MBMBaM 797: Safe and Full of Grubs

Summary

MBMBaM 797: Safe and Full of Grubs

Release Date: January 19, 2026
Hosts: Justin, Travis, and Griffin McElroy

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Episode Overview

This episode of "My Brother, My Brother, and Me" (MBMBaM) delivers the classic McElroy blend of comedic riffing, wildly off-topic pop culture tangents, and dubious-yet-entertaining advice. Justin, Travis, and Griffin tackle listener questions about school bus logistics, backyard grubs, and pelvic floor therapy, but not before spending the first act gleefully deconstructing hypothetical movie sequels, AI-powered marketing stunts, and the peculiarities of bird-watching competitions. As ever, the brothers’ chemistry shines—quick-witted, irreverent, and honest to a fault.

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Pop Culture Tangents and Intro Antics

1. Evolving Brothers’ Nicknames

[01:08–02:17]

• Travis unveils his latest nickname options (“Big Dog. Woof woof. Vroom vroom. Big unit McElroy.”), leading to playful back-and-forth about what’s pushing his “brand” too much.
  • Memorable Moment:

  “I think it’s a little bit… It’s giving Usador.” – Griffin ([01:36])

2. The Power of a Movie Catchphrase

[03:43–07:44]

• They discuss the never-ending “Meet the Fockers” franchise and riff on what absurd sequels might be called (“Motherfuckers”, “Focker in Law”, etc.).
• Justin notes the cultural immortality of the “I have nipples, Greg, could you milk me?” joke.
  • Quote:

  “I think that joke is so powerful it escaped the bounds of that movie and etched itself in the American consciousness.” – Justin ([06:01])

• Imagines the phrase showing up in other movies (“Joker”, “Die Hard”) with comedic effect.

3. The Fictional Show Pitch Parade

[09:01–14:40]

• Justin describes a new Patrick Dempsey series, “Memory of a Killer,” featuring a hitman with Alzheimer’s, prompting the brothers to lampoon the convoluted plot (“Are we rooting for Mr. Dempsey? Is this like werewolf rules?”).
  • Quip:

  “This Alzheimer’s story needs a body count. I don’t think that’s what we’ve been missing.” – Travis ([13:27])

• They brainstorm even worse plot twists, including photocopier-related clones and mock TV demakes (“Toner Cloner,” “Toner Cloner Boner” as a potential sequel punchline).

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Key Listener Questions & Advice

1. Can a Teacher Ride the School Bus?

[15:53–23:43]

• A teacher asks if they can/should ride the school bus for their commute.
• Discussion banters through both policy and the intensely awkward scenario of being “the adult” among students during transit.
  • Quote:

  “Can you imagine having to sit next to a teacher on the bus every day… are we in trouble?” – Justin ([16:22])

• They consider solutions like a “first-class teacher’s pod,” a pulsating blue-light isolation chamber for teachers.
• Debate the increased responsibility for supervising students on the ride.
  • Quote:

  “You have now added extra job to your day. Awesome.” – Griffin ([18:36])

• Ends with hilarious role-play about what kind of degrees the hypothetical teacher would have, including law and medicine, and the resulting complications in event of bus emergencies.

2. How to Beat Your Dad in “The Big Year” Birding Challenge

[24:43–29:16]

• Listener’s dad is taking their father-child birdwatching competition way too seriously.
• Strategies suggested: tactical lying (“say you saw a condor”), visiting zoos (hot debate if zoo birds count), trust as the only birder currency, and ultimately, the absurd escalation to mythical creatures.
  • Quote:

  “Trust is the only commodity in the birder community. Once you lose that…” – Griffin ([29:03])

  • “I haven’t heard from my birder group chat since I said I saw the giant golden eagle from Rescuers Down Under.” – Travis ([29:16])

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Munch Squad: Brand Food Gimmicks, AI, and Bonkers Beef

[35:36–46:59]

1. The Return of Steak Stroganoff at Noodles & Company

• Justin delivers a Munch Squad update about the “cult favorite” Steak Stroganoff returning as “Strogan ON.”
• Critiques the marketer-speak: AI-powered AI mini melodramas dramatizing fan posts, ad agency involvement, and made-up job titles (e.g., “Chief Strogan Officer”).
  • Quote:

  “Steak Stroganoff fans did more than ask for its return. They showed us how deeply this dish is woven into their rituals, memories, engravings…” – Justin (reading press release, [38:31])

  • Griffin’s incredulity: “Who would say that? What is the context in which that would be suggested?” ([38:48])

2. Arby’s: The Beef Juice Novak Conspiracy

• Review of Arby’s new “Italian Beef Dip,” and its House of Italian Beef pop-up, co-promoted by BJ Novak.
• Griffin’s campaign to get BJ Novak officially renamed “Beef Juice Novak,” lamenting lost marketing synergy.
  • Quote:

  “You can do a lot with that, but it seems like you haven’t done the best thing with that, which is a commercial series in which he says, now I’m proud to announce that BJ stands for Beef Juice.” – Griffin ([44:11])

• Jokes about The Office being rebranded for beef synergy (“They really backdoored the beef pretty hard on this one.” – Griffin, [45:21])

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Advice Questions Part Two

3. Grubs Overtaking the Backyard

[47:08–51:36]

• Listener plagued by post-rain grubs wants to “borrow someone else’s chicken” without suspicion.
• McElroys dissect the ethics and legalities of chicken ownership while proposing absurd bird-attracting solutions (allure-crows, “welcome crow” scarecrows).
  • Quote:

  “Not wanting to own a chicken is enough. It doesn’t have to also be illegal.” – Justin ([48:08])

• Justin imagines vaporizing grubs with a pressure washer and muses on the deeper interconnectedness of grub molecules and “the great chain.”
  • Quote:

  “Every breath you take has a little bit of Julius Caesar’s last breath and a little bit of grubs.” – Justin ([51:09])

4. Pelvic Floor Therapy Conversation Starters

[51:43–54:29]

• Listener asks for non-invasive conversation topics during invasive pelvic floor therapy.
• The brothers suggest bringing up “Stranger Things,” memorizing a thousand great jokes (Justin’s yet-to-be-written joke book), or bartering with crows to write jokes in exchange for grubs:
  • Quote:

  “There is no pelvic floor exam that can withstand a thousand great jokes.” – Justin ([53:17])

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Top Quotes & Notable Moments

• “It sucks that my enthusiasm for recording a podcast with my brothers could be mistaken as prepared competence.” – Justin ([02:33])
• “If you get on the back of a bus skitch style, it should be okay because you found a loophole and one that looks fucking cool at that.” – Griffin ([16:05])
• “This is where opportunity exists. It’s in that narrow crevice between good ideas and bad ideas.” – Justin ([49:03])
• “We don't need AI. We need a lot of crows. Smart. We need a lot of smart crows.” – Justin ([54:29])

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Episode Structure and Flow

• Opening Banter: [00:00–03:43] (introductions, nicknames)
• Movie/TV Pop Culture Tangents: [03:43–14:40]
• Advice Questions (Segment 1): [15:43–24:43]
• Birding Competition Advice: [24:43–29:16]
• Munch Squad Segment: [35:36–46:59]
• Advice Questions (Segment 2): [47:08–54:29]
• Episode Wind-Down / Self-Promotion: [55:16–end]

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Tone & Style

As always, the McElroys’ tone is playful, subversive, and occasionally delightfully vulgar. They riff off each other’s tangents with the comfort of long-practiced improv, blending genuine curiosity (on topics like “The Big Year” and pelvic floor health) with rapid-fire absurdity. Even the ad reads are opportunities for bits and escalation.

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Standout Episode Moments

• Travis referring to Joe Rogan-themed AI confusion: “It took a lot... the AI kept wanting to make it Joe Roganoff.” ([40:23])
• The idea of a “Chief Strogan Officer” and bewilderment over AI-generated marketing campaigns ([41:20])
• Existential musings about birds and the great circle of grubs
• Griffin’s campaign for “Beef Juice Novak” as untapped advertising gold ([44:11])
• The episode’s titular moment: the concept of returning a borrowed chicken “safe and full of grubs.” ([49:03])

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Summary

Episode 797 is vintage MBMBaM—an energetic blend of pop-culture nonsense, playful argument, and left-field advice—laced with memorable quotes and improv lunacy. Highlights include movie pitch riffs, AI-marketing takedowns, weird bird-watching strategies, and a surreal meditation on the endless circle of backyard grubs and crows. If you missed the episode, this rundown captures the whiplash humor and heart: advice you can't trust, but definitely want to hear.

