New Year, New Black-Eyed Peas (with Monét X Change) RE-RELEASE

Summary

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My Momma Told Me Podcast

Episode: New Year, New Black-Eyed Peas (with Monét X Change) [Re-Release]
Release Date: May 21, 2026
Host(s): Langston Kerman & David Gborie
Guest: Monét X Change

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Episode Overview

This lively episode of My Momma Told Me revisits the age-old tradition in Black American households: eating Black Eyed Peas on New Year’s Day for good luck and prosperity. Comedians Langston Kerman and David Gborie, joined by drag superstar and RuPaul’s Drag Race winner Monét X Change, tear into the origins, efficacy, and hilarity of this custom, exploring whether the power of the Black Eyed Pea is a truth, tall tale, or just more “Big Black Eyed Pea” propaganda. Along the way, they riff on everything from Tyrese conspiracy theories and the Cheesecake Factory controversy to the internet’s appropriation of Black culture.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Tyrese Conspiracy & Celebrity Surrealism

• Opening Banter: The hosts joke about whether Tyrese Gibson is a real person or a collective hallucination engineered to keep humanity from progressing.
  • “I think there is an active effort on the side of a power...to maintain the illusion of Tyrese Gibson so that he can continue to spread his oddities…It's like a constant reset of humanity because of his behavior.” – Langston (04:50)
• They also debate Tyson Beckford’s “realness” due to his beauty and background.
  • Monét: “The person that came to mind was Tyson Beckford and I was like, yeah, nobody that fine is real.” (07:16)

2. Black Eyed Peas: Tradition or Conspiracy?

(Main Discussion: 15:15–26:01)

• The Tradition: Monét introduces the New Year's Black Eyed Pea ritual “for bringing good fortune and wealth.” She’s skeptical of its results.
  • “I have cooked Black Eyed Peas on many a New Year’s Eve…Ain’t shit changed!” – Monét (15:54)
• Why Black Eyed Peas?: They joke about the specifics: Why this bean, not others? Why does it “expire” in a year?
  • “Why do the peas have to be black eyed? Why can’t they be kidney?” – Monét (16:05)
• Skepticism: They muse if the ritual is just “Big Black Eyed Pea” marketing.
  • “I just think we have been duped into doing [it] to make us buy more Black Eyed Peas at Ralphs.” – Monét (17:39)
  • “This is Big Black Eyed Pea, literally.” – Monét (17:48)

3. Black Eyed Peas Origin & the “Slave Talk” Theory

(History Segment: 40:00–42:37)

• Historical Roots: Langston shares research: Black Eyed Peas originated from West Africa, arriving in America via the transatlantic slave trade. Post-Civil War, they became a survival food and symbol of perseverance for emancipated slaves.
  • “This is born in slavery... The Black Eyed Pea is not native to America. It comes from West Africa.” – Langston (40:13)
  • “Now the slaves start...using the Black Eyed Peas as a sign of survival...it was like a beautiful metaphor for starting back.” – Langston (41:18)
• Myth-busting: The hosts gently mock the tradition’s purported magical properties.
  • “Unfortunately, it doesn’t actually offer prosperity. I think that’s just slave talk, frankly.” – Langston (42:07)

4. Black Food, Appropriation & White Infiltration

(54:00–58:00)

• Why Haven’t White People Stolen This?: The group wonders why Black Eyed Peas aren't the target of the same cultural “theft” as other foods.
  • “Why have white people not tried to steal [Black Eyed Peas]?” – Langston (54:01)
  • Monét posits that attempts have failed: “They have tried, but to no avail. They just can’t harness the supercalifragilistic power.” (55:18)
• Mac and Cheese Parallel: They discuss white chefs' creative liberties with Black mac and cheese—sometimes good, mostly chaotic—but worry innovation might one day "pay off".
  • “What I worry about with white Mac and cheese is that they are investing in Mac and cheese technology in a way that we are not.” – David (55:35)

5. Black Culture, the Internet & Appropriation

(57:07–59:58)

• Internet as a Black Neighborhood: They dissect the internet’s role in mainstreaming Black speech, memes, and mannerisms.
  • “Everybody on the Internet acts like black people. The Internet is a black neighborhood.” – David (57:21)
• White Rhythm & Dance: They note how white folks’ relationship to Black culture has evolved, especially in dancing.
  • “I feel like this country started going to shit when [white people] stopped dancing…The stereotype that white folks can’t dance is actually pretty recent.” – David (58:06)

6. Slaves, Drag Balls, and Hidden History

(61:02–61:51)

• Early Drag Culture: Monét shares that one of the oldest recorded drag queens, William Dorsey Smith, was a slave who performed drag balls on plantations—enjoyed by all enslaved folks, not stigmatized as it might be today.
  • “All the slaves, everyone would come to these drag balls…it wasn’t looked as weird…everyone came and enjoyed it.” – Monét (61:27)

7. Memorable Tangents & Quotables

• Cheesecake Factory Discourse:

  • “Cheesecake Factory, to me, is…del. There are so many options… panoply of different things…You are lucky to be there!” – Monét (37:52, cond.)
  • On the TikTok/viral debate about Cheesecake Factory being “unacceptable” for dates, the group universally disagrees.

• Sex & Relationships:

  • “I think sex should not be longer than 15 minutes…if it exceeds, I’m out. Two hours—psychopaths and illusionists.” – Monét (51:12)
  • “If I was on the other end of getting my dick smelled…you better not say shit to me for a week.” – David (52:00)

• Michael Jackson’s True Voice:

  • Monét: “He literally became a different color… the voice is an easier thing to manage!” (44:19)

• On Countess Vaughn’s Baddie Status:

  • Monét: “She was a baddie in that era…she had a booty, she had big titties, and the waist-to-ass ratio was [right].” (64:19)

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• The Tyrese Conspiracy:
  • “I think there is an active effort…to maintain the illusion of Tyrese Gibson…” – Langston (04:50)
• On Big Black Eyed Pea:
  • “This is Big Black Eyed Pea, literally.” – Monét (17:48)
• Traditional Roots:
  • “The Black Eyed Pea is not native to America…it comes from West Africa.” – Langston (40:13)
• Appropriation on the Internet:
  • “Everybody on the Internet acts like black people. The Internet is a black neighborhood.” – David (57:21)
• Drag & Enslaved History:
  • “All the slaves…would come to these drag balls…it wasn't looked as weird…everyone came and enjoyed these drag balls.” – Monét (61:27)
• Food Appropriation:
  • “They are investing in Mac and cheese technology in a way that we are not…at some point, innovation is going to pay.” – David (55:35)

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Important & Fun Timestamps

• Tyrese isn’t real: 04:29–06:30
• Britney Spears reggae song debate: 12:20–15:00
• Introduction to Black Eyed Peas tradition: 15:17–18:31
• Why the tradition exists (origins): 40:00–42:37
• Cheesecake Factory discussion: 37:02–39:40
• Appropriation (mac & cheese, Black Eyed Peas, internet): 54:00–59:58
• Early drag & slave history: 61:02–61:51

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Tone and Style

The tone remains irreverent, playful, and rooted in comic inquiry, blending deep dives into Black culture with roasting, side-eye, and infectious laughter.

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Closing & Guest Plugs

• Monét X Change Plug:

  • Touring 15 US cities, info at monetxchange.com and all socials @monetxchange (except TikTok: @themonetxchange)
  • “If you want me to smell your dick on tour, you can do that too—all the meet and greets, I will smell every dick who asks me.” – Monét (68:02)

• Hosts’ Plugs:

  • David: TikTok @monetxchange (joking that he’s squatting on the handle), Instagram @coolguyjokes87, patreon.com/davidbory
  • Langston: All socials @LangstonKerman, Netflix special "Bad Poetry", listener emails at mymamapodmail.com

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Final Thoughts

The tradition of eating Black Eyed Peas on New Year's is both a precious piece of Black American culture and, as the hosts see it, an example of history, resilience, and maybe a little wishful thinking. With a perfect mix of humor, cultural critique, and unexpected education, this episode is a playful and deeply Black celebration of foodways—plus a reminder that so much of what we do for “luck” is about belief, community, and a little bit of “what the hell, why not?”

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Transcript

[A]

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[C]

crazy it is that that at some point, two people decided to introduce Superman. And Superman has now become ubiquitous in sort of our lexicon, in the. In the human experience. Right. You don't think there's any possibility that there's some imagineers sitting somewhere going, what if he's Superman but can't fly? What if he's just a black dude that kind of is Superman but can't fly?

