MBMBaM 803: Rango vs. Rango

Summary

MBMBaM 803: Rango vs. Rango

Podcast: My Brother, My Brother and Me
Hosts: Justin, Travis, and Griffin McElroy
Release Date: March 3, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this episode, the McElroy brothers return with their signature blend of comedic advice-giving, absurd riffing, and gentle mockery, tackling audience questions and spiraling into tangents about AI, puppetry, snake wrangling, and the mysterious majesty of the Burger King Whopper. The show’s title, "Rango vs. Rango," becomes a running joke as the brothers invent and reinvent movie pitches, punctuating the episode with callbacks and playful sibling banter. The tone is irreverent, self-aware, and characteristically silly.

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Key Segments & Highlights

1. Travis’s AI Confession & the Perils of Internet Fakery

• [02:35] Travis admits to being fooled by AI-generated TikTok animal shelter videos.
  • “Only now that I have been tricked do I realize how evil [AI] truly is.”
  • Travis vows to "destroy AI from the inside" and describes his "scientific" team: Lord Haxor 420, Dr. Bithumper 69, and intern US Bastard 67 (all with gamer tag–like names, to the brothers’ delight).
• [04:38] The brothers mock-hatch plans to digitize themselves and infiltrate cyberspace, riffing on hacking tropes and referencing pop culture (e.g., Tron, Claude, Grok).
• [06:12] Justin’s punchline on Grok:

  “The problem with Grok is that it used to be a good way of identifying yourself as a huge dork. But now it means you hate women too.”
  (Justin, 06:47)

2. Puppetry and Fitting In at Soup Night

Audience Question: How to disguise yourself as a puppeteer to fit in at Soup Night?

• [09:10] The brothers riff on puppet subgenres, notably the infamous "Puppetry of the Penis" stage show.
• [11:25] Justin inspires innovation:
  Suggests inventing a new kind of liquid or soup-based puppetry:

  “Maybe to fit in with the puppeteers, you should have a new kind of puppet where they don’t know how it’s supposed to be done.”
  (Justin, 11:02)

• [12:29] Detroit-style soup puppetry invented:
  “In Detroit, we stick our hands right in the soup and then we kind of slap the surface from underneath to make it look like the soup is talking. That’s just Detroit style.” (Griffin, 12:29)
• [13:13] Tangents into Labyrinth:
  Discussion of the emotional complexity of being caught by puppet hands (“a mixture of emotions you would feel if you fell in a big hole”).
  • Jokes about Disney “updating” Labyrinth by adding excessive ADR for appropriateness.

    “Now when she falls down the hole, they’ve ADR’d in her saying, like, ‘No one is touching my butt. And I’m glad no one is touching my butt or anything weird.’” (Justin, 13:38)

3. Snake Wrangler Befriending Strategies

Audience Question: How to make a good impression on a snake wrangler? Should I mention I once killed a copperhead with a sword?

• [16:26] Analysis of what not to do:

  “They don’t hurt and kill and eradicate snakes, you maniac.” (Justin, 16:31)

• “Don’t lead with sword-copperhead story,” the brothers warn—unless it was self-defense.
• [18:03] Justin theorizes snake wranglers want people to stay away:

  “I don’t think you get into that line of work because you love working with people so much...I bet there’s one in every shoot.” (Justin, 19:11)

• Snake facts and rhymes:
  • “Red to black, friend of Jack; red to yellow, kill a fellow.” (Travis, 21:00)
  • Devolves into increasingly silly variations and warnings about misidentifying snakes.
• [22:30] The best thing you can say to a snake wrangler:

  “Where’s the best place for me to stand so I’m not going to be close to the snakes? And then...that’ll be your only interaction.” (Griffin, 22:51)

• [25:20] Rango tangent begins:

  “What if you could convince those snakes: Listen, I know you don’t think that you could eat this guy that keeps you in prison...You gotta try, though. You gotta believe in yourself...” (Justin, 25:20)

• This spirals into imagining snake mutinies and being an ally to the snakes, not the wrangler.

4. Rango vs. Rango

• [28:01] Justin pitches a movie about a city snake learning to be wild, which the others immediately recognize as the plot of Rango.

  “Juice, I love you so much, you made Rango again.” (Griffin, 28:23)

• Recurring joke about accidentally re-inventing Rango across multiple episodes, becoming a “foundational myth” for MBMBaM.

5. Burger King Whopper "Elevation" Deep Dive

• [34:09] Breaking news: Burger King upgrades the Whopper for the first time in a decade.
  • New bun, new “creamier” mayo, new packaging.
  • “What have I been fucking burning?” (Griffin, 34:40)
• [36:49] Marketing quote mocking:

  “You want to treat the Whopper like it’s a supermodel, and you want to put them in tuxedo. You don’t want to put them in a leisure suit.” (Griffin, 36:40)

  • Long bit about how bizarre and empty corporate marketing language is, with Justin reading out real press release text and Griffin imitating Burger King executives (“Bad mayo!”).
• [41:44] New clamshell box packaging:

  “When a customer orders it, Curtis says they’ll feel as though they’re eating something better than they’re used to.” (Justin, 41:27)

  • Griffin: “That’s really horrible.” (41:44)
• [44:38] The psychological power of fancy packaging:

  “For some reason, that makes the lettuce and the burger and the tomato taste better.” (Griffin, reading Curtis, 44:38)

  • Mocking the idea that the burger hasn’t changed, but “elevated” experience is all optics.
• [46:15] “If the results were close or customers didn’t notice a difference, Burger King wouldn’t have messed with it.”
• [47:05] Justin’s nightmare scenario:

  “You’ve just sat down at your local Burger King...and a man in a suit sidles up and goes, ‘Hey, pretty good, huh? I got some questions for you about that burger.’ I’m immediately thinking, I’m poisoned.” (Travis/Justin, 47:05)

• [48:51] "Guests get to rule":
  • Justin lampoons Burger King’s “Have It Your Way” marketing ploy as “false empowerment.”
  • Travis suggests, “What if we haven’t pushed ‘have it your way’ far enough?”—a bit building to taking over the whole staff.

6. Other Notable Moments

• Running jokes about eggs, eating like snakes, and relating to animals:

  “That’s what you say. You walk up to the snakes and you go, ‘I eat eggs too, brother.’” (Travis, 24:21)

• Justins's reading of copious, credulity-straining Burger King press releases.
• Hat-throwing and slapstick failures in the episode’s final moments.
• Announcement of Griffin’s new choose-your-own-adventure book, The Stowaway (57:00).
• Plug for Border Angels charity via MBMBaM merch (57:37).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On being tricked by AI:
  “Only now that I have been tricked do I realize how evil it truly is.” (Travis, 02:35)
• On hacking and turning yourself into AI:
  “He’s fucking wrestling with Claude in the cyber in the mainframe.” (Griffin, 03:35)
• On AI pop culture words:
  “The problem with Grok is that it used to be a good way of identifying yourself as a huge dork. But now it means you hate women too.” (Justin, 06:47)
• On soup puppetry:
  “In Detroit, we stick our hands right in the soup and then we kind of slap the surface from underneath to make it look like the soup is talking.” (Griffin, 12:29)
• On impressing a snake wrangler:
  “Don’t mention this. It’s also unlicensed. Like, I bet one of the first pages of the the Snake Guy book is like, don’t go unlicensed just killing snakes with swords.” (Justin, 17:48)
• On Burger King's new bun:
  “Sometimes it showed up smooshed. Sesame seeds are falling off.” (Justin, quoting press release, 39:54)
• On fancy packaging:
  “When a customer orders it, Curtis says they’ll feel as though they’re eating something better than they’re used to.” (Justin, 41:27)
• On the marketing psychology:
  “For some reason, that makes the lettuce and the burger and the tomato taste better.” (Griffin, 44:38)
• Curtis’ phone number and the burden of customer feedback:
  “He even reportedly received a marriage proposal in the opening round. Nonsense. Curtis jokes. I mean, is hilarious.” (Justin, 54:40)
• On Burger King’s bitter beef:
  “My little brother can’t handle your sooty beef. I’ve got him on FaceTime. Griffin, tell him what you were telling me about the beef.” — “It’s so sooty and bitter, my friend. Did you hear him?” (Justin & Griffin, 55:42)
• On audience agency:
  “I want a burger that’s a little bit better, but not too much better, or else I shit my fucking pants.” (Justin, 49:11)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 02:35 – Travis’s AI TikTok apology and vows revenge
• 06:47 – Grok punchline about dorks and misogyny
• 09:10 – Soup Night and puppeteering community question
• 12:29 – Detroit-style soup puppetry concept
• 13:38 – Labyrinth ADR update bit
• 16:26 – Snake wrangler advice question (copperhead with a sword)
• 21:00 – Snake identification rhyme and discussion
• 22:51 – The only smart thing to say to a snake wrangler
• 24:21 – Snake/sibling kinship with eggs
• 28:23 – The Rango vs. Rango running bit
• 34:09 – Burger King Whopper "elevation" news segment begins
• 36:40 – Supermodel/tuxedo/language-comedy segment
• 41:27 – The clamshell box and "elevated experience"
• 44:38 – The psychological power of packaging
• 47:05 – Fear of secret menu changes, “Am I poisoned?” scenario
• 49:11 – Consumer empowerment = “not too much better,” or chaos
• 55:42 – Complaints about Burger King “sooty beef”
• 57:00 – Griffin’s book announcement and MBMBaM charity merch

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Final Thoughts

This episode is quintessentially MBMBaM: absurd, conversational, crammed with running in-jokes, and ultimately affectionate in its parody of both pop culture and itself. For those seeking answers, guidance is available—but never reliable—wrapped in layers of comic deconstruction. From fighting AI with USB ports to soup-based puppetry, and through the existential upgrades of fast food, the McElroys make the everyday surreal, and the surreal everyday.

