MBMBaM 785: Face 2 Face: Freelance Body Inspector

Summary

My Brother, My Brother and Me Ep. 785: Face 2 Face: Freelance Body Inspector

Hosted by Justin, Travis, and Griffin McElroy

Live from Salt Lake City – October 20, 2025

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Overview: Face-to-Face Mayhem in Salt Lake City

This live MBMBaM episode finds the McElroy brothers in Kingsbury Hall, Salt Lake City, answering audience questions in-person and sharing personal misadventures. Topics range from awkward dining, run-ins with parental figures, audience-submitted life conundrums (with a strong showing from Utah locals), and classic hijinks including a round of their juvenile “Work of Fart”. The show’s comedic core shines through impromptu roasting, tangents about family and bodily functions, and loving mockery of each other and the crowd.

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Episode Breakdown & Major Topics

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1. Justin’s “Worst 24 Hours” and McElroy Dad FOMO

[01:49–08:05]

• Justin laments a terrible travel ordeal: a sick flight, mix-up at a dry campus, and an ill-advised French toast order in a Salt Lake City diner.
  • “I felt so guilty. Cause I didn’t even want to eat the food in the first place. So these guys are like, ‘We are in a huge rush!’ And I’m like: Please make theirs first… But then they brought my food first, and they clocked it.” – Justin [03:39]
• Discussion of their dad’s “divorced dad energy” on tour, proposing a Titanic exhibit adventure with the brothers declining and leaving Justin feeling left out.
  • “Sometimes when we’re on tour, our dad will text Us. Like, he’s a divorced dad who only gives the kids one weekend a month, but he hasn’t planned for it every time.” – Travis [05:27]
  • “Dad and you have never made content together?” – Griffin [06:56]

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2. Advice Questions from the Live Audience

The Jogger’s Dilemma: Accidental Racing/Following

[08:09–14:26]

• A runner worries about looking like they're stalking/competing with pedestrians after a turnaround on their usual jogging route.
  • “You hit your halfway point, you turn around, you run by them in the direction they’re walking, you yell, ‘Follow me!’” – Griffin [09:57]
• The brothers riff on hand signals for foot-race challenges and suggest comedic ways to defuse awkwardness (spoiler: all terrible ideas).

Speed Eater in France

[14:28–18:47]

• A self-identified speed eater in a French family asks how to pass time once their plate is empty before others are finished.
  • “There is no option of changing your own behavior. Either I need a Highlights magazine at the table for when I’m done and they’re still chewing or they need to speed the fuck up.” – Travis [15:40]
  • “You’re representing all of us, and we need all the help we can get… please, just chew for America.” – Griffin [18:47]
• Tangents include American vs. French eating culture (and shame about “Freedom fries”).

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3. “Work of Fart”: Song Parody Game

[20:06–24:00]

• Classic rock titles are mangled with bathroom humor; Griffin and Justin are fiercely competitive.
  • “Fart Break Hotel.” – Justin, immediately [21:18]
  • “Piano Man.” “Pee on a man.” – Travis/Griffin [22:31/22:44]
  • “Crocodile Cock.” – Griffin [23:09]
  • “The Devil Went Down on Georgia.” – Justin [23:58]

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4. More Audience Questions

The Puppy Cuck Situation

[24:23–29:46]

• A neighbor’s kids constantly visit to play with the question-asker’s dog despite having their own.
  • The brothers jokingly propose trading dogs “Pokemon-style,” or letting the dog choose (with bacon as a bribe).
  • “That's a terrible burden to have a dog that just like fucking drop dead. Adorable.” – Griffin [25:22]

First-Time Flyer at Age 37

[30:18–33:40]

• Guidance for a first-ever airplane passenger, aged 37, on “playing it cool.”
  • “If you go to the pilots and you say, do you have any of the cards? Sometimes they have special trading cards about their plane…” – Justin [31:06]
  • “I promise, anything that leaves your lips is going to betray the fact that you’ve never been on an airplane before.” – Griffin [31:45]

Ethics of the Mechanic’s “Friends and Family” Discount

[33:41–38:23]

• After a breakup, can you keep accepting the ex’s family mechanic’s discount?
  • “Are you going to go in and the butcher’s gonna be like, ‘Oh, back to serving you the bad stuff, Travis?’” – Travis [36:16]
  • “I would just go to. I would find somebody new, though, right?” – Justin [37:30]
• The discussion spawns a Hallmark Channel “I’m You Now” plot starring Lacey Chabert.

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5. Classic Bits: Ads, “Munch Squad,” and Live Q&A

Ad Break + Bit Derailments

[39:54–45:56]

• The brothers spiral into absurdity during sponsored segments for Squarespace and ZocDoc, blending jokes about “mayor dog” campaigns with Sonic the Hedgehog.

Munch Squad: Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf x Now You See Me Tie-In

[48:33–58:15]

• Justin hijacks intro music, launches into a press release for the movie-themed “Heist Tea” and “glittering” beverages.
  • Extended confusion over the pun “Heist-Tea.”
  • “Swedish berry tea with a magician’s touch of glittering magic…” – Justin [50:09]
  • “Now you see me, now you’re dead.” – Justin [54:51]

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6. LIVE Audience Q&A: The Best of Salt Lake City

[59:54–80:59]

a. The In-Lobsters Dilemma

• Natalie’s boyfriend’s family sends live lobsters in the mail; a vegan friend is caught in the crossfire.
  • “Once you get more than one live lobster from them, it's your in-lobsters.” – Travis [59:57]
  • Advice: Be direct (“I think I’m out of the lobster”) or “fight” the lobster with finger bands.

b. Archivist Fielding Heist-y Questions

• Jenny works in an archive, plagued by “heisty” visitor queries on security and failed robberies.
  • “What do you do to them if you catch them?” – Jenny [66:16]
  • The brothers suggest spinning it, taking a cut if you ever help with a heist, and mock-interview Jenny about her (ostensibly) clean record.
  • “I'm a freelance Body inspector.” – Travis [69:12] (show title drop, riffing on 'FBI' t-shirts)

c. Marketing Grandma to the Great-Grandkids

• Seth asks how to make his 90-year-old grandmother less intimidating for kids.
  • “Let’s rebrand. What’s her grandma name? ...The Great Peabo.” – Justin [72:34]
  • Ideas: posters, scheduled “showtimes,” or TikTok content.

d. Horse Kidney Stone Display

• Mitzy’s sister possesses a “plum-sized” horse kidney stone from her veterinary job, asking for display tips.
  • “I would love some advice on how to preserve and best display this treasure.” – Mitzy [77:17]
  • Suggestions: paperweight in resin, bowling ball core, walking stick John Hammond-style.
  • “That’s one fucked up looking pine cone…” – Griffin [80:05]

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7. Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On Travis’ Song Parody Puns: “Fart Break Hotel.” / “Piano Man.” / “The Devil Went Down on Georgia.” – Various [21:18–23:59]
• On American Eating Habits: “Just chew for America.” – Griffin [18:47]
• On Being a Dog Magnet: “That's a terrible burden to have a dog that just like fucking drop dead. Adorable.” – Griffin [25:22]
• On Museum Security: “The only thing that makes it stealable is that the museum doesn’t want you to, you know what I’m saying?" – Justin [67:20]
• On Grandma Rebranding: “Here comes the Great Peabo. Fuck yeah.” – Griffin [72:45]
• On Kidney Stone Display: “Friend, do I have a story for you.” – Griffin [80:05]

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Notable Timestamps

• Justin’s travel woes and “doomed” French toast: [01:49–04:46]
• Dad FOMO and Titanic plans: [05:27–07:39]
• Work of Fart: [20:06–24:00]
• The Puppy Problems in Provo: [24:23–29:46]
• First time flying at 37: [30:18–33:40]
• Friends/family mechanic discount dilemma: [33:41–38:23]
• Munch Squad / “Heist Tea”: [48:33–58:15]
• Live Q&A, starting with “in-lobsters”: [59:54–80:59]

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Tone and Style

The McElroys maintain their signature playful, irreverent energy, always walking (and tripping over) the line between sincerity and absurdity. They riff endlessly, invite the audience into their bit-building, and never miss a chance for a callback. Even the wildest, most surreal tangents are tied back with a wink.

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For Listeners New and Old

This episode is an excellent showcase of the MBMBaM "live" experience: direct audience engagement, family stories, off-the-wall improvisation, and weird, specific advice. Newcomers will appreciate the accessible, good-natured chaos; long-time fans will enjoy signature catchphrases and running jokes.

Listener Takeaways:

• Don’t eat giant meals after a bad flight in a city you don’t know.
• If your neighbor’s kids love your dog, be careful what doggy doors you open.
• There’s no right way to tell a mechanic you’re no longer “friends or family.”
• Live lobsters are a questionable gift at best.
• “Work of Fart” remains a timeless (if tasteless) McElroy tradition.
• Sometimes the best answer is a ridiculous one.

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Endnote:
This face-to-face episode is a carousel of crowd work and classic bits—a love letter to MBMBaM’s live show roots, with every new bit or question tumbling naturally into the next. Whether discussing the ethics of eating in France, the mechanics of airplane card-collecting, or how to handle a plum-sized horse kidney stone, the brothers (and their audience) never lose their comic spark.

Transcript

[Justin McElroy]

The McElroy brothers are not experts and.

[Griffin McElroy]

Their advice should never be followed. Oh, Travis insists he's a sexpert. The fair is a degree on his wall.

[Justin McElroy]

I haven't seen it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Also, this show isn't for kids, which.

[Travis McElroy]

I mention only so the babies out.

[Griffin McElroy]

There know how cool they are for listening.

[Justin McElroy]

What's up?

[Travis McElroy]

You cool baby?

[Montagne (musical guest)]

1, 2, 3. It's the start of something beautiful. A small acquaintance has blossomed it's ripened into a precious friendship. I could have never seen what was coming for me. Hangs at the skate park Hangs by the beach My life, it feels like it's better it's better with you My.

[Natalie (audience member)]

Life.

[Montagne (musical guest)]

It'S better it's better with you this is who you are it's better, it's better with two.

[Justin McElroy]

Hello. Welcome to my brother, my brother and me in advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

What's up Trav nation? I'm your middleist brother, Travis. Big dog.

[Justin McElroy]

Wolf. Wolf.

[Travis McElroy]

Vroom, vroom, McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

And I'm your sweet baby brother, 30 under 30 media luminary Griffin Biltford. Tough McElroy. Thank you.

[Justin McElroy]

I've had the worst 24 hours of my life.

[Travis McElroy]

Lay it out for me.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hell yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Dude, what happened?

[Justin McElroy]

I can't even believe I have to do a freaking show tonight, man. This sucks.

[Travis McElroy]

That's cool.

[Justin McElroy]

Sucks. I can't believe I gotta do this. Okay, so I had a bad flight here and this is a dry campus so I can't explain why but suffice it to say I was really fucking sick and.

[Travis McElroy]

Wait, hold on, it's a dry campus but you guys know about the concept of alcohol, right?

[Justin McElroy]

That's why it's a fuck funny joke.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's a sort of recreational poisoning.

[Justin McElroy]

Yes, if you. So I did that mess up and I was felt very bad. So last night I needed to sleep very badly and I woke up this morning and I needed to get some coffee and then I went to the place where I was going to go get coffee and I was looking on the directions and I walked in to a place that I thought was the place and as they were I realized it was the wrong place as they were handing me a menu and said that I could sit anywhere and then I had to. Yeah, obviously. But I wasn't hungry at all and felt like I wanted to die. Yeah, the food to be around was a hell and the smell of it was a hell for good. And I did sit down and she said would you like coffee and in my head, I thought I should say to go. And I thought, let's. And I said yes. I didn't say to go. I said yes to start. Yeah. And then I looked at the menu, and the only thing I really liked was the French toast combo. I really should not have ordered that much food. But that is what I did order. And then four German guys came in right after, and they were in a huge rush.

