MBMBaM 794: Candlenights XXX

Summary

My Brother, My Brother and Me (MBMBaM) 794: Candlenights XXX

Release Date: December 22, 2025
Hosts: Justin, Travis, and Griffin McElroy

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Overview

This festive episode of MBMBaM celebrates the annual "Candlenights" tradition – the McElroy family’s tongue-in-cheek, all-inclusive holiday. The brothers trade irreverent banter, tackle listener questions about holiday antics, and play a signature game dissecting real and imagined Hallmark holiday specials. The show steers into absurd holiday hypotheticals, workplace party etiquette, and invented holiday lore, maintaining the trademark warmth and playful nonsense that defines Candlenights.

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Key Segments & Topics

1. Opening Festivities & Christmas Mischief

[01:10-02:01]

• Griffin introduces himself as the “sweet baby elf” causing “Christmas mischief.”
• The trio jokes about Christmas mischief (eating candy canes, smashing gingerbread houses, and tummy aches).

2. Scrooge’s Redemption Arc: How Long Does It Stick?

[02:01-06:22]

• The brothers ponder Scrooge’s transformation in A Christmas Carol.
• Debate if Scrooge’s generosity and goodness actually lasts beyond Christmas Day.
• Satirical speculation on Scrooge’s finances after his wild acts of charity:
  • Justin: “I think Scrooge makes it to dinner before he's like, ‘fucking hell, man.’” [03:21]
  • Financial logistics poked fun at: “They have to invent all kinds of currencies…” [05:46]

3. The Candlenights Live Show & Theater Anecdotes

[06:22-09:31]

• Justin shares updates on swapping roles in local theater with news anchor Tim Ear (Scrooge & Jacob Marley), including Tim’s method acting and enormous custom steel chains.
  • Justin: “Tim here is wearing gym shorts, a T shirt, chains, and a mouthful of green blood that he barfs on me for no reason I can discern.” [07:57]

4. Holiday Advice: Candlenights School Gift Bags

[10:07-14:14]

• Listener asks what to put in a Candlenights-themed gift bag for school.
• The brothers riff on the invented holiday’s lore:
  • Large, impractical props as Candlenights symbols (long candles, Buicks).
  • Fun Dip (Lick a Maid) and stickers ultimately recommended as the most inclusive, real-world solution.
  • Candlenights canon: "It can be whatever you want it to be. Put whatever you want to in this bag... that's part of the canon now." — Griffin [13:30]
• Anecdotes about prop storage, including a TARDIS and clown box for the theater show.

5. Workplace Holiday Party Etiquette

[15:59-19:47]

• Listener worries about how drunk is too drunk at a work party with near-strangers.
  • Justin: “The answer here is to just not be the drunkest person there.” [18:35]
  • Griffin shares his humbling "Sonic the Hedgehog" over-imbibing incident at a Halloween party, calling it his personal “Christmas Carol” epiphany. [17:29]

6. Horses, Santas, and Animal Holiday Lore

[19:50-25:39]

• Listener with horses asks how to keep horses “believing” in Santa after they see humans deliver treats.
• The brothers examine the logic of animal holiday characters, referencing "Peppa Pig," "Mickey Mouse Clubhouse," and the confusing logic of Santa in animal universes.
  • Spirals into the invention of “cat Santa,” and talk about Grumpy Cat’s real name, tartar sauce, and its trademarked beverage partnerships.
  • Griffin: “It can’t be a character or performance anything. It’s a cat with a cat brain… he gets one name, and that name’s Grumpy Cat.” [22:25]

7. Inventing Hallmark Holiday Movie Plots

[34:14-47:06]

• Justin leads a game where he mixes real and invented Hallmark holiday movie synopses; Griffin and Travis try to guess which are real.
  • Oi to the World: Real Hallmark movie involving Hanukkah at an Episcopal church. [34:44]
  • A Limitless Christmas: Fake.
  • Christmas at the Catnip Cafe: Real; features a cat café inheritance.
  • A Grand Ole Opry Christmas: Real; time-travel musical drama.
  • My Husband is a Ghost: Fake; centers on a ghostly Civil War general.

Notable Quote:
“Some maker of these fine holiday films ran out of things to do holiday films about... I can Christmas that. I can cat cafe, veterinarian, hot veterinarian, good to go.” — Griffin [39:31]

8. Neighborhood Holiday Decor Dilemmas

[50:24-53:47]

• Listener is scared of a neighbor’s massive, glowing 12-foot wooden reindeer.
• The brothers discuss holiday decorations' intimidating aesthetics and make tongue-in-cheek suggestions (e.g., reorienting the reindeer to freak out the neighbors).
• Reference to the Swedish Gävle Goat, a famous regularly-burned yuletide effigy.

9. Endfare & Merch

[54:13-55:22]

• Thanks to Candlenights attendees and info on streaming the show.
• Plug for new merchandise (dice trays, posters, ornaments) and donations to the charity Harmony House.

10. Fear of the Year Closer

[55:22-56:24]

• The show closes with a final “fear of the year”: cracking an egg and finding a baby bird.
  • Griffin: “This one’s a real one. Start your engines. This year I want to be faster than my fear of cracking an egg and a baby bird falling out.” [55:40]

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• “These ghosts have taken everything from me.” — Griffin [04:40]
• “There's also no scene in the show where Ebenezer Scrooge... gives someone a ham and they're like, ‘Actually still fuck you, though.’” — Griffin [05:09]
• “Stay inside.” — The brothers, mocking obvious advice around party behavior [17:27]
• “You don’t have to put it in your home, Justin.” — Travis, on Justin’s compulsion to store random theater props at home [15:40]
• “If you're hitting swishes on Connect Four basketball, people are going to sort of talk about you in a Cool Way from then on.” — Griffin [19:07]
• “I don’t think you should burn this 12 foot tall, bright white reindeer.” — Travis [51:44]
• “Why not just call it Foliardieu? Like why do you joke out?” — Griffin, getting inexplicably lost in “double yoker” semantics [56:09]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:21 – Theme song & intros
• 02:01 – Scrooge deep dive & Christmas Carol breakdown
• 06:22 – Candlenights live show and Jacob Marley chain anecdote
• 10:07 – Advice: Candlenights school gift bag
• 15:59 – Work holiday party alcohol advice
• 19:50 – Horses, Santa, and animal holiday universes
• 34:14 – Hallmark movie guessing game
• 50:24 – Listener worried about giant reindeer decoration
• 54:13 – Candlenights wrap-up, merch, and charity notes
• 55:22 – Final “fear of the year”

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Overall Tone & Style

The episode blends the McElroys’ quick-witted, sibling-comedy dynamic with off-the-wall holiday scenarios, absurdist hypotheticals, and gentle riffing on holiday traditions (real and imagined). The language is mischievous, irreverent, and bursting with inside jokes, but always anchored by good-natured sibling warmth.

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For Newcomers

If you’ve never listened, this episode is a quintessential Candlenights celebration — full of improvisational comedy, affectionate mockery of holiday customs, unexpected tangents, and the earnest support for fans and the broader community that defines MBMBaM.

Transcript

[Griffin McElroy]

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which.

[Justin McElroy]

I mention only so the babies out.

[Griffin McElroy]

There will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

[Guest or Background Singer]

It's the start of something beautiful A.

[Justin McElroy]

Small acquaintance has blossomed it's ripened into.

[Guest or Background Singer]

A precious friends I could have never seen what was coming for me Hangs at the skate park Hangs by the beach My life It feels like life is. Ah. It's better it's better with you My life is. It's better it's better with you this is true it's better. It's better with two.

[Justin McElroy]

Hello, everybody and welcome to My Brother, My Brother and Me. It's an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm your middlest brother, Travis Big Dog, Wolf. Wolf McElroy. What's up, TravNation?