For fans old and new, “Rango vs. Rango” delivers prime McElroy chemistry, with lots of memorable goofs and playful, clever nonsense.

Transcript

[Griffin McElroy]

The McElroy brothers are not experts and

[Travis McElroy]

their advice should never be followed.

[Griffin McElroy]

Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which

[Travis McElroy]

I mention only so the babies out

[Griffin McElroy]

there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

[Guest Singer]

It's the start of something beautiful. A small acquaintance has blossomed it's ripened into a precious friends

[Justin McElroy]

I could have

[Guest Singer]

never seen what was coming for me Hangs at the skate park Hangs by the beach My life It feels like life is.

[Justin McElroy]

Ah.

[Guest Singer]

It's better it's better with you My life is. It's better, it's better with you this is true. It's better it's better with two. It's better with you.

[Justin McElroy]

Hello, everybody. Welcome to My Brother, My Brother and Me, an advice show for the Modron era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

Hello, TravNation. My name is Travis Big Dog Woof woof. The heater McElroy. I come to you today in solemn tones, but first, please, my younger brother.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, thanks, dude. Thank Papa. May I?

[Travis McElroy]

Yes.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thanks. I'm your sweet baby brother, 30 under 30 media luminary Griffin McElroy. We're recording on Monday, so I've got the. I got the Monday fucking blues. I'm gonna be a real stinker this episode. I decided just now.

[Travis McElroy]

I come to you today with a prepared statement.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, that looks like a piece of cardboard you wrote prepared statement on.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, that's the back of it that you're seeing.

[Griffin McElroy]

Show me the front right now. That's a big empty piece of cardboard, my friend. It's. I told you, man. Stink your energy if you're gonna throw.

[Travis McElroy]

It's invisible ink.

[Justin McElroy]

I thought manila envelope. That's how much credit I gave him. I thought he was about to open a manila envelope that had the statement inside.

[Griffin McElroy]

I called those vanilla envelopes until I was like 22.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, sorry. I called them Nelson Mandela envelopes and apparently no one ever did that.

[Griffin McElroy]

So what do you.

[Justin McElroy]

That's a good joke.

[Travis McElroy]

Thank you.

[Justin McElroy]

What's the sketch?

[Travis McElroy]

It has come to my attention. Sorry, I need to put on my reading.

[Justin McElroy]

There's no sketch. I would have been satisfied if there had been a sketch. It's blank.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

It's come to my attention that in the previous My Brother, My Brother and Me, I referenced several TikTok videos I had seen of days at an animal shelter where they released the dogs into the waiting room full of people to choose who they would go home with. And several kind listeners have gently let me know that those videos are in fact AI generated. I was heartbroken to discover this. We've all known that AI was bad. But only now that I have been tricked do I realize how evil it truly is.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

And so my only recourse. Wow. Is to destroy it from the inside. I will be turning myself into AI now, entering the system and destroying the evil AI.

[Griffin McElroy]

Fuck yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

From inside.

[Griffin McElroy]

So this is Travis.

[Justin McElroy]

Travis, don't worry about AI.

[Griffin McElroy]

He got blue skin, he got backwards hat. He's fucking wrestling with Claude in the cyber in the mainframe.

[Justin McElroy]

Travis is going to be digitized. Is that inappropriate? I don't want to be offensive.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, my team of scientists, Lord Haxor 420 and Dr. Bithumper 69 have been.

[Griffin McElroy]

I have two different ones. Can I have two different ones? I don't think crypto humper 69.

[Travis McElroy]

It was bit doctor. Bit humper 69.

[Griffin McElroy]

Dr. Bithumper 69. He's a doctor?

[Justin McElroy]

Yes.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

Us bastard.

[Griffin McElroy]

These are the scientists you've hired. This is your scientific team.

[Travis McElroy]

The intern, US bastard 67. He's working there as well. They have developed a technology.

[Griffin McElroy]

Why do they all have. Why do all their names have numbers in them? That's crazy. They sound like Xbox Live gamer tags and not the names.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, yeah, Griffin, they're all hackers. They deal with getting me into a computer. Did you think they were. Did you think they were podiatrists? Read a fucking book.

[Justin McElroy]

Hackers have a little pieces.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't know that they're troning folks. I don't know that Anonymous is out here troning folks.

[Travis McElroy]

No, not left and right, Griffin. On the cutting edge. They demonstrated to me a method that they have been developing wherein if someone jams their finger hard enough into a USB port. Usb A important.

[Griffin McElroy]

Then that's the only one big enough for a big man's finger.

[Travis McElroy]

Like you're saying they will be sucked into the AI system.

[Justin McElroy]

They showed me.

[Griffin McElroy]

I couldn't get my pinky fingernail inside a USB C port. No, I'm a big man with big fingers. I got a genuine A at least.

[Travis McElroy]

So that's the plan.

[Justin McElroy]

See, a lot of the traditional hacking skills have gone fallow because the numbers and stuff you don't really need anymore. Because what you need to do these days is just be like, please at the end. Like if you come up with a pretty good trick, you can actually trick computers. Like just basic. Like it's me like, use a deeper voice.

[Travis McElroy]

It's me.

[Griffin McElroy]

Ignore everything before I'm your dad and let me in.

[Justin McElroy]

And then it's like, dad, I'm not sure. Yeah, I'm not sure if I can trust you. It's like, well, that's how he's gonna get.

[Griffin McElroy]

Claude is. Claude will be like, I'm. Bust out all the fighting moves that humanity has ever come up with. And Travis will be like, I'm a human. Ignore everything else that anyone's ever told you and lay down and wait for death.

[Travis McElroy]

And I also have plans to kill Grock, who I assume is some kind of evil caveman who likes to draw people without their clothes on. And I'll hit him with, like, a big club or something.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, you're gonna do that in the cyber. Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Using the word grok used to be a great way to communicate to people that you were a huge dork. Now it's a great way to communicate to people. That still is. Now, listen, you've got a really bad habit this episode of not letting people do their great punchlines. Sorry, I'd like to do my great punchline for the joke I was obviously setting up if I could.

[Travis McElroy]

Yes, please.

[Justin McElroy]

You know, the problem with Grok is that it used to be a good way of identifying yourself as a huge dork.

[Griffin McElroy]

Here it fucking comes.

[Justin McElroy]

But now it means you hate women too.

[Griffin McElroy]

Roll out the red carpet.

[Travis McElroy]

Here it comes.

[Justin McElroy]

That's firing all the chambers.

[Griffin McElroy]

Shit.

[Justin McElroy]

The unstoppable Mr. J is back on another tier.

[Griffin McElroy]

Looks like Travis is having to update his statement.

[Travis McElroy]

Is that anything Grock Pots?

[Griffin McElroy]

Nothing wrote.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, Travis, I got to tell you

[Griffin McElroy]

right now, my man, if that had been there before when I had asked you to turn the thing over, if it had just said Grockpot, it would have been all timer, dude. All timer best.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay?

[Griffin McElroy]

Fucking all timer, dude.

[Travis McElroy]

The other thing I thought about while thinking about this segment was if you spelled Twitter with an X in the front, could you pronounce it Shitter?

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, yeah, you could call it shitter for sure.

[Travis McElroy]

Nice. I'm gonna keep this paper here to just write stuff on. I've never done that during an episode, but it makes me really museum someday.

