Are People Stealing Beyoncé's Face?: Motherf*ckin Mini Episode

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Are People Stealing Beyoncé's Face?: Motherf*ckin Mini Episode"

Podcast Information:

• Title: My Momma Told Me
• Host/Author: Big Money Players Network and iHeartPodcasts
• Episode Title: Are People Stealing Beyoncé's Face?: Motherf*ckin Mini Episode
• Release Date: November 28, 2024

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1. Introduction to the Episode

The episode titled "Are People Stealing Beyoncé's Face?" delves into the intriguing and controversial topic of whether plastic surgeons are subconsciously or consciously emulating Beyoncé's facial features in their procedures. Hosted by comedians Langston Kerman and David Borey, the episode combines humor with critical analysis of societal beauty standards, particularly within the Black community.

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2. Initial Discussion: The Movie "Baby Boy"

Before diving into the main topic, hosts engage in a discussion about the film "Baby Boy," addressing misconceptions and appreciating its cinematic value.

• Langston Kerman (04:14): "It's a great film that just so happens to be starring a genuine psychopath, but it is a phenomenal, phenomenal film."

• Voiceover Artist (04:29): "It is not a good film. And it's, like, wonderfully acted. It's beautifully shot. Like, it's a great movie. I don't understand why people have so much hate for it."

The hosts argue against the dismissive attitude some hold towards "Baby Boy," emphasizing its artistic merit and positive messaging.

• Langston Kerman (04:57): "It's got a cool message that isn't, like, overly sappy, but also does, like, leave levels of hope inside of it."

They highlight the film's portrayal of resilience and hope within challenging environments, countering the stereotype of hood movies being purely negative.

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3. Listener Voicemail: The Beyoncé Face Conspiracy Theory

The core of the episode revolves around a listener's voicemail proposing that plastic surgeons are endeavoring to replicate Beyoncé's facial features subconsciously.

• Voiceover Artist (08:38): "My conspiracy theory is that plastic surgeons try to give people the Beyoncé face subconsciously. I see people who get plastic surgery, and right before they go too far, they literally have Beyoncé's like, cheekbone or the structure."

Langston Kerman (09:58) responds thoughtfully: "I don't think it is. That subconscious is what I will say to this one."

Voiceover Artist (10:39) elaborates: "I think that there is always a beauty standard at the time that directly aligns with the celebrity... Have gotten more advanced."

The discussion acknowledges Beyoncé's significant influence on modern beauty standards, noting that celebrities often set the benchmarks that individuals and professionals strive to emulate.

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4. Analysis of Beyoncé's Influence on Beauty Standards

The hosts explore the broader implications of Beyoncé's influence on beauty standards and plastic surgery trends, debating whether this trend is a reflection of societal pressures or individual autonomy.

• Langston Kerman (10:39): "Yeah, no, I agree. I 100% agree with you. I think this is just the baddest bitch on the planet by far. And so it's like, all right, well, yeah, everybody's going to use her as the standard of beauty, including other very wealthy women who want to mirror that."

They discuss how Beyoncé's image serves as a universal standard, influencing both the general populace and other high-profile figures like the Kardashians.

• Langston Kerman (11:39): "I think a fair amount of what the Kardashians are doing is... they go like, who's a black woman who looks like a black woman?"

This highlights the intersection of race and beauty standards, suggesting that while Beyoncé's look is celebrated universally, it raises questions about representation and authenticity.

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5. Societal Pressures and the Evolution of Beauty Trends

The conversation shifts to the transient nature of beauty trends and the potential consequences of altering one's appearance to fit fleeting ideals.

• Langston Kerman (13:09): "It's funny you should bring that up because I was literally just listening to a daily episode about that exact issue. They were saying that, like, we are in the middle of a swing towards smaller breasts..."

The hosts discuss the cyclical nature of beauty trends, such as the shift from larger to smaller breasts, and how these changes can leave individuals feeling outdated or pressured to conform.

• Voiceover Artist (15:15): "Everyone wants to be heroin chic again. And you're like, the fact that it's... begs the question how? For how long?"

This underscores the challenges individuals face when beauty standards evolve, potentially leading to dissatisfaction and a continual desire for physical alterations.

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6. Personal Anecdotes and Comedic Interludes

Throughout the episode, personal stories and comedic exchanges between Langston and David provide levity and relatability, touching on themes like the struggles of maintaining authenticity in comedy and the pressures of public perception.

