Big Pappa Has Arrived (with Will Ferrell) RE-RELEASE

Summary

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My Momma Told Me – "Big Pappa Has Arrived" (w/ Will Ferrell) RE-RELEASE

Podcast: My Momma Told Me
Hosts: Langston Kerman & David Gborie
Guest: Will Ferrell
Date: November 6, 2025
Episode Theme:
A raucous, free-wheeling deep dive into Black conspiracy theories—ridiculous and real—with comedy legend Will Ferrell as guest. The trio riff on everything from celebrity rumors and childhood urban legends to cultural perceptions, sports conspiracies, and the politics of sauce, all through the lens of cultural connection, absurdity, and affectionate roasting.

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Main Topics and Episode Structure

1. Conspiracy Theory Cred: Will Ferrell in the Black Community

Primary Segment 03:50–11:18

• Will expresses surprise and joy at being embraced by Black audiences, pondering why he’s so beloved.
  • Quote: "I am never more flattered than when someone from the black community comes up... I'm like, how? Why?" (07:31, Will)
  • The hosts explain that once Black audiences “fuck with you,” they’re lifelong fans.
• Deliberation on how Will's self-deprecating humor and mockery of arrogant white characters ingratiate him.

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2. Will’s Conspiracy Theory Openness & The Cal Ripken Story

Key Segment 10:11–15:10

• Will isn’t a big conspiracy theorist, but confesses some sports conspiracies check out.
• Cal Ripken Jr./Kevin Costner Conspiracy: Will retells the legend that Cal Ripken missed a game when, after allegedly catching Kevin Costner with his wife, he injured his hand, resulting in a stadium “power outage” so his record streak could continue.
  • Quote: "The story is that Cal Ripken came home to find Kevin Costner... They had a fight. He hurt his hand... Cut the lights." (11:00, Will)

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3. Carnies, Corn Dogs & Black Innovation

Comedy and Cultural Riffing, 16:00–23:00

• Discussion of the lack of Black carnies in traditional circuses and the unique presence of Black carnies in Universoul Circus.
• Imagining Black innovation at the carnival, especially the possibility of “grits on the outside” of a corn dog.
• Mini-deep-dive into the history of the corn dog. Will’s childhood corn dog memories.
• Tangent on condiments: Ketchup (as a “vegetable”), mustard vs ketchup, and when ranch dressing blew up. Reagan’s attempt to classify ketchup as a vegetable is touched on.
  • Quote: "Ronald Reagan tried to make it a vegetable." (22:04, Will)

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4. Family Legends, Superstitions & Home Remedies

Stories and Urban Legends, 29:00–35:00

• Will shares clean “door in, door out” superstitions from his Southern family.
• Pee as Home Remedy: Will claims he used to pee on his feet, per his mom’s advice, to cure athlete’s foot.
  • Quote: "Supposedly, if you pee on your feet..." (33:06, Will)
  • The trio riff on the Black urban legend that baby pee cures acne, with reference to a previous guest (Ms. Pat) who swears by it.

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5. Silk Shirts, Barbershop Reputations & NBA Hairlines

Black Culture & Comedy, 40:51–44:59; 79:11–82:13

• The fashion and anxiety of silk shirts at live shows and among big guys.
• Jalen Rose’s “deal with the devil” hairline and the supposed magic of “Beijing” spray used in Black barbershops to fake perfect hairlines.
  • Quote: "Have you ever watched Jalen Rose...because barbers do not like him one bit." (80:12, Langston)
• Light roast of LeBron James’s hair shifts and whether hosts or Will would trade their own hair for Lakers championships.

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6. Stevie Wonder Conspiracy: Is He Really Blind?

Black Celebrity Conspiracies, 45:39–58:00

• The longstanding Black cultural meme suggesting Stevie Wonder isn’t really blind.
• Will brings up stories about Stevie catching a falling mic, putting Boy George in a headlock, and photographic evidence of Stevie “taking photos.”
• Multiple plausible (and comedic) explanations are thrown around (echolocation, earwigs, hyper-senses).
  • Quote: "He agrees to fight Stevie Wonder blindfolded. And I swear to God...Stevie Wonder beats the shit out of this drummer." (54:15, Langston)
• Is Stevie’s blindness a marketing thing? (Langston: "I firmly believe that Stevie Wonder is a exceptional talent with eyes or without them..." [57:23])

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7. NBA & Sports Conspiracies: Rigged Games and Market Forces

Sports Theories and Satire, 60:36–68:59

• “NBA is rigged” as an ongoing Black barbershop/urban debate.
• Recap of the Tim Donaghy ref scandal—fixing spreads without deciding outright winners.
• Classic cases: Lakers/Celtics playoff comebacks, the blocked Chris Paul to Lakers trade, David Stern’s mysterious 80s/90s NBA influence.
• Mockery of the new “in-season tournament” as obviously staged.
  • Quote: "That's rigged. Yeah, that right there was rigged." (67:51, Will)

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8. Quid Pro Quo Game: Would You Rather For Black Conspiracies

Lighthearted Game, 72:39–85:55

• Sample Scenario: Would you trade permanent LeBron James haircuts for Lakers championships? (Will: No, keep the hair, “Lakers already got 17…”)
• Dessert for Breakdancing: Trade ability to eat dessert for the ability to breakdance credibly at any party (Will: Easy yes to breakdancing glory).
  • Quote: "I would close with a lot of spinning and of course, the classic…” (85:55, Will)
• Ultimate Sacrifice: Would Will give up being a rich white man to liberate all Black and Brown people? (Wrestles with it, but says it's the “only answer.”)

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9. Generational Changes: TikTok Dances & White Folks Not Dancing

Culture, Kids, and the Evolution of Dance, 88:01–92:15

• Debate about why “white people can’t dance” became a meme; hosts theorize it coincided with white people dropping out of universal youth dances.
• TikTok pushes increased dance ability, also sets a high bar—more kids can dance, but those who can’t are even less likely to try.
• Riff on the jaw-dropping effect of Michael Jackson’s Motown moonwalk.

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10. Closing: Shout Outs, Reflections, and Silliness

Recap, Tributes & Goofs, 95:16–End

• Will offers warm praise for “My Momma Told Me,” commends its role as a unique, bold comedy voice.
• Closing jokes, self-roasts, and product placements.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote / Moment | |-----------|---------|----------------| | 07:31 | Will Ferrell | “I am never more flattered than when someone from the black community comes up to me and says, you're so funny, or I love your stuff... But I get a lot of love, at least to my face.” | | 11:00 | Will Ferrell | “The story is that Cal Ripken came home to find Kevin Costner...They had a fight. He hurt his hand...Cut the lights.” | | 22:04 | Will Ferrell | “Ronald Reagan tried to make it a vegetable.” (re: ketchup) | | 33:06 | Will Ferrell | “Supposedly, if you pee on your feet...” | | 45:39 | Langston Kerman | “What do you think about Stevie Wonder being blind?” | | 54:15 | Langston Kerman | “He agrees to fight Stevie Wonder blindfolded… Stevie Wonder beats the shit out of this drummer.” | | 67:51 | Will Ferrell | "That's rigged. Yeah, that right there was rigged." (re: NBA in-season tourney hype) | | 81:13 | David Gborie | "It was fucking awesome. As long as nobody splashes you with water. You're gorgeous." | | 86:00 | Will Ferrell | "A lot of popping and locking, but I would close with a lot of spinning and of course, the classic..." | | 94:01 | Will Ferrell | "You gotta make the right choice and say, no, we're gonna...give it all away." (on giving up privilege for Black liberation) | | 96:26 | Will Ferrell | "I'm honored to be here. So I just want to say...one of our first things we had on the platform...It's been an amazing thing." |

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 03:38 – Show proper starts, episode theme intro
• 07:31 – Will on Black community love
• 11:00 – Cal Ripken/Kevin Costner conspiracy recounted
• 16:00–19:00 – Black carnies, circuses, and food innovation
• 22:04 – Reagan, ketchup as vegetable, school lunches
• 29:00–35:00 – Home remedies, family superstitions, “pee as medicine”
• 40:51–44:59 – Silk shirt anxiety, barbershop talk, Jalen Rose’s hairline
• 45:39–58:00 – Stevie Wonder “is he really blind?” deep dive
• 60:36–68:59 – NBA/sports rigging, market team favoritism, Stern era
• 72:39–85:55 – Quid Pro Quo game: breakdancing, hairlines, liberation
• 88:01–91:13 – Dance evolution: TikTok, Motown, moonwalk
• 95:16–End – Closing gratitude, reflections, jokes

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Tone & Style

• Casual, sharp, playful banter: The hosts and Will trade stories, roasts, and raucous laughter, with a sincere sense of camaraderie.
• Cultural in-jokes and Black barbershop energy: Especially regarding sports, music, and hair.
• Irreverence that doubles as real insight: They poke fun at conspiracy thinking but also highlight how such stories reflect real cultural tensions and traditions.
• Willingness to “go there”: Will gamely participates in tough hypotheticals, jokes about privilege, and acknowledges social realities.

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For New Listeners

• This episode is a brilliant primer on the show’s comic sensibility: pop culture, Black folklore, sports takes, and social commentary all filtered through waves of laughter.
• Will Ferrell’s presence offers both meta-comedy (he’s their “boss” and a rare white guest) and classic comic storytelling.
• Come for the celebrity, stay for the deep-cut references, joyous riffing, and real talk.

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End of summary.

Transcript

[Advertiser]

This is an iHeart podcast. I turned off news altogether.

[David]

I hate to say it, but I.

[Langston Kerman]

Don'T trust much of anything.

[David]

It's the rage bait. It feels like it's trying to divide people.

[Will Ferrell]

We got clear facts. Maybe we can calm down a little.

[Langston Kerman]

NBC News brings you clear reporting. Let's meet at the Facts. Let's move forward from there. NBC News reporting for America.

[Sponsor]

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[Advertiser]

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[Will Ferrell]

You're almost at the finish line.

[Advertiser]

But first.

[David]

There, the last one.

[Advertiser]

Enjoy a Coca Cola for a pause that refreshes.

[David]

I would make you drink pee immediately if you were down. If you were down. That's hilarious.

[Will Ferrell]

You'd make me drink too much pee.

[David]

Probably. I love you drinking peas in the green room to warm up.

[Langston Kerman]

You gotta get your body used to the pee. We have a bunch of different peas for you to try to.

[David]

And then you'd watch the episode and I'd still have cut out. But hold on.

[Will Ferrell]

I just wanted to drink my own pee. Why am I drinking other types of pee here?

[David]

Well, Will, it's resistance training and we're.

[Will Ferrell]

Not filming any of this. Hey, relax. Will, you wanted to be on the show.

[Langston Kerman]

Listen, P is pee, my man. Come on, take a swig.

[David]

The government growing babies. Microchips in your anus. All koala bears are racist. The ozone layer owes me money. Marching to ven and turkey stuffing. Y' all can't tell me nothing.

[Langston Kerman]

You can ring my bell, Ring my bell. There it is. Welcome. Welcome, little mamas and gentiles alike. Welcome to another phenomenal episode of My.

[David]

Mama Told Me, the podcast, where we dive deep into the pockets of black.

[Langston Kerman]

Conspiracy theories and we finally work to prove that Lauryn Hill is always late to every place she goes. Not because she doesn't respect her audience, but because she is, in fact, walking there. She's a champion for climate change. She's a real hero. Stop yelling at that lady for not being on time.

[David]

Come on.

[Will Ferrell]

There it is.

[David]

It takes time to save the planet. Come on, you love it. You got to invest.

[Langston Kerman]

You don't think Lauryn Hill doesn't care about the planet? You're wrong.

[David]

She loves the jungle. Maybe that wasn't the right. She loves the tundras as well.

[Langston Kerman]

She loves all climates, all landscapes. I'm Langston Kerman.

[David]

I'm David Bore.

[Langston Kerman]

And we are in studio A rare. This is a rare thing.

[David]

We can all see each other. It's bright.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

It's well lit.

[Will Ferrell]

It is well lit.

[David]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

It's very well lit. Maybe too well lit. I'd say it's the hottest. Probably hottest it's ever gonna be in about five minutes.

[David]

I'm gonna sweat.

[Will Ferrell]

But that's just a given.

[Langston Kerman]

We are in studio because we have a wonderful guest today. He has blessed us by coming down and it is worth noting we don't often have white people on this show.

[David]

Really? Never?

[Will Ferrell]

Hardly. This is an anomaly.

[Langston Kerman]

This is an anomaly. But you demanded it. You said, I'm sick of this all black thing you got going on.

[Will Ferrell]

Just get me in the room, please. Just give me five minutes. And if they don't like me, I get it. They can kick, Right? But I just need five minutes of your guys time.

[David]

I feel like. I feel like this could go great.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah.

[David]

Or we could blow it.

[Langston Kerman]

We could really blow it.

[David]

We could alienate our entire audience.

[Langston Kerman]

This is going to either bring people in or turn them away immediately.

[Will Ferrell]

But.

[Langston Kerman]

But our guest today, he is. He's. He's a man who doesn't need an introduction. He's so funny, so talented. You know him from literally every favorite thing you've ever. And he also is the proprietor and owner of our. Of our Podcast company. He's the big boss in charge. We're so happy he's here. Please give it up for our guest, Mr. Will Ferrell.

