MBMBaM 814: Pibbonade

Summary

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Podcast Summary: My Brother, My Brother and Me Ep. 814 "Pibbonade"

Date: May 18, 2026
Hosts: Justin, Travis, and Griffin McElroy
Theme: Absurdist advice, brotherly banter, pop culture riffs, and a dispatch from the trenches of modern consumerism—centered around "adult Legos," kids (and parents) fandom, workplace etiquette, and a long detour on the terrifying/majestic progress of Coke Freestyle machines.

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Episode Overview

This episode kicks off with the brothers' signature tangents, focusing early on the cultural meaning of "adult Legos" before tumbling into topics like kids' unfinished projects, the ethics of workplace bowling hustle, and covert flatulence. The second half delivers longer, themed detours: the first is a parody-laden review of "women's health" mermaid bowls, the second an extended bit about Coca-Cola Freestyle machines and creeping beverage surveillance. Throughout, the McElroys balance irreverent jokes, genuine sibling rapport, and erratic consumer critique.

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Major Discussion Points & Notable Quotes

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1. What are "Adult Legos," Anyway?

(00:13–14:45)

• Defining Adult Legos:
  Discussion opens with the term "adult Legos," and the group's mixed feelings on age-targeted branding.

  • Justin: “There are two classes of Legos. There’s adult Legos and Legos for kids.” (02:13)
  • Travis objects, feeling "adult" connotes something risqué, referencing "Legos After Dark." (03:11)

• Therapeutic Lego Building:

  • Griffin: “It’s a great way when you’re winding down from a day where the world and your children have conspired to strip all semblance of control away from you… snap them together in the way that the Lord ordained.” (03:27)

• The Display Dilemma:
  Justin admits he hides his finished LEGO builds:

  • “Once the set is done, it is immediately communicating things I do not wish to communicate about myself... I enjoyed the time I spent with it, but I do not want to be reminded that I spent time assembling the Legos.” (08:32)

• Proposed Solutions for Display Anxiety:

  • Travis suggests making it into an ‘art installation’ with a gallery placard: “As though, Justin, this wasn’t just you putting together a Lego set. This is an art installation now.” (09:36)
  • Griffin: “You fudge it. You fucking fudge it, dude.” (10:03)

• Parenting and LEGO:
  -- Justin laments starting LEGO kits with kids who lose interest mid-build:

  “You have a half assembled LEGO set… you will not return to it… you finish it on your own. That’s going to feel bad pretty soon.” (11:06)

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2. Lord of the Rings: Parodies & Parenting

(14:00–19:55)

• Lord of the Rings Porn Parody Names:

  • The brothers riff on increasingly absurd names (Frobo Saggins, Saradong, Tom Bombadildo).
    • “I actually played Frobo Saggins in the Lord of the Wangs movie.” (14:19, Griffin)
    • “Orlando Bloom was also in it… Sir Christopher Lee… Saradong.” (14:50, Travis)

• When to Show Kids Lord of the Rings:

  • Extended riff on the regrettable violence and meme potential of beheaded orcs.
  • Griffin: “You see 12,000 orcs beheaded… that’s a tough hang for a kid.” (17:22)
  • Justin: “It does help with the scariness, perhaps, when you see how easy they pop off.” (17:47)

• How Kid Culture Gets Filtered:
  Justin fears his kids' entire Star Wars knowledge is just Baby Yoda and nuggies.

  • “The first thing that they understood about Star Wars is like, oh yeah, chicken nuggets is a big part of that whole franchise.” (18:20)

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3. Advice Segment 1: Bowling at Work—Power Move or Faux Pas?

(20:13–29:50)

• Should you bring serious bowling energy to a work party?

  • Travis: “You don’t want to comment and be like, watch this.” (20:57)
  • Griffin: “If it turned out that one of us was secretly fucking dope at bowling… the Lore expansion would be huge.” (21:27)
  • Justin: “Please do not try to say it beforehand. You will go into the gutter on your first one and you will quit your job.” (22:10)
  • Travis: “Is the introducing of your own bowling ball... making that statement for you? That’s all you need.” (22:29)

• Break the Ice Solution:
  Justin’s elaborate ‘on strike’ joke—apologize to boss, bowl a strike:

  “Hey, boss, I just wanted to apologize... it’s my first week on the job... and I’m already on strike.” (25:27)

• Support for Framing Skill Casually:

  • “If you say, I’ve been bowling since I was 10... a level of practice without making any promise of skill.” (24:41, Travis)

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4. Advice Segment 2: Mid-Meeting Accidental "Fart"

(29:58–36:05)

• Someone’s chair squeak is mistaken for a fart during a serious HR call. What do?
  • Travis: “If they honestly did [think it was a fart], I don’t think anyone would say, ‘oh, excuse you’ out loud… I don’t think anybody hears a noise, thinks someone farted, and their impulse... is to loudly announce, ‘oh, excuse you.’” (30:59)
  • Griffin: “When you sneeze... expected that the other person says, bless you… If you do a little polite burp, I think saying, oh, excuse me, that is on you… with a fart, everybody just kind of pretends like they didn’t hear.” (35:17)
  • Justin: “It’s gotta be instant self-gaslight... you instantly start trying to disabuse yourself of the notion that you heard a fart.” (35:33)

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5. The Munch Squad: Mermaid Bowls and Beverage Surveillance

(42:51–65:56)

A. Mermaid Bowls for Women's Health Month

• Press release roast of Playa Bowls’ "Mermaid Season":

  • Justin: “You glow, girl. You glow comma, girl, exclamation point. Playa Bowls is introducing mermaid season—capital S, capital Z, capital N.” (43:52)

  • Travis, mocking: “Have you had a seashell treat today? It will prevent your uterus from moving about your body.” (45:22)

  • Griffin: “If they had the courage... this treat would just be like a raw fish. That’s what mermaids eat. They’re not eating this playa mix of stuff. They’re eating a fish head.” (46:45)

  • Parsing "You go, girl" as either command or description:

    • Griffin: “Is it like an imperative or kind of just a description? ...I've always heard that as a command sentence: ‘You better go, girl.’ But it could also be a declarative: ‘you are one who goes, girl.’” (48:48–49:28)

B. Coke Freestyle: The Rise of HYDRUS

• The Coca-Cola Freestyle Mini: surveillance and customization.

  • Justin: “The Freestyle machines have never been about choice. They’ve been about watching you.” (51:54)
  • Travis: “We've tracked the data from countless movie theaters and fast food restaurants. So today we’re going to unveil our latest product: the one that everybody wants. This is a little bit of soda in a free water cup... you’ll be able to buy this at every retail location.” (54:08)

• New “HYDRUS” branding for dispensers:

  • “Hydrus is a consistent design language that signals quality and sets expectations before a single drop is poured. Whether a consumer encounters a Coca Cola machine, the experience now begins the same way. It’s fucking… like they're charging headlong into dystopia.” (59:46)
  • Griffin: “They've made it scary on purpose and they've called it Hydrus.” (64:24)

• Satirical escalation:

  • “We gave you infinite tools to create art and you guys made pibbonade, which is Mr. Pibb and lemonade mixed all up. That would slap. Maybe.” (65:11, Griffin)
  • “Hydras should do the elections for sure.” (65:35)
  • “President Pib.” (65:41)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Segment/Bit | Timestamp (MM:SS) | |------------------------------------------|-----------------------------| | Adult Legos and Branding | 02:00–06:26 | | Parental LEGO Dilemmas | 11:06–13:35 | | Lord of the Rings Parody Riff | 14:00–15:46 | | When to Show Kids Lord of the Rings | 17:22–18:20 | | Advice: Work Bowling Dilemma | 20:13–29:50 | | Advice: Chair Squeak or Fart? | 29:58–36:05 | | Munch Squad – "You Glow Girl" Bowls | 43:21–49:40 | | Munch Squad – Coke Freestyle/HyDRUS | 51:01–65:56 |

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Most Memorable Moments & Quotes

• On unfinished LEGO sets with kids:
  “You have a half assembled LEGO set … you will not return to it… you finish it on your own. That’s going to feel bad pretty soon.” (11:06, Justin)

• On workplace bowling hustle:
  “Please do not try to say it beforehand. You will go into the gutter on your first one and you will quit your job.” (22:10, Justin)

  • “My plan is, you walk up and you gotta make sure your boss is out there. … ‘It's my first week on the job. And I'm already on strike.’” (25:27, Justin)

• On beverage data mining:
  “The Freestyle machines have never been about choice. They’ve been about watching you.” (51:54, Justin)

• On dystopian branding:
  “Hydrus is a consistent design language that signals quality and sets expectations before a single drop is poured.” (59:46, Griffin reading PR)

  • “We gave you infinite tools to create art and you guys made pibbonade…” (65:11, Griffin)

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Overall Tone & Style

The episode is fast, rambly, and in classic MBMBaM fashion—layering bits, jokes, and sincere moments with a veneer of pop-culture horror at the march of late-stage capitalism (and soda machines). The language is offbeat and often profane, with playful self-referential humor and a willingness to follow a joke until it evaporates into absurdity.

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For anyone who missed the episode, this recap covers the main comedic arcs and advice questions, along with the best running jokes and cultural commentary. For the full effect—especially of the ongoing, recursive bits—listening to the original is highly recommended.

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Transcript

[Griffin McElroy]

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.