Transcript

[Griffin McElroy]

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

[Song Vocalist / Chorus]

It's the start of something beautiful A.

[Griffin McElroy]

Small acquaintance has blossomed it's ripened into.

[Song Vocalist / Chorus]

A precious friends I could have never seen what was coming for me Hangs at the skate park Hangs by the beach My life, it feels like. It's better it's better with you My life ah. It's better it's better with you this.

[Griffin McElroy]

Is true.

[Song Vocalist / Chorus]

It'S better it's better with two.

[Justin McElroy]

It's better with you hello, everybody. Welcome to My Brother, My Brother and Me and Advice show from the modern era, I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

What's up, Trav Nation? I'm your middle list brother, Travis. Big Dog. Woof, woof. Vroom, vroom. Big unit McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

What's. Oh, welcome.

[Justin McElroy]

No, actually, no, dude, I think actually you need to.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think you need to drop. No, no, no. Stop, stop, stop. I like Big unit. I like Big unit. You need to lose something else because I do think it pushes. I understand that. This is Dabrand. It's getting a little.

[Justin McElroy]

It's giving Usador.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think it's a little bit.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, it's giving Usador. Yeah, I get that.

[Griffin McElroy]

But you need to drop one of the conditionals. One of them.

[Travis McElroy]

Can that be Big Dog unit?

[Griffin McElroy]

No, no, that sounds like an elite unit.

[Travis McElroy]

Big Dog.

[Griffin McElroy]

We're unit Big Dog. And we got dog unit laden. Like we need. Just drop one of them.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm unit Big Dog. God.

[Griffin McElroy]

Just think about it. I'm Griffin. Just think about it. I'm Griffin McElroy, the youngest 30 under 30 media luminary, built Ford tough. Fucking huge. Huge danger McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, I mean, it works.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, I guess it doesn't. I don't know. It feels a little on the nose.

[Griffin McElroy]

Justin, you started this episode.

[Justin McElroy]

You kicked us off. Always do.

[Griffin McElroy]

You always do. But you did this one right after we did our sync, right after we did our count. You had such a robust energy that made me think like this guy's got a fucking intro that is screaming to get out of him. That is absolutely.

[Justin McElroy]

I think it sucks. I think it sucks that my. I think it sucks that my enthusiasm for recording a podcast for my brothers could be mistaken as A prepared competence.

[Travis McElroy]

This is Griffin. This is all the build up. Griffin. Griffin. This is the.

[Justin McElroy]

He's about to do the prestige.

[Griffin McElroy]

Give us the old rope. A dope you, son.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. He's about to drop an amazing intro.

[Griffin McElroy]

I know.

[Travis McElroy]

Give him the Runway.

[Justin McElroy]

Happy person. I'm just.

[Travis McElroy]

Happy about what? Justin, what's making you so happy?

[Griffin McElroy]

Happy about the new Rowan Atkinson project that we're gonna fucking jazz on for War with Grandpa. Two's out. You say like you've got something in the fucking holster and I can't wait. Griffin.

[Travis McElroy]

The one where he's a serious detective and it doesn't appear to be a comedy. Is that the one you mean?

[Griffin McElroy]

No. War with Grandpa. You do we get grandmas in there? We gotta be careful, guys. I feel like it's Beetlejuice Rules, where if we say the name of the movie one more time, we will end up talking.

[Travis McElroy]

No, I'm. I'm saying that in Rowan, Anguson has a new one where he's a serious detective and it's not a comedy.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, is that true?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. Sorry. Wish list much? Sorry. Faveth.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sorry, sorry. Fave. Got to go. Favorite.

[Justin McElroy]

Sorry. I faved it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Cue that. Cue that shit up. Flicks.

[Justin McElroy]

Did you. Did you guys know we're doing another did you guys know we're doing another Fockers, by the way?

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, nice.

[Justin McElroy]

I just found this out today.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's.

[Justin McElroy]

You know, this.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, that's cool.

[Justin McElroy]

You know, we're getting Fockered again. We're getting. The Fockers are back. What are we calling America's favorite family? The Fockers?

[Griffin McElroy]

What are we calling it this time? Because it's 26.

[Justin McElroy]

What would you call it? What would you call it? Title it right now, motherfuckers. Motherfuckers. Is Travis. It's. It's not. But God, man, it should be. Huh? Go ahead, Griffin. What do you got?

[Griffin McElroy]

Fuck. Fucker. Family. It's not anything cool. It's like Focker family reunion.

[Travis McElroy]

Or Focker, I barely know her.

[Justin McElroy]

It's Focker in law.

[Griffin McElroy]

Fauker and Focker in law.

[Justin McElroy]

Focker in law. A young man named Henry, son of Greg and Pam Focker, faces family chaos when he decides to marry a strong willed woman who appears to be his complete mismatch. It is Ariana Grande. We are having the time of our life.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

Isn't that weird that the first movie, I think, is just called Meet the Parents, and then at some point they were like, I think it's funny that we Gave him the last name Falker. And we should incorporate that into every future movie.

[Justin McElroy]

And it is good. It is good.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's cool.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, we love it.

[Griffin McElroy]

They should have just called him Fucker. What if they just had the courage of their convictions to call him the Fucker, fam.

[Justin McElroy]

I think it's the interest. The most interesting thing about the Meet the Fockers to me and Fucker in Law, that's. I just thought it's great that we're going back and. Yeah, Bob's back. Ben Bob. Ben, Bob, Billy, Owen, Terry, Skyler. Oh, we got the sky. We got the jizz.

[Griffin McElroy]

Dude.

[Justin McElroy]

Fucking say anything's last name. I did swallow. Cause I wasn't sure if we were all agreeing on the harder, soft gene, so I kind of swallowed the.

[Griffin McElroy]

You can't swallow the Jzando, Justin.

[Justin McElroy]

That's. Please don't swallow the Jzando.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey, now, some people prefer it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Now, listen, I'll see anything that.

[Justin McElroy]

No, it's.

[Travis McElroy]

Can we be.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can we be serious now? I'll see anything or purchase anything with Skylar Gisondo in or on it.

[Travis McElroy]

That's an influencer right there, folks.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's huge. Hugely influential.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, man. Prosper Bellasia plays elderly man on trail. If you're a Prosper Bella, Hell, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So meet the. This is what I want to say about Meet the Fockers or Meet the Parents or what it was when he says, I have nipples, Greg, could you milk me? Whatever I feel about that movie, I don't even think I've watched that whole movie, but I think that joke is so powerful that it escaped the bounds of that movie and etched itself in the American consciousness. And I think it is just the strength of. I have nipples, Greg, could you milk me? That is actually. I have said, not as, like, a sarcastic like, but it's just you deploy it at the right time. Everybody loves that reference. It's a great, pure, incredible joke. I don't think we need four movies about it, but I do.

[Griffin McElroy]

And he says it in every movie.

[Justin McElroy]

Like, but with different.

[Travis McElroy]

Different inflection each time. Like, at one point, there's an emergency where they need milk, and he's like, I have nipples, Greg. Could you milk me? And he's, like, very sincere about it.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, I love the one where he's like, I have nipples, Greg. And then Ben Stiller was like, I.

[Travis McElroy]

Know it's very slender.

[Justin McElroy]

Cause the audience knows. You know what I mean? Like, they know the rest.

[Griffin McElroy]

I liked how at the end of the Joker, he said it to the Joker during the talk show when he got pulled a gun, and he's like.

[Justin McElroy]

You get what you fucking deserve.

[Griffin McElroy]

And he's like, hold up. I've got nipples. I've got nipples. Joker, can you milk me?

[Justin McElroy]

I'm laughing about how good the joke is.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, I really loved in the newest Die Hard when he says, yippee ki yay, Nibble Focker. And such a good. It's just a little wink.

[Griffin McElroy]

It is a wink, you know, like.

[Travis McElroy]

You wouldn't catch it.

[Justin McElroy]

It's a fun wink.

[Travis McElroy]

You wouldn't catch it if you didn't know if you weren't looking for it. It's such a good Easter egg.

[Griffin McElroy]

Does he answer the question? Cause the correct answer is, I don't know. Maybe I don't know what you're pack. I don't know what you're packing.

[Justin McElroy]

That's true.

[Travis McElroy]

Do you produce milk?

[Justin McElroy]

Do you produce milk?

