MBMBaM 779: Bugbag Mode

Summary

My Brother, My Brother and Me – Episode 779: "Bugbag Mode"

Release Date: September 8, 2025
Hosts: Justin, Travis, and Griffin McElroy

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Episode Overview

In this lively, meandering episode, the McElroy brothers tackle advice questions in their signature chaotic fashion, dominated by a new character, "Bugbag" (Griffin’s sick-voiced creation), elevator tales from Dragon Con with celebrity run-ins, deep dives into the philosophy of pro wrestling kayfabe, and an extended and hyper-silly dispatch from the “Munch Squad,” investigating the ways the fall pumpkin spice craze overtakes beloved brands. The tone is light, absurd, and intentionally off-the-rails, with the brothers riffing on each other's bits, derailing serious advice with tangents, and revealing their own family quirks and recurring inside jokes.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Griffin’s “Bugbag” Character and Sick Energy

[01:24–03:06]

• Griffin introduces "Bugbag," a sickly character he inhabits due to his current illness. The brothers riff on Bugbag’s nature: "He's not guy shaped. It's important you guys understand about Bug Bag that he's not shaped like a guy." (Griffin, 02:23)
• Extended silly banter about what Bugbag might look like, leading to jokes about bug bags needing skeleton limbs, Tinder, and hugging his bug kids.
• Sets a chaotic, loose tone early on — a running gag throughout.
  Tone: Goofy, self-referential, absurdist.

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2. Dragon Con Elevator Story: Running Into Simon Pegg

[03:18–08:47]

• Justin recounts being stuck in a freight elevator at Dragon Con with Simon Pegg, “Simon Pegg and Simon Pegg’s three people that keep people from talking to Simon.” (Justin, 03:53)
• The brothers discuss the awkwardness of encountering celebrities and the universal body language of trying to disappear.
  • Travis’s “famous person nod”: “It's like, that is actually, to me, kind of reaffirming." (Justin, 04:18)
• Their dad attempts conversation by complimenting Simon Pegg’s Echo & the Bunnymen shirt, despite having no clue about the band; the brothers consider outing their dad in front of Simon.
  • "Would not know an Echo in the Bunnyman if one was riding on his shoulder." (Justin, 06:45)
• Simon Pegg graciously responds then goes back to staring at the floor.
• Takeaway: “A chilling moment. Not like the rest of this show though. This is an advice show.” (Justin, 08:52)
• Memorable quote: “You can't have owned spaced on DVDs and then say something in that moment. You're un.” (Griffin, 04:54)

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3. Advice Question: Taking a Nine-year-old to Wrestling – Kayfabe vs. Reality

[09:05–17:13]

• Listener asks how to explain pro wrestling to a nephew with no context.
• Travis launches a thesis connecting wrestling and Pokémon kayfabe, sparking a “wrong-headed” debate:
  • “What is Pokémon, except animal pro wrestling and kayfabe?” (Travis, 09:33)
  • “That's one of the wronger things you said.” (Griffin, 09:56)
• Griffin turns his back on the boys (“The bug bag turns his back on you—a powerful move.” – Travis, 11:17).
• Justin’s wisdom: “One of the tough things about raising kids is you gotta teach them everything...But you do hope that they'll pick up on the clues, you know what I mean?” (Justin, 11:26)
• The brothers riff on the concept of kayfabe in regular life, wishing movies or actors kept elaborate ‘storylines’ like in wrestling (e.g., press junkets with John Cena forced to answer for in-ring story betrayals).
• “Written but real” is floated as a new wrestling tagline (Griffin/Justin, 16:05).
• Final advice: Let the kid experience it, don’t overexplain.
  • “If they think it's magic and cool and real, that's awesome...they’re gonna go through a long, weird period until they start to respect the craft again.” (Griffin, 15:40)

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4. Advice Question: Eating Lunch at a Bus Bench Without Stopping the Bus

[17:31–26:47]

• Listener wants to use a comfy bus bench for lunch without triggering unnecessary bus stops.
• Jokes spiral into the symbolic meaning of certain public chairs: “The bus bench is the cuck chair of the sidewalk.” (Griffin, 19:09)
• Proposed solutions are a comedy escalation: signs, “I’ll catch the next one” routine, hiding, and bringing your own chair.
• Griffin laments the awkwardness of adults doing hide-and-seek in public: “You just can't...Fucking goblin mode. Fucking bug bag mode.” (Griffin, 22:27)
• Travis imagines a life hack for being caught breaking into a house: “Do you think that would at least buy you enough time to get away?” (Travis, 23:29)
• Practical advice sneaks in: find a secret garden spot away from the bus stop, or ride the bus for one stop and return, possibly befriend the bus driver.
• The segment devolves into debates about whether buses can marry and the concept of a "hump bus."

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5. Munch Squad: The Pumpkin Spice Industrial Complex

[31:11–43:57]

• Justin brings his regular mini-podcast “Munch Squad,” mocking the forced invention of seasonal pumpkin products by various chains.
  • “For me, this season is really about watching how other chains justify including pumpkin on their menu.” (Justin, 32:08)
• Voodoo Donuts, Baskin Robbins, Dunkin, Nectar Juice Bar, and Bobby’s Burgers all get roasted for their overwrought press releases and justifications for pumpkin menu items.
  • “I once bought a bucket of old donuts from a Voodoo Donuts for $10...You guys used to fuck. What happened? A pumpkin spice latte donut?” (Justin, 33:52)
  • “There should just be a sign...and they can just turn it so it says pumpkin on it. That's really all I need.” (Griffin, 43:26)
• Mock praise/nostalgia for “harvest Christ” and “autumnal Jesus,” reference to long-lost traditions.
• Griffin bemoans lack of creative flavors (“Where’s my green bean smoothie?” – 36:57).
• Sharpest parody is aimed at “clean” pumpkin drinks: “Eat shit with that clean nonsense.” (Justin, 37:44)
• Brotherly consensus: just give people a whole pumpkin to eat next time.

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6. Advice Question: What to Do With Mouthwash in the Car

[44:06–50:21]

• Listener accidentally swigs mouthwash while driving and can’t spit it out easily.
• The trio gleefully brainstorm disgusting options: swallow, spit in cup holder, floor mat, shoe, or on your shirt (“We're all meat, man. Who gives a shit?” – Griffin, 49:08).
• They riff on the possible consequences and the wildness of the scenario, veering into “piss in your other shoe” territory.
• Final absurdity: discussion of sensitive urethras (Travis, 50:14), all concluding with, “There will be a consequence. The consequence is the backseat gets minty fresh, the coffee gets ruined, or you swallow it, which you can do. Like, you can get that down. It's not physically impossible. You shouldn't. Not good. But there's a consequence for your actions.” (Griffin, 44:59)

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7. Escalating Silliness and Familial Chaos

Throughout the Episode

• Running tally of increasingly unhinged jokes, culminating in the “hump bus” and “Bugbag” chaos.
• Travis frequently spirals into his own bits and gets gently roasted by his brothers for “being off the chains.”
• Meta-commentary about the show’s looseness after a long week of touring.

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Notable Quotes

• "I want some definition in my bag." – Griffin as Bugbag, 02:36
• "The bus bench is the cuck chair of the sidewalk." – Griffin, 19:09
• “Would not know an Echo in the Bunnyman if one was riding on his shoulder.” – Justin, 06:45
• “For me, this season is really about watching how other chains justify including pumpkin on their menu.” – Justin, 32:08
• “You can't just say shit.” – Justin to Travis in the ‘hump bus’ bit, 26:53
• “You know Travis has urethra sensitivity issues. Travis.” – Griffin, 50:14

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Important Timestamps & Segments

• [01:24] – Introduction of Bugbag
• [03:18–08:47] – Dragon Con elevator/Simon Pegg story
• [09:05–17:13] – Wrestling/kayfabe/Pokémon metaphors
• [17:31–26:47] – Lunch at the bus stop dilemma
• [31:11–43:57] – Munch Squad: Pumpkin spice special
• [44:06–50:21] – Mouthwash in the car debacle

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Memorable Moments

• Griffin sustaining his sick “Bugbag” character and turning his back during debates—a literal show of disdain.
• The whole group collectively cringing at their dad’s attempt to bond over Simon Pegg’s shirt.
• Travis’s increasingly desperate and wild solutions for bus-bench lunch problems (“start your own bus line to compete?”).
• Munch Squad's comedic reading of earnest, ridiculous pumpkin-pushing press releases, with the brothers mocking the industry’s justifications.