[Travis McElroy]

Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

[Justin McElroy]

It's the start of something beautiful. A small acquaintance has blossomed it's ripened into a precious friends. I could have never seen what was coming for me. Hangs at the skate park Hangs by the beach My life, it feels like life is ah, it's better, it's better with you My life is ah it's better, it's better with you this is who you are it's better, it's better with two. Hello everybody. Welcome to My Brother, My Brother and Me. An advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, hello there. What up Trav nation? It's me, your middlest brother, Travis. Big dog. Wolf. Wolf room Voom. The heater award winning McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

Ahoy sailor. Welcome to my brother, my brother me. I'm your sweet baby brother, Griffin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

Set sail for an ocean of laughs.

[Griffin McElroy]

Set sail, sir.

[Justin McElroy]

Made a huge mistake before we started recording today and we started having a conversation without recording it. And it was a conversation. We were engaged. Yeah, we were talking.

[Travis McElroy]

Just going down the drain.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, we sensed it. I mean, I think we all kind of panicked and sensed it. We were like wait, we gotta get the mics rolling on this. Cause this is, this is just. People forget this. This is just our crazy mixed up life.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's just like a. Hang with us FR Guys fam.

[Travis McElroy]

This is the show.

[Justin McElroy]

This is just us.

[Griffin McElroy]

When you're here, don't. I hope you're not attached to that shit because we're gonna be shooting it together, just chopping it up as three brothers. I can try and organically get us back into the convo if you guys.

[Justin McElroy]

No, it's just adult Legos. That's the topic of conversation. Which is. I think it's fun. I think everybody recognizes that there are two classes of Legos. There's adult Legos and Legos for kids. Yeah, that's, that's a. That's an understood thing.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sometimes they are for kids subjects. But the number of pieces and detail work required suggests an adult. An adult supervision.

[Travis McElroy]

We're throwing the word adult around a lot. I've said before, I got real hang up whenever somebody labels something adult Something because it makes Legos.

[Justin McElroy]

What do you want? Do you give a kid a gun? I mean, what are you talking about, guns?

[Griffin McElroy]

No.

[Justin McElroy]

What are you talk. No, but like Legos for adults has

[Travis McElroy]

a different ring to me than adult Legos.

[Griffin McElroy]

Adult. What about biggest set they did?

[Justin McElroy]

Then let's unpack that. Travis, what are you so uncomfortable with right now? Because I'm saying there are some LEGO sets that a child isn't going to have the patience to endure because the reward.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's way worse.

[Travis McElroy]

Legos After Dark.

[Griffin McElroy]

You heard how bad that is too?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, that's how I hear it in my head.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, but you're perverting it. My purity shouldn't be a burden. It should be a resource to be tapped. You know what I mean? It shouldn't be.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm done hiding in the shadows. My love of adults. Legos. Adult apostrophe esque. I think it's a great way when you're winding down from a day where the world and your children have conspired to strip all semblance of control away from you.

[Travis McElroy]

Correct?

[Griffin McElroy]

To sit over a bunch of little plastic guys and snap them together in the way that the Lord ordained. And then together they make the great wave of Kanagawa. And then you can put that in the background of your shot. And then you can write that LEGO set off on your American taxes.

[Justin McElroy]

I mean, that's good. We love that.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's good.

[Justin McElroy]

We love defrauding. We love defrauding our corrupt government.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, ye. Just taking a little bit back. Here's the problem, Griffin. I also. I have several Lego sets around me, but I also have. Well, no, I also have a metric ton of other shit in my office. This is why. Can I tell you my secret? I got a high ceiling in my office and floating shelves so I can put more shit up just out of eyeline. So when you're looking around, you're like, this is the normal amount of shit in here. And then you look up six inches and you're like, oh, oh, another layer of shit in here.

[Griffin McElroy]

Travis has actually some marking tape down, like on his walls, showing exactly where his camera is recording. And just immediately beyond the perimeter of that tape, it's fucking. It's. It's old hero clicks. It's like 15 swords.

[Travis McElroy]

The only stuff that goes behind me in the shot is things about me. Right, Rocket Man?

[Griffin McElroy]

Right.

[Travis McElroy]

Excuse me, Rocketeer.

[Justin McElroy]

We already did our. We did our.

[Travis McElroy]

No, but that's it. Those are the three facets of my personality.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm willing to plants your Own shit and Rocket Man.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

First, I would like to pitch legos.

[Griffin McElroy]

It is called the Rocketeer. So Rocket Man's.

[Travis McElroy]

I corrected it after a second.

[Justin McElroy]

Rocket man is your favorite Harlan Williams film. I would like to first suggest legos for F O r adults. Like to be clear that it's not the number four.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

Legos four.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's cool. Juice. I don't know that there were a lot of people out there thinking that we were talking about, like, cars, like four adults that we had made out of Legos.

[Justin McElroy]

But it's the branding, okay? Legos F o r. Not the number.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, we're not doing it because, like, Legos for kids.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

This is legos F O r Adults.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's cool.

[Justin McElroy]

So it makes it clear that it is an adult product.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, I want to make it.

[Justin McElroy]

I want to.

[Griffin McElroy]

I want to make it clear that LEGO in no way calls these adult Legos anyway because, like, I'm just trying

[Justin McElroy]

to help them with the brand.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, but like, kids, if you want to spend $650 on a. On a 8,000 piece set of Minas Tirith, they'll take your money. They will accept that.

[Travis McElroy]

They will have. They don't check IDs at the Lego store.

[Griffin McElroy]

I know.

[Travis McElroy]

I.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, I am at the risk of going too deep into my psyche. Here is the issue that I have with these. These LEGO sets. I have put together two now I put together an NES and a Game Boy. I very much enjoyed the process of doing them. So. Great. But this is the internal juice. Hey, Juice, juice, juice, juice.

[Griffin McElroy]

When you've been hitting. When you've hit the Penjamin a couple times and you're just mellowing out and it feels like we can, like talk about stuff like this now because dad doesn't listen to the show anymore. But like, when you have a little bit of a buzz on and then it's like, connect this two by three to that flange. It's good, right?

[Travis McElroy]

Having a scotch and putting together the Planet Express ship is the closest I get. When you see someone, like, doing a crossword in a wingback chair by a fire.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, Grandpa Whittling. No, Grandpa, a little high. Putting together.

[Justin McElroy]

Can I just say two quick things? One. Oh, gosh, great idea, man. I never thought of it. No, I'm not suggesting it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, sorry.

[Travis McElroy]

That was.

[Griffin McElroy]

I was commiserating. Like, it's good, right? Not like you gotta try Legos High. I would never suggest that.

[Justin McElroy]

Have you ever tried Legos on a week?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. No.

[Justin McElroy]

The other thing. Quick sidebar to that what you just said on dad wasn't the show anymore. Yesterday we did clubhouse at 3 or at 2:30 and dad texted us. That was really fun, guys. Halfway through the episode of Clubhouse. Yeah, like, not at the end of it.

[Griffin McElroy]

The introduction was done.

[Justin McElroy]

He was saying, like he was done. Maybe he loves Dark.

[Travis McElroy]

He found the secret setting on YouTube that makes it play so fast. You can go forward in time and see the stream when it's done, before it's done.

[Justin McElroy]

He basically sent us a. Hey, great show. Halfway through the show, I guess. Cause he had other things he needed to do.

[Griffin McElroy]

Will you guys tell me if it goes. If my stuff in the background kind of goes too far? Because I feel like I've been trying to be less.

[Justin McElroy]

I need to come. You interrupted me halfway through my point. Sorry. I don't want to be like, I

[Griffin McElroy]

thought your point was over.

[Justin McElroy]

No. Cause you start talking about weed and that was a sidebar.

[Travis McElroy]

So don't analyze. Sorry, dude.

[Griffin McElroy]

You must understand we were seven sidebars deep at that point. I simply lost.

[Justin McElroy]

Right. I understand the nature of the show, but I would like to complete my deep dive. So I've constructed these two sets. Here's the problem that I have is the once the set is done, it is immediately communicating things I do not wish to communicate about myself. I enjoyed the time I spent with it, but I do not want to be reminded that I spent time assembling the Legos.

[Griffin McElroy]

Unpack that.

[Justin McElroy]

When people come by and they knock, notice or observe this set, which they don't. Because I would hide them away. I don't let people would see them.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

They might think that I was proud of the fact that I was able to assemble this LEGO set on my own. That is another I feel like I fear implication of having them on display. Right. Like, yeah, yeah. I'm the bad boy you heard about. I had all the free time and I did it and I don't. So, like, aesthetically, I like these objects and I have them in my office, but I feel like having them in my home after I've completed the set. They are now communicating that I don't wish to possess them.

[Travis McElroy]

Justin, let me fix that for you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Let Travis fix that for you.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm gonna fix that for you real quick.

[Justin McElroy]

Justin, don't try to fix it by making me like you, though. You promise?

[Travis McElroy]

No, I promise. Gallery style information placard next to it that lists number of pieces and time it took you to complete. As though, Justin, this wasn't just you putting together a Lego set. This is an art installation now.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes, Hugely.

[Justin McElroy]

Hours to complete is. That is exactly the worst.

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, you fudge it. Well, you fucking fudge it.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, you fudge it.

[Griffin McElroy]

You fucking fudge it. Dude. You think they don't fudge that shit on those plaques where it's like you just fucking put it in.

[Justin McElroy]

You're talking about like 23 minutes to completion. 2026.

[Griffin McElroy]

This 17,000 piece daily bugle model to scale. I finished it in 11 minutes and 35 seconds.

[Travis McElroy]

No help.

[Griffin McElroy]

No help, no help, no book. Fucking by I. That should be the. That's. There should be another tier that they should call like a real adult Legos. Yeah. And they show up. They're big, fucking huge sets with no book, no separation in the bags. You get one big loose box.