[Griffin McElroy]

Whoa. Cool.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. And I wasn't in a huge rush. And I felt so guilty. Cause I didn't even want to eat the food in the first place. So these guys are like, we are.

[Travis McElroy]

In a huge rush.

[Justin McElroy]

And I'm like, please make theirs first. Even though I ordered first, because I really am fine. Yeah, I'm good. But then they brought my food first, and they clocked it. They absolutely saw. So then I got food that I don't really want to eat, and I had to take it home with me. And then I thought, well, this is turning into a bad day in Salt Lake City.

[Natalie (audience member)]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Let me.

[Griffin McElroy]

Let me pause you right here. There's going to need to be some pretty wild twists and turns for this to qualify as the worst 24 hours of your life. I can think of things that happened to everyone in a particular day that were super duper bad that are worse definitely than this.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't think you're listening to the same story I'm listening to. See, Justin was on a flight where he made some bad choices, and then he went to get coffee and had to get some food to go.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, I didn't.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, I didn't get super duper bad.

[Travis McElroy]

If he needs money, I'm ready to write him a check right now.

[Justin McElroy]

I didn't have food to go. I had to sit down at a restaurant, and I was the only one there, and I was buying by myself, and I was forced to eat because of the Germans.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

That came in after. And had I canceled the food at that point, it would have looked like I was doing it for them. Yeah. You know what I mean? That way. That's not why it was the worst day. I don't think I've communicated how well the flight. I was really sick. Did you like super duper sick and sleepy? Accidentally so, but accidentally on purpose, I guess, in a sense. But then Dad's, like, texts all four of us and is like, you guys want to hit this immersive Titanic exhibit? And I'm like, dag, dag, dag. Well, this has.

[Travis McElroy]

Sometimes when we're on tour, our dad will text Us. Like, he's a divorced dad who only gives the kids one weekend a month, but he hasn't planned for it every time. And it's like, day of, like, oh, shit, I gotta do something with you guys. Do you guys like horses?

[Justin McElroy]

It's actually always a bookstore. He always texts everybody here and says, do you wanna go to a bookstore? So usually some of us do, but this time he's like, just the four of us. Just me, Trav, Griffin, dad, do you guys want to go to this Titanic exhibit? And I got. It was a real waiting game there, but I leapt in first, and I said, yeah, if you guys want to do that, I think it could make, like, a fun thing to do, maybe a fun video. And then Travis and Griffin immediately bailed.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

And I was like, now, to be.

[Travis McElroy]

Fair, I had already bailed previously when he asked about a bookstore.

[Justin McElroy]

Yes.

[Travis McElroy]

And I said, I can't. I have too much work to go on. And then he texted about the Titanic thing and said, Travis. And I was like, still no.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. And in my defense, I have a oney nose.

[Justin McElroy]

So I.

[Griffin McElroy]

And I am, yes, super brave for being here and continuing to do the show tonight.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

After I heard how you all gave it up for our dad like that. The applause feels not as good, if I'm being completely honest.

[Justin McElroy]

So I didn't have the microphones that I wanted to record dad and I for a little jaunt. I wanted to make it special. Like, dad and I have never made content together before. It seemed like fun. So I went to the store, and he.

[Griffin McElroy]

Dad and you have never made content before together.

[Justin McElroy]

I mean, what do you want? Like. Like the Adventure Zone, like, but not. You guys are usually in that. We have to.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, I'm sorry that Griffin and I ruin it. We know.

[Justin McElroy]

But we do have to find the special dad and Justin energy, whatever that is. We have to find those specific rhythms. So I get back to the hotel with my recorder, my microphone, and I say, okay, dad, I'm back. What time slot you want to do? And he texts me back. It looks like the only thing they got is 3:30. We can't do it. Sorry. We can't do it. And he said, maybe next time.

[Travis McElroy]

Did he throw a champ in there? It feels like a champ. Mom?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, dad, do you think maybe next time that we're in Salt Lake City, we'll go to the interactive Titanic exhibit.

[Travis McElroy]

And the cats in the cradle and the seal soon?

[Justin McElroy]

Did you. Sorry, did you say cuck.

[Travis McElroy]

The cucks in the cradle?

[Justin McElroy]

Because this day has this has already been the worst 24 hours of my life. And if you're capping it by saying the cucks in the cradle at me, I don't think I can handle it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Justin, we're going to put on a kick ass show tonight and we're going to raise your spirits right back up, brother.

[Justin McElroy]

What do you think? Salt Lake City. I go for a run nearly every morning before work. My turnaround point is decided by wherever I hit a certain distance, not by a clear landmark. Sometimes I will pass someone seconds before or right as my watch shows me that I've hit my turnaround point. So I end up turning around and running right past them again, but in the direction they're going. Dearest brothers, how do I make it clear that I'm not turning around to race them or follow them or show them how fast I am? And that's from Joggin in Ogden.

[Travis McElroy]

Are you. Are you here?

[Griffin McElroy]

Hi. Hello.

[Travis McElroy]

Not are you here from Ogden? Anyone?

[Justin McElroy]

Sorry.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sorry.

[Justin McElroy]

Yes.

[Travis McElroy]

Question asker Ogden represent. And now that we've gotten that out of our systems, the specific person who wrote this question, are you here?

[Justin McElroy]

All righty. All righty.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm so glad this is our penultimate live MBMBAM of this tour because I have washed this child's Halloween costume enough times wrong for it to be really, really struggling into the finish line here, which is ironic. It is slightly ironic.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't think Halloween costumes are meant to be worn or washed as many times as they've done it.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't think it's a right way to wash those costumes.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's a good point.

[Travis McElroy]

I think if you turn around and you run past them and they think that you did it to follow them the following. The next thought is, and they're really bad at following me, okay? Because I don't think when you follow someone, you should pass by them.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, well, then maybe you give them a. As you turn around, you hit your halfway point, you turn around, you run by them in the direction they're walking. You yell, follow me.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, my turn now.

[Griffin McElroy]

The action's on them now. Whether or not they do it or not.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, tag them as you go past.

[Griffin McElroy]

I must tag them. We must. We mustn't. We mustn't say touch, Travis. We mustn't say touch the stranger, Travis. You know this.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm hearing it now.

[Justin McElroy]

You're hearing it now.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm hearing it now.

[Griffin McElroy]

We can't say touch the stranger, but you can't say follow me in any tone of. I will say Actually, the tone of voice is important because if you turn around and run by them and you go, follow me, that's a mean joke you're doing.

[Travis McElroy]

That's a way different energy.

[Justin McElroy]

If you say, follow me and then take a hard left and run out a hill, they're gonna think they're in danger.

[Griffin McElroy]

Right.

[Justin McElroy]

Like in the Matrix or something.

[Griffin McElroy]

But you say, follow me, you're leading them on a quest and give them.

[Travis McElroy]

Like, a big arm, sweep this away. Maybe run down till you get to, like, the next, like, intersection, then turn back around, run back by them again, turn around again, just keep going and say, when are you gonna start?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. There's a subtext to this question I really enjoy, which is that my theory is that even people who like jogging and do it a lot, when that little thing goes off in their watch that says, you have hit the turnaround point, you have finished half your jogging. Any jogging you do past this point is extra bonus jogging. They even say, fuck that. No way am I gonna do extra jogging. Are you out of your mind?

[Justin McElroy]

This is where you exercise people. It always falls apart.

[Travis McElroy]

You know what I mean?

[Justin McElroy]

It always falls apart because you always are looking forward to stopping. Are you?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

I do think the worst case scenario of this question is, like, the turnaround point is just past them.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Like two feet past them.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Right. Not like, oh, I went another. No, I got next to them and then turned right.

[Justin McElroy]

Turn around into the Ferris Bueller.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

I was just about.

[Travis McElroy]

Slow down. Double take.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, don't do that. Elbow touch. No, no touch. Don't. Ferris Bueller.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

When I pulled this question, one of the things that struck me is worried that they might think you were trying to race them. Because there's. If you pull up in a car next to another car at a red light and you rev your engine.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

You're sending the signal. Like, when this light turns green, we're racing. Right. And they don't have to engage. But that's clearly what that means. We don't have that for foot traffic.

[Griffin McElroy]

But there's not.

[Travis McElroy]

Like, we reach an intersection, there's the hand signal, and you, like, stand next to them and start scraping your foot on the ground.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

And they're like, oh, shit, it's on. When that little Walkman comes up.

[Griffin McElroy]

Third signal. That's like a finger saying, like, almost. Yeah, almost. Take your marks.

[Travis McElroy]

We need something that allows people to know, I want to race.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm ready to race you.

[Justin McElroy]

You say you don't. You want to make it clear you're not turning around to race or follow or show them how fast you are. It's got to be one of the three, right? Like one of the three is happening. Because otherwise what are you doing out there?

[Travis McElroy]

And frankly, how fast you are doesn't mean because you're so fast. This is just how fast you are. That's the level you're hitting.

[Justin McElroy]

Maybe you make that clear to him. Like, sometimes I'm slow too.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Don't take it personally. You'll get there. Keep at it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can you. Can you run? Can you jog backwards and do, like a yell at him like, it's. It's the Matrix.

[Justin McElroy]

That's cool.

[Travis McElroy]

Maybe speak to him in reverse as you go by.

[Justin McElroy]

Wait. I mean, I know this is a comedy show, but, like, usually the. The suggestions at least have some narrative where in which they have benefited. The question asker. Like, I feel like your suggestion is, like, demonstrably worse.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Turning around and running backwards past them. Quote, like in the Matrix.

[Griffin McElroy]

And I really, like, you guys are a whetstone upon which my blade is sharpened because you do not let me get away with these fucking stinker airballs. And I appreciate that. Like, for sure. It didn't make any sense at all. Run backwards and say it's the Matrix.

[Travis McElroy]

You can run backwards and say it's memento.

[Mitzy (audience member)]

Even.

[Justin McElroy]

Memento.

[Travis McElroy]

That's not a memento. It's Inception.

[Griffin McElroy]

Getting closer. I don't think there's, like, a really good movie where they run backwards. Tenant Tenet actually is actually the exact.

[Justin McElroy]

One we were all where that happens for sure.

[Griffin McElroy]

Cool. Next question, please.

[Justin McElroy]

I come from a family of fast eaters. I'm the fastest among them.

[Travis McElroy]

Damn.

[Justin McElroy]

Opting to chew is. I can't believe. And you're here. What an honor. Opting to chew.

[Travis McElroy]

My name's Joey Chestnut.

[Justin McElroy]

As little as possible with as few bites as I can. I have married into a French family of slow eaters.

[Travis McElroy]

Ooh la.

[Justin McElroy]

With my wife being the slowest among them, which she acknowledges.

[Travis McElroy]

Opposites attract.

[Justin McElroy]

Whenever we go to France and we have a family meal, one of the. What do you think they call it in France? A family meal. I can't imagine. I bet it's something very elegant. It's 10 to 15 minutes.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm not gonna hang a lantern on that. You see, it was.

[Justin McElroy]

That's because it wasn't a good grace. It was just an observation. It is somewhat. I'm just living my life up here, Griffin. That's why you have nothing. You can't take me apart for Being me, man.

[Travis McElroy]

They call it a meal with cheese.

[Justin McElroy]

Now we're freaking talking. It is somewhat awkward to be sitting in front of an empty plate with nothing to do. But it is not acceptable to leave the table. Brothers, I humbly ask you, what can I do while I wait for them to finish eating or can I do something to convince them to change? That's from frantically eating in France. And are you here?

[Travis McElroy]

All right, question asker. Can I tell you the deep respect I have for you that there is no option of changing your own behavior? Either I need a highlights magazine at the table for when I'm done and they're still chewing or they need to speed the fuck up.

[Justin McElroy]

It is also, I very much appreciate that it is obviously assumed that you can't talk to those gathered around you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Absolutely not.

