Not our dad, a sponsor of our podcast.

[Justin McElroy]

But it's done more to take care of us than our dad in recent years.

[Travis McElroy]

Are you true Our dad has not sponsored a single episode.

[Griffin McElroy]

If our dad tried to make a website that shit would not boot. Or whatever websites do to get started. But you can get started making a website so easily with Squarespace. The three of us don't know fucking anything about computers or programming and stuff.

[Travis McElroy]

But Squarespace. What we don't know anything about love.

[Griffin McElroy]

We do know about that. That is the only thing we know about. But do we? Squarespace does the other stuff. They give you the tools you need to make an incredible, professional looking, beautiful website. If you're a professional who needs a website, you can offer services, get paid all in one place with on brand invoices and online payments. So many different systems to get that cheddar. And all the websites look amazing. There's a library of professionally designed and award winning website templates. You pick the one that you want designed for whatever category that you need it for, and you customize it how you want and it's easy and it looks great.

[Travis McElroy]

So head to squarespace.com mybrother for a free trial. I wanted to take credit for all the good work.

[Griffin McElroy]

Whoa.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, man. I wanted to snoop in. That's make it seem like I. Travis.

[Justin McElroy]

As punishment you have to do the next ad.

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, let's finish the. Finish your your swoop.

[Justin McElroy]

I've already just. I was just telling him about it.

[Travis McElroy]

Head to squarespace.com mybrother for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code my brother, all one word to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Squarespace. You bring the love, we'll bring the website. What do you guys think about that?

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't. I don't like it. Zocdoc is now the next one.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, zocdoc. Let me tell you a little bit about zocdoc. Maybe you've caused a debrift between yourself and your younger brother by stealing his ad read. And you're like, we need to do some therapy to work on this. Where do we even start? Is there a couples therapist that specifically works with brothers? Ideally a throuples therapist for three brothers to work with.

[Griffin McElroy]

I really, I do hate everything you just.

[Justin McElroy]

Everything that's happening, fucking I do.

[Griffin McElroy]

I just revile it.

[Travis McElroy]

I just came up with that word. Is that something already?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, man. Yeah. It's a word that people use exclusively to describe their flesh and blood kin. Real brothers, that's the word they use, is throupled to describe.

[Travis McElroy]

Interesting, interesting. Okay. By using doctor.

[Griffin McElroy]

Using it just like that.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, so using Zocdoc, you could make a throuples therapy appointment for you and your brothers.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sure.

[Travis McElroy]

Do you really want me to keep using it, Griffin? Because I'd rather die. Okay, great. And you know, it's not just therapy. There's all kinds of doctors on there. You can get dental appointments, dermatologists. You're just regular checkups, all kinds of stuff. It's, it's easy, it's fast, and it's comprehensive. So ZocDoc makes it easy to find the right doctor right now. And it's all online. And you'll probably be able to book an appointment before probably the end of this episode. I don't know about ad cause I'm about to wrap it up.

[Griffin McElroy]

He's about to finish. Yeah, man, I can always tell.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. But ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in network doctors and click instantly to book an appointment. It's easy, it's fast. Griffin used it when he moved to D.C. and set himself up for all his important doctor's appointments.

[Griffin McElroy]

Literally. Literally. Just used it yesterday. Amazing.

[Travis McElroy]

There you go. So stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to Zocdoc.com mybrother to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's z o c--o c.com mybrother zocdoc.com mybrother hey, I'm Alan McLeod, the host of Walking about, and I'm here with Adam.

[Justin McElroy]

Hello.

[Griffin McElroy]

You know, as a member of the month.

[Travis McElroy]

You're the member of the month. You'll be getting a $25 gift card to the Maximum Fund store.

[Justin McElroy]

Holy moly.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, yeah, I can't wait.

[Travis McElroy]

Thank you so much for supporting this show and the network. Happy to do it.

[Justin McElroy]

What made you decide to become a member?

[Travis McElroy]

I just said, you know, these people give me so much entertainment and joy.

[Justin McElroy]

And fun in my life.

[Travis McElroy]

I gotta.

[Justin McElroy]

I gotta support them somehow. The outpouring of love and support that these folks, I mean, they made me Maximum Fun member of the month, for crying out loud. If you want this stuff to keep going, then support it. Well, so nice to meet you, Adam.

[Travis McElroy]

Thank you very much, everybody. Keep up the good work. I mean it.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm not just blowing smoke.

[Griffin McElroy]

Become a Max Fun member [e-mail] join. Good evening. Thanks for tuning in to 101.1 max fun. It's midnight here on host to coast and we've got Sarah from Michigan on line one.

[Justin McElroy]

Hi, I'm calling in for some help. I used to love reading, but between grad school, having kids and the general.

