MBMBaM 781: Jolly Green Gundam

Summary

My Brother, My Brother and Me 781: Jolly Green Gundam

September 22, 2025
Hosts: Justin, Travis, and Griffin McElroy
Podcast Theme: Absurdist advice and pop culture riffing from three comedic brothers, featuring tangents about vampires, brand mascots, and the emotional journey of The Rock.

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Episode Overview

Episode 781 delivers the classic MBMBaM blend of listener advice, wildly imaginative banter, and pop culture satire. The McElroys spiral from seasonal monster logic into a deep, hilarious brainstorming session on rebooting familiar brand mascots for a new era, eventually settling into a passionately tongue-in-cheek campaign for Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson’s Oscar prospects. Along the way, advice questions offer a launching pad for their signature digressions and affectionate chaos.

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Key Discussion Points & Segments

1. Spooky Season(s): The Official Calendar Has Spoken

• [01:28–04:29] Griffin/Travis/Justin
  • Travis claims trouble sleeping is evidence he might be a teen wolf.
  • Debate erupts: which months are truly “spooky,” leading to an improvised ancient history of the calendar and arbitrary logic (“Animals don't know the months, Justin. Except bats, because they know when to kill you.” — Griffin, 03:19).
  • The mechanics of bat-Dracula transformations explored. Griffin muses: “It'd be crazy if a bat turns into Dracula.” [03:42]

2. Bat Lore, Dracula Powers & "Vampire Voltron"

• [04:29–12:11] Group
  • Absurd, rapid-fire theorizing on vampires’ transformation options: Would you rather be one big bat or a cloud of little bats? What if a bat gets killed mid-swarm?
  • “You can't stay a cloud of bats for over 60 minutes or else you get stuck as a cloud of bats forever.” — Griffin [07:59]
  • Justin envisions a “bat app” for modern Draculas; Griffin adds, “He gets to pick how many bats, the size of the bats, whether he wants to control all of them…” [07:21]
  • Lore overload: the point at which vampiric weaknesses ("garlic, crosses, dust") became too much.

3. Deconstructing Vampire Fears

• [12:32–13:20] Group
  • Pointed observation: “It is weird that we're so afraid of vampires. Right? ...You know exactly where they are, like eight to ten hours every day.” — Justin [12:34]
  • Flip the threat: What if vampires felt violated by human visitors?

4. Listener Question: The Unsung Mascot Writer

• [14:25–16:16] Misunderstood Mascot
  • A listener who writes for a famous snack mascot (not the voice) asks how to diffuse requests to perform the character.
  • “Stop telling people that you are the voice and soul of Chester Cheetah.” — Justin [15:06]
  • Deep dive into the "soul" and mysterious danger of Chester Cheetah.

5. Brand Mascot Makeovers & Modernization

• [16:49–24:55] Mascot Free-for-All
  • Justin introduces the "top 50 brand mascots" for speculative reinvention:
    • Snuggle Bear: From comforting to vengeful (“ripping into the throat of everyone who was mean…” — Travis [17:54]) and then a smotherer (“the people are also saying, so soft.” — Travis [18:08])
    • Chef Boyardee: Griffin pitches meme-based anime edits; Travis’s “sexy Santa” chef; introduces “Jeff Boyardee.”
    • Aflac Duck: Travis imagines a duck with a tragic home life ([20:04]), only alive when shouting “Aflac.”
    • Quaker Oats Man: Recapped as an anti-sugar zealot in a “witch hunter” vibe (“let him burn the Trix Rabbit at the stake”). [21:56]
    • Jolly Green Giant: Reimagined as “Jolly Green Gundam” (Travis [23:37]), then as a Molly-tripping, emotionally open giant ([24:08]).
    • Reflection: “I would like him to feel more like sentient food because right now he’s kind of an uncanny valley situation where he’s like, can I eat him or not?” — Justin [24:45]

6. The Logic of Mascots: Power, Fear, and Weird Connections

• [25:05–31:15]
  • Smokey the Bear's implied threat vs. the effectiveness of a more “crunchy” figure.
  • McGruff the Crime Dog’s intimidating human size (“Is to give the implication that he can arrest an adult and take him to jail.” — Justin [26:10])
  • Air Bud as a VFX dog-man.
  • The mystery of Little Caesar’s “pizza pizza,” Rome vs. Greece, and invented mascot lore (Acrustus Caesar).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Calendar Riffing:
  • “Animals don't know the months, Justin. Except for bats, because they do know are the good months to kill you.” — Griffin [03:19]
• Bat App Concept:
  • “He has an app that lets him pick which kind of bats he wants to turn into. His bat app.” — Griffin [06:58]
• Vampire Weakness Satire:
  • “The garlic is where I’m like, okay, that’s crazy. We’ve gone far enough.” — Justin [09:40]
• Fear of Vampires:
  • “Honestly, like, we should be looking out. They should be an endangered species we should be looking out for.” — Justin [13:04]
• Snuggle Bear Remake:
  • “And then we see Snuggle Bear ripping into the throat of everyone who was mean to him.” — Travis [17:54]
• Mascot Relatability:
  • “We have not filled [Chester Cheetah] to the brim with a ton of lore. He is a cheetah who looks cool and likes to eat Cheetos.” — Griffin [15:55]

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[Main Topic Block]

Revamping the Jolly Green Giant

[23:32–24:45]

• Travis: “Ready for this? The Jolly Green Gundam.”
• Griffin: “He might end up in a Chef Boyardee fan edit, too, which would be cool.”
• Justin wants the giant to be more appetizing, like sentient food instead of an uncanny valley humanoid.

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[Advice Segment]

Can I Do Laundry at a Bachelor Party?

[51:05–54:00]

• A listener wants advice on using an Airbnb washer during a bachelor party, saving laundry money.
• Solutions: Bring a big suitcase and blame “medical reasons”; feign a scavenger hunt as a cover story; group laundry as a team-building exercise.
• Travis: “If I went to a bachelor party in an Airbnb and another guest brought their laundry to do for free, the feeling I would feel is deep envy and anger at myself.” [53:33]

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[The Rock’s Oscar (The "Rockscur") Campaign]

[37:18–50:21]

• Justin earnestly pushes the conversation about The Rock’s campaign for an Oscar in “The Smashing Machine.”
• Griffin: “Do you think we’ll get to vote on Oscars?... I want to reward what I just heard.” [43:05]
• Travis: “There’s a beautiful, childlike naivete as he’s like, is there more than just doing Big man punching movies?“ [43:25]
• Extended analysis and quotes from The Rock’s interviews reveal dreams of escaping his action-star pigeonhole.
• Reflect on transformation narratives—if even The Rock can fear branching out, maybe the rest of us are pigeonholed too.
• Parody future: “I’m going to write a biopic about myself starring The Rock as me. I’ll get the Oscar for screenplay for the Traffic Machine. He gets the Oscar for the Traveling Machine. Yes. Starring The Rock as Travis McElroy.” — Travis [47:43]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Spooky months, bat/Dracula riffs: [01:28–09:02]
• Vampire Voltron & the “bat app”: [09:09–12:11]
• Vampire weaknesses/logic satire: [12:34–13:20]
• Mascot Writer advice & mascot remakes: [14:25–24:55]
• Jolly Green Gundam & food mascot logic: [23:32–24:45]
• Mascot logic (Smokey, McGruff, Caesar): [25:05–31:15]
• The Rock’s Oscar campaign ("Rockscur"): [37:18–50:21]
• Laundry at the bachelor party: [51:05–54:00]

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Tone and Style

Irrepressibly silly, whip-smart, and warmly mocking of the world’s illogic. The McElroys riff off each other with rapid improvisation, affectionate jabs, and genuine curiosity about absurd “what if” scenarios. Satire of pop culture combines with honest life advice and deeply unserious theorizing.

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For New Listeners

This episode exemplifies MBMBaM’s approach: serious questions derailed by creative goofing, pop culture deconstruction, and surreal, loving brotherly energy. Even the silliest bits (bat transformation mechanics, Oscar campaigns for “The Rock,” serial mascot makeovers) are delivered with a sense of enthusiasm and camaraderie that’s the show’s trademark.