[Griffin McElroy]

You tell me. I can't answer that question for you. It feels prying, to tell the truth.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm willing to try if you see it as a bonding experience. Like, are you sincere right now? That would be such a weird. Everyone else at the table should have turned on Bob De Niro in that moment where he's like, I have nipples. And like, just. Dad, you know that's not what he's talking about. And, like, why the fuck would you bring that up? I'm glad you have nipples, dad. That you're not some kind of, like, I don't know, Kyle XY kind of clone thing, like, completely smooth on your chest.

[Justin McElroy]

Can I mention one other media project to you guys that I've been.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, and travel fucking.

[Travis McElroy]

His dude's a double faint.

[Griffin McElroy]

We thought that it was gonna be the Fockers thing, but he's got another one fucking ready.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, he left the call.

[Griffin McElroy]

He left. He got too soon.

[Travis McElroy]

I think we need to be more gentle with this.

[Griffin McElroy]

Be chill and gentle this time. Cause it's.

[Travis McElroy]

Justin. You can come in.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, when you're ready.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, no, Travis, you made a face that was a little too. Just like. We don't want anything. Nope. He keeps disappearing. Shoot.

[Justin McElroy]

Have you guys heard about the new Patrick Dempsey project?

[Griffin McElroy]

No, man.

[Justin McElroy]

I've only watched the trailers.

[Griffin McElroy]

McDreamy.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, McDreamy's back and I'm.

[Travis McElroy]

Is it his new restaurant where you order plates for the table? Dimpsy Dim sum.

[Justin McElroy]

It's not. That's good, Trav. I really. I don't think that this new show is very tasteful, and I don't Think it should be a show. I do think it's an adaptation of a foreign show that I'm sure is very good. I'm sure this show itself is very powerful. I will say the trailers is a show called Memory of a Killer. And this is the plot. I'm just telling you the plot from the show.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

Losing one's memory is a devastating hammer blow for anyone. But for Angelo Flannery, the stakes couldn't be higher. His hitman job would be perilous enough. But there's an added pressure. Angelo lives two totally separate lives. Fearsome New York City hitman and sleepy upstate Cooperstown photocopier salesman and father. Having built and maintained a brick wall between the two worlds, Angelo has seamlessly juggled and compartmentalized for years. But now that's about to change because Alzheimer's is a foe he can't outrun. And he already knows too well how this ends as his older brother is already lost to the condition.

[Griffin McElroy]

So are we, are we rooting for Mr. Dempsey in this?

[Justin McElroy]

So the movie. Well, the show is about. The tagline is about a man who lost his memory but gained a conscience.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

And what we are, what we're supposed to understand is the man will be at the photocopier store, right? And then he will open a closet and inside that closet there will be a dead body. And he will think, what the fuck?

[Travis McElroy]

I gotta call the cops.

[Justin McElroy]

I gotta call the God dang cops.

[Griffin McElroy]

Right?

[Justin McElroy]

I gotta get the cops on the phone and then that's the show. You know what I mean? I don't know how they're gonna build drama out of the fact that the man. You know what I mean, it doesn't seem like it's gonna be a good show to watch, I guess would be my main thing.

[Travis McElroy]

They just kind of throw in there, don't they, that he's built a brick wal those two things. Like that's a thing one can do if they try.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Like that I've. I've built a brick wall in my brain.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

To be like what's called a mental wall.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

It's a foolproof system. Yeah. They. I think the better version of it though, because, like, they definitely want you to think that he's going to be like. He's like the photocopier thing seems cool. I would rather just much rather be doing that. Right. If I had to choose between these two lives. I do think it's gonna be a lot more fun to watch this guy in the murder business. Murder.

[Griffin McElroy]

Murder mode.

[Travis McElroy]

The murder mode.

[Justin McElroy]

And then all of a sudden he's like, hey, I gotta sell this guy copier. Yeah, like that. Just mid things.

[Travis McElroy]

A guy walks up, he looks over and sees like an outdated, like daisy wheel printer or whatever, and he's like, hey, timeout. Timeout from the fight real quick.

[Griffin McElroy]

Timeout.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

This dot matrix bullshit you've got going on back there is stuck in 1993, my friend. You need to get. Get with the times. Is it a transformation? Like when the full moon comes out, he becomes a killer, and then when it goes away, he's a photocopier salesman.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't know, Griffin. I think it's why probably Alzheimer's isn't a great plot point for a TV show because it doesn't work. There's not like magic rules with it, as far as I know.

[Travis McElroy]

What is it?

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, no.

[Travis McElroy]

I ate spicy food by Alzheimer's.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, I don't think it's like that. I don't mean to make. I'm not making light of Alzheimer's. Just to be clear, I'm not making light of Alzheimer's. Classic Dr. Dreamy. Who should know better is. I guess he's being a little distasteful, but not me.

[Griffin McElroy]

Alzheimer's is famously the least funny sort of condition or idea or thing.

[Justin McElroy]

But I don't think. I do feel like whoever came up with there could be. What if this Alzheimer's story was a bit more exciting? It's like, I don't think anybody wants that. Really.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't want that. I want to see. I want to see.

[Justin McElroy]

This Alzheimer's story needs a body count. I don't think that's what we've been missing.

[Travis McElroy]

You know, I hope there's a scene where that brick wall he's built in his mind breaks down and he realizes that he's made all this money from being like a New York assassin guy, but also has chosen to work as a photocopier salesman. And that's completely unnecessary from all the money he earned as, like, a New York assassin. And he's like, fuck, man, I wish I'd remembered I had all this money so that I didn't have to put in a nine to five.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, it sucks.

[Justin McElroy]

It's gonna be great when he pulls up to the photocopier place in a slick new Lamborghini and they're like, where'd you get that? And he's like, I don't know. I guess being a hitman has its perks. They're like, no, you've never had that car. Did you just take. I guess I just took it from a guy I killed.

[Griffin McElroy]

A hitman has its perks.

[Justin McElroy]

Is that where you go with. Is that where you go with the forgetting that I'm not supposed to tell people I'm a hitman? Shit.

[Griffin McElroy]

Shit.

[Justin McElroy]

Because of my canonical narrative, Alzheimer's. That works much like Werewolf Rules. Yeah, That I forget when the moon sets.

[Griffin McElroy]

All right.

[Justin McElroy]

There's still time. Patrick, you got two weeks before the show comes out. You have Chancellor. Too late.

[Travis McElroy]

Shelve that one.

[Justin McElroy]

No, that's Fox. That's going straight to tv. That's straight to broadcast. We had to get this one right in front of the grandparents immediately.

[Travis McElroy]

With trailers for Motherfucker or whatever. Falker In Law. There it is.

[Justin McElroy]

Focker In Law. This is an advice show, all right? And you send us your questions and we read them and then we help you. This way it works. I'm a teacher and I want to ride the bus to school. The yellow bus that takes the kids. Yep. I work in a rural area, so the buses sometimes travel long distances to pick up kids and deliver them to school. I live about 20 minute drive away and I see the bus pass by my house before I leave most mornings. Definitely a lot faster to drive myself, but I don't like wasting fuel. And our teacher parking lot is not great. I often need to be at school early or stay late, but whenever I can, I'd love to take advantage of that ride that teases me as it passes by every morning. It's the only reliable public transportation we have around here. I don't actually know that it's against the rules, but I don't see anyone else doing this, so it has to be right.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, no.

[Justin McElroy]

Well. Well, I will say. I will say, outside of the educational profession, this is a hard no.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, yeah, yeah, Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't think you can see a school bus and say, well, the Chipotle I work at is pretty close to the elementary school. Yeah, I'll probably. I'll just sketch.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't think that's.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't think that's okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

Now that actually. No, that is okay if you're a. That actually, you can skitch on any. I think, actually if, regardless of your profession, if you get on the back of a bus skitch style, it should be okay because you found a loophole and one that looks fucking cool at that.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, dude can imagine having to sit next to a teacher on the bus every day. Like the teacher gets on the bus and it's like, what am I supposed to do? You know? Like, are we in trouble?

[Travis McElroy]

Are they a cool teacher? I think in that case, you need.

[Justin McElroy]

To have some kind of show, man.

[Travis McElroy]

You need to have some kind of indicator of, like, at. What is it? Like, when you enter school zone, now you're in teacher mode. But until then, okay.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, a hard. It just tastes or famously like memories of a killer from 30 seconds ago. I mean, you walk off the bus.