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Summary Tone

The episode embraces a high-energy, wild-and-wooly format: punchy, fast-paced, deeply silly, and self-aware. The McElroys routinely upend their own advice show premise, preferring tangential bits and sudden, escalating jokes to straight answers. Nevertheless, when they do give advice, it’s often weirdly sound—if buried within layers of ironic and fraternal banter.

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For listeners new and old alike, "Bugbag Mode" embodies MBMBaM’s anything-goes spirit—one part heartfelt sibling advice, three parts runaway absurdity, and a full dose of autumnal pumpkin spice snark.

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Transcript

[Griffin McElroy]

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

[Montagne (musical interlude)]

It's the start of something beautiful A.

[Caroline Roper]

Small acquaintance has blossomed it's ripened into.

[Montagne (musical interlude)]

A precious friends I could have never seen what was coming for me Hangs at the skate park Hangs by the beach My life it feels like it's better it's better with you My life, ah. It's better it's better with you this is who you are it's better it's better with two it's better with you.

[Justin McElroy]

Hello everybody, and welcome to My Brother, My Brother Me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

What's up, Trav nation? It's me, your middlest brother, Travis. Vroom, vroom, Big dog. Woof woof. McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

And I'm Bugbag.

[Travis McElroy]

What?

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm Bugbag. This is a new character. Because I'm sick and my voice sounds like this, I thought it would be a good time to trot out my new character, Bug Bag.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, what's his deal? He's like a bag of bugs that.

[Griffin McElroy]

A wizard brought to life as a curse.

[Justin McElroy]

Tell, don't show. Wait, sorry. Show, don't tell.

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, I can't. It's not a. It's a. As you so frequently remind me, Justin, it is an audio product we're making. I can't show you.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't want to.

[Travis McElroy]

You could do like a monologue against.

[Justin McElroy]

Like you inhabit him.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, like do a monologue. I want song. Where you're fighting with your enemy, John Bonington.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, well, no, this is. And I'm so glad you said that, Travis, because obviously it came to my mind that it might. People might think of Oogie Boogie and it's not. It's super duper. Not that, because it's not.

[Justin McElroy]

He's Buggy Boogie. I'm not an Oogie Boogie thing.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, no, no.

[Justin McElroy]

It's my own guy.

[Griffin McElroy]

He's not guy shaped. It's important you guys understand about Bug Bag that he's not shaped like a guy.

[Justin McElroy]

Like a big old bag.

[Travis McElroy]

Is it like a Ziploc bag? Can you see through it all?

[Griffin McElroy]

I want some definition in my bag.

[Justin McElroy]

Cinch me up, corset style. Give me A humanoid form that I can get on Tinder and meet a somebody special.

[Griffin McElroy]

Squish me out.

[Travis McElroy]

So skeleton limbs would be so cool, but the tech's not there.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, Squish me out some arms so I can hug my kids.

[Travis McElroy]

He's got kids.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, he does. Justin, did you just bust your lip on the microphone pal earlier? I love that. That's like, sacrifice for your art and his power.

[Travis McElroy]

That's like when a pro wrestler really bleeds on the stairs and stuff.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Bug Bag loves a remaining. I have to tell a remaining Dragon Con story because I didn't want to deploy it while we were still at the venue for pretty obvious reasons. We were in the elevator. Uh, and the backstage elevators at conventions are wild because they're these big freight guys, and you're usually being ferried between, like, a green room and some signing place. You end up in elevators of people you have no business in elevators with. If you're us. And we ended up in an elevator with us and our dad and Amanda and Simon Pegg and Simon Pegg's three people that keep people from talking to Simon.

[Griffin McElroy]

Do you guys. When you have the moment where you realize it's Simon Pegg or a person who's too famous, that you're a real famous who shouldn't be allowed to be around them, it's like a scary feel. Like a big scary feeling that makes time kind of stop and slow down a little bit.

[Travis McElroy]

I do an unconscious head nod as if you're like, yep, this is the situation I'm in now.

[Griffin McElroy]

Travis, I see him steal himself.

[Justin McElroy]

Travis always does that nod. And it's like, that is actually, to me, kind of reaffirming.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Because what you say is like, we're all seeing it. We're all on the same page.

[Griffin McElroy]

And we look to you, Travis, for that nod, to know that you've got it fucking cocked and loaded and that you're going to step in here. But then right before you could draw and shoot from the hip or not draw or not draw.

[Justin McElroy]

You got to watch. You see the body language. Travis was giving a full hangback because he knew we had a fleeting. An elevator is so rough because what if they need to split immediately from you at any moment, and it's. That's uncomfortable.

[Griffin McElroy]

You can't have owned spaced on DVDs and then say something in that moment. You're un.

[Travis McElroy]

There is also a famo body language code that I found when you're in a freight elevator. The most interesting elevator in the world. And it's full of people, and they have picked a spot on the floor that they're just like, I love this spot. I can't stop looking at this spot.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm fascinated by this spot.

[Travis McElroy]

Have you guys ever seen a freight elevator floor like this before? That they're like, oh, no, They've disassociated. They don't want to be in this elevator with me.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's no judgment on Mr. Pegg. We all disagree.

[Justin McElroy]

No, no, no, it's fine, dude.

[Travis McElroy]

It's just that moment.

[Justin McElroy]

I do it with my kids constantly.

[Travis McElroy]

Everybody does it. This look of just like, I'm trying to just be inside my head right now and not out here with people. And I saw him doing that, and I was like, this isn't the time.

[Justin McElroy]

So I briefly mentioned that dad was in the elevator too. So later, when I revealed the killer, it would be more surprising. Like, I had hoped you'd forget he'd be in the elevator. So now when I'm like, but then dad, dad. Dad is shameless. He doesn't care.

[Travis McElroy]

No.

[Justin McElroy]

He just wants to get a story out of these people. He's 70 years old. Doesn't give a shit.

[Travis McElroy]

He wants talk to Chris Lloyd about broccoli. It's a thing.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. And it's become a walking anecdote. And you know what? I celebrate it because it's pretty funny to me personally, usually.

[Travis McElroy]

Yes. As long as it's stuck in a moving box.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, Trav.

[Justin McElroy]

As long as Tom Cruise's friend is stuck in a box with us, dad clocks it. And I see the gears turning, and my dad is going for something, some sort of thing he can say to Simon Pegg. And in my head, time slows down, and I think of all the different options. And then dad says, that's a great shirt. Now Simon Pegg is wearing an Echo in the Bunnyman T shirt.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes.

[Justin McElroy]

Our dad.

[Travis McElroy]

No content, no contact.

[Justin McElroy]

Would not know an echo in the Bunnyman if one was riding on his shoulder.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Wouldn't know echo from the Bunnyman.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes.

[Justin McElroy]

There's, like, three people in the elevator who are privy to this Venn diagram.

[Travis McElroy]

Of information, and it's us.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes.

[Justin McElroy]

And I. I can't speak for you guys. I'm chilled to the point.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, dude.

[Travis McElroy]

Dad did it with, like, kind of a great, like. I know. And all I could think is, this gambit has such a short shelf life if Simon Pegg pursues it one inch forward. Oh, thank you. You a fan? It's all falling apart.

[Justin McElroy]

If you think I won't leave you hanging, I will pick up a chef's hat and be like, bon soir. I must check on La Patacillie and then go a different way.

