← My Brother, My Brother And Me
My Brother, My Brother And Me
MBMBaM 778: Face 2 Face: Yellin’ at the Kellen Felons
01:18:10
From the Squad-carrying acoustics of the Atlanta Symphony Hall in Atlanta, it’s your go-to conduit for the monoculture, so long as all you care about culturally is Wonka and/or the Joker. Get your daily boost and join us as we make slam dunks in the answer hole! Suggested talking points: A Toilet with Width Depth and Height, Lossless Farting Audio, Tatooine the Planet, I Am Not an Oboe, Vile Sticky Nonchocolate, Go Piss Girl, The Big Bin of Grapes in Your Mind Equality Florida: https://www.eqfl.org/
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The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? 1, 2, 3. It's the start of something beautiful A small acquaintance has blossomed it's ripened into a precious friendship I could have never seen what was coming for me. Hangs at the skate park Hangs by the beach My life, it feels live it's better it's better with you My life, it's better it's better with you this is true it's better it's better with two it's better with you hello, hello, hello, hello. Welcome to My Brother My Brother Made Advice show for the Modron era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin Tyler McElroy. What a thrill it is to be here in Atlanta, Georgia. What's up Trav Nation? I'm your middles brother, Travis. Big dog. Wolf. Wolf. Vroom, vroom, McElroy. Thank you. And I'm your sweet baby brother. 30 under 30 media luminary. Griffin built Ford tough McElroy. And just a quick shout out to all my road dogs sitting up at the top balcony. I think it's two people. Do we have two road dogs up at the top balcony? Awesome. I have a super. Can you say arf? Arf. That's simply not correct. They couldn't hear from all the way up there what everyone else was saying. I'm so excited to be here with you guys and I wanted to begin this evening by sharing something with you. I kind of feel like our show is an aggregator for all the quality media in the world. Like if you watch our show, you kind of get everything that's happening. Yeah, absolutely. Conduit for the monoculture, Justin. Yeah, absolutely. If the monoculture is Wonka and. Or Joker. So this one. Imagine those two together. Oh, the Wonker. So it. He's so fucking twisted. Dude. Get away from those. When you eat the candy, you die. Don't get away from those kids. Wonker. To be fair, that holds true of Wonka as well. Absolutely. Can't be fair. This confluence leads to stories that come across my desk that may not be huge headlines elsewhere, but might as well be like the Hindenburg in terms of the weight of the import of this story. And that is the story I'm gonna bring to you. This story, this video Story that I edited personally. So everything you see in this video was hand selected by me to appear in the video. Awesome. It was edited just to speed things along. No context really has been removed. Okay. And there are three discussion breaks within where we can kind of discuss. I love a discussion break. I don't think we do that enough with them, so make it easier on Paul. Discussion breaks? Yeah, for sure. I have no idea what's about to appear on this screen. And I can't wait. Slash. Okay, one. One last one. Wait. One last thing. I want to say this. This video is from an interview conducted by npr. And I think it's a great example why it is so important to support public media. Can I just say also, Harrison Ford's on the screen for those of you at home. And Harrison Ford has reached a level of gives no shits during interview that I hope to someday reach where someone asks him a question, he's like, I don't know, man. I get paid to be there. No question. I also just. That's all I want do want to request when the video is playing, there's no discussion, as we do have discussion breaks built in. Right, sure. Thank you for making space for us. And I should point out, this is not one of them. Jay Leno is calling you right now about my toilet seat. What? Okay, so this is our first discussion break. I. All I can. All I can summon is my reaction to this woman who is acting like Jay Leno is like the biggest name drop anyone could do. Like, if you found out the Judeo Christian God was calling Harrison Ford to talk about his toilet seat, that's the reaction. As the story progresses, this woman will be proven to be far wiser than you. So, yeah, Jade Leno is calling Harrison Ford about his toilet seat. And she asked what? And is that the best theory you guys have? All right, let's see what's next. I didn't know this was a theory break. Yeah. Do you want us to solve it now? It'll be revealed in the next discussion break. Yeah. Jay's printing a 3D printed toy machine. Why is he printing a toilet seat for you? So, first of all, Jay Leno. Jay, first of all, Jay Leno appearing in the makerspace is. He's already made so much that he is a participant in the makerspace is so fucking cool. I also can't get over how strongly the vibe Harrison Ford is giving off of. I actually don't want to talk about this. Yeah. And she's like, no, fuck that Harrison Ford. She is a Hero. That's what I'm saying. She's really clung on to something that is very crucial that the world needs to know. But it's the equivalent if I was in the middle of an interview and I said, like, oh, my wife texted me and told me to, like, pick up sour cream on the way home. And someone was like, what? Like, they're really prying. Sour cream. Except in this circumstance, It's Jay Leno 3D printing a toilet seat for Harrison Ford. Yeah. Jay Leno is 3D printing a toilet seat for Harrison Ford. What's he following up on? What's Jay Leno's point measurements? What's their relationship like, even a little bit at all, I wonder. I love you guys. You both have 3D printers. You ain't never made any toilet parts for me. But all I would say, Griffin, is the text message thread would be, hey, I'm going to 3D print you a toilet seat. The 3D printed toilet seat is done. Yeah, this is a. I don't know what the middle part that's happening right now. We're gonna live in this discussion break for a minute. Just so you guys know. Why is Jay Leno calling Harrison ford about his 3D printed toilet seat? What is so essential that he's like, listen, it would take too long if we tried to do it in text message, so let's just. I thought I'd just get you on the horn, just whip through it. You don't want this, spike. You want her to just hold it up to your butt and I'll take a 3D scan with your phone. None of them were good, but if you play them at the same time. All right, let's see why Harrison Ford is getting A toilet seat 3D printed by Jay Leno. Because I asked him. Okay. Because I hadn't seen him in 12 years, since he quit the show, since he left his show. But I remember that he's got Jay's garage. Yeah, he has a lot of cars, you guys. Yeah. Jay Leno has Thomas Edison's steam engine that was used to light the two square blocks at the World's Fair when electricity was first. He's into machines, so he's got these 3D. And I had this toilet seat for the toilet that is not in production anymore. And the toilet seat has discolored in a way that is really unattractive. Yeah, I can't find that toilet seat anywhere. I couldn't. I tried for years, and friends in the plumbing industry helped try me to try and get this where the hell am I? Can I 3D print this? Ah, Jay Leno. I remembered seeing this stuff at Jay. The first time I ever heard about 3D printing was Jay. That was a brutal slog without a discussion break. Justin. The fucking spacing of these discussion breaks is diabolical. I swear. To start, each piece of information is building off the last piece of information. It's the last time the information spiral stops because each piece of information is built on the one before it. I would like to. I don't want to. We don't need to rewatch the whole thing, but there is a moment where you can watch regret at the amount of attention she has paid to this wash over the interviewer. If we could restart that clip, Paul, I think I can hide. I just want to. I'm just. Oh, God, there's so much more. What? Why is this an hour long? I really want to hear. He's going. Keep going. A little bit more. Yeah, yeah, that's pretty good, too. There's a lot of really good stuff. Working real hard. When I really, really. When she says the phrase, oh, he's in the machine. He's in the machine. He's in the machine. You can watch. It's like, oh, I'm gonna talk to Grandpa about what he's into lately. And he starts talking about model trains in a way of like, oh, no, I'm on the hook now to listen to this. I get that Jay Leno's such a punching bag, and I understand that he's earned it, but I think it's too much to say out loud on an interview. I need someone to 3D print a toilet seat. Who do I think of? Jay Leno? Griffin. So cruel. It's worse than that. He starts by