[Travis McElroy]

No guarantee that it's even a set. It might be three or four different sets they just dumped in a box together.

[Justin McElroy]

Well, I think you have to make up stuff that's not fun. Yeah, it'll gross my imagination. The worst thing you can do with a LEGO set, and this is probably the scariest situation you end up in as a parent.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

And I have made this mistake a couple times now, is you start a LEGO kit with your child because you think it will be a fun bonding activity and then halfway through, guaranteed, maybe earlier, they lose interest and then you have a problem. You have a half assembled LEGO set and you have many unappealing options at this point. You will not return to it. You can maybe, you know, you shove it off half finished. That's a huge mess. You finish it on your own. It's not what you signed up for. That's going to feel bad pretty soon. There's probably other stuff you got to do.

[Griffin McElroy]

Henry really enjoys the Animal Crossing LEGO sets that have come out, and I do as well, but he doesn't enjoy finishing them. And we have like a little table where we do a lot of our building of these littler sets. And it does look like the Animal Crossing island has been savaged by a terrible maelstrom. It does look like Tom Nook's shop. The roof is fucking gone.

[Travis McElroy]

It's an infrastructure problem.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, no, absolutely. It's an infrastructure problem that the island has been devastated. And it's sad.

[Travis McElroy]

Justin, when that happens to me. I like to have a little pretend sesh with myself where I'm an Industrial Revolution worker in a factory and the foreman, who's one of my children, is going to really get mad at me if I don't finish this Model T like today or Whatever, right? And I got to put it together so it's not fun anymore. But I didn't.

[Griffin McElroy]

Is that not the narrative you have going on? I just assume this was the narrative all parents had sort of going on in their head whenever they were doing something, like gluing a toy's arm back on a guy that you know, they're probably not gonna play with any. I gotta. I have to stand here and compress the arm now I'm doing medicine to this toy. I'm Doc McFucking Stuffins. I can't walk away from this patient now. They'll die on the table.

[Travis McElroy]

And every so often, you get to, like, do a gym to an imaginary camera. Like, you're on the office and you're like, work, huh? Yeah, that's what parents do.

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, you guys tell me if I have too much.

[Travis McElroy]

Like, you don't want us to cage?

[Griffin McElroy]

No, this is what I'm saying. I think the three of us are the only ones capable of keeping each other honest about this stuff. Because we're all, like, way past. We're all way fucking past the edge, man. Like, we're way deep in. And if one of you. If you two come together and say, hey, Griffin, that Minas Tirith set, it pushed it over the edge. And now you're like, that's huge. That's.

[Justin McElroy]

You feel like you can rep a Minas Tira set. This is what I'm. This is where I. I don't think that I could. An adult Lego is a tribute of your life minutes. Right? You said, here I sacrificed myself to you, tiny plastic Game Boy. Thank you for your. Thank you for your shape of my life. If someone looks at that and they say, like, damn, you must love Game Boy, I'd be like, yeah, man, I love.

[Griffin McElroy]

You know what I think?

[Justin McElroy]

You know what I think?

[Griffin McElroy]

And I think it's probably the.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm just saying.

[Justin McElroy]

From Lord of the Rings. There's so much.

[Travis McElroy]

Griffin knows what minute sheriff is off the top of his head. So, yeah, I think he's allowed to.

[Griffin McElroy]

Most folks do, Travis. Most folks do. I would argue most folks know about Minneoth.

[Travis McElroy]

And plus, Griffin played Fredo Baggins in the Lord of the Rings movies, so.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's true.

[Justin McElroy]

That's true.

[Griffin McElroy]

I actually played Frobo Saggins in the Lord of the Wangs movie. So this was my brief stint as

[Justin McElroy]

a core pornographic actor nominated for a brazzy for that. Which is like a razzie for porn.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, they call it brazzy. And I was Robo Saggins I think I said, yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

It was actually Brazzer's first brazzy. So Griffin brought home the Braz and you push.

[Griffin McElroy]

And the ring, I guess, would go on as wiener.

[Travis McElroy]

And Orlando Bloom was also in it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Orlando Bloom was in that. So was Sir Christopher Lee.

[Travis McElroy]

So he played Saradong.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's pretty good. We could do this all day.

[Travis McElroy]

Sorry, Dong. Yeah, no, let's come up with more. Don't stop there. Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

Gandalf.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hey, I already did that one in a test live show. Tom Bombadil. There's got to be something there. Arab Horn is nothing. Maybe there's not as many as, say,

[Justin McElroy]

Arab Horn and put a medal in yourself, but Tom Bombadil.

[Travis McElroy]

Bill. Tom Pompadildo. Pompadildo. Tom Bombadildo. Guys. Tom. Bob Medillo. Say it. Say it.

[Justin McElroy]

Wait, wait. No, no. It's almost there. This has taken way too long. Tom Bbldo.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's pretty good. Why did it add the dough? Why not just Tom Bbldo?

[Travis McElroy]

Because you're, you're. I think dildo is crept in there too much.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think we'll put it to a poll. I think we'll put it in front of the focus group. But I do not want to do porn parodies of Lord of the Rings anymore because it is 2026. Still 26.

[Travis McElroy]

That's true.

[Justin McElroy]

It's been 2026 for fuck on a non renewable resource. That was almost certainly months, decades ago.

[Griffin McElroy]

Rimley's good though. Rimley. Blowin is some Rimley son of Blowin.

[Justin McElroy]

You can't just say the ones that you like.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, I can.

[Justin McElroy]

That's my whole deal.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's actually weak.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, you can't just say the funny ones. Like, then it's like. Cause then it's inauthentic. It's dishonest. You know what I mean? If you only say the funny ones.

[Travis McElroy]

It's just that I haven't thought about Lord of the Rings in a decade. And so the fact that I remembered Gimli a while.

[Griffin McElroy]

You gotta think about Lord of the Rings, quick.

[Justin McElroy]

What's the age at which you will think I'm gonna show my kids Lord of the Rings?

[Griffin McElroy]

I've thought about this question a lot, Justin.

[Travis McElroy]

Cause I've actually. Oh, God.

[Justin McElroy]

Imagine my surprise when you lean forward.

[Griffin McElroy]

See, I think that's your way of telling me I've gone too far. And I don't think we'd ever say. Let me just. I think that we would never say to each other, like, hey, Trav, I'm Worried about you because we grew up.

[Travis McElroy]

You guys have said that to me so many times.

[Justin McElroy]

I will never communicate. Look at me in the eyes.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

I will never communicate something I want you to know with a microphone in front of me.

[Griffin McElroy]

Absolutely.

[Justin McElroy]

How's that?

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, that's good to know where the wall is. That's very, very.

[Justin McElroy]

You see this here?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm probably lying. You know what I mean? Like, that's.

[Griffin McElroy]

Those movies have approximately. If you take the whole runtime of like the whole thing, we'll say the non extended editions. That's still like 10 hours of film. And in that 10 hour of film, you see 12,000 orcs beheaded. That's a tough hang, I think for a kid.

[Justin McElroy]

It's a tough hang.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, it's a tough hang.

[Justin McElroy]

Very scary.

[Griffin McElroy]

They get beheaded a lot. And they're nasty. They talk about eating guys. They try to eat guys.

[Justin McElroy]

It does help with the scariness, perhaps when you see how easy they have pop off.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, man.

[Griffin McElroy]

And I tell you, the only thing Henry knows about these films is the scene where fucking Gandalf and Saruman have their wizard fight. And you see two old men breakdancing, having a battle in a marble tower. And I remember seeing that as a kid not knowing fucking anything about this franchise and seeing that and being like, that's really fucking funny. Why is that in this pic? Why are these two old wizard men breakdance battling? This is crazy.

[Justin McElroy]

Expose your kid to these iconic landmarks, then meme culture will back them into it. Like, I'm so afraid my kids whole understanding of Star wars is permanently set up by Baby Yoda eating chicken nuggies. Like that's the first thing that they understood about Star wars is like, oh yeah, chicken nuggets is a big part of that whole franchise.

[Griffin McElroy]

You take them to see Grogu's Mandalorian and they're gonna be waiting for the nuggies to show up the whole time. I can pretty much guarantee you that that's not gonna happen. Cause they do not sell those at any of the Star Wars.

[Justin McElroy]

Well, Griffin, I tell you what's not gonna happen is any of that situation. Cause if I brought my kids, my kids love the Baby Yoda.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, wow.

[Justin McElroy]

Cooper loves Grogu. Loves Grogu. If I brought Cooper into a movie theater and made her sit still in the dark for two hours and watch Baby Yoda, she would punch me square off in the nose. And I would deserve it.

[Griffin McElroy]

And I would deserve it.

[Justin McElroy]

I would admit that movie is 2 hours and 12 minutes long.

[Travis McElroy]

Don't bring the chance to see it.

[Griffin McElroy]

No songs that we know of we can't actually talk about.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, we can't talk about.

[Griffin McElroy]

We can't do grogu two weeks in a or else people are gonna suspect it's some sort of secret activation that we got. Yeah, fucking right.

[Travis McElroy]

I would love it, though. Hey, movies, movies.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hey, movies.

[Travis McElroy]

If you're making a movie, I want to see if every 10 minutes you could have a musical number. It doesn't have to have anything to do with the story, Just a musical number every 10 minutes to kind of break up the movie. I want to see with a movie my kids would watch. You did that great with K pop Demon Hunters. That was.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, man. You know who fucking crushed it was my boy Shrek. You'd be watching Shrek and be like, this is a lot of exposition. And then it'd be like, then I saw her face. It's like, oh, dang, dang, dang. Cool. Awesome, awesome. Thanks, Smash mouth.