[Travis McElroy]

That would just slow them down when they talk back. Justin.

[Justin McElroy]

For starters, I'm assuming they're all speaking French, so that can't. Maybe that's your problem. It's also hard to get a word.

[Griffin McElroy]

In edgewise because they're constantly stopping and going, mmm after every bite.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, you know what? Two birds, one stone. You reach over, start cutting up their food for them.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's cool.

[Travis McElroy]

That way you have something to do and it's gonna speed them up a little bit.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's awesome. That's one of those things.

[Travis McElroy]

Maybe start chewing it for them too.

[Griffin McElroy]

That was one of those things I started doing for my four year old son. And then I realized, like, wait a minute, it kicks ass to just have all the cutting done. Yeah, man, you sit down, you do all the cutting up front and then it's just chomp city from then on.

[Justin McElroy]

Hell yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

You're just Pac man moving through the meal.

[Justin McElroy]

Wah, wah, wah, wah. Cut it up all at the beginning is one the adults tried to sell you on that you never really thought about. But I will never look back. I cut it all up. You give me a plate of spaghetti.

[Griffin McElroy]

With four enormous fucking meatballs on it. Yeah, I'm going to cut those up first.

[Travis McElroy]

Especially when you get a great grid going on a patty and you're just like gorgeous.

[Justin McElroy]

Can I say I love the number of enthusiastic, enthusiastic nods I've seen from the audience. There's a, there's a number of people who have looked at me and said it.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm going in. I don't care.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't care what they've said. I don't care what the law says.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm cutting all of it up.

[Justin McElroy]

So, so, so that's a service.

[Griffin McElroy]

You can provide your loved ones.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, you could. You could spend a little preamble cutting into optimal delicious bites and stacking them like, stacking them like you're getting it already.

[Travis McElroy]

Like the pictures of Ritz on the box. The serving suggestions of Ritz turn them.

[Justin McElroy]

Into a bunch of amuse boosh. You could eat it, slur if they're all amuse boosh.

[Travis McElroy]

That's true. You gotta give time for your bouche to be amused.

[Griffin McElroy]

Is there a way you could start 10 to 15 minutes later than the rest of them?

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, like the tortoise and the hare. Like you, where you lay down and take a nap while they start eating. But then be careful. What if they're done before you just.

[Justin McElroy]

Send it back when everyone sits down at the table like, I'm sorry, mine is overdone. I would like to please ask your father to prepare another beef Wellington for me. You could. It's just that, like, you know, you're supposed to eat slower is the thing just for like you don't chew. This is like you don't chew. You know, it's so hard to be. This is not different strokes. It's a moral good. It's for your body to chew more. It's better for you to do that.

[Travis McElroy]

And when you're there, in front of you, France, you're representing all of us.

[Justin McElroy]

You're representing all of us. And we need all the help we can get. We're deep.

[Griffin McElroy]

We're in a deep, deep, deep hole of debt, sort of culturally to France. We changed the name of fries. Like we fucked them so bad. Like we did such a bad job by then.

[Travis McElroy]

Please, just chew.

[Griffin McElroy]

Just chew for America.

[Justin McElroy]

I have never been to France, but I feel fairly confident that most of the time I would not be like horfing it down. I feel like every, every, I feel like every meal I'd be fighting for my life.

[Travis McElroy]

Listen, sorry, what is it? What is this again?

[Justin McElroy]

What is the French word for bread? More bread. What is the French for more bread?

[Travis McElroy]

I'm going to need to get this to go, please.

[Griffin McElroy]

I remember when I saw Ratatouille in the theaters with Justin. And at the end when they made ratatouille to save the day, Justin was like, so just a bunch of cut up vegetables.

[Justin McElroy]

What the fuck? It's not even a meal. This movie doesn't make any fucking sense.

[Travis McElroy]

Even getting us beside the point that it was cooked by a rat that's already over there. We're not talking about that. It's just slices of vegetables.

[Griffin McElroy]

The child Is nostalgic for sliced vegetables.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey, guys.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

It's been a little ribbled. Yeah. A little unsavory so far tonight, so I thought we might take an opportunity to class it up a little bit with just a nice mature work of fart.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm not even gonna talk about the fart sound effect. I'm fucking dialed in. This is maybe the last work of fart of 20 Thunder Drive. And I wanna keep my, I think, perfect record going. I'll pretend all you want that I don't like this game, but it's my. I'm in my fucking L. I'm in my zone.

[Travis McElroy]

All right. Tonight it's all classic rock.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, yeah, man.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm going to give you the description of the song.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, man.

[Travis McElroy]

You will give me the Classed up title? Yeah, yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

But it's gonna have like fart or pee or poop or something in it.

[Travis McElroy]

That's at first.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

In this song.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

We find about out about a place to get away from it all, Stop what you're doing and pass gas. Thanks to Elvis Presley.

[Justin McElroy]

Fart Break Hotel.

[Griffin McElroy]

Farts.

[Travis McElroy]

That is correct, Justin. It's one nothing.

[Justin McElroy]

Fart Break Hotel.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. No, it's awesome, man. What do you want from me, man?

[Seth (audience member)]

Juice.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hey, Juice. You know how important this is to me, right, man? This might be the last work of fart of the tour. You know that, man. Right. And how important it is to me.

[Travis McElroy]

Things are heating up.

[Griffin McElroy]

Did you see my runny nose, bro?

[Travis McElroy]

To be fair, I don't know if you heard how to eat a breakfast he didn't want.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, that's true.

[Justin McElroy]

I was so sick. Like, I can't.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay. In this ACDC classic.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

We are told the story of a man who watches his wife have sex with Thor.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thundercuck.

[Natalie (audience member)]

Correct.

[Justin McElroy]

Yes. God, that's good. Dang it.

[Travis McElroy]

Dang it.

[Griffin McElroy]

How many more are there? Travis? Tell me.

[Travis McElroy]

Three more.

[Griffin McElroy]

Jesus Christ.

[Travis McElroy]

Billy Joel.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Sings a song about a man singing a song about being in a bar where everyone urinates on him. Piano Man.

[Griffin McElroy]

Piano Man.

[Justin McElroy]

Piano Man.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, I'm going to give it to Griffin. It was Piano Man.

[Justin McElroy]

Like, yes to. Yeah, of course, of course. Of course. And Travis, can I just say that's why you write the work of Fart, Because I'm gonna come to something with P. Ann O, Man.

[Travis McElroy]

And it's just.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't see it.

[Travis McElroy]

Pee on a man.

[Justin McElroy]

No, I get it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Like. Like don't say it a bunch because it's not that funny. But like.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, shit, that was the best one. Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

You could stop now. Too long.

[Travis McElroy]

In this song, Elton John tells the tale of two young people during a simpler time.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

When they could bond over their love of this reptile's penis.

[Griffin McElroy]

Crocodile cock.

[Travis McElroy]

Yes, Griffin, that's correct.

[Griffin McElroy]

He did not tell me the answers ahead of time, guys. It seemed like with how fast I said that, that that was scripted. It was not, I promise.

[Travis McElroy]

It is currently three to one. So, Justin, I'm sorry Griffin has taken.

[Justin McElroy]

It, but there is one more. You never know if the license is going to be worth triple.

[Travis McElroy]

That's fair.

[Justin McElroy]

You never know if you're gonna say that. No, but like is you. It would be better.

[Travis McElroy]

I'll tell you. It's only worth one real point. But it's worth three Travis points.

[Griffin McElroy]

That doesn't mean anything. It doesn't matter.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm about to.

[Travis McElroy]

It matters who I consider the winner to be.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, good.

[Travis McElroy]

In this song.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Satan appears and challenges Johnny to a statewide cunnilingus contest.

[Justin McElroy]

Don't let that on Georgia.

[Travis McElroy]

That is correct.

[Justin McElroy]

Thank you.

[Travis McElroy]

So Griffin wins the game, but Justin wins the game. In my heart, I'll take it.

[Justin McElroy]

Honestly, I'll take it. At this point.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's cool and everything, but the devil.

[Travis McElroy]

Went down on Georgia.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, we got it. We got it. We got it.

[Justin McElroy]

We got it.

[Travis McElroy]

Do you guys get it?

[Griffin McElroy]

I really can't hang a lantern on these, my man. They are not load bearing.

[Justin McElroy]

I have a very cute little dog named Chopper, my neighbor. Sorry. They said we couldn't show Chopper he's too cute.

[Travis McElroy]

That's a lie. Show the picture, Paul.

[Griffin McElroy]

Out of sight, out of control.

[Justin McElroy]

My neighbors, who I've never met, have some girls who are around 8. They saw my dog one day and knocked on my door and they asked if they could play with him. Well, I let him out to play with him for a bit and I just thought, well, that was nice. And that was it. But now they know that I have a cute dog and they're obsessed with him. They constantly come over multiple times a day to play with my dog. Brothers. The family has their own dog. How can I tell? Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

I mean, oof.

[Justin McElroy]

How can I tell these girls to stop coming to see my dog and play with their own? That's from Puppy Problems in Provo. Are you here?

[Travis McElroy]

Hello?

[Justin McElroy]

Hi.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hi.

[Travis McElroy]

Is Chopper here?

[Justin McElroy]

Aw, son. Oh, man.

[Griffin McElroy]

Man, I bet you get that a lot. I'm sorry. That's a terrible burden to have a dog that just like fucking drop dead. Adorable.

[Travis McElroy]

Can I tell you guys just quick note programming note if you want to know how to slam dunk a question, write in a thing where kids keep coming over, you're facing basic problem, and then introduce a neighbor cuck dog in slam dunk. Dude, it's a fucking slam dunk.

[Griffin McElroy]

Absolutely.

[Justin McElroy]

So I feel bad in a way, because this is, like, one of the earliest parenting things you learn, and it is don't do something you don't want to do forever. A thousand times.

[Travis McElroy]

Correct.

[Justin McElroy]

Because if you think it might bring joy or delight to the child, you are running the risk that all of a sudden, they look at you and they're like, hey, this is my entire. Your dog. I know you think it's your dog, but your dog's my whole.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. There are things that. Life lessons, important skills that I have tried to instill in my children multiple times over and over and over, and it does not. The seed does not take root. But there are things that I let them do once five years ago that they're still like, hey, I'm gonna do that again because you said yes to it that one time. So it must always be cool now, right?

[Justin McElroy]

Dad bought Cooper this tiny TV once, and I put a bunch of episodes of Are youe Afraid the Dark on it. I showed it to her one time, and now that kid watches fucking four hours. Are youe for the Dark? On a tiny TV Every day. I don't know, guys. You just take what you can get, I guess.

[Griffin McElroy]

There's so much about the world of Pokemon that is better than our own. I'll just lay that out there. Carte blanche. And you all know that that's my truth, and I'll stand on it. But one of the things that I think we could really adopt from that game franchise and make it part of sort of like the public consciousness in the real world.

[Travis McElroy]

Pet fighting.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, I heard it.

[Travis McElroy]

I heard it when I said it.

[Griffin McElroy]

But keep out that link cable, my friend, because what about pet trading?

[Travis McElroy]

Now, now, listen, I think you can do that.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, you can. How many pets have you traded, Trav?

[Travis McElroy]

No, I don't think I would do it if Pokemon were real, either. Griffin, you got to.

[Griffin McElroy]

So that's.

[Travis McElroy]

I got two dogs. Who needs two? Take one of them.

[Griffin McElroy]

Let me stop you right there, because that is the way that some of the Pokemon evolve. You can't just say, like, well, I'll never have a Machamp because I'm not willing to train.

[Travis McElroy]

Can I tell you how wild it would be if you told me you have two dogs, Buttercup and Lily? The only way they'll reach their best form is if you give them away.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, dude, Griffin was about to tell us how to make a mae Champ and you cut him off. Man, I was finally about to crack it. I was so close to having a machamp.