saying he has not spoken to jay Leno in 12 years. Yeah, man. So imagine you're Jay Leno. The notification pops up. Is there a message? Not the whole message. Han Solo is giving you the call. Han Solo is giving you the call. You know, I haven't talked to Harrison in forever. I haven't talked to Harrison. Hey, Harrison. What's up? Let Justin breathe. No, let. Make Travis do it. Make. You have to do the voice. Hey, Harrison, what's up? No, no, it's a cartoon mouse. I thought about it for too long. Mr. Harrison for work. And then Harrison mourners is like, hey, J. I've discolored my. No, wait. Okay, hold on. Cause that's. I've discolored my toilet seat. 3D. Print me a new one. Okay, so that Was our last discussion break. If you would take it to the end of that discussion break. This is our. This is our last clip. So we don't get to discuss after the last clip. You can continue to discuss, but we'll call that the podcast. Okay. Okay, cool. Amazing. It's really hard to make that kind of call. Hey, Jay Leno. It's me, Harrison Ford. You. I. You know, from like 15 years ago or something. And I. And I just wonder, what do you want? I. What do I. I want. I want you to. To print a 3D toilet seat for me. Okay. Awesome. Presumably, he embraced the project. Yes, in a way that I thought I never could have imagined. People appeared from the depths, out of the shadows, and they got involved in it. This guy said, you can't do this. And the other guy said, well, you're gonna have to paint it at the end. What? Wait, is that the end? He's got a team of engineers enrolled. Yeah, he's got a team of engineers. D. Got a team of engineers involved in it. And so why is he calling it could be for any number of reasons. Travis, can you tell me that? There was a moment where we thought he was gonna say something like, it's Harrison Ford from Star Wars. Yeah, well, in his mind, he's calling Jay Leno, and Jay Leno's like, harrison who? Oh, from that guy I met 15 years ago. Yeah, not like Han Solo, you know? Now he does say, and this might explain why he has a team working on it. And maybe he misspoke, but he says, a 3D toilet seat. Now that's interesting. Travis. I love toilet tech. You know me, I do a lid that raises up when it senses my proximity. A bidet of any way, shape, or size. Fuck yeah, I'm into it. But a 3D toilet? How would that even work, man? A toilet with depth, width, and height. Well, and technically duration. So really, 4D. All toilets are 4D. When you think about it, I am still taking dumps on drawings of toilets. I didn't include it in the video. Cause it wasn't about her. But the interviewer did ask if the 3D printed toilet seat would be functional or just aesthetic. And it's like, in what world are you like, here's the toilet I used to poop on. You can imagine what that would be like. It's for the museums of Harrison Ford's life. Hey, everybody, purchase more Harrison Ford movies. So he has the residuals to buy a new toilet or his own 3D printer. His toilet is so old, they don't make toilet seats for it anymore. It's been a while. And Jay Leno creates a bespoke toilet seat for him. Could you buy, I don't know, Ender's game or Battleship? I think he's in that one. Prep whatever you can. Thank you for bringing this to our table. Yeah, you're welcome. This is important breaking news. This is also still an advice show. Okay. Yes. Thank you. Thank you for your approval. It takes us a minute sometimes to get around to it, but it is. But we do get there eventually. This is our first question. I recently had hemorrhoid removal surgery, and I had to take a week ish off work to recover. But what's the question, Justin? My question is, when I return to work, what do I say to people who ask how my recovery went? I'm not ashamed of the type of surgery I had. I think it's important to destigmatize this issue. Thanks for helping with that, Hoops. Oh, wow. My pleasure. I'm gonna finish this question in a second, but here's a true story from my life today. I was at the green room for the celebrities at Dragon Con, and I use the air quotes because I was in there. And there really should be a different room for, like, us and the actual celebrities because we're in the room with everybody and Amanda, our fearless leader, we're sitting there on the couch, and she looks at me and she says, hey, I just want to let you know, I still haven't gotten that email from Preparation H. And that's when Katie Sackhoff sat down next to us. And, like, as. Like, as you immediately engage like, oh, Preparation H, huh? I'm like, oh, this is cool. This is exactly. Yeah. Hey, just when you think your brand can't get any more in the toilet. Literally. Yeah. Quite a. Another good tagline for preparation A. Yeah. Just when you. That is actually pretty good. It's easy to lay. It's easy to lay the blame at Amanda's feet for. For that uncomfortable situation, but I think it could also be laid at the kind of life you've lived and the career you've forged. It's difficult to know when Justin is okay with publicly talking about his love of Preparation H and when it's not, because you brought it up at a. I tell you, you brought it up at our panel yesterday. Katie Sackhoff. I know where it broke down. I know where it broke down is when Amanda said they hadn't. Because if I said they had, I might have been able to work myself up to a devil may care, like, aha. I knew it. You know, like, ha. Preparation H. I knew they'd fold you. The fact they hadn't reached out is really what. Negotiations have reached a stalemate. They're icing us out. My colleagues know why I was out. Is there a polite but honest way to explain that I spent a week nursing my gory butthole? That's from New Asshole in North Atlanta. Are you here and are you in a well padded seat? Wait, are you here? All right, don't blame you. That's fine. I don't think hemorrhoids and hemorrhoid surgery. Way to destigmatize it, by the way. I don't think we should stigmatize hemorrhoids and hemorrhoid surgery. To suggest, however, that there is not a sliding scale of virtue upon which all surgeries are judged seems wild to me. I don't know where hemorrhoid surgery falls on that scale, but it is below. Like, I took a bullet for the mayor or something. I had bullet surgery for when I saved the mayor. Who's a dog is higher. I think you could walk in and maybe loudly announce, like, I will be taking questions and I'll be giving a very PG version, but if anybody want them nasty deets. Yeah, yeah. 1:00pm Break room. Don't eat beforehand. No holes wide. $5 per person. In the comments on the video about me complaining about not wanting to take my hemorrhoid medicine, one of the comments on the video was, if this was a really serious case of hemorrhoids, you'd be begging to take the medicine. And I was. I was just thinking, like, that is, without a doubt, in all my 44 years, the most unhinged gatekeeping I have ever seen. You know, when I'm sorry to a man. Not to a woman, obviously, but like, to a man like myself. The worst, the most unhinged gatekeeping I've ever heard. People overuse. Weird flex, but okay. Yeah. Yeah. That is the weirdest flex of, like, you think your hemorrhoids are bad. I was begging to shove a pill up my butt. That's how bad mine were. Yeah, my hemorrhoids. Cowardice. You gotta work hard to have hemorrhoids as bad as this bad guy. Hmm. I'm not gonna ask you about your hemorrhoid surgery if I'm your co worker. Even if they're wearing a big T shirt that says, ask me about my hemorrhoid surgery. Especially if they're wearing a T shirt that says, ask me about my hemorrhoid surgery. That's someone who wants to talk about their hemorrhoid surgery. Too much. Yeah. So I imagine you will probably be in the clear. In fact, I am very curious about who at your job would be like, so, hemorrhoid surgery, huh? Spill. What's that like? I have another question. Yeah, I'd love that. I am going to be on a game show here in Atlanta within the next month. Pay per view. There's a $10,000 prize, and I'm gonna be asked what I'll do with it if I win. My instinct was to be honest and say that I would use it to put myself through mortuary school, but I don't know that that's the vibe. Can you give me some. Hey, we need them. What was that? Reaction crowd. Does this want your dead ass to lay in the street? Can you give me some potential answers that might make me stand out? Or better yet, make the host bust up? That's from Tongue Tied in Trenton. Are you here is the. Thank you is. Listen, all y'. All. Mortuary worker person. Wait, hold on, guys. A job you accidentally do because you couldn't find a job anywhere else. You all are lucky that there's people like them going to mortuary school. You cheer for them, I'm sure. Shit. Not gonna do it. I'm barely good at this. In their head right now, they're thinking to themselves, he'll never guess. I'm nasty. I've really pulled the wool