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Langston Kearney
This is an iHeart podcast.
Guaranteed Human Advertiser
Guaranteed Human.
David Bore
I turned off news altogether. I hate to say it, but I don't trust much of anything.
Langston Kearney
It's the rage bait. It feels like it's trying to divide people.
David Bore
We got clear facts. Maybe we could calm down a little.
NBC News Announcer
NBC News brings you clear reporting. Let's meet at the facts. Let's move forward from there. NBC News reporting for America.
Starbucks Advertiser
What's up, y'?
Redfin Advertiser
All?
Starbucks Advertiser
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Kal Penn
hey everyone, it's Kel Penn. I'm inviting you to join the best sounding book club you've ever heard with my podcast, Hearsay, The Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. Every episode, I nerd out with amazing guest and dive into the best new audiobooks available on Audible. It's the book club for your ears. Listen to Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club on the iHeartradio app or wherever you get your podcasts.
Langston Kearney
Not only do I want you, but I need that. You understand? I need that. And I suck on your ass like a goddamn neck bone a pig's foot. I need that. I want that. And baby, just take a little time and come and visit Backbeaters University and I introduce you to some shit you ain't never seen before. I bet she has.
David Bore
I bet she's seen it.
Langston Kearney
I bet she probably seen it.
David Bore
But I do envy guys who can talk that way.
Langston Kearney
I wish I felt that way.
David Bore
Yeah.
Langston Kearney
I wish I felt like I was really doing some new shit.
David Bore
I'm happy with the service that I provide, but I really wish I had that confidence where I'm like, ain't nope. Body fucked like me ever in their lives.
Langston Kearney
It's delusion. Because, like, you know how many people fuck, it's more than do everything. Even if it's like. It's like being the best at fucking is more elite than being the best basketball player. More elite than being the best any athlete. Because not everybody can play soccer. Everybody.
David Bore
Fuck every single person.
Langston Kearney
We're all a byproduct of fucking. To think that you got the drop on it in a way that nobody else does in this whole world that
David Bore
you're deserving of a university. The way you beat bags. Yeah, it's wild.
Langston Kearney
Anyways, let's listen to another voicemail. The government growing babies. Microchips in your 80s. All koala bears are racist. The ozone layer owes me money. Martians invented turkey stuffing. Y' all can't tell me nothing. As we go on, we remember all the times we had together. When our lives change, come whatever, we will still be friends forever. Welcome, little mamas and gentiles alike, to another phenomenal episode of My Mama Told
David Bore
Me, the podcast, where we dive deep, deep into the pockets of black conspiracy
Langston Kearney
theories and we finally work to say goodbye. But not forever.
David Bore
Yeah, we're.
Voicemail Caller
We're.
David Bore
We're. This is the last episode here in this studio.
Langston Kearney
Damn.
David Bore
With our beautiful programmers.
Langston Kearney
Damn.
David Bore
This has been our home for a long time. Yeah, it's been our home for a long time. And now we're homeless.
Langston Kearney
And now we're homeless.
David Bore
Now we're unhoused, but in a cool way. In a way where you want to meet us by the beach and buy
Langston Kearney
what we have to sell you.
David Bore
Yeah, we are moving on from our relationship with big money players and iHeart. But that is. That is only a turning of the page.
Langston Kearney
It's just a turning of the page. Now we're cool community college guys.
David Bore
Yeah,
Langston Kearney
high school's over.
David Bore
Sure, we still come back to the high school, but it's only to show how cool our new car is and work out. Yeah, that was a big thing.
Kal Penn
Yo.
David Bore
You kept using the high school facilities because you were trying to make the juco team.
Langston Kearney
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Isn't he supposed to be playing it? Yeah, Ball State or something.
David Bore
Everybody knew where you were supposed to go.
Langston Kearney
Yeah.
David Bore
And you weren't there. And nobody really understood why it was
Langston Kearney
also like, don't fuck with my summer, bro. Just because you got. You're trying to get a walk on, man. I'm in here fucking around July and I'm high lifting weight, dog.
David Bore
The amount of older dudes that, like, used to be the star of a team that came back and yelled at us.
NBC News Announcer
Man.
Langston Kearney
If you don't shut your fucking halftime speeches. I don't give a fuck about this guy, man. Shut the fuck up.
David Bore
You left.
Langston Kearney
Why do I give a shit what he had? You think that's gonna get me charged up?
Spinquest Advertiser
You left.
Langston Kearney
Okay, you're right. I'm gonna stunt faster because. Mitch, the point is. What the fuck are we talking about?
David Bore
Yeah, I don't. I don't need.
Langston Kearney
That's the least pumped up thing. I don't think he's cool.
David Bore
I don't need your advice.
Langston Kearney
He tried to kiss my girlfriend.
David Bore
And that's the. That's the other bummer.
Langston Kearney
This nigga's 20.
David Bore
He's not. He's not behaving like he's of a different class than me.
Langston Kearney
No, no.
David Bore
He's talking down to me, but he's still trying to smash the same girls I am.
Voicemail Caller
Yeah.
David Bore
That sucks.
Langston Kearney
And he hasn't played in nine months. I played yesterday. I'm better than him.
David Bore
I practice every day.
Langston Kearney
Yeah.
David Bore
Because the coach tells me I have to.
Langston Kearney
Yeah. Yeah. Because that man who likes to domineer young boys.
Kal Penn
Yep.
David Bore
And we'll unpack that later. But it's certainly not gonna happen through you. A nigga giving speeches because he lets you use the weight room.
Langston Kearney
You don't go to high school. And you have your letterman jacket on.
David Bore
Mm.
Langston Kearney
I hate you.
David Bore
This stinks. This stinks. You're so proud of this. I wanna be out of this so bad.
Langston Kearney
Oh, man.
David Bore
Yeah. No. I'm not a fan of anything that's happening.
Langston Kearney
I don't ever want my last name on my clothes again. First name.
David Bore
That's cool.
Langston Kearney
That's pretty cool.
David Bore
You want David on your clothes?
Redfin Advertiser
Yeah.
David Bore
Like on a work shirt.
Langston Kearney
Yeah, whatever.
David Bore
Where else would it be? Sweater that just says David or, like, a D?
Langston Kearney
You remember Laverne and Shirley?
David Bore
I do remember Laverne.
Langston Kearney
I used to watch that before school a lot. And Laverne always had L's on her shit. I like it.
David Bore
I think they did that because they were worried the audience didn't remember who was Laverne and who was Shirley.
Langston Kearney
That doesn't affect my love for it.
David Bore
That's cool.
Langston Kearney
You know what I'm saying?
David Bore
That's cool that that doesn't change.
Langston Kearney
No. Some stuff got made in a bad way.
David Bore
Yep.
Langston Kearney
You know what I mean?
David Bore
Absolutely.
Langston Kearney
He wasn't planning on discovering penicillin, but it worked out for all of us.
David Bore
Here we go. Now I can fuck like I want.
Spinquest Advertiser
Yeah.
Langston Kearney
Thank you. Thank you.
David Bore
This is our final episode here in the Iheart Studios. And we thought, what better way to end it than you and I together with Will Ferrell. This is the.
Langston Kearney
He's here and we're leaving.
David Bore
He had no idea we were going, much less that he was supposed to be here. But he has arrived.
Langston Kearney
Yeah. No, yeah, we. It's been so fun. We're not going going. In the meantime, join the Patreon.