[Griffin McElroy]

I mean, it's Gen 1, but yeah. May Champ and Golem and Gengar. I think you can only get through trading. There's, I believe, Steelix and Scizor. If you give them the metal coat item before you trade them, that's. Anyway, trade dogs. And I know that I'm outing myself as a non pet owner and this is probably unthinkable to a lot of you because you're giving up an incredible relationship with the pet that you've formed this deep bond with. But think about how stoked you're gonna be to get to know that new pet.

[Travis McElroy]

And to be fair, it sounds like this ugly ass dog is gonna really appreciate the attention.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, my God, yes.

[Natalie (audience member)]

And then.

[Travis McElroy]

Ooh, makeover time. It's time. Oh, you're gonna make those 8 year olds jealous now.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

When you miss Congeniality, their dog.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. You should let the dog choose. The kids may be more fun than you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Wow. Choose.

[Justin McElroy]

You should just let the dog choose. But have some bacon in your pocket. Cause you're an adult. And that's what adults know how to do. Adults know how to rig the game for themselves.

[Travis McElroy]

And if the dog chooses the kids, they do have to reimburse you what you paid for the dog. Because another thing adults have is the money to buy dogs.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's true.

[Justin McElroy]

Buy your own dog.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's true. But hey, what I.

[Travis McElroy]

They already have their own dog.

[Griffin McElroy]

What? I always say, guys, who bought who?

[Travis McElroy]

No.

[Justin McElroy]

I am 37.

[Travis McElroy]

Like I always say, who cleans up after whose poop?

[Griffin McElroy]

Makes you think about it.

[Justin McElroy]

I am 30.

[Travis McElroy]

It does make you think about it, Griffin.

[Justin McElroy]

I am 30.

[Travis McElroy]

The dog makes me think about it all the time.

[Griffin McElroy]

True.

[Justin McElroy]

Proceed. Are you sure that you don't have any other multisyllabic observations to make? You'll notice I didn't say jokes.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm more of a humorist, Justin. But continue.

[Griffin McElroy]

I am. We're storytellers. Justin.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna kill you.

[Travis McElroy]

I know what room number you're in.

[Justin McElroy]

I can have them make me a key card. I could give them your name. I'll go in and I'll kill you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, it's true.

[Justin McElroy]

I'll tell him it's a birthday surprise and said the surprise is I'm killing you. I am 30. 7 years old, and tomorrow morning after the show is my first time flying on a plane. How do I play it cool and not look like an aging noob who has never flown? Are you here? Hi. Hi.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hello. There was not a name in here. I don't know if it got cut off.

[Travis McElroy]

That's okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

You've never flown before. Tomorrow you're flying, and you want to know how to not look like an aging noob who has never flown.

[Travis McElroy]

And you're just a passenger, Right. You're not flying the plane.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Cause that would be wild. I know there's like a pilot shortage or whatever, but we're not down that low, right?

[Griffin McElroy]

No, no, not quite.

[Justin McElroy]

So I. The thing that. This is an actual answer that might help, I don't know, because it blew my mind. If you go to the pilots and you say, do you have any of the cards? Sometimes they have special trading cards about their plane. And this blew. This absolutely blew me out of the water when I found out. I don't have the guts to ask, obviously, because they would push me out of the plane or something, but you could ask. And I think that's a real pro move that's going to establish, like, oh, yeah, I've been on so many planes, I'm collecting cards about them.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, yeah. And then when they give you the one you're on, be like, I've already got three of these and hand it back.

[Justin McElroy]

I've been on them so many times. I love the way these go up.

[Griffin McElroy]

I thought you were saying. I think, first of all, your best option is going to be absolute silence. Anything that leaves your lips, I promise, is going to betray the fact that you've never been on an airplane before.

[Travis McElroy]

Maybe don't, like, as it's going up, start screaming about how this is in defiance of gravity and God's will.

[Griffin McElroy]

Don't do that. Don't do that. Don't do that. Don't be like, excuse me, flight helper. I don't know what you're called. Shit. There's been a terrible mistake. I don't know the person who's sitting next to me. Oh, that's not. That's okay. Just kidding. That is how it's supposed to be.

[Travis McElroy]

And it's cool if we smoke in here, right? What?

[Justin McElroy]

Things have really changed. You're gonna. This place is beautiful. And I think flying out over it is gonna be an amazing experience. And that is something like you can. I would frame it like that for yourself at first. That's something to look forward to. And Then after that, it's all clouds. And that gets old so fast you.

[Travis McElroy]

Wouldn'T even believe it.

[Justin McElroy]

I will say the part where it goes into the air initially will be bad.

[Travis McElroy]

Bad.

[Griffin McElroy]

Not the best.

[Justin McElroy]

But here's what I will say. You will be absolutely on a plane at that point.

[Griffin McElroy]

No doubt about it. There are actually. And you might not know this because you've never done it before, Once you get on plane, they have very little chill about you getting off plane until they have reached destination. That's actually like a big rule up there.

[Travis McElroy]

Sometimes it's nice to just know you have no input into how the situation goes at all.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Release the controls. Let the pilot and God take care of it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, God.

[Seth (audience member)]

Does this help?

[Griffin McElroy]

God also keeps you safe in the.

[Justin McElroy]

Plane.

[Travis McElroy]

And the fate for whatever.

[Justin McElroy]

Does that help?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

All right.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm seeing two thumbs up. I feel pretty good about that, honestly. I will take it. My ex's stepdad introduced me to my mechanic years ago. He was the total. I know a guy guy. And he set me up with the friends and family discount there. I realized recently after an expensive repair, that I still get the discount. It saved me about $400 on this last visit. But my ex and I broke up three plus years ago and I never got around to telling my mechanic that we broke up. And it feels weird to tell him now. Good instincts. And I also have no idea if it matters. Do I need to tell my mechanic that I'm no longer friends nor family? Can I keep accepting the friends and family discount forever? That's for morally muddled motorists.

[Griffin McElroy]

Are you here? Yeah. I don't blame you for not volunteering your presence for that one. That's a tricky situation.

[Travis McElroy]

I heard some of you all react to that in a way that left me wondering. I think no matter when you did it, even if it was the day after, it would be strange to go to your mechanic and say, just so you know, Susan and I have broken up, so now you must charge me full price for things.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

It is though. Like what you are saying though, is I'm no longer your friend. Yeah, that's awesome. Like, we are. No, our ships have parted. We are no longer.

[Travis McElroy]

If anything, that is the responsibility of your ex and your ex's family. Like a mafia don to call the mechanic and be like, he's out.

[Griffin McElroy]

It was actually a really acrimonious breakup. Do you have an enemy's discount?

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, it's an enemy's increase.

[Griffin McElroy]

An enemies increase.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay. You do good work.

[Griffin McElroy]

Understandable.

[Justin McElroy]

Y' all.

[Travis McElroy]

Would you like to hang out sometime, Doug? See if we can repair that relationship? I'll bring you a present on your birthday, like in Stardew Valley.

[Justin McElroy]

Do you really. Do you really genuinely believe that if this had been addressed early, that it could have been? Like, there was no moment at which you could have addressed it in a healthy way? Like, obviously, if you go in right after the breakup when you don't need a repair, that will be bad. That won't go well.

[Griffin McElroy]

You can't make a visit just to say, hey, I am alone. I feel like I don't need no wiper fluid's good. Thank you for thinking that moment of checkout.

[Justin McElroy]

I feel like that is the last time you can say, hey. Just so you know, I hope this isn't weird, but just to be honest with you, we broke up, so please don't give me the discount anymore.

[Travis McElroy]

No, because I think. Let's take this a different way, right? Instead of a mechanic, this is a butcher shop. And they call and say, this is Doug. Doug's, you know, dating our child. He's cool. Give him the real good cuts of meat, right? And then you break up. Are you gonna go in and the butcher's gonna be like, oh, back to serving you the bad stuff, Travis?

[Justin McElroy]

Like, now, you know, so fucking crazy that you are drawing a. Like, no, I don't think I'm gonna go back to eating rancid meat. Yeah, you're talking about.

[Travis McElroy]

That is not the conversation.

[Justin McElroy]

The two options are get good meat or eat. Like, the options are Sweeney Todd. It's not about the options, Travis. It's like this equivalent would be, you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Go to the mechanic and the mechanic says, oh, you're dating Stacy. I'll stop giving you bad, rusted, shitty car parts.

[Justin McElroy]

Every car, usually, I throw 40 jelly beans in it just to be a dick. I'm actually not gonna do that to you. I put 40 jelly beans in your car.

[Travis McElroy]

The options are don't tell them or go to a different mechanic.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's how you.

[Justin McElroy]

That is the thing. I would.

[Travis McElroy]

You can't be like, hey, you know how you've only been charging me $500 for this? You can go back to 750.

[Justin McElroy]

Why? I would just go to. I would find somebody new, though, right? I don't like if you're not, like.

[Travis McElroy]

A new partner and see if they have a family mechanic.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Maybe you go to the mechanic, you say, I would like to try to explore a friendship with you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Or go to your mechanic and say, listen, yes, they And I did break up. Do you have any other friends or family that I can start dating? To maintain our current situation? I'm willing for this to chain together a new way. I met them through you. No, I met you through them now. I met them through you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

This Christmas on Hallmark. I met them through me.

[Justin McElroy]

But you'll meet me through you on Hallmark.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm you now.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm you now.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm you now. Starring Lacey chabert.

[Travis McElroy]

The talented Mr. Ribley is talented at mechanicking, folks.

[Justin McElroy]

Lacey Chabert in I'm.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm you now, folks.

[Travis McElroy]

A Christmas tale.

[Justin McElroy]

Lacey Chabert is Melissa Joan Hart in I Am youm. A Christmas tweet.

[Travis McElroy]

Coming this October to Hallmark Channel.

[Justin McElroy]

Candace Cameron Burr watches from a corner as Melissa Joan Hart is Lacey Chabert in My Christmas is inside you. A psychosexual. A psychosexual journey Coming to Lifetime.

[Griffin McElroy]

Coming to lifetime.

[Travis McElroy]

His logo, October 21, discounting the days till Christmas.

[Griffin McElroy]

We have signed posters out in the lobby.

[Justin McElroy]

Rad posters.

[Griffin McElroy]

They were designed by Scott Hoke. We were just wild about the vibe and the energy of these. There's also, I think. Are there coins?

[Travis McElroy]

Yes, there are.

[Griffin McElroy]

We do still have some coins for the Pulsarborn Memorial can food drive. All proceeds on those coins go to the Utah Food bank, so check those out, too.

[Justin McElroy]

Send in your questions, please.

[Griffin McElroy]

We're gonna do live audience questions in the next block after we take a brief intermission. So go do all your dirty business and we'll be right back. I don't know, guys.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, I don't know either, man. You just kept going with it.

[Justin McElroy]

I can't give you a high energy finish after. Go do your dirty business.

[Travis McElroy]

Go do your unspeakable bathroom crimes, and.

[Griffin McElroy]

We'Ll be right back.

[Montagne (musical guest)]

It's better. It's better.

[Justin McElroy]

We've already gotten our dreams. But what about you, the little people? Hi, I'm Justin McElroy, a certified dream granter who.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey, all you tiny folks down there looking like ants to us dream giants.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. We strolled down from Olympus to tell you how to get a start on your tiny, humble dreams.

[Griffin McElroy]

Your little tiny heads can't even be big enough to have a dream in it.

[Travis McElroy]

We are like Prometheus, bringing unto you mere mortals the fire of Squarespace.

[Justin McElroy]

Do you know that we have used Squarespace ads to promote topics as varied as our wives, political campaigns, and our bugs? It's true. No matter what you want to use a Squarespace website for, we've done it.

[Travis McElroy]

And I know what you're thinking.

[Justin McElroy]

Jumanji to Moana. There is not a Squarespace website you cannot create.

