MBMBaM 818: Announcing: Utilidrink

Summary

My Brother, My Brother & Me Episode 818: "Announcing: Utilidrink" (June 15, 2026)

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Episode Overview

This week, the McElroy brothers—Justin, Travis, and Griffin—dive deep into two signature MBMBaM zones: big goofs and hypothetical inventions (the episode-titular "Utilidrink"), and advice for listeners ranging from barber etiquette to coping with workplace fire drills. Along the way, they break to lampoon advertising, praise or roast fast food innovations, and riff on minion merch. The tone remains fast, silly, and frequently absurd, while maintaining the classic McElroy warmth and brotherly roast vibe.

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Main Segment: The Birth of UtilaDrink (01:57–19:10)

What is UtilaDrink?

• UtilaDrink is Travis’s new morning beverage ritual: a heady blend of Premier Protein (caramel or coffee flavor), leftover ("aged") coffee, and a touch of Dunkin cold brew concentrate—all served in a Disney on Ice cup.
• The brothers escalate the goof: what if this was marketed as a total life-solution drink—a "utilitarian" breakfast, medication delivery system, and physiological regulator?

Key Discussion Points

• The Ultimate Functionality Beverage

  • “First thing with UtilaDrink is, you are going to be able to time your bowel movements with the clockwork precision of a trained engineer.” (Travis, 03:45)
  • Bottle design ideas—markings to warn of impending 'dookie' time.

• Expanding UtilaDrink’s Functions

  • Add Claritin (for allergies), then (jokingly) prescription antidepressants, all delivered via AI-driven custom mixes.
  • “I know. UtilaDrink will be prescribed.” (Justin, 05:06)
  • Parfait-like layers: diuretics up top, antidiuretics below, probiotics at the bottom like boba pearls. “Big fat probiotic pearls waiting for you at the bottom to suck through a big…” (Justin, 06:36)
  • Mint candy straw for breath freshening.

• Marketing and Ad Campaigns

  • Ad concepts starring Charlton Heston or Mark Ruffalo going off the rails in public, echoing the drink’s over-the-top power and danger.
  • “UtilaDrink is everything!” (Justin, 08:17)

Notable Quotes & Moments

• “Why stop there? UtilaDrink prescribed by AI doctors...Just one drink and I don’t have to blop, blop, blop, blop.” (Justin, 05:52)
• “There’ll be a lot of warnings down the side, unless that’s your job, in which case you will be completely prepared for it.” (Travis, 07:45)
• “You will die. You need it. Your body’s gonna be fluctuating through states of ketosis and Matter, matter. Regulation. You need to keep surfing the wave or you will fucking crash, dude.” (Justin, 14:24)
• “Can I share that? I know me saying that makes it sound like I’m saying there’s nanomachines in the UtilaDrink. That’s not one way or the other.” (Justin, 14:56)

Additional Goofs

• Discussions on pricing, quitting "cold turkey" from UtilaDrink (“There is a step down process…or you will go…”Travis, 12:04).
• Incorporating elaborate medication regimens as beverage "mix-ins."
• “It’s basically all peptides. It sounds important.” (Travis, 12:19–12:22)

Marketing Domains

• Justin attempts to register "utiladrink.com" live mid-show (19:34).

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Listener Questions & Advice Segments

Barber Retirement Anxiety (21:02–26:14)

• Listener worries about approaching their barber about where to go next when he retires, not wanting to seem disloyal.
• Brothers suggest humorous contingencies—barber dies mid-cut and you’re stuck with half a haircut; ask for a “build book” or manual for your next stylist.
• Griffin’s advice: “Find yourself a 21 or 22 year old barber because you don’t want to go through this again.” (22:13)

The Barbershop "Vibe"

• Reflection on old-school barbers vs. modern salons.
• “Unless they’re your uncle, they’re pretty much dead to you.” (Griffin on retiring barbers, 21:22)
• Sharing stories about eccentric barbers (“Early,” who had pneumatic shears and cut hair by specific “number” orders—23:04).
• The chaotic, communal vibe in barbershops versus chain salons.

Fire Drill Desensitization (26:14–32:22)

• A listener is startled weekly by fire alarm tests. The brothers riff on how to make fire drills less traumatizing, suggest “ramping up” sounds rather than starting full-blast.
• “Why can't it be ‘September’ by Earth, Wind & Fire?” (Justin, 30:44)
• Gamifying fire drills: first ten people out get to leave work.
• More corporate incentives: a Mountain Dew cooler, Little Debbies—“You catch more flies with honey than fire.” (Justin, 32:16)

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Munch Squad: Fast Food News & Review (41:18–46:54)

Bojangles Breakfast BoRito (41:24)

• Riffing on the over-the-top description of Bojangles’ “BoRito” and the Fuego ghost pepper variant.
• “Everything on the screen is shiny. The gloss of this thing is beautiful.” (Travis, 41:32)
• Justin: “This is the food equivalent of hibernating until a better day.”

Love Island X Scooter’s Coffee Collab (45:10)

• Griffin is handed news on bizarre, candy-laced coffee drinks.
• Disdain for matcha drinks stuffed with jelly candies: “Looks like barf, dude.” (Griffin, 45:47)

Wendy’s Minions and Monsters Meal (47:09–53:53)

• Outstanding visual: a solitary minion points a security camera as children consider eating.
• “It evokes the renaissance.” (Justin, 48:19)
• Goofs on adult collectibles vs. toys, audibly frustrated: “You can’t have four collectibles. That’s fucking crazy.”
• The endless capacity for minion-branded food items to delight and disturb.

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Side Adventures and Memorable Banter

• Joking about registering the Utiladrink domain leads into quips on family money and business structure (19:34–20:35).
• “Amanda gets notifications every time I do this. She should be worried…keeps everyone on edge.” (Travis, 20:35–20:46)

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Notable Quotes (with Timestamps)

• “UtilaDrink is everything!” (Justin, 08:17)
• “The final util that it provides is the breath is freshened.” (Travis, 08:13)
• “There’s so much in UtilaDrink that if you drink UtilaDrink without UtilaDrink nights as the antidote, you will stay awake for four days.” (Travis, 13:11)
• “It’s all peptides. It sounds important.” (Travis, 12:19–12:22)
• “The barbershop is just a loose confederation of maniacs that decided they could share the same room.” (Justin, 25:06)
• “You catch more flies with honey than fire.” (Justin, 32:16)
• “Looks like barf, dude.” (Griffin, 45:47)
• “You can’t have four collectibles. That’s fucking crazy.” (Griffin, 52:03)

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Bonus Segments

Sponsors / Ad Parodies

• Mock sponsor sketches: e.g., the "Pretty Kitty Committee" must ban Smalls cat food for being too effective (33:10).
• Griffin, as COO of a cat committee, drills Travis with "journalist" questions about the committee’s rules.
• Fast, improvisational ad copy blending into bits—meta-advertising form.

Plugs and Closing

• Shoutouts to successful live tours (Weird Al, Puddles Pity Party).
• TAZ graphic novel pre-order info (55:06–55:41).
• Ongoing charity drives and merch plugs.

