MBMBaM 813: Somebody Cream Me!

Summary

Podcast Summary: My Brother, My Brother and Me — Episode 813: Somebody Cream Me!

Date: May 11, 2026
Hosts: Justin, Travis, and Griffin McElroy

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Episode Overview

This episode of My Brother, My Brother and Me brings listeners another round of comedic advice, conversational chaos, and the McElroy brothers’ signature tangents. Highlights include a deep dive on Star Wars nostalgia, the creation of new Star Wars characters, workplace racing dilemmas, using hypothetical “mafia favors,” social etiquette for giving away ice cream, plus a typical absurdist Munch Squad segment spotlighting baffling corporate food branding. (And yes, the episode earns its title in typically ridiculous fashion.)

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Main Topics and Segments

1. The State of Star Wars & McElroy Cinematic Universe

[01:10–09:44]

• The brothers riff on the upcoming "Mandalorian & Grogu" movie, noting odd release timing and the increasingly whimsical direction of Star Wars.
• Justin debuts a character: "Guy that hasn't paid attention to Star Wars in 20 years," who is mystified by the focus on Baby Yoda and Mandalorian, sparking elaborate improvised scenarios.
• Griffin and Travis pile on with ideas for new baby “Star Wars” characters (notably "Blippi", Chewbacca's baby, and “tiny Jabba”), poking fun at Hollywood’s embrace of “cuter, smaller” versions of legacy characters.
• Extended bit debates possible runtime and tone of the new Mandalorian film, including whether Grogu will talk and what his voice might sound like.
  • Notable Quote (Griffin, 08:22): “What if [Grogu] speaks Spanish? Ooh, that could be cool. How come no one in Star Wars speaks any Spanish?”
  • Justin (09:11): “Daddy, give me a frog to suck on. Dad. Dad, I want to eat a frog.”

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2. Advice #1: Coworker "Race" Challenge

[09:44–15:43]

• Reader from Sarasota walks 13 miles a day at work and is being repeatedly challenged to races in the hall by a coworker. They want advice on stopping it.
• The brothers debate strategy: direct, humorous disengagement, feigning extreme competitiveness, or simply busting out with one super-fast run (which could lead to caffeinated workplace chaos).
  • Travis (12:04): “Next time they ask you to race, just say, ‘I’m not really a racist,’ and that will end any interaction.”
  • Justin (11:33): “You just say, ‘I love this running joke,’ and then you walk away.”

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3. Tangent: Algorithms and Doomscrolling TV Clips

[15:00–20:23]

• The brothers bemoan social media feeds (especially TikTok) serving up endless clips from “Suits,” “Billions,” “Criminal Minds,” and other procedural shows. They wish for an “I’m good, thanks” button to signal the algorithm to stop.
  • Griffin (17:57): “There needs to be another vector of interaction … like a ship sailing away … Thank you for Billions, but I am done. We may go our separate ways.”

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4. Advice #2: What to Do With a Mafia Favor?

[20:50–30:07]

• A Canadian writes in: a member of a “well-known mafia family” offered them a favor 20 years ago. They don't want to waste it but don't want to ask for crimes. What to do?
• Hilarious brainstorming on “anti-mafia” families, favor tokens (NFTTS: "Non-Fungible, Very Tangible Tokens"), and what kinds of mundane, non-criminal favors the mafia might actually help with—like home repairs, business advice, or “help [with] moving.”
  • Justin (24:23): “I really would like the mafia to help me with the actual electrician guy … Like, if I think mafia as subcontractor.”
  • Griffin (22:55): “Take this bored ape jpeg and if you ever need it, HMU on Facebook and we’ll get this thing going.”
• Extended riff on “mafia phrases” being confused (“paint houses,” “take to the cleaners,” “sleep with the fishes”) and the idea of an unwittingly wholesome mafia family.
  • Travis (25:30): “Do you think in history there’s ever been a family who discovered everyone in the city thought they were the mafia, but they were just friendly?”

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5. Munch Squad: The Food Press Release Watch

[37:22–49:41]

• Justin blitzes through a few recent food-brand PR gems:
  • Tulo Jour’s elaborate Mother’s Day ube pastries.
  • Cece’s Pizza brings back nostalgic “Olay Pizza” ("a taco-style pizza") for Cinco de Mayo, with ridiculous press release logic.
    • Griffin (40:21): “What nostalgia could I possibly be experiencing?”
  • Highlight: AI-generated image fiasco in the Kona Ice x Gabby’s Dollhouse promo; the image is described as “a nightmare on the left and it’s hell on the right,” featuring mis-proportioned cartoon characters, hedge mazes, and a “sad crab.”
    • Justin (43:58): “My spirit has been buoyed knowing AI images are coming for food press releases, no matter the impact on their brand.”
    • Travis (47:28): “It says Droomworks on here.”

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6. Advice #3: How to Give Away Surplus Ice Cream?

[49:49–56:12]

• A listener in the UK wants to save money by buying ice creams in bulk and giving away the extras to strangers to prevent food waste.
• The brothers explain—with escalating absurdity and horror—why this is socially unacceptable and universally suspicious, spinning out into “stranger ice cream challenge” scenarios and dystopic Truman Show concepts.
  • Justin (52:55): “We built whole systems—you have to get a license to sell food to people, and you’re gonna be like, I’m an unlicensed ice cream vendor. You can trust me, though.”
• Spirals into the “creamy” bit and the titular phrase:
  • Justin (54:31): “Somebody cream me.”
  • Travis (54:33): “Yeah, there it is. Somebody cream.”

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7. Closing Bits & Merch Plugs

[56:12–58:43]

• Brief rundown of new merch: “Count Donut Cape Vault” sticker, new mugs, and cross-stitch pattern.
• Shout out to Montaigne for the theme song and to the MaxFun Drive charity sale.
• End-of-show banter includes the usual loving encouragement to “kiss your dad square on the lips.”

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• [02:41] Justin: “His name is Bitch Jizzard. He is a Globetro. He’s Kit Fisto’s best friend.”
• [14:28] Justin: “We sprint these yellow bastards [the lemons] right off the tree, right into the fucking plant.”
• [25:30] Travis: “Do you think in the broad scope of history, there’s ever been a family who was surprised to find out everyone in the city thought they were a mafia?”
• [40:21] Travis: “Flavorless, textureless, but incredibly hot.”
• [43:58] Justin: “My spirit … has been buoyed by the realization that people are going to start using AI images in their press releases, no matter the impact that might have on their brand.”
• [54:31] Justin: “Somebody cream me.”

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Overall Tone & Style

• The brothers’ energy is loose and playful, with quick pivots from absurdist riffing to actual (sometimes questionable) advice.
• Layered in-jokes abound (references to bits, McElroy lore), alongside topical pop culture jabs and surreal improvisation.
• Advice is equal parts sincere, ridiculous, and subverted by tangents.

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Listeners’ Takeaway

This episode is a characteristically anarchic, meta-commentary-packed MBMBaM installment, with strong riffs on pop culture via Star Wars and “algorithmic TV,” gleeful deconstruction of societal norms (workplace dynamics, mafia tropes, food safety), and plenty of moments for diehard fans to latch onto—particularly the “creamy” meme, likely the episode’s most quotable outcome.

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Quick Reference of Key Segments

| Segment | Timestamp | |-----------------------------------------------------|-------------| | Star Wars Opening / Guy Who Hasn’t Paid Attention | 01:10–09:44 | | Coworker Race Advice | 09:44–15:43 | | TV Algorithm / TikTok Tangent | 15:43–20:23 | | Mafia Favor Advice | 20:50–30:07 | | Munch Squad & AI Image Meltdown | 37:22–49:41 | | Ice Cream Give-Away Advice + “Creamy” Bit | 49:49–56:12 | | Merch Announcements & Closing | 56:12–58:43 |

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Final Note

If you want a full MBMBaM experience (and the joy of having “somebody cream me” stuck in your head out of context), this episode delivers classic chaotic brotherly magic with extra helpings of food weirdness and pop-culture parody.