• Voiceover Artist (29:15): "I feel the exact same way. I am not."

• Langston Kerman (31:12): "I've put everything I can into comedy. Like I think every fucking day into comedy. So much so that I drain myself dry."

These moments offer insight into the hosts' personal experiences, blending humor with genuine reflections on societal expectations and personal authenticity.

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7. Conclusion: Reflecting on Beauty Standards and Autonomy

In wrapping up the discussion, Langston and David emphasize the importance of self-awareness and autonomy in the face of external beauty pressures.

• Langston Kerman (26:39): "I think we're all working from the same palette. In a lot of ways. We go, this is the standard of beauty. Therefore, I will do my best to make you look like that."

They advocate for a balanced perspective, recognizing Beyoncé's influence while encouraging listeners to critically assess their motivations for altering their appearance.

• Voiceover Artist (26:49): "Yeah, definitely. I feel like within this, the conspiracy is not within the plastic surgeons. It's kind of society at large."

The episode concludes with a call to action, inviting listeners to engage with future content and contribute their own theories and experiences.

• Langston Kerman (33:59): "If you want to send us your own voicemails... Call us now at 8-44-LIL-MOMS."

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Langston Kerman

  • 04:14: "It's a great film that just so happens to be starring a genuine psychopath, but it is a phenomenal, phenomenal film."
  • 09:58: "I don't think it is."
  • 11:39: "I think a fair amount of what the Kardashians are doing is... they go like, who's a black woman who looks like a black woman?"
  • 13:09: "It's funny you should bring that up because I was literally just listening to a daily episode about that exact issue."

• Voiceover Artist

  • 08:38: "My conspiracy theory is that plastic surgeons try to give people the Beyoncé face subconsciously."
  • 15:15: "Everyone wants to be heroin chic again. And you're like, the fact that it's... begs the question how? For how long?"

---

Final Thoughts

This mini-episode of "My Momma Told Me" skillfully blends humor with critical discussions on beauty standards, societal pressures, and the pervasive influence of celebrities like Beyoncé. Through engaging dialogue and personal anecdotes, Langston Kerman and David Borey encourage listeners to reflect on the motivations behind plastic surgery and the broader implications of striving to emulate public figures. The episode serves as both an entertaining and thought-provoking exploration of contemporary beauty norms within the Black community and beyond.

Transcript

[Langston Kerman]

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[David Borey]

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Motherfucking Mini Episodes Mini Episode Motherfucking Mini Episode.

[Langston Kerman]

All my life I had to fight. I had to fight my daddy I had to fight my brothers I had to Fight my cousins and my uncles. But I never thought I'd have to fight in my own house. I love Sarpo. I truly do. But I kill him dead before I let him beat me again. There it is. There it is, little mamas and gentiles alike. Welcome to another phenomenal mini episode of.

[Voiceover Artist]

My Mama Told Me the podcast, where we dive deep into the pockets of.

[Langston Kerman]

Black conspiracy theories and we finally work to prove the theories that you, the listener, have at home. It's a motherfucking mini episode.

[Voiceover Artist]

Let's go. I think we should open it up and not do songs anymore in the beginning. This is exciting.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. I think we really can challenge ourselves to find some new, exciting, dangerous territory.

[Voiceover Artist]

Yeah. I got some moves. I just rewatched Baby Boy. I'm ready to go.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay. Somebody had a bet night. I like that. It's always playing.

[Voiceover Artist]

Good ass movie.

[Langston Kerman]

It is a good ass movie. I read. I saw somebody commented this the other day because it was like a Twitter take of somebody being like, baby Boy ain't nothing but this movie and this movie. And the. The way that people sort of treat Baby Boy as if it's like a run of the mill, like, hood movie is 100% incorrect. It is a great film that just so happens to be starring a genuine psychopath, but it is a phenomenal, phenomenal film.

[Voiceover Artist]

It feels like that's why people play it out. Like, they really try to. Like, people really try to downgrade. It is not a good film. And it's, like, wonderfully acted. It's beautifully shot. Like, it's a great movie. I don't understand why people have so much hate for it.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, it's got a cool message that isn't, like, overly sappy, but also does, like, leave levels of hope inside of it. You know what I mean? Like, it isn't about creating false solutions, but it is sort of about creating a sense that, like, everything in the hood doesn't have to be just dire and deadly. You know what I mean? Like, there's. It truly is a good film. I love it.

[Voiceover Artist]

People give Jody no space. Like, he wasn't 19.