over. I'm glad you're doing it and not me. I've really pulled the. The wool over his eyes. Is this is the Just whisper because maybe you don't want to blow up your spot, but is it. Is it Family Feud? Because. No, it's not. Okay, well, I'll delete all the material that I prepped about how to do good on Family Feud. Are you in it by yourself, or do you have a team? There's four contestants, but we're not. There's four contestants. Is there a survey? And does it say stuff I'm not going to. There is no way that they're supposed to leak all these important details before. I'm not gonna risk their chance to be on TV with our stupid podcast I love. Can I just say, this is a lesson to all of us that we don't often realize our own light, even when we see it shine on others. Your answer for what you're gonna do with $10,000 is go to mortuary school and you're like, but what can I say to stand out? Yeah, yeah, you're good. You're worried about being like the third contestant that day. Yeah. Who's using the prize money to go to mortar another one. Jeez. A lot of people must die in this city. I think I would just ask for it in cash and then. Less questions, please. That's none of their business. If you win the game fair and square, you can do what. Whatever you want. With you? Yeah, whatever. Or say mortuary school. But I need it only in cash and then be really, really weird for the rest of the show. And I need it today. Yeah, I've got a Groupon. What would I do with it? Huh? That's a great question. Here's one for me. How quick can you get it to me? No, seriously, like, do we get it in cash? Can we take it in cash in a small, smaller lump sum up front, or what mortuary school makes you bring in your own bodies? They cost exactly $10,000. I need it by nightfall. I would just say save the orphanage. Cool. That's what I need the money for. Pretty fun. That orphanage is doing okay. 10,000. It needs a new. It needs a new paint job in the library. I made a bet with myself that if I don't win $10,000, I'm gonna destroy the orphanage. $10,000 is the cancellation fee for the construction crew. I got to destroy the orphanage. I had to lease the nails. They're reclaiming them tonight. Hey, everybody. Yeah, I just feel like the show has been a little puerile up to this, and so maybe we could class it up with a little work of fart. Did you change the fart sound at the end of that? It's way better, man. It's really nice. Y' all don't even fucking know this fart sound. They used to run at the end of this stinger was the fucking lowest quality bit rate shit you've ever heard. We must have gotten a some sort of better pay raise or something. We must be spending more on our av cause it's a really good. I was fully lost with sparting audio. That was a pornoma. I watched you go pretty high. Yeah, that might have been an aug. I love this. Okay, listen, since we're here for Dragon Con, I figured I would base this on some nerd shit. Do you guys know Star Wars? Harrison Ford was on it. Yeah, the guy who had Jay Leno 3D print a toilet seat. I had no idea that Justin was gonna talk about him, but what a good What? Good synergy. Just say it, man. So, up first, this is a character from Star Wars, Kit Fisto. Can I tell you J. Man. Wait, let me try again. Kit Pisto. No. Damn. Kit Fisto. I saw Kit Fisto and I thought, what am I even doing? This is true. Am I supposed to wait here? I thought, I can't do this better than George Lucas already did. Let me just say. It's called the music Jizz. Okay, Gary, you got that out of the way? Okay. Jizz music. We said jizz music. Han Solo's best friend and co pilot, Poobacca. And he's a big pile of poop. Poobacca? No, better than that. Chukaka? No. Poohaka. No. What's his full name? Chewbacca the Wookiee. His name is not Chewbacca the Wookiee. Yeah. That's crazy, Travis. He doesn't have a surname. It's Le Wookie. My name is Chewbacca Lewookie. That's his goddamn name as far as I'm concerned. And I was looking for Chewbacca the Dookie. Travis, that sucks. That's not his name. They're not called Han Solo the Human. Leia Skywalker the Human. I have. I hate to do this. They're not human. But as an impartial observer. I'm in the game. Yeah, but I. Wait, hold on. No, no, no. Is that how you consider yourself a worker fart? No, but listen, I've been watching worker fart evolve. It show means a lot to us, Trev. Yeah, I've seen watching work of art evolve. I know we give you a hard time, man, but work of fart means a lot to me and Justin Griffin's. The integrity of it is important. Yeah. Griffin's dominance in this game has subsumed my own to a point where I am just a sort of a bystander. It's rooting for me. But here. No, Travis, listen. Griffin just came up with like three that was better than yours. I feel like. I feel like I may have to. As the oldest brother, I may have to take this bit away from you and make Griffin do it. Not now. Here, let me read the next. Let me read the next. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I ordered them in. The ones I'm most proud of. O, wait, wait. Sorry. I need to know if that list is, ah. Or descending, please. Is there nowhere to go but down right now? Which way are we headed? It's. I think they get better. They'd have to. He's not Called Chewbacca the Wookie. This is my friend and co pilot, Chewbacca the Wookiee. The vowel sound doesn't even match. Insane. Is that not how he's author at Chewbacca the Wookiee, or is that just my own? No, that's fucking insane. Insane. Travis, I think you were high when you wrote these and you were thinking about Jabba the Hutt. I'm Greedo the Rodian and I'm here to fuck. Okay. Tepe. They call me Han Solo. The guy. I'm Jabba the Hutt. The Hutt, and I'm. I swear, I too am Luke Skywalker. The guy. We must be related. I swear to God I thought that was the case. Yeah, no, you can swear to God that you thought that was the case. Of course you're saying it. I need a minute. Okay. Oh, man. This planet is home. Is this more Star Wars? Yeah. Okay, great. To Mos Eisley and where Luke Skywalker grew up. Chatooine. And it's shaped like a penis. Oh. Oh. Interest. Tatooine. Tatooine. The planet. Tatooiner. And Travis, I'm sorry that when I said Tatooiner, I said it in such a disappointed tone of voice. Can I try again? Yeah. Tatooiner. Yeah. And finally, finally. This Jedi master may be short, but he's very wide and round. Choda. Yay. Travis Patrick McElroy. He's back. He's back with Choda. That was the first one I thought of. That sealed the deal on the whole bit. Yeah. I love Choda so. Yeah, you do. I. I'm funny. I'm a high school teacher. Yay. I'm a high school teacher, and I recently started coaching an esports team. My boss wants the team to be taken seriously as a school sport, but people keep calling us a club. How can I make video games get the same treatment as football or basketball? That's from Clear Eyes, full thumbs, can't lose extra info. We mostly compete in Super Smash Brothers and Mario Kart. Are you here? It's a fucking melee. Is it fucking melee? Cause if not, it's a children's game. If it's not melee, then it is a club, a kids club. You win them trophies or medals or whatever you get in esports. Eventually, hopefully. Yeah. Hey, let's start here. Good first step. Yeah. I mean, they don't give trophies to clubs for any reason. Do you make the kids run sprints? Because that's the thing. I know that they do in sports. Yeah, they do Laps in cs. Go. We're better. We know enough about esports. Do we know enough about esports to accept that it's. That it is a sport we don't have? Here's what I hear. There's a skill level to it. Yeah. Not just that. That I don't have. I could join any club. I can't join any sports team because I'm not skilled enough. Therefore, esports is a sports team. Here's the difference, man. When you go to the chess club and you get really good at chess, you don't go into college with gnarled, riddled hands. Yeah, sure. These poor young assholes. How hard I'm grabbing. Those young athletes are ruining their tendons for us, for our enjoyment. And that for me. If you are ending up in a position where you got to wear a special brace to say sleep, you're an athlete. You know what I mean? That's not a hobby. It feels very personal all of a sudden. J, man. Yeah. Wow. Travis's. Travis's chess APMs are also through the fucking roof, man. He moves. I've. I've crushed kings into pawns in my very hands. And I got thrown out of the tournament. You're not allowed to do that, apparently. Can you hire a group of mercenaries to dress up like space invaders? Took. And they come into the school to mess stuff up. And who's gonna stop them? Gamer. Gamer club. We're the only ones with the cheat codes. And then. So, Griffin, what you're saying is after that happens. Yeah. After what happens? Because confirm that I said out loud what I said. Cyber invaders. Invaders from space. It's