MBMBaM 816: Ship of Vanilli

Summary

My Brother, My Brother and Me – Episode 816: Ship of Vanilli

June 1, 2026

Overview
This episode of "My Brother, My Brother And Me" (MBMBaM), hosted by the McElroy brothers—Justin, Travis, and Griffin—dives headlong into the saga of a disastrous attempt to organize the “most kick ass concert America’s ever had” for the nation’s 250th birthday. What starts as a bit about celebrity booking spirals into hilariously sincere reflections on hubris, the mechanics of failing upwards, and the unique absurdities of American pop culture. The episode also includes classic MBMBaM listener questions, densely packed with sibling banter, whimsical digressions, and trademark self-deprecation.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Shipwreck of the National Mall Concert (01:10 – 31:02)

• Justin’s “Dream” Concert Fiasco

  • Justin describes being tasked (in the bit, at least) with booking an eclectic, nostalgia-heavy lineup for America’s 250th birthday celebration.
  • Acts secured include: Martina McBride, C&C Music Factory, Young MC, Flo Rida, Bret Michaels, Milli Vanilli (or at least Fab Morvan, formerly of Milli Vanilli), The Commodores (grandkids edition), and more.
  • Breakdown begins as artists bail, citing political concerns; Justin admits his “perfect trick” was telling them it wouldn’t be a political event.
  • Griffin: “If we came up with the actual list [of performers], we would be derided as hack pieces of shit.” (08:13)
  • The brothers riff on how “America’s 250th” turned into a farce akin to a real-world Idiocracy:
    • Travis: “[The] UFC thing is so close to the battle scene from Idiocracy that Mike Judge has to feel like he’s spiraling...” (12:10)

• Artist Departures – The Breaking Point

  • Justin reads public statements from departing artists (Martina McBride, Young MC, Bret Michaels, C&C Music Factory, Morris Day & The Time).
  • Brett Michaels’ note: “My shows have never been about politics. They’re about giving people a place to come together, have a great time, and forget about life’s stresses for a few hours.” (16:25)
  • Milli Vanilli’s inclusion prompts an existential digression on authenticity, identity, and the “Ship of Theseus” paradox.
    • Justin: “That’s like a whole Ship of Theseus question at this point. ...Maybe they are, maybe they aren’t.” (19:16)

• Vanilla Ice: The Lone Holdout

  • Only Vanilla Ice (and possibly Flo Rida) remain on the bill. Vanilla Ice's rep—Michelangelo from the Ninja Turtles, as imagined by the brothers—issues a celebratory press statement.
    • Travis: “Michelangelo just ran out on the stage while people are booing Vanilla Ice, and he’s like ‘No, dude, everyone’s welcome to attend. Cowabunga.’” (20:54)
  • The hosts speculate that Vanilla Ice may simply be unaware of the unfolding debacle.
    • Griffin: “Vanilla Ice is not aware of this situation… He’s too busy partying with the Turtles.” (20:57)

• How Low Can We Go? Booking Even Worse Acts

  • Justin asks for help brainstorming plausibly “worse” replacement acts—Bloodhound Gang, “Ann Elvis,” Robin Thicke, Chris Brown, Kelsey Grammer singing the Frasier theme song, even Jeff Dunham.
    • Travis: “Robin Thicke is so fucking prescient. ...Robin Thicke on this list would have been like...” (22:52)

2. Advice Questions & Relatable Absurdities (38:46 – 54:44)

• How Do You Show Your Baby Raccoon to a Drive-Thru Worker? (38:46)

  • Question from a listener who frequently has a baby raccoon in their car and wants to share with fast food employees—without being “weird.”
  • Sibling speculations range from pest control to having a raccoon sidekick.
  • The conversation veers into their ongoing personal vendettas with nuisance animals like raccoons, deer, and bunnies.
    • Justin: “If I saw a raccoon in your car, I would judge you pretty bad. I think you’re in league with them...” (41:24)

• Clover-picking Etiquette Outside a Coffee Shop (44:02)

  • Listener wants advice on rummaging for four-leaf clovers outside Scooters without causing a scene.
  • MBMBaM consensus: If you draw attention to it, you’ll get the cops called. Just be quick—don’t treat the drive-thru area as open fields.

• How to Respond When Someone Shares They Found a Four-leaf Clover (46:49)

  • Real-life anxiety about handling awkward small talk.
  • Travis: “Some people worry about small talk, Justin, in a way we don’t... you can just look at them now.” (47:46)
  • Griffin offers a stock response: “Wow, someone’s in for some good luck.” (47:25)

• Mystery Pizza in an Airbnb Fridge (51:03)

  • Listener accidentally eats a guest’s leftover pizza and is obsessed with discovering its origin without revealing their guilt.
  • Travis cautions, “Even were you to find the source of this pizza... it wouldn’t be as good.” (53:29)
  • Classic “no bigs” MBMBaM advice: sometimes the magic is in the mystery.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On the Concert Lineup:

  • Justin: “I try... I busted my ass to get probably nine of the biggest names... and it’s crumbling, dudes.” (02:14)
  • Griffin: “Inspired. Travis. Big dog. Wolf, wolf. Vroom, vroom. The heater award-winning Big Dog McElroy.” (01:27)

• The Parody of Competence:

  • Justin: “If there is egg on my face, yeah, it’s this. I told these performers that this would be a non-political event...” (09:50)

• Meta Commentary:

  • Griffin: “If we came up with the actual list [of performers], we would be derided as hack pieces of shit.” (08:13)
  • Travis (on unappealing podcast hosts): “Wait, you can—oh shit. ...It’s easy money, man. Be as unappealing as possible, right?” (55:33)

• Sibling Dynamic on Sincerity:

  • Justin: “The problem is because I’m always goofing and joking, I think if I say something sincere... people look at me waiting for the punchline.” (48:32)
  • Travis: “It’s not the opposite problem; that’s the same problem.” (49:15)

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Important Timestamps

• 01:10 – Concert Fiasco Intro
• 03:14 – Eclectic Lineup Details
• 09:50 – The “Non-Political” Pitch
• 15:07 – Artist Public Statements (Bret Michaels, Young MC, etc.)
• 17:12 – Milli Vanilli & Ship of Theseus Debate
• 19:54 – Vanilla Ice Holds Fast
• 21:41 – Brainstorming Replacement Acts
• 31:02 – Transition to Advice Segment
• 38:46 – Baby Raccoon Drive-Thru Question
• 44:02 – Four-leaf Clover Etiquette
• 51:03 – Airbnb Mystery Pizza
• 53:34 – “No bigs” Classic MBMBaM Advice
• 54:49 – Banter about Podcasting as a Job

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Tone & Style

The episode pulses with the McElroys' irreverent, rapid-fire humor, running gags about showbiz incompetence, self-mockery, and a self-aware lens on their roles as “advice-givers” who specialize in finding the absurd kernel of truth in every situation. The language is casual, barbed, and affectionate, with long-form comedic riffs dominating the bulk of airtime.

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Conclusion

“Ship of Vanilli” stands out as an MBMBaM classic: it turns the real-life absurdity of a floundering patriotic concert into a playground for the McElroy brothers’ creative bits, sincere anxieties, and sweetly self-deprecating advice. For both longtime fans and newcomers, it’s a showcase of their uniquely infectious blend of comedy, chaos, and, beneath it all, sibling warmth.

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For merch, support, or to hear more, visit mcelroymerch.com or maximumfun.org. And, as ever: kiss your dad square on the lips.

Transcript

[Justin McElroy]

The McElroy brothers are not experts and

[Griffin McElroy]

their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.

[Justin McElroy]

Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

[Montagne (musician)]

It's the start of something beautiful. A small acquaintance has blossomed.

[Justin McElroy]

It's ripened into a precious friends.

[Montagne (musician)]

I could have never seen what was coming for me. Hangs at the skate park Hangs by the beach My life, it feels like life is. Ah, it's better, it's better with you My life is. It's better, it's better with you this is who you are. It's better, it's better with two.

[Justin McElroy]

Hello everybody. Welcome to My Brother, My Brother Me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

Griffin.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hi, everybody. I'm so thrown, Trav. I can't fucking do it. I know. I talked to Big Game last week.