[Griffin McElroy]

I ran through in my head the life of our father to try and figure out when he would have dipped his snoot into like early 80s post punk British rock. Just trying to think, like maybe he, I don't know, spent some time in.

[Travis McElroy]

The aisles, did open for the Doobie Brothers at any point.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, maybe the Echo and the Bunnyman opened for Michael McDonald's now.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, here's the thing though. If I had been a little bit quicker thinking and if I had been a little bit more merciless, I could have laid dad out flat in a way that probably would have impressed Simon.

[Griffin McElroy]

If you had turned here on the flight and said, name three Echo and the Bunnyman songs, not counting the Killing Moon go.

[Justin McElroy]

Like you may say, if you mentioned Justin McElroy around Simon Pegg, like in a week or two, he would be like the podcast guy. He's ice cold. I went and saw him kill his.

[Travis McElroy]

Dad right in front of me with words.

[Justin McElroy]

He laid him out with words. It was. He left. He just laid down on the ground. I've never seen anything like it.

[Travis McElroy]

I should also say, just to complete the thing, Simon Pegg then graciously did a. Oh, yeah, thanks.

[Griffin McElroy]

He said, no, Travis, dad was very explicit about this. He said, oh, thanks man. Gave him one of them.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, thanks man.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thanks, man.

[Travis McElroy]

And then he went back to his love affair with the spot on the floor.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

There's a little bug down there. Chilling. A chilling moment.

[Justin McElroy]

Absolutely. A chilling. A chilling moment. Not like the rest of this show though. This is an advice show. We help.

[Travis McElroy]

This is a warming environment.

[Justin McElroy]

This is a warming energy that we have here. Autumn is settling in. The fire is crackling.

[Travis McElroy]

It's fall, y'. All, spooky season.

[Justin McElroy]

Next weekend, I'm taking my nephew to his first wrestling show. He's nine and I'm not sure he's even aware of the concept of pro wrestling. How should I explain it to him? I mean, I would say you probably should have started teaching him moves long ago.

[Griffin McElroy]

He's gonna get fucking Slama. Jam it. Are you kidding me? Nine?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

No.

[Justin McElroy]

He says, to what extent should I let him in on the kefabe? And that's from Rowdy uncle, huh?

[Travis McElroy]

I think that this is. You've got a very zoomed in view here. Your nine year old nephew already has a huge concept of kayfabe and pro Wrestling through things like Pokemon through. Like, what is Pokemon, except Animal Pro wrestling and kayfabe.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, I mean, that's one of the wronger things you said.

[Travis McElroy]

What are you talking about? You pim against each other. They have signature moves. You get like, this type doesn't like that type. Think about the TV show where, you.

[Griffin McElroy]

See, Travis included this question just so you could deliver your thesis statement on how wrestling is Pokemon. And I want to tell you that's wrongheaded.

[Travis McElroy]

No, no, no. Griffin, Griffin, Griffin, Griffin. Pokemon is wrestling.

[Griffin McElroy]

Pokemon is wrestling. Okay, that is cool. I mean, there are Pokemon who are sort of like wrestlers, right? Like Howlucha, one of my personal favorites. Fighting flying type, and he's got, like, the luchador mask and everything. So, like, I don't understand how that could coexist.

[Travis McElroy]

Justin, can I talk to you over here for a second? No.

[Justin McElroy]

You introduced Pokemon into the show, and we've talked about this.

[Travis McElroy]

Could have a conversation, and then.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm not gonna talk about Pokemon with anybody. Certainly not you. Not you.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm not even that deep, Travis. I'm not even that deep in the scene anymore, man. This is basic common knowledge. I'm surprised at you.

[Travis McElroy]

If it's outside to 151. Griffin. Oh, he's turned his back on his back, dude.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, I did.

[Justin McElroy]

I've never seen him do this, actually.

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, I've never had to fuck. I've never had to fucking do it before, Justin.

[Justin McElroy]

It's never been an option I was aware of. We could do this.

[Travis McElroy]

Should I say Griffin's back? Looks like he's weakened at Bernie's dead.

[Justin McElroy]

Why does it look like he's posed in the chair?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, man, I'm the bug bag.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, I forgot. Yeah, I forgot.

[Justin McElroy]

Did you forget he's the bug bag?

[Travis McElroy]

I did for just a second. The bug bag turns his back on you is a powerful move.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think it's tough.

[Justin McElroy]

One of the tough things about raising kids is you gotta teach them everything. They don't know anything when they come out. You gotta teach them everything. Not air and blinking, but other than that. Sen. Sen. Air. Blinking. Well, no, they know about Aaron blinking, but you have to teach them about sin.

[Griffin McElroy]

The sin they did.

[Justin McElroy]

You have to teach kids seeing through bullshit. But really, the most effective way of doing that is to lay out some bullshit and hope that they start asking the right questions. Because you can't just lay it all out for them because they won't buy it. They got to be able to work through it on their own. But you do hope that they'll pick up on the clues, you know what I mean? And start. Start starting to have their own suspicions.

[Travis McElroy]

I will say this, man, I wish more things had kayfabe, because BB's one of those that's like, yeah, but why is that? Right? So when we're watching a movie and it's like, that person just did something mean to that person. Why did they do that? And the only answer that it really boils down to is, well, the writers wrote it that way, but if I could say, because three years ago, that person betrayed them during a tag team match because they flirted with their girlfriend and then had a fight backstage and stole the hearse that they like. If I could do that, and she'd be like, makes complete sense. Show me a pile driver now.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's really interesting point, Travis. I feel like John Cena's been getting off a little too easy in Hollywood. Like, I want to see him at a press junket for Peacemaker. And they'd be like, I'm so excited to talk about the show. You almost killed Cody Rhodes last week because the Rock put a spell on you. The Rock. Excuse me. I'd love to talk about your work, some of your philanthropic business, Mr. Cena, but last week I watched you beat the ever loving bloody shit out of Cody Rhodes because of the spell the Rock put on you. And maybe you could answer some questions about that first, please.

[Justin McElroy]

Do you think that you could. Do you think you could still break up John Cena with a. How well deployed would your I can't see you joke need to be to break up John Cena with an I can't see you gag? Like, how long, how protracted would you need to keep that bit going? Or do you think he has heard at this point, like, literally every permutation?

[Travis McElroy]

I think just if you're doing an interview with him, just insist that they keep setting up more and more cameras.

[Justin McElroy]

See, I feel like he would.

[Griffin McElroy]

He would immediately smile away.

[Justin McElroy]

He would definitely. He'd be like, uh, no, I'm onto you. Like, he would definitely see through that.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay. Film a whole, like, $60 million budget movie. But every scene that he's in, you have digitally edited him out of. And you get to the premiere, oh, that's cool. And you show it, and it's like, fuck, he didn't show up.

[Griffin McElroy]

Travis is right. There is still definitely stuff we could.

[Justin McElroy]

Do to fuck with this guy that would be good if he showed up, like, season two and James Gunn is there and, you know, he's got the budget. Now he's got the juice to put out a premiere where, like, you can't see him. And, like, what would be good is if James Gunn, the whole time was like, as the premiere was airing, like in the theater, he just kept standing up like, fuck.

[Travis McElroy]

God damn it.

[Justin McElroy]

This isn't good. Fuck. God dammit.

[Travis McElroy]

You ruined it.

[Justin McElroy]

He doesn't understand. You ruined it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Do you think if you threw a marble at John Cena and it didn't pass clean through him, well, you can feel him. Yeah, that would be cool if that.

[Travis McElroy]

Was his four sentences still work, girl. It'd be cool if he could hear him, feel him, taste him, touch him.

[Justin McElroy]

Why a marvel. Is that referencing some sort of deep John Cena lore?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, he's.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, he lost a shooter from way back.

[Justin McElroy]

Don't lie, Griffin. Don't lie to me. I will believe anything you tell me.

[Travis McElroy]

Please.

