MBMBaM 776: The Great Brother Spiral of 2025

Summary

Podcast Summary: My Brother, My Brother and Me #776: The Great Brother Spiral of 2025
Release Date: August 18, 2025
Hosts: Justin McElroy, Travis McElroy, Griffin McElroy

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Main Theme & Purpose

In this episode, the McElroy brothers reflect on the meta-phenomenon of the Kelce brothers’ (NFL stars) podcast being used as the platform for a Taylor Swift album announcement. This spirals into a broader, hilarious existential riff on “brother podcasts,” hierarchies of fame, and the recurring anxiety of being leapfrogged in success by other, more famous siblings. The show blends their core advice-seeking format with fictionalized, absurd interviews and competitive brother banter, all underscored by their self-aware, lovingly chaotic chemistry.

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Sections & Key Moments

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1. Opening Segment: Brothers React to Taylor Swift on a Brother Podcast

• [01:26] Justin details a family viewing party for Taylor Swift’s album announcement—remarkably done on another brother podcast.
• The brothers riff on the meta-implications: “I watched this...because it was a podcast hosted by brothers.” (Justin)
• They feign jealousy and confusion at podcasts being treated as news and make jokes about being replaced in the cultural zeitgeist.

Notable Quote:

• Justin (03:10): “Not for joke, last night at one point was standing on our couch saying, this can’t be a podcast. I make podcasts.”

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2. Bit Segment: Parody Taylor Swift Interview with “Travis”

• [05:41] Justin plays the role of Jason Kelce interviewing Travis (as Taylor Swift, but actually still Travis).
• They spoof the album-release podcast—making up absurd album titles:
  • “Life of a Showgirl 2, Travis version: Ska, Punk, and Sensual Hits from the 50s, 60s, 80s and Today”
• Jokes abound about skipping the 70s/90s “because I couldn’t get those rights.” (Travis)
• Griffin and Travis escalate the bit, bringing in invented numerology, secret Easter eggs, cloning, and orbs as part of the tour lore.

Notable Quotes:

• Griffin (09:16): “[Numerology is] why we won't have dinner with more than eight people... Just to give us a margin of error.”
• Travis (14:07): “When you’re faced with thousands... of Taylor clone bodies to deal with, it’s insurmountable.”

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3. Discussion: The Brother Podcast Arms Race

• [15:45, 28:11] Recurring worry about the “Great Brother Spiral”—the Kelseys, the Green brothers, and their own place in the sibling podcast hierarchy
• Acknowledge the existential dread of being surpassed:
  • Travis (38:20): “When I see...another Travis succeeding at a thing that I don't succeed at, I think that's okay. I can't do what they can do, but they couldn't do what I can do. ...But then I see them have a very successful podcast, and then I'm like, well, well, I guess I have nothing.”
• Suggestions of starting a feud, comparing themselves to ants or spores next to the giants of podcasting and sports.

Memorable Moment:

• Griffin (27:25): “They couldn't perceive us. You know why it's called Great Heights? Because they couldn't perceive us without microscopy.”

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4. Advice Segment 1: Returning a Stolen Waiting Room Magazine

• [16:20] Listener asks whether to return a magazine accidentally taken from a doctor’s office.
• The brothers contemplate the magazine industry, invent “waiting room magazines” tailored to your specific visit, and muse on dentist’s office aromatherapy samples.

Memorable Bit:

• Travis (21:43): “My children go to a dentist where at the end... they get a token... What if all the magazines are kept behind the counter...if you do a good job...you can take it home. People will see you...reading the magazine, and they're like, he was good at the dentist. He didn't bite the dentist at all this time.”

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5. Meta-Segment: Comparison to Kelsey/Green Brothers and the Podcasting World

• [25:20, 28:43] The brothers mythologize the brotherly podcast ecosystem and worry about being the “third best” brother act.
• Invent possible multi-directional feuds and fantasize about swooping in to take glory after others tire themselves out.

Notable Quotes:

• Justin (28:11): “They have parlayed their podcast into NFL success and beating pop stars, and... what are we doing with our podcast? Nothing.”
• Travis (29:16): “If we let them duke it out long enough while we hide... we can swoop in right at the end and maybe have a chance.”

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6. Advice Segment 2: Eyebrow Trimming Anxiety

• [44:34] Listener wonders if they really need an eyebrow trim after repeated offers from their barber.
• The brothers share surprisingly earnest advice on personal grooming, aging, and the perils of wild eyebrow hair.

Notable Quotes:

• Griffin (44:59): “I look like a really clean man right now.”
• Travis (45:21): “There was a day in my life...I aged to a point where my body said, now you need to worry about your eyebrows.”

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7. Advice Segment 3: Sharing Warmth With Others (Literally)

• [48:00] Listener wants to know how to offer a warm hand to a cold-handed acquaintance without being weird.
• Suggestions range from elaborate “non-contact” gloves to holding hands while imparting life lessons or performing spontaneous prayers.

Memorable Dialogue:

• Travis (51:04): “If you impart some kind of wisdom...while you're holding their hand...‘you're worth it.’”
• Justin (53:02): “If I’m in an uncomfortable conversation and there’s a group, I will sometimes say, ‘Can we go to the Lord in prayer?’...and it’s usually a pretty good chance to just sort of, like, reset.”

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8. Existential Spiral & Closing Thoughts

• [39:06] Travis ponders switching places and becoming an NFL guy just to match the Kelce trajectory.
• Deep, self-aware wrestling with their changing podcast landscape and what’s “enough” recognition.

Notable Quote:

• Travis (38:49): “He was supposed to be good at football, and I was good at podcasting, and we didn’t have to compare...now he’s kind of encroached into my character way faster.”

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9. Final Bits & Sign-Off

• Announcements: Upcoming live shows, new merch, dad’s D&D sessions at a castle, and charitable giving.
• The episode closes, as usual, with new “Fears” and their signature chaotic, good-natured band-of-brothers energy.

Notable Sign-Offs:

• Justin (57:28): “This year I will be faster than my fear that the unplugged toaster will shock and kill me because I put it away.”
• The brothers: “Kiss your dad square on the lips.”

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Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• Justin on the existential brother spiral: “I just feel shitty because they have taken their podcast and they have parlayed it into NFL success and beating pop stars, and it’s like, what are we doing with our podcast? Nothing.” (28:00)
• Griffin on being overshadowed: “They couldn't perceive us. You know why it's called Great Heights? Because they couldn't perceive us without microscopy.” (27:25)
• Travis on aging and grooming: “There was a day in my life...I aged to a point where my body said, now you need to worry about your eyebrows.” (45:21)
• Griffin on the absurd dangers of numerology: “That's why we won't have dinner with more than eight people... Just to give us a margin of error.” (09:16)
• Justin on self-awareness and prayer as a social tactic: “If I’m in an uncomfortable conversation and there’s a group, I will sometimes say, ‘Can we go to the Lord in prayer?’...and it’s usually a pretty good chance to just sort of, like, reset.” (53:02)

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Episode Flow & Tone

• The episode is high-energy, surreal, and meta, with equal parts sibling rivalry, existential humor, and thoughtful goofs about life, age, and shifting pop culture. The advice segments are woven into elaborate bits and tangents, and the “great brother spiral” anxiety about podcast relevancy is feigned but gives the show’s signature heart and humility.
• As always, the episode features absurd hypothetical scenarios, affectionate self-deprecation, and an undercurrent of warmth—delivered with the McElroys’ characteristic rapid-fire, riff-based banter.

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Perfect for:

• Fans of layered, meta-humor and creative sibling banter
• Listeners interested in podcasting culture, pop fandom, and comically overstated existential anxieties
• Anyone seeking both actual and wildly unhelpful advice on life’s small and strange dilemmas

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End of Summary — MBMBaM 776: The Great Brother Spiral of 2025

Transcript

[Griffin McElroy]

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

[Montagne (musical interlude)]

It's the start of something beautiful A small acquaintance has blossomed it's ripened into a precious friends I could have never seen what was coming for me Hangs at the skate park Hangs by the beach My life, it feels like it's better it's better with you My life, it's better it's better with you this is who you are it's better it's better with two.