[Griffin McElroy]

I bet the bus driver would be stoked to have some adult company, don't you think?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. In the jump seat.

[Griffin McElroy]

And the buses have those copilot.

[Justin McElroy]

Hello.

[Griffin McElroy]

You can do the special break. That's cool.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, that would be cool. Yeah. What if they have vastly different interests? Well, you didn't see that coming, did you? Every day you get on the bus and they're like, did you see. Hey, did you see that red breasted lock this morning? It's like, no, Dan, as always, don't look at the birds.

[Travis McElroy]

I guarantee that they have at least they have one thing in common, and it's which of the kids are shitheads.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

The ability to be like, you ever had Derek on this bus? Oh, Derek, Derek.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

And then Derek sitting behind them. Like, I thought I was doing better.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, shoot. I've really been working hard this year.

[Travis McElroy]

I've been working on that.

[Justin McElroy]

I think this is so smart. I would absolutely do this in a heart. This is not like a. I'm not speaking figuratively. I think this is great. The kids are gonna get a big kick out of it. You can get on there with, like, I mean, absolutely uninterrupted sense of purpose. You are going to your job. You're. There's nothing more you could be doing, but you don't have to be doing anything. Yeah, that's the dream. That's beautiful.

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, you are. I think you are a little bit responsible for the kids. I think if you are an adult and you're a teacher and you're on the bus, you're a little bit responsible for.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, that's okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

Don't you think you're a little bit.

[Justin McElroy]

That's interesting.

[Griffin McElroy]

So now it's like both.

[Justin McElroy]

Let's figure that out, though. I don't think that's assumed. Right, Right. You have, like, I figured it out already.

[Griffin McElroy]

You're absolutely culpable and responsible. You have now added extra job to your day.

[Justin McElroy]

Awesome.

[Travis McElroy]

To what degree, though?

[Griffin McElroy]

This is like if every time I walked up the stairs to my office, I had to be making jokes the entire time. I Walked up the stairs.

[Justin McElroy]

You think, okay, that's not good. Yeah, I guess. I mean, I. I think there's also a world where like, I think the cool teacher comes on and they like stub out a cigarette on the floor and they're like, listen, I don't get paid to give a fucking shit about you until we get through that door. Just don't be. I got a hangover. Don't be loud. Yeah, don't yell at me. I don't give a fuck.

[Travis McElroy]

So what we're talking about here is a special pod within the bus.

[Griffin McElroy]

So I was just thinking a first class cabin situation on the school bus.

[Travis McElroy]

Curtain of Zion, kind of something. Something that says, not here. Like this is. The rest of this bus is school.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

This pod is not school.

[Griffin McElroy]

And maybe the pod pulsates a blue light and makes a loud humming noise when you go into it so that the rest of the kids on the bus are like, what even is happening in there? Do you know about Mr. Dempsey?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

He goes, I don't know why I used his name. He goes. He's the pod one, right? Yeah. Every day he gets on the bus with us, he goes into a special pod. There's a loud hum and a blue pulsing light, and he comes out, he.

[Justin McElroy]

Calls the Tinker's Lounge, which is we so crazy, Griffin. Didn't Mr. Dibs used to be an actor? What happened?

[Griffin McElroy]

He did he. For he. I guess the wall came down and maybe that's what the pod is for. He looks the same when he comes out of the pod. It's not like a tanning booth or any. I don't know what's happening in there.

[Justin McElroy]

You know, this is such a good idea to have a separate adult section. But like, we were so cavalier to get rid of smoking sections, weren't we? But like this, we didn't even think about the repercussions. We used to have a great little built in adult place. You know, a place where just adults could exchange ideas.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes.

[Justin McElroy]

Get their energy up, get excited on the third.

[Griffin McElroy]

A third location. It was.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

I guess what we're saying is bring back smoking sections. Make smoking cool again. Right. That's what the question's about. Wait, hold on, I'm rereading that. I'm rereading the question here. I'm.

[Justin McElroy]

Where would you. I do think, though, the one complicating factor, the only issue I have with this is going back to seat selection on a bus and having to do that every single day. That's.

[Griffin McElroy]

That is no good. That's no good.

[Justin McElroy]

That's rough. I don't want to look at Jeremy and be like. And he's like, what's up? What's up? Dr. McElroy, it's so good to see you. I'm like, yeah, no problem. Jeremy, it's so good to see you. This is you.

[Travis McElroy]

Wait, hold on. This is a scenario. And you're Dr. McElroy.

[Justin McElroy]

I went back to school to get my doctorate.

[Griffin McElroy]

Why did that.

[Travis McElroy]

Why did you.

[Justin McElroy]

Why did your character a. I'm not a. I'm not a teacher. Right. Right now, so I might as well be a doctor teacher. I mean, if I'm gonna be. It's just a thing I made up.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

Like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can I.

[Travis McElroy]

Then why go PhD? So why not. Why not go like. Like neurosurgeon or something? Why go PhD?

[Griffin McElroy]

Cause why is he on the school?

[Justin McElroy]

Why would I go get my pH? You think I can pay back my fucking doctor school bills on a teacher salary? Travis, you're high.

[Griffin McElroy]

So check this out. Check this out. I walk on the school bus. There's no public transportation in my city. And the only way that I'm able to get to my job at the school, I think can be responsible to the environment, is to take the school bus. So I jump 30ft into the bus, and I go into my little pod. And the bus driver's like, hello, Professor Spider Man. And I'm like, hello. And I go into my booth and in there.

[Justin McElroy]

And the bus crashes. And they say, is there a doctor on the bus? Professor Spider man says, no, not me. And then I raise my hand, I say, I'm a medical doctor. I can help.

[Travis McElroy]

Wait, you are now? You did go to medical school.

[Justin McElroy]

I got my JD Trav. I got. It's a dual degree PhD. Judas Prudence. I have a Judas Prudence. I have a dual PhD with Judas prudence.

[Griffin McElroy]

I graduated high school. Judas cum prudus.

[Justin McElroy]

No, what sucked is, guys, this sucked is I went to school to be a doctor.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

And then I got this special kind of amnesia. I forgot I was a doctor. And then I went back to school and I got learned as a lawyer. And then I built a brick wall between the two. This brick wall.

[Griffin McElroy]

And then.

[Travis McElroy]

Then you had to sue yourself for medical malpractice. Okay, And I showed you very hard. You were on both sides of the court.

[Justin McElroy]

Showed up to court, ready to meet this Dr. McElroy everyone's so intimidated by. And imagine my terror when I found that. That Dr. McElroy was me.

[Griffin McElroy]

Is it possible to remake this memory of a killer show real quick before it comes out? And make it so that the double life is.

[Travis McElroy]

Remake, if you will.

[Griffin McElroy]

The double life. He is living a demake. His double life is that he runs a photocopier shop. And then on the other side of the mental wall, he runs a different photocopier shop.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, if we're gonna de. Make it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

If we're gonna demake it, then why not make it? He runs a photocopier shop and there is. Maybe he spills some soda or something on one of the photocopiers and accidentally photocopies himself.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

And now this other version of himself opens a rival photocopier shop.

[Griffin McElroy]

This is cool. So like a clone comes out of the printing machine because he spilled a Coca Cola on it.

[Justin McElroy]

A code zero. Yeah, it's already a gravity. I mean, if we can get that.

[Travis McElroy]

Endorsement, that would be. That would fund the movie, frankly.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, that's cool.

[Justin McElroy]

If we could get Cocopy, that would.

[Griffin McElroy]

Be a cooler show.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh.

[Travis McElroy]

But the clone starts doing really well at photocopy sales because he knows the ins and outs. He was photocopied. He was photocopy. It's in his blood. Toner's in his blood.

[Griffin McElroy]

Toner cloner.

[Travis McElroy]

It's called Toner Cloner.

[Griffin McElroy]

Toner cloner's good. Travis, that's like your ninth one. We've been going 24 minutes. That's like your ninth one, man.

[Travis McElroy]

You're fucking on.

[Griffin McElroy]

You're on for the year.

[Justin McElroy]

Do you save fire? Do you save toner cloner boner for the sequel? Or is it like.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, that's what he says every time he messes up. It's his catchphrase. I made a toner cloner boner.

[Justin McElroy]

I challenged my dad, who lives in Southern California, to a quote, big Year to see as many different birds as possible January 1st through December.

[Griffin McElroy]

Just gotta Google that real quick and see if it's a thing.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, like the movie.