not important. Okay. Show up and comes to the school to mess things up, and the school says, you know who's trained for this? Yeah. Our children. Not the security school. Security's fucking out the back door. Yikes. Are those aliens? I'm outta here. Then the gamer club shows up. Don't worry about it. We have the cheek. They abduct. The aliens abducted our greatest warriors. But due to a translation error, that means athletes in their tongue. Right. So they took all the athletes from the school administrators. You're gonna have to get in on this plan. Well, Trav. Yeah, I mean, they. Obviously, their boss wants this to be taken seriously as a sport. I feel a lot of hostile energy. Like, you're not proud of my space invaders coming to school to mess things up. So we get the gamer club. My next suggestion was pep rally. Dude, we were so close to breaking that story to an extent where we would never have to podcast again. Like we were about to be. We were about to have the script that would get us out of this. We supported you through Chewbacca the dude. We did. Hey, I'm steering us away from your plan of having mercenaries break into us trouble. Space Invaders. And they're not there to do anything bad. They're just here to mess things up. Like throw papers around and stuff. And make a big mess at the school. Oh, you didn't say they threw paper. Are they wearing cool leather, like, LED glasses? They're wearing Space Invader costumes, Travis. That's why the gamer club is the only one that can stop them. It's a gamer team, not the club. They're not a club. You're right. I forgot. Please. I know it feels hard to think of them as athletes, but we have to try for the conceit of the question, Griffin. And then when the gamer team slaps the Space Invaders, all the students come out and they're like, you did it. You're athletes now. This idea fucking sucks. You're right, Travis. This is a fucking stupid idea. How about a mascot? Okay. And it's Mario. I'm with these guys officially. Fuck all the other sports teams. Fuck football. That's cool. He could show up to football games and just make a mess throwing papers around. Throw papers around. Mess up all the football games. Oh, that's my homework. Damn. The playbook. Oh, no. My screensaver. If only there was an esports team here to help you use your computer. Help? Help, like my screen? I started working at the post office about a year ago. I love getting to see all the animals every day, but I need a good way to avoid the owners who want to chit chat. How do I politely say I want to pet that dog and then be on my way? That's from going postal for pets in South Carolina. Are you here? Hell yeah. Rain is shine. That's awesome. Thank you for coming. If the owner starts to say something to you. Have you tried saying, like, this is actually just between us? Yeah, this is we. I've been meaning to talk to them for a while now. Could you actually cross the street and give us a moment? You're going to have to do a lot to undo the kind of, you know, the optics of dogs and postal workers in order to bridge this divide. If I had a sweet Puppers, which I don't, but if I did, I wouldn't want them going anywhere near a post officer. This is actually the only one of the three of us that owns dogs. I'll Pull back the curtain a little bit, Griffin. Yeah. Thanks. The truth is, dogs love postal workers, and it makes us dog owners incredibly jealous. And so we've started. I'm gonna get so much trouble for this. We've started a long campaign to try to convince people. Oh, cool. Slander. That there's. Yeah. But it's really. When the post office worker arrives, my dog gets so excited, and I'm like, no, you love me. What do you think? That's. And then I attacked the post office worker dressed as my dog. That's what. Okay, so when I came over last time and you had a giant dog suit. Extremely, extremely lifelike dog suit. Yeah. And I was like, what's that for? And you were like, don't worry about it. I thought it was for, like, you know, conventions and stuff like that. But, you know, I tell you about that. To pretend to be your own dog to scare postal workers. Yeah. That's awesome, man. You guys know how it's a crime to mess with the mail? I think so. What? Fuck. Oh, no. Shit. We gotta get out. It's a crime. Mess with the mail. And I think people are nervous about. What if you get confused as a mail carrier and you pick up the dog and you start, like, put it in your bag, and then it's male legally, at that point, and they can't have it back. You know, they might ask for the dog back, and you're like, unfortunately, it is now male. It's in my bag. It's in the bag. That makes it male. You're out of your jurisdiction, Kenneth. The mailbag is not part of your house. Even if I'm standing in your yard with your dog in my bag. Property. Uncle Sam. Does the dog have a stamp on it? If you put a stamp on a dog, they will mail it for you. That's the law. To where? What? Wherever you want. Wherever you want for one flat rate. Wow. What an amazing bargain. Yeah. @sam's.com they're gonna get you a scale. They're gonna let. But it's big enough for your dog. Put your dog on the scale. Mail your dog wherever. All right. Thank you so much. Make sure you come back for the second half of our show. Until then, you can use the bathroom if you want. And you can buy this poster. We give you permission. You're allowed. Yes. This incredible poster. We signed a bunch of them before the show. Thank you, Cynthia, for this incredible design. And please send in your questions. Also, we have the Pulsarborn Memorial Can Food Drive Challenge Coin all sales go to benefit the Atlanta Community Food bank, so grab one of those while you're out there, too. We will take a brief break. Please send in your questions for the second half, and we might do them live. Thanks. We'll be right back. It's better. It's better with you. Hey, everybody. Have you heard about the Internet? It's taking the world by storm. It's like tv, but everything's on it. And sometimes people will say that they're going to come to your house. Yeah. And occasionally you see drawings on there that you're confused by. It's scary to be on the Internet with all these people saying that they know where your house is. Luckily, you can make your own safe space. And the space will be a square, because you're gonna use Squarespace to do it. Griffin, I don't know anything about putting together a website. I'm kind of a dullard, famously. Is there any help there, or are they just gonna throw me to the frigging wolves? No, man, you're pretty much boned. Just kidding. Squarespace has all kinds of tools, a whole suite of tools made by expert designers for you to use to just drag and drop stuff. And you make it pretty and you make it functional. If you sell stuff, they have all the tools you need to sell stuff. And are you taking notes over there? Oh, Justin's just written a note. We're doing this live on stage. And he's written a mean note about me. And now I need my square, safe space to tuck into cutting edge design tools. Everything you need to get your brand going online. Head to squarespace.com mybrother for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code mybrother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Dance clown, Justin says on his little notepad, making me feel watch the monkey dance as the organ grinder turns his crank. You'll do anything for a dollar, wouldn't you, Griffin? It's embarrassing. Thank you. Thank you, Squarespace. Thank you, Squarespace, for sponsoring the show. I don't know why Justin has brought this energy to our sponsorship segment. It used to be about the art. That's what my website. It used to be about the art.com is all about. And what did you use to make that website? Squarespace. All right. I'm Emily Fleming. I'm Jordan Morris. And I'm Matt Lieb. We are real comedy writers, real friends, and real cheapskates. On every episode of our podcast, free with ads, we ask, why pay for expensive streaming services when you can get free movies from apps with weird names. Each week, we review the freest movies the Internet has to offer. Classic like Pride and Prejudice, Cult classics like Point Break and Holy what did I just watch. Classics like Teen Witch tune in every week as we take a deep dive into the Internet's bargain bin. Every Tuesday on MaximumFun.org or your favorite pod place, the Flophouse is a podcast where we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it. Robert Shaw in Jaws, and they're trying to figure out how to get rid of the ghoulies, and he scratches a. I'll get your gulit. He's just standing above the toilet with a harpoon. No, I was just looking forward to you going through the other ways in which Wild Wild west is historically inaccurate. You know how much movies cost nowadays? When you add in your popcorn and your bagel bites and your cheese