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Standout Line:
“Do you think Draculas ever compare the size of bat they turn into when they turn into bats? I bet if you're a Dracula who turns into a really big bat when you turn, you get to brag a lot to your friends.” — Travis [05:19]

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For those who missed the episode: expect lots of talk about bats, a surreal marketing brainstorm session for every brand mascot you remember from breakfast, a heartfelt pitch for The Rock’s acting journey, and some genuinely practical (if ridiculous) advice about sneaking in a quick wash at a bachelor party.

Transcript

[Griffin McElroy]

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

[Audience Member / Guest]

It's the start of something beautiful A.

[Justin McElroy]

Small acquaintance has blossomed it's ripened into.

[Audience Member / Guest]

A precious friends I could have never seen what was coming for me. Hangs at the skate park Hangs by the beach My life it feels like life is. Ah. It's better it's better with you My life is. It's better, it's better with you this is who you are it's better, it's better with two it's better with you.

[Justin McElroy]

Hello everybody. Welcome to My Brother, My Brother Me, an advice show for the Modron era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

What's up Trav Nation? It's me, your middlest brother, Travis. Big dog friend. Friend. Wolf. Wolf McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

What's up Trav Nation? Glad to be here. Thanks for having me, sweet baby brother. 30 under 30, Griffin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

Guys, I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping lately and it's just occurred to me that now that we're in the spooky months, maybe I'm a teen wolf.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't think we are in October.

[Griffin McElroy]

September's pretty scary too.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah, but that news peg of like now we're in the spooky month. It's mid to late now.

[Travis McElroy]

The spooky months.

[Justin McElroy]

Spooky month, plural. We all know you count September as one of the scary ones.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, man. September, October, November, the three scary ones.

[Griffin McElroy]

Even beginning of December can be like scary snow, Nordic, vampire. Let the right way.

[Travis McElroy]

December, January, February, the cold ones. March, April, May, the spring ones. June, July, August, the hot ones.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, I agree with this seasonal thing. I've been Mr. Let's use the months of separators from the beginning. But I don't. This is just fall. It's not the spooky months. Like you can't have three spooky months.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, I'm sorry, Justin, are bats trying to kill you in all the other months or just the spooky ones?

[Travis McElroy]

Thank you. You know, Justin, some thousands of years ago scientists aren't sure when a guy named Augustus Caesar said, you know what? 10 months, no more. I'm gonna add in months for me and my dad. So I'm adding In July and August. And everybody said, okay, cool, man. We've numbered the months. September is the 7th, October is the 8th, November is the 9th, December's the 10th, so you'll go at the end. And he said, no, no, no, no. I'm gonna jam him in the middle there and really fuck up the whole numbering system. And everybody said, okay, cool, man. So I think, Justin, we can do whatever the fuck we want.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's all made up. Pretend.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, it's.

[Travis McElroy]

Animals don't know the months, Justin.

[Griffin McElroy]

Animals don't know the month. Except for bats, because they do know are the good months to kill you.

[Travis McElroy]

Groundhogs know when February is.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes.

[Justin McElroy]

How do bats know when to change into Dracula?

[Griffin McElroy]

It's not a Dracula thing. Dracula's make believe. And saying that is really making light of the threat of that. Bats want to kill you in September.

[Travis McElroy]

Also, Justin, to be fair, Dracula turns into bats. Bats don't turn into Dracula.

[Griffin McElroy]

It'd be crazy if a bat turns into Dracula.

[Justin McElroy]

Did you have a thing? Did you have a thing? Travis? Did you have a thing?

[Travis McElroy]

I said my thing. I'm trying to do it.

[Justin McElroy]

That's your whole thing? That was your whole thing.

[Travis McElroy]

It was kind of a conversation starter. Iceberg.

[Griffin McElroy]

But we found a lot of rich veins, right? I wanna talk about Bat Dracula. A bat who turns into a man and is then like. Cause like, he doesn't understand how to operate a body. He doesn't know how to walk, doesn't know how to walk, doesn't know how to pee, doesn't know how to.

[Justin McElroy]

That's my favorite. My favorite Batman villain is man Bat. Because I bet when he ran into him, he was like, fuck, they got me. They said one thing that I can't do. They saw the inverse of me. And they got all the parts of me that are a man and man.

[Travis McElroy]

Bat'S parents very much alive is the other thing. We don't talk about that enough. He has extra parents.

[Justin McElroy]

Mm.

[Griffin McElroy]

We were in Austin during. During one of the months where bats are allowed to kill you. If we had been too close to that bridge come sundown, guys, we would have been absorbed in the cloud and turned into bones like Mobius. A lot like that.

[Travis McElroy]

Is that.

[Justin McElroy]

Who is that?

[Travis McElroy]

I don't think that was his name, was it? It was Morbius.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's it, man. It doesn't matter.

[Justin McElroy]

No one can. You just spoil the end of Morbius.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm sorry, everybody. He gets sucked into baths of dirt, into bones.

[Justin McElroy]

No.

[Griffin McElroy]

He turns into five bats and then clouds a guy who turns into bones. That's how Morbius ends.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay. Man, that movie sounds really good.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's pretty cool. Five bats isn't enough to hide. Sort of the peeling and stripping.

[Travis McElroy]

If the bats are big enough, I guess.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, they don't. It's not their job to hide the scary thing that they're doing. It's their job. Yep.

[Travis McElroy]

Do you think Draculas ever compare the size of bat they turn into when they turn into bats? I bet if you're a Dracula who turns into a really big bat when you turn, you get to brag a lot to your friends.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. I mean, for me, the big thing is how many bats do you turn into? Because I want you to be able to turn into a few of them.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay. Would you rather turn into five little bats or one big bat?

[Justin McElroy]

Do you want to be a swarm of bats or do you want to turn into one big bat?

[Griffin McElroy]

Swarm of bats is weird because I am still controlling them. So how's that? How am I up in hive mind?

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, okay. But if one of my swarm of bats gets killed and I turn back is like my finger gone.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, bummer.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's actually how you feel.

[Justin McElroy]

But if the one bat gets kill, like, you know what I'm saying? If the one bat gets killed, that's you. You will die.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, I don't think that's true. I think there is a. He gets a second chance. If he dies as a bat, he kind of like, pop. He comes back.

[Justin McElroy]

No, I think if you die in the bat, you die in real life.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't think so, man.

[Justin McElroy]

I think.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay. Would you rather turn into a swarm of bats or one big bat in an armored mech suit that protects you from violence.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Do you know what the. If we were doing a Dracula movie, do you know what would be sweet? Like, if he turned into a swarm of bats and they were like, fuck, he's one of those. But then he, like, reconforms into one big bat. So he's like, got three forms. There's like big bat swarm. And then Dracula, just as a gentleman, going about his day, the regular Dracula, who could, like, do banking and stuff, where a lot of monsters can't do that and Dracula can do banking.

[Griffin McElroy]

He has an app. He has an app that lets him pick which kind of bats he wants to turn into. His bat app. That's a cool modern Dracula for me.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, Dude.

[Justin McElroy]

Sorry. In this. So he has an app which is called bat app with no A. It's called bt. It's just bt.

[Griffin McElroy]

And he Presses. He gets to pick how many bats, the size of the bats, whether he wants to control all of them or have someone else steer some of the other bats.

[Justin McElroy]

At first, I would need to be one bat. I cannot be both a bat and split into, like, five minds.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

I can't take the pressure of both at once.

[Travis McElroy]

I bet when you.

[Justin McElroy]

I want a microtransaction for additional bats.

[Travis McElroy]

When you're a vampire and you first learn to turn into a swarm of bats, I bet there's a couple times in the beginning where you're still figuring it out and you turn back, but all your bats were in the wrong place. When you turn back.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, man.

[Travis McElroy]

And, like, your head's on your knee and stuff, and you're like, oh, no. And then you gotta turn back into a swarm of bats and try again.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. The other, like, really important thing is you can't stay a cloud of bats for over 60 minutes or else you get stuck as a cloud of bats forever.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

And that means stay a cloud of bats long enough. Eventually the hand bats are like, really? We're the most important ones, if you think about it. And then the brain bats are like, well, if you think about it a different way. You can't think about it without the brain bats. And then they start, like. There's infighting.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, they start to have their own dreams and desires and stuff.

[Justin McElroy]

That's when it's. Sentience is the. That's when you gotta worry.

[Travis McElroy]

I've never thought about vampires.