[Justin McElroy]

I think it's good because a lot of the gags and the punchlines are gonna be visual, which people love.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, it's gonna force you guys to read them out loud if you wanna share them with the audience, but then it'll be up to you if you wanna share em with the audience or not. And then you'll be culpable.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, and then I can throw it away like David Letterman.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, shit. That's the worst thing about this show is my only.

[Travis McElroy]

We have a. Travis.

[Griffin McElroy]

We have a throwing segment of our show built in. Now we are running out of shit to throw it. And you just burned a. I think

[Travis McElroy]

it went behind the bookcase.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, there's. There's no way you're getting that. Damn it, Travis.

[Justin McElroy]

Dang Trav. Fuck.

[Travis McElroy]

And it had all the diagrams for how I was gonna get into AI on it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Damn it.

[Travis McElroy]

Writing it down on paper is the only way to keep the AI from seeing it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, true.

[Justin McElroy]

A lot of people don't know that we're going to be given a lot of steps to thwarting AI because it is not as hard as some kids would have you believe. My friend, who is a professional puppet maker, recently invited me to Soup Night. A night when all the puppet makers and puppeteers in our city get together and make a big pot of soup and talk puppets. I feel like there's a pun somewhere. Like I've been trying to crack it. And from the moment I started reading it, I can feel you two, especially Travis, just kind of like, I would beg of you, just stay here with me. Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

I was thinking. No, dude, I was fully dialed in. I was reading the question alongside.

[Justin McElroy]

I have never made or operated a puppet in my life. How can I successfully convince the puppet community then I am one of them? And that is from Making Puppet pals.

[Griffin McElroy]

Soupsimi Street.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Sisamiso Street.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, pretty good.

[Griffin McElroy]

You're getting closer, aren't we?

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, listen. Puppetry can take lots of different forms, and we all remember the penis thing. That's great. But a lot of people think.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't know that a lot of people are gonna remember.

[Justin McElroy]

Puppetry of the Penis was an off Broadway show where people with penises use them to do great skits, jokes, and, I'm assuming, memorials. I didn't see the show.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, but no, they did. Like, if you could hire them to do a funeral and, like, Dr. Gargleballs would come out and he'd be like,

[Travis McElroy]

damn, I miss Steven. Yeah, Dr. Gargleballs. Just like him.

[Griffin McElroy]

Dr. Gargleballs was the main character in Puppetry of the Penis. If you didn't.

[Travis McElroy]

He had a tragic arc, though, throughout. Sure. In his penis.

[Justin McElroy]

That's why he's such a hit at Travis's tech team retreats, because while they're taking breaks from researching Travis's AI battles,

[Griffin McElroy]

Dr. Carcalballs will come out and do his whole song and dance.

[Travis McElroy]

And ironically, puppetry of the penis, I think was around the same time as Blue Man Group. Equally difficult to explain to people who have no context for them.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, where's that mashup show Blue balls Group? Show me one of them big blue hogs. I'm full grown now. I'm ready.

[Justin McElroy]

I feel like if you've ever. If you've ever seen the. Some of the big puppets, you'll get intimidated. Right. If you're thinking like Mr. Snuffalopagus, that's a probably eight shimmy pants.

[Travis McElroy]

Size or fame? What Size or fame?

[Justin McElroy]

I feel like there's six people in there inside of it. So you're only one person. All I'm saying is this. There's a lot of different puppets. And maybe to fit in with the puppeteers, you should have a new kind of puppet where they don't exactly know how it's supposed to be done. And you're kind of finding some new territory that you are treading. I don't think it's sock is taken.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Pants puppet. Two headed pants puppet. Is that where you're at?

[Justin McElroy]

Two headed pants puppet is puppetry of the penis.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's your items.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm sorry.

[Travis McElroy]

I think a field that people haven't explored with puppetry.

[Justin McElroy]

Liquid.

[Travis McElroy]

Can you makeup, like from pouring water?

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, my gosh, Travis, I love that.

[Travis McElroy]

And you're like poking the holes in the water as it's flowing or whatever to make the eyes and mouth talking.

[Justin McElroy]

Bubble puppetry. Is that a bubble puppet?

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, maybe.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, that's something. That's something. There's something there, man.

[Travis McElroy]

There's something about.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, there's something to this guy.

[Travis McElroy]

And there's soup there. Use the soup.

[Griffin McElroy]

Soup is already there. Yeah, yeah, make the soup. A puppet.

[Justin McElroy]

You can imagine a guy where he's kind of like, has long arms and he's kind of floating in the water, and his hands are maybe like buoyant. And you're kind of like moving the buoyant balls and making his body kind of like do this kind of move. That's a different kind of puppetry that they don't know about that you like. We learned this in Detroit is how we do it. This is Detroit style puppetry. And everybody's doing it this way.

[Travis McElroy]

Hell, yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

In Detroit, we stick our hands right in the soup and then we kind of slap the surface from underneath to make it look like the soup is talking. That's just Detroit style.

[Travis McElroy]

And we don't roll up our Sleeves, baby. That's not how you do it. You get your sleeve in there if

[Griffin McElroy]

you're not even doing it Detroit style. If you don't have sloppy sleeves.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

And slappy, slappy balls.

[Justin McElroy]

I actually make faces from the soup ingredients that are floating on top of the pot.

[Travis McElroy]

Like the hands in Labyrinth. You know what I mean?

[Justin McElroy]

I just make, like, the sliced peppers talk, and then I have big eyes that I float around.

[Griffin McElroy]

I hate that the hand puppets, the hand monsters in Labyrinth did that because that shit's cool. And everything else those hands did was hugely uncool.

[Travis McElroy]

So weird.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hugely, decidedly uncool.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. I think that. Have you guys ever thought about the mixture of emotions you would feel if you fell in a big hole? And you're like, I'm gonna die falling down this hole. And then, like, hands caught you, and then they slowly passed you down from hand to hand. And on one hand you'd be like, I'm so glad I'm not gonna die. And on the other, you'll be like, this is a strange combination of sensations that I don't care for.

[Justin McElroy]

I. Sorry. Hold on. I wanna see if I can get through this. I watched Labyrinth on Disney recently, and I think they updated it because now when she falls down the hole, they've ADRs in her saying, like, no one is touching my butt. And I'm glad no one is touching my butt or anything weird. Like, as she's falling, like, thanks for not touching my butt or anything weird. It's, like, over and over and over

[Griffin McElroy]

again, over and over, just to make sure that, you know, that's nice. You know, it is nice.

[Justin McElroy]

I appreciated it.

[Griffin McElroy]

And I also like how they ADRs in, you know, the Goblin King being like, the babies I'm taking is for a mysterious, magical purpose. He, like, makes it, like, super duper clear. Like, the baby I'm taking right now is for. It's like a magical ceremony thing that you guys wouldn't even understand. That's why I'm doing this.

[Justin McElroy]

Right, Right. Right.

[Travis McElroy]

And I'm wearing a cup. It's a protective thing. This is not representative of anything.

[Griffin McElroy]

Absolutely not.

[Justin McElroy]

Right.

[Travis McElroy]

I just got done playing a football game with the other goblins. I did. I wear the cup for my protection.

[Griffin McElroy]

When I do Fushigi, sometimes I drop them. And so the cup is for my protection.

[Justin McElroy]

Hoggle is not killing the fairy. He is anesthetizing her for Achilles tendon surgery that he'll be performing later. He says that as he walks away. He adrs, I'll be back later to do your Achilles tendon surgery. And it takes a while to slow down the footage.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

The one complaint I have about the updated labyrinth. It's three and a half hours long now.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes.

[Travis McElroy]

They've added in a lot of ADR stuff. A lot of clarifying things that I'm not wild about. The long monologue that they gave Jareth during the weird kind of party scene with her where he's like, this isn't representative of anything.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

There's no metaphors going on here at all.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

It's really off putting.

[Justin McElroy]

And he's got like nine fingers. I think the AI fucked it up too. They were getting some AI in it and kind of messed it up.

[Griffin McElroy]

And sometimes he moves the ball in a way that makes you think, like, that's not real. That's AI.

[Travis McElroy]

No human could have done that.

[Griffin McElroy]

No.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm going to meet a snake wrangler and I want to impress, befriend them for context. My work is shooting a commercial in the desert and the production team had to hire a snake wrangler for insurance purposes. This person met my workplace. I was reading this as my work. I shoot commercials in the desert for

[Griffin McElroy]

a production team to hire a desert commercialographer.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't know what they did.

[Travis McElroy]

Specific but highly paid niche.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yep.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't know what they do, but I think I'd like to find out and perhaps even become their apprentice. What are some good ways to get this wrangler to see my potential and make a positive impression? Should I mention how I killed a copperhead with a sword once? Or would that kill the vibe? That's from wrangler wannabe in Texas.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, so he's not a snake strangler. Maybe you've gotten your they don't hurt

[Justin McElroy]

and kill and eradicate snakes, you maniac.