David Bore
But the podcast will continue to exist. The episodes will still go live, but our situation, our format, our aesthetic is going to go through some changes. And we hope that you'll join us through this chrysalis process.
Langston Kearney
Mm. We're coming out. Sexy butterflies.
David Bore
We bout to be butterflied and a bitch.
Langston Kearney
Butterfly with ass. You ever seen that?
David Bore
I bet you haven't. I bet you haven't. And you're gonna want to stick around and see it.
Langston Kearney
You wouldn't even know what to do. Butterfly with ass and fake lashes flies by. Duh, you're hooked.
David Bore
That ass is moving in a way you didn't even know was possible.
Langston Kearney
Is that cheeks or wings? Who knows?
David Bore
Stick around and find out how thick that butterfly can be. But in the meantime, we're gonna do some voicemail.
Langston Kearney
Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're wearing these hats we should acknowledge.
David Bore
No, let's not.
Langston Kearney
Yeah, we should fuck these hats.
David Bore
We have debated the possibility that perhaps these hats are something we should be. Some merchandise we should be peddling to our viewers.
Langston Kearney
Would you buy these from us if we got like the logo on top?
Redfin Advertiser
Uh huh.
David Bore
If we did like a hard big ass, my mama told me print. Would you be scammed by these items?
Langston Kearney
We'll sell them packs of three.
David Bore
It's cheap and we should display some of the technology that exists here because this is a tin foil shower cap, which means that you could do whatever you want with it. You want it to be a little newsy, little peaky blinders.
Langston Kearney
Yeah. MALE STRIPPER. Oh, shit. Look at me now.
Redfin Advertiser
Uh oh.
Langston Kearney
John Travolta.
Redfin Advertiser
Uh oh.
Langston Kearney
Really? You're the one that I want. Uh oh.
David Bore
I think this motherfucker might paint.
Langston Kearney
Have you been to France?
David Bore
You put it backwards. Now you get to say motherfucker in every film you're in.
Redfin Advertiser
Come on.
David Bore
That's cool.
Langston Kearney
Painted raspberry. You could have sex with bad women.
Redfin Advertiser
Uh huh.
Langston Kearney
That's all my beret jokes.
David Bore
He wore a silver beret.
Langston Kearney
And they work. My wife used it as a shower cap because we left one out.
David Bore
That's very disrespectful. I am going to have a stern talk with her.
Langston Kearney
She said work just fine, lady.
David Bore
Keep your goddamn hands off our merch.
Langston Kearney
There was like five in there. You brought a lot of.
David Bore
They don't sell these individually.
Langston Kearney
Yeah, no, that's the kind of.
David Bore
These come in bulk and you got to take them when you get them.
Langston Kearney
But you put your logo on it. Now they're worth probably $7 each.
David Bore
Yep. And we. We are not unreasonable people. We're not trying to scam you. But if this is something that you would potentially buy for a price that obviously we've marked up, then let us know. Hit us on Instagram or wherever and let us know you are interested in this merch because we are interested in selling it to you.
Langston Kearney
Maybe.
David Bore
Maybe.
Langston Kearney
If not, we'll figure something out.
David Bore
We're both pretty lazy guys when it comes to advancing our careers.
Langston Kearney
Yeah, it's not even lazy. I think it's, like, so anxiety ridden.
David Bore
I think the laziness is born of a bigger problem.
Langston Kearney
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
David Bore
And will likely unpack that, I assume separately at the new place, wherever our new home is. We'll really get to the bottom of what's wrong with us. But in the meantime, let's do some voicemails.
Langston Kearney
Cause we want to hear what's wrong with y'.
David Bore
All. We need to know why you're sick.
Langston Kearney
Because it's something you're fucked up.
David Bore
We got some fun ones lined up. Let's. Let's play this first one.
Redfin Advertiser
Okay, guys.
Voicemail Caller
Hi.
Redfin Advertiser
So my boyfriend and I are on the couch watching some YouTube and we came across the video from the 90s of black men United.
David Bore
Yeah.
Redfin Advertiser
Performing. You Will know.
David Bore
You know that song.
Redfin Advertiser
You know the song Y' all is Black.
David Bore
Yeah.
Redfin Advertiser
Anyway.
David Bore
Pause it.
Langston Kearney
No, what is it?
David Bore
You will know. It was like we are the World, but with black R B singers. It's everybody.
Langston Kearney
Oh, I've seen this before.
David Bore
And it's now, in retrospect, it's mostly dirtbags. It's so many bad guys.
Langston Kearney
Brian McKnight.
David Bore
Brian McKnight. R. Kelly.
Langston Kearney
Devin was just a sweet boy.
David Bore
Tevin was a sweet little boy.
Langston Kearney
Yeah. I have seen this before, though.
David Bore
It's a phenomenal song. I really missed the era where singers would just get together and give us an inspirational.
Langston Kearney
I want to Hear you guys sing together about the betterment of our people.
Redfin Advertiser
Bro.
David Bore
It's so cool when they be like, standing there and having fun together.
Langston Kearney
Yeah. And you're like, oh, I didn't even know they knew each other.
David Bore
That'd be crazy. How would you know that?
Langston Kearney
Yeah, yeah. Michael Bivins and Bobby Brown and they're hanging out. That would make sense.
David Bore
They actually know each other pretty well from childhood. They maybe know each other too much.
Langston Kearney
Yeah. Probably intimately. I bet they've seen each other's dicks.
David Bore
100%. I think if you're going to be in an R and B group with somebody, you should have to see their opinion.
Langston Kearney
I think it also just comes with a lifestyle at some point, but I
David Bore
think they should have to bond that way.
Langston Kearney
Oh, like they force it. I think there's probably some R and B people who've never seen each other's dicks.
David Bore
You think the guys of that Tyrese Tank genuine group, you think they've seen each other's penises?
Redfin Advertiser
No.
Langston Kearney
That was late, though.
David Bore
They were too old.
Langston Kearney
Yeah. Also, I don't think LSG's seen each other's penises.
David Bore
You only LSG.
Langston Kearney
No. They were too old when that group was formed because they were already all. They were all titans already. I don't know why I said it like that.
David Bore
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Langston Kearney
That was weird.
David Bore
You continue to hit words that surprised me at a weird T in the middle of a word really fucks you up a little bit.
Langston Kearney
What's wrong with me?
David Bore
Titan?
Langston Kearney
I don't know what to tell you.
David Bore
That's okay.
Langston Kearney
Yeah. I think they were too famous. Yeah. You know who's seen each other's dicks for sure. Lord Tariq and Peter Gunn. I don't know why that really got me.
David Bore
That's great. That's great. And I don't even care if they try to kill us.
Redfin Advertiser
Yeah, man.
David Bore
Yeah, I think that's fair. I think all of the boy to men groups probably have seen each other. B2K, IMX. Absolutely. They've seen each other.
Langston Kearney
They probably saw it too early. They saw it when they were immature.
David Bore
Say something. Say something. My boy did it. That's perfect comedy.
Langston Kearney
Say something. Come on, let's go.
David Bore
Stand up. Say something.
Langston Kearney
And I'll find a way to get an IMX one in later.
David Bore
I liked IMAX better than immature.
Langston Kearney
Yeah.
David Bore
Nah, I was the immature guy.
Langston Kearney
Remember that Stay the Night song, though? That song was so good.