[Justin McElroy]

That's what happened in. And that's what happened in My Left Foot.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes.

[Travis McElroy]

The left foot gained sentience and became.

[Justin McElroy]

A bat and left. That's true. That's what happened in the film. You didn't watch it closely enough.

[Griffin McElroy]

The original name of the film.

[Travis McElroy]

I didn't watch it at all, Justin. So that would be the problem.

[Griffin McElroy]

The original name of the film was My Lousy Left Foots Off Again On.

[Justin McElroy]

Another Adventure, Flapping His Three Wings. The original title was My Angry Bat. They said it's not.

[Travis McElroy]

And I'll tell you, the amazing thing is Daniel Day Lewis was so committed that he learned how to turn into a swarm of bats for that movie.

[Griffin McElroy]

Everyone always mentions Angela. No one puts any respect on Brenda Fricker's name for her job, for her career.

[Travis McElroy]

What the fuck are you talking about, Griffin? We've done nothing but put respect on.

[Justin McElroy]

Brenda Fricker's day for a decade. We have made space. We've made as much space for Brenda Fricker as we can to use an advice shot. I want to talk about more vampire Voltrons.

[Griffin McElroy]

Same, same, same. Do you guys think. I think that vampires and Dracula, they put a little too much lore on it. Like, they kept putting more and more and more and more stuff, and then they just never stopped until they realized they had gone too far.

[Justin McElroy]

I think for me, if I'm a vampire and I'm watching the whole thing develop.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes.

[Justin McElroy]

I think for me, the garlic is where I'm like, okay, that's crazy. We've gone far enough. Thank you. You know what I mean? I'm just a regular garlic. Just regular on it.

[Travis McElroy]

I bet that sucks too, because, yeah, maybe Dracula just didn't like garlic in his food. He wasn't a f. And it became a thing. So now when they go to monster parties, everybody keeps the garlic out of everything. But Dan the vampire is like, I like garlic.

[Griffin McElroy]

Guys, you do not need to make space for this. The whole thing about they stab. The only way to kill you is stab you in the heart. And then you turn into a big pile of dust. What the fuck does that even. What are you talking about, turn into dust?

[Justin McElroy]

Nothing works like that. You know what I mean? Nothing works like that.

[Griffin McElroy]

What would happen to his body? That would reduce it to dust? That's crazy.

[Justin McElroy]

Where does the water.

[Griffin McElroy]

Where's the water in his body?

[Travis McElroy]

Well, that's why they're always drinking blood. They're so dehydrated. Yeah, that would be cool.

[Justin McElroy]

Is if when you spiked a vampire, it turned into dust and cloud. It was just like, instantly, like.

[Griffin McElroy]

Or a gush. Like a sudden expulsion of all liquid in the body. Just a. And then ash.

[Travis McElroy]

The Fremen. Like, what happens with the Fremen when you kill the Fremen and the water balloon and.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, but then it's mud. If it's raining into the ash, then it's mud and he's just gonna goop back out of it.

[Travis McElroy]

Like, yeah, that's a good point. Reborn. I didn't think about that, guys. That's a good point. I bet the vampires were super jazzed when modern mirrors were invented. Because the whole thing with not seeing their reflection is because mirrors used to be backed with silver, but now we don't use silver anymore. So vampires are like, oh, yes, I'm not the vampire. You can see me in the mirror.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, that's interesting. So you should have a silver mirror with you if you want to spawn.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, yeah. At all. I think you'll also probably get poisoned from it. I imagine a lot of the people.

[Griffin McElroy]

Did that how does a vampire sort of separate out when he's like reading a book and there's like lowercase t's in it and he sees those and he's like, those are fine. But then he sees a Christian cross and is like, no.

[Justin McElroy]

That's why he hates San Serif so much.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

He needs the seraphs. He will only read the serifs. Like, he needs the little curl cues. A little bit of a fun thing. He needs it. Cause if it's sans serif.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

That's why all vampire books are printed in wingdings.

[Justin McElroy]

That's good, Travis.

[Audience Member / Guest]

Thanks.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't want to do the show today. I just want to goof around with Travis making vampire jokes.

[Justin McElroy]

But not me. That's fun.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, you and me get to just sit in our comfy little couch and Travis gets to make vampire jokes to us.

[Justin McElroy]

Well, he's just not gonna. We're not gonna make him do a whole hour of no.

[Travis McElroy]

And the problem, Griffin, the problem with vampire jokes is they all suck.

[Griffin McElroy]

I wanna just cuddle up and have.

[Justin McElroy]

That's really actually great, Trev. That one's actually quite good. It is weird that we're so afraid of vampires. Right? And there's such a body of work about. Vampires are scary. But like, if you take a step back from vampires, think about it for one second.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Vampires got to sleep in a box. Sun kills them. You know exactly where they are, like eight to ten hours every day.

[Travis McElroy]

They are with a lot of dirt.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

They're asleep in a coffin. Sunlight kills them. And if they want to come to your house, you have to explicitly ask them to do so. That's. Why are we afraid of these guys? Honestly, like, we should be looking out. They should be an endangered species we should be looking out for.

[Travis McElroy]

Do you think when a vampire sees a human being just walk into the vampire's house uninvited, they're like, fuck, man. I know that there's no rule for.

[Justin McElroy]

You, but it's like rude sucks, dude. It's rude. I wouldn't do it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Why are you here?

[Justin McElroy]

To fucking kill you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Why?

[Justin McElroy]

Dude, why?

[Griffin McElroy]

Why? This is the only interaction I have with you guys.

[Travis McElroy]

I can't even open the curtains on my windows. I don't know what time it is.

[Justin McElroy]

Is this just because I killed your nephew while he was getting water for the horses? One time I killed one 10 year old nephew and you're like Dracula, get him.

[Travis McElroy]

Like I like him that much.

[Griffin McElroy]

That was like nine days ago. Dude. Get over it.

[Justin McElroy]

His fingernails were so gross. Dude, did you look at his fingernails? Oh, you should be thanking me.

[Travis McElroy]

I saw you eating some cow meat the other day. Is that cow son gonna come kill you? Come on, be cool.

[Griffin McElroy]

Do you think Dracula is gluten intolerant? This isn't. There's nothing else.

[Justin McElroy]

We talked about that already. Like, literally that exact thing in Count Donut. We've discussed this exact topic at work. I've started a new role where essentially, I'm the personality for a popular snack mascot. I either write or approve everything they say. When I tell people what I do for work, they always ask me to do the voice, but I don't do the voice. I am just a writer. Brothers, how can I avoid this awkward exchange every time I tell someone I do for work? It's also extra tough on me because I asked my bosses if I could do the voice, but they said I just didn't have what they were looking for. That's from Misunderstood Mascot. You should stop telling people that you are the voice and soul of Chester Cheetah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

And people will stop asking you to do the voice.

[Travis McElroy]

You say, I'm the soul of Ch. I'm the mind and soul of Chester Cheetah.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think it's crazy. You guys leapt immediately there. Like, it's possible, I guess. But to me, that represents, like, the big show. This would be like George. Oh, yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Detailing that.

[Griffin McElroy]

There's a team steering Chester. Yes. There's a whole network of data mining AI sort of probes that are coming up with the.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't know that that's true. I think that you want a consistency of thought process. You want to see, like. Yes. That's exactly something Chester Cheetah would do and.

[Griffin McElroy]

Right.

[Travis McElroy]

And so you'd want one person.

[Griffin McElroy]

He's called Chester Cheetah. But you can't lose the human element.

[Travis McElroy]

Exactly.

[Griffin McElroy]

Or else he's not. He isn't relatable. Like, he is a blank canvas. That. And that's what I appreciate about him is we have not filled him to the brim with a ton of lore. He is a Cheetah who looks cool and likes to eat Cheetos. We don't need a whole biography on him past that. We don't need an SNES platformer.

[Travis McElroy]

He also has an unstated danger element to him where he'll say, like, dangerously cheesy and he's got a vibe of danger to him, but it's never specified what that is, what that danger people think.

[Griffin McElroy]

I would love to meet Chester Cheetah. You don't want to meet Chester Cheetah. You're not going to love that experience. Don't meet your idols, especially when they are, by their own words, dangerous.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, same with Tony the Tiger. I think if I met Tony the Tiger, he would encourage me to be.

[Griffin McElroy]

These are jungle cats that will fucking kill you.