[Griffin McElroy]

What's up, Trav Nation? And Happy Honda Days. It's me, your sweet baby elf, Lil Stinker Elf, here to create some Christmas mischief. Griffin McElroy.

[Justin McElroy]

What?

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, what kind of.

[Justin McElroy]

Sorry. One more time, Griff.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hey, everybody, it's me. It's.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey, Trevor.

[Griffin McElroy]

Happy Honda Days. It's me, your sweet baby elf. A Christmas elf here to cause Christmas mischief.

[Travis McElroy]

Griffin McRoy, what kind of Christmas mischief do you have planned?

[Griffin McElroy]

I eat all the candy canes.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, that's gonna hurt your tummy.

[Griffin McElroy]

It did. It hurted it so bad. Burning too much peppermint. Burning it up. But how else am I gonna do Christmas mischief? Smash all the gingerbread houses.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey, I wanna talk about Christmas carol for a second.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, which one?

[Travis McElroy]

No, just like the general concept.

[Griffin McElroy]

All right, cool.

[Justin McElroy]

The show or the carol? Like the singing? The idea of singing.

[Travis McElroy]

No, the book. The story.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, the story. The book.

[Travis McElroy]

How long do you think I'm playing.

[Justin McElroy]

Scrooge tonight, you see?

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, this will be great.

[Justin McElroy]

Are you Scrooge tonight? I will be the Scrooge.

[Travis McElroy]

Nice. This is great then, Justin, because you.

[Justin McElroy]

Can At Huntington City hall tonight I'll be the Scrooge.

[Travis McElroy]

The thing I've always wondered about. How long do you think it sticks?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, this is. This is a great. This is a great topic of conversation. How long does it. How long does he stay good? Do you think he makes it to next Christmas? Do you think he makes it to New Year? Do you think there's a scene if that movie or play or book or whatever that keeps on going. December 31st. And his nephew's like, hey, it's been so fun partying with you for six straight days. Do you want to come over for New Year's tonight and stay up past midnight? And Scrooge is gonna be like, that sounds. Actually, I'm burnt out, man. I have to take a break.

[Justin McElroy]

I think it will probably. I think there's a reason that every single version of Christmas Carol, you see, the one thing that they won't do is, is make it to Fred's party later that Christmas Day.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes.

[Justin McElroy]

You don't see. Cause I think Scrooge makes it to dinner before he's like, fucking hell, man. These people are all. There's so many.

[Travis McElroy]

There's so many people. I also just gave away a lot of money and like forgave a lot of debt. I promised Cratchit a ra. Like, that's ruined.

[Griffin McElroy]

My business is ruined.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm ruined.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm ruined from. Also, I think the second Mr. Cat is.

[Justin McElroy]

Go ahead, Uncle Scrooge. I'm ruined.

[Griffin McElroy]

I can't. I'm ruined. I simply have nothing.

[Justin McElroy]

I have nothing.

[Travis McElroy]

I think there's storehouses and workhouses and stuff because I need to go. I need to go to one. Yes.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's funny. I never thought for me.

[Justin McElroy]

He shows up the next day at the crutches. He's like, listen, Bob, I know I talked to Big Game about helping get Tiny Tim Weld.

[Travis McElroy]

I would love to hit you back on that, but I am bereft, my man. I gave it all. I got nothing.

[Griffin McElroy]

I spent your son's legs, medicine money on big turkey money. And now I don't. I can't do it anymore.

[Travis McElroy]

You guys like that turkey? That turkey was great though, right?

[Griffin McElroy]

Great turkey though, right? Filled his belly up.

[Justin McElroy]

I got left. Cause I am feeling a mite peckish. I'll drink Hard Times.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'll drink a broth of the bones. Bob, I have nothing.

[Travis McElroy]

Anything you've got, man.

[Griffin McElroy]

These ghosts have taken everything from me.

[Travis McElroy]

I could be your son. I'm betting with Tiny Tim. I'll arm wrestle that movie.

[Griffin McElroy]

I love your new son. I know how to change.

[Justin McElroy]

My son, Ebby Cratchit.

[Griffin McElroy]

They'll call me sweet Ebby, the 85 year old son of Bob Cratchit.

[Justin McElroy]

What's that? You don't want someone that communes with ghosts. I understand this is a very superstitious era.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

And yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, you're burning me. I'm being burned.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, Yeah, I am being burned.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's fair.

[Griffin McElroy]

There's also no scene in the show where Ebenezer Scrooge, like, comes up to someone, is like, what's up? Take this little ham. I'm good now. And the person's like, actually still fuck you, though. Like, you really have been a monster for a long time. I think someone puts up a little bit of resistance to Scrooge's kind of transformation, and he's gonna be like, wait a minute. What? This isn't. What? You didn't. You didn't hear the thing about where the ghosts turn me good.

[Travis McElroy]

Here's a doll that I bought for you. I'm 42 years old. You ruined my business. Forgive.

[Griffin McElroy]

You have to forgive me. This is a doll. That's child logic, Scrooge.

[Justin McElroy]

That may be completely fair, because the other unifying factor of every Christmas Carol story is that they cannot let you know what Scrooge is spending at the end. They have to invent all kinds of currencies. You know what I mean? It's always like, and there's three talents for the duck, and here's 10 crowns, and for this, 60 pence.

[Travis McElroy]

How much?

[Justin McElroy]

Nobody knows, dude. He's just chucking coins.

[Griffin McElroy]

15 million Zeny for the biggest, fattest Christmas goose.

[Travis McElroy]

Do you accept dogecobo?

[Justin McElroy]

A fatter chocobo is my zeny can purchase.

[Travis McElroy]

It also occurred to me this year for the first time. I'm 14 years old. I've watched so many Christmas carols that the implication of Jacob Marley telling Ebenezer Scrooge that your chain is even bigger and heavier than mine is that there is another end of that where there is somebody who has committed very minor sins against humanity, who has, like a chain of paper loops or something, you know, and it's like, yeah, man, you gotta carry this around. And it's like, okay, yeah, cool, man.

[Justin McElroy]

I gotta tell you guys, I swapped roles with Tim ear this year. WSAZ's own anchor, Tim Ear. And this year he's Jacob Marley and I'm Scrooge. Last year, it was reversed, okay?

[Travis McElroy]

So it's like a really slow, like, played out, True west kind of thing where it's like once a year we switch.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, we barely know our own lines and we kind of barely know each other's lines. No, but he came and he's like, justin, check these out. And he holds up his chains and he is very clearly being brought down by the weight of them. I'm like, tim, what are. He's like, I went to Huntington Steele and I told him, I'm gonna play Jacob Marley. I need chains. And they're like, yeah, we can make you some chains. So they made his chains, and it's like such a great commercial for Huntington's own Huntington Steel.

[Travis McElroy]

In the words of Laurence Olivier, I believe. Try acting. You don't. Yeah, you don't have to, Tim. But then again, then Tim gets swole because by the end of the run, he takes the chains off and he's dunking over everything.

[Justin McElroy]

Last night. Last night. Here's Tim. Here's dedication to method. Last night is our final rehearsal before the show. Tim here is wearing gym shorts, a T shirt, chains, and a mouthful of green blood that he barfs on me for no reason. I can discern and with no warning.

[Griffin McElroy]

This sounds like working with no fear.

[Justin McElroy]

Tim, ear.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

And is it fake green blood or.

[Justin McElroy]

It's still staining the stage of the City hall auditorium, so hopefully you can check it out for yourself that you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Have to switch roles with him because most of Scrooge's role in the show is to be scared of ghosts, and that is simply not an emotion that Timmy is capable of even emulating.