[Justin McElroy]

Hello, everybody, and welcome to My Brother, My Brother and Me, an advice show for the Modren era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

What's up, Trav Nation? It's me, your middle brother, Travis. Big dog. Wolf. Wolf. Vroom, vroom. McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

What's up, trav Nation? It's me, sweet baby bird, the 30 and 30, Griffin McElroy.

[Justin McElroy]

Now, we had a fun night at the McElroy household last night because we were all excited for the announcement of Taylor Swift's new album.

[Griffin McElroy]

And the name of it. And the name of it is.

[Justin McElroy]

The name of it is. Diary of a Showgirl.

[Travis McElroy]

So the life of a Showgirl.

[Justin McElroy]

Life of a Showgirl's Diary. So we. I watched this sisterhood of the traveling.

[Griffin McElroy]

Showgirls Diary show, Girls Theory.

[Justin McElroy]

I wanted to be. We all wanted to be part of the zeitgeist at my house. And we love Taylor Swift. So our friends John and Craig and Autumn and DEZ and everybody came over and we watched the event. Now, the event in question was of special interest to me because it was a podcast hosted by brothers.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

I love that. And that shit usually gets you foaming at the mouth. I love it, Justin.

[Justin McElroy]

No, Griffin, actually, you're confused, because I love it.

[Griffin McElroy]

We love it when other. Other brothers other than us fucking come.

[Travis McElroy]

In, including a Travis.

[Justin McElroy]

I will say this, Griffin, if I don't love it right now, the tone of the next few minutes might be unpleasant.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, so you love it.

[Justin McElroy]

So let's just say that I love it. Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

Is that all right?

[Griffin McElroy]

I know you love it.

[Travis McElroy]

I did not know prior to this that one could use podcasts to announce information about upcoming albums.

[Griffin McElroy]

Podcasts can't be news. Like, that's the one thing I Have felt so safe and secure saying whatever the fuck I want on here because I have been promised time and time again. Podcast can't be news. You can't get news from podcast.

[Travis McElroy]

See, that's what I thought too. But then Travis and his brother, not Travis, they absolutely, like, changed the game.

[Justin McElroy]

They had a huge.

[Travis McElroy]

They changed the game of football with the way they played it.

[Justin McElroy]

Actually, I. Not for joke, last night at one point was standing on our couch saying, this can't be a podcast. I make. Podcasts.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can't be the same. No way.

[Justin McElroy]

But I wanna. I'm never too old to learn something new. You know, this old dog can still learn a new trick and I wanna start like, I wanna learn it to feed the masters.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm so glad, Justin. I'm so glad to hear you say that because I'm excited to announce the information about my new album.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

Life of a Show. Life of a Showgirl 2. But it's THG. It's T O L. Right.

[Griffin McElroy]

So to really maximize the code, the.

[Travis McElroy]

Full title is Life of a Showgirl. T O O Travis version.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Ska punk and sensual hits from the show.

[Griffin McElroy]

Skunk, I think you mean is how you portmanteau.

[Travis McElroy]

Because they're separate. There's commas in between. Ska punk each alternating track. Can I get through the full title?

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm so sorry. It's just so long.

[Travis McElroy]

Life of a Showgirl 2, Travis version Scott. Punk and sensual hits from the 50s, 60s, 80s and today.

[Griffin McElroy]

Why skip the 70s and the 90s?

[Travis McElroy]

Couldn't get those rights.

[Justin McElroy]

Couldn't be bothered.

[Griffin McElroy]

To the decades.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Also, why have you decided not to be the Travis character? That seems like the cleanest.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm already. I'm already the Travis character.

[Griffin McElroy]

I see. Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. Taylor Swift was being the Travis character on their podcast.

[Travis McElroy]

Yes.

[Justin McElroy]

So what? To explore Travis's new album, I. In an effort to try to learn from what will almost certainly be the most popular, most listened to podcast in all of human history, I have just taken the exact questions literally, verbatim that were asked of Taylor Swift in last night's interview by Captain Haddock from Tintin. I'm sorry, Jason. Kelsey, I'm sorry. I was like, I had a wrong tab open.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm sorry, Jason.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm not sure. Honest mistake. Honest mistake. A wrong tab. I've been reading about Tintin earlier.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's gonna take me weeks to decipher whether or not that was a burn or just kind of a harmless or a compliment.

[Travis McElroy]

It might be a compliment.

[Griffin McElroy]

It could be a compliment. I guess.

[Justin McElroy]

So. Are you ready for our interview?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, Justin, you've sent me some quotes also to sort of pepper in here. Mine don't seem quite as germane to.

[Justin McElroy]

So Travis Kelce was also on the show, and he is Taylor's boyfriend, and he also talked, but he was not the interviewer and he was not the subject. He was just kind of a color commentator. So I sent you some color that you can add at your leisure.

[Travis McElroy]

I think it's great that he maintained journalistic integrity by not interviewing her when there's obviously a bias because they're boyfriend and g friend.

[Griffin McElroy]

And Jason really put the fucking screws to her, I'll tell you that much.

[Justin McElroy]

Here we go.

[Griffin McElroy]

Didn't let her skate by without talking about her jet.

[Justin McElroy]

All right, Travis.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

One of my favorite things this summer was Travis reclaiming his masters. His recording of his first six albums finally became his, and you haven't really talked about it. You made this beautiful post on all your social channels thanking everyone that that made it happen and everything. But why don't you tell tell the.

[Griffin McElroy]

90S, give me bigger and stronger. Bigger, stronger voice. Juice, I'm so sorry, but, like, the delivery is great and you're getting all the words right, but I think part of what makes it's so zeitgeisty is he's fucking huge. And so the sounds he makes are so deep and resonant, and people love to hear that.

[Travis McElroy]

But why don't you tell the 92 percenters how it really felt to reclaim my masters? Well, I got my master's in science, all of it. So it was like 100 masters there. But then I got the masters back for all my previous albums, and it felt good, but then I listened to them, and they weren't good. Like, the masters were kind of bad in retrospect.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, come on, babe. Oh, come on, babe. Oh, come on, babe. Not like that. Come on, baby. You did great.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, they were just all so fast, I didn't realize how fast they were. And I sound like Alvin from Alvin and the Chipmunks, but. Time for more question.

[Griffin McElroy]

I have a question, babe. Can I ask a question?

[Travis McElroy]

Sure, Travis.

[Griffin McElroy]

I want a wild otter so bad. I just want to, like, find these little creatures.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, I know you bring that up a lot. Mostly in the bedroom. And I understand that, baby.

[Justin McElroy]

Thank you.

[Travis McElroy]

We'll work on that later.

[Justin McElroy]

Do you have a favorite thing from the Eras tour?

[Travis McElroy]

My favorite thing from the Eras tour. That would be. Well, I request local donuts in the green room. I say give Me the best local donuts. And then I. And then I juggle them for baby.

[Griffin McElroy]

Gotta juggle those donuts.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, I gotta amuse all the otters that Travis brings into the green room.

[Griffin McElroy]

And then she wants one specifically whose life I saved. Who knows that I saved? I guess that's in reference to the otters from before.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, great. Now let's talk about something I don't know.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay. What is numerology?

[Griffin McElroy]

You don't know.

[Travis McElroy]

You threw that phrase out there, like that's a common.

[Justin McElroy]

What is numerology?

[Griffin McElroy]

You don't know what numerology is? That's a direct quote. I don't know if it's directed at Taylor. Probably not. I doubt he would ever fucking Dane.

[Travis McElroy]

That's the power of numbers and their significance. Like, one is the loneliest number that you'll ever see. Seven is, of course, up 13. If 13 people sit down at a table, the first one to stand up is gonna be the next one to die. Basic stuff like that. You get it, right?

