All R&B Singers Are Scumbags (the Last Episode...For Now.)

Summary

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My Momma Told Me

Episode: “All R&B Singers Are Scumbags (the Last Episode...For Now.)”

Hosts: Langston Kerman & David Gborie
Release Date: June 16, 2026
Podcast Network: Big Money Players Network and iHeartPodcasts

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Episode Overview

This episode marks a significant transition for My Momma Told Me as hosts Langston Kerman and David Gborie say a bittersweet “goodbye” to their iHeart studio, promising listeners the show will continue—with some changes in style and location. As they reflect on their journey, the hosts dive into the titular conspiracy: “Are all R&B singers scumbags?” Listeners call in with wild theories ranging from the real story behind the Boosie Fade to the possibility that anti-depressants are a secret productivity tool. With signature humor, irreverent personal anecdotes, and a genuine affection for the community they’ve built, Langston and David deliver an episode that is both introspective and laugh-out-loud funny.

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Key Discussion Points & Timestamps

Saying Goodbye (and Hello to a New Era)

• [04:28–06:00]
  Reflecting on leaving the studio and moving on from their relationship with Big Money Players and iHeart.
  • Langston: “This has been our home for a long time. And now we’re homeless.”
  • David: “Now we’re unhoused, but in a cool way.”
• The hosts riff on being "cool community college guys" after “high school” (i.e., their studio days) end, comparing themselves to washed-up athletes still hanging out at their alma mater.
• Langston: "I don’t ever want my last name on my clothes again. First name, that’s cool.”
• Set-up and jokes about their possible new merch: tinfoil shower caps.

Merch Jokes & Anxiety About Ambition

• [09:31–12:00]
  The “tin foil shower cap” as a metaphor for both paranoia and hustle. Considering whether to go into the merch game.
  • Langston, on merch reluctance: “It’s not even lazy. I think it’s, like, so anxiety ridden.”
• Both hosts joke about personal issues with “career advancement,” setting the tone for their honest, self-deprecating comedic style.

Listener Voicemail: Are All R&B Singers Scumbags?

• [12:10–19:00]
  Caller proposes: “If you can sing R&B really, really good, you might be a scumbag.” - David, summarizing the old “Black Men United – You Will Know” video: “It’s now, in retrospect, it’s mostly dirtbags. It’s so many bad guys.”
  - The roster named: Brian McKnight, R. Kelly, Aaron Hall, and more. - David: “All the boy to men groups probably have seen each other. B2K, IMX…they probably saw it too early.” - Long riff about whether boy band members literally have to see each other's penises—an extended and hilarious metaphor for group intimacy.

Notable Quotes

• Langston (20:01): “Not everyone who can sing R&B is a scumbag. But I think everyone who’s a scumbag has aspirations to sing R&B. It’s almost more villainous than rapping.”
• David (20:21): “It’s evil on a fundamental level. Because you’re saying: ‘My greatest talent, I want to misuse.’”
• Langston (21:01): “It’s begging and pleading music, ‘cause you did something wrong.”

Deeper Analysis of R&B Lyrics

• [21:01–23:18]
  • Discussion on how most R&B lyrics are damage control after one party messes up.
  • David (21:22): “What is ‘All My Life’ if not a love bomber’s anthem?”
  • Langston: “You start bringing God into it. ‘God, I’ve been looking for you.’”

Is Wanting to Be an R&B Singer a Red Flag?

• [23:24–24:58]
  • David: “If you set out to learn a talent for pussy, that is a bad guy. That’s a bad guy.”
  • Langston: “They were rarely ever even talented.”
  • David: “R&B is scarier because them motherfuckers do be talented…really terrible guys are talented as hell.”

Talent and Evil – A Broader Take

• [25:01–26:18]
  • Digression into Trump as an example of a deeply flawed, but socially talented person.
  • Langston: “The most devil, like…the people I’ve seen do the worst shit are usually pretty talented people.”

On R&B Stage Performance & Persona

• [26:30–27:48]
  • Langston prefers R&B singers who “seem on point” rather than visibly high/drunk; David loves the wild, chaotic performances.
  • David (27:22): “I love when they go to the point of almost not existing.”

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Voicemail #2: Do Antidepressants Make You More Focused—or Less Horny—on Purpose?

• [33:08–39:15]
  • Caller “Max” (34:08): “White people put their kids on these medications so early. I think there’s something in them they don’t want us to know about…Now they’re, like, bankers and consultants…when you black…there’s all this stigma around mental health.”

Key Points

• Is the prevalence of medicating white kids a “secret tool” for productivity/power?
• David: “It having sexual side effects has always surprised me. Like, it feels like something they would have attempted to work the kinks out on.”
• Langston (36:29): “I think there is—within a capitalist society—I think that shit’s easier to make you like a drone, to numb you out so you just do what you gotta do.”
• Both hosts warn against blanket medicating, stress importance of nuanced mental healthcare.
• Langston’s negative recreational experience with Klonopin discussed (38:09): “I felt like I was not present in a way, but I did everything I had to do…if there’s people who feel like this all the time, it’s a nightmare.”

Memorable Quote

• David (39:13): “If you’re still an efficient member of society, you might continue to accept that feeling even though you are at this distance.”
• Extended, funny asides about Mr. Beast ("He looks like a vampire to me.") as an example of a “Beast” hiding in plain sight.

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Voicemail #3: The Real Story behind Boosie’s Hair – Is It a Piece?

• [48:11–56:22]
  • Caller wonders: Is Boosie’s signature fade a hairpiece, or is he just a man with a great barber?
  • Langston (50:04): “If Boosie had a hairpiece, it would fuck me up more than Steve Harvey.”
  • Research and speculation: DJ Envy claims it’s a unit; tons of jokes about “Boost Hair Fiber.”
  • Both reflect on the evolution and acceptance of “pieces” among Black men.
  • Langston (52:22): “We should be open as Black men to having pieces. I think we should have gotten pieces first.”

Style and Self-Image

• Jokes and real talk about bad hair decisions, attachment to signature looks, and the “Boosie fade.”
  • David (54:24): “My dream for most of my life has been to get a haircut and just keep it that way.”

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Memorable Moments & Quotes

• Langston, about R&B confidence (03:14): “To think that you got the drop on [sex] in a way that nobody else does in this whole world, that you’re deserving of a university—the way you beat bags—yeah, it’s wild.”
• David (24:03): “If you set out to learn a talent for pussy, that is a bad guy.”
• Langston (26:30): “I don’t like it when my R&B singers seem fucked up. Like, inebriated. I want you to seem on point.”
• David, on chaotic R&B stage antics (27:23): “I love when they go to the point of almost not existing.”
• Langston, on leaving iHeart (57:01): “Truly been a highlight of my career. We’re talking like it’s over. It’s not over.”

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Final Reflections & Farewell (for Now)

• [57:01–59:55]
  • Heartfelt thanks to producers and staff.
  • Assurances to listeners that the show will go on, though it’ll “look different, feel different, but baby, we’ll make it work.”
  • David: “We are going to continue to do all of our regular shenanigans…it’ll look different, it’ll feel different, but baby, we’ll make it work.”

---

Episode Highlights by Timestamp

• [04:28] — Show’s “last episode” in current form explained.
• [12:10] — Listener sparks the main R&B “scumbag” conversation.
• [21:22] — Deconstruction of “All My Life” as “love bomber’s anthem.”
• [25:01] — Parallels drawn between talent and villainy, bringing up Trump as a social manipulator.
• [33:08] — Voicemail on anti-depressants as a productivity “hack.”
• [38:09] — Langston’s cautionary tale about recreational Klonopin.
• [48:11] — Investigation into Boosie’s hairline authenticity.
• [57:01] — Sincere segment thanking contributors as the show transitions.

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Tone & Language

• Unfiltered, deeply conversational, and laugh-out-loud crude in places.
• Blunt self-assessment—hosts regularly poke fun at themselves (“We’re both pretty lazy guys when it comes to advancing our careers.”).
• Effortlessly blends wild speculation with genuine social critique—the signature of the show.

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For New Listeners:

If you’re joining at this episode, expect comedic takes on Black conspiracy theories, culture, and the petty (but real!) anxieties of everyday life. Even as they riff on “scumbag” R&B singers, hairpieces, and Big Pharma, Langston and David maintain a communal, intimate rapport—proving that humor is the best way to process life’s transitions, scandals, and insecurities. Whether or not all R&B singers are scumbags, these comics are keeping it real (and real funny), wherever the show lands next.

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Listen on: All usual platforms & Patreon
Contact: mymamapodmail.com | Voicemail: 844.LIL.MOMS

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Transcript

[Langston Kearney]

This is an iHeart podcast.