David Bore
Yeah. No, they had. They had some hits, but we got. It remains so important to me that I Can't.
Langston Kearney
Yeah. Immature did really strike a chord with some young men.
David Bore
I thought Marcus Houston was cool during that era.
Langston Kearney
He was a cool kid.
David Bore
And I don't think he's a cool adult, but he was a cool kid. But he was a cool fucking kid.
Langston Kearney
He was the coolest kid.
David Bore
And I think it was hard losing Rectangle Shades. He named himself Batman, bro.
Langston Kearney
Something we've all been trying to get on.
David Bore
We all wanted to be Batman.
Langston Kearney
Everybody wanted it. He did it.
David Bore
He did it.
Langston Kearney
He did it. He said, I'm Batman.
David Bore
He was sick. So I'm Batman.
Langston Kearney
Yeah. What are you gonna do?
David Bore
And then grownups wanted to be with him and also call him Batman.
Langston Kearney
Yeah.
David Bore
Nah, he had.
Langston Kearney
Was Romeo Batman. Who was the other one?
David Bore
Well, it was L. L something. It was a three letter name.
Langston Kearney
Cause all I remember is in the IMX song they say something something. Romeo and Batman.
David Bore
Yeah.
Langston Kearney
I'm gonna play ldb.
David Bore
Ldb.
Langston Kearney
That's ldb. That's not really the greatest three letters to put together.
David Bore
No, he's clunky. He really fucked himself.
Langston Kearney
It's gotta be literally just his initials.
David Bore
No, his name is Kelton Kessie.
Langston Kearney
Does it stand for Lover to boy?
David Bore
I let you get the first one off. I supported you. I didn't turn on you. I was loyal. You know what I mean? And now here you go, you're coming back. You're being greedy. You're being silly and greedy and shit. Just be. Just be responsible. Yeah.
Langston Kearney
What does LDB is crazy to pick is all I'm saying.
David Bore
No, it's really crazy.
Langston Kearney
I bet you I got one of the words right.
David Bore
I bet you did too.
Langston Kearney
I bet.
David Bore
I bet it's a bummer. I bet it's something that like, we. What does LDB stand for?
Langston Kearney
Yeah, this is exciting.
David Bore
Okay, well, the AI overview doesn't even know this nigga exists because the first thing that comes up is lighting distribution board.
Langston Kearney
I'd be pissed. I'd be pissed.
David Bore
Ldb. What is LDB from? I guess I gotta be more specific.
Langston Kearney
I think you might just have to look up immature group. I bet. I. Seriously though, I promise one of those lover duh.
David Bore
Or Boy, that sucks, man.
Langston Kearney
What is it?
David Bore
Little Drummer Boy.
Langston Kearney
Oh, no. Yeah, we could hear Joelle back there. Verbally disgusting.
David Bore
Fuck, man.
Langston Kearney
She said.
Kal Penn
Fuck.
David Bore
That stinks.
Langston Kearney
That's awful.
David Bore
That really stinks.
Langston Kearney
That sucks. Little Drummer Boy Kelton.
David Bore
Ldb. Kessie.
Langston Kearney
How is that gonna get older? Does he play the drums?
David Bore
He better. Yes.
Langston Kearney
And I did get a word right.
David Bore
You did? Yeah. And That's, I think, what bummed me out about it.
Langston Kearney
Yeah. You wanted me to be.
David Bore
I knew something bad was coming. And you were right. I was right.
Langston Kearney
That's all good.
David Bore
Yeah.
Langston Kearney
Let's listen to a voiceover.
David Bore
Let's finish this.
Redfin Advertiser
It occurred to us that if you can sing R B really, really good, you might be a scumbag. I want y' all to watch that video or listen to that song. It has such luminaries. Luminaries as Aaron Hall. Aaron hall.
David Bore
Yep.
Redfin Advertiser
Brian McKnight. R. Kelly, Chicago's very own.
David Bore
Watch him out.
Redfin Advertiser
So, yeah, I'll.
David Bore
I'll cuss at you.
Redfin Advertiser
Yeah. If you go right. Watch the video. Eight out of ten of them is dirty.
David Bore
Yeah, that's true.
Redfin Advertiser
So if you could sing R B real good, you might be a scumbag. Let me know what you think.
David Bore
Damn.
Langston Kearney
I. I agree completely. Here's what I will say. Not everyone who can sing R and B is a scumbag. But I think everyone who's a scumbag has aspirations to sing R and B. It's almost like more villainous than rapping.
David Bore
It's evil on a fundamental level.
Langston Kearney
Yeah.
David Bore
Because you're saying my greatest talent, I wanna misuse.
Langston Kearney
It's like being a parsel tongue. Like talking to snake.
David Bore
Yeah.
Starbucks Advertiser
Yeah.
Langston Kearney
Like a soothe. Real evil shit. Yeah, real evil shit.
David Bore
I was thinking about this the other day. I'm so glad that this caller introduced this conversation. But I was thinking about how few, if any, of, like, the great R and B songs are about a relationship that worked. They're all about, like, failed ass relationships by motherfuckers who fucked up.
Langston Kearney
It's begging and pleading music. Cause you did something wrong.
David Bore
Yeah, you did something wrong. Even when it's going right. You know what I mean? Like, you can kind of feel that this is contemporary in the music. Fucking Casey and Joe Feenin. That ain't. That's not a lasting relationship.
Langston Kearney
I'm going crazy, crazy, crazy.
David Bore
Yeah.
Langston Kearney
They said it three times.
Spinquest Advertiser
Yeah.
Langston Kearney
And what is All My Life if not a love bomber's anthem?
David Bore
It's crazy.
Langston Kearney
Come on.
David Bore
It's crazy.
Langston Kearney
That's like. That's like. That's how you. Love bomb, I assume, right? In the first two weeks, I prayed for someone.
Kal Penn
Yeah.
David Bore
You start bringing God into you. I think.
Langston Kearney
God, I finally. I've been looking for you.
David Bore
You are the only person I've been searching for.
Langston Kearney
Yeah.
David Bore
And also, I do not plan to cook dinner ever.
Langston Kearney
Yeah. Also hold this for me.
David Bore
No, My brother's just like that. And I'm not gonna send him home.
Langston Kearney
Yeah, yeah. His wife kicked him out. Where's he supposed to go?
David Bore
Yeah, it's bad guy shit.
Langston Kearney
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
David Bore
And I do think there's like a level of intentional manipulation cooked into those types of hyperbolic interpretations of love.
Langston Kearney
I think even the want to be an R and B singer maybe comes from a bad place primarily.
David Bore
Would you be in it? Was that a dream you would hold if you could sing?
Spinquest Advertiser
Ah,
Langston Kearney
I think I had entertainment dreams, which is clearly its own can of worms. And somebody. Clearly I wasn't receiving enough attention for my liking or whatever.
David Bore
Brother, say it ain't so.
Langston Kearney
But, like, I don't think R and B. Cause I just can't really sing. So I don't think that ever even.
David Bore
Yeah.
Langston Kearney
And I was like, obsessed with rap even as a little kid. But I think even then I knew I wanted to be like, in a movie. You know what I mean? But I think I always.
David Bore
You wanted to be Richie Rich more than you wanted to be like Rick Ross.
Langston Kearney
Those are different times in my life.
David Bore
Okay.