[Will Ferrell]

You're the man now, dog. Yes, I like that.

[David]

Yeah, That's a good feeling.

[Will Ferrell]

I know, but Lanks. So we sat down with Hans.

[Langston Kerman]

That's right.

[Will Ferrell]

You're one of our first meetings.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

And what is it, four years later?

[Langston Kerman]

That's right.

[David]

Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

This was in the heart of an empire. Yeah. So congrats to you guys. The empire. Yes.

[Langston Kerman]

I love. You know what. You know what that tells me is that you're not checking the numbers every week, and that's great.

[David]

And I'd rather you didn't, because I like working, you know, it's fine.

[Will Ferrell]

That's. Welcome to the world of podcasts. Yeah. We're so excited to check the numbers.

[Langston Kerman]

We're so excited you're here. We gathered a bunch of our favorite conspiracy theories that we wanted to talk to you about. But more importantly, I think the best way to kick off this conversation is to really ask you, where do you. Where do you stand in the world of conspiracy theories? Would you pride yourself as a conspiracy theorist? How much of a believer are you?

[David]

And also adding onto that, black people. Where do you stand in general?

[Will Ferrell]

You know, what's interesting is. So I want to ask you guys, I may come off like an a hole here, but I have. I am never more flattered than when someone from the black community comes up to me and says, you're so funny, or I love your stuff, or you're so stupid. But I get a lot of love, at least to my face. And I'm like, how? Why?

[Langston Kerman]

I will say, I think you are a beloved figure in the black community.

[Will Ferrell]

And my wife and I were trying to analyze. She's like, because you do a good job of making fun of white people.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

And I'm like, oh, no, that's good. Yeah, that is.

[David]

Ricky Bobby was big.

[Will Ferrell]

I do like to send up arrogant, you know, people who think they're too full of themselves. And I happen to be white, so. But I'm always like, wow, thanks. Yeah. But I've only. You know, I did get hard with Kevin Hart, and it's not like I've done an entire ton of black stuff. Right, right, right.

[Langston Kerman]

No, I think black audiences as a standup, And I can only really speak to it from a standup perspective, but black audiences are sometimes the toughest to get. But when they fuck with you, they fuck with you in a way that is hard to like. Untether, they become permanent fans. So something you did in your journey assured enough black people that they were like, that dude's fucking awesome. And it's because of how funny you are. And talented, obviously. But something in that journey, they were like, I like this dude. And now, you know, my. My grandma's always going to be a fan of yours.

[Will Ferrell]

That's so.

[David]

Yeah, my mom's excited about this. Okay.

[Will Ferrell]

Okay. My mom.

[Langston Kerman]

We talked.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah, we already talked about it.

[Langston Kerman]

She's not clocking that you're here, but she would be impressed.

[Will Ferrell]

Your mom is going to take credit for me coming today. You know, Langston, that was my idea.

[Langston Kerman]

You know, all.

[David]

Someone who told you to put white guys on the floor. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

You know, I kind of introduced you to Will Ferrell.

[David]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

But let's see. Conspiracy. Back to the original. Am I pro? I don't know if I'm that conspiratorial. Sure. And yet there are moments where I'm like, hmm.

[Langston Kerman]

Mm.

[Will Ferrell]

That. That seems like that could go, yeah, yeah, yeah. This way.

[Langston Kerman]

Do you have. Do you have one in particular that. That comes to mind where you go? Like, I. I wouldn't say I'm fully on board, but I certainly am willing to hear it out more than others.

[Will Ferrell]

Here's one. Here's one that I feel like kind of checks out. This is very. This is sports related.

[David]

Yeah, that's fine. There's no science. It doesn't have to be government or anything.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah, it's not. But I once heard. So this one always was like, I think this checks out. Cal Ripken. Who? Cal Ripken Jr. Who played for the Baltimore Orioles and had the longest stretch. He broke Lou Gehrig's record of consecutive games playing baseball. And for anyone who remembers or is a big baseball fan, there was a point in his streak, and he was getting towards the end where the game was called due to the electricity going out in the Baltimore baseball stadium. And they had to call the game. There was a power outage. And the story is that Cal Ripken came home to find Kevin Costner cheating. His wife cheating with Kevin Costner. They had a fight. He hurt his hand. Whoa. He's like, I can't play tonight. They're like, okay, what about the streak? I know the power's out.

[Langston Kerman]

Cut the lights.

[Will Ferrell]

Cut the lights. And then they had a couple off days, and it allowed him for the hand to heal up and the streak continued.

[Langston Kerman]

Whoa.

[David]

I believe that, right?

[Will Ferrell]

That one.

[David]

That's not even hard.

[Will Ferrell]

That one's.

[David]

That's crazy. Cause you come home, Dances with Wolves.

[Langston Kerman]

Is dancing with your wolf.

[David]

And that's what you call your wife.

[Langston Kerman]

She doesn't like it, but that's what I call her.

[Will Ferrell]

She's used to it now.

[Langston Kerman]

Agree to disagree. You're a wolf to me.

[Will Ferrell]

When I see you, I picture a wolf, a female wolf. And here's where I blew it. I ran into Kevin Costner multiple times at the Golden Globes this year, and I forgot to ask him.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, no.

[Will Ferrell]

Did you get together with Calvin? That would be a weird way to launch into. Hey, how you doing?

[David]

Hey, Kevin, by the way, I mean, how good are you?

[Will Ferrell]

I don't know him at all.

[David]

Oh, you can't. You can't start with extramarital.

[Langston Kerman]

But you know what?

[Will Ferrell]

He was a big. He was hanging around baseball. You know, he did Field of Dreams and Bull Durham.

[David]

Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

He was always showing up like, Kevin Costner's taking batting practice today with the Detroit Lions or something like that.

[David]

You just got to ease into it.

[Will Ferrell]

I mean, Detroit Tigers, you got the Lions.

[David]

You wouldn't.

[Will Ferrell]

Batting practice with the Detroit Lions would be a different thing.

[David]

Yeah, I think that.

[Langston Kerman]

I think they'd be happy he showed up at this point. The Lions. The Lions needed the help. Probably.

[David]

It's a. That's a sad story over there. I was just. If you don't know him the way you do, it is like, you know what? I love having sex with baseball players. Wives, right? Did you ever just do that?

[Will Ferrell]

Do you know what I mean, Kevin?

[David]

Yeah, you know what I mean? You ever just have one come home, punch you in the face?

[Langston Kerman]

I mean, who's your favorite wife to have sex with who also played from a man who played baseball?

[David]

Hall of Famer. Hall of Famer's wife.

[Will Ferrell]

Funny you should ask. Will.

[David]

Who do you think wins that fight? It has to be Cal Ripken, right?

[Will Ferrell]

There's no way that he doesn't win.

[David]

Professional athlete Kevin Costner feels like. I feel like he would get. I don't want to fight Kevin Costner.

[Will Ferrell]

He's a tall guy.

[David]

Is he tall? Is he tall?

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah, he's about 6, 3 and he. And he, he's a. He's a.

[David]

He's strong jawed man, but he's.

[Will Ferrell]

But he's an actor, so I don't know.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, there's no way he's actually riding all those horses on. On Yellowstone.

[David]

You don't think so?

[Langston Kerman]

No, no, no, Really. I think there. I think there are plenty of. The man doesn't.

[Will Ferrell]

Stunt writers.

[Langston Kerman]

He doesn't want to be there anymore is my understanding. I don't think.

[Will Ferrell]

Well, he's done right. Yeah. Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

There's no way he's, like, committed to genuine horseback riding the entire time, man.

[Will Ferrell]

Please let me. I had to try to ride a horse for a movie, and they got me with the stunt person. Yeah. And they're like, well, it's not. It won't be. It won't be hard. It'll just be an easy kind of trot up into the frame. And if you've ever been around a horse, they're enormous, terrifying, terrifying people.

[David]

They seem scared, too.

[Will Ferrell]

And they seem scared, and they look at you through the side of their eye, and they can sense fear. Anyway, I got on the horse rode. I think they let me do two little circles, and they're like, we're good. We're gonna need the stunt rider. I was that bad. Just trotting in a little stable.

[Langston Kerman]

Will that actually look like shit? We're gonna need you to.

[Will Ferrell]

You know what?

[David]

You strag it all. Strike it all.

[Will Ferrell]

Strike it all. I'm like. I talked to the director. I'm like, was it that bad? They're like, yeah. They said you looked incredibly uncomfortable. So. So I get it.

[David]

Yeah. That's good on you, man.

[Will Ferrell]

For even. What for?

[David]

I don't think. It's not great that we're just riding horses all the time. You're sensitive. You were sensitive to the needs of the beast, and I respect that.

[Will Ferrell]

Thank you.

[David]

You're a kind soul.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah.

[David]

That's why I don't ride horses.

[Langston Kerman]

Sure. It's the kindness in you that.

[David]

It's the kindness in my heart.

[Will Ferrell]

The times I have ridden horses, they're always g. Giving me the horse named, like, Old Ricky. Sure.

[David]

Or Whistlers.

[Will Ferrell]

Cinnamon. Like, they're not giving me. Let's put him on striker.

[David]

Yeah. Like smokestack.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. I don't know that I've ever ridden a horse. Besides the, like, pony rides. You know, the ones that they like.

[David]

That's a chained up in a.

[Langston Kerman]

In an abusive circle. Yeah. Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

And the track is well worn in the dirt, and they're just putting one foot in front of the other.

[Langston Kerman]

It's just claps of their feet in tears that we didn't know they could.

[Will Ferrell]

And they're thinking, how did I get here? What did I do?

[David]

Well, they.

[Langston Kerman]

They.

[David]

It's because there's a carny in the corner smoking a cigarette, making sure it doesn't mess up. Trump that, boy. All right.

[Will Ferrell]

With a cattle.

[David]

Yeah, yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

Go.

[Langston Kerman]

Just the meanest people possible Abusing tiny little horses.

[David]

I mean, shout out to carnies. They're good folk, though.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. We don't shout them out enough on podcast.

[David]

I know. Nobody gives it to them, is there?

[Will Ferrell]

You know, I feel like not a lot of black carnies out there, brothers. Or am I wrong?

[David]

Trying to break that ceiling.

[Langston Kerman]

You're not.

[Will Ferrell]

You're not wrong. That's one of the last frontiers.

[Langston Kerman]

That was in one of Martin Luther King's unknown speech.

[Will Ferrell]

I just literally flashed to every carnival.

[David]

You never seen one. You never. I'm like, yeah, I want a black carny. Just like a dude with a durag.

[Will Ferrell]

Working a Tilta World, super skinny, messed out white guys.

[David]

Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

Not a lot of female carnies.

[David]

I don't think so.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what the problem is?

[David]

That's a safety thing.

[Langston Kerman]

Black people don't. Black people don't smoke meth. We're more crack people. And crack don't sell well for maintaining horses and relationships. You know what I mean? I think. I think meth is a more working a working man's drug.

[David]

I don't see. Here's where I beg to differ.

[Will Ferrell]

Okay. Okay.

[David]

I think that people are willing to do a lot for crime. I think it's just we haven't been introduced to carnydom. And that's what it is.

[Langston Kerman]

The universe. Soul Circus, I bet, has some black carnies.

[David]

What is that you're saying?

[Langston Kerman]

Univers? Soul Circus. Y' all don't know about the Universal Circus?

[Will Ferrell]

No.

[David]

Why you keep doing that like that?

[Langston Kerman]

Well, that's how they say it on the radio.

[Will Ferrell]

Come on down.

[David]

Hey, brother.

[Will Ferrell]

Soul Circus.

[David]

Guys.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't know if you've heard the radio commercial, but you're nailing it.

[Will Ferrell]

You're really.

[Langston Kerman]

You're both doing it. Right on. Pretty good.

[Will Ferrell]

Really.

[Langston Kerman]

There's a real circus that. That is black owned and black managed.

[Will Ferrell]

Right.

[Langston Kerman]

And I bet they have black carnies.

[David]

Do you think they have their own term, like they call themselves blarneys?

[Langston Kerman]

I hope not.

[David]

That would be bad. That would be tough.

[Langston Kerman]

I hope you don't have to write that on a resume.

[Will Ferrell]

That feels Irish. Yeah, that feels Irish. Yeah. A blarney.

[David]

Man, we gotta get some more black carnies.

[Will Ferrell]

I know.

[Langston Kerman]

Get more black carnies.

[Will Ferrell]

I'm glad we're talking about it now. When this drops.

[David]

Yes.

[Will Ferrell]

That will be the next thing people are going to start working on.

[Langston Kerman]

Fire a generation of young boys.

[David]

And for the record, if you are a black carny, reach out.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah.

[David]

Please send an email with pics. Yep. Because I want to see what you're wearing.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Show us that bindle over your shoulder.

[Will Ferrell]

Let's the twirl wheel. I don't say the rides.

[David]

I want them.

[Langston Kerman]

Ferris wheel, Tortoiseau wheel.

[David]

I feel like if you let black people get a hold of corn dog production, I think we could do some really great stuff in this space. I. I think we should do some really innovative stuff.

[Langston Kerman]

I think they're going to put grits on the outside and fry it, and that's going to change the game for corn dogs.