[Langston Kerman]

Was he supposed to be 19 in that movie?

[Voiceover Artist]

That's what I read when I was looking at people talking shit about it online. Whoa.

[Langston Kerman]

That's crazy.

[Voiceover Artist]

And this is. Once again, this is just. I got this from Threads, which I only go on Threads when I'm, like, not feeling good or whatever. Yeah, on Threads, people were saying Jody was supposed to be 19 and Yvette was supposed to be, like, 23, 24.

[Langston Kerman]

Whoa.

[Voiceover Artist]

Which to me, it's like, damn. And his brother just died.

[Langston Kerman]

That makes sense that she would be older. I could see that. And that he would be younger. He looked 40, so that's hard to make peace with him being 19.

[Voiceover Artist]

He is a dark skinned man. Tyrese always looked like that.

[Langston Kerman]

That's true.

[Voiceover Artist]

Have you seen Tyrese at 19? He looks like Tyrese at whatever he is right now.

[Langston Kerman]

He was in the My Way video.

[Voiceover Artist]

He was in those Coca Cola commercials.

[Langston Kerman]

Nemesis. Yeah, in the My Way video. And he did look a lot older than Usher. But I could have bought him being 19 in that video. I did not buy him being 19 in Baby Boy, but that's okay. The performance outshined his age.

[Voiceover Artist]

Yeah, everybody. Everybody acted their ass off. Everybody really went crazy in that movie.

[Langston Kerman]

Snoop was really good.

[Voiceover Artist]

Snoop was great. Ving Rhames. Omar Gooding, that's. That's the best thing he ever did. And he was a smart guy.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm going to be honest with you. It changed my whole perspective of what Omar Gooden could do. I was like, oh, Omar Gooden is. He's a talent.

[Voiceover Artist]

Before that, I just thought he was the dumb guy. And Smart Guy.

[Langston Kerman]

He was great and Smart Guy, but I didn't see a lot of upward mobility from that performance.

[Voiceover Artist]

But the performance, you didn't feel like anybody was gonna get out from Smart Guy. Even though it was a star studded cast. Jason Weaver went crazy. Essence, Atkins, everybody was the dad. I don't know that guy's name.

[Langston Kerman]

No, I agree. It didn't feel like they were about to make it out of there, but it did feel like everybody shined in. In their role. Smart Guy was a solid. It was a solid lineup start to finish.

[Voiceover Artist]

Yeah, really like that show. Kyla Pratt was in there. Everybody was in there.

[Langston Kerman]

That's true. Yeah.

[Voiceover Artist]

Beyonce was in there looking as old as she does now, which was weird.

[Langston Kerman]

Anyways, I love Smart Guy. Yeah, we don't talk about Smart Guy because. Drumroll, please. We got voicemails. We've been telling people that we want you guys to call us. Call us now, we say, and you did. You called us. And some of their calls were in. And some of your calls were very sweet, but we want to listen to voicemail together today and maybe unpack a conspiracy that one of you, the little mamas left on our phone. So that's the plan.

[Voiceover Artist]

Yeah. I'm very excited about this turn for us.

[Langston Kerman]

It's really cool. It's groundbreaking shit that we're doing right now.

[Voiceover Artist]

Somebody's Going to leave a nasty one.

[Langston Kerman]

One day, they are going to leave a nasty one. I wish you wouldn't encourage them as much as you seem to be doing, but, yeah, that's inevitable. I. You're really bugging. You keep telling them you gotta chill, but that's.

[Voiceover Artist]

All right.

[Langston Kerman]

Here we go. We got a voicemail. I don't even know who it's from. This person. Maybe they said their name. They sent us a lot of voicemails, so maybe they said their name in a different voicemail, but it. I'm not going back. Anyway, we'll play it now.

[Voiceover Artist]

All right. Last time calling in because I know I called you so much, but my conspiracy theory is that plastic surgeons try to give people the Beyonce face. Like, subconsciously. I see people who get plastic surgery, and right before they go too far, they literally have Beyonce's like, cheekbone or the structure. Like, maybe it's because I like Beyonce, but there's something to this. Starting with Kim Kardashian and her plastic surgery, which subsequently leads to all her sister's plastic surgeries. It's all, like, just Beyonce's face and just being like, okay, I kind of want this.

[Langston Kerman]

All right, It's Beyonce's face. Is the question at hand, is this somehow secretly plastic surgeons saying they want to make people look like Beyonce? Subconsciously, she says, I don't think it is.