Langston Kearney
I don't know why I responded like that.
David Bore
Yeah, you really. You closed off fast.
Langston Kearney
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
David Bore
It's okay. I'll move on.
Langston Kearney
Fuck. All right. But no. Yeah. I don't think I ever wanted to be an R and B singer.
David Bore
I did. I think I wanted that.
Langston Kearney
Well, you could dance.
Redfin Advertiser
Yeah.
Langston Kearney
At a time when that kind of came hand in hand.
David Bore
Still, I think I saw myself as like a few screens screws away from the potential of being able to serenade and serenading felt like the easiest way to get girls to like me. And that ultimately was the intention.
Langston Kearney
A psychopath's way to get girls to like you.
David Bore
And I think that is maybe to this caller's point, the. The main. The main indication of a bad person is using a talent strictly for pussy.
Langston Kearney
Yeah.
Voicemail Caller
Yeah.
David Bore
I mean, you can use a talent and get pussy.
Redfin Advertiser
Oh, that's.
David Bore
But if you set out to learn a talent for pussy, that is a bad guy. That's a bad guy.
Langston Kearney
That is a bad guy. As opposed to like a genuine love of that. Because a lot of people are talented in the way. Because I met. On the lower levels, at least not as much on the higher levels.
David Bore
Yeah.
Langston Kearney
I know a lot of. At least comedians, which is my limited sample group. A lot of comedians who just did it to get lazy.
David Bore
100% tons. But when you think back on those individuals who were like, no, I'm here for the pussy and pussy alone. Are those people you go, nah, they were. That is A dedicated, good person that I like, believe in.
Langston Kearney
They were rarely ever even talented.
David Bore
Yeah, exactly. I think R and B is scarier because them motherfuckers do be talented. They do with that same intention.
Langston Kearney
But like, the worst guys are really talented.
David Bore
Really, really talented.
Langston Kearney
Really terrible guys are talented as hell.
David Bore
A lot of times people always make fun of the fact that Trump is like this completely stupid person. And he is. He's like, clearly not a traditionally intelligent person, but he has an insane talent for social interpretation of social situations, of being able to get people who don't like him to like him. Him being able to sway people with comedy and weird timing and sort of like his own sort of weird posturing, it all plays in a way that can break people.
Langston Kearney
Yeah. I mean, he was popular even before he was a president.
Ryan Reynolds
Right.
Langston Kearney
He was beloved. People, people say he's great at a party, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
David Bore
He is a talented motherfucker in that way. And I think we.
Langston Kearney
Devil.
David Bore
Yeah, it's a devil devil. It's a literal devil.
Langston Kearney
The most devil, like the most in my life. Some of the people I've seen do the worst shit are usually pretty talented people.
David Bore
Uh huh.
Langston Kearney
You know what I mean? You ever knew just like a kid who could draw, but he also stole all the time or something like that, you know what I mean? And you'd be like, oh, damn, he could draw. Yeah.
David Bore
You have like weird skills that none of us have and you are using only half of them.
Langston Kearney
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm with this. I am with this caller 100%.
David Bore
I think it's true. I think if you're out there thinking about becoming a world famous RB singer, maybe you are a bad, bad person. And that's not for us to decide if you should make the music because I do love the music.
Langston Kearney
Yeah. But also learn to dance.
David Bore
Learn.
Langston Kearney
Let's bring back. Let's bring back a little pomp and circumstance, you know? Come on. Yeah.
David Bore
I'm sick of y' all niggas standing there. Do something I want.
Langston Kearney
This sounds crazy. This might sound crazy. I don't like it when my R and B singers seem fucked up.
Redfin Advertiser
Oh.
Langston Kearney
Like inebriated.
David Bore
You don't like that?
Langston Kearney
I want you to seem on point and do. Do like the Cedric bit.
David Bore
Oh, no, I. I feel like you
Langston Kearney
like them fucked up.
David Bore
I like when they're sweaty and their shirt is like hanging off.
Langston Kearney
But that's not fucked up to me. That's just like giving it all you got.
David Bore
Nah. But I like when it gets you like it's further than that. Yeah.
Langston Kearney
You like KC riding on somebody's shoulders, bro? Through the crowd.
Guaranteed Human Advertiser
Yeah.
Langston Kearney
Eating food.
David Bore
That video where I think it's KC passes out on stage.
Langston Kearney
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
David Bore
I love that.
Langston Kearney
Yeah.
David Bore
I love when they go to the point of almost not existing.
Kal Penn
Wow.
Langston Kearney
You want them to push it. Yeah. You want em to party like a rock star.
David Bore
Love this shit.
Langston Kearney
Although I guess I do hear like the Teddy Pendergrass stories and I'm like, damn, he was going crazy.
David Bore
No, I think those guys really lived.
Langston Kearney
You know what I mean?
David Bore
Al Green, Teddy Pendergrass. I think they really like, we're out here being crazy and.
Langston Kearney
Yeah.
David Bore
You know, bad guys. Bad guys, bad guys.
NBC News Announcer
Yeah.
Langston Kearney
All right. That was a good one.
David Bore
That was a great call.
Langston Kearney
Thank you.
David Bore
We're gonna take a break. We're gonna take a quick break and then we'll be back. More, David, more. Langston. More. My Mama Told me.
Kal Penn
Hey, everyone, it's Kal Penn. I'm the host of Irsay The Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. This week on the podcast, I am sitting down with Ray Porter, the narrator of Andy Weir's audiobook project, Hail Mary Massive sci fi adventure about survival and science and what happens when you wake up alone, very far from Earth.
I really had to make a decision because I caught myself getting that frog in my throat and starting to get teary as a narrating some of these sections and it's like, okay, yo, yo, yo, is this indulgent? And I really thought about it. I was like, no. At this point it would kind of be betraying the trust the author and the listener have in telling this story if I don't go through it. But there's places in this book that that deeply, emotionally affected me. And I left it on the mic. That's great because it served the story. People will say like, oh my God, I cried at the end. It's like, yeah, dude, me too.
Listen to Hearsay, the Audible and iHeart audiobook club on the iHeartradio app or wherever you get your podcasts.
Ryan Reynolds
Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get the same Premium Wireless for 15amonth plan that I've been enjoying. It's not just for celebrities. So do like I did and have one of your assistant's assistants switch you to Mint Mobile today. I'm told it's super easy to do at mint mobile. Mint mobile.com switch.
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David Bore
I turned off news altogether. I hate to say it, but I don't trust much of anything.
Langston Kearney
It's the rage bait. It feels like it's trying to divide people.
Spinquest Advertiser
If we got clear facts, maybe we
Kal Penn
could calm down a little.
NBC News Announcer
NBC News brings you clear reporting. Let's meet at the facts. Let's move forward from there. NBC News reporting for America.
Langston Kearney
And we're back.
Redfin Advertiser
But we're gonna do this respectfully. Otherwise we'll end in a duel. And I mean a duel. Real life duel where only one person walks away. We can meet with guns, bottles, knives, or books and equations. But we're gonna do this like men.
David Bore
So get ready and you get ready
Langston Kearney
for this next voicemail.
David Bore
Seamless as ever.
Langston Kearney
Bottles is a scary option.
David Bore
Books, he said. He said guns, knives, bottles or. Or books and equations.
Langston Kearney
But I never even heard of a bottle fight.
David Bore
I've only seen in films where people break a bottle and then try to stab someone.