[Guaranteed Human Advertiser]

Guaranteed Human.

[David Bore]

I turned off news altogether. I hate to say it, but I don't trust much of anything.

[Langston Kearney]

It's the rage bait. It feels like it's trying to divide people.

[David Bore]

We got clear facts. Maybe we could calm down a little.

[NBC News Announcer]

NBC News brings you clear reporting. Let's meet at the facts. Let's move forward from there. NBC News reporting for America.

[Starbucks Advertiser]

What's up, y'?

[Redfin Advertiser]

All?

[Starbucks Advertiser]

Summer's got a different tempo. Everything's a little looser, brighter. One plan turns into another. You hear something, you stay a little longer. Next thing you know, you're somewhere you didn't plan to be. It's those in between moments. That's where the ideas hit. Conversations stretch out. Little memories sneak up on you. Sometimes it's just about what's in your hand. That color, that chill. The new Tropical Butterfly refresher from Starbucks. Guava and passion fruit flavors with mango pineapple flavored pearls. Yeah, that feels like summer before you even taste it. Funny how one small stop becomes the best part of the day. Start your summer rhythm with Starbucks. Try the new Tropical Butterfly refresher from Starbucks.

[Redfin Advertiser]

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[Kal Penn]

hey everyone, it's Kel Penn. I'm inviting you to join the best sounding book club you've ever heard with my podcast, Hearsay, The Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. Every episode, I nerd out with amazing guest and dive into the best new audiobooks available on Audible. It's the book club for your ears. Listen to Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club on the iHeartradio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Langston Kearney]

Not only do I want you, but I need that. You understand? I need that. And I suck on your ass like a goddamn neck bone a pig's foot. I need that. I want that. And baby, just take a little time and come and visit Backbeaters University and I introduce you to some shit you ain't never seen before. I bet she has.

[David Bore]

I bet she's seen it.

[Langston Kearney]

I bet she probably seen it.

[David Bore]

But I do envy guys who can talk that way.

[Langston Kearney]

I wish I felt that way.

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

I wish I felt like I was really doing some new shit.

[David Bore]

I'm happy with the service that I provide, but I really wish I had that confidence where I'm like, ain't nope. Body fucked like me ever in their lives.

[Langston Kearney]

It's delusion. Because, like, you know how many people fuck, it's more than do everything. Even if it's like. It's like being the best at fucking is more elite than being the best basketball player. More elite than being the best any athlete. Because not everybody can play soccer. Everybody.

[David Bore]

Fuck every single person.

[Langston Kearney]

We're all a byproduct of fucking. To think that you got the drop on it in a way that nobody else does in this whole world that

[David Bore]

you're deserving of a university. The way you beat bags. Yeah, it's wild.

[Langston Kearney]

Anyways, let's listen to another voicemail. The government growing babies. Microchips in your 80s. All koala bears are racist. The ozone layer owes me money. Martians invented turkey stuffing. Y' all can't tell me nothing. As we go on, we remember all the times we had together. When our lives change, come whatever, we will still be friends forever. Welcome, little mamas and gentiles alike, to another phenomenal episode of My Mama Told

[David Bore]

Me, the podcast, where we dive deep, deep into the pockets of black conspiracy

[Langston Kearney]

theories and we finally work to say goodbye. But not forever.

[David Bore]

Yeah, we're.

[Voicemail Caller]

We're.

[David Bore]

We're. This is the last episode here in this studio.

[Langston Kearney]

Damn.

[David Bore]

With our beautiful programmers.

[Langston Kearney]

Damn.

[David Bore]

This has been our home for a long time. Yeah, it's been our home for a long time. And now we're homeless.

[Langston Kearney]

And now we're homeless.

[David Bore]

Now we're unhoused, but in a cool way. In a way where you want to meet us by the beach and buy

[Langston Kearney]

what we have to sell you.

[David Bore]

Yeah, we are moving on from our relationship with big money players and iHeart. But that is. That is only a turning of the page.

[Langston Kearney]

It's just a turning of the page. Now we're cool community college guys.

[David Bore]

Yeah,

[Langston Kearney]

high school's over.

[David Bore]

Sure, we still come back to the high school, but it's only to show how cool our new car is and work out. Yeah, that was a big thing.

[Kal Penn]

Yo.

[David Bore]

You kept using the high school facilities because you were trying to make the juco team.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Isn't he supposed to be playing it? Yeah, Ball State or something.

[David Bore]

Everybody knew where you were supposed to go.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

And you weren't there. And nobody really understood why it was

[Langston Kearney]

also like, don't fuck with my summer, bro. Just because you got. You're trying to get a walk on, man. I'm in here fucking around July and I'm high lifting weight, dog.

[David Bore]

The amount of older dudes that, like, used to be the star of a team that came back and yelled at us.

[NBC News Announcer]

Man.

[Langston Kearney]

If you don't shut your fucking halftime speeches. I don't give a fuck about this guy, man. Shut the fuck up.

[David Bore]

You left.

[Langston Kearney]

Why do I give a shit what he had? You think that's gonna get me charged up?

[Spinquest Advertiser]

You left.

[Langston Kearney]

Okay, you're right. I'm gonna stunt faster because. Mitch, the point is. What the fuck are we talking about?

[David Bore]

Yeah, I don't. I don't need.

[Langston Kearney]

That's the least pumped up thing. I don't think he's cool.

[David Bore]

I don't need your advice.

[Langston Kearney]

He tried to kiss my girlfriend.

[David Bore]

And that's the. That's the other bummer.

[Langston Kearney]

This nigga's 20.

[David Bore]

He's not. He's not behaving like he's of a different class than me.

[Langston Kearney]

No, no.

[David Bore]

He's talking down to me, but he's still trying to smash the same girls I am.

[Voicemail Caller]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

That sucks.

[Langston Kearney]

And he hasn't played in nine months. I played yesterday. I'm better than him.

[David Bore]

I practice every day.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

Because the coach tells me I have to.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah. Yeah. Because that man who likes to domineer young boys.

[Kal Penn]

Yep.

[David Bore]

And we'll unpack that later. But it's certainly not gonna happen through you. A nigga giving speeches because he lets you use the weight room.

[Langston Kearney]

You don't go to high school. And you have your letterman jacket on.

[David Bore]

Mm.

[Langston Kearney]

I hate you.

[David Bore]

This stinks. This stinks. You're so proud of this. I wanna be out of this so bad.

[Langston Kearney]

Oh, man.

[David Bore]

Yeah. No. I'm not a fan of anything that's happening.

[Langston Kearney]

I don't ever want my last name on my clothes again. First name.

[David Bore]

That's cool.

[Langston Kearney]

That's pretty cool.

[David Bore]

You want David on your clothes?

[Redfin Advertiser]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

Like on a work shirt.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah, whatever.

[David Bore]

Where else would it be? Sweater that just says David or, like, a D?

[Langston Kearney]

You remember Laverne and Shirley?

[David Bore]

I do remember Laverne.

[Langston Kearney]

I used to watch that before school a lot. And Laverne always had L's on her shit. I like it.

[David Bore]

I think they did that because they were worried the audience didn't remember who was Laverne and who was Shirley.

[Langston Kearney]

That doesn't affect my love for it.

[David Bore]

That's cool.

[Langston Kearney]

You know what I'm saying?

[David Bore]

That's cool that that doesn't change.

[Langston Kearney]

No. Some stuff got made in a bad way.

[David Bore]

Yep.

[Langston Kearney]

You know what I mean?

[David Bore]

Absolutely.

[Langston Kearney]

He wasn't planning on discovering penicillin, but it worked out for all of us.

[David Bore]

Here we go. Now I can fuck like I want.

[Spinquest Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

Thank you. Thank you.

[David Bore]

This is our final episode here in the Iheart Studios. And we thought, what better way to end it than you and I together with Will Ferrell. This is the.

[Langston Kearney]

He's here and we're leaving.

[David Bore]

He had no idea we were going, much less that he was supposed to be here. But he has arrived.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah. No, yeah, we. It's been so fun. We're not going going. In the meantime, join the Patreon.

[David Bore]

But the podcast will continue to exist. The episodes will still go live, but our situation, our format, our aesthetic is going to go through some changes. And we hope that you'll join us through this chrysalis process.

[Langston Kearney]

Mm. We're coming out. Sexy butterflies.

[David Bore]

We bout to be butterflied and a bitch.

[Langston Kearney]

Butterfly with ass. You ever seen that?

[David Bore]

I bet you haven't. I bet you haven't. And you're gonna want to stick around and see it.

