MBMBaM 815: Pain Is Funny Leaving The Body

Summary

Podcast Summary: My Brother, My Brother And Me

Episode 815: "Pain Is Funny Leaving The Body"

Date: May 25, 2026
Hosts: Justin, Travis & Griffin McElroy

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Overview

In this episode, the McElroy brothers return to their comedic advice roots with discussions ranging from the absurdities of content houses and globalized internet fame to the nuances of grip strength and haunted dolls. The title phrase, “Pain is funny leaving the body,” becomes a joking thesis as they reflect on physical discomfort, embarrassment, and the strange joy in both. Listeners are treated to signature MBMBaM banter, improvisational bits, and unsolicited advice, all buoyed by their sibling rapport.

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Key Discussion Points and Segments

1. Travis Joins a "Content House"

[01:16–06:19]

• Travis announces he’s been invited to join the "Purina Pro Plan / Country Croc Presents Multimedia Mansion," a content house with animal creators, including Honk Boy (a goose), Pokey (a hedgehog), Big Shoes (a parrot), Ghostface69 (a Call of Duty streaming labrador), and Hobster (a rabbit).
  • “I’ve been invited to join Purina Pro Plan Slash Country Croc Presents Multimedia Mansion.” — Travis ([02:07])
  • Satirical send-up of influencer culture: How content is churned (“12 hours of usable content a day, after editing, so really it’s 18 hours of filming”), and responsibility breakdowns for non-human “influencers.”
• They riff on “content hustle” and the dystopian edge of brands attempting relatability and animal virality.
• Memorable bit:
  • Griffin: “It was my understanding that Big Shoes died. I thought Big Shoes fucking died.” ([02:56])
  • Travis: “This is a new Big Shoes. This one does exclusive unboxings of hats.” ([03:01])

2. The Global Future of Internet Content

[07:45–12:33]

• Justin describes a TikTok warning about YouTube’s auto-translation leading to the exploitation of poorer countries’ labor for sensationalist content, followed by the brothers’ humorous scheme to flip this and become viral in non-English-speaking regions.
  • “Maybe our real audience is a German-speaking crowd or Japanese-speaking crowd.” — Justin ([09:14])
• They joke about “Hasselhoff-fication”—being beloved somewhere abroad—and the struggles of pop culture translation.
  • Justin recounts translating “He-Man slamming a Capri Sun” to “monkey from Journey to the West slamming a Capri Sun” for international editions. ([10:01–10:32])
• The brothers lampoon Mr. Beast's hypothetical future irrelevance, excess, and bleak YouTuber tropes.

3. Family YouTube vs. Family Podcasting

[13:10–16:44]

• Critique of exploitative family content and “content houses” for kids, with darkly comic suggestions for their own family channel (using hired child actors and bouncy castles).
  • “I don’t want to make that kind of content with my own children. ... I don’t want to mess up my kids.” — Justin ([14:31])
  • “Family YouTube bad. Family podcast: Good.” — Justin & Travis ([15:01])
• Expressing dismay at kids’ expectations based on YouTube spectacle (e.g., Mark “Robert”/Rober blowing up homes with elephant toothpaste) and the “danger” of viral expectations vs. reality.

4. Advice Segment: Should You Attend a Clown Retreat?

[17:04–24:15]

• Listener asks if they should use professional development funds for a clowning retreat, and if they should bring their own nose/makeup.
  • “Clowning is an art that is not limited to the nose...it’s an attitude.” — Justin ([18:40])
  • Justin recalls receiving a mime master class with Marcel Marceau.
• Discussion of the transformative/self-exposing potential of clowning, the risk of being “unable to turn the clown off,” and the comedic/tragic arc of becoming Batman/Bruce Wayne, but for clowns.
• Satirical take on corporate retreats: “You’re in prison. You’re in clown prison. You’re stuck in a clown car with a bunch of other clowns. But you don’t want to be a clown. You’re just Dave.” — Justin ([23:47])
• Episode title moment:
  • Griffin: “I think pain is funny.”
    Travis: “Leaving the body.” ([24:15])

5. Advice Segment: Too Much Grip Strength?

[25:30–31:24]

• Listener (“Grip Strength Gripe in Canada”) wonders if they should curb or enjoy new nicknames after breaking grip test records in physical therapy (“Mr. Grips, Grippy Gripster”).
  • “If I did a grip string test...and they said I did the best anyone ever, that's going to become at least 20 to 30% of my personality from now on.” — Travis ([27:03])
  • Jokes about Travis’s obsession with data about himself, the brothers’ own results with grip strength testers, and the joy of quantifiable improvement.
  • “You guys are making fun of me for fucking sure, dude.” — Griffin ([31:03]) (as his earnestness about measurable accomplishment is gently roasted)

6. Haunted Doll Watch

[36:40–54:43]

• Justin details a series of eBay haunted doll listings, riffing on their overly elaborate backstories and suspicious supernatural claims.
• Standout dolls include:
  • Lydia, a “White light witch, Fae spirit,” who is “unbelievably innocent, naive” and gives “sparkle resets.” ([38:09–41:54])
    • Griffin: “Sparkle reset is also the most menacing brainwashing shit ever heard of.” ([41:35])
  • Scandalous, anatomically-correct succubus dolls, complete with “not a toy” and “entertainment purposes only” disclaimers.
  • “Haunted doll mystery boxes” (random selection of haunted dolls, possibly dangerously haunted):
    • Justin: “Even in a world where you believe these are haunted, what these people are saying is, we’ll box up a random fucking soul and send it to your house.” ([46:19])
  • “Bennett, haunted German doll vessel” — a judgmental ghost child who disapproves of his owner’s choices and flushes goldfish as a “scientific experiment.” ([49:40–53:25])
    • Griffin: “Read me for filth, Bennett. I’ll make you love me.” ([51:40])
• The segment reaches surreal heights as the brothers ad-lib entirely new lore for each doll.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On YouTube translation and global reach:
  Justin: “Maybe our real audience is a German speaking crowd or a Japanese speaking crowd.” ([09:14])
• On the realities of family YouTube:
  Justin: “Family YouTube bad. Family podcast: Good.” ([15:01])
• On the purpose of clowning:
  Justin: “Clowning is so much more than a nose. It’s an attitude.” ([18:40])
• Title Drop:
  Griffin: “I think pain is funny.”
  Travis: “Leaving the body.” ([24:15])
• On haunted dolls as a business:
  Justin: “Even in a world where you believe these are haunted, what these people are saying is, we’ll box up a random fucking soul and send it to your house.” ([46:19])
• On physical achievement:
  Travis: “If I did any test and they said I did the best anyone ever, that’s at least 20-30% of my personality from now on.” ([27:03])
• On haunted doll “Bennett”:
  Justin: “...this small German ghost bullying this woman into submission. I don’t blame her for wanting to get rid of Bennett. He seems like a real dingleberry.” ([53:25])

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• [01:16–06:19] — Travis's Content House
• [07:45–12:33] — Global YouTube/Auto-Translation/Pop Culture Abroad
• [13:10–16:44] — Family YouTube Parody & Commentary
• [17:04–24:15] — Clowning Retreat Advice/Philosophy
• [25:30–31:24] — Grip Strength, Measurement Obsession, Achievement
• [36:40–54:43] — Haunted Doll Watch (with several sub-segments for individual dolls)

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Flow & Tone

The episode switches seamlessly from absurd fiction and riffing (animal creators, haunted dolls) to playful cynicism about internet trends and heart-felt, if tongue-in-cheek, life advice. Sibling energy and improvisational comedy are at an all-time high, with each brother pushing bits to their logical—and illogical—conclusions. Even advice segments blur into philosophical rambles and pop culture pastiche, but always return to good-natured (if chaotic) encouragement.

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In Summary

MBMBaM 815 is a rollicking mix of contemporary internet satire, meta self-deprecation, and bizarro-life advice. It shines for longtime fans seeking classic McElroy interplay and newcomers interested in the weird, heartfelt, and often deranged world of the Brothers McElroy.

Transcript

[Griffin McElroy]

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

[Montagne (Theme Song Singer)]

It's the start of something beautiful. A small acquaintance has blossomed it's ripened into a precious friends. I could have never seen what was coming for me. Hangs at the skate park Hangs by the beach My life It feels like life is. Ah. It's better. It's better with you My life is. It's better. It's better with you. This is true. It's better. It's better with two. It's better with you.