Transcript

[John Moe]

The McElroy brothers are not experts and

[Griffin McElroy]

their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.

[Justin McElroy]

Also, this show isn't for kids, which

[Griffin McElroy]

I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

[Montaigne]

It's the start of something beautiful A

[Griffin McElroy]

small acquaintance has blossomed it's ripened into

[Montaigne]

a precious friends I could have never seen what was coming for me. Hangs at the skate park Hangs by the beach My life, it feels like. It's better it's better with you My life, it's better it's better with you this is who you are it's better, it's better with two. What's the matter with you?

[Justin McElroy]

Hello, everybody, and welcome to My Brother, My Brother, Me and Advice show for the Modron era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

What up, Trav Nation? It's me, your middle is brother Travis. Big dog. Wolf, Wolf. Vroom, vroom. The Heater award winning big dog McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hi, it's Griffin McElroy, your youngest brother.

[Travis McElroy]

That award, by the way, supposedly in the mail.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's coming, man. Tariffs, dude. We'll see the tariffs and the ram shortage, dude. Dragging everything down.

[Justin McElroy]

It's coming. It's in the mail. It's coming. I just wanted to see. I wanted to check in, right? Mandalorian and Grogu is coming to theaters at a date, and we are. It's gotta be close. We're all getting pretty excited about May 22nd.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, this month?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

May 22nd. Mandalorian.

[Travis McElroy]

Swing the 4th. Huh?

[Griffin McElroy]

They couldn't get the 4th. They were off by a 5th. They needed a few weeks to polish up Grogu's CGI.

[Travis McElroy]

You know, there was one like, exec who's like, oh, but do you think. Oh, but Kubi's.

[Griffin McElroy]

Make him creasier. More creases in his beautiful green skin.

[Justin McElroy]

This is. And now, to celebrate the launch of this movie coming out on May 22nd and the fact that it was just May 4th, I would like to introduce a new character that I've just created.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

Awesome.

[Justin McElroy]

It's called Guy that Hasn't Paid Attention to Star wars in 20 years.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, ready?

[Justin McElroy]

Okay. And he goes to the movies.

[Griffin McElroy]

I thought you were. I'm so sorry, Justin. I thought you were about to be like, his name is Biz Griffin. No, no, no, no. I'm not gonna be a Podracer.

[Justin McElroy]

His Name is. His name is Bitch Jizzard. He is a Globetro.

[Travis McElroy]

He's Kit Fisto's best friend.

[Justin McElroy]

Kit Fisto's best friend. Bitch Gizzard.

[Travis McElroy]

When they haven't seen each other since childhood.

[Justin McElroy]

Bitch O. Gizzard. You gotta twist it a little bit to get Georgie Lucas excited. It can't just be.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

It can't just be a cuss word.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, so here comes.

[Travis McElroy]

And his midichlorians are off the charts.

[Griffin McElroy]

Absolutely.

[Travis McElroy]

They bring those back.

[Griffin McElroy]

Mandalorian doesn't know what to do with them.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, a lot of movies in the theater this week.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sorry, Juice, you gotta give us a clean. Is this the guy?

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, I'm looking at the. I'm looking at the posters.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, just say, like, just. But in the future when you're doing a character like this, if you could just say the guy starts now. Yeah. So we know that it's like, exterior.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm trying to be like, immedia res.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'll say it then. All right, everybody, the guy starts now.

[Justin McElroy]

I feel like you're hanging too much of a thing on him.

[Travis McElroy]

Exterior. Movie theater. Afternoon. Divorced. Down.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm saying now, at this point, if this dies on the vine, the blood's on your hands.

[Travis McElroy]

A divorced dad of four. His children range between four and 14. He's looking at posters.

[Justin McElroy]

Huh? A lot of different movies going on. Oh, they did a new Star Wars. Haven't paid attention to that for 20 years. What the fuck? Hey, hey. Did they make a movie about Boba Fett and a tiny Yoda riding on his back doing adventures? Because I am back on board Star wars now. I'm actually really into this franchise.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, that's not the way I thought the character was going to go. I thought the character was going to go.

[Justin McElroy]

Do you think that. That your brothers might help to build on it and, like, in the way you've always done podcasting? Or did you think that.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, hold on. Say the last. Say the last thing you said. Say the last thing you said again. I'm ready now. No, no, Juice, I have a fucking killer idea.

[Travis McElroy]

No, haven't you heard? Hey, Guy looking at his movie posters. He's suddenly into stars again. Tell me everything. I just stabbed you in the stomach.

[Justin McElroy]

I just stabbed you. My guy stabbed your guy in the stomach.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, my God.

[Griffin McElroy]

Freeze. I'm an Usher.

[Travis McElroy]

Movie theater.

[Griffin McElroy]

I slay his stab.

[Travis McElroy]

Stab. I'm the Mandalorian. I've been sitting. I'm about to kill George Lucas.

[Justin McElroy]

And I know this is George Lucas. The knife point is to your throat. Talk, George. Talk. Talk.

[Travis McElroy]

My man.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm so glad you liked my little guy Grogu.

[Travis McElroy]

That's not the real George Lucas. That's a fake. No, that's what?

[Justin McElroy]

You're excused. I'm not going to.

[Griffin McElroy]

I can't wait to. I can't wait for you to meet Boop. Blippi. Blippi's a new guy. Blippi's a new guy. I got Blippi's is a son.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Do you know. You remember Chewbacca? This is a little one and his name's Blippi. And I'm playing him.

[Justin McElroy]

You're playing him, George? Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm gonna be Blippi, the little Wookiee. The little baby Chewbacca, the littlest Wookiee. And we have a new movie coming out, and it's called Darth Maul and Blippi. And it's about him, and he finds love with a new baby Wookie. This didn't sound anything like George Lucas, like, from this.

[Travis McElroy]

No. It also made it sound like Darth Maul and Blibby fall in love.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, I'd watch that. I'd watch that.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, I ship Blippi and Grogu, so.

[Justin McElroy]

Which Blippi?

[Travis McElroy]

Evil Blibby?

[Griffin McElroy]

The Blippi who is a baby. That is Chewbacca's son. What are you fucking talking.

[Travis McElroy]

Why don't we keep explaining that we got baby Yoda now we got Blippi in the minx. Let's get some other.

[Griffin McElroy]

More babies.

[Justin McElroy]

More baby versions.

[Travis McElroy]

More babies. Yeah, give me a tiny jabba worm. A little hut.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, it's a tiny little jabba. And he eats all the sandwiches like a slime or dime.

[Travis McElroy]

Like character.

[Justin McElroy]

The point I'm trying to make about this, guys, that we would have gotten to about guy who hadn't paid attention to Star wars. Because it is just like. It feels like. I like you. All right, but if he was like, smaller and you could eat him, like, that would be good. It's like, yeah, we all like. Yeah, Boba Fett's cool. But if he was like, different, super noble, and he loved a little edible Yoda, I like that better. Could you make a movie where the. Actually, now I think about it, nice Boba Fett and tiny edible Yoda together

[Griffin McElroy]

for me, strong for me.

[Justin McElroy]

For a whole movie. Do you think, what's the appropriate running time for Mandalorian and Grogu? I'm not asking what it is.

[Travis McElroy]

An hour and 40 minutes.

[Justin McElroy]

Hour 40. Clean, right?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

I was going to say, a tight one. 10.

[Justin McElroy]

If Mandu and Grog go over 150, they could like. There's no way those two boys can sustain that without a romance.

[Griffin McElroy]

No way for sure.

[Travis McElroy]

How much discussion do you think there's been in production meetings about if when Grogu eventually talks must is he going to have the same grammar as Yoda? Or was that just a choice Yoda made at some point?

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, I see, I see. Is the other other dagobuns.