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Summary

This episode distills everything great about MBMBaM: relentless escalation of the central “UtilaDrink” joke, endearingly useless advice, fast pivots from riff to riff, and a sense that the goofs are less about solutions and more about how weird life can be if you look at it sideways. From bodily function timing in a protein-coffee-Claritin medley to the philosophical resonance of apple slices in kids’ meals, all ideas are welcome and none is sacred. And, as always, the McElroys’ chemistry ensures each absurd concept feels like an in-joke you’re invited to join.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• UtilaDrink Origin and Deep Dive: 01:57–19:10
• Barber Question and Haircut Philosophy: 21:02–26:14
• Fire Alarm Drill Riffing: 26:14–32:22
• Munch Squad: 41:18–46:54
• Minions at Wendy’s: 47:09–53:53

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For more, including all the McElroy's trademark digressions, jokes, and lightning-quick handoffs, listen to the full episode on your podcast platform of choice!

Transcript

[A]

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.

[B]

Also, this show isn't for kids, which

[A]

I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

[B]

It's the start of something beautiful. A small acquaintance has blossomed it's ripened into a precious friends. I could have never seen what was coming for me. Hangs at the skate park Hangs by the beach My life, it feels like. It's better it's better with you My

[A]

life,

[B]

it's better it's better with you this is who you are

[A]

it's better,

[B]

it's better with two. It's better with you. Hello everybody. Welcome to My Brother, My Brother and Me, the advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. What's up Trav Nation? It's me, your middle is brother Travis. Big dog. Wolf, wolf. Vroom, vroom. The heater. Big dog. Did I say that already? Award winning McElroy.

[A]

What's up sweet tribe Nation. It's your sweet baby brother. 30 into 30. Media luminary, Griffin McRoy.

[B]

Just a quick update by the way, about the award winning thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Did just get notification. They've started making the awards so should be getting that any month now.

[A]

Is that a Trav. Is that a goof?

[B]

Nope.

[A]

God damn. You're just so good at making goofs like that that it's hard to tell truth from.

[B]

I know that seems so wild when you hold your awards ceremony seemingly 18 months ago.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I want to tell you guys about my drink that I'm enjoying. Ooh, Disney on Ice.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This is the only cup big enough that I have. I used to have one that says life's a beach that I stole from a house.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But now I just have this cup. This is my breakfast boy. And I wanted to tell you guys about it because I think that I could get you guys in on the ground floor of this. It's how I start my morning. Every morning I get a.

[A]

Is the Disney on Ice cup part

[B]

of the every moment I did cover? It's the only cup I have that's big enough. So it is by and if you miss it. He did do a subliminal. He held it up right next to his head to give us a size comparison to give us a bit. That's a big boy. Actually, the cup's lenticular And I'm resisting the temptation. I love that. Thank you so much. I actually know that because my kids also have a Disney on Ice cup. And seeing it did make my skin crawl every time I give it a shot because it's so important. Well, I will continue to drink it, but. So it's a blend of a premier protein, caramel or coffee flavor, depending on how caffeinated you want to get. Usually I'll do that. And then I dump in all the old coffee from yesterday. Oh, right.

[A]

Aged.

[B]

Don't say old. Say aged.

[A]

Yeah, just for. If we're gonna market this later, just know that. Aged. Salt. Aged.

[B]

And then I take a sip of it and I see if it's. And then it's like, is this quite enough? It's not usually quite enough. Coffee flavor. So then I'll add a little. This is a secret. A lot of people won't tell you. This. Dunkin Cold Brew concentrate. You dump that in there. What was the last word? Dunkin Cold Brew. What?

[A]

Concentrate Concentrate.

[B]

You now have three caffeinating protein factors. Let me tell you first thing about Utila Drink.

[A]

Awesome. Fuck yeah, dude. I love when you just like say shit with that. Like. And by the way, I'm announce. This is an announcement and a very casual.

[B]

So first, first thing with Utila Drink is you are going to be able to time your bowel movements with the clockwork precision of a trained engineer. You know, if you drink one of these, you know exactly when you're gonna use the bathroom next.

[A]

I would argue it's the primary util of Utila Drink.

[B]

We could get like Griffin has his big water bottle with the markings on it. You could time it out. Just. You could make like, not just the drink, but a bottle that comes with it with markings of it to like start getting ready, collect reading materials, get your phone charged. Dookie time being there for a while.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But you guys, you guys, I'm glad to see you guys so excited about this because I don't think that I can just. We can just sell premier protein mixed with old coffee, right? So we gotta add. I think utility drink is very powerful because it gets your day started. And to somebody with a brain like mine, I like the idea of having one liquid that I know I can consume it. I'm good to go. So, like, what else can I get into utility drink? I've already thought about crunching up some Claritin in there.

[A]

Yeah, dude.

[B]

Holy shit.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, my God, Justin.

[A]

I know. Utila drink will be prescribed.

[B]

Listen up. Pharmacist because this affects by AI.

[A]

It'll be prescribed by AI. I don't mind handing that one over to the tech. To the tech lords because it's good

[B]

to see an AI doctor who will prescribe only utilitarian. But for the kiosk and Justin, can I. Oh, I've just been struck. Griffin, go on. I've been struck by a marketing. But Griffin, go on. One idea at a time, guys.

[A]

One idea at a time. I don't just want utility drink to contain two different kinds of coffee and premier caramel or coffee flavored protein and also a little bit of Claritin because I'm so bad at that. And D.C. is, according to recent polls, the sneeziest city in the United States.

[B]

I think you could grind it up. I do think the size. I could just drop it in there and not think about it.

[A]

Why stop there? Utila drink prescribed by AI doctors. Let it get my bupropion in there. Do you know what I mean? Let it get my Lexapro in there. Just one drink and I don't have to blop, blop, blop, blop. Take the four pills that let me get.

[B]

It's like the Pepsi machine, the Coke machine we talked about the other day where you just walk up to it and you mix the flavor. Yeah.

[A]

Freestyle medicine drink.

[B]

It's me style. It's me style. It's like, oh, my God. All you might drink. It's a me style utility drink. If we can figure out densities, by the way. So I know dookie's happening two thirds of the way down and then probiotic right there at the bottom to get that native.

[A]

Oh, man. It sinks to the bottom like boba.

[B]

Yeah. And then I'm getting that probiotic back in my tummy right there at the end.

[A]

Big fat probiotic pearls waiting for you at the bottom to suck through a big.

[B]

The thing that I've been actually afraid to think about because it's actually too powerful is the idea of layering. So, like, what if at the top layer you had a diuretic and then at the bottom layer you had an antidiuretic? Yeah. So you have. And midway through you're like, oh, now wait. Okay.

[A]

One issue with this, just from an engineering level juicer is that if we are.

[B]

It's not a juicer. You're right. There's no actual juicer contained. Yeah. There's no fruit or vegetables. Organic.

[A]

No organic material. All microplastiques.

[B]

If you use this. Oh, I like that. By the Way, Griffin. Yeah, yeah. I Q, U, E S at the end. It's very famous. If we use a long, everybody else doesn't want them anymore. We'll take them on the cheap.

[A]

If we use a long straw with this medicine parfait that you've described, we're going to get the antidiuretic before we get the diuretic. And I'm not even sure what my. I would. I would probably burst. I would probably burst and die if that combination was given to me in that order.