[Langston Kearney]

You wouldn't even know what to do. Butterfly with ass and fake lashes flies by. Duh, you're hooked.

[David Bore]

That ass is moving in a way you didn't even know was possible.

[Langston Kearney]

Is that cheeks or wings? Who knows?

[David Bore]

Stick around and find out how thick that butterfly can be. But in the meantime, we're gonna do some voicemail.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're wearing these hats we should acknowledge.

[David Bore]

No, let's not.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah, we should fuck these hats.

[David Bore]

We have debated the possibility that perhaps these hats are something we should be. Some merchandise we should be peddling to our viewers.

[Langston Kearney]

Would you buy these from us if we got like the logo on top?

[Redfin Advertiser]

Uh huh.

[David Bore]

If we did like a hard big ass, my mama told me print. Would you be scammed by these items?

[Langston Kearney]

We'll sell them packs of three.

[David Bore]

It's cheap and we should display some of the technology that exists here because this is a tin foil shower cap, which means that you could do whatever you want with it. You want it to be a little newsy, little peaky blinders.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah. MALE STRIPPER. Oh, shit. Look at me now.

[Redfin Advertiser]

Uh oh.

[Langston Kearney]

John Travolta.

[Redfin Advertiser]

Uh oh.

[Langston Kearney]

Really? You're the one that I want. Uh oh.

[David Bore]

I think this motherfucker might paint.

[Langston Kearney]

Have you been to France?

[David Bore]

You put it backwards. Now you get to say motherfucker in every film you're in.

[Redfin Advertiser]

Come on.

[David Bore]

That's cool.

[Langston Kearney]

Painted raspberry. You could have sex with bad women.

[Redfin Advertiser]

Uh huh.

[Langston Kearney]

That's all my beret jokes.

[David Bore]

He wore a silver beret.

[Langston Kearney]

And they work. My wife used it as a shower cap because we left one out.

[David Bore]

That's very disrespectful. I am going to have a stern talk with her.

[Langston Kearney]

She said work just fine, lady.

[David Bore]

Keep your goddamn hands off our merch.

[Langston Kearney]

There was like five in there. You brought a lot of.

[David Bore]

They don't sell these individually.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah, no, that's the kind of.

[David Bore]

These come in bulk and you got to take them when you get them.

[Langston Kearney]

But you put your logo on it. Now they're worth probably $7 each.

[David Bore]

Yep. And we. We are not unreasonable people. We're not trying to scam you. But if this is something that you would potentially buy for a price that obviously we've marked up, then let us know. Hit us on Instagram or wherever and let us know you are interested in this merch because we are interested in selling it to you.

[Langston Kearney]

Maybe.

[David Bore]

Maybe.

[Langston Kearney]

If not, we'll figure something out.

[David Bore]

We're both pretty lazy guys when it comes to advancing our careers.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah, it's not even lazy. I think it's, like, so anxiety ridden.

[David Bore]

I think the laziness is born of a bigger problem.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[David Bore]

And will likely unpack that, I assume separately at the new place, wherever our new home is. We'll really get to the bottom of what's wrong with us. But in the meantime, let's do some voicemails.

[Langston Kearney]

Cause we want to hear what's wrong with y'.

[David Bore]

All. We need to know why you're sick.

[Langston Kearney]

Because it's something you're fucked up.

[David Bore]

We got some fun ones lined up. Let's. Let's play this first one.

[Redfin Advertiser]

Okay, guys.

[Voicemail Caller]

Hi.

[Redfin Advertiser]

So my boyfriend and I are on the couch watching some YouTube and we came across the video from the 90s of black men United.

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[Redfin Advertiser]

Performing. You Will know.

[David Bore]

You know that song.

[Redfin Advertiser]

You know the song Y' all is Black.

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[Redfin Advertiser]

Anyway.

[David Bore]

Pause it.

[Langston Kearney]

No, what is it?

[David Bore]

You will know. It was like we are the World, but with black R B singers. It's everybody.

[Langston Kearney]

Oh, I've seen this before.

[David Bore]

And it's now, in retrospect, it's mostly dirtbags. It's so many bad guys.

[Langston Kearney]

Brian McKnight.

[David Bore]

Brian McKnight. R. Kelly.

[Langston Kearney]

Devin was just a sweet boy.

[David Bore]

Tevin was a sweet little boy.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah. I have seen this before, though.

[David Bore]

It's a phenomenal song. I really missed the era where singers would just get together and give us an inspirational.

[Langston Kearney]

I want to Hear you guys sing together about the betterment of our people.

[Redfin Advertiser]

Bro.

[David Bore]

It's so cool when they be like, standing there and having fun together.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah. And you're like, oh, I didn't even know they knew each other.

[David Bore]

That'd be crazy. How would you know that?

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah, yeah. Michael Bivins and Bobby Brown and they're hanging out. That would make sense.

[David Bore]

They actually know each other pretty well from childhood. They maybe know each other too much.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah. Probably intimately. I bet they've seen each other's dicks.

[David Bore]

100%. I think if you're going to be in an R and B group with somebody, you should have to see their opinion.

[Langston Kearney]

I think it also just comes with a lifestyle at some point, but I

[David Bore]

think they should have to bond that way.

[Langston Kearney]

Oh, like they force it. I think there's probably some R and B people who've never seen each other's dicks.

[David Bore]

You think the guys of that Tyrese Tank genuine group, you think they've seen each other's penises?

[Redfin Advertiser]

No.

[Langston Kearney]

That was late, though.

[David Bore]

They were too old.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah. Also, I don't think LSG's seen each other's penises.

[David Bore]

You only LSG.

[Langston Kearney]

No. They were too old when that group was formed because they were already all. They were all titans already. I don't know why I said it like that.

[David Bore]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

That was weird.

[David Bore]

You continue to hit words that surprised me at a weird T in the middle of a word really fucks you up a little bit.

[Langston Kearney]

What's wrong with me?

[David Bore]

Titan?

[Langston Kearney]

I don't know what to tell you.

[David Bore]

That's okay.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah. I think they were too famous. Yeah. You know who's seen each other's dicks for sure. Lord Tariq and Peter Gunn. I don't know why that really got me.

[David Bore]

That's great. That's great. And I don't even care if they try to kill us.

[Redfin Advertiser]

Yeah, man.

[David Bore]

Yeah, I think that's fair. I think all of the boy to men groups probably have seen each other. B2K, IMX. Absolutely. They've seen each other.

[Langston Kearney]

They probably saw it too early. They saw it when they were immature.

[David Bore]

Say something. Say something. My boy did it. That's perfect comedy.

[Langston Kearney]

Say something. Come on, let's go.

[David Bore]

Stand up. Say something.

[Langston Kearney]

And I'll find a way to get an IMX one in later.

[David Bore]

I liked IMAX better than immature.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

Nah, I was the immature guy.

[Langston Kearney]

Remember that Stay the Night song, though? That song was so good.

[David Bore]

Yeah. No, they had. They had some hits, but we got. It remains so important to me that I Can't.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah. Immature did really strike a chord with some young men.

[David Bore]

I thought Marcus Houston was cool during that era.

[Langston Kearney]

He was a cool kid.

[David Bore]

And I don't think he's a cool adult, but he was a cool kid. But he was a cool fucking kid.

[Langston Kearney]

He was the coolest kid.

[David Bore]

And I think it was hard losing Rectangle Shades. He named himself Batman, bro.

[Langston Kearney]

Something we've all been trying to get on.

[David Bore]

We all wanted to be Batman.

[Langston Kearney]

Everybody wanted it. He did it.

[David Bore]

He did it.

[Langston Kearney]

He did it. He said, I'm Batman.

[David Bore]

He was sick. So I'm Batman.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah. What are you gonna do?

[David Bore]

And then grownups wanted to be with him and also call him Batman.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

Nah, he had.

[Langston Kearney]

Was Romeo Batman. Who was the other one?

[David Bore]

Well, it was L. L something. It was a three letter name.

[Langston Kearney]

Cause all I remember is in the IMX song they say something something. Romeo and Batman.

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

I'm gonna play ldb.

[David Bore]

Ldb.

[Langston Kearney]

That's ldb. That's not really the greatest three letters to put together.

[David Bore]

No, he's clunky. He really fucked himself.

[Langston Kearney]

It's gotta be literally just his initials.

[David Bore]

No, his name is Kelton Kessie.

[Langston Kearney]

Does it stand for Lover to boy?