[Travis McElroy]

Why haven't we combined them and made a Squarespace site with our dog running for mayor? We could, we could.

[Justin McElroy]

It would be easy with these templates that they got these. These best in class designers making for you. You're gonna make a website that looks like a real pro made it not, you know, you one of the common folk.

[Griffin McElroy]

If you want your mayor dog to charge for their goods and services and get paid on time with professional on brand invoices and online payments, you can do that for your mayor dog. Set them up for success. Because it's expensive to run a campaign these days. Seriously, we've used. Can we stop joking now?

[Travis McElroy]

I'll try.

[Justin McElroy]

We had. That was like. We were. Can I say, Griffin, that was like such a good ad. And then you took the ball and I thought you were headed to the end zone with it and bringing it home for a big finish.

[Griffin McElroy]

I couldn't tell you.

[Justin McElroy]

Absolutely. Fumble. You ate it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Can we be serious?

[Travis McElroy]

You ate the ball.

[Justin McElroy]

You ate the ball.

[Griffin McElroy]

I want to. Seriously. Well, I don't need people to know that the next part's not a joke because if they think that if you go to this URL and there won't be a good deal for you there because it's a joke we're saying, then Squarespace will get PO'd. And there's not that many places that want to support us. Yeah, you know, sort of professionally.

[Justin McElroy]

That's great. This has already stopped being ad. Become some sort of immersive theater you're doing. Doing. So whatever you want to do is fine.

[Griffin McElroy]

Girl. People love this. Are you kidding me? They love to get. Get deep in the sausage grinder with us.

[Justin McElroy]

Head to squarespace.com mybrother for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code, my brother, to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

[Travis McElroy]

That blew my mind. You guys at home are like, that was wild. Imagine sitting in the middle of it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

I want to tell you guys, we. We got some recently updated ad copy from zocdoc, which is an amazing, amazing service website that's going to help you find doctors and stuff in your area. But also included in here is that we have to play their Sonic logo. And I get confused by that every time, thinking we're about to play music from Sonic the Hedgehog and they have a cool. Like, Sonic the Hedgehog is working with Zoc, Doc.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, it's cool. And I don't think a lot of companies do this with us, but it's neat because it's like, like it's like a collab at that point. You know what I mean? Like we're doing our thing over here. Telling you about how ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment. It's amazing. I've used it so many times in D.C. to fill out my, my care team, my, my squad, if you will, your road dogs. But then they'll also come in there and be like, I haven't heard the Sonic Stinger, but I do think it's like a. I do think it's probably like a funky blues riff.

[Travis McElroy]

I think it's probably like gotta go fast to get an appointment today.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, that's good.

[Travis McElroy]

And a lot of people don't know this, but ZocDoc is actually short for Zoc Dr. Robotnik.

[Griffin McElroy]

That is also true. Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Not a lot of people know that.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. How much do you guys want? But we're gonna get ad copy next time. It's like, please don't talk about the Sonic logo.

[Travis McElroy]

Please obviously put that in parentheses so you guys wouldn't talk about it. And that's, that's fair. I get that.

[Griffin McElroy]

But to be serious for just a.

[Travis McElroy]

Second, you guys.

[Griffin McElroy]

It is important to make sure that you have a care squad that is covering all of your bases. And it's hard, all your holes hard to do that because insurance is a myth and everyone does it different and everyone's trying to get at you and take everything, take everything that's important to you. ZOCDOC helps you find the doctors who, who do take your insurance and will provide great care and let you book appointments with them in the blink of an eye. Stop put off those like Sonic. Stop putting. Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to zocdoc.com my brother to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's Zocdoc. Z D O C.com my brother. Zocdoc.com my brother.

[Travis McElroy]

Hi, I'm Travis McIlroy. I'm here with Maria and we're excited because as a member of the month. Maria, thank you so much for being a listener and a supporter of the show.

[Justin McElroy]

Hi.

[Travis McElroy]

How did you find out about the shows?

[Mitzy (audience member)]

When my daughter was in high school, we kind of connected over Taz. She introduced me to schmanners and sawbones.

[Travis McElroy]

What made you decide to become a.

[Mitzy (audience member)]

Max Fun member I kind of decided that with the economy being so difficult, it was worth me giving up my Starbucks to join in with you guys.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, Maria, I owe you a cup of coffee then at some point, I'll get a cup of coffee into your hands to pay you back.

[Mitzy (audience member)]

Okay?

[Travis McElroy]

Maria, again, thank you so much for your support.

[Mitzy (audience member)]

Thank you very, very much for your time and getting a chance to be the member of the month. My daughter was shocked when she found out about it, so I can't wait for her to actually maybe catch a little bit of this. I can rub it in her face a little bit.

[Travis McElroy]

That's what we do it for.

[Justin McElroy]

Thank you.

[Travis McElroy]

And thanks to everybody for your support, Maria. Have a great month.

[Mitzy (audience member)]

You have an amazing month as well.

[Justin McElroy]

Become a Max Fund member [e-mail] join.

[Griffin McElroy]

I heard a big rip when I sat down, boys.

[Travis McElroy]

And now you're bragging about your farts to everybody.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's holding. It's holding.

[Justin McElroy]

Griff, I'm gonna pretend to be surprised by a munch squad here in a second. But before that, I did want to say I overheard backstage dad talking about how his day went. Yeah. And you'll never guess one of the things that dad mentioned. He did. Okay. Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

So this.

[Griffin McElroy]

I didn't want to bring this up, but.

[Justin McElroy]

No, I know you didn't. You know how I know you didn't want to bring this up? Because you didn't.

[Griffin McElroy]

I had a runny nose and so I went to Walgreens to deal with it. And while I was there, I realized I wanted to get something for the Taz show that we're doing tomorrow in San Diego at a local game store. So I called an Uber to go to the game store that's enter into the Walgreens at the same time Clint McElroy. And he did come with me to the game store, and it was a precious father son memory, but I didn't want to, like, make a big fucking deal out of of it or anything.

[Travis McElroy]

But to be fair.

[Justin McElroy]

So weird because like, earlier in the podcast.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

I was talking about this, that like, dad and I didn't do this thing together. And what's weird is, like, that would have been a cool time for you to bring it up as jokes for sure. That's how I know that it actually. You think that I'm actually going to be upset about it because you didn't tell me in podcast.

[Travis McElroy]

You just have to understand. And dad and Griffin just get along better, so that's just kind of it.

[Justin McElroy]

I like to think of Me and.

[Travis McElroy]

Dad spent all that time when I was a kid together, which is why I'm well adjusted and awesome now.

[Griffin McElroy]

Awesome, yeah, for sure.

[Travis McElroy]

He was busy teaching me baseball and stuff.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think of me and dad as just kind of like buddies, you know? And sometimes buddies run into each other at the store because one of them has a runny nose and one of them forgot how their phone charger works and needs a new one and they're getting it at Walgreens for some reason and they go to the game store together to fucking kick it.

[Justin McElroy]

Like that's what buddies do is that sometimes you get a phone charger that has a micro USB charging cable, but you don't have one of those. And indeed, you don't even know what they're called.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, a lot of hostility towards dad. That's my friend, dude.

[Justin McElroy]

Did you.

[Travis McElroy]

He's just such a father figure to me. Yeah, that's how I think about our dad, as a real father figure.

[Justin McElroy]

He's kind of a father figure, like.

[Travis McElroy]

The father I never had, you know?

[Justin McElroy]

Griff, just tell me this. Did you at least have a nice time?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

I want a munch Squad. I want too much squad. Welcome to munch Squad.

[Travis McElroy]

You probably thought, now you guys are probably too young for this, but I'm gonna do a quick pop up video here, which is like. Justin was so excited at the idea of interrupting Griffin talking about his time with dad that he did the wrong musical intro for the wrong bit.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, you guys probably thought that I did the wrong musical intro for the wrong bit, but no, I just tricked you. Just like the cast of now you see me, now you don't is gonna be tricking audiences this November. And to celebrate the fun, the coffee bean and tea leaf is conjuring movie magic with Lionsgate. Now you see me, now you don't collaboration. It's the now you see me heist.

[Griffin McElroy]

Tea I don't usually see.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, wait, no, Shut up. Heist.

[Justin McElroy]

Sorry, sorry. So what I'm gonna tell you is heist tea.

[Griffin McElroy]

Heist tea.

[Travis McElroy]

Fucking brilliant.

[Justin McElroy]

Heist tea is. I mean, let's be honest. Good. And it demands. You know what I like about heist tea? It demands something of the reader.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, sure. It does. Enunciation. Can I also just say, did you type out the image we showed before this or is that from the clip? Because you put a colon in it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

And I don't think there's a colon. And now you see me colon. Now you don't. I don't think that punctuation is There.

[Griffin McElroy]

This paragraph of a press release headline is so boring to see. It's so many words. I ain't reading all that.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, let me sum it up for you. Something magical is brewing at the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf in anticipation of November 14's release of Flying's Gate. Now you see me, now you don't. Glad to hear somebody is excited. The global speciality coffee and tea house is joining forces with the exciting film franchise for a captivating collaboration that blends cinematic wonderful with flavorful indulgence.

[Travis McElroy]

Cinematic what? You know when you're drinking a really good drink and you think this is just like seeing a movie?

[Justin McElroy]

How can I capture the spirit of this movie with this iced tea? Heist tea.

[Travis McElroy]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Justin McElroy]

This exclusive partnership features limited time iced teas that partner bold Swedish berry.

[Griffin McElroy]

I just fucking got it. Not a joke. I couldn't figure out what was good about heisti. I was like, is it just that the T's kind of running?

[Travis McElroy]

It's on the screen in front of you?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

No. Even that wasn't enough.

[Travis McElroy]

How deep is the Sudafed in your bloodstream? The Sudafed is like interspacing right now connected into siphoning off your gray matter.

[Griffin McElroy]

Travis. I don't use that PE bullshit. I'm not a child. I use grown up Sudafed. That gets you fucked up, fam.

[Travis McElroy]

I like that they specify that it's an exclusive partnership. And that now you see me, now you don't isn't putting heist teas in every restaurant throughout the nation, which would be a pretty good heist. Or be a good trick.

[Griffin McElroy]

Now you see me, now you don't. Sounds like the wrong name for the first movie. When someone's trying to remember what the name of the first movie is called.

[Justin McElroy]

This exclusive partnership features limited time iced teas that vulture to partner bold Swedish berry tea with a twist of lemonade, juicy fruit flavors, and a magician's touch of glittering magic. Complete with a sweepstakes that invites fans to immerse themselves in a world of mystery. Tell your. Tell your family they're doing a sweepstakes.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Wait, is there glitter in the drink? Because the prestige then is my bowel movements. Later.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. And now you. Well, I don't know. Travis, can I first tell you about the film? Now this is a press release for a drink. And now you see me, now you don't. The four horsemen are. I'm not gonna read the cast names. I'm gonna skip them. But there's a lot. And now you See me, now you don't. The Four Horsemen are back to unite with a new generation of illusionists for their most global, high stakes magical adventure yet. Wouldn't it be wild if it was like their second most magical adventure? Their mission? Expose the corruption.

[Travis McElroy]

Is Lizzie Kaplan back in this man? Because I don't think she is.

[Justin McElroy]

She's not. Their mission. Fuck off. Expose the corruption.

[Travis McElroy]

They're not all bad.

[Justin McElroy]

So somebody saw the other ones. It's Travis McElroy. What an unsurprising outcome.

[Travis McElroy]

Do you mean the movie's titled for Travis?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Now you see me.

[Griffin McElroy]

Magic thieves, the Travis McElroy movie expose.

[Travis McElroy]

A movie that only Travis dreams of.

[Justin McElroy]

In this movie, their mission is to expose the corruption of Veronica Vanderburg, a powerful diamond heiress with ties to arms dealers, traffickers and warlords.

[Griffin McElroy]

Like, yeah, fucking obviously. Now you see me, now you don't, lady.

