Coach Dr. Umar’s School of Black Excellence (with Langston and David)

Summary

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My Momma Told Me

Episode: Coach Dr. Umar’s School of Black Excellence

Fecha: June 23, 2026
Hosts: Langston Kerman & David Gborie

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Episode Overview

This episode centers on the announcement and controversy surrounding Dr. Umar Johnson’s long-awaited, much-publicized “school of Black excellence.