[Justin McElroy]

I have a list of the top 50 brand mascots, and I was wondering if you guys, if I were to throw some at you, you guys could just give me some fresh takes, because I would love this job. I feel like we would be really good at this. This. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Travis.

[Griffin McElroy]

And the question after this is not remotely what you wanted, but, like, I bet it'll be helpful to Travis.

[Justin McElroy]

Like, let's say that you are the one. You're the one who's now in charge of Snuggle Bear. Like, how are you making Snuggle Bear? That's more relevant for, like, today's market.

[Travis McElroy]

I think seeing somebody, they've just had a really stressful, maybe, like, first day of college where, like, they bumped into somebody and they got yelled at a bunch, and, like, maybe their professor was really mean to them, and they're just sitting there and they're really, like, freaking out. And Snugglebear comes over with, like, a warm, fluffy blanket, and he puts the blanket over their shoulders and he says, I'll take care of it. And then we see Snuggle Bear ripping into the throat of everyone who was mean to him.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Shit, that's cool. That's actually cool.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't know that it's gonna move a lot of fabric softener, but no.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

Instead of ripping the thread out, he's. He's smothering them with a blanket. And while smothering them, the people are also saying, so soft.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's cool.

[Justin McElroy]

Griffin. Griffin.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

We all know that Chef Boyardee is America's most beloved Chef, but no one gives a shit about him anymore. So how would you bring chef Boyardee into 2025?

[Griffin McElroy]

Big social media presence to start things out, to lay the groundwork. And it's going to be stuff like Chef Boyardee edited into, like, anime music videos. Like, a lot of fans. Chef Boyardee a lot of fan, sort of cuts that attack on Titan. All kinds of other sort of, like, stuff that my hero academia kind of like hero academia.

[Justin McElroy]

Is he a giant? Is Chef Weirdee a giant in the. In the anime?

[Griffin McElroy]

No, you're watching clip. And this is not on tv, so you can use whatever you do it.

[Justin McElroy]

There's no laws Basically.

[Griffin McElroy]

But it's like clips from Attack on Titan and Baruto and like, all of those guys and then like, in there. But it's coming from Chef Boyardee's channel. It's like his channel. And he doesn't even mention the fact that it is Chef Boyardee. And until, like, the comments of everyone is like, hey, great anime fan edit Chef Boyardee. So, like, the buzz is getting out there in a really organic way. And then I don't think you really, honestly have to do much more than that these days.

[Travis McElroy]

Can I counterpoint that?

[Griffin McElroy]

I would love you to, Chef.

[Travis McElroy]

Man RD and now he's a ripped dude and he's like, got kind of that, like, sexy Santa Claus. No, hold on. Sexy Santa Claus vibe, you know? Make any of them hot?

[Griffin McElroy]

Like, of course.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, like, make them hot. I got some.

[Travis McElroy]

Jeff Boyardee would be great.

[Justin McElroy]

Jeff Boyardee is really. We should get Chef Boyardee into Master Jeff this year just to, like, give him a shot at something.

[Travis McElroy]

Jeff Boyardee.

[Justin McElroy]

Jeff Boyardee. Travis, I got one word for you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Aflac.

[Justin McElroy]

You know, cool.

[Travis McElroy]

Aflac. I want to see that duck after work. I want to see that duck go home. And we see, like, maybe some unpaid bills, maybe like photographs with somebody ripped out of them, right? He's gone through some hard times and he at home, he feels so empty and alone. And the only time he feels alive is when he's screaming Aflac. In people's faces. And it gives us, like, he doesn't do this for the money, right? He does it. This is a service. This is something he does from his heart.

[Justin McElroy]

Sorry, I'm trying to listen, but on the page I have shared that has the mascots, inexplicably, there is a Robin Williams Memorial airing in the bottom right hand corner of the window. And I'm trying to watch, but there's this tiny little Robin Williams Memorial that was playing. Guys, it was really moving. He taught us all to laugh.

[Griffin McElroy]

I mean, it's a kick ass Patch Adams. Kick ass Patch Adams bit he's doing. But yeah, back to the game.

[Justin McElroy]

Back to the game. Oh, hey, listen. What if it was just me, Justin McElroy, and it was a video and I'm like, hi, I'm the Gerber baby. I'm doing fine. Yeah, I'm okay. You know, the food worked out. I grew up and I lived and it all worked out fine. So it's good baby food.

[Griffin McElroy]

I ate the food. I did eat the food, and some of it's pretty good. Guys. And I'm not getting. I am getting paid to say that, but I'm the Gerber baby, so people ask.

[Justin McElroy]

It comes up.

[Travis McElroy]

I think you could take. I'm looking at the screen here, Justin. Get the Quaker Oats man. But take him in kind of a witch hunter kind of vibe where he's.

[Griffin McElroy]

Talking about thinking he should hunt.

[Travis McElroy]

Sugary cereals are, like, deeply sinful and demonic.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Let him come in and, like, burn the Trix Rabbit at the stake or something.

[Griffin McElroy]

Old time Dark Ages family drama a la the witch. And Quaker Oats man is the father and. Sorry, guys. Get into the religion more Quaker Oats. You guys are doing a lot on the table as a religion.

[Justin McElroy]

Is a huge part of it, guys.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's like a huge part of it, guys. And you really aren't. When I eat Quaker Oats, I'm not getting a message. Do you know what I mean? And that is gonna put it in certain people's hearts and minds. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Quaker. Like, Quaker makes chewy granola, strawberry crispy clusters. Like, is that. It feels judgmental to have the Quaker looking at me from that box like that is. I'm not inhabiting the Quaker lifestyle with that. You know what I mean? No way.

[Travis McElroy]

Tis a gift to be chewy. Tis a gift to be strawberry.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's good, man.

[Justin McElroy]

Trix. Trix.

[Griffin McElroy]

I would just change the name. Just change the Trix. Name of the Trix Rap to what? And the name of the cereal. Trinks. Drax with an n. Trinks Drax.

[Justin McElroy]

Trinx. We got Drax. Now it's my cereal.

[Travis McElroy]

Guardians of the Galaxy.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, that's easy. We replaced Trix Rabbit with Drax. That's easy. That one's easy.

[Griffin McElroy]

I would not be surprised if I mentioned Trix cereal. And you're like, no, Disney does actually own. Through a series of mergers, they do own Trix cereal and also the nickel.

[Justin McElroy]

What is the Jolly Green Giant? Is he a vegetable?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Ready for this? The Jolly Green Gundam.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's cool. Fuck, that's cool. He might end up in a Chef Boyardee fan edit, too, which would be cool.

[Justin McElroy]

Jolly Green.

[Travis McElroy]

I know, right?

[Justin McElroy]

Jolly Green Gundam is good. Can they sue us for that?

[Griffin McElroy]

Probably not. Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

I mean, if we don't do anything with it, which our track record says we won't.

[Griffin McElroy]

What about, like, hanging in there, Green Giant? And it's like, being a little bit more emotionally honest about how he's. Like, how he's. But the brain is going to.

[Travis McElroy]

What about on Molly Green Giant? He's just really feeling colors and tasting light. I think, you know, he's having a.

[Griffin McElroy]

Great time destroying the countryside beneath his giant sort of like, stoned body as he just kind of vibes around.

[Justin McElroy]

I want him to be more representative of my relationship with cereal. So, like, when he sees me, he's like, hey, Justin, I rubbed oil all over me and all the herbs you like, and I roasted myself for 450 degrees for a half hour. I'm like, ready to go, ready for you to eat me. I want him to be more appetizing. You know what I mean? Like the idea of a giant, man.

[Travis McElroy]

You want to be more interested in eating the Jolly Green Giant.

[Griffin McElroy]

He could look more like food.

[Justin McElroy]

I would like him to feel more like sentient food because right now he's kind of an uncanny valley situation where he's like, can I eat him or not? You know what I mean?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

You want clarity.

[Justin McElroy]

I want clarity.

[Griffin McElroy]

You want veggietales? When you watch veggietales, you know, the second you see one of those guys, whether or not you would pop up.

[Justin McElroy]

Why are we listening to a bear about fire? Right.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

I would wonder about Smokey the Bear is so interesting. What if he was a person who had a diploma about it and he was like, I would rather you did it. You know what I mean? Like, I don't trust a bear. He could be trying to chase me to better places to eat me. You know what I mean? Like, don't light. Don't light a campfire because then I'll be scared of it and I can't come eat you.