[David]

That would be crazy. Yeah, that would be crazy because why has it been so stagnant? Nothing's happened in corn dogs since, I don't know, the 20. When did corn dogs come around?

[Langston Kerman]

That's a great question.

[Will Ferrell]

That's a really good question. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

If Olivia were in here, we force her to do the research.

[David]

Yeah. Maybe text us Olivia.

[Will Ferrell]

I feel like I want to look that up.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, let's look it up. Let's find out. When were corn dogs invented?

[David]

I'm saying that's a depression food.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, I'm going to go. I'm going to go. Reconstruction. I'm going.

[David]

A little reconstruction.

[Langston Kerman]

I think it's a little.

[David]

And also, who takes that corn dogs. Is that an American thing?

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, wow. We're both wrong.

[Will Ferrell]

1930S is what I'm looking at.

[David]

Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

No, it says the pronto Pup vendors at the Minnesota State Fair claim to have invented the corn dog in 1941.

[Will Ferrell]

Wow.

[Langston Kerman]

On June 16, 1946, cozy dog drive in in Springfield, Illinois, claims to have been the first to serve corn dogs on sticks. So people were just raw dogging corn dogs with their hands at first.

[David]

That sucks.

[Langston Kerman]

That's awful.

[David]

That's a trash without the stick. I hate it. I hate. Could you imagine? You're just holding it like a. Ew.

[Will Ferrell]

I don't. I can't. I don't know the last time I had a corn dog.

[David]

Really?

[Will Ferrell]

Good for you.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, good for you.

[David]

Don't be like that. No, don't be like that.

[Langston Kerman]

You don't want to go back to that.

[Will Ferrell]

Trying to eat healthy. Yeah.

[David]

I mean, but every once a year you could have me and my.

[Will Ferrell]

But I don't even know if I've been anywhere that offers a corn dog.

[David]

We gotta get you to the Black Carnival.

[Langston Kerman]

Mm.

[Will Ferrell]

Okay.

[David]

Which I think is like an emo record. I don't know. Yeah, I mean, I guess you don't see em out and about like that.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, they're not. They're not as popular, I think, as they used to be back when the Minnesota State Fair was.

[Will Ferrell]

I do remember it was a staple at school lunch in elementary school. At least once a week. There was corn dog. Corn dog was part of it. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

And were you. Were you a fan? Were you happy when corn dog day came around? Or were you like this? This fucking sucks.

[Will Ferrell]

No, I was fairly happy. I would. I would. A lot of mustard. Yeah, I'm a big mustard guy.

[David]

Okay, same. Ketchup is for children.

[Will Ferrell]

Exactly.

[David]

And I say it. I'm not gonna hold my tongue for you.

[Will Ferrell]

Right.

[David]

I also feel like it's for white people. I do think that.

[Will Ferrell]

I tend to agree.

[David]

Okay.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah.

[David]

Thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

I tend to agree. Cause it's just like, sweet. There's no challenge to it.

[David]

It's the easiest condiment. It's like entry level.

[Will Ferrell]

Ronald Reagan tried to make it a vegetable.

[Langston Kerman]

So is that true?

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Was that a thing he was pitching?

[Will Ferrell]

Now, maybe that's a conspiracy, too, but I think in school lunches he tried to get ketchup as a vegetable to be cheaper to save money on the school lunch program.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what?

[Will Ferrell]

Look, if you hate cops just because.

[David]

They'Re cops, the next time you get in trouble. Okay, I'm gonna be honest. That was an accident. I meant to. I meant to do this.

[Will Ferrell]

That's more my speech.

[David]

Yes.

[Will Ferrell]

That's got Will Ferrell written all over.

[David]

It.

[Will Ferrell]

That I. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I will say there's something really nice about hearing that Ronald Reagan, he tried.

[Will Ferrell]

To push through that. That ketchup would be a vet considered a veteran.

[Langston Kerman]

I mean, he was like a corporate shill.

[David]

He was probably in Heinz pocket.

[Langston Kerman]

But we. About Ronald Reagan doing bad things to the black community specifically. But it's nice to know that he did bad things to white people, too. Yeah. It was like, now we're going to make white people eat ketchup and call it vegetables.

[David]

You know what? That's nice. I like that. You know what? If we're talking sauce. Sauce, Right.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah.

[David]

When did ranch get put on? That's what I wonder a lot. Because there was a ranch push, if you remember.

[Will Ferrell]

I feel like early 90s ranch was just an exotic salad dressing for the longest time. Exotic, but then it's good. But now you're right.

[David]

There was a push at one point.

[Langston Kerman]

They made it a it's everywhere option for everywhere.

[David]

When did that happen? Because you notice you intake, like a lot of 70s, 80s medias. There's no ranch.

[Will Ferrell]

Right, right, right.

[David]

Nobody's talking about ranch. And then I feel like whenever Hidden Valley drops.

[Will Ferrell]

Hidden Valley.

[David]

That was Big.

[Will Ferrell]

Who's that actress? She was in mash. She was the voice of Hidden Valley.

[Langston Kerman]

Really?

[Will Ferrell]

Oh, yeah.

[David]

The blonde lady.

[Will Ferrell]

Blonde lady?

[David]

No.

[Will Ferrell]

Hidden Valley Ranch. Hot Lips. Hot Lips.

[David]

Hot Lips is Hidden Valley.

[Will Ferrell]

Hidden Valley.

[David]

Wow.

[Will Ferrell]

In mash, the movie. Not the TV show.

[David]

They made a movie for MASH that was big.

[Will Ferrell]

You never saw MASH was originally. It was a movie.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh. And then it's Funnel TV show.

[Will Ferrell]

Boy, I hope I'm right on that.

[David]

I think.

[Langston Kerman]

I think I am, buddy. We're not right about most things.

[David]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

The amount of emails we get of people being like, you idiot.

[Will Ferrell]

But she became a huge voiceover person. Like, she kind of retired and then came out and then. But Hidden Valley Rat.

[Langston Kerman]

That's awesome.

[David]

That's an early. That is an early. That. That in the herbal.

[Will Ferrell]

And I love that we're talking about sauces. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

There used to be a sort of line of succession, it sounds like, of people moving from acting to sauces.

[Will Ferrell]

You know what I mean?

[Langston Kerman]

Like fucking Paul Newman.

[Will Ferrell]

Break it open.

[David]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Break it open later into being a sauceman.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

He didn't die doing an actor. He was. He died being the face of Sauces Newman.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah.

[David]

My age. I had the lemonade before I saw the Sting.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah, okay.

[Langston Kerman]

Way before.

[David]

Way before.

[Will Ferrell]

And then you connected the dots.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

That's the guy from Sting. Wait a second, Wait a second.

[Langston Kerman]

What is this guy? Swedish? How does he do so many things so well?

[Will Ferrell]

I'm telling you, the Swedes.

[David]

He might be a Swede, though.

[Will Ferrell]

He might be. Swedes can do everything.

[Langston Kerman]

Swedes can do everything. Everything.

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[Will Ferrell]

I hate to say it, but I.

[David]

Don'T trust much of anything. It's the rage bait. It feels like it's trying to divide people.

[Will Ferrell]

We got clear facts. Maybe we could calm down a little.

[Langston Kerman]

NBC News brings you clear reporting. Let's meet at the facts. Let's move forward from there. NBC News reporting for America.

[Will Ferrell]

Hey, Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. Now I don't know if you've heard, but Mint's Premium Wireless is $15 a month. But I'd like to offer one other perk. We have no stores. That means no small talk. Crazy weather we're having. No, it's not. It's just weather. It is an introvert's dream. Give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront payment.

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Of $45 per three month plan.

[Will Ferrell]

$15 per month equivalent required. New customer offer first three months only.

[Advertiser]

Then full price plan options available. Taxes and fees extra.

[Langston Kerman]

See mintmobile.com we're calling upon you because we have, we have new merch. We have very exciting merch that we are now selling and it's fucking great. We love it so much.

[David]

It's sleek, it's sexy.

[Langston Kerman]

Come on, you wanna tell em what we have?

[David]

Yeah, we have three different types of hats which is really fun. We have a two tone hat, a alien dad hat, the traditional logo in black and khaki. Then we have the enamel pin with the alien who has a kufi on it says my mama told me. And then we have T shirts that say Proud little mama, which is who you are.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, you can buy the merch now. Go to mymamatoldme.merchcentral.com and we want you to have all the sweet stuff. So get it. Well, we, we have some conspiracy theories.

[Will Ferrell]

Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

I think we've covered certainly enough about sauces at this point. But feel free to, feel free to come back into it if it hits you that way. But we have some conspiracy theories.

[Will Ferrell]

I was, by the way. I was so. My family's from the south. My mom and dad are From North Carolina. So I was trying to pick their. I was like, do you guys have things that you really stuck to? Nothing. Nothing earth shattering. Nothing earth shattering. Like, nothing on the level of the baby piss cures acne.

[Langston Kerman]

I love that. I love that you're bringing that up.

[Will Ferrell]

And I was like, mom, you ever heard of that? She's like, what?

[David]

And she's like, it's adult.

[Langston Kerman]

And it doesn't cure acne. It just makes you feel good.

[Will Ferrell]

But then that. That spun me off into the drinking of urine.

[David]

Okay.

[Will Ferrell]

Which you guys touched upon.

[Langston Kerman]

Sure.

[Will Ferrell]

Which I remember when I went and did Bear Gryll's survival show.

[Langston Kerman]

Yes.

[Will Ferrell]

So he started expanding it where he'd have.

[Langston Kerman]

I believe I've seen your episode.

[Will Ferrell]

And so I'm the first one to actually be on the show with him as a guest.

[David]

Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

And I thought it was. I kept my runner. I was like, I'm gonna ask him 50 times. When do we start to drink our own pee? Cause he's always talking about.

[David]

That guy goes pee quick.

[Will Ferrell]

He goes pee so quick.

[David]

He's like, two days in, he's like, I gotta pee on this.

[Will Ferrell]

We'd be. We'd be making a lean to or doing whatever we're doing. I'm like, hey, Bear, is now a good time? Should we start drinking our own pee?

[Langston Kerman]

Bear, are you thirsty?

[Will Ferrell]

He wasn't having any of it. He'd be like, oh, yeah, Very funny.

[David]

Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

Anyway, what I'm trying to show you here. And I asked him 50 times. I finally watched the episode. They didn't include one of my jokes.

[David]

That's not. You gotta know where you're at, Bear.

[Langston Kerman]

Who did you invite here?

[Will Ferrell]

Exactly.

[David]

I watched that show for you to pee. I mean, yeah. There's Outdoor information.

[Will Ferrell]

And here's the crazy thing. I would have drank my own piss.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, you would have done it.

[Will Ferrell]

I would have done it.

[Langston Kerman]

Whoa.

[Will Ferrell]

Because I'm there, I'm gonna do the.

[Langston Kerman]

Full thing, but include my jokes so that I'm not exactly. I'm not a psychopath drinking my own.

[Will Ferrell]

Right.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm a fun guy drinking my own.

[Will Ferrell]

But they wouldn't include the. I don't know what they were thinking. Why do you want to make me come off serious? Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

It's so crazy.

[Will Ferrell]

It was very bizarre. But, yeah, they're really. My dad was saying, oh, it was just, like, really simple things. Like, if you walked in the house through one door, you had to leave through that same door. It would be bad luck.

[David]

Oh.

[Will Ferrell]

So if you came in through the back door, yeah. You had to leave through the back.

[David]

Do you know what I'm talking about?

[Will Ferrell]

Hi, O.

[David]

Come on.

[Will Ferrell]

Boom.

[David]

Couldn't leave it on the table.

[Langston Kerman]

Boy, I'm proud of you guys.

[Will Ferrell]

I set that one up without even knowing what I was doing. Butts, though. Shoot or shoot.

[Langston Kerman]

But you brought up the baby pill.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

And the possibility that it cures acne. We talked to Ms. Pat about this. I think I talked about it.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah.

[David]

It wasn't there.

[Langston Kerman]

This is a pre David episode. But we talked a fair amount with her about this, and she genuinely believes it to be true. She was arguing throughout the episode that this was a real thing.

[Will Ferrell]

I went through a period. I remember in high school. Played a lot of sports, believe it or not.

[David]

Oh, yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

I know you're looking at me now.

[David]

Bad acne because of sweat, right?

[Will Ferrell]

Well, no. Bad athlete's foot. So I'd pee on my feet in the shower.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, no.

[David]

How'd that go?

[Will Ferrell]

Worked pretty well.

[David]

Really?

[Langston Kerman]

It would cure the athlete's foot.

[David]

Wow.

[Langston Kerman]

Holy shit.

[David]

You heard it here first.

[Langston Kerman]

Wow. And was that. Where did that come from?

[Will Ferrell]

That came.

[David]

Were you just doing it anyways, you.

[Will Ferrell]

Noticed that maybe it created the athlete's foot because I was doing it from the beginning.

[Langston Kerman]

No.

[Will Ferrell]

I think my mom and I had a discussion, and she was like, I think there's, like, really good stuff in your pee. Yeah. Supposedly, if you pee on your feet.

[Langston Kerman]

I love that your mom took such a hard stance against baby pee curing acne.

[David]

She's like, that's absurd.