[Griffin McElroy]

There was a brief plot line where John Cena was in Neverland and he was one of the Lost Boys and he was having fun out there and he lost his dang marbles there. And I don't know.

[Justin McElroy]

Is that real?

[Griffin McElroy]

No, that's not real. But okay, see, I do apologize. All the things I said the Rock did. It's important you guys know that the Rock put a spell, a curse on John Cena to make him beat the shit out of Cody Rhodes. And now. But now he's cool again. Now they're cool again. They squashed that beef really fast. I just. I thought you would like this sort of magical realism that they're bringing. Don't say fucking thing. Don't say anything to this nine year old. Let them go and then ask them what they thought afterwards and then go from there. Because if they think it's magic and cool and real, that's awesome. Because one day they'll learn that it's not. And they're gonna go through a long, weird period until they start to respect the craft again. And they realize even though it is written in the athleticism, they realize even though it's written, it's still real to me, damn it.

[Justin McElroy]

Written but real.

[Griffin McElroy]

Written.

[Justin McElroy]

Written but real.

[Griffin McElroy]

This. These are the new taglines for wrestling.

[Justin McElroy]

Wrestling.

[Griffin McElroy]

And I don't think WWE is going to pick them up, but maybe AEW or some other league. Written but real. You can feel me?

[Justin McElroy]

What? Scripted but you know what I mean? Like, scripted but scurrilous. Like, what's a scripted but you didn't.

[Griffin McElroy]

Think we got it with written but real.

[Justin McElroy]

Written but real is good, but like scripted but.

[Griffin McElroy]

You killed the Vibe, man.

[Justin McElroy]

I know, dude.

[Griffin McElroy]

The vibe's in the fucking toilet, dude.

[Justin McElroy]

Perfect enemy of good. So funny.

[Travis McElroy]

I never get to be the one who sits silently while someone says dumb shit. I was so happy during that moment.

[Griffin McElroy]

I know, Travis.

[Travis McElroy]

I get why you guys do it to me.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's a nice break.

[Justin McElroy]

It's a nice break for sure.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's a good relaxer, but also good energy.

[Travis McElroy]

That was a gift.

[Justin McElroy]

That was a good joke. That was a good joke.

[Griffin McElroy]

Do a different, better one. Different, better one right this moment. Please don't tell anything to this nine.

[Travis McElroy]

Year old except you love him. Tell him you love him.

[Griffin McElroy]

Tell him you love him.

[Justin McElroy]

I guess. Oh, and ask him if they need like a drink.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. Or use the bathroom or something.

[Justin McElroy]

Like, you should, you know, tell him.

[Travis McElroy]

Where to meet you, you know. Yeah. Cause if he gets separated, he's nine, he doesn't have a gps.

[Justin McElroy]

Tell him if another kid is looking at him weird. I mean, tell him important stuff.

[Travis McElroy]

How about another question, please?

[Justin McElroy]

Yes, I'd love to help you guys out with that. I work in a fairly industrial part of my city, and there aren't really any places to sit outside nearby. I often like to enjoy my lunch outside as opposed to the oppressive clinical break room at the corporate retail store I work at. It's small and gray and covered in corporate images of real people acting like they enjoy working here anyway. I want to spend my lunch outside. However, the only place to sit and enjoy my meal is a comfortable looking bus bench a few hundred feet from my work. I see the bus come by and stop often, but it only stops if there's a potential patron waiting on the bench. I do not want to stop the bus for me when I'm just enjoying my break. Brothers. How can I sit on this comfortable bus bench, enjoy my lunch without the bus thinking I need a ride and stopping for me? Oh, man, that's from Barely Comfortable in British Columbia. Yeah, I mean, for the record, like, you could just say next time you want to get outside. Like, you do not need to justify to us. We just do the podcast, like you can eat wherever you want.

[Griffin McElroy]

We do not judge the reasons why you might want to eat outside. Is it my favorite side to eat in? No, but that doesn't mean I'm inside.

[Travis McElroy]

If anything, wear any hat. That's where geese are.

[Griffin McElroy]

Geese is burnt. I have a zero goose guarantee in this house. I can tell you that. Bus bench. There's a few chairs out there that when you're sitting on them, you're telling you're Making a statement.

[Travis McElroy]

Toilet.

[Griffin McElroy]

Toilet.

[Justin McElroy]

Toilet.

[Griffin McElroy]

Throne.

[Travis McElroy]

Stool in the corner.

[Griffin McElroy]

Electric chair.

[Justin McElroy]

For sure.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, modeling, but.

[Justin McElroy]

But, yeah, modeling, but accurate.

[Griffin McElroy]

Bus bench. Bus bench.

[Travis McElroy]

Cuck chair.

[Griffin McElroy]

Cuck chair. The bus bench is the cuck chair of the sidewalk. Yeah, I don't think that's actually true. You're not a cuck if you take the bus. I'm sorry, I said that.

[Justin McElroy]

You're a cuck if you take the bus.

[Griffin McElroy]

I love the bus.

[Justin McElroy]

I love the tools.

[Travis McElroy]

No, I just. In the sidewalk. Is that. Hold on. Okay. I think we haven't brought it up in a while, but I think a sign would help.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, I mean, but there's lots of signs on the. But there's lots of signs on the road that I do want the bus driver to be paying attention to. I'm not sure I want to throw bonus signs in there all willy nilly.

[Justin McElroy]

And there's probably. All right. And one sign that I would say should be helping right now is bus. Like the sign that says bus stop, you know, that should tell you that you should. Shouldn't eat there. Like there's already a sign doing a job. You know what I mean? Like, you can't put up your own sign. That's like. But not me. No, because there's a sign that says bus stop. There's already a sign there.

[Griffin McElroy]

There should be an exclamation point after bus and then a period after stop. And now that sign's for you saying bus stop.

[Travis McElroy]

Here's what you do.

[Griffin McElroy]

Eating here.

[Travis McElroy]

When the bus stops and opens their doors to let you on, you poke your head inside and look around and then say, I'll catch the next one and sit back down and keep.

[Griffin McElroy]

So weird, wasting so much. Do you realize if you make a bus stop for you and there's 30 people on it and that stop takes 45 seconds, all of a sudden you're talking about.

[Justin McElroy]

2 minutes and 15 seconds.

[Griffin McElroy]

2 minutes and 15 seconds. No, I think it's more. It's 20. Like 20 minutes or something like that of people. Time you've wasted gasoline.

[Travis McElroy]

A good way to gain some feeling of control, though, over the universe and everything to inflict that kind of punishment on other people. You know what I mean?

[Griffin McElroy]

On public transit and public transit users.

[Justin McElroy]

You'Re moving the system down. You're making it less efficient.

[Travis McElroy]

When you see the bus coming, hop up and hide behind the bench.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, no. I mean, yeah, that'll work, but don't.

[Justin McElroy]

But don't. Man. Man, I saw somebody yesterday. I was on Route 60 and it wasn't Route 60 Walker, it was a different guy. He was like in a parking lot and he was wearing white linen pants, no shirt, no shoes.

[Griffin McElroy]

Fuck yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Hookah necklace. Striding through the parking lot outside the fuel and the everonis there. Just like striding, just striding through the parking lot. No shoes, no shirt, white linen pants. It was amazing. I want to stop it asking like how's it going? Like it's like what's so chill today? You know what I mean? Like I don't know, I don't know what to say to him. It's awesome though.

[Travis McElroy]

So you're saying be. Just walk more. This is active, helpful.

[Justin McElroy]

Well, it's like people, people I love.

[Griffin McElroy]

You saw a cool guy Juice. Like I'm fucking stoked.

[Justin McElroy]

No, no, I'm just saying I love people out in the environment just kind of making it their own, you know what I mean? Like absolutely.

[Travis McElroy]

If you brought a folding chair from home.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

How far away from the bus stop would you have to place it?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Before A, you're outside of the bus stopping zone and B, it's not weird.