[Justin McElroy]

Hello everybody. Welcome to My Brother, My Brother and Me, an advice show for the Modron era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

What's up Trav Nation? It's me, your boy, Travis McElroy coming to you live from the studio. Big news. Yeah, but first.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm Griffin. Go ahead.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, Go ahead. I got some big news for you

[Justin McElroy]

should change the order. Cause there's.

[Griffin McElroy]

We should fucking change the order.

[Justin McElroy]

It is weird because we build to Griffin and that's always, I will say this 10 out of 10 times. Anticlimactic. You know, I mean it's like almost always a decline in the end.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't have bits, I don't have characters. I give the people what they want. No question.

[Travis McElroy]

This isn't a bit. It's big news about Travnation.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh wow.

[Travis McElroy]

No, it's not about my custom umbrella line that's coming September 2027. Keep your eyes out. Pre orders open Now. But I've been invited to join a content house.

[Griffin McElroy]

Fuck yeah, dude. One of the big ones.

[Justin McElroy]

What'd you say?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, man. Did you get a fucking crew? I've been invited to join Purina Pro Plan Slash Country Croc Presents Multimedia Mansion.

[Griffin McElroy]

I've heard of that one. Yeah, that one stepped in some hot water. Sort of legally, ethically, news wise lately.

[Travis McElroy]

They cleaned house. It's an all new crew. It's me, it's Honk Boy, It's Pokey. It's big shoes, Ghostface 69.

[Justin McElroy]

I canceled Honk Boy.

[Griffin McElroy]

Let him finish. He's got five more.

[Travis McElroy]

Which ones did I already say? I said Honky, Honk Boy, pokey, Big Shoes, Ghostface 69, Hopster. All the big ones.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's only okay. You'd only had one.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, it's only five, six rooms in the mansion.

[Griffin McElroy]

It was my understanding that Big Shoes died. I thought Big Shoes fucking died.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, this is a new Big Shoes. This one does exclusive unboxings of hats.

[Justin McElroy]

Well, yeah, I will say Trev. He has big Shoes to fill up.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, well, his dad died just Trev is dude like.

[Griffin McElroy]

Glad you think that's so funny, dude.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, his dad died Big Shoe Senior.

[Justin McElroy]

That's not a laughing matter, man.

[Griffin McElroy]

His dad died trying to fit 300 Takis in his mouth at one time for content choking.

[Travis McElroy]

Takis. He was a parrot, so that was not healthy for him.

[Griffin McElroy]

And it was the blue Takis, too, so it burned him really bad.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, that's really Big Shoes Senior. The parrot died, so now Big Shoes Junior, the parrot has taken over the hat unboxings.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's interesting. So are they all tropical birds or.

[Travis McElroy]

No, that's fucking stupid. Pokey is a hedgehog. Ghostface69 is a call of Duty streamer. And also a Labrador. Hobster is a rabbit, obviously.

[Justin McElroy]

So is everybody an animal other than you or.

[Travis McElroy]

I mean, Tomkoy is a goose. Okay. Are you the only one that's not a tropical bird? This is a bird.

[Griffin McElroy]

They can live in the tropics.

[Travis McElroy]

Big Shoes is a parrot, so. But all content creators, all of them combined, have, like, 60 million impressions across social media and streaming, so.

[Griffin McElroy]

And that's pretty good for a goose,

[Travis McElroy]

and it's gonna help my brand so much.

[Griffin McElroy]

Are you in charge of the. Do you have to, like, take care of the animals or, like, we all have our responsibilities. What could a hedgehog's responsibilities possibly entail?

[Travis McElroy]

Patrolling the hedge.

[Justin McElroy]

Yep. Hogging.

[Griffin McElroy]

Guess so.

[Justin McElroy]

Hogging it all.

[Travis McElroy]

The hedge safe. I am responsible for a lot of

[Griffin McElroy]

refilling things, buying things, refilling things. Do you play Call of duty for Ghostface 69? Because I don't know how the idea,

[Travis McElroy]

Griffin, that I would even touch his rig. Oh, my God. Would you engage with another man's car? Yeah, right. Would you steal a boat?

[Griffin McElroy]

So do Justin and I have to do that? We make all our content together.

[Justin McElroy]

Are we part of the contract or what's the deal?

[Travis McElroy]

Well, be a bit of a shift for my content.

[Justin McElroy]

I think that we're. Okay, can I just say this? I am very excited because I've always wanted to be. Whenever you watch the great YouTube family content that I think everybody enjoys and celebrates, it is completely unproblematic. There's always, like, a disinterested older brother who seems like he's headed to sports, and that's. I feel like I would be so good at that role. Like, I'm not really. Like, sometimes you do the pranks on me, and. And maybe, like, you'll paint my whole room blue. But I'm not, like, having to do any of this stuff. Like, maybe we'll play hide and seek in Camden park, like, one time in a video. But, like, I'm mainly. It seems like I'm going to do something sporty.

[Travis McElroy]

This is great. If you guys would keep these ideas coming. I'm contractually committed to produce 12 hours of content a day, and that's after editing. So after.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. So it usually ends up being about 18 hours of filming a day. But, you know, it's just hanging out.

[Griffin McElroy]

You know, it's just hanging with the bros. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

For fun. And Trapped on Saturday. It only has to be sound. There was about 30 minutes yesterday where Travis just made noises with his mouth. I mean, it wasn't even.

[Travis McElroy]

I mean, it's content, you know, like, 12 hours of it is usable and brandable.

[Justin McElroy]

Right.

[Griffin McElroy]

You've got that duolingo partnership where Honk Boy is trying to teach you goose language.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

And that's pretty. And how's that going, Trav?

[Travis McElroy]

We actually had to edit that way down because I.

[Griffin McElroy]

In Goose, Please.

[Travis McElroy]

No, because my accident is apparently horribly offensive to the community. Yeah. And interestingly enough, to swans as well. There's a crossover in my accent.

[Griffin McElroy]

Basically, they're the same bird that's.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, my God, Griffin, please don't let Honkboy hear you say that. That's incredibly insensitive. We just have to do a whole sensitivity training on species and stuff. I actually was the only one required to attend, now that I'm thinking about it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, I heard that you pretended to sit on the hedgehog one, whose name I forgot already, and you'd stand up holding your butt like, ouchie, ouchie.

[Travis McElroy]

And that's, like, you didn't enjoy that

[Griffin McElroy]

number one thing that hedgehogs, like, fucking hate, man. She don't like when you pretend to poke your butt.

[Justin McElroy]

I saw a TikTok.

[Travis McElroy]

Sorry, I just got. Oh, I'm out of the house.

[Justin McElroy]

Ah, dang, Trav, I'm sorry.

[Griffin McElroy]

Is it because you're doing this right now and it's not okay?

[Justin McElroy]

I have other opportunities. I have. Trav, don't worry. I have a business plan for you that I hit pun this week, actually.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, okay, great.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Because I owe them a lot of money. Now we're gonna get you out of it.

[Justin McElroy]

I saw TikTok about how it was a little bit. Watching the TikTok was bad because it's unnerving. Basically the prompt of the TikTok or the basis of the TikTok was there are YouTube channels that are. YouTube is activating this, like, auto translating feature. Right. So it was just like, auto translate these videos from other countries. Auto translate them into English. The concern is that, like, in this world of, you know, a Mr. B style ramp up to like, the most incendiary, the most whatever. We will outsource our content creation to poorer countries, you know, less into other nations where people might be exploited, and then that will be translated into English. Right.

[Travis McElroy]

That's.

[Justin McElroy]

That was the unnerving subject of the TikTok. And then the worry would be that basically, like, this gets outsourced to other countries. My question is, was slightly different. Is that, okay, how do we get that worked out the other way where we make. No, we're like, yeah. So I feel like maybe we'd hit big if we were getting auto translated into other countries. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, we have been maybe like English locked and maybe our real audience is a German speaking crowd or a Japanese speaking crowd.

[Travis McElroy]

They would get us a weekend. Like they get Hasselhoff kind of deal.

[Justin McElroy]

Yes, exactly. Yes. Trash.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. We never charted here in America, but you put us like in Germany or Finland or something. It's only number one.

[Justin McElroy]

The technology is there now, Travis, for us to be global.

[Griffin McElroy]

Think about how big Hasselhoff could have got it if he had AI on his side.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. Who better than Google's AI engine to take our twisted brand of comedy, repurpose it for the Venezuelan audience, and just like, give it, you know what I

[Griffin McElroy]

mean, Some cultural references here and there.