[Langston Kerman]

You're being silly, Will. Don't call me with this foolishness. Pee on your feet like a man.

[Will Ferrell]

Kind of makes more sense. The pee and then it washes off. Whereas the baby pee.

[David]

Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

As Ms. Pat was talking about, that just stayed on your face all day long.

[David]

But baby P doesn't smell is the thing.

[Will Ferrell]

Right. That was her point.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm a father, Right?

[Will Ferrell]

Baby P does smell.

[Langston Kerman]

It has a scent. Yeah.

[David]

What about.

[Langston Kerman]

I would probably walk around.

[David]

What about the littlest babies? I'm talking, like, walking, talking. No, that's just a person.

[Langston Kerman]

Sure.

[David]

But like, fresh baby.

[Langston Kerman]

It's still a couple months.

[Will Ferrell]

It is definitely not as pungent. Yeah, right. But it is going to have a little.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, it's got a little something.

[David]

What's the taste to it, buddy?

[Will Ferrell]

All right.

[David]

I tried to do it.

[Langston Kerman]

Exquisite.

[Will Ferrell]

I wish I could tell you. Bear blew it for me. He didn't give me the chance. He didn't give me the chance.

[Langston Kerman]

It is the most complicated part of the conspiracy theory is the Acquisition of the baby pee.

[David]

Right.

[Langston Kerman]

Because we're not just all. If you wanted to cure your acne.

[David]

I don't even want to talk about it.

[Langston Kerman]

Sure.

[David]

I don't even want to talk about. I have no idea where I would go. Yeah, and I am timestamp. It's that I'm saying I do not know how to acquire.

[Will Ferrell]

You don't have a connect.

[David]

No, I don't have a baby P connect.

[Will Ferrell]

You know who does? The black carny community. That's your go to. If you need. You gotta a stash of.

[David]

Baby pee.

[Langston Kerman]

Of some of the sickest baby pee available.

[Will Ferrell]

Come over here.

[David]

Come on.

[Langston Kerman]

Just babies.

[Will Ferrell]

Meet me behind the funhouse.

[Langston Kerman]

Babies that are eating corn dogs before they have teeth. Just perfect. Baby pee. So you, it sounds like, are not necessarily a believer in this conspiracy theory that baby P could cure your acne.

[Will Ferrell]

Look, I felt like it really did help with the athlete's foot, so I'm more prone to. But I don't know about the application part, so I guess I don't believe in it enough to put it on my face.

[David]

Well, let me ask you this. Would you rather your own pee? I think that's not a crazy question. No, no. It's a good question.

[Will Ferrell]

My own pee on my face.

[David]

Okay. But here's the situation, right? You're in the shower.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Paint a picture.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah.

[David]

You're in the shower.

[Will Ferrell]

I cut my hands, I collect some pee and I just splash it.

[Langston Kerman]

Well, you have to whisper like a prayer, like a.

[David]

Like an aftershave.

[Will Ferrell]

Like an aftershave commercial.

[David]

Kind of let it. And then like, you know when you do with the hair conditioner, where you let it maybe pull back from the water, let it soak in a minute.

[Will Ferrell]

Sure, sure, sure.

[David]

Come back and wash your face. You're not walking around all day.

[Will Ferrell]

That I could. That I could give a try.

[Langston Kerman]

You would give that a try?

[David]

I think I would too.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah.

[David]

Because I feel like if I had really bad acne, I would be at the end of my rope.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah.

[David]

And pee would start to feel like. You know what I mean? Well, like if you're down bad pee. Always.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Well, part of the suggestion of even drinking your pee, right. Your own pee, is that you already have, like, immunity to the toxins that you've put out of your body.

[David]

Isn't that it's your own brood?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David]

It's like selling your own farts.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, exactly.

[David]

They're safe for you.

[Will Ferrell]

Did you guys cover this? Any idea of the origin? Who's the first person to ever Think, you know, let's take the diaper with the baby pee, and let's apply it.

[Langston Kerman]

Listen, I think it's like the previous man in town. Yeah.

[David]

I think it's like a penicillin thing. It was an accident.

[Will Ferrell]

Right, right.

[David]

Like he was doing that.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah, yeah.

[David]

Oh, my pimples are gone, too.

[Will Ferrell]

Okay.

[David]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't know that we. We found the origin, the source of the theory, but it certainly. We talked about this with Ms. Pat, that it became. It has become sort of a more popularized thing than we realize, that, like, it's referred to as urotherapy, where people are, in fact, using urine as sort of a way of curing ailments of various kinds.

[David]

You know, my urotherapy is. Yeah. Get some Greek food. Take a nap. Come on.

[Will Ferrell]

Boom.

[David]

Yeah. Come on, guys.

[Will Ferrell]

Right back.

[David]

We're all out here.

[Will Ferrell]

Right?

[David]

There's a lot of good stuff.

[Langston Kerman]

Sure. You got a lot to be proud of.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah.

[David]

Why he always does it like that?

[Will Ferrell]

You see?

[Langston Kerman]

I know.

[David]

That was a sniper. I know, bro.

[Will Ferrell]

Come on. I saw it.

[David]

Yeah. All right. Thank you, Will Ferrell.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah.

[David]

Jesus Christ, man. We're partners.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm a scoundrel. What do you want?

[Will Ferrell]

Is this the podcast where you guys broke up? Broke apart.

[David]

Whoa.

[Will Ferrell]

Am I witnessing that?

[David]

What if Will Ferrell.

[Will Ferrell]

I know. What if I created the riff buddy over the Euro joke?

[Langston Kerman]

I hate to tell you, you're gonna have to guest host quite a bit more.

[David]

Look at that.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't like that bit at all. I don't like that bit at all. There's too much power in that high power five.

[Will Ferrell]

Stop it.

[Langston Kerman]

Don't do that.

[David]

We both felt.

[Will Ferrell]

By the way, we've been planning this. Come on.

[David]

You don't think. We texted this morning.

[Will Ferrell]

When does the hostile takeover.

[Langston Kerman]

When do we usurp the podcast from Langston?

[David]

Now it's going to be My papa told me. I don't know what that. What that. Why you would add that. But you whiten it up a little.

[Langston Kerman]

Bit, you broaden it.

[Will Ferrell]

My father told me.

[Langston Kerman]

My sweet daddy.

[David]

Yeah, that is funny. Mama seems black, but papa seems very white.

[Will Ferrell]

I am called Papa by my kids.

[David]

You're a papa.

[Will Ferrell]

I'm a papa. Whoa.

[Advertiser]

Wow.

[David]

So to your point, very white guy.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Was that a conscious choice where you were, like, from now on, I am Papa, or did it just happen?

[Will Ferrell]

Children, gather round. I am Papa. The fireplace, you will bow before Papa, addressing me. Please only refer to me as Papa. No, it's a. My wife's Swedish. It's a Swedish thing. So you have mama and Papa. So the boys just started calling me Papa. So even my son, who's about to turn 20, will be like, hey, Papa, I have a question. It's kind of funny.

[David]

It sounds silly.

[Will Ferrell]

It's very Euro.

[Sponsor]

Do you.

[Langston Kerman]

Do your kids ever.

[Will Ferrell]

Gyro. Very gyro.

[Langston Kerman]

Do your kids ever feel so conscious about it?

[Will Ferrell]

Not one bit.

[David]

Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

So it's already ingrained.

[David]

Wow.

[Langston Kerman]

That's awesome.

[Will Ferrell]

And they don't. Because I wondered if they. If. Because I've seen them refer to me in front of their friends.

[Langston Kerman]

That would be my friend.

[Will Ferrell]

And I was like, oh, they have no. They're like, no, that's Papa. That's my papa. Yeah.

[David]

My papa made me a sandwich today.

[Will Ferrell]

Oh, my papa. I was talking to my papa.

[David]

Because I don't know any black papas.

[Langston Kerman]

No pops.

[Will Ferrell]

Big papa.

[Langston Kerman]

Big papa.

[Will Ferrell]

Big Papa.

[David]

But that was kind of outside. That was the whole thing.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, he was just around, I think.

[David]

Yeah. Yeah. Which was great. I mean, it helped little fat kids across the country put a name on it. You know what I mean?

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, this is what that body type is.

[David]

Well, this is a guy you could be now. Yeah, you'd be trouble. Huge.

[Langston Kerman]

If I put on a silk shirt, this could be something. Okay.

[David]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I see it.

[David]

Which is crazy. Cause this big guy. Silk is not the fabric I'm running to.

[Langston Kerman]

Sure.

[Will Ferrell]

I think if I had a silk.

[David]

Shirt on right now, it'd be a mess.

[Langston Kerman]

Is it the heat? The trapping of the heat?

[David]

Yeah. And I just get anxious anyways. So I feel like I would already be anxious because I'm wearing a silk shirt.

[Will Ferrell]

I would feel exactly the same way.

[David]

You know what I'm saying?

[Will Ferrell]

Because I'd be like, oh, everyone gets. See everything I'm pitting out in my silk shirt.

[David]

And then I worry about that I may look good.

[Will Ferrell]

I may look good for a second.

[Langston Kerman]

That's the thing.

[Will Ferrell]

In my silk shirt, I think.

[David]

Where are you at in a silk shirt?

[Will Ferrell]

I own zero silk shirts at this point. At this.

[Langston Kerman]

Well, Olivia, bring it in. We actually.

[Will Ferrell]

Oh, my God.

[Langston Kerman]

We actually got you.

[Will Ferrell]

Beautiful. You guys got me a whole wardrobe here.

[David]

You wouldn't think orange silk would be for you.

[Will Ferrell]

No, I'm wearing that for sure.

[David]

Look like Makai Pfeiffer in the Boy Is Mine video. Remember, he had a hard scene.

[Langston Kerman]

I pieced it together.

[Will Ferrell]

My boys can pull off a silk shirt.

[David]

Really.

[Will Ferrell]

They're really into fashion. But my oldest son, he was wearing a silk shirt for a music show. He was doing. He looked great. It was a very Harry Styles kind of look. Man.

[David]

God bless it.

[Will Ferrell]

But I'm like. Wow.

[Langston Kerman]

I very much envy.

[Will Ferrell]

Do you have any silk shirt?

[David]

He has a silk shirt. He wore it in New York.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm a silk shirt kind of guy.

[David]

Will fan.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

I see it.

[David]

Yeah. I was pissed. It looked cool.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah.

[David]

I was wearing a Tina Marie T shirt. A fucking asshole. It's very hard doing live shows with you figuring out what to wear.

[Will Ferrell]

By the way.

[Langston Kerman]

I tried my best.

[Will Ferrell]

Aren't you?

[David]

Silk shirt.

[Will Ferrell]

The live shows are the best.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh.

[Will Ferrell]

Thank you.

[David]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

They're. I.

[David]

We're going to have a good time.

[Langston Kerman]

Have the most fun. When we get in front of the.

[Will Ferrell]

Is just like that. Because we did the last eight of the Ron Burgundy podcast live. It just is the best.

[David]

It's everything you want. It's like stand up. Except I don't know what I'm gonna say. Which is a lot more fun. Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah.

[David]

Right?

[Will Ferrell]

The tightrope kind of act of it all. And playing off the audience.

[Langston Kerman]

And also. Yeah. And I'm sure you feel this. We do so much of this in a vacuum where we're like. He thinks it's funny. I think it's funny. We're having fun together.

[David]

But we get that response back.

[Will Ferrell]

And.

[David]

Oh no.

[Will Ferrell]

People have been listening.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. They're into it. They're wearing our bad clothes and they're chiming in on our weird riffs that we don't even remember.

[Will Ferrell]

Half the crowd is in silk shirts. That's an homage.

[David]

Those mamas start coming out in silk.

[Langston Kerman]

If you're brave enough. Put on some silk.

[Will Ferrell]

Do it. Treat yourself.

[Langston Kerman]

Treat yourself to some silk.

[David]

If you're wearing silk. Are you wearing extra deodorant?

[Langston Kerman]

I'm putting it on thick to begin with.

[David]

I'm not needing to double down now. In my head I'm like. There's nothing worse than a smelly guy in silk.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, no. That's a nightmare.

[Will Ferrell]

See?

[David]

Look at that. It sounds terrible.

[Langston Kerman]

That's as close to a trash bag as a human can be. Is a smelly man in silk. You are a walking hefty baby.

[Will Ferrell]

I remember having a costume and something where the wardrobe person had. And I can proudly say. Luckily I don't suffer from too much body odor. In fact, I've been blessed with very little.

[David]

You smell good.

[Will Ferrell]

But.

[David]

Or you smell. You smell neutral. Neutral.

[Will Ferrell]

Which is. Yeah. Okay.

[David]

Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

Jesus Christ. Dan.

[Will Ferrell]

That's a conspiracy right there. That was like a ghost.

[David]

Yeah. I didn't like it. I'M so.

[Langston Kerman]

Let's just keep our hands off the trigger.

[David]

Oh, man.

[Will Ferrell]

But I remember there was some sort of special sweater, and it stunk at the end of the day, and I was like, this is. I swear this is not me.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

And it was. And it was the material in the sweater anyway.

[Langston Kerman]

No, I get it.

[Will Ferrell]

Maybe it was silk. I don't know what my point is.

[Langston Kerman]

You know those classic silk sweaters that everybody's wearing?