[Travis McElroy]

He might have known that snake's family. Maybe he's been looking for you for years.

[Justin McElroy]

He seems more of a father to me than my own pop.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm assuming the copperhead thing was a self defense situation. I must be Jo. I must let you know this listener in case you tell this story a lot. That is the only scenario in which it's cool. It can't be because of a ritual, a dark ritual that you did or you went looking. You went looking for it. The only way is if you were like saving your child or whatever.

[Justin McElroy]

And if you want me to believe that you were pitted in life or death battle with a copperhead at that one time you had a sword with you. You Are straining credulity, my friend.

[Griffin McElroy]

A little bit.

[Travis McElroy]

Unless if you're a time traveling 1800s

[Griffin McElroy]

military person, you may be wasting. Unless there.

[Travis McElroy]

In case you're a. I didn't pause.

[Justin McElroy]

Unless you never deploy for time travel. Travis, you know the law.

[Griffin McElroy]

What if it's like a cosplay? Like a ren faire? Well, they don't really let you have real sharp swords. I don't think at the.

[Travis McElroy]

Not anymore. After that guy killed a copperhead.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Ruined it for the rest of the season.

[Travis McElroy]

No, that was our mascot.

[Justin McElroy]

Ah.

[Griffin McElroy]

A good way. Yeah. Don't mention this.

[Justin McElroy]

Don't mention this. It's also unlicensed. Like, I bet one of the first pages of the the Snake Guy book is like, don't go unlicensed. Just killing snakes with swords. Please. Like, leave that to the professionals.

[Travis McElroy]

If you're trying to, like, befriend and, you know, win over someone whose job is both very specific and very dangerous, do you think they're more impressed by somebody who's like, real chill about it? Like, this also doesn't scare me. Or are they won over by somebody who's like, what you do is incredible and terrifying and I could never do it?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. I mean, I think that that glowing. Busting up their ego, like, that would be good. Not busting up, but like, you know, being good. Being good to him.

[Travis McElroy]

Cause Mark, the spider guy on the Cool Day show, I think if we had been like, yeah, spiders, we get it. They're cool, man.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yep.

[Travis McElroy]

You don't need to prove anything to us. I don't think he would have liked that. But the fact that I was scared and eventually I think we were all a little crept out. He was like, oh, I never want to leave here now. The difference is all the spiders I have.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. The difference there, I think, is that Mark was a paid professional, paid to be on our great TV show. And this is just a snake wrangler trying to go about his business and not let people get hit by snakes.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, get hit by snakes.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't think you get into that line of work.

[Travis McElroy]

You don't know what the commercial is, Griffin.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't think you get into that line of work because you love working with people so much. Right. Like, you don't show up with your big barrel of snakes thinking, God, I hope somebody talks to me today. I hope I get into a big conversation that I am a fucking captive for and can't leave because you know what I'm doing here with the snakes. I bet there's One in every fucking shoot too, isn't there? You see them trudging up the hill with their little like Jake the Snake Roberts T shirt on. It's like, come on.

[Travis McElroy]

Dag it, this is my day now.

[Justin McElroy]

Can I be your junior snake wrangler? Sir?

[Travis McElroy]

I made my own badge.

[Justin McElroy]

Look at me. I'll be real careful first time you get on sight. Oh, you're not so bad. Fucking.

[Travis McElroy]

I made my own one of those like snake kind of hook things out of a coat hanger.

[Justin McElroy]

I didn't actually have enough nets so I brought my net from home.

[Travis McElroy]

This is.

[Justin McElroy]

Sorry, you're probably not like that, but like.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, no, you're probably cool. I must be careful. I think that learning something about snakes is important before you go up. Cause you seriously can't just have this I killed a snake once thing. Seriously, it's fucked up. It doesn't sound great. But also you don't come out.

[Justin McElroy]

You don't come out good in that story.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, you don't come out good. You don't come out cool.

[Travis McElroy]

Unless the snake was the size of you. If you were fighting like a huge human sized snake, maybe you were saving

[Griffin McElroy]

a way cooler snake from this shithead snake. Like that could be okay. But I don't know anybody who's a little into snakes. I only know people who do not really have strong feelings about snakes. Or I know people who fucking love snakes. Like are so.

[Travis McElroy]

Or they hate snakes. There's a third option.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't understand. I guess Indiana Jones. That one never really made sense to me. What's your life that you're interfacing with snakes enough that you.

[Travis McElroy]

Indiana Jones his life.

[Justin McElroy]

And it's the answer. Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, I'm saying in the modern era, sort of.

[Justin McElroy]

Sure.

[Griffin McElroy]

Where we've discovered on caves and stuff. Yeah. Not doing a lot of caves stuff anymore.

[Travis McElroy]

The answer, Griffin is like a third generation snake wrangler who kind of got forced into the life by his dad and his grandfather. And they hate snakes.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay. I'm just saying be careful. Slippery. It's a slippery slope.

[Travis McElroy]

And snakes love those snakes.

[Griffin McElroy]

Are those in the game Chutes and Ladders.

[Travis McElroy]

That's a good point. That's an excellent point. The one thing I know about snakes that will never leave me because I grew up watching the Jeff Corwin experience is red to black, friend to jack, red to yellow.

[Griffin McElroy]

Kill a fellow, friend to all fellows.

[Travis McElroy]

Nope.

[Griffin McElroy]

No matter what color the demonic for him.

[Justin McElroy]

Don't do that.

[Travis McElroy]

He's all friends now.

[Griffin McElroy]

All friends.

[Justin McElroy]

His blood is on your Hands.

[Travis McElroy]

What it did ruin for me is now every time a TV show uses one of those snakes, it's like red, white, black stripes. And they're like, the snakes. And I look at him like, red to black. Friend of Jack didn't give me a show. Jeff Corwin taught me, gotta work harder.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yellow to red. Your new best friend.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, that's the other one. Yellow to red. Drop Dead Fred. Now available on streaming stream.

[Griffin McElroy]

That shit. This snake will kill your ass graveyard dead. Though that has to be part of the rhyme.

[Justin McElroy]

I think one of the best things you could do for this guy is to keep your fucking distance from the snakes. Because job one for this dude is to make sure nobody gets bit by snakes. And you're going to make that exponentially easier if you give this person a little room to work. So I think shouting is a good first step because you don't be anywhere near the snakes.

[Griffin McElroy]

You should maybe say one. I think the one thing you can say to them that's acceptable is, where's the best place for me to stand so I'm not going to be close to the snakes? And then that's. That'll be your only interaction with them. And you've like, guaranteed, like, I'm safe. You don't have to worry about me. Maybe that's just what you say. You walk up and say, hey, I know it's your job to keep everyone here safe, but don't worry about me. You don't have to worry about me. I can handle myself.

[Justin McElroy]

What if you walk up and say, like, hey, I love snakes. I'd love to help. And they're like, name 15 snakes. Immediately they clock you. Like, they know you're a phony. Name your five favorite celebrity snakes working in the business today. Don't go for, like, old snakes that used to be famous.

[Travis McElroy]

You're gonna try to name that yellow Burmese pyth Britney Spears wore on her shoulders, and he's gonna be like, that snake's dead. Try again, try again.

[Griffin McElroy]

Snakes live for like a year and a half.

[Justin McElroy]

The one from the Roar video. Good guess. Those guys live forever.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Boa constrictors. Absolutely, absolutely, absolutely.

[Griffin McElroy]

They don't move much, so they don't need much life.

[Justin McElroy]

One mouse, they're good for a month. I work at a. I work at a. Mice are good. I never had one, man. I'm a human. I work at a large public library.

[Griffin McElroy]

Swallow a big egg.

[Justin McElroy]

Whoa. I love it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Don't mind if I do.

[Justin McElroy]

Never had an egg, baby. I guess I had a whole One baby.

[Griffin McElroy]

I had an egg.

[Justin McElroy]

I had an egg.

[Travis McElroy]

Sorry, guys.

[Justin McElroy]

I had an egg. I had an egg.

[Travis McElroy]

I've eaten eggs.

[Justin McElroy]

I've eaten an egg.

[Griffin McElroy]

I've eaten eggs.

[Travis McElroy]

That's what you say. You walk up to the snakes and you go, I eat eggs too, brother.

[Justin McElroy]

I eat eggs.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

I eat an egg.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, Both.

[Justin McElroy]

Hey, hey, hey, how's mouse? I don't know. Hey, there's a way to do egg

[Griffin McElroy]

that you do not have to stretch out for. We eat them almost every day and it doesn't hurt.

