
It turns out the McElroy family organization is the exact opposite of the Mafia in that we are known for being real goofs and also owe favors to a lot of people. But we still have lots of advice you can’t refuse about suspicious frozen desserts, responsible accent work, and baby wookies. Suggested talking points: Kit Fisto’s Best Friend, All Roads Lead to Sling Blade, Can’t Be Mad at Me I Said I Was Ignorant, Oops! We Bought a Mafia, They Call Me Creamy Pet First Nations Development Institute: https://www.firstnations.org/
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John Moe
The McElroy brothers are not experts and
Griffin McElroy
their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.
Justin McElroy
Also, this show isn't for kids, which
Griffin McElroy
I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?
Montaigne
It's the start of something beautiful A
Griffin McElroy
small acquaintance has blossomed it's ripened into
Montaigne
a precious friends I could have never seen what was coming for me. Hangs at the skate park Hangs by the beach My life, it feels like. It's better it's better with you My life, it's better it's better with you this is who you are it's better, it's better with two. What's the matter with you?
Justin McElroy
Hello, everybody, and welcome to My Brother, My Brother, Me and Advice show for the Modron era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.
Travis McElroy
What up, Trav Nation? It's me, your middle is brother Travis. Big dog. Wolf, Wolf. Vroom, vroom. The Heater award winning big dog McElroy.
Griffin McElroy
Hi, it's Griffin McElroy, your youngest brother.
Travis McElroy
That award, by the way, supposedly in the mail.
Griffin McElroy
It's coming, man. Tariffs, dude. We'll see the tariffs and the ram shortage, dude. Dragging everything down.
Justin McElroy
It's coming. It's in the mail. It's coming. I just wanted to see. I wanted to check in, right? Mandalorian and Grogu is coming to theaters at a date, and we are. It's gotta be close. We're all getting pretty excited about May 22nd.
Travis McElroy
Oh, this month?
Griffin McElroy
Yeah.
Justin McElroy
May 22nd. Mandalorian.
Travis McElroy
Swing the 4th. Huh?
Griffin McElroy
They couldn't get the 4th. They were off by a 5th. They needed a few weeks to polish up Grogu's CGI.
Travis McElroy
You know, there was one like, exec who's like, oh, but do you think. Oh, but Kubi's.
Griffin McElroy
Make him creasier. More creases in his beautiful green skin.
Justin McElroy
This is. And now, to celebrate the launch of this movie coming out on May 22nd and the fact that it was just May 4th, I would like to introduce a new character that I've just created.
Travis McElroy
Yeah, okay.
Griffin McElroy
Awesome.
Justin McElroy
It's called Guy that Hasn't Paid Attention to Star wars in 20 years.
Travis McElroy
Okay, ready?
Justin McElroy
Okay. And he goes to the movies.
Griffin McElroy
I thought you were. I'm so sorry, Justin. I thought you were about to be like, his name is Biz Griffin. No, no, no, no. I'm not gonna be a Podracer.
Justin McElroy
His Name is. His name is Bitch Jizzard. He is a Globetro.
Travis McElroy
He's Kit Fisto's best friend.
Justin McElroy
Kit Fisto's best friend. Bitch Gizzard.
Travis McElroy
When they haven't seen each other since childhood.
Justin McElroy
Bitch O. Gizzard. You gotta twist it a little bit to get Georgie Lucas excited. It can't just be.
Travis McElroy
Yeah, yeah.
Griffin McElroy
It can't just be a cuss word.
Justin McElroy
Okay, so here comes.
Travis McElroy
And his midichlorians are off the charts.
Griffin McElroy
Absolutely.
Travis McElroy
They bring those back.
Griffin McElroy
Mandalorian doesn't know what to do with them.
Justin McElroy
Yeah, a lot of movies in the theater this week.
Griffin McElroy
Sorry, Juice, you gotta give us a clean. Is this the guy?
Justin McElroy
Okay, I'm looking at the. I'm looking at the posters.
Griffin McElroy
Yeah, just say, like, just. But in the future when you're doing a character like this, if you could just say the guy starts now. Yeah. So we know that it's like, exterior.
Justin McElroy
I'm trying to be like, immedia res.
Griffin McElroy
I'll say it then. All right, everybody, the guy starts now.
Justin McElroy
I feel like you're hanging too much of a thing on him.
Travis McElroy
Exterior. Movie theater. Afternoon. Divorced. Down.
Justin McElroy
I'm saying now, at this point, if this dies on the vine, the blood's on your hands.
Travis McElroy
A divorced dad of four. His children range between four and 14. He's looking at posters.
Justin McElroy
Huh? A lot of different movies going on. Oh, they did a new Star Wars. Haven't paid attention to that for 20 years. What the fuck? Hey, hey. Did they make a movie about Boba Fett and a tiny Yoda riding on his back doing adventures? Because I am back on board Star wars now. I'm actually really into this franchise.
Griffin McElroy
Okay, that's not the way I thought the character was going to go. I thought the character was going to go.
Justin McElroy
Do you think that. That your brothers might help to build on it and, like, in the way you've always done podcasting? Or did you think that.
Griffin McElroy
Okay, hold on. Say the last. Say the last thing you said. Say the last thing you said again. I'm ready now. No, no, Juice, I have a fucking killer idea.
Travis McElroy
No, haven't you heard? Hey, Guy looking at his movie posters. He's suddenly into stars again. Tell me everything. I just stabbed you in the stomach.
Justin McElroy
I just stabbed you. My guy stabbed your guy in the stomach.
Travis McElroy
Oh, my God.
Griffin McElroy
Freeze. I'm an Usher.
Travis McElroy
Movie theater.
Griffin McElroy
I slay his stab.
Travis McElroy
Stab. I'm the Mandalorian. I've been sitting. I'm about to kill George Lucas.
Justin McElroy
And I know this is George Lucas. The knife point is to your throat. Talk, George. Talk. Talk.
Travis McElroy
My man.
Griffin McElroy
I'm so glad you liked my little guy Grogu.
Travis McElroy
That's not the real George Lucas. That's a fake. No, that's what?
Justin McElroy
You're excused. I'm not going to.
Griffin McElroy
I can't wait to. I can't wait for you to meet Boop. Blippi. Blippi's a new guy. Blippi's a new guy. I got Blippi's is a son.
Travis McElroy
Yeah.
Griffin McElroy
Do you know. You remember Chewbacca? This is a little one and his name's Blippi. And I'm playing him.
Justin McElroy
You're playing him, George? Yeah.
Griffin McElroy
I'm gonna be Blippi, the little Wookiee. The little baby Chewbacca, the littlest Wookiee. And we have a new movie coming out, and it's called Darth Maul and Blippi. And it's about him, and he finds love with a new baby Wookie. This didn't sound anything like George Lucas, like, from this.
Travis McElroy
No. It also made it sound like Darth Maul and Blibby fall in love.
Justin McElroy
Yeah, I'd watch that. I'd watch that.
Travis McElroy
Well, I ship Blippi and Grogu, so.
Justin McElroy
Which Blippi?
Travis McElroy
Evil Blibby?
Griffin McElroy
The Blippi who is a baby. That is Chewbacca's son. What are you fucking talking.
Travis McElroy
Why don't we keep explaining that we got baby Yoda now we got Blippi in the minx. Let's get some other.
Griffin McElroy
More babies.
Justin McElroy
More baby versions.