[Justin McElroy]

The Big Year.

[Travis McElroy]

Like the movie. Top of my Head. Steve Martin, Jack Black and Owen Wilson.

[Griffin McElroy]

I've never heard of this movie. This is fucking jam packed with talent.

[Justin McElroy]

I live in Northern Illinois and did not anticipate him taking this challenge so seriously. He's already been to six different parks, beaches, and has seen 30 plus bird varieties. I've seen 12. How can I see more birds than my dad? We're both amateur birders, but he obviously has the advantage of location. That's from flipping the bird on him.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, first of all, you should have anticipated your dad taking this seriously. He's a dad of an adult person. I assume, since you're listening to the show and emailing us and I don't like when I'm a dad and my kids have moved out and they're living their lives. The free time I will have.

[Griffin McElroy]

Holy shit. To do things unthinkable. A Big Ear is an informal competition among birders who try to identify as many species of birds as possible within a calendar year in specific geographic area. I've never heard of this before, but it's very, very, very, very powerful to me. And I feel like I've actually.

[Justin McElroy]

I would say it's kind of an underground thing were it not for the major motion pictures starring Jack Black and.

[Griffin McElroy]

Steve Martin, which, again, I had not heard. Oscar award winner, had not heard of until this very.

[Travis McElroy]

Griffin, will you go? You're already doing it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Do zoos count?

[Griffin McElroy]

Do zoos count? A big deal.

[Justin McElroy]

I can't imagine they do.

[Griffin McElroy]

Do zoos wink. Do you? I don't see why not. This guy on Reddit says, lots of birds in zoo.

[Travis McElroy]

They're birds.

[Griffin McElroy]

Lots of birds. Lots of birds in zoos come from all over the world. Now fucking AI at the top is like, zoos do not count towards a big year.

[Travis McElroy]

Of course, of course the bots would think that.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. But the human bots fucking go for it, dude.

[Justin McElroy]

I have a slam dunk. This is actually a good plan. Oh, okay. You plan on a secret visit to your dad for the holidays. You keep the race close. You don't tell your dad you're coming in.

[Travis McElroy]

When your dad asks if you're coming.

[Justin McElroy]

In for the holidays, you say no.

[Travis McElroy]

You say no.

[Justin McElroy]

You say no. You say no. You lie. You get in a couple days early. You see every fucking nasty feathery bitch that this guy has already seen, right? So you're eating his lunch completely.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can I add to.

[Justin McElroy]

You show up and you're like, dad.

[Griffin McElroy]

It'S quick logistics thing. How do they. How do you. How do they do that?

[Justin McElroy]

How do they see however the fuck you look at birds? Griffin, okay?

[Travis McElroy]

With your strategist with your binoculars, I.

[Justin McElroy]

Assume, with your binoculars in your notebook.

[Travis McElroy]

But the adjuster can't look at the birds for the questionnaire.

[Justin McElroy]

He can't look at the birds for them. But he shows up and he looks at all the fucking birds.

[Griffin McElroy]

In a few days, just like, pow.

[Justin McElroy]

He knocks out the low pass. Plop, plop, plop, plop. Yeah, Grandpa, he shows up and his dad, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. He coughs knock on the door. He cop knocks. Because his dad grows weed and he wants to freak his dad out, right?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

So he cop knocks. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.

[Travis McElroy]

It ain't hard.

[Griffin McElroy]

It ain't hard to freak that dad out.

[Justin McElroy]

He goes up and he's like, oh, my God, Silip. And then it's like, dad, it's like he's so happy to see you. And you're like. You whisper in his ear, like, checkmate. Cause he's not. He can't go anywhere.

[Travis McElroy]

He can't do anything.

[Justin McElroy]

He doesn't know about the 30 birds you've just already seen while you've been kicking it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. That's awesome. You open up. You open up your birder notebook and show him the list. He's like, oh, cool. And then it unfolds like a pornographic centerfold magazine.

[Justin McElroy]

Keep unfolding.

[Griffin McElroy]

Dad. Don't look at. You haven't reached.

[Travis McElroy]

That's great. Justin, I have a slight, small suggestion that would require a little less work. Lie.

[Justin McElroy]

No. Okay, see, Travis, if I say I.

[Griffin McElroy]

Saw Justin, let him cook. We say yes first and then we shit on it.

[Travis McElroy]

If I say to you I saw a fucking condor yesterday.

[Justin McElroy]

Shit.

[Travis McElroy]

I want you, Justin McRoy, to prove I didn't.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, Travis, I don't have to prove you didn't. I just don't have to give a shit. Do you know what I mean? Like, you can feel however you want. And I will close that door in my heart and you'll never look at it again.

[Griffin McElroy]

Trust is the only commodity in the birder community. Once you lose that.

[Justin McElroy]

This is what I'm saying, Griffin. It's all built on trust. If you lose, anybody can.

[Griffin McElroy]

No one's gonna fuck that.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

No way. No one's gonna believe that explains so much.

[Travis McElroy]

Because I have not heard from my birder group chat since I said I saw the giant golden eagle from Rescuers Down Under.

[Griffin McElroy]

That specific one I saw the Luck dragon.

[Travis McElroy]

And how many points is that? Yeah, I saw Falkor, the lug dragon, and he was wrestling with a giant golden E from the Rescuers Down Under. And then I realized they were actually mating and they had a baby that was half Luck dragon, half giant golden eagle from Rescuers Down Under. And I saw it. I saw it.

[Griffin McElroy]

And then I ate its eggs. So that's 20 extra pieces.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, no, those were not Travis's eggs. Those were not Travis's eggs, so I wasn't allowed to have them.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay?

[Travis McElroy]

I had my own eggs from the poacher that I work for. It gave Me those eggs.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Awesome.

[Travis McElroy]

Thank you very much. Anyways, they didn't believe me, and now they don't invite me to things anymore. Okay, but that one was true. That one was actually true, guys.

[Justin McElroy]

That one was real.

[Griffin McElroy]

That one was real.

[Justin McElroy]

You were on Periscope when that happened, so I wrote it very clearly. Hey, you know where else. You know where I'd like to take you, Travis?

[Griffin McElroy]

Where?

[Justin McElroy]

To the Money Zone. Oh, to the Money Zone. Amazing.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's better.

[Song Vocalist / Chorus]

It's better with you.

[Justin McElroy]

I feel like if you got a big idea, you want to get moving on it. Beginning of a new year, you know, this is the time to start taking steps. And can I say, a great way would be to start a website. Hi, it's Justin McElroy, paid endorser.

[Travis McElroy]

I thought you were just a regular Joe. I didn't realize you were an endorser.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm a paid endorser. I'm a paid endorser indoors. I think that building your own website.

[Travis McElroy]

For your own website.

[Justin McElroy]

Now, organizing your ideas and trying to figure out where you stand with them, you want to bring people into this vision, you share your website with them. Hey, everybody. I made this, and it's going to look great. It's not going to look like you made it. It's going to look good. Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

It's not going to look like the bullshit you normally make. Justin's right.

[Justin McElroy]

Trash. Yeah. It's gonna look primo. This is some.

[Travis McElroy]

This is uncut website, bud.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sorry.

[Travis McElroy]

Can you love this?

[Griffin McElroy]

Can you give me that foley again? Cause I've never heard quite. Usually it's more like this smooch.

[Travis McElroy]

It was dry and wet, really.

[Justin McElroy]

Time.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's a dry and wide aperture sort of smack.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah. You don't.

[Griffin McElroy]

You don't. I don't think chefs do that. Like, let me taste that Ragu.

[Travis McElroy]

Delicious.

[Justin McElroy]

Squarespace is a marketplace of ideas, and they've been supporting this podcast for so long, and we appreciate them so much. Head to squarespace.com mybrother for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch, use offer code mybrother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

[Travis McElroy]

I want to tell you guys about Rocket Money because it's very realistically near and dear to my heart. One of my goals in 2026 is to be more financially responsible, have, like, full budget of everything, keep track of everything, feel like an adult for the first time in 42 years. And Rocket Money has made that so easy and has really helped me on this journey. There were things when I logged on to Rocket Money that was like, I had had to fill out a form once in, like 2018, and I was like, yeah, free trial for this PDF filler thing. And then I won't ever think about it again. And then it's been seven years. Yeah, sure of that. And Rocket Money was there for me, not only in alerting me of that, but then also taking care of the cancellation for it. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps you find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bill so you can grow your savings. So it's not just the unwanted subscriptions. They will also not only track, like, your spending, but will alert you if something is coming up or if there's a big purchase made. All of these things, they'll categorize your transaction. They'll help you set your budgets. There's all kinds of stuff that Rocket Money can do for you, and they help you save money. They have a full track record of it. So let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. [e-mail] MyBrother that's RocketMoney.com MyBrother One more time, RocketMoney.com MyBrother Big ups.