[Travis McElroy]

You pitched it.

[Griffin McElroy]

I know. I don't think I can do it.

[Travis McElroy]

What's up, Traveler? Inspired. Travis. Big dog.

[Griffin McElroy]

Wolf, Wolf.

[Travis McElroy]

Vroom, vroom. The heater award winning big dog mackerel.

[Griffin McElroy]

And I'm the denouement, Griffin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, the denouement.

[Justin McElroy]

That's good, Griffin.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, that's good. I realized that was my place. I can't be the builder. Travis Skips the builder of the like set of three comedy sort of thing where he's just like, Justin does his thing. Travis blasts off and then I'm like. And I'm here too. And I can't not be that guy. I can't.

[Justin McElroy]

And I'm Justin.

[Travis McElroy]

Just.

[Justin McElroy]

I was sad in mine.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, okay, wait. Oh, sorry. Juice.

[Travis McElroy]

Why are you so sad?

[Griffin McElroy]

Hey.

[Justin McElroy]

And I'm set. And I'm set. And I'm Justin.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hey, what's going on, man?

[Travis McElroy]

What's wrong, little dog?

[Justin McElroy]

Well, my concert's not going very good.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, Juicer.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Your concert?

[Justin McElroy]

I try.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't know if you guys knew this, but I was trying to throw America the most kick ass concert they ever had.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

And everybody's quitting and I'm getting like. And I. I busted my ass to get probably nine of the biggest names

[Travis McElroy]

in talent and I. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

And it's crumbling, dudes. I. This is the biggest thing I've ever been in charge of. And it's fucking fall. Let me tell you the line because like, I got the dream lineup okay.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

I got the dream.

[Griffin McElroy]

Some of these. Some of these dudes were off the fucking grid. Justin had to find the address of their Alaskan remote cabins so you could fly to them in a helicopter.

[Justin McElroy]

Yes, yes. I'm fully like stout Thor rolling around, trying to scoop up whatever 90s detritus I could find lying around. But anyway, I had the dream team.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, who'd you have?

[Justin McElroy]

I had Martina McBride.

[Travis McElroy]

Martina McBride.

[Justin McElroy]

Zoning MC. I had C and C Music Factory.

[Travis McElroy]

This is. Hey, can I tell you right now, Justin, so far, eclectic is the word. I think.

[Justin McElroy]

I.

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, I mean, Martin McBride and Young

[Justin McElroy]

McCarthy Turnwheel Regatta in Charleston, West Virginia, literally any summer ever.

[Griffin McElroy]

I am glad that Martina McBride and Young Mc were able to finally squash their beef and be on the same stage again.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, because the mc, they fought over who got the emcee. Cause for a while, Young MC was like, just be Martina Bride. And she was like, no, you just be Young. And they went back and forth and back and forth as to who had custody.

[Justin McElroy]

I got CNC Music Factory. I got Vanilla Ice.

[Travis McElroy]

Wow. I got.

[Justin McElroy]

And this is the one that a lot of people were like, huh? I got Milli Vanilli.

[Griffin McElroy]

This is the point. Can I be honest?

[Travis McElroy]

Thematically, can I say I'm starting to pick up a bit of a latter half theme here of maybe some people who had some legal trouble related to the music they were releasing.

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, it's the 250th birthday of America, Travis. It's all about second chances and amnesty, apparently.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, no, Amnesty will not be performing. We were going to do a live recording at the concert where we just like.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, we're stepping in for Martina McBride doing a live Taz.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, Dad's asking price was too high.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

So who else did I have there? I had Martina McBride. I had Young Mc, I had Milvinelli, I had the Commodores. You know how your parents love the Commodores. I had them. They were there.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

And I had more to stay at home.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't even know, Justin, if our parents loved the Commodores. I think our parents parents loved the Commodores.

[Justin McElroy]

Well, to be fair, these aren't the Commodores. These are the Commodore's grandkids calling themselves the Commodores, probably. So it all kind of got on the wash. And then we got more Commodore 64s. Yeah, we got Flo Rida and we got Bradley.

[Griffin McElroy]

Flo Rida, from what I understand, is still on board. Still. Ride or die.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm trying to get clarity on the Flo Rida. Situation. Because this is evolving. And honestly, Griffin, this thing's falling apart all around me. I'm on. I'm texting Flow Rider. As people like, constantly, like, please, mister.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, there's two.

[Griffin McElroy]

There's two ways to look at this if you're Flo Rida. And the first way is. Oh, a majority. About 78% of the artists who signed on to perform at this event have dropped off. I don't. Do I want to be left holding the bag? The other way to look at it is more time for Flo Rida.

[Travis McElroy]

That's true.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

He can't.

[Travis McElroy]

For him to get into what he

[Justin McElroy]

calls the flow, flow state if he's not in.

[Griffin McElroy]

Dude. And that's the problem with Flo Rida concerts. His vision is the tickets are $500 and you're there all day.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Because once he gets into the flow

[Travis McElroy]

state, the flow, flow state,

[Griffin McElroy]

it's really something to behold.

[Travis McElroy]

And, you know, sometimes it takes them two to three hours of sitting in silence before the flow, flow state kicks in, you know, and you gotta be there for it.

[Justin McElroy]

And Bret Michaels.

[Travis McElroy]

Wow.

[Justin McElroy]

And I had this great concert. It's gonna be on the National Mall, which I know has always been a disappointment to everybody because of the name. I always wanted to be more fun than it is, but it's really just a long walk between big buildings, you know? But this could be cool. It's gonna be a concert.

[Griffin McElroy]

But now the pool, now the National Mall. The pool does look like a. Like a shit. Like a piece of shit back. Or it's sort of like Midwestern, glistening sort of pool now. So it does. And you can also see the UFC ring from the mall, which is, like, pretty. It's. It's way too on the nose. I feel like the concert, the UFC fight, it's Travis.

[Justin McElroy]

The day that this lineup was announced. And you guys knew how involved I was in this.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Justin McElroy]

This lineup. And when Griffin saw the crop that I was bringing to his backyard, basically he just texted, like. And it was a video of him. One tear. Thank you.

[Travis McElroy]

Can I speak on behalf of the American people? Yeah. And then I'd like to show behalf of Griffin. And here's the thing, Justin. Me and all the American people were in one big group chat, and we were talking about how excited we were because, like, this is a huge deal. 250th. It only happens once a quarter of a millennia. Right. And National Mall, huge budget back thing, a lot of prestige. And you got, I would say, to match all of that, the Biggest names in music.

[Griffin McElroy]

In entertainment.

[Travis McElroy]

In entertainment, Right.

[Griffin McElroy]

You think Bret Michaels is just a musician? He's a multi vertical entertainer.

[Justin McElroy]

I mean, rock of love, Hello.

[Griffin McElroy]

He's a TV.

[Travis McElroy]

Hello. Change the way we think about celebrity like 80s rock star dating shows.

[Griffin McElroy]

If it, if the timeline was different, if we were in a different timeline and we were trying to make up a long sort of joke about who this administration would put in a 250th birthday concert for America, if we came up with the list that was the actual list, we would be fairly derided as hack pieces of shit.

[Travis McElroy]

Yes.

[Griffin McElroy]

As talentless, unfunny. As talentless, unfunny.

[Justin McElroy]

Why are you doing this?

[Griffin McElroy]

Hey, Justin, I'm not saying this bit. No, no, you misunderstand, Justin. I'm not saying that you are talent. This is hack shit that you're doing right now. I'm saying that some more nuance, like someone who's like, oh, I forgot about that band and I did my best.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey, Justin, why weren't you able to get Kid Rock and Ted Nugent? Like I.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hold on, you got one. They basically have a musical jester, a national musical jester. At this point in Mr. Rock, who we did send a couple of our arm.

[Justin McElroy]

He's a secretary of defense, so he doesn't have any more. He's a sergeant at arms for the secretary. Yeah, he's like in charge of all the ships or whatever. So he's like, he's busy with war. He's doing stuff in Iran that he's like, anyway, I threw the best concert ever and I announced this lineup. And everybody's like, yes, thank you. Yes, we love it. And then people were like, yeah, mad because of the President. And I told them.