[Griffin McElroy]

State of the world, I can't seem.

[Justin McElroy]

To pick up a book and stick with it anymore.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sarah, this is an easy one. Just listen to Reading Glasses, a podcast.

[Justin McElroy]

Designed to help you read better.

[Griffin McElroy]

Bria and Mallory will get all the pressure, shame and guilt out of your reading life. You'll be finishing books you love in no time.

[Justin McElroy]

Great.

[Griffin McElroy]

That sounds amazing. Also, I do think my husband is.

[Travis McElroy]

Cheating on me with Mothman.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can you help me with that one?

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, I don't think they cover that.

[Griffin McElroy]

Reading Glasses every Thursday on Maximum Fun. Your camera's off, Juice. I can't see you. That's why.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, I want a month squad. I want a month squad.

[Griffin McElroy]

High count donut.

[Justin McElroy]

Hello, boys. It's such a pleasure to be back with you on your program.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's been a minute. Do you need some dirt from underneath your keep? Because you look a little raggedy, my friend.

[Justin McElroy]

It's the sunlight. It is burning my eyes.

[Travis McElroy]

It's a new beautiful cape. I must say, it's a nice cape.

[Justin McElroy]

My cat pissed on my other one. I want to tell you boys about the new release from one of my favorite practitioners of donut delights, Krispy Kreme.

[Griffin McElroy]

Just write to business, huh? You don't want to catch up Krispy Kreme. Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

And one more dollars. Discover global consumer products are powering up fans taste buds with the all new Hungry for Heroes collection featuring three donuts celebrating iconic DC superheroes.

[Griffin McElroy]

And I'm imagining a fourth donut that has had a very, very light amount of customization. Perhaps even not even part of the color palette of the other three donuts.

[Justin McElroy]

Yes. Landing today for a limited time at participating US shops, the Hungry for Heroes donuts or will rescue your sweet cravings.

[Travis McElroy]

Cool, that's great because every time I Look at like Superman or Batman or Wonder Woman. I think. I wonder what they taste like for sure.

[Justin McElroy]

Yes. Capture the taste of your favorite heroes. I'm going to share with you boys the images so you can virtually eat them with me.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay. All right.

[Justin McElroy]

There we go.

[Griffin McElroy]

There we go. So that's okay.

[Justin McElroy]

It's time to take your taste buds the heroic heights. This is a Superman donut. Taste your taste buds the heroic heights with Superman.

[Travis McElroy]

The donut.

[Justin McElroy]

This unglazed shell is filled with smooth white cream dipped in light blue icing and topped with fluffy buttercream flavored clouds. Finished with a bold Superman piece and colorful Superman sprinkle blend. It's a sweet celebration of courage, strength and sky high flavor.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't like there being something on the donut I'm going to eat called a bold Superman piece. Piece of what?

[Justin McElroy]

The very bold is Celebrate the courage with the donut. Next up, Batman.

[Travis McElroy]

I love if we could scroll back up there, count donut that it's clearly Superman flying through the clouds. But from the perspective, it could also just be seen as Superman bursting out of the middle of a donut to be like, I live in here. I live in.

[Justin McElroy]

The Batman donut. Is this one. Can you describe the Superman?

[Griffin McElroy]

The Superman donut looks like a big full blue donut with light blue icing. And there's like a little cartoon Superman blue donut.

[Travis McElroy]

What I love there too is they've reimagined the Superman character to be that when he flies, he leaves a cloud of sprinkle dust behind him like he was Tinkerbell.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's James Gunn's Wonder Woman.

[Justin McElroy]

The donut inspired by the power and grace of a true hero. The Wonder Woman donut begins with our classic original glazed donut dipped in res. Red. Red raspberry flavored icing is topped with blue sprinkles and bright white star shapes. Capturing the essence of. Of strength and courage in the medium of sprinkle finish with a Wonder Woman piece and belt. This donut is a tribute to fearless leaders and everyday champions alike. A balance of flavor and flair that's ready to save your snack time.

[Griffin McElroy]

There's a. There's gotta be a middle ground for marketing, writing between nothing and these sprinkles. The sprinkles. The sprinkles have cards.

[Travis McElroy]

Lastly, do you think when they were writing that description originally it said white stars and they were like, we're worried. People think we put actual celestial bodies. We better clarify that they're just star.

[Justin McElroy]

Shapes, not actual stars.

[Griffin McElroy]

The arrangement of the Donut is also wild because half of it does have the blue and white stars to resemble Wonder Woman's pants. And the top is just red icing with a little Wonder Woman piece on it. So it's like they've given the donut a shirt and pants. There is no, there's not a lot of great bites you're gonna get out of this thing.