[Justin McElroy]

Two hours in 20 minutes.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's too long. Georgie. Georgie Porcie Pudding pie. That's way too long. Pardon me.

[Justin McElroy]

It's because there haven't been seven. Seven years since the Star wars movie. You don't have to smoosh them all into one big one. Jeez.

[Travis McElroy]

All I'm saying is, if he's raised by Mando speaking, I guess Galactic Common or whatever it is, is he just gonna be like, hi, everybody, it's me, Grogu. I'm also here.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hello. What if he speaks Spanish? Ooh, that could be cool. How come no one in the Star wars world speaks any Spanish?

[Justin McElroy]

Pedro Pascal privately taught Grogu Spanish.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, the actor Pedro Pascal.

[Justin McElroy]

The actor Pedro Pascal taught the man baby Yoda how to speak Spanish.

[Griffin McElroy]

I mean, I. We're joking, but I did see an episode of that show one time where Mandalorian took his helmet off and it was Pedro Pascal under there, so it could have been the whole time.

[Justin McElroy]

The only person that Baby Yoda has heard talk is the Mandalorian ever. So when he does talk, it's just going to be this little adorable tough guy, right? Like I'm going to get you done for.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm gonna get cute. Hey, put me down.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey, give me another one of them frogs to suck on.

[Justin McElroy]

Daddy, give me a frog to suck on. Dad. Dad, I want to eat a frog.

[Travis McElroy]

Give me another one of them frogs.

[Justin McElroy]

Daddy. Armor.

[Travis McElroy]

Daddy, give me a frog. Armor. Daddy, give me a frog to suck

[Griffin McElroy]

on from the corners.

[Travis McElroy]

Mando. Daddy, get me one of them sucky frogs.

[Justin McElroy]

Crunchy frogs to suck on.

[Griffin McElroy]

A job of special sucking.

[Justin McElroy]

Maisie Slick Blade.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't know, he evolved.

[Griffin McElroy]

He evolved into Sling Blade naturally. Baby Yoda and baby Sling Blade.

[Justin McElroy]

Boy howdy.

[Travis McElroy]

All roads lead to the same place.

[Justin McElroy]

Probably not. This is an advice show. We're going to help people. Thanks for your support, Master Fun Drive. You're always great to us.

[Travis McElroy]

We love you.

[Justin McElroy]

Thank you. I recently started a new job. During an average eight hour shift, I end up walking about 13 miles.

[Griffin McElroy]

God damn.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't know My coworkers. Well. But there is one particular woman who says, hey, let's race, or I'll race you down to the end of the hall every time we cross paths. I haven't observed her doing this to anybody else. Well, to be fair, you couldn't, right? I mean, scientifically speaking, that event you're talking about is unobservable by you because you would have to be present and are therefore interrupt the race.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

This has happened about seven times, and each time, I've awkwardly laughed and shrugged it off. I appreciate the whimsy, but, brothers, I'm way too tired to race this person. How do I get her to stop asking? Do I just have to beat her in a sprint the one time so she'll leave me alone? Or will this encourage further behavior? That's from reluctant sprinter in Sarasota. This is. This is something we can help with.

[Travis McElroy]

Sure.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm excited.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Persistent. Just to kind of keep being a problem. Sometimes people email us and be like, this is happening right now. But it's an email. We can't.

[Griffin McElroy]

I dropped a pie. I dropped a pie on my wiener. A hot pie and burns. What do I do? And it's like, you're done with that. Definitely.

[Travis McElroy]

I think. Listen, insulting what we're coming back from here when we have to reel back in is my worry is that by you kind of chuckling at it politely, you've given the impression of like, this is a shared running joke.

[Griffin McElroy]

We have. It is a running joke. It is a running joke.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, it is a running joke, isn't it? But this is a shared moment.

[Justin McElroy]

There's your out, Travis. There's your out, dude. You just got it. And one, you say, I love this running joke, and then you walk away, right? And then they're thinking about it, and they're gonna bust up. You're gone. It doesn't matter. They bust up or they don't. You know what I mean? But, like, that's that line. End of exchange.

[Travis McElroy]

You've, like, busted it up.

[Justin McElroy]

You put energy into it.

[Travis McElroy]

Right?

[Justin McElroy]

Put a little investment in this person. Give them a little bit of levity.

[Griffin McElroy]

I thought of a joke.

[Justin McElroy]

You're comfortable with not racing.

[Travis McElroy]

You don't have to engage with them

[Justin McElroy]

in a foot race.

[Travis McElroy]

Next time they ask you to race, just say, I'm not really a racist, and that will end any interaction.

[Justin McElroy]

Hold on, Trav.

[Travis McElroy]

Huh?

[Justin McElroy]

Hold on.

[Griffin McElroy]

It means something else. It means, I'm glad.

[Justin McElroy]

It should be true. I like it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

I like it. Actually.

[Travis McElroy]

It's good. Is it Possible that you don't see this happening, happening with anyone else because you're new to the job. She's already beaten everyone else in a foot race and now you're new meat. Yeah, it's optimistic that you think that by beating her in a sprint, she'd stop bringing it up.

[Griffin McElroy]

She'd stop and not that she would go train tirelessly until she could get her revenge.

[Travis McElroy]

This is.

[Griffin McElroy]

We can agree that this is definitely not the first race that this person has challenged.

[Justin McElroy]

Well, this is what I'm.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm.

[Justin McElroy]

What? There is an alternate scenario where you go to someone, you're like, wait, what's up with Vicki? And they're like, she was hired the day before you. None of us know. We can't figure it out either. Like, we are just as lost as you are. She literally started the day before you did.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, maybe she's a psyop. And the boss was like, everyone moves so slow around here. We never get anything done. And Vicky was like, I know just how. Put me in, boss. I know how to speed everybody up. I know how to motivate everyone to move a little faster down the hallways.

[Justin McElroy]

I. You, I understand that you, I understand the temptation to just bust one time, bust out, break free. Go so fast. Like, so fast. Just once, go as fast as you can. I understand that. But you are going to run into somebody. You're going to run into somebody. They're going to come out of their office when they're not supposed to, and you're going to fucking drill them and they're going to have four big lemonades, like, if they will, four ice cold lemonades. They just made hand squeeze that they

[Griffin McElroy]

made in their office. They're not bringing it from outside.

[Justin McElroy]

Look at country time. At country time, we hand race our

[Travis McElroy]

lemons the way my grandfather did get.

[Justin McElroy]

We raise them in the floor while it's fresh.

[Travis McElroy]

Stop.

[Justin McElroy]

We sprint these yellow bastards right off the tree, right into the fucking plant. The last hundred yards. My nephew Dylan chucks them in, just

[Travis McElroy]

fucking hurls them farm to table. These are fttmph, right? We gotta get these things in there now. They go off so quick.

[Justin McElroy]

No one says that. Did you say Neil Patrick Harris is helping to get the lemons there with

[Griffin McElroy]

the power of magic as fast as possible. We won't serve you up a glass of our chili summer beverage until Neil Patrick Harris has run each lemon personally 200 laps around our corporate headquarters.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, boy.

[Travis McElroy]

Just tell her next time she challenges you, be like, I'm just too competitive. And like, say, That a couple times and then agree to the race and trip her right at the start. You know, really take her out and say, I tried to warn you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, I was gonna get nasty this whole time. I see a lot of clips on TikTok from shows like Suits and Billions, and I don't know what I've done to curate that necessarily. But all of these clips are just like, well suited people fighting over the good disc with their corporate margins. And there's sometimes they're like playing poker and it's like, I bet a million dollars and my job and the other people, like, rock hard for it. They're like, yeah, I love this competitive shit because this is Suits or Billions. And that's just how one gets ahead in America. Now, maybe this is something like that, but more of a double dare sort of physical challenge situation.