[Travis McElroy]

Basically, I have a theory on this, which is I believe that the bear was chosen as opposed to, say, a deer or a squirrel, a more relatable forest animal, because of the implied threat of, like, only you can prevent forest fires or else. Right.

[Griffin McElroy]

That shit doesn't work on me. I do not.

[Justin McElroy]

You.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think you catch a lot more flies with honey than whatever Smokey Bear is trying to set down by being subconsciously pretty frightening.

[Justin McElroy]

The only reason. The only reason to make McGruff the crime dog human sized.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Is to give the implication that he can arrest an adult and take him to jail.

[Travis McElroy]

Correct.

[Justin McElroy]

Like you. You need to be able to, because McGruff could solve crimes with just his snout, leading the proper authorities to the criminals, but he has to be man sized because you need to know that when he does track him down, he can fist fight. Like, he can fight them physically.

[Griffin McElroy]

How much money do you think it would cost to get an edit of airbuds that someone touches up with VFX or whatever, where he is a 5 foot 10 inch tall bipedal dog man who's like, so guys, did I make the team?

[Justin McElroy]

Like, he's like the dog police video. But it's 90 minutes long and yeah, it sounds good, man. I'd love to watch a full sentient adult sized airbud.

[Griffin McElroy]

I would be more into a more friendly figure for my forest fire prevention. I would love like a crunchy. Like your crunchy friend Kyle. Your earthy, crunchy friend Kyle.

[Justin McElroy]

That would be better for me and vegetables. I think Ronald McDonald is one of my favorites because he is one of the few that they just won't for a few years. You know, there's like a couple. They'll go years and be like, ronald. No, I don't think so.

[Griffin McElroy]

They made such a big deal about Grimace. Like, Grimace is uncanceled, guys. We're bringing him back out of retirement. It's like, that's great. I haven't seen Ronald's ass since fucking 2020. Like, where is.

[Justin McElroy]

Where is he?

[Travis McElroy]

I think it's time for Ronald to go cyber. If you ask me, it's time for cyber, Ronald. A fully digitized out of the computer VR experience.

[Griffin McElroy]

I like that. That's cool.

[Travis McElroy]

And I know what you're saying, Travis. That seems like a lot of buzzwords without any follow up.

[Griffin McElroy]

You didn't say what it would be. But that's the.

[Travis McElroy]

But you're interested.

[Griffin McElroy]

Let me fill in the gaps. Let my imagination 4K. Fuck yeah, dude.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, man. Crypto.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, dude.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, buddy. This is new gen. Next wave.

[Griffin McElroy]

Next Wave, Ronald.

[Travis McElroy]

Next Wave, Ronald. That's right. Fully digital.

[Griffin McElroy]

I would find it a lot cooler to find out that you wrote all the ad copy for the Little Caesars guy, which is, I'm guessing, sort of a mid range kind of mascot job.

[Travis McElroy]

I think he only says the one thing, Griffin.

[Griffin McElroy]

You're right. I picked the worst imaginable example.

[Travis McElroy]

But I do love the idea of. The reason there hasn't been any new dialogue is because it's like, I can't think of anything else he would say.

[Justin McElroy]

It's not in character.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, it's not that, Travis. It's an exercise and display of unfathomable restraint. There's a whole team of writers every week they get together in the conference room and bring up their best shit. Like, how about, check this out. Pizza. Pizza. And they're like, no, sorry, it's not broken, guys. It's still the best it could Possibly be, but keep grinding.

[Travis McElroy]

There must have been a point with Little Caesars where they said, what if he just says pizza? And they're like, that's not it. And then someone said, what about pizza? Pizza, pizza? And they're like, I think that's too much. We gotta. And then somebody said, I know, just two times. And they said they did it two.

[Justin McElroy]

Times because they used to give you two pizzas in a very long box. And that was. The whole angle is. It wasn't very good. But at least there's two of them now. They have to.

[Travis McElroy]

What does that have to do with Caesar? Why was that connected to Caesar in any way? It's a Greek style Caesar known for giving two pizzas.

[Justin McElroy]

It's a Greek style pie.

[Griffin McElroy]

He made the first pizza.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, the famous Greek emperor Caesar. Is that what you're saying, Josh?

[Justin McElroy]

Greek and Rome. A lot of people are still kind.

[Griffin McElroy]

Of, you know, the same time, Travis. Those two happened the same time.

[Justin McElroy]

And historians agree they were all about columns. They all had columns and robes and togas and it's all kind of a sibling.

[Travis McElroy]

Second time we talked about Caesar, this episode.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, they all had different.

[Griffin McElroy]

But which one? But which one?

[Justin McElroy]

Cause they.

[Griffin McElroy]

All this stuff, Travis, all this mythology, it happened so long ago. And they have a lot of the same kind of.

[Travis McElroy]

Acrustus Caesar.

[Griffin McElroy]

Acrustus Caesar. Is that the name of the Little Caesar's mascot?

[Travis McElroy]

Cause I don't know. I've decided it is. Yes.

[Griffin McElroy]

He probably has one. Probably has one. And it's probably great.

[Justin McElroy]

You know, Little Nero's pizza isn't real just in Home Alone.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, so it's not real.

[Justin McElroy]

I mean, it isn't Home Alone.

[Travis McElroy]

But no, Justin, that's real. Home Alone's not real.

[Griffin McElroy]

Home Alone is not a real.

[Travis McElroy]

You can't be like it's real in a made up movie.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, let's go the Money Zone. Cause it's clear, Travis. That was the fucking perfect transition. You ruined it. Damn it, dude. I nailed it. And you killed it. I'm gonna try it again. Hey, guys.

[Griffin McElroy]

For real. Hey, guys. The Matrix isn't real.

[Justin McElroy]

You would say that, though. You would say that until you realized you were wrong.

[Griffin McElroy]

Looks real. When you watch the Matrix, you're like, whoa.

[Justin McElroy]

Really?

[Griffin McElroy]

But it's not. Actually.

[Travis McElroy]

It didn't happen, but it stars my friend. Morbius.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, man. No, man.

[Justin McElroy]

Morbius turned into a cloud of bats and flew into the sky. We've covered this, right?

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, sorry. Yeah, I switched him again.

[Justin McElroy]

Let's go to the Money zone. It's not as good as the last one, but it'll have to do.

[Audience Member / Guest]

It's better. Is better with you.

[Travis McElroy]

You know, I don't know, Justin, if it's from my school days when I was a wee lad, but fall will always feel like the beginning of the year to me. You know what I mean? It feels like a new. The new start of it because like going back to school and that kind of thing.

[Justin McElroy]

Page is being turned.

[Travis McElroy]

That's a great time.

[Justin McElroy]

Page is being turned. You know, it's a new chapter.

[Travis McElroy]

Page is being turned. The leaves fall, lives change and the step by step, day by day, you know, you get it. And it's a great time to start some new things to take care of yourself. And I recommend factor. Like what Trav because in all that change, all that hustle, all that bustle, it's hard to find time to cook. But factor's there for you with their chef prepared dietitian approved meals. And they're designed to make it easy to stay on track and enjoy something comforting and delicious no matter how hectic the season gets. They have a huge variety of weekly meals. There's premium seafood choices like salmon and shrimp at no extra cost. And for the first time, you can try Asian inspired meals with bold flavors influenced by China, Thailand and more. Eat [e-mail] Brother 50 off and use code BROTHER50OFF to get 50% off your first box. To be clear, that's B R O T H E R 50 off. That's 50% off your first box plus free breakfast for one year. That's code BROTHER50OFF@FACTOR meals.com for 50% off your first box PLUS free breakfast for one year. Get delicious ready to eat meals delivered with factor offer only valid for new factor customers with code and qualifying auto renewing subscription purchase.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hey, juice, we were over at your house, you know, a month or so ago and I just want to say kitty cat's looking good. Yeah, ma'.

[Justin McElroy]

Am. Both the kitties are looking really good. Their coats are looking thick and lustrous.

[Travis McElroy]

And I think Griffin, you sounded really alf like there for a second.