[D]

That's what you think. That's. That's. That's what they said about Tyson Beckman. If I was making him in a pot, I'd be like, all right, we're going to get an Asian guy.

[E]

A little jerk chicken in the.

[D]

He's going to flip the whole. Cuz he's really going to secretly be Jamaican and make him bump his hell.

[C]

Imagine an Asian flambe.

[E]

He gets ice and backburn

[D]

because of me. Growing babies. Micro chips in your anus. All koala bears are racist. The ozone layer owes me money Marching to Ben and turkey stuff Y' all can't tell me nothing

[C]

Whistle while you twerk Da da da da da da da Go ahead and start make that pussy fart Whistle while you twerk. There it is. Ladies and gentlemen, Gentiles and lil mamas alike, welcome to another phenomenal episode of My Mama Told Me the podcast, where

[D]

we dive deep into black conspiracy theories

[C]

and we finally work to prove whatever stupid shit you already believe. Come on.

[D]

Come on, dumbass.

[C]

We making you believe in your own garbage. Ain't that cool?

[D]

We're just trying to feed the slop back to the piggies.

[C]

Oh, man. It's sad when you really break down what we do here.

[D]

No, it's not a great job.

[C]

No. Shame on us.

[D]

But better than the car wash, though.

[C]

You know what I've been thinking about?

[D]

What?

[C]

I don't think Tyrese is real.

[D]

Go on.

[E]

Like,

[C]

I don't think Tyrese. Tyrese Gibson is a real person.

[D]

That's called motherfucking bars, nigga. You know nothing about that.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Ok.

[C]

I think he's a figment of our

[D]

imagination, like, collectively, like a collective hallucination.

[C]

I think we're all experiencing, and I don't think it's like, magic. I want to be clear. I'm not. This isn't whimsy, like the Mandela effect. I think that there is a active effort on the side of a power that be that is probably bigger than the US Government to maintain the illusion of Tyrese Gibson so that he can continue to spread his oddities and sort of, like, weird. It's like a constant reset of humanity because of his behavior. And in that way, it allows us to never progress past where we are.

[D]

I love that. Here's my only comeback.

[C]

Yep.

[D]

It's been a long journey for Tyrese. I'm talking about from sweet lady to Shayla. My Shayla. That's a long. That's a long con. Even before, when he was in the Coca Cola commercials.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

And in The My Way video. My favorite. Tyrese, come on. But I like that he. He's definitely holding us back.

[C]

And I say that for humanity, not for just. No, no, it's not a black white thing.

[D]

At that point, it does make me sad. Cause I do love Tyre.

[C]

He's so good, man.

[D]

He's so charming. He's the best Dark skinned king.

[C]

Come on.

[D]

Top tier. I thought that was gonna be like a Wesley Snipes thing with. And then it got no because I

[C]

think the algorithm took over. I don't think that Tyrese has never existed. I think he's.

[D]

You think there always was a Tyrese.

[C]

I think he's like Neo in some ways, but almost an anti Neo.

[D]

This is the fifth Tyrese.

[C]

This is our guest today. Remained so quiet during that.

[E]

Oh, I thought I was supposed to be. No, you can come in chop in at any time. Well, you say. Cause you didn't intro me, so that

[D]

was fucked up on us.

[C]

I set you up poorly, and that's on me.

[D]

Wow.

[C]

We run such a loose operation over here. And I should have said that from. We don't abide by any traditional rules, that we've got no professional coaching.

[E]

Okay. Okay.

[D]

You know what I mean?

[E]

I had so much to say, but I was on the lock and key over here and I felt that.

[C]

And I just felt it would have been irresponsible to not acknowledge the discomfort you were left in. And that's on me.

[E]

Well, I want to acknowledge the discomfort that Tyrese has. Can I curse on here?

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

Has fucking did to all of us. I have had it with Tyrese. I don't want to say any more fucking posts in the Shade Room about him. I am over Tyrese. But I will say, when you first said Tyrese, the person that came to mind was Tyson Beckford. And I was like, yeah, nobody that fine is real.

[C]

Right.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[D]

You don't think Tyson Beckford is real?

[E]

No, because he's too beautiful.

[C]

That's real.

[E]

He has done nothing. Nothing. He's in good standing with everyone. Yeah.

[D]

I think he's just a good guy.

[E]

I think so. He's just.

[D]

He's from Brooklyn, right?

[E]

Is he from. Oh, he's from New York.

[C]

Yeah. No, he's like. And that's what's crazy about him too, is like the claim is that he used to be like a street nigga.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

Tyson Beck without no street nigger.

[D]

Tyson Beck for word.

[E]

God.

[C]

That he's like. He was like a street nigga. That was just like. I'M too fine for this. I gotta go clean it up.

[D]

Which is like kind of the most amazing thing ever.

[E]

100%.

[D]

I'm too fine to be thugging.

[C]

Yeah,

[D]

that's the top of the mountain.

[C]

But you're still like, street enough that n ain't gonna like beat you up.

[E]

100%. But here's the thing. I think he's one of these people. You see him on TV and this motherfucker looks like he's like 6 foot 4. And you meet him, he's one of these fucking 4 foot 11 niggas.

[D]

I don't think he's little.

[C]

No, I think he's like six, three.

[D]

I think he's like a big nigga. I think he's just as like. I think sometimes God gives with both hands.

[C]

I think you are right.

[E]

I said it makes big one of our heads.

[C]

I think that's. We made that up.

[E]

Yeah. But you know Tyrese, you know, and he has all for a moment. Cause he was making some good fucking music.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[E]

And I said was because past tense. Have you ever heard the new shit?

[C]

No.

[E]

No. I don't either. Well, just in case Tyrese comes on this podcast. I don't want to shade. Listen.

[C]

I think it is. This will get him here faster.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

I think we should be as messy as possible about Tyrese so that he can come back and defend his good name.

[D]

I want to sing on here.

[E]

Oh, say something nasty about his voice, bro. You're going to get Ray J at the verses. Girl, you know what?

[D]

That I can't take it. Because I love Tyrese's music too. That debrat song where he opens singing his own, He's. She said two things. He goes, that's the best. He did that before he knew he was going to be on that song. He was in it.

[E]

We had Baby boy. He killed that.

[D]

Come on.

[E]

Fast and Furious movies.

[D]

You know what I'm saying? And he was okay. He was okay.

[C]

Yeah, he's all punchline after the second one.

[E]

100%.

[C]

They made him like a serious guy in the second film where they were like, nah, this is the real street motherfucker that's going to finally challenge. And then they were. Nah, that's a silly Billy. Go ahead.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

We can't even do nothing with you. There's no story here for you.

[E]

100%.

[D]

And I love that for I love Tyrese. It makes me sad to see how it's come. That's also why I don't think that it's a tool. Because it's just too. It's too random. That couldn't have been prepared. None of us saw that from that Coca Cola commercial where you're like, who is this smiling, dark skinned gentleman to now? It was like, you couldn't have seen that.

[C]

And that's, to me, where it feels fabricated. Where we start to. Okay, now we're saying this just feels like a choose my own adventure, but that they're playing with us, that they're just seeing what we'll respond to. Conditioning the human brain to accept Tyrese as normal, thus driving us closer to insanity.

[D]

You.

[E]

Wow. All right.

[D]

Kind of in your.

[E]

Yeah, you were really. You're spending some knowledge right here.

[C]

This is why I didn't intro you yet. I needed you to wake the fuck up.

[E]

I am paying attention. I'm here to learn today, honey.

[C]

Our guest today. We're so excited she's here. She's a comedian. Classically trained opera singer, RuPaul's Drag Race winner and host of two hit podcasts, Sibling Rivalry with Bob the Drag Queen and her new solo venture, Monet Talks. You can see her on tour this January with our one woman comedy show, Life Be Lifein'.

[E]

Sure do.

[C]

Give it up from Monet X Change.

[D]

Hey, I don't even have a sound.

[E]

What is that?

[D]

I don't have one good enough. Anything I have will be disrespectful.

[E]

If you play the.

[C]

Give her something. You gotta give her something.

[E]

Just give her something good.

[C]

There you go.

[D]

That was the best I could do. That's the best I could.

[C]

I appreciate it.

[E]

I like that.

[D]

I like that.

[C]

I want you to know that was Steven Seagal singing that.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

That's not what you think it is.

[D]

No, it wasn't some Sean Paul B side. No, no, no.

[C]

That's a Steven Seagal deep cut where he made a reggae album.

[E]

Yeah. Really?

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

Was it good?

[C]

No.

[E]

I mean, you know what? What do you think would surprise us?

[D]

Who surprised you with their reggae album?