[Griffin McElroy]

Big ups to Rocket Money for literally just now reminding me that I am subscribed to an application that is a prank that makes it look like your screen is broken for $10 a week. Thank you so much Rocket Money for.

[Travis McElroy]

Catching up with $10 a week.

[Griffin McElroy]

Dragnet. Yeah, man. Yeah, man. But Travis, the cracks look so convincing. I did not subscribe to this app, obviously.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, okay. It was Rachel.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's Rachel. She loves pranks. And doing pranks to me. She knows how much money I prank.

[Travis McElroy]

Your phone for $1 a week.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Cool.

[Sierra Kato]

Hello, I'm Sierra Kato, host of TV Chef Fantasy League, and I'm here with Max Fund Member of the Month Dan Kotnik, who has been a Maximum fund member since 2023.

[Travis McElroy]

Thank you very much.

[Sierra Kato]

As the Max Fund member of the month, Dan, you'll be getting a $25 gift card to the Maximum fund store. Cool. And you get a special member month bumper sticker. This is a huge one. You get a parking spot at Max Fun headquarters HQ in Los Angeles, California.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sounds good.

[Sierra Kato]

Is there anything else you'd like to add as member of the month?

[Travis McElroy]

This is my opportunity to say thank you to everyone that is a part of Maximum Fun because you guys have just created a media environment that clearly resonates with a lot of people. Being able to do that organically is really impressive. And I think that's the root of why I've been such a big supporter. And so I want to just thank you guys for committing to that goal.

[Sierra Kato]

It's for members like you, Dan, and you specifically are member of the month for a reason.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thanks. Bye. Become a Max Fund member [e-mail] join.

[Justin McElroy]

We're back.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes.

[Justin McElroy]

I want a Munch Squad. I want two Munch Squad. Welcome to Munch Squad's podcast. Within the podcast profile, being the latest and greatest in brand eating, I did want to bring a quick update for everybody who has been waiting. All the Noodles and company fans like myself have been.

[Travis McElroy]

I consider myself part of the company, frankly.

[Justin McElroy]

That's beautiful, guys. That's beautiful. Good news, guys. Huh?

[Travis McElroy]

Take.

[Justin McElroy]

Stroganoff is now Strogan on.

[Griffin McElroy]

Strogan off.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

Huh? Okay. Stroganoff. Stroganoff is now Strogan on.

[Griffin McElroy]

So it's instead of being Strogan off, now it is Strogan on.

[Justin McElroy]

On.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

Noodles and Company.

[Travis McElroy]

It looks like somebody accidentally just dropped some random chunks of beef into a bowl.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Noodles and Company, the fast casual known for cravable globally inspired noodle dishes, is bringing back a cult favorite, steak Stroganoff.

[Travis McElroy]

Can I just say, globally inspired is the least anything.

[Justin McElroy]

As opposed to Mars, as opposed to.

[Travis McElroy]

Like, this is how they eat it on Venus.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Backed by popular demand and available for a limited time only, Strogg's wavy egg noodles are enveloped in a rich mushroom sherry cream sauce and finished with tender marinated steak. Yada yada yada. Fans begged, they pleaded. Emotions ran high. Noodle and company listened. Bringing Stake Stroganoff back with an over the top return. Inspired by its fans loudest social pleas to honor the overwhelming Demand, Noodles Co. Turned real social posts into AI powered mini melodramas celebrating the fans love and the influence it had on Stroganoff's return.

[Griffin McElroy]

This is just. It's just. This is just. This is just all of them now. I think. I worry. This is gonna be all of them now.

[Justin McElroy]

Celebrate your love.

[Travis McElroy]

We destroyed acres of forests.

[Justin McElroy]

Our guests are at the center of how we shape our fucking menu, said Joe Christina.

[Griffin McElroy]

Whoa.

[Travis McElroy]

Did he.

[Justin McElroy]

No, he didn't.

[Travis McElroy]

Sorry.

[Griffin McElroy]

He didn't.

[Travis McElroy]

Fuck all the haters.

[Justin McElroy]

Fuck the haters and fuck rice.

[Griffin McElroy]

Fuck this flesh world. I want to be an AI man now. Put me in the noodle first.

[Justin McElroy]

Fuck the haters. Fuck bread bulls. Fuck gnocchi. For real. We're thankful for the fans who patiently or sometimes not so patiently waited for its return. And we're excited to welcome this nostalgic, timeless favorite back as the temperatures drop. There's another quote. Steak Stroganoff fans did more than ask for its return. They showed us how deeply this dish is woven into their rituals, memories, engravings, and wheat fucking listen. What does that mean?

[Griffin McElroy]

It means.

[Justin McElroy]

It means that Strogg is everything. Because Strogg means so much to our guests. That's what she said. Because Strogue means so much to our guests.

[Griffin McElroy]

I didn't mean that in a microscope way.

[Justin McElroy]

Why would she say that Strogg.

[Griffin McElroy]

Strogg means so much to our guests? Who would say that? What is the context in which that would be suggested?

[Travis McElroy]

And how did they show it? How did they show it? Were they pulling out clips from home videos of like, look, look, look. Do you see what we're eating there? Steak Stroganoff. And that was my dad's last day with us.

[Griffin McElroy]

Travis. I'm not gonna leave this behind. Justin said that's what she said after Strog means so much to our guests.

[Justin McElroy]

I didn't. You didn't let me finish. I was trying to clarify. I didn't mean that in a Michael Scott sense. I meant she said out loud. Because Strogue means so much to our guests.

[Griffin McElroy]

I was trying to think of a context, like if you were the ticket taker at, like, a pornographic movie theater.

[Justin McElroy]

And as people say, she's directly quoted as using the word screen. Strog. That's what I'm saying.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay. That's cool. That is cool.

[Justin McElroy]

Working with our creative agency, Fortnite Collective, we transformed real fan submissions into playful, over the top, dry, manic. There's an AI in there. Dry Mandic reenactments. Using AI as a creative tool guided by human insight to bring their words and emotions to life and celebrate the fandom behind this iconic discovery. A shout out to marketers and people in advertising. Shout out. If you cannot see how quickly, how short you are making the bridge between the people that run Noodles and Company and just putting it into the computer their goddamn selves. I really, my friend, it's a great.

[Travis McElroy]

Work if you can get it, man.

[Justin McElroy]

The sun is setting, my friend.

[Travis McElroy]

You. It took a lot of very skilled technicians and programmers to make the AI stop turning out images that said Joe Roganoff. Like, it took a lot. The AI kept wanting to make it Joe Roganoff, and they had to go in and really tweak the parameters.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's the thing, trav, where, like, AI doesn't know how many Rs are in the word strawberry. It's like that sort of thing where someone said Joe Roganoff once, and for whatever reason, that was like, one of the first things it learned. And so if you try to peel that away, then the whole thing's gonna unravel.

[Travis McElroy]

Like a kid saying Paschetti.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Remember how you were talking about how can they prove that There's Fans? From February 10th through February 25th, Noodles and Company is searching for its first ever cheek. It's not fair that I'm. I should stumble on this when all these words are basically made up. You know what I mean? Yeah. I'm not held accountable. Noodles and Co. Is searching for its first ever chief Strogan officer.

[Griffin McElroy]

All right, But I thought it was strogano. I do. I do know that it is Strogan on now. So pick a fucking thing, guys.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. The casting call invites fans to prove they are not just stake Stroganoff lovers, but true fanatics. This is the guest who never misses a stroganoff season, checks their noodles, rewards religiously, and has been counting down the days since the dish disappeared last winter.

[Travis McElroy]

Strogan honor guard.

[Griffin McElroy]

Strogan honor. Strogan. Were you trying to. Was that whole time you were trying to think of.

[Travis McElroy]

Not the whole time.

[Justin McElroy]

The winning monologue. Guys, this is monologue. This is an incredible prize. The winning monologue. Whoever comes up with the best monologue about how much they love the stroke will be transformed into one of Noodles and Company's AI Powered mini dramas, featured across the brand's social channels and website.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

Are they gonna mic TV me now?