[Travis McElroy]

More of that, please.

[Griffin McElroy]

We have to do an advice question. I love talking about this stuff with you guys.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, I'd love to. Then just wait and I'll do it.

[Travis McElroy]

And another thing, I've been working at

[Justin McElroy]

a production company for two months now. This weekend we're having a wrap party at a bowling alley. I've been bowling since I was 10 years old. I have my own ball and shoes, and I would say I'm better than the average bowler if I could toot my own horn. Is this too intense of an energy to bring to a work party? I'm a fairly new hire and I work in post production, so not a lot of people there might have only seen me in passing or don't know me at all at this point. That's from Brave Little Bowler in Bethlehem and what a good question.

[Griffin McElroy]

And what a good name.

[Justin McElroy]

What a good name. What a good question.

[Travis McElroy]

It's the most. I think it's a real tightrope on this one because you don't want to, like, slow play it too much and seem like a hustler. Right?

[Griffin McElroy]

Don't lie. Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

But you also don't want to comment and be like, watch this. Right?

[Griffin McElroy]

Like, okay, that's assuming that the vibe at this post production wrap party is going to be exceedingly competitive. I think in this exact circumstance, we all, the three of us have a team. We work with a team of people who help us make all of our stuff and they are incredible and we all live remotely. I don't think any one of us lives in the same City as another person. So that time for FaceTime. It is somewhat limited to certain live shows or whatever. If we did a bowling party and it turned out that one of us was secretly fucking dope at bowling, that would be. So the Lore expansion would be huge.

[Justin McElroy]

That would be. Right. But you're talking. What if it was like the most recent person we hired, awesome, and you're still trying to. Okay, but wait, you're still trying to form a mental picture of that person and then it's like bowling and Griffin. Yeah. Like their brand is bowling. Your brand is bowling.

[Travis McElroy]

I think you're missing the point of the question as well. Ditto. It's not like the question is the intro how to introduce the skill level in the way that leads to Awesome.

[Justin McElroy]

I beg of you, I beg of you, please do not try to say it beforehand. You will go into the gutter on your first one and you will quit. You will quit your job. You'll say, hey, just a heads up for everybody, I'm pretty fucking good at bowling. Out. Well, thanks. This has been fun. I'll clean out my desk.

[Travis McElroy]

My question, My question is, is the introducing of your own bowling ball, your personal bowling ball kind of making that statement for you? That's all you need?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, that's. Yeah, but that's like, I wouldn't do that, I don't think. Cause then if you bring. You're like, don't worry, I brought my own ball. Well, I'm out. That's what I'm saying. Thanks, everybody. Yeah, I just wanted today. I just wanted today. And it's. My hand broke with it. That's two in a row. Bye. Thank you so much.

[Travis McElroy]

I quit.

[Justin McElroy]

This is great.

[Travis McElroy]

I quit again. What?

[Justin McElroy]

If people think that you're not part of the company, you are instead a very good bowler that won't leave them alone.

[Griffin McElroy]

Ringer.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, Always a concern, man.

[Griffin McElroy]

It must be cool to be into bowling and then you get to like have your own bowling ball. How much you guys think one of those mystery men bowling ball with the

[Travis McElroy]

skull inside of it goes for $752.

[Griffin McElroy]

Travis, print that off. Travis, print me a mystery man bowling ball. Print me a usable mystery man bowling ball.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay?

[Justin McElroy]

That's all you need.

[Travis McElroy]

You have to provide the skull quick

[Justin McElroy]

Etsy search for mystery man bowling ball.

[Griffin McElroy]

And I want it to be remote controlled. I want it to be able to fly around and like smash bad guys.

[Travis McElroy]

Search practical use.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, man. Oh, gosh. You want to do something wild and mass produced them.

[Griffin McElroy]

Apparently, according to Reddit Unsurprising Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. And like, after the movie came out, they might be on ebay, but I

[Travis McElroy]

can't find a glowing piece of the radical rock from Guts. I can't find a Guts trophy to save my goddamn life.

[Griffin McElroy]

I suspect they keep. They say, and you'll take this home. And you don't fucking take it. They give you a voucher for like 80 bucks or something, adjusted for like 1996 money. I think you have one chance. I can't stop thinking about this as anything other than an opportunity to cement your legend in the company. And if you do have an opportunity to say, not, by the way, I'm really fucking good at bowling. And then what if you hit a strike? Right? Like, my mind doesn't jump to, like, what if you fail really bad. It's like, what if you allow yourself to succeed and you do that? You're all of a sudden a sort of a made person at this company. You're the one who did the coolest fucking bowling thing ever. You just have to think of the right thing to say because we're not going to come up with it.

[Travis McElroy]

No, here's what it is. Oh, I think you don't talk about your level of skill. You talk about. If you say, I've been bowling since I was 10. Right. Then it informs, like a level of practice without making any promise of level of skill.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes. I've been doing it for 15 years and I've been bad always.

[Travis McElroy]

Yes.

[Griffin McElroy]

But I can't get enough of throwing this heavy stone.

[Travis McElroy]

But I. Yeah, I got drunk and bought this bowling ball on the Internet.

[Griffin McElroy]

I fucking suck at hitting the pins, but I love crinkle cut french fries.

[Travis McElroy]

They are so good.

[Justin McElroy]

I have a plan and it's a. I think it's foolproof, but I want you guys to help me troubleshoot it. Okay?

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

You walk up and you gotta make sure your boss is out there. Right? Your boss is out there. And you say, hey, boss, I just wanted to apologize. And they're like, for what? And then you say, it's my first week on the job. And then you throw the ball, you hit all the pins down, and you say, and I'm already on strike. And then you walk away, right?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Now why is this a foolproof plan? Because there are failure points at which you can change the plan.

[Griffin McElroy]

Interesting.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, so here's what you say. Hey. You say to your boss, can we

[Griffin McElroy]

start with what if you walk out there and the boss isn't there? So that's a failure point.

[Justin McElroy]

Maybe you so you wait. You stand there. You wait.

[Griffin McElroy]

You stand still and wait. Like, stand still. Wait.

[Justin McElroy]

If you say so, you say, like, I just.

[Griffin McElroy]

You're holding the ball. Wait. You're, like, holding the ball, like.

[Justin McElroy]

And they show up. You're like, I just want to say I'm sorry. If you whiff it, then it's like, I farted.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, nice.

[Griffin McElroy]

So that part, I think I use a little. I think you know that that part needs some work. I think you thought that there was going to be a thing to say there that would be normal and cool, and then you realize, like, suddenly, like, you needed something to apologize for.

[Travis McElroy]

I've been embezzling.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

I mean, that. That one's bad, too, but Travis has made me worse. Right, Griffin?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Travis is his worst, for sure.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. I was just trying to make Justin look good. Thanks for throwing me under the bus, Justin. I was trying to help you out after. You're a dumb, farting one.

[Griffin McElroy]

You volunteer for that. He made sure that the bus went

[Justin McElroy]

right over you to give him the

[Griffin McElroy]

wheel and steered towards me. Yeah. Trolley problem.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, so a different apology. Like, if the boss comes up and they have a bowling ball. Also, that is personalized. This is another failure point that you can clock. If the boss comes up and you're like, hey, boss, I'm sorry. And then that's when they pull out their orb. That's like Big Boss CEO Gold. Then it's like, I'm sorry that I just.

[Griffin McElroy]

Does it say gold? Does it say Big Boss CEO Gold pants? Yeah, I'm sorry I pissed my. It seemed like the exact same thing just happened to you again, Juice, where you were like, maybe if I talk for a while, an idea will come. But then you got to the end of a lot of talking, and you're like, I guess I pissed my. My pants.

[Justin McElroy]

You say,

[Griffin McElroy]

yeah, talk for longer. If you talk for longer, the idea will come to you, I promise you.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah. It's. Sometimes you say. You're saying, I piss my pants before you realize it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, you could. Is there a way of doing it? And if it goes in the gutter, be like, I'm sorry that went in the gutter. I'm sorry I didn't do better.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm sorry I disappointed you.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm sorry I disappointed you, dad, I'm sorry.

[Justin McElroy]

That was the wrong lane.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. And then if you strike it and you turn, that part's set in stone. You're going to say, I'm already on strike. Or is that a potential. Sort of. If you Turn after hitting the strike and you realize, like, actually, this isn't the moment. The conditions here are actually pretty great.

[Justin McElroy]

And the other failure point, the other failure point that is probably most likely is they miss the first thing. Then you come back and you go to deliver the punchline, and they're looking at their phone. So in that case, I need a plan for that too, I think, because

[Travis McElroy]

then they would just hear I'm going on strike. And that the miscommunication possibility there is quite high.

[Justin McElroy]

They may miss the strike. And then you just say like, I quit.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, you can't fool me. I'm sticking to the union. Collective bargaining. I love it. I love it. It's great. I don't think you can just do one guy. Like, I don't think you can just be one guy and be like. And by the way, never gonna get. Because I do think it's sort of like they think it's better if there's more people.

[Justin McElroy]

Collective marketing does imply that they're a collective.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's a collection of some of some sort.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Once you hit the strike and you say, it's my first week and I'm already on strike, then you do have to turn to the other employees and try to get them on your side.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Stage walk out, you know? Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

I guess you could turn around and be like. Or should I say, we're on strike? And the hope is that they' so impressed by your strike that they're like, we'll follow you anywhere, King. Yeah, let's turn this place around.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm the boss now.