[David]

I had some corduroy pants that got stinky on me.

[Will Ferrell]

Oh.

[David]

I didn't wear them for a season. And then I put them back on, and I didn't know I was on the way to a show, and I didn't know I was in the Uber. Like, why do I smell so bad? And then I googled Smelly Corduroy, and that's the thing. Also a Detroit rapper.

[Will Ferrell]

Oh, Smelly Corduroy.

[Langston Kerman]

Smelly Corduroy.

[Will Ferrell]

A very famous Detroit rapper.

[David]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

For Detroit. He hasn't.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah, he's got his.

[Langston Kerman]

He's not leaving the scene.

[Will Ferrell]

He's huge in Detroit.

[David]

Yeah. They give him free concert.

[Langston Kerman]

What do you think about Stevie Wonder being blind?

[David]

Ooh, that's good.

[Langston Kerman]

We had a conversation with Felonious Monk, who's a very funny comedian, and the question was, he suggests and hold maintains that Stevie Wonder is, in fact, not blind. Where are you with this?

[Will Ferrell]

Well, isn't it true that he actually can see shapes? He has a little bit of sight.

[David]

I don't know.

[Will Ferrell]

Or did he lose that?

[David]

I thought he was blackout.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I think. I think by. By PR pitches.

[Will Ferrell]

Yes.

[Langston Kerman]

He is a completely. He don't see the sun.

[Will Ferrell]

I thought I'd heard that had some limited.

[Langston Kerman]

Like.

[David]

Right.

[Will Ferrell]

Like, I don't know, shapes or not. Not shapes, but not even that much, but Maybe.

[David]

But anyway. But would that help anything?

[Will Ferrell]

You're right.

[David]

That almost just seems terrible.

[Will Ferrell]

All of the. I mean, and I had never gone down that rabbit hole before. I'd never even questioned. But then the catching of the mics, the Shaq story. There's a lot.

[David]

But I mean, okay, this is.

[Will Ferrell]

There's a lot. The Boy George in the headlock.

[David]

Wait, what story? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Yeah, right.

[Will Ferrell]

Something like that.

[Langston Kerman]

If I'm remembering correctly, he.

[David]

This is exciting.

[Will Ferrell]

He's had a few.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Boy George tells the story of Stevie Wonder once coming up behind him at a party. At a party. And playfully choking him. Having no direction, no confirmation, nobody in aid. He just, like, puts him in. He's like, you fucking Boy George.

[David]

Carter Chameleon. I don't know why he's your song.

[Will Ferrell]

From the quiet game. Yeah, I got you.

[Langston Kerman]

Which I watch.

[David]

Which I watch.

[Will Ferrell]

I don't want to spoil for anyone. Something crazy happened. But I had never heard the mountain of evidence. It's a little.

[David]

Listen, I have a couple blind stories.

[Will Ferrell]

Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

One. Wait, are you legally blind?

[David]

I see shapes, baby. Oh, come on.

[Will Ferrell]

That's a good name for either a book or an album. I see shapes, baby.

[Langston Kerman]

I see shapes, baby.

[David]

Okay, sorry, continue. What I'm saying is blind people can do a lot. Yeah. So I did shows in Seattle this weekend.

[Will Ferrell]

Highly developed other senses.

[David]

This is what happened. Thank you to all the little mamas for coming out to the shows this weekend, by the way. So fun. There's a blind guy standing. Okay, full disclosure, he wasn't in the. The show's over.

[Langston Kerman]

Yep.

[David]

I said line up. I'll take pictures with you.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah. You're backstage or wherever.

[David]

I'm out in the. I'm out. People can touch me. I'm easy. I ain't hard to find. Okay. You know what I'm saying? I'm taking pictures. Blind guy over here, but no glasses. So he's looking at me, not standing in line. Got a cane. So I'm like, oh, shit, this guy's blind.

[Will Ferrell]

But are. And are the eyes unfocused? No.

[David]

I know what you're saying. You know what I'm saying? I know what you're saying.

[Will Ferrell]

Going every which way.

[David]

Regular degular, bro. Just looking in my general direction.

[Will Ferrell]

So, like this. Hello, I'm blind, but staring.

[David]

But there's a line over here.

[Will Ferrell]

Hi.

[David]

Yes, I'm legally blind.

[Langston Kerman]

First off. I'm blind.

[Will Ferrell]

First off, just so you know.

[Langston Kerman]

Big fan.

[David]

I'm blind. Big fan, bro. But. Okay, here's where it gets crazy. I see him. Oh, hey, do you want to take a picture? He says, yeah, let's get a picture. Comes up, takes that iPhone, bing, bong, boom. Holds it out, and then he's like, oh, it's probably better if you take it. But he set the whole iPhone up, and there was no. I looked. There's no auditory cues, and I think that man was blind.

[Will Ferrell]

So just from sense memory of someone. But how does he know how to set it up in the first place?

[David]

What I'm saying.

[Langston Kerman]

I'd be honest.

[David]

What I'm saying, truthfully, is that they're very tricky folk. Tricky folk. You gotta keep your eye on them. And that I think that there's a lot going on. I believe that he's one. I think he's just. He's aware, I think that the Boy George thing, he smelled someone. He was like, I smell a 24 year old woman. It must be Boy George.

[Langston Kerman]

It must be Boy George.

[David]

And he gave him a head. Cause he's not running up on Quincy Jones doing that because he can smell the Old Spice.

[Langston Kerman]

There is a very iconic photo now, and we talked about this on the podcast, of Stevie Wonder taking a picture of Michael Jackson in like Michael Jackson is posing in the Rock and Roll hall of Fame and Stevie Wonder is behind the camera looking through the viewfinder, taking a photo of Michael Jackson.

[Will Ferrell]

But as a joke, I don't know. I would do that if I was not.

[David]

You're right.

[Langston Kerman]

It's just hard. I just think when people reach a certain level of celebrity, it's hard to tell when they're doing a bit because everybody around them is so serious. So everyone around is like watching this happen and not laughing.

[Will Ferrell]

He did do the hilarious commercial parody on snl. Or was that Eddie Murphy as Don't mix them up. That's right, it was Eddie.

[David]

You got in where the new canon.

[Will Ferrell]

And the photos are everywhere. Okay.

[David]

Yeah, that's. I think. Okay, listen, I would love it, you know, I love a long term ruse. I would love it if he could see.

[Will Ferrell]

Stevie just says one day at the Grammys. Guess what, everyone?

[Langston Kerman]

I've been fucking with you this whole time.

[David]

Gotcha. And he takes them off. And the eyes are straight.

[Langston Kerman]

They're perfect.

[David]

Whoa.

[Langston Kerman]

They're not glassy anymore. They're just fucking gorgeous.

[David]

The clouds have gone.

[Will Ferrell]

I was at an event where Stevie Wonder was the musical act at this fundraising charity thing. And it took a while for like they needed to set up the stage so people were in pain. It was at the end of the night. So like people start leaving while he's playing.

[David]

That's fucked up though.

[Will Ferrell]

And I'm doing a bit with a buddy like, this is Steve. Why are you. You're leaving? During Stevie Wonder, if he is sighted, he played it really. There was no part of him that was like, hey, you assholes.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, what the.

[Will Ferrell]

You rich assholes. Like, I'm playing here. Yeah, yeah.

[David]

But that's what leads me to believe that. I believe. That's why I believe he can't see. Because if he could see, he'd have an ego about that.

[Langston Kerman]

May I present.

[Will Ferrell]

He might even say, how's everyone doing? I feel like some of you are leaving. Like he'd even like. Like my spidey senses are telling me like, people, please stay in your seat. But he didn't.

[Langston Kerman]

But I bet there's a part of him that has to go like, I see you, but I'm not gonna blow my bag by losing it at these people. I gotta play it cool. Be cool, Stevie. Stay calm.

[Will Ferrell]

What would it take? You guys gotta get him on the podcast and just point blank ask him.

[David]

Come on.

[Langston Kerman]

I'd ask.

[David]

I'd say it. Are you fucking with me?

[Langston Kerman]

What's under them glasses, Stevie?

[David]

Tell the truth.

[Will Ferrell]

Him down.

[Langston Kerman]

Just throwing balls at him from different directions.

[David]

I'm blind.

[Will Ferrell]

How many times have to tell.

[David]

Ick boy Georgium.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna, boy Georg.

[Langston Kerman]

So can I present one more piece of evidence to you guys? So. And this didn't come up on the. The original podcast with Felonious. But. But there actually was a video that I came across pretty recently of a former band member of Stevie Wonder who talks about having watched Stevie Wonder get into a fist fight with another member of the band. So basically the drummer and Stevie weren't getting along. He keeps telling him he's fucking up the drums, whatever it is. The drummer gets pissed and is like, I'mma fuck you up, Stevie Wonder. He fully is like, I'm a beat your ass. I fucking hate you, Stevie Wonder. And basically agrees for the. I can't believe he did this. But he agrees to be blindfolded. I literally was gonna say Stevie Wonder.

[David]

Give me the blindfold.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

So he agrees to fight Stevie Wonder blindfolded. And I swear to God, the person describing this video says that Stevie Wonder beats the shit out of this drummer. Like, doesn't even. The guy doesn't even get a.

[Will Ferrell]

That really lends itself to being able to listen.

[Langston Kerman]

He said the dude couldn't.

[Will Ferrell]

Stevie can handle himself.

[Langston Kerman]

He can handle.

[David]

But allow me. Allow me to kind of.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, please.

[David]

It's dark. He hits him. It makes contact. The sound comes. I think it's an echolocation.

[Will Ferrell]

You think this is okay?

[David]

I think. I think he's beating his ass via sonar. I don't know.

[Will Ferrell]

He's going to be super sensitive to movement.

[David]

Exactly.

[Langston Kerman]

You think this is Daredevil? That's what I think is happening strategy.

[David]

Because I. I'll say it. I'm an emotional fighter. As a child, I've gotten into fights where my eyes were mostly closed, just like kind of crying and like, head down, swinging. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And done. Okay, but.

[Langston Kerman]

But what I'll say is that when he describes the fight, he doesn't describe it as like emotional swinging. And he says as Stevie, like, hit.

[David]

Him with a chase up and goes, oh, no.

[Langston Kerman]

Try to move in and, like, square up. And he'll be. And like he says, stevie, he never even laid a finger on Stevie Wonder.

[David]

That's crazy.

[Langston Kerman]

It's either a miracle or he's fucking with.

[Will Ferrell]

Maybe Stevie knows how to work the speed bag. Maybe that's like his. When he's on tour, that's his workout. So he just knows. And maybe a guy's going two more steps.

[David]

Maybe like work the body.

[Will Ferrell]

One of his handlers, like, two more steps. There you go.

[Langston Kerman]

Other one.

[Will Ferrell]

And he knows how to respond. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Turn around, big man. You got it.

[Will Ferrell]

Does Stevie have an earwig? Like, you know, wow. Like the assistant to the president who's like, like. Tells you right before you're meeting someone that like, Right. You met them in Nebraska two years ago. That's the mayor of this town. Like, someone's in his ear. Yeah, going.

[David]

There we go.

[Will Ferrell]

Boy George, two o'. Clock.

[Langston Kerman]

Come on. Put him in a headlock.

[Will Ferrell]

That'd be pretty funny if you put him in a headlock.

[Langston Kerman]

I bet he's never had that done.

[Will Ferrell]

Oh, yeah, that's funny. Let's do it. What's up, Boy George? Guess who.

[David]

That.

[Will Ferrell]

Stevie lost his earwig.

[David]

We gotta find it.

[Will Ferrell]

It fell out.

[David]

I like. That's exciting.

[Will Ferrell]

Someone always on a little microphone talking to Stevie.

[David]

Who is it? Who was. Who was in Stevie's ear, though?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, that's a great question.

[David]

That's what we got. I bet you it was Barry Gordy.

[Will Ferrell]

But now also too, when you guys were breaking it down, the theory was that was the dispute. That, yes, he's talented, but he became. He's more exceptional because he was quote unquote blind. Otherwise, if he didn't have that gimmick, he'd just be run of the mill musician.

[Langston Kerman]

I firmly believe that Stevie Wonder is a exceptional talent with eyes. Without them, no question. He is a top 10. Objectively, there's no question. I will say that I think the sale of Stevie Wonder is a lot easier if he's a little blind boy, then if he's a. From out of Saginaw, Michigan.

[David]

That's where Draymond's from. Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

Oh, right, right, right.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. There's not a lot of heroes coming from Saginaw at this point.

[Will Ferrell]

I wonder what Draymond thinks.

[Langston Kerman]

I think Draymond's the reason he's blind.

[David]

I bet Draymond was the guy he fought.

[Langston Kerman]

Draymond kicked the shit out of that little boy.

[David]

Draymond's like, I don't give a shit. I beat his ass. Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

I punch first, I ask questions later.

[Langston Kerman]

And then I retire if they threaten to punish me for it.

[David]

Oh, man.

[Will Ferrell]

Who's the guy? Who's the guy. Who's the guy in the warriors that Draymond punched out?

[Langston Kerman]

Jordan Poole.

[Will Ferrell]

Jordan Poole, yeah. And no one. There's a little. No, it's not really a conspiracy, but no one really jumped to the defense of Jordan Pool.