[Justin McElroy]

How much time. If you're playing Scrooge, you're basically just sad about your girlfriend and listening to ghosts. Yeah, man, that's pretty much it.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's basically it.

[Justin McElroy]

And you gotta be scared a lot.

[Travis McElroy]

And then being in pretty strict denial when Ghosts of Christmas Future shows up and you're like, whose grave is that? That could be anybody's grave, right? Man, I know that this whole evening has kind of centered around this guy. So that's just some stranger's grave, right?

[Griffin McElroy]

I know I'm 75 years old and it's the dark ages, but that can't possibly be my grave.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, that Bonieser Skarage. Some stranger, huh? I think so, yeah. There's snow all over it or whatever.

[Justin McElroy]

I do this one different. I distract the Ghost of Christmas Future, and then I flee into the audience, and then I become one of them. And then it becomes kind of an interactive game where you have to find.

[Travis McElroy]

Scrooge and one of the audience has to die.

[Justin McElroy]

And one of the audience has to die. Hey, this is an advice show. And Travis has gathered some of your candlelights questions because it is our holiday still.

[Griffin McElroy]

We're gonna cuss on this. We did our best. Not during the show. The live show, which you can now watch on demand whenever the hell you want to. This is Candlenight's xxx that URL is bit ly candlenights2025. You can watch it anytime from now until January 4th on demand, at your leisure. And ringing the holidays right with us. And some of our buddies and family members.

[Justin McElroy]

Friends at my school bring in treats and gift bags that represent the special holidays their families celebrate. What types of things should I put in a gift bag for candle nights? I am in second grade. That's from Candlenight Celebrant Killian.

[Griffin McElroy]

Ooh. Hell yeah. This is the problem is there's not a lot of props from candlenights that can fit in a school bag. A lot of the stuff we deal with is big stuff. Big bush, big bushes, very, very, very long candles. That's sort of like a Buick. A Buick is part of it, yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Maybe just bring him a Fortnight. Fortnite is a Fortnite. No, I mean whatever a Fortnite is, just bring him one of those. That's very candlenights related. We did do candlenights Fortnite tie in this year. I think that went through, right?

[Justin McElroy]

Did that go through? I think that might have got held up in development.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hell no.

[Justin McElroy]

Biz Dev. Hell, maybe they were too busy with.

[Griffin McElroy]

The Simpsons stuff and they said, sorry, boys, maybe next year. But they've been kicking this can down the road for four, five years or something. I don't think.

[Justin McElroy]

I gotta be honest, Killian, you just gotta bring in a bunch of Lick a Maid. You know, it's like it doesn't. I love for you to represent our fake holiday, but you're in second grade and you got a lot of life to live. What you should do is just bring in enough Lick a Maid Fun Dip for everybody. And if you give everybody Lick a Maid Fun Dip, maybe it's got Christmas tree on it. Maybe it doesn't. I don't care. Doesn't either. They're just gonna be so stoked that Killian brought Lickamade Fun Dip and maybe.

[Travis McElroy]

A $5 bill in each bag.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, well, Killian's not gonna bring in a bunch of cash. I don't think and I'm not sure. Are they still doing Lick a Maid Fun Dip?

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, yeah, maybe.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Just cause you won't buy your kids cool shit doesn't mean that the rest of us aren't enjoying Licka Maid Fun. Dipping candy, cigarettes, and Griffin, if you.

[Travis McElroy]

Don'T have any, I could go around my living room and just kind of shake out my couch cushions to get probably at least two packages worth that my children have just left all over.

[Justin McElroy]

The place you could also go to any sitgo in Hurricane West Virginia. And there are rows and rows of them just of kidsaw.

[Travis McElroy]

No kid. Sorry, Kid Shaw is Major League Chew. So I guess lickamate is teaching you to chop it up into lines. I guess, yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Do you think the first guy that had big. Do you think the first guy that tried Big league Chew, he brings it into the dugout, puts a huge wad in, right? And he's chewing. And the other guy's like, cool. That guy's cool. And then he's like still chewing it. They're like, greg, you have to stop.

[Travis McElroy]

That's disgusting, dude. You're doing it wrong. And you're actively chomping it.

[Justin McElroy]

It's like, greg, stop, dude, you're gonna get sick.

[Travis McElroy]

And then he blows a big bubble and they're like, wizard, you made it pink, dude.

[Justin McElroy]

You screwed up. You're sick. Is that your gums?

[Travis McElroy]

Your tongue's expanding rapidly.

[Justin McElroy]

Gums are falling out.

[Griffin McElroy]

I had an airplane neighbor tuck a Zen in while they were sitting next to me on the flight. And I realized that I don't really know what happens to those in the mouth. I've never done one. I know everyone's pretty wild about these things. Does it just kind of loose leaf tea in there or does it just.

[Justin McElroy]

Park them and let them steep?

[Travis McElroy]

So take your second grade classmates, a bunch of Zen.

[Griffin McElroy]

I guess I wouldn't do any of that. Here's the thing, Killian. You can Candle nights is a pan religious pan. I don't wanna say that part. Cause you're in second grade. Personal pan holiday. It can be whatever you want it to be. Put whatever you want to in this bag. Maybe it's like a made fun dip. Maybe it's stickers. Kids stickers, if that's your thing. And guess what? That's part of the canon now. It's a big, big umbrella over here.

[Justin McElroy]

Do you guys know how many times in the week leading up to Candle Nights, longtime friends and family would come up to have came up to me and said, is this something in candlenights? And I would have to like, really think, like, I actually have to go check a Wikipedia page. Excuse me for a second. Because it is. There's a lot in there. And I have to go look.

[Griffin McElroy]

We had a night also.

[Justin McElroy]

It can be PS if you want to. Sure.

[Griffin McElroy]

It can be anything.

[Justin McElroy]

Can be. Check it in there.

[Griffin McElroy]

We had a night where we were picking up some of the set stuff from the storage facility for. Is it Heart? Heart in the Park.

[Justin McElroy]

Or.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. So the outdoor theater. So all these play props, background set dressing, just walking through there with a group of like 20 people and kids and just being like, is this a candle? Here's some boxing gloves. Is this a candle? Knights.

[Travis McElroy]

Here's a big green door from the wizard of Oz. When you go in the Emerald City, is this anything?

[Griffin McElroy]

Is this something? Here's a whole ass tardis. Could this be a candlenight?

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, the TARDIS was. I felt, this is a good story. So I built a TARDIS two years ago, and it went to a fantasy maze thing, and then it got stored at that building and it got buried with sets and I couldn't get it. But then there was 20 people there at that building. And then I looked at everybody there. I was like, you know what would be so cool in the lobby if you came to Candlelights? And you're wondering why the TARDIS was in the lobby. It is because it was a way station between there and my house.

[Travis McElroy]

Because I wanted. That's labor embezzlement, Justin.

[Justin McElroy]

Yes, I have smuggled. Oh, God. Which reminds me of the clown box. It's at the building. I have to go get it.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's at the Keith Albee still no, sir.

[Justin McElroy]

It's at the storage building. I have to go get it and put it in my.

[Griffin McElroy]

Maybe leave it there. It's.

[Travis McElroy]

You don't have to put it in your home, Justin.

[Justin McElroy]

You wouldn't love it, right? Imagine, guys, if it was like, right here.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't.

[Travis McElroy]

Here's what you do, Justin. You're gonna get the clown box, you're gonna put it just out of frame, and then you're gonna move it like half an inch a year slowly into frame.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's awesome. That's so.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, we're going to be doing this for 100 years.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm just wondering how drunk I can get at my work holiday party. They specifically picked Friday so we could start the party at 12 and not have to work after. Meaning drinking is allowed at the party. It's a bar arcade thing. The thing is, I don't really know the people that well at the party. I only work one day a week in person, meaning I do not see these people that much. I would consider us acquaintances. Is that better or worse? If I get absolutely. Excuse me. If I get absolutely tabled in front of them.