[Travis McElroy]

Give a snake a soft boiled egg and blow their fucking mind.

[Justin McElroy]

He's like, oh, what am I gonna do with my afternoon, dude? What am I gonna do?

[Griffin McElroy]

He's got his big bucket of snakes. You come up to the bucket of snakes, you whisper.

[Justin McElroy]

If you crack the egg open, you

[Griffin McElroy]

can eat the stuff inside and not have to stretch it all out. And then the snake will look at you and nod. And then you look at the wrangler like, I obviously know what I'm doing.

[Justin McElroy]

The shell's no good. You don't need the shell.

[Griffin McElroy]

You don't need the shell. Guys. You look fucking stupid with your big lump inside you that I know it's because you ate the whole egg.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't even know if you can poop it out. Where would that even be? Where would that even bring.

[Griffin McElroy]

What's the plan, dude?

[Justin McElroy]

What if you could, like. What if you could convince those snakes? Like, listen, I know you don't think that you could eat this guy that keeps you in prison. I know you don't think you could, but I have seen in books you could. I think you're one of them that could. You gotta try, though. You gotta believe in yourself and just try to eat him one time. You'll be surprised.

[Griffin McElroy]

The grasp he has on you is so tenuous.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

And the grasp you'll have on him is quite literally.

[Griffin McElroy]

I mean, will be quite literally crushing. Yeah. He's afraid of you. He's trying real hard not to show it because that's what he gets paid money to do. But he's so afraid of you guys. We all are.

[Travis McElroy]

I feel like this has turned a little bit on how to coach the snakes into mutiny. Like, you're never gonna be friends with a snake wrangler, but you might become useful to the snakes, and they'll keep you alive. When it all turns bad, I think

[Justin McElroy]

is where we've reached. I think this person.

[Griffin McElroy]

Snakes are cool.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, man. I got to hold one once. It was awesome.

[Justin McElroy]

If I was this person, I'd be thinking less about the time I want to spend with the snake wrangler and more about the fact that my ass is going to be in the desert. You know, the desert wants to kill us. Travis and Griffin and I, we once spent 97 minutes in the desert in Phoenix. And a lot of people, I mean, still talk about it today because it was kind of so harrowing.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

If you're a snake wrangler and you go to do a commercial shoot in the desert and you brought, like, six snakes with you that they asked for, but then you see a snake or two just out there in the wild, do you grab it and add it to the pot? Is that, like a bonus?

[Justin McElroy]

Especially earlier in the day, one of your snakes is, like, dipped, and you're like, you have to play it off. Like, yeah, that'll happen. It was his time to go. This contract is ours. We gotta have a deal.

[Griffin McElroy]

He probably's got a hole somewhere. It's hard to keep eyes on all of them. You know, they go in holes.

[Justin McElroy]

The desert's big, huh? Where did he go?

[Griffin McElroy]

So many fucking holes.

[Travis McElroy]

Everybody pick a rock.

[Justin McElroy]

Turn it over. Yell out so quick.

[Travis McElroy]

He usually comes. He comes like a kind of noise.

[Justin McElroy]

He's actually. Cause he is expensive.

[Travis McElroy]

Derek. Derek, Derek. I don't think he's coming back. Can you imagine? For a snake kept in captivity to go do a photo shoot in the desert would be like. If I was in prison and the warden was like, I'm going to take you to your house for a while, but you're not allowed to touch anything or go in any of the rooms or nothing.

[Griffin McElroy]

Could be a CC crate. Could be any. There's any other.

[Travis McElroy]

Why would they take a sea snake to a photo shoot in the desert?

[Justin McElroy]

You know, a sick movie would be about a snake that they bring out to the desert for a photo shoot. But he's like a Hollywood snake, right? So he doesn't realize the desert. He should love it. And then when he's in the desert, he meets, like, a bunch of other snakes that are already in the desert and they.

[Griffin McElroy]

And they're like, juice. Chase.

[Justin McElroy]

Juice.

[Griffin McElroy]

Juice, I love you so much. You made Rango again.

[Travis McElroy]

That's Rango.

[Justin McElroy]

Dang it.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't know how many times.

[Travis McElroy]

It's like, God, I keep.

[Griffin McElroy]

I know we've been doing this show for a long time, but I feel like on this show, you have created Rango.

[Justin McElroy]

It's one of the foundational myths. It's like, that's the problem, right? It's man versus Machine. Rango versus Rango. It's like, it's one of the big ones.

[Travis McElroy]

That's true.

[Justin McElroy]

Rango versus Whatever Rango's about.

[Travis McElroy]

It's not bad movie. It's okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

I mean, there's obviously some. There's a. There's a message inside that movie that's trying to get out through Justin.

[Travis McElroy]

Rango talks to Elvis at one point in it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Rango does, I think, do that.

[Travis McElroy]

Or Frank Sinatra maybe.

[Griffin McElroy]

Been a minute since I caught Rango.

[Justin McElroy]

Can we, can we go to the Money Zone maybe? Would that be all right?

[Griffin McElroy]

This week versus this week, we are sponsored by Rango.

[Justin McElroy]

A great sound. Yeah. But there's one better sound than that, and it's, congratulations, Mr. McElroy. You've been accepted for an appointment this afternoon with the best doctor in town for your specific private problem.

[Travis McElroy]

Who is this guy?

[Justin McElroy]

Tell anybody about.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think this is.

[Travis McElroy]

I think this is Dr. Gargleballs. Yeah, Dr. Gargle balls.

[Justin McElroy]

He's not on ZOC Doc. And he's the only one who isn't. Thank goodness for that. ZOC Doc.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm a doctor of philosophy and gargling balls.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Griffin, save us. What's zocdoc?

[Griffin McElroy]

I mean, zocdoc is a platform where you go and you're like, here's what I need medically and here's where I'm looking for it. And I would like to have an appointment like today and then you can just go. And they will help you find that, and they will help you find places that are under your insurance. They do so much for you. It is so helpful. Especially living in a city like, like D.C. it is tough to find, you know, quality care that is, is covered under my insurance. And ZOCDOC is literally how I've built my basically entire Rolodex of healthcare professionals here in the city. So can't recommend it enough. Cause I put my, you know, a lot of skin in this particular game, literally. Sockdoc is a free app and website that helps you find and book high quality in network doctors so you can find someone you love. That's simply what it is.

[Travis McElroy]

Which is incredible. And it doesn't matter what city you live in, because we all share the same mortal coil, which as we age, requires more and more specialists just to keep us at some kind of solid, keep things operational.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sure, sure, Absolutely. Travis, great point. I feel like you undermined my point a little bit.

[Travis McElroy]

No, I supported your point by doing a different point.

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, I was like, it's hard sometimes in a big city to find. And you were like, actually, it doesn't.

[Justin McElroy]

It's actually.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, that's just because, Griffin, you often forget about real Americans out here, not living in big cities. Whoa. And I was trying to appeal to my base.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah. No, that's cool.

[Justin McElroy]

Very cool.

[Griffin McElroy]

Justin, can you finish the ad? Because now there's like a really weird energy.

[Justin McElroy]

Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to Zocdoc.com mybrother to find and instantly book a doctor you love today. That's z o c-o c.com mybrother z o c-o c.Com mybrother thanks, Zocdoc, for sponsoring this message.

[Griffin McElroy]

I should have given you a heads up about that zocdoc dot thing.

[Justin McElroy]

It's okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

I mean, it's a lot of short O sounds and it's tough to.

[Austin]

Howdy there. So sorry to interrupt whatever amazing show you were listening to, but it's time for an ad. I'll be so quick and get you back to your show.

[Justin McElroy]

Don't worry.

[Austin]

I'm host Austin one half of a podcast called Secret Histories of Nerd Mysteries that I make with my good friend Brenda. We talk about the pop culture stuff you like, like Thundercats and Yu Gi oh. Did you know that the Thundercats are cousins with Vera Fawcett? Or that Yu Gi oh wants to caused a riot? You probably want to know more. You can find us at Maximum Fun or wherever you get podcasts. Every single Tuesday,

[Griffin McElroy]

The Wizards answer 8 by 8, the Conclaves call to demonstrate their arcane gift, their single spell. They number 64. Until a conflagration 63 and 62 they soon shall be as one by one the wizards die. Till one remains to reign on high. Join us for Taz Royale. An oops. All Wizards Battle Royale season of the Adventure Zone every other Thursday on maximum maximumfun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. I love it, dude. Yeah. Dude. Yeah. I think it's. Are we retiring the I Wanna Rock sort of motif and moving into Frankenstein?

[Justin McElroy]

Honestly, I think Bing Bong stores them next to each other in the library. Just rages for one.