[Justin McElroy]

If you got a folding chair. The bus stop is no longer in the equation. Suddenly you're king of all outdoors. You know what I mean? Like who cares about the bus stop anymore?

[Griffin McElroy]

But the answer you gotta go 15ft is that is the answer. 15ft. And if the bus stops you can be like what the fuck are you doing man? Clearly this is not, this has nothing to do with the bus stop. Clearly I'm on my own thing over here. I like the hiding idea. I did want to say that hiding in public is tough. As a dad, I do a lot of hide and seek with my kids. Sometimes at like a playground or at the backyard or front yard of my house and you can't see a middle aged man in his own bushes. Fucking goblin mode. Fucking bug bag mode. And I know that if people see me from the street they're gonna be like cops. And I don't, I. You just can't doing it at a playground, being fucking some other kid runs up and finds you inside of like a little metal tunnel. Like hehehe. I'm going to, I'm gonna hide so good. I'm going to win the game with my son. There's no fucking way man. There's no solution for it.

[Travis McElroy]

Do you think a good life hack if you're breaking into someone's house and they call the cops and you tell the cops like I'm playing a really competitive game of hide and seek with my Kids?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Do you think that that would at least buy you enough time to get away?

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't know, Chad, but it's questions like that that make it hard for me to enjoy my leisure time with my children.

[Justin McElroy]

Rather than hide at the bus stop when the bus shows up, what if you hid at work? You know, if you think about the entrance to the building, that's one side of it, all right? There's going to be three other sides to that building that people are not going in and out of. So I would encourage you to take a step off that beaten path, take that road less traveled, walk around to the side of the building, and maybe there's a little spot that you can start to reclaim, you know, to take on as your own. No one's going to go over there. Just like a little, like, leave the chair, you know what I mean?

[Travis McElroy]

Unless.

[Justin McElroy]

Like a little bench.

[Griffin McElroy]

Unless.

[Travis McElroy]

Get on the bus. Get on the bus and then get off at the next stop and walk back. You got your lunch, you got a little exercise. You saw the world, opened your eyes a little bit, maybe broadened your horizons. Spend some time with the bus driver. Get to know him, write it every time, and then say, hey, just for future reference, I eat my lunch there. You don't have to stop and pick me up.

[Griffin McElroy]

I like both your guys. Plans. Don't make me choose.

[Justin McElroy]

1.

[Griffin McElroy]

Don't make me choose. I like both of the plans. Please don't make me choose.

[Travis McElroy]

Ask the driver to just drive around the block a couple times.

[Justin McElroy]

Driver, drive. Sorry.

[Travis McElroy]

Get on the bus.

[Justin McElroy]

You think that we're so. We're just looking for more inefficiency, like, where can you make this great system?

[Griffin McElroy]

Lesson's plan, Travis, was to find a little secret garden. Your plan was to waste people's time.

[Justin McElroy]

We didn't even talk talk about my plan. By the way, you charged right past my plan to do your plan. Classic.

[Travis McElroy]

Can you build a secret garden on the bus? Do you? I'm trying to find a middle ground.

[Griffin McElroy]

Right. You heard it, right?

[Travis McElroy]

You heard it. But I'm trying to find a middle ground.

[Justin McElroy]

There's no middle ground between right and wrong.

[Travis McElroy]

Could you ride the bus inside your own secret garden? Maybe.

[Griffin McElroy]

You're so attached to this fucking bus and you're not even here in the other.

[Justin McElroy]

You're not.

[Travis McElroy]

Maybe start your own bus line to compete?

[Justin McElroy]

Maybe get a job at the bus company.

[Travis McElroy]

That's a great idea.

[Griffin McElroy]

The bus is the enemy in this situation. The bus is our opponent. And we're, like, trying to figure out, like, Here's a practical thing you can do. Find your own little secret garden. Go hang out with the Smokey Joes, buy the loading dock and snarf your bunch. And you're over here. Like, do you think two buses could get married?

[Travis McElroy]

Wait, hold on. I didn't even think about this.

[Justin McElroy]

What if a bus could become a person, like a Transformer, and then you could marry that.

[Travis McElroy]

Could a Metro bus marry a VW bus in this scenario, Griffin? Or do you have one? What do I fucking mean, man?

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm trying to help this person get fed in the middle of the day and you're over here talking about how much you want buses. Kissing.

[Justin McElroy]

Griffin and I are trying to be a giving tree for this person. And you're like, get on the bus and then hump the bus.

[Griffin McElroy]

Doesn't make any sense to you?

[Travis McElroy]

Whoa. Get on the bus, ask for consent and then hump the bus.

[Justin McElroy]

Don't hump the bus. Well, maybe don't say unless either. Travis, you can't. Travis, what if it's a hump bus? Said unless earlier.

[Griffin McElroy]

What if it's a. What's a hump bus?

[Travis McElroy]

Travis, it's Griffin.

[Justin McElroy]

You can't just say shit.

[Griffin McElroy]

What's a hump bus? You're.

[Justin McElroy]

The underpinnings of the whole franchise are coming up.

[Travis McElroy]

It's a bus driven by a camel.

[Griffin McElroy]

Travis, just own it, man. Just disengage.

[Justin McElroy]

You got high off of when I bombed earlier and you're still buzzing. Fuck.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, you're right. I thought I could do anything.

[Justin McElroy]

You gotta calm down there. You're spinning out.

[Travis McElroy]

It's all falling apart.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm so tired.

[Justin McElroy]

The thing is, we just did four days of jokes.

[Griffin McElroy]

The fighting makes me so tired.

[Justin McElroy]

No, man. Makes me strong.

[Griffin McElroy]

Should we go to the Bunny Zone?

[Travis McElroy]

Take me there. Take me there, Daddy.

[Justin McElroy]

Huh?

[Montagne (musical interlude)]

Is that. Is that an.

[Travis McElroy]

I wanted to apologize to you guys real quick. Cause I haven't sent you birthday cards in several years. It's just that getting stamps and everything, I don't know how to do it. I know. It's been like 12 years since I sent you a birthday card or a Christmas card or good luck on your endoscopy card, all that stuff. What's weird about that is, Travis, we.

[Justin McElroy]

Have for many, many years been telling our listeners about Stamps.com, which is a website where you can go.

[Travis McElroy]

That's real. I thought that was a big.

[Griffin McElroy]

You thought it was like a joke, like we were pranking.

[Justin McElroy]

We've run into this a few times, and so sometimes Travis thinks the ads are still part of the show.

[Travis McElroy]

I thought it was the.

[Justin McElroy]

You thought that it was just too. It sounded too great, too convenient.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. Yeah. There's no way. Which part?

[Justin McElroy]

Which part?

[Griffin McElroy]

We tell jokes during the ads, sometimes juice. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Which part of the stamps.com proposition seemed the most unrealistic?

[Travis McElroy]

Frankly, the fact that I could do it all at home right from my computer phone or other smartphones device.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, I know.

[Travis McElroy]

I know.

[Griffin McElroy]

It seems unrealistic and it sounds. It, like, bust. I fucking get it. Because it busts me up when I hear stuff like stamps.com gets you incredible rates, like up to 89% off USPS and UPS.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Like, it's a funny number.

[Griffin McElroy]

Funny. Yeah, yeah. It's all. Yeah, it's close.

[Justin McElroy]

And they offer 24. 7 support. That doesn't seem real, but it's. It's true.

[Travis McElroy]

There's only six days in a week.

[Griffin McElroy]

So. Like this next part, Trav and our listeners, totally real. Spend less time on busy work and more time on your business. With stamps.com, go to stamps.com and use code, my brother, for a one month free trial plus $5 in postage and a digital scale. That's stamps.com code, my brother. I know. I stumbled on the word digital. That was not a joke. That was an accident. Done during a very real and authentic hashtag notjk. Hashtag notjk.

[Justin McElroy]

Hashtag real life.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hashtag real life.

[Justin McElroy]

So where can we look forward to some more greetings from you, Trav?