[E]

With a good reggae album?

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

You know what? Britney Spears has that one reggae song. I'm telling you, Monet, I am from the Caribbean. I'm from St. Lucia, born and raised.

[D]

This is a wild take.

[C]

Monet, this is not. This is not how you could.

[E]

Britney Spence got that one reggae song when they gave her just a little too much cocaine. And she sounds good. It's crazy. It's on her third album.

[C]

Damn.

[D]

What's it called?

[E]

Wrap It up now or something like that?

[D]

Something like that, but not kidding.

[E]

Anything.

[C]

I'm truly. We have to Listen to it.

[D]

Yeah. No, afterwards. I've been.

[C]

I think after this episode, we need to listen to it.

[E]

It's good. It's good. It's good.

[C]

Honestly, we need to play it right now.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

Can we feel like we gotta challenge Rone on this? Cause this is.

[D]

This is gonna bug you on YouTube right now. We can, we can. Like, I do want to hear Brittany

[E]

was in her bag with this song.

[C]

Okay. This is really gonna.

[E]

No, this is also coming from 13 year old memories. Okay.

[D]

You don't get to do that. You don't get to do that. You don't get to do that. I don't know. Islands born in race.

[E]

You said it's in my blood I

[C]

never misinterpret my content, my country.

[E]

I don't know if this is gonna stand into the sign, but back when I was 13 year old, 14 year old me, I remember hearing that on MTV Hits.

[C]

I don't think you're like, Britney Spears, run the poon thing now.

[D]

Don't hang up.

[E]

I just have to. Britney Spears reggae song. And so many weird things popped up on my phone.

[D]

Yeah. A lot of strange mixes I didn't want to try. Damn.

[E]

Well, people listening, someone found it and they have commented about what this song is. They were like, yeah, it's a bop.

[D]

Is it the hookup?

[E]

But the hookup. I think that's it.

[C]

Okay.

[E]

I think that's it.

[C]

Here we go. This is gonna be the same as the last one.

[D]

I'm sorry, you don't got YouTube. Guys, people in the room. This just happened. This just happened.

[C]

I was.

[D]

I'm trying to. Don't worry about it. Okay. Hey. All right. You're very excited.

[C]

You can't a over the music. You gotta let us hear,

[E]

Right? The hook is good.

[C]

Middle school made me want to do middle school dance.

[E]

You know what I'm saying?

[C]

She like, I am Britney Spears, but a man saved me, told me to save me wanna do. So I'm gonna do that if that's cool with y'.

[D]

All.

[E]

People used to bum, like, just doing dubs in the gym for. I mean, come on.

[D]

That's pretty good. It was good.

[E]

It's good.

[D]

You got it. You got it.

[E]

Okay.

[D]

Learn something new every day, Monet.

[C]

We can't talk about Britney Spears. Excellent. Work all day. You came to us with a conspiracy. It's very apt for the, I think the time of year.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

We are celebrating the new year. This is our first episode back from the new year. We're so excited you're doing it with us. And you said, my mama told me you eat Black Eyed Peas on New Year's.

[E]

Yes. And I think it's tied into bringing you good fortune and wealth and riches. Black people always trying to get more money. They're like, yeah, whatever we gotta do, get more money.

[D]

Right.

[E]

But I just don't understand what is the. I have cooked Black Eyed peas on many a New Year's Eve.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

Really?

[E]

And ain't shit change. It should happen. And I think that. I don't know. What is the correlation? Why do the peas have to be black eyed? Why can't they be kidney? Why can't they be.

[D]

That's a bee.

[E]

Oh, yeah. Well, black. So what's the difference between a pee and a bean?

[C]

I. I think Black Eyed Peas is. Is a colloquial name. I think that's like, what we call it probably is. It probably has a more traditional name.

[E]

Okay, now you're trying to get all Latin. It's called, like a Black prius. No, but IPs.

[C]

I don't think Henry VIII was like, bring me the Black Eyed Peas. I think they had a different. They probably had, like, a different thing on it.

[E]

Okay.

[D]

I never thought about that.

[E]

I haven't either. In my mind, Jesus was cooking Black Eyed Peas. They called it Black Eyed Peas for the past how many centuries?

[D]

Also, here's my question to you. You've said you've cooked them several times.

[E]

Yes.

[D]

What if it's a collective? Like, it's not like, necessarily one year. Specifically, it's a tradition that you continued in. Right. Which brought you to this point where you are now? That could be it.

[E]

Now what about all the niggas that have been doing it for centuries and they worse off than they was?

[D]

I'm just trying to get away. I really fucked up with that YouTube's commercial thing. And I'm honestly just trying to get back. This is me being as open as I can.

[E]

The room really turned on you when that bad.

[D]

Do you know how bad my feelings got hurt. I was so. No.

[C]

And you know what made it worse is it sucked as a commercial.

[E]

You know what I mean?

[C]

You got a real shit commercial that came up. It wasn't even, like a fun one that we could kind of like, giggle

[D]

through, just, oh, Shaq's doing it again.

[C]

It was just Expedia and information sucked.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

So I just think, like, the Black Eyed Peas, I just think it's just something we have been duped into doing to make us buy more Black Eyed Peas at the Ralphs. And the seatown and the pathmark.

[D]

Oh, you think this is big Black eyed pee pee.

[E]

Literally big blick blick. Big old black eyed peep. Black IP is making us buy all these black IPs.

[D]

It should change it for. And by that she means Will I am. Wake up, wake up, wake up.

[C]

Will I am and Black Eyed peas are one and the same. There's no difference.

[E]

100.

[D]

Yes.

[E]

I'mma fuck it up. Black Eyed Beef. I think that conspiracy theory is just so you.

[C]

You obviously bought into it at some point.

[E]

I did.

[D]

Several points.

[C]

When did this start for you? Was this introduced in the home from the beginning? Black Eyed Peas?

[E]

Yes, from as far back as I can remember. I think I wanna say six years old. I just remember my grandmother cooking some black eyed peas in the kitchen. And I was like, why we always have to eat this fucking shit on New Year's Day? And she said, because we cooked this to bring us wealth and health for the next year. And also, why does it expire at a year? Why doesn't it.

[C]

The bean?

[D]

It's only a vegetable.

[E]

Is a bean a vegetable?

[D]

Once again, I'm just trying to get right.

[C]

Hey, man, that can't be your only out for this whole conversation.

[E]

I think you might be right. I think you might be right.

[D]

I think it's a legume and I think that it's packed with protein and that's what I have on that.

[C]

I don't think they're vegetables. And I think I found this out recently. There are way less vegetables than we think they are. Really? Yeah. That like, there's only like five or six legit vegetables. And then the rest of this is stuff we're calling vegetables that are actually like legumes. And fruits. And fruits. And a lot of shit is just loose.

[E]

Yeah, I think that that blew my mind. With tomatoes. Tomatoes are. We think they're a vegetable, but they're a fruit. Yeah, it's a berries. A tomato is a berry.

[D]

Yeah, I know that.

[C]

God damn.

[E]

Okay.

[D]

Gotta help him, right? Baby, baby, let me look up.

[E]

If I can't explain why, but potato is a berry.

[D]

I. I've heard that.

[E]

You know what? You seem like a very trustworthy.

[C]

You know what? What I know for a fact is a berry is. Bananas are a berry.

[D]

Oh. Because they, they. We bred the seeds out of them, right? Yeah, but they were supposed to have seeds inside of them.

[E]

But bananas do have seeds inside them sometimes.

[C]

Yeah, but not the ones that you buy at like the store. You know what I mean? Ralph's ain't selling you seeds.

[E]

Well, have you seen these new crazy, like, Gen Z bananas that have. No, they're just the solid. There's no black thing in the middle. Like, there's no, like, core. It's just, like, all but, like, the white part.

[C]

Oops, all bananas.

[E]

They're even taking the black out of bananas.

[D]

That is a problem. You said, oops, all banana.

[C]

There's been a terrible accident at the banana factory.

[E]

They're taking the black out of bananas. So it's just the white part. So you get more potassium, and so the potassium is.

[D]

How much was the black taken up in there? It wasn't even a lot of black.

[C]

It's crazy. Yeah, but that's probably what they said about watermelons.

[E]

Oh, yeah, Watermelons, too.

[C]

How long you get them without the seeds or with the seeds? You'd be kind of like, damn, you could have gotten no seeds.

[D]

No, I'm pro seeds. I'm pro watermelon seeds.

[E]

I can't remember saying this. I don't like watermelon. Oh, I know I don't like watermelon. Like, I just feel like it's a weight. It just tastes like water. If I wanted to have too much, I'd just drink a glass of water.