[Langston Kerman]

Right? No. Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

I think no one really spoke up on that guy's behalf.

[Langston Kerman]

I think they just said, draymond, you got to be better.

[David]

Right? Okay.

[Will Ferrell]

But the inside scoop is that guy was bugging the shit out of everyone, and Draymond laid him out. And everyone was like, thanks, man. We shot like. Because no one was like, hey, Jordan, sorry about that.

[David]

That's not cool. We fucking loved.

[Will Ferrell]

Everyone was like. Like, hey, things happen like that on the table.

[David]

Right. Also, Draymond seems like he's. If he's on your side, he's on your side. Of course he's dirty to them, but, like, to do it in house did feel a little out of character for him.

[Will Ferrell]

Right, Right, right, right.

[Langston Kerman]

Steph Curry being in the earwig of Draymond Green punching Jordan Poole in the face feels.

[David]

Whoa. Step, step. Curry's the Draymond of the masters.

[Will Ferrell]

Whisper.

[David]

Knock him out.

[Will Ferrell]

Whoa.

[Langston Kerman]

Knock him the fuck out.

[David]

Also, just to go with our podcast, that actually ties into the light skinned rage, that it's not Draymond's dark skin tendencies.

[Will Ferrell]

Sure.

[David]

It's actually Steph Curry's light skinned tendencies.

[Langston Kerman]

Will, your thoughts.

[Will Ferrell]

So wait, educate me here. The light skin rage.

[Langston Kerman]

There is a theory.

[David]

The term is beige rage.

[Will Ferrell]

Beige rage. Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

There is a theory that light skinned people, because of these sort of like.

[Will Ferrell]

Not being fully accepted into the community.

[David]

Have more of a. Also, there's something genetically with bright eyes.

[Langston Kerman]

Have a active rage brewing inside of us that causes us to have very.

[Will Ferrell]

Sort of big actions. Short fuses.

[Langston Kerman]

Short fuses, exactly.

[David]

Let me tell you. Will it holds up?

[Will Ferrell]

Oh, it holds up.

[Langston Kerman]

Sure. Do I shake him sometimes? I do. I do. But he gets out of line, and somebody's got to do it.

[Will Ferrell]

See?

[David]

Come on.

[Will Ferrell]

Wow.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

No, I can see it.

[David]

Yeah, I can see.

[Will Ferrell]

I can see it building up.

[David]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Well, you're a sportsman. This feels apt, I think, as a question. The NBA is rigged was a conversation we've had a fair amount of times.

[David]

It happens a lot. It comes up a lot.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. How much of a believer are you in? And it can be sports in general. NBA specific, whatever you prefer.

[Will Ferrell]

NBA. I mean to say it's rigged. Well, there was the ref situation, right, with the one guy who was shaving who got caught betting on his own game and figured out how to make enough kind of innocuous calls that would add up to.

[David]

Cause he's just covering spreads.

[Will Ferrell]

He's just covering spreads. So it wasn't like losing or winning a game.

[David]

A couple charges. You don't call.

[Will Ferrell]

So that stuff seems real easy to.

[David]

But basketball specifically, too. I don't think you can do it in other sports in the same way.

[Will Ferrell]

But that would lend itself to. You want the major market teams to always win.

[David]

Right. And as a Nuggets fan.

[Will Ferrell]

So Denver. It doesn't. It doesn't lead to the conspiracy, because.

[David]

Trust me, man, nobody wants us to win.

[Langston Kerman]

No, I'm actively rooting against you guys.

[David]

Hey, you with your.

[Will Ferrell]

With your. Your gyro in the center there.

[David]

That guy's foot made a gyro.

[Will Ferrell]

That guy. He's pure. He has genetic material. He's 30%.

[David]

Oh, yeah, gyro. No, he's gone off the row for sure.

[Will Ferrell]

He's the most awkward, moving human being ever.

[David]

It looks so bad, but it works.

[Will Ferrell]

Conspiracy. Does he fake that, the way he runs?

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, you think it's just to set.

[Will Ferrell]

Someone up and then he blows by you?

[David]

Well, here's the thing. Maybe that.

[Will Ferrell]

And he also maintains that he doesn't work out at all.

[David]

He's very red at the end of games. He lives there. Yeah, yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

Oh, right. That's true.

[David]

That's true. Sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think he just is, like sometimes. Sometimes just. It's not graceful to be a winner. I think it's just. He developed an ugly game. Cause it's ugly. It's not a pretty shot necessarily or anything like that. Yeah, I think it's just. He just has that pure Eastern Bloc willpower.

[Langston Kerman]

Well, I think it's the beauty of learning something in isolation, right? Like, he fucking learned to play basketball without any of the influence of, like, social.

[Will Ferrell]

Without even a basket or a backboard.

[Langston Kerman]

He's just shooting them in a horse's mouth.

[Will Ferrell]

Shooting a pumpkin into a. Into a well or something, you know? Yeah. Have to go crawl down, get the pumpkin.

[David]

You gotta learn so accurate.

[Will Ferrell]

I don't wanna.

[Langston Kerman]

You gotta learn to make a cantaloupe bounce off of cobblestone. And it's like.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah, you're gonna be pretty good with angles.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. I think he just never. He didn't have to look at Shawn Kemp as, like, an influence of what?

[David]

What?

[Will Ferrell]

Cool. Looks like Shawn Kemp, man.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what I mean?

[Will Ferrell]

What a beast. He was so cool.

[David]

The Rain Man. Come on. So many kids.

[Langston Kerman]

11, I think. 12.

[Will Ferrell]

We were at a hotel in Santa Monica rewriting elf, myself, Adam McKay, and Jon Favreau. And we'd walk by this room, and there's all these pizza boxes stacked up, up in front of the room. The door opens.

[Langston Kerman]

I love this door.

[Will Ferrell]

It's Sean Camp.

[Langston Kerman]

Yes.

[Will Ferrell]

Stepping out. I'm like. I'm like, hey, Sean, what's up? Hey, what's up?

[Langston Kerman]

He.

[Will Ferrell]

That's. This is when he was trying to make a comeback with the Clippers, and he was. He was eating pizza boxes outside the room. Needless to say, Sean did not make the Clippers. I don't think. I don't think. But he was in training camp trying to make. But we were just laughing with, like, God love Sean Camp.

[Langston Kerman]

That's beautiful.

[Will Ferrell]

He's got the big pizza boxes out front.

[David]

He's not.

[Will Ferrell]

He's not.

[David]

How many. How many you think he could put down in one. He's seven feet.

[Will Ferrell]

There were two larges, two large empty boxes.

[David]

Damn Sean.

[Will Ferrell]

But I don't know how many consecutive nights that was, but.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, that was two hours tops. That he knocked those out early, especially.

[David]

Because he was working out. Yeah. He was at training camp. So he.

[Langston Kerman]

What's the reason why NBA players always get like. Like fat and weird looking is because they're. They're burning 5,000 calories a day, and.

[Will Ferrell]

Then when you shut that down.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. You're just eating exactly the way that you ate when you.

[David]

Without any.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Without any exercise.

[David]

That's what happened to me after high school football.

[Langston Kerman]

Sure.

[David]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I remember when you were lean and.

[Will Ferrell]

Lean and mean, and then.

[David]

Come on, look out. I was like. I looked like Reggie White in 05.

[Langston Kerman]

You were. You are a Lakers fan. You're a very. You're a very active Lakers fan.

[Will Ferrell]

You know, that would be the only. So I grew up with 80s basketball. So those Lakers, Celtics battles, that's the only. That's where maybe the conspiracy is true. Because I could never understand how the Lakers or either team could lose by 20 and then the next night, turn it right back around. But they always say, oh, they make great adjustments.

[David]

What are adjustments? I don't really know.

[Will Ferrell]

I don't know either, to be completely honest.

[David]

Like, what is an adjustment?

[Will Ferrell]

Oh, we. We see that they were trying to run this play, and now we're going to. We're going to double team this play, I don't know. I don't know.

[Langston Kerman]

Turns out a bunch of our guys were on cocaine last night and now they're not, and they're playing way better.

[David]

So we put them to bed.

[Will Ferrell]

Hey, fellas, let's try to cut back on the cocaine and let's make a.

[Langston Kerman]

Quick adjustment with less cocaine.

[Will Ferrell]

But that always. And I'm like, oh, they just want this to go seven games.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

Does the league want that to go? Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

But even, even thinking about like that very infamous trade that never happened with Chris Paul coming to the Lakers shut down, that David Stern actively shut down, that doesn't feel like a rigging to you of sorts.

[Will Ferrell]

Complaining from Dan Gilbert.

[Langston Kerman]

Right.

[Will Ferrell]

The owner of the Cavs. Yeah, that feels pretty.

[David]

I don't trust David Stern.

[Langston Kerman]

Well, well, he's, he's gone. Like, that's just as an idea.

[David]

I don't any of his dealings within the NBA. I don't, I feel if there was ever an era that it was rigged.

[Langston Kerman]

You feel like the David Stern era feels most active.

[Will Ferrell]

Here's what I know is rigged, for sure.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

The player's exuberance towards the in season tournament.

[David]

What are we doing?

[Will Ferrell]

That is so fake. That, that is so, like, this is exciting. Hey, we're all about champions, championships. It doesn't matter if it's middle of the season or in the season. Yeah. That was the most hodgepodge. No, I, I, I just know the league was like, lebron, please can you just say how exciting this is? And he's like, okay, I'll do my part.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I'll say something.

[Will Ferrell]

I'll say something.

[David]

Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

But then all of a sudden, Kevin Durant is like, this is so exciting. And he hadn't said anything.

[Langston Kerman]

And you don't even talk like that.

[David]

Kevin Durant, he's never, never once expressed.

[Will Ferrell]

He said it with this tone. I'm so excited. That's rigged. Yeah, that right there was rigged.

[David]

I think so for sure. I agree with that. So partial rig. I can't say a partial. Partial rigging for sure.

[Langston Kerman]

I certainly think, if nothing else, we can agree that the incentives that they create via the money that these players can earn sort of rigs the system naturally, like they're, they play hard in the in season tournament because there's $500,000 promised to them if they win the game.

[Will Ferrell]

Also, too, I love the Lakers bench players praising LeBron for playing hard so that they could get their 500k.

[Langston Kerman]

They want 500,000.

[Will Ferrell]

But AD and those guys weren't like, why don't you guys give your 500k and split it up with the bench players?

[David]

Yeah, you're real like, like if that, that would really. That would be. That would be a selfless act.

[Will Ferrell]

But then they're like, I mean, I got to give it up to LeBron so hard. He gave full effort so we could win.

[Langston Kerman]

It was pretty cool of him. So that we could win.

[Will Ferrell]

But maybe just give over. You don't need that money, right?

[Langston Kerman]

Turns out you're a billionaire.

[Will Ferrell]

You.

[David]

You can.

[Will Ferrell]

Maybe that's. Maybe that's easy for me to say.

[David]

But anyway, yeah, it's easy for me to say too. I don't have any money. Give it all to you, whatever.

[Langston Kerman]

Maybe give it to two funny podcasters.

[David]

Yeah, maybe two guys, you know, a father. The other one could be.

[Langston Kerman]

And maybe they have it any day now. He could be a father.

[David]

Yeah. And we have stuff we're trying to get in on. You know what I mean? Trying to start a black soap company like every other African person.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm trying to rig my own sports leagues.

[David]

That would be amazing.

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[Will Ferrell]

I hate to say it But I.

[Langston Kerman]

Don'T trust much of anything.

[David]

It's the rage bait. It feels like it's trying to divide people.

[Will Ferrell]

If we got clear facts, maybe we could calm down a little.

[Langston Kerman]

NBC News brings you Clear reports reporting. Let's meet at the Facts. Let's move forward from there. NBC News reporting for America.

[Advertiser]

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[Langston Kerman]

We're calling upon you because we have new merch. We have very exciting merch that we are now selling. And it's fucking great. We love it so much.

[David]

It's sleek, it's sexy.

[Langston Kerman]

Come on. You wanna tell them what we have?

[David]

Yeah. We have three different types of hats, which is really fun. We have a two tone hat, a alien dad hat, the traditional logo in black and khaki. Then we have the enamel pin with the alien who has a koofie on it says my mama told me. And then we have T shirts that say Proud lil mama, which is who you are.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, you can buy the merch now. Go to mymamatoldme.merchcentral.com and we want you to have all the sweet stuff. So get it. Should we, I feel like we should maybe head to the game. Should we?

[David]

Yeah, it's up to you. What do you think? How do you feel if Pharaoh.

[Will Ferrell]

Let's. Let's head to the game. Yeah, okay.

[Langston Kerman]

Let's do the game. You want to do the first one? Okay, we got to introduce.

[David]

Yeah, I didn't do that. I didn't do that. Let me just, let me just line up the queue. Clear it out.

[Will Ferrell]

Get the queue going. You got.

[David]

I smell good, I feel good.

[Will Ferrell]

And you sing good and make love good. Oh.

[David]

Oh, oh.

[Langston Kerman]

What are you gonna argue with him about?

[David]

No, no. He was wearing a neckerchief. Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

What was that front?

[David]

What was James Brown interview when he's real coked up.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, it's maybe his most drugged out interview, historically speaking.

[David]

He just starts singing a lot. Living in America.