[Voiceover Artist]

That subconscious is what I will say to this one. I think that there is always a beauty standard at the time that directly aligns with the celebrity, and you see fallout from that, that people want to look like that person. I think that if you went back to whatever decade, you would say she was the most top. You would see people trying to look like Diana Ross. I don't think it's new. I think that the means to make yourself look like that person. Right. Have gone. Have gotten more advanced. And that's why we see so many people. I mean, Nick, you live in LA. How many Kim Kardashians do you know in LA? Like, that shit's crazy.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, no, I agree. I 100% agree with you. I think this is just the baddest bitch on the planet by far. And so it's like, all right, well, yeah, everybody's going to use her as the standard of beauty, including other very wealthy women who want to mirror that. And I. I think a fair amount of what the Kardashians are doing is. Is black fishing and sort of like wanting to create this image that they are more quote, unquote, ethnic than they probably appear Just off of their own original genetic makeup. And so I think, yeah, they. They go like, well, who's a black woman who looks like a black woman? I think Beyonce very much looks like a black woman, but with Euro centric enough features that it does not offend white eyes. Do you know what I mean? Like, it is not right.

[Voiceover Artist]

Like, I understand what you're saying completely.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. It's not. I think there are black women who we go are very beautiful, but are also more of a polarizing conversation for white people. You know what I mean? Like, Takara Williams comes to mind where.

[Voiceover Artist]

I go like, God damn it.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Where it's just like, damn, that's. Nah, it's just nuts. But like, white people ain't necessarily gonna have. Or Takara Jones. That's who it is. Takara Williams is a comedian.

[Voiceover Artist]

She's also.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, yeah, but Takara Jones is the one that I'm thinking of. But yeah, I think is more of a debate for white people, whereas Beyonce is more objective for white people as a beauty standard.

[Voiceover Artist]

Right, Sorry. I looked up to Kara Instagram still hidden. If you want to do the show.

[Langston Kerman]

Listen.

[Voiceover Artist]

No, I think the scary thing in that, though, is you wonder what happens when the trends shift. Like, I wonder that a lot about, like, women who went out and got large fake breasts in the 90s.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Voiceover Artist]

You know what I'm saying? And then as the cultural pendulum kind of swung to something different, you're left in this thing that was really served you well at one point, but then now you look kind of dated. And it seems like to me, that's sort of the worry.

[Langston Kerman]

It's funny you should bring that up because I was literally just listening to a daily episode about that exact issue. They were saying that, like, we are in the middle of a swing towards smaller breasts. That, like, women are in much larger numbers now getting breast reductions, in fact, because, like, big old titties, number one, are a massive burden physically and come with a larger cost socially. But they also are not in style the same way that they used to be. And so there's like a bunch of women getting breast reductions. And it does make you think, like, how much of these plastic surgeries are going to age over time as trends sort of shift, which is sad.

[Voiceover Artist]

Also, do big titties ever really go out of style?

[Langston Kerman]

That's where I start to call bullshit. And I'll be honest.

[Voiceover Artist]

Like, in the magazines. Sure. Or like at the highest levels of whatever you deem to be fashion. But I feel like, I don't know, there could still be a lady in Chicago with huge titties, and it's cool.

[Langston Kerman]

And listen, I'm still gonna be a big fan of that lady. You know what I mean?

[Voiceover Artist]

Exactly. I don't think she'll ever not be courted for that.

[Langston Kerman]

It's one of those things that I think fashion repeatedly does where they claim that this thing is bad or this thing is out of style or this is not the way that women are or people are in general anymore. That is completely fabricated by a bunch of people who are not basing this off of sexuality. They're basing it off of, like, trends and their intention to sell items. Do you know what I mean?

[Voiceover Artist]

So it's like silhouettes and stuff.

[Langston Kerman]

So you're making a bunch of clothes that don't require a bra anymore or at least look worse when you have a bra. And so you tell everybody that, like, little tits are in, when, in fact, little tits ain't anymore in. Other than for the people who feel like they need that physically to take that off of their. You know what I mean? Off of their person. But, like, little tits aren't. They're. They're not out. I'm a big fan of those, too. But it isn't just like, oh, the world decided that this has changed. It's a bunch of people in charge of a magazine that are telling us this.