[Justin McElroy]

No way.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's gonna be either a whole bunch of sprinkles.

[Justin McElroy]

One bite is. There's a few bites that are gonna be about taking off that Wonder Woman piece and a few bites are gonna be about knocking off sprinkles.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Also, if I'm watching you eat the Wonder Woman donut and you eat the pants first, I'm gonna be like, you nasty dog.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

I also. We never get follow ups on these count donut of like, this is what ideally they look like. When a donut artist has sat down and spent 25 minutes to make it look like this. I want to see what they look like.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

Lastly, the Batman donut. Step into the night with the Batman donut. A fearless, unglazed shell. What does that mean, a fearless, unglazed shell? I am not the fault of my lack of glaze.

[Travis McElroy]

I've made fist these other unglazed shells. They're cowards.

[Justin McElroy]

Their lack of glaze filled with cookies and cream filling. Cloaked in bold black chocolat icing and slashed with bright yellow signal streak topped with a heroic cymbal. It's the ultimate treat for those who rise to any challenge.

[Travis McElroy]

Thank you. I've been looking for a donut for people who rise to any challenge for decades now.

[Justin McElroy]

We can talk.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm actually a little disappointed that they didn't go further with this description and talk about how like the cookies and cream represents the balance of dark and light within Batman and Bruce Wayne's soul as he struggles to exist in the world of darkness but not become darkness himself.

[Justin McElroy]

We can't promise you'll reach Superman, Batman, or Wonder Woman level by bringing a dozen donuts to the office or your next get together. But you will be a hero, sir Dave Skinner, chief growth officer at Crispy Cream. Now, I want to mention one thing before we leave this topic. Are you looking at the. Okay. All right. You see this?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. It looks like the bat signal shining up.

[Justin McElroy]

It looks like the bat signal shining. But if you can just look.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, he's got. It's got a little cream nub in there.

[Justin McElroy]

This is what I want to ask you boys. Do you Think you have a perfect donut? It looks so beautiful. We love it. The cream and the frosting, everything. And then at the upper, at about, about 1:30, about 1:30pm you run into these little sloppy blob.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, they left a sloppy blob on their product.

[Justin McElroy]

Little sloppy blob. And if you look at Superman, enhance it. Your eyes. It's a tiny schlobby blob. And I'm wondering, boy, you're experts in marketing. I hear you do advertisements and commercials.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Do you think that they had to show the sloppy blob?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. The sloppy blob suggests that when you bite into this Batman donut, there will be such a deluge of cream. It's going to be. There's so much.

[Travis McElroy]

We're giving you so much too.

[Griffin McElroy]

Bars, we're going to give you so much cream spelled with a capital K is real and off putting, you're going.

[Justin McElroy]

To fucking freak out. What they communicate with the sloppy blob is that they have so much cream that they're willing to part with that. Even overages cream. More cream than even the donut shell is prepared to intake.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, Jeremy went wild with this one, you guys. He used so much cream in there. Do you think that they missed an opportunity to have just a plain ungleish show with nothing decorating it and call it like the Lex Luthor donut?

[Griffin McElroy]

Mm, Eat his bald head? Is that what you're suggesting?

[Travis McElroy]

One, it's his bald head and two, that's gonna be the donut that everyone's like, why did you get that's evil that you just got an empty unglazed shell? What's wrong with you? That's Lex Luthor donut.

[Justin McElroy]

I would like to ask a question to you two boys. If these, if you could have a different superhero themed donut, which one do you think would taste the best?

[Griffin McElroy]

Polka Dot man. Ooh, could be fun. Polka dot man could be fun.

[Travis McElroy]

I would love like a Green Lantern. One that has mint chocolate chip filling or Moon Knight.

[Griffin McElroy]

Are you going to do anything with this information Count?

[Justin McElroy]

Just curious.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, that's fucking.

[Justin McElroy]

That's fucking. I'm more of a. More of a literature guy, but I'm trying to take an interest in you too. I don't see why that's such a crime.

[Travis McElroy]

You should check out like graphic novels and stuff. It's literature.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, I like my novels extremely graphic. If the novel doesn't have at least four beheadings by the third chapter, then I quit reading it.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's how many Books.

[Justin McElroy]

I like my novels.

[Griffin McElroy]

How many books fit that description?

[Justin McElroy]

Are you. Are you using your own podcast as the platform to flaunt your own ignorance of literature? How an embarrassment for you.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's just. That's a huge beheadings to chapter ratio.

[Travis McElroy]

I actually think the Adventure Zone graphic novel does fit that criteria.

[Justin McElroy]

Some authors have the strength of their convictions. Griffin. And they're willing to take a hit if it moves the story forward.

[Travis McElroy]

So what's.