[B]

There will be very specific, like, also, don't operate heavy machinery after drinking Utila drink. Like, I think that there will be a lot of warnings down the side, unless that's your job, in which case you will be completely prepared for it. Then you can. I love the straw that you or Griffin, I think it was. Love the straw that you slipped in there. Check this out. I just ate the straw. It's mint.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It's mint candy. The straw's a mint candy. Holy shit. The end of it. You eat the straw.

[A]

So the util, the final util that

[B]

it provides, the final util is the breath is freshened.

[A]

Yeah, that's good.

[B]

Here's my marketing campaign that I've pictured. Commercial. Okay. A Charlton Heston esque actor comes charging out of a building as people. Everyone's walking around and he's holding up utility drink. And he screams like, utility drink is everything. Yeah, Utila drink is everything. And he falls down on his knees and everybody's like, oh, cool. And then they start drinking utility drink. And he's like, oh, actually, yeah. Now I hear it out loud at rules.

[A]

Is it people? No, no, it's medicine.

[B]

Might be people.

[A]

I worry, actually, people might. I worry people might have pitched another ad. Oh, yeah, yeah, sure.

[B]

Travis just pitched an ad. Someone pitched an ad. It's Mark Ruffalo. And he walks into the kitchen and you see his face. And then it's just his face, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You don't actually see Utila drinking this one. You see his. His face and he looks.

[A]

He's like.

[B]

Like this, like, confused. He's like. He looks really scary. He's like, skyler, that's my utility drink.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Cut to black. Because, like, that's how powerful it is.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Now, wait, why drinks the wrong utility drink. They'll probably die from it. Now why? Listen, you know, I love the Ruffalo buffalo so much. Every man is. To answer your question, every man, why are we paying Ruffalo buffalo prices?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

For. For just that.

[A]

Because it's an every match line.

[B]

Utila person. He's a Utila person. Okay. He's a doctor who's a Hulk.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And he's also in drama. And also he made a robot out of Emma Stone. Like, or had sex with her. I didn't watch. I was a little stoked. But like, he's the everyman.

[A]

You know what I mean?

[B]

He's like the utility drink. Like, perfect sponsor and probiotics. Yeah.

[A]

I always confuse people on the street as Mark Ruffalo. I think he's got it. He's in D.C. he's lobbying for something. Never. He just is every. He's every man.

[B]

I walked next to him one time at New York Comic Con going through the back tunnels to get to things.

[A]

Little. Is he like 411? Is he little? He's.

[B]

He's the size of one Mark Ruffalo. Like, if you're thinking like for scale, you would put him next to another Mark Ruffalo and you be like, yeah, that's exactly.

[A]

I'm a Google. How tall is Mark Ruffalo? And Google Gemini AI is going to be like 9ft tall when he's the Hulk. Thanks. Fucking thanks, dude.

[B]

I've tried to word this in a way that makes sense before, but you know how sometimes like you're somewhere and you think you see a celebrity, you're like, I kind of know. Oh, who is that? Oh, is that somebody that somebody? When I saw Mark Ruffalo, it was negative time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Before I knew it was Mark Ruffalo, one of the most recognizable people in real life I've ever seen.

[A]

Five, eight.

[B]

Yeah, it feels right.

[A]

What CMSRP are we thinking? Juice on Utila drink.

[B]

So every. That will be very conditional. Like, obviously, if you're on some high grade experimental medications or ones that have to be specifically temperature controlled.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's the thing with Utila Drink. There are going to be some utility drinks that are probably going to be kind of like jb well, where they have to be stored in separate containers and then you squish them out and then mix it and you have to drink it like right away before it hardens or whatever.

[A]

I'll tell you another.

[B]

Probably 50. Probably 50. 50 to 20 grand.

[A]

I'll tell you my. Okay. Yeah, that makes sense.

[B]

Wait, $50 to 20 grand or 50 grand to 20 grand, which is not normally the way you would rank how you would list. It's like 50. $50 is like basically just coffee.

[A]

Your right now mine.

[B]

You're gonna reverse that because there is a step down process to quit Utila Drink. You're not gonna wanna stop cold turkey or you will go. I gotta tell you guys, it's pretty much all peptides. Ok, I'll be real. I'll be real.

[A]

I don't know what those are. One of these days, I'll be real.

[B]

It's basically all peptides. It sounds important.

[A]

It sounds.

[B]

Yeah, it's all human gore peptides.

[A]

I tell you, my issue is every 12 weeks I gotta shoot up the sky. I don't know how we incorporate that element into utilitarin.

[B]

5 hour energy drink style utilitarian. Just comes in a little one with a Skyrizi.

[A]

So these are delivered to you via express mail. You get the like huge ice box with your week's utility drink labeled or

[B]

it will be stolen.

[A]

And then every 12 weeks, I'll get one in that only has six big bottles of Utila Drink and then one very menacing small glass vial full of.

[B]

Rachel, where's the packaging? Rachel, did you throw out the packaging for this? Rachel, did you see a small, small bottle? It's my Skyrizi. Utila drink for premium members. I would also like to pitch Utila Drink nights where there is red wine in it.

[A]

Ooh, okay.

[B]

See, Trav, that's a different util. It's a different util. Cause that's just booze. Like, booze does all that for you. The only job you have at any. Oh, you're right. It's just a bottle of wine. Still a drink, right? Listen, it's just the wine is the utility drink. Without this will not sleep. We cannot stress enough. There's so much in Utiladrink that if you drink utility drink without Utilidrink nights as the antidote, you will stay awake for four days. Maybe it is just an anti. Just a big bottle of anti stuff. This is gonna bring you back. This is gonna bring you back absorbent stuff. Yeah, these are all activated charcoal. I think it would be good. This is all carbon sawdust.

[A]

It's three parts Cabernet Sauvignon and then it's one part. It's one part melatonin. And then the rest of it is sawdust and it absorbs the rest and activated charcoal.

[B]

This is gonna get you out of the crest, as we call it, and pull you back down. Yeah.

[A]

In the morning.

[B]

Another important thing, though, if you don't have your next utility the next morning, you will perish.

[A]

You will die. You need it. Your body's gonna be fluctuating through states of ketosis and Matter, matter. Regulation. You need to stay on the. You need to keep surfing the wave or you will fucking crash, Dude.

[B]

We're gonna have to. We're gonna start every press conference the same way. Everyone, hi. Thanks for coming again. I will ask. Do not ask about nanomachines in the utility drink. That is company. Company information. Can I share that?

[A]

I know me saying that makes it sound like I'm saying there's nano machines in the Utilidrink. That's not one way or the other.

[B]

We're not saying that. We're saying there's not not. And if they are, they're beneficial. But there's not any in there. Or there's not not any in there. But if we were going to today's mystery, we wouldn't tell you.

[A]

Today's my Skyrizi day. I got it on the brain, and I wanted to share that. You know, I started taking it for my terrible skin.

[B]

Can I believe that's the name still?

[A]

It's awesome. It's such a good fucking name. And it's like one of the.

[B]

Can you imagine when Ferris Bueller, like, came into the conference room and he was like, guys, I got it. Yeah, Skyrizi.