[Voiceover Artist]

Right, Right, right, right, right. Yeah. That is a. That is a. That is a very odd thing because. Yeah. Paige just typed in the chat. Everyone wants to be heroin chic again. And you're like. The fact that it's. Again. Begs the question how? For how long? Right?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. 100%.

[Voiceover Artist]

And I think that you just got to chill because big titties will get cool again. I truly think. I truly think everyone hits the zeitgeist in, like, a perfect way at one point in their life. And if you just hold fast to who you are at some point and you don't know when it is, and you can't control that, it might not be when you're. It might for some poor people. Who was that little boy on Tim the Tool Man Taylor? Who was that little boy?

[Langston Kerman]

Jonathan Taylor Thomas.

[Voiceover Artist]

He fucked up. He got that shit from 11 to 15, but he hit it.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, he hit it hard. He was. He was the standard of beauty in our country before Beyonce.

[Voiceover Artist]

I don't think it looked like Ally McBeal.

[Langston Kerman]

He was gorgeous. Fucking Simba, baby. He was Simba. They made him Simba.

[Voiceover Artist]

He was not the musical Simba. That was Jason.

[Langston Kerman]

Jason Weaver. Of course.

[Voiceover Artist]

Shout out to smart guy again.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Voiceover Artist]

But I do think that everyone hits that. It's hard, though, because you gotta worry if you can't, like, strike while the iron's hot. You know what I mean?

[Langston Kerman]

Well, I think that's where it becomes this complicated thing. Right? Is that, like, striking while the iron's hot or feeling so out of place in the body that you have that you're not willing to wait out the changes in trends.

[Voiceover Artist]

Right.

[Langston Kerman]

That, like, if you are made to believe by media, by the people around you that your body is somehow incorrect, then you start to desire something else. Hence all these women in the 80s and 90s wanting to get the big fake tick tits in the first place. And so one of the things that the. The. The thing I was listening to was saying, the podcast I was listening to was that more than ever, Gen Z is real down for plastic surgery. They're real. Like, nah, whatever. We don't. But they're not looking at it as a reflection of responding to, like, the male G. They look at it as, like, their own autonomy, where they go, like, nah, this is my way of just activating who I want to be, not just because some dude told me, this is what we like.

[Voiceover Artist]

Yeah, that's tough. That's tough. It's hard for me to get behind elective surgery in a major way, just like.

[Langston Kerman]

Because. Because you see just, like, how the.

[Voiceover Artist]

World is, how much resources it takes. You know what I'm saying?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Voiceover Artist]

And no matter where you go, there you're at. But, like, I'm glad that they find freedom in that. And I might have a very antiquated view of it, but it does, to me, feel like if you need surgery to be yourself, I don't know if that's a hole that gets filled always sometimes, you know.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I worry. I worry less.

[Voiceover Artist]

It just. That's not. That's not a great solution to a problem.

[Langston Kerman]

I feel like I worry less about even it being the solution to the problem, because maybe it is for you. And I don't want to presume, I don't want to make that choice for you, But I do worry that there might have been another solution if you explored in a different way. For plastic surgery in particular, I go, if that's what you want, baby girl or baby boy, whatever, that's what you should go do. And there's no shame in that. On the flip side, I bet you there was another way into that same feeling. If you were able to get past some of the aesthetic blockage that's sitting in front of you, right? So, yeah, I don't.

[Voiceover Artist]

I. We're so smart.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, we sound great.

[Voiceover Artist]

This is. This isn't gonna come off problematic at all. Let's just talk about what women should do to their bodies surgically, buddy.

[Langston Kerman]

One thing I know for sure, this won't age poorly at all. We are gonna. This conversation is gonna stand the test of time.

[Voiceover Artist]

Hey, comedy fans, the funniest comedians in the world are on tour and you can get tickets to see them live near you. Laugh with the biggest names in comedy like Atsuko Okatsuka, Brian Regan, Chelsea Handler, Corey Holcomb, Dane Cook, Sarah Milliken, Matt Matthews, Nick Swartzen, Sebastian Maniscalco, and so many more. All kinds of shows, all kinds of venues, all kinds of funny. Head to livenation.comcomedy to get your tickets today. That's livenation.comcomedy.

[Langston Kerman]

The holidays are about spending time with your loved ones and creating magical memories that will last a lifetime. So whether it's family and friends you haven't seen in a while, smile, or those who you see all the time, share holiday magic this season with an ice cold Coca Cola Copyright 2024, the Coca Cola Company.

[Voiceover Artist]

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He told me to keep my mouth closed.