[D]

It's the best melon.

[E]

Nah, I don't like melon melons. I don't like cantaloupes, honeydews. I don't like watermelon.

[D]

I don't like honeydew either.

[C]

I'll be honest. I love them all.

[E]

Really?

[D]

Really. You're a melon guy.

[C]

Sometimes I'll be. You know, they package it at the airport. I buy it.

[D]

You're the one.

[E]

You're the one. Don't you crowd my fruit salad bowl with honeydew. And, like. No, that's.

[D]

And the fruit salad, it's not the best.

[E]

It's the worst.

[D]

Cause pineapple, I think, is king of the fruit salad.

[E]

100%. And black man.

[C]

Good mango. Yeah.

[D]

Good.

[E]

Mango's hard to come by.

[C]

It's hard to come by. And they are real skimpy with it

[D]

when they get 100%. No, I found that mango usually serves me best in candy form. I'm happy with the mango candy more often than I've been happy with the mango. Mango fruit.

[E]

Mango candy.

[D]

In America.

[E]

In America, Africa.

[D]

Those mangoes are crazy.

[E]

Yeah. Like crazy good. If crazy bad.

[D]

So good. It's like a juice box. It doesn't even make sense.

[E]

Yeah. Oh, let me say something. My family's from St. Lucian. Caribbean. You not Want to see my family eat mangoes? It looks like it is a murder scene, girl. Mango is on you. In your hair, in your fucking drawers. Like, how did mango get in my panties? Like, it's funny.

[D]

That's how I want to live. I want to wash the mango off in the ocean.

[E]

100%. That's what you got to do, man.

[D]

That's as good as life gets.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

What a good life y' all have had. My family from Detroit,

[D]

that's the opposite.

[C]

I've never even tasted the luxury you're describing.

[D]

You gotta watch Cody off in the lake.

[C]

He got hot dogs in my panties. Hot dogs in my panties.

[D]

You don't want to see my family in a bag of Cody. It's a hard place to live.

[E]

Well, also, but in the Midwest, though, like, this is what really drives me crazy about, like, the Detroit, Chicago thing.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

Y' all have these big bodies of water, and especially in Chicago, they've dug the thing on their sand there. And people have the nerve to go to my Instagram feed and say, ah, having a lovely day at the beach. The beach. That is not a beach. It is a fucking lake.

[D]

And they've never.

[E]

Look at that.

[D]

They've never. They've never risked mango from their bodies on the white, sandy shores.

[E]

They don't know any better.

[C]

I don't know what you want from us. We have nothing.

[D]

You know what I mean?

[C]

It's bitter cold for eight months of the year, and then, like, three of the other months, it's raining. And you get, like, a month where it's just gorgeous. So, yeah, I'm gonna pretend I'm in St. Lucia. I know I can see the subway behind us.

[D]

I.

[C]

This ain't right.

[D]

You can hear that elsewhere.

[E]

Yeah, yeah. You know. You know, and I get it, and I truly. I empathize with all of those in that area, but, baby, it's not a beach. It's a lake.

[C]

Okay?

[E]

And, you know, it's not just a regular lake.

[C]

No, it's a great lake, but it's a nasty lake. Our side of it is pretty.

[D]

It's not. I don't love it down. It's like every time I've been by the lake in Chicago, when it's hot out, I feel like some shit's buzzing.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

Like, it's rough, man.

[D]

Bug Lake is not good lake.

[C]

Yeah. It's the type of LA where. It's the type of beach where. Where nobody is fully comfortable taking their clothes off.

[D]

That's. I feel like I seen people swimming with shoes in there.

[C]

Yeah, it's like you see a lot of dudes with like swim trunks but shirts on. It's like the vibes ain't right here.

[D]

We're trying our best because you can't like picnic down by there.

[C]

I would, but then you get accused of being the type of person that picnics on the beach.

[D]

You know what I mean? It's just.

[C]

Yeah, it's all you guys need some

[D]

mango in some white sandy shores.

[C]

That's all I pray for, for my people. We should take a break. I think we always go into breaks perfectly, by the way.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

No transition problems.

[C]

We should take a break. But when we come back, we're going to continue to talk about the possibility or the necessity rather of eating Black Eyed peas on New Year's Day.

[E]

Day.

[C]

Day. Right. It's not the eve.

[E]

You make them eve and you eat

[C]

them in the day, eat them during the day. So when we come back, we're going to talk more Black Eyed Peas, more Monet, exchange more My Mama Told Me.

[B]

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[D]

She pulls out her breast and she's juggling them. Look like she about to fall over. Then she bends over and pulls down her pennies. Spreads her cheeks. I'm not lying. I'm telling what's on the video. Spreads her cheeks. This is madness.

[E]

Who is that?

[D]

A prophet?

[C]

It's from a. It's a lawyer of a lady. Or no, rather the lawyer of the school district. I believe in, like, St. Louis or some shit where a woman, a teacher, was caught with an onlyfans and had, like, video that these students had gotten ahold of.

[E]

I remember hearing about that.

[C]

And this was the lawyer accusing her of being a vile, vile woman, woman. All while describing in detail the way she pulled out her panties.

[D]

Wow.

[C]

And spreads her butt cheeks.

[E]

Because he had to watch a video.

[D]

Just watch it a couple times.

[C]

I'm not lying. I'm telling you what's in a video.

[D]

Sometimes you see stuff and you're like, I could be a lawyer.

[C]

It's a cool job.

[D]

Like, it doesn't seem that crazy.

[E]

I know. I agree.

[D]

Like, you. You hear about the bar and the difficulty of the test and whatnot, but then you.

[C]

He did it.

[E]

Yeah, he did it.

[D]

He did it.

[E]

He did it.

[D]

I think I got it.

[C]

It can't be that crazy.

[D]

It can't be that crazy.

[C]

And maybe there's loopholes, right? Because, like, maybe take the bar. There are ways to, like, to not have to take the bar to do certain things in certain places.

[E]

Ask Kim fucking Kardashian.

[C]

This bitch is just.

[E]

She going to school at devry, talking about, I'm a lawyer now.

[D]

Wait eight years. Devry? For real?

[E]

No, not devry.

[D]

She has some, like, University of Phoenix.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

You know, I had to do a math class on there to get my degrees.

[C]

Oh, no.

[D]

Are you serious?

[E]

Yeah. You know what?

[D]

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait, oh no.

[E]

Cause I had done my whole shit and it was a math class every year. I put. I was like, no, I'll do it next year. I'll do it next day. And by the time I got to my graduation year, they were like, yo, we gonna let you walk, but you gotta do this math class within six months of getting your diploma or else it's rescinded. So I had to go to University of Phoenix online. And I did this math class. It was horrible. I hated.

[D]

That's right.

[E]

It was just me and just a bunch of like 95 year old white women.

[D]

So the brochure is a lie.

[E]

The brochure is a lie.

[D]

They make it seem very multicultural.

[E]

It wasn't that. It was 85, 95 year old women.

[C]

You know what made me sad is imagining that you now have a University of Phoenix email.

[D]

You should use that as a burner.

[C]

Edu.

[E]

Do I, do I.

[D]

That's it's adopted.

[E]

I do.

[D]

I don't think they can make the clearance, the accreditation.

[C]

We're the government, but we can't do everything.

[E]

Oh, yeah, I have a Phoenix. Oh my God, you. You just. Oh my God, you just reminded me

[C]

that I gotta get your email back.

[E]

Yeah, get it back for all my business.

[C]

That's a beautiful burner to have.

[D]

I would like to go to a University of Phoenix graduation, though.

[C]

That does sound dope.

[D]

I went to an automotive college graduation one time. Awesome lit. They were throwing up sets, Mexican sets, shout out to Aurora, Colorado, yo.

[E]

They were going, yeah, I love that.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

They were like, this makes our gang proud.

[D]

I was in the back. I was la. I was like, oh, they're gang banging in here.

[E]

This is a good time though.

[D]

Oh, you did research. That's where we're at.

[C]

Well, that's the question. Maybe this is the best way to get back into it. The question I have is what happened that made you jump off the black eyed ped wagon?

[E]

I think the big thing that happened for me was it was right after I had graduated actually. And I was like, I remember it was like 2000. Oh my God, 2012 graduated and I

[D]

was like, oh, that wasn't even a long time ago.

[E]

That is a long time ago though.

[D]

How old are you?

[E]

I'm 35.

[D]

We're.

[C]

We're older than you. That look so not making us.

[E]

That looks so good though, you know what I mean? Actually, I'm 17. This a hard 17 you're looking at.