[Travis McElroy]

That wasn't you. You didn't book him?

[Justin McElroy]

No, what I did was. Now, Travis, here's. This is where I. If there is egg on my face. Yeah, it's this.

[Travis McElroy]

Uh huh.

[Justin McElroy]

Um, I told these performers that this would be a non political event.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, okay.

[Justin McElroy]

And even though literally anybody with half of a fucking brain would definitely know that this is absolutely a political event and maybe they would just love to make some of the money. You know, they just wanted to have some of the money and maybe people wouldn't be so mad about it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Some of, let's be clear, our taxpayer tax dollars.

[Justin McElroy]

Right. Our tax dollars go into line. Martina McBride's pockets.

[Travis McElroy]

But no, everyone you listed, Justin, I know to be all about the music artists first, you know, and just because

[Justin McElroy]

I tricked them with this perfect trick that any like, it's dementia's problem. It is like, riddler level genius. I called these people that a concert on the National Mall while Trump's president wouldn't be political. And they were like, absolutely. Like, that makes perfect sense.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, that's a perfect sense.

[Justin McElroy]

Is the money already there or do I get the money after?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

I would like to talk to you and clear the air. I will not be performing at the Great American State Fair on June 25, says Martina McBride.

[Travis McElroy]

They are.

[Griffin McElroy]

They are turning. They're making the right choice, I think we can all agree. But they did get tricked.

[Justin McElroy]

I do think there's a making the right choice for who? Griffin? Not for me. I'm an embarrassment. I asked lots of questions. Martinez says. And I was assured this was a nonpartisan event on the national mall in

[Griffin McElroy]

Washington, D.C. 250ft as the crow flies from the UFC arena in the fucking West Lawn.

[Justin McElroy]

Sidebar. I need to step out of the bit to say this. I've been trying to get mad about the UFC thing, and I can't. I want to admit it's pretty funny. I mean, like, I want to be mad about it, but it is so tasteful in the milieu that it is just everything that's going on. Everything that's going on.

[Griffin McElroy]

In that order. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

It's like, I can't. You know what I mean? It's like aesthetically perfect.

[Travis McElroy]

If you hear we need to. Everybody, we need to do a wellness check on Mike Judge.

[Justin McElroy]

Because I know, right? The prophetic.

[Travis McElroy]

The UFC thing is so close to like, the battle scene from Idiocracy that my judge has to feel like he's spiraling into a different dimension where he's like, I did this. I made this happen, guys.

[Justin McElroy]

I have so many people that have crapped out on me. I asked lots of questions and was assured this is a nonpartisan event that was meant to celebrate all 50 states. Martinez, huge in Rhode Island. You should know, I spent my entire career singing songs about real people with real issues. So she's out. So she's out. CNC Music Factory guy said, I don't know. I don't know Trump. I don't know that guy. And so he just kind of quit on me. He put up a seven minute Facebook video. He didn't even write it out, so I can't read it.

[Travis McElroy]

But he quit.

[Justin McElroy]

I didn't watch the whole thing.

[Travis McElroy]

Cause I was so mad. I'd like to think that's because CNC Music Factory is very pro union, you know? Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

I've Been operating the CNC Music. My grandfather opened the CNC music factory in 1910 in Hoboken, New Jersey.

[Griffin McElroy]

My grandfather was pulled into the gears of the C and C Music Factory.

[Travis McElroy]

I'll never forget one time I was.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's why the union started.

[Justin McElroy]

My father K Pop to CNC Music Factory.

[Travis McElroy]

One time I was hanging out with friends and CNC Music Factory came up and someone said, whatever happened to CNC Music Factory? And I said, they got shut down by osha. And this other person there said, that's not funny. My friend's dad works for osha. And I think about that.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's a great exchange all the time.

[Justin McElroy]

It's a good conversation. Morris Day in the time quit.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can you read the Bret Michaels quote?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, I got the Brett Michaels one up. I actually, I want to treat you to Young MC first. I have informed my agents that I will not be performing at the Freedom250 event. The artists were never told about any political involvement with the event on the

[Travis McElroy]

National Mall of the United States.

[Justin McElroy]

The artists were never told and despite the claims by the organizers, Justin T. McElroy chief among them, that the event is nonpartisan, Spin magazine describes it as Trump backed. I hope to perform in D.C. in the near future at an event that is not so politically charged. I feel like Young MC is like, this thing was cool. I think Spin magazine might be the bad guy here. Guys. Can we all agree Spin did this young MC's out.

[Travis McElroy]

This reminds me of the time when someone reached out to us about doing a live show at the Republican National Convention. And we said, is it gonna be partisan? And they said, oh, no, no, no, no, no. Don't you worry about it. Boy, were we surprised.

[Griffin McElroy]

Egg on our face.

[Justin McElroy]

Hello to all my awesome friends and fans. I wanna jump on here real quick and talk about the upcoming Freedom250 event in Washington D.C. when this opportunity was originally presented to my team by Justin McElroy. It was described as a celebration of our country through music and a chance to honor our veterans, active military, first responders, teachers, and hardworking Americans from all walks of life.

[Griffin McElroy]

Now, Brett. Now, Brett, time out. Brett, have we been doing a lot of teacher honoring in the last few years?

[Justin McElroy]

Would you say, Brett, we're about to take a real zag and honor teachers?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

For once, let's. Yeah. No, this is.

[Travis McElroy]

I thought they were blowing probably a billion dollars of taxpayer money that yes could go to teachers.

[Justin McElroy]

Let's give it up.

[Travis McElroy]

The concert I was gonna do to

[Justin McElroy]

honor them instead, as many. Oh. As a Son of a veteran and coming from a family that has proudly served, that is something that I. And of course, Bret Michaels himself was one of the most notorious bomber pilots in history.

[Travis McElroy]

Every time he flew against the Red Baron,

[Justin McElroy]

they called it the Barrett of Biloxi. As many of you know, I've spent my entire career bringing people together through music positivity and good vibes.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's how I describe it.

[Justin McElroy]

My shows have never been about politics. They're about giving. This is important. They're about giving people a place to come together, have a great time, and forget about life stresses for a few hours. For a few hours. Brett. Damn, dude. How many hits you got there, dude?

[Griffin McElroy]

He's.

[Travis McElroy]

He's. Including the before and after tailgating.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm hoping you're frigging in like a snack break for everybody to go use the head or get three hours. How long has every rose has a store, man?

[Travis McElroy]

They do, like, five different versions of it. Back to back to back to back. I love that Breck Michaels started his statement with my awesome friends and fans, and I'd like to think that he was getting a lot of concerned texts and emails from people he knows, and he was like, I'm just gonna address all of this at once, right?

[Justin McElroy]

The greatest one, though, is Milli Vanilli, and I have to. And this is the one that makes me so happy. So, kids, Milli Vanilli, and I do feel like I do need to do this a little bit, right? Milli Vanilli was a pop group in the 90s, and they had this hit called Blame it on the Rain. And they had one other hit, right? There's one other Billy Benilli hit. Blame it on the Ring was a big one. And it turned out that this group was basically two very handsome guys that they got to lip sync these other talented performers. And it was a really.

[Travis McElroy]

They were fairly good dancers, if I remember correctly.

[Griffin McElroy]

Good dancers. I mean, yeah, the energy was off

[Justin McElroy]

the charts, talented guys, but the singing wasn't real. And when this came out, it was.

[Travis McElroy]

They won like, an MTV or VH1 Music Award for best new singers or something.

[Justin McElroy]

It's a huge scandal when it happened. And then, like, basically one of the members, I think, actually passed away because in part because of this harassment that took place. So Milli Vanilli is now a name that is used by the people that sang the Milli Vanilli songs, huh?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, now, Milli Vanilli is that group, but one of the lead singers, Fab Morvan, who was one of the guys who was pretending to be a Milli Vanilli, he was signed at the concert. So they just went ahead and listed him as Milli Vanilli.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, my God.