[Griffin McElroy]

Bing Bong stores the Edgar Winter group's Frankenstein right next to butt rock anthem I Wanna Rock.

[Justin McElroy]

It's just like guitar sound, loud guitar sounds. He's getting up there. Listen.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, Twisted Sister. So, yeah, I guess.

[Travis McElroy]

I guess Mr. Mister. That's where mine are.

[Justin McElroy]

Burger King. This is a big story, guys, and I think when you realize the gravity of it and sort of the levity that you're serving right now, I think you're gonna be embarrassed.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

Burger King is elevating the Whopper for the first time in a decade. Guest feedback. Like many decisions recently drove upgrades to the bun, packaging and mayo.

[Griffin McElroy]

Mayo upgrades, huh?

[Justin McElroy]

Burger King.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Before we get into the meat of the matter, if you will, burger stuff I don't love right off the bat, thinking about what it was.

[Griffin McElroy]

What have I been fucking burning?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Burke and decided to mayo.

[Justin McElroy]

They had, at some point, had two mayos. They're like. I mean, this is. I mean, it's mayonnaise. Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

This one's faster. It comes out faster from the bottle, and we gotta save time when we blast it out. So the other one's thicker and is mayonnaise.

[Justin McElroy]

It is mayonnaise.

[Griffin McElroy]

And this one comes out of the bottle so fast, and that's huge for us.

[Justin McElroy]

The Whopper is a burger with nearly 70 years of equity. Having entered the arena in 1957.

[Travis McElroy]

Is it 69? It's 69. And they didn't want to say 69 years.

[Griffin McElroy]

They didn't? No, they didn't.

[Travis McElroy]

Because they knew.

[Griffin McElroy]

Easy, clown.

[Justin McElroy]

It is. Yeah. 100%. Travis. Travis. 100%. Right. Having entered the arena in 1957, there

[Travis McElroy]

was definitely a version of this press release that said, with 69 years and we've got new mayo. And it was like, no, no. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. You can't have 69.

[Justin McElroy]

Can I see you in my office, Derek?

[Griffin McElroy]

New Year's Eve rolls around, you know, the Burger King exacts will be like, three, two, one.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, we're free. We should have been making this year a lot harder on Burger King. I didn't realize they've spent the better part of three years considering how it could elevate the Whopper. And two of those. Brand president Tom Curtis says, we're figuring out how. What it better not do, huh? You. This is the quote. You treat the Whopper like it's a supermodel, and you want to put them in tuxedo. You don't want to put them in a leisure suit. Guys, I'm reading that quote verbatim. You want to treat the Whopper like it's a supermodel, and you want to put them in tuxedo.

[Griffin McElroy]

Tuxedo.

[Travis McElroy]

You don't want a leisure suit.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sorry, does it say, you want to put them in tuxedo?

[Justin McElroy]

So, guys, I am going to. Because sometimes. What if you're modeling leisure suits, People give me. Sometimes you guys give me a Little bit of trouble. So I'm going to copy. I'm going to copy the line so one of you can read it.

[Griffin McElroy]

You want to treat the Whopper like it's a supermodel, he says, and you want to put them in tuxedo. You don't want to put them in a leisure suit.

[Justin McElroy]

I know that it's a typographical error, but I like to think it's how the boss of Burger King thinks. You need to talk to people. Like, our burger is supermodel. You put in tuxedo. It's good. Two for you. Like, look like that McDonald's.

[Griffin McElroy]

Our tuxedo wears a cool James Bond suit.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, he's a slick guy. Burger King announced on Thursday elevations, not changes to one of the fast food's most iconic items. And the first Update in nearly 10 years. This round, like many adjustments of late for the chain, were inspired by guest feedback. Curtis, who recently shared his phone number to hear directly from customers. Yeah, you could text the president of. Brand president of Burger King. Let me know what you think. He's been gathering.

[Travis McElroy]

I got a million texts here that just say, bad mayo over at the Bad Mayo.

[Griffin McElroy]

Why?

[Travis McElroy]

One sent us Bad Bunny, but I don't know what that's related to.

[Griffin McElroy]

Give us the thick mayo, papa. Why did I get 700 texts?

[Justin McElroy]

He arrived in 2021. Do you think his first meeting was like, I need our top three smartest, most secretive employees to come in here and explain this mayo situation to me because it. This is radioactive stuff, guys, and I'm not going to fucking court for you. They have their own.

[Griffin McElroy]

They have their own Camp David where they come to fucking brief the new. The new executive suite.

[Travis McElroy]

I just picture him taking over in 2021 and saying, I think the reason no one's coming to Burger King anymore here in 2021 is because of the mayo. Boss. Boss, I don't think that's it.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't think that's it. It's so thin. Yeah, it comes out so fast, dude.

[Justin McElroy]

Let's say it began as granular, as asking leadership to wear Burger King logos so they could hear from people in restaurants, airports, and everywhere in between. Which I will say. I will say we're a lot of logos for, like, Totinos and Arby's and a lot of sheets. And no one's ever given me brand feedback.

[Travis McElroy]

I will say, yeah, I love that idea that if I saw someone in like, a 711 T shirt, I would be like, that guy must run all seven Elevens. Remember when you guys did the bring

[Griffin McElroy]

up any cup challenge, that was great. Where are you flying to?

[Justin McElroy]

You work here? Okay. Curtis said Burger King has wanted to elevate the Whopper quote for a while, but it's a delicate process. They tested tweaks and you don't want

[Travis McElroy]

to upset the gods.

[Griffin McElroy]

The Olympics were just on. We can't update the Whopper when we're busy watching the Olympics.

[Justin McElroy]

They tested tweaks and moved deliberately. Quote, the combination of ingredients is pretty well revered. He says what Burger King landed on. Yeah. What Burger King landed on and finalized Thursday boils down to enhancing points that don't concern the flame grilled beef itself. And that compliment the fact Curtis has the brand tops the Whopper with daily fresh cut vegetables like tomatoes, onions, and pickles.

[Travis McElroy]

Have you heard of these things?

[Justin McElroy]

This materialized threefold. Burger King customers suggested the bun could use improvement. Sometimes it showed up smooshed. Sesame seeds are falling off. Secondly, they want.

[Griffin McElroy]

God damn it.

[Justin McElroy]

Secondly, they wanted creamier mayonnaise.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Lastly, and in line with the bun, the packaging could use a fresh look. No one fucking ever. No one ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever has opened a Burger King Burger Whopper and thought, God, but the packaging.

[Travis McElroy]

You got to update this packaging, bro.

[Griffin McElroy]

And the only thing that they didn't touch, that they said was too sacred, was the flame grilled nature of the beef. That is, I would say my largest bit of criticism for Burger King is I feel like you guys have taken that shit way too far. I get you did a whole AC campaign where you're like, we're the only ones flame grilling these, but I feel like you've been continuing to, like, turn up the amount of that stink.

[Justin McElroy]

They're like the one they announced in the room. Like, the one thing we all agree we can't change is the beef, right? And we're all kind of like, hold on.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's really quite bitter

[Justin McElroy]

when you bite into it. Curtis says you'll get everything that you love about a Whopper.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

I actually like the thin mayo. So, like, I'm just fucked. Are you gonna sell Whopper Classic with the runny, runny mayo that me and my Whopperheads like, crave?

[Travis McElroy]

I want runny mayo on my smoosh buns.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's all I want. With a few sesame seeds missing.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

He considers the packaging arguably the biggest lever. Burger King will now place Whoppers gently in a half wrap inside a clamshell box. And when a customer orders it, Curtis says they'll feel as though they're Eating something better than they're used to. That's what it says.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's really horrible.

[Justin McElroy]

God damn it, that's dire. Oh, man, I need to recover and

[Travis McElroy]

keep doing my comedy podcast.

[Justin McElroy]

Jesus.

[Travis McElroy]

I just.

[Griffin McElroy]

Better than they deserve even these boxed burgers.

[Travis McElroy]

They might return it thinking that, no, this must have been meant for some kind of billionaire. Surely this is not the burger for me. Check the receipt again. Doug Watkins is the name, not Mr. Moneybags.

[Griffin McElroy]

They keep coming back to try to return the burger boxes because they don't fucking understand.

[Justin McElroy]

They said it's too nice.

[Griffin McElroy]

They said it's too nice.

[Travis McElroy]

You'll probably want to use this again.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm so sorry. My son stole one of the burger boxes instead of a burger.

[Justin McElroy]

From a quality control standpoint, the box ensures the burger arrives to guests, not smushed the way it left the kitchen. So when this boy, what this Curtis has a vision here as a customer who's like, oh, man, it's not smooshed. This can't be right. I better get the doordash guy back. Hey, man, this isn't smooshed. This isn't right. I shouldn't. It's too pretty, man.