[Travis McElroy]

And then they all step up and throw, like, concurrent strikes.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, they all go on strike too. That'd be cool. Got practice a little bit ahead of

[Travis McElroy]

time, but I think more labor to speed should be solved with bowling tournaments. I agree.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think. I think. I think the unions would probably get way more wins in that case. I don't know. That's just me.

[Justin McElroy]

I was in a work meeting with my supervisor and three other co workers today. At one point, I was adjusting my seat by lifting myself up on my handrests. In doing so, my adjustable armrests slid all the way forward quickly, making a fairly loud sound. My supervisor, mid conversation, said, oh, excuse you. I panicked and didn't know how to respond and didn't say anything. Then the meeting continued on as normal brothers. How can I recover from my supervisor and coworkers thinking I farted for some context? The call was with my supervisor, two coworkers, and an HR rep to discuss how we would Communicate a reorg at our company to direct reports. We were on a teams call with our cameras on. That's from the squeak suspect.

[Griffin McElroy]

I tell you, man, when these. When these, like, company folks, like, start talk. Start talking about this stuff, I can't even understand it. Teams HR rep supervisor. Like, I start to see these work calls.

[Travis McElroy]

Chair.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah. I can't communicate reorg. Come on. Like, come on. I don't know, man.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't think they thought you farted. And here's my justification for that. If they honestly did, I don't think anyone would say, oh, excuse you out loud. Right? I think that's a thing. Your armrest made a funny noise, and they were maybe being a little silly, maybe being a little, like, teenager giving you a hard time, but I don't think anybody hears a noise, thinks someone farted. And their impulse in a professional call with an HR rep on the call is to loudly announce, oh, excuse you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Well, I would say Travis has tamped that situation down nicely.

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, I think that there's a deeper call.

[Justin McElroy]

I think. No, no, no. I think Travis is right.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, I was looking at the time, Justin. It's about time to head into the money zone, so I wanted to give us a nice first pitch. Home run.

[Justin McElroy]

Should we just try to do jokes? You know, like. Just try to make, like, a joke about it.

[Travis McElroy]

You talk more about pissing your pants

[Justin McElroy]

in the bowling alley, Justin. Premise of the question. That, by all means, we can undermine the premise of the question that you yourself included, but it does seem to be on odds.

[Travis McElroy]

That's a different Travis. That's question selection. Travis. He doesn't think of jokes. He's barely thinking at all. He's on autopilot, looking for opportunities to make his brothers look good. I'm sorry. I pissed my pants.

[Griffin McElroy]

When Travis picks these questions, he gets in a big tub of goo, like in Minority Report, and he's just, like, fucking. Like. It's pure subconscious energy. And then they show up in the show and.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, but if somebody's like, so tells this protracted story about a raccoon that came to their porch and stole all of their vegetables and then ran off. And they don't know how to tell their neighbor, I'm hooked. And we're like, I don't think you saw a raccoon. Then it's like, well, what are we doing here? You know, we gotta pretend.

[Griffin McElroy]

Let's pretend that there was a loud, rude fart sound. Hold on. Wait. We can settle this right now.

[Justin McElroy]

Just, like, let's Pretend they farted.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't. Mine doesn't.

[Justin McElroy]

Trav, make a fart noise with your chair.

[Griffin McElroy]

Mine is, like, very mechanical.

[Travis McElroy]

I feel like I'm in Flight of the Navigator.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, dude, I'm doing it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay. So mine can pretty much slice.

[Justin McElroy]

Slice told me. Sorry, sidebar. Slice told me he saw somebody doing an armpit fart on the street last week, and it really took him back. He's like, I completely forgot about armpit farts. He's like, it's like seeing somebody do pogs. It's just like, wow, armpit farts. I forgot.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think everybody hits a day with armpit farts where they think, like, I don't want to touch my nude armpit. Like, ye.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm good.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's either got BO on it or it's got deodorant on it. Either way, I'm not eager to get in there. Farts. Travis, you do a podcast. You're married to a polite person. You're having a field day with that fucking chair.

[Travis McElroy]

I forgot that my chair arms could do that.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, dude. Mine has so many vertices of adjustment that I set two years ago and haven't touched since. I can't.

[Justin McElroy]

It's a classic problem with any chair that you have with adjustable settings like that. You may go through it the first time, be like, how do I make it? You know, it's cause you're not trying to make it comfortable. Cause you've already decided that that's wrong.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Because comfort has gotten you into that back pain position. So it's like, okay, you tell me. Right? And then you just forget, what do all these buttons do?

[Griffin McElroy]

It is, why am I so sore?

[Travis McElroy]

It's that utopian ideal, though, of I always assume, be it an adjustable seat in the car, adjustable seat in my desk, that there is an arrangement of pieces that, if I sat down, would put me at body neutral, Right where I'd stand up. It's not like I feel comfortable, but I'm also not hurting myself.

[Griffin McElroy]

I need a tailor. I need a tailor.

[Justin McElroy]

No limbs, no head. No limbs, no head. Just like, floating.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

You know what I mean?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Your L in the tank connection just in the zone.

[Justin McElroy]

L in the tank. That's how I want to connect. No more mouse and keyboard. Trap me in the tank. Like, l put me in the tank. Put me in the tank. Like, link Papa.

[Travis McElroy]

Papa keyboard. I gotta record a podcast. Papa put me in the tank. Come on.

[Griffin McElroy]

Do you. Does one excuse a fart? This is the question I've been trying to Ask for about six minutes now. And I hate.

[Justin McElroy]

Because they're the bad guy.

[Griffin McElroy]

When you sneeze, it is expected that the other person says, bless you if you burp. If you do a little polite burp, I think saying, oh, excuse me, that is on you. I feel like afflatus is. You gotta. Everybody just kind of pretends like they didn't hear.

[Justin McElroy]

It's gotta be instant self gaslight. Instant self gaslighting.

[Griffin McElroy]

Seek for forgiveness.

[Justin McElroy]

I didn't hear a fart. I didn't hear anything. You have to ignore that it happened. Like, you instantly start trying to. The only adult thing to do is to instantly disabuse yourself of the notion that you heard a fart.

[Travis McElroy]

Casual. In a very calculated way.

[Justin McElroy]

Unrelated comment.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. Hmm.

[Justin McElroy]

Any more lemon creme?

[Griffin McElroy]

I wanted to make sure we were

[Justin McElroy]

on the lemon creme in the pot.

[Griffin McElroy]

I wanted to make sure we were on the same page.

[Travis McElroy]

Hmm. We're all comfortable in this moment, aren't we? Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Any more lemon curd in the pot?

[Griffin McElroy]

What is this situation you're in that

[Justin McElroy]

you've had a. I brought toast and scones for everyone.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay. You're at the Mad Hatter's tea party, and you.

[Justin McElroy]

I just am changing the subject. Griffin.

[Travis McElroy]

I think tea party.

[Griffin McElroy]

Should we go to the Money zone?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. We deserve it. I had to make a website recently. You guys know what I did?

[Travis McElroy]

What?

[Griffin McElroy]

No.

[Travis McElroy]

You probably spent, like, I don't know, months on it. And it turned out it was not a public website.

[Justin McElroy]

It was a website that I needed to get some thoughts organized. And I thought the best way of doing this is to build a website with Squarespace, because we've been talking about how easy it is and how you can make something that looks great. It is a really, really wonderful experience that is even better than the last time that I did it. They have fantastic templates created by the best designers in the business, which I've told you before, but seeing it in person, putting your hands on these iframes.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, dude.

[Justin McElroy]

It's an emotional experience.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, slow down because this is the first time I'm hearing about this. Justin, what is a.

[Justin McElroy]

Have you ever been to a website like exxon.com?

[Griffin McElroy]

yeah, every day.

[Justin McElroy]

Have you ever been to a website like exxon.com or geocities.com Sunsetstrip Studio 1969?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay. Well, those are websites that are made by people. But what Squarespace does is. They're like. It is an assistant that comes to you and says, you don't know what you're doing. But I will help you. Give me your ideas and we'll do this together. We'll make a beautiful website. That's what Squarespace is. And right now, if you head to squarespace.com mybrother for a free trial, when you're ready to launch, you can use offer code mybrother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

[Travis McElroy]

I want to tell you guys about trees. You heard about these things?

[Griffin McElroy]

I trust you.

[Travis McElroy]

You're going to love these things. I am a very pleased and proud fastgrowingtrees.com customer. I have a lemon tree growing in my office and recently we went over to my in law's house for a meal and I brought a lemon cake that I made with one of the lemons that grew off that tree. It was wonderful and I bragged about it a lot. Maybe too much, it's hard to say, but I grew my own lemon.

[Justin McElroy]

Lime.

[Griffin McElroy]

I got lemons that fucking dank, dude. Like you gotta. You gotta show that off when you

[Travis McElroy]

grow your own lemon. Are you kidding now? It was just one lemon at the time. It's a small tree, but I was still very proud of it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Big ass lemon though, dude.

[Travis McElroy]

This lemon was fucking huge.

[Griffin McElroy]

Don't undersell this lemon, dude. This lemon was the size of my head. It was a big ass lemon.

[Travis McElroy]

It was gigantic lemon. Yeah, I was very proud of it. And did you know that Fast Growing Trees is America's largest and most trusted online nursery with thousands of trees and plants and over 2 million happy customers, of which I am one. They have all the plants your yard or home needs, including fruit trees, privacy trees, flowering trees, shrubs, and houseplants. It's like your local nursery, but anywhere you live with more plants than you'll find anywhere else. All curated for your climate, which is wonderful, by the way. I live in Ohio and stuff changes here all the time. It's really hard to find like the right plantings.