[Griffin McElroy]

What superhero would you want to be a donut?

[Justin McElroy]

I don't know.

[Travis McElroy]

Probably Morbius. Am I right?

[Justin McElroy]

The Count of Monte Cristo. That's the only superhero I know of.

[Travis McElroy]

Maybe Man Bat.

[Justin McElroy]

Can I have a Scarlet Pimpernel? Is he. Is he. Is he a superhero for his Scarlet.

[Griffin McElroy]

Pimpernel Donut would be all right.

[Justin McElroy]

I would like that.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't know. It's too close to pimple.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Have a cream filled donut. That's true. Upsetting.

[Justin McElroy]

I just wanted the Green Lantern for the lime of it.

[Griffin McElroy]

You like those tropical tastes. Countdown. We're learning a lot about you this. This visit, pal.

[Justin McElroy]

I had some free time. Normally. I'm in such a rush. Sorry. As always. If you'd like to try a sample of them, there's the store. You can go to your local Kroger or Publix or Piggly Wiggly and perhaps they will be in stock there.

[Griffin McElroy]

That it? Actually, I'm looking at the website. It doesn't say Piggly Wiggly. It just kind of seems like you wanted to say that in that Boy Scout donut.

[Justin McElroy]

Look who just lost access. Knife closed the page.

[Travis McElroy]

It was available the 11th through the 13th and it's now the 17th, so I doubt you'll find him.

[Justin McElroy]

Boys.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

It's been so great. I've loved spending time with you. Thank you so much. Thank you for accepting me the way I am. I love you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, no. It's always on your terms.

[Travis McElroy]

He flew away.

[Griffin McElroy]

Wow. He flew. He. Wow. I didn't know he could do that.

[Travis McElroy]

He's a hero.

[Griffin McElroy]

And he didn't turn into a bat. Which is the usual way that you see.

[Travis McElroy]

No. He's Superman.

[Justin McElroy]

He rose his arms. Hey, guys, it's me. I was watching from across the table. He rose his arms.

[Travis McElroy]

He lifted his arms, flew into the sky.

[Justin McElroy]

Like Superman.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. That's cool. I didn't know he could do that.

[Travis McElroy]

Speaking of flying to places, we're going to be coming to Atlanta for Taz versus Popeye.

[Justin McElroy]

Holy crap. I love it. I love doing shows in Atlanta is always so much Fun. We're going to be Taz. Taz versus Popeye is going to be great.

[Travis McElroy]

And we're doing My Brother, My Brother and Me while we're there. And we're going to be at Dragon Con also coming up later in the year. We're going to be in Texas, Utah and California. All the Taz shows this year.

[Justin McElroy]

We were just in California.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, we're going fucking back, bro.

[Justin McElroy]

Hell yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

I left my wallet.

[Travis McElroy]

All Taz shows this year will be Taz Versus. Tickets for all show are on sale now. If you go to bit ly McElroytours, you can get the info and ticket links there. Also, dad is doing D and D in A Castle November 3rd through 7th. Check out all the information at Bit Ly McElroytours.

[Griffin McElroy]

We have some new merch up in the merch store. We've got a why not a wizard pin and a Fuck Off Kingpin. Both designed by Evan Cruz.

[Justin McElroy]

Well, the second one was designed by Daredevil.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, I get it. Kingpin. Fuck Off Kingpin.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's shit, man. Yeah, cool, dude. You're so stoked. I love how happy you get about stuff sometimes, man. It's inspirational.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm glad we need that joy to buoy us. If I'm gonna be the Shirley Temple of my generation, I need to generate all the smiles I can, you know?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to the Immigrant Defenders Law Center. Oh, also we have a newsletter. You can sign up for it at Bit Ly mcroynewsletter and be the first to know about new tour dates, projects and more. And one more huge thanks to Montagne for the use of our theme song, My Life is Better with youh. Check out Montagne's new album, It's Hard to Be a Fish. It really is terrific music. I keep coming back to it. And do we have a fear?

[Travis McElroy]

We do.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, you mean for the show? Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Sorry.

[Travis McElroy]

Justin, would you read it this time?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, I'd be happy to. Trav. This year I vow to be faster than my fear of being tweeted about by Tony Hawk for not recognizing him in public.

[Griffin McElroy]

Haven't we done a Tony Hawk related fear this year?

[Travis McElroy]

Everybody's afraid of Tony Hawk.

[Justin McElroy]

Everybody's afraid of Tony Hawk. My name is Justin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm Travis McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm Griffin McElroy.

[Justin McElroy]

My brother and me kiss your dad it square on the lips. Maximum fun.

[Griffin McElroy]

A worker owned network of artist owned.

[Justin McElroy]

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