[Griffin McElroy]

That's why we won't have dinner with more than eight people. Just to give us a margin of error.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Because if five people sit down and I stand up, I'm not trying to die from a witch's curse.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't know where to. I don't know where to go from here now.

[Travis McElroy]

What?

[Justin McElroy]

How many countries did you do on the tour?

[Griffin McElroy]

Awesome. Fucking. Fucking Google it, bro.

[Travis McElroy]

Fuck.

[Griffin McElroy]

You can fucking easily Google that information, brother. Don't waste my wife's time. I mean, girlfriend.

[Travis McElroy]

What no is here on Great Heights. Guys, you heard it here first. Secret marriage.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm here to announce Travis even next album after that.

[Travis McElroy]

I. Taylor. Hey, Travis. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

How do you go about, like, knowing how to do an Easter egg? I don't even know.

[Travis McElroy]

Great question.

[Justin McElroy]

Where does that process start? Are you like.

[Travis McElroy]

Well.

[Griffin McElroy]

Is that the end of it?

[Travis McElroy]

That's a great question, Jason. I start by using the wax crayon they provide, and I color little shapes on it. That way the dye won't permeate the shell at that point. And then I dip a little bit of the egg in one color, flip it over, dip it in a different color, and then inside the egg, I hide secrets about merch that's coming out and upcoming announcements and stuff like that inside the Easter eggs. And then I hide them all over the continental US and you have to find them and eat them to learn the information.

[Griffin McElroy]

And this is another fun numerology thing, is that Travis told me that if I even decorate one egg, the number One, I'll die. So I'm not allowed to decorate any of the eggs because she said it is another numerology curse.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. We've been able to use the power of numerology to determine all the different ways Travis Kelsey could die and help him avoid it.

[Justin McElroy]

It's so many.

[Travis McElroy]

It's a lot. All right.

[Griffin McElroy]

I know I look tough, but I'm a weenie man.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Death already has it out for Travis Kelsey. All right, favorite. Favorite thing.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm sorry about the weenie man thing. If he ever heard this, he'd be pissed, and he's huge. So I'm sorry about the weenie man thing.

[Justin McElroy]

All right, favorite. My favorite thing about the ERAS tour was besides going to it and just, like, being, like, amazed at everything.

[Travis McElroy]

I mean, I was on.

[Justin McElroy]

I think I was on another podcast recently, just like all the songs, all the, like, everything you just talked about, where it changes so much. There's something new every 20, 30 seconds. It was incredible, the non stop length of it. But I will. I'm gonna be remiss if I don't say. One of the things I loved is watching Griffin McRoy get on that stage.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

The man in the tuxedo. Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

The fans have. The fans have their own show, literally.

[Travis McElroy]

Right?

[Griffin McElroy]

It was. I. I remember being in Gelsenkin, Germany. If you say it with a German accent, it probably sounds more like the actual city, but. Okay. My American accent is Gelsenkin, Gelson kin. And I remember seeing that part of the show, and they were literally doing circles and, like, putting the orbs up in the air and passing them to each other like they were performing.

[Travis McElroy]

Yep, I remember that. That was Speak about orbs. Yeah, I remember the orbs very clearly. I actually, during that segment, teleported away for a brief period.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's when I appear on stick. You teleport, you say, here comes duinie, man.

[Travis McElroy]

I worked with Nikola Tesla to develop that technology, and that's actually how I'm able to make so many amazing transitions, is when the orbs appear, I clone, and the other tailor drops into a vat of acid, and I teleport across the stage in a different costume.

[Griffin McElroy]

And you never know, babe. You never know which one you're gonna. That you're never gonna get.

[Travis McElroy]

It haunts me. It haunts me.

[Griffin McElroy]

One of the orbs hit me in the chest and it was terribly hot.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, no, that will happen.

[Griffin McElroy]

I asked you, babe, why they had to be so hot, and you said, for the show.

[Travis McElroy]

For the show. Nikolai Tesla designed him. That way. And I did warn you about the ores, because that's one of the ways you could die. Yeah, yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Did you learn anything throughout the like, is there anything at the end of the tour when you were wrapping up that you wish you had been doing the whole time?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. I'll tell you differently.

[Justin McElroy]

Now that the entire tour is wrapped.

[Travis McElroy]

Up, I wish we had disposed of all the Taylor clone bodies at the time they were created. We waited till the end and it was.

[Justin McElroy]

You converted most of them to bracelets.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. And they sold very well oils. Yeah, they sold very well.

[Justin McElroy]

Plasticine.

[Travis McElroy]

But when you're faced with thousands and thousands and thousands of Taylor clone bodies to deal with, it's insurmountable. We should have just dealt with them one at a time because we use about 500 per show.

[Griffin McElroy]

And I love them all. I love all my bracelet wives. Each and every one of them.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

It's a thing.

[Justin McElroy]

Travis, one last question for you, of course. How many people. This is actually for both of you guys. How many people have come up to you guys in talking about or spoken about how much they've appreciated you being a part of the Chiefs and like their daughters all of a sudden being into sports? Because I get it all the time. I can't imagine how much you guys get it.

[Travis McElroy]

Literally never.

[Justin McElroy]

No.

[Travis McElroy]

How much the game has grown.

[Justin McElroy]

Not once. How much the game has grown.

[Travis McElroy]

I cannot walk down the street without being stopped and being thanked for being a member of the Chiefs team. When they put me in a safety, no one thought I was going to be able to do it. They said, what? That's not how it works. But then I scored all the points.

[Griffin McElroy]

12.

[Travis McElroy]

Yep.

[Justin McElroy]

I had no idea.

[Griffin McElroy]

That was. Yeah, that was a pleasant surprise, seeing all the little girls in the stands at games. And you could see a proud father right there standing next to him. It's. It's a. It's. It's definitely been fun to see that, like, surprise.

[Travis McElroy]

So, anyways, look for the life of a Showgirl 2 Travis version ska, punk and sensual hits from the 50s, 60s, 80s and today. Coming out October 3rd.

[Justin McElroy]

October when?

[Travis McElroy]

Third. Oh, no, that's one of. Sorry, Travis.

[Justin McElroy]

No, it's one of the numbers.

[Griffin McElroy]

Delay it, babe. Delay it to Not a number.

[Justin McElroy]

Make it come out.

[Griffin McElroy]

Not a number.

[Justin McElroy]

Make it on Christmas. Make it on Arbor Day. Do it on a leap year, babe.

[Griffin McElroy]

For me.

[Justin McElroy]

I'll die otherwise. Well, my husband accompanied me to the doctor recently. As he waited for me, he read one of the waiting room magazines. Later that day, he discovered that he had Accidentally put the magazine in his bag and taken it home.

[Griffin McElroy]

Fuck.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. He is adamant about returning the magazine as soon as possible. But I'm on the side of keeping the magazine and avoiding the awkwardness of coming in to return a magazine they will surely, surely replace brothers. What should we do? That's from pilfering patients in Palm Beach County.

[Travis McElroy]

They won't replace it.

[Justin McElroy]

Huh?

[Griffin McElroy]

They won't replace it. The crime you've done. Don't, like, try to assuage your guilt by convincing yourself, like, this is a victimless crime. There's been a victim and a perpetrator who is you.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm not saying there is a crime. There's a crime.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't know about all that, but I am saying that the idea that they would be like, oh, that week old People magazine is gone. Don't rest until we find another copy.

[Griffin McElroy]

Unless it's a fucking like, limited edition commemorative Batman movie.

[Justin McElroy]

This is where, okay, you're 100%. This is 100% the issue, right? Because when I was growing up, magazines were cheap. They're disposable. You know what I mean? You could get. They came out every week. Entertainment Weekly came out every week. There was a new one. And then you throw the old one in the frigging garbage, right? Yeah, but these days you gotta think about bookazines. That's the biggest, fastest growing segment of publishing. When you're talking about periodicals. And those things have a shelf life of 18 months. So you may have just stolen something that was supposed to.

[Travis McElroy]

That's a coffee table.