[David Bore]

I let you get the first one off. I supported you. I didn't turn on you. I was loyal. You know what I mean? And now here you go, you're coming back. You're being greedy. You're being silly and greedy and shit. Just be. Just be responsible. Yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

What does LDB is crazy to pick is all I'm saying.

[David Bore]

No, it's really crazy.

[Langston Kearney]

I bet you I got one of the words right.

[David Bore]

I bet you did too.

[Langston Kearney]

I bet.

[David Bore]

I bet it's a bummer. I bet it's something that like, we. What does LDB stand for?

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah, this is exciting.

[David Bore]

Okay, well, the AI overview doesn't even know this nigga exists because the first thing that comes up is lighting distribution board.

[Langston Kearney]

I'd be pissed. I'd be pissed.

[David Bore]

Ldb. What is LDB from? I guess I gotta be more specific.

[Langston Kearney]

I think you might just have to look up immature group. I bet. I. Seriously though, I promise one of those lover duh.

[David Bore]

Or Boy, that sucks, man.

[Langston Kearney]

What is it?

[David Bore]

Little Drummer Boy.

[Langston Kearney]

Oh, no. Yeah, we could hear Joelle back there. Verbally disgusting.

[David Bore]

Fuck, man.

[Langston Kearney]

She said.

[Kal Penn]

Fuck.

[David Bore]

That stinks.

[Langston Kearney]

That's awful.

[David Bore]

That really stinks.

[Langston Kearney]

That sucks. Little Drummer Boy Kelton.

[David Bore]

Ldb. Kessie.

[Langston Kearney]

How is that gonna get older? Does he play the drums?

[David Bore]

He better. Yes.

[Langston Kearney]

And I did get a word right.

[David Bore]

You did? Yeah. And That's, I think, what bummed me out about it.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah. You wanted me to be.

[David Bore]

I knew something bad was coming. And you were right. I was right.

[Langston Kearney]

That's all good.

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

Let's listen to a voiceover.

[David Bore]

Let's finish this.

[Redfin Advertiser]

It occurred to us that if you can sing R B really, really good, you might be a scumbag. I want y' all to watch that video or listen to that song. It has such luminaries. Luminaries as Aaron Hall. Aaron hall.

[David Bore]

Yep.

[Redfin Advertiser]

Brian McKnight. R. Kelly, Chicago's very own.

[David Bore]

Watch him out.

[Redfin Advertiser]

So, yeah, I'll.

[David Bore]

I'll cuss at you.

[Redfin Advertiser]

Yeah. If you go right. Watch the video. Eight out of ten of them is dirty.

[David Bore]

Yeah, that's true.

[Redfin Advertiser]

So if you could sing R B real good, you might be a scumbag. Let me know what you think.

[David Bore]

Damn.

[Langston Kearney]

I. I agree completely. Here's what I will say. Not everyone who can sing R and B is a scumbag. But I think everyone who's a scumbag has aspirations to sing R and B. It's almost like more villainous than rapping.

[David Bore]

It's evil on a fundamental level.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

Because you're saying my greatest talent, I wanna misuse.

[Langston Kearney]

It's like being a parsel tongue. Like talking to snake.

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[Starbucks Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

Like a soothe. Real evil shit. Yeah, real evil shit.

[David Bore]

I was thinking about this the other day. I'm so glad that this caller introduced this conversation. But I was thinking about how few, if any, of, like, the great R and B songs are about a relationship that worked. They're all about, like, failed ass relationships by motherfuckers who fucked up.

[Langston Kearney]

It's begging and pleading music. Cause you did something wrong.

[David Bore]

Yeah, you did something wrong. Even when it's going right. You know what I mean? Like, you can kind of feel that this is contemporary in the music. Fucking Casey and Joe Feenin. That ain't. That's not a lasting relationship.

[Langston Kearney]

I'm going crazy, crazy, crazy.

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

They said it three times.

[Spinquest Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

And what is All My Life if not a love bomber's anthem?

[David Bore]

It's crazy.

[Langston Kearney]

Come on.

[David Bore]

It's crazy.

[Langston Kearney]

That's like. That's like. That's how you. Love bomb, I assume, right? In the first two weeks, I prayed for someone.

[Kal Penn]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

You start bringing God into you. I think.

[Langston Kearney]

God, I finally. I've been looking for you.

[David Bore]

You are the only person I've been searching for.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

And also, I do not plan to cook dinner ever.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah. Also hold this for me.

[David Bore]

No, My brother's just like that. And I'm not gonna send him home.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah, yeah. His wife kicked him out. Where's he supposed to go?

[David Bore]

Yeah, it's bad guy shit.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[David Bore]

And I do think there's like a level of intentional manipulation cooked into those types of hyperbolic interpretations of love.

[Langston Kearney]

I think even the want to be an R and B singer maybe comes from a bad place primarily.

[David Bore]

Would you be in it? Was that a dream you would hold if you could sing?

[Spinquest Advertiser]

Ah,

[Langston Kearney]

I think I had entertainment dreams, which is clearly its own can of worms. And somebody. Clearly I wasn't receiving enough attention for my liking or whatever.

[David Bore]

Brother, say it ain't so.

[Langston Kearney]

But, like, I don't think R and B. Cause I just can't really sing. So I don't think that ever even.

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

And I was like, obsessed with rap even as a little kid. But I think even then I knew I wanted to be like, in a movie. You know what I mean? But I think I always.

[David Bore]

You wanted to be Richie Rich more than you wanted to be like Rick Ross.

[Langston Kearney]

Those are different times in my life.

[David Bore]

Okay.

[Langston Kearney]

I don't know why I responded like that.

[David Bore]

Yeah, you really. You closed off fast.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[David Bore]

It's okay. I'll move on.

[Langston Kearney]

Fuck. All right. But no. Yeah. I don't think I ever wanted to be an R and B singer.

[David Bore]

I did. I think I wanted that.

[Langston Kearney]

Well, you could dance.

[Redfin Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

At a time when that kind of came hand in hand.

[David Bore]

Still, I think I saw myself as like a few screens screws away from the potential of being able to serenade and serenading felt like the easiest way to get girls to like me. And that ultimately was the intention.

[Langston Kearney]

A psychopath's way to get girls to like you.

[David Bore]

And I think that is maybe to this caller's point, the. The main. The main indication of a bad person is using a talent strictly for pussy.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah.

[Voicemail Caller]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

I mean, you can use a talent and get pussy.

[Redfin Advertiser]

Oh, that's.

[David Bore]

But if you set out to learn a talent for pussy, that is a bad guy. That's a bad guy.

[Langston Kearney]

That is a bad guy. As opposed to like a genuine love of that. Because a lot of people are talented in the way. Because I met. On the lower levels, at least not as much on the higher levels.

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

I know a lot of. At least comedians, which is my limited sample group. A lot of comedians who just did it to get lazy.

[David Bore]

100% tons. But when you think back on those individuals who were like, no, I'm here for the pussy and pussy alone. Are those people you go, nah, they were. That is A dedicated, good person that I like, believe in.

[Langston Kearney]

They were rarely ever even talented.

[David Bore]

Yeah, exactly. I think R and B is scarier because them motherfuckers do be talented. They do with that same intention.

[Langston Kearney]

But like, the worst guys are really talented.

[David Bore]

Really, really talented.

[Langston Kearney]

Really terrible guys are talented as hell.

[David Bore]

A lot of times people always make fun of the fact that Trump is like this completely stupid person. And he is. He's like, clearly not a traditionally intelligent person, but he has an insane talent for social interpretation of social situations, of being able to get people who don't like him to like him. Him being able to sway people with comedy and weird timing and sort of like his own sort of weird posturing, it all plays in a way that can break people.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah. I mean, he was popular even before he was a president.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Right.

[Langston Kearney]

He was beloved. People, people say he's great at a party, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[David Bore]

He is a talented motherfucker in that way. And I think we.

[Langston Kearney]

Devil.

[David Bore]

Yeah, it's a devil devil. It's a literal devil.

[Langston Kearney]

The most devil, like the most in my life. Some of the people I've seen do the worst shit are usually pretty talented people.

[David Bore]

Uh huh.

[Langston Kearney]

You know what I mean? You ever knew just like a kid who could draw, but he also stole all the time or something like that, you know what I mean? And you'd be like, oh, damn, he could draw. Yeah.

[David Bore]

You have like weird skills that none of us have and you are using only half of them.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm with this. I am with this caller 100%.

[David Bore]

I think it's true. I think if you're out there thinking about becoming a world famous RB singer, maybe you are a bad, bad person. And that's not for us to decide if you should make the music because I do love the music.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah. But also learn to dance.

[David Bore]

Learn.