[Travis McElroy]

You would need to not just translate word for word. There'd have to be like, I don't know how big, like Morbius was, you know? So for the Morbius episode, they would have to choose, like, the Venezuelan equivalent of Morbius.

[Justin McElroy]

When we translated Saubhun's book into Chinese, the translator reached out to me and said, I'm really struggling with this bit where you said, you feel like he man slamming a Capri sun. We have Capri sun, but we don't have he man.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's weird. That is not the one that I thought.

[Travis McElroy]

I know.

[Justin McElroy]

So he says, is it sort of like monkey from Journey to the West?

[Griffin McElroy]

And I'm like, absolutely.

[Justin McElroy]

Yep.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, just swap.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes.

[Justin McElroy]

You will feel like monkey from Journey to the West. Slamming a Capri Sun 100%.

[Travis McElroy]

You got it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Control F battle cat, replace nimbus cloud.

[Travis McElroy]

When they said, is it like monkey from Journey to the west, were you like, I should have made that the reference to begin with. That is better. Justin, I thought you were gonna go a different way, which is instead of outsourcing it to countries where people would be taken advantage of and why not?

[Justin McElroy]

Which we hate. Did I say that? We hate.

[Griffin McElroy]

We hate. We've been doing this for so long, man. I hope people just assume we hate

[Travis McElroy]

that stuff, outsource it to us. So we'll make Mr. Beast content and then they can auto translate it to, like, how Mr. Beast would say it. But we.

[Griffin McElroy]

No one watches. No one watches Mr. Beast anymore. Mr. Beast tried to give away a hundred Bugattis the other day. And not. And not even in a hundred Bugatti.

[Justin McElroy]

No takers.

[Griffin McElroy]

No takers.

[Justin McElroy]

People are so stuck with 50 bugattis

[Griffin McElroy]

he can't unload because he had games and he hosted his games and he said, come play for a billion dollars. And then everyone left. And like, we hated those games.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, he spent the whole game going, don't you guys want to be shitty to each other? And they're like, no, I would feel bad if I did. And he was like, but for money, you want to be shitty to each other. And it's like, wow, this is an interesting look into your world.

[Justin McElroy]

I really enjoyed Beast showing up on Survivor because as a zillennial, I had a little swell of like, well, well, well, well, well, look who's on cbs. You know what I mean? Like, well, look who's not too cool to come on our dusty ass old reality show.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, you weren't the only one like that. Cause Jeff also shriveled up like one of the creatures from Ursula's lair that made a bad deal with her. Welcome, Beast. Please, a million more dollars.

[Justin McElroy]

Thank you, Daddy. Can I say, is it too much to call it the Beast Factor? I'm freaking out with how much Beast effect is going on in Survivor right now. He's the king of YouTube. But I felt like I just watch it. So credit to Jeff.

[Griffin McElroy]

I mean, yeah, he's right. I think all the money's in family based content. Not our age family.

[Travis McElroy]

But like I was gonna say.

[Justin McElroy]

Hey, Jeffrey, Jeffrey, still haven't seen a picture of you with the troph.

[Travis McElroy]

My man.

[Justin McElroy]

Would love to catch a glimpse.

[Griffin McElroy]

Would love. Yeah, please.

[Justin McElroy]

Would love to know it made it to hq.

[Travis McElroy]

We tracked it.

[Justin McElroy]

We tracked it, Jeff. It's at hq.

[Travis McElroy]

Would love a glimpse. Use it as an Immunity idol in an episode. Oh, my God. So much fun. We're not asking for much.

[Justin McElroy]

Just make it a fundamental prop in the show.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, yeah. If it could be, like, a game. Winning Immunity Idol that comes up in the finale episode, that would be.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, it would be. If you could show up and we'll. If you could be like, the McElroy brothers gave us $2 million to add to the prize pool.

[Travis McElroy]

And we're not gonna do that, though. We don't have it. Jeff.

[Justin McElroy]

You have to.

[Travis McElroy]

You would do it, but do it in our name.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

It seems like all the. A hawk just, like, grabbed a bird right off my balcony, guys.

[Justin McElroy]

Are you kidding?

[Travis McElroy]

Nature.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, dude, it was a huge, big bird and it swooped in and it screeched a little bit and it grabbed another bird and it went. Nothing else we're gonna do today.

[Justin McElroy]

That's the creepy shit I've ever seen. Your life. Is this in your life that you've needed guidance on? Like, you have to be open to signs and importance. Like, what, What? What do you need something guidance on? The universe is trying to tell you.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think the hawk is now the threat. The hawk now thinks that my house is a cool hangout spot to grab little birds.

[Travis McElroy]

You don't know what that little bird was planning. Griffin. That hawk just saved your life.

[Griffin McElroy]

True Sky. Sky.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. He was going to assassinate you.

[Travis McElroy]

That little bird was a spy.

[Griffin McElroy]

When I see how many V bucks these parents are giving their kids for hiding at a Dave and Buster's for two straight days, I think they must be making lots of fucking cash. And I think that's where the money is. I don't want to make that kind of content with my own children. We could, the three of us, do it, and maybe it would be kind of the same where I'd be like, you guys didn't clean your room, so now you got to drink this milkshake that I made out of.

[Justin McElroy]

We live in a content house with six kids that aren't our kids. I don't want to mess up my kids.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't want to mess up mine. I think family YouTube really takes advantage of children and there's a lot of horrible stuff. So let's instead hire child actors. An industry that has never taken advantage of children, never been detrimental.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes.

[Justin McElroy]

And also, we want to be so clear about this because I don't want anybody to be confused. Family YouTube bad.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Family podcast.

[Montagne (Theme Song Singer)]

Good.

[Travis McElroy]

Good, good, good. We like that I've been taking advantage of Justin and Griffin for years now to coast off of them.

[Griffin McElroy]

But we're grown.

[Travis McElroy]

Look how happy they are.

[Griffin McElroy]

We know better.

[Justin McElroy]

And our kids sometimes a little bit. But they like it.

[Griffin McElroy]

They do like it. I've gotten some positive feedback, and my

[Travis McElroy]

kids are proud of me. Occasionally proud. So, yeah, that feels good.

[Justin McElroy]

I've never made my kid hide in a Home Depot while they paint themselves orange. How's that?

[Travis McElroy]

Right?

[Justin McElroy]

You know what I mean?

[Travis McElroy]

Eventually, a YouTube video will make my kids think that real happy families set up bouncy castles in their living room to sleep in for the night. And I have to explain to them that one, all the lights are on and they're filming it so they're not sleeping in the night. When we watch those videos where it's

[Griffin McElroy]

like I turn my house into a trampoline park, I always. There's a bit where someone jumps into a chandelier and breaks it, and everyone's like, aha. That's always where I pause it and I say, that's exactly why. That's exactly why.

[Justin McElroy]

That's why. We don't have that.

[Griffin McElroy]

They're having fun. They're doing a good job. That's someone. Chandelier. Someone worked hard on that in this space.

[Travis McElroy]

Also, that's not.

[Justin McElroy]

My kids watch so much YouTube that they think there's a non zero chance mark Robert is going to blow up their home with elephant toothpaste at any moment. You know what I mean? At any moment, Mark Robert could come in here and blow up this whole place with elephant toothpaste. It's Mark Rober.

[Griffin McElroy]

But I do love French. Mark Robert.

[Justin McElroy]

No, no, no, it's not. No, no, no. Listen, I've done a lot of his crunch labs.

[Travis McElroy]

No, that's the evil version.

[Justin McElroy]

I've done a lot of his crunch labs. It's Mark Robert.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't think it's Mark Robert.

[Travis McElroy]

I do.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm a Crunch Lab member. Griffin, It's Mark Robert. I've watched his show on Netflix. It's Mark Robert.

[Travis McElroy]

I think it's Mark. Robot.

[Justin McElroy]

I think it's Mark Robert.

[Griffin McElroy]

Are you children ready to build a. No, I'm sorry. I'm Mark Robert.

[Travis McElroy]

Mark, do your parents have homeowners insurance?

[Justin McElroy]

Mark, if you want to send us a quick vid and let us know if it's Robert or. I think you may want to switch beach boy Jeff to the punch. Hey, how about some advice? Let's help.

[Travis McElroy]

I want to help.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, I want to help. I work in a nonprofit, and per my contract, I have a stipend. That I can spend on personal and professional development. I've used some of it to learn a new language. However, a company newsletter listed a few more options, one of which is a clown retreat where I can, quote, learn about what clowning means to me. My job has nothing to do with clowning, and my girlfriend definitely wouldn't approve. Is it irresponsible for me to go on a free clowning retreat for my own enjoyment on company dollars? Please help. Question 2. If I did go, do you think it's assumed I would bring my own nose and clown makeup?