[A]

Think what it was probably a lot like that.

[B]

That guy just beat Skyrim the night before, is what he was. And he was like, skyrim, guys, I just beat Skyrim the night before. I'm leaning on the edge of my window. I don't know if this will play.

[A]

No, it plays. It's cool. You don't look wild at all.

[B]

How big is that window?

[A]

Today's my rizzy day, and I'm so grateful. Thank you, Skyrim. Not sponsored. Thank you, Skyrizi, for fixing my psoriasis. I was watching TV a couple months ago, and I saw an ad, and it was like, do you have moderate to severe Crohn's disease? Well, that can make life very difficult. Can it? Luckily, we've got a drug for you. It's called Skyrizi. And I was like, wait a minute. I've never taken a drug for one thing, and then found out that it also fixes a totally different, completely other thing. And maybe I had moderate to severe Crohn's disease. I'll never know. Cause if I did, the Riz licked it. So that's pretty. That's pretty cool. I've never had that happen before where it's like, my depression medication is also making my wiener huger. What? Like, it's never do. It never does two secret things.

[B]

Well, it usually does two secret things. Just one of them's not beneficial. There's a lot of like. Oh, also, it turns out. Sorry about that. Wellbutrin is a depression medication that they also use to help people quit smoking. And it's like, maybe you're just sad. You know what I mean? Like, maybe. Yeah, maybe you were sad and you smoked to deal with it. Yeah. You actually can't know the difference. I was taking Lexapro for depression.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Then my doctor, my therapist diagnosed me also with anxiety. And she was like, just keep doing the Lexapro. I was like, oh, cool. Wait, maybe this. Hold on.

[A]

It's all one thing, guys. We're all one.

[B]

It's all Continuum. That's what you told drinks about. It's. That's what. That's like. The ads are going to be like, people passing around a can of utility drink. And it's like, we all have different utility drinks, but the one thing that unites us all and people are like, the can, the can, the can, the can. And a few people are like the nano machines. No, edit that.

[A]

Get out of here. Get that out.

[B]

And then there will be a very large print across the bottom. Do not share utility drink. Do you have to legally blend?

[A]

You got to show the ad right after where Mark Ruffalo says, like, no,

[B]

Janet, that's my utility.

[A]

You have to show that right after so people know that the last ad was like a joke. Do not share.

[B]

Metaphorically. We all share in this. There should be more ads that are also PSAs for the dangers of your product. Yeah. It's like advertising how powerful it is. Like, this isn't kids stuff. We're not joking around. I worry it's chocolate flavored, but that's not.

[A]

The health disclaimers on Utiladrink in the ad will be robust enough that it will not leave us a lot of Runway for the ad part of the ad that talks about how good the product is, we're going to have about a second and a half of Mark Ruffalo being like, utila drink good. And then 59 seconds of, like, utility will kill you fucking graveyard dead if

[B]

you do it right. No, it will only kill you if you drink someone else. Like, that's. Yeah, we. We can't stress enough. It won't kill you.

[A]

No.

[B]

But it will kill everyone you love

[A]

if they drink, touch it.

[B]

If they.

[A]

Yeah, just label them.

[B]

Get your own apartment. We'll be safe.

[A]

We won't label them. We will put nothing on the can that says, like, this is Mark's utility drink you need. It's up to you to do that at home.

[B]

Personal responsibility.

[A]

It's huge. That's right.

[B]

That's what America. That's what this country was founded on. Yeah. I'd like to ask you some questions. And these came from our listeners. These aren't mine. Okay. I don't want to be weird about it. These are ones that they've sent to us. Hey, Justin. Justin. In that moment, you started typing and you felt like such, like an Oracle esque character. It was cool.

[A]

You were the man in the chair for a second.

[B]

It looked so fucking cool. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Do you know why it looks so cool? Cause I'm trying to register utilitydrink.com. oh, yeah. You looked very professional to me at that moment. Professor is so stupid. Well, that's when I do my job, Travis. This is when I register domain. We have to reevaluate your job title and description. By the way, it's been a couple years now. We need to add some. I know.

[A]

I keep skipping to annual meetings where we get new job titles and stuff. Do you think the stuff that Travis says at the beginning of the MBMBAM episodes is like jazz? That is.

[B]

No, that's voted on by board members. I get docked every time I miss one. 18.99. That's a good shit.

[A]

$18.99 for.

[B]

$18.99 for utiladrink.com. i mean, like, dude, grab. That's an investment, man. You're building a brand.

[A]

Grab that shit. We'll cut everything out of the beginning of this episode because someday someone will make Util a drink that will really make it. And then we'll sell that back to

[B]

them for yes, I've read the terms of service. See how much Utila Shorts is too, because we can do, like, a fun thing where it's like, summer branded shorts.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Do you think Amanda gets notifications every time I do this? I hope so. She does? Does she get. Sometimes she texts me behind your back because she's worried about you and our finances.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Good. She should be. I like to keep everybody on edge. Listen, listen. My barber's old. Aside from my years at college and a few years living across town, I've gone to the same barber my whole life. I'm worried he'll retire and I won't know where to get my hair cut. Is it okay to ask him where I should get my hair cut when he retires? I don't want him to think I'm looking to ditch him already. That's from seeking a shearer in Springfield so hard. Whew. You mean die, right? You're trying to retire from this plane. They mean die, right?

[A]

Well, I think it's the same if your barber retires and you don't see them anymore.

[B]

Yeah. Unless they're your uncle, they're pretty much dead to you. Oh, man. What if the barber died in the middle of cutting your hair and it was left unfinished forever? Yeah. And you just had to live with that haircut.

[A]

You had to find someone to do the other half. Maybe that's how you do it. He says you're looking for a new barber after me. He only cuts half of your hair. He says now the timer's ticking. Get out there, find someone who can complete the look and they'll know, informed by my past work, how you like it done.

[B]

Could you ask him to put together a detailed build book as he cuts your hair of like shots of the cuts and methods he's using? And then you put it all together in a very detailed separated binder that you can just hand off. And at this point, question asker. Find yourself a 21 or 22 year old barber because you don't want to go through this again.

[A]

I mean, you got to go through this again. The old heads are the best because they'll do like old timey. They'll like slap you on the shoulder, give you a little rattata, like on the. On your forehead, like a little percussive, like, you know what I mean? With their old hands, just, just bongo and all over you.

[B]

The old dude in Huntington that we went to a couple. Early, I think was his name. Yeah, Early. God, that guy was early to life. He got here before everybody else got started. He got there before everybody else. That mother trucker had. Early is right. He had pneumatic like shears, like, I remember they were like hooked to a tube, like to the wall. When he turned it on, it sounded like a steam and like a piston, like, grrr. And you could feel like the air going off of it. Ruled, man.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And all of his haircut styles had like number seven with bangs, you know, it was all like you were ordering at a deli. It ruled.

[A]

But the thing about barbers and haircutting and hairstyling, and I have to assume this is true for everyone, is if you start seeing the same person to cut your hair for a long enough period of time, you forget kind of what it is like with other sort of stylist hair professionals. There could be a whole world of not sort of older barbers out there who can offer you so many cuts. I got my hair cut at Happy Hair Boutique for a long time. Basically up through college. It was just where mom took us and a lady who we went to church with cut our hair, I think at a discount, which was super chill. But it was. But my style was not great until when I was like a senior in college, saw someone else who cut all my hair off and I was like, I look different now. This is way better. And I don't have to talk about Jesus Christ during the styling, which I also super duper appreciate.