[Justin McElroy]

I do want to tell you guys one other thing. And because I was feeling pretty down about this because I was so excited about it being Strogan on.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

And then the AI was, like, bumming me out.

[Griffin McElroy]

Seems like we didn't really come back to the Strogan on thing.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. It's like, whatever. But Arby's launches a new Italian beef dip sandwich now. Arby's.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't know they didn't already have one.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's new.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. No, they had. So they had the French dip. Yeah. With the Anjou. But now they got a new Italian beef dip. Because they're going for it now. They're doing it like it is In Chicago with. To mark the launch, Arby's partnered with entertainer Whitney Levitt in a new digital spot that highlights the sandwiches, Chicago roots and robust flavor profile. I don't know who she is. I think she's a Mormon dancer. But there's a. That's a. That's a thing you can be now, I believe. But in conjunction with the product debut, Arby's will host the House of Italian Beef, a limited time pop up experience in New York City. Created in partnership with chain, the experiential brand co founded by actor and writer BJ Novak.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

The pop up will be open to the public from January 23rd through the 24th. Designed as an interactive museum, the House of Italian Beef explores the history, culture and craftsmanship behind Chicago's iconic sandwich while offering attendees an opportunity to sample Arby's Italian beef dip.

[Griffin McElroy]

There's been a tremendous opportunity that has been missed here. It feels like to me, a partnership with BJ Novak, that's huge. You can do a lot with that, but it seems like you haven't done the best thing with that, which is a commercial series in which he gets up there and says, and now I'm proud to announce that BJ stands for Beef Juice. I'm Beef Juice Novak, and I have been this whole time. And I'm excited to tell you about my new RB sandwich. Take it from me, Beef Juice Novak. It's. It's a squishy one, folks. Wet as hell.

[Justin McElroy]

Fox Entertainment in 2023, acquired a stake in BJ Novak's food experience company chain. You remember BJ Novak, man? Yeah, yeah, he's. He just did a different. He just did a different thing and he opened up his whole. Whole own restaurant thing. Yeah. This is when. When Fox invested in it. This is what BJ Novak said. This is just. We love quotes here on my squad. We love quotes. Food continues to define culture. It's how we celebrate, how we remember, how we connect. No one understands how to turn culinary storytelling into cultural obsession like Fox Entertainment and Studio Ramsay Global. We're excited to work together to bring chain experiences to more people. Said BJ Novak, the guy from the Office.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, actually, Justin, he sold that too. It's the guy from the Beefus now. Yeah, he sold the rights to being called the guy from the Office to Arby's, and he's the guy from the Beefist.

[Griffin McElroy]

They changed the whole show.

[Justin McElroy]

Have you not watched DJ Novak, man? He's always out there doing something.

[Griffin McElroy]

Have you not watched the Office since the Arby's company bought it and changed.

[Justin McElroy]

It to the office?

[Griffin McElroy]

Is that what the paper is? Yeah, the paper is. Yeah, they're really backdooring the beef side of things.

[Travis McElroy]

The paper that they wrap the sandwiches in.

[Griffin McElroy]

They backdoored the beef pretty hard on this one.

[Travis McElroy]

It's stroking on when they backdoor the beef.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, stroking on when they're backdooring this beef.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, just Strogan on my back door till I beef. Nothing.

[Justin McElroy]

I didn't realize how important Strogg was to me until this time.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, dude, that's what she said.

[Griffin McElroy]

I tried to do my rituals without it and they didn't fucking work.

[Justin McElroy]

It didn't work. The viscosity. It's a viscosity issue. BJ's not gonna use AI in his Italian beef sandwich restaurant museum.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, hopefully he will. Italian has AI in it.

[Justin McElroy]

I hope that's true. You can't spell Italian without BJ Novak's chain.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's got AI right in it right there.

[Justin McElroy]

Bj, you can have that for free if you wanna put that in your. Just capitalize on triple your net worth.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's really sweet that you think. He heard Beef Juice Novak and continued listening to the show and wasn't immediately like, I've gotta go. I have to do this before someone else takes it.

[Justin McElroy]

He's trolling on the phone with his private yacht.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's crazy, guys. Yeah, you made a beef juice sandwich and you partnered with a guy whose initials are the same as Beef Juice. That's crazy, guys. You fucked that up. Maybe if you used your fucking brains for a second instead of having the computers do it for you. The neurons. Computer can't think of something like Beef Juice Novak. Guarantee you a million. Computers have a million.

[Travis McElroy]

We need to have a Griffin versus computer off to see who could think of BFG's Novak faster. It's a very niche competition.

[Griffin McElroy]

Admittedly I'd smoke it, dude. Like there's stuff it can do, but I would smoke its ass at that. I would smoke its robot ass.

[Justin McElroy]

Let's do another question. Brothers. After any rainstorm, we get an ungodly amount of grubs on our back patio. We have tried everything we and Google can think of, but they stay for ages. In return every time. I cannot own a chicken in my neighborhood and I really don't want one. That's a fucking crazy sentence.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, dude, say it again.

[Travis McElroy]

Anyways, back to the question.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, as I was saying, they were.

[Griffin McElroy]

Doing fucking text to speech on their phone, sending this question and went, chickens.

[Travis McElroy]

Chickens for sale.

[Justin McElroy]

Nah, I can't put in my backyard.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't want to anyways. Grubs in the back patio.

[Griffin McElroy]

Take this beautiful fertilized egg. I can't have chickens in my house. And I do not want one anyway, so. Guys, the grubs.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm trying to email a podcast in here.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm in my pod.

[Justin McElroy]

Derek, I told you not to talk.

[Travis McElroy]

To me.

[Justin McElroy]

But can I say one more thing?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, please, dude.

[Justin McElroy]

For the future, not wanting to own a chicken is enough.

[Travis McElroy]

You know what I mean?

[Justin McElroy]

Like, it doesn't have to also be illegal. Like, it's enough.

[Travis McElroy]

One of those two excludes it. My city said I could, but I don't want one. My city said I can't, and I do want one.

[Justin McElroy]

Either way, I would like to borrow someone else's chicken for a day or two. But where do I go to borrow a chicken? And how can I convince them that I will return their chicken safe and full of grubs and definitely not eat it? That's from Bountiful Bugs and Billings. If you don't know how on earth it would ever happen, it may be because it has not happened on earth yet. That is a possibility. Yet it may be your. This is where you find. This is where opportunity exists. It's in that narrow crevice between good ideas and bad ideas. You know what I mean?

[Griffin McElroy]

We live in that fucking crevice, dude.

[Justin McElroy]

That's opportunity.

[Travis McElroy]

My neighbor's got chickens.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, that's illegal, Travis. They can't have chickens.

[Griffin McElroy]

They can't. No one is.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm not gonna narc. I'm not gonna say which neighbor or where I live or where they live. But they also did get a rooster, which isn't as bad as I thought it would be. But, man, if roosters only crow when the sun's up, that guy has no idea what time it is.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, now that's an interesting idea, Trav. Is crows. Why does it have to be chickens? Maybe there's ways to attract birds to your yard. Like whatever. The opposite of a scarecrow. Do they make a scarecrow? But it's just like a sexy.

[Travis McElroy]

A welcome crow.

[Griffin McElroy]

A sexy bird that people alluring.

[Travis McElroy]

Crow.

[Griffin McElroy]

An allure. Yeah, Crowbar.

[Justin McElroy]

Crows are really smart. You can probably just pay them and give them, like, fair wages and insurance benefits and stuff.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's it. You don't need to pay them. This is a sweet spot. You've got a fucking bird paradise you're offering.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, right.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, they should be paying you to come in.

[Justin McElroy]

It's actually sick that you're offering these grubs. Even a chance to stay a part of the great chain.

[Travis McElroy]

You know, I think that's beautiful, because.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm pretty sure if there was a bunch of Grubs outside of my house, I'd knock them out of the great chain with a pressure washer like extremely quickly. So I think it's beautiful that you're trying to come up with a really natural solution to this.

[Griffin McElroy]

When you blast them with the pressure washer though, they absolutely fucking explode, dude. Don't their nutrients go down into the soil to become enrichment for the corn or whatever grows? I don't think you can blast something out of the circle, dude.

[Justin McElroy]

That's true.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think it's hubris to think you even can't.

[Travis McElroy]

The circle can't be created or destroyed, Justin.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, it can't be broken. You can make it have a bit more of a circuitous route in the circle, like if you blast.