[Griffin McElroy]

Tell me. Tell me about it, dude.

[Travis McElroy]

Yes. Plus, with their alive and thrive guarantee and ongoing support from trained plant experts, you can plant and grow with confidence. I have an indoor lemon tree in my office and I have, I think it's called the redbud growing in my front yard. Both of them absolutely thriving. And both of them from fastgrowingtrees.com I'm very proud of them. I love knowing that I control nature like a God. It's why I have so many plants. Cause it makes me feel powerful.

[Griffin McElroy]

Right? Right.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

So now's the perfect time to plant. They have great deals on spring planting essentials, up to half off on select plants. And listeners to our show get 20% off their first purchase when using the code mybrother at checkout. That's fastgrowingtrees.com, code mybrother. All one word offer is valid for a limited time. Terms and conditions may apply. I'm Graham Clark, co host of Maximum Funds. Stop podcasting yourself.

[Justin McElroy]

And I'm here with Max Fund member of the month, Matthew. Hello, Matthew. How are you? Hi, Grandma.

[Travis McElroy]

Thank you for supporting a thing that

[Griffin McElroy]

you love that's something that you listen to.

[Justin McElroy]

I do it as well and I love being able to do that for the podcast that I listen to. Plus, you are the kings of Boko. Absolutely, we are. I appreciate seeing those coming in. Now, do you know what your perks are for being the member of the month? I do. I mean, I get to talk to you, which is kind of the big thing. Of course, the.

[Travis McElroy]

The best.

[Justin McElroy]

The parking space. Yep. And I think there's 25 in the max Fund. And you also get a bumper sticker. That's right, yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

So is there anything else you'd like to add?

[Travis McElroy]

Talking to other people out there that

[Griffin McElroy]

are maybe considering joining Maximum Fun, knowing

[Justin McElroy]

that you're supporting something that you like that brings value and happiness to a a ton of people, that's a good feeling. You're fighting the good fight. Support the shows you love, including this one.

[Griffin McElroy]

Check the show notes for a link or go to maximumfun.org join. Hi, everybody.

[Travis McElroy]

It's Ellen Weatherford and Christian Weatherford.

[Griffin McElroy]

People say not to judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree,

[Travis McElroy]

but we can judge a snake by its ability to fly or a spider

[Justin McElroy]

by its ability to dive into or

[Griffin McElroy]

a dung beetle by its ability to navigate with the starlight of the Milky Way galaxy.

[Travis McElroy]

On just the Zoo of us, we rate our favorite animals out of 10 in the categories of physical effectiveness, behavioral ingenuity, and of course, aesthetics.

[Griffin McElroy]

Guest experts like biologists, ecologists, musicians, comedians and more join us to share their

[Travis McElroy]

unique insights into the animal kingdom. Listen with the whole family on maximumfun.org

[Justin McElroy]

or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Travis McElroy]

Griffin. Lego has a curse of the Black Pearl ship from Pirates of the Caribbean with the crew. It's $500 and I don't know if I can justify it. Griffin. A Goonie set.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's on Lego for 379. It's 2,800 pieces. That's child's play. You could fucking knock that out.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, I Like the Shire one too.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm assuming it's just potted back up at some point during this.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Awesome.

[Justin McElroy]

I want a Munch Squad. I want to Munch Squad. Welcome to Munch Squad. As much you know, Rachel, as much of that stuff, of them talking about that, I think it's beautiful tapestry, guys. That's the real content and I don't wanna lose that in the edit. So if we could just try to preserve as much of that. Rachel, if there was any of that conversation while I was in the bathroom that didn't have bank details or anything, if you could just make sure we preserve that conversation.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's the real stuff.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't wanna lose any of it. I'm not a woman. Okay? And I wanna make that clear that I'm not making any judgments about our first story. We have two stories for you on the Much Squatted podcast within a podcast. Which profile is the latest and greatest in brand eating? Our first is that it is for is a celebration of Women's Health Month and it starts with this. You glow girl.

[Griffin McElroy]

Awesome.

[Justin McElroy]

You glow girl.

[Griffin McElroy]

You glow girl. You glow girl. Is there any punctuation in there that you can serve?

[Justin McElroy]

You glow comma, girl, exclamation point. Playa Bowls is introducing mermaid season. And that is capital S, capital Z, capital N. One fun thing that you could do when you encounter slang in press releases is Google it with the and then append Reddit to it because then you can find a Reddit post from nine years ago where someone says what's going on with Susan? So Playa way on trend with this one.

[Griffin McElroy]

Susan.

[Justin McElroy]

It's Mermaid Susan. During Women's Health Month, it's a new line of four smoothies and bowls that bring together two defining elements of the brand for women. For women, functional feel, good ingredients and visually striking creations. The menu blends collagen peptides and blue spirulina, a protein rich, antioxidant packed superfood.

[Travis McElroy]

Wait, did you say blue?

[Griffin McElroy]

Not the blue. Certainly not the blue spirulina.

[Travis McElroy]

They're just putting that in there. But that's the best for women.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, it's got mermaid worthy menu items with naturally bold colors and tropical flavors. The true star of Mermaids is Mermaid Mood bowl featuring a Nutella drizzle and seashell treat.

[Travis McElroy]

For your health.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't know.

[Griffin McElroy]

For the health. For a woman's healthy body in mind.

[Justin McElroy]

For a woman's health, there's a seashell treat for you. Duh. Duh.

[Griffin McElroy]

It looks like just a big chocolate seashell Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

I bought you a large bowl of ice cream and a seashell treat.

[Travis McElroy]

Have you had a seashell treat today? It will prevent your uterus from moving about your body.

[Justin McElroy]

The doctor says your uterus gets rambunctious

[Travis McElroy]

without your seasonal treatment. Doctor's orders. Now have some doctor's orders.

[Justin McElroy]

The bulb. The bulb. Oh, my God. The bulb blends playa pitaya and playa coconut bases swirled with blue spirulina to create a flavorful mix of blue, pink, and soft purple tones reminiscent of ocean waters where mermaids thrive.

[Travis McElroy]

Like you women like.

[Griffin McElroy]

Like you like the ocean waters. That's like saying, like, the ocean is where fish thrive. No, it's just where they live. It's like they don't have another option. Certainly they don't thrive on land, I guess, or in the sky.

[Travis McElroy]

It's also ignoring your freshwater nymphs. You know what I mean?

[Justin McElroy]

Biting into the chocolate hazelnut shell reveals a rich, gooey center. A small indulgence worthy of every mermaid at heart. Great. Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

They've also got a main. I bet we haven't checked it, but I bet chocolate's poisonous to mermaids. I'm just betting there's no way we have.

[Justin McElroy]

No way.

[Griffin McElroy]

Why would they have that in the ocean? There's no fucking way. They're like immune system. Their gut macrobiotics or whatever are like ready for a big chocolate seashore.

[Travis McElroy]

If they had the courage and their convictions, this treat would just be like a raw fish. That's what mermaids eat. They're not eating this playa mix of stuff. They're eating a fish head.

[Justin McElroy]

It's a base infused with collagen peptides to support glowing skin, hair and nails layered with fresh strawberry and banana, then topped with chia seeds and a dollop of cocoa whip. Light and satisfying, it's designed to deliver that glow from within feeling, which I think is a fun way of describing. Hey, about a quarter pound of chia is just ripping through me like a freight tray.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, I'm glowing from within. Glowing from within.

[Justin McElroy]

I can feel it. I literally feel every seed, so undigested are they. Mermaid Sizzle is all about supporting our important mermaids during Women's Health Month with flavor filled, beautiful and functionally beneficial meals that you can only find at playa bowls.

[Travis McElroy]

They've bought into the mermaid messaging so much that it's starting to sound like it's not for humans.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Details like the seashell on our mermaid mood bowl and cocoa whip swirls are designed to be discovered and enjoyed, adding a playful Distinctive moment for guests. They're designed to be discovered and enjoyed. They are so fucking horny for this one chocolate shell, huh?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. We did it.

[Travis McElroy]

We did it.

[Justin McElroy]

We put one little chocolate shell in there.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, it's in there.

[Griffin McElroy]

Keep looking.

[Justin McElroy]

You're gonna love this shit. You're gonna love this shit. Dum dum, you need. You like your seek and find games. Here you go, Mommy find the chocolate shell.

[Griffin McElroy]

The other.

[Justin McElroy]

This is better. This is more important news, guys. This is the big story.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can I just real quick before we hop off that story?

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, I'd love to talk about. Because. Wait, real quick. Are you guys women? Because I don't want to judge this women's health offering.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's the you glow, girl thing that I want to return back to because.

[Justin McElroy]

Wow. The very first words of it, it

[Griffin McElroy]

made me wonder about sort of. There's a couple of interpretations of that based on, like, obviously it's like second person, but is it like an imperative or is it sort of just like a description? It is a command of the. Okay, I thought it was. Also applies. That applies to you go, girl as well. I'm realizing now because I think my whole life, I've always heard that as a command sentence, like, you better go, girl. But it could also be a simple kind of declarative, like, you are one who goes girl.

[Justin McElroy]

You could say, yeah, it could be like, I want to remain in the same place that you are at, girl.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

But I no longer wish to be in your presence. You go, girl.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's another take on it.

[Justin McElroy]

You should be the one.

[Griffin McElroy]

This is a girl who goes. And so to describe that, I will say, you go. You go, girl.

[Justin McElroy]

Now, what about Yu Gi? Oh, girl.

[Travis McElroy]

Ooh, yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Sounds funny, but doesn't mean anything.