[Griffin McElroy]

I have not heard that before.

[Justin McElroy]

In my defense. Absolutely. Tabled is a lot.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

In front of them. Partying hard in Pittsburgh is who that's from, boy. I mean, obviously this answer is Going to be different for everybody. You have to know thyself.

[Griffin McElroy]

Are you cool to. Are you a cool thing?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's a huge one.

[Travis McElroy]

That's the real question, Right. Cause you're not. The question isn't how much alcohol can you put into your body.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

It's what level of behavior can you hit.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

And still be cool.

[Justin McElroy]

God, that's such a fine line, though, because you have to be. You need those inhibitions, don't you? I mean, sometimes you need your inhibitions.

[Travis McElroy]

Don't go out in the rain. It is supposed to get rained on all the time.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, you're wet now.

[Travis McElroy]

Cool.

[Justin McElroy]

You're wet now.

[Griffin McElroy]

Great.

[Travis McElroy]

You didn't think about that.

[Justin McElroy]

Stay inside.

[Griffin McElroy]

I remember very, very, very distinctly a Halloween party I went to probably 10 years ago in Austin at a friend's house. I was dressed up as Sonic the Hedgehog, and I drank too much. I drank way too much. This was before we had kids. And. And my friends were leaving the party, and I pretend to do a spin attack like Sonic does, and jumped in their backseat of their car and was like, hey, can you take me home? And then after that, after that, I got out of the car the next morning, I had a thought, which was, maybe I'm not a cool hang. At a certain degree, that. And I don't think I ever, ever got that drunk again for the rest of my whole life. That was my Christmas carol, that event. So if you know the boundaries for yourself, I think, go nuts. But I'm also uncomfortable telling anyone to get fucked up or tabled. As you said on this podcast that's being recorded.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, I mean, you know, I think the answer here is to just not be the drunkest person there. Always. I'm thinking about it. If there's one person that's like, sure, real hard, you can feel pretty comfortable not being. In fact, you may be sort of a median that that person needs. You know what I mean? You may need something in the middle that, like, you know, I wasn't so terrible. Jerry kind of got a little bit messed up, if memory serves.

[Travis McElroy]

I wasn't all that.

[Justin McElroy]

We were all having. We were all having a lot of fun.

[Griffin McElroy]

Now there. Another thing that impacts the answer to this question is like, how good are you at Arcade Games? Because if you get. You can get really, really fucked up. But if you're hitting swishes on that Connect four basketball game, like putting them up, no problem knocking them down, Larry Bird, then I think people are going to sort of talk about you in, like, a Cool. Way from then on. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

As long as you're sinking them. I mean, I think if anything, in the past 20 years we've learned that like, if you are good at athletics, you can basically get away with whatever you want.

[Travis McElroy]

So, like, especially if you get better with every drink, it's like, well, their average is going up.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, they just connected. 5. Holy shit.

[Justin McElroy]

My wife is the equine manager for University stable. Each year we help Santa by putting horse treats in each horse's stocking. The student boarders love walking to horse treats from Santa and sharing in the equine holidays. However, sometimes the horses see us helping Santa with the treats. Our question is, how do we make sure the horses continue to believe in Santa and fully understand that we are mere helpers of holiday bliss? That's from your friendly neighborhood Santa helpers.

[Travis McElroy]

Can I say one of my favorite things? My children watch children's shows because they're children and I always enjoy when there's an animal based universe. But still a human Santa.

[Griffin McElroy]

Peppa Pig does this and I do Minky Mouse Clubhouse. Yeah. No, you can't have. You can't have, like a fox Santa Claus. No, that sounds. I'm dog Santa.

[Justin McElroy]

That's fucking crazy that if a horse.

[Travis McElroy]

Sees Santa, they're not like, why isn't he also a horse? They're like, no, I get it. That's Santa.

[Justin McElroy]

Do you think it's just because they don't. Like, parents don't want to reckon with cat Santa. Like, they don't want to have to deal with, like, the questions. Like, the questions around Santa are already pretty complex. You don't want to have to get into cat Santa.

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, with cat Santa, that's easy to explain because, like, you're not going to see Santa Claus. He's pretty sneaky dude. By. As a rule. So if that's true. Cat Santa.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, my God.

[Griffin McElroy]

No one's ever let. This is a creature that is going to be impossible for you to spot.

[Travis McElroy]

It would also be really useful if your Christmas tree ever falls over, like, during the night and you're like, what happened? Like, Cat Santa.

[Griffin McElroy]

Cat Santa.

[Justin McElroy]

Cat Santa in Grumpy Cat's worst Christmas Ever.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

Tardar sauce, which is the name of the grumpy cat.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's not named Grumpy Cat.

[Travis McElroy]

No, in much the same way it is Grumpy Cat.

[Griffin McElroy]

Why does he have two names? That's crazy.

[Travis McElroy]

Grumpy Cat is a descriptive term.

[Griffin McElroy]

Right. But it's also.

[Travis McElroy]

My name's the middleest brother you Know that, right?

[Justin McElroy]

No.

[Griffin McElroy]

But you're not a cat. You're not an online cat. You can have as many names as you want. You've earned it. But the cat has a bunch of different names.

[Travis McElroy]

You don't think Grumpy Cats earned it?

[Griffin McElroy]

I've just never heard tartar sauce before. And the thing is not called the Grumpy Cat Tarter sauce. It's just called Grumpy Cat.

[Justin McElroy]

Tartar sauce is the name of a cat it performed as Grumpy Cat. It was a character.

[Griffin McElroy]

It can't be a character or performance anything. It's a cat with a cat brain that you can train to do little tricks. But he's not Daniel Day Lewis. He gets one name, and that name's Grumpy Cat.

[Travis McElroy]

You fucking tell that to Morris the cat. To Benji. To Lassie. What are you even talking about?

[Griffin McElroy]

Griffin to Lassie. Lassie the dog.

[Travis McElroy]

Lassie was played by a different dog.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think they should just call it Lassie.

[Justin McElroy]

In May 2013, Grumpy Cat Limited partner with Grenade Beverage, LLC to market the Grumpacino iced coffee beverages.

[Griffin McElroy]

Awesome.

[Justin McElroy]

Then in December 2015, Grumpy Cat Limited filed a lawsuit against Grenade Beverages LLC, citing trademark infringement with the beverage company expanded its line of Grumpy Cat coffee offerings beyond what was originally agreed upon. Producing and marketing a Grumpy Cat roasted coffee ground coffee, even after being told by email that they were not approved to do so. So if you picked up that Grump ground, that ground Grumpy Cat coffee, good news. You got a counterfeit, unlicensed. I take it back.

[Travis McElroy]

I take it back.

[Griffin McElroy]

Grumpy Cat can have as many as you want. I don't want Grumpy Cat coming after me in a sort of legal, illegal arena. That's right.

[Travis McElroy]

That's right.

[Justin McElroy]

Besides, Tartar Sauce died in 2019, so you don't have to worry about it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, man.

[Travis McElroy]

So horses see you delivering presents, Right?

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

Are you in costume? Are you yourself?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. There's a question of investment. Because you could also just have someone else put these presents in and have them look like elves or whatever. If you're worried the horses are gonna see you and be like, wait a minute, you live here? You're not one of Santa's helpers?

[Travis McElroy]

Cause you probably don't have a fireplace and a chimney in the stables, right?

[Griffin McElroy]

Probably not. That seems wildly unsafe. There's a lot of hay in there.