[Travis McElroy]

Is that. Yeah, man, I've got a backlog to send.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, fucking right. What's my address?

[Travis McElroy]

Number 1 Dump Street.

[Griffin McElroy]

Fuck, man. You got my ass. I was trying to get your ass and you fucking turned it on me.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, that's. Yeah, that was not it.

[Travis McElroy]

Is that not your address?

[Griffin McElroy]

Have you been sending letters to number one dump street? Yeah, we gotta stop saying addresses. It's like 69. 69 cool street all over again. Someone lives on one dump street now, they're gonna get fucking Kraft Macaroni and cheese mailed to their house or some shit.

[Travis McElroy]

Don't do that shit, people in Bootyville, usa.

[Justin McElroy]

Travis.

[Griffin McElroy]

God damn it. It can't.

[Justin McElroy]

Because the world so Booty.

[Griffin McElroy]

That does exist, I bet.

[Travis McElroy]

Probably Wisconsin. I bet.

[Caroline Roper]

All right, we're over 70 episodes into our show. Let's learn everything. So let's do a quick progress check. Have we learnt about quantum physics?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes.

[Travis McElroy]

Episode 59.

[Caroline Roper]

We haven't learned about the history of gossip yet, have we? Yes, we have. Same episode, actually. Have we talked to Tom Scott about his love of roller coasters, episode 64. So how close are we to learning everything? Bad news. We still haven't learned everything yet.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, we're ruined.

[Caroline Roper]

No, no, no. It's good news as well. There is still a lot to learn. I'm Dr. Ella Hubba.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm regular Tom.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm Omlom.

[Caroline Roper]

I'm Caroline Roper. And on let's learn everything. We learn about science and a bit of everything else too. And although we haven't learned everything yet, I've got a pretty good feeling about this next episode.

[Travis McElroy]

Join us every other Thursday on Maximum Fun.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes.

[Justin McElroy]

I want a munch squad.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, bug bag. No squat.

[Justin McElroy]

I want too much squad.

[Travis McElroy]

You almost kill bug bag.

[Justin McElroy]

Shut up. Shut up. Stop talking. Try to do one bit. This is a podcast of the podcast from Father and the ladies and grace of brain eating. I went up to a pod. Dad's gonna be mad at me now that I said shut up. I'm gonna get.

[Griffin McElroy]

You know, we don't say that to each other.

[Justin McElroy]

Sorry, but Travis called me stupid earlier, so I think we're probably.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, listen, it all balances out. That's what I tell my kids.

[Justin McElroy]

Did you hear when he said I.

[Griffin McElroy]

Live at Dump Street? Like, Travis is off the fucking chains this episode.

[Justin McElroy]

We gotta go on tour again next week.

[Griffin McElroy]

I know, I know.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't know how we messed up so bad. No, those shows are gonna be good.

[Travis McElroy]

They're gonna be amazing.

[Justin McElroy]

We're gonna be broken by them. They may claim our lives. So it's my favorite time of the year that is pumpkin spice season. And for me, pumpkin spice season means something a little different because I really get pumpkin spice lattes. For me, this season is really about watching how other chains justify including pumpkin on their menu. Because I don't know why, but everybody is still out here trying to explain it away. So let's check in with Voodoo Donuts. To start off with Voodoo Donuts announces pumpkin spice latte donut and a pumpkin buttermilk bar. Get ready for this. Voodoo Donut, the iconic creator of handcrafted, innovative donuts is excited to announce two new seasonal creations. The pumpkin spice latte donut and the pumpkin buttermilk bar. You know, pumpkin spice latte donut is a is filled with delectable pumpkin spice fluff and dipped in bold magic roast espresso frosting. It's a pumpkin spice latte donut.

[Travis McElroy]

There is a. When you live long enough as we have children, you see edgy, cool. Like companies and places, independent things become what they once hated. This Bums me. Trav.

[Justin McElroy]

Hey, Trav. Yeah, a hundred percent. Here's the quote from the CEO of Voodoo Donuts, Chris Schultz. We wanted to create a little pumpkin for everyone this fall. From the latte lovers to the pumpkin purists, these limited time donuts are made to bring a little seasonal joy to every guest who walks through their stove. Two walks through our doors. Chris. I once bought a bucket of old donuts from a voodoo donuts for $10.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, like a five gallon plastic bucket.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, you guys used to fuck.

[Griffin McElroy]

What happened?

[Justin McElroy]

A pumpkin spice latte donut.

[Griffin McElroy]

You're washed, corpo. You're washed, corpo pig.

[Justin McElroy]

Iconic creator of handcrafted, innovative donuts, and then you have the gall to announce a pumpkin spice latte donut.

[Travis McElroy]

Chris. Also, if I met someone and they told me they were a pumpkin purist, I don't know why, but I would assume, like, it's something you've got a lot more stuff going on asking Rob.

[Justin McElroy]

Sorry. Griff, go ahead. You want to. Old voodoo donuts. Used to be.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. No, I mean, they got to make a living. It's tough out there, you know? I get it.

[Justin McElroy]

Baskin Robbins brings back pumpkin cheesecake ice cream and debuts new pumpkin spice. How should you say that? Debuts. No, that sounds bad.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't know. I like the way it sounds, though.

[Justin McElroy]

Debuts, debuts, debuts. New pumpkin spice frozen beverage. Fall is in the air and in your cup. Baskin Robbins is welcome.

[Griffin McElroy]

One more time.

[Justin McElroy]

Fall is in the air and in your cup.

[Griffin McElroy]

Cool. I would assume that some of the air got in my cup then.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, I got a new pumpkin spice.

[Travis McElroy]

Thing, so you gotta wash your cups, man.

[Justin McElroy]

It's a frozen coffee beverage that delivers cozy vibes with every sip. Hey. Hey, guys. Yeah, you can't have a man. Available nationwide beginning September 1st, these limited time seasonal offerings are the ultimate way to embrace sweater weather. No matter what the thermometer says, there's.

[Travis McElroy]

Like eight fall like buzzwords that have just become like, just, I don't know, throw these in a blender, chop them up, and sad libs it out.

[Justin McElroy]

The whole now, like the entirety of the season has been subsumed.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, we need to. We need to bust this.

[Justin McElroy]

You're not in the pumpkin mood. Well, the cappy lineup features a variety of bold, creamy flavors that hit the spot every time. Choose from fan favorites like classic caramel praline, chocolate fudge and Oreo. But wait, I hear you saying, Duncan, how can you justify having pumpkin on your menu? Well, Nicole Boutwell, the vice president of brand marketing, has this to say, pumpkin is more than just a flavor. It's a seasonal must have. With pumpkin cheesecake and the new Pumpkin Spice Cappy, guests can enjoy cozy fall flavors with their refreshing twists that lets them celebrate the season in the most delicious way.

[Travis McElroy]

All I'm saying is that fall used to be about one thing. Autumnal Jesus. And now.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thank you, Travis.

[Travis McElroy]

We have black corporations getting harvest Christ. Thank you.

[Justin McElroy]

Yes.

[Travis McElroy]

Yes. And now we've gone in and we've taken away the meaning of what harvest Christ autumnal Jesus once brought to us and forgotten. Forgotten about.

[Griffin McElroy]

We've forgotten all the other autumnal friends, like, where's my green beans? Where's my green beans?

[Justin McElroy]

Sorry, say again?

[Griffin McElroy]

Where's my green beans smoothie? Where's my eggplant?

[Justin McElroy]

Where's my smoothie? It makes me shoot green beans.

[Griffin McElroy]

I want my green beam smoothie and I want eggplant fries. And I want a party with rooms full of laughter.

[Justin McElroy]

10,000 tons of ice cream. Hey, Nectar Juice Bar is unveiling a reimagined better for you pumpkin lineup. Now, this is really. I. This is unhinged. Pumpkin spice season is back. But at Nectar Juice Bar, it's getting a clean. Eat shit with that clean nonsense. A clean, elevated makeover launching September 2nd on the Nectar app and October 1st at locations nationwide. There's a whole month where you walk in, you're like, let me get that pumpkin. They're gonna be like, what the fuck.