[Langston Kerman]

The lady asked him, James, because he had just been arrested.

[Will Ferrell]

A straight up interview. Like, like a show interview or something?

[Langston Kerman]

No, it's like the news.

[David]

Oh, okay.

[Langston Kerman]

He had just been arrested and, like was getting out of jail. And they, they say, James, what landed you here?

[David]

And he says, living in America, it's pretty great. It's really great.

[Langston Kerman]

And he keeps interrupting her with more of his own songs and telling her he makes love. Good.

[Will Ferrell]

Fantastic.

[Langston Kerman]

It's great.

[David]

He's wearing like rose colored sunglasses.

[Will Ferrell]

It's a while.

[David]

Well, I'll send you the link.

[Will Ferrell]

Okay.

[David]

Our game.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah.

[David]

Quid pro quo, ho.

[Will Ferrell]

Right?

[David]

Quid pro quo. H, E, A, U, X. If you were worried. No, no, no. Okay. Yeah, man. Will Ferrell's a writer.

[Will Ferrell]

All right.

[David]

This is basically.

[Will Ferrell]

H A.

[David]

The French ho. Right. But the classy version, the royal hoe. Basically, this is. It's a this for that quid.

[Langston Kerman]

You got it. We believe in you.

[David]

Thanks, man. I really needed that. It's a this for that game.

[Langston Kerman]

Perfect. Just Porky Pig your way out of it.

[Will Ferrell]

Go ahead.

[David]

You're supposed to be my partner. Porky Pig your way outta here. Fucking in front of Will Ferrell. God damn it, Langston.

[Langston Kerman]

Sorry. Sorry, man.

[David]

Motherfucker. Obviously, we present you an idea that could be great.

[Will Ferrell]

Right?

[David]

But then there's a caveat. Much like there is a lot of times being a black man and. Or woman or anything in America. You ready?

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah, I think. Yeah. I don't have a choice. I don't have a choice.

[David]

You're gonna get it.

[Langston Kerman]

You'll follow along. Great.

[Advertiser]

You got it.

[Will Ferrell]

Okay.

[David]

So you get another back to back championship for your beloved Los Angeles Lakers. But for the rest of your life, you are permanently matched with LeBron James haircut. So you have to have a LeBron.

[Langston Kerman]

You gotta.

[David]

Whatever he's doing.

[Will Ferrell]

LeBron.

[David]

So if it. If it starts to go again, you gotta go again.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David]

If it comes back even stronger after he retires, which is what we think.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. We think he's gonna go to Turkey and get it fixed.

[David]

Yeah, for sure.

[Langston Kerman]

Done. But.

[Will Ferrell]

Okay, but that's.

[Langston Kerman]

That's neither here nor there.

[Will Ferrell]

Right, right, right.

[David]

But forever.

[Langston Kerman]

You currently have to wear your hair the way LeBron James's hair is for.

[David]

For ever. Even if he goes like basquiat later.

[Will Ferrell]

Damn.

[David]

So if he goes dreads, you go dreads.

[Langston Kerman]

He does that weird Jay Z shit.

[Will Ferrell]

I'm not that vain a person. That having been said, I'm going to keep my hair. Yeah. Lakers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Two championships. They already got 17.

[David]

Come on, man.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[David]

And also, it's just like he could be doing anything with that shit. Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

By the way, Clippers are never going to win.

[David]

No, I don't think so.

[Will Ferrell]

Curse.

[David]

No.

[Will Ferrell]

Okay. Sorry.

[David]

That's sidebar.

[Langston Kerman]

I think they worse than the Red Sox.

[Will Ferrell]

Worse.

[Langston Kerman]

Worse.

[David]

Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, Yeah, I. I think. And I'm a big fan, but I think you can't bet on Paul George being the.

[David]

You're a big Paul George fan.

[Langston Kerman]

The podcast is pretty cool, man. He. He's actually.

[Will Ferrell]

Oh, really?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, he's pretty vulnerable on it.

[David]

I like. Okay. As a man, but Playoff P. I don't.

[Langston Kerman]

No, I don't believe in him into that. I like his.

[David]

That's why they call me Playoff P. He. Paul George, I respect you as a man, but I don't think you have what it takes.

[Will Ferrell]

Listen, that's my heckle.

[Langston Kerman]

You seem like a good guy.

[David]

Full respect as a man.

[Will Ferrell]

However, I don't think you can close the deal.

[David]

There's a lot of factors going through all the playoffs. I think that you could start strong. I just don't think you're a finisher, and it has nothing to do with how you were raised. It's just personal.

[Will Ferrell]

The podcast is great. You feel vulnerability. You're very.

[Langston Kerman]

You talk about things that other NBA players are scared to talk about, but, boy, do you not know how to.

[David]

Finish on the court. Different story.

[Langston Kerman]

That's not it.

[David]

Shout out to Paul George, Playoff Pete. Yeah. Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

Okay.

[David]

Yeah, yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

I'm going to.

[David]

You got to keep.

[Langston Kerman]

No, Yeah, I think that's a safe bet. I, too, would keep my hair. There's no way I would commit to whatever LeBron has going on, because we.

[David]

All have good hair, is the thing.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah.

[David]

And. Yeah. You know.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah.

[David]

No, you don't have to prove it.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David]

Look at that. What's the term? A quad.

[Langston Kerman]

I like that you're just like, damn, they caught me.

[Will Ferrell]

I remember saying to someone, if I ever start losing my hair and I'm still being hired as an actor and have to do talk show appearances, I'm gonna start wearing a really bad toupee and then deny that anything's wrong.

[David]

That's hilarious.

[Will Ferrell]

Don't ask me about my hair. Yeah, he'll lose his shit. Don't ask me about my hair.

[Langston Kerman]

Don't.

[Will Ferrell]

Anyway, what was it like to work on this movie? Oh, it's great. Thank you.

[Langston Kerman]

Listen, Sandra Bullock is lovely.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah, yeah. Right, right, right.

[Langston Kerman]

She's America's sweetheart for a reason.

[Will Ferrell]

Yes.

[David]

What about you, Langston? Would you have your juice if you started? I mean, we. I think this comes up a lot. Would you. If you was.

[Langston Kerman]

I think a former me was fully committed to. If it starts to go, I'm getting rid of it, I'll commit. But now, seeing what they can do with.

[David]

They could do pretty stuff.

[Will Ferrell]

Pretty solid.

[Langston Kerman]

I watched a video that Tracy McGrady posted on his own page where he got his hair restored.

[David]

And T. Mac is back.

[Langston Kerman]

T. Mac is back. He's looking good, man. And he had lost it. It.

[Will Ferrell]

It was gone.

[David]

That shit was out of there, and.

[Langston Kerman]

He was holding on tight. You know what I mean? Like, he wasn't doing it cool. He didn't shave it.

[Will Ferrell]

He was like, it is funny, though, but you can just shave your head bald and you're. And you're good to go. You're fine. But. But yeah, some people want.

[David]

When an old man has great hair, though. Like, you ever see Jalen Rose? And you're like, he made a deal with the devil. He had to put somebody under.

[Will Ferrell]

Have you ever that? That's what you're thinking as you're watching Jalen Rose commentate. Damn, that hair. Deal with the devil.

[David]

Yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Have you ever seen or watched Jalen Rose, though? A clip of Jalen Rose in a black barbershop? Because barbers do not like him one bit.

[David]

I heard he said, like, you have to spend $200.

[Langston Kerman]

Well, no, it's because they claim my barber, and certainly the barbers I've been near when. When we watch clips of Jalen Rose, they claim that it is all a ruse, that this is like, there's something called Beijing, which is like a darkening sp to sort of give the illusion of a perfect hairline. They're saying it's all a lie. And in fact, he doesn't have the perfect hair we think he does.

[David]

I mean, boy, I juiced one time, I was on a television show, and I had not gotten a lineup before I got there. That was my fault. And they.

[Will Ferrell]

Beijing. That was on you?

[David]

That was on me.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

Okay.

[David]

I should have known.

[Will Ferrell]

Yep.

[David]

Yep. I was getting on a plane. I was on tours. They Beijinged me. And it looks so good.

[Will Ferrell]

Oh, it did.

[David]

It looks so good.

[Will Ferrell]

I thought you were gonna say, too. Disastrous results. No, it looked great.

[David]

It was fucking awesome.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. As long as nobody splashes you with water. You're gorgeous.

[David]

Yeah, it was pretty amazing. It was, like, surgical.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right.

[Langston Kerman]

You want me to do it?

[Will Ferrell]

Would you?

[David]

Would I Beijing?

[Langston Kerman]

No. Would you go with LeBron? Let's say it's Denver championships, but you. You gotta go with LeBron's haircut.

[David]

Are you from Denver originally? Yeah, I live in Denver now.

[Will Ferrell]

Oh, okay.

[David]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

So of course you love your nuggets.

[David]

Yeah. Mile high. Till I die. 303, baby.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah, 303. Who's he talking to no one.

[Langston Kerman]

These cameras aren't even.

[Will Ferrell]

No one says 303, baby. No.

[David]

I was trying to impress you.

[Will Ferrell]

Baby. God, if I can remember that, I just want to start saying that.

[David]

Yeah, dude, dude, you got the hand thing too, though, cuz. It's three. It's three.

[Will Ferrell]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, right?

[David]

Yeah, yeah, three.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

303, baby.

[David]

Man, this is big Nuggets Nation. I need some ticks. I need some ticks.

[Langston Kerman]

That's pretty huge for.

[David]

Come on.

[Langston Kerman]

Who else is going to do it?

[David]

Somebody tell the Joker. God, I hate that name. I would not do it. I would not. I. I just. I don't. I. Down the right. Now, it's an okay bet because me and LeBron are similar. I just think he's probably. He's going to pull up with a Curl Fade in 15 years. I'm going to be like a father. I just. He's going to be doing stuff I.

[Will Ferrell]

Don'T want to do. No.

[Langston Kerman]

He's going to make some wild choices. I. You can't trust a bald man to get his hair back and be reasonable.

[David]

No. He has nothing to lose now.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah, right, right, right.

[David]

He's going to get a Jheri curl for no reason.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. He's going to do that thing where he braids his beard. He's going to get odd.

[David]

I hate that.

[Langston Kerman]

Come on, bro.

[Will Ferrell]

It's inevitable. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So.

[David]

Yeah, I'm not gonna. I can't do it.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay, next.

[Will Ferrell]

Next.

[Langston Kerman]

Quid pro quote, huh?

[David]

This is a good one.

[Langston Kerman]

You fully learned to break dance, right? So much so that you've. You can form those cool circles at parties where everybody's standing around rooting.

[David]

And not just with black, white people. Black people, like, go where?

[Will Ferrell]

Right?

[David]

Go where?

[Will Ferrell]

I'm getting full respect.

[Langston Kerman]

Everybody.

[Will Ferrell]

Everyone loves it.

[Langston Kerman]

They're like, that's. That's.

[Will Ferrell]

They're like. They're like. He's legit.

[David]

Yeah. Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

But you never get to eat dessert again, ever.

[Will Ferrell]

Oh, not even a question. Yeah, break dance.

[Langston Kerman]

You're taking breakdance.

[David]

Let's go.

[Will Ferrell]

I don't need. I mean, I like a good sweet. I like desserts, but that's an easy sacrifice to really just forever go. Oh, let me take a. Let me take a turn in the.

[Langston Kerman]

Break dance circle, which is the classic thing that break dancers say.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah. Did I go? I got next. And then to do my thing.

[David]

Do it.

[Will Ferrell]

And have people go, yeah.

[David]

Wow.

[Langston Kerman]

Fuck, yeah.

[David]

And it's forever.

[Will Ferrell]

I didn't leave any crumbs. I ate it all up. Right?

[Langston Kerman]

Press A button. A button.

[David]

Come on, come on.

[Will Ferrell]

Shit.

[David]

No. Oh, I'm sorry.

[Will Ferrell]

Something's going on.

[Langston Kerman]

Can I smell your dick? There we go.

[Will Ferrell]

Oh, okay.

[David]

I got it. I don't give a fuck who say what. Blood on crib.

[Langston Kerman]

There we go.

[David]

There we go.

[Will Ferrell]

Cause I would love to be able to like set up, like be like a street busker and like, wait, that guy looks like Will Ferrell. And I put down my piece of cardboard and I do my thing and then I pass the hat.

[David]

Yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

And then I never address and I.

[Will Ferrell]

Never address and I walk away.

[Langston Kerman]

That's.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah, yeah.

[David]

That is. Man, when you say it like that, it really is not worth. It's like a. That's.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, you don't need a donut after that.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah.

[David]

No, you.

[Langston Kerman]

You're riding high.

[David]

Yeah. You were popping, locking in the subway.

[Langston Kerman]

That's fucking tight.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah. Would you be.

[David]

Do you think you would be a spins guy or do you think you would be like a pop lock guy? But you can do it all. You celebrate the whole cattle.

[Will Ferrell]

Don't I have it all in my arsenal?

[David]

But like, what do you think you would lean to. Towards?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. What's your closer?

[David]

Would you be a multi purpose?

[Langston Kerman]

Well, you know, when you really want to wow everybody, what's your big closer?

[David]

You could also crump. No. Or no. Is that not it?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, you can crump.