[Travis McElroy]

Small side note, Griffin, this has happened a couple times now. I love when you bring up stuff that gets served to you on your for you page and you're like, I don't know why it gets served to me. And then you go on to describe how you've watched them a bunch of times and you know what happens in them. That's why you're interested in them. I know.

[Griffin McElroy]

I do watch.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, I'm not what Griffin's talking about, though. There is a. It's a terrifying moment when I see a TikTok from Criminal Minds because I know that that's the moment that I'm gonna. The algorithm is really watching closely because it is taking an absolute shot in the dark. And it is like, maybe Criminal Minds. And I have this moment where I'm like, I need to figure out what you're doing. I need to figure out what this is. But if I start poking around and like, God forbid, like Harding, it like, what is this?

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, dude.

[Travis McElroy]

Trying to figure it out.

[Justin McElroy]

Hey, I. I thought I was taking a shot in the dark with that Criminal Mind shit, but Justin's wild for it. He's tapped every actor tagged in it. He goes to the comments is like scrolling through them. He's loving this Criminal Minds content. It's like, I'm not, I'm not. I just am trying to figure out what you have done. What have you brought me? It would be like if your cat brought a sparrow's corpse and you're like, trying to figure out where the lungs are. And then it's like, oh, this guy loves sparrows. Hold on, let me get another one.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm just saying, Justin, maybe you are interested in Criminal Minds and maybe the algorithm knows you better than you know yourself and you should just accept it and bench for it.

[Justin McElroy]

We're not accepting applications at the moment. You know what I mean?

[Griffin McElroy]

We don't have space. We do not have space for a billions or a Suits.

[Justin McElroy]

We can't. I can barely get to Daredevil born again things that are important to my life, you know what I mean?

[Travis McElroy]

Like these are relevance to me. Your friend Daredevil. I understand. Am I suddenly surprisingly curious to find out what happens in the limitless TV show because I got fed a clip? Yeah, absolutely. I am.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's a pill that makes him so smart he can be president. Like, yeah, I'm. Of course I'm curious about that.

[Travis McElroy]

The dude from the movie makes a cameo. It's a shared universe, not just a reimagining of it. So yes, I want to know what happens.

[Griffin McElroy]

There needs to be another vector of interaction with TikTok Reels and Instagram Detective vision reels. Not detective vision, but there's like the heart and there's the share and there's the resume it and you blast it out to your own followers. There needs to be like a. I don't know what the image would be, maybe a ship sailing away. And that would communicate to the algo, like thank you for billions. Thank you for this great clip of a high stakes poker game from Suits or billions. But I am done. I am done with this topic. I do not need any more. And we may go our separate ways now in peace, in gratitude. But I do not need only. Only clips from NCIS New Orleans or whatever.

[Travis McElroy]

Something that maybe is a way to communicate. Yes, I did zone out while this clip from Silicon Valley played. And that's gonna make you think, whoa, he watched it twice. He wants a lot more Silicon Valley clips. But I want to make it clear like, no, somebody asked me a question while it was on. Please stop.

[Griffin McElroy]

I dropped my phone, caught it with the share button. I didn't even commit to the action. But that was enough for. I'll tell you guys, I feel like 911 Lone Star is being made specifically for this exact purpose. I feel like 911 Lone Star episodes are probably one and a half minutes of like Rob Lowe working as a firefighter in Austin, Texas. And then they're like, a meteor is about to strike. And you think like, why the fuck are they doing this for their firefighter show. And then the Next, you know, 27 and a half minutes is just static, dead air. And then they put like, they know, like if we put this clip out of Rob Lowe, an Austin, Texas firefighter, looking up in the sky like a God damn asteroid is coming. You know, I'm going to interact with that in a serious way.

[Justin McElroy]

I bet if you were to sit down and stream that episode of television, the way it plays out is that scene happens and then it's sort of like it waits a beat and they're all sort of like staring and you hear someone say, okay, cut. They've swiped away for sure.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, they're gone. There's gone.

[Travis McElroy]

There's no more.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, there's no more.

[Travis McElroy]

Somebody holds up like a cellophane sheet with the TikTok information on the cellophane in front of the camera. So that's just built in to the shot. You know, the rest of the episode

[Griffin McElroy]

is just Rob Lowe and company just sitting around the firefighting table, just kind of shooting the shit while like Subway Surfers takes up a third, the right third of the screen.

[Travis McElroy]

And whatever the show is that has the guy who played Steve from Sex of the City and he's a firefighter, he comes over and says, hey, are you guys done with the set? We need to film 45 seconds.

[Griffin McElroy]

We need to do our firefighter TikTok show. Yeah, absolutely.

[Travis McElroy]

Might be the same show.

[Griffin McElroy]

Might be.

[Justin McElroy]

A number of years ago, a member of a well known mafia family told me, quote, if I ever need anything, the family has my back. I don't do crimes, but I hate to let a good favor go to waste. Is it okay to ask the mafia to help you with non crimey things? And what should I use my favor for? That's from an offer they can't refuse from Ontario, Canada. Additional information. It's been about 20 years and I have to go through Facebook to claim it. Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, that's a shame.

[Justin McElroy]

That's rough. It's the Facebook. Having to go through Facebook to claim it is challenging. The other thing I will say to you, and this is from a place of absolute ignorance. Yeah, but if you were in Ontario, Canada, I don't think it was the real mafia. I think it was made in the United States.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, there are mafias everywhere.

[Justin McElroy]

I feel like it was probably not

[Travis McElroy]

the capital, you know what I mean? Like duh, mafia, but the mafia.

[Justin McElroy]

But ah, mafia indefinite article Mafia.

[Griffin McElroy]

Listen to fucking judge. If it. Listen, I just came from here. If it ain't Capone, no thanks.

[Justin McElroy]

Can't get mad at me. I said I was ignorant.

[Travis McElroy]

That's true. You can't get mad at stupid people who know they're stupid.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's why all those jubilee shows, they start with everything.

[Justin McElroy]

That's not the word I used.

[Travis McElroy]

Ignorant. You'd rather be ignorant?

[Justin McElroy]

Ignorant is fixable.

[Travis McElroy]

Fair enough. I think that this is why it's important. If you're going to become a mafia family or any kind of powerful organization that's able to say, like, if you ever need a favor, you gotta have tokens of some kind that you can hand out.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, that's so fucking lit. Yeah, absolutely. A little coin with like some shit on it.

[Travis McElroy]

Something on the blockchain. Tangible.

[Justin McElroy]

What? Wait, you want fungible or not fungible?

[Travis McElroy]

Tangible.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, you want non fungible tokens that you exchange with the mafia for favors.

[Travis McElroy]

Non fungible, very tangible. Very nf.

[Justin McElroy]

They're not fungible because you can't spend them at Costco.

[Travis McElroy]

NFTs. NFVTS. I like the NFTTS. Non fungible, very tangible tokens.

[Griffin McElroy]

I like the idea of a mafia member coming up to you and being like, you've done my family a great service this day. Take this bored ape jpeg and if you ever need it, HMU on Facebook and we'll get this thing going.

[Travis McElroy]

I3D printed silk tokens.

[Griffin McElroy]

Now I've included a file to the print design. Please don't print off a bunch more of these and start spreading them around. It'll get confusing fast. Did we professionally sort of build the opposite of the mafia as a sort of like family concept? Like, what if there was a. What if there was a family organ, a professional family organization that was not

[Travis McElroy]

threatening and owed a lot of people a lot of favors?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes, absolutely. That I cashed in on the goodwill of thousands of people.

[Justin McElroy]

The anti mafia, we've inversely. You know, it's funny, the age that I am, I feel like if you have some mafia person that maybe I would really appreciate help with, just like, you know how there's like cover businesses sometimes with the mafia. Like, you know, he's not really an electrician, he's like a mafia. I really would like the mafia to help me with like the actual electrician guy. You know what I mean? Like, if you could help me find an actual electrician that would come to the do that. Like, yes. Like if I think mafia as subcontractor

[Griffin McElroy]

would be very helpful.