[Langston Kerman]

If I did say anything, I would come up missing like so many others.

[Voiceover Artist]

But then, right before trial, he was found dead, leaving countless questions behind. Listen to Corruption Uncovered from Roc Nation and its philanthropic injustice division, Team Rock. Wherever you get your podcasts, My Mama.

[Langston Kerman]

Told Me presents the Start the Steel Tour. We're very excited about it. I'm not about to bite my tongue. We want to sell it out, and the dates are coming up fast, and so if you live in one of these areas, we want you to buy your tickets now. It's all available on our Instagrams, on our websites, on our link tree. November 17th, we're in San Francisco. December 5th, we're in Denver. December 12th, we're in Seattle. And December 15th, you're closing it out in Portland, Oregon. We want y'all to come out. We want y'all to kick it. We will be doing our coveted live show with special guests with just me and David depending on the city. It'll be a great time.

[Voiceover Artist]

All that meet and greets, you think Chris Brown has a good meet and greetings, bro.

[Langston Kerman]

Let's be clear. I'll take a weird picture with you for free.

[Voiceover Artist]

These conversations are necessary, though, because I do feel like sometimes these things, the technology and whatnot, outpaces people having true feelings about it. And then you get to this point where you don't know where the culture's at. You know what I mean?

[Langston Kerman]

So it's like 100%.

[Voiceover Artist]

Yeah, it does feel. And I think that's why people get so caught up one way or another within the culture wars, right? Because it's like, wait, this just happened? I don't even get it.

[Langston Kerman]

I think also, we don't give enough credit to how much these culture wars are dictated by a small swath of people. One of the things that they talked about in that podcast is that 3/4 of plastic surgeons are men. Men who for a long time were responding to women saying, I want a breast reduction by being like, well, your husband won't like that or like that. That. I actually like the way this curves or shaping. Literally, there was like a. This is fucked up. But there was like, a.

[Voiceover Artist]

Doctor would be like, no, I actually like big ass titties. Why did I come here?

[Langston Kerman]

Cool, man. I. I Don't for me. I don't. But that's dope for you. Yeah. One of the things that's craziest is that there actually was like this peer reviewed journal article. Well, basically a doctor describes in detail the perfect shape of a breast. Like, this is the ideal breast that all plastic surgeons should be working towards. And basically like presenting this as this is what we should be crafting. Which is insane because bodies come in so many different shapes and forms that even the ideal, quote unquote, ideal breast might look nuts on a lady that ain't built like that.

[Voiceover Artist]

Right. And by whose. Yeah, it's regulating bodies in that way is so crazy.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, 100%.

[Voiceover Artist]

And it's like, come on, man. Some people like long titties, some people.

[Langston Kerman]

Like that, for sure.

[Voiceover Artist]

Some people like short titties.

[Langston Kerman]

And the rest.

[Voiceover Artist]

Yeah. Some people like it when they hang down and they can pick it up and put it to their ear like a telephone.

[Langston Kerman]

Do your titties hang low? Do they wander to and fro any time in the knot? Can you tie them in a bow?

[Voiceover Artist]

Shout out to jibs?

[Langston Kerman]

But no, I think to the greater. To the greater point of whether or not plastic surgeons are making people look like Beyonce. I think they're probably asking these plastic surgeons on some sub subconscious level to make them look like Beyonce, or in a very straight up level to make them look like Beyonce. And I think we're all working from the same palette. In a lot of ways. We go, this is the standard of beauty. Therefore, I will do my best to make you look like that, even if that's not what you're supposed to look like.

[Voiceover Artist]

Yeah, definitely. I feel like within this, the conspiracy is not within the plastic surgeons. It's kind of society at large.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, we all want to look like Beyonce and we should maybe reflect on whether that's a healthy approach.

[Voiceover Artist]

Yeah, exactly.

[Langston Kerman]

But that said, if you want to look like Beyonce and you know how to do it, God bless you, because you do. Yeah.

[Voiceover Artist]

What do I know?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Voiceover Artist]

And trust me, you're not gonna pop out looking like Beyonce and your life's gonna get worse.

[Langston Kerman]

You're gonna see some improvements.

[Voiceover Artist]

You're definitely gonna see some results.

[Langston Kerman]

I think people are gonna talk a little differently to you there, sweetheart.

[Voiceover Artist]

They're not gonna push you around down at the.

[Langston Kerman]

Where's that check? I don't know. My mailman looks like Beyonce. I'm not. He got lost. He got lost.