[C]

It's whooping my pants. 17, junior year is tough.

[E]

And I remember like, getting out of school, I was like, okay, I'mma make my Black Eyed Peas. Cause I'm really gonna bring some wealth and fortune and some good shit my way.

[D]

Like, I got all this knowledge from the University of Phoenix.

[E]

And those two years after college were probably my worst. I was like, job hopping. I couldn't get a good job and I was making no money. Like, it was the worst. And I was like, why am I like, this ain't bring me no good fortune, riches, wealth, nothing.

[D]

Okay, but here, let me counteract. I feel like it's like the Lord. You can't just call upon the Lord when you need him in downtimes. You gotta call upon him in uptimes too, too. So you were like, okay, I'm a fresh University of Phoenix grad.

[C]

Yeah. You doing it. You were doing it for one day. You should have been eating Black Eyed Peas all year. I know.

[E]

Maybe that's what it is.

[C]

And that's.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

Where the prosperity.

[E]

Also, I put too much salt on the Black Eyed Peas, so it's a little salty.

[C]

Okay.

[E]

And then I did try to add hot sauce because I thought the hot sauce would counteract the salt, but it just made it hot.

[D]

Was it a vinegar base? It was a vinegar.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah, you double down. See, cooking means some chemistry shit.

[E]

So if it wasn't vinegar based, it would have helped it.

[D]

Well, you just like, if you put too much salt, you need to cut it with like a base.

[E]

Wow, you're really smart.

[D]

No, like, I appreciate this.

[C]

Yeah. Now you seem smart right now, though.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah. Don't forget, I don't have YouTube Premium and I can't afford it. It's just a choice.

[E]

Yeah. So that really turned me off, the Black Eyed Peas. I'm like, I'm really off this.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

Would you ever do it? So did you ever think about. Cause you don't like Black Eyed Peas very much.

[E]

I like Black Eyed Peas when it's made by someone who can cook.

[C]

It doesn't feel. If I may, it doesn't feel like a New Year's food, even though it is a traditional.

[D]

What is New Year's food?

[E]

It was New Year's food.

[C]

I don't know. But like, New Year's to me comes with sparkles and fucking like. Like a flare to it almost.

[E]

Okay.

[C]

And Black Eyed Peas feel like a real, like, working class ass, pedestrian feel.

[E]

Like those like, fajitas from Chili's. That's like a New Year's. Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

But that would be a New Year's food.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

Okay.

[C]

Come on. You get it.

[D]

Can I tell you, I don't really hot plate. I don't ever. I don't know. I'll never get fajitas. I don't like the attention in restaurants.

[C]

It's a lot.

[E]

It's a lot. It's like.

[D]

It's like. I feel like it's pressure to enjoy them. And I never. Like. There's so much that you're supposed to be like, Mike, they call for these fajitas, and then there's.

[C]

I don't like any food.

[D]

It's just not a great taco.

[C]

I don't like any food. I can't eat right away.

[E]

You gotta wait.

[C]

Yeah, that pisses me the fuck off. I'm just. I'm watching you enjoy your thing. I already betted on fajita. You know what I mean? Like, most places you go, it ain't good fajita. It's just hot on a plate. And so you're like, I'm already betting on fucking fajita. And now I gotta chill for six minutes while this cools down so I can make a bad taco. Nah, nah.

[D]

You could have had three chicken crispers from chicken at that time.

[E]

Yo, Chili's was first. I remember we used to eat at Chili's. Cause right next to my college, we used to eat there all the time. They made the mistake of having a freshman discount my freshman year. That's why I gained a freshman 55.

[D]

Wait, that's more than tradition.

[E]

I was fucking Chili's up every day. Every other chili.

[C]

That's about 40 more than tradition, Monet, if y' all are keeping track at home, that wasn't. That's not what we all came home with.

[D]

I will say, though, anytime in your life, when you look back when you were going to Chili's, frequent. You were free. Like, any time. You were free of societal pressure, romantic, like, that's a free person.

[E]

100%.

[D]

You just go to Chili's.

[E]

You ain't lying.

[D]

And I went to Chili's last week, and it was a big talk, though. I had to talk my girl into it.

[C]

Oh, this wasn't just Chili's. No.

[D]

But then we went to Chili's. We saw our first date, and it was beautiful. Yeah, he was smart. He had, like, on. He was very African. He had jeans and dress shoes on.

[C]

Let's go. Could be Caribbean.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah. You guys like that as well?

[E]

Yeah, we have a lot of crossovers.

[D]

And he was smooth. He went out and met the girl's parents, brought her into the Chili's. About two minutes in, sat side, you know what I mean?

[E]

And were the parents there, too?

[D]

No, the parents left.

[E]

Oh, okay.

[D]

They left her in his care.

[C]

This is.

[D]

Is.

[C]

This is not just a first date of adults. This is the first date.

[E]

It better not be adults.

[D]

No, these are like teen. They were like teens.

[E]

Yeah. Imagine somebody.

[D]

No, I'm not just watching an adult's first date.

[C]

I thought this was some weird morning weirdo.

[E]

But if you're an adult, you don't go on a first date to a Chili's. I go to a respectable place like Cheesecake Factory. That's okay.

[C]

The menu's too small. Go to the Cheesecake Factory.

[E]

I want the Bible when I'm ordering my food.

[D]

Honey, honestly, you could run Cheesecake Factory up the first three.

[E]

Realistically, let me tell you something. I know. There was that whole thing, controversy about that woman who got mad at a man, took a Cheesecake Factory. I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? Cheesecake Factory, to me, is. Del. There are so many options. There's a panoply of different things. You're gonna have to satiate every taste. But in your mouth.

[C]

No.

[D]

It's a prime location. When you go to cheesecake, then we can go see a movie. We can go for shopping. There's always a bunch of shit to

[C]

put them in bad neighborhoods.

[D]

No, Never somewhere you want to be.

[E]

I. I was in Beverly Hills this morning. There's a Cheesecake Factory in Beverly Hills. So the rich fucking in Beverly Hills.

[D]

That was a tough time for us when that came out.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Cause it's like, I don't think that you're paying attention to what cheesecake is doing. I don't think you respect cheesecake.

[C]

No. It felt attention seeking in a way that really made me feel sad for us.

[D]

You know what I mean?

[C]

Where it's just the lady talking.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

You don't mean this.

[E]

You don't mean this at all.

[C]

You just had a bad date and it didn't work, or you didn't like the way it looked when you showed up and you made it the excuse, but you're just attention seeking. And we fed into it and argued with her and made it this whole thing. It's like, come on, y'. All. Something's gotta be objective. Cheesecake Factory is a delightful meal that anybody can enjoy at any time.

[D]

100%. I agree.

[C]

We're all lucky to be there.

[E]

Yeah. Yeah.

[D]

We're all happy to be there.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Everybody's smiling.

[E]

I'm elated to be There.

[D]

Yeah. Everybody's smiling.

[C]

There's no theme. It's just nonsense.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

Sushi and fajitas.

[C]

It's like classy nonsense.

[D]

It feels like you're eating in a hotel lobby. That's fun for me.

[C]

Yeah. Play Chugg e Cheese with your guts. Just fucking do it.

[D]

There's weirdly no kids ever in that. No.

[C]

You don't waste money on Cheesecake Factory. On children.

[D]

How old would. Until you take your children to Cheesecake Factory.

[C]

I. Unfortunately, we went to Hawaii for a conference my wife had had, and the. One of the only restaurants nearby was the Cheesecake Factory. And so I did have to, like, spend money.

[D]

You sound upset.

[C]

I hated it. I had to spend money getting them Cheesecake Factory quality stuff for my daughter to, like, half eat it and, you know, spit in it and damn. You know what I mean? Where you're like, it's not even salvageable.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

You know what I mean?

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

I'm you.

[E]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

That's tough. Damn.

[E]

I mean, I was never that kid. From the time I could drink or eat, I was eating every morsel of food that ever came across my.

[C]

I get that.

[E]

My parents did not waste. Not. They did not waste that thing with it. I was at garbage disposal as a kid. 100%.

[D]

Yeah. That's that freshman 55.

[E]

That freshman 55, for sure.

[C]

So one of the things that I found out, which I didn't know, and you asked this question earlier as it pertains to why black IPs. Why not? Why not a pinto, Whatever it is. It turns out that this is da da da. Born in slavery.

[D]

Slavery.

[C]

Slavery. The black ip, as it turns out, is not native to America. This isn't like an American ass being. It comes from West Africa.

[E]

Wow.