[Travis McElroy]

And that's from clowney.

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, now you're not taking it. Now you're not taking it to.

[Justin McElroy]

Now you're being.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, what? That was the hinge of the question.

[Griffin McElroy]

The hinge of a question for me was, do I bring my own clown nose and makeup? You don't think they send an email ahead of time to let you know what kind of preparation they tell you

[Justin McElroy]

how many underwear probably.

[Travis McElroy]

If the class is find out what clowning means to you. It seems to me like the first calling, the first let's weed out, is to see does clowning mean to you? Bring your own note. Be prepared or I will earn the nose and I will earn the makeup.

[Justin McElroy]

If I have to figure out the right clown white to bring in where I'm not going to get beat up by the big kids. I'm not going to go. It's got to be provided for me. Okay. I mean, I know, right?

[Griffin McElroy]

Justin, I have his own shades.

[Graham Clark]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

I have a degree in this stuff. Okay. This is my area of expertise.

[Griffin McElroy]

Right.

[Justin McElroy]

Clowning is an art that is not limited to the nose. A lot of people forget this, that I had a master class with Marcel Marceau.

[Griffin McElroy]

I never forget this.

[Justin McElroy]

A lot of people forget that Marcel Marceau came to Marshall University in the 2000s. Marshall University. Marcel Marceau came to Marshall in the 2000s with Mark Robert. With Mark Robert while I was a student there. And before or after he performed a show at the Keith Albee, he came to the Marshall University theater department and did a masterclass for us. And so I don't think, I think to say I've been trained by Marcel Marceau gives me some leg to stand on here. And I can say clowning is so much more than a nose. It's an attitude.

[Travis McElroy]

I wasn't he a mime.

[Justin McElroy]

Mimes is clowns, duder.

[Travis McElroy]

That's what I'm saying.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, dude. It's all part of comedy Dell art.

[Travis McElroy]

You know, Justin, I also Had a masterclass at the University of Oklahoma From Larry Drake, aka Dr. Giggles and the guy with the sash in that one episode of Firefly. And he was asked if he prefers doing drama or comedy. And he said, drama is like, ugh. But comedy is like, hey. And I'll never forget that.

[Justin McElroy]

I think I just learned a lot by the transitive property.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

So that's awesome.

[Justin McElroy]

Damn, that's good.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. So I think I also know a lot about comedy.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think you're assuming a lot that you will be asked to apply clown makeup and a nose and do clown stuff, because that does not sound like the concept of this retreat. It sounds like you'll find. Do a deep soul searching to find what clowning means to you.

[Travis McElroy]

When someone introduces the word retreat into the formula, for me, it does imply a level of getting in touch with myself in a way that I'm like, oh, no, thank you. If it was a clown class that lasted three days at, yeah, 100% a

[Justin McElroy]

retreat, I think that it could help you. Maybe. Maybe the angle is like, find the vulnerability in yourself. Isn't that clowning? Isn't that clowning? You get down deep, you find the things that you're embarrassed of, then you just, like, put them out. Just beg people to laugh at them for your own humiliation. Kink. I think I've lost the plot a little bit.

[Griffin McElroy]

You have a little.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Earlier on in the sentence, I think we could all remember the house.

[Griffin McElroy]

You had some great points.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Two thirds of that sentence. Absolutely.

[Justin McElroy]

Those were the days.

[Travis McElroy]

I have a running analysis in my head of handsome guy, funny, like stars where they go into movies, and it's like, I've been handsome for a while, but now I want to do funny movies.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

And there are some who are so good at being like, I don't need to be cool. I think John Cena's great at this, Where John Cena is willing to look stupid and be the butt of a joke in so many things.

[Griffin McElroy]

He'll tear his chest open and show you his heart and everything inside.

[Travis McElroy]

He has no problem looking like an idiot. There are some other ones where even when they're supposed to look like an idiot, they're cool and it doesn't work. So I do. Like, if I could go to a clown retreat, that would teach me to finally just let.

[Griffin McElroy]

Stop being so handsome all the time.

[Travis McElroy]

Stop being so handsome and cool and just let myself be a bit of a fool from time to time, that might be very useful for me.

[Justin McElroy]

What if you love it too much? And you can't turn the clown off.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, maybe. Is that what your girlfriend's afraid of?

[Griffin McElroy]

What if you can't turn the clown off?

[Justin McElroy]

Maybe you find the clown and you awaken the clown, and all of a sudden, you're the disguise.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. Like Bruce Wayne to Batman, where he is Batman.

[Justin McElroy]

He is laughing.

[Griffin McElroy]

He's Batman for real. When he was born, I'm left man. He was born Batman. And then when he was like, 12, he made some money at a lemonade stand, and he came inside with a suit, and he's like, I'm go by Bruce now.

[Travis McElroy]

That's not exactly what I meant, but yeah, yeah, that's exactly what I meant.

[Griffin McElroy]

His parents got killed in the alley. They were like, help us, Batman. And he's like, I can't. I'm Bruce now.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm Bruce now.

[Griffin McElroy]

Bruce can't fight.

[Travis McElroy]

I wanted to take on an identity that would strike fear in the heart

[Justin McElroy]

of no one murderer.

[Griffin McElroy]

Will you spare my parents for this many dollars?

[Travis McElroy]

I do like the idea because the company put the option in the newsletter, but you take it, and then they're like, oh, we didn't test.

[Griffin McElroy]

Absolutely a test.

[Travis McElroy]

And it's not.

[Griffin McElroy]

Clowning's not bad. But they don't. It's not use for your job skill sets.

[Travis McElroy]

No, there are plenty of, like, I know people who do corporate improv workshops and Shakespeare workshops and stuff. It's about getting in touch. It's the retreat aspect of it, that if you get there. Here's the problem with a retreat. You get there day one, you've been there 10 minutes, and the vibe is off for you. And you're like, oh, this isn't what I signed up for. You can't leave. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

You're in prison. You're in clown prison. You're stuck in a clown car with a bunch of other clowns. But you don't want to be a clown. You're just Dave. You know what I mean? It's day one, you thought it would

[Travis McElroy]

be funny to use this corporate money to go to clown retreat. But then you're there.

[Griffin McElroy]

It is funny. I'll say this.

[Justin McElroy]

No, it's funny story. It's funny. Yeah. I mean, clown's funny. It's funny. In hindsight. You have to live through it. You have to experience it with your human body and mind. And then after that, it will be funny. But you do have to endure the initial thing.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think pain is funny.

[Travis McElroy]

Leaving the body.

[Justin McElroy]

Why? I don't think your bosses want you to take the lessons of these Retreats, like an improv retreat or a clowning retreat. Your bosses don't actually want you to bring that energy back to the office. Right? If your boss is like, justin, you did a bad job on your reports and you looked at him and you're like, yes.

[Travis McElroy]

And honka, honka, honka.

[Justin McElroy]

You know what I mean? He doesn't want that. He wants actually for you to just do a better job at your thing. He doesn't want you to reach up and go. He wants you to do better at the reports.

[Travis McElroy]

They want you to bring the energy of someone who got a clown retreat paid for them, and now they feel special and they're gonna work a little harder.

[Justin McElroy]

And they're working harder.

[Travis McElroy]

Cause they got away with something.

[Griffin McElroy]

They don't want clown technique to come back into the office. They want the clown energy.

[Justin McElroy]

Clown satisfaction, clown mentality, clown work ethic.

[Travis McElroy]

There you go.

[Griffin McElroy]

Clown grind.

[Travis McElroy]

What?

[Justin McElroy]

Willingness to be humiliated.

[Travis McElroy]

Come back as the joker.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, shit.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. You don't get to choose.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm Pennywise.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, no.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, no.

[Griffin McElroy]

It was an overall retreat. Thanks for the retreat, boss. I'm gonna go eat a kid.

[Justin McElroy]

No. Bad news. Your HR director is Pennywise. Over the past month, I've been going to physio for a shoulder and neck issue. During one of the first sessions, I was asked to use a grip strength tester, where I pulled the highest LBs the clinic has ever seen. Since then, some of the staff at the clinic have been calling me Mr. Grips. Grippy Gripster. I'm not sure how I feel about the new names. Do I curb them or let them slide? And that's from Grip Strength Gripe in Canada. Shouldn't they let you leave? Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

What are you doing there?