[Travis McElroy]

So they would have to be delivered inside.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

If you'd sold your horses on horse Santa, then you could have done this. With very little worry. Because they would never assume that a human would help horse Santa. But if they think human Santa and they see you doing. They're gonna put two and two together. You know what I mean? Like they're gonna draw their own conclusions. I know it's kind of shitty to assume all humans know each other, but that's how horses are sometimes.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. I mean, I feel terrible because my first impulse was to think surely the reindeer are responsible for the horses. But then it's like, why would I.

[Justin McElroy]

Assume that they are not?

[Griffin McElroy]

Also, who pulls horse Santa's sleigh? Do you think he's been working on that for a while? Trying to test some other. Just nude humans.

[Justin McElroy]

Dang, dude. Nude humans on Nightmare.

[Travis McElroy]

If you're truly naughty. So it goes. Naughty list. Cole. Really naughty Santa takes presents away. Super naughty. You have to pull horse Santa's sleigh. Nude in the winter weather.

[Griffin McElroy]

Nude Christmas beast of burden.

[Justin McElroy]

Antlers grow out of your head.

[Griffin McElroy]

Antlers grow out of you.

[Justin McElroy]

You become incredibly well endowed.

[Travis McElroy]

Wow.

[Justin McElroy]

And you have bat wings. Huge leathery bat wings.

[Travis McElroy]

Hell yeah, actually. Hold on, I'm coming around.

[Justin McElroy]

You meet the one fae alchemist that can set your heart free this winter. Hearts ablaze.

[Travis McElroy]

Yes.

[Justin McElroy]

From Big Giant Head llc. The Romantasy book you've been waiting for.

[Travis McElroy]

Won't you guide my heart tonight?

[Justin McElroy]

Ho ho, ho ho ho.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh my God. Yes.

[Griffin McElroy]

We do them five times.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, only a few of them were the Santa kind. Get it, Zach.

[Guest or Background Singer]

Wink.

[Justin McElroy]

We don't need it anymore, but let's go to the money zone.

[Travis McElroy]

Hoof beats and heartbeats. Okay, go on.

[Justin McElroy]

Damn.

[Griffin McElroy]

Damn, that's good. We're rich. I'm Daniel.

[Travis McElroy]

Done it again.

[Justin McElroy]

And you gotta be Zach. Doc, don't you gotta find the best doctor? Hi, Everybody. I'm Justin McElroy. Paid endorser for Zocdoc. You know, it can be a real pain.

[Travis McElroy]

We don't say that enough. So sometimes people must think we're just big fans of these companies. But we're paid to talk about them.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, no, I'm. I'm a paid endorser. But also a client for Doc Doc. Because I needed somebody to work on my butt. And when I needed the best butt specialist in town, you know where I turn? Zocdoc. Because they can help you find doctors that take your insurance, are located nearby and are a good fit for any medical needs you might have. And it's a free notice you're not having.

[Travis McElroy]

If I could interrupt real quick. I know.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, interrupt the ad to say Something. Yeah, please, go ahead.

[Travis McElroy]

The speed at which you went from when I needed someone to work on my butt, do you know where I turned to? Zocdoc. There was no air in there. Did you maybe on some level know that Griffin and I might inject some kind of funny punchline there?

[Justin McElroy]

Only, only on this show could professionalism be mistaken for Machiavellian tactics. Do you know what I'm saying? Like no Travis Pro. And once it starts flowing, it's not stopped. Unless, I don't know, my younger brother wants to get his fingers all over.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, I don't want to get my fingers in your butt at all.

[Griffin McElroy]

Justin, when I see you in flow state, dude, I just step back.

[Justin McElroy]

What else can you do?

[Griffin McElroy]

What else? Can you light up a stogie?

[Travis McElroy]

What else can I do?

[Justin McElroy]

He's on fire again. Okay, listen, Zoc Doc. Yeah, I forgot you've like suck snap. Dammit dude. You know what?

[Travis McElroy]

Justin needed someone to work on his butt. Do you know where he turned a mechanic. And I said, justin, don't do that. Go to zocdoc. And he did it.

[Griffin McElroy]

He did. He went to zocdoc. It's a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment. Gosh, I've done this so many freaking times here in dc. Gosh, it's been a real lifesaver here. Trying to just a little guy trying to make it in the big city. Find somebody to look at his, you know, his polyps and whatever. Thank you zocdoc for helping.

[Justin McElroy]

So stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to Zocdoc.com mybrother to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's zocdoc.com my brother zocdoc doc.com mybrother.

[Travis McElroy]

You know, when I'm looking for ready to eat meals in under two minutes, there's only one factor I consider and that's factor.

[Griffin McElroy]

That was awesome.

[Travis McElroy]

Thank you. Took a lot out of me. Do you have a chance to factor chef Prepped dietitian approved meals are designed to make it easy to stay balanced and energized through the most indulgent time of the year. Which is, I assume now.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes. Can't you tell?

[Travis McElroy]

No. I mean, maybe April. I go pretty ham in April.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm soaking a foot bath of clarified butter right now. That's how I do a decadent holiday.

[Travis McElroy]

Unlike meal kit, it's a require prep and cooking factor. Delivers fully prepared, ready to eat Meals in just two minutes. And they've got all kinds of different options in there. Seafood choices like salmon and shrimp at no extra cost. And you can savor global flavors.

[Griffin McElroy]

What?

[Travis McElroy]

That rhymes.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm looking at the menu right now. We got cremini mushrooms and meatballs with cream cheese, potato mashing, broccoli and carrots. Oh, that shit looks so very good. I'm looking at Tuscan pesto baked salmon with white beans, spinach, potatoes and broccoli. These look so delish, guys. Scrummy.

[Travis McElroy]

So don't eat farts. Yeah, don't eat farts. Eat smart. @factormeals.com Brother 50 off and use code BROTHER50OFF to get 50% off your first box plus free breakfast for one year. That's code [e-mail] for 50% off your first box plus FREE breakfast for one year. This exclusive holiday offer won't last. Lock in your savings before the new year rush offer only valid for new factor customers with code and qualifying auto renewing subscription purchase. I realized that there's stuff we have to read verbatim, but they don't have rules about the two words you can say before you read verbatim before you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can say anything before or after the stuff. So you can say stuff like, I'll tell you guys right now, listening at home, because you can't see the ad copy. It didn't say don't eat farts. Yeah, Travis said that and just like it let it sit. But it's just fine because then he said all the stuff he's supposed to say after that.

[Travis McElroy]

I like to add stuff into the ad and then see if they update ad copulated for things. Not to mention it's a fun game. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

In hindsight.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, there's no rule that said he couldn't say don't eat farts. So we're gonna add that on, but we can't grandfather it in. So.

[John Luke Roberts]

If you like too many podcasts, you'll love Sound Heap with John Luke Roberts. It's got clips from all your favourite podcasts, such as Diary of a Tiny, CEO Leonard Sprague.

[Justin McElroy]

Tell me how you make your money.

[Griffin McElroy]

I go to the beach and I steal people's towels.

[John Luke Roberts]

Remember Armour?

[Dr. Ella Hubba]

Do you remember the trend of everyone whacking themselves on the head with hammers.

[Justin McElroy]

And mallets when they wanted to lose weight.

[John Luke Roberts]

And Eltie Jom's Lobby songs. I'm here today with Kiki D. Hello.

[Travis McElroy]

Kiki D. Hello, Elton.

[John Luke Roberts]

There's dozens of episodes to catch up on and Brand new episodes going out right now. So if you want far, far, far too many podcasts, then look for sound heap on Maximum Fun.

[Griffin McElroy]

Boop boop.

[Dr. Ella Hubba]

All right, we're over 70 episodes into our show. Let's learn everything. So let's do a quick progress check. Have we learnt about quantum physics?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes.

[Travis McElroy]

Episode 59.