[D]

They do have a lot of the same shit. And that makes sense to me.

[C]

Yeah. So it first made its way this way on the transatlantic slave trade.

[D]

Then they let em have peas down there.

[C]

I guess I think maybe it started as a white meal probably. It was like, oh, we got these new. Got these new beans, y'. All. This shit's hitting.

[E]

Check these out.

[C]

Check it. You trying to try something new?

[D]

They're trash about beans, but I don't like white people beans very much.

[C]

My guess is, to that point, they didn't know what to do with em. Right. Because it's not necessarily like a straightforward meat.

[E]

Yeah, right.

[C]

Like, it takes sort of a process, and there's a specificity to the. To the seasoning of it that makes it delicious. Black Eyed Peas by themselves are Ass.

[E]

Yeah, they're trash.

[C]

Right?

[D]

I've never. Just like a plane.

[C]

You have to be a psychopath.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Which the old white people were. They were psychopaths. They didn't know what to do with it. They handed it over to the slaves. Now the slaves start after the Civil War ends, start using the Black Eyed Peas as a sign of survival. That, like, this is our perseverance because we've made it as long as, you know, we've gotten our freedom and gotten control of this thing that didn't even originate here, but now lives here with us. It was like a beautiful metaphor for sort of starting back. And that's where the tradition comes from.

[E]

Got it.

[D]

Okay.

[E]

See, look at.

[D]

Well, see, that's beautiful. Yeah.

[E]

I may start cooking them black Eyed

[D]

beans out there now.

[C]

Unfortunately. Unfortunately, it doesn't actually offer prosperity. I think that's just slave talk, frankly.

[D]

God damn it.

[C]

I think that's some silly slave talk. In the same way. Follow the drinking gourd. You know what I mean?

[E]

Follow the drinking gourd.

[C]

Yeah, they had to. And it worked, kind of. But it wasn't going to free us up, just a few of us.

[D]

This always ends feeling like this. We always feel like this at the end.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

I think this has been our most uplifting episode yet.

[D]

I've been having a great time.

[E]

Yeah. David.

[D]

Yet. Excuse me. I'm sorry.

[C]

It was due to a feces thrown

[E]

all over the walls, the floor, the

[C]

ceiling, and it stunk so bad.

[E]

Is this someone talking about a chimpanzee?

[D]

It was Michael Jackson.

[C]

Yes, it was Michael Jackson, but he wasn't talking about a chimpanzee. He was talking about, if I'm not mistaken, a assault that happened on him when he went to prison. Remember he had like, to spend time in jail and he redescribed his having to strip for the police and all of it.

[E]

Michael Jackson.

[C]

Michael Jackson.

[D]

He made the King of Pop. He went to jail. Yeah.

[C]

He had to get strip searched. He was abused, he claimed. And when he was in jail, they put him in a cell that was covered in doo doo and feces and it stunk so bad.

[E]

What?

[D]

Wow, I didn't know that.

[E]

I've never heard of this ever myself.

[C]

Well, he's been arrested multiple times. I think you know why.

[E]

Right. Wow.

[C]

They finally found out what gang he's in.

[E]

Well, he also had so much bass in his voice in this interview, like I was expecting.

[D]

Oh, well, I mean, this is another. That's another conspiracy theory. A lot of people have, you Heard that voice.

[E]

That wasn't his real voice.

[D]

Like, he had a Gary in his Indiana voice. Ah.

[E]

A lot of people on the other one. Yeah.

[C]

A lot of people who knew him personally say he's spoken a very deep voice and it was completely fabricated. And I go, that makes so much more sense.

[E]

Yeah, I believe. I mean, he literally became a different color, like, over the span of however many years. Like, the voice is an easier thing to manage.

[D]

And so his whole life was built on the physical not matching the actions. Right?

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Because you look at him as a businessman and all that. He was ruthless. But then he just did this, like, thing, so we would not think that he was like a.

[C]

But it also is like, well, we never got to hear your real human voice anyway. You started as a child, and then the second that new voice kicked in, you pitched it down. And we never even got a sense that this was. So we were just like. I guess that's just how Michael talk.

[D]

What if Mike had, like, a mixtape where he, like, he just sounds like Charlie Murphy?

[E]

I'll be into that.

[B]

That's all good.

[D]

That.

[E]

That would be dope as. Remember, honestly, Release the footage.

[D]

Release.

[E]

No, that'll be dope as.

[C]

He's got the deep voice from Boys to Men. Interlude. Stuck in.

[D]

Oh, my God, like, dam. Michael Jackson. Michael Jackson reference track

[C]

you over there on your throne with Eddie Murphy when you should be with me. The Pharaoh, I think.

[E]

And he was ruthless. He was ruthless. He, like, bought, like, the Beatles catalog and all kind of crazy.

[C]

He told him he was gonna do it.

[D]

Like, he told him he was gonna do it. And then Paul McCartney tried to get it back and he was like, that's just business. If I know that you don't talk like that and you say that shit to me after you bought my shit.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

I will say that. That my issue with the way that people have drawn the line on Michael Jackson, right, is that they always treat it like either he was the most vile monster of all time or he was a goddamn angel. He was heaven sent to us from the Lord and we just didn't understand. And it's like, no, he can be a dirtbag and not also the worst guy in every circumstance. And I'm not saying he wasn't. I'm merely saying to draw the line and be like, he's an angel to me is like, is. It's crazy.

[D]

I don't think you can get to that level of success without being somewhat of a shark. Right.

[C]

We saw it over and over again. He was a He was a bad guy. It's just a question of whether or not he was a pedophile. And I don't know that the question is that much of a question anymore.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

Now we end the way we end.

[D]

We almost. We almost got away with it. We almost got out of here.

[C]

Okay, there is one more thing I can say I can't tell you before we get out of here. Maybe we'll take a break and we'll come back for the great. We're going to take one more break. We'll come back for this last piece of information.

[E]

Okay.

[C]

More Monet Exchange. More My Mama Told Me.

[D]

Let's go.

[B]

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[C]

I can't stop scratching my downtown. Yeah, but I'm not itching to go downtown and tell a receptionist I'm here to talk about my downtown. Some things you'd rather type than say out loud.

[B]

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[F]

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[E]

Why you coming home?

[C]

Vibing the morning?

[D]

Something's going on.

[E]

Can I smell your dick?

[C]

You're familiar with that?

[E]

I have done this to several people in my life.

[D]

Really?

[E]

Did it work?

[D]

Work?

[E]

No,

[D]

It didn't. I love that.

[C]

That means you were like, you win this round. Touche, motherfucker.

[D]

I got you. Don't think.

[C]

This ends the conversation.

[E]

And, and, and just think. And I, I know I. I know I'm right. I. I'm like, oh, I got him this time. And I'm like,

[C]

never mind.

[D]

Here's the question though. Was it disheveled?

[E]

No.

[D]

Damn, no.

[E]

No. I had no ocular proof.

[D]

Just straight up in the pants dick.

[E]

Yeah, in the pants. There's just a regular old in the pants ass dick.

[D]

That's gotta be humbling.

[E]

It is humbling. And you feel like a fool, then you gotta do some extra shit to apologize. And now I'm here getting my backbone out for two hours. And I'm tired, my neck hurt.

[D]

God damn. Two hours.

[E]

I know, it's a lot.

[C]

It's horrible, man.

[E]

It's hard.

[C]

Terrible.

[D]

Fuel injector.

[E]

I think sex should not be longer than 15 minutes.

[C]

Yeah. If it exceeds it, I'm out.

[E]

That's good. Fifteen minutes is enough time for everybody to do everything they need and get what they need.

[C]

Come on.

[E]

I got stuff to do in the morning.

[C]

I think two hours is for psychopaths and illusionists.

[D]

I think it's for 21 year olds.

[C]

You know what I mean? It's like either you're sting and you're like meditating to do this shit right, right? Or you're a true just psychopath who heard one Jodeci song and was like, ye, I'mma do that

[D]

maniac.

[C]

What are you talking about?

[E]

Of control. It's out of control. No. Go to bed. Yeah. You. You got shit to you.

[D]

You got no food with your time.

[E]

No.

[D]

Sorry. I'm also thinking if I was on the other end of getting my dick smelled, you. You better not say shit to me for a week.

[C]

Let's go.

[D]

Oh, really?

[C]

You say something? What's that smell?

[D]

Oh, no. Yeah, that's right. I'll be in the basement playing video games. I expect to get some later.

[C]

I don't care who it come from, but pussy better be on the table

[D]

by 5:00pm oh, man. Have you ever got your dick smelled?

[C]

No.

[D]

No.