Travis McElroy
More babies. Yeah, give me a tiny jabba worm. A little hut.
Griffin McElroy
Yeah, it's a tiny little jabba. And he eats all the sandwiches like a slime or dime.
Travis McElroy
Like character.
Justin McElroy
The point I'm trying to make about this, guys, that we would have gotten to about guy who hadn't paid attention to Star wars. Because it is just like. It feels like. I like you. All right, but if he was like, smaller and you could eat him, like, that would be good. It's like, yeah, we all like. Yeah, Boba Fett's cool. But if he was like, different, super noble, and he loved a little edible Yoda, I like that better. Could you make a movie where the. Actually, now I think about it, nice Boba Fett and tiny edible Yoda together
Griffin McElroy
for me, strong for me.
Justin McElroy
For a whole movie. Do you think, what's the appropriate running time for Mandalorian and Grogu? I'm not asking what it is.
Travis McElroy
An hour and 40 minutes.
Justin McElroy
Hour 40. Clean, right?
Travis McElroy
Yeah.
Griffin McElroy
I was going to say, a tight one. 10.
Justin McElroy
If Mandu and Grog go over 150, they could like. There's no way those two boys can sustain that without a romance.
Griffin McElroy
No way for sure.
Travis McElroy
How much discussion do you think there's been in production meetings about if when Grogu eventually talks must is he going to have the same grammar as Yoda? Or was that just a choice Yoda made at some point?
Griffin McElroy
Oh, I see, I see. Is the other other dagobuns.
Justin McElroy
Two hours in 20 minutes.
Griffin McElroy
That's too long. Georgie. Georgie Porcie Pudding pie. That's way too long. Pardon me.
Justin McElroy
It's because there haven't been seven. Seven years since the Star wars movie. You don't have to smoosh them all into one big one. Jeez.
Travis McElroy
All I'm saying is, if he's raised by Mando speaking, I guess Galactic Common or whatever it is, is he just gonna be like, hi, everybody, it's me, Grogu. I'm also here.
Griffin McElroy
Hello. What if he speaks Spanish? Ooh, that could be cool. How come no one in the Star wars world speaks any Spanish?
Justin McElroy
Pedro Pascal privately taught Grogu Spanish.
Travis McElroy
Oh, the actor Pedro Pascal.
Justin McElroy
The actor Pedro Pascal taught the man baby Yoda how to speak Spanish.
Griffin McElroy
I mean, I. We're joking, but I did see an episode of that show one time where Mandalorian took his helmet off and it was Pedro Pascal under there, so it could have been the whole time.
Justin McElroy
The only person that Baby Yoda has heard talk is the Mandalorian ever. So when he does talk, it's just going to be this little adorable tough guy, right? Like I'm going to get you done for.
Griffin McElroy
I'm gonna get cute. Hey, put me down.
Travis McElroy
Hey, give me another one of them frogs to suck on.
Justin McElroy
Daddy, give me a frog to suck on. Dad. Dad, I want to eat a frog.
Travis McElroy
Give me another one of them frogs.
Justin McElroy
Daddy. Armor.
Travis McElroy
Daddy, give me a frog. Armor. Daddy, give me a frog to suck
Griffin McElroy
on from the corners.
Travis McElroy
Mando. Daddy, get me one of them sucky frogs.
Justin McElroy
Crunchy frogs to suck on.
Griffin McElroy
A job of special sucking.
Justin McElroy
Maisie Slick Blade.
Travis McElroy
I don't know, he evolved.
Griffin McElroy
He evolved into Sling Blade naturally. Baby Yoda and baby Sling Blade.
Justin McElroy
Boy howdy.
Travis McElroy
All roads lead to the same place.
Justin McElroy
Probably not. This is an advice show. We're going to help people. Thanks for your support, Master Fun Drive. You're always great to us.
Travis McElroy
We love you.
Justin McElroy
Thank you. I recently started a new job. During an average eight hour shift, I end up walking about 13 miles.
Griffin McElroy
God damn.
Justin McElroy
I don't know My coworkers. Well. But there is one particular woman who says, hey, let's race, or I'll race you down to the end of the hall every time we cross paths. I haven't observed her doing this to anybody else. Well, to be fair, you couldn't, right? I mean, scientifically speaking, that event you're talking about is unobservable by you because you would have to be present and are therefore interrupt the race.
Griffin McElroy
Yeah.
Justin McElroy
This has happened about seven times, and each time, I've awkwardly laughed and shrugged it off. I appreciate the whimsy, but, brothers, I'm way too tired to race this person. How do I get her to stop asking? Do I just have to beat her in a sprint the one time so she'll leave me alone? Or will this encourage further behavior? That's from reluctant sprinter in Sarasota. This is. This is something we can help with.
Travis McElroy
Sure.
Griffin McElroy
I'm excited.
Travis McElroy
Yeah.
Justin McElroy
Persistent. Just to kind of keep being a problem. Sometimes people email us and be like, this is happening right now. But it's an email. We can't.
Griffin McElroy
I dropped a pie. I dropped a pie on my wiener. A hot pie and burns. What do I do? And it's like, you're done with that. Definitely.
Travis McElroy
I think. Listen, insulting what we're coming back from here when we have to reel back in is my worry is that by you kind of chuckling at it politely, you've given the impression of like, this is a shared running joke.
Griffin McElroy
We have. It is a running joke. It is a running joke.
Travis McElroy
Oh, it is a running joke, isn't it? But this is a shared moment.
Justin McElroy
There's your out, Travis. There's your out, dude. You just got it. And one, you say, I love this running joke, and then you walk away, right? And then they're thinking about it, and they're gonna bust up. You're gone. It doesn't matter. They bust up or they don't. You know what I mean? But, like, that's that line. End of exchange.
Travis McElroy
You've, like, busted it up.
Justin McElroy
You put energy into it.
Travis McElroy
Right?
Justin McElroy
Put a little investment in this person. Give them a little bit of levity.
Griffin McElroy
I thought of a joke.
Justin McElroy
You're comfortable with not racing.
Travis McElroy
You don't have to engage with them
Justin McElroy
in a foot race.
Travis McElroy
Next time they ask you to race, just say, I'm not really a racist, and that will end any interaction.
Justin McElroy
Hold on, Trav.
Travis McElroy
Huh?
Justin McElroy
Hold on.
Griffin McElroy
It means something else. It means, I'm glad.
Justin McElroy
It should be true. I like it.
Griffin McElroy
Okay.
Justin McElroy
I like it. Actually.
Travis McElroy
It's good. Is it Possible that you don't see this happening, happening with anyone else because you're new to the job. She's already beaten everyone else in a foot race and now you're new meat. Yeah, it's optimistic that you think that by beating her in a sprint, she'd stop bringing it up.
Griffin McElroy
She'd stop and not that she would go train tirelessly until she could get her revenge.
Travis McElroy
This is.
Griffin McElroy
We can agree that this is definitely not the first race that this person has challenged.
Justin McElroy
Well, this is what I'm.
Travis McElroy
I'm.
Justin McElroy
What? There is an alternate scenario where you go to someone, you're like, wait, what's up with Vicki? And they're like, she was hired the day before you. None of us know. We can't figure it out either. Like, we are just as lost as you are. She literally started the day before you did.
Travis McElroy
Yeah, maybe she's a psyop. And the boss was like, everyone moves so slow around here. We never get anything done. And Vicky was like, I know just how. Put me in, boss. I know how to speed everybody up. I know how to motivate everyone to move a little faster down the hallways.