[B]

Guys, when I lived in la, I went to the same stylist as Cameron Esposito.

[A]

Oh, fuck.

[B]

A person named Pony. Pony was incredible. Pony was incredible. And don't get me wrong, I love my Cincinnati stylist. Oh, she's great. Love her. She's great.

[A]

But Cameron's. Cameron's hair is just very, very, very powerful.

[B]

So good. So good. I've been seeing the same guy. Joey Griffith, Kidmon Booksy. Check him out. Great, great cuts. He's a younger fella. We used to just go wherever mom took us, which is usually in the Happy Hair Boutique. Just wherever she went, we would normally slide up in there. Happy Hair Boutique, you can tell by the name. Specialized in teenage boy haircut. Yeah, right, yeah. Cause we were happy at the end of it. We did have hair. The barbershop is specific if you go to the actual barbershop. And I think part of what makes this so hard is you're not just talking about the barber. Because unless you're going to like a Master Cuts or something at the Walmart, every barbershop is just a loose confederation of maniacs that decided they could share the same basic room. Like, it's like there's no. There doesn't have to be a sort of like, the music is whatever everybody can kind of agree to, and if not that, it's three different kinds of music and Fox News. It's like, it's just a bunch of people living in tight quarters and this like, cycle of strangers that are just like in and out of their little, like, wing sitcom that they're doing. But it's like, it's a vibe. You gotta find one that fits. I've gone to the. I've gone to a barber for a year where I was uncomfortable. Like, I didn't like being there. I was like, I hate this, but I can't find anything better. I can't do any better than this right now. My but it's just about the. It's about the room. It's a vibe. My current stylist and the salon I go to the radio station they play over the sound system is the hits of the 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s, 2000s, and today. Wow.

[A]

So that's all the music that is.

[B]

It's the most whiplashy sonic experience. Isn't this the soundtrack for whiplash at my tempo? Cut. Incredible. Every week my office tests the fire alarm between 2:55 and 3:05. It scares me. And every week. Damn, that guy's really careful. We work at the gasoline factory. Yeah, right. Just gotta check it again. I love the idea that you would

[A]

need a fire alarm at the gasoline factory and it wouldn't be immediately, hugely, instantaneously apparent.

[B]

Nobody else in the office ever reacts. The exact time varies from week to week and it only lasts a few seconds. I've been at this job for over a year now, and I'd like to figure out how to stop embarrassing myself on a weekly basis. How can I be more prepared for this noise Scientifically designed to make me react. That's from dreaded drills in Dublin. That. Can I tell you what's wild? There's many things that's wild about this, but here in Cincinnati, and you guys have heard it many times, first Wednesday of every month, they test the tornado warning.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

At noon, first Wednesday of every month,

[A]

it has interrupted recording times and it's always extraordinarily eerie to hear because it's a pretty scary siren.

[B]

It sounds like an air raid siren.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I have lived in Cincinnati now for many, many years, over a decade and a half. Tornadoes are not a normal thing. I don't know how often it comes up, but when you're working a job where they're testing it every Wednesday, the idea that you would know it's Wednesday consistently every week to the point where if it went off on a Tuesday or Thursday, your immediate thought would be, today's definitely not Wednesday. This is a problem. Like your first thought is going to be when you hear it, ah, Wednesday again. Because that's how life works.

[A]

Well, they don't confirm. Do they confirm that it's the same day? I don't think so. It's just that it happens at 2:55-3:05pm Some. Some days. Once a week.

[B]

I thought it said every Wednesday. Yeah, once a week. This is what I'm saying. This person is so careful. Every week they test a fire alarm between 2:55 and 3:05. You shouldn't be allowed. You can't do it different days. Because then that's not. That's.

[A]

Yeah, well, but Travis, fire comes any goddamn day it wants to. Fires burn on Monday, Monday to Sunday.

[B]

Unless you're doing like you're training for like a battleship under siege. And you're like doing like repel borders training where it's like every week you do the drill we've got, you're gonna have the fire escape plan down. Right. Like no one has ever done a fire. I can't remember a time in school when they would do fire drills. And every student or even any student would be like, let's take this seriously, guys.

[A]

Like, it never saved for me. Captain of the fire patrol, trying to

[B]

get my trip to that Was fire patrol too? Yeah, I mean, I was. I was captain of fire patrol. I got kicked off safety patrol. It's not important, but wow. You never treat it like it's a real fire. If I knew that my office did this. This is not. I would leave during this time period. I would not be around. I would find a reason to not. I hate this.

[A]

Yeah, this sucks.

[B]

If I. I don't like the very loud, like. No, thanks.

[A]

It's gonna be so loud. How do you feel about the sudden? Do you like the sudden?

[B]

Well, sudden. This is the worst sudden. But you know that it is coming, right? You know it's gonna be in this window, but you don't know exactly when. No, thanks.

[A]

So you can be alternative.

[B]

I'll go to Walgreens. Thanks. I gotta get my medicine for my utility drink. If I don't add another little thing to it every day, it coagulates. So I gotta add the stuff. I gotta add the anticoagulant. You gotta keep it at 73.5 degrees. Right. I think that one of the problems. And I think we can address this right now. This is an easy solve. When a fire alarm kicks on or an alarm, it kicks on full blast right at the start. And that's going to disorient you. Yeah, right. Because now you got to get used to the fact it's going on. You got to calm it down. It shocked your system.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

We need something with a slow and not even slow, but like a ramp up. Yeah, right. Like the fire alarm is also like, is there a fire? Right. So it's like a beep.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, what are they testing when they test the fire alarm system that all the things are doing the noise. Right. Why does the noise during the test have to be a scary honk noise? Why can't it be September by Earth, Wind and fire? Like something to get the office moving?

[B]

Probably not September. We don't wanna go with that for obvious reasons. Well, you wouldn't want Earth, Wind and fire either. You know, you would want. Yeah, that's like a bunch of the natural disasters all kind of rolled into.

[A]

That's a fair point. Rolled into one. What if on the day that they test the fire alarms, the boss can decide that that is at the time that everyone can also punch out? So you hear the fire alarm all of a sudden. It's not something that you're scared of, it's something you're excited for. Cause when the fire alarm goes off, everybody gets to go home for the day.

[B]

Or you could say like it's the first 10 people get the punch out. Right? Like the first 10.

[A]

Oh, cool.

[B]

Yeah, right?

[A]

So now first 10 people to leave the building.

[B]

Yeah. That's gonna also increase that Pavlovian response. Right. When you hear the fire alarm, get the fuck out of the building.

[A]

Gotta get out of the building. I want to go home and fucking chill.

[B]

That's a good idea. You incentivize a little bit of the carrot rather than the stick. You know, you're incentivizing people. What if you had just like a huge cooler full of Mountain Dews outside? Yeah. And just pops it open like that's cool. I haven't done a fire slip and slide from the front. Little Debbie just like post soccer. Just like after soccer. It was like a bunch of boxes. Little Debbie's.