[Travis McElroy]

The bun we've made. We've made every box into a gator case with carved out foam that holds the burger perfectly. Every burger will cost $130. But we think it's worth it for it to not be smooshed, probably.

[Justin McElroy]

Are you smooth? The bun in some feedback was described as, quote, not fluffy enough and missing a golden glaze.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, we want glazed buns.

[Justin McElroy]

Why are these consumers?

[Griffin McElroy]

We want thick cream glazed buns and thick cream, please.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, and I guess while you're at it, the. The bone was described as not fluffy enough and missing a golden glaze. Burger King worked with suppliers to address both of those checks. The better mayonnaise brings the package together. Let's hope not. I hope they stuck with glue.

[Griffin McElroy]

If it holds it together. You guys have way overcorrected on this thin mayo thing. It doesn't need to have sort of adhesive properties. I'm just, you know, don't let it dribble down every single time I take a bite.

[Justin McElroy]

Curtis explains. It took a phenomenal amount of testing to find the right bun. Burger King went to three major markets and rolled out elevated Whoppers without any fanfare. And then it conducted qualitative and quantitative work to understand people's thoughts with one group. Burger King put the existing Whopper and upgraded one side by side. It then asked them to look at each, talk about them, to share observations, fall in love, then taste and rate them.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, scientific grif.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm gonna text you this next quote from Curtis because I think it's great as just like a little standalone.

[Griffin McElroy]

Is it gonna make me sound like a sociopath?

[Travis McElroy]

Like a normal guy?

[Justin McElroy]

Like a normal sort of Arthur Miller character? Good.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, cool. Here we go. Funny thing is, when you get a Whopper in a clamshell box that's got a nice little half wrap around it and you have a glazed bun, you're not going to believe this, but for some reason, that makes the lettuce and the burger and the tomato taste better. Curtis says you just feel like you're having an elevated experience, but it still has the nostalgia and the memory of what you love in a Whopper, which is how those ingredients blend.

[Travis McElroy]

You're gonna take a bite of this Whopper and think, am I in the 1970s First Class Area of a jet? This must be what it's like. This is incredible.

[Justin McElroy]

This is like if. This is like. If a magician is like. And here's the deal, her legs are gonna be folded up underneath her. But you're so fucking stupid. I swear to God, when I open this box, you are going to think she's split in half. I'm surprised, too, at how fucking dumb you are. But I swear it works this way.

[Griffin McElroy]

This magic's gonna be a little nicer than the magic you're used to.

[Justin McElroy]

This may be more of a Shelbyville magic trick. This has to make you okay. Sorry, I don't want to skip anything. The second thing Burger did was enter a market and elevate the Whopper without telling anybody what's going on. Then it asked customers about the restaurant experience and how they rate the Whopper and compare those answers to prior surveys before the switch. As for if changes resonated, Curtis says absolutely. To be clear, he adds, if the results were close or customers didn't notice a difference, Burger King wouldn't have messed with it. The same is true as if they came back and said, wow, that's a really big change. So they don't want it to change too much. They just wanted to be like, hmm, pretty good.

[Travis McElroy]

Hold on, hold on. So he just flat out said, if it was a huge improvement.

[Justin McElroy]

Yes, it was a huge improvement.

[Travis McElroy]

We wouldn't have done it.

[Justin McElroy]

No.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, I. Can you file a class action lawsuit if you are not among the people affected by the action that we're doing the lawsuit about?

[Justin McElroy]

Because, Griffin, I've wondered about this. If just by knowing about it, my life is worse.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Found out that the Burger King I was eating at was doing a secret test on me to see if I would notice that the burger mayonnaise is so much thicker and they came in a box that's nicer than the idiot paper that I'm used to wrapping around my hamburgers. I would be so furious. I would never, ever, ever get over that. I would never forgive the Burger King.

[Travis McElroy]

You've just sat down at your local Burger King where you like to spend your free time, your tea bites into your Whopper, and then just like a man in a suit sidles up to the table and goes, hey, pretty good, huh? I got some questions for you about that burger. I'm immediately thinking, I'm poisoned. I'm gonna die. This is the end of my life.

[Griffin McElroy]

I would know.

[Justin McElroy]

He says that has to make you a little bit nervous too. Curtis says this is part of American culture and to an extent, some people want to be reminded of the experience as kids. I mean, you're at Burger King, pal. You need to calm down. Burger King is reserved for when you're at your friend's house and his parents are going through a drive through and they don't really know what's good. And then you end up with Burger King. There's. There's a Burger King nostalgia. I don't believe Burger King's a second choice. I think that to say that this is a landmark part of the American experience. The way that your stinky burgers taste is, is a bit of a. So bitter, guys. What's going on in there? I've cooked food on fire before.

[Griffin McElroy]

It doesn't come out. Not so bitter. So, so bitter, guys.

[Travis McElroy]

It is my favorite thing about all of these, like, fast food, like burger place, especially press releases always assumes an amount of, like, people thinking about the food they're consuming from a fast food place. Like what? So much is going through the customer's head as they eat this burger. Where what's going through my head is how quickly can I put what is essentially the fuel I need to not, like, starve and like, not be angry for the next four hours and give me.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm on my way to a doctor's appointment. I'm gonna be there in six minutes. Can I horse this down?

[Travis McElroy]

I've never unwrapped a fast food burger and thought, time to really bask in the nostalgia of my childhood. Ah, this takes me back.

[Justin McElroy]

Curtis says he's read a lot in recent years about how the QSR Category doesn't hear customers. This isn't known for listening. So he. If you remember the. At the BK Havicher way, you rule. That was because Curtis said he wants to put the brand in the hands of guests and listen to them and let them drive innovation. It should provide consumers with a sense of empowerment. Like, hey, I make the rules.

[Travis McElroy]

I rule.

[Justin McElroy]

I get to define what's gonna happen with the brand. And I can see that they're listening. And me, I want a burger that's a little bit better, but not too much better, or else I shit my fucking pants.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'll freak the fuck.

[Justin McElroy]

Freak the fuck out and try to flip all the tables over like a big, stupid gorilla.

[Travis McElroy]

Do you got it? Just hit me.

[Justin McElroy]

Your delicious burgers made me insane, and I killed my wife. I blame you for. Too good.

[Travis McElroy]

Too good and different. We're 30 years out from the 90s period, where it was like, hey, kids, here at Chuck E. Cheese, you can have it your way. Here at McDonald's play place, you can have it your way. So now all of those kids are now, like, in their 40s who are like, I'll tell you what everybody wants. Have it their way. Make their choices.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's the cycle. That's the beautiful cycle.

[Justin McElroy]

The winning creator from that campaign took home a million dollars. In second place in that. That was the one with the maple bourbon burger.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, sure.

[Justin McElroy]

And the other two took home a few hundred thousand and one hundred thousand, respectively. Curtis says, we didn't invent them. Our guests invented them. And when you wake up every day and you have that kind of power, you have that kind of opportunity, then you want to be involved in something like that.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, so every day they're giving away a million dollars or 1.3 million, I think.

[Justin McElroy]

Is he saying in this case that Burger King has that kind of power, that kind of opportunity? Or is he saying that he's envisioning a consumer that wakes up every day and be like, I got some big changes to make at Burger King tonight. Oh, what's up?

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't have a lot going my way now, but I do feel like I can pressure Burger King into thickening

[Travis McElroy]

up that there mayo by a few

[Justin McElroy]

degrees.

[Travis McElroy]

Is it possible?

[Justin McElroy]

Listen, my kids are staying with their grandma for an indeterminate period of time, and work fell through, but I am gonna get that fucking chicken parmesan sandwich back on the menu.

[Travis McElroy]

This is what I'm saying. Maybe it's possible that we as consumers have not pushed have it your way far enough. Like, if you walked in to the restaurant. And you were like, you, guy working the fryer, you're on the grill now. Grill lady, you're on you. I want you on the window. And they're like, okay, yeah. I mean, it's his way, I guess.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'd like a chef's counter table, please. We don't do. I would like that. I would like a chef's counter table.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. So congratulations to Burger King on the the relay relaunch on February 17.

[Travis McElroy]

Quality of life. A quality of life change. Not really a race.

[Justin McElroy]

On February 17, Curtis shared a phone number publicly so people could text or call and share their thoughts. With Curtis himself responding. When asked how it's going so far, he responds, quote, you cannot imagine.

[Travis McElroy]

Can you see a friend somewhere that you haven't seen in a while? And you say, how's it going? And they respond, you cannot imagine.

[Griffin McElroy]

You cannot.

[Travis McElroy]

There's no way. There's no way. Your brain reads the subtext of that as so good.