[Justin McElroy]

Like, like they definitely probably know a guy that paints houses. And then you're like, no, no, no,

[Travis McElroy]

no, no, no, no, no, no, you don't understand.

[Justin McElroy]

No, A guy that paints house.

[Travis McElroy]

I need a guy who paints house. Or if you're looking to start a new Business. They've started a lot of COVID business. You're like, hey, you guys have started a lot of things. If you could help me set up like a real electrician business. Yeah, I love that. I'm not even asking for funding or whatever. I don't know how to find a location. I don't know how to get permits. And don't threaten. I don't need like, I wanna really get the permits.

[Justin McElroy]

Some of these people are just well liked.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

You know, there's such a thing as soft power. It doesn't have to be crime. It could just be like, hey, you know how everybody thinks you're such a good guy and so they like to help you out around town. Maybe you can help, maybe talk to one of your friends about helping me out. It's not crime. The fact that you're thinking of it like a crime is why you haven't exchanged it these 20 years. Right. It's like you gotta think of it like just something you need a little extra. I bet they don't like being asked to do crimes. No, they would probably be illegal. They probably prefer to help you move.

[Travis McElroy]

Do you think in the broad scope of history, there's ever been a family who was surprised to find out that everyone in the city thought they were a mafia?

[Griffin McElroy]

Thought they were mafia, but really they

[Travis McElroy]

were just friendly and like did nice things for us. And after like 20 years, like, this city really loves us. And they're like, well, yeah, man, the

[Justin McElroy]

mafia, who don't agree with you.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, no, no, we're not. We just are huge union boosters. We're big into that life and we're very friendly.

[Travis McElroy]

And you always say, this is a beautiful business. It'd be shame if something happened to it. It's like, yeah, it was a beautiful business and shit happens all the time.

[Griffin McElroy]

This is a time a gorgeous business. Oh, man, this china shop, it sure would be a fucking shame if anything happened to it because of all the beautiful plates and cups and tea dishes, cutlery.

[Travis McElroy]

And you talked about how your uncle was with the fishes now. Yeah. No, he went to Barbados and did a scuba diving thing and he fell

[Justin McElroy]

in love with it.

[Travis McElroy]

And he does that now full time. What are you talking about?

[Griffin McElroy]

We were at Shake Shack the other day. You ordered the gabagool. Yeah, that was a mistake on my part. I got it confused with a different restaurant.

[Travis McElroy]

I meant to order like a large fry and I just got real marble mouthed, you know?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

There's certainly been a change of hands in the power structure too. In 20 years, right?

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, sure.

[Justin McElroy]

The person that owed you a favor. Maybe nobody likes them anymore. Or maybe they got kicked out for

[Griffin McElroy]

being late a lot.

[Justin McElroy]

You don't know that. That might be.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hey, you're late to Mafia. We've warned you so many times you

[Travis McElroy]

forgot to sign in.

[Griffin McElroy]

Mafia starts at 10am sharp. That is not that early. You have no excuse for being this late.

[Travis McElroy]

And it was your turn to bring the coffee and donuts. And again.

[Justin McElroy]

And the guns. You forget you brought the cannoli and you forgot the guns. You messed up.

[Travis McElroy]

Come on, man.

[Justin McElroy]

That stuff is a bad meeting of

[Travis McElroy]

the moment in a carpool with you. And now Dave's late. And it's not even his fault. I know. Dave, I'm not mad at you. I know it's not your fault. You're always late.

[Justin McElroy]

We're stop calling that guy Mafia Dave.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Because he's so late for all the Mafia stuff we're doing.

[Travis McElroy]

And we're going to start calling you Punctual Pete, but in an ironic way, because you're already always late. And when we say it, you'll know that it sounds like a funny joke, but we're really angry about it. That's another demerit.

[Griffin McElroy]

There should be a scene in the Godfather where a detective busts the family for murder one. And the whole thing falls apart because one detective followed all the clues of the cannoli they took from the murder scene. That guy is like, leave the gun because then it can't be attached to us. But take the cannoli. But then it turns out his sweet tooth is the undoing of the whole Godfather family.

[Justin McElroy]

He actually edited out one of the great movie lines there. Griff, have you ever seen the. Have you ever seen the unedited scene?

[Griffin McElroy]

He says no.

[Justin McElroy]

He says, leave the gun, take the cannoli. There's a smaller gun inside that cannoli.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. Untraceable.

[Justin McElroy]

Tiny, untraceable dart. The modern bee sting.

[Travis McElroy]

If I ran a Mafia family. Yeah. If I ran the zoo. If I ran a Mafia family, I would have tokens.

[Justin McElroy]

We bought a Mafia.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. I would cancel all the crime stuff for crime stuff. It's canceled. But I would have tokens as established to hand out. But they would be different. They would be different sizes to denote the size of favor you're able to ask for. Because if somebody does something nice but not very big, I don't want to say like you can't ask us for a favor. You did something nice. You can ask for a small favor. You left Something at home. You need one of us to pick it up for you and bring it to your work. We can do that.

[Justin McElroy]

I can do that.

[Griffin McElroy]

I like that. I would like a sort of pay it forward system where you could do three things for three different people. Or one like turbo favorite.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

And then two others and now you're owed to by two other folks. Mafias basically pay it forward.

[Travis McElroy]

And they're non transferable. It's important that these are non fungible, very tangible, non transferable tokens.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, you gotta be careful also with the favors that you ask though. And we did touch on this with painting houses. But there's a lot of like, can you take him to the cleaners? And it's like. But not, not like that. Like, I just want you to launder the money. The money's literally dirty. Like my money got dirty. I need you to clean it for me. Literally.

[Travis McElroy]

Literally. Please wash my money.

[Justin McElroy]

My dad can't sleep well unless it's at an aquarium. So drive him to the aquarium and let him sleep with the fishes. But like bring him back.

[Travis McElroy]

My doctor said I have a very specific orthopedic problem and I need concrete shoes.

[Justin McElroy]

They're concrete shoes.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes. Go get your shine. Go get your shine box. The LP of Soul Collective Shine. The box that has Soul Collective Shine on vinyl. I'm doing a DJ set later and I'd really like to mix it in.

[Travis McElroy]

I want some bootlegs.

[Griffin McElroy]

These are standalone legs, decorative legs for boot display.

[Travis McElroy]

So it looks like it's hanging out of the back of my trunk. But not real legs.

[Griffin McElroy]

Not really.

[Justin McElroy]

Let's go to the Money Zone.

[Montaigne]

It's better. It's better with you.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's a beautiful website. It'd be a shame if something happened to it.

[Justin McElroy]

Beautiful website you got here. Be a shame if you built it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Wouldn't.

[Justin McElroy]

Wait, hold on.

[Travis McElroy]

It'd be a shame if you didn't build it. It could be a beautiful website.

[Justin McElroy]

Beautiful idea for a website you got there in your brain. Be a shame if you didn't build it with Squarespace.

[Travis McElroy]

That's another thing I would do is be a very inspirational based, encouraging mafia. Like, hey, I was just sitting at the bar and I overheard you talking to your brother in law about this idea you got for a business. That's a great idea for a business you got there. It'd be a shame if you didn't follow through with it. And if you're gonna build that beautiful business, you gotta have a beautiful website. Hi, I'm Mafia Don Giovanni Squarespace.

[Justin McElroy]

I think this is great.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, he's cooking.

[Justin McElroy]

No, juice. I said it's great. Griffin?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, I've started a bit of a, let's say, organization that can help you with a beautiful website.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can I just. A quick note. I think you're saying beautiful, like way

[Travis McElroy]

too much with a sexy website.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't know what the. I don't know what kind of like vibe you're going for with this guy with this character, but he says beautiful.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, let me try it a different way. They've got beautiful templates, beautiful drag and drop kind of click stuff, beautiful tech support.