[Dr. Ella Hubba]

We haven't learned about the history of gossip yet, have we? Yes, we have. Same episode, actually. Have we talked to Tom Scott about his love of roller coasters?

[Travis McElroy]

Episode 64.

[Dr. Ella Hubba]

So how close? Learning everything. Bad news. We still haven't learned everything yet.

[Guest or Background Singer]

We're ruined.

[Dr. Ella Hubba]

No, no, no. It's good news as well. There is still a lot to learn. I'm Dr. Ella Hubba.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm regular Tom Lum.

[Dr. Ella Hubba]

I'm Caroline Roper. And on let's learn everything. We learn about science and a bit of everything else too. And although we haven't learned everything yet, I've got a pretty good feeling about this next episode.

[Griffin McElroy]

Join us every other Thursday on Max Maximum Fun.

[Justin McElroy]

Throw your clothes into the fire.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, shit. What?

[Justin McElroy]

Throw your wine into the tree.

[Griffin McElroy]

Why?

[Justin McElroy]

Put the dog in the closet for a while. That's a Christmas to me. That's a Christmas to me. That's a Christmas to me. You and me and Greg and Rebecca. And a tree.

[Griffin McElroy]

What? He's flowing, dude.

[Justin McElroy]

That's a Christmas to me. Hi. This is a Christmas.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's chopping.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, man.

[Travis McElroy]

That was wonderful, everybody. I. That chat.

[Justin McElroy]

I realize that I was this incredible game where I have invented some Hallmark movies, but also have included some real plots from Hallmark movies. I realized that I was compromising it by reading them because by reading these plots, I am going to. With my inflection or my, you know, my micro expressions. Now that we have video, you're gonna be able to tell, so I'm gonna.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's all we have to go on.

[Justin McElroy]

So I'm gonna send you guys the descriptions.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, I see.

[Justin McElroy]

And you're gonna read them. Okay. And then you two can figure out.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's smart.

[Justin McElroy]

You're not gonna have me putting any.

[Travis McElroy]

You know, and then you're gonna guess which one's real.

[Justin McElroy]

No, that's a consummate. I'm just. I can't participate. That would be wild.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, so then people are gonna call in and do, like, phone polls and stuff to guess what.

[Justin McElroy]

Travis, you're up.

[Travis McElroy]

This is Oi to the World. Premieres Sunday, December 14th. Stars Brooke D' Orsay and Jake Epstein. After a waterline at a temple breaks, the members celebrate Hanukkah at an Episcopal church. But since Christmas Eve falls on the same day, each choir director must set aside their old rivalry and collaborate. There's so much story that comes in there at the end.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, they sneak a lot of the story in at the end with this one.

[Griffin McElroy]

Travis, what do you think?

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, water main breaks. Okay. They have to go to. Okay, that's a movie. But then there's an old rivalry between choir directors. That's a Hallmark movie. You know what I mean?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Do you have a guess, Travis?

[Travis McElroy]

I don't think it's real.

[Griffin McElroy]

I know. It is actually real. We talked about it on Wonderful last week.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, I've been compromised by your. Yes, it is real. Oid of the World is a real Hallmark film with Brooke d' Orsay and Jake Epstein, who's had to be having a rough couple years, but I hope he's hanging in there.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, I realized that I think I was giving Hallmark too much credit where I was like, oi, to the world. I don't know. It seems reductive. It seems to be making fun of. Yeah. So that couldn't be real.

[Guest or Background Singer]

It is.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, they did. It is real. It's real.

[Justin McElroy]

All right, Griffin, next up, let's see.

[Griffin McElroy]

We got A Limitless Christmas.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't want to give. Griffin. Sorry, I'm trying to keep my. I'm going to turn off my camera. No, I'll keep my face.

[Griffin McElroy]

A Limitless Christmas.

[Justin McElroy]

And remember, Trav, we gotta.

[Griffin McElroy]

We gotta guess. Okay, so this is a Limitless Christmas, starring Bradley L, E E Cooper.

[Justin McElroy]

I was hoping you wouldn't notice that. They were hoping you would notice that.

[Griffin McElroy]

President Eddie Mora may have weaned himself off of NZT48 following the events of Limitless. But when the big man in the north can't say Santa, legal thing in brackets, finds blitzen dead and Mrs. Claus von Winsburg kidnapped, he turns to the only man smart enough to be both naughty and nice.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, he figured out a way.

[Griffin McElroy]

Production note. Per ongoing litigation with cbs, the events of the Limitless TV series will not be referenced either.

[Travis McElroy]

I was gonna ask. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

This is tough because there have been a lot. We've seen Guardians of the Galaxy holiday special. We've seen Buddy the Elves, Beatrice Cole, Christmas. So it's not out of the realm of possibility that a big Hollywood film would be adapted into a.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, for sure. And of all of them to get the adaptation, I do think Limitless is the. It can't be like a Silver Linings Playbook Christmas.

[Travis McElroy]

No.

[Griffin McElroy]

Because they did actually kind of wrap that one up with a nice little bow. Limitless.

[Travis McElroy]

Silver and Gold linings Playbook. And it's just more about.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, the names are great, Trav. I'm saying that they completed the arc. I don't want to touch that world. Leave it. It's perfect.

[Travis McElroy]

But limitless. There's NCT 49, 50, 51.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Meat on the bone.

[Justin McElroy]

Travis, you're up.

[Travis McElroy]

You know, Justin, I do have a singing suspicion it's not real.

[Justin McElroy]

First, though, I need you two to vote.

[Travis McElroy]

I choose to live in a world in which I think it's real.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh.

[Travis McElroy]

I choose to live in a world in which I think it's real.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, I want to live in Travis's world too. It's not. But I want it to be.

[Justin McElroy]

Sorry. I made up a limitless Christmas presentation.

[Travis McElroy]

Ah, damn it. Is there another one for me here?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, it's in slack. I said it to you directly this time.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay. Christmas at the catnip Cafe. After a marketing executive discovers she's inherited a cat cafe from her aunt, she wants to sell the property so she can afford the down payment on her dream condo. Conflict arises when a veterinarian who owns the other half of the cafe is intent on keeping it afloat. Now, Justin.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

We did all watch this movie together in your home. When we came together to record the watch.

[Griffin McElroy]

Interesting verb to use there, Travis. It was maybe more than any other film I've ever watched, just kinda happening around the world.

[Travis McElroy]

It was incidental.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, it was.

[Justin McElroy]

Didn't we?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. It was like watching a movie from someone sitting two rows in front of you Caddy corner on the aisle of an airplane.

[Travis McElroy]

It was like watching a movie that someone else is watching in the mov that you're watching.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

So what do you think?

[Travis McElroy]

So I do think it's real.

[Justin McElroy]

J.

[Travis McElroy]

Man, it is real.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's also. It's so obvious that some maker of these fine holiday films ran out of things to do holiday films about. And then, like, their nephew told them about cat cafes, and they're like, I can Christmas. That I can. Cat cafe. Veterinarian. Hot veterinarian. Good to go. Yeah, that's not.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, it's three hoppers set up small town something meets big town something at a blank.

[Griffin McElroy]

Right.

[Justin McElroy]

So what did you think? Real.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, we watched it together.

[Justin McElroy]

All right, Griffin, you're up.

[Griffin McElroy]

This is a grand ole opry Christmas. It premieres Saturday, November 29th. And I'm gonna a lot of these names I'm not gonna do good by, but here we go. It stars Nikki DeLoach, Christopher Palaha, Rob Mays, Eliza Mayer, Luke Binward, Sharon Lawrence, and James Denton. That's a huge cat. Why are there that many names above the great question?

[Justin McElroy]

I just kept writing them.

[Travis McElroy]

Or I did a grand old question Plot.