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, it's one of my funny sounds together.

[Justin McElroy]

But is there a joke?

[Griffin McElroy]

Blue eyes, white dragon, fucking. The one that you build with the five parts and then it kills everything.

[Justin McElroy]

Can I move on?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah, please.

[Justin McElroy]

Cause this story is important, and this. That's gonna feel pretty silly for stopping listening to podcasts with this one.

[Griffin McElroy]

Does Burger King have more Batman commemorative frosted glass mugs? Is that what we're about to get into? Cause no shit.

[Justin McElroy]

I want to talk to you about the Freestyle Mini.

[Travis McElroy]

The what?

[Justin McElroy]

The Freestyle Mini that actually took my breath away. It's a new. Everyone knows the freestyle machine is the one good piece of technology from the past 10 years.

[Griffin McElroy]

The only one.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, we all. The only good tech. Name another one.

[Griffin McElroy]

The Freestyle Soda machine.

[Justin McElroy]

So the only good technology, the past 10 years is the Coca Cola Freestyle machine. And now it's getting a next generation update. I'm gonna read to you some things from this press release that you're gonna think I'm making up, but I swear to God, I swear to God, everything I'm about to read is real.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

140 years. Since 19. Sorry. Since 1886, the Coca Cola company has been at the forefront of dispensed beverages. 140 years later, the company is redefining the space once again with modular connected equipment that translates consumer trends into drinks faster than ever before.

[Travis McElroy]

Ooh.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, so when Freestyle launched, the headline was Variety, right? You could go up to a Freestyle machine, you push a button, you say, I want diet ginger ale with cherry flavoring. I want Powerade. And that was the headline, you know. But now what? Merged over Time is more transformative. A real time data signal from tens of thousands of machines showing exactly what consumers are reaching for and returning to order again. Y', all, the Freestyle machines have never been about choice. They've been about watching you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

You know what I mean?

[Justin McElroy]

They've been about learning. And insightful data translates into a finished market ready drink in as few as 90 fucking days, while the traditional process takes 18 months. For example, Coca Cola Freestyle developed and launched Fanta Crimson Sour Cherry in White Castle and Sprite Loco Lime in Wingstop, both in under three months from concept to port.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, so to break this down, you're saying that there's, like. We listen to Reggie, who works at the fucking Cinemark downtown, and every time he hits his soda machine, he mixes fucking Mr. Pibb and Vanilla and a little bit of Powerade. And he's crazy for that shit. So we're like, this is Reggie's drink.

[Justin McElroy]

No, you stupid idiot, that's not it at all. The machine has been watching Reggie. And the machine tells Coke, hey, there's this idiot Reggie and his 20 idiot friends. And they always do this one mix. And then Coke's like, well, let's sell that as a different thing. And they're like, excellent. That's what I'm saying.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's exactly what I said.

[Travis McElroy]

Welcome to. Welcome to the Coca Cola press conference. We have a big announcement today. Sorry, can we break down what just happened?

[Justin McElroy]

Because I said that. And then Justin's like, no, you're not understanding it.

[Griffin McElroy]

And then he was like, no, Reggie

[Justin McElroy]

is not reporting the information. The machine is reporting the information.

[Griffin McElroy]

Right, Right. Yeah, no, for sure. I think I understood. Okay, what were you saying, Trav?

[Justin McElroy]

You kind of get it. But a lot of people don't. And that's a problem we've had at Coke for a long time. So I don't want you to be embarrassed, but we developed Fanta Crimson Sour Cherry in White Castle in under three months. From wingstop to pouring. Do you know what I'm saying?

[Travis McElroy]

Members of the press, we've tracked. Hello, my name is Dave Coca Cola. The CEO of Coca Cola. We've tracked one reporter.

[Justin McElroy]

Why did we only get one reporter? Hey, Dave. Why did you only get one reporter? At our press conference, we got 40 unoccupied chairs and this wonder Brony in the front. I'm sorry, sir, I don't mean to.

[Travis McElroy]

I invited a bunch of people.

[Justin McElroy]

I appreciate you coming out. I just. You've already asked one really stupid question.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm actually just for the Associated Press, so they'll kind of.

[Justin McElroy]

Just one moment. We'll be back to you. Dave, what were you saying?

[Travis McElroy]

So we've tracked the data from countless movie theaters and fast food restaurants. So today we're going to unveil our latest product, the one that everybody wants. This is a little bit of soda in a free water cup. When the person's back is turned, you'll be able to buy this at every retail location.

[Justin McElroy]

Everybody wants to do it.

[Griffin McElroy]

And how good is this?

[Travis McElroy]

That's not the point. The point is that the water cup for you as a.

[Griffin McElroy]

Just say, hey, man. Fucking. Just say, like, it's really fucking good that we're.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, no, it's terrible. Cause it's free. Water cup is free.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hold on, try that again. But say like, it's really good.

[Travis McElroy]

It's really good for us.

[Griffin McElroy]

There we go.

[Justin McElroy]

The other one that we have. You need that.

[Travis McElroy]

Wait, why did you need that?

[Griffin McElroy]

Ethics. Spj.

[Justin McElroy]

The other product that we're really happy about is where you dump just a second worth of soda and it doesn't look quite brown enough, and you think something maybe is weird about it, so you dump it out. That's something. We're selling for 30 cents now.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

Although you can now complain. Every soda comes with a person you can complain to about how maybe the juice is out back in the back and they need to check the syrups or whatever. That comes standard with every package.

[Justin McElroy]

And we slack you a quote, a real quote from the real guy who has your real job. Just try to sneak it in.

[Griffin McElroy]

If you can't, will you send me a script for a joke to say

[Justin McElroy]

it's not a joke?

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, okay.

[Travis McElroy]

We're announcing a lot of important stuff you're also going to. We're gonna put some funny like you know, a picture of ice tea on the ice T thing. People love that we're evolving our dispensed equipment into a connected intelligent platform where every pore strengthens our understanding of consumers and every unit becomes part of a global network at scale. That's what allows us to move faster, differentiate our system and deliver more relevant experiences to the point of poor. And you can like hit every button really quick to get a bunch in there.

[Griffin McElroy]

And actually turned to your previous point, every word you just said was scary to me. It was iced tea.

[Travis McElroy]

It doesn't contain the drink, doesn't contain

[Griffin McElroy]

the actor after the stuff. After iced tea, every word you said

[Travis McElroy]

sounded pushing the button really quickly to get a little bit of.

[Griffin McElroy]

I feel like you're being purposefully kind of evasive right now.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, was that about evolving our dispense equipment into a connected intelligent platform where every pore strengthens our understanding.

[Griffin McElroy]

When I take my kids to see the Super Mario Galaxy movie and then they get a high C with a little bit of sprite mixed in there because they're not all about that full carbonation life. They need to cut it with something. You're saying that they are being data mined to feed a large language and

[Travis McElroy]

just basic stuff tract and is that good?

[Griffin McElroy]

Is that good that that's happening?

[Justin McElroy]

I like that. We like that it's good for. We love that we know exactly what

[Travis McElroy]

you like and the nanobots in the soda, you know what I mean? So we can geo.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's good. We can do something like that. Because the story guys that I'm thinking of is like, like tech is so fun. I'm sort of the tech guy at the Associated Press and like Robocop when I write about this stuff I wish it's always like this tech's baller fam. So just like if you could sort of change the language a little bit to be less like. We're watching you. We're watching you. We know your taste, we know what, what your family likes.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, we're manipulating you and you want

[Justin McElroy]

take another pass at the quote there Greg. I sent you another copy, a different copy.

[Griffin McElroy]

And make it more just like tech is cool futuristic. That's what we're getting there.

[Travis McElroy]

The new modular add ons include a remote non nutritive sweetener system for high volume outlets, a self cleaning nozzle cup and lid holders and bag in box or bib waystation that provides operators with real time visibility into product levels, eliminating guesswork and reducing out of stocks.

[Griffin McElroy]

Question. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Yes.

[Griffin McElroy]

Why can't you just talk fucking normal? Like, what is a non nutritive sweetener? We'll start there. There's a button you can press to make the Mountain Dew sweeter. That's fucking crazy. What's that mean?

[Travis McElroy]

It's remote, though.

[Justin McElroy]

So we do it from here. Yeah, we've been thinking sweeter. Oh, and that's a little sweeter, baby.

[Travis McElroy]

Talking about wires connected into my brain and I'm the remote.

[Griffin McElroy]

So how do you decide if someone gets a extra sweep, Mr. Pibb? Like, how do you. Do you have a camera?

[Travis McElroy]

We're spending. And if they have spent more than a million dollars on Coke products over the course of their life, they get a little extra sweetener to say thank you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

They just get a little bonus. A little bonus sweetener. God. I tell you. I tell you, Dave, I was really worried he was gonna ask about Hydrus, but I guess we had.

[Griffin McElroy]

I do, actually. I have heard rumors about the sort of.

[Justin McElroy]

Sorry, I wasn't talking to you. Do you have a question? You raise your hand like, have you never been at. He's never been at one before, I don't think.

[Travis McElroy]

No. We're gonna have to electrify your seat for just two seconds.

[Justin McElroy]

Give him a quick buzz.

[Griffin McElroy]

I do like that.

[Justin McElroy]

Don't do the buzz. Do you have a question?

[Griffin McElroy]

He did it. And I fucking did not move.

[Travis McElroy]

That's true.

[Griffin McElroy]

I get buzzed a lot. No, I've heard about Hydrus. I heard you're debuting it at the national Restaurant show, and it does.