[Griffin McElroy]

That is an aesthetic choice.

[Justin McElroy]

Bound coffee table volume. If we're talking glossy, full color photography that is found on high quality stock.

[Travis McElroy]

If we're talking a Nat Geo deep dive into the tomb of King tutorial. If we're talking a Time magazine full, like, this is James Dean's whole deal. Take that back. Other people need that.

[Griffin McElroy]

But if it's a highlights.

[Travis McElroy]

If it's a highlights, you've already solved the picture search.

[Griffin McElroy]

Highlights is barely magazine.

[Justin McElroy]

Do you guys think that they missed. I'm using the collective. They. You understand the publishing industry, I guess missed a trick because I feel like when the writing was on the wall for the magazine industry, they should have started zooming in a lot faster, right? If there was a magazine at this point, because the market is so narrowed. If there was a magazine just called, like, what the fuck is happening in this waiting room? And it's just about like different games for waiting rooms. Like different, like, cool things in this, like secrets about the waiting Room you are in.

[Travis McElroy]

You know, that'd be cool.

[Justin McElroy]

Very targeted about, like, cool ways to. Wait for the. This is the only time I'm gonna be thinking about my teeth. Get me now?

[Travis McElroy]

You know what I mean?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, for sure. I wanna think about tooth stuff.

[Travis McElroy]

Give me tooth stuff. What really goes on in the dentist room. Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Do you wanna interviews with the people on the TV screen who are like doing commercials for Invisalign while you're in the waiting room for the dentist's office?

[Justin McElroy]

There should be a chart and everyone that says, how bad is this gonna hurt, seriously? And like, look it up. Like, actually it's pretty bad. They're lying.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, but here's the problem, Justin. Already it's gonna be totally eaten up by online publishing. Cause if I could get an up to date, like, up to the minute story that's like another guy walks into the waiting room and a story populates. It's like, what's up with that guy's hair? And I can read a story right here.

[Griffin McElroy]

I gotta be plugged into Soshi to follow the events. Oh, the waiting room.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

But then the problem with any of this, like, targeted thing is it's gonna become more and more political, more and more fractious. And then you're gonna have like right wing magazines on the right side of the room that are like, yeah, by the people. Doormat wasn't really made in America. It'll get more and more targeted.

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, they don't. They don't give. They don't give a fuck about that. But it'd be something like, look at.

[Justin McElroy]

That guy over there.

[Griffin McElroy]

How crazy, huh? Something more along those.

[Travis McElroy]

Whoa. I'm glad you.

[Justin McElroy]

Hey, Griffin. I'm glad you overruled what I said. Later on. Look at that guy. How crazy. That was good, Griff. Nice to. Nice. A little. Just a little.

[Griffin McElroy]

I would like something to calm me down in the waiting room book. I don't know what that looks like. Maybe an aromatic aromatherapy element to it. A page or a sample of some sort that will bliss me out just a little bit.

[Justin McElroy]

Like a perfume sample in the magazine.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, but one that's been like. One that'll calm me down.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, like an aromatherapy. A little bit of oil to dab underneath the lip.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. That's all I'm saying. Maybe a little bead so it can survive the transit. And it's like a little bead and you rub it.

[Travis McElroy]

Right.

[Justin McElroy]

It's like a clone where they'd print it on the. Which I never thought could have been A very good sort of representation of the clone experience, right? To print it onto the magazine page, rub the stinky page on your face like, that's X, that's for you.

[Travis McElroy]

Now, here's what I'm thinking.

[Griffin McElroy]

Go ahead, Trout.

[Travis McElroy]

My children go to a dentist where at the end of the experience, they get a token that they can. I know. That they can place in a Gacha bomb machine and get a toy. What if that's cool. What if all the magazines are kept behind the counter? And the promise is like, hey, if you do a good job in there, if you're a good dental patient, boy.

[Griffin McElroy]

You get to take a magazine home.

[Travis McElroy]

You get to have one of these magazines, and you can take it home. And then people will see you on the bus home reading the magazine, and they're like, he was good at the dentist. He didn't bite the dentist at all this time.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't know that a magazine's gonna get me in the door. As much as I love magazines, I do love the idea of adult prizes just in general, but especially for going to the dentist. I am a bit overdue for an appointment, and I've really been dragging my heels. But if I was able to drag my heels in a new pair of Heelys that they would provide me as I walked out the door, God knows I'm paying enough for this service. Barely throwing some rolling shoes at the end.

[Travis McElroy]

Isn't it interesting how we as a society have made it so. Adding the word adult before a thing makes it seem a little exotic. The second you're like, adult prizes.

[Griffin McElroy]

Adult prizes feel so unsexual to me.

[Travis McElroy]

What makes your prizes.

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, that. Okay, now you're. I don't like that. But adult prizes. Prizes for grownups. A Costco. A Costco. A renewed Costco membership. When you walk out the door.

[Justin McElroy]

Elegant prizes.

[Griffin McElroy]

Elegant prizes. Ooh, I'll come. And I'm gonna come do your dishes for you. Adult prizes.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, like coupon for a free back rub?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, stuff like that. Maybe they let you get in there in their teeth.

[Travis McElroy]

I think if I go to the dentist enough times, and it would have to be a pretty big punch card, but on, like, the 30th visit, it should be like, you've got it by now. You get a turn on. Like, you can work on the dentist's teeth.

[Griffin McElroy]

The prize could be you get to skip your next one. You get to skip. That could be cool, too.

[Justin McElroy]

It drives me crazy when they're doing the dentist stuff and they're talking to me and I can't use my gift, you know?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Like, I can't share my gift with them.

[Griffin McElroy]

I make them knock me clean. Clean the fuck out. If they're doing anything in my mouth, they have to incapacitate me because I'll talk about it.

[Justin McElroy]

I tend to go. I tend to get more broad because I can't. You can't really get a lot of like, thinking material in when someone's like elbow deep. So I tend to get kind of like Rowan Atkinson. There's a lot more facial expressions like. Like when they ask.

[Travis McElroy]

I just assume that's how dentists.

[Justin McElroy]

Not that they will ask you to leave.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, I think that's how dentists get their sick kicks. The power trip of asking you questions and knowing you can't answer. It's a control thing. They're high on power. They know. They know I can't talk, so that's why I bite them and then I talk anyways, you know what I mean? To reestablish.

[Griffin McElroy]

You don't do that. You don't do that. I would have heard about it if you did that. There's no way you do that, man.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't do it. You're right, Griffin.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. No, I've never. This is the difference between us and the Kelseys and Tay is like, that was an hour, I think. I don't know, I didn't watch it. Of like pure honesty and authenticity. And I just feel like you move us further away from the light when you lie like that of Christ. Well, yeah, but also of.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm thinking, make mainstream relevance.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

That is predicate. Yeah. That's the kind of. Cause like, they are brothers doing a podcast.

[Griffin McElroy]

You know how close and like, they hooked them with the Taylor stuff and the announcement stuff. They also probably were cognizant of the fact that this is the first episode of our show a lot of people are listening to. We can't tell lies about who we do and don't bite. Like, we have to keep it pretty legit because now this episode is the onboarding for everyone who came here for the one thing. So let's not like, let's drop our best shit. Let's drop I wanna rescue a sea otter and have it and steal it and take it. Let's drop numerology. Like, hit em with the heavy hitters, but don't lie.

[Travis McElroy]

But just try to watch the show. Don't lie about bayou.

[Justin McElroy]

But I gotta say, I will say one thing that I really respect is that for the rest of the great heights for us 92 percenters, they kept it real. It still felt like our show that we love very much. Us. Me and the fans were, like. We were worried that Taylor would upset the delicate balance of the show that we have come to really rely on in the months since they got into it. And I.

[Griffin McElroy]

What do you get? What do you get out of them on the episodes Taylor's not on? Juice.