[Voiceover Artist]

I gotta buy him two Christmas presents now. Do you buy your mailman a Christmas present?

[Langston Kerman]

Fuck no.

[Voiceover Artist]

Yeah, me either.

[Langston Kerman]

I hate my male lady's guts. I hate her. Whoa. I can't stand this bitch.

[Voiceover Artist]

Damn. For real?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, she's. She's rude and she never says hello. And she shows up late almost every day. Sometimes she's delivering at like, eight at night. So, like, if I needed mail, I'm just fucked. Do you know what I mean?

[Voiceover Artist]

You gotta. You gotta. Cause you're waiting for those SAG AFTRA checks, you know what I mean?

[Langston Kerman]

Bro, I got checks to cash. She'll be showing up at like, eight at night. She'll leave packages on the porch and not ring the doorbell, you know what I mean? Not even indicate, like, oh, you have a package. Just, like, put it out. And then because you show up so late, now it's out overnight. My shit's just outside because you don't give a fuck. I hate this lady.

[Voiceover Artist]

Wow, man, my guy's cool. He's like a gay guy. He's pretty. He's like, hip.

[Langston Kerman]

Damn.

[Voiceover Artist]

Yeah. But then he's like, so hip. Sometimes I try to talk to him and he doesn't want to talk to me because I have, like, a little bistro table out front. So I'll be outside when he comes out sometimes. Oh, hey. You know what I mean? Oh.

[Langston Kerman]

He sees you out there and he goes, hey, man, what's up, dog?

[Voiceover Artist]

Hey, got your mail.

[Langston Kerman]

All right. I can't talk today. I gotta.

[Voiceover Artist]

And also in the world, my sense of humor completely leaves me. So, like, I'm not saying funny stuff. Like, I am on here. I'm just like, bills again.

[Langston Kerman]

Can I just say, it is so cathartic to hear you say that because I feel the exact same way. I am not.

[Voiceover Artist]

Oh, really?

[Langston Kerman]

I'm not being funny. I'm not nailing it. Most of the time when I'm talking to people, I just be having ordinary conversations. And then they go, what are you doing? I go, I'm a comedian. They go, all right. And I just feel like I'm a fraud most the day.

[Voiceover Artist]

This is me at my peak because I can harness it in to the hour or two hours that we have to do this. And then I spent my low. I'm not funny, man. I wish you could talk to my girl about how unfunny I am in the house.

[Langston Kerman]

Damn, this feels good to hear, man.

[Voiceover Artist]

Brother, it's like puns and, like, stupid. I make stupid jokes. This is. This just happened to me. I make terrible jokes to her. And the other day she was like, can you just stop shortening shit? Because I know that that's a douchebag thing to say do. And in my head I was like, oh, that's so funny. So I do it. But it's not ironic if you do it all the time anymore.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, once you've done it more than twice. This is just who you are.

[Voiceover Artist]

Right. And I got an audition for this show and they. The character was a douchebag and all he did was shorten everything he said in the audition. Self described douchebag.

[Langston Kerman]

And I was like, oh, man, I'm gonna do that.

[Voiceover Artist]

No, no, no. I was like, oh, man, she's right.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, now it was the mirror you needed held up to you.

[Voiceover Artist]

Exactly. Because my sense of humor is not great within a lot of other aspects. It's not.

[Langston Kerman]

I get it. I've put everything I can into comedy. Like I think every fucking day into comedy. So much so that I drain myself dry.

[Voiceover Artist]

I have nothing left.

[Langston Kerman]

I got nothing.

[Voiceover Artist]

That's why it sucks so bad when my comedy doesn't do good. I'm like, I'm gonna kill myself.

[Langston Kerman]

I did everything. I did everything. I disassociated from the horrors of the world for this. At least let it work.

[Voiceover Artist]

I ruined my whole personality for this.

[Langston Kerman]

Come on, man. I could have been a champion for justice and truth, and I chose this. So it has to work. I think about it all the time of, like, how much I sort of have to like, shut down a moral code that I know that I believe that I live under actively for the sake of getting a joke off or being able to reason with a comedic idea that sometimes has, like, vile undertones. And when it doesn't work, you are. You feel like garbage. Just.

[Voiceover Artist]

You're such a bad guy. Yeah, because you mix those words up and then it's like. Because sometimes it's like a. You're tiptoeing. Especially with the new shit, man. I don't want to go do stand up after this. Now I feel like I'm.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm glad I don't have spots tonight.