[Griffin McElroy]

Are you talking about?

[Travis McElroy]

No, that's a digital pumpkin.

[Justin McElroy]

Step outside, get on the app. We're not gonna help you for a month. That's the case. They're made from real pumpkin and nutrient rich ingredients. Never sugary syrups or artificial substitutes. But I like those things, Pumpkin. I like those.

[Travis McElroy]

Make pumpkin taste good without that. Pumpkin's gross.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can we bring our own artificial sweeteners from home, please? Next, please.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, we don't like the pumpkins. No, it's not called pumpkin drink. It's called pumpkin spice. The shit you add to the pumpkin to make it palatable. Available through December 1st. Oh, got it. Thank you. I can never remember how long fall stops.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

This limited time menu features. It delivers cozy fall flavor with a wholesome, functional twist. Crafted to fuel the season. What? Crafted to fuel the season.

[Griffin McElroy]

Crafted to fuel the season. In your cup.

[Justin McElroy]

Crafted to fuel the season.

[Travis McElroy]

Can we just collect balances?

[Justin McElroy]

Indulge it.

[Travis McElroy]

Unless I'm mistaken, the second use of functional.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Describing an edible thing.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, it's cool.

[Justin McElroy]

It's a wholesome way to enjoy pumpkin spice. Spice Any time of day. Capturing all the. Because I know when I try to enjoy pumpkin spice, sometimes I'm like, oh, you bad boy. Enjoying pumpkin spice right now.

[Griffin McElroy]

Do you guys remember when, like two years ago, people were like talking about how sweet potato was gonna be the new thing? Was the sweet potatoes gonna take over? And people were talking about how like you get that sweet potato latte. That's it. But then pumpkin came back strong the next year. Like, fuck outta here.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. Yes. Sweet potato. Can't, can't, can't. Could never. Can't. It can't come at the front.

[Griffin McElroy]

Such a bummer. I love it. Hey, listen, I love that stuff, man.

[Justin McElroy]

I know what you're saying though. How is it possible that Nectar Juice Bar can justify including pumpkin on their menu? Well, here's the answer. Pumpkin spice is everywhere this time of year. But too often it's all sugar and no substance. At Nectar Juice Bar, we're committed to doing things differently. By using real pumpkin and nutrient dense ingredients, we've created a fall menu that feels indulgent but actually supports our guests health and wellness goals. It's pumpkin season the way it should be. Real fresh and truly delicious. I really appreciate these brands that help us to really keep an eye on all the artificial shit and the sugar that gets like, added to our drinks. And they help us to eat the way that our ancestors ate, which is get 10 pumpkins and grind them down to a pulp and then drink the slurry. You know how they used to do it like our progenitors, how they used to get like a bucket full of produce and just mash it all up and then throw away a lot of it, then drink what's left.

[Griffin McElroy]

If you served up a gourd slurry at the town hall in the middle ages, you would be. You would be tried for witchcraft. You would not make it out of that place. This is fucking crazy. You can't pretend like this is nature's way.

[Travis McElroy]

Just give me a pumpkin to eat.

[Griffin McElroy]

Just give me a whole pump. Fuck yeah. That's it. Welcome to Sonic.

[Justin McElroy]

Here's your.

[Griffin McElroy]

Here's your whole ass gourd.

[Justin McElroy]

We heated it up for you. They gotta cook it or else people will use that as an opportunity to get their pumpkin without getting out of their car.

[Travis McElroy]

No, no, no.

[Justin McElroy]

So you gotta cook it and then.

[Travis McElroy]

They watch you eat.

[Griffin McElroy]

Everybody crunch this little gourd like a porcupine while we watch.

[Justin McElroy]

This is. This is my favorite. Bobby's Burgers adds wild mushroom bacon burger and pumpkin spice milkshake for Fall Bobby's Burgers by Bobby Flay is celebrating fall with two new additions to the menu that captures the spirit of the season. The Wild Mushroom Bacon Burger and Pumpkin spice Milkshake. The Wild Mushroom bacon burger features certified Angus beef grilled. The guest choice of medium or well, yada, yada, yada. They never mention the milkshake.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh really?

[Justin McElroy]

But yes, they don't. They don't because you might be saying because the person who they have to get a quote from is Bobby Flay and he's not going to give a.

[Griffin McElroy]

Shit about this milkshake.

[Justin McElroy]

Here's what Bobby Flay says. The paragraph before Bobby's quote is this. For the ultimate fall indulgence, the pumpkin spice milkshake blends rich velvety custard with warm pumpkin spice. It's topped with house made whipped cream and a dusting of seasonal spice for a cozy crave worthy finish. But wait, Bobby Flay, professional chef, how do you justify having pumpkin on the menu?

[Griffin McElroy]

Can't wait.

[Justin McElroy]

As a chef, I've always drawn inspiration from my travels. This menu takes a cue from the ingredients of the Pacific Northwest and the inviting flavors of fall.

[Travis McElroy]

When I spent a year in Halloween Town, I learned all about, I learned about pumpkin milkshakes.

[Justin McElroy]

Bobby, are you telling me, as my brother indicates, that this is, this is informed by your travels through fall, your travels through autumnal splendor.

[Griffin McElroy]

You know, like I would listen to the Bobby Flay take a train, take a train through autumn, through America's autumnland with me. Come, come. As I described, I heard this place.

[Justin McElroy]

Has some of the best nutmeg.

[Travis McElroy]

So I'm here looking after the nutmeg. You think you could eat an emerald? Let's do it.

[Justin McElroy]

Bobby won't explain his pumpkin spice. He refuses. I cannot imagine that was his call, right? They probably have been fighting it for years to get a pumpkin spice milkshake on the menu.

[Griffin McElroy]

There should just be a sign on the front of every shop, on every restaurant, and it's a sign over the spigot out of which the juice comes out and they can just turn it so it says pumpkin on it. That's really all I need. Send a letter to everyone in the country. And the letter is going to be sent by every food business ever. And it's going to say pumpkins start on September 5th. And then pumpkins are going to go until December 1st. Thank you. You come out, get your pumpkin stuff because you know we're going to get it to you.

[Justin McElroy]

We're going to do it. We're Doing it. Raise the flag.

[Griffin McElroy]

Put the flag half mast. I will know that means it's pumpkin time and we can raise it up on December 1st.

[Justin McElroy]

This is an urgent question. Today I was driving to work and realized my breath was not the freshest. While on the highway, I noticed I had a dentist goody bag in my car, complete with travel sized mouthwash. Forgetting the basic principles of mouthwash, I decided to take a big gulp. Immediately after, I realized I had no way of disposing said mouthwash. My options are now to swallow the mouthwash, which seems physically impossible, spit it out of an open window while driving 60 miles an hour, or ruin my morning cup of coffee with used mouthwash. Please help. I'm crying. My mouth is burning. That's for emergency in the Midwest. Ah, you got to us just in time.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. This is our first ever live sent in recorded question. Don't spit it out the window. I've made that mistake before.

[Griffin McElroy]

It goes in the basket.

[Travis McElroy]

It just blows right back in.

[Griffin McElroy]

Blows right back in. I want to be tender and gentle, gentle parent here. But I do need to, I need you to accept the fact that you fucked up.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

There's a certain amount of ownership that I feel like you do need to take of the situation of you did a bad. You did a bad thing and you fucked up for it. And because of that, you're gonna. There will be a consequence. The consequence is the backseat gets minty fresh, the coffee gets ruined, or you swallow it, which you can do. Like you can get that down. It's not physically impossible. You shouldn't. Not good. But there's a consequence for your actions.

[Travis McElroy]

There's a fourth option, but I don't know if it's better because there had to be a container that the mouthwash was in. Now I recognize that that container is little. It has a tiny, hard to funnel.

[Justin McElroy]

It in there orifice.