[Justin McElroy]

You're getting not in a hungry way. Smalls is the is the reason. By the way. It's a cat food that I've been giving them. It comes in these little packages. It comes frozen in a big box. Take out what you need and then you're open. And a fresh pack of delicious food that your cat's going to be wild for. Smooth bird, Smooth cow, other bird. They love all the flavors of smooth.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm kind of a smooth bird.

[Justin McElroy]

You're a smooth bird. When Travis comes over to my house and needs a late night snack, he reaches for smooth bird. But you can choose whichever of these delicious tummy tempters that you want to indulge in.

[Travis McElroy]

Justin, I told you never to talk about that in public. I thought it was people food. Each looks so good.

[Griffin McElroy]

Each Smalls meal is also infused with Melmite, which is the only substance that can hurt cow. And so when he smells one of the cats who's been eating Smalls food, he gets. He gets freaked out and like runs.

[Justin McElroy]

None of that is true. But what is true is that cats love Smalls. Or at least mine do. If your cats have good taste like mine do, then they're gonna love it as well. Because you're my brother, My brother and me. Listener. You can get 60% off your first Smalls order plus free shipping when you head to smalls.commybrother that's 60% off when you head to smalls.commyBrother + free shipping. Again, that's smalls.commybrother you guys know that.

[Griffin McElroy]

Stinky ankh that I carry around for my protection?

[Travis McElroy]

Is that made of Melmite?

[Griffin McElroy]

That's Melmite, yeah. Cause again, one of the. There's not much stink. It's like that stinky ankh shaped talisman.

[Justin McElroy]

That I carry around.

[Travis McElroy]

I remember.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's for Alves.

[Alexis]

Hi, I'm Alexis. I am one of the co hosts of Comfort Creatures and I'm here with River Jew, who has been a member since 2019. Thank you so much for being a listener and a supporter of our show.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Audience Member / Guest]

I can't believe it's been that long.

[Alexis]

Yeah, right. As the Max Fund member of the month, can I ask what sort of made you decide to be a member?

[Audience Member / Guest]

I used to work in a library, so I just used to listen to podcast while I reshelved all the books. Really helped with doing reading at work. So I just wanted to give back to what's been helping me. Yeah, it feels good to be part of that.

[Alexis]

As the member of the month, you will be getting a $25 gift card to the Maximum Fun Store, a member of the month bumper sticker. And you also, if you're ever in Los Angeles, you can get a parking spot at the MaxFun HQ just for you.

[Justin McElroy]

Yay.

[Audience Member / Guest]

I'm actually going to LA in September, so I'll get to use the parking space.

[Justin McElroy]

Yes.

[Alexis]

Thank you so much, river, for doing this. This has been an absolute blast yeah, of course.

[Audience Member / Guest]

I've been so glad to be able to talk to you too. And I'm so excited to be a member of the month.

[Justin McElroy]

Yay. Become a Max Fund member [e-mail] join. Hey, everybody. I'm Jeremy.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm Oscar.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm Demetri. And we are the Eurovangelists.

[Griffin McElroy]

Or a weekly podcast spreading the word of the Eurovision Song Contest, the most important competition in the world.

[Justin McElroy]

Maybe you already heard glen Weldon of NPR's Pop Culture Happy Hour. Talk up our coverage of this year's contest. But what do we talk about in the off season? The rest of Eurovision, Duh. There are nearly seven decades of pop music history to cover.

[Griffin McElroy]

Mm. We've got thousands of amazing songs, inspiring competitors, and so much drama to discuss. And let me tell you, the drama is juicy.

[Justin McElroy]

Plus all the gorillas and bread bacon grandmas that make Eurovision so special. Check out Euro Evangelists. Available everywhere. You get podcasts and you could be a Eurovangelist, too.

[Griffin McElroy]

Ooh, I want to be one.

[Justin McElroy]

You already are. It's that easy.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, okay, Cool.

[Justin McElroy]

Hey, guys, I just want to talk about something that has become really important to me. Yeah. Thank you. It's hard, you know, goal setting is really, really important, and it's really important to, like, sort of have things you're working towards.

[Travis McElroy]

Goaltending is to.

[Griffin McElroy]

So I'm heartbeat of the team.

[Justin McElroy]

I have found myself surprisingly caring about something a great deal, and it's something I just want to start, get the conversation going, because it's never too early. I want to talk about the Rock's Oscar, or as I'm calling it, the Rock Scur.

[Griffin McElroy]

The Rock Scur. Yeah. For the Smashing Machine.

[Justin McElroy]

Yes. We have seen. Now, I've been. I don't think delighted is too strong word. With every piece of Smashing Machine advertising that I get, I am happier that there is a movie called the Smashing Machine and it stars the Rock. It is the true story of a UFC fighter and it is being compared probably by the Rock most of all, I would think, in private to Mickey Rourke's star turn in the wrestler. And the conversation starting to turn towards whether or not the Rock is gonna get the rocks culture or not.

[Griffin McElroy]

Do you think?

[Travis McElroy]

I bet, unlike most people where they are like, oh, they're doing this to get the Oscar. I bet that the Oscars went to the Rock and were like, we have wanted to give you one of these for so long. Please just do a movie that we can even remotely justify giving it to you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Please let us Please fuck with a softie. Please get with one of the softies. We will not tell you which one. Either one's gonna get you there.

[Justin McElroy]

The Rock got. After the Smashing Machine premiered.

[Griffin McElroy]

It.

[Travis McElroy]

It's out now.

[Justin McElroy]

Well, it premiered at the festival circuit.

[Griffin McElroy]

Travis. Travis. Travis, come back. Travis, come back. It's not out now.

[Justin McElroy]

It premiered on the festival circuit and received a. A 15 minute standing ovation at the end of it, during which the Rock reportedly cried uncontrollably. Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

For 15 straight minutes.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, guys, listen. Hey, no, no.

[Griffin McElroy]

I do not want to sound like I am judging.

[Justin McElroy]

I am rocking.

[Griffin McElroy]

His emotional vulnerable. Amazing. But 15 minutes of crying, now, we.

[Justin McElroy]

Don'T know if he. The ovation lasted for 15 minutes. I'm going to go ahead and start a timer. Just so we. Just so we get an idea of like, imagine the movie just ended and we're cheering for the Rock. Right?

[Griffin McElroy]

You can't have that going in the show, though. Cause it'll reveal how much of our shit Rachel edited.

[Travis McElroy]

10 minutes.

[Griffin McElroy]

When you're like. And there's our 15 minutes. All those jokes are gone.

[Travis McElroy]

All right, now here's the. I wanna make it clear. I believe that everyone should be able to cry when the spirit moves them. It's fine.

[Justin McElroy]

I can.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm trying to picture the giant man that I know as the Rock crying uncontrollably.

[Griffin McElroy]

I bet it's scary. I bet it's crazy. If he loses control, I.

[Justin McElroy]

Listen. They teach us not to editorialize when you're learning the AP style. And I don't think you can ever know the contents of another person's heart. I have to say, I assume that after you are a wrestling professional, you are always in control of your emotions. He can't afford to not be. You know what I mean?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, sure, sure.

[Justin McElroy]

It's gotta be tough.

[Griffin McElroy]

You can't get angry. You can't get angry while you're out there. Cause you could hurt somebody. That's what the Smashing Machine is kinda all about. You can't get sad out there or you'll get smashed. The Rock, which is also one of the core messages of the Smashing Machine emotions, lead to Smashing.

[Justin McElroy]

The Rock has been wearing sunglasses and that. Sorry, not sunglasses. The Rock has been wearing glasses at some of these events. And that is starting to make people think, maybe it's time for the Rock skirt. You know, maybe this is the moment.

[Travis McElroy]

Because he's wearing the glasses.

[Justin McElroy]

The glasses. Maybe because he's going for an evolution. And there's some other clues too. And that's really what I wanted to bring you guys here for. The Rock's been doing a lot of promotion for the. For the Smashing Machine, a lot of interviews, and I think the Rock.

[Travis McElroy]

The more you say the name of the movie, the more it sounds like a fun fake title we came up with for an actual movie.

[Justin McElroy]

And here. And I gathered some of the Rosque's quotes about his work during the film because he's been. You know, he's been out there promoting it, and I just wanted to share some of it with you guys.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, please.