[Griffin McElroy]

With plenty of appearances from famous country artists like Brad Paisley, Megan Maroney, Rhett Adkins, and more, this Hallmark holiday movie tells the tale of a songwriter who abandons her passion after her late father, a country music icon, dies in a tragic accident. But when the Grand Ole Opry asks her to honor her father's legacy, she time travels back in time when her father was still alive. I had it locked in until those last two little bits there. She time travels back in time when her. What is that? The Grand Ole Opry says, will you please honor your father's legacy in a holiday concert? And she travels back in time to when her father was still alive.

[Travis McElroy]

That's not unusual.

[Justin McElroy]

It's a lot of sfx, I think. Budget. A big special effects budget.

[Griffin McElroy]

Damn, man. I didn't expect a real one to slip. A real hard one to slip in here because. I don't know.

[Travis McElroy]

I want to say it's fake because I think they would have called it, like, Grand New Opry or had some play on time travel in the title.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm gonna say it's real just because the fact that it came out November 29th feels really out of pocket to me.

[Justin McElroy]

It's real. That's a real Grand Ole Opry. Christmas is a real.

[Griffin McElroy]

What is the vehicle through which she travels back in time? I'm curious.

[Justin McElroy]

It's a Cadillac Seville. 1967 Cadillac Seville that has the gigawatt stuff. Back to the Future.

[Griffin McElroy]

Whoa. It just has the Back to the Future stuff.

[Justin McElroy]

It just has the back. It says the Dr. Doc Brown, his name is in it. He's like, it's got the stuff from.

[Travis McElroy]

Back to the Future. Yeah, we put all the giggle watts in.

[Griffin McElroy]

I love that. I think they did that in Looper, too, when they, like. We don't want to explain all the time travel stuff. It's Back to the Future stuff. Yeah. We're doing Back to the Future, and.

[Justin McElroy]

I watched one that was another time travel one that was a 90s Christmas. Cause I was hoping it would have lots of fun 90s gags, but I realized you have to pay for those. So it's really just kind of, like, ugly.

[Travis McElroy]

You know what it's like? It just looks old and bad.

[Justin McElroy]

But the film takes place in 1999.

[Travis McElroy]

Huh?

[Justin McElroy]

And she is sent back to try to save a relationship that she didn't nail back then and make everything good with her life she sent back in time to 1999.

[Travis McElroy]

Then why not call it, like, why 2K?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. But here's the thing, Trav. The thing that she doesn't do. You know, the thing that I would.

[Griffin McElroy]

Any movie where you time travel back before. Let's say, the turn of the millennium.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. Before September 10, 2001.

[Guest or Background Singer]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Anywhere from there. Before 99.

[Justin McElroy]

I feel like you have to ask the question, at least. Someone has to be like, you can't change history. Like, you gotta do something.

[Travis McElroy]

Right.

[Justin McElroy]

You should wink at it.

[Travis McElroy]

I need someone to reboot quantum leaps specifically for every time. Sam. Quantum leaps? Before September 10, 2001, the first thing he says is, like, so I've gotta be here for this reason. Right, Al? And Al's like, no, not this time. And he's like, no, Al. You want me to. It's gotta be this, right?

[Griffin McElroy]

You need me to help this lounge singer become super famous. That's cool and all. Al, can I write a letter or something to the president now?

[Justin McElroy]

Last one, Travis. Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

Fuck. My Husband is a Ghost. It stars Jennifer Stanton and Everly Westlane. As the Christian Bible teaches, Jennifer, name thing is coincidence, has waited until marriage to experience physical pleasure with her new husband. But when she smooshes through his ectoplasm on their wedding night, she realizes that Beauregard T. Wainscoting the second, is, in fact, not an extremely dedicated Civil War reenactor, but indeed the ghost of an actual Civil War general. Bad news, ladies. He fought on the wrong side. P.S. the events of the film take place on December 21 through 27, but are not substantially festive.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay. It just happens to be set around the house.

[Travis McElroy]

I think that's what I understood while.

[Justin McElroy]

I was reading it, that it just happens to be set. So it's not. It seems like they kind of made the whole movie, then forgot to make it about Christmas.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

And maybe they just kind of were, like, tying in a Christmas thing at the end.

[Griffin McElroy]

It sounds like they have their work cut out for them to turn this guy into a heartthrob.

[Travis McElroy]

Yes.

[Justin McElroy]

Now.

[Travis McElroy]

I do like that the title would imply that the biggest problem to overcome is that he's a ghost. And don't get me wrong, that is definitely a hurdle that's in there.

[Griffin McElroy]

But. But there's some ideological stumbling blocks that I think would also get in the way.

[Travis McElroy]

Now, he has had, like, 160 years.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. That's crazy.

[Justin McElroy]

That's what surprised me about watching it, that there is a lot more going on. Darn it. Shouldn't have let that slip that I watched it.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, Justin, since you watched it, can you tell me, does Beauregard T. Weinscotting II have a moment where he was like. And also I feel really bad about having to stop stuff.

[Justin McElroy]

He leads with that. That is the first thing he's like.

[Travis McElroy]

Listen, there's a lot of cards I gotta land on the table right now.

[Griffin McElroy]

It'd be awesome.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm gonna say something to you first. That out of context is gonna seem strange, but you have to understand something right up front. And then we'll get to the ghost stuff.

[Griffin McElroy]

I actually was visited by three ghosts last night. But it was just kinda like a chill hang. Cause the ghost, that's sort of my.

[Justin McElroy]

Whole vibe my thing. So what do you guys think?

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't actually think this is real. I think you didn't watch it. And I think you're fibbing to try and trick us into a trap.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm gonna have to side with Griffin here. Griffin makes a really convincing argument. I don't think it's real.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, it's fake. I made it up. It's not real. Yeah, it's not real. I had fun doing it, but I'm quiet.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, I have fun to do hearing it.

[Travis McElroy]

I liked saying smooshes through his ectoplasm.

[Justin McElroy]

That Travis, when I wrote that, I really felt like I had done something for the day, you know, I felt really myself. Yeah, man.

[Griffin McElroy]

Is that describing a sex act with a ghost?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, that's how I imagine. First time I thought about it was a black mirror thing where it was like, what if you did wait till marriage, but then when you smooshed into your partner, you found out that they're a ghost for the first time? Right there, dude. Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Was he also waiting till marriage that he didn't know that would happen?

[Justin McElroy]

He knew 100% it would happen.

[Travis McElroy]

So she threw his ectoplasm. Then he handed her a book that said, like, let me explain the fact that I am both a ghost and.

[Griffin McElroy]

Man, I've wanted to talk to you about this for a long time.

[Justin McElroy]

He was oath bound, so he couldn't tell her his true nature because he had sworn an oath to the Avelian gods that he had.

[Travis McElroy]

And to Robert E. Lee.

[Griffin McElroy]

And to Robert Lee, true love waits.

[Travis McElroy]

Who he keeps throughout.

[Justin McElroy]

The whole movie is like.

[Travis McElroy]

But I will say Lee was a.

[Griffin McElroy]

A lot of apologetics.

[Travis McElroy]

And those statues of him are really good art.

[Justin McElroy]

They're good statues.

[Travis McElroy]

It's his pain. Debbie. Debbie. It's history. But I understand. But I do understand. I get it. What are they gonna do with those statues though?

[Justin McElroy]

No one wants to see art go to waste.

[Travis McElroy]

Deborah. I'm just saying. I got a big, big kind of gazebo thing in the back of my. I believe I'm supposed to call it now an estate. I'm not allowed to say the plantation. No. I almost said it.

[Justin McElroy]

Deborah. Do you not wish to provide a.