[Justin McElroy]

If you're doing physical therapy and they're like, here's the grip machine. And they're like, fuck, shouldn't you be in charge? Well, they have to start gripping it.

[Travis McElroy]

Once they passed the grip machine, they then handed them a big mallet and said, now hit this paddle, and if you can ring the bell, you get to go. And that's where it failed. You know what I mean?

[Justin McElroy]

Do you think as a physical therapist, there's a moment where you get them to the point where they're like, probably as good as they used to be, but do you think sometimes you're like, damn, I think this guy's really got potential? Like, I think if I keep physical therapying them, I think they could become a professional athlete. Like, there is a. There's a ceiling here that I can get Them back pass. You know what I mean?

[Griffin McElroy]

You can just keep.

[Justin McElroy]

You never know when to stop. The therapy.

[Travis McElroy]

That's probably only like, one in a hundred times, you know, it's probably pretty rare.

[Justin McElroy]

I agree. Yeah, I agree.

[Travis McElroy]

All I'm saying is that if I did a grip string test, if I did any test at a place and they said I did the best anyone ever, that's going to become at least 20 to 30% of my personality from now on.

[Justin McElroy]

Travis, that was maybe the least surprising sentence that's ever been uttered on the program. I could have written it with my blood. I mean, I. Yeah, man.

[Travis McElroy]

Then will it surprise you to know, Justin, when I found out two and a half years ago that grip strength testers existed, I immediately bought one.

[Griffin McElroy]

He did.

[Justin McElroy]

I remember that.

[Griffin McElroy]

Cause you made us all do it. And mine was bad.

[Justin McElroy]

Mine was really, really bad.

[Travis McElroy]

Mine was very good.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

I have grip muscles built into my hands.

[Griffin McElroy]

You see those tall hands? Look at those grippers. God damn.

[Travis McElroy]

Those muscles next to my thumb.

[Justin McElroy]

That's crazy, dude. Griffin got 17 rubber bands. Not even double looped. 17 rubber bands. That was his grip strength rating.

[Griffin McElroy]

Pretty good, I thought. Yeah, it goes up to, like, 6,000. Like, Travis is doing, like, 6,000.

[Justin McElroy]

He's got, like, watermelon crushing power.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, I'm out here because inevitably, one of you will slip and slide off a cliff, and I'll dive and catch you by the wrist, and I want to be able to hold you. Cause I love you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, but what if you're the one

[Travis McElroy]

that falls off and we can pull you off? Why aren't you guys working harder?

[Griffin McElroy]

We're like, you got to let us go, Trav. You got to let us go. You're too heavy, and you're like, I can't, man. My gripper is too powerful.

[Justin McElroy]

I have been dealing with this in my left hand because I've been recovering from carpal tunnel surgery, and I'm a few months in now, and I am now starting to get to the point where, like, is this as good as it was? Was it better than this? I don't remember it being better or worse. I don't remember how good it was before. So I'm kind of, like, trying to feel that out. Like, yeah, I think it could be a little bit more movie. Yeah. All right.

[Travis McElroy]

This is every time I watch a show where they do some kind of, like, we're doing a challenge, right? And it's like, we took our biometric measurements before and after. That's the part I most envy the idea Of I'm about to do something for a week, and someone's gonna tell me the measure of change. Of, like, yeah, this improved. This went down. And I can perfectly figure out a sequence of events where it's like, yeah, every week he's just getting stronger and stronger.

[Justin McElroy]

Travis is like, I must have more data about Travis.

[Travis McElroy]

There must be more I can know about myself.

[Justin McElroy]

So many numbers are slipping away from me.

[Griffin McElroy]

I had the thought for the first time, like, a couple days ago that people who go to the gym to lift weights, to get strong, they probably have a moment pretty frequently where they lift a new, heaviest weight. And I had the thought of, like, that's probably cool. That probably feels pretty cool knowing I can do 300 now. I don't know if that's good or bad or, like, what.

[Travis McElroy]

I mean, it depends on what exercise you're doing. If you were 300, you're nailing it.

[Justin McElroy]

But that's a measurement, I would say,

[Griffin McElroy]

also, but, like, if you couldn't do 300 before, and then you practiced and you worked hard and you ate, like, a bunch of cod or whatever, and then the next day you could do 300, you'd probably be, like, fucking stoked.

[Justin McElroy]

Cause you're scoring. Griffin. I was thinking about something similar to that. I was thinking about how if you were to practice at, like, say, chess, and then you played chess, and then your score at chess improved, you would probably have a positive feeling you derive from that.

[Travis McElroy]

Or, like, if you started playing an instrument and, like, you found a really challenging piece of music that you weren't able to play, but then you practice and you got better.

[Griffin McElroy]

You guys are making fun of. You guys are talking in a tone that sounds like you're similar.

[Justin McElroy]

No, Travis, That's a similar experience to what Griffin outlined.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, like, of course you did chess. If you got better at chess and your ELO went up, that'd be cool. And if you could play a musical piece, that would be cool. I'm talking about, like, if you started

[Travis McElroy]

running and you kept track of the time it took you to, like, run a mile. Yeah. And for you to.

[Justin McElroy]

Or if you tried to cook a meal and you couldn't, and then you studied cooking for a year, and then at the end of that year, you cooked that same meal again.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, that's different. This is your bond.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, like, if you didn't know how to read. Right. So then you started learning to read, and then you knew how to read, that would probably feel pretty good.

[Griffin McElroy]

You guys are making fun of me for fucking sure, dude.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't think so.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't think I am. Trav. Trav. Were you? Cause I wasn't.

[Travis McElroy]

But maybe traveled. I don't think I was. I was just trying to back up Griffin's points with other.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't know how much I can pick up. I don't know how much I can pick up. I know that if someone asks me to move a couch and they're gonna help, I can usually do it, but that doesn't translate to a number. If I had a number.

[Justin McElroy]

I disagree, Griffin, because I think you're picking up what me and travel are laying down really well.

[Griffin McElroy]

I just don't want to get squished.

[Justin McElroy]

Let's go to the money zone.

[Griffin McElroy]

I just don't want to get. I don't lift weights. Cause I don't want to get squished.

[Justin McElroy]

Non sex.

[Montagne (Theme Song Singer)]

It's better. It's better with you.

[Justin McElroy]

Smalls is the best cat food I've ever purchased. And friends, I've bought them all. But my cats are wild for this stuff. I've got the timing down perfect. The smalls show up right when I need it. There is a. Honestly, there is a bag of treats that comes with my Smalls every time I get a shipment. And if I didn't have it, I. I couldn't get the cats out of the girl's bedroom at night.

[Travis McElroy]

No, I've seen this work.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's incredible.

[Travis McElroy]

I've seen it in action.

[Griffin McElroy]

It is like you have a remote control cat. It's crazy.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, it's wild. It's because they go crazy for this food. They go. The same thing happens when I tear open a package of Smalls. They go wild for it's preservative free, human grade ingredients. It's good, natural stuff you find in your fridge.

[Travis McElroy]

Does it ever happen if you open a package that just sounds like a package of Smalls and they run in the room and then they're really angry that it's not smalls?

[Justin McElroy]

Yes, 100% of the time, Travis. In fact, you might say that if we open the fridge, sometimes the cat will leap onto Sydney's shoulder like some sort of demented furry parrot just trying to get some smalls. They're wild for this stuff. And your cats will be too. Stop.

[Griffin McElroy]

You're making it sound like a problem. I'll just say feedback on the ad.

[Justin McElroy]

You're making it sound like your cats

[Griffin McElroy]

are like Smalls junkies.

[Travis McElroy]

They are. They are.

[Justin McElroy]

They love.

[Travis McElroy]

But in a good way.

[Griffin McElroy]

But in a good way. Okay, I'M saying it sounds like your cat has a problem too much.

[Justin McElroy]

My cat has a problem because it's mean. That's not Smalls fault. It's a cruel creature. Do you understand? Like, it's not the emotions of you. Which is two.

[Travis McElroy]

Which one's your favorite?

[Griffin McElroy]

One of Justin's cats is famously meaner than me.