Langston Kearney
I don't know anything about it.
David Bore
No, I wouldn't even feel confident that when I broke the bottle, I wouldn't maim myself.
Langston Kearney
Have I ever told you this story? I don't know how. This has never came up. I was at a party one time. I was probably like 17 or something like that. This big fat redneck guy, he was like, break a bottle over my head?
Voicemail Caller
No.
Langston Kearney
And me and my friend Nick, we did it. It's so much harder than you think.
David Bore
Yeah, it takes like a real fucking swing.
Langston Kearney
And it's like. Well, it's also angle. It's like you gotta do it. Like, I guess. Is this the crown of your head?
David Bore
You got to hit that hard corner.
Langston Kearney
But like. But like. Because we were like firing on him. Bank. It's like, it's not easy to do.
David Bore
Is it hurting him?
Langston Kearney
Yeah. I don't care.
David Bore
Yeah, yeah.
Langston Kearney
It's not easy to do, though.
David Bore
Fuck yeah. Did it eventually break?
Langston Kearney
Yeah, it was a Beer bottle. So maybe it was a little. I think beer bottle is probably harder because it's been like a liquor bottle.
David Bore
I don't know, dude.
Langston Kearney
Because a liquor bottle is, like, more surface area, I think allows it, but, like, the beer's kind of like. Yeah. Condensed. But it was. It was really. It was like. We were. I'm, like, pretty strong. Yeah, we were. We were. We were going for it. Shout out to Nick Salazar.
NBC News Announcer
Shout out.
Langston Kearney
He'll be in the comments. Because we did it together.
David Bore
Yeah.
Langston Kearney
Yeah, yeah, yeah. We talk about it still.
David Bore
This is like a. A brotherhood moment. This was you showing each other your R B penises.
Langston Kearney
Yeah. And we're still friends, so, like, we talk about it. Yeah. Probably once a year, we're like. Yeah. Remember?
David Bore
That's beautiful. Yeah. Let's. Let's play another voicemail.
Redfin Advertiser
That message is disgusting. But anyway, I was listening. Wait, am I supposed to introduce myself? I'm Max. I was listening to that episode about John Legend and Pfizer you always talking about, is there a medicine that can make you less horny? And I got to thinking about it, and it's antidepressant, right? I mean, it's a side effect, but, like, you know, it's a common side effect that happens to people. And I got to thinking about it, because I've been on Lexa Pro for the past couple years. My life got a lot better, and. But white people put their kids on these medications so early. I think there's something in them that they don't want us to know about. It's like, bro, I know. I went to. I went to school with white people my whole life, right? Some of them been on Lexa Pros, Vanax, Adderall, whatever, since they was, like, 12. And now they're, like, bankers and consultants and. But, like, when you black. And there's all this stigma around mental health, you know, a lot of times our community turns to drugs, like, not through a psychiatrist, and that don't help at all. So I'm thinking, like, there's a lot of. There's a lot of bad stuff said about antidepressants and whatnot, but I think the white people know some shit we don't.
David Bore
Yeah.
Redfin Advertiser
I'm not trying to say that you should go. You know, I'm not pro medicine and whatnot, but. Well, don't be answering a psychiatrist. See what you can get going on for. You know what I'm saying? Anyway, Big Fanny, I just saw Langston and the boys. That is hilarious.
NBC News Announcer
Yeah.
Redfin Advertiser
And.
Langston Kearney
Oh, that ended abruptly. Yeah.
David Bore
I think I talked over him saying, peace.
Langston Kearney
Okay. Okay. I thought he said peach.
David Bore
Peach. He's like, hey, peach.
Langston Kearney
I'm hungry.
David Bore
My favorite color. Peach.
Langston Kearney
Oh, colors. What you think?
David Bore
Yeah, man.
Ryan Reynolds
Eat.
NBC News Announcer
Yeah.
Langston Kearney
I love the stone fruit.
Redfin Advertiser
Yeah.
Langston Kearney
Yeah.
Spinquest Advertiser
I don't know.
Langston Kearney
That's a tough one because, like, there are. I feel like there were a lot of white kids on that shit early, I think.
David Bore
Absolutely. There were a lot of them on it early. I think it being. It having sexual side effects has always surprised me. Like, it feels like something that they would have attempted to work the kinks out on.
Langston Kearney
I'll think about how much you'd get done if you didn't have sexual impulses.
David Bore
And that's maybe more to the. The important point that he's making is, like, maybe that introduces a type of, like, dedication and focus that.
Langston Kearney
An ethic. Yeah.
David Bore
I don't think R and B singers take Lexapro.
Langston Kearney
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. They need every. I had good. I need every single one.
David Bore
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Langston Kearney
Bobby Brown don't drop no boner.
David Bore
No, that man. That man was rock hard through all of them songs.
Langston Kearney
Come on, Muscles. Warren, put him in the game.
David Bore
Yeah, I agree. I wonder. I wonder if there is an advantage to sort of, like, neutering yourself slightly in order to focus on work opportunities. Whatever.
Langston Kearney
I got a tinfoil hat. I'll say it. I think there is within, like a capitalist society. I think that shit's easier to make you like a drone.
David Bore
Yep.
Langston Kearney
To numb you out. So you just do what you gotta do.
David Bore
Yeah.
Langston Kearney
But that's like. That's also like, such a. That's such a loaded thing to say. Even though. Because it, like. Like different people, it works differently with different brain chemistries and shit like that.
David Bore
I do think that the sort of, like, all the broad sweep of medication is what makes it dangerous.
Langston Kearney
Right.
David Bore
It's not that. That people should not be taking medications who need medications. I think that these things were created ultimately for the benefit of certain people, but I don't think that it applies to nearly as many people who get diagnosed every year with these symptoms.
Langston Kearney
Right.
David Bore
And I think that there probably are very specific recalculations that should be happening but can't happen because we've created sort of generic, you know, medicines for big, big swaths of individuals.
Langston Kearney
Right. I mean, it's like brain medicine, too. Yeah. That feels like even crazier than body medicine. And I know to be able to generalize people.
Spinquest Advertiser
Yeah.
David Bore
And I know so many people who, like, truly are not clearly in need of, like, medicinal care.
Langston Kearney
Right.
David Bore
But also are extremely uncomfortable with what they've taken in the past. Like, have all of these negative side effects and can't find themselves inside of the medication. They go, this doesn't feel like me. I feel like a fucking shell of myself, bro.
Langston Kearney
I took Klonopin one time recreationally.
David Bore
Yeah.
Langston Kearney
That's one of the worst experiences I ever had.
David Bore
Really?
Langston Kearney
I hated it. I hated it.
David Bore
What'd it feel like?
Langston Kearney
It felt like I was. I was outside of my body watching everything happen. Like, it just. It was like I was not present in a way, but I did everything I had to do.
David Bore
Yeah.
Langston Kearney
Like, I went. I worked. I think I did a standup show. Like, I did all this shit, but I felt like I didn't feel like an active participant in my own shit. It made me feel like I was like, if there's people who feel like this all the time, it's a nightmare. Like, it was like. It's like maybe one of my worst ever drug experiences.
David Bore
Damn.
Langston Kearney
Yeah, I really hated it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember it. It felt like I. But, like, in the way that I could get through my days.
David Bore
I was about to say it didn't
Langston Kearney
make it harder or anything.