[Justin McElroy]

So the people who actually are singing and performing is Milli Vanilli and sang the songs of Milli Vanilli. Right. That's Milli Vanilli on the poster is the guy that pretended to be Milli Vanilli. Fab Morvan. And he is performing at the concert. And they went ahead and listed him as. The only people that are still believing this are my staff who filled out this poster, and I begged them, please don't put Milli Vanilli on there. It's Fab Morvan. People know Fab. Please don't list him as Milli Vanilli. And they did it anyway.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

And now people are, like, legitimately performing, and even I don't know that. No, that's become too complex. That's like a whole ship of Theseus question at this point. You know what I mean? I don't know. Maybe they are, maybe they aren't.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't know. I want to say. I want to take a brief moment to say thank you. If in all this hostility, there's still room for gratitude. There's still room for gratitude, guys. There's still room to say thank you. Vanilla Ice is still playing the Great American State Fair. This is the quote from his representative to me and the Associated Press.

[Travis McElroy]

And the picture.

[Justin McElroy]

He's proud to help celebrate America's 250th anniversary. Everyone is welcome to attend and celebrate USA's birthday.

[Travis McElroy]

Now here's what I love. Justin, if I may. What? I love pictures for you guys. Yeah. It's attributed to this quote. He's proud to celebrate America's 250th anniversary is attributed to his representative that told this to the Associated Press. And then the picture is Vanilla Ice with Michelangelo, which leads me to believe his representative is Michelangelo of the Ninja Turtles.

[Justin McElroy]

That is. That is the. The obvious connected dots that you make by looking at this image is that Michelangelo is Billy Vinoli's representative, and he's like, he's still proud to help celebrate America's 250th anniversary.

[Travis McElroy]

And he's saying this to a belligerent crowd. Yeah, like the.

[Justin McElroy]

Everyone's welcome to a 10, man.

[Travis McElroy]

Michelangelo just ran out on the stage while people are booing Vanilla Ice, and he's like, no, dude.

[Justin McElroy]

No, no.

[Travis McElroy]

Everyone's welcome to attend. Cowabunga.

[Griffin McElroy]

My read on this situation is that Vanilla Ice is not aware of this situation at Rob does. Rob's not following the news. He's too busy partying with the Turtles. I think his representative is keeping him insulated, giving him a little bit of plausible deniability.

[Justin McElroy]

So if he does roll up for whatever he's doing. Griffin. Because I am flailing right now to find worse people, like, I'm trying to find worse performers that people would still recognize the names.

[Travis McElroy]

His representative, Michelangelo, told me that, yes, Rob Van Winkle, AKA Vanilla Ice, has been crashing on the Turtles couch in the sewers for the last 20 years. And they don't get cable down there. So, like, yes, he has missed a lot of the news.

[Justin McElroy]

Right. This is a fun game. Will you guys help me brainstorm worst people? Yeah, not worse people. Just like other people that I might plausibly be able to book. And I'm like, don't give me easy ones. Right. Like, I know that I could fill it out with, like, you're, you know, some Robin Thicke. I don't want to do the bad ones. I want to hit you with this. Do you guys think I get the Bloodhound Gang?

[Griffin McElroy]

I think that's an easy pipeline from Vanilla Ice.

[Justin McElroy]

And I know some, like, not all of them. I know I'm not going to get, like, Daddy Long Legs Skip Pottermus. You're going to get, like, some low tier Bloodhound Gang members to perform as the Bloodhound Gang.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, I mean, names mean nothing in this sort of scenario. So, yeah, you could absolutely do that.

[Justin McElroy]

Do you think I could plausibly say it's Elvis? Yeah, I could say he's back.

[Travis McElroy]

As long as you say, Ann, Elvis, I think you're okay.

[Justin McElroy]

Anne, Elvis is here.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Juice, I think you could.

[Justin McElroy]

Hey, guys.

[Griffin McElroy]

Legit. I think you could put Elvis on there. I think you could. I think you absolutely could do it.

[Justin McElroy]

Guar would.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm saying Robin Thicke would be Travis.

[Justin McElroy]

Robin Thicke is so fucking prescient. That is actually extremely good. Robin Thicke on this list would have been like,

[Travis McElroy]

maybe Chris Brown. I should have called.

[Justin McElroy]

I should have called.

[Travis McElroy]

I was so proud on there.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, Chris Brown.

[Griffin McElroy]

You could get Kelsey Grammer to come out and do the Frasier theme song to open up the stage a bit of a valediction. And then he falls off the fucking stage and everyone is like, why was Frasier here playing this?

[Justin McElroy]

And start doing jokes at my expense? I knew that my tragedy would become your humor. This is about politics. It's about staying true to what I've always believed in. Everyone is entitled to their opinions. That's one of the freedoms our veterans fought for and I fought for as the Butcher of Biloxi, one of the most notorious fighter pilots in history. The US Aviation military. I didn't bury. I didn't leave a bunch of caskets overseas. I didn't leave a bunch of caskets overseas so that my friends and family, I believe in our country, in the freedoms we afforded and the idea that for over 250 years, we have gone through both highs and lows together and remained resilient. Music, he's still. Music is a universal language. Just like I did when I entertained a record breaking crowd of over 100,000 at the St. Louis Arch for an Independence Day celebration with people from across the country.

[Travis McElroy]

What record?

[Griffin McElroy]

100,000 guys.

[Justin McElroy]

Most people he's ever played for at the St. Louis Arch. Trav.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, he broke his own people entertained by Brett Michael.

[Justin McElroy]

He was entertained by Brett Michael. Brett could have attached any picture to the post, but I do appreciate that Brett attached the picture of him playing at the arch. Just in case you think there, you think he's fucking full of shit. Well, you're full of shit because there's

[Travis McElroy]

a picture of him doing it, pal. And that's the arch.

[Justin McElroy]

He really did it. That's the arch. And that's me, Bret Michaels. I don't need. I don't need this.

[Travis McElroy]

You're probably wondering how I got here. Well, it's a funny story.

[Griffin McElroy]

Do you guys think, what's the half life of the

[Justin McElroy]

gameplay? She's doing a banjo thing.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, that's cool.

[Griffin McElroy]

What is the half life of the back channel group texts that have happened between the artists of this show? Because, you know, Martina, like, probably reached out to Milli Vanilli saying, like, hey, what's the fucking vibe on this?

[Travis McElroy]

And Milli Vanilli, hey, we're not playing. What are you talking about? This is the first we've heard about this.

[Justin McElroy]

I mean, we would. Yeah, we would do it until people got mad about it and then we'd quit. I wish I had done this. Absolutely. Guys, this is best case scenario for these genius artists, right?

[Griffin McElroy]

Like, I'd love to celebrate America, patriotism, veteran first responder teachers, but gosh, I just don't feel like. I feel like it's like I'm divisive and that's not my thing.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm thrust into the public spotlight again. Everybody's talking about me. And now I get to have this moment where I'm like, no, no, no. I love America too much. Thank you. Young MC is in the conversation again, and he's one of the good guys.

[Travis McElroy]

And I guarantee you, every single one of the people backing out is like, but you know what? I will play a concert in D.C. on my own terms.

[Justin McElroy]

Travis, you don't have to guess. It's just in there. It's just in there.

[Griffin McElroy]

And you just read it.

[Justin McElroy]

And they say it with the word like. They just, like, say it. Brett Michaels is like, I will definitely be playing a show in D.C. very soon.

[Griffin McElroy]

I do appreciate how all of the, like, apology letters all have a tone of like, my whole thing. I don't have any feelings about this stuff. And not like, yeah, he's a fucking. Wow, man. Holy shit. Shit's actually collapsing bat. Everyone's just like, hey, man, you won't catch me being on any position of this thing one way or the other.

[Travis McElroy]

That's a great point, Griffin, because the counter argument all these people are making for like, hey, we didn't know was. No, no, no, no, guys, we're neutral on politics right now. We don't have an opinion on what's happening. We thought this whole thing was just going to be neutral, you know, and we're neutral. Why are you mad?