[Griffin McElroy]

So let's circle back to beautiful drag and drop, like click stuff.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

Because that's not in the copy. And I'm not sure that they would appreciate that level of sort of abstraction.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay. They've got beautiful cutting edge design, beautiful ways for you to offer your services and get beautifully paid all in one beautiful place.

[Griffin McElroy]

We've all used Squarespace at this point to make a plethora of websites, I think.

[Travis McElroy]

And how would you describe those websites in like one word? Griffin?

[Griffin McElroy]

Beautiful. But we don't know anything about the Internet or making stuff on it. And so, I mean, I guess podcasts, but that's like fucking nothing. It's like nothing. But websites can be tough to make them and make them look good, but unless you use Squarespace. Cause Squarespace is the. The best.

[Travis McElroy]

I think they're even better than look good, Griffin. I think look good is an understatement.

[Griffin McElroy]

So head to squarespace.com mybrother for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code mybrother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

[Travis McElroy]

Beautifully done.

[Justin McElroy]

Beautiful. Hey, you know, it can be tempting to just not think about something that you haven't engaged with for a long time. I get it. You haven't thought about Star Wars 20 years and it's overwhelming to think about. But rocket money, if you've been doing that with your finances, is a great way to get back on top of things. They're gonna look at your subscriptions, they're gonna look at your everything. They're gonna dig through everything. And you can beg them to stop. And they won't. No, they will if you ask them to. But they're gonna look through all your subscriptions and say, hey, did you remember you were paying for this? And they might be able to help you cancel it or save a few bucks on it.

[Travis McElroy]

They have seen you're doing a great good cop. Can I bad Cop for a second.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, sure, man.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey, grow up. Grow up. Get your finances in order. Be a. Be a grown up with Rocket Money. They'll help you grow up. Come on. Okay, now you good cop again.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, please specifically don't do a good cop, bad cop thing.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. What does that mean for you, the layman or layperson? It means that you're very good.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Just so inclusive and natural, so progressive. I really. It's your special sticker. Thanks, man. Whoa. It came through the screen.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm going to put the Good Ally ribbon on your forehead today.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, every. You know what, Griffin? No matter how you express your gender, you can not know what you're talking about. Thank you, Layperson. What a great word. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster.

[Travis McElroy]

Join Griffin, Grow up. Come on up.

[Justin McElroy]

Join.commybrother that's RocketMoney.com my brother. RocketMoney.com mybrother thank you to all the

[Max Fund Announcer]

Max Fund members who supported us during Max Fund drive. You're helping us as we try to put more good into the world. And as part of putting more good into the world, we've opened our annual Post Drive charity sale. Max Fund members, at $10 per month or more, can purchase Max Fund Drive keychains featuring designs for shows across the network. And all members can buy our charity exclusive keychain starring Mikey, our little microphone buddy from this year's Max Fund Drive. This year we've decided to send the proceeds of the charity sale to the center for Constitutional Rights. They're dedicated to the great creative use of law as a positive force for social change. Tackling issues like human rights abuses, racial injustice and sexual and gender based violence. These folks are fighting to make things better. So to get your keychains and support the center for Constitutional rights, head to maximumfun.org charitysale and if you're not yet a member, you can still get in on this to support the show you're listening to and get access to bonus content and the charity sale. Just click the link in the show notes. The sale is live now and it ends on Friday, May 15th. That's MaximumFun.org charitysale and thanks again.

[John Moe]

Sleep is important, but it's difficult sometimes. I'm John Moe on Sleeping With Celebrities. Famous people help conk you out by talking in soothing voices about unimportant things. Maria Bamford on parking, I parked in a bus stop.

[Travis McElroy]

That's just not right.

[Max Fund Announcer]

I am not a bus.

[John Moe]

Roxane Gay on airports.

[Griffin McElroy]

My favorite airport is Indianapolis. It has a really smart layout.

[John Moe]

Alan Tudyk on yardsticks.

[Justin McElroy]

You hand somebody a yardstick, yardsticks become

[Griffin McElroy]

part of the family.

[John Moe]

Granted, it's a weird idea, but it's lots of fun and it works. Listen wherever you get. Podcasts.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

I wanna Munch Squad. I want to Munch Squad Squad, welcome squads. Podcast within a podcast. Profiling the latest and greatest in brand eating. With everything going on, with all the commotion of Star Wars Day and Max fund Drive, I haven't been able to cover some of the biggest stories in the world. So I was want to do a quick survey, like an overview real quick.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

What's happening?

[Travis McElroy]

First stuff.

[Justin McElroy]

This is first thing I want to tell you guys about. And this one isn't funny.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, okay.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

Is it sad?

[Justin McElroy]

It's not sad.

[Travis McElroy]

No.

[Justin McElroy]

It's just like. I just want to talk to you about it real quick.

[Travis McElroy]

All the burgers are gone.

[Justin McElroy]

This isn't fun. This is. This. This isn't funny. I just want to ask you about this. First of all, to Leisure unveils Mother's Day menu. First of all, like, how fucking good do these things look? Yeah, that's why I wanted to ask

[Griffin McElroy]

you guys first this Mother's Day, so I'll be honest. Dude, I don't know what I'm looking at.

[Justin McElroy]

Tula Jour is here to celebrate and honor special mothers in your life with a new lineup of cakes, pastries, and beverages. So I'm just gonna tell you that this is a ube spiral croissant flaky croissant dough filled with nutty ube cloud cream filling dipped with a ube white chocolate coating and topped with a white flour. Cece's pizza is bringing back the ole. Who do you turn to when you want to celebrate Cinco de Mayo and that incredible battle over the French incredible victory? You go to Cici's Pizza for their Olay Tuesday pizza. And you've been asking for it, Trav. You've been asking for this one. I know from me a lot. And you are not alone. Cici's has heard you.

[Travis McElroy]

It's because when people ask me, hey, do you want to go to like, where do you want to celebrate? You want to get some pizza to celebrate? I say Cece. Like, Cece.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Justin McElroy]

Yes. We're changing our name to yes Yes's Pizza. The nation's. It says Cici's Pizza, the nations original all you can eat buffet. An iconic dining destination for families since 1985. There is no way they predated the Pizza Hut lunch buffet. Right? Pizza buffet said you need pizza buffet. I Pizza Hut never came to me and said, that's enough pie for you, senora. Mamma mia. You've had enough of our delicious Italian pieces. Pizza Hut.

[Griffin McElroy]

Lot of really good it's bringing back.

[Justin McElroy]

Fan favorite.

[Griffin McElroy]

A lot of responsible accent work this episode. I want to give everybody a special ally sticker for that. A lot of ethical thoughtful accent play, guys.

[Justin McElroy]

The nationwide return of its Olay pizza. A nostalgic taco style pizza.

[Travis McElroy]

Huh?

[Justin McElroy]

Nostalgia?

[Griffin McElroy]

What nostalgia could I possibly be experiencing?

[Justin McElroy]

The ole pizza combines heat, texture and flavor, all based on Cici's signature crust. The holy triumvirate of food make food

[Griffin McElroy]

that doesn't have one of those things that's fucking crazy. How?

[Travis McElroy]

Flavorless, textureless, but incredibly hot.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Jolly Rancher has this new line of flavorless hard candies coming out and you just suck on them and they're just kind of in there and then they're gone.

[Travis McElroy]

We've had a lot of guests ask

[Justin McElroy]

about this one over the years, says Jeff Hetzel, pretzel of Cece's Pizza. And tragically not Wetzel's Pretzels. The Olay pizza is one people remember. And the great thing about Cici's is if you don't see it on the buffet, we'll make it for you.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, I want to pause here because.

[Justin McElroy]

One second. Do you want to stop so I could say one time out loud, jeff Hetzel, president of Wetzel's Pretzels, Because I did want to hear it too.