[Justin McElroy]

Sydney has two cats. I have a litter box. Stop serving your little carnivore a bowl of processed shortcuts for a limited time because you're a Ba Bimbam listener. Get 60% off your first order, plus free shipping and free treats for life when you head to smalls.com mybrother that's 60% off your first order, plus free shipping and free treats for life when you head to smalls.com mybrother I have

[Travis McElroy]

Jasmine in my home. And what I've learned about Jasmine is basically, she's the type of cat that is just the world's clumsiest and least effective assassin, where she'll see me going into a room, she'll run ahead of me, hide behind the couch, and then dive out at me and boot my leg and then run back behind and I imagine laugh at her success. Just a funny kitty story for you guys.

[Griffin McElroy]

That was chilling, bud.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, man.

[Griffin McElroy]

You don't want to hear about funny kitty. We don't usually.

[Travis McElroy]

We just listened to a kitty story from Justin.

[Griffin McElroy]

Justin's was a paid kitty story, and

[Justin McElroy]

they had to pay me to tell a kitty story.

[Travis McElroy]

You know what? They also didn't like this at the content house when I was telling them about my pets at home. And I think every time I use the word pets, they got really upset.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, they don't even understand the idea. How can a man own a goose?

[Travis McElroy]

What is a man to a goose?

[Griffin McElroy]

What is a man to a goose?

[Graham Clark]

I'm Graham Clark, co host of Maximum Funds. Stop Podcast yourself. And I'm here with Max fund member of the month, Matthew. Hello, Matthew.

[Justin McElroy]

How are you? Hi, Grandma.

[Graham Clark]

Thank you for supporting a thing that you love. That's something that you listen to. I do it as well, and I love being able to do that for the podcast that I listen to.

[Justin McElroy]

Plus, you are the kings of Boko.

[Graham Clark]

Absolutely.

[Griffin McElroy]

We are.

[Justin McElroy]

I appreciate seeing those coming in.

[Graham Clark]

Now, do you know what your perks are for being the member of the month?

[Justin McElroy]

I do. I mean, I get to talk to you, which is kind of the big thing. Of course, the.

[Graham Clark]

The best.

[Justin McElroy]

The parking space.

[Graham Clark]

Yep.

[Justin McElroy]

And I think there's $25 in the max fund.

[Graham Clark]

And you Also get a bumper sticker.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, bumper sticker.

[Travis McElroy]

That's right. Yeah.

[Graham Clark]

So is there anything else you'd like to add? Talking to other people out there that are maybe considering joining Maximum Fun, knowing

[Justin McElroy]

that you're supporting something that you like, that brings value and happiness to a ton of people, That's a good feeling. You're fighting the good fight. Support the shows you love, including this one.

[Griffin McElroy]

Check the show notes for a link or go to maximumfun.org join.

[Travis McElroy]

You know, we've been doing My Brother, My brother me for 15 years, and maybe. Maybe you stopped listening for a while. Maybe you never listened, and you're probably assuming. Three white guys talking for 15 years. I know where this has ended up, but no, no, you would be wrong.

[Justin McElroy]

We're as shocked as you are that we have not fallen into some sort of horrific scandal or just turned into a big crypto thing.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, you don't even really know how crypto works.

[Griffin McElroy]

The only NFTs I'm into are naughty, funny Things, which is what we talk about on My Brother.

[Justin McElroy]

My Brother and me, we serve it up every Monday for you if you're listening. And if not, we just leave it out back until it goes rotten.

[Travis McElroy]

So check it out on Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Justin McElroy]

Haunted Doll Watch. You know, there's a lot going on in the world of haunted items, and I just.

[Travis McElroy]

Summerween.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, I have five.

[Griffin McElroy]

My Summerween is really coming.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, Summerween time. I have five. I'm gonna share with you guys because they're all the worst, and I wanted to show them to you guys to see which ones you all think is the worst.

[Griffin McElroy]

Juicy, you still watching from? I heard they got haunted monsters now.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, man. They've got everything on from. And of course, I'm still watching from.

[Travis McElroy]

I remember a time where Justin said there apparently is a show that exists called From. I keep seeing clips from it, and I have no goddamn idea what any of them mean.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hey, Juice, this one sucks, man.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, boy. Oh, yeah, these all. Hey, this week, they all suck. Haunted doll vessel, Young Seelie Court. White light witch, Fae spirit.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's giving coal escola Mary Todd a little bit. Just like in the complexion, I guess.

[Travis McElroy]

Does she have just a handful of loose icing? What is that?

[Justin McElroy]

So let's see here. That's a good man, Trav. That's a really good. Really good question. A lot of people don't know that level of. Oh, that is a unicorn brooch.

[Travis McElroy]

It's the head of a unicorn. She's threatening that other unicorn with.

[Justin McElroy]

It's the head of a unicorn. She's holding the head of a unicorn I think is what we're dealing with there.

[Travis McElroy]

It's py long stockings and she's coming into your world.

[Justin McElroy]

Lydia is not a witch practicing white magic. She is white light magic in fae form. She's connected to happiness. Purity, emotional healing, self worth, emotional encouragement and light abundance, energy.

[Travis McElroy]

There's something about that that sounds like the head of a PTA board saying to a parent. The parent is like I don't. I don't think you understand. Like Miller Elementary Spirit. And they're like, I don't understand Miller Elementary Spirit. I am Miller Elementary Spirit in human form.

[Justin McElroy]

This girl was not fully ready for the human world yet. Not because she's weak. Because she is unbelievably innocent, naive. Which means she has not fully harnessed her authority. She does not naturally recognize manipulation. Yet she assumes everyone is emotionally sincere. She believes everything will work out perfectly perfect because that's her nature.

[Travis McElroy]

Must be nice for the last of every baby born.

[Griffin McElroy]

Though that is pretty much a baby experience.

[Travis McElroy]

Are there babies that come into the world jaded?

[Justin McElroy]

This is the next part that I can't stop thinking about. For the next three months, Lydia has had full reign of my home. My divination room, which I guess is not in the home. My spirit collection, which I guess she doesn't keep in the divination room.

[Travis McElroy]

I got a lot of sheds.

[Justin McElroy]

The rituals, which I guess is in yet another outbuilding. And then the spirit communication work which must happen at yet a tertiary location.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's more of a compound.

[Justin McElroy]

It's really. Yeah, it's a. I got a bunch

[Travis McElroy]

of buses that I buried underground and linked with tunnels.

[Griffin McElroy]

This is my she shed. And that's my sea shed where I sit.

[Justin McElroy]

That's my D shed where the demons she has approached. All of it with emotional confidence of a glitter covered four year old with absolutely zero survival instincts.

[Travis McElroy]

Then don't give her free rein.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, that's.

[Travis McElroy]

I had one of those. A glitter covered four year old with no survival instincts. And I wasn't like everything. Let me open all the drawers and cabinets for you.

[Griffin McElroy]

I can't imagine setting my 5 year old loose in a divination room. No way, man.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, she even got this way. She tried to rehabilitate Lilith Succubus.

[Travis McElroy]

What?

[Justin McElroy]

She. Yeah, she calls them sparkle resets. She says you breathe shine at your face. Yeah. This is what Lydia said to her. Lilith Succubus. Oh girl, you got A lot going on. You never gonna get the right boyfriend with that look. You need positive affirmations and self respect. Meanwhile, this ancient seductive succubus energy. And Lydia is talking to her like a tiny emotion of emotionally supportive pageant coach.

[Travis McElroy]

This sounds like a soul.

[Justin McElroy]

So you guys think I'm just kind of like losing it right now, but

[Travis McElroy]

I'm going to scroll down a little

[Justin McElroy]

bit just so you can. I want to.

[Travis McElroy]

You can't scroll past the sexy succubus.

[Griffin McElroy]

The fucking row of.

[Justin McElroy]

This is legitimately.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh my God.

[Justin McElroy]

This is the script of this person who has like, outlined this. This. This exchange that this ghost had with the different ghosts she has living at her house.

[Travis McElroy]

Wait, scroll back up because. Sure, Trevor, Lydia's a toxic friend.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, absolutely.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Like Lydia truly sees good in everything dark spirit. Maybe he's just sad manipulation. Maybe it was a misunderstanding. Chaos. Maybe everybody just needs a hug. Hey, Lydia, I'm trying to complain about

[Justin McElroy]

this guy and I just need you

[Travis McElroy]

to validate my feelings.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, please.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sparkle reset is also the most menacing brainwashing shit ever heard of.

[Justin McElroy]

That's what they give you. A clockwork orange.

[Travis McElroy]

Clover's pink.

[Justin McElroy]

You get a sparkle reset.

[Travis McElroy]

She sees sadness, anger, bitterment, and thinks, oh no, somebody forgot to be happy. And it's like, hey, Lydia, depression exists.