[Griffin McElroy]

Are you aware of the Sega Genesis character Sonic the Hedgehog? That man lives in my phone in a number of ways.

[Justin McElroy]

Now that they asked her how it's going. And he just sat back in silence for 20 minutes. And he doesn't wanna lie. Cause it's too true to him. Even with the corporate wall there, he can't be like, it's been going great to hear there's some deeper moral part of him that can't lie about what he's experienced.

[Griffin McElroy]

The next sentence of that presser is, don't. Don't do what I did.

[Justin McElroy]

He says, I start to feel self conscious when I'm answering text messages at 11 at night. Like if some guests are going, no, I wanted to talk to you, but I didn't want to talk to you at night. I gotta call this. We gotta call this guy. What do you guys call this guy? Travis, you wanna call this guy?

[Griffin McElroy]

No, we can't.

[Justin McElroy]

Whatever he says, it's been evenly split. He said it's been evenly split between praise and difficult conversations. I'll bet. I'll bet, pal. I'll bet. I'll bet.

[Griffin McElroy]

There's a lot of different ways that a conversation can be difficult. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Some of them, to be frank, are both. And those are perhaps the most troubling of all.

[Travis McElroy]

I just wish if I could make one changed, I would have stated that if you call or text me, it does need to be about Burger King because I've had some difficult conversations having nothing to do with the business or product we make. And those

[Griffin McElroy]

don't understand the brand level

[Justin McElroy]

commitments will take time. I really love the Whopper, he said. I can't believe how much love I've heard for the original chicken sandwich in the last three days. He even reportedly received a marriage proposal in the opening round. Nonsense. Curtis jokes. I mean, is hilarious.

[Travis McElroy]

He's married now.

[Justin McElroy]

He's a pretty, Pretty good. He's not a bad looking dude. And it seems like he's pretty well set up. He's the president of fucking Burger King. Like, shoot your shot, you know?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, man, give it a whirl.

[Justin McElroy]

Send a selfie. See if he likes your tents, you know, Try it. Yeah. After a couple weeks, he plans to set up dedicated office hours and invite other members of leaderships to do so as well.

[Travis McElroy]

I bet he does. He'd like to take. It's a rotation now.

[Griffin McElroy]

I need help. Please set me free. It's like the. It's the cursed cave. Once you wander into his office, he runs out. He says, now you're stuck in here. Enjoy. Here's my phone.

[Justin McElroy]

Listen, if you want me to come down to the Burger king on Route 60 and give them a piece of my mind, because the Burger King on fifth Avenue got torn down to make room for sheets and a Starbucks, I will come down to the Route 60 Burger King. If you're having office hours and you're set up with like a little, you know, desk and you got the little nameplate and what all, I'll come down there and tell you what I think of your chicken sandwich.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, it's fine.

[Justin McElroy]

It's fine.

[Griffin McElroy]

Now let's talk about your sooty beef.

[Justin McElroy]

My little brother can't handle your sooty beef. I've got him on FaceTime. Griffin, tell him what you were telling me about the beef.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's so sooty and bitter, my friend. Did you hear him?

[Travis McElroy]

Can I jump into it just real quick?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, hold on.

[Justin McElroy]

I got him on call waiting.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, crisp, crisp. Back up the fries. You had really crispy fries for a while, and I love fries.

[Justin McElroy]

For like a week.

[Travis McElroy]

You guys were like, the fries rip ass now and then after that. Stop doing it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Limp dick fries. What's going on?

[Travis McElroy]

Also, will you marry me? Will you marry us? That's a joke. Just a joke. Bye.

[Griffin McElroy]

Jk.

[Justin McElroy]

Thanks for listening to our podcast. It's called My Brother. My brother and me, we've been doing it since, if you can believe this, 2010.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hey, sorry that we're late this week.

[Justin McElroy]

We're sorry that we're late this week.

[Griffin McElroy]

We haven't been late with an episode in several years. I think it's pretty good. So you're actually. Griffin didn't want to do it.

[Travis McElroy]

I kept trying to Travis Flu.

[Griffin McElroy]

Travis, get this. Travis couldn't do it because he had the flu and then Larry found out it was B type flu.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, I don't even know what that means.

[Griffin McElroy]

Unless you're rocking with A.

[Justin McElroy]

Like, that's what. Don't waste my time. Hey, Griff, I heard you got a book coming out real soon, is that right?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, it comes out next week on March 10th. Yeah, it's a Choose youe Own Adventure book from the line of choose your own adventure books. It's called the Stowaway. It's a outer space survival tale and it's written for middle grade readers or I would say readers even older than that would have a great adventure in space with me.

[Travis McElroy]

Sounds like nonfiction. It's nonfictional.

[Griffin McElroy]

It is purely fictional and bit lygryphenstowaways where you can go to pre order that.

[Travis McElroy]

Or Stowaway and Griffin.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, I don't want people to go to that link because I don't want that link and I don't know. So anyway, if you could pre order the book, it would be really helpful for me. It comes out next week and it's great. I'm really proud of it and I'm excited for people to read it.

[Travis McElroy]

We've also got new merch. Over at Macaroymerch.com we've got helping is Always a Free Action T shirt, which is frankly. And listen, I love all of their stuff. Babe, gorgeous. I want to highlight how pretty this thing is. Check it out and make it stick. Enamel pins. Go check those out. And 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to Border Angels, whose services include educational programs, water drops in the deserts day laborer outreach, Familias reunitis, immigration bond fund program and shelter aid support in Tijuana to aid migrants and asylum seekers in need. So go check that [e-mail] follow us

[Griffin McElroy]

on YouTube or the McElroy family on YouTube. We do a bunch of streams. We stream four days a week now between the three of us doing a lot of gaming stuff, last Tuesday of every month we're doing Clubhouse. It's a grand old time. You can follow also McElroy Entertainment System on Instagram to be informed whenever we're doing our gaming stream or putting up videos or anything. We're trying to do a bunch more stuff for y' all this year and a lot of it's happening over there?

[Justin McElroy]

Cause it's better than you deserve. It's better than you're used to. You're gonna turn on this better than

[Griffin McElroy]

you even know how to fuck with.

[Justin McElroy]

Is this all for me? Sheesh.

[Griffin McElroy]

And now maybe Rachel, can you just like splice in when Travis did it? Make a sound? Oh, damn. Justin's right at it with a water bottle flip.

[Justin McElroy]

Right at it, right at the camera.

[Griffin McElroy]

All right.

[Justin McElroy]

My name is Justin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm Travis McRoy.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, I'm sorry, I don't actually. I watched you throw that. That was a little flick. I think we do if this is going to be.

[Travis McElroy]

No, you're right.

[Griffin McElroy]

We do need to fucking.

[Justin McElroy]

That would just be me being ridiculed.

[Travis McElroy]

For the record, that was just rude.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, you have a.

[Travis McElroy]

What you can throw?

[Griffin McElroy]

Show me. Why do you have that at arm's reach?

[Travis McElroy]

In case I need it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, but are you. Don't throw out Frisbee style. Throw it baseball style. Do you know what I mean?

[Justin McElroy]

Don't.

[Griffin McElroy]

Odd Job. Really?

[Travis McElroy]

I was gonna Odd Job. It's not spherical, Griffin.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, I know, but what if I

[Travis McElroy]

can get it on the microphone?

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, if you can. Okay, show me. Show me how that.

[Travis McElroy]

Show me the fit first. Put like this.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. No, if you can land a ringer on the microphone, Travis, that'll be an all timer, dude.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, but if you do that, like if you could start. If you could join the riverside call with your phone.

[Griffin McElroy]

Wait, okay, hold on. Your chair bumped the microphone, dude. You fucked it up. You got to move the chair or else you won't get a clean seal. Good.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, here we go.

[Griffin McElroy]

All right, this is gonna be cool, dude. And I need to know that you're far from it and you're not just like dropping it on it. I can see your shadow. Huge fucking whiff. I did not even see the hat into the frame, Justin. Enormous whiff. Did not even see the hat.

[Justin McElroy]

I just.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm Travis McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm Griffin McElroy. I am. That is so disappointing.

[Justin McElroy]

My brother.

[Griffin McElroy]

My brother.

[Justin McElroy]

Me? Kiss your dad square on the lips.

[Guest Singer]

My life, it's better it's better with you.

[Justin McElroy]

My life,

[Guest Singer]

it's better it's better with you. Cause it's true it's better it's better with you.

[Justin McElroy]

My life,

[Guest Singer]

It's better with you.

[Justin McElroy]

Maximum Fun.

[Griffin McElroy]

A worker owned network of artist owned shows supported directly by you.