fritters, you can't go wrong with a Henry Cavill mustache. Here at Henry Cavill Mustaches, the only supplier. The Flop House. New episodes every Saturday. Find it@maximumfun.org Justin was backstage, like, I'm just gonna walk out there. And Travis and I were like, yeah, sure, man. Actually, Travis said, go off king. I did so really let the record stay on me. King. Travis said go off king. And then I forgot when we were supposed to come out, so I just went for it anyway. You know what I mean? Yes, sir. And we could have come on at the same time. You did. You did. And we chose. We chose to leave you fucking hanging, dude. Hanging in the dark. That's okay. I don't mind. Guys, it's all in good fun, right? Isn't that what they say? It's all in good fun. They, dude. They want a munch. I want to munch. Sorry about my tone. Yeah. It's been a long day of talking and meeting and greeting. I'm a great voice. The symphony hall really ate that up. Holy shit. Really carries that squad. That. Really? Yeah. The clarity of tone that is offered by this place is not doing me any favors at all. I am not an oboe. But you all sounded great. Yeah. And the venue. Again, I'm not supposed to be here. I can't be clear enough about that. Sonic is calling on you to save a pumpkin this fall with news. Oh, Sonic, the restaurant? Yeah. Sonic calls on you to save a pumpkin this fall with a new salted caramel toffee, iced coffee and croissant bites. That's a lot, man. I'm sorry. Are you sure, Sonic? That's a lot of shit to put in one thing, Sonic. Are you sure, Sonic? But what this ad presupposes is every pumpkin spice latte I order is a pumpkin murdered. Yeah, they have to squish one pumpkin for. For each drink. Send Jerry to the back to kill another one. Yeah, you're killing a pumpkin every. You don't think about that, do you? But every time you have a pumpkin dessert, you're actually smashing up a real pumpkin. Yeah. None of you are thinking about our poor pumpkin farmers that have to kill their precious pumpkin. Starbucks rolls up and says, we're taking them. And they say, no, we grew these as friends. Every fall, pumpkins carry the weight of the season. They're carved, spiced, and turned into everything from candles to air fresheners. That's a latte. Work for a gourd. That's good, Sonic. Sonic, I get it. But once again, am I supposed to feel bad for pumpkin or anything? For pumpkins, yeah, I feel ambivalence for pumpkin. Sure, they're there. I should mention also, the dateline of this story is Atlanta, Georgia, by the way, are they Sonic? Is Sonic a local company to Atlanta, Georgia, Apparently. Hometown favorite, Maybe whatever You could get down here to talk about how to order food at Sonic. Okay. This year, you all did a great job with that, by the way. You basically did what we do, which is like, yeah, this year, Sonic is giving pumpkins a break by introducing a new salted caramel toffee iced coffee and salted caramel croissant bites. So authentic. So authentic. It's like I'm in France. When I look at those, I think, ooh, la la, Paris. Bonjour. I'd like a taste of home. Bonjour. I'd like a taste of my home country. To drive the point home, Sonic is debuting a tongue in cheek psa. Oh, thank God. Sonic. Starring filmmakers, comedians, Internet personalities, and podcast hosts Alexandra Madison and John Buff. Shit, I thought it was us. I did, too. And this is it. They interrupt the pumpkin overload to inform fans that fall has a new flavor hero in Save a pumpkin. Sip a salted caramel toffee iced coffee. Absolutely. The idea that you would title a TikTok is fucking unfathomable to me. The idea that a TikTok would have a name, as in, like, this is. I present Le Basi Kill. Like, no, also TikTok, Dude. I assume it's supposed to be a play on, like, save a horse, ride a cowboy, but they added so many syllables to It. Yeah. The spotlight. This is once again one of those examples where clearly the original pitch was like, save a pumpkin, sip a coffee. And they said, but I don't think that's clear enough. No. Can we add in so many words that it ruins the original intention of the bet? The spot follows the pair as they remind fans that pumpkins deserve a better fate than becoming a seasonal treat or something more extreme like a body wash or deodorant. So I know we need to let our pumpkins see the summer. That's all they want. I know you're thinking, God, this sounds funny. And let's you be the judge. Is that a pumpkin? Please. You know, I haven't been super emotional this pregnancy. Just been feeling really chill and relaxed. Pumpkins have been through enough. We need to save the pumpkins. John, she's been watching those animal rescue ads from the early 2000s. I think they inspired her. We all need to do our part. We do. Yes, we do. So we partnered with Sonic to bring you this important message. Every fall, innocent pumpkins are just kidnapped from their homes, carved up, gutted, and turned into random things. Candles, pumpkin flavored coffees, shampoo. Enough is enough. And that's why we need a new fall flavor. A salted caramel toffee. Fall flavor. With every salted caramel toffee iced coffee from Sonic, you too can be part of the movement to save pumpkins from their tragic fates. As a coffee flavor, of course. I think this is an important Help us spread the word. Together with Sonic, we can save the pumpkins. All right, all right. I know what you all are thinking. This is weird that it's making fun of some pretty serious ads like this, but it's also poorly acted. Travis, listen, Travis is right. And the point is, the reason I wanted to do this and read the press release and show you this video is. And I do realize this is sort of whatever the inverse of a self fulfilling prophecy is, but why not us, Sonic? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, just like. It's just like, why not us? You know, like, we could have been stupid about this in a way more convincing way. Yeah, we would have. Just to ensure pumpkins actually do get support outside of the humorous campaign. And I could hear in the room the way you were all sort of laughing quietly to yourselves so hard that you could hear a fucking pin drop. A lot of real intellectual chuckles out there. You all were laughing so hard silently, that I was absolutely second guessing including it in our real comedy show. Like, I had really deep sixed the whole exercise. I would like to pitch on spec this ad campaign from the three of us. Hi, we're the McElroy brothers and. Fuck caramel. We're gonna eat all the caramel you got on your shelf until there's nothing left. God bless Sonic for doing their part to eliminate this vile, sticky non chocolate. Can I say it takes a bold ad exec to say I've envisioned an ad where what we're posing is that thinking about buying our thing makes you look stupid and insane. Listen, who's with me? I'm just saying if you have to find people that are related that no one's ever heard of, where you have to invent a bunch of job titles to make it sound like they're real people turn to us like that's what we're here for. Please just let us. Anyway, these seem like normal people pretending to be stupid. Hey, guess what? Get the real thing right here. To ensure pumpkins actually do get support outside of the humorous campaign. Oh, so we're doing. We talked about the advocacy already. Quote, fall flavors don't have to mean pumpkin spice on repeat. With the new Salted Caramel Toffee Iced Coffee and Salted Caramel Croissant Bites, Sonic is stepping in to give pumpkins a much needed break. All while giving guests. Yeah, they're just. They want to. They're not like hard working execs trying to have it all. No, they want them to live forever. Don't tell. They don't know the secret. Sonic's stepping in. All while giving guests something just as craveable, said Barb Williams, the vice president of category management at Sonic Cocaine. Salted Caramel Toffee Iced coffee. So man, it's so crazy, so good to say. Salted caramel. It's the opposite of iambic pentameter because that's is that I am not pentameter. Salted caramel coffee Iced toffee. Sorry. Toffee coffee. Soppy Toffee coffee is sloppy salty coffee. Toffee Sloppy Boy Coffee from Sloppy Boys. Sonny Sloppy Coffee Toffee from Sonny Sant. Sloppy Bobby Bobbin. Salted Caramel Toffee Iced coffee. I'm on fire. Salted Caramel Toffee Iced coffee is the perfect sweet and creamy. Pick me up. And when paired with Croissant Bites, it's the ultimate fall duo for guests who want their daily boost with a side of indulgence and diarrhea for several days in a row. It's so wild, this ad campaign for another reason, which is. Hey, Sonic, you can Never do pumpkin shit again. Because how hypocritical would that be? Also, you know, they had lawyers in there saying, can we say Daily Boost without clarifying what that means at all? Or does that put us on the hook legally in some way? No, no, no, no. There's no law. Again, it's cool. Okay, cool. Great. Yeah. It's your daily booth of salt. So thank you so much to Sonic for your partner. Thank you, Sonic. We are going to turn to you now, the audience. We have asked you to send in your questions, and we intend to answer some of them. We have a microphone that is, I believe, over here, stage right, house left. If we call your name and your seat number. If you want to approach the microphone, give us your name, your pronouns, if you would like, and your question, and we will do our thing. We're going to call some folks down. There's someone who sent in an email that really tickled some of us backstage, but I don't know if they wanted to actually do it as part of this part of the show. But if your name is Katie with a Y, and you had a comment about Justin's outfit that you wanted to share, maybe without the helmet. Yeah, Justin's outfit in a certain configuration, and you want to come up to the microphone and say it out loud, that would bring me a great deal of joy. Let's clarify what Justin said backstage. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's up to them. Hi. Hi, Katie. You just want me to say what I typed Exactly. I would love you to just read your email verbatim because I think it's really strong and good. Read the whole thing, please, though, if you don't mind. Hell, yeah. So, subject line, fun. Show the email. Justin looks like Donald Duck without the Speed Racer helmet on, nodding emoji, slash positive. Thank you so much, Katie. Thank you, Katie. That's right. You're correct. It's so good, Katie. And you've brightened my day tremendously. This is like the eighth, I think, of the Thunder Drive Tour in which Justin's been wearing this outfit. And you said that in your email, and it opened my eyes to a new dimension that I hadn't seen before. This is actually. No, I'm not kidding, the final appearance of this outfit. I hope you've enjoyed it. We'll have something brand new next time. Katie. Katie, I was gonna ask if you wanted to say that to my face, but I guess you answered that already, kind of. So thank you so much for your time. Katie. This wasn't a trap you did excellent. It was very brave. So funny. Katie said, nailed it. Justin. It said slash positive. No, I know. It was. That was so good, Katie. Thank you so much. Thank you, Katie. Thank you, Katie. General Duck is my favorite guy. Thank you so much. He's great. Yeah. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you, Katie. Everybody, big round of applause for Katie. Thank you. Hello. Hey, there. So I sent in two questions. I'm not sure which one. What is your name? Sammy J. Sorry, Sammy J. You had one about hockey. Yeah. Okay, so I'm a hockey goalie, and the games go, like, an hour and a half, and sometimes a girl's got to piss. Yeah. And go, piss girl. Yeah. Well, hold on now. Hold on. So when you're a player, like, it's whatever. You can just get off. But when you're a goalie, you're the only person. Right. So how do I sneak off the ice to go potty? I'm not a big. I'm not a big sports person. But is it. Is there maybe you can appeal to good taste? Like, it would be in poor taste for you to score while I'm otherwise occupied. Yeah. So hopefully everyone will do the right thing while I'm gone. Yes. And just sort of play amongst yourselves in a peaceful way. No shooting. No shooting. No shooting. Just passing practice. And don't worry, it's just piss. I'm only gonna be gone a little bit. So my question had a little bit more to do with stealth. Right. Right. Yeah. Okay, so you're gonna need a mannequin. If you. Wait. If you got the pads, maybe can you sneak out of the pads in a way where they stay basically stationary like a cicada? Yeah. Yeah. Leave it behind like a shell. And you. There's no way. So until someone hits it with a puck and it just shatters it. Oh, my God. Sammy J. No, thank you. I often, when I find myself in a scenario, like when I'm in a plane and it hits turbulence and I start to get worried, or I think about, like, complaining about something, and I calm myself down by saying, there's no way I'm the first person to have this problem in all of hockey. There's no way. You're the first person to be like, oh, shit, I gotta pee. There's no way. This is why on Canadian Dragons Den, there have probably been three people who've been like, sharks. You all know how tough it is when you gotta take a piss and you're the goalie. So here's my new thing. You just pee Right. In your hockey pants. We've already got the Canadians and all the different teams are in. They put their brands on the different pee pants that we got. Do you. I'm looking for $80. You have 50% of the company. I need help. At the level of hockey in which you play, are you ever polled in the final minutes of the game as some sort of last ditch gambit? Occasionally. Okay, now, have you ever considered asking the coach to do that in the middle of the second period while you're up by one goal? Be like, I know it's unconventional. We're up by one and it's the middle of the second period. But I think it would be strategically so surprising to the other team. Yeah. To be like, yo, where did their goalie go? There's an extra person out here. Crazy. Next time your team has a power play, you should just be like, let me do the right thing. I'm going to leave too. If they're going, I'm going. If you are put in the penalty box, and I assume there's not a bathroom in there, can you just keep going and be like, I'll be back in two to five minutes. Are you saying keep using the bathroom in the. What are you saying? No, I'm saying you just keep walking out through the penalty box into the hallway where there are bathrooms. They've figured that out. Cause I'm to trying. Pretty sure if the goalie gets a penalty, someone else has to sit it. Right. Yeah. So they really don't want you to piss, huh? Fucked up. Honestly, I don't know about hockey, period, but can players call timeouts? If you're loud enough, I guess. There you go. I'm just saying, a goalie, especially if they're coming towards you on a good drive and you're just like, time. No, now we're taking a break. You can pause a game as the goalie, and I've seen it done many times because I'm sort of a hockey guy, where if your skate breaks or your helmet comes off, everyone's like, stop Immediately. Everything. Some of the goalie shit's messed up. Now, to get a bathroom break out of that, you're gonna have to take one of your skates fully off and throw it into the crowd. Throw it somewhere where it's gonna take them away to find it and be like, I don't know, guys, I got hit real funny. Anyways, while you go look for that, I will go piss. Okay, here's a pitch. Catch the puck. I've seen it happen. Keep holding onto it as you go to the bathroom. Yeah. Then bring the puck back and drop it. Cause they can't keep going. That's the only puck they have. Maybe you let five or six get past you and then start whispering about mercy rule. Like, certainly. I feel like we're headed into mercy rule territory. Don't you all? I feel like I gotta wrap this up. You may be the team's only goalie, but you could certainly ask, like, anyone even want to try this? It's so fucking hard. They shoot them right at you. It's terrifying. It hurts, and it's scary every time. Why is this net so big? Does that. I'm only this big. Does that help? We'll see. Thank you, Samantha. Very, very fair. Sammy J. Very fair. Hello. Hi, I'm Kellen. Hi, Kellen. Pronounce he. Him. Hey, Kellen. Head's in the audience today. So my question is, how many grapes can I eat at a grocery store over the course of a year before it is considered stealing? Yeah. So, Kellen. One. This is. Wait, this is important. His fans are not happy about that. Griffin, the Kellen felons are displeasing you right now. Are you asking, like, how many just in a normal course of eating grapes at the grocery store, or how many can you get away with? Yeah, actually, that's a great question. Are you looking for some guardrails here, or are you looking for a challenge? Yeah, it's a challenge. Because if I just eat one, it's not stealing. That's not. Oh, really? It's definitely not. Okay, I will say this one is trying them for buying. Try before you buy. One of the great grocery store rules that we all abide by. Try before you buy. Three is pushing it. But three is definitely pushing it. If only. You talking about Kellen? Kellen, I couldn't walk up to a watermelon and take a big bite out of it to be like, I wanted to see how all the watermelons are. Well, I didn't say, how many watermelons can I eat? Hey, Kellen. Hey, Kellen, cool it. This isn't about you anymore. This is about Justin. You guys are into a pick and mix. You're not gonna sneak one out. Listen, no, also. Hold on. Wait. Kellen, is your question to us, seriously? Is there a number between one and. It's like one in