[Langston Kearney]

Let's bring back. Let's bring back a little pomp and circumstance, you know? Come on. Yeah.

[David Bore]

I'm sick of y' all niggas standing there. Do something I want.

[Langston Kearney]

This sounds crazy. This might sound crazy. I don't like it when my R and B singers seem fucked up.

[Redfin Advertiser]

Oh.

[Langston Kearney]

Like inebriated.

[David Bore]

You don't like that?

[Langston Kearney]

I want you to seem on point and do. Do like the Cedric bit.

[David Bore]

Oh, no, I. I feel like you

[Langston Kearney]

like them fucked up.

[David Bore]

I like when they're sweaty and their shirt is like hanging off.

[Langston Kearney]

But that's not fucked up to me. That's just like giving it all you got.

[David Bore]

Nah. But I like when it gets you like it's further than that. Yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

You like KC riding on somebody's shoulders, bro? Through the crowd.

[Guaranteed Human Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

Eating food.

[David Bore]

That video where I think it's KC passes out on stage.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[David Bore]

I love that.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

I love when they go to the point of almost not existing.

[Kal Penn]

Wow.

[Langston Kearney]

You want them to push it. Yeah. You want em to party like a rock star.

[David Bore]

Love this shit.

[Langston Kearney]

Although I guess I do hear like the Teddy Pendergrass stories and I'm like, damn, he was going crazy.

[David Bore]

No, I think those guys really lived.

[Langston Kearney]

You know what I mean?

[David Bore]

Al Green, Teddy Pendergrass. I think they really like, we're out here being crazy and.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

You know, bad guys. Bad guys, bad guys.

[NBC News Announcer]

Yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

All right. That was a good one.

[David Bore]

That was a great call.

[Langston Kearney]

Thank you.

[David Bore]

We're gonna take a break. We're gonna take a quick break and then we'll be back. More, David, more. Langston. More. My Mama Told me.

[Kal Penn]

Hey, everyone, it's Kal Penn. I'm the host of Irsay The Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. This week on the podcast, I am sitting down with Ray Porter, the narrator of Andy Weir's audiobook project, Hail Mary Massive sci fi adventure about survival and science and what happens when you wake up alone, very far from Earth.

I really had to make a decision because I caught myself getting that frog in my throat and starting to get teary as a narrating some of these sections and it's like, okay, yo, yo, yo, is this indulgent? And I really thought about it. I was like, no. At this point it would kind of be betraying the trust the author and the listener have in telling this story if I don't go through it. But there's places in this book that that deeply, emotionally affected me. And I left it on the mic. That's great because it served the story. People will say like, oh my God, I cried at the end. It's like, yeah, dude, me too.

Listen to Hearsay, the Audible and iHeart audiobook club on the iHeartradio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get the same Premium Wireless for 15amonth plan that I've been enjoying. It's not just for celebrities. So do like I did and have one of your assistant's assistants switch you to Mint Mobile today. I'm told it's super easy to do at mint mobile. Mint mobile.com switch.

[Guaranteed Human Advertiser]

Upfront payment of $45 for three month plan, equivalent to $15 per month required intro rate first three months only, then full price plan options available. Taxes and fees extra. See full [e-mail] a burst pipe, a dead water heater. The AC calling it quits. Who do you call? Homeserve is an easy way to handle unexpected home repairs with plans covering stuff. Basic homeowners insurance. Usually instead of scrambling for a contractor, you make one call to get the repair process started. Join the millions of customers who trust HomeServe right now. Go to HomeServe.com podcast for 50% less your first year. That's HomeServe.com podcast savings compared to renewal price void in Florida.

[David Bore]

I turned off news altogether. I hate to say it, but I don't trust much of anything.

[Langston Kearney]

It's the rage bait. It feels like it's trying to divide people.

[Spinquest Advertiser]

If we got clear facts, maybe we

[Kal Penn]

could calm down a little.

[NBC News Announcer]

NBC News brings you clear reporting. Let's meet at the facts. Let's move forward from there. NBC News reporting for America.

[Langston Kearney]

And we're back.

[Redfin Advertiser]

But we're gonna do this respectfully. Otherwise we'll end in a duel. And I mean a duel. Real life duel where only one person walks away. We can meet with guns, bottles, knives, or books and equations. But we're gonna do this like men.

[David Bore]

So get ready and you get ready

[Langston Kearney]

for this next voicemail.

[David Bore]

Seamless as ever.

[Langston Kearney]

Bottles is a scary option.

[David Bore]

Books, he said. He said guns, knives, bottles or. Or books and equations.

[Langston Kearney]

But I never even heard of a bottle fight.

[David Bore]

I've only seen in films where people break a bottle and then try to stab someone.

[Langston Kearney]

I don't know anything about it.

[David Bore]

No, I wouldn't even feel confident that when I broke the bottle, I wouldn't maim myself.

[Langston Kearney]

Have I ever told you this story? I don't know how. This has never came up. I was at a party one time. I was probably like 17 or something like that. This big fat redneck guy, he was like, break a bottle over my head?

[Voicemail Caller]

No.

[Langston Kearney]

And me and my friend Nick, we did it. It's so much harder than you think.

[David Bore]

Yeah, it takes like a real fucking swing.

[Langston Kearney]

And it's like. Well, it's also angle. It's like you gotta do it. Like, I guess. Is this the crown of your head?

[David Bore]

You got to hit that hard corner.

[Langston Kearney]

But like. But like. Because we were like firing on him. Bank. It's like, it's not easy to do.

[David Bore]

Is it hurting him?

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah. I don't care.

[David Bore]

Yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

It's not easy to do, though.

[David Bore]

Fuck yeah. Did it eventually break?

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah, it was a Beer bottle. So maybe it was a little. I think beer bottle is probably harder because it's been like a liquor bottle.

[David Bore]

I don't know, dude.

[Langston Kearney]

Because a liquor bottle is, like, more surface area, I think allows it, but, like, the beer's kind of like. Yeah. Condensed. But it was. It was really. It was like. We were. I'm, like, pretty strong. Yeah, we were. We were. We were going for it. Shout out to Nick Salazar.

[NBC News Announcer]

Shout out.

[Langston Kearney]

He'll be in the comments. Because we did it together.

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We talk about it still.

[David Bore]

This is like a. A brotherhood moment. This was you showing each other your R B penises.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah. And we're still friends, so, like, we talk about it. Yeah. Probably once a year, we're like. Yeah. Remember?

[David Bore]

That's beautiful. Yeah. Let's. Let's play another voicemail.

[Redfin Advertiser]

That message is disgusting. But anyway, I was listening. Wait, am I supposed to introduce myself? I'm Max. I was listening to that episode about John Legend and Pfizer you always talking about, is there a medicine that can make you less horny? And I got to thinking about it, and it's antidepressant, right? I mean, it's a side effect, but, like, you know, it's a common side effect that happens to people. And I got to thinking about it, because I've been on Lexa Pro for the past couple years. My life got a lot better, and. But white people put their kids on these medications so early. I think there's something in them that they don't want us to know about. It's like, bro, I know. I went to. I went to school with white people my whole life, right? Some of them been on Lexa Pros, Vanax, Adderall, whatever, since they was, like, 12. And now they're, like, bankers and consultants and. But, like, when you black. And there's all this stigma around mental health, you know, a lot of times our community turns to drugs, like, not through a psychiatrist, and that don't help at all. So I'm thinking, like, there's a lot of. There's a lot of bad stuff said about antidepressants and whatnot, but I think the white people know some shit we don't.

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[Redfin Advertiser]

I'm not trying to say that you should go. You know, I'm not pro medicine and whatnot, but. Well, don't be answering a psychiatrist. See what you can get going on for. You know what I'm saying? Anyway, Big Fanny, I just saw Langston and the boys. That is hilarious.

[NBC News Announcer]

Yeah.

[Redfin Advertiser]

And.

[Langston Kearney]

Oh, that ended abruptly. Yeah.

[David Bore]

I think I talked over him saying, peace.

[Langston Kearney]

Okay. Okay. I thought he said peach.

[David Bore]

Peach. He's like, hey, peach.

[Langston Kearney]

I'm hungry.

[David Bore]

My favorite color. Peach.

[Langston Kearney]

Oh, colors. What you think?

[David Bore]

Yeah, man.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Eat.

[NBC News Announcer]

Yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

I love the stone fruit.

[Redfin Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah.

[Spinquest Advertiser]

I don't know.

[Langston Kearney]

That's a tough one because, like, there are. I feel like there were a lot of white kids on that shit early, I think.

[David Bore]

Absolutely. There were a lot of them on it early. I think it being. It having sexual side effects has always surprised me. Like, it feels like something that they would have attempted to work the kinks out on.