[Justin McElroy]

Well, man, the insights are huge. But what's cool is you get guys on there who. And I mean, I just. You get guys on there who are usually a little more buttoned up.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

But because they're with these boyfriend and captain, they, like, they can, like, relax a little bit. So, like, you might have Bill Murray on there, and you and Bill Murray might start doing prank calls, chopping it up.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

You know what I mean? Just, like, silly stuff like that. Like, get Ryan Reynolds and maybe you get him doing prank calls as Deadpool. You know what I mean? But it's, like, more nice to see.

[Travis McElroy]

Ryan Reynolds let loose, getting back out there.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. Hey, one other thing I wanted to say about that stream, because I watched all of it, and this is another huge shout out from the 92 percenters to Taylor. Just got to keep it real because we were worried she would upset the apple cart. She is a true fan. She is a listener herself. I love that she knew some of the stingers and some of the bits. She actually, like, knew the show pretty well, and she had said she listens to every episode, and I guess the ball's in your court, Sydney. But I mean, really, Taylor Swift listens.

[Travis McElroy]

To that podcast if these dudes are.

[Griffin McElroy]

So huge and they will beat our asses graveyard dead. I do not know that I.

[Justin McElroy]

They couldn't. They couldn't perceive us. You know why it's called Great Heights? Because they couldn't perceive us without microscopy.

[Travis McElroy]

Like an ant challenging a human adult. Griffin.

[Justin McElroy]

Like it?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. No, like a spore.

[Travis McElroy]

A Jesus with care about our blasphemy. Griffin.

[Justin McElroy]

Do you think the wind cares when I shake my fists?

[Travis McElroy]

If I scream at the sun, the sun kills these. The sun does not scream back.

[Justin McElroy]

The sun does not. I do not burn the sun.

[Griffin McElroy]

They would have to bust up their special jeweler's loop just to see us scurrying about.

[Travis McElroy]

And they chuckle.

[Justin McElroy]

I just feel shitty because they have taken their podcast and they have parlayed it into NFL success and beating pop stars, and it's like, what are we doing with our podcast? Nothing.

[Travis McElroy]

I didn't even know that that was an Option, you know what I mean? That I could parlay anything we've done into a sports career.

[Griffin McElroy]

See, out of this whole situation, I feel best for the Green brothers because, like, so far, we have been the blade against which they sharpen their own katana in combat. And we have really not been able to provide much of a whetstone, so to speak. Now they have this new brother competition that they can, you know, chase at. They haven't been able to chase us for a while because they've been so far ahead.

[Justin McElroy]

One interesting difference also with the Green brothers and us is that this event will not make them insane.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. You know what I mean?

[Justin McElroy]

Like, it won't.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sure.

[Justin McElroy]

The existence of it won't make them temporarily insane.

[Travis McElroy]

I think our last hope, our best hope, is that we somehow enter into a multi directional feud betwixt us, the Kelce brothers and the Green Brothers. And we let the Green brothers and the Kelce brothers took it out of there. No, I don't like my children's children to be able to find my name written down somewhere in history, Travis.

[Justin McElroy]

I'd rather not be scorched from living memory.

[Travis McElroy]

But if we let them duke it out long enough while we hide, not.

[Griffin McElroy]

Gonna happen in the shadows.

[Travis McElroy]

We can swoop in right at the end and maybe have a chance.

[Griffin McElroy]

This Reservoir Dog standoff is us in the corner, guns akimbo, while the Greens do their own thing and the Kelce's do their own thing. And we're like, fucking, Just think about it.

[Justin McElroy]

This is Travis casting us exactly where we belong. Master of the Owls. Anything that falls from his grody beard. Listen, how about another.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't know, maybe we go to the Money Zone.

[Justin McElroy]

The Money Zone?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, sure, sure. Do they get money for their scrip?

[Justin McElroy]

It's script. Casper just backs up Faberge eggs. Just a mattress full of virgin blood.

[Montagne (musical interlude)]

It's better. It's better.

[Travis McElroy]

Squarespace.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah. Listen, if you have a dream, it's never too late to start realizing it. You could start your new podcast any many of ways. One of the ways you could kick off as a relaunch would be to have Taylor Swift on your podcast.

[Travis McElroy]

Another way would be to launch a.

[Justin McElroy]

Website for your podcast. Maybe that's another approach. Might be a little more sustainable, honestly.

[Travis McElroy]

Maybe have Taylor Swift launch a website for you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah. If she was gonna make me a website, I do hope she would use.

[Travis McElroy]

Squarespace, partially because, like, so into the limelight of announcing things on podcasts that she's on every podcast announcing everything. Now, granted, we're far down the list. But if I could get her on our podcast announcing anything, I'd be so excited.

[Justin McElroy]

Now, Travis, don't say that, because Taylor on the episode said it was her first podcast appearance, but it's the first time she'd been asked, which seems unlikely, but I do have to own my part in that.

[Travis McElroy]

I haven't done it.

[Justin McElroy]

I did not have the guts. You know, I didn't reach out there. Hey, I didn't ask.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm going to say open door.

[Griffin McElroy]

Open door too. I would be. I wouldn't show up. I'd be sick that day.

[Justin McElroy]

Guys, I think we could start if. I think if we started a. Like, I briefly flitted across my mind like, the McElroy brothers will interview Taylor Swift.

[Travis McElroy]

And I.

[Justin McElroy]

In my head I was like, the McElroy brothers will be like arrested and sentenced.

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, embarrassed.

[Justin McElroy]

Like, we'll be sent to jail. Like, we'll be sent to jail for 30 years and like, no one will.

[Travis McElroy]

Ever even do a bad job.

[Griffin McElroy]

It'll be like a whole thing.

[Travis McElroy]

But you know who always does a good job? Squarespace.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, sure, sure.

[Travis McElroy]

Squarespace.

[Griffin McElroy]

Talk about that.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm sorry.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Like, I guess in summary, we're fuck ups.

[Justin McElroy]

We're worthless.

[Griffin McElroy]

And go ahead with Squarespace, I get.

[Justin McElroy]

More, more worried about getting beat up by one of those strong football guys because they wouldn't even have to do it themselves. They know, like retired football.

[Travis McElroy]

But you know what? Squarespace lets you do it yourself with, with great tools that anyone can use. You don't need. You need neither brains nor brawn to use Squarespace because they have world class.

[Justin McElroy]

Designers that are making templates that you can plug your own photos, your own information into and it's gonna look like a pro made it. It's like a real website and everything. So head on over to squarespace.com mybrother for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code mybrother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

[Travis McElroy]

Now maybe you find yourself like in just for example, where you've been talking a lot about two meaty men and then they came and found you and beat you up real good. And now you need a doctor fast. You need a doctor right now.

[Griffin McElroy]

Special doctor for football. Ass whipping sports therapist.

[Justin McElroy]

Also, you've recently become, due to a rather unpleasant first half of a podcast, you've recently become radioactive and no one really wants to help you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

So you've moved. You've had to move multiple times. You're in a new place and you need a doctor fast because the mean men found you no matter how hard you tried to hide, and they will always find you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Or maybe you've just moved to a new city and you don't know any doctors there and you need to fill out your network of healthcare providers. Zocdoc is, I will say, personally speaking, great for that. So I found all my. All my folks here in D.C. i guess if you were on the lam from the podcast brothers, it would also be good for you because I don't think they ask you that in like the questionnaire. Like, are you being hun. Excuse me? Are you being hunted by football players? Yeah, but Zocdoc is really football. Football geniuses. It's a free. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality and network doctors across every specialty and click to instantly book an appointment. It seriously is super duper easy. Like in the last couple months, I've used Zocdoc a few times to find some specialists for myself and my family. And it's super, super easy and fast. Don't know what else to do.

[Justin McElroy]

He's probably understating it. Griffin's medical maladies are so fast and frequent.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's. Oh, yeah, I'm plugging holes on the Titanic.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, important medical out there, I take that.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think Titanic actually just had the one big hole.