[David]

Why not?

[Will Ferrell]

I would. I. I think my closer. I would pop and lock for sure.

[David]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

God, I used to love rerun from what's Happened in Shore.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

I try to do. I could get the 1, 2 hop.

[Langston Kerman]

I think you made a deal with the devil. You're good.

[Will Ferrell]

A lot of popping and locking, but I would close with a lot of spinning and of course, the classic.

[David]

Yeah, yeah, you gotta.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Have you ever seen that video of Jadakiss breakdancing?

[David]

Yeah, I love it.

[Langston Kerman]

Jadicus, who I assume you know is not someone we make synonymous with breakdancing, right?

[David]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

He apparently is actually a pretty good.

[Will Ferrell]

He can do.

[Langston Kerman]

He can do like spins and he's aging in reverse.

[David]

He also is doing a ton of pull ups on the street. He's going good.

[Langston Kerman]

He like can. He can do the. The rings. Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

The iron cross. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

He can put himself upside down in the rings.

[David]

And I saw him doing it in a. In a. In a. In a trench coat.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

No, I don't think I could do a pull up right now.

[Langston Kerman]

You gotta talk to Jadicus.

[Will Ferrell]

What is. Yeah.

[David]

What's the secret he owns a couple juice bars.

[Will Ferrell]

I know that. Right.

[David]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

And he also I think works out always in Tim's. So maybe that's part of the training.

[David]

It's just training.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah. Jadakiss's juice bars. Yeah.

[David]

Come on.

[Will Ferrell]

I gotta. I'd love to visit those. Both of them. Both of those locations.

[Langston Kerman]

The Bronx and the other part of the Bronx. Yes.

[Will Ferrell]

I'm here. I took an Uber.

[Langston Kerman]

I hear it. This is the finest juice the one train can provide.

[David]

Did you ever break the.

[Langston Kerman]

No, I used to pop.

[David]

Yeah, I noticed because every time we getting drunk and. Remember when we went to that club, that Dominican club?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, sure.

[David]

You have a really good. You have the one move that you do that I could tell is your like it's very light skinned, but it looks cool.

[Will Ferrell]

Thank you, man.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, no, I was a pretty good dancer. And then time continued and now like, you know, like just bodies. People move their bodies differently than was cool when we were younger. Younger.

[David]

That is that. That's so true.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah. The base level of just dancing has gotten much more sophisticated.

[Langston Kerman]

I think so than.

[David]

Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

When I think that's important. Junior high.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

And you could just kind of move now.

[Langston Kerman]

It's like it used to be like these kids do all stay on beat.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah, right, right.

[Langston Kerman]

Pretty good dancer.

[Will Ferrell]

Yep.

[Langston Kerman]

And now it's like, yo, if you can't memorize 20 steps, you're. You're trash. But I don't.

[David]

I do think. And allow me to get on my. I do think that's what's gonna make America great again. Because I think. And I've said this on here before.

[Langston Kerman]

Big Trump guy, by the way.

[David]

No, no.

[Will Ferrell]

I knew that when I walked in.

[Langston Kerman]

You should see his.

[David]

Let me cook here. I think America started to go to shit when white people stopped dancing. I think that we all felt the effects of white people. There's no more sock hops. They're not doing. They used to do the same dances as us.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David]

And then at some point swing. Cause like in the 50s or the 60s, there wasn't this. White guys can't dance. That's like a newer. When did that happen? You fucked it up.

[Will Ferrell]

Do you think the whole. Cause I notice kids, my sons sometimes do it. Not that much. But their friend learning the one TikTok. Like you see a kid almost like Tourette's over in the corner going.

[David]

Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

And then you're like, what are the. Oh, it's the TikTok that everyone's trying to learn.

[Langston Kerman]

They're all memorizing.

[Will Ferrell]

Do you think that has made it to where if you can't do that perfectly, don't dance at all because you don't want to look like a fool. Oh, I actually like the pressure. Like the failure. Like the kind of public. Yeah. The epic fail culture that these kids now, they communicate through. Like, oh, look at this video of someone, you know, getting their nuts smashed and whatever. Like it's only the kids. Do they bond through like sharing. Oh, I hate this person because they're bad at that. Me too. I hate them too. We're friends. So now this like super sophisticated. Do you like how I had to like these high level TikTok dances and if you can't get it down, you better not try it because you don't want stupid. So that leading to people just not dancing in general.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what's funny is that they. They train you to do it on TikTok.

[Will Ferrell]

Right.

[Langston Kerman]

That like TikTok, there are TikTok dedicated to showing you how to do it step by step.

[Will Ferrell]

Right.

[Langston Kerman]

So I actually think to your point, it's becoming a little more universal than it was before. Whereas like, if you didn't know how to. If you didn't. If you weren't connected enough to the black community to learn how to Dougie, you just couldn't dug it or even touch it.

[David]

Take it back even further. Imagine you're like a cool dancing guy and then Michael Jackson comes out with the moonwalk and you're like, I have to kill myself. There's no way I'm.

[Langston Kerman]

What am I gonna do?

[David]

What the fuck did he just.

[Langston Kerman]

Did he spin three times.

[Will Ferrell]

I remember as a kid watching that live the mowalk.

[David]

Oh, and it was the mowtown. That must have been a game changer.

[Will Ferrell]

It was. I must have looked like a dog cocking its head. I literally was like, what's happening? What's happening? This is the greatest thing I've ever seen.

[David]

That man's made a magic.

[Will Ferrell]

And I was like, oh, that's something that has never been done. Or will it ever? At that moment I was like, oh, no one will ever learn how to do that. Sure.

[David]

But meanwhile, some dude. Some dude was in his mom's basement.

[Langston Kerman]

Some little boy named Usher Raymond was.

[David]

He has like a child.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm gonna do it sideways.

[Will Ferrell]

It was a whole war room with ribbons. Connecting pictures and graphics.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, Connecting silky shoes.

[David]

One just goes to Reagan with a big red question mark.

[Langston Kerman]

It's all Reagan's.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah.

[David]

He brought the moonwalk in. Okay. You ensure the.

[Langston Kerman]

This is our. This is our big clothes okay, this is the.

[David]

You ensure the liberation of all black and brown people for forever going forward. But you never get to be a rich white man again. Wow.

[Langston Kerman]

Everybody's free.

[Will Ferrell]

Everybody's free.

[Langston Kerman]

But your lifestyle changes quite a bit.

[Will Ferrell]

But I'm in a two bedroom apartment in North Hollywood. Whoa.

[Langston Kerman]

You're not so much papa anymore.

[Will Ferrell]

Papa.

[David]

No, no, no. You're a papa.

[Langston Kerman]

You're just pops.

[David]

You're living across from that pa. Not.

[Will Ferrell]

Well, I mean. Yeah, that's a doozy.

[David]

That's a tough one.

[Will Ferrell]

That is a tough one.

[David]

In fact, know what I would pick?

[Will Ferrell]

You'd go straight. Keep the money. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Driver, driver, Pick up some caviar before you.

[David]

I'll build some schools.

[Will Ferrell]

Wait, were you the one that had the ability to make everyone equal, but you decided to keep your Rolls Royce? That was me.

[Langston Kerman]

That was me. Yeah, but you don't understand. You've never been in a Rolls Royce.

[David]

Nor will you. Because I made this decision.

[Will Ferrell]

Yes. Now, please, take me to my gate guarded community.

[Langston Kerman]

You're smudging the doors.

[Will Ferrell]

Well, I mean, I. Easy.

[David]

I know it, man. I know what you. You gotta do what you gotta. You gotta. You gotta. Come on, you gotta.

[Will Ferrell]

You gotta say you gotta make the right choice and say, no, we're gonna. We gotta give it all away.

[Langston Kerman]

Look how strong you're struggling to even do the hypothetical.

[Will Ferrell]

I'm more thinking about my kids going, what?

[David]

Shit, shit, shit, shit.

[Langston Kerman]

Dad did what?

[David]

Why they're calling you dad now?

[Langston Kerman]

Dad did what? Papa?

[Will Ferrell]

No more LeBron's. I gotta give all my shoes back. Was it the silk shirts? Was there. Was there a middle ground here at all?

[David]

Well, but to be fair, I don't feel like.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah, you have to do the right thing. Sure.

[David]

Yeah, sure. And even I joke, I would obviously liberate black and brown people forever. Right, Langston?

[Langston Kerman]

We'll see.

[David]

Oh, I'm telling you, this guy's a monk.

[Will Ferrell]

Double crossing.

[Langston Kerman]

What is liberation really? Are we gonna be an egalitarian society? That doesn't seem real.

[Will Ferrell]

Strict definition of liberation.

[David]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I mean, come on. It's a brave answer. It's the right answer.

[Will Ferrell]

It's the only answer.

[Langston Kerman]

Will, this was so fun.

[Will Ferrell]

This was awesome.

[Langston Kerman]

Thank you for doing this.

[David]

Thanks for having me, man. This is so great.

[Will Ferrell]

I loved it.

[Langston Kerman]

Is there. Could you tell the people where they can find you? I know you don't do social media, but is. Is there anything cool that you have going on that you want people to know about?

[David]

Anywhere you're going to be throwing down some cardboard boxing Some moves.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah. At the Third Street Promenade. I'll also be at Universal CityWalk.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, you got a big drive.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah, you got a big drive. With my cardboard busting out. Some moves. I don't know what. I don't know what's happening for me next. Okay. Nothing. There was, like, a movie, but now maybe they won't even release it till next year anyway.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, well, keep your eye out for it.

[Will Ferrell]

Sounds like I'm in a real downward spiral.

[Langston Kerman]

Will Ferrell is in a rut.

[David]

Maybe not going great. You're on our black conspiracy theory pod. Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

Well, I'm honored to be here. So I just want to say. And congrats on. Like I said, one of our first things we had on the platform, and it's. You totally have this unique voice, and it's been an amazing thing.

[Langston Kerman]

Thank you.

[Will Ferrell]

It's great to watch.

[Langston Kerman]

It means the world to us that.

[Will Ferrell]

You would come, and it's bold, and you guys speak your minds, and it's. It's a great. It's an outlet we all need to have and listen to.

[Langston Kerman]

So that's so nice of you to say.

[Will Ferrell]

I commend you guys big time.

[Langston Kerman]

We're really gonna fuck it up.

[David]

Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

No, no, I know.

[David]

I know. You hear that? Every girl who ever left. You hear what Will Ferrell just said to me.

[Langston Kerman]

Really makes you think.

[David]

303.

[Will Ferrell]

Listen up.

[David]

303. This is fake, baby. I can't be touched. Cool guy jokes. 87 on the Grammy.

[Will Ferrell]

I got a Fitbit.

[David]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I just got a Casio.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah.

[David]

Langston's got beats, by the way.

[Will Ferrell]

Fitbit is very white person, isn't it?

[Langston Kerman]

I'll be honest.

[David]

Right. Check this out, though.

[Langston Kerman]

One of my greatest shames is that I wore a Fitbit during my Comedy Central half hour.

[David]

What are you thinking?

[Will Ferrell]

Did you get called out for that?

[Langston Kerman]

I called myself out. Just deeply embarrassed because you just looked.

[Will Ferrell]

Down and were like, what am I doing?

[Langston Kerman]

Because I was committed to getting stepped steps.

[David]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

And I was like, well, I'm not going to take it off.

[Will Ferrell]

You know what? That's something. I would have done the same thing.

[David]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

It sucks. Sucks to be guys.

[David]

I mean, Langston is mixed.

[Will Ferrell]

Your whiteness kicked in. Yeah.

[David]

Why don't you just do it? So I just do it with the. With the. I never get the steps.

[Will Ferrell]

I don't do the counter thing on the thing.

[Langston Kerman]

It just. It's not as accurate as the.

[David]

You get more steps with the Fitbit.

[Langston Kerman]

You get more steps with the Fitbit.

[David]

I would rather get.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. He's getting steps right now. Look at him.

[David]

That counts.

[Langston Kerman]

That's fucking. That's getting logged, baby.

[Will Ferrell]

Oh, my God.

[David]

Now he's getting thousands. My sprinter arms his blows up too fast.

[Langston Kerman]

Too fast.

[Will Ferrell]

Disintegrates on my wrist.

[Langston Kerman]

All right. We did the whole thing.

[Will Ferrell]

We did it.

[Langston Kerman]

Follow us. Send your own conspiracies to mymamapodmail.com buy the merch. Do the thing. That's the whole shebang. Bye, bitch.

[Will Ferrell]

I actually am 1.4% Nigerian.

[Langston Kerman]

African. I'm a sister. Okay?

[David]

The government growing babies microchips in your anus. All koala bears are racist. We also.

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[Will Ferrell]

There.

[David]

The last one.

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[Langston Kerman]

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[Will Ferrell]

You do.

[Langston Kerman]

So ask yourself, can you?

[Will Ferrell]

Can you or can't you?

[Langston Kerman]

Can you load up a Ford F150 and build your dream with sweat and steel? Can you chase thrills and conquer curves in a Mustang? Can you take a Bronco to where.

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[Langston Kerman]

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[Will Ferrell]

Set.

[Langston Kerman]

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[Langston Kerman]

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[Advertiser]

This is an Iheart podcast.