[Travis McElroy]

Now go ahead.

[Griffin McElroy]

It does sound good.

[Travis McElroy]

Jeff, Making the claim that people remember it and ask questions about it does not necessarily imply enjoyment or quality. There are terrible things that have happened to me in my life that I'll never forget and that I have many questions about. Jeff did not just say everyone loved it so much, they begged for it back.

[Justin McElroy]

I also need to pull over real quick and stop. Jeff says, we've had a lot of guests asked about this one over the years. And then Jeff goes on to say, the great thing about Cici's is if you don't see it on the buffet, we'll make it for you. Well, which the fuck is it, Jeff? Which the fuck is it? Is it that people have asked you to make an Olay pizza and you said eat shit? No way. Or is it maybe in a few years? Or is It. Yeah, no problem. This is Cici's. We'll put whatever garbage out there you want. You know what I mean? Like, which is it, Jeff?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

In the meantime, we're bringing it front and center for Cinco de Mayo so guests can enjoy it fresh, hot, and ready as part of the buffet.

[Travis McElroy]

Wait a minute.

[Justin McElroy]

So is Jeff saying, we would have made you an Olay pizza the whole time? All you had to do was ask, you fools.

[Griffin McElroy]

No one. No one solved our riddle yet, so we're disappointed we have to announce that this whole fucking time, you guys could just be asking for ole pizza.

[Justin McElroy]

You just had to know the right combination of words, and then you could have had an ole pizza.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's the CCARG.

[Justin McElroy]

It's a CC. It's the CC's PP. ARG. So that. Is that. That story. Very important. A lot of important work going on. Now, this is the one that I think might be too visual, and apologies if it ends up being too visual, but I did want to share it with you because I've long suspected part of the sadness of Munch Squad for me is that I have long known that AI, when it comes for writing jobs, the first job, it's gonna come for the writing that no one but me is reading. And I think that there is a sadness to that. But. And so my spirit, though, has been buoyed somewhat by the realization that it will also mean people are gonna start using AI images in their press releases, no matter the impact that might have on their brand. So let's talk about Kona Ice's partnership with Gabby's dollhouse.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, wow. Oh, no.

[Griffin McElroy]

Kona.

[Justin McElroy]

It's a nightmare on the left and it's hell on the right and grab Pandy's hand and hold on for your goddamn life.

[Travis McElroy]

Holy shit, dude.

[Griffin McElroy]

This image is. This image is really a. This image is tough, man.

[Justin McElroy]

The toughest part.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey, have you guys heard that new creepypasta about. About Gabby came to life and then just ate everybody?

[Griffin McElroy]

How do I.

[Justin McElroy]

What?

[Griffin McElroy]

Justin, send me a fucking hyperlink to this image. I need this to occupy my entire community computer monitor. Because I think there's. There's fucking.

[Justin McElroy]

We gotta go deeper. We gotta go deeper in this image.

[Griffin McElroy]

I mean, just first thing, it's a Kono Ice truck, which is a flavored ice sort of truck. And they have sort of one panel, whole panel of their car is, like, carved out. And that's where you can choose your flavor splashers. But then behind the car, there's just one of those racks of flavor Splashers floating in zero space, in no space.

[Justin McElroy]

I messaged you full length.

[Travis McElroy]

And also some sort of vertical hedge maze.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, there is a 40 foot tall bush in this image.

[Travis McElroy]

Definitely all rectangular. There's a rectangular window cut out of the hedge about 20ft off the ground. Insane turrets on the top. It looks like.

[Justin McElroy]

It also seems to be that it's just Gabby standing by herself in front of her ice truck and she seems to have pulled up to some sort of villa or something. It's just her. There's no kids around. There might be someone in the truck. I'm like looking in the window. It's like a half a silhouette of a person maybe.

[Griffin McElroy]

This image, I don't think is an official image of Gabi from Gabi's Dollhouse either. No, there is a weird. There's a weirdness to the proportions. Her legs are about 80% of her body. This is a strange image.

[Travis McElroy]

Jason, is this what, the side of Akona? Like, I don't think they really used an image because there is a very upset looking crab at the bottom who also seems to be mad that, like, scared that he's in the truck.

[Griffin McElroy]

There's no way that's a real Kono truck feature. That right where the kids would stand. There's a sad crab.

[Justin McElroy]

None of it is real. There's also this like amazing computer thing where like, it wants lines to keep going and it wants them to be the same. Like, I like doing the grass on the truck. I'm just gonna keep doing it on the ground. It's like, no, stop. That's the end of the truck. You can't put it on the shelf there just because you want one. I know you want it, but you can't do that.

[Griffin McElroy]

We gave the truck a shadow. Should we give Gabby one? No, no, no. She's not real, so it'd be weird to give her one.

[Justin McElroy]

Kona Ice, the nation's leader in mobile shaved ice is teaming up and apparently not driving someone in a goddamn gabby costume 10ft to have him stand in front of a truck. Is teaming up with DreamWorks Animation, a multi million dollar company to celebrate the global smash streaming series Gabby's Dollhouse that apparently can't afford a fuck. This collaboration pairs Kona Ice's commitment to community joy with Gabby's a meow zing world. Creating a multi sensory experience for fans across the country. The partnership represents a shared mission to inspire creativity, imagination and fun. I'm not kidding. That's what it says in the press release underneath that image.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, unless I'm mistaken in this very AI image. It does say, like, Droom Works or Dramworks on the sign.

[Justin McElroy]

Dremel. Yeah, yeah, you're right, Trav. It says Droomworks. I'm surprised old Jeffrey Katz was stoked about that. Sorry, Victoria. It says Droom Works on here.

[Griffin McElroy]

It does look like the sad crab is gesturing to the Droomworks logo as if to say, like, I did my best.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, sorry.

[Justin McElroy]

Sorry, everybody.

[Griffin McElroy]

I spelled it wrong. Don't tell Shrek.

[Justin McElroy]

It's celebrating. To further add to the brand experience, Kona Ice will debut a specially designed licensed Gabby's Dollhouse Kona Cup. I hope they got a human to do that. Each cup will feature Gabby herself bringing her signature smile.

[Travis McElroy]

It'll feature an image of Gabby herself. It's important to note it will feature

[Justin McElroy]

the name of Gabby and a depiction of character actor Robert Loja. We're not sure why we went that way, but like, fuck it, right? Bringing her signature smile and adventurous spirit to every Kona served. Beginning today, these themed cups will be available at participating Kona Ice trucks across the country, serving as the perfect companion to the Rainbow Kitty Magic flavor. Which did you not have a picture of? Was it a truck? Was it Gabby, or was it not those two things? Because those are the only two mission critical things to this image which did you not have access to.

[Travis McElroy]

You couldn't just give us a picture of what this Rainbow Kitty magic thing looked like in the cup.

[Justin McElroy]

She's not the thing that I can't express to you. And if you're not looking at this image, somehow she's not looking at you and it's like worse.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, you know what I mean?

[Justin McElroy]

I don't know why, but she's looking above you a little bit, like there's someone. Like she's hoping a taller, better person will come up behind you and take her away from this. That's the expression on Gabby's face.

[Travis McElroy]

It's also not what Gabby like. If I show this image to my kids who have watched and enjoyed Gabby's Dollhouse and said, you know Gabby, they'd be like, who is this?

[Griffin McElroy]

Who is this? This is gubby.

[Justin McElroy]

This looks like someone that's trying to lure you into a van to take you away from your mommy and daddy. This sucks.

[Griffin McElroy]

How about another question?

[Justin McElroy]

I would love that.

[Travis McElroy]

Though.