[E]

Me either.

[C]

Nobody's ever. I've talked to you about this, I think before. My wife has zero doubt that I'll like. Doesn't even believe for a second that I'll cheat on her.

[E]

Why?

[C]

And that makes me so mad.

[E]

Why?

[D]

He's actually a good guy.

[C]

It makes me furious. She doesn't track my phone. She ain't smell. I be coming home at odd hours with very little explanation. And she wakes up fine. There's no argument, nothing.

[E]

That's beautiful, but you want to.

[D]

Want. You want to feel like I could be right now. Yeah, she crazy.

[C]

I don't have to do this.

[D]

I believe in this collection. Are you Right now?

[C]

No, I'm with you and Monae.

[D]

Yes, exactly. I think it sucks. We're not. We're not all built to get our dick smell. We're just not all that guy. I'm not that guy. I don't know about that guy either. I ain't got it.

[C]

Yeah, I ain't got it. One of the things that I started thinking about is why, given the fact that black IPs are sort of like ubiquitous in the black community, where we go like that is part of the New Year's tradition. American black. I don't know if it's the same in Sierra Leone.

[D]

Not at all.

[C]

Okay. American black, it feels synonymous with sort of the New Year's experience. Why have white people not tried to steal?

[D]

That's interesting. I feel like there are some foods that feel like they have not even gotten to yet. But why?

[C]

It's not a rare. You know what I mean? Like, you gotta like work to find it as bean anymore.

[D]

Is it presentation? Maybe.

[C]

I don't know. But part of me then wonders if that is them wanting us to play into that. This for the damage of like it damages us more than we realize. Like, and part of it is the way soul food is cooked objectively makes it unhealthy. Black Eyed Peas on their own are actually high in fiber and protein and shit. But you put enough salt and sort of shit in it, it becomes a different meal.

[E]

I think that they've tried, but to no avail. Like, I think. I think I remember seeing Rachel Ray Ash try to cook it on her show one time.

[C]

Whoa.

[E]

And I think someone tried it on the show and. And the person that she's like,

[C]

they

[E]

couldn't even fake the phone. And they quickly cut to commercial. So I think they have tried, but they couldn't. So I think they just can't. They can't harness the supercalifragilistic power.

[D]

It's too deep.

[E]

It's too deep in us. They can't make a good. So, you know, we're gonna leave it alone.

[C]

So truly, just. They bend the knee to Black Eyed Peas.

[E]

Yeah, but I. But, but, but macaroni and cheese, though. White folk are out here on TikTok fucking up the macaroni and cheese. I'll be saying, I'm like, that, dude look good.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

What I worry about with white Mac and cheese is that they are investing in Mac and cheese technology in a way that we are not. Does that make sense?

[E]

Yes.

[D]

Right now it is stupid. It is stupid to put breadcrumbs or whatever.

[E]

The dumb shit I thought was somebody put dates.

[D]

Right? But that's what I'm saying is they are investing in future technologies that at some point, I worry that that investment is going to pay. Like, they're stupid right now because they're stupid, stupid people. Yeah, but like, at some point, innovation,

[C]

they're taking the same risks that hip hop was taking. Do you know what I mean?

[D]

Yes. They're hip, hoppy, macaroni and cheese.

[C]

It's just trying something that doesn't exist. And people are gonna call it dumb. They're gonna say, get your ass off the street and get a job. But if you believe in it enough, you can make Biggie Smalls.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

And they're gonna make Biggie Smalls out of Mac and cheese.

[D]

I was gonna go with Alexander Graham Bell and the light bulb filament. That was better. No, that was better. Mine was bad. Mine was bad. Yours was good. That was.

[E]

Yeah, so, so. So this might also pour. Pouring over into Black Eyed Peas. Maybe they gonna try and start making good black IPs.

[C]

I think it's coming.

[E]

I think it might be coming.

[D]

I feel like they're getting so Experimental. With the Internet. You know what it is? I feel like the Internet is showing them how corny their shit was, and they're starting to branch out in the privacy of their own homes.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

And that's where we need to worry about. Yeah, that's gonna be World War II. Three.

[C]

Yeah, it's.

[E]

I think so.

[C]

You can sort of see it even in the way that, like, all the. The weird white supremacist people kind of act like black people.

[D]

Everybody on the Internet acts like black people. The Internet is a black neighborhood. Yeah. And if you were raised on the Internet, you that's. It's just. It's like being raised in New York City or some shit, like, colloquially, like. That's what it is.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Young people on the Internet talk like. Like regardless. Regardless of what they're.

[C]

And they truly will hate our guts. And like my cousin.

[E]

This is crazy.

[C]

What is this.

[E]

It's crazy because it's just.

[D]

It's just the. It's just the. Like the parlance of the. The place. That's just how people talking nuts.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

God damn.

[E]

Yeah. Quantum black culture is definitely a skill, and they have mastered that skill.

[C]

Well, here's what. I'll tell you what.

[D]

I'm worried. But that's why we were talking earlier about the dancing, man. They're getting. They're getting too good at dancing.

[C]

They're very good at dancing now.

[D]

But part of me does feel like this country started going to shit when they stopped dancing because they had their own dances and they liked it.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Go back to the Lindy hopping.

[E]

Get the washing machine, bro.

[D]

They were going crazy. And then at some point, I feel like it's like hair metal, the mid-80s, late-80s type shit. They just stopped culturally. Listen, you're smiling. You were a B boy. I know it. But, like, no, they just stopped. And then all of a sudden. Because the stereotype wasn't that they didn't have rhythm or couldn't dance till, like, fairly recently.

[C]

Oh, you think it's more of a recent insertion.

[D]

I don't think that they. They. They were dancing.

[E]

They were. But they were. They were so stupid. The. The. The. The.

[D]

But that's. That's. I'm. I'm not even talking about that. That's even. That's even real. The stupid white guy. There were white guys in the 80s who were like, I can fucking dance.

[E]

Really?

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

That shit is like. That's new. Where they're like, I'm just a dumb white guy. I got a little dick and I can't Dance. And while it was a great time for us, I worry.

[C]

I suspect, that it's more recent than you're giving or rather further back than you're giving it credit for.

[D]

That they weren't dancing.

[C]

That they weren't dancing. I think if you are doing the Fox Tribe with your. With your lady love and then you look out at your slaves and they're footworking, you're gonna feel like a. Idiot.

[D]

Interesting.

[C]

You know what I mean? Like, you're watching, like, true, like, African dance at its. At its essence. These are people expressing for the. The pure, like, love of the. The game. They're dancing their asses off.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

It's all they have. And you're in there, like, doing this upright bullshit where you just move in a circle.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

You're gonna feel like an asshole, and you start getting jealous, and then maybe you don't want to dance with.

[D]

That's how Soul Train started.

[C]

There you go.

[D]

Somebody videotaped it.

[E]

And then also to look out in the window and see that not only can they do their thing good, but they're mimicking what you're doing it and doing it better than you.

[C]

It looks so cool.

[E]

It looks so cool. Like, to look at it and see the slaves on the foxtrot and wall to like, damn, they make that shit look good. How did they learn how to do.

[D]

And that's.

[C]

And then you get angry. You're like, take. Take Jebediah's pants away. Now you got to work with no pants.

[E]

They're like, take his shins.

[C]

I don't like the way he dances. He's making me mad.

[E]

Yeah, man.

[D]

I do wish we had some videos of slave dances. It sounds crazy to say, but now that would be nice, right?

[C]

Would you want to sit and watch slaves dance?

[D]

Feels like a trap.

[E]

You said it.

[C]

I want to know.

[D]

I would want to see the way you described it just now. Yeah, I would want to see that.

[C]

Damn.

[D]

Yeah, I would want to see that.

[E]

You know. You know, one of the oldest recorded drag queens we have in history was. Was, was, was. Was a slave. His name was William Dorsey Smith.

[D]

Whoa. Really?

[E]

He was doing drag up in a plantation, getting, like, things and adorning himself and doing and doing drawing.

[D]

Do they have footage?

[E]

There's pictures. Obviously no video footage, but pictures of it.

[D]

That's impressive.

[E]

I know.

[C]

Was it called drag then?

[E]

I don't think it was called drag. No, it was called drag. And the thing about it. Cause, you know, there's such a divide with, like, especially in the black community, like, Femininity, blah blah, blah, all that stuff. But back then, all the slaves, everyone would come to these drag balls and like watch because it was a form of entertainment for all the enslaved folk. And it wasn't looked as weird or you're doing this feminine thing. Like we want you out of here. Like everyone came and enjoyed these drag balls. Yeah, it was great.