[Langston Kearney]

I'll think about how much you'd get done if you didn't have sexual impulses.

[David Bore]

And that's maybe more to the. The important point that he's making is, like, maybe that introduces a type of, like, dedication and focus that.

[Langston Kearney]

An ethic. Yeah.

[David Bore]

I don't think R and B singers take Lexapro.

[Langston Kearney]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. They need every. I had good. I need every single one.

[David Bore]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

Bobby Brown don't drop no boner.

[David Bore]

No, that man. That man was rock hard through all of them songs.

[Langston Kearney]

Come on, Muscles. Warren, put him in the game.

[David Bore]

Yeah, I agree. I wonder. I wonder if there is an advantage to sort of, like, neutering yourself slightly in order to focus on work opportunities. Whatever.

[Langston Kearney]

I got a tinfoil hat. I'll say it. I think there is within, like a capitalist society. I think that shit's easier to make you like a drone.

[David Bore]

Yep.

[Langston Kearney]

To numb you out. So you just do what you gotta do.

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

But that's like. That's also like, such a. That's such a loaded thing to say. Even though. Because it, like. Like different people, it works differently with different brain chemistries and shit like that.

[David Bore]

I do think that the sort of, like, all the broad sweep of medication is what makes it dangerous.

[Langston Kearney]

Right.

[David Bore]

It's not that. That people should not be taking medications who need medications. I think that these things were created ultimately for the benefit of certain people, but I don't think that it applies to nearly as many people who get diagnosed every year with these symptoms.

[Langston Kearney]

Right.

[David Bore]

And I think that there probably are very specific recalculations that should be happening but can't happen because we've created sort of generic, you know, medicines for big, big swaths of individuals.

[Langston Kearney]

Right. I mean, it's like brain medicine, too. Yeah. That feels like even crazier than body medicine. And I know to be able to generalize people.

[Spinquest Advertiser]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

And I know so many people who, like, truly are not clearly in need of, like, medicinal care.

[Langston Kearney]

Right.

[David Bore]

But also are extremely uncomfortable with what they've taken in the past. Like, have all of these negative side effects and can't find themselves inside of the medication. They go, this doesn't feel like me. I feel like a fucking shell of myself, bro.

[Langston Kearney]

I took Klonopin one time recreationally.

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

That's one of the worst experiences I ever had.

[David Bore]

Really?

[Langston Kearney]

I hated it. I hated it.

[David Bore]

What'd it feel like?

[Langston Kearney]

It felt like I was. I was outside of my body watching everything happen. Like, it just. It was like I was not present in a way, but I did everything I had to do.

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

Like, I went. I worked. I think I did a standup show. Like, I did all this shit, but I felt like I didn't feel like an active participant in my own shit. It made me feel like I was like, if there's people who feel like this all the time, it's a nightmare. Like, it was like. It's like maybe one of my worst ever drug experiences.

[David Bore]

Damn.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah, I really hated it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember it. It felt like I. But, like, in the way that I could get through my days.

[David Bore]

I was about to say it didn't

[Langston Kearney]

make it harder or anything.

[David Bore]

What makes it crazy, in your description is not that you didn't like it, but that you aren't describing sad. Like, it's not painful. It's not sad. It just is just detachment.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah. That's how I felt.

[David Bore]

And that's scarier to me than, like, being like, no, this makes me sad. Therefore, I can just reject it. If you're being still like, an efficient member of society, you might continue to accept that feeling even though you are at this distance.

[Langston Kearney]

And maybe you think that's what people feel. I don't know. I could see how the Beast could use that tool. Is what I.

[David Bore]

You talking about, Mr.

[Langston Kearney]

Beast? What?

[David Bore]

He's like, kids, you got to try Klonopin.

[Langston Kearney]

That's what I. Every time I mention the Beast, that's who I'm talking about.

[David Bore]

Mr.

[Redfin Advertiser]

Beast.

[Spinquest Advertiser]

Of course.

[David Bore]

Why'd he name himself that?

[Langston Kearney]

I don't know what the fuck he got going on.

[David Bore]

He don't look like a Mr. Beast.

[Langston Kearney]

No, he.

[Ryan Reynolds]

He.

[David Bore]

He doesn't look like a Mr. Mr. Frankly.

[Langston Kearney]

He's got those canine teeth.

[David Bore]

He looks like a young man. A dork.

[Langston Kearney]

He looks like a vampire to me.

[David Bore]

A little vampire dweeb.

[Langston Kearney]

Is he little?

[David Bore]

No, he's pretty tall, I think. But he just. He never even occurred to me that Beast would be in his Name, brother.

[Langston Kearney]

That shit is so far away from what I consume on the Internet. Like, I truly. I missed the ascent. I had no idea about that guy until it was so big it spilled over into whatever my insane algorithm is.

[David Bore]

You know, I didn't find out about him until he was giving away like life changing money to people.

[Langston Kearney]

I think after that, I think I didn't find out about him till. I think the first I knew about it was when he had the Ghost Kitchen restaurant. Cause I ordered from it during COVID How'd it taste?

[David Bore]

Probably like shit.

[Langston Kearney]

We were ordering so much takeout and Covid shit, it all started to run. It all tasted like everything else.

[David Bore]

Yeah, he's got chocolate bars in stores. He's got drinks and shit. He is a powerful, powerful individual.

[Langston Kearney]

I think he did it off of kids. Yeah, that probably won't turn out to be weird.

[David Bore]

I bet Mr. Beast stays cool the whole time. I think everything's gonna be okay with the news coming out of the Mr. Beast pipeline, just like every adult who

[Langston Kearney]

primarily works with children for entertainment.

[David Bore]

Yeah, it stinks.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

But I guess he got away with it because nobody even questions his name. People. And that is my.

[Langston Kearney]

It doesn't even sound like a kid friendly name.

[David Bore]

Well, it's.

[Langston Kearney]

It sounds like. It sounds like a wolf in sheep's clothing.

[David Bore]

Yes. It sounds like he's telling you out loud. Exactly.

[Starbucks Advertiser]

What.

[David Bore]

What's hiding underneath you?

[Langston Kearney]

Hiding in plain sight.

[Kal Penn]

I.

[David Bore]

It's one of the things that bums me out the most is like we watched so many people bend their knee to what the streaming generation became that like, nobody will just walk in a room and be like, change your name. Yeah, stop, I'll talk to you.

[Langston Kearney]

And who, who, who are they to tell him he's the most successful thing. You know what I mean?

[David Bore]

And it became. Money is the only way that we sort of like allow people to assert their dominance. And we used to just have pure

[Langston Kearney]

bullies, but money became a numbers game. And who runs the numbers game is the fucking geek.

[David Bore]

Yep.

[Langston Kearney]

Money became a no. Right.

[David Bore]

I was worried you were gonna end that sentence different.

[Langston Kearney]

Don't do that to me. Don't do that. I'm not even on.

[David Bore]

You're not like that.

[Langston Kearney]

I'm not even like that.

[David Bore]

I think maybe there's something in me that got just. I think I got some red pill that I gotta work out. But I really thought you were gonna end that sentence different.

[Langston Kearney]

That's crazy.

[David Bore]

And I was gonna say, wow, what a way for us to end this podcast on this network.

[Langston Kearney]

Let's go to break just in case. We'll be back with more Langston, more David, lover of all peoples.

[Kal Penn]

Yep.

[Langston Kearney]

And more My Mama Told Me.

[Kal Penn]

Hey everyone, it's Kal Penn. I'm the host of Irsay The Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. This week on the podcast, I am sitting down with Ray Porter, the narrator of Andy Weir's audiobook project, Hail Mary massive sci fi adventure about survival and science and what happens when you wake up alone, very far from Earth.

I really had to make a decision because I caught myself getting that frog in my throat and starting to get teary as I'm narrating some of these sections and it's like, okay, yo, yo, yo, is this indulgent? And I really thought about it. I was like, no. At this point, it would kind of be betraying the trust the author and the listener have in telling this story if I don't go through it. But there's places in this book that that deeply, emotionally affected me. And I left it on the mic. That's great because it served the story. People will say like, oh my God, I cried at the end. It's like, yeah, dude, me too.