David Bore
What makes it crazy, in your description is not that you didn't like it, but that you aren't describing sad. Like, it's not painful. It's not sad. It just is just detachment.
Langston Kearney
Yeah. That's how I felt.
David Bore
And that's scarier to me than, like, being like, no, this makes me sad. Therefore, I can just reject it. If you're being still like, an efficient member of society, you might continue to accept that feeling even though you are at this distance.
Langston Kearney
And maybe you think that's what people feel. I don't know. I could see how the Beast could use that tool. Is what I.
David Bore
You talking about, Mr.
Langston Kearney
Beast? What?
David Bore
He's like, kids, you got to try Klonopin.
Langston Kearney
That's what I. Every time I mention the Beast, that's who I'm talking about.
David Bore
Mr.
Redfin Advertiser
Beast.
Spinquest Advertiser
Of course.
David Bore
Why'd he name himself that?
Langston Kearney
I don't know what the fuck he got going on.
David Bore
He don't look like a Mr. Beast.
Langston Kearney
No, he.
Ryan Reynolds
He.
David Bore
He doesn't look like a Mr. Mr. Frankly.
Langston Kearney
He's got those canine teeth.
David Bore
He looks like a young man. A dork.
Langston Kearney
He looks like a vampire to me.
David Bore
A little vampire dweeb.
Langston Kearney
Is he little?
David Bore
No, he's pretty tall, I think. But he just. He never even occurred to me that Beast would be in his Name, brother.
Langston Kearney
That shit is so far away from what I consume on the Internet. Like, I truly. I missed the ascent. I had no idea about that guy until it was so big it spilled over into whatever my insane algorithm is.
David Bore
You know, I didn't find out about him until he was giving away like life changing money to people.
Langston Kearney
I think after that, I think I didn't find out about him till. I think the first I knew about it was when he had the Ghost Kitchen restaurant. Cause I ordered from it during COVID How'd it taste?
David Bore
Probably like shit.
Langston Kearney
We were ordering so much takeout and Covid shit, it all started to run. It all tasted like everything else.
David Bore
Yeah, he's got chocolate bars in stores. He's got drinks and shit. He is a powerful, powerful individual.
Langston Kearney
I think he did it off of kids. Yeah, that probably won't turn out to be weird.
David Bore
I bet Mr. Beast stays cool the whole time. I think everything's gonna be okay with the news coming out of the Mr. Beast pipeline, just like every adult who
Langston Kearney
primarily works with children for entertainment.
David Bore
Yeah, it stinks.
Langston Kearney
Yeah.
David Bore
But I guess he got away with it because nobody even questions his name. People. And that is my.
Langston Kearney
It doesn't even sound like a kid friendly name.
David Bore
Well, it's.
Langston Kearney
It sounds like. It sounds like a wolf in sheep's clothing.
David Bore
Yes. It sounds like he's telling you out loud. Exactly.
Starbucks Advertiser
What.
David Bore
What's hiding underneath you?
Langston Kearney
Hiding in plain sight.
Kal Penn
I.
David Bore
It's one of the things that bums me out the most is like we watched so many people bend their knee to what the streaming generation became that like, nobody will just walk in a room and be like, change your name. Yeah, stop, I'll talk to you.
Langston Kearney
And who, who, who are they to tell him he's the most successful thing. You know what I mean?
David Bore
And it became. Money is the only way that we sort of like allow people to assert their dominance. And we used to just have pure
Langston Kearney
bullies, but money became a numbers game. And who runs the numbers game is the fucking geek.
David Bore
Yep.
Langston Kearney
Money became a no. Right.
David Bore
I was worried you were gonna end that sentence different.
Langston Kearney
Don't do that to me. Don't do that. I'm not even on.
David Bore
You're not like that.
Langston Kearney
I'm not even like that.
David Bore
I think maybe there's something in me that got just. I think I got some red pill that I gotta work out. But I really thought you were gonna end that sentence different.
Langston Kearney
That's crazy.
David Bore
And I was gonna say, wow, what a way for us to end this podcast on this network.
Langston Kearney
Let's go to break just in case. We'll be back with more Langston, more David, lover of all peoples.
Kal Penn
Yep.
Langston Kearney
And more My Mama Told Me.
Kal Penn
Hey everyone, it's Kal Penn. I'm the host of Irsay The Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. This week on the podcast, I am sitting down with Ray Porter, the narrator of Andy Weir's audiobook project, Hail Mary massive sci fi adventure about survival and science and what happens when you wake up alone, very far from Earth.
I really had to make a decision because I caught myself getting that frog in my throat and starting to get teary as I'm narrating some of these sections and it's like, okay, yo, yo, yo, is this indulgent? And I really thought about it. I was like, no. At this point, it would kind of be betraying the trust the author and the listener have in telling this story if I don't go through it. But there's places in this book that that deeply, emotionally affected me. And I left it on the mic. That's great because it served the story. People will say like, oh my God, I cried at the end. It's like, yeah, dude, me too.
Listen to Irsay the Audible and iHeart audiobook club on the iHeartradio app or wherever you get your podcasts.
Ryan Reynolds
Ryan Reynolds here from IT Mobile with a message for everyone Paying Big wireless way too much. Please, for the love of everything good in this world, stop with Mint. You can get premium wireless for just 15amonth. Of course, if you enjoy overpaying. No judgments. But that's weird. Okay, one judgment anyway. Give it a try@mintmobile.com Switch upfront payment
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Langston Kearney
Q U S T.com Spin Quest is
David Bore
a free to play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details. I turned off news altogether. I hate to say it, but I don't trust much of anything.
Langston Kearney
It's the rage bait. It feels like it's trying to divide people.
David Bore
We got clear facts.
Kal Penn
Maybe we could calm down a little bit.
NBC News Announcer
NBC News brings you clear reporting. Let's meet at the Facts. Let's move forward from there. NBC News reporting for America.
Langston Kearney
And we're back. You don't want none of this.
David Bore
I will kick your face off. Hit you in your face with your face, nigga.
Langston Kearney
I'm going to take his face off. You remember that movie?
David Bore
Yeah, Face Off. Yeah. It was called Face Off. I remember John Travolta, Nick Cage.
Langston Kearney
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
David Bore
The thing that bunged me out the most with that film, and I think it had a lot of flaws.
Langston Kearney
There's a lot of tough stuff in
David Bore
that movie, but it was that they switched faces and their bodies didn't matter. You know what I mean? Like, John Travolta is clearly a thicker man than Nicolas Cage, and yet somehow they just become the other person.
Langston Kearney
It really played into my racism as a kid where like, yeah, you just take a white guy's face, put it on the white guys.
David Bore
Same white guy.
Spinquest Advertiser
Yeah.
David Bore
No, yeah, it really. They did not really think it through very far.
Langston Kearney
I hated how the way that Nicolas Cage said peach in that movie.
David Bore
Oh, I do remember it being.
Langston Kearney
Yeah, I could eat a peach for hours. Shut up.
David Bore
What's wrong with you, big man?
Langston Kearney
That's messy.
David Bore
Mr. Beast's first name. James. James. Stephen Donaldson is Mr. Beast's name.
Langston Kearney
I just want this to be known. If we go missing and this is the last episode.
David Bore
Yep.
Langston Kearney
We didn't kill ourselves. Mr. Beast got us. Mr.
David Bore
Beast got us.