[Travis McElroy]

One big hole. Griffin, how did your allergy test turn out?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, Griffin.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, guys, I'm so, so, so glad you asked. Fine. Nothing, nothing. There was a. There's a foaming agent that I had a minor positive reaction to, but it could have just been something that was already there. I am, they said, unkillable.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, now wait, hold on, Griffin. So I didn't want to. I mean, obviously I wanted to refrain from bullying.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, go ahead.

[Justin McElroy]

That the results were in and I think Travis probably felt the same way.

[Travis McElroy]

I think.

[Griffin McElroy]

But now that you know that it's.

[Travis McElroy]

But now that.

[Justin McElroy]

Well, it's not that I know it's that medical science has now officially confirmed that you're just a huge wimp. Yeah, I mean, the science is in and Griffin, it's like not allergic. It's nothing that's causing it. Do you understand? It's inherent weakness. It's like inbuilt weakness.

[Griffin McElroy]

Psoriasis is weakness entering the body.

[Travis McElroy]

Correct.

[Justin McElroy]

Right.

[Griffin McElroy]

If you really. If you really think about it. But don't worry, guys. Once I start pumping that fucking Skyrizi through my. My body like the fucking Bane toxin. And I get huge and smooth. You guys. You guys.

[Justin McElroy]

So they looked at your body and they said some foreign substance must be causing.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's coming from within. It's coming from within, but it's coming.

[Justin McElroy]

From inside the body.

[Travis McElroy]

Stop putting off those doctor appointments and go to Zocdoc.com mybrother to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's zocdoc.com mybrother zocdoc.com mybrother I want.

[Justin McElroy]

To get a sign made that says days without a make good requested. Just like a big zero. I can hang up.

[Tom Lum (caller)]

Hi, is this Archer?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes, hello, who is this?

[Tom Lum (caller)]

Hi, this is Tom Lum from let's Learn Everything. I'm calling about your Maximum Fund membership's extended warranty. Do you have a few seconds to talk about that?

[Griffin McElroy]

I think I have to go.

[Justin McElroy]

No, no. Oh, no, no, no.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, no.

[Tom Lum (caller)]

They're going to be so mad at me.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, fine.

[Tom Lum (caller)]

Did you know that as a part of your Max Fund membership's extended warranty, you've been picked as the member of the month, which is wild, and we're so excited to have you.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's so exciting. Thank you.

[Tom Lum (caller)]

So, as our member of the month, you will also be getting a $25 gift card to the Maximum Fun store, a special member of the month bumper sticker, a special priority parking spot at Max Fund HQ in L, Los Angeles, California, just for you. Also, I have to read. Hold on, I have to read this. It says, we at Maximum Fun apologize. You ended up with the worst host of the three. And as consolation, you'll be getting those. Why is that included? I don't remember that being there for the other.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's okay. I can settle.

[Tom Lum (caller)]

It's fine. Maximum members are the best.

[Griffin McElroy]

Become a Max Fun member [e-mail] join.

[Justin McElroy]

Say you like video games. And who doesn't?

[Travis McElroy]

I mean, some people probably don't, okay?

[Justin McElroy]

But a lot of people do. So say you're one of those people.

[Travis McElroy]

And you feel like you don't really.

[Justin McElroy]

Have anyone to talk to about the.

[Travis McElroy]

Games that you like.

[Justin McElroy]

Well, you should get some better friends. Yes, you could get some better friends. But you could also listen to TripleClick, a weekly podcast about video games hosted by me, Kirk Hamilton, me, Maddy Myers, and me, Jason Schreier. We talk about new releases, old classics, industry news, and whatever, really.

[Griffin McElroy]

We'll show you new things to love about games and maybe even help you find new friends to talk to. You about them.

[Justin McElroy]

Tripleclick. It's kind of like we're your friends. Find [e-mail] or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Travis McElroy]

Can I tell you guys the problem I keep coming back to with the Kelsey brothers?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, sure.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, wow.

[Justin McElroy]

We're still.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's the most important event in podcast.

[Travis McElroy]

When I see especially another Travis. But anyone succeeding at a thing that I don't succeed at, I think that's okay. I can't do what they can do, but they couldn't do what I can do. Right. I couldn't be a football hero. But then I see them have a very successful podcast, and then I'm like, well, well, I guess I have nothing. And so I. I'm happy.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm happy with the level of success we've achieved. It's a principle. It's the principle.

[Travis McElroy]

This is what I'm saying. He was supposed to be good at football, and I was good at podcasting, and we didn't have to compare and contrast our experiences. And then he's kind of encroached into.

[Griffin McElroy]

My character way faster. Like, way, way, way faster than we did it.

[Travis McElroy]

So what if I became, like, an NFL guy?

[Griffin McElroy]

That would be awesome.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

It'd be like that movie with Mark Wahlberg in it where he just wanted to be a kicker so bad. Yeah. What was it?

[Justin McElroy]

Flight Plan.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, Flight plan. Yeah, I think that was it. I think it was called Eagle Man. Flight Man.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Could it possibly have been called Eagle Man Flight Man? But I think that was it. You could be like that because he was older and he did have quite a bit of football experience before he decided to go from being a bartender to an NFL kicker.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, I could also do, like, the Dennis Quaid movie where he's old and gets really good at pitching all of a sudden because his old tendons healed in such a way.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, cool.

[Travis McElroy]

That he got.

[Griffin McElroy]

You could also get rookie.

[Justin McElroy]

You could get rookie.

[Travis McElroy]

No, no.

[Justin McElroy]

Travis is talking about the rookie. No, no, Travis is talking about the rookie of the year, which is a combo of the two that he just made up. I really like it, though.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, no, I'm pretty sure that Dennis Quaid's character, when he was little, his arm healed in a way that made him good at pitching, but then when it broke again, they were like, you'll never pitch again. And then he got really old, and it was like, oh, healed again. You're super good at pitching again.

[Griffin McElroy]

Right. So, Travis, I guess the takeaway is go to the doctor, get knees, elbows, shoulders, surgery. That will make you good at pitching. Now you're gonna start there, and you're gonna be a really good pitcher in the mlb. Yeah, took me a second to remember that acronym. And then you'll do, like, a Jordan thing where you're like, I've already conquered mlb. Now I'm gonna go do football.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay. How long do you think that will take? Cause, I mean, I'm already 41, so. How long? Fuck.

[Justin McElroy]

Wow. Whoa, whoa, whoa. 41? No.

[Montagne (musical interlude)]

No way.

[Justin McElroy]

Travis, how did you pass me, dude? Well, I assume he's 39.

[Travis McElroy]

I assume Travis Kelsey is older than me because he's bigger and more successful, right?

[Justin McElroy]

No way, dude.

[Travis McElroy]

Wait, what?

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, by the way, but he's bigger than me.

[Travis McElroy]

He's bigger than me. But how could he be younger than me? He's larger in so many ways. How could he be younger than me?

[Justin McElroy]

This is the law dictated by world president Steve Ballmer. He's the biggest and richest guy there is. And his vice president, Reggie Fils a Bay. The second biggest richest guy.

[Griffin McElroy]

The biggest, oldest man alive.

[Justin McElroy]

The biggest, oldest, richest guy there is. I celebrate the one thing that occurred to me that I don't celebrate enough with Taylor Swift. Is that the way she knows I'm serious. I am in awe and huge respect of the way that she has decided to deploy Excess, which is creating increasingly complex riddles and alternate reality games for people to decipher. She was saying on the show that some people said, oh, man, I don't know, Taylor. It's getting a little zodiac killer. And she was like, how about we do more? It's like that. I respect if you're like, yes, I have infinite riches and power. What I'm gonna do is create an alternate reality layered on top of our reality, where I am the riddle master and no one around me knows how deep it goes.

[Travis McElroy]

Excellent. I also love that she took. Speaking of excess, there's a TikTok TR of like, hey, my boyfriend wants to show you. And then it's like, his Gundam collection, and you guys are gonna watch him be really nice. And Taylor Swift said, I think I can do that even further. My boyfriend has a podcast, and you guys are gonna be nice and watch it.