[Griffin McElroy]

Because if you're neutral, everyone likes you. Hey,

[Justin McElroy]

I want to. And you know, I'm not going to judge anybody who. Cause I legitimately. I think some of these people maybe didn't know that their name would end up on the poster. That happened. There's at least two artists who are like, I don't fucking. What? I didn't even know I was doing it. More stable.

[Travis McElroy]

I guarantee you most of these people have given carte blanche their agent of, like, if an offer comes in, you say yes. Yeah, I don't care if you can get a hold of me or not. Doug, you say this is the More

[Justin McElroy]

Day of the Time post. This is Morris Day's post.

[Griffin McElroy]

Holy shit. Yeah, it's like a. It's on. It's like a Facebook gradient background 128 point font on an image.

[Justin McElroy]

Can I read it? Yeah, please.

[Griffin McElroy]

Contrary to rumor, Morris Day and the Time will not be performing at the Great American State Fair. I don't. Is that what we're calling? And then a big emoji.

[Justin McElroy]

And then look at the little.

[Travis McElroy]

It's a no for me. Sunglasses, emojis.

[Justin McElroy]

That's all Morris has to say. It's a no for me.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thank you, Morris. Just share the image. Just share the image.

[Travis McElroy]

The sound is Gigolos get lonely too. The time.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. So that like it really man. Why would he put Giglow. Why would he put that there? His image announcing his backing out of

[Griffin McElroy]

the Great American State Fair 250th American Birthday Celebration concert. Why would he put a track up on there?

[Justin McElroy]

Why would he do that? Morris, he's got. Because it's the visibility of these.

[Griffin McElroy]

Like it's a no for me.

[Justin McElroy]

It's a no for me. You already said yes.

[Travis McElroy]

The time. You said yes the time. I will say this, the time didn't ask the time.

[Griffin McElroy]

If the time form a super majority vote. They can. They can over. They can veto. They have veto power over Morris.

[Justin McElroy]

I will say this. I did do and the eggs on my face because I did do a perfect trick. I did do the perfect grip. I did do the perfect trick. But I do want to comment that I did.

[Griffin McElroy]

You haven't sign anything. Like if you back out. If you back out or cancel like you're fucked. You have to do this thing, you know, backsies, outies or you have to pay us a billion dollars. Did you get them to sign anything?

[Justin McElroy]

There's no after you. It was all like good faith handshake stuff. Which. Okay, again, same on me.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, you live your life, you know,

[Justin McElroy]

I'll know for next time. I will just say this after years

[Travis McElroy]

when they wake you up for cryogenic sleep to do the 500 to the 5.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh man, that one's gonna be so good.

[Justin McElroy]

I will say this about the nine acts that I managed to trick with my perfect trick. I did sure managed to trick the exact nine acts that you would think that I would trick. You know what I mean? It is funny how the exact nine people that would be right on that line of plausibility were the nine that I managed to trick with my incredible grift.

[Griffin McElroy]

We have this conversation five days ago. Oh man, the tenor is completely different, guys. I crushed it. The most kick ass lineup tricked to high heavens of all time. And none of them have backed out yet. It's just that they. It's just that you didn't get them to sign nothing and they just.

[Justin McElroy]

Hubris. Yeah, he quit too.

[Travis McElroy]

No.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, DJ Hubris. You guys remember his hits from the 90s? He had a bunch of big ones but DJ Hubris backed out. He was like, I thought I could do it, but honestly I just got. I was too high on myself and I.

[Griffin McElroy]

You remember his track? You remember his track? I'll Never die. I'm never wrong.

[Travis McElroy]

Remember it? Griffin it's my ringtone.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

I am in a unique job where I have a big.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey, we're 30 minutes in, dog. What?

[Griffin McElroy]

Are we really?

[Justin McElroy]

Are we really. Okay, well, let's take a quick break.

[Griffin McElroy]

We will do a question. I think we can commit to doing one question at some point.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, we'll do a question. Just. First we're going. Listen, I don't know if you heard, but I'm ruined. So does it, like. Yeah, you know, let me just get my. Let me get my dumplings real quick.

[Montagne (musician)]

It's better than we do.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm gonna blow my nose while you start doing the ad for Zocdoc. Maybe I should go to ZocDoc and find a doctor for the nose who can come in and help me. Who can help me out with that.

[Justin McElroy]

Maybe they could help me segue so I can blow my nose.

[Travis McElroy]

I wanna talk about this because an ear, nose, and third doctor is so cool to me because there are very few. Like, I can't think of other doctors that both have specific focuses, but also took, like, three things all at once. And I know that ear, nose, and throat. But, you know, they had nose and throat, and they're like, the nose and throat connects, and someone's like, okay, I want to do ears. And they said, no, that's all external head sense. You're probably thinking, you should listen to ear openings. I'm taking that one, too.

[Justin McElroy]

You're probably thinking, you shouldn't listen to us about doctors, and that's fair, but you should listen to Zocdoc and they'll help you find a good doctor.

[Travis McElroy]

My ears aren't directly connected to my nose. Right. Like, I'm just.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, they absolutely are.

[Travis McElroy]

Dude.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's just all tunnels back there.

[Justin McElroy]

It's all tunnels.

[Griffin McElroy]

What Zocdoc really is. I mean, I don't know if we've said what it is yet, but it's like a platform that you go to and you can find doctors in your area that take your insurance and make appointments right in the thing. And it's like, it's the way that this should work. Finding healthcare should work. It is the only thing that is sort of making the healthcare process easier and more streamlined so you don't have to deal with quite as much of the other bullshit going on around it.

[Travis McElroy]

I've used them to find in the suggested intro, when something feels off, do you usually load up on vitamins and hope for the best? And I feel so called out because I have a Ziploc bag full of vitamin Bottles. That's the closest I have to John Wick cracking open his cement floor and breaking out your biggest full of guns. Where it's like, I haven't been taking these regularly, but I woke up feeling a little sick. And I roll out my big thing and I'm like shy for a bunch of D's and C's and B's, baby.

[Justin McElroy]

Do you guys think. Do you guys think Zoc Doc knows how to get in touch with Dr. Dre or maybe Dr. John? Because I would love.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's highly possible.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

To book them.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. Oh, Blues Traveler. Justin, get Blues Traveler.

[Justin McElroy]

Blues Traveler will absolutely do the 250th. Dude.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't know if Zoc Doc wants us talking about. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Let me call Popper.

[Travis McElroy]

Wait, here's the problem, Justin. When you try to book, they're going to give you the runaround.

[Justin McElroy]

Travelers, guys.

[Travis McElroy]

Wait, no, mine. They're going to give you the runaround.

[Justin McElroy]

That's a good one.

[Griffin McElroy]

Zocdoc. I've used to find a whole suite of healthcare professionals for myself and my family here in Washington, D.C. it's tough to find doctors and make appointments in a big city.

[Travis McElroy]

Did you blow your nose yet?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, I did. I did it discreetly under the table. I know you wanted to hang a lantern on it, but I gotta charge for that. So ZocDoc is great and it's really an easy way to find doctors so you can finally get that thing looked at. ZocDoc is a free app and website that helps you find a book, high quality and network doctor so you can find someone you love. Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to Zocdoc.com mybrother to find and instantly book a doctor you love today. That's z o c-o c.com mybrother zocdoc.com mybrother thanks, Zocdoc, for sponsoring this message.

[Justin McElroy]

If you have a dream, you got a business you want to start, you got a concert you want to put up, whatever you want to do. The best place to start some refunds,

[Travis McElroy]

you have to offer some refunds, you

[Justin McElroy]

have to offer some apologies, you have to issue some clarification websites you have to build on the fly. Go to squarespace.com they're going to help you build a slam dunk, totally rad website that looks like a professional made it. Because they got professionals to make the templates, right? So you bring in your data, you bring in your photos, the stuff you want to sell, whatever you want to do with your website, and Squarespace will

[Griffin McElroy]

help you build it.

[Travis McElroy]

That's true. And it says it right here. I'm [e-mail], says right here, slam dunk. Totally rad.

[Justin McElroy]

Totally rad.

[Travis McElroy]

I mean, cutting edge cowbongo website for

[Griffin McElroy]

the ages, dude, it says to do the whole thing in a Bart Simpson voice, you got to start over.