Langston Kearney
We're in the belly of the Beast.
David Bore
He stuck some of them gummy Beast snacks into. Into one of our meals and it did kill us.
Langston Kearney
Yeah. So just know that.
David Bore
Shout out to Mr. Beast. We love you so much, James. You're. You're a good man. And you look like fucking dweep. Yep.
Langston Kearney
Pimp squad. Hold it down. That's my dying words.
David Bore
Maybe the greatest shout out in history.
Langston Kearney
That was amazing.
David Bore
She was going to jail and she knew. She knew in the back of her mind that she had done all the things.
Langston Kearney
That's why she was crying like that.
David Bore
I think she really was like, nah, I didn't do nothing. I don't know what this is.
Redfin Advertiser
Shout out.
David Bore
Femme squad. Hold it down.
Langston Kearney
Loved it. I love her.
David Bore
She was great.
Langston Kearney
Let's hear that. Voicemail.
David Bore
Yeah, last voicemail, please.
Langston Kearney
Last voicemail.
David Bore
Yeah.
Langston Kearney
Damn.
Voicemail Caller
Hey, floozies. Let's get right into it. No foreplay. Get yours or you can pause.
Langston Kearney
I was talking to floozies.
David Bore
Floozies is crazy.
Langston Kearney
I kind of like, it. It pauses like, from a different time.
David Bore
I don't mind it. I don't mind it. Sometimes our callers are ambitious in a way that it puts me on edge.
Langston Kearney
I get that.
David Bore
But then I also have to admit that that's solid.
Langston Kearney
Yeah. Flus are pretty good.
David Bore
Yeah. I don't like your audacity. You are being far too audacity. Shoot for the moon, but shoot for the moon.
Langston Kearney
Shoot for flu. So if you fall, you land on a coos.
David Bore
Let's go ahead and play the rest.
Langston Kearney
Yeah, probably keep it going.
Voicemail Caller
Foreplay. Get yours where you can. I was talking to my little situation the other day, and he came up with or he proposed to me that.
Langston Kearney
What did he propose? Marriage.
David Bore
She calls.
Langston Kearney
She calls her man situation.
David Bore
She really being nasty.
Langston Kearney
I like her.
David Bore
I was talking about little situation. Yeah, she's really hoeing that man out.
Redfin Advertiser
I like that. Yeah.
Langston Kearney
I don't gotta give him names.
David Bore
Nah, him. That's Thursday.
Langston Kearney
All right, Sorry. Keep going.
Voicemail Caller
There's not real. So I wanted to pose to you all. Do you think he's wearing a toupee or a male hairpiece? I've been watching his Instagram and looking at his photos, trying to see if I just see something uneven one of the days or just looks off, but he's been holding it down 10 toes. I'm like the man that did some stints in prison. His hair come out right. His children inherit their hairstyle. So I don't know, because now I'm looking at him sideways, I feel like it's a Steve Harvey situation.
David Bore
And I'm like, dang.
Voicemail Caller
I just thought he kept it clean as Barbara. Fuck with him. You know what I mean? But y' all let me know. I love the show. Y' all take care. Thanks. Bye.
Langston Kearney
Thank you. Okay. And this is gonna sound naive of me. I do think Boosie just keeps it clean. And it's a good barber situation. I feel like he invented. He pioneered his own haircut. Right? That's the Boosie fade. It is the Boosie fade.
David Bore
He took a pre existing haircut and then was so committed to it that we renamed it.
Langston Kearney
But when he dropped. I didn't see that haircut. He's the first one I think about. I mean, I'm not from Louisiana. Cause, you know, Boosie's only like a year or two older than us, and,
David Bore
boy, does he look rough.
Langston Kearney
We're not yet. We're pretty close in age.
David Bore
It really. That is a bummer to hear because, man, oh, man, does he look bad.
Langston Kearney
But the point is, I think. I don't. If Boosie had a hairpiece, it would fuck me up more than Steve Harvey. Oh, that would really.
David Bore
That would actually hurt your.
Langston Kearney
It would shake my sense of the world and what I know of things. Yeah.
David Bore
I will say that there is a Vlad TV clip that says, Boosie got a $1 million hairline on Vlad DIY with Boost hair Fiber, which is that
Langston Kearney
his own hairline technology. Boost Hair Fiber, brother.
David Bore
The AI overview also claims. And again, it's Google and it's the AI Overview, but it says no. The immaculate, perfectly crisp hairline Boosie is famous for is actually a man unit or hair unit. That's from DJ Envy's Facebook page that he's claiming that the rapper playfully revealed to DJ Envy.
Langston Kearney
You got a Facebook.
David Bore
I think DJ Envy is doing everything he can not to have to DJ again.
Langston Kearney
Hey, good on him, bro.
David Bore
He's like, bro, I. I don't think I need to do that no more.
Langston Kearney
Good on you. Let us go to a car show.
David Bore
Yeah.
Langston Kearney
Off the bows. Uh, yeah, man. I guess it doesn't fuck me up. It's just. It is a beautiful hair hairstyle. Uh, man. Okay. I'm rethinking about it. I'm really searching my heart. It's not upsetting if Boosie has a
Kal Penn
piece,
Langston Kearney
and we should be open as black men to having pieces. I think we should have gotten pieces first. Ours is the easiest to recreate if you're just getting plain Barbara. I think it's, like, the easiest to make a piece not look so nuts.
David Bore
I think we spent a lot of years making fun of, like, Doc Rivers for drawing on a hairline.
Langston Kearney
That was crazy. It was crazy.
David Bore
It was crazy. And he continues to tell nasty lies to an audience every single night. But I do think that maybe we should have left some space for the technology to figure itself out.
Langston Kearney
Cause, like, whatever. Would you get a piece?
David Bore
I think years ago, if you would have asked me, I think we've had this conversation on the podcast. If I go bald, I think I would just cut it off. I think now that the technology has advanced in the way that it is, I'm a little tempted to be like, no, I won't.
Langston Kearney
Shit's too good to go bald out here.
David Bore
You really. If you can afford it, you can get that thing back.
Redfin Advertiser
Yeah.
Langston Kearney
If you.
Kal Penn
You.
Langston Kearney
I. Yeah. I don't know if I would either. Yeah, I don't think I'm gonna. I mean, I'm closer to short hair. I keep my hair. You keep your hair.
Voicemail Caller
Short.
David Bore
Yeah, but you have long. I'm about to cut this shit off now.
Langston Kearney
Yeah, you have like, long periods.
David Bore
I'll have periods where I'll let it grow. But then I think some of that is just me experimenting with myself more than it is like, me being like, this is my hair as I'd like it to be. I'm just. I'm constantly figuring out who I think I should be.
Langston Kearney
I've been going au natural lately. It's not great.
David Bore
Yeah.
Langston Kearney
I like keeping it long and kind of unkempt a little bit, but it's not amazing.
David Bore
No. I mean, we're all just doing a thing and seeing what happens.
Langston Kearney
So in my head, I always think I look like feral monsters. Honestly, Like, I look like a backpack rabbit.
David Bore
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Langston Kearney
When my shit gets long as a dark skinned dude, I'm like, yeah, my life is all I have.
David Bore
Here's what I'll say about Boosie. Real or fake. My dream for the most of my life has been to get a haircut and just keep it that way.
Langston Kearney
Oh, you want that? You would rather that I would if I couldn't.