[A]

Yeah. You catch more flies with honey than fire. Is. Is what I. Yeah, my grandpa.

[B]

You catch a lot of flies with Little Debbies. Hey, let's take a quick break, a quick sojourn and then we'll return. It's better. It's better with you. Hello. Thank you for coming. I appreciate you coming. My name is Daniel Worthington. I'm of course the CEO of the Pretty Kitty Committee. And I have some unfortunate news. Today we are forced to ban the use of smalls from competition in the Pretty Kitty Committee. Unfortunately, it is just too high quality the cats creates an unfair disparity between the cats that are enjoying smalls. These protein packed meals are 100% human grade. They're delicious. I eat them every morning. Of course. But of course, no more cats consuming smalls will be permitted to compete in the Pretty Kitty Committee. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. Sorry. Griffin raised his hand, but Travis is making cat Noises. So he wins. Yeah. Yes. Thank you.

[A]

Did you not have a question?

[B]

What funny magazine are you from? Oh, I'm from. I'd like to know the name of a funny magazine. Time magazine. Okay. 1. We voted you the Person of the Year for not only your work with the pretty kids.

[A]

What's his fucking name?

[B]

Daniel.

[A]

No, Justin, I want Travis to answer.

[B]

Sorry, Dr. Worthington. Yeah, but also, why not just give. Why not Emperor Worthington? Emperor. Dr. Professor Worthington. Why not just give all the cats small and make it fair?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, Travis, that would be very good for the cats. Of course, 88% of cat owners reported overall health improvements. But what about the. Yes, Travis, you have another question? Well, so it doesn't seem like there's a reason not to give the cats

[A]

if it makes the cats. Yeah, if we could get around to my question, too, and it is a yes.

[B]

Griffin, you had a question. What was your magazine?

[A]

I'm. I'm not on a magazine. I'm the COO of the Pretty Kitty Committee. You should know that we've worked together for 45 years. They are a sponsor of us. And I feel like banning Smalls cat food because it's so good for cats and you've been using it for a long time and your cats have never looked sexy or.

[B]

My cats are sexier than ever before. You're right, Griffin. Hey, Griffin. Thank you.

[A]

Yep. But you didn't really. The thank you is nice. To receive one of those after 45 years is awesome, actually, for me. But I do. You didn't really address the issue, which is that Smalls is one of our sponsors this week. And I'm worried that banning them from the competition that they are sponsoring sends a message that they won't like.

[B]

Yes, old friend. For 45 years, you've been a steady hand on the till. And once again, you have steered me right. Smalls is a sponsor of this program, and thus we are requiring Smalls for all cats in the Pretty Kitty Committee.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Stop serving your little carnivore bowl of process shortcuts for a limited time because you are a My brother. My brother me listener, a member of the Pretty kitty committee. Get 60% off your first order, plus free shipping and free treats for life when you head to smalls.com mybrother that's 60% off your first order, plus free shipping and free treats for life when you head to smalls.com mybrother Listen, as a journalist, I'm so excited to be here. Unfortunately, Time magazine has dissolved. So now I've decided to start my own independent. We bought them. Yep. It's Cat Fancy 2. Yep. I've decided I'm doing another Cat Fancy. I'm going to start my own independent journalism website where I can report on this breaking news that Smalls is required by the Pretty Kitty Committee. So I've turned to Squarespace to build my website so that I can publish all these breaking stories and also my coverage of, you know, wars and political stuff. So it'll be wars and political stuff, and news about the Pretty Kitty Committee will be, like, my main focus. Now, Trav, you're no great shakes in the brains department. How do you. That's true. Why do you think that you're gonna be able to pull this off? Well, even a real dumb, dumb like me with mushy head can build a website with Squarespace because they have all kinds of helpful tools and intuitive design and services that they offer to help me do the things I need to offer my goods and my services and get paid all in one place. It'll make me seem professional in a way that I simply am not. Yeah, and the cutting edge designs will really cloud and mask the fact that I'm just a real stupid face.

[A]

He didn't say that.

[B]

With macaroni for brains.

[A]

You need to show Justin some grace for the thing.

[B]

He said, no, I have macaroni for brains. Overcooked macaroni brains.

[A]

You have macaroni brains. He didn't say any of that. He didn't say any of that.

[B]

It was deeply implied. I think it was deeply implied that I have overcooked macaroni brains with raisins.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't know why you're saying this, Travis.

[A]

I love Squarespace. I bet Justin's probably gonna use Squarespace.

[B]

It's just that you guys didn't invite me to be on the board of the Pretty Kitty Committee. I had to become a journalist just to be in the room where it happened. Well, you know what I mean.

[A]

Justin offered you that. Here's what happened, Trav. Justin offered you that role. You said yes, please. He offered me that role. Did you hear what I did? I said no. I'm taking a bigger role in this sketch. You have to do that here, man. You know, it's cutthroat. Sometimes someone sets you up for something and you gotta say, no, I don't want that part. I want a bigger part That's. It's bigger than your part, even.

[B]

I'm Garfield.

[A]

Yeah. And I didn't even have to do a voice. Justin did A voice. I didn't even do a voice and I still wanted that bigger part.

[B]

Can I take Justin's part? Yeah. No, it's no problem.

[A]

You gotta do the voice.

[B]

I'm Samuel Worthington.

[A]

That's good.

[B]

President of the Pretty Kitty Committee.

[A]

That's good.

[B]

And I'm requiring all cats to build a website with Squarespace.

[A]

I love this voice you guys do.

[B]

Cats can do it. I love cats.

[A]

This voice you guys do, which I've named Daniel Day Lewish, is really very practiced and a featured guest here on the show. Hey, head to squarespace.com mybrother for a freebie.

[B]

No, I was going to say it.

[A]

Too late. And when you're ready to launch, whether

[B]

you are human or a kitty, head to squarespace.com mybrother for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code mybrother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Is a cat not entitled to a website and smalls? No, Says the man in Washington. I. I click your Squarespace. I click it up. Ready? Go. Knock, knock. Who's there? We got this with Mark and Hal Dock. You knew this one? We can't put that out as an ad. We just did new episodes every week on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcast. Now it's hewn and rock. Hewn in Rock?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

How do you hue something in rock with a chisel? There's only one hue in rock and it's Huey Lewis. And the news is we got those with Mark and Howells available Every week on MaximumFun.org I walked right into that.

[A]

Wonderful is a podcast where we talk about things we like. That's hard to sell in a promo like this. So we've enlisted the help of piano rock superstar Billy Joel to tell you about some of the topics we've covered.

[B]

Take it away.

[A]

Real Billy Joel.

[B]

Diddy Rock Spin on Lake Sign, Wilson Shire Circle Time, Sega Dreamcast, Caesar Salad, Tower of Annoy, Keepy Uppy Time Capsules,

[A]

Wayne's World, Cheese Pulls, Wallace Stevens, Donkey

[B]

Kong, Fun Size, Almond Joy. They didn't start the podcast. Except that's not true. They did in 22. They didn't start the podcast. No, they actually did. That was, in fact, a fib.

[A]

Listen to Wonderful Every Wednesday on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. Thanks. Real Billy Joel. No problem.