[Justin McElroy]

You got to read the guys.

[Travis McElroy]

We got to read these fucking copycats right here. Before we get into websites, don't eat shorts.

[Justin McElroy]

See what I got, Ridge.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't know if that. If it's ever been phrased that way.

[Griffin McElroy]

Justin needs to cook.

[Justin McElroy]

Head to squarespace.com mybrother for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code mybrother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, you did still do that in your normal voice. It felt like you were about to do a bit there, and then you didn't.

[Justin McElroy]

I did. I lost mine. You know what, Griffin? I was about to absolutely whiff a Bart Simpson impression for the entertainment of our audience, and I lost my nerves.

[Griffin McElroy]

I was torn. My narrative art. Yeah, that's fine. It's scary. It's scary.

[Justin McElroy]

I've been sort of struggling lately with accents where they'll just be one. Like, I'll open my mouth and I'll get it the first try, but if I don't get it the first try, I'm not gonna get it better. But sometimes there'll just be one there, right? So I'll just discover that kingpin from Daredevil Born Again, is in there. But I don't. But that's not useful to me. You know what I mean? I didn't work on that. And if I had opened my mouth there as Bart Simpson, it wouldn't have sounded like Bart Simpson. You know what I'm saying? It would have been a beer.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, People get on Jeff Dunham all the time because it's like, your puppets are mad racist dude.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. And Jeffrey misogynist.

[Griffin McElroy]

And misogynist.

[Travis McElroy]

But Jeff is like, Jeff.

[Justin McElroy]

Jeff Dunham. Jeff Dunham.

[Travis McElroy]

You could get Dunham.

[Griffin McElroy]

Jeff.

[Travis McElroy]

Get Jeff.

[Griffin McElroy]

Call Jeff.

[Travis McElroy]

Call Jeff.

[Griffin McElroy]

Call Jeff.

[Justin McElroy]

Jeff, what are you doing?

[Travis McElroy]

You know that new racism you've been looking for? Well, listen to this.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, you guys are misunderstanding. He doesn't like doing that. Those are just the voices that are in him.

[Justin McElroy]

Well, he has.

[Griffin McElroy]

He can do the.

[Justin McElroy]

He'll do the. He'll do the fucking concert for sure.

[Dave Holmes]

International Waters is back, baby. Do you like fun, silly Conversations. Do you like fun, silly games? We got them both and it's on international waters. I am the host, Dave Holmes, and this is a panel show that pits American and British comics against each other in a lively and hilarious competition. What is gentleman's relish? Who is bagpuss? Why is the Oscar Mayer Wiener mobile so emotionally resonant? And why doesn't American cheese have its own anthem? Get the answers and be left with numerous questions about that and so much more nonsense and or codswallop twice a month here on international waters. You can catch international waters on maximumfun.org or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Justin McElroy]

Hey, Alexis. Hey, Ella. What animal has the most teeth?

[Montagne (musician)]

I would guess a shark, a snail. No, snails don't have teeth.

[Justin McElroy]

They have thousands and they are freaky looking.

[Montagne (musician)]

No, I don't want that to be true. Okay. Did you know that the hippocampus in your brain is named after the half horse, half fish sea creature found in Greek mythology?

[Justin McElroy]

I didn't know that. But we're meant to be doing animal trivia and hippocampus isn't a real animal.

[Montagne (musician)]

Well, that doesn't matter on Comfort Creatures.

[Justin McElroy]

You're right. It doesn't matter at all.

[Montagne (musician)]

Comfort Creatures is a cozy show for lovers of animals of all shapes and sizes, real and unreal.

[Justin McElroy]

If that sounds like your cup of tea, then join us every Thursday for new episodes on maximumfun.org

[Griffin McElroy]

how about a question?

[Travis McElroy]

Actually, yeah, let's end the intro.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm in a unique job where I have a baby raccoon in my car much more often than most people. Sometimes when I have a baby raccoon with me, I drive to a fast food restaurant and I really want to show my baby raccoon to the people working the windows. I know if I was working in one of these establishments, I'd love to see a baby raccoon randomly on Tuesday afternoon, but I have no idea how to broach the subject.

[Travis McElroy]

How can I ask the fast food

[Justin McElroy]

worker if they'd like to see my baby raccoon without making it weird? That's from Fun raccoon purveyor in none of your business. Seriously, don't get me fired.

[Travis McElroy]

That does lead me to believe that the baby raccoon isn't supposed to be in your car. Yeah, it's probably not supposed to be in your car, huh? And you're just hanging out with them and you're like, if the boss finds out, I'm taking this baby raccoon to get some burgers and Fries. I'm gonna be in so much trouble.

[Justin McElroy]

You wouldn't get fired for thinking about showing your raccoon to people, friend. I don't know. It feels like you stole the raccoon. Groundhog Day.

[Griffin McElroy]

I. I like to think of myself as a man of the world and of the people and of the workers. I can't even imagine what job would lead you to have a baby raccoon in your car. Sometimes more often than most other people. Because there's not a ton of jobs where you're interfacing with baby raccoons in the first place, let alone job the jobs where if you're, I don't know, pest control or animal control, I don't think you keep them around in the car like a sidekick jewel thief. And the baby raccoon is trained somehow.

[Travis McElroy]

I can see that.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's all I can think of.

[Travis McElroy]

Or it's like you caught the baby raccoon. You are with pest control. You caught the baby raccoon and you're like, I know how to reward myself with a job well done. Before taking this raccoon to jail. Maybe I don't know exactly what they do. Yeah, they stop for a happy meal on their way.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

I have somehow let myself become the stereotype of the dad who's like at war with some natural annoyance. And for me it's the raccoons that live outside.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's an on gang really. Truly. Justin is engaged in a long term sort of battle with these ring tailed bastards.

[Travis McElroy]

He has schedules based on like, I have to do this thing before the sun goes down.

[Griffin McElroy]

Genuine Google calendar reminders thwart the raccoons.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, I like to keep snacks out there for delivery people. And I get cause like I think it's nice drinks in the summer. And these fucking dickheads used to at night.

[Travis McElroy]

Raccoons. Not the delivery drivers.

[Griffin McElroy]

Not the delivery drivers.

[Justin McElroy]

The raccoons would come at night if I left the snacks out and eat them. Which like fair play, the night is your domain. Raccoons still kind of an asshole, but like fair. Now they've gotten bold where at five in the fucking afternoon these dickheads will be up there grabbing a snack for themselves. And here's what kills me. They'll drag the snack off, open it, enjoy it, and leave the wrapper for me to clean up. I shit you not. So if I saw a raccoon in your car, I would judge you pretty bad. I think you're in league with them and I'd be real careful what I told you.

[Travis McElroy]

How do Your children feel about the raccoons? Cause I have a war with deer after they sharpen their antlers on the trees. I was growing and killed my trees and they eat the flowers off the flowers I'm growing. So I'm standing at the window with my cup of coffee in the morning looking at these horned rats. Derogatory. And my kids are like, oh dear. And I'm like, I'm gonna go out there and yell at them till they leave.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm in the same boat. I got these big bunnies that hop around in my yard and they've never once let it leted me pet them or my kids petted them. Even though we try to give them strawberries, they don't want it. And I feel like they're judgy. And they wouldn't even let me petted them once.

[Travis McElroy]

Not even once. Come here.

[Justin McElroy]

An outside kid.

[Griffin McElroy]

Not even once.

[Justin McElroy]

You're an inside kid, Griffin. You're such an inside kid right now.

[Griffin McElroy]

They're so big. I don't even think they're so fucking big.

[Justin McElroy]

I saw last night I. There was a raccoon coming.

[Griffin McElroy]

Did you just say you didn't think I saw a bunny?

[Justin McElroy]

No, I know you saw a bunny for sure. There was one who was coming to get my snacks and I went outside and he just looked at me like. And it used to be human presence was instant, instant disappear. Now it's like looking at me like, what have you got?

[Travis McElroy]

Nothing is more debilitating. That happened once I was camping by myself. Raccoons started going through my trash and it was nighttime. I went outside my tent, waved my flash around, made myself big.