[Travis McElroy]

What else are magicians supposed to do?

[Justin McElroy]

Aided by the legendary Thaddeus, the two generations of magicians must overcome their differences.

[Travis McElroy]

And I know what you all are thinking. Thaddeus. Wasn't he a villain in the first two?

[Justin McElroy]

He is. Twist. He's at the Coffee.

[Travis McElroy]

I know it's the Prestige, but not that one.

[Griffin McElroy]

Travis, I am actually gonna forbid you from being actually excited for this movie. On stage with me right now at the coffee.

[Travis McElroy]

Mark Ruffalo's in it. The Ruffalo Buffalo's bag at the Coffee.

[Justin McElroy]

Bean and Tea Leaf. We've been par to the vibrant story of Los Angeles since 1963.

[Griffin McElroy]

Fucking yeah, dude.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, from the start, we build our legacy on handcrafted drinks that surprise and.

[Justin McElroy]

Delight said Tara Hinkle, the President and head of America's at the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. Our partnership with now you see me, now you don't brings that same sense of wonder to life. Blending our LA heritage with a touch of movie magic.

[Griffin McElroy]

Again, I have very severe food allergies. I do need to know what this.

[Travis McElroy]

Glittering the caffeine free beverage never tells Their secret.

[Griffin McElroy]

Allergies are super duper duper bad.

[Travis McElroy]

But look over here, Griffin, you're already drinking it.

[Griffin McElroy]

I need a website with all the ingredients.

[Justin McElroy]

Mesmerizing. First off, there's the mango magic heist tea. Which is a mes.

[Travis McElroy]

Stop sprinkling on me.

[Justin McElroy]

It's a mesmerizing mix.

[Travis McElroy]

Stop it.

[Justin McElroy]

It's a mesmerizing mix of mind melding. Mango lemonade, Swedish berry tea and magical glitter.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hold on.

[Travis McElroy]

Edible glitter?

[Justin McElroy]

No, Trav. Deadly poisonous glitter. Now you see me, now you're dead. There's also this strawberry shimmer iced tea. A dazzling blend of surprising strawberry. Fucking pretty surprising. You put it the first word in the title of the thing. Lemonade. Swedish berry tea and magical glitter.

[Travis McElroy]

You know, fans of the now you.

[Justin McElroy]

See me franchise know that magic can be around any question corner, said Angie Sharma, global partnerships and brand strategy for Lionsgate Motion Picture Group.

[Griffin McElroy]

You ride hard with this franchise. Is that true? Are you looking for magic around every corner?

[Travis McElroy]

Yes, but that's where it's not going to be, Griffin.

[Justin McElroy]

It must have been a lonely literally ten fucking years since the last one of these guys came out, huh?

[Travis McElroy]

Long time to wait for the magic of now. You can rewatch them as many times as you want.

[Griffin McElroy]

There's no law against it.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, fans have not. And you notice. Notice new things each time, Justin. It gets deeper and deeper. And then you watch the makings of. And you talk to our friend Jenny Amato, who worked as a magic consultant on the first one. And you find out things about the films, Justin. And it only deepens. Deepens. Like enjoying wine, Justin. It ages. Barrel. Ages.

[Justin McElroy]

Now you see me, now you don't. About to take the Horsemen on their greatest heist yet. It's exciting to be sharing the magic with the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf customers.

[Griffin McElroy]

Why'd you pick this voice?

[Justin McElroy]

It's. I start this. What came out, I don't choose.

[Travis McElroy]

And yeah, there's like, nine Horsemen now, Josh.

[Justin McElroy]

There's Tea Leaf customers with their delicious drinks and watch them disappear. And they're also doing a magical sweepstakes.

[Travis McElroy]

Which I don't even want to say. What do you win?

[Justin McElroy]

Well, they did a contest where if you texted a number when the trailer dropped, you could win $119.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's cool, man. I don't know why that's awesome. That's just how much they had.

[Justin McElroy]

They finished making the movie.

[Griffin McElroy]

They finished making it.

[Travis McElroy]

That's what they had.

[Justin McElroy]

They had $119 left.

[Griffin McElroy]

How much are you charging us to design this heist, tee? Whoa. $15 million.

[Justin McElroy]

Shit.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, all we got left is. Oh, man. 119. That's a weird prize, but Dave Franco will deliver it.

[Travis McElroy]

Is that anything?

[Griffin McElroy]

He won't.

[Justin McElroy]

Man, I feel so bad, guys. I told Paul. Paul to download the trailer. Yeah, I told Paul to download the trailer for now. You see me now. No, no, no, Don't. Please don't, because I know. No, it won't be good now because. Oh, he's already started playing it now. I know Travis will enjoy it, and I don't like it.

[Travis McElroy]

Anymore.

[Griffin McElroy]

No audio.

[Justin McElroy]

I think audio. It's better. I was just gonna let it. Hey, we got.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't want to talk about it. This is not sad.

[Travis McElroy]

It's not.

[Justin McElroy]

This is not magic.

[Travis McElroy]

The new magician.

[Justin McElroy]

Yes.

[Griffin McElroy]

They're.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm not going to talk. Everybody shut up. No, there's not even sound. What I was going to say is I feel guilty for having Paul download it and then never using it. And that's what I was going to say. Travis.

[Travis McElroy]

Do you guys remember that Jesse Eisenberg was on our show once?

[Justin McElroy]

You guys remember that? That's a true fact. I remember sometimes. All right.

[Travis McElroy]

And now he's in this movie. Look how he jump started his career.

[Justin McElroy]

Thank you, everybody. That's your much squad for today. Thank you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Nothing about the edible glitter, huh?

[Justin McElroy]

What do you want to know? Nutritional facts? What's the difference between what makes it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Edible, what makes other glitter?

[Travis McElroy]

Now I understand force and the will to.

[Justin McElroy]

My daughters have been making every drink I drank glitterable since like 2015, man. It's not a novelty to me. Everything has glitter in it anymore.

[Griffin McElroy]

You had the cable into starting another question which sent me into a panic spiral because it's not time for that. It's time for live audience questions. Thank you for sending in all of your questions. We're going to call some folks down to the.

[Justin McElroy]

Lot of good ones, y'. All.

[Griffin McElroy]

A lot of really good ones. We're going to call folks down to the microphone. Can we get the lights on for.

[Travis McElroy]

And up first? It's Jesse Eisenberg.

[Griffin McElroy]

We're going to call you down to the microphone by your name and seat number. Please don't approach the microphone if we don't call you.

[Justin McElroy]

Jesse Eisenberg came on to promote the independent karate movie that he had directed.

[Travis McElroy]

The art of Self defense.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, I don't think Jesse will be on my brother.

[Travis McElroy]

My brother made you promote. Now you see me, now you don't.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm not sure we're gonna marry.

[Griffin McElroy]

Welcome anytime. Hello. Whoever wants to talk first.

[Travis McElroy]

Hi.

[Justin McElroy]

A lot of great sweaters.

[Natalie (audience member)]

Thank you. Hello.

[Justin McElroy]

You're welcome.

[Griffin McElroy]

No kidding. You never see two great sweaters. Kind of back to back like that. That's fine.

[Travis McElroy]

No offense. You're doing great.

[Justin McElroy]

It's cool to.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm sorry that they didn't call you before the show started to tell. To say like, hey, we're doing the sweater thing. Do you want to do the sweater thing with us? So sorry.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hello.

[Natalie (audience member)]

Hello.

[Travis McElroy]

Hi.

[Natalie (audience member)]

So my question is.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, sorry, what's your name?

[Natalie (audience member)]

Oh, sorry, my Name's Natalie. Hi, Natalie. My pronouns are she, her, hello, hello, hello. So my question is, how do I get my boyfriend's mother to stop sending us live lobsters?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Thank you so much.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes. Good stuff.

[Travis McElroy]

So sometimes it's just nice to know, like, what the first question's gonna be of the audience question segment.

[Griffin McElroy]

It seems like a breach of etiquette to send your. Well, not in laws.

[Travis McElroy]

Right.

[Griffin McElroy]

Cause you're just dating. It's your boyfriend's.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

I mean, once you get more than one live lobster from them, it's your in lobsters.

[Griffin McElroy]

I know. I mentioned. That's pretty good. That's pretty good, Trav. I wanna make space for that.

[Justin McElroy]

Don't encourage that. Don't encourage that.

[Griffin McElroy]

I wanna make space for that.

[Justin McElroy]

I was gonna say it's fucked up.

[Griffin McElroy]

To gift anybody something alive. But I also said, famously, people didn't like it earlier in the show when I said, you should trade your dogs.

[Justin McElroy]

So can I ask for some context?

[Natalie (audience member)]

Yeah. So my boyfriend's from Maine, and so his family has historically liked to give him lobster for his birthday.

[Travis McElroy]

Awesome.

[Natalie (audience member)]

And this year they were like, oh, we can't visit, so we're going. We're gonna send you something in the mail. But what they neglected to tell us is what it was. So we weren't home when they were.

[Travis McElroy]

Originally going to send it. No, no, no. Oh, no. Did the lobster die?

[Natalie (audience member)]

No, no, no, no, no. So they.

[Travis McElroy]

Not until you killed it.

[Natalie (audience member)]

They didn't tell us what they're gonna send. They changed the date. And so we go to pick it up and we're like, oh, no, did they send lobsters? And they did. And unfortunately, my boyfriend picked it up with my friend who's a vegan, and we were staying at her house, and so we had to kill the lobsters and cook them at her house.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hold on, wait. That sentence kicked ass. You said it real fast so that we wouldn't look at it.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You want to know you can't speak one by the fucking McElroy voice.

[Travis McElroy]

We're gonna clock it every time.

[Justin McElroy]

Is it the word out of pocket? Hey, Griffin, Was it the word had to? Is that. Where is the had to?

[Natalie (audience member)]

They were lying.

[Travis McElroy]

Did the lobsters know too much? Was there a secret being kept? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

The entire point of the vegan position is that you don't have to kill anything.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. I don't think vegans are like, yeah, we don't believe in killing and, like, consuming meat.

[Justin McElroy]

Well, you have to make it quick at Least make it quick.

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, it's authentic. Main lie lobsters. Well, you gotta.

[Travis McElroy]

It's already here. It's already here.

[Griffin McElroy]

What kind of life.

[Justin McElroy]

I ate a lobster roll this afternoon. At which point Tom, our video editor is here, pointed out that this is probably the farthest I could geographically be from lobsters. Do you.

[Griffin McElroy]

I feel like I know the answer to this. Enjoy to eat the lobster.

[Natalie (audience member)]

I mean I did cry a little bit. Not to the lobster while.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh wait for while eating it.

[Natalie (audience member)]

We opened it because I, I was.

[Griffin McElroy]

Like, well yeah, the great burden of.

[Natalie (audience member)]

Yeah, sure, my boyfriend ate most of the lobster, not gonna lie. But so we're very grateful that they sent it, but we're worried that they're gonna do it again.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, well then I hear exactly what the problem is. The next time gonna take the rubber bands off the lobster's claws. You're gonna put rubber bands around your boyfriend's fingers. Now it's a fair fight. And now it could go either way. Now he's not murdering lobsters, he's defending himself.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's cool.

[Travis McElroy]

And then he's just consuming his. Fallen to battle.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's the warrior's right. You conquer in battle, you eat the foe. That's the warrior's right, guys.

[Travis McElroy]

How else is his kite. How else is your boyfriend's chitin going to get any stronger?

[Griffin McElroy]

That's true.

[Justin McElroy]

I think you need to draft an email. I think you need to say, Dear Valley, lobster culture in this country is fucking crazy. It's so wild. Dear Valerie, it's so wild that we have this one animal that when you, we name a restaurant after it. And then when you come in you can pick one to eat, but you don't really get to eat that one. It's just a big jar of them you have to look at before they get eaten. It's wild that we send live ones around. Just this one food. We're like, it'd be better if we send them around. Live lobster culture's crazy. And that's kinda like that'll get em thinking, you know, like that'll get the thought starter and then don't say anything after that. And then a few weeks later be like, come think of it, I think I'm out of the lobster.