[Justin McElroy]

It really does feel that way. Traz is such a good call. The idea had to have come from the meme like, hey, wait a minute. You can do this. I mean, legally speaking, we can do this, right?

[Griffin McElroy]

All three of us do podcasts with our wives. We are throwing stones inside of a glass house.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, I feel like, listen.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, but Teresa's not doing it to be nice to me. What? Maybe she does. Do you think that some of this might be motivated by envy? Do you think the green eyed monster.

[Justin McElroy]

May be fucking around somewhere, Griffin, in some hidden crevice?

[Griffin McElroy]

It's just the principle of the thing. I'm perfectly content with the level of success.

[Justin McElroy]

If there was a principle on that show, Griffin, that would be perfect for me if I could just come on and be the principal of Great Heights and be like you, Kelsey Brothers.

[Travis McElroy]

Read it again.

[Justin McElroy]

Stop that podcast.

[Travis McElroy]

Wait. Why would you. Wait, Justin, if you had the chance to cast yourself as the principal on the Kelsey Brothers podcast, why wouldn't you be a Mr. Feeney type? Why would you be a Mr. Belding?

[Griffin McElroy]

It'd be a big Belding.

[Travis McElroy]

Why are you going building?

[Justin McElroy]

I gonna teach the richest football players that just got Taylor Swift on their podcast? I have fucking what? How to mod his RG473XM? Eat shit.

[Griffin McElroy]

I gotta how to download all the Sega CD emulators.

[Travis McElroy]

Now you be quiet.

[Justin McElroy]

Now you be fucking careful. You're right. You be careful. You're right. Travis could say that.

[Griffin McElroy]

Travis could say that. Not me.

[Justin McElroy]

Not him. No, not Macalon.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, shit. I thought I was Travis. Kelsey, I got so excited for a second that I could say it.

[Griffin McElroy]

How about another. How about a second question?

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, we sensed it. This is the second question. I have a problem where my barber, out of nowhere the last few times, has asked me if I want my eyebrows trimmed. I keep saying no, but the line of questioning has started to make me nervous about my eyebrows being out of control. How do I ask my barber if they actually think I need an eyebrow trim? Without coming across as self conscious or accusatory, I really like my barber and I don't want to put them on the spot, but I've had too many sleepless nights wondering if what I see in the mirror is really what everyone else sees.

[Griffin McElroy]

Who's that from?

[Justin McElroy]

That from preening in Pennsylvania.

[Griffin McElroy]

This is great. I'm excited to talk about this. I'm thrilled to talk about. Thrilled to bits. I didn't know this was a thing I needed in my life until I went to a barber who was like, you want me to trim your eyebrows? And I was like, uh, I guess it's hair, so it's your jurisdiction. And they did it. And I was like, wow, that looks a lot better. I look so clean. I look like a really clean man right now.

[Travis McElroy]

Sometimes I think about the fact that there was a day in my life and I don't know when it was. I can't pinpoint it, but I aged to a point where my body said, now you need to worry about your eyebrows. Because when I was young, I don't remember being a 9 year old with untrimmed eyebrows. Right? That never happened. That wasn't a concern. But at some point, at some point they started growing.

[Justin McElroy]

I think I might have, but I don't know. I think I fucked it up the first time I cut them. You know what I mean? Like, I remember the first time I cut them because I got the trimmer thing and it had a guard on there that said eyebrow. I thought, oh, shit, all right. You know?

[Travis McElroy]

And I was like, what happened?

[Justin McElroy]

I guess you should cut these. And then I cut it. And then I've continued to do it at really, I would have to say almost random intervals in the months since. Right. But I feel like the necessity of it is only because I did it the first time. Like, if I had never cut them, maybe they just like were kicking it perfect.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, I mean, you know, like, what.

[Justin McElroy]

Were they doing before that? You alerted them. They were falling down my face. They weren't growing on my. Hey, Hank Green, you never stitched me one of these. How come my eyebrows don't just like, grow my face, pal.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's fucked up. It's so crazy. If they got big and if they got big, bushy Peter Gallagher deals, I would be like, fine, let them fucking rock. That's not how they do it. They just wild spires. A bramble. Every 15th hair will shoot out like a wild barn owl.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

And those have to be. Those have to be.

[Justin McElroy]

Those are wild. Those are wild. When you find a 4 inch guy and you're like, how did you do this?

[Travis McElroy]

You're like a fucking right above my own eyes. You're a mentat from Dune with your stained lips or whatever.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'll feel like an itchy right here and I'll scratch it. I'll be like, what's scratching me? It's my own curly. Huge over eye pubes. No thanks. Get him out of there.

[Travis McElroy]

Doug Griffin. I'm glad you invoked Peter Gallagher because question asker. There must have been a point where Peter Gallagher said no enough times to someone wanting to trim his eyebrows, that he was like, this is my thing now. And everyone went, hell, yeah, it is Peter Gallagher. That's great.

[Griffin McElroy]

Do you know what's funny? Actually? A ton of maintenance, almost daily maintenance on his. Because they grow like a foot and a half every day. They don't do anything. It's just two big curtains. Two big, beautiful dark curtains. And he has to sort of.

[Travis McElroy]

For the eyes.

[Justin McElroy]

You pay extra.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

That was really good, Peter Clark.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't sweep them out of the way for less than 30 G's. It's really good.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, you want.

[Justin McElroy]

You want to see the eyes of this scene?

[Griffin McElroy]

Here you go.

[Justin McElroy]

You sure.

[Griffin McElroy]

Get your eyebrows trimmed. It feels fucking great.

[Justin McElroy]

Feels yourself. It's free.

[Griffin McElroy]

Do it yourself.

[Travis McElroy]

Also, general, if I'm offered an additional service for the same amount I'm paying by a professional, I always say yes because it makes me feel like a fancy dapper gentleman.

[Justin McElroy]

Hugely surprised.

[Griffin McElroy]

Absolutely.

[Justin McElroy]

What a curveball from Travis. Absolute shocker. My grandma's nickname is the furnace, and I inherited her warm natured genes. Summer is my enemy and my hands are always warm and toasty. The other day at board game night, I brushed hands with my husband's co worker and his hands were frigid. And I wanted to ask if I could warm them, but realized what an absolutely feral question that would be. So brothers, how can I share my warmth with the world without sounding like a creeper? That's from warm heart, warmer hands. And this feels like maybe, maybe a grounder you didn't need us for. Maybe.

[Griffin McElroy]

Let me give you my warmth.

[Justin McElroy]

My warmth.

[Travis McElroy]

It's this kind of challenge. The Kelsey brothers wouldn't back away from this.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's true. Trav, we better. We gotta. We gotta get in there. Nut up. As they say.

[Justin McElroy]

When you're playing in Green Bay and you're in a huddle with all the other guys, you're not too bad proud.

[Travis McElroy]

To share your warmth. Patrick. Give me those cold hands, brother. We need to warm those hands up. Those are golden hands, Patrick.

[Justin McElroy]

She calls them rehearsals. I call them practice. Yeah, yeah, it's the same thing.

[Travis McElroy]

But we both call them intermission. Cause I like that better than halftime. It implies there's class. Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hey, guys, I'll go ahead and read the next question too. Cause it's Jermaine. Hey, guys, it's me, Chilly Mike. You know me, I always am cold and I have cold. My blood barely moves. Barely even any in there. Cold, cold, cold body. And it's awesome in the summertime. It's like being an air conditioner in the summertime. And my coworker's wife touched me. Which side? Question. What's that all about? But she felt too hot. So how can I. How can I make her cold with my skin?

[Travis McElroy]

Here it is. You need a non contact heat exchange pair of Gloves, pair of gloves. You get the inside of those gloves cold. I get the inside of these gloves hot. We exchange, we balance our temperature. No contact necessary.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thank you, sir. Thank you for that answer. Mike Pence. I agree we should not touch women we are not married to.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm saying the amount, the length of time to pass, like hand heat to hand cold would be too long for friend contact.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Especially husband's co. Worker contact. Maybe you have a close friend you can walk around holding hands with. That's awesome. But that's a deciding.