[Griffin McElroy]

Ah.

[Travis McElroy]

Raccoon just looked at me. At that moment I went okay and just went back in my tent like that trash is just another.

[Justin McElroy]

If the raccoon charges you're done, you

[Travis McElroy]

might have go back inside.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, you're out.

[Griffin McElroy]

But I mean if my situation's any indication, you could just walk forward and try to pet them and be their friend and pick them up and love them and give them a big juicy strawberry. That raccoon will run right away. You scare away more flies with honey.

[Travis McElroy]

Uh huh.

[Justin McElroy]

There's scooters in town near me that I stop by sometimes. Whenever I go through their drive thru. I can't help but look at the beautiful, healthy and giant clovers they have next to their shop. I want to rummage around for some big old flowers.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's a cool mind you have there. And I genuinely mean that. And I'm jealous of it. I want to rummage around for some

[Justin McElroy]

big old four leafers. So bad. How'd I go about doing this? Do I just go for it unapologetically? Can I call ahead of time? Ask their manager. Do I have to buy something from them first? I'm Irish too. Can I demand that? It's my right. Help me. First of all, Irish too. Like the chain scooters? Is that what we're saying or is it. Oh, like the four leaf clutches.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, they're just adding on. Yeah. Welcome to scooters.

[Justin McElroy]

Welcome to o scooters. I think if you ask, they'll call the police on you, but you should just do it.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, dude. Without giving us like distance from it. If it's like between the drive through window and the driveway there's a patch of clovers. Don't do that. Oh, what'd you get? Oh, some fries. Nice, neat. Just looking for clovers. Don't mind me.

[Justin McElroy]

If, if you're working a drive through window, that area for like at least the eight by eight is your office. So like if I have a drink that I need to dump out, I'm not going to dump it out there in that person's office. You know, I'll drive up to the trash can in front of their office.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, okay.

[Justin McElroy]

So I think if you are rummaging around for clover outside this person's office, that would be very distracting. If you're down away from their office, you'll probably be okay. But I think that that view, you shouldn't have to make that person think about what you're doing. That would be my one request. Just from on a human level, don't make the per. They're not going to say anything but like don't make them wonder why you are doing that for an hour. You know, just do it discreet. Yeah, that would be my suggestion.

[Travis McElroy]

But you got to walk up, you walk up to the counter and say, hey, did you see some kids throw an ipod nano into that field of clover? And then you're gonna walk around looking and occasionally like stand up and scratch your head and look around.

[Justin McElroy]

Chimmers is getting bullied at school and they stole his damn ipod nano and they threw it out in the grass again outside scooters. And I'm just gonna have a butcher's around real quick and hey, just. Do y' all have a clover policy or is it just sort of finders while I'm out there?

[Travis McElroy]

If I'm out there and I find a big old four leaf or I

[Justin McElroy]

might have to find a juicy Four leaf or is that just up for grabs? Or is there a rat?

[Travis McElroy]

You guys own it? Do we have to share the.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can anyone own a clover?

[Justin McElroy]

I'm Irish. God's greatest miracle.

[Griffin McElroy]

Clover grass with a hat on.

[Travis McElroy]

Umbrella grass.

[Justin McElroy]

They.

[Griffin McElroy]

Umbrella grass, we call it in our. In the old country.

[Travis McElroy]

Two bow ties.

[Justin McElroy]

What? I had two people this week that came up to me that know me fairly well and told me that they had found a four leaf clover adult. And like, you know that I got a little sprinkle of the, of the, the, the touch. A little touch. What do you want me to do with that conversation? I mean, honestly, what are you neurotypical people doing about clover discussions? If someone, if a normal adult comes up to you is like, I found a four leaf clover. Yeah, I got social anxiety. What do you want me to say about that in this social situation? You know what I mean? You found a clover. I don't know.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can I hit you with just next time? Wow, someone's in for some good luck.

[Travis McElroy]

The other Armstrong.

[Justin McElroy]

Does that not chill you to your fucking bone?

[Griffin McElroy]

It does, but it will to them too. And then convo over. There's nothing else. There's no follower. How do you recover from saying something

[Justin McElroy]

like that out loud? You know, that's the day.

[Travis McElroy]

Some people worry about small talk, Justin, in a way that we don't. In a way of like, okay, there's no follow up. You can just look at them now. What I would suggest, Justin, is just show interest to a degree maybe they were not prepared for. Grab them by the lapels and say, where, where, how? And then like when they tell you, take off in that direction.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, I guess that's fair. No, that's true. I need to come up with something better than staring at people blankly and

[Travis McElroy]

saying, and

[Griffin McElroy]

what's that mean? Sounds like Simon's in for some good luck.

[Travis McElroy]

Nice works. A lot my kids like to tell me random observations throughout the day that I don't know how to follow up with besides, oh, nice.

[Justin McElroy]

The problem is because I'm always goofing and joking. I think that if I say something sincere like what a beautiful thing, you know me. Or like, ah, what adult.

[Travis McElroy]

One of nature small miracles. Huh?

[Justin McElroy]

One of nature's most delicate miracles. People look at me like waiting for the punchline and I'm like, I'm not a joke store. I'm a fully realized person. I'm a whole person. And I can't just say like, wow, delicate, you know?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

I have such a hard time sounding sincere that I have the opposite problem. That if someone told me and I was like, ah, it's a little miracle. They'd be like, all right. And I'm like, no, you don't understand. And I would just keep going on and on. It's the same problem trying to sound different.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's not the opposite problem. That's the same problem.

[Travis McElroy]

No, Justin's was sincere and not a joke. Mine, they would assume is a joke, but it's actually sincere.

[Justin McElroy]

No, it's the exact same thing.

[Travis McElroy]

I said it's the exact same thing.

[Griffin McElroy]

You said the same thing.

[Justin McElroy]

Listen.

[Travis McElroy]

I was only half listening.

[Justin McElroy]

Sure. Yeah, yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's the problem with us clowns.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

No one wants us to tell them all our thoughts on God. They just want the.

[Travis McElroy]

They just want the trips, the Sammy. I went to see the therapist, and the therapist was like, there's this clown in town. And the guy was like, I don't fucking care about clowns, man. I'm trying to tell you my problems. And the therapist was like, I don't want to hear your problems. I got tickets to go to this clown show later.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

And you've been talking for what feels like two hours, and I'm gonna be late. And the guy was like, doctor, I just got here five minutes ago, and the clown show's not for another four hours. I know. Cause I'm in it. I am the clown. And then the doctor shit himself.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. Famous scary people always say the same thing, too. But your job is so easy and. Yeah, it is. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

We have to do a lot of it. I will say this. It's easy, but we have to do a lot of it. We do a lot of it. And so, I mean, not as much

[Justin McElroy]

as a normal job.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. Not like a schedule that normally.

[Justin McElroy]

Not like a 40 hour a week.

[Griffin McElroy]

Like, I make more podcasts than a normal job.

[Travis McElroy]

Than a normal job would make. Podcasts.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, for sure.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, I guess that's true.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's the only metric I have. That's the only metric that matters.

[Travis McElroy]

That, like, at the end of the year, your average, like, bank teller has made less work podcast than you have.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, I think I'd get on board with that.

[Justin McElroy]

I clean an Airbnb as a side gig, and sometimes the guest leaves what I call tips. They never leave money, but sometimes I find beer, frozen meals, or other packaged items. I usually throw away everything that's already open. Today I saw a nondescript takeout box in the fridge. Being the nosy person I am I opened it only find two slices of the most delicious looking pizza. I couldn't help myself. I know I shouldn't have eaten them brothers, but I did and it was the most delicious pizza I've ever eaten. My question is how do I find out where the guests got this pizza without letting them know I'm a nasty boy who ate their left without letting them know I'm a nasty boy who ate their leftovers. The pizza was a standard meat lovers with sausage, bacon and pepperoni which most pizza places in my area offer. So narrowing it down by topping is not a choice. And that's from Airbnb Animal in Arizona.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's really. This is really, really good.

[Justin McElroy]

Thank you for.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thank you for sharing this with us.