[Travis McElroy]

Place for the pigeons to roost? Shouldn't the sparrows be able to rest their wings somewhere? Deborah. Why not our backyard? And our huge commemoration statue of my good friend who I do not like.

[Griffin McElroy]

He has some positions that I do not share.

[Travis McElroy]

We can put a sign up that says ironic if that makes you feel better. A small sign.

[Justin McElroy]

Of course.

[Travis McElroy]

In case the general. Yeah. Comes around. Sometimes he may come by. Listen, if Robert E. Lee ghost comes by, you have to promise to be cool. Deborah. And you're probably wondering what other ghosts there are. Just us two.

[Justin McElroy]

Just us two.

[Travis McElroy]

Me and Robert E. Lee.

[Justin McElroy]

It's wild.

[Travis McElroy]

You would think. Not a bad setup for you.

[Justin McElroy]

Only.

[Griffin McElroy]

He only speaks in riddles. Barbara.

[Travis McElroy]

And he probably come around to maybe issues the way I have.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

We found this weird old cave on a full moon.

[Justin McElroy]

Barbara. There was a coin and we each touched it.

[Travis McElroy]

And now here we are. Basic science.

[Justin McElroy]

I wrote Pirates of the Caribbean.

[Travis McElroy]

True story. Based on my life. But do I get any credit? Do I get a single thin dime?

[Justin McElroy]

No.

[Travis McElroy]

That's why I'm selling my life story. Fuck.

[Justin McElroy]

My husband's a ghost. Thank you.

[Travis McElroy]

Based on a true story. My story.

[Justin McElroy]

My personal story.

[Travis McElroy]

Could you also type it out for me? Because I am unable to interact with your typewriters and computers and whatnot. Shall we smoosh again, my love?

[Justin McElroy]

My neighbors have added a new feature to their exterior holiday decor this year. A 12 foot tall, bright white wooden reindeer. I have to drive by it to get to and from work and it scares the heck out of me. Wow. Sorry. I scrolled down. It's really big. Any suggestions for ways to make myself braver so I don't get jump scared twice a day when I go by it? That's from concerned about comma in Cleveland. I mean, it's a big.

[Griffin McElroy]

Guys, this reindeer is bigger than one story of a house. It's dramatic style. Home. It's dramatically lit. I mean, it is also lit. Vamp.

[Justin McElroy]

But if I saw this thing and I want to start circle strafing with a plasma rifle. This means Trouble.

[Travis McElroy]

They have also placed it as though it is considering breaching containment. Yeah, that's a really good.

[Griffin McElroy]

It has its chest stuck out proudly as if to say, I'm going to jump this fucking candy cane.

[Justin McElroy]

It is. It's also away from the home. It's not welcoming to the home. It's standing as a proud guard.

[Travis McElroy]

Yes. You know, there's a community, I think it's Norway maybe, where every year they build a giant wicker Christmas goat. And they try to guard it every year. And yet every year someone manages to set fire to it and burn it to the ground.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's a game. It's a fun game for kids. Guard the goat.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm just saying, I don't think you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Should burn this 12 foot tall, bright white reindeer.

[Travis McElroy]

Not with all those lights on.

[Griffin McElroy]

Despite the fact that it would go up so nice and it would go up really cool. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, they're just dot this thing. Look at this thing. It's like a lamp. It looks like one of those paper lanterns. It's just dying. Go up.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's just dying. It wants to.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm not even a pyromaniac and I'm.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, I don't love it either.

[Justin McElroy]

Over here. Don't do it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Don't do it. Obviously, but it will make it easier for Santa Claus to find their house to land and make presents.

[Justin McElroy]

It is wild that we didn't get a question like this in Halloween. This person must have a really tough time then, right? If they're getting scared by big reindeer, that's gotta be tough to see. Like big scarecrows with skull heads all the time.

[Travis McElroy]

At least then, Justin, you're able to know and read in the intention of the thing, right? I see a big scary scarecrow. I know exactly why it's there. It's there to scare me. I see this thing. This thing don't have no eyes or mouth or nothing. There is no emotion conveyed. So I'm able to read like place upon this thing any emotion that I feel when looking at it. And this thing looks like it's been.

[Justin McElroy]

Oriented this way because ley lines pass through it. It's like a scary. It's a scary. Yeah, it's scary. I would push it over three times because with my decorations that's all it takes for me to decide they're never going up again.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

If the wind.

[Griffin McElroy]

So one time.

[Travis McElroy]

They could be one time.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's the wind. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Second time, that's just life. Third time, fuck this thing.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, that's the six.

[Justin McElroy]

It's too tall. Too tall.

[Travis McElroy]

Too stupid. Fuck it. You could also. I'm looking at the height of this thing relative to the house that it's decorating. Sneak under cover of night, lift it up, reorient it so it's staring into the second floor window.

[Griffin McElroy]

Cool.

[Travis McElroy]

Of their own house.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's cool.

[Travis McElroy]

And I think they'll make the decision to take it down.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah. No, that. No one wants that.

[Justin McElroy]

Thank you so much for listening to our podcast. We call it My Brother, My Brother Me. Cause that's the name of it and anything else would seem kind of silly. Thank you to everybody that came to Candle Nights. You have the beautiful Keith Albee Theater. It was a wonderful event. You were all so kind to come. If you didn't see it, you can go to bit Lycanalights 2025. You can still watch it till January 4th. And I think that you're really gonna like it.

[Travis McElroy]

I know you're really gonna like it.

[Justin McElroy]

I know you're really gonna like it.

[Travis McElroy]

Also wanted to let everybody know, because of the holiday season, us and our staff, we're going to be, you know, taking a break for the holidays like we do. So.

[Justin McElroy]

Thank God. Dude, I'm exhausted.

[Griffin McElroy]

I mean, Candlelights really takes. It does take you out.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

And so we had to take a break.

[Griffin McElroy]

You had to move a whole tardis. Yeah, that's true. I'm still bushed.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't know how the Doctor does it, but we'll be back January 5th. Back tickling your funny bones.

[Griffin McElroy]

Gosh, that was a gross way to say.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, I know. I felt bad about it.

[Griffin McElroy]

There's some merch up in the merch store [e-mail] got a dice tray and dice tray bundle with some beautiful Taz Balance dice. There's also candlelights poster and candlelights ornament designed by Scott Hawk that is up there. And 10% of all of our merch proceeds this month will be donated to Harmony house as well, 100% of the proceeds from the ticket sales for Candle Knights, both the live version and the streaming on demand version. So help support Harmonyhouse.

[Justin McElroy]

Sure.

[Griffin McElroy]

How about this fear? And I think this will probably be our last. Is this our last fear of the year? Last fear of 20 Thunder Drive. And it's a real. This one's a real one. Start your engines. This year, I want to be faster than my fear of cracking an egg and a baby bird falling out.

[Justin McElroy]

God. Oh, God, that hits deep.

[Griffin McElroy]

I've had that happen to me. Never happened to me.

[Travis McElroy]

It's never happened.

[Justin McElroy]

But like I think about it.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, of course.

[Justin McElroy]

I've never think about when I got a double yoker. Oh God.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, dude. Aw.

[Justin McElroy]

My name's Justin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm Travis McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

Double Yoker was the name in France for Joker Folio Du, which is weird because you would think they would just use that.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

But they used double yoker instead. And it's like there's not two.

[Justin McElroy]

You are the double yoker.

[Griffin McElroy]

Why not just call it Foliardieu? Like why do you joke out?

[Justin McElroy]

He is again.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's crazy. I'm Griffin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm Travis Mc. Did I say that?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Is your dad square on the lips? Double yer.

[Guest or Background Singer]

It's better with you. It's better it's better with you it's better My life, it's better it's better with you. Cause it's true it's better, it's better with you. My life, It's better with you.

[Griffin McElroy]

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