[Travis McElroy]

Sorry, what?

[Justin McElroy]

That. Sorry, what?

[Griffin McElroy]

It does sound like a. It sounds like a monster. It does sound like a monster. Monster. It sounds like a monster's name. Hydra. It sounds like a monster.

[Justin McElroy]

Please don't talk about Hydras anymore. We bit.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

It just. I. It's a. What? I have in my notes here, and I got this from Scuttlebutt.

[Justin McElroy]

What have you heard? What have you heard? And I will either confirm or you tell me what you've heard and we'll talk. So we'll either give you a yes or no.

[Travis McElroy]

It's so.

[Griffin McElroy]

Like a.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey. It's so rare that someone responds with, I can either confirm or deny it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Usually you get the opposite in this business. I heard regarding Hydrus, that every piece of equipment debuting at the National Restaurant show shares a unified visual identity. Hydrus. Applied across the entire Coca Cola dispenser fleet, Hydrus is a consistent design language that signals quality and sets expectations. Before A single drop is poured. Whether a consumer encounters a Coca Cola machine, the experience now begins the same way. It's fucking. It's like they're charging headlong into dystopia. Like.

[Justin McElroy]

Like with this press release, they're like, at the forefront.

[Griffin McElroy]

Like, how dystopian can we fucking get in one press release?

[Justin McElroy]

But it's good because it's for soda. Do you understand?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

You have to. If there's going to be terrible dystopian advances that rob us of our community, and many of them will be so challenging and painful when there are some that are like, we just want to give you the soda you want. We have to celebrate that technology.

[Griffin McElroy]

We have to take it and celebrate it. It's a great tech. It's great tech.

[Travis McElroy]

Try Slurm. It's delicious.

[Justin McElroy]

Try Slurm.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's a real Slurm situation. Who at the fucking national restaurant show is gonna be like, damn, all these Coca Cola dispensers look really good. And then someone is gonna have to be like, thanks, it's hydrus.

[Travis McElroy]

It's hydro.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's a unifi. Like, it's. Oh, man, it's.

[Justin McElroy]

What a bad.

[Griffin McElroy]

What a bad time, man. We're gonna get through this. But man alive, you gotta take a moment to say, like, wow. It's got.

[Travis McElroy]

No.

[Justin McElroy]

You're confused. This is good. You're so mixed up. This is good. You read about bombs and stuff we hate, dude.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, no, obviously there's worse stuff going on, but the fact that Coca Cola is like, Hydrus is watching you. You're like, that's good action.

[Justin McElroy]

To refresh you better. Like, refresh me better?

[Travis McElroy]

To refresh you better. It's giving you what you want before you know you want it.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, it's refreshing you better. This, like, it's like a victimless crime. Like, it just wants to refresh you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, there's Vic. There's. There's a couple victims. Just in that one example. I feel like

[Travis McElroy]

this gave me caffeine free, flat Sprite. Is that what I wanted? I guess it. It's better for you. It's what you want. I don't think it. I wanted an icy. Icies are the devil.

[Justin McElroy]

There is also Coca Cola X Micromatic Mixology. Awesome. Developed in partnership with Micromatic, this non alcoholic mixology dispenser takes familiar beverages, sodas, lemonade, teas, coffees, and layers in syrups, dairies and alternative dairies to create drinks that reflect the craft and customization. Consumers are increasingly seeking that. That Result is a level of creativity at the fountain that has not existed there before.

[Griffin McElroy]

Is it got Hydras, though? Because if it doesn't have hydras, I'm

[Justin McElroy]

gonna be fucking whipped with Hydras. Hydra's AI, the global Hydras military platform.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

There's an extra airy in there to fit in the AI in capitals, so it's filter airy.

[Griffin McElroy]

Everything's trying to get you all the time. I turn on my sudoku app on my phone and it's like, hey, can we just fucking watch you? And I'll be like, I guess you're just sudoku. I don't think I want Coca Cola to know. I don't think I want Coca Cola to pump me. I don't want them to pump me.

[Justin McElroy]

But Hydras, I think in my gut, but I feel like the best thing you can do is if you see any sort of freestyle setup that is not in the Hydra's design language, I think you have a moral imperative to tear it from the wall and destroy it.

[Griffin McElroy]

They want you to. They want to replace that. They want to replace that machine. They want to get hydraulic.

[Justin McElroy]

It's false idol at this point. It's a false idol and it is like fucking the brand. And like the thing you could do for height, like. Like. I think what Hydras would want is for you to destroy all freestyle machines that are not Hydrus enabled to clear the way for Hydrus.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hydras, by the way, as far as I can tell, means a glossy red shell, an imposing black outcropping with a screen on it. That's Hydras. And they. So they've made it also a kind of scary. Like, Hydras is like the AI, like

[Travis McElroy]

the thing from 2001 A Space Odyssey.

[Griffin McElroy]

It looks like a squid game guy. It looks like a squid game. Like one of the guys on Squid game that comes around and kills you if you bust. If you, like, knock over the Jenga Tower or whatever. They've made it scary on purpose and they've called it Hydrus.

[Justin McElroy]

Awesome. Cool.

[Travis McElroy]

I think it would be fun if we all picked a terrible, disgusting combination of beverages and agreed to order the hell out of it for the next six months. Until Coke was like, this is what everybody wants.

[Justin McElroy]

What if Coke is so disgusted with the actual data it receives, they're like, we don't want to do this anymore. The syrups that you people are putting in are vulgar and we don't want to.

[Travis McElroy]

We're just going to do. You can have Sprite or Coke from now on.

[Justin McElroy]

There's one button and it pours flat water. That's all you get from now on.

[Griffin McElroy]

We gave you infinite tools to create art and you guys made pibinade, which is Mr. Pib and lemonade mixed all up. That would slap. Maybe.

[Justin McElroy]

Actually, what if there was one button that just said guaranteed universal insurance, Just like one act and if everybody pressed, would count as a vote each. But dude, why are we wasting time in the voting booth? We should be doing it at Hydra's.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hydras should do the elections for sure.

[Travis McElroy]

And the new president is Phantom.

[Justin McElroy]

What if Mr. Pym. More like President Pym. What if.

[Travis McElroy]

What if you will stand when Mr. Pib comes in the room?

[Justin McElroy]

We should be done now. The show is over. So this is free, but I do have to say free content for everybody. This is the after show. This is the after show. What if Stan Lee was prophetic, but instead of Hydra, it was Hydrus and instead of the Avengers, it was Doge, and that's actually what the battle is.

[Griffin McElroy]

Wow, Juice. What a cool ultimate reality. He whipped up.

[Justin McElroy]

Doja.

[Travis McElroy]

Don't give these away for free.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, man. This is the after show, man.

[Justin McElroy]

Trav, after this one, I don't know. I'm gonna have too many more commercial options, quite frankly. Thanks for listening to our podcast. We hope you've enjoyed yourself. Hail Hydras.

[Travis McElroy]

Speaking of consumerism, we've got some new merch. We've got the don't talk to me until I have my podcast mug, the I like all buts and no government mug, which is also a digital cross stitch pattern, and the My brother, My Brother and Tea, which is available alone or in a bundle with one of the mugs.

[Griffin McElroy]

10% all Hydrus compatible.

[Travis McElroy]

Yes, 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to the First Nations Development Institute.

[Justin McElroy]

I just want to say a huge shout out and an apology to my fellow Spectrum writers who are now going to be forced, compelled, chemically, biologically, to tell anybody who they are with when they encounter a Hydrus machine. That that is part of the Hydrus design language. And no one's going to want to hear it, but we are going to have to tell them about it. So apologies, but you know, you're welcome. You're going to be doing a little education.

[Travis McElroy]

You can pre order the Adventure Zone story and song right now. It's the final graphic novel in the Adventure Zone Balance graphic novel series. If you go to theadventurezonecomic.com and there's an exclusive pre order gift of a Postcard pack and sticker. It's available from our publisher if you submit your receipt at Bit Ly Tazgngift.

[Griffin McElroy]

Carrie posted those on Instagram. They look amazing. I will want to secure my own ones of those as well. Thanks to Montaigne for the use of our theme song My Life Is Better with youh.

[Justin McElroy]

Forgotten how to draw other stuff? You know?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

What if she's forgotten how to draw other things? You know, she draw a robot or something? Well, we got robots, but, you know, so.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thank you, Montagne, for the Israelite theme song My Life Is Better with youh. Montaigne recently featured on an episode of Off Menu. I really enjoy. It's very fun. I don't know if we should be plugging other shows like go listen to that one. But then never again unless you like

[Travis McElroy]

it and then you could listen to more of it. We gotta throw something. Justin, you got something to throw?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, I got this. Look at this adorable potion bottle. Got it at the Ren Faire. That is cute.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's cute.

[Justin McElroy]

It's soft. Crocheted should be a good throw.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, let's do it.

[Justin McElroy]

Are we. Have you guys been throwing it at the wall or at your chair?

[Travis McElroy]

I've been throwing it at the wall, but.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, but like we're throwing it at the wall to see what sticks, right?

[Griffin McElroy]

The chair is so soft. I feel like it dulls the sound a little bit. I usually. I mean, I have a pretty big space to aim for here. You guys don't.

[Travis McElroy]

Nothing.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's pretty quiet.

[Justin McElroy]

I could hear it. Well, My name's Justin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm Travis McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm Griffin McElroy. They're not all my brother me.

[Justin McElroy]

Kiss your dad square on the lips. It's better, it's better with you. It's better it's better with you. It's better. It's better with you. Maximum Fun.

[Griffin McElroy]

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