[Griffin McElroy]

Some of us are. We're working through some shit.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm giving you guys some extra ones to read here.

[Griffin McElroy]

She celebrates every tiny manifestation like they just won a spiritual Olympics. That's what they call. That is what they call the church camp that I went to.

[Justin McElroy]

This is honestly y'. All. It. I can imagine.

[Travis McElroy]

It keeps going.

[Griffin McElroy]

This is a whole pilot.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, it's a whole. She's got a season two arc. Yeah, it's a whole universe. So we're not gonna deal with that anymore.

[Travis McElroy]

One of the things I really like here. And listen, I wouldn't call myself an expert in Fae mythology, but it did say that a rarely seen young Seelie core. There's no such. Like, they've been alive for. Like, they're eternal. I don't think they're a young Fae.

[Justin McElroy]

Anyways, by popular demand, we have another Succubus summoned by my very spiritual friend who has experienced with conjuring and binding. And we curated this vessel especially for her.

[Griffin McElroy]

Helen Ree.

[Travis McElroy]

Si Rob brought this one to us. Nasty Dave brings you these.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm just realizing I didn't read the text of this one before I brought it. I just thought the picture.

[Travis McElroy]

You just like the picture so much.

[Justin McElroy]

She delights. I Wanted to see how you guys react. And only Griffin gave me what I gave.

[Travis McElroy]

We would have to blur this to post it on our Instagram. Instagram, Justin.

[Justin McElroy]

It's just a doll, you pervert. Get your head out of the gutter.

[Travis McElroy]

It's not just a doll, Justin, because I would say there's some aftermarket additions,

[Griffin McElroy]

there's some mods, some bio mod.

[Justin McElroy]

I haven't looked at the picture very

[Travis McElroy]

closely, but Hachi mod.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. There are nipples. Someone drew nipples on it. Sorry. Let's see. Here is a lustful succubus spirit. If you feel a stirring and are drawn to her pictures, perhaps go to jail already.

[Griffin McElroy]

You're in jail now.

[Justin McElroy]

Go to jail. Perhaps you are already connecting with her and could fulfill her desires and fantasies. She will come to you in vivid dreams, but she can manifest as a shadow figure if she gains enough strength. And I'm sorry, I'm paying $205. Sorry, just to be clear, for this shadow figure, for this, I'm paying 205.

[Travis McElroy]

I also, once again, don't know much about mythology, but I'm pretty sure the deal is that a succubus is looking for someone to fulf their desires.

[Griffin McElroy]

Right?

[Travis McElroy]

I'm pretty sure that's not how the exchange works.

[Griffin McElroy]

So that's. So this says not a toy. Her vessel's top is removable, revealing an anatomically correct chest underneath. She also has a see through lace skirt with small white. I'm not gonna say that word underneath.

[Travis McElroy]

It also explicitly says, crazy thing, that this is not a toy. Then that line. And then per ebay policy, you're purchasing a tangible item, a toy. That was gross.

[Justin McElroy]

Let's see.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey, the new Toy Story looks weird as fuck. By the way, seeing these stills. Oh,

[Justin McElroy]

this is too bad. Yep, they finally got into us. They got haunted doll mystery boxes. Now you don't know what haunted thing you're going to get with this $80 treat.

[Travis McElroy]

And look at that totally real hand drawn art display. Totally.

[Griffin McElroy]

Definitely not art.

[Justin McElroy]

Yes. Step in the enchanting world of the supernatural with this haunted doll mystery box. Inside, you'll find one haunted doll rumored to carry the presence of friendly, fun, wholesome and positive spirits. We're outsourcing our hauntings to other countries that we're importing them in bulk. This is terrible.

[Travis McElroy]

Can you imagine being a haunted doll and being told like, yeah, you're going to be in a blind box? What do you mean?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, no one wanted you. People knew you. They did not want you. The only way we can get you in their hands is to. Is to sort of do you up. Gotcha style.

[Travis McElroy]

If you have enough haunted dolls to start a haunted doll blind box company, I don't think you get to throw the word rumored in there. Like, did you just buy dolls in bulk? And you're like one of these bad boys.

[Griffin McElroy]

You've lost context.

[Justin McElroy]

Are they rumored or are you verifying every one of these guys is a haunted as fuck? Some people I'm buying an $80 box.

[Griffin McElroy]

I would not do this because this is definitely how they get rid of the dolls that are too haunted. Yeah, the dolls that are like this one will make spikes come out of your fucking balls and they'll stab you in the head while you're asleep. This is a dark, dark, dark demon, and no one goes for that. They're going to show up inside the blind box.

[Justin McElroy]

It's also irritating from somebody that just like. I'd like to maintain canon within haunted doll Watch. I like to maintain, you know, kfab and I feel like every practitioner of these arts tell you how important it is to find the spirit that sort of works with you and, like, makes sense for you and not like fucking fired out of a T shirt cannon. Just whatever random. Think about this. Even in a world where you believe these are haunted, what these people are saying is, we'll box up a random fucking soul and send it to your house. Like, you wouldn't do that with doordash, right? You wouldn't say like, hey, I need a friend. Will you come over and hang out with me? Fucking anybody in the world. Doesn't matter.

[Travis McElroy]

Come on over. Do that with. I'm hungry. Just bring whatever food you find lying

[Justin McElroy]

around, whatever you're near, whatever restaurant is

[Griffin McElroy]

around at this point. You're not an ebay vendor. I do think you qualify as a necromancer once you start sort of slinging around randomized haunted dolls in this manner. Sad.

[Justin McElroy]

Two quick ones. Just. This is a palette cleanser. We don't even have to talk about this. Haunted.

[Griffin McElroy]

Are there visible nipples on this palette?

[Travis McElroy]

No.

[Justin McElroy]

I wanted to step you guys down. We're gonna go out in the. Chill out real quick with Leo. Or rambunctious prankster. See, I need like Leo.

[Griffin McElroy]

God damn. Inflation has. Has absolutely savaged the haunted doll market.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, you would think.

[Griffin McElroy]

75 bucks.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, you would think.

[Travis McElroy]

They have 2015 transactions. 100% positive.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Wow. They're throwing heat, man.

[Travis McElroy]

I can count.

[Justin McElroy]

Leo is amazing with his ability. Sorry. Leo is amazing.

[Travis McElroy]

Did you read the title, Justin? The title's Great.

[Justin McElroy]

Thank you. Haunted doll. Active spirit positive. Leo. Rambunctious prankster.

[Griffin McElroy]

And you watch Listening at Home. Just sort of imagine like a Cats from Cat.

[Travis McElroy]

Like a Skimbleshanks type.

[Griffin McElroy]

Imagine a skimbleshanks, but scary, like even scarier.

[Travis McElroy]

Rambunctious prankster does sound like a euphemism that a parent uses for their horrible child to try to get them into the fancy daycare in town.

[Griffin McElroy]

Uh huh.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh yeah, he's a rambunctious prankster.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, Timmy just pushed my kid in the river. Yeah, he is rambunctious like that.

[Justin McElroy]

This is good. I accept items that are considered seriously haunted. If it's haunted and it feels like it could be too dangerous for you or the people you love, contact me and we'll see about getting it out of your hands. No questions asked. Unless about the item itself.

[Travis McElroy]

Well now, well, some questions asked.

[Justin McElroy]

So all questions. I mean, you're saying you won't ask a question that I cannot reasonably ration into some reason that it would be connected to the doll in any way, shape or form.

[Griffin McElroy]

You guys want drugs? I got them. No questions. Except for which drugs you like and want and whether I have them and

[Travis McElroy]

how you'll be paying and how you'll

[Griffin McElroy]

pay and what they do to your brain and body.

[Travis McElroy]

I won't ask questions about you.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. About your personal life. I won't ask your address. Yeah, Last one. And you guys are gonna. You guys can go apeshit for this guy. I love this guy. I might get him myself, honestly. And I never. I never get these guys.

[Travis McElroy]

I never do this. Oh damn.

[Griffin McElroy]

So we got.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh man, it's me.

[Justin McElroy]

Haunted, German door vessel, child spirit. Bennett. Active, mischievous, loving boy.

[Travis McElroy]

It does. I'm gonna say this Justin in an alternate universe.

[Justin McElroy]

Travis, tell me what is it about

[Travis McElroy]

that in which Justin McElroy was born in Victorian England and maybe went through a scarlet fever or two. This is. That looks like two year old Justin McElroy.