[Justin McElroy]

It must be nice to live in an area with enough choice in pizza there where you do not know every pizza on site. I would identify.

[Griffin McElroy]

There's like every pizza in the Tri

[Justin McElroy]

State area 100% of the time.

[Griffin McElroy]

There's five different pizza thicknesses and based on which one you and shapes and based on which one you get, you can easily triangulate with the pieces.

[Justin McElroy]

You bring me a square cup with little dirty sausages on it. That's Monty's.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's Monty's. Thank you.

[Justin McElroy]

I'll have it. One of the twofer.

[Travis McElroy]

Cincinnati has no specific pizza identity as a city like New York or Chicago or something would.

[Justin McElroy]

And so when someone opens it pseudo foods.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, so when Cincinnati opens a new pizza place they're like, ah. But ours is like this. And it's amazing because it's like to what level of slothful do you want to feel today? Like were you planning on accomplishing anything? Okay, we've got thin crust over here. Are you napping for the next 16 hours? Great.

[Griffin McElroy]

Cheers, Dins boy.

[Travis McElroy]

Here's my worry question asker is that sometimes our enjoyment of a thing is

[Justin McElroy]

so

[Travis McElroy]

ephemeral and based on the context of the thing because right now it's feeling magical. You were hungry enough that you ate the pizza from the fridge. It looked amazing. It feels, dare I say, a little naughty, a little illicit.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, you can be a little naughty.

[Travis McElroy]

And I'm worried that even were you to find the source of this pizza

[Griffin McElroy]

wouldn't be as good.

[Travis McElroy]

He wouldn't live up to it again.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, the sin makes it so much sweeter.

[Justin McElroy]

This is a classic, my brother me solve. It's one of her best ones. It's called no bigs. It's just like what we do is we say like you bring us the problem and we could solve it. Or we could just be like, no bigs. No bigs.

[Griffin McElroy]

Not a problem.

[Justin McElroy]

Not a problem. Do something else. Worry about something else. Like, it's not no bigs. I'm just like, travis is right. If you got the pizza, you'd eat it once. Be like, that's this pizza. And then it's like, when Lil Pete found his special song that was just for him, his favorite song, and then he couldn't find the band anymore, and then, you know, he had to recreate it. The specialness of it was the fact that it was lost. So, like, this pizza chase is. Let it fuel you.

[Travis McElroy]

Live in the, like, live. Let it be special.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Do you know what a mystery is a project, and projects are the vehicles of true joy and satisfaction that we get in our lives. You're lucky to have this mystery, and

[Travis McElroy]

you should work on it. That's so true. Because you could try to find a way to contact the people staying there. Or now you have the fun project of, I need to sample pizza. Like, go to different places and try different pizzas from different restaurants until I can, like, match this pizza experience.

[Justin McElroy]

I would totally watch a TikTok series that was like, hi, my name's Joshua, and I'm trying every mediocre pizza in Arizona until I find the one that I liked. And then it would just be, like, going around for different ones.

[Travis McElroy]

I think that would be incredible.

[Griffin McElroy]

You could be, like, that guy that goes around and reviews pizza restaurants that no one seems to really like very much, and sometimes he goes to the pizza restaurants and they kick him out. Yeah, this fucking asshole's kicking me out. And it's like, well, you said, but I'm so wealthy. I'm so wealthy.

[Travis McElroy]

That happened here in Cincinnati, and I was very proud of my city.

[Griffin McElroy]

You said their pizza tasted like gross dog shit. Yuck. You said the yuck factor was unappealing.

[Travis McElroy]

What a. Wait, you can.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, shit.

[Griffin McElroy]

I know.

[Justin McElroy]

It's easy money, man. Be as unappealing as possible, right?

[Travis McElroy]

But I've been so likable this whole time.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, to me, you're always likable, Trav.

[Travis McElroy]

Thank you, Dust foot.

[Justin McElroy]

Thank you so much for listening to this podcast.

[Travis McElroy]

We got three. We got three questions in there. Got three questions. There were people doing some strange, like, gambling, where it's that thing of, like, you know, I think this guy's gonna say this word. And when we hit that third question, somebody made bank. Also, don't do those things. They suck. Those websites suck.

[Justin McElroy]

But if you do get in Touch.

[Griffin McElroy]

If you play the polymarket, we can

[Justin McElroy]

maybe work something out where maybe everybody's getting their beak a little wet.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

A little snoot in the tail.

[Griffin McElroy]

By the way, this episode is brought to you by Betso. Use code BROTHERBETZO.50OFF to get 50% off your next vote.

[Travis McElroy]

Brought to you by Beto Ross.

[Justin McElroy]

I sold my country's flag and I wave it for gambling.

[Travis McElroy]

Right?

[Griffin McElroy]

So, hey, folks, are you struggling to make it stick?

[Justin McElroy]

Forget me. This 250th I'll be performing alongside Kid Rock attendant blues traveler Robin Thicke. I got the Draft Kings guys got the Draft Latin Kings. They were gonna play my show.

[Travis McElroy]

Jeff.

[Justin McElroy]

Things are gonna be there.

[Travis McElroy]

I got a Miami Sound Machine to perform.

[Justin McElroy]

I got the engineer of the Miami Sound Machine.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, I do the. I work on the UX of the Miami Sound Machine. We've had some great innovations lately in festival town.

[Justin McElroy]

Hey, take out the guy that skanks from Mighty Money Milestones. Just the one, you guy from Mighty Money Milestones.

[Travis McElroy]

Blue Man Squad is performing.

[Justin McElroy]

They got Joe C. What? From beyond.

[Griffin McElroy]

Whoa.

[Justin McElroy]

Thank you so much for listening to our podcast.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'd love to talk about our merch. Can I do it? Yes, do it. We got sticky notes. Make it stick. Sticky notes designed by Evan Cruz up on the store. If you need reminders that you need to be pitching heaters, you need to be tossing them day and night. We also have a you're going to be amazing shirt designed by Sabrina Volante. It's incredible. It's one of my favorite designs we've had for a long time. Proceeds for that shirt go to lambda legal and 10% of all of our merch proceeds this month will also be donated to Lambda Legal, which is a national organization working to achieve full recognition of the civil rights of LGBTQ people and everyone living with HIV through impact, litigation, education and public policy. Work that stuff again [e-mail] Also, I

[Travis McElroy]

want to say you can pre order the Adventure Zone story and song right [e-mail] Barnes Noble and Books A Million. Both have exclusive editions available. Barnes and Noble includes four collectible trading cards and books a million includes a collectible poster. I also wanted to say I had a great time at Champions Grove last weekend. Everybody who came out for it, it was wonderful. Just thank you to everybody for making it a wonderful time.

[Griffin McElroy]

I want to thank Montagne for the use of our theme song, my Life Is Better with youh. It's a really good track and the vibes are so on point. It's Hard to Be a Fish is an album I keep returning. They're just so talented and I'm so glad we get to use that song. Looks like Travis has excited.

[Travis McElroy]

I have this pointer that I think

[Griffin McElroy]

I can throw a really exciting pitchable. Can I ask when you die?

[Justin McElroy]

You could die from that. That could kill you.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm throwing it away from myself. Yeah, but if.

[Griffin McElroy]

What are you throwing it at?

[Justin McElroy]

Plunge through your heart.

[Griffin McElroy]

Do you have a styrofoam thing? I want to see if you can get that stuck into something. Like a jackal.

[Travis McElroy]

I want to get it stuck into something. I don't think I have anything I can stick it into.

[Griffin McElroy]

All right, well just. Just yeet it.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. Okay. Here we go.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Dude, that was fucking cool.

[Justin McElroy]

My name is Justin.

[Griffin McElroy]

You hit the helmet like right on it. That was awesome.

[Justin McElroy]

My name is Justin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm Travis McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm Griffin McElroy.

[Justin McElroy]

It's been my brother, my brother, me. Kiss your dad square on the lips.

[Montagne (musician)]

Is it better with you? My life, it's better. It's better with you. My life it's better. It's better with you. This is true. It's better, it's better with you.

[Justin McElroy]

Maximum Fun.

[Griffin McElroy]

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