ten. You just said, way to move the goalposts on us, Kellen, because I was about to fucking slam dunk that one right in the answer hole. Kellen, I want you to imagine you're standing at, I guess, a big bin of grapes in your mind, and there's a security guard two feet away from you looking at you, and I want you to honestly tell me how many grapes you feel comfortable eating. Yeah. In front of that security guard. If I'm the security guard. That's not what I said. Kellen. Please don't yell at Kellen. The Kellen felons will be after you're yelling at the Kellen. Now, Kellen, imagine the grapes are anything you want in the world, and the security guard is Jesus Christ. And that was our entire childhood. Okay, Kellen, I have. Okay, Are the grapes from different bunches? And are you going. Mmm. Still might give ideas. Now, listen, if you have two from one bunch, that's bad. If you have two from different bunches and you make a yuck face after each one, then I would just assume you're try before you buy. The number one rule of grocery that we all abide by and love. Try before you buy, guys. Yeah, for sure. If I go up to the counter and I have an open box for him, because he keeps saying it, he can say it as any times as he wants. If I go to the store at my local Kroger, right? Cause they're union employees, and I go to the Kroger and I buy some Triscuits that are the ones that are olive oil and black pepper, and they're fucking outrageous, right? And I open them, and I look at the person who is checking me out, and I'm like, hey, stop checking me out. I gotta go buy this stuff. And then I go to the place where you buy this stuff. And when I'm buying it, they're like, hey, you open this. If I look at them, I'm like, trying before you buy. Yeah, they're probably gonna get it. But, Justin, I would argue that what you've just done is disproven your own point, because it involves two steps. Yeah. Try before you buy. Are you buying all the grapes? You open the triskets. You're not opening every box of Triscuits. Kellen, you ain't buying to find the right box of triskets. Kellen, you ain't buying these grapes, are you? Nah. Kellen, get out of here. Kelly. No, Kellen, don't. Kelly. Kellen, get out of here. Kellen. I have to really plant a flag here and say that the grocery store has designated try before you buy sections where the people are like, hey, do you want to try this tiny little cocktail wiener? That's a try before you buy zone. You don't walk up to them and you're like, what you're doing is so superfluous. Kellen, I have a question for you. Do you get to choose what picture they put up on the wall of don't let this person in anymore. I hope it's not you. Just mouth full of grapes. Also, Kellen, the answer might be time based on and not quantity based. The most you can jam in 15 seconds. If I. If I told you guys you had to eat 10 grapes in 10 minutes at your local grocery store. Yeah. Would you eat them quickly? Could you eat or slowly and sneakily drop them on the ground and then blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then I stand up real quick like, oh, I can't buy these grapes. They're ground grapes. And the security guard, Jesus is like, that's okay. I would eat them quickly with my cheeks loaded so that if they tried to stop me, I could push on my cheeks real quick and they'd shoot out like a machine gun. Would you be deliberate or would you try to cloak your actions? I would loudly announce, not this bunch. Okay, good. Gross, Gross. Colin, does that help? Yeah. I love you guys. Thank you so much. Colin, we love you as well. What a hoop. Hello, brothers. Hi. Hi. I am Corbin. They them. And I'm trying very hard to be faster than fear right now. You're doing amazing, Corbin. You came up here, Corbin. All you need is 10 seconds of insane courage. You know who said that? Matt Damon and We Bought a Zoo. That's true. They saw that clip literally just moments ago. It's a good bit. It is a great bit. Corbin, your question, please. My question verbatim was I broke my toe trying to kick a pine cone in front of my friend. How do I recover from this? Corbin, I loved this question before, but now that I met you, I love it even more. I have follow up questions, but I want to say sometimes we pick a question and then I hear the actual human being deliver it, and a word pops out to me that suddenly is the most important word in that question. And for me right now, that word is try. Yeah. So, yeah. Corbin, can you paint us a word picture of the scene, please? Yeah. So me and my friend, we're walking across our college campus, going to get dinner. I see a pinecone. I'm like, I'm gonna kick that. Wait, sorry, did you say it out loud? I might have, quite honestly. Hey, Corbin, telling this story is the most relaxed I've been all day, actually. Yeah, I'll just chill. So I go to try to kick this pinecone, and I misjudge the distance, and I kick the ground instead. Okay, so it wasn't like a super heavy pine cone. No, it was not. Damn, Corbin, I'll be honest. That's where a lot of my interests lie. In the question I was ready for, I tried to kick a pine cone, and it turned out it was a fire hydrant. Yeah. And I just had a bad perspective. Did you say something, or did you just want to be fucking Dennis the Menace for a second? Yeah. Were you trying to kick it into Mr. Wilson's? Like, are you just. Corbin, I don't know you that well. Are you just a little stinker? What's the deal? I don't know what I was doing, quite honestly. Corbin. No, don't let Justin make you feel strange. The human desire when you see a pine cone right in your way, when your brain just goes, what the fuck is that doing there? That is a. What is it? A voigtkampf, like, human test. You have passed it, and what you did is the equivalent of a real human being. Quick time event where you were supposed to hit circle and you hit X. You were fucking Ryu Hazuki with a roundhouse kick coming at your head like, beep, beep, beep, beep. What? Did you have a second, even a millisecond, where you second guessed yourself as you were about to deliver the kick? Like, I should be doing this. Are you fully committed? I think I was fully committed, yeah. I think. Otherwise you wouldn't have broken your toe. What was that? Can you tell me what the next 10 seconds of your life was like? And I'd love to. Ten minutes after that would be great. Agony and shouting swear words quite. Was your friend like, hey, Corbin, what the fuck were you doing? Yeah. Yeah. Did you do what? Listen, I've been a white man for a long time. Did you try going? It clearly moved. Because it's that kind of placement to blame on anything else. It makes you feel better and bigger and stronger. When you told your friend I was trying to. Did you explain to your friend, I was trying to kick that pine cone, but I missed and I kicked the ground? Oh, yeah, 100%. Was your friend like, oh, I get it, or what did they say? Were you explaining through tears? Like, I was just a little bit, probably. Yeah, Corbin. That's right. Corby, that's so rough. Are you okay about moving? Yeah, I'm fine. Now, when you say how to recover from this. Do you mean from a physical or emotional standpoint? Emotional. We won't be able to help with either. But, you know, it's nice, though, that fate gave you this chance to reexamine your friendship with this person and see how important they are. I mean, listen, they're here with me tonight. I love that. Corbin, let me say this. I moved the pinecone when you weren't looking. I did it. I did a little bit of psychokinesis just to punk you. I've never broken a bone in my body. I think I might be unbreakable. You heard it here first. But that was my suspicion, knowing you your whole life, as I have Griffin, that you might be unbreakable. Never had a sick day in his life. What if. What if Griffin is untenable? It's too mean. Corbin, this is a kick ass story, as evidenced by the fact. Not a kid cone story. No, it's a kick ass story, Corbin, as evidenced by the fact that we just had to hear it here at our live show tonight. This is going to serve you so well at so many corporate icebreaker events. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Youth group meet and greets. And what's wonderful is memory can be very malleable. And the more we tell stories over time, the more they can change. But now this one is recorded in a podcast. Corbin, this is forever. Yeah, it's gonna be interesting when my mom listens to this episode. Cause I still haven't told her that I broke my toe yet. Hey, Corbin's mom, I moved the plane. Cause it's my fault. But not in a legally liable way. Yeah. Corbin, are you okay now or are you still. Oh, yeah, recover. I mean, this literally happened like, two days ago. Oh, okay. So you're not okay now. I mean, it's not. Will you ever dance? Are you fucking Wolverine? Wolverine? I wanna see that issue of XN where Wolverine breaks his toe trying to kick a bike up in front of, like, Cyclops. And he's like, don't tell anyone, Bub. Just shut up for three minutes, Bub. I'll be fine. Corbin, need a moment over here behind the street. Don't look at me, Bub. Corbin, I don't know if we've helped you, but you've helped us a lot and made us feel very human in this moment. And I thank you so much for that. Thank you, Corbin. I celebrate you. Was it like that? That really big pine cone, though? Paul just had that fucking picture on his desktop. Dirty dog. Wait, go back. Pull back. Why is the Second smaller pine cone in that picture. Hello. Hi, I'm Gideon. Hi, Gideon. Hi, Gideon. So I have a coworker who has a pet owl. And, like, the one day that I was off, like, she brought it into work. And I used to want to be an ornithologist as a kid growing up. Like, is that an owl doctor? Study birds. Study birds. Got it. In general, thank you so much for using the exact terminology I needed to understand that. Study birds, you say? Not owl doctor, but study birds. Right, right, right. Yeah. That's called an owlogist. Yes. Is it the pellets? Because I fucking get it, man. It's crazy. My children have asked me if we can buy those pellets at the store. No. And I buy them online, and I'm probably a weird store. Yeah. So you missed the owl. Yes. And it sucks so much. Like, my boss was showing me all the pictures she took when it was there. And apparently, like, I work in the adjacent office to my boss, and, like, she kept the owl in my boss's office for the entire day. Oh, man, did it feel pointed? Is that the problem? You feel like they waited till they knew you weren't gonna be there and they said, today's the day the owl's coming in. Fuck, Gideon. Is that the problem? I didn't think that was actually a. That was a joke. No, no, no. She's really nice, but are you just trying to tell us about this very sad Ray Bradbury short story? No. So I've asked her to, like, bring it back in because I really want to meet it, and apparently it was really nice for an owl. Yeah, but you asked her and she didn't. She's like, oh, maybe one day. That sucks. That sucks. Gideon, can I say, this blew this whole mystery, like, to another level. I own several pets. The littlest bit of encouragement it would take for me to bring my pet back to the office. Yeah. Can I read the exact wording of the email, Gideon? Because it's like a poem, riddle. How do I convince my co worker to bring her owl back to the office? In my mind, you did something upon the first meeting of the owl, and you were like, hey, listen, coworker, I love another shot. I know I fucked up. Yeah, I know I fucked up last time. That's so interesting. I fed the owl all of my keys one at a time. And I know now that was fucking wrong. I will still say, though, the owl should know not to eat keys. You should train your owl better than that. For sure. I thought that it was more Griffin, A scenario where it's like, you brought the owl in and I didn't get enough. Yeah, I. Listen, I know at the time, I seemed like I was like, and that's enough owl. But I can't stop thinking about it. The idea of owning an owl seems crazy to me. They're so wise, like, and big and weird. They're so wise and big and weird. It's like owning a wizard, like, wise. Gideon, have you thought about releasing a lot of voles and moles and stuff into the office? Oh, that's good, Trav. I work at a jewelry store. Perfect. Those bitches love rings. Voles. Voles love rings. Can you refrain from saying bitches at all, but especially when referring to voles? Sir, there are several parts of my lawn that I can't walk on without sinking into them, and I don't care for them. Right. I get you. Hey, Gideon, I would like you to. Next time you go in the office, I need you to start talking about your four incredible boys. And then every time you go in for the next few months, start talking about your four incredible sons. Your four great boys. And then start talking about how into owls they are, right? And then you tell them, hey, I'm gonna bring my four incredible boys in tomorrow. Would you please bring the owl? And they'll be like, who's gonna let down four incredible kids? Right? And then they come in with the owl. Psych. It's too late, though. You don't have a son. Wait, why? Four boys? That's so crazy. Gideon, I'm guessing you've not already laid the groundwork for your four amazing sons. I have made it very clear that I'm never having kids. And also, I'm always. Well, because you already have four. Hey, Gideon, to be fair, that's why these four amazing boys were such a surprise. Cause, like, who saved. That's pretty amazing. Who saved who? You know, it's like, wow, these four boys. What a miracle. They love owls so much. And then you reveal it's four young owls you've adopted who need someone to look up to. I don't think you bring an owl into the jewelry store unless it is part of some sort of heist, I think. Disagree. Security measure. Think about it, Griffin. You're going in, you're gonna steal some jewelry, and then you look up, and there's a big owl on top of the case. And you're like, yeah, you know what? Fuck, I'm gonna go. Let me hit you with this scenario, Travis. You get your pet owl back from your office, which is the jewelry store. The owl poops, you get out a little knife and cut it open and, oh, it's Breakfast at Tiffany's up in there. Wait, hold on. That's good. Are you saying Griffin. Warring owls. Security owl. Thief owl. Yes. Bring in your own owl. Giddy. Now, listen, I don't know where to get owls besides the forest. If they brought the owl in just to eat jewelry and shit it out later, they may wish you would stop asking about the owl. I would start to worry for your safety. At a certain point, Gideon, they'd be like, I don't know why Gideon keeps asking about the fucking owl. Does that help? Gideon. So much. Thank you so much, Gideon. And thank you, Atlanta, for coming to our live episode of My Brother, My Brother. And hey, this might surprise you, but we're gonna be in this very room again tomorrow. Yes, we are doing the adventure zone versus popeye dmed by our dad, Clint McElroy. I don't want to oversell it, but if you don't have tickets to that show, we have an incredible new technological innovation that is going to allow you in the audience to see our dice rolls on this very screen where we've really. We've really modernized the format. We've really caught up with the times. I'm saying you'll see the dice on there, right? You're not going to have to stand up to look. They'll be on the screen. In past Taz Live shows, we've made everyone line up and come look at every dice roll we've done. Now we're going to put it on the screen and it's going to be so kick ass. Not everyone through one dice roll and act. That's actually not too far off. But seriously, thank you all for coming. Thank you to the Atlantis Infinity for having us. This place is absolutely gorgeous. Yeah, I think this is like our third time. I think maybe our third time being here. We have posters for sale. Thank you, Cynthia, for the kick ass design. We signed a bunch of them. There may still be some signed out there. And also we still have the Pulsarborn Memorial Can Food Drive. All sales for which go to benefit the Atlanta Community Food Bank. And we're doing a bunch of other panels and stuff over at DragonCon. If you go to Bit Ly McRoytours, you can find all of the events listed there. Thank you to Paul. Thank you to our dad, Clint McElroy. Thank you to Amanda, our business manager. Thank you so much to Rachel, our editor and audio engineer. Who also used a seam ripper to cut a small hole in my jumpsuit so I can get in my pocket without going in the front. So huge. Thank you, Rachel. You're a lifesaver. If I. And I. If I could say something sincerely. Dragon Con is incredible and there is so much incredible stuff happening here every single night and all day. And I really, really appreciate everyone here deciding to come here and hang out with us in opposed to all the other amazing things you'd be doing. Thank you so much. Seriously, genuinely, seriously, you all have been fucking amazing. Thank you so much. I hope you'll do it again tomorrow. Thank you. Thank you to Montaigne for the use of our theme song My Life is better with you. How about this final fear to read aloud that someone would like to be faster than this in the year of our Lord 20 Thunder Drive. Let's go. This year I will be faster than my fear of Switchfoot's song. Dare you to move. My name is Justin McElroy. My name's Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. My brother, my brother be kiss your dad square on the lips. It's better with you it's better it's better with you it's better My life it's better it's better with you. Is it true? Maximum Fun. A workaround network of artist owned shows supported directly by you.