[B]

Griffin, do you take a ticket?

[A]

Ticket Dip.

[B]

I want a Munch Squad. I want too. Munch Squad.

[A]

Bojangles Jump Scare Bojangles.

[B]

Jump scare indeed. I just had to share these little beauties with you guys.

[A]

Oh, shit, dog.

[B]

Bojangles is turning up the flavor this summer with the return of a fan favorite breakfast staple. Now with an extra kick starting June 8, guests can enjoy the breakfast Bo Rito. All of this is so shiny. Everything, everything on the screen is shiny. The gloss of this thing is beautiful. Backed by popular demand, it feat delivers a hearty handheld breakfast packed with Bojangles flavor. This original features country style sausage, fluffy eggs, crispy bow rounds. That's hash browns.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Melty Monterey jack cheese and southern sausage gravy all wrapped up in a warm flour tortilla and served with Texas Pete hot sauce. Now if you want to start the day with a little more fire, the new Fuego, pair it with a utility drink only at Bojangles. Built on the same craveable foundation, the Fuego version adds a spicy ghost pepper sauce all wrapped in a warm red tortilla.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

To let you know.

[A]

Let you know this is spicy.

[B]

That's how I want to start my day. Knowing that in four hours it's gonna be dicey. What's interesting, guys, and I think this is so cool, is that the Bo Rito lineup is designed for convenience without sacrificing the brand's signature.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Made from scratch quality. Oh, that is interesting. When I see this, I think most made from scratch in high quality. So they're still like doing it.

[A]

They're still doing it. You know how like in Stardew Valley when it's like winter and you're just trying to get through it so that you can like get back to farming and stuff and you'll just wake up and then you'll immediately click on the bed and go right back to sleep. Until tomorrow. I feel like what Bojangles has offered here as a breakfast dining option is the food equivalent of that. Where I could have one of these Tuesday morning and then Tuesday's over, Tuesday's done and we're on to Wednesday.

[B]

Your journal entry for Wednesday is just like rough one yesterday period. Short day, end of entry. Hibernating.

[A]

Hibernating set for 23 and 1/2 hours.

[B]

Just enough to drive to Bojangles and bank. And I didn't even get to finish the boredo before I was back asleep.

[A]

Still haven't finished a whole one of them.

[B]

The name burrito is great because if you say it like a normal person would say burrito, but you say it enough, it just. Your friends would start to worry. You don't know how to pronounce burrito correctly. I have a borito. I'm gonna have a burrito. Borito. I'll. Yeah. Can I get a. Give me one burrito. You say burrito. No, no, no, no. Borito. Our breakfast burrito was so well received by guests last year that we decided to bring the heat for its return to the menu this year. And the new Fuego Breakfast Bo Rito does just that. Says Marshall Scarborough. Bo Marshall's Vice president of menu and culinary innovation. Marshall Scarborough. That's Travis McElroy, Time magazine. Have you thought about Bo Reit? Bo. And just get it maybe across. Griffin, I got one for you too. This is. This one's just for. This is just for Griffin. Well, it's not just for Griffin, but it is. Let's see here. I want to share it with Griffin because Griffin would, I think, appreciate the story. Love Island. Griffin. It has their own drinks at Scooter's Coffee.

[A]

All right.

[B]

I don't know why, but summer love is in the air at Scooter's Coffee with the launch of four new hot drinks. One of those is just a Red Bull. Hold on. Yeah, they're bombshells. They can only be described as bombshell with strawberry hard jelly swimming in a pool of strawberry and dragon fruit flavors. It's hard not to fall in love with these refreshing drinks. Launching June 18th. God, I haven't looked for a quote by Nick Lachey in this. There's not one. Sorry, guys. There is. Love Island.

[A]

That's not his show.

[B]

The matcha latte island.

[A]

And I couldn't get it.

[B]

Matcha latte with red heart jelly candies in it.

[A]

Looks like barf, dude.

[B]

It's upsetting in such. Why would I want socks? Why would I want jelly candies in anything, let alone my matcha latte? Don't worry, Travis. They have a perfect match for you. Oh. Bottle shell matcha latte is the ideal poolside companion. Starring our earthy and naturally sweet matcha with a side of strawberry and dragon fruit flavors. Strawberry heart jellies pop up in this bright green drink, making it. To choke you to death. To kill you. Disgusting. You can get these bombshells at Scooter's coffee locations beginning June 18th.

[A]

Gryffon. So if you dare celebrate, can I just. This is weird to admit. I do not fuck with Love Island.

[B]

Hey, can I say Griff?

[A]

Me too. I've tried. It just kind of sucks. It's just not on a fail. It just kind of sucks. And it's weird cause it's like it'd be like if you met someone who was like, I don't know, like a big sports guy and watched all the televised sports that there was. And you were like, what about football? And that person was like, I fucking can't stand football. It sucks.

[B]

I know. It's.

[A]

I like all the other stuff, but this one is not good. The host just hangs out. The host is the same age as the people on the show and she just kind of hangs out with them all the time. Where's the distinction? Oh, Minion. Yeah.

[B]

Huh. Hey, check this out. I just wanted to let you guys know Wendy's is. They unleash Minions and Monsters meal with a new banana Frosty swirl. Why did they decide. Do you think that a minion with a video camera pointed at me making food decisions is the best way, maybe the best image I've ever seen. And I bet Andy Warhol wishes he had made it because it's like so good. Because the minion is. You're having your 15 minions of fame right now and it's him filming you looking at the minions. That's really good. They've also got.

[A]

The composition of.

[B]

This is so good, man.

[A]

It's really. We got a big bowl of apple slices that will go untouched. We got two big, long, beautiful amber hued chicken tenders.

[B]

Uncontained.

[A]

Uncontained chicken tendies. We've got a big sort of 12 ouncer of straight milk, it looks like in a clear plastic cup. Is it a milkshake? Is it something? Is it a frosty, frosty swirl? Okay. Vanilla Frosty. And then we've got a little.

[B]

Put that in a Wendy's cup.

[A]

Then we got a little. A little dipping cup of zesty ranch dipping sauce and a minion pointing camera at you. It's really. It evokes the renaissance.

[B]

They've also chosen like the minion, who is famously yellow on kind of a very yellowish green background. Yellowish green.

[A]

Truce. He blends in. Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

It's almost like he's trying to sneak up on me and hurt me. Awesome. This is. Okay, so there's two meals. You're looking at the Monsters and Minions kids meal that's available now. I was thinking that this isn't mature enough for my grown folks.

[A]

Well, yeah, they don't really offer apple slices in adult meals. And I think that's bullshit.

[B]

I need it the most.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yes. Right. I'd love to enjoy some apple slices. What a treat that would be. Remember when meals used to have desserts? You know, in my day You're Lewish again. So the kids meal is choice of two people, two piece chicken tender, four piece nuggets, a hamburger or a cheeseburger.

[A]

Awesome.

[B]

Hot and crispy fries or apple bites. Wink. Kids drink. They're getting the fries.

[A]

I love that.

[B]

It's not even like I love that. So crazy that they put it up. Has anybody ever legitimately asked your kids. No kid. Ask a kid sometimes they will laugh in your face. They'll spit in your face. No joke. I've tried it multiple locations to be like, you know what? We'll get the apple slices. And the answer is always, oh, we don't have those. They don't have those.