[Travis McElroy]

Or unless.

[Griffin McElroy]

Or unless.

[Travis McElroy]

When you said that they had to get them to stop sending, I knew you meant in the mail. But then I thought what else could that mean? And I pictured your in laws taking the lobster to the airport.

[Natalie (audience member)]

They did.

[Travis McElroy]

No, no, no, let me finish.

[Justin McElroy]

Let him finish.

[Griffin McElroy]

His little fantasy.

[Travis McElroy]

No, it's gonna be cute. It's not in a box, but in a little suit jacket and vest.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

With a little note that says where he's going.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

And there's a flight attendant that escorts him onto his seat and then he gets off when they bring him to the lanyard.

[Griffin McElroy]

Says unaccompanied, like crustacean on it.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

And then you and your boyfriend turn, pick him up and kill him right there in the air. Because you have to, right?

[Justin McElroy]

You have to. You gotta kill him.

[Griffin McElroy]

Right?

[Justin McElroy]

Gotta kill him.

[Natalie (audience member)]

Well, the worst part is, is that they say if you don't want to eat it immediately, to put a damp towel over it and stick it in the vegetable drawer in the fridge.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, they know they like it. No, no, no, to them. That's good. That's like.

[Travis McElroy]

And here's the thing. You have to understand. Lobsters are technically immortal. They don't die of old age. Yeah. So if we don't kill them, they'd be fucking everywhere.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, Doc, we're protecting ourselves. Really.

[Justin McElroy]

Does that help?

[Natalie (audience member)]

I think so.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thank you so much, Natalie.

[Justin McElroy]

Thank you, Natalie. Hello.

[Jenny (audience member)]

Hi, I'm Jenny. My pronouns are she, her.

[Justin McElroy]

Hi, Jenny.

[Jenny (audience member)]

My question is, I work at an archive and we have some cool stuff. How do I get people to stop asking very heist sounding questions?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. When I tell them this really important heisty sounding questions?

[Jenny (audience member)]

I mean, in a way.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay. Do you feel like that's a word, heisty? Because I got tripped up earlier in this very podcast.

[Jenny (audience member)]

My husband was looking at me like an idiot. I realized it at the same time as you.

[Griffin McElroy]

So what's up, Jenny?

[Travis McElroy]

Jenny? I want to say, when I read this question, I was like, okay. And then I got to some of the example questions.

[Seth (audience member)]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can you give us some examples that you get that you feel.

[Jenny (audience member)]

Sometimes there's a lot of like, like, oh, has someone tried to steal stuff before? Where did they fail?

[Justin McElroy]

Compare and contrast other failed attempts.

[Travis McElroy]

Don't mind me while I stroke my very real mustache.

[Jenny (audience member)]

What kind of security do you guys have? What do you do to the people if you catch them?

[Griffin McElroy]

What do you do if you catch them? Is the best one of them.

[Travis McElroy]

That's the.

[Griffin McElroy]

That would be my first.

[Travis McElroy]

And when you answer, please speak into this flower I have on my lapel. Jesus Christ.

[Griffin McElroy]

My jumbo boutonniere.

[Travis McElroy]

What? Hey. What do you do when you catch them? And where have they failed before?

[Jenny (audience member)]

I mean, last time someone attempted to run out of the room.

[Travis McElroy]

Don't answer it, Jenny.

[Justin McElroy]

That was a trap. Please don't yell. Please don't yell. Scared me.

[Griffin McElroy]

You actually gave me a jump scare by yelling right next to me.

[Justin McElroy]

Sorry.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm not even in front of the screen.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm really sorry. Please.

[Travis McElroy]

Sorry.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm sorry.

[Jenny (audience member)]

I mean, it was a failed attempt. So they got yelled at.

[Travis McElroy]

Jenny.

[Griffin McElroy]

Jenny, did you bust them?

[Jenny (audience member)]

No, I was like, what's going on? I can't help with that.

[Griffin McElroy]

Cool.

[Travis McElroy]

Jenny, I love the revulsion you answered with when Griffin asked if you stopped people from stealing and you went, what? No. How would I even do that?

[Justin McElroy]

I. I don't even. Like, I feel like if we would stop putting art in museums, people would stop trying to steal it. Yeah, dude, like, the only thing that makes it stealable is that the museum doesn't want you to. You know what I'm saying? If they were just like, fine, take them if you want. Take them if you want.

[Travis McElroy]

I have no interest in art until someone tells me I can't have it.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, then you want to heist it. That's the only reason. The whole reason people heist it is because they make it hard to do it. If they made it easy and just said, take all the art you want if you want it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't think anybody would ever steal it because it would feel rude.

[Griffin McElroy]

Unless.

[Travis McElroy]

Unless.

[Griffin McElroy]

Jenny, you like your job, right? It's cool.

[Justin McElroy]

It sounds like a cool talking.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. You're nodding your head yes. If you could actually verbally say yes. So we have you recorded on audio saying that you like your job because it's actually important for the rest of.

[Justin McElroy]

My whole thing now.

[Jenny (audience member)]

Yes.

[Justin McElroy]

You and all your friends like doing close up magic, right?

[Griffin McElroy]

No, no, no. And then, Jenny, we'll cut this part out of the podcast. So the only witnesses will be the 14,000 people assembled here.

[Travis McElroy]

And if we have to kill them, we'll talk to Natalie about it.

[Justin McElroy]

And Rachel, don't delete this permanently. Save it.

[Travis McElroy]

Send it to the FBI. You could get it. Federal body.

[Griffin McElroy]

And.

[Travis McElroy]

It'S not federal in that you know that, right? When someone's claiming to be a body inspector in that way, they're not saying. And I work for the government.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

And I. And don't get it wrong. I'm not a state body inspector.

[Justin McElroy]

Or they're draft.

[Travis McElroy]

Female, usually on the beach.

[Justin McElroy]

Female body of traffic to be gender inclusive than you say.

[Griffin McElroy]

Fun.

[Travis McElroy]

I mean, it's.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Fatherly body inspector. Festive. Festive.

[Travis McElroy]

Freelance.

[Justin McElroy]

Freelance, Jenny.

[Travis McElroy]

Fungible. Because a professional body inspector is a doctor. I'm a freelance Body inspector.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm a festooned body inspector. Check out my tinsel, Ginny.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm a fast body inspector. Don't worry, we're gonna get you in and out of here in moments.

[Griffin McElroy]

I.

[Justin McElroy]

Let's keep this game of Minister's Cat going.

[Travis McElroy]

Justin.

[Griffin McElroy]

Jenny, I apologize for my brothers. This behavior is. You all don't deserve this. You all made plans to come here and see us live tonight. You did not agree to watch us paid for parking play Minister's Cat on stage. You deserve better. And Jenny, you deserve good advice. Get in on the fucking action is what I'm saying. Answer their questions. Get a little bit of like 20% off the top.

[Justin McElroy]

I've known you for two minutes. You are the last God damned person I would suspect in a million years. If you could make. You could be an absolute gajillionaire just like no one would buy it.

[Griffin McElroy]

And you could. And we have you on the mic saying shit like I would never help with a robbery, with a stealing.

[Jenny (audience member)]

Of course not.

[Justin McElroy]

That's evidence.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's evidence. And they can put that. But this part's not in the show. But that part's definitely.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, that's evidence from court. Does that help? Does that help?

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh yeah.

[Jenny (audience member)]

I got some play plans now.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. No, no, no. Damn it. You misheard us. Thanks, Jim.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hey there.

[Travis McElroy]

Hi my friend.

[Seth (audience member)]

Hello brothers.

[Justin McElroy]

Hello.

[Griffin McElroy]

I like your shirt. For what it's worth.

[Seth (audience member)]

Thank you very much.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm sorry it's not a sweater.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, it's okay.

[Seth (audience member)]

I wish it was a sweater.

[Travis McElroy]

They can't all be.

[Griffin McElroy]

So what's your.

[Seth (audience member)]

What's your.

[Justin McElroy]

What's your question?

[Seth (audience member)]

My name is Seth.

[Justin McElroy]

He.

[Seth (audience member)]

Him. I actually sent in two questions.

[Griffin McElroy]

You had one about your grandma.

[Seth (audience member)]

Yes, I thought that might be the question that got.

[Griffin McElroy]

You knew this is a fucking banger. The boys are gonna love this shit.

[Seth (audience member)]

So I live in a multi generational household. It's my in law's house and so it's my wife, her mom and her grandma. So multiple generations there. This Grandma is pushing 90 years old.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay.

[Seth (audience member)]

She watches Gunsmoke all day.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah. And then my tv. I'm glad somebody's watching my tv. Keep it real.

[Seth (audience member)]

Yeah, exactly, exactly. That's what it is. And she has no idea how to interact with children. So when my nephew comes around or we actually just brought home a two month old foster boy.

[Travis McElroy]

Congratulations.

[Seth (audience member)]

Thank you very much. She scares the living daylights out of.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, old people are scary. They don't like to talk about it.

[Griffin McElroy]

But they've earned that A little bit.

[Travis McElroy]

That's what I'm saying. When you're pushing nine and you've made it to the great grandparents stage, you don't have to fucking impress anybody. Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Let alone a kid who's young enough to not remember these interactions anymore, it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Is incumbent on the children to kind of stiff upper lip it and. You ever seen Gunsmoke Kids? Cause it's pretty lit, actually. So you're looking for the exact wording of your question.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, it's very good. May I read?

[Seth (audience member)]

Yes, please.

[Griffin McElroy]

How do I market my grandma to be less scary to the great grandkids?

[Travis McElroy]

That's awesome. So we're the focus group.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

At this marketing firm of Great Grandma's Inc. Yeah. And we're gonna rebrand. What's her name?

[Griffin McElroy]

You don't have to say your great grandma.

[Travis McElroy]

No, but like, I mean, what's her grandma name? I mean, just grandma. Okay, we're gonna start there.

[Justin McElroy]

Let's start there.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can be boosted up.

[Justin McElroy]

What about Peabo?

[Travis McElroy]

Peaboard's cool.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, that's fun to say.

[Griffin McElroy]

Kids will love saying that.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. Like Peabo Bryson.

[Travis McElroy]

Especially if you're like, great Peabo.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Great Pebo.

[Travis McElroy]

The great. The Great Peabo.

[Griffin McElroy]

Here comes the Great Peabo. Fuck yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

I like that. Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

The Great Peabo is a great start, actually. I thought it was a joke, but it's turned out to be very good.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

The Great Peabo.

[Travis McElroy]

And maybe put some posters up of like, get ready, she's coming. The Great Peabo.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, that's cool. Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

And maybe list some show times of when they come can see the Great Pebo.

[Griffin McElroy]

Just make them take iPad breaks every once in a while to watch the trailer you've made for the Great Pebo.

[Justin McElroy]

Have you guys enjoyed how on Tik Tok? We've recently discovered that, like, our Octa and Nonagenarians have a little bit left. A little bit left. A little bit of. A little bit of content left on them.

[Travis McElroy]

Just a little bit of content left.

[Justin McElroy]

We can chip away before. Before they join the choir.

[Travis McElroy]

Invisible.

[Justin McElroy]

Just like a little bit of content. Content left in there.

[Travis McElroy]

To get just a little bit of.

[Justin McElroy]

Content we could get out of there. They just play, man. Just make a play. Fallout 4 one time. And then they could die. Just get a little bit more content out.

[Travis McElroy]

People often Wonder how being 15 years of Internet content creators has changed the way that we look at the world.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, that's it.

[Seth (audience member)]

That's it.

[Griffin McElroy]

What you just heard Justin say.