[Justin McElroy]

Yes, it's a beautiful boy. And he says I come with my own entertainment. I have a copy of the Bear and the Fly, a story by Paula Winter and a picture of four of the oldest kids you've ever seen in your entire life.

[Travis McElroy]

How are those kids?

[Justin McElroy]

How are these kids?

[Griffin McElroy]

40. That's great.

[Justin McElroy]

40 year old children. And yes, I think this was us

[Travis McElroy]

at our retirement party from the business we started.

[Justin McElroy]

Look at this photo cube that the car is sitting on. This is a fully staged production here for Bennett and Bennett.

[Travis McElroy]

Take the picture, Mother.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm ready. Mother. I found my life Take the picture

[Travis McElroy]

of my hair is perfect.

[Justin McElroy]

Bennett. You want to know about Bennett?

[Griffin McElroy]

Of course.

[Justin McElroy]

He's a little guy. He found this little guy back in 2015 in an antique shop in New Orleans. The antique shop owner told me he had been sitting untouched for quite a while because people could not decide whether he looked sad, confused, or mildly offended by humanity.

[Travis McElroy]

Personally, how are those mutually exclusive?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. Personally, I thought he looked like trouble, and I like that he made me laugh because he was a bit judgy. The second I picked him up, I swear I heard the emotional equivalent of a sigh. Like he was looking at me, thinking, absolutely not. What is wrong with you in your day to day that you pick up a doll and you think, this doll thinks I suck?

[Travis McElroy]

And I love that.

[Griffin McElroy]

And I like that. I love that.

[Travis McElroy]

I love this.

[Justin McElroy]

I will.

[Travis McElroy]

Read me for filth.

[Griffin McElroy]

Read me for filth, Bennett. I'll make you love me.

[Justin McElroy]

I love this boy. I took him home.

[Travis McElroy]

I can fix him.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think Bennett would look great on your shelf.

[Justin McElroy]

Besides, what is one more man in my life telling me what to do?

[Griffin McElroy]

Oof.

[Justin McElroy]

A doof.

[Travis McElroy]

Is that. Does it say that?

[Justin McElroy]

It says that. I didn't write that. Oh, editorialize that. I noticed the name written beneath his wig when I got home. Shirley Navarre. Naturally, my first response was, ooh, creepy. I like that. All right, dude. Fucking. We get it. Yeah, Absolutely. Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, it also tells me a lot that the first thing you did when you got home was take his wig off.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, you got to check it for wig bugs. Travel.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, that's true.

[Griffin McElroy]

You can't bring a new haunted doll into a vessel into your house and get wig bugs everywhere.

[Justin McElroy]

This person is the same person that writes these incredibly long screens. But I did want to highlight this.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, boy. Not a little. Okay. One image repeated during my sessions with him. A fountain. Not a little garn fountain either. A massive decorative estate fountain filled with goldfish. He was reaching in and putting them in his pocket. I said, why would you do that? And Bennett intuitively said, the toilet is basically an indoor pond if you stop being negative for five minutes. Then, after a very dramatic pause, he added, it was a scientific experiment. And everyone overreacted. Apparently, this is the sore spot. What was the experiment?

[Justin McElroy]

Bennett pissing in the fountain.

[Griffin McElroy]

Pissing the fountain?

[Travis McElroy]

No, he flushed the fish down the toilet.

[Justin McElroy]

It was a prank. You just didn't get it.

[Griffin McElroy]

It was a prank and an experiment. And the fact that you don't understand it.

[Travis McElroy]

I was trying to start a family vlog channel, and it was 1823.

[Griffin McElroy]

So, like, Bennett wouldn't even know what to do with these.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, this continues for quite some time, actually. And it is just a long history of this small German ghost bullying this woman into submission. I don't blame her for wanting to get rid of Bennett. He seems like a real dingleberry.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Wait, what's it say at the bottom? Oh, the entertainment purposes only.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, no. Okay, I do. I guess legally. You're right, Griffin, ebay rules. I need to inform you that this is for entertainment purposes only, and you're buying a tangible item. I'm not responsible for the behaviors you may experience. But you can't say I didn't warn you. You should say that part before the other part. Like, you should totally break the story at the end. Don't break it in the middle.

[Griffin McElroy]

For the ebay items, it's like, pay me a hundred dollars and I'll have a witch cast a spell that makes your dick bigger. What do they say at the bottom of those?

[Justin McElroy]

What you get is a little. What you do. You get a little scroll. Like in wizard of Oz, you know, where he handed him the thing that said he had, like, a great brain or whatever, and it's just a tiny scroll that says, like, better dick, you know, it was like a little. And it's like, read this out loud, baby. Or not. I don't know the exact mechanism of it. I've never had to order one. I just order a harem of virtual succubi that live in my home.

[Travis McElroy]

I did see it scroll by. Quick there. That Shirley Navarre was a previous doll owner that apparently Andy style wrote her name on the boy's head on his wig.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. What if that's how Andy had marked Woody? Woody just had a neck tattoo that said Andy on it.

[Travis McElroy]

And these are my nipples he drew. You are a toy.

[Griffin McElroy]

These are my.

[Travis McElroy]

You are a tangible item.

[Griffin McElroy]

Why don't they. These are my anatomically correct nipples.

[Justin McElroy]

They should have a haunted doll character in the movies where it's like, no, no, no, you don't understand. It's like she comes to life, but she's like, come alive all the time. And the life that she has is different from ours. It's not like ours. How like, we kind of sparkle with fun and joy.

[Travis McElroy]

I hear you talking, Woody.

[Montagne (Theme Song Singer)]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Do you see that?

[Justin McElroy]

Do you hear how she does that? The way she sounds sometimes freaks me out.

[Griffin McElroy]

You hear partner out. I'm usually talking about toy stuff, but he's over there talking about, like, you have weird balls. Get them out. Let Me see, like, thank you so

[Justin McElroy]

much for listening to our podcast. It's called My Brother, My Brother Me. Even after all these years, we stuck with it.

[Travis McElroy]

Remember it?

[Justin McElroy]

We got new merchandise for you. This is your last chance, actually. Your last crack at our May merch Got Count Donut Cape vault sticker by Nate Friedberg. You can make any vault into a cape vault. And don't talk to me until I've had my podcast mug and an I like all buts and no government mug with a digital cross stitch pattern of that as well. So a lot of great stuff in there.

[Travis McElroy]

Also, I wanted to just give a shout out letting y' all know our dad is gonna be in 1776 at the Keith Al will be coming up this summer. I'm sure we'll talk about it more

[Justin McElroy]

but like he plays the guitar.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't know how you feel about America now or even America then, but

[Justin McElroy]

our dad's been around by then.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Who knows?

[Travis McElroy]

Who knows?

[Griffin McElroy]

I want to say thanks to Montaigne, producer. Theme song. My life is better with you. Just listen to that Montaigne Epp of Off menu. So delightful, so entertaining.

[Justin McElroy]

I have to say this important announcement. I'm so sorry but Monday, June 1st at around 8:15, we're doing the Brush ceremony. Oh shit. Yeah. So if you want to have your name read there, please head on over to maximumfun.org join any new supporters through 11:59pm Eastern on May 31st and you will have your name read into the brush that increases desires.

[Travis McElroy]

Also worth noting, we are moving Clubhouse back a week to accommodate Griffin traveling and we're having a guest on our friend JD so that'll be June 2nd that we're doing Clubhouse this week is going to be a game stream with me and Justin.

[Justin McElroy]

Perfect.

[Travis McElroy]

I have a Excedrin tension headache bottle that I could throw. It's got a couple pills left, might make a good one.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, that's a good sound.

[Travis McElroy]

That's a good sound.

[Griffin McElroy]

I got like 10 pins.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, good.

[Griffin McElroy]

I have like 10 markers.

[Justin McElroy]

David's already got those in his hand so I'd actually love him to throw all 10 of them.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, it'll be a cool sound, I bet.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, it'll be a good sound and a big mess for you to clean up after. I like that because it won't be funny because we will be gone and he'll be doing it by himself.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Three, two, one.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, that was good.

[Travis McElroy]

That was like a firework. That was great.

[Justin McElroy]

My name is Justin McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm Griffin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

Travis McElroy.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, this has been my brother. My brother he kissed your dad square on the lips.

[Montagne (Theme Song Singer)]

Is better with you My life it's better it's better with you it's better my life it's better it's better with you Is it true? It's better it's better with two My life.

[Griffin McElroy]

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