Listen to Irsay the Audible and iHeart audiobook club on the iHeartradio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Ryan Reynolds here from IT Mobile with a message for everyone Paying Big wireless way too much. Please, for the love of everything good in this world, stop with Mint. You can get premium wireless for just 15amonth. Of course, if you enjoy overpaying. No judgments. But that's weird. Okay, one judgment anyway. Give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront payment

[Guaranteed Human Advertiser]

of 45 for 3 month plan equivalent to 15 per month required intro rate first 3 months only, then full price plan options available. Available. Taxes and fees extra. See full terms@mint mobile.com forget whatever plans

[Spinquest Advertiser]

you have this weekend because you're staying at home and playing on spinquest. And there's never been a better time to sign up than right now. New users get 30 coin packs for just $10. All the table games you love with hundreds of slot games and real cash Prizes. That's at spinquest.com S P I N

[Langston Kearney]

Q U S T.com Spin Quest is

[David Bore]

a free to play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details. I turned off news altogether. I hate to say it, but I don't trust much of anything.

[Langston Kearney]

It's the rage bait. It feels like it's trying to divide people.

[David Bore]

We got clear facts.

[Kal Penn]

Maybe we could calm down a little bit.

[NBC News Announcer]

NBC News brings you clear reporting. Let's meet at the Facts. Let's move forward from there. NBC News reporting for America.

[Langston Kearney]

And we're back. You don't want none of this.

[David Bore]

I will kick your face off. Hit you in your face with your face, nigga.

[Langston Kearney]

I'm going to take his face off. You remember that movie?

[David Bore]

Yeah, Face Off. Yeah. It was called Face Off. I remember John Travolta, Nick Cage.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[David Bore]

The thing that bunged me out the most with that film, and I think it had a lot of flaws.

[Langston Kearney]

There's a lot of tough stuff in

[David Bore]

that movie, but it was that they switched faces and their bodies didn't matter. You know what I mean? Like, John Travolta is clearly a thicker man than Nicolas Cage, and yet somehow they just become the other person.

[Langston Kearney]

It really played into my racism as a kid where like, yeah, you just take a white guy's face, put it on the white guys.

[David Bore]

Same white guy.

[Spinquest Advertiser]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

No, yeah, it really. They did not really think it through very far.

[Langston Kearney]

I hated how the way that Nicolas Cage said peach in that movie.

[David Bore]

Oh, I do remember it being.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah, I could eat a peach for hours. Shut up.

[David Bore]

What's wrong with you, big man?

[Langston Kearney]

That's messy.

[David Bore]

Mr. Beast's first name. James. James. Stephen Donaldson is Mr. Beast's name.

[Langston Kearney]

I just want this to be known. If we go missing and this is the last episode.

[David Bore]

Yep.

[Langston Kearney]

We didn't kill ourselves. Mr. Beast got us. Mr.

[David Bore]

Beast got us.

[Langston Kearney]

We're in the belly of the Beast.

[David Bore]

He stuck some of them gummy Beast snacks into. Into one of our meals and it did kill us.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah. So just know that.

[David Bore]

Shout out to Mr. Beast. We love you so much, James. You're. You're a good man. And you look like fucking dweep. Yep.

[Langston Kearney]

Pimp squad. Hold it down. That's my dying words.

[David Bore]

Maybe the greatest shout out in history.

[Langston Kearney]

That was amazing.

[David Bore]

She was going to jail and she knew. She knew in the back of her mind that she had done all the things.

[Langston Kearney]

That's why she was crying like that.

[David Bore]

I think she really was like, nah, I didn't do nothing. I don't know what this is.

[Redfin Advertiser]

Shout out.

[David Bore]

Femme squad. Hold it down.

[Langston Kearney]

Loved it. I love her.

[David Bore]

She was great.

[Langston Kearney]

Let's hear that. Voicemail.

[David Bore]

Yeah, last voicemail, please.

[Langston Kearney]

Last voicemail.

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

Damn.

[Voicemail Caller]

Hey, floozies. Let's get right into it. No foreplay. Get yours or you can pause.

[Langston Kearney]

I was talking to floozies.

[David Bore]

Floozies is crazy.

[Langston Kearney]

I kind of like, it. It pauses like, from a different time.

[David Bore]

I don't mind it. I don't mind it. Sometimes our callers are ambitious in a way that it puts me on edge.

[Langston Kearney]

I get that.

[David Bore]

But then I also have to admit that that's solid.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah. Flus are pretty good.

[David Bore]

Yeah. I don't like your audacity. You are being far too audacity. Shoot for the moon, but shoot for the moon.

[Langston Kearney]

Shoot for flu. So if you fall, you land on a coos.

[David Bore]

Let's go ahead and play the rest.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah, probably keep it going.

[Voicemail Caller]

Foreplay. Get yours where you can. I was talking to my little situation the other day, and he came up with or he proposed to me that.

[Langston Kearney]

What did he propose? Marriage.

[David Bore]

She calls.

[Langston Kearney]

She calls her man situation.

[David Bore]

She really being nasty.

[Langston Kearney]

I like her.

[David Bore]

I was talking about little situation. Yeah, she's really hoeing that man out.

[Redfin Advertiser]

I like that. Yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

I don't gotta give him names.

[David Bore]

Nah, him. That's Thursday.

[Langston Kearney]

All right, Sorry. Keep going.

[Voicemail Caller]

There's not real. So I wanted to pose to you all. Do you think he's wearing a toupee or a male hairpiece? I've been watching his Instagram and looking at his photos, trying to see if I just see something uneven one of the days or just looks off, but he's been holding it down 10 toes. I'm like the man that did some stints in prison. His hair come out right. His children inherit their hairstyle. So I don't know, because now I'm looking at him sideways, I feel like it's a Steve Harvey situation.

[David Bore]

And I'm like, dang.

[Voicemail Caller]

I just thought he kept it clean as Barbara. Fuck with him. You know what I mean? But y' all let me know. I love the show. Y' all take care. Thanks. Bye.

[Langston Kearney]

Thank you. Okay. And this is gonna sound naive of me. I do think Boosie just keeps it clean. And it's a good barber situation. I feel like he invented. He pioneered his own haircut. Right? That's the Boosie fade. It is the Boosie fade.

[David Bore]

He took a pre existing haircut and then was so committed to it that we renamed it.

[Langston Kearney]

But when he dropped. I didn't see that haircut. He's the first one I think about. I mean, I'm not from Louisiana. Cause, you know, Boosie's only like a year or two older than us, and,

[David Bore]

boy, does he look rough.

[Langston Kearney]

We're not yet. We're pretty close in age.

[David Bore]

It really. That is a bummer to hear because, man, oh, man, does he look bad.

[Langston Kearney]

But the point is, I think. I don't. If Boosie had a hairpiece, it would fuck me up more than Steve Harvey. Oh, that would really.

[David Bore]

That would actually hurt your.

[Langston Kearney]

It would shake my sense of the world and what I know of things. Yeah.

[David Bore]

I will say that there is a Vlad TV clip that says, Boosie got a $1 million hairline on Vlad DIY with Boost hair Fiber, which is that

[Langston Kearney]

his own hairline technology. Boost Hair Fiber, brother.

[David Bore]

The AI overview also claims. And again, it's Google and it's the AI Overview, but it says no. The immaculate, perfectly crisp hairline Boosie is famous for is actually a man unit or hair unit. That's from DJ Envy's Facebook page that he's claiming that the rapper playfully revealed to DJ Envy.

[Langston Kearney]

You got a Facebook.

[David Bore]

I think DJ Envy is doing everything he can not to have to DJ again.

[Langston Kearney]

Hey, good on him, bro.

[David Bore]

He's like, bro, I. I don't think I need to do that no more.

[Langston Kearney]

Good on you. Let us go to a car show.

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

Off the bows. Uh, yeah, man. I guess it doesn't fuck me up. It's just. It is a beautiful hair hairstyle. Uh, man. Okay. I'm rethinking about it. I'm really searching my heart. It's not upsetting if Boosie has a

[Kal Penn]

piece,

[Langston Kearney]

and we should be open as black men to having pieces. I think we should have gotten pieces first. Ours is the easiest to recreate if you're just getting plain Barbara. I think it's, like, the easiest to make a piece not look so nuts.

[David Bore]

I think we spent a lot of years making fun of, like, Doc Rivers for drawing on a hairline.

[Langston Kearney]

That was crazy. It was crazy.

[David Bore]

It was crazy. And he continues to tell nasty lies to an audience every single night. But I do think that maybe we should have left some space for the technology to figure itself out.

[Langston Kearney]

Cause, like, whatever. Would you get a piece?

[David Bore]

I think years ago, if you would have asked me, I think we've had this conversation on the podcast. If I go bald, I think I would just cut it off. I think now that the technology has advanced in the way that it is, I'm a little tempted to be like, no, I won't.

[Langston Kearney]

Shit's too good to go bald out here.