[Justin McElroy]

I mean, my grandma dress up like Frankenstein and talk to me about her life growing up, like, just a little bit more content.

[Travis McElroy]

Only 20 likes. Grandma. We gotta do more. We gotta do more. Grandma. Could you do somewhere if someone stands in a square for five hours, you buy him a TV.

[Justin McElroy]

Learn the dance from. If Mr.

[Griffin McElroy]

Beast would take a step back and just, like, lower the stakes a little bit more.

[Travis McElroy]

And now I'm Mr. Beast Senior.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Does your great grandma do anything that, like, kids would. Would be like. Our grandma loved playing bingo, and that was cool. Bingo's an all right game.

[Travis McElroy]

She'd come over and she would often give me books of matches, which was cool.

[Griffin McElroy]

Fuck, yeah.

[Seth (audience member)]

She's got a ton of jewelry that she loves to give away to people.

[Griffin McElroy]

Kids love that shit.

[Justin McElroy]

Dude, that's good.

[Seth (audience member)]

Yeah. Babies love jewelry.

[Justin McElroy]

They do, actually.

[Travis McElroy]

They do. Could they earn it from her by acting like they like her? And eventually the affection becomes real?

[Griffin McElroy]

It's true. That's how it happened in Tuesdays with Maury, I think.

[Justin McElroy]

Fuck.

[Travis McElroy]

I knew you were gonna say that.

[Griffin McElroy]

I've never. I gotta read that fucking book as much as I reference it.

[Travis McElroy]

Every time they hang out, Maury gives them a new ring.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. And he's like, I'm starting to like you. Distinguished older gentlemen.

[Justin McElroy]

What's your name again?

[Griffin McElroy]

What's your name?

[Justin McElroy]

What day is it?

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, man, if I'd known that, we would have hung out on Mondays. Does that.

[Justin McElroy]

Does she even have an apple watch?

[Seth (audience member)]

She does not. But Christmas is just.

[Travis McElroy]

What are you doing? Could you get her some Google glasses?

[Justin McElroy]

Related to somebody without Google glasses.

[Griffin McElroy]

Does that help?

[Travis McElroy]

Does she play Roblox?

[Justin McElroy]

Does she play Roblox?

[Griffin McElroy]

Does she play Roblox?

[Seth (audience member)]

She will soon.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Thank you. Thank you. S. Now we're talking. Thank you.

[Travis McElroy]

Does that.

[Justin McElroy]

Have we fixed your life?

[Griffin McElroy]

Life.

[Justin McElroy]

Thank you, cuz.

[Travis McElroy]

It should have been Mondays with more.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, no, it would be a.

[Travis McElroy]

It would have been easier for him to remember on his calendar.

[Griffin McElroy]

On this. Hello.

[Mitzy (audience member)]

Hi.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hi.

[Mitzy (audience member)]

I'm Mitzy.

[Justin McElroy]

Hi, Mitzy.

[Mitzy (audience member)]

Nice to meet you.

[Travis McElroy]

Nice to meet you, too.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm really looking forward to this.

[Justin McElroy]

People never say that.

[Travis McElroy]

We never get to hang out anymore.

[Griffin McElroy]

I know.

[Travis McElroy]

You know, but as you get older, who has the time?

[Griffin McElroy]

Mitzy, I know your question, but would you. Yes. Yes.

[Mitzy (audience member)]

So through the normal course of doing her job, my sister has acquired an exceptional horse kidney stone.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Mitzy (audience member)]

Not our horse.

[Griffin McElroy]

Not your horse. Yeah. Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

Is her job stealing? Horse Kidney stones.

[Justin McElroy]

Now you see it, now you don't.

[Travis McElroy]

Now you pee it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Not this.

[Travis McElroy]

Not this.

[Mitzy (audience member)]

If the owner doesn't come back for it, we get to keep it. And I'm looking for advice on the.

[Griffin McElroy]

If the own. There's like. Yeah, dude. Every part of that. If the owner doesn't come back where?

[Mitzy (audience member)]

Like to the horse kidney removal.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

Veterinarian. You can say veterinarian.

[Justin McElroy]

Say horse. No, I think you should say horse kidney removal place. That makes me happier. You being kidney makes me happy to be alive. And it's that one. So keep saying that one.

[Griffin McElroy]

They didn't take the horse to a Jiffy Lube.

[Justin McElroy]

Take him to a horse kidney removal place.

[Travis McElroy]

No, it's a roller coaster where everyone passes kidney Old alley.

[Griffin McElroy]

Jesus, I wish. So imagine what is your.

[Justin McElroy]

So you get to keep it if.

[Griffin McElroy]

They don't come back.

[Mitzy (audience member)]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

So what's the problem?

[Mitzy (audience member)]

I would love some advice on how to preserve and best display this treasure now.

[Justin McElroy]

Preserve. You know, we have no idea. You know that. That's just science.

[Travis McElroy]

Paul, can we show the bishop.

[Griffin McElroy]

Paul, the. Show it yet.

[Justin McElroy]

It's a little. It's like. Can we actually.

[Griffin McElroy]

No.

[Justin McElroy]

No. Can we take a vote? No, I think we should show hands.

[Travis McElroy]

Like, if you want, you can vote with your eyes. Close your eyes if you don't. No, no.

[Justin McElroy]

I. I am curious. If you would like to see the kidney show. Raise your hand. Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's pretty.

[Justin McElroy]

It's not even a question. Just like.

[Travis McElroy]

For like.

[Griffin McElroy]

Like five seconds, we'll just like, throw.

[Travis McElroy]

It up so it's not gross.

[Justin McElroy]

As a former kidney stone sufferer, it's pretty gross. Is it's like, exactly like. Just do show it. Well, we're going to show it. Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

That'S not gross.

[Griffin McElroy]

And now. And now take it away.

[Justin McElroy]

Now it's.

[Travis McElroy]

No, wait, I need it back. No, I need it back up for a second because I have to ask you a question.

[Justin McElroy]

See, they don't like it. They pick.

[Travis McElroy]

You gave nothing of scale here in this picture.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, that is actually a good question. How about like.

[Mitzy (audience member)]

Like size of a plum.

[Travis McElroy]

Off.

[Justin McElroy]

How big was this?

[Griffin McElroy]

How big was this horse?

[Mitzy (audience member)]

Like horse size.

[Griffin McElroy]

Horse size.

[Justin McElroy]

Horse size. God damn, that's funny shit. That's a good way to make fun of Griffin. I wish I had said that. Guys.

[Travis McElroy]

I was gonna say on a ring, but even then.

[Griffin McElroy]

Do you know what sucks? I had a kidney stone in college that was so bad that it put me in the hospital, like three times. They had to surgically remove it when I came out of anesthesia.

[Justin McElroy]

This next part's true.

[Griffin McElroy]

I did ask my girlfriend at the time to move in with me. Not in the best headspace to do that. But also, they just got rid of the stone.

[Justin McElroy]

I was so pissed off.

[Griffin McElroy]

Are you kidding me? I'm not probably gonna make another one of those.

[Justin McElroy]

So I get why this is a special relic.

[Travis McElroy]

And it was arrowhead shaped. It was cool. He could have turned it into a tiny arrow to kill a mouse with.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, sure. Because I'm really super, super messed up.

[Justin McElroy]

I think. I think, now that I think about it, resin would be a good option. If you just got some clear resin and then you could paperweight.

[Travis McElroy]

No, John Hammond it right on onto a walking stick. That's sick.

[Justin McElroy]

Actually, that would be sick.

[Travis McElroy]

Or even bigger center of a bowling ball, like in Mystery Men.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, I will.

[Griffin McElroy]

I like walking stick because then you're kind of making this enormous foul horse kidney stone at eye level to everybody pretty much all the time. And people are gonna come up to you and they're gonna say, wow, that's one fucked up looking pine cone. And you say, friend, do I have a story for you.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. No idea.

[Travis McElroy]

It's important to have a prop when you later have to explain to another scientist that maybe it was a mistake to build your theme park full of giant extinct horses. And you can spin it in front of you as you like, look into it and talk about, all I wanted to do was bring back giant extinct horses based on this kidney stone. And they're like, we should have known better. And you're like, well, obviously, Obviously.

[Griffin McElroy]

Obviously. Oh, man, that thing was really, really gnarly.

[Justin McElroy]

Let's do one more.

[Natalie (audience member)]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. God, dude, haven't Stone Fruits been through enough?

[Griffin McElroy]

Forgive me. I have stolen the kidney stones from the horse kidney. They were so yucky and so sharp.

[Justin McElroy]

That was a real thinker.

[Travis McElroy]

And I loved it.

[Justin McElroy]

I loved it. Hey, does that help?

[Mitzy (audience member)]

Definitely.

[Travis McElroy]

Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Hey, that's gonna do it for us. Can we bring the lights back down?

[Justin McElroy]

You all have been so great. You actually have made this the best 24 hours. Wow.

[Griffin McElroy]

And you heard all the really bad stuff you went through.

[Travis McElroy]

He had to eat. Brilliant breakfast.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Well, no, thank you. To now I will say the me getting extremely sick on the plane is now 28 hours ago. So it's no longer in the 24 hours. So the clock has kind of moved, but it's still a lot of cheering and I do appreciate that very much.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thank you so much for coming. Thank you to Kingsbury hall for having us. This is a beautiful.

[Justin McElroy]

It's a beautiful place. Don't you love the paintings? I love. I love that. If you don't like the show. You can just look at a painting that's convenient.

[Griffin McElroy]

Big ass paint for a while.

[Justin McElroy]

If you want second screen entertainment.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's cool.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey, did you all enjoy that video we showed during intermission? That was made by Tom who does all of our video stuff for us and he's here tonight. So let's give it up for Tom, Big Tom.

[Justin McElroy]

Thanks, Tom. Woo. That's enough. It's still mainly us doing the jokes. So just a little bit of cheering for Tom is fine.

[Griffin McElroy]

So much to Paul and and thank you to. Yes. And thank you to Amanda and Rachel and our dad. Our dad, Clinton McElroy.

[Justin McElroy]

So glad he and Griffin got some time together today.

[Travis McElroy]

Love that.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thank you to Scott Hope who designed this rad poster. I think there's still some more out there. I do believe we are out of the Paul Sabor memorial can food drive coins. But if you want to make a donation to the Utah Food bank out.

[Travis McElroy]

There to you in the second row waving the checkered flag. It's amazing how good that makes me feel. Yeah, I genuinely feel everybody. It does kind of feel like we're pulling into the finish line of the show.

[Justin McElroy]

We can't finish. This has taken everything from us.

[Travis McElroy]

You have no idea.

[Justin McElroy]

We're barely a standing.

[Travis McElroy]

I blew out three tires finishing this show.

[Griffin McElroy]

We can't finish until we thank Montagne for these for a theme song. My life is better with you.

[Justin McElroy]

Griffin.

[Griffin McElroy]

And I apologize for how yucky that sounded.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, Travis has got it. I was gonna say you're the only sucker with a screen now, but Travis got his.

[Travis McElroy]

I've got it right now.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes. You're gonna leave us off here. Thank you so much, Salt Lake City for coming.

[Justin McElroy]

Thank you, sir. Like I know you, you're supposed to have that end of a show. But thank you so much. It's been. You all been amazing.

[Travis McElroy]

We've had a killer time. I, a 35 year old with a full 9 month old child will be faster than my fear of when the animatronics that spirit Halloween try to get me unprovoked.

[Justin McElroy]

My name is Justin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm Travis McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm Griffin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

This has been my brother.

[Justin McElroy]

My brother me. Kiss your dad square on the lips.

[Montagne (musical guest)]

Is that with you? My life it's better it's better with you My life it's better it's better with you. Is it true? It's better it's better with you My.

[Justin McElroy]

Life.

[Montagne (musical guest)]

It'S better with you.

[Justin McElroy]

Maximum fun.

[Griffin McElroy]

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