[Justin McElroy]

I am a 30 year old man who loves ice cream but does not like food waste for spending money. I walk home from work, past several convenience stores and occasionally buy an ice cream. However, I've noticed that it's often cheaper to buy a box of three or four ice creams from the frozen section than to buy a single ice cream from the to go section. I want to buy a whole box to save money and to give the surplus ice cream away to strangers. They are individually wrapped. But I'm worried people will. I haven't read the rest of this sentence, but they will be suspicious and think I'm trying to poison them or sell them something. Also, I have to get people to accept these ice creams quickly so that we can all enjoy them before they melt. So how do I give away this ice cream quickly without making it weird? And that's from United by Ice Cream in the United Kingdom. Now, I will just say I'm so excited to have someone write in who uses like, ice cream as like, a noun, like a singular noun. And I feel like, can we do that just for this one time, this one question? Because I love that, like, have an ice cream.

[Griffin McElroy]

Give me an example of, like, have an ice cream.

[Justin McElroy]

Like, they have. They have an ice cream. No, not some ice cream. Yeah, not some ice cream.

[Travis McElroy]

Instead of that. Yeah, instead of that.

[Justin McElroy]

It's like a. Like a ice cream. Like, here's a. Here's an ice cream I can give to you.

[Travis McElroy]

That's why I like an iced cream and iced quality. Love this. I don't.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, don't do this.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

You can't. Maybe things are different over there. I don't know. We haven't kept close tabs on y' all for 250 years now. But, like, we wouldn't do that over here. I gotta say, I love. We sell them.

[Travis McElroy]

You know, I don't know why my assumption would be this is poison. But it would be.

[Justin McElroy]

It would be.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't know why I think people are walking around, going into convenience stores, buying a box of ice cream, then pulling, I guess, a laden syringe out of their pocket and injecting arsenic, I suppose, into the ice cream. But that's what I would assume.

[Griffin McElroy]

Poison's not my first assumption anymore in 2026. I do feel like it's more of a. I'm gonna be worried that I'm about to get a real hard timeshare pitch. Like, if someone comes up and is like, ice cream, I have extra. I would not say yes, because then they would, like, say, hey, have you ever thought about joining the Disney Vacation Club or some shit?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. You know how you're not supposed to feed wild animals because you're teaching them that it's safe Right. I would have to work through so much internal stuff to be able to accept an ice cream from a stranger. And would I be better off at the end of it?

[Travis McElroy]

No.

[Justin McElroy]

You know what I mean? Would I be in a better state emotionally if it's like, you know, I used to be hesitant about accepting ice creams from strangers, but now I do it all the time. Like, I don't think you're better off.

[Travis McElroy]

We talk a lot in society about breaking down emotional walls and barriers and stuff, but some walls are there.

[Justin McElroy]

Like a flood wall.

[Travis McElroy]

Keeps water out when the flood rises. I don't think accepting random food from random people is a thing of, like. I don't know why we stopped doing that.

[Justin McElroy]

No, we built whole systems. Like, you have to get a license, a application. You have to fill it out to be able to sell food to people. And you're just gonna be like, oh, I'm an unlicensed ice cream vendor. You can trust me. You know?

[Travis McElroy]

And I'm not sure that you're up to any nefarious. It sounds like you're not. But what I am saying is, if you told me, hey, over the next 100 days, 100 different people once a day are gonna offer you ice cream. All of them are kind and good people who wish you no ill will.

[Griffin McElroy]

No way.

[Justin McElroy]

No, you just can't.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm trying to imagine, what a day where 100 people offer me ice cream even looks like Trav.

[Justin McElroy]

Not a hundred people.

[Travis McElroy]

I tried to clarify as one person, every person you interact with for 100 days, it's a different person each day.

[Griffin McElroy]

So for 100 days, every person I interact with tries to give me ice cream.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, it's one person a day, different times of the day. You never know when they're gonna come. It might be first thing in the morning, Griffin. It might be, oh, you've just finished a dormition.

[Justin McElroy]

How many days in a row does that happen before you're like, I need help. I need professional help?

[Travis McElroy]

This is the weirdest version of the Truman Show I've ever been in. It's some kind of viral marketing campaign for ice cream. Mr. Beast is really fucking with me. Like a personal beef. I don't know.

[Griffin McElroy]

Jim Carrey. Is the creamy man coming this summer to your big movie screen?

[Travis McElroy]

The cream will rise this summer.

[Griffin McElroy]

Cream will rise.

[Travis McElroy]

Why?

[Justin McElroy]

Because it's creamy.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. C R E A M Y.

[Justin McElroy]

Somebody cream me.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, there it is. Somebody cream.

[Justin McElroy]

They call me Creamy Pete.

[Travis McElroy]

Anybody cream Creamy guy. If you cream him, he won't learn nothing.

[Justin McElroy]

The Cream. The cream. That's my Liar, Liar. The claw. It's like the best. I don't know. I don't.

[Travis McElroy]

These are my creamy penguins. I've never seen Mr. Popper's penguins, but I assume it still works. I love you, creamy Morris. I haven't seen that one either.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. Honey, I don't think we should watch the Truman show anymore. This. If it's gonna be all this kind of content, I think our family is. Ah. What's he doing with the cream now?

[Travis McElroy]

Honey, Turn it off. Ever since they sold the Truman show to Borden's, it's really gone downhill.

[Griffin McElroy]

The movie, the movie would be fundamentally different if, if he had turned out to be a pervert. If they had just like constant press conferences from the production company of the TV show the Truman show, having to be like, hey, guys, so next season we're going to do our best to like get him, get him out of. I mean, he's really just kind of at his computer watching some pretty heavy shit, pornographically speaking, for like six hours a day. And like, we can do our best. We can send Laura Lenny in there to be like, do you want to come drink Ovaltine with me? But instead he's probably going to be like, nah. I just found this new website and I got a jork like eight or nine times. And I know there's people out there who love this arc for the Truman show, but please understand we're trying to make a family friendly product here and

[Travis McElroy]

we're worried about him.

[Griffin McElroy]

We're worried about him.

[Travis McElroy]

That's too much.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. Thank you so much for listening to our podcast. I hope you've enjoyed yourself. I hope that you grew, learned something as a person, maybe.

[Travis McElroy]

So bold.

[Justin McElroy]

We got some new merch over there in the merch store. If you can go over to mcelroymerch.com namely, or first off, I should say, we got a Count Donut cape vault sticker designed by Nate Friedberg. Yes, the very same sticker that Count Donut puts on his cape vault. You can now have your very own cape vault.

[Travis McElroy]

Don't you want to have a cape vault sticker like your hero Count Donut?

[Justin McElroy]

Now you can protect your capes, folks.

[Travis McElroy]

We've also got new mugs over there. The don't talk to me until I've had my podcast mug. The I like all buts. A no government mug and also a digital cross stitch pattern of that. My brother, My brother and tea available alone or in a bundle with a mug and 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to to the First Nations Development Institute.

[Griffin McElroy]

I want to thank Montaigne for the use of our theme song My Life Is Better with youh. A powerful song, a mantra for some. And I'm just so grateful. I'm just so grateful and thankful that we get to use it. Thank you. Montaigne.

[Travis McElroy]

And Montaigne said some really nice things about us on their TikTok, so now we're saying nice things about them again. And the cycle, the cycle's gotta stop somewhere. You can also pre order the Adventure Zone story and song. Right now it's the final Adventure Zone graphic novel in the Balance series. You can go to theadventurezonecomic.com and get it there. I could throw this tape measure and try to hold on to the tape measure side and see how far I can get it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, that could be cool. Yeah. Yeah. Throw the tape measure but hold onto the tape measure side but you really need to throw the tape measure very hard.

[Travis McElroy]

You ready? Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay. Don't break your shit.

[Justin McElroy]

Cool. My name is Justin McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm Griffin McElroy.

[Justin McElroy]

My brother. My brother me. Kiss your dad square on the lips.

[Montaigne]

It's better, it's better, better with you it's better my life it's better it's better with you Is it who you are? It's better, it's better with you My life. It's better with you

[Justin McElroy]

Maximum Fun.

[Griffin McElroy]

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