[Justin McElroy]

I just, I guess I feel like nature and fate has arranged those molecules to be those grubs and I feel like they could hang out together a bit longer. But when I put on the 0 degree nozz, those molecules are no longer in a grub like orientation. They're vaporized star stuff. They have returned estudust.

[Griffin McElroy]

But that's why I'm saying juice a bird stuff.

[Justin McElroy]

Every breath you take has a little bit of Julius Caesar's last breath and a little bit of grubs for a.

[Griffin McElroy]

Little bit of the grub that you pressure washed out of your grass in your yard.

[Travis McElroy]

Which I cannot choreo plane cannot imagine.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm losing track of this conversation because I blew those grubs out of reality so bad I don't know what we're talking about.

[Travis McElroy]

It actually poked little holes in reality. That's like causing some issues.

[Griffin McElroy]

A man fucked your yard. Fucked your yard up real bad. Real, real, real, real bad.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, but it's worth it. I'd do it again. Fuck grubs.

[Travis McElroy]

The tiny screams make it all worth it.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm gonna help somebody else. Okay, cool. I got a few minutes. I recently started going to pelvic floor physical therapy twice a month. Appointments can range from yoga like stretches to internal exams in my various holes. I've learned that making conversation with my physical therapist during it relaxes me both mentally and physically to make my sessions more productive. What are some topics for conversations I can have with my doctor that aren't too invasive during my invasive therapy? For reference, we are both she her people. That's from keeping it low key in the down low. Okay, you've come to the exact right place.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, didn't know where that sentence was going.

[Justin McElroy]

My brother Griffin is an expert in the field.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, I definitely didn't have to just Google what a pelvic floor was.

[Travis McElroy]

So it's the opposite of a pelvic ceiling.

[Justin McElroy]

He's being modest.

[Griffin McElroy]

There's a lot of stuff happening down there that we've sort of grouped together as the pelvic floor. That's what I've learned about the big ear and the pelvic floor in this one episode of this education.

[Travis McElroy]

And you can write down spotting the pelvic floor in your big ear notebook.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, let me write that down. I heard it. I heard the pelvic floor, you guys.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey, you guys could talk about stranger things. There's gonna be lots of opportunities to bring that up.

[Justin McElroy]

Right?

[Travis McElroy]

Like my upside down, right? Yeah, you could bring that up or.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's funny. Yeah. And you can keep doing that, too.

[Travis McElroy]

Even if lots of portals that open up in stranger things.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's true. I don't think that that's. I think that's pretty yucky. But this is why you think.

[Justin McElroy]

Well, why Everybody's gotta memorize a thousand great jets.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

If you memorize a thousand great jokes, you're gonna be the hit of every party. There is no pelvic floor exam that can withstand a thousand great jokes.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, please.

[Justin McElroy]

You're gonna have themed ones. You're gonna have ones that are pelvic floor. I'm saying, if you order this book of mine right now. Oh, two payments. $19.99. We're gonna get you 100 great jokes within the next four to six business weeks.

[Travis McElroy]

Can I just make one payment of, like, what, 38. 99.

[Justin McElroy]

We haven't printed all 1,000 great jokes. So it starts with a hundred great jokes.

[Griffin McElroy]

Have you not printed them or have you not come up with them?

[Justin McElroy]

I have not written them.

[Griffin McElroy]

So there's.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, this is a Kickstart. This is a Kickstarter, Griffin. And you are currently violating an NDA.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, so do you want users to submit their great jokes?

[Justin McElroy]

I would love that. You can. Instead of buying the book. If you just wanna submit, say, 50 great jokes or 60 great jokes, then I can send you one. That's no problem. I'll send you one of the later ones, though.

[Griffin McElroy]

Will you accept a lot of grubs instead? I don't have jokes or money, but I do have grubs out the woods.

[Travis McElroy]

You get the grubs, you give them to the crows to write the jokes for you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Please.

[Travis McElroy]

The crows write the jokes.

[Griffin McElroy]

Crows.

[Justin McElroy]

We don't need AI. We need a lot of crows.

[Travis McElroy]

We need a lot of crows.

[Justin McElroy]

There's smart. Smart. We Need a lot of smart crows. Sid showed me a video of a crow talking yesterday, and then I was supposed to go about my day.

[Travis McElroy]

What?

[Justin McElroy]

After seeing this crow say, wow, mom, and stuff like that?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, Yeah. I hope they don't learn to talk too much.

[Travis McElroy]

Was it Crowen Wilson, Trav. Wow. Wow.

[Justin McElroy]

Damn it. God. Son of a bitch. Hey, thanks so much for listening to our podcast. I hope you've had half as much fun as we have.

[Travis McElroy]

We've had a real good time here, folks.

[Justin McElroy]

Trav, I was listening to an old this is relevant slightly. I was listening to watching a clip of the second episode of the MBMBAM TV show and I heard a joke of yours. It was kind of a burn on me that I've literally never clocked and I've watched it 20 times is when I'm trying to say ghost beef and I'm coming out of the closet in the dorm room and I'm laughing so hard and I can't get it out. And you say, whoa, pal, save some laughter for the rest of us. It's such a mean thing to say to somebody.

[Griffin McElroy]

That was, I think, our first day of shooting as well.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, God. Hey, thank you so much. What do we have going on? What do we need to tell people? What's up?

[Travis McElroy]

Well, Clubhouse is returning next Tuesday, January 27th at noon Eastern time. We're going to be streaming Clubhouse from now on, on the last Tuesday of each month. We've also got super McElroy brothers. It's gonna be this Tuesday at noon Eastern time and we'll stream all other Tuesdays. Make sure to follow Ackroy Entertainment System on Instagram for all our gaming content. Also, there's very few, I think four at the time of recording packages remaining for Championsgrove. Those are gonna be 10% off for a new year. New you, new fun time Special. Go to championsgrove.com and check those out. If you've already purchased your package, you'll be able to get first grab at the available sessions and stuff like that. Championsgrove.com We've also got some new merch.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can I do the merch?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, I was going to throw it off to you.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, okay. Wow.

[Travis McElroy]

Tell us about it. Griffin, I want to tell you about.

[Griffin McElroy]

The merch [e-mail] there's a lot of it. There is a balance bundle for Taz Balance. It's got a Taz dice tray, set of bureau balance dice, and a Zonecast car decal. You can really rep the OG set from the adventure zone and 10% of all of our merch proceeds this month will be donated to Immigrant Defenders Law Center. Again, all of that is over [e-mail] if I could do a quick plug. My choose youe Own Adventure book comes out in less than two months on March 10th. It's called the Stowaway and you can pre order it now. It'd be very helpful to me@bit lygryphenstowaway. I'm very proud of it and very, very stoked for that to come out. Thanks to Montaigne. Oh yeah, thanks to Montaigne for the use for a theme song. My life is better with you. I. I really enjoy the words of that song. Talk a lot about the music and I'm so distracted. Cause Travis has a little duck that he's.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, I'm thinking about throwing this duck.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh yeah, baby.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's gonna make a good sound.

[Travis McElroy]

I've got a lot of shit behind me.

[Griffin McElroy]

You need to set up like a picture. We all need.

[Travis McElroy]

Like I could throw it at my chair.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

Don't make a big meal out of it. Just throw it at the chair.

[Griffin McElroy]

And here is Travis's heater for the big boy. It is a small plastic purple dust about the size of my fist.

[Justin McElroy]

You talked over it.

[Griffin McElroy]

I talked over it. Travis. Can we get one more throw, my friend? Just one more. A good one. Really? Humm it.

[Justin McElroy]

Hey, can I have our Spotify play button? Shut up.

[Griffin McElroy]

Humm it.

[Justin McElroy]

I want the YouTube award.

[Griffin McElroy]

That was Trav. One more.

[Travis McElroy]

Trav.

[Justin McElroy]

I was talking and I promise this is not gonna be a bit. Cause I have to use the bathroom so bad. I'm gonna die.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, the chair isn't making a very.

[Justin McElroy]

My name's Justin McRoy. I'm Griffin McKroy. Travis. Matt. Square on the lips.

[Song Vocalist / Chorus]

It's better. It's better with you. This is true. It's better. It's better with you.

[Griffin McElroy]

My life.

[Song Vocalist / Chorus]

It's better with you.

[Justin McElroy]

Maximum Fun.

[Griffin McElroy]

A worker owned network of artist owned shows supported directly by you.