[Griffin McElroy]

Everyone's got different. Everyone's got different stuff going on in their marriages and their romances and their arrangements. We're not here to pass blanket judgment on anyone. I'm saying, personally speaking, that would be a long time for skin to skin with someone.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't know the exact amount of time, but even if it started casual, if you go to warm someone's hands at first you could like look around the room and you could maybe like think for a second, but eventually it's gonna be like, hey, there you are.

[Griffin McElroy]

Are you feeling this?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, here I am. I mean, what is this? You know what I mean? Like, what is this?

[Travis McElroy]

Here we are. Here's. Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

What is this?

[Travis McElroy]

Justin, though, you've given me an idea. Just from the very motion that you did. If you impart some kind of wisdom or life lesson to them while you're holding their hand like that. Hey, hey, come here, come here. You're worth it. Something then, but you're worth it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Is not gonna get them warm. You need like a huge, like when people look into your essence and you have an energy that. When you. And recognize that if you weren't there and everyone around you knows, like, stall for time until the heat has been projected.

[Travis McElroy]

What about you throw a parable at them, you know, and you're like, hey, have you heard the story of the frog falling into the. Well, life's a little bit like that sometime. And you just talk for a while and then end it with like, just think about that.

[Griffin McElroy]

If you're gonna hold my hand and do wisdom at me, it's gotta be pretty good shit. Cause otherwise it's gonna. It needs to be like a soothsayer. Like a soothsayer with a warning from the future. Or else I'm gonna be like, I just had the weirdest experience.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, it's gonna be weird no matter what. But now the story's the weird part.

[Griffin McElroy]

But make it worse.

[Travis McElroy]

Not the hand holding.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, I have found a lot of success in my day to day life. And this is not a joke, but I've found a lot of success in my day to day life. If you're in a setting, especially like a food related setting, if you say, can we go to the Lord in prayer real quick? Every. You will usually buy yourself a full social reset at that point because everyone will start looking at you like, does he? Is he serious? Is he not serious?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

And that's probably enough time for you to warm the hands. So I think if you swoop up and you're like, can we go to the Lord in prayer just super quick. And then while they're listening to you and you start hitting them with the. Dear Jesus, we just thank you so much for everything you've done for us, Lord. And we just pray for your child.

[Griffin McElroy]

And your aura and your essence and the energy.

[Justin McElroy]

So thank you so much for sending this word.

[Travis McElroy]

And you use this in your real life, Justin.

[Justin McElroy]

And in my day to day life, not the hand holding thing, but like the. If I'm in an uncomfortable conversation and there's a group of people, I will sometimes say, can we go to the Lord in prayer? Because it's a pretty good. No one really has a good comeback and a lot of people will close their eyes and then it's usually a pretty good chance to just sort of like, reset.

[Travis McElroy]

Have you ever tried, Justin, to leapfrog that into like, can we go to the Lord in prayer? And then everyone. And then you just pick a random person and like, would you like to lead us?

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, that's cool. That's such a good move, dude.

[Justin McElroy]

Sometimes in my life I've deployed this when we're about to eat at dinner, and then there'll be like one person there who you'll realize, like, oh, they like this. They're doing it. And then I. Sometimes I'm already the one talking. And then they lowered their head really quick so they can't see me and everybody else like, so I've all of a sudden like, uh, oh, I have to really take this seriously now. And then I'm doing a prayer that's like, could be like. If you looked at the transcript the next day on another podcast and read it, you might be able to make it seem spiritual. But the tone is like, get a load of this guy.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. The tone will be lost when they cut it.

[Travis McElroy]

If that happens again, just drop a rub a dub dub. Thanks for the grub.

[Justin McElroy]

Yay.

[Travis McElroy]

Gone. And then everybody's like, is it. I said yay, God. I said yay, God.

[Griffin McElroy]

That is only acceptable if it's Y E A and it goes at the.

[Justin McElroy]

Start of the prayer.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's one of, like the 14 acceptable introductions.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't know what goes at the start of the prayer, but I know what goes at the end of the podcast.

[Travis McElroy]

Amen.

[Justin McElroy]

It's the outro. Amen.

[Griffin McElroy]

Amen.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. That's why we say amen every episode we just cut. Rachel keeps cutting it out. Cause she says it won't do well with our audience. We are recording three hour long episodes.

[Travis McElroy]

The call to the altar at the end of every episode gets called cut.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, she cuts it every week. How are we gonna save souls?

[Griffin McElroy]

People will be like, I don't understand this joke you made at the intro. Yeah, it's because we set the joke up in the altar call at the.

[Justin McElroy]

End from last week.

[Griffin McElroy]

At the end, all the best characters.

[Travis McElroy]

It's an alter callback.

[Justin McElroy]

That's it. End of show, Trav. End of show.

[Griffin McElroy]

Good shit.

[Travis McElroy]

Thank you, thank you, thank you. You're welcome.

[Justin McElroy]

Who else do we owe gratitude to?

[Travis McElroy]

Next. Next week, we're gonna be in Atlanta for DragonCon. We're also going to be doing Adventure Zone versus Popeye.

[Justin McElroy]

I've been excited about this show for months. I cannot. I literally. I'm so excited to do this show.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm also gonna be unhinged. We're also going to be doing a. My brother.

[Justin McElroy]

I will make my dad eat spinach on stage.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Fuck yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

I won't. Cause I can't. But we can make dad do it.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm the oldest. I'll make dad eat spinach.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm the biggest. I'll hold him down. You eat, you feed him. We're also doing a. My brother. My brother and me while we're there. And we'll be doing DragonCon events. Go to Bit Ly McElroy Tours for all the information and ticket links. We're also coming to Texas, Utah and California with more shows, including more Taz Versus shows. Tickets for all those are on sale now. Also want to let everyone know dad is doing D and D in a castle in November. It's going to be a super fun time. He's a fun DM to work with.

[Justin McElroy]

Maybe.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, we've done it. Spots are available for that.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

You don't know what'll happen.

[Justin McElroy]

You can't predict the future.

[Travis McElroy]

No, but I've seen him run D and D in a castle and he does a great job.

[Justin McElroy]

What's the castle? Splodes?

[Travis McElroy]

What's the castle Splodes. Yeah, it's not Dad's fault. It says so in his contract. So you can get those spots for D and D in a castle with dad in November. Check that out.

[Griffin McElroy]

We got some merch up in the McElroy merch store. We're running a big back to school sale on a bunch of our stuff.

[Justin McElroy]

All our essentials, our erasers or pencils.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hey, we got backpacks and fanny packs and notebooks and we've got some of.

[Travis McElroy]

Those belts that you wrap around the books to carry them with that they did in old timeys.

[Griffin McElroy]

We also have the keep your grades up pen is back in stock. There's a lot of things to inspire your educational journey. That's all [e-mail] and 10% of all proceeds this month will be going to World Central kitchen. So again, mcelroymerch.com and thanks to Montagne for the use for our theme song, My Life Is Better with youh. Make sure you check out that new album, It's Hard to Be a Fish. It's truly, truly spectacular, fun, wild, cool album that's cool to listen to and it feels good to listen to it.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey, Justin, would you read the Fear this week?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. Travis, I would love to. Thank you for the honor.

[Travis McElroy]

You're welcome.

[Justin McElroy]

I appreciate it. This year I will be faster than my fear that the unplugged toaster will shock and kill me because I put it away. My name is Justin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm Travis McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm Griffin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

It's been my brother, my brother, me.

[Justin McElroy]

Kiss your dad square on the lips.

[Montagne (musical interlude)]

Oh, it's better, it's better with you. It's better My life, it's better, it's better with you. Cause it's true. It's better, it's better with you.

[Griffin McElroy]

My life.

[Montagne (musical interlude)]

It'S better with you.

[Justin McElroy]

Maximum Fun.

[Griffin McElroy]

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