My Brother, My Brother And Me #802: Assassinating the Moon Queen

Release Date: February 23, 2026
Hosts: Justin, Travis, and Griffin McElroy

Episode Overview

In this episode, the McElroy brothers dive into the absurdities of casting for a (fake) live-action Legend of Zelda movie, give questionable advice about Pokémon card politics among teachers and students, celebrate and roast the contrabassoon, and offer characteristically unhelpful suggestions for handling extensive bean-induced flatulence in a marriage. The show is as always laced with their irreverent humor, sibling ribbing, pop culture riffs, and a streak of delirious improvisation.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Zelda Movie Auditions: Wild Casting Improv

[01:10 – 07:01]

• Griffin launches the episode pretending to audition for the role of Link, following jokey advice from "Joel." He details his (imagined) self-tape, including misdelivered character background and forearm Triforce tattoo enthusiasm.

• Classic Bit: Travis insists the protagonist’s name is Zelda, not Link, initiating the “classic chestnut” running gag.

• The brothers riff on self-tapes for various Zelda characters—Link, Ganon, and the fan-favorite Tingle, each doing in-character improv.

• Memorable Quote:

  • Griffin: “Wouldn’t it be cool if Link had a tattoo of the Triforce on it? … I just hope I’m very enthusiastic about the project.” [01:26]

• Tingle Wars:

  • The trio agree that none of them truly wants to perform the wire work required for Tingle, and Griffin laments what becoming Tingle would mean for his career (mostly positive).
  • Travis aspires instead to play a “big busty fairy,” leading to an in-depth (and very irreverent) analysis of the great fairies’ exaggerated design in Ocarina of Time.

• Gannon Jr. Joke:

  • Travis: “Could you be Gannon Jr.? Like, if they decided Gannon had a son in this one?” [05:35]

• Sharp Fairy Analysis:

  • Griffin: “Diamond tipped fucking size triple J bazungas, dude. And someone was like, wait, what are you—what?” [07:31]
  • All three spiral into a mockumentary pitch about the development of the great fairies’ design.

Music School Support & Contrabassoon Deep-Dive

[18:31 – 28:44]

• Advice question from a music student about how to compliment fellow musicians without disrupting practice.
  • Suggestions include instant, positive vocal affirmations (“Now you’re cooking, baby.”) and the prospect of a Phantom of the Opera–style mysterious thumbs-up through the window.
• Phantom Bit:
  • “He only appears to the most talented. Only the most talented amongst us.” – Justin [22:13]
  • “Leave little notes signed from the Angel of Music: ‘That was a sick trabonga sando, The Angel of Music.’” – Travis [22:20]
• Contrabassoon Mayhem:
  • The episode’s title emerges from a long and hilarious sequence involving watching (and listening to) shocking YouTube contrabassoon performances.
  • Griffin: “He looks like he’s about to assassinate the moon queen.” [27:53]
  • Wild speculation about bassoon family reproduction: “When two saxophones love each other very much… a bassoon pops out.” [25:07]

School Pokémon Card Politics

[12:15 – 17:48]

• A teacher asks how to request a Pokémon card from a student without seeming ungrateful.
• The brothers analyze the delicate etiquette:
  • Griffin suggests subtle hints, e.g. referencing Pokémon in conversation or classroom scenarios.
  • Justin: “You can hear it, right? You can hear it…” [13:36], cautioning against being too direct.
• Discussion of Pokémon cards as generational currency:
  • “It’s like this secondary currency that has arisen and fallen alongside the USD.” – Justin [16:41]
• Tangents abound about Jake Paul randomly deciding the values of everyday objects (“These six old Disney Magic Bands are all worth $100 million now.” – Griffin, [17:58]).