[A]

Yeah, that's in Joe.

[B]

They didn't think you'd ask for it,

[A]

but they do have the choice of two chicken tenders or four chicken nuggets. They are offering you basically.

[B]

How.

[A]

How much of a chicken continuum are you looking for? Would you like. You could make Morse code? Do you want a dot of chicken or a dash of chicken?

[B]

Do you want a built in intermission?

[A]

Yeah, exactly.

[B]

So the Wendy's. The. The Minions and Monsters meal. And there's a lot. There's a lot to offer here. Let me see here. I want to show you the. I have a full image here that

[A]

I can share with you. Is there an adult version of this that you're. Whoa.

[B]

Yes. Whoa.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

So there's an adult meal, right? The adult meal for adults is a banana frosty swirl, a big bacon classic or spicy chicken sandwich, and a sweet. You know how they do it?

[A]

Banana. Say banana.

[B]

Like, here's the thing that I really want to highlight for you guys. If you look at the bottom of the image here, you can see the kids meal toys, which are James and Goomy and Richard and Ed and Dort and Henry.

[A]

All the greats, My favorites.

[B]

But if you get an adult meal, then maybe you'll get one of the adult collectibles. They are all doing rude gestures. The best partnerships. The best partnerships start with an understanding of what our fans are passionate about, says Lindsey Rudkowski, the U.S. chief marketing officer for the Wendy's company. By bringing together one of the world's most beloved entertainment franchises with Wendy's iconic high quality food our customers love, we're creating shared experiences that fans will go bananas for. I get it.

[A]

Awesome. It's. We can't drive this point home hard enough. The kids meal toys come with six different Minions and Monsters collectible toys. And the adult meals come with four completely different collectible toys and a blind Box in a blind box.

[B]

They're not collectible toys. You sound like a fucking idiot. They are Minions and Monsters. Blind box collectibles. You can collect them all and unlock the full Minions of series. You don't play with. You just play these in your china cabinet.

[A]

Let's take this apart. You can't have four collectibles. That's fucking crazy. You can't have four things and be like, collect them all. There's fucking four of them.

[B]

They say toy in the press release. They do say toys for the kids and collectibles.

[A]

That's awesome. They look identical.

[B]

Except they have Wendy's. The adult ones have Wendy's. The Minions are like Wendy's food items. Cause they don't Adults. And they're in a blind box and the kids are in clear packaging. You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So the adults have to guess which one they're getting. Famously. Kids hate blind boxes.

[A]

Yeah, and adults fucking can't get enough. Spend $7 or something. My kid might be hugely disappointed in. Yeah, don't mind if I do. Let's get 20. I do.

[B]

Guys. Can I say, though, I know one adult that is seeing the Minions dressed as Wendy's food and is kind of losing his fucking mind over here. I would do anything. Look at him. Is it dad? Can you guys not see it? James looks like Wendy and Ed looks like fries.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Henry looks like a Frosty. Are you kidding me? Goomy's a bag. Goomy's the monster. He's the evil guy. I bet I'm not gonna go see the Frosty. I bet they become friends by the end. I cannot start paying attention to the Minions trailers. I just gotta see the movie. You know what I mean? I can't.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, if you're making a Goomy drink.

[A]

Gimme. Let me.

[B]

I don't think he's pure evil. Goomy. Well, yeah. I bet he'll turn it around by the end of it. Yeah. There's Pineapple Minion, Mishy Fizz and Goomy's Glimy Lime. Could we have Drake names that don't try to sound like they're trying to trick me into saying a slur? Please. Like we just have normal. Like, normal names. Please. I feel like he's gonna mispronounce these and be canceled. He's a Grimy Lime. He is Grimy Limey Daddy.

[A]

That Goomy's one Grimy Lime.

[B]

Goomy itself. Goomy might be something. Like there's people listening somewhere in a different country who are like, did he Say goomy. I can't fucking leave. Thank you so much for listening to our podcast. It's been called My Brother, My Brother Me since we started it, and there's just no way to change it elegantly. Unfortunately, critics have called it My Brother, My Brother and Me.

[A]

Yeah, they all agree. It's that one.

[B]

I wanted to give a brief plug. We never do this, but our friends Weird Al and Puddles Pity Party both contributed to our Candle Nights video last year. And I want to say I saw them in Charleston last week and it was a great show. So you should get out there and see them if you want to laugh and have a great evening of entertainment. They don't need my plug, but here it is. I really enjoyed the hell out of it. I wanted to make a plug. And we always do this. We have merch over the Macro merch store, including the Make It Stick sticky notes designed by Evan Cruz. And 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to Lambda Legal, a national organization working to achieve full recognition of the civil rights of LGBTQ people and everyone living with HIV through impact litigation, education and public policy work.

[A]

I wanna do just a quick plug for. If you go to theadventurezonecomic.com, you can pre order the last Taz Balance graphic novel adaptation, Story and Song comes out in one month. We're doing a book release event in Boston. Tickets go on sale. I mean, they're on sale right now, actually, as you are hearing this. And the event is July 16 at 7pm at the Chevalier Theater. And each ticket comes with a signed paperback copy of Story and Song provided by Brookline Booksmith. What?

[B]

I think it's Chevalier.

[A]

Chevalier.

[B]

Do you think it's Chevalier?

[A]

Chevalier.

[B]

Chevalier.

[A]

Well, I mean, if you. If locals know what it is, what it means, you know, locals know what it is.

[B]

It's 90s kids.

[A]

Member, come on down to Chevalier, the Chevrolet Theater.

[B]

Chevrolet Theater. That's nice. It's sponsored.

[A]

I got in a big box of copies of the book yesterday, and it's the heaviest thing in the universe because this book is so fucking thick with emotion and story and song and song and art. And I can't fucking wait for this book to come out. Y' all.

[B]

Throw it.

[A]

Thanks to Montagne for the use for a theme song, My Life Is Better with youh. We are associated with Montaigne, and so I'll say, if you have the chance to get out to see them in concert, you should do so. I would love to see Montaigne in concert.

[B]

Me too.

[A]

Montaigne. Just the cities where we live and.

[B]

Yeah, I'm gonna throw our book.

[A]

Oh, shit.

[B]

Yeah. Look at this beefy guy.

[A]

Yeah, I see you're about one third of the way into it. You're gonna. You're gonna lose your place, man.

[B]

That's okay. I remember what happened. I'll just say this. If I known how good the last one was, I would have tried harder on the first ones.

[A]

Yeah, That was good, dude.

[B]

That looked like you were welcoming the book as a guest to our podcast. It just got to you what you didn't see too. I don't know if it played, but I clipped my monitor too as I threw it so it got some extra spin.

[A]

It did have a rotation. That's sick, dude.

[B]

Yeah. My name's Justin McElroy and it still works. My name is Justin. I'm Travis McElroy.

[A]

I'm Griffin McElroy.

[B]

This is my brother, my brother Reed. Kiss your dad. Square the lips. It's better, it's better with you Cuz it's who you are. It's better, it's better with you My life. It's better with you. Maximum Fun.

[A]

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