[Voiceover Artist]

I gotta do hour. It'd be great.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, you'll kill it. So, dear caller, our inaugural caller, I would say the beginner caller, we would say that, yes, our plastic surgeons are making people look like Beyonce. No, it is not subconscious. It is very conscious. And we're all maybe needing to spend a little more time thinking about why we would want that as a society.

[Voiceover Artist]

Beautiful.

[Langston Kerman]

All right, well, you want to tell the people where they can find you what cool stuff.

[Voiceover Artist]

Cool guy jokes. 87 on Instagram. Go to patreon.com davidbore G B O R I E Go buy my motherfucking special. Birth of a Nation. It's very funny. You're going to love it. Walk your dog to it. Make love to it.

[Langston Kerman]

Mm. Oh.

[Voiceover Artist]

It's also available on all streaming platforms. Spotify, all that shit.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. All right, that makes more sense.

[Voiceover Artist]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't want you listening to it.

[Voiceover Artist]

I don't want you to fuck to the visual.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, that's fucking crazy.

[Voiceover Artist]

Yeah, that's.

[Langston Kerman]

You can follow me at Langston Kerman on all social media platforms. You can watch my special on Netflix. It's called Bad Poetry. You can watch English Teacher on Hulu and fx. And that's. Oh, if you want to send us your own drops, your own conspiracy theories, if you want to tell us what beauty standards we should shift everything to for the next wave of plastic surgery, send it all to mymamapodmail.com and please, like this sweet, sweet. I would say overzealous caller who took things a step too far. But. But we. We love her anyway. Send us your own voicemails at 8-44-LIL-MOMS. We want to hear from you at 8-44-LIL MOMS. Call us now and. And maybe your. Your voicemail will get read on the episode and like, subscribe rate review, buy the merch. Say bye to your loved ones before you go. Who knows what's going to happen to you. Bye.

[Voiceover Artist]

Mini episode Mini episode Mini episode.

[Langston Kerman]

Mini.

[Voiceover Artist]

Episode Mini episode Mini episode Oh.

[David Borey]

Hey, comedy fans. The funniest comedians in the world are on tour and you can get tickets to see them live near you. Laugh at the biggest names in comedy like Atsuko Okotuka, Chelsea Handler, Jimmy Carr, Kathy Griffin, Matt Matthews, Matt Rife, Sarah Silverman, Sebastian Maniscalco, Stavros Helkias, Wanda Sykes, and so many more. All kinds of shows, all kinds of venues, all kinds of funny. Head to livenation.comcomedy to get your tickets today. That's livenation.comcomedy.

[Voiceover Artist]

The holidays are here and so is the IKEA Winter sale. Now's your chance to make the holidays a little more magical and less expensive. Save up to 50% off on select items in store and online now through January 7th. Plus IKEA loyalty members get an extra 10% off on sale items. Offer validation in the US through 17 mall supplies. Last selection may vary by store and online. See store in ikea-usa.com wintersale for complete terms restrictions apply.

[Langston Kerman]

Hey there, it's Scott Patterson from I Am all in again. Podcast life Short Talk fast Stream Gilmore Girls on Hulu that's right, grab your coffee and get cozy because all seven seasons of Gilmore Girls are now on Hulu. Stream all the witty, banner, heartwarming moments and awkward Friday night dinners with Lorelei, Rory and the eclectic mix of characters. Whether you're rewatching or going Gilmore for the first time, Hulu has you covered. It's a show. It's a lifestyle. It's now streaming on Hulu.

[Voiceover Artist]

We know you're uncertain about psychics. Is this fortune teller you found on a forum legit?

[Langston Kerman]

Your one true love is me.

[Voiceover Artist]

That's why California psychics reject 98% of.

[Langston Kerman]

The psychics who apply to work with us.

[Voiceover Artist]

We guarantee if your reading isn't life changing, it's free. New customers receive 20 minutes for just $20. So experience the joy of [e-mail] for.

More than 30 years in Kansas City, Kansas, a man allegedly raped and terrorized black women. A detective named Roger Golubski.

He told me to keep my mouth closed.

[Langston Kerman]

If I did say anything, I would come up missing like so many others.

[Voiceover Artist]

But then, right before trial, he was found dead, leaving countless questions behind. Listen to Corruption Uncovered from Roc Nation and its Philanthropic Injustice Division, Team Rock. Wherever you get your podcasts.