Justin McElroy
I. You, I understand that you, I understand the temptation to just bust one time, bust out, break free. Go so fast. Like, so fast. Just once, go as fast as you can. I understand that. But you are going to run into somebody. You're going to run into somebody. They're going to come out of their office when they're not supposed to, and you're going to fucking drill them and they're going to have four big lemonades, like, if they will, four ice cold lemonades. They just made hand squeeze that they
Griffin McElroy
made in their office. They're not bringing it from outside.
Justin McElroy
Look at country time. At country time, we hand race our
Travis McElroy
lemons the way my grandfather did get.
Justin McElroy
We raise them in the floor while it's fresh.
Travis McElroy
Stop.
Justin McElroy
We sprint these yellow bastards right off the tree, right into the fucking plant. The last hundred yards. My nephew Dylan chucks them in, just
Travis McElroy
fucking hurls them farm to table. These are fttmph, right? We gotta get these things in there now. They go off so quick.
Justin McElroy
No one says that. Did you say Neil Patrick Harris is helping to get the lemons there with
Griffin McElroy
the power of magic as fast as possible. We won't serve you up a glass of our chili summer beverage until Neil Patrick Harris has run each lemon personally 200 laps around our corporate headquarters.
Justin McElroy
Oh, boy.
Travis McElroy
Just tell her next time she challenges you, be like, I'm just too competitive. And like, say, That a couple times and then agree to the race and trip her right at the start. You know, really take her out and say, I tried to warn you.
Griffin McElroy
Yeah, I was gonna get nasty this whole time. I see a lot of clips on TikTok from shows like Suits and Billions, and I don't know what I've done to curate that necessarily. But all of these clips are just like, well suited people fighting over the good disc with their corporate margins. And there's sometimes they're like playing poker and it's like, I bet a million dollars and my job and the other people, like, rock hard for it. They're like, yeah, I love this competitive shit because this is Suits or Billions. And that's just how one gets ahead in America. Now, maybe this is something like that, but more of a double dare sort of physical challenge situation.
Travis McElroy
Small side note, Griffin, this has happened a couple times now. I love when you bring up stuff that gets served to you on your for you page and you're like, I don't know why it gets served to me. And then you go on to describe how you've watched them a bunch of times and you know what happens in them. That's why you're interested in them. I know.
Griffin McElroy
I do watch.
Justin McElroy
Yeah, I'm not what Griffin's talking about, though. There is a. It's a terrifying moment when I see a TikTok from Criminal Minds because I know that that's the moment that I'm gonna. The algorithm is really watching closely because it is taking an absolute shot in the dark. And it is like, maybe Criminal Minds. And I have this moment where I'm like, I need to figure out what you're doing. I need to figure out what this is. But if I start poking around and like, God forbid, like Harding, it like, what is this?
Griffin McElroy
Oh, dude.
Travis McElroy
Trying to figure it out.
Justin McElroy
Hey, I. I thought I was taking a shot in the dark with that Criminal Mind shit, but Justin's wild for it. He's tapped every actor tagged in it. He goes to the comments is like scrolling through them. He's loving this Criminal Minds content. It's like, I'm not, I'm not. I just am trying to figure out what you have done. What have you brought me? It would be like if your cat brought a sparrow's corpse and you're like, trying to figure out where the lungs are. And then it's like, oh, this guy loves sparrows. Hold on, let me get another one.
Travis McElroy
I'm just saying, Justin, maybe you are interested in Criminal Minds and maybe the algorithm knows you better than you know yourself and you should just accept it and bench for it.
Justin McElroy
We're not accepting applications at the moment. You know what I mean?
Griffin McElroy
We don't have space. We do not have space for a billions or a Suits.
Justin McElroy
We can't. I can barely get to Daredevil born again things that are important to my life, you know what I mean?
Travis McElroy
Like these are relevance to me. Your friend Daredevil. I understand. Am I suddenly surprisingly curious to find out what happens in the limitless TV show because I got fed a clip? Yeah, absolutely. I am.
Griffin McElroy
It's a pill that makes him so smart he can be president. Like, yeah, I'm. Of course I'm curious about that.
Travis McElroy
The dude from the movie makes a cameo. It's a shared universe, not just a reimagining of it. So yes, I want to know what happens.
Griffin McElroy
There needs to be another vector of interaction with TikTok Reels and Instagram Detective vision reels. Not detective vision, but there's like the heart and there's the share and there's the resume it and you blast it out to your own followers. There needs to be like a. I don't know what the image would be, maybe a ship sailing away. And that would communicate to the algo, like thank you for billions. Thank you for this great clip of a high stakes poker game from Suits or billions. But I am done. I am done with this topic. I do not need any more. And we may go our separate ways now in peace, in gratitude. But I do not need only. Only clips from NCIS New Orleans or whatever.
Travis McElroy
Something that maybe is a way to communicate. Yes, I did zone out while this clip from Silicon Valley played. And that's gonna make you think, whoa, he watched it twice. He wants a lot more Silicon Valley clips. But I want to make it clear like, no, somebody asked me a question while it was on. Please stop.
Griffin McElroy
I dropped my phone, caught it with the share button. I didn't even commit to the action. But that was enough for. I'll tell you guys, I feel like 911 Lone Star is being made specifically for this exact purpose. I feel like 911 Lone Star episodes are probably one and a half minutes of like Rob Lowe working as a firefighter in Austin, Texas. And then they're like, a meteor is about to strike. And you think like, why the fuck are they doing this for their firefighter show. And then the Next, you know, 27 and a half minutes is just static, dead air. And then they put like, they know, like if we put this clip out of Rob Lowe, an Austin, Texas firefighter, looking up in the sky like a God damn asteroid is coming. You know, I'm going to interact with that in a serious way.
Justin McElroy
I bet if you were to sit down and stream that episode of television, the way it plays out is that scene happens and then it's sort of like it waits a beat and they're all sort of like staring and you hear someone say, okay, cut. They've swiped away for sure.
Griffin McElroy
Yeah, they're gone. There's gone.
Travis McElroy
There's no more.
Justin McElroy
Yeah, there's no more.
Travis McElroy
Somebody holds up like a cellophane sheet with the TikTok information on the cellophane in front of the camera. So that's just built in to the shot. You know, the rest of the episode
Griffin McElroy
is just Rob Lowe and company just sitting around the firefighting table, just kind of shooting the shit while like Subway Surfers takes up a third, the right third of the screen.
Travis McElroy
And whatever the show is that has the guy who played Steve from Sex of the City and he's a firefighter, he comes over and says, hey, are you guys done with the set? We need to film 45 seconds.
Griffin McElroy
We need to do our firefighter TikTok show. Yeah, absolutely.
Travis McElroy
Might be the same show.
Griffin McElroy
Might be.
Justin McElroy
A number of years ago, a member of a well known mafia family told me, quote, if I ever need anything, the family has my back. I don't do crimes, but I hate to let a good favor go to waste. Is it okay to ask the mafia to help you with non crimey things? And what should I use my favor for? That's from an offer they can't refuse from Ontario, Canada. Additional information. It's been about 20 years and I have to go through Facebook to claim it. Okay.
Griffin McElroy
Oh, that's a shame.
Justin McElroy
That's rough. It's the Facebook. Having to go through Facebook to claim it is challenging. The other thing I will say to you, and this is from a place of absolute ignorance. Yeah, but if you were in Ontario, Canada, I don't think it was the real mafia. I think it was made in the United States.