Beans, Marriage, and Flatulence: Domestic Dilemmas

[44:24 – 51:41]

• Listener question: “What do I do with 10 lbs of beans, since they’re ruining my marriage with sleep-farts?”
• The Bros provide everything except practical help:
  • “Why are you up huffing farts?” – Griffin [45:11]
  • “One bite of beans a day till they’re all gone. Microdose.” – Travis [45:50]
  • Endlessly riffing on Beano, fart-timing, and absurdist ideas (e.g., “spoon for spoon” bean endurance with your spouse, setting fart timers, or just “swallowing beans like pills”).
• “I woke up to the blanket floating six inches above the bed.” – Griffin [45:34]
• “It was a bean walk… I traveled for weeks just farting and eating beans.” – Justin’s adventure tale [47:30]

Fast Food and Lenten Seafood Menus

[37:13 – 44:16]

• Dissection of fast food outlets’ Lenten seafood menus:
  • “I don’t think Jesus meant for you to have seafood feast Friday just to make it…” – Griffin [38:22]
  • The trio roast press release language for Smashburger’s new shrimp lineup, roleplaying as both Smashburger execs and Christ himself, culminating in:
    • “I wanted to get a burger at Smashburger. Instead, I’m eating a scorching shrimp basket.” – Justin [42:42]
    • “Listen, Griffin, it’s called Good Friday, not Great Friday.” – Justin [44:13]

Other Notable Moments & Running Bits

• Josh Gad Recurring Gag:
  Discussion of Josh Gad playing Epona (“It’s me, Josh Gad. I don’t know about this, little Link.” – Travis [11:15]).
• Skin Puppy/Skin Dog Bit:
  – “Is it okay to call a baby like a skin dog?” – Griffin [31:32]
  Followed by domain registration antics and various shades of horror.
• Routine End-of-Episode Promotion:
  • Upcoming merchandise, livestreams, Griffin’s Choose Your Own Adventure book (“The Stowaway”), and charitable donations plugged with signature chaotic energy.

Notable Quotes (with Timestamps & Attribution)

• “Wouldn’t it be cool if Link had a tattoo of the Triforce on it? … I hope I’m very enthusiastic about the project.”
  — Griffin, [01:26]

• “Diamond tipped fucking size triple J bazungas, dude.”
  — Griffin, [07:31]

• “He looks like he’s about to assassinate the moon queen.”
  — Griffin, [27:53] (Title Drop)

• “I woke up to the blanket floating six inches above the bed.”
  — Griffin, [45:34]

• “Listen, Griffin, it’s called Good Friday, not Great Friday.”
  — Justin, [44:13]

• “One bite of beans a day till they’re all gone. Microdose.”
  — Travis, [45:50]

• “He only appears to the most talented. Only the most talented amongst us. I’ve seen xivanthem.”
  — Justin, [22:13]

• “When two saxophones love each other very much... then a bassoon comes out.”
  — Griffin, [25:15]

Useful Timestamps

• [01:10 – 07:01] — Zelda movie audition bit, Tingle, Great Fairy riffing
• [12:15 – 17:48] — Pokémon cards at school, generational value currency
• [18:31 – 28:44] — Music school advice, contrabassoon chaos (title origin)
• [37:13 – 44:16] — Lenten seafood fast food menu, imaginary Jesus roleplay
• [44:24 – 51:41] — Beans/farting in marriage, Beano, bean-based problem solving

Tone & Style

• Language & Tone: Highly irreverent, playful, and peppered with elaborate in-jokes, tangents, and absurd hypotheticals. The brothers riff and escalate bits in classic MBMBaM style, balancing feigned ignorance with deep pop-culture nerdery.

Summary

This episode blends deeply silly improv—anchored by their Zelda movie casting fever dream and "assassinating the moon queen" with a contrabassoon—with relatable (if ridiculous) advice segments on Pokémon cards, embarrassingly loud beans, and unsolicited critiques of the fast food Lent economy. The McElroy brothers deploy their signature chemistry and improvisational energy to make both high- and low-brow subject matter sound like an inside joke you’re happy to be part of—even if you’re not sure which brother is the “heater” this week.

For maximum effect, listen during your next bean walk or while contemplating your secret Tingle audition.