[Justin McElroy]

This transformation was something I was really hungry to do. I've been very fortunate to have the career that I've had over the years and to make the films that I've made. But there was just a voice inside of me, a little voice that said, well, what if I could do more? I want to do more. And what does that look like? I've been scared to go deep and intense and raw until now, until I had this opportunity to do this. When you're in Hollywood, as we all know, it had become about box office, and you chase the box office, and the box office in our business is very loud. It can push you. This is what the Rock said. It can push you into a corner and a category. This is your lane. This is what you do, and this is what people want you to be. This is what Hollywood wants you to be. And I understood that. I made these movies, and I liked them, and they were fun, and some were really good and did well, and some not so good. I think what I did realize is I just had this burning desire in this voice that was just saying, what if there's more? What if I can.

[Griffin McElroy]

Do we get to vote on Oscars? Do we get to decide?

[Justin McElroy]

What would we have to do? What do we need? Because I'm doing my part, I can't take out a billboard outside Rodeo Drive. Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

I want to help. I want to reward what I just heard, and I don't want to.

[Justin McElroy]

He's been fighting so very hard, guys.

[Travis McElroy]

Can I tell you, I was struck in that statement. There's a beautiful, childlike naivete as he's like, is there more than just doing Big man punching movies? I don't know.

[Griffin McElroy]

Don't dismiss a million billion Big man punching movies. Yeah, like, 100,000 billion big man punching movies.

[Justin McElroy]

But that he's sitting there like, what.

[Travis McElroy]

Does it even look like for the Rock to do some, like, real act? And I'm like, should I try acting?

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm far deeper.

[Justin McElroy]

The great thing about following the rockscur as I have been, is that the people who are covering the rockscur don't actually have the vocabulary to understand what the rockscur means. So they are buying it. Here's a real line from the Variety story about the premiere of the Smashing Machine. Before the screening started, one fan shouted Johnson's signature WWE line, can you smell what the Rock is cooking? Prompting laughter from the man of the hour. The Rock's gonna get his Oscar, guys. He's gonna get his fucking Oscar. These people are not getting dick about it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, he didn't pull a Billy Bob Thornton where he'd be like, would you ask Brad Pitt about his cooking YouTube that he does. Like, he owns it. He knows where he came from, and.

[Justin McElroy]

He'S proud of it.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm also. I'm thinking of a lot of, like, got an Oscar and then ended up doing Big man action.

[Justin McElroy]

These days, he wants to have.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm trying to think of, yeah, there's a Stallone, you know, Stallone paved the way of, like, got that Rocky for writing, I believe, and then said, now I'm just gonna be action guy from now on.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

And now here's Tulsa.

[Justin McElroy]

Now he's the king of Tulsa. Enough said.

[Travis McElroy]

That's true.

[Justin McElroy]

The Rock continues in this same junket. Like, same junket. Same.

[Travis McElroy]

Same rock and door.

[Justin McElroy]

All right. These are all from the same junket. Sometimes it's hard to know what you're capable of when you've been pigeonholed into something. It's harder to know, wait, can I do that? I feel like I can. And sometimes it takes people who love you and respect you to say, you can. The Rock. Yeah, guys. The Rock is like, I feel like I've been pigeonholed into being the Rock.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, man.

[Justin McElroy]

It says in your contract you can't lose fights. The Rock. Yeah, man. I think you've been pigeonholed. I think you've had a role in that pigeonholing, I think.

[Griffin McElroy]

But it's cool to watch him do this shadow work out in front of all.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, I have to do this in a mirror. The Rockets. To do it in front of reporters.

[Griffin McElroy]

And this is what those safdies do to you. This is how those Safdies fucking get. Do you guys remember. Do you guys fucking remember what the Sandman used to be like before those safdies got their fucking claws in him and turned him into, like, an introspective sort of artist? It's like, man, it's cool, and I'm happy to see it, but also there's not. We're not going back, guys.

[Travis McElroy]

I'll say this, though. It's very inspiring to me, because if someone, like, even the Rock can be pigeonholed into something, Maybe I've been pigeonholed into something. You know?

[Justin McElroy]

You gotta wonder.

[Travis McElroy]

I never really thought about it.

[Justin McElroy]

You gotta wonder, Trav. Are you maybe. Have you. Are you being punished or, like, tormented in the same way that the Rock is?

[Travis McElroy]

I wear glasses. He's wearing glasses.

[Justin McElroy]

Look at this.

[Travis McElroy]

Look at the different he and I.

[Justin McElroy]

Look at this. He's wearing glasses.

[Griffin McElroy]

Those are fucking cool, guys.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, because he's the Rock, man. They probably cost $4,000 and are made by Cartier. You know, sorry, but that's.

[Travis McElroy]

Maybe it's time for me to try.

[Justin McElroy]

They're 1400.

[Travis McElroy]

Maybe I should.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, that's not that.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, we'll talk about it.

[Travis McElroy]

I want to be in the Smashing Machine.

[Griffin McElroy]

Trav, you can't be in the Smashing Machine.

[Travis McElroy]

No, Smashing Machine Number two can't, Trav.

[Griffin McElroy]

It'll be a long time before they make Smashing Machines.

[Justin McElroy]

You can't, because you got to fight the Rock for it. And let me tell you where the Rock is at. I'm at a point in my career where I want to push myself in ways that I've not pushed myself in the past. I want to make films that matter, that explore humanity, and explore struggle and pain. So remember, in the future, when the Rock is in films that don't do that, he's doing it against his will, because that is not what he wants.

[Griffin McElroy]

To do or in his head.

[Travis McElroy]

Guys, I've got it. I'm going to write a biopic about myself starring the Rock as Mechanic. I'll get the Oscar for screenplay for the Traffic Machine. She gets the Oscar for the Traveling Machine. Yes. Starring the rock as Travis McAvoy.

[Griffin McElroy]

Damn it. They want me to throw the podcast. What does that mean? They got me for podcast betting. What are you talking. Yeah, I was fixing podcasts. What are you. What is that?

[Justin McElroy]

The reviews are in. Still a better representation of podcasting than Alex Inc. Says Variety.

[Griffin McElroy]

Movies seem to struggle with basic cause and effect sort of storytelling, but beats the pants off Alex.

[Justin McElroy]

This is the last one. I looked around a few years ago, and I started to think, you know, guys, okay, this is what the Rock said to people, right? Like, in my head before I answer, okay, I looked around a few years ago, and I started to think, you know, am I living my dream, or am I living other people's dreams?

[Travis McElroy]

The Rock doesn't know that the Rock doesn't.

[Justin McElroy]

How am I supposed to answer that question for myself? Is the Rock living my dream in which the Rock is a huge sleep star and maybe gets a roster?

[Travis McElroy]

Wait, am I living the Rock's dream and he's living my dream and we somehow switch bodies?

[Justin McElroy]

You can come to that recognition and I think you either fall in line, well, it's status quo, things are good. I don't want to rock the boat. You know, you either keep doing the multi million dollar movies or go, I want to live my dreams now and do what I want to do and tap into the stuff that I want to tap into and have a place where finally to put all this stuff that I've experienced in the past and that I've shied away from. I've been scared to go deep in intense and raw until now. Until I had this opportunity.

[Griffin McElroy]

Keep going, King. Like you're.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, keep it going.

[Griffin McElroy]

We're. We're all rude.

[Justin McElroy]

By the way. I'm not a watcher. To be fair, I'm not a watcher of Young Rock. I guess you don't cover this territory in the biopic about your young life, which does seem like missed opportunity. If I wanted to dig into sort of my unpacked stuff, one way that I might do that is a series about my youth, the Rock.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, but that was. He wasn't here yet. Young Rock has so much work to do before he gets to rock.

[Travis McElroy]

I also think that there is an implied parenthetical statement at the end of all these quotes that's like, and now I have so much money that I don't have to worry about box office anymore. And I can make some of this.

[Justin McElroy]

Shit he's making the Smashing Machine.

[Griffin McElroy]

If you want to make art, you.

[Justin McElroy]

Can do a podcast. That's where the podcast, that's where you're.

[Travis McElroy]

Welcome to be here. And I will eat every bad word I've ever said about you.

[Justin McElroy]

I love the Rock. I just feel like no one is doing the work that we are doing for the Rock right now. In his day to day life, he.

[Travis McElroy]

Should have gotten an Oscar for Jumanji.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, he should have gotten an Oscar for Jumanji.