[C]

Damn.

[D]

And I would. I just want to see a video. I don't think that's crazy. I don't think I'm a bad guy. You know what I mean? It sounds like I've seen drag in my life now. I'd like to see how far the art form has come.

[C]

I guess I. To me, when you suggest that the videos exist, there's a. A community that comes to mind where I go. Who am I gonna invite over and be like, hey, you wanna watch some slaves dance?

[D]

I'm doing it alone in my house. That's crazy.

[C]

But then that scares me that everybody. The only way to watch this is alone. That feels like you start forming nasty.

[D]

I mean, are you going to a slave dance party to watch?

[C]

I hope not. And that's why I hope that footage doesn't exist.

[D]

This was so much more complicated. I just wanna see the freedom of expression. Like now it's so. It's become political.

[C]

Yeah. I'm sorry.

[D]

You described a beautiful thing. I would like to see it. That's all that I'm saying.

[C]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry your GOP brain can't open up enough to the lived experiences of other human beings.

[D]

Listen, we got about 20 more days for you to talk to me like that.

[C]

This is going to be a new guy in town. I think you're gonna watch your goddamn mouth.

[D]

Wait till you see my guess.

[E]

Oh God. Imagine

[C]

the last little.

[D]

Also, I'm not a Republican.

[C]

No, no, no, he's not a Republican. It's fun to call him one though.

[D]

Yeah, it is funny.

[E]

No, these. Did you guys hear on the thing? And they were like, I heard that David.

[B]

At.

[E]

You know.

[D]

Yeah. Honestly, I hope so. I got 26,000 followers. Run it up.

[C]

Trying to buy a house. Yeah, let's get some nasty pervasive things spreading about you. The last little piece of information he wants. Let's talk about that.

[E]

Oh my God.

[C]

Countess Vaughn, where do you stand as her being a baddie. Not. We can ignore your opinions on her talent. That's a different day. Uh huh. Just objectively fine or not fine as

[E]

in the daughter on the Parkers.

[C]

That's right.

[E]

I haven't seen her recently, but. Okay, I'm gonna look at her in that era. And in that era, she was a baddie.

[D]

Let's go.

[E]

She was a baddie in that era.

[C]

Come on.

[D]

Seduce Duster.

[E]

Like, Connie's mom was stacked, from what I remember.

[D]

Come on.

[E]

She had a booty. She had big titties.

[D]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[E]

And the waist to ass ratio was.

[D]

Come on.

[E]

From what I remember, she was a baddie.

[D]

Yep.

[C]

Okay.

[E]

And she had that. And she had that 627, y'. All. This won't mean anything to y'.

[D]

All.

[E]

That 627 honey blonde hair.

[D]

Oh, come on.

[C]

Oh, come on.

[D]

That's.

[C]

That's. We talked about that last episode.

[D]

Come on.

[C]

We were just on that. See you late. Because we was just talking about that.

[D]

We've been talking about the baddie. I'm like, that honey blind.

[C]

That's the one that got me all rocked up.

[E]

Yeah, she's a baddie. She's a baddie.

[D]

For next. Thank you.

[C]

It remains a point of disagreement between.

[B]

Really?

[E]

Okay, wait. Why do you think she's not a baddie?

[C]

And maybe. Maybe I'll admit this. Maybe some of this is coming from a recency bias that I can't escape. But I genuinely do not remember ever feeling any version of like, oh, she's supposed to be fine, too. Like, that was never.

[D]

You gotta think outside the box.

[C]

It's part of why the beef between her and Brandi existed was, like, really?

[D]

Well, most shit was a beautiful. That was what that showed.

[C]

And it was just her calling her fat every day. And then I think it started to bleed into their actual, like, relationship, because it is like, you. You're so. Every script is just you being like, shut your fat ass up, Kim. And then. You know what I mean? Like, it was crazy how she talked to her.

[D]

Then she got her own show.

[E]

Then she got her own show.

[C]

Then she got her own show. And.

[E]

Yeah, no, hey, Professor Alchemy.

[C]

Yeah, she was just meant to be annoying and singing.

[E]

Interesting. Oh, I forgot. She was originally on Moesha first.

[D]

Moesha was a spin off.

[C]

Yeah. She was a main character on Moesha the whole time, right?

[E]

Yeah. Props to you, Countess. Countess, you're bad at. To me and David. Come on.

[C]

And, hey, you represent something important in my life. So don't think for a second you don't hold value, even though I'm not attracted to you in the least.

[D]

Damn. That's crazy.

[C]

That seems reasonable. Y' all accused me of being a monster. Defend myself. You told on me the Countess she wasn't even in this. You're like, countess, if you out there, what's up?

[D]

All right, now she here.

[C]

Now I gotta explain myself.

[D]

Countess, if you'd like to come on the show, you can smell. That was crazy. I realized it as soon as I said it. That was not correct. What were you about to do? I was gonna say you could smell.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

What are you thinking? No, just. I'm all confused.

[C]

I think we did it.

[D]

I think we did something.

[C]

I think this was really fun.

[D]

This was great.

[E]

We had a great time.

[C]

Monet, could you tell the people where they can find you what cool shit you got going on?

[E]

Yes, I am going on tour throughout. I'm doing 15 cities in the states. So go to monetchange.comm, o, N, E, T, the letter X, the word change, and you can find me on all social media at that same Monet Xchange on everything except TikTok. So someone, before I got a chance to do it, some shady queen stole my handle, and now I have to be the Monet x change on TikTok.

[C]

Oh, that's nasty.

[E]

I know.

[D]

Are they posting, like, fan parodies?

[E]

Yeah, shit like that.

[D]

It's like they weren't.

[E]

Well, they were for a while and then they stopped. So I'm like, just give it back.

[C]

Yeah, what do you want?

[D]

That's crazy.

[E]

Yeah, it's like when someone buys your domain, you gotta. You gotta pay, like, $10,000 for your thing.

[D]

Oh, okay.

[E]

But, yeah, so that's where you can find me.

[C]

I'm gonna be honest with you. Yeah, mine was available right away. I checked, and they were like, yeah, that's cool.

[E]

And also, if you want me to smell your dick on tour, you can do that too. All the meet and greets, I will smell every dick that who asks me to do it.

[D]

That is bull.

[C]

That's a crazy thing to say. Yeah, why not?

[D]

I love it.

[E]

I like to give back to the community, you know?

[D]

Give it back.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

Bori, you want to tell them you

[D]

can find me on TikTok? Monet Xchange, I will be holding you a ransom. I'm just a big fan with some parody videos. No cool guy jokes. 87 on Instagram. Patreon.com davidbory My self produced special, Birth of a Nation with the G is so good. Buy it. It's so good. Buy one for you, your loved ones. I don't know how digital copies work. Yeah, maybe they're downloading it illegally.

[C]

I don't know how that's okay, but

[D]

you know, try to make some more money this year.

[C]

Yeah, I want that for you.

[E]

The Black Eyed Peas took them. The Black Eyed Peas?

[D]

You said it didn't work for you.

[E]

It might work for you.

[D]

Damn, that is a mean way to call me. Broke, she said. Ah, but maybe you could. You do. You do your little thing. Maybe it could help you out.

[C]

Hey, whatever makes you feel good, baby.

[D]

Langston, where are you at?

[C]

You can follow me at Langston Kerman on all social media platforms and you can watch my special and it's on Netflix. It's called Bad Poetry. And if you want to send us your own drops, your own conspiracy theories, if you want to tell us what your people cook on New Year's, and I do mean your people in a derogatory way, what your people cook on New Year's, send it all to mymamapodmail.com, we would love to hear from you and buy the merch. Like subscribe. Or you can call us eight, four four little moms and eat some Black Eyed Peas, y'. All.

[D]

Bye.

[C]

My Mama Told Me is a production of Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network

[D]

and I Heart Podcast, created and hosted by Langston Kearney, co hosted by David Bore, executive produced by Will Ferrell Hansani and Olivia Aguilar.

[C]

Co produced by Bay Wayne edited and

[D]

engineered by Justin Kah Music by Nick Chambers. Artwork by Dogon Krieger.

[C]

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[F]

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[C]

is brought to you by Choiceology, an original podcast from Charles Schwab. Hosted by Katie Milkman, an award winning behavioral scientist and author of the best selling book how to Change. Choiceology is a show about the psychology and economics behind our decisions. Hear true stories from Nobel laureates, authors, athletes and everyday people about why we make the choices we do and how to make better ones to help avoid costly mistakes. Listen to [e-mail] podcast or wherever you listen.

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[A]

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