[David Bore]

You really. If you can afford it, you can get that thing back.

[Redfin Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

If you.

[Kal Penn]

You.

[Langston Kearney]

I. Yeah. I don't know if I would either. Yeah, I don't think I'm gonna. I mean, I'm closer to short hair. I keep my hair. You keep your hair.

[Voicemail Caller]

Short.

[David Bore]

Yeah, but you have long. I'm about to cut this shit off now.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah, you have like, long periods.

[David Bore]

I'll have periods where I'll let it grow. But then I think some of that is just me experimenting with myself more than it is like, me being like, this is my hair as I'd like it to be. I'm just. I'm constantly figuring out who I think I should be.

[Langston Kearney]

I've been going au natural lately. It's not great.

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

I like keeping it long and kind of unkempt a little bit, but it's not amazing.

[David Bore]

No. I mean, we're all just doing a thing and seeing what happens.

[Langston Kearney]

So in my head, I always think I look like feral monsters. Honestly, Like, I look like a backpack rabbit.

[David Bore]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kearney]

When my shit gets long as a dark skinned dude, I'm like, yeah, my life is all I have.

[David Bore]

Here's what I'll say about Boosie. Real or fake. My dream for the most of my life has been to get a haircut and just keep it that way.

[Langston Kearney]

Oh, you want that? You would rather that I would if I couldn't.

[David Bore]

If I could get one more cut and never have to change it again, and it's my favorite haircut.

[Langston Kearney]

It becomes your signature.

[David Bore]

I'll keep that.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah. I mean, who wouldn't want a Boosie fade situation?

[Redfin Advertiser]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

And I don't want that look, but absolutely no.

[Langston Kearney]

That would be nuts.

[David Bore]

Yeah. I don't. I'd look crazy.

[Langston Kearney]

Maybe the worst haircut for you. If you had a Boosie, it would make you look crazy.

[David Bore]

It really would be a bummer.

[Langston Kearney]

I like skin all the way up. That would be bad.

[David Bore]

It's a real bummer. You don't want to see that much light on a single individual eye.

[Langston Kearney]

Is it lighter underneath too?

[David Bore]

Probably.

[Langston Kearney]

I have to assume because you never been bald. Like, you ever had a baldi. You ever rocked.

[David Bore]

Like, when I was in like sec first or second grade, I told my mom that I wanted a Michael Jordan haircut. And then she gave it to me and I cried.

[Langston Kearney]

Oh, no.

[David Bore]

Endlessly. And she was like, well, that's what you wanted. And what did you think was gonna happen? I don't know.

[Langston Kearney]

Did she put the shaving cream on or did she just hit it with.

[David Bore]

No, she just hit it with, like, the clippers all the way down.

[Langston Kearney]

Those clippers. Those home clippers, though, will get you down.

[David Bore]

She got me down low enough that I could see skin all the way around. And I knew I had made a mistake. And I think it was A necessary lesson. And I do have gratitude for her letting me express myself and her showing me what I asked for. I don't think that that's a bad parent move to be like, this is what you want. I will give it to you, and then you'll have to think about what that means for you in the future.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah, I believe you.

[David Bore]

Yeah, she, I think I, I agree with that one, 100%. But no, I, I, I don't think that bald is my preferred path.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

So ultimately, if, if there's a world where bald starts to be a debate, running run it. I, my hope, my only dream is that I can afford to not have to go to Turkey to do it.

[Langston Kearney]

Oh, man. If these next few moves go right, I think you'll be having American money. That's right. I said it. Come on in, Will Ferrell. Yeah, Will.

[David Bore]

Will, it's time.

[Langston Kearney]

I can't believe we waited that long to do this bit. Yeah.

[David Bore]

To keep threatening that Will is coming in.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[David Bore]

He's not coming.

[Langston Kearney]

We really dropped the ball. He doesn't, he's not aware of our actions.

[David Bore]

Nope. I think we, we, we did it, man.

[Langston Kearney]

That's it. We did it.

[David Bore]

Shout out to everybody at Big Money players. Shout out to everybody. There are so many people who have helped podcast possible. We are endlessly grateful for all of the contributions, both producers of old and new and Joelle, Olivia, bae, Justin editing it.

[Langston Kearney]

Truly Olivia.

[David Bore]

Other Olivia Richie in the corner. Yeah. We've had so many people contribute so much. Joel, Graham, everybody who has made this podcast possible. We are so grateful for their efforts.

[Langston Kearney]

Truly been a highlight of my career. We're talking like it's over. It's not over.

[David Bore]

It's not over. We'll be back next week.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah, we will be.

[David Bore]

We just won't be here with these relationships and they will be missed.

[Langston Kearney]

That said, we'll probably be in my house.

[David Bore]

We'll be at your house. And then we'll shout out your dog, your cats.

[Langston Kearney]

Let's go, Stella. Hair, life, Grandma. Yeah, Alana.

[David Bore]

Yep.

[Langston Kearney]

That's all. That's everybody.

[David Bore]

Every once in a while, a dude has to come in and fix something. Maybe we'll shout.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah, sometimes that happens.

[David Bore]

Isaac will be there.

[Langston Kearney]

Isaac will be there in the closet.

[David Bore]

That'll be the whole group.

[Langston Kearney]

Not metaphorically, literally. He records in my closet.

[David Bore]

No, he's out sexually and seems to be thriving.

[Langston Kearney]

Yeah, he's in financially.

[David Bore]

In the closet, as we say financially. But that's it.

[Voicemail Caller]

It.

[David Bore]

We did it. You want to tell the People where they can find you. What cool shit you got going on.

[Langston Kearney]

Cool, dry.

[David Bore]

Say it again. And this time I would say use the correct words. If I were you.

[Langston Kearney]

I would say that was crazy.

[David Bore]

Also, take these.

[Langston Kearney]

I'm taking these.

[David Bore]

Yeah, we should take these.

[Redfin Advertiser]

Like.

[Langston Kearney]

Like taking off my jersey and throwing it in the crowd. Cool guy joke, Sadie. I just start packing up. Cool guy jokes. 87 on Instagram. Yeah. Come to our Patreon for more shenanigans and updates as we continue. Like we said, we'll be dropping on main feed and in your RSS so you will know what's up with us soon. Watch my don't tell. Watch Langston on the boys. Yeah, you know, have a good summer.

[David Bore]

Yeah, have a good summer. And if you want to send us your own drops, your own conspiracy theories, if you still want to reach out to us, the email is still live. It's mymamapodmail.com the voicemails are still live at 844. Lil moms. We are going to continue to do all of our regular shenanigans. It'll look different, it'll feel different. But baby, we'll make it work. We are going to make. We are going to blow your backs out. Backbeater University, here you come with these new episodes. We can't wait to show it to you. Bye, bitch.

[Langston Kearney]

We go make it. We going make it. We going to make it.

[David Bore]

This what I Feel Like

[Spinquest Advertiser]

Laughing to the Bank Like.

[David Bore]

My Mama Told Me is a production of Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and I Heart Podcast, created and hosted by Langston Kearney, co host hosted by David Bore.

[Langston Kearney]

Executive produced by Will Ferrell, Hans Sani and Joel Monique. Edited and engineered by Justin Kahme.

[David Bore]

Music by Nick Chambers.

[Langston Kearney]

Artwork by Dogon Krieger.

[David Bore]

You can now watch episodes of My Mama told me on YouTube, follow YMama told me and subscribe to our channel.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile with a message for everyone paying Big Wireless way too much. Please, for the love of everything good in this world, stop with Mint. You can get premium wireless for just $15 a month. Of course, if you enjoy overpaying. No judgments. But that's weird. Okay, one judgment anyway. Give it a [e-mail] switch.

[Guaranteed Human Advertiser]

Upfront payment of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month. Required intro rate first 3 months only, then full price plan options available. Available. Taxes and fees extra. See full [e-mail] there's a difference between

[Redfin Advertiser]

liking a house and actually getting it. Redfin is built to make up that difference and close the gap between finding and owning the home for you. Redfin agents close twice as many deals as other agents, so when you find a home you love, you're not a step behind when it comes to making an offer. That means less watching great homes disappear and more focus on the one you'll call home. Redfin helps turn saved listings into real addresses. Get [e-mail] own the dream across America,

[NBC News Announcer]

money is being abandoned. By taking a few seconds to check Lyft before your next ride, you can give money a better home inside your wallet. Save the money. Check Lyft.

[Spinquest Advertiser]

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[David Bore]

Spin Quest is a free to play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more details.

[Langston Kearney]

This is an Iheart podcast.

[Guaranteed Human Advertiser]

Guaranteed human.