David Bore
If I could get one more cut and never have to change it again, and it's my favorite haircut.
Langston Kearney
It becomes your signature.
David Bore
I'll keep that.
Langston Kearney
Yeah. I mean, who wouldn't want a Boosie fade situation?
Redfin Advertiser
Yeah.
David Bore
And I don't want that look, but absolutely no.
Langston Kearney
That would be nuts.
David Bore
Yeah. I don't. I'd look crazy.
Langston Kearney
Maybe the worst haircut for you. If you had a Boosie, it would make you look crazy.
David Bore
It really would be a bummer.
Langston Kearney
I like skin all the way up. That would be bad.
David Bore
It's a real bummer. You don't want to see that much light on a single individual eye.
Langston Kearney
Is it lighter underneath too?
David Bore
Probably.
Langston Kearney
I have to assume because you never been bald. Like, you ever had a baldi. You ever rocked.
David Bore
Like, when I was in like sec first or second grade, I told my mom that I wanted a Michael Jordan haircut. And then she gave it to me and I cried.
Langston Kearney
Oh, no.
David Bore
Endlessly. And she was like, well, that's what you wanted. And what did you think was gonna happen? I don't know.
Langston Kearney
Did she put the shaving cream on or did she just hit it with.
David Bore
No, she just hit it with, like, the clippers all the way down.
Langston Kearney
Those clippers. Those home clippers, though, will get you down.
David Bore
She got me down low enough that I could see skin all the way around. And I knew I had made a mistake. And I think it was A necessary lesson. And I do have gratitude for her letting me express myself and her showing me what I asked for. I don't think that that's a bad parent move to be like, this is what you want. I will give it to you, and then you'll have to think about what that means for you in the future.
Langston Kearney
Yeah, I believe you.
David Bore
Yeah, she, I think I, I agree with that one, 100%. But no, I, I, I don't think that bald is my preferred path.
Langston Kearney
Yeah.
David Bore
So ultimately, if, if there's a world where bald starts to be a debate, running run it. I, my hope, my only dream is that I can afford to not have to go to Turkey to do it.
Langston Kearney
Oh, man. If these next few moves go right, I think you'll be having American money. That's right. I said it. Come on in, Will Ferrell. Yeah, Will.
David Bore
Will, it's time.
Langston Kearney
I can't believe we waited that long to do this bit. Yeah.
David Bore
To keep threatening that Will is coming in.
Langston Kearney
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
David Bore
He's not coming.
Langston Kearney
We really dropped the ball. He doesn't, he's not aware of our actions.
David Bore
Nope. I think we, we, we did it, man.
Langston Kearney
That's it. We did it.
David Bore
Shout out to everybody at Big Money players. Shout out to everybody. There are so many people who have helped podcast possible. We are endlessly grateful for all of the contributions, both producers of old and new and Joelle, Olivia, bae, Justin editing it.
Langston Kearney
Truly Olivia.
David Bore
Other Olivia Richie in the corner. Yeah. We've had so many people contribute so much. Joel, Graham, everybody who has made this podcast possible. We are so grateful for their efforts.
Langston Kearney
Truly been a highlight of my career. We're talking like it's over. It's not over.
David Bore
It's not over. We'll be back next week.
Langston Kearney
Yeah, we will be.
David Bore
We just won't be here with these relationships and they will be missed.
Langston Kearney
That said, we'll probably be in my house.
David Bore
We'll be at your house. And then we'll shout out your dog, your cats.
Langston Kearney
Let's go, Stella. Hair, life, Grandma. Yeah, Alana.
David Bore
Yep.
Langston Kearney
That's all. That's everybody.
David Bore
Every once in a while, a dude has to come in and fix something. Maybe we'll shout.
Langston Kearney
Yeah, sometimes that happens.
David Bore
Isaac will be there.
Langston Kearney
Isaac will be there in the closet.
David Bore
That'll be the whole group.
Langston Kearney
Not metaphorically, literally. He records in my closet.
David Bore
No, he's out sexually and seems to be thriving.
Langston Kearney
Yeah, he's in financially.
David Bore
In the closet, as we say financially. But that's it.
Voicemail Caller
It.
David Bore
We did it. You want to tell the People where they can find you. What cool shit you got going on.
Langston Kearney
Cool, dry.
David Bore
Say it again. And this time I would say use the correct words. If I were you.
Langston Kearney
I would say that was crazy.
David Bore
Also, take these.
Langston Kearney
I'm taking these.
David Bore
Yeah, we should take these.
Redfin Advertiser
Like.
Langston Kearney
Like taking off my jersey and throwing it in the crowd. Cool guy joke, Sadie. I just start packing up. Cool guy jokes. 87 on Instagram. Yeah. Come to our Patreon for more shenanigans and updates as we continue. Like we said, we'll be dropping on main feed and in your RSS so you will know what's up with us soon. Watch my don't tell. Watch Langston on the boys. Yeah, you know, have a good summer.
David Bore
Yeah, have a good summer. And if you want to send us your own drops, your own conspiracy theories, if you still want to reach out to us, the email is still live. It's mymamapodmail.com the voicemails are still live at 844. Lil moms. We are going to continue to do all of our regular shenanigans. It'll look different, it'll feel different. But baby, we'll make it work. We are going to make. We are going to blow your backs out. Backbeater University, here you come with these new episodes. We can't wait to show it to you. Bye, bitch.
Langston Kearney
We go make it. We going make it. We going to make it.
David Bore
This what I Feel Like
Spinquest Advertiser
Laughing to the Bank Like.
David Bore
My Mama Told Me is a production of Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and I Heart Podcast, created and hosted by Langston Kearney, co host hosted by David Bore.
Langston Kearney
Executive produced by Will Ferrell, Hans Sani and Joel Monique. Edited and engineered by Justin Kahme.
David Bore
Music by Nick Chambers.
Langston Kearney
Artwork by Dogon Krieger.
David Bore
You can now watch episodes of My Mama told me on YouTube, follow YMama told me and subscribe to our channel.
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David Bore
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Langston Kearney
This is an Iheart podcast.
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Guaranteed human.
Hosts: Langston Kerman & David Gborie
Release Date: June 16, 2026
Podcast Network: Big Money Players Network and iHeartPodcasts
This episode marks a significant transition for My Momma Told Me as hosts Langston Kerman and David Gborie say a bittersweet “goodbye” to their iHeart studio, promising listeners the show will continue—with some changes in style and location. As they reflect on their journey, the hosts dive into the titular conspiracy: “Are all R&B singers scumbags?” Listeners call in with wild theories ranging from the real story behind the Boosie Fade to the possibility that anti-depressants are a secret productivity tool. With signature humor, irreverent personal anecdotes, and a genuine affection for the community they’ve built, Langston and David deliver an episode that is both introspective and laugh-out-loud funny.
If you’re joining at this episode, expect comedic takes on Black conspiracy theories, culture, and the petty (but real!) anxieties of everyday life. Even as they riff on “scumbag” R&B singers, hairpieces, and Big Pharma, Langston and David maintain a communal, intimate rapport—proving that humor is the best way to process life’s transitions, scandals, and insecurities. Whether or not all R&B singers are scumbags, these comics are keeping it real (and real funny), wherever the show lands next.
Listen on: All usual platforms & Patreon
Contact: mymamapodmail.com | Voicemail: 844.LIL.MOMS