[Travis McElroy]

You're gonna try to spit back in. It's gonna go everywhere.

[Justin McElroy]

No way. You won't be able to do it because the air.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Cause the size of it as you're trying to, you won't be able to get the air. You know what I'm saying? You almost had to drink the air. Drink it all.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

You almost had to put the entire bottle. Why did you do this?

[Griffin McElroy]

Why'd you fucking do this?

[Justin McElroy]

Can I say so bad, it's so wild to me that you were trying to get all like high and mighty about road safety now while you were rooting around in your car for. I'm sorry that Dennis Bag was not like in your line of sight. There's no way.

[Griffin McElroy]

It was propped up in the passenger.

[Justin McElroy]

Passenger seat.

[Griffin McElroy]

No way.

[Travis McElroy]

No way.

[Justin McElroy]

And did you one hand that lid off? Nope, I. You waved bye bye to road safety.

[Travis McElroy]

A long time ago.

[Justin McElroy]

Let's just get this thing done, all right? Let's just get past this.

[Travis McElroy]

This is why you shouldn't clean your car out too much. You know what I mean? Because, listen, you never know when you're going to have to MacGyver a situation like this and, oh, there's an old mug in the glove box or whatever. Boom. Solved.

[Griffin McElroy]

How did you escape the car after it crashed into the lake? Well, I used one of the many rock hard Fig Newtons with a single bite taken out of them that it had been filed to a sharp point. And I used that to break the glass and save my family. Couldn't have done it without you, Gus.

[Travis McElroy]

Here I was stranded here on this tiny island when I crashed off a bridge onto this island. And the only way that I was able to signal was by collecting all of the discarded Wendy's toys that my kids are very excited about for 30 seconds and burned them. And the fumes made such a strange color in the sky that people knew that I needed rescue.

[Griffin McElroy]

I bound my wounds with the very old Silly Putty that had been clonked into the door. Stop. There's another solution, and it's you fucking finish your drive while you rock with that spicy juice in your mouth until.

[Justin McElroy]

You get to your pocket. I don't know, man. I don't know what happened.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, no, it's gonna. Oh, it'll be fucking hard, but you're gonna come through the other. That's like a fucking life changing ordeal at that point. If you can keep that spicy juice in your mouth until you park it and then you spit and the whole day you're gonna have a sort of like vacant expression on your face with.

[Travis McElroy]

The cleanest breath anyone's ever had.

[Justin McElroy]

What if something happens and if you hold it in there for long enough, it, like, bonds.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

And you become forever fresh. Like, what if they're like.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's the cream, dude.

[Justin McElroy]

You know what I mean? Like, what if there's like, something happens where you're like, fresh forever?

[Griffin McElroy]

If there was. If we had that technology, I would like to think I would have heard about it at this point. It's gonna hurt.

[Justin McElroy]

Popular Mechanics. You gotta. You're not gonna hear about the latest developments unless you're reading Popular Mechanics or.

[Travis McElroy]

Popular Mechanics or Wirecutter.

[Justin McElroy]

Wirecutter is a good.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't know what wirecutter does.

[Justin McElroy]

They review toilets. Oh, vacuums.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. They tell you which toilet vacuums are the good ones.

[Travis McElroy]

Could you spit it just into the cup holder?

[Justin McElroy]

Bad news, Trav. They all suck.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, that's how every one of them goes.

[Travis McElroy]

Just spit it in the cup holder.

[Justin McElroy]

No, wait, can we do. Griffin, you did. And let's try again. Bad news. They all suck.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, they're not great. So.

[Travis McElroy]

So, anyways, just sit it in the.

[Justin McElroy]

Cup holder, and then you can shove.

[Travis McElroy]

Some paper towels in there later.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, there's a lot of places in your car you can get a little bit wet. That's a good point, Trav. Spit it on the fucking floor mat and you can clean that up.

[Travis McElroy]

No, I'm saying a cup holder's designed. Spit it on your shirt.

[Justin McElroy]

No. Spit on your shirt.

[Travis McElroy]

No, I'm missing my boy.

[Justin McElroy]

Spit on your shirt.

[Griffin McElroy]

Wash your shirt later. We're all fucking meat, man. Who gives a shit, Dud?

[Travis McElroy]

No, but I say the cup holder holds liquid if a cup bursts open.

[Justin McElroy]

What if he ate Nasty face?

[Griffin McElroy]

And then tell your boss, like, yeah, my face is wet. We're all meat. Fuck off. I'll clean it later.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, true. What if he fills the cup holder with spit and needs to piss in it like fucking animal.

[Travis McElroy]

That's why there's two of them up front.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Take your shoe off and spit in there.

[Travis McElroy]

Walk around with one sloppy shoe with piss like Andy Dufresne, and then drop.

[Justin McElroy]

It out in the yard.

[Griffin McElroy]

But they said, did you spit it in both shoes? Say, no, I spit my mouthwash in one shoe and I pissed in the other. Because we're all meat and it doesn't fucking matter. I'll clean them later.

[Travis McElroy]

I'd like a raise, please.

[Justin McElroy]

We didn't even need to introduce Pete into the question. That wasn't one of the. Like, that wasn't a parameter. It's like. Also, Pete's part of the. If you don't think.

[Travis McElroy]

That's the concern. If you accidentally swallow mouthwash is like, if it burns that much in my mouth, how is this gonna feel later?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, dude.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Feel bad in my sensitive urethra.

[Justin McElroy]

Whoo.

[Griffin McElroy]

You know Travis has urethra sensitivity issues. Travis.

[Travis McElroy]

Yes. My urethra needs a little respect.

[Griffin McElroy]

Stop. Don't.

[Justin McElroy]

Thank you so much for listening to our podcast. We hope you've enjoyed it. You have always taken great care of us. You've always been there for us. We're happy to be here for you in your time of need.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey, we're so excited. We're back on the road. Can't wait. The shows are going to be amazing. We're going to be in Austin and San Antonio.

[Justin McElroy]

We don't know what those guys were saying earlier, but we are really excited about fucking fire.

[Travis McElroy]

That was Travis, Justin and Griffin. This is I'm going to be healthy.

[Griffin McElroy]

As hell for you, Texas.

[Travis McElroy]

Yes. If you have questions for the NBMB shows or if you have a fear you want to read, you can send that to nbmbaximumfund.org and put the city you'll be attending in the subject line, Austin is Taz versus Hercules. It's gonna be a hoot and a half. And later this year, we're coming to Utah and California. You can get tickets for all the shows at bit ly McElroytours. The ticket links and information are there.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hey, we got some new merch up in the merch store [e-mail] there is a Rad Gerol shirt that was designed by Lynn Doyle. It's one of my favorite shirt designs we've had up in a really long time. And 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to Equality Florida, which is dedicated to securing full equality for Florida's LGBTQ community.

[Travis McElroy]

I want to let folks know Champions Grove is going to be back for its third year. Tickets are going on sale in early November. You'll see more information or you can follow Championsgrove on Instagram and get all the information there and see a lot of fun clips from previous years and find out what it's all about. Thank you. Or go to championsgrove.com thank you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thank you to Montaigne for the use for our theme song My life is better with you. That's all I really wanted to say. Montaigne is a good one and I'm very, very grateful that they have allowed us to use this very good song as our introduction for so long now. So thank you, Montaigne.

[Travis McElroy]

Who shall read the fear of this week?

[Justin McElroy]

Not me, okay? I'm scared enough as Griffin.

[Griffin McElroy]

You do it this year. I'm gonna be faster than my fear of sitting in a theater box because that's where Lincoln was assassinated.

[Justin McElroy]

Did My name is Justin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm Travis McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm Bug Bag.

[Justin McElroy]

This my brother. My brother may kiss your dad square on the lips.

[Montagne (musical interlude)]

My life it's better, it's better with you. This is true. It's better, it's better with you it's better with you.

[Justin McElroy]

Maximum fun.

[Griffin McElroy]

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