[Travis McElroy]

Thank you.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm going to a bachelor party at an Airbnb next weekend. The amenities include a hot tub and arcade, but also a laundry room. How can I surreptitiously do my laundry at the party without it being weird? Yes. Some additional notes. We're only there one night. It is in town. I have to pay to do my laundry at my Apartment. So this will save me money. Thank you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Cool. The logistics are easy. I think we could probably chip those in pretty. I mean, you bring a big suitcase, no one's going to fucking say anything.

[Travis McElroy]

They will.

[Justin McElroy]

Why would be one night suitcase for one night. Why such a big suitcase? They definitely will. Try again.

[Griffin McElroy]

Medicine.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay. Medicine.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm super sick.

[Justin McElroy]

This is my final farewell.

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, no. Like, no.

[Justin McElroy]

Why would you tell your friends you're dying to cover up dynamics? I didn't say that.

[Griffin McElroy]

Say it's personal. Say it's a personal reason for why it's so big. And they're not gonna ask anymore. If they do, they're not your friends. And they'll say, why does it stink like old dirty clothes so much? And you say medical reasons. Former friend. Like, the logistics are so easy. We don't have to sweat those.

[Justin McElroy]

It doesn't. You're making them seem actually harder than I imagined them to be before the question.

[Travis McElroy]

If you're in town, here's what you do. You just keep offering to run out and get more stuff for the party, but you're going back to your apartment and getting another load of laundry and bringing it back and forth.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's good. That's good.

[Justin McElroy]

You need some sort of your big coke.

[Travis McElroy]

You have a big coat on, too. That helps when you're wearing all the laundry.

[Justin McElroy]

Some sort of Easter egg hunt or scavenger hunt or something would give him.

[Griffin McElroy]

Just to get him out of the house for a while.

[Justin McElroy]

Well, I was gonna say to give you an excuse for, like, continually, like, ducking in.

[Griffin McElroy]

Like, there's gotta be one around here, you know?

[Justin McElroy]

Like, if you said that like. Like, really loud. Like, there's gotta be a clue around here somewhere. Like, you can cover doing your laundry.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's cool. And you need to tell are the other people.

[Justin McElroy]

If they're like, why are you going into the laundry room so much? You can be like, scavenger hunt. You know what I mean?

[Griffin McElroy]

For one.

[Justin McElroy]

No, they're playing too. There is a scavenger hunt. Like, you've organized it.

[Travis McElroy]

I just need a moment of quiet reflection and scavenger hunting.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, we don't use that excuse enough. When someone's like, what are you doing? Just wandering around. What are you looking for? You should be able to just say, like, eggs.

[Justin McElroy]

Clearly, the implication is that you would organize the hunt. Like, you would have to organize it. Clearly.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm looking for hidden eggs or hidden cameras.

[Justin McElroy]

That Travis. I like that. You can't be too careful with these Airbnbs.

[Travis McElroy]

They could be yeah, but you just keep going in the laundry room. Do you want to check like the bedroom?

[Justin McElroy]

They want to take pictures of your filthy panties.

[Griffin McElroy]

Nobody better be doing any laundry in my laundry room.

[Travis McElroy]

I'll tell you this right now. If I went to a bachelor party. Cause I've lived in apartments where I had to pay to do my laundry and stuff. And if I went to a bachelor party in an Airbnb and another guest there brought their laundry to do for free, the feeling I would feel is deep envy and anger at myself. Hey, that's actually probably gonna be your biggest issue. Everyone else has done it too. And there's only the one washer dryer. You're gonna have to coordinate and try not to mix up your underwear.

[Griffin McElroy]

So I don't. What's wrong, Travis? Saying that really threw me for a loop.

[Travis McElroy]

Whether you don't want to mix up your underwears with each other.

[Griffin McElroy]

If you throw your clothes together, if.

[Travis McElroy]

You'Re calling it your underwear, that's because of the rim. The rim.

[Griffin McElroy]

I know, that's what I'm saying. It made me think of that.

[Justin McElroy]

What if you went to everybody in the party and you got one piece of dirty clothes from each of them and you put it in with as.

[Travis McElroy]

A getting to know you game?

[Justin McElroy]

No, like you. So the Rock has just finished his applause break.

[Griffin McElroy]

Wow. That's a huge amount of time to be taking that energy from a big crowd.

[Travis McElroy]

Do you think? It was a constant level the whole time?

[Justin McElroy]

It had to be dips. And they're like, he's looking, he's still crying. Maybe we should keep going. Okay. He's still at it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. The Variety headline is, the Rock smashing machine receives 7 minutes standing ovation and then about a 9 or 10 second gap where it seemed like things were slowing down. And then he kept.

[Travis McElroy]

Maybe they clapped until he cried that they're clapping and they're like, he's right on the edge. We literally got him.

[Justin McElroy]

Do it. Do it, you big pussy. Let's see the waterworks. You're such a great actor. Come on, do it. I want to smell what you're cooking. Woo.

[Travis McElroy]

The Smashing machine received a 50 minute very directed standing of it.

[Justin McElroy]

Very targeted, very directive. That's what crazy about it. He was just standing out yelling at the Rock. Wouldn't it be. Fuck. There should be one. If he gets up to do the speech, someone should hit him with a chair. I'm just saying that when he gets up to get the Rockscar Bradley Cooper, it can't come out.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, I went to Martin Short.

[Justin McElroy]

But Martin Short, no, He'd kill Martin Short.

[Griffin McElroy]

Wait, is he gonna strike?

[Justin McElroy]

Martin Short hits him with a chair. The Rock's like, uncontrollable. Guys, this is where he's at with this film, right? I wouldn't push him.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, he's tapped into his feelings now.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. He's the full power of the Rock.

[Travis McElroy]

He's cracked wide open.

[Justin McElroy]

If you go to everybody in the party and you say, hey, give me one piece of your clothing. And then you put it in with your clothes, and then you start washing them.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Nobody can say anything. Cause they discover it. You're like, oh, that's interesting. Check out this Soc, huh? I guess I'm not the bad guy.

[Travis McElroy]

I guess we're all culpable now.

[Justin McElroy]

I guess we're all criminals, huh? Hey, thank you so much for listening to our podcast. I hope you've enjoyed it. I looked at my watch before I started saying that, and I don't really know why. Hey, we're gonna do some more shows. You wanna come see us? We're still out there.

[Travis McElroy]

We'd love that if you wanted to. Yeah. We're gonna be in Salt Lake City and San Diego doing shows next month. Tickets for all the shows are on sale now. You can get all the information about those shows and the ticket links and everything at Bit Ly McRoytours. Speaking of tickets, at the beginning of November, tickets for the third annual Champions Grove at Ravenwood Castle in Hocking Hills, Ohio, are going to be on sale. All the information, [e-mail].

[Justin McElroy]

That'S more than just a ticket to an event, folks. That's a ticket to adventure. That's a ticket to friendship. That's a ticket to good times, to learning you're going to learn.

[Griffin McElroy]

And to friendship.

[Justin McElroy]

And to friendship, which I have covered. Yeah, but double, Double friendship. We got some new merch in the store. We got a Gerald shirt designed by Lynn Doyle, who is Indoyle Underscore on Instagram. L I N D o y l e. 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to Equality Florida, which is dedicated to securing full equality for Florida's LGBTQ community. We also have a newsletter. You can sign up at bit ly McElroy newsletter and be the first to know about new stuff that we're doing.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hey, thanks to Montagne for the use of our theme song, My life is better with you. Check out Montaigne's. It's not really New. I don't know at what point an album stops being new.

[Travis McElroy]

New to you.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's hard to be a fan.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, they've been posting a lot of content from their tour and everything. It looks so cool.

[Justin McElroy]

You should go check out Montaigne's TikTok presence. There's a lot of great videos. Yes.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thanks, Monty. Do we have a final fear?

[Travis McElroy]

We do. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

I'll read it. This year I'm going to be faster than my fear of trees. But only at night. My name's Justin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm Travis McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm Griffin McElroy.

[Justin McElroy]

My brother.

[Travis McElroy]

My brother.

[Justin McElroy]

He kissed your dad square on the lips.

[Audience Member / Guest]

My life, it's better, it's better with you. My life, it's better, it's better with you. This is true. It's better, it's better with you. It's better with you.

[Justin McElroy]

Maximum fun.

[Griffin McElroy]

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