Travis McElroy
Oh, there are mafias everywhere.
Justin McElroy
I feel like it was probably not
Travis McElroy
the capital, you know what I mean? Like duh, mafia, but the mafia.
Justin McElroy
But ah, mafia indefinite article Mafia.
Griffin McElroy
Listen to fucking judge. If it. Listen, I just came from here. If it ain't Capone, no thanks.
Justin McElroy
Can't get mad at me. I said I was ignorant.
Travis McElroy
That's true. You can't get mad at stupid people who know they're stupid.
Griffin McElroy
That's why all those jubilee shows, they start with everything.
Justin McElroy
That's not the word I used.
Travis McElroy
Ignorant. You'd rather be ignorant?
Justin McElroy
Ignorant is fixable.
Travis McElroy
Fair enough. I think that this is why it's important. If you're going to become a mafia family or any kind of powerful organization that's able to say, like, if you ever need a favor, you gotta have tokens of some kind that you can hand out.
Griffin McElroy
Oh, that's so fucking lit. Yeah, absolutely. A little coin with like some shit on it.
Travis McElroy
Something on the blockchain. Tangible.
Justin McElroy
What? Wait, you want fungible or not fungible?
Travis McElroy
Tangible.
Justin McElroy
Okay, you want non fungible tokens that you exchange with the mafia for favors.
Travis McElroy
Non fungible, very tangible. Very nf.
Justin McElroy
They're not fungible because you can't spend them at Costco.
Travis McElroy
NFTs. NFVTS. I like the NFTTS. Non fungible, very tangible tokens.
Griffin McElroy
I like the idea of a mafia member coming up to you and being like, you've done my family a great service this day. Take this bored ape jpeg and if you ever need it, HMU on Facebook and we'll get this thing going.
Travis McElroy
I3D printed silk tokens.
Griffin McElroy
Now I've included a file to the print design. Please don't print off a bunch more of these and start spreading them around. It'll get confusing fast. Did we professionally sort of build the opposite of the mafia as a sort of like family concept? Like, what if there was a. What if there was a family organ, a professional family organization that was not
Travis McElroy
threatening and owed a lot of people a lot of favors?
Griffin McElroy
Yes, absolutely. That I cashed in on the goodwill of thousands of people.
Justin McElroy
The anti mafia, we've inversely. You know, it's funny, the age that I am, I feel like if you have some mafia person that maybe I would really appreciate help with, just like, you know how there's like cover businesses sometimes with the mafia. Like, you know, he's not really an electrician, he's like a mafia. I really would like the mafia to help me with like the actual electrician guy. You know what I mean? Like, if you could help me find an actual electrician that would come to the do that. Like, yes. Like if I think mafia as subcontractor
Griffin McElroy
would be very helpful.
Justin McElroy
Like, like they definitely probably know a guy that paints houses. And then you're like, no, no, no,
Travis McElroy
no, no, no, no, no, no, you don't understand.
Justin McElroy
No, A guy that paints house.
Travis McElroy
I need a guy who paints house. Or if you're looking to start a new Business. They've started a lot of COVID business. You're like, hey, you guys have started a lot of things. If you could help me set up like a real electrician business. Yeah, I love that. I'm not even asking for funding or whatever. I don't know how to find a location. I don't know how to get permits. And don't threaten. I don't need like, I wanna really get the permits.
Justin McElroy
Some of these people are just well liked.
Griffin McElroy
Yeah.
Justin McElroy
You know, there's such a thing as soft power. It doesn't have to be crime. It could just be like, hey, you know how everybody thinks you're such a good guy and so they like to help you out around town. Maybe you can help, maybe talk to one of your friends about helping me out. It's not crime. The fact that you're thinking of it like a crime is why you haven't exchanged it these 20 years. Right. It's like you gotta think of it like just something you need a little extra. I bet they don't like being asked to do crimes. No, they would probably be illegal. They probably prefer to help you move.
Travis McElroy
Do you think in the broad scope of history, there's ever been a family who was surprised to find out that everyone in the city thought they were a mafia?
Griffin McElroy
Thought they were mafia, but really they
Travis McElroy
were just friendly and like did nice things for us. And after like 20 years, like, this city really loves us. And they're like, well, yeah, man, the
Justin McElroy
mafia, who don't agree with you.
Griffin McElroy
No, no, no, we're not. We just are huge union boosters. We're big into that life and we're very friendly.
Travis McElroy
And you always say, this is a beautiful business. It'd be shame if something happened to it. It's like, yeah, it was a beautiful business and shit happens all the time.
Griffin McElroy
This is a time a gorgeous business. Oh, man, this china shop, it sure would be a fucking shame if anything happened to it because of all the beautiful plates and cups and tea dishes, cutlery.
Travis McElroy
And you talked about how your uncle was with the fishes now. Yeah. No, he went to Barbados and did a scuba diving thing and he fell
Justin McElroy
in love with it.
Travis McElroy
And he does that now full time. What are you talking about?
Griffin McElroy
We were at Shake Shack the other day. You ordered the gabagool. Yeah, that was a mistake on my part. I got it confused with a different restaurant.
Travis McElroy
I meant to order like a large fry and I just got real marble mouthed, you know?
Griffin McElroy
Yeah.
Justin McElroy
There's certainly been a change of hands in the power structure too. In 20 years, right?
Griffin McElroy
Oh, sure.
Justin McElroy
The person that owed you a favor. Maybe nobody likes them anymore. Or maybe they got kicked out for
Griffin McElroy
being late a lot.
Justin McElroy
You don't know that. That might be.
Griffin McElroy
Hey, you're late to Mafia. We've warned you so many times you
Travis McElroy
forgot to sign in.
Griffin McElroy
Mafia starts at 10am sharp. That is not that early. You have no excuse for being this late.
Travis McElroy
And it was your turn to bring the coffee and donuts. And again.
Justin McElroy
And the guns. You forget you brought the cannoli and you forgot the guns. You messed up.
Travis McElroy
Come on, man.
Justin McElroy
That stuff is a bad meeting of
Travis McElroy
the moment in a carpool with you. And now Dave's late. And it's not even his fault. I know. Dave, I'm not mad at you. I know it's not your fault. You're always late.
Justin McElroy
We're stop calling that guy Mafia Dave.
Travis McElroy
Yeah, yeah.
Justin McElroy
Because he's so late for all the Mafia stuff we're doing.
Travis McElroy
And we're going to start calling you Punctual Pete, but in an ironic way, because you're already always late. And when we say it, you'll know that it sounds like a funny joke, but we're really angry about it. That's another demerit.
Griffin McElroy
There should be a scene in the Godfather where a detective busts the family for murder one. And the whole thing falls apart because one detective followed all the clues of the cannoli they took from the murder scene. That guy is like, leave the gun because then it can't be attached to us. But take the cannoli. But then it turns out his sweet tooth is the undoing of the whole Godfather family.
Justin McElroy
He actually edited out one of the great movie lines there. Griff, have you ever seen the. Have you ever seen the unedited scene?
Griffin McElroy
He says no.
Justin McElroy
He says, leave the gun, take the cannoli. There's a smaller gun inside that cannoli.
Travis McElroy
Yeah. Untraceable.
Justin McElroy
Tiny, untraceable dart. The modern bee sting.
Travis McElroy
If I ran a Mafia family. Yeah. If I ran the zoo. If I ran a Mafia family, I would have tokens.
Justin McElroy
We bought a Mafia.
Travis McElroy
Yeah. I would cancel all the crime stuff for crime stuff. It's canceled. But I would have tokens as established to hand out. But they would be different. They would be different sizes to denote the size of favor you're able to ask for. Because if somebody does something nice but not very big, I don't want to say like you can't ask us for a favor. You did something nice. You can ask for a small favor. You left Something at home. You need one of us to pick it up for you and bring it to your work. We can do that.
Justin McElroy
I can do that.
Griffin McElroy
I like that. I would like a sort of pay it forward system where you could do three things for three different people. Or one like turbo favorite.
Justin McElroy
Yeah.
Griffin McElroy
And then two others and now you're owed to by two other folks. Mafias basically pay it forward.
Travis McElroy
And they're non transferable. It's important that these are non fungible, very tangible, non transferable tokens.
Justin McElroy
Yeah, you gotta be careful also with the favors that you ask though. And we did touch on this with painting houses. But there's a lot of like, can you take him to the cleaners? And it's like. But not, not like that. Like, I just want you to launder the money. The money's literally dirty. Like my money got dirty. I need you to clean it for me. Literally.
Travis McElroy
Literally. Please wash my money.
Justin McElroy
My dad can't sleep well unless it's at an aquarium. So drive him to the aquarium and let him sleep with the fishes. But like bring him back.
Travis McElroy
My doctor said I have a very specific orthopedic problem and I need concrete shoes.
Justin McElroy
They're concrete shoes.
Griffin McElroy
Yes. Go get your shine. Go get your shine box. The LP of Soul Collective Shine. The box that has Soul Collective Shine on vinyl. I'm doing a DJ set later and I'd really like to mix it in.
Travis McElroy
I want some bootlegs.
Griffin McElroy
These are standalone legs, decorative legs for boot display.
Travis McElroy
So it looks like it's hanging out of the back of my trunk. But not real legs.
Griffin McElroy
Not really.
Justin McElroy
Let's go to the Money Zone.
Montaigne
It's better. It's better with you.
Griffin McElroy
It's a beautiful website. It'd be a shame if something happened to it.
Justin McElroy
Beautiful website you got here. Be a shame if you built it.
Griffin McElroy
Wouldn't.
Justin McElroy
Wait, hold on.
Travis McElroy
It'd be a shame if you didn't build it. It could be a beautiful website.
Justin McElroy
Beautiful idea for a website you got there in your brain. Be a shame if you didn't build it with Squarespace.
Travis McElroy
That's another thing I would do is be a very inspirational based, encouraging mafia. Like, hey, I was just sitting at the bar and I overheard you talking to your brother in law about this idea you got for a business. That's a great idea for a business you got there. It'd be a shame if you didn't follow through with it. And if you're gonna build that beautiful business, you gotta have a beautiful website. Hi, I'm Mafia Don Giovanni Squarespace.
Justin McElroy
I think this is great.
Griffin McElroy
No, he's cooking.
Justin McElroy
No, juice. I said it's great. Griffin?
Travis McElroy
Yeah, I've started a bit of a, let's say, organization that can help you with a beautiful website.
Griffin McElroy
Can I just. A quick note. I think you're saying beautiful, like way
Travis McElroy
too much with a sexy website.
Griffin McElroy
I don't know what the. I don't know what kind of like vibe you're going for with this guy with this character, but he says beautiful.
Travis McElroy
Okay, let me try it a different way. They've got beautiful templates, beautiful drag and drop kind of click stuff, beautiful tech support.
Griffin McElroy
So let's circle back to beautiful drag and drop, like click stuff.
Travis McElroy
Okay.
Griffin McElroy
Because that's not in the copy. And I'm not sure that they would appreciate that level of sort of abstraction.
Travis McElroy
Okay. They've got beautiful cutting edge design, beautiful ways for you to offer your services and get beautifully paid all in one beautiful place.
Griffin McElroy
We've all used Squarespace at this point to make a plethora of websites, I think.
Travis McElroy
And how would you describe those websites in like one word? Griffin?
Griffin McElroy
Beautiful. But we don't know anything about the Internet or making stuff on it. And so, I mean, I guess podcasts, but that's like fucking nothing. It's like nothing. But websites can be tough to make them and make them look good, but unless you use Squarespace. Cause Squarespace is the. The best.
Travis McElroy
I think they're even better than look good, Griffin. I think look good is an understatement.
Griffin McElroy
So head to squarespace.com mybrother for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code mybrother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.
Travis McElroy
Beautifully done.
Justin McElroy
Beautiful. Hey, you know, it can be tempting to just not think about something that you haven't engaged with for a long time. I get it. You haven't thought about Star Wars 20 years and it's overwhelming to think about. But rocket money, if you've been doing that with your finances, is a great way to get back on top of things. They're gonna look at your subscriptions, they're gonna look at your everything. They're gonna dig through everything. And you can beg them to stop. And they won't. No, they will if you ask them to. But they're gonna look through all your subscriptions and say, hey, did you remember you were paying for this? And they might be able to help you cancel it or save a few bucks on it.
Travis McElroy
They have seen you're doing a great good cop. Can I bad Cop for a second.
Justin McElroy
Yeah, sure, man.
Travis McElroy
Hey, grow up. Grow up. Get your finances in order. Be a. Be a grown up with Rocket Money. They'll help you grow up. Come on. Okay, now you good cop again.
Griffin McElroy
Okay, please specifically don't do a good cop, bad cop thing.
Justin McElroy
Yeah. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. What does that mean for you, the layman or layperson? It means that you're very good.
Travis McElroy
Yeah.
Justin McElroy
Just so inclusive and natural, so progressive. I really. It's your special sticker. Thanks, man. Whoa. It came through the screen.
Travis McElroy
Yeah.
Griffin McElroy
I'm going to put the Good Ally ribbon on your forehead today.
Justin McElroy
Yeah, every. You know what, Griffin? No matter how you express your gender, you can not know what you're talking about. Thank you, Layperson. What a great word. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster.
Travis McElroy
Join Griffin, Grow up. Come on up.
Justin McElroy
Join.commybrother that's RocketMoney.com my brother. RocketMoney.com mybrother thank you to all the
Max Fund Announcer
Max Fund members who supported us during Max Fund drive. You're helping us as we try to put more good into the world. And as part of putting more good into the world, we've opened our annual Post Drive charity sale. Max Fund members, at $10 per month or more, can purchase Max Fund Drive keychains featuring designs for shows across the network. And all members can buy our charity exclusive keychain starring Mikey, our little microphone buddy from this year's Max Fund Drive. This year we've decided to send the proceeds of the charity sale to the center for Constitutional Rights. They're dedicated to the great creative use of law as a positive force for social change. Tackling issues like human rights abuses, racial injustice and sexual and gender based violence. These folks are fighting to make things better. So to get your keychains and support the center for Constitutional rights, head to maximumfun.org charitysale and if you're not yet a member, you can still get in on this to support the show you're listening to and get access to bonus content and the charity sale. Just click the link in the show notes. The sale is live now and it ends on Friday, May 15th. That's MaximumFun.org charitysale and thanks again.
John Moe
Sleep is important, but it's difficult sometimes. I'm John Moe on Sleeping With Celebrities. Famous people help conk you out by talking in soothing voices about unimportant things. Maria Bamford on parking, I parked in a bus stop.
Travis McElroy
That's just not right.
Max Fund Announcer
I am not a bus.
John Moe
Roxane Gay on airports.
Griffin McElroy
My favorite airport is Indianapolis. It has a really smart layout.
John Moe
Alan Tudyk on yardsticks.
Justin McElroy
You hand somebody a yardstick, yardsticks become
Griffin McElroy
part of the family.
John Moe
Granted, it's a weird idea, but it's lots of fun and it works. Listen wherever you get. Podcasts.
Travis McElroy
Okay.
Justin McElroy
I wanna Munch Squad. I want to Munch Squad Squad, welcome squads. Podcast within a podcast. Profiling the latest and greatest in brand eating. With everything going on, with all the commotion of Star Wars Day and Max fund Drive, I haven't been able to cover some of the biggest stories in the world. So I was want to do a quick survey, like an overview real quick.
Travis McElroy
Yeah.
Justin McElroy
What's happening?
Travis McElroy
First stuff.
Justin McElroy
This is first thing I want to tell you guys about. And this one isn't funny.
Travis McElroy
Oh, okay.
Justin McElroy
Okay.
Travis McElroy
Is it sad?
Justin McElroy
It's not sad.
Travis McElroy
No.
Justin McElroy
It's just like. I just want to talk to you about it real quick.
Travis McElroy
All the burgers are gone.
Justin McElroy
This isn't fun. This is. This. This isn't funny. I just want to ask you about this. First of all, to Leisure unveils Mother's Day menu. First of all, like, how fucking good do these things look? Yeah, that's why I wanted to ask
Griffin McElroy
you guys first this Mother's Day, so I'll be honest. Dude, I don't know what I'm looking at.
Justin McElroy
Tula Jour is here to celebrate and honor special mothers in your life with a new lineup of cakes, pastries, and beverages. So I'm just gonna tell you that this is a ube spiral croissant flaky croissant dough filled with nutty ube cloud cream filling dipped with a ube white chocolate coating and topped with a white flour. Cece's pizza is bringing back the ole. Who do you turn to when you want to celebrate Cinco de Mayo and that incredible battle over the French incredible victory? You go to Cici's Pizza for their Olay Tuesday pizza. And you've been asking for it, Trav. You've been asking for this one. I know from me a lot. And you are not alone. Cici's has heard you.
Travis McElroy
It's because when people ask me, hey, do you want to go to like, where do you want to celebrate? You want to get some pizza to celebrate? I say Cece. Like, Cece.
Griffin McElroy
Yeah, absolutely.
Justin McElroy
Yes. We're changing our name to yes Yes's Pizza. The nation's. It says Cici's Pizza, the nations original all you can eat buffet. An iconic dining destination for families since 1985. There is no way they predated the Pizza Hut lunch buffet. Right? Pizza buffet said you need pizza buffet. I Pizza Hut never came to me and said, that's enough pie for you, senora. Mamma mia. You've had enough of our delicious Italian pieces. Pizza Hut.
Griffin McElroy
Lot of really good it's bringing back.
Justin McElroy
Fan favorite.
Griffin McElroy
A lot of responsible accent work this episode. I want to give everybody a special ally sticker for that. A lot of ethical thoughtful accent play, guys.
Justin McElroy
The nationwide return of its Olay pizza. A nostalgic taco style pizza.
Travis McElroy
Huh?
Justin McElroy
Nostalgia?
Griffin McElroy
What nostalgia could I possibly be experiencing?
Justin McElroy
The ole pizza combines heat, texture and flavor, all based on Cici's signature crust. The holy triumvirate of food make food
Griffin McElroy
that doesn't have one of those things that's fucking crazy. How?
Travis McElroy
Flavorless, textureless, but incredibly hot.
Griffin McElroy
Yeah. Jolly Rancher has this new line of flavorless hard candies coming out and you just suck on them and they're just kind of in there and then they're gone.
Travis McElroy
We've had a lot of guests ask
Justin McElroy
about this one over the years, says Jeff Hetzel, pretzel of Cece's Pizza. And tragically not Wetzel's Pretzels. The Olay pizza is one people remember. And the great thing about Cici's is if you don't see it on the buffet, we'll make it for you.
Travis McElroy
Okay, I want to pause here because.
Justin McElroy
One second. Do you want to stop so I could say one time out loud, jeff Hetzel, president of Wetzel's Pretzels, Because I did want to hear it too.
Travis McElroy
Now go ahead.
Griffin McElroy
It does sound good.
Travis McElroy
Jeff, Making the claim that people remember it and ask questions about it does not necessarily imply enjoyment or quality. There are terrible things that have happened to me in my life that I'll never forget and that I have many questions about. Jeff did not just say everyone loved it so much, they begged for it back.
Justin McElroy
I also need to pull over real quick and stop. Jeff says, we've had a lot of guests asked about this one over the years. And then Jeff goes on to say, the great thing about Cici's is if you don't see it on the buffet, we'll make it for you. Well, which the fuck is it, Jeff? Which the fuck is it? Is it that people have asked you to make an Olay pizza and you said eat shit? No way. Or is it maybe in a few years? Or is It. Yeah, no problem. This is Cici's. We'll put whatever garbage out there you want. You know what I mean? Like, which is it, Jeff?
Griffin McElroy
Yeah.
Justin McElroy
In the meantime, we're bringing it front and center for Cinco de Mayo so guests can enjoy it fresh, hot, and ready as part of the buffet.
Travis McElroy
Wait a minute.
Justin McElroy
So is Jeff saying, we would have made you an Olay pizza the whole time? All you had to do was ask, you fools.
Griffin McElroy
No one. No one solved our riddle yet, so we're disappointed we have to announce that this whole fucking time, you guys could just be asking for ole pizza.
Justin McElroy
You just had to know the right combination of words, and then you could have had an ole pizza.
Griffin McElroy
It's the CCARG.
Justin McElroy
It's a CC. It's the CC's PP. ARG. So that. Is that. That story. Very important. A lot of important work going on. Now, this is the one that I think might be too visual, and apologies if it ends up being too visual, but I did want to share it with you because I've long suspected part of the sadness of Munch Squad for me is that I have long known that AI, when it comes for writing jobs, the first job, it's gonna come for the writing that no one but me is reading. And I think that there is a sadness to that. But. And so my spirit, though, has been buoyed somewhat by the realization that it will also mean people are gonna start using AI images in their press releases, no matter the impact that might have on their brand. So let's talk about Kona Ice's partnership with Gabby's dollhouse.
Travis McElroy
Oh, wow. Oh, no.
Griffin McElroy
Kona.
Justin McElroy
It's a nightmare on the left and it's hell on the right and grab Pandy's hand and hold on for your goddamn life.
Travis McElroy
Holy shit, dude.
Griffin McElroy
This image is. This image is really a. This image is tough, man.
Justin McElroy
The toughest part.
Travis McElroy
Hey, have you guys heard that new creepypasta about. About Gabby came to life and then just ate everybody?
Griffin McElroy
How do I.
Justin McElroy
What?
Griffin McElroy
Justin, send me a fucking hyperlink to this image. I need this to occupy my entire community computer monitor. Because I think there's. There's fucking.
Justin McElroy
We gotta go deeper. We gotta go deeper in this image.
Griffin McElroy
I mean, just first thing, it's a Kono Ice truck, which is a flavored ice sort of truck. And they have sort of one panel, whole panel of their car is, like, carved out. And that's where you can choose your flavor splashers. But then behind the car, there's just one of those racks of flavor Splashers floating in zero space, in no space.
Justin McElroy
I messaged you full length.
Travis McElroy
And also some sort of vertical hedge maze.
Griffin McElroy
Yeah, there is a 40 foot tall bush in this image.
Travis McElroy
Definitely all rectangular. There's a rectangular window cut out of the hedge about 20ft off the ground. Insane turrets on the top. It looks like.
Justin McElroy
It also seems to be that it's just Gabby standing by herself in front of her ice truck and she seems to have pulled up to some sort of villa or something. It's just her. There's no kids around. There might be someone in the truck. I'm like looking in the window. It's like a half a silhouette of a person maybe.
Griffin McElroy
This image, I don't think is an official image of Gabi from Gabi's Dollhouse either. No, there is a weird. There's a weirdness to the proportions. Her legs are about 80% of her body. This is a strange image.
Travis McElroy
Jason, is this what, the side of Akona? Like, I don't think they really used an image because there is a very upset looking crab at the bottom who also seems to be mad that, like, scared that he's in the truck.
Griffin McElroy
There's no way that's a real Kono truck feature. That right where the kids would stand. There's a sad crab.
Justin McElroy
None of it is real. There's also this like amazing computer thing where like, it wants lines to keep going and it wants them to be the same. Like, I like doing the grass on the truck. I'm just gonna keep doing it on the ground. It's like, no, stop. That's the end of the truck. You can't put it on the shelf there just because you want one. I know you want it, but you can't do that.
Griffin McElroy
We gave the truck a shadow. Should we give Gabby one? No, no, no. She's not real, so it'd be weird to give her one.
Justin McElroy
Kona Ice, the nation's leader in mobile shaved ice is teaming up and apparently not driving someone in a goddamn gabby costume 10ft to have him stand in front of a truck. Is teaming up with DreamWorks Animation, a multi million dollar company to celebrate the global smash streaming series Gabby's Dollhouse that apparently can't afford a fuck. This collaboration pairs Kona Ice's commitment to community joy with Gabby's a meow zing world. Creating a multi sensory experience for fans across the country. The partnership represents a shared mission to inspire creativity, imagination and fun. I'm not kidding. That's what it says in the press release underneath that image.
Travis McElroy
Yeah, unless I'm mistaken in this very AI image. It does say, like, Droom Works or Dramworks on the sign.
Justin McElroy
Dremel. Yeah, yeah, you're right, Trav. It says Droomworks. I'm surprised old Jeffrey Katz was stoked about that. Sorry, Victoria. It says Droom Works on here.
Griffin McElroy
It does look like the sad crab is gesturing to the Droomworks logo as if to say, like, I did my best.
Travis McElroy
Yeah, sorry.
Justin McElroy
Sorry, everybody.
Griffin McElroy
I spelled it wrong. Don't tell Shrek.
Justin McElroy
It's celebrating. To further add to the brand experience, Kona Ice will debut a specially designed licensed Gabby's Dollhouse Kona Cup. I hope they got a human to do that. Each cup will feature Gabby herself bringing her signature smile.
Travis McElroy
It'll feature an image of Gabby herself. It's important to note it will feature
Justin McElroy
the name of Gabby and a depiction of character actor Robert Loja. We're not sure why we went that way, but like, fuck it, right? Bringing her signature smile and adventurous spirit to every Kona served. Beginning today, these themed cups will be available at participating Kona Ice trucks across the country, serving as the perfect companion to the Rainbow Kitty Magic flavor. Which did you not have a picture of? Was it a truck? Was it Gabby, or was it not those two things? Because those are the only two mission critical things to this image which did you not have access to.
Travis McElroy
You couldn't just give us a picture of what this Rainbow Kitty magic thing looked like in the cup.
Justin McElroy
She's not the thing that I can't express to you. And if you're not looking at this image, somehow she's not looking at you and it's like worse.
Travis McElroy
Yeah, you know what I mean?
Justin McElroy
I don't know why, but she's looking above you a little bit, like there's someone. Like she's hoping a taller, better person will come up behind you and take her away from this. That's the expression on Gabby's face.
Travis McElroy
It's also not what Gabby like. If I show this image to my kids who have watched and enjoyed Gabby's Dollhouse and said, you know Gabby, they'd be like, who is this?
Griffin McElroy
Who is this? This is gubby.
Justin McElroy
This looks like someone that's trying to lure you into a van to take you away from your mommy and daddy. This sucks.
Griffin McElroy
How about another question?
Justin McElroy
I would love that.
Travis McElroy
Though.
Justin McElroy
I am a 30 year old man who loves ice cream but does not like food waste for spending money. I walk home from work, past several convenience stores and occasionally buy an ice cream. However, I've noticed that it's often cheaper to buy a box of three or four ice creams from the frozen section than to buy a single ice cream from the to go section. I want to buy a whole box to save money and to give the surplus ice cream away to strangers. They are individually wrapped. But I'm worried people will. I haven't read the rest of this sentence, but they will be suspicious and think I'm trying to poison them or sell them something. Also, I have to get people to accept these ice creams quickly so that we can all enjoy them before they melt. So how do I give away this ice cream quickly without making it weird? And that's from United by Ice Cream in the United Kingdom. Now, I will just say I'm so excited to have someone write in who uses like, ice cream as like, a noun, like a singular noun. And I feel like, can we do that just for this one time, this one question? Because I love that, like, have an ice cream.
Griffin McElroy
Give me an example of, like, have an ice cream.
Justin McElroy
Like, they have. They have an ice cream. No, not some ice cream. Yeah, not some ice cream.
Travis McElroy
Instead of that. Yeah, instead of that.
Justin McElroy
It's like a. Like a ice cream. Like, here's a. Here's an ice cream I can give to you.
Travis McElroy
That's why I like an iced cream and iced quality. Love this. I don't.
Justin McElroy
Yeah, don't do this.
Travis McElroy
Yeah, yeah.
Justin McElroy
You can't. Maybe things are different over there. I don't know. We haven't kept close tabs on y' all for 250 years now. But, like, we wouldn't do that over here. I gotta say, I love. We sell them.
Travis McElroy
You know, I don't know why my assumption would be this is poison. But it would be.
Justin McElroy
It would be.
Travis McElroy
I don't know why I think people are walking around, going into convenience stores, buying a box of ice cream, then pulling, I guess, a laden syringe out of their pocket and injecting arsenic, I suppose, into the ice cream. But that's what I would assume.
Griffin McElroy
Poison's not my first assumption anymore in 2026. I do feel like it's more of a. I'm gonna be worried that I'm about to get a real hard timeshare pitch. Like, if someone comes up and is like, ice cream, I have extra. I would not say yes, because then they would, like, say, hey, have you ever thought about joining the Disney Vacation Club or some shit?
Justin McElroy
Yeah. You know how you're not supposed to feed wild animals because you're teaching them that it's safe Right. I would have to work through so much internal stuff to be able to accept an ice cream from a stranger. And would I be better off at the end of it?
Travis McElroy
No.
Justin McElroy
You know what I mean? Would I be in a better state emotionally if it's like, you know, I used to be hesitant about accepting ice creams from strangers, but now I do it all the time. Like, I don't think you're better off.
Travis McElroy
We talk a lot in society about breaking down emotional walls and barriers and stuff, but some walls are there.
Justin McElroy
Like a flood wall.
Travis McElroy
Keeps water out when the flood rises. I don't think accepting random food from random people is a thing of, like. I don't know why we stopped doing that.
Justin McElroy
No, we built whole systems. Like, you have to get a license, a application. You have to fill it out to be able to sell food to people. And you're just gonna be like, oh, I'm an unlicensed ice cream vendor. You can trust me. You know?
Travis McElroy
And I'm not sure that you're up to any nefarious. It sounds like you're not. But what I am saying is, if you told me, hey, over the next 100 days, 100 different people once a day are gonna offer you ice cream. All of them are kind and good people who wish you no ill will.
Griffin McElroy
No way.
Justin McElroy
No, you just can't.
Griffin McElroy
I'm trying to imagine, what a day where 100 people offer me ice cream even looks like Trav.
Justin McElroy
Not a hundred people.
Travis McElroy
I tried to clarify as one person, every person you interact with for 100 days, it's a different person each day.
Griffin McElroy
So for 100 days, every person I interact with tries to give me ice cream.
Travis McElroy
Oh, it's one person a day, different times of the day. You never know when they're gonna come. It might be first thing in the morning, Griffin. It might be, oh, you've just finished a dormition.
Justin McElroy
How many days in a row does that happen before you're like, I need help. I need professional help?
Travis McElroy
This is the weirdest version of the Truman Show I've ever been in. It's some kind of viral marketing campaign for ice cream. Mr. Beast is really fucking with me. Like a personal beef. I don't know.
Griffin McElroy
Jim Carrey. Is the creamy man coming this summer to your big movie screen?
Travis McElroy
The cream will rise this summer.
Griffin McElroy
Cream will rise.
Travis McElroy
Why?
Justin McElroy
Because it's creamy.
Travis McElroy
Yeah. C R E A M Y.
Justin McElroy
Somebody cream me.
Travis McElroy
Yeah, there it is. Somebody cream.
Justin McElroy
They call me Creamy Pete.
Travis McElroy
Anybody cream Creamy guy. If you cream him, he won't learn nothing.
Justin McElroy
The Cream. The cream. That's my Liar, Liar. The claw. It's like the best. I don't know. I don't.
Travis McElroy
These are my creamy penguins. I've never seen Mr. Popper's penguins, but I assume it still works. I love you, creamy Morris. I haven't seen that one either.
Justin McElroy
Yeah. Honey, I don't think we should watch the Truman show anymore. This. If it's gonna be all this kind of content, I think our family is. Ah. What's he doing with the cream now?
Travis McElroy
Honey, Turn it off. Ever since they sold the Truman show to Borden's, it's really gone downhill.
Griffin McElroy
The movie, the movie would be fundamentally different if, if he had turned out to be a pervert. If they had just like constant press conferences from the production company of the TV show the Truman show, having to be like, hey, guys, so next season we're going to do our best to like get him, get him out of. I mean, he's really just kind of at his computer watching some pretty heavy shit, pornographically speaking, for like six hours a day. And like, we can do our best. We can send Laura Lenny in there to be like, do you want to come drink Ovaltine with me? But instead he's probably going to be like, nah. I just found this new website and I got a jork like eight or nine times. And I know there's people out there who love this arc for the Truman show, but please understand we're trying to make a family friendly product here and
Travis McElroy
we're worried about him.
Griffin McElroy
We're worried about him.
Travis McElroy
That's too much.
Justin McElroy
Yeah. Thank you so much for listening to our podcast. I hope you've enjoyed yourself. I hope that you grew, learned something as a person, maybe.
Travis McElroy
So bold.
Justin McElroy
We got some new merch over there in the merch store. If you can go over to mcelroymerch.com namely, or first off, I should say, we got a Count Donut cape vault sticker designed by Nate Friedberg. Yes, the very same sticker that Count Donut puts on his cape vault. You can now have your very own cape vault.
Travis McElroy
Don't you want to have a cape vault sticker like your hero Count Donut?
Justin McElroy
Now you can protect your capes, folks.
Travis McElroy
We've also got new mugs over there. The don't talk to me until I've had my podcast mug. The I like all buts. A no government mug and also a digital cross stitch pattern of that. My brother, My brother and tea available alone or in a bundle with a mug and 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to to the First Nations Development Institute.
Griffin McElroy
I want to thank Montaigne for the use of our theme song My Life Is Better with youh. A powerful song, a mantra for some. And I'm just so grateful. I'm just so grateful and thankful that we get to use it. Thank you. Montaigne.
Travis McElroy
And Montaigne said some really nice things about us on their TikTok, so now we're saying nice things about them again. And the cycle, the cycle's gotta stop somewhere. You can also pre order the Adventure Zone story and song. Right now it's the final Adventure Zone graphic novel in the Balance series. You can go to theadventurezonecomic.com and get it there. I could throw this tape measure and try to hold on to the tape measure side and see how far I can get it.
Griffin McElroy
Oh, that could be cool. Yeah. Yeah. Throw the tape measure but hold onto the tape measure side but you really need to throw the tape measure very hard.
Travis McElroy
You ready? Yeah.
Griffin McElroy
Okay. Don't break your shit.
Justin McElroy
Cool. My name is Justin McElroy.
Griffin McElroy
I'm Griffin McElroy.
Justin McElroy
My brother. My brother me. Kiss your dad square on the lips.
Montaigne
It's better, it's better, better with you it's better my life it's better it's better with you Is it who you are? It's better, it's better with you My life. It's better with you
Justin McElroy
Maximum Fun.
Griffin McElroy
A worker owned network of artist owned shows supported directly by you.
Date: May 11, 2026
Hosts: Justin, Travis, and Griffin McElroy
This episode of My Brother, My Brother and Me brings listeners another round of comedic advice, conversational chaos, and the McElroy brothers’ signature tangents. Highlights include a deep dive on Star Wars nostalgia, the creation of new Star Wars characters, workplace racing dilemmas, using hypothetical “mafia favors,” social etiquette for giving away ice cream, plus a typical absurdist Munch Squad segment spotlighting baffling corporate food branding. (And yes, the episode earns its title in typically ridiculous fashion.)
[01:10–09:44]
[09:44–15:43]
[15:00–20:23]
[20:50–30:07]
[37:22–49:41]
[49:49–56:12]
[56:12–58:43]
This episode is a characteristically anarchic, meta-commentary-packed MBMBaM installment, with strong riffs on pop culture via Star Wars and “algorithmic TV,” gleeful deconstruction of societal norms (workplace dynamics, mafia tropes, food safety), and plenty of moments for diehard fans to latch onto—particularly the “creamy” meme, likely the episode’s most quotable outcome.
| Segment | Timestamp | |-----------------------------------------------------|-------------| | Star Wars Opening / Guy Who Hasn’t Paid Attention | 01:10–09:44 | | Coworker Race Advice | 09:44–15:43 | | TV Algorithm / TikTok Tangent | 15:43–20:23 | | Mafia Favor Advice | 20:50–30:07 | | Munch Squad & AI Image Meltdown | 37:22–49:41 | | Ice Cream Give-Away Advice + “Creamy” Bit | 49:49–56:12 | | Merch Announcements & Closing | 56:12–58:43 |
If you want a full MBMBaM experience (and the joy of having “somebody cream me” stuck in your head out of context), this episode delivers classic chaotic brotherly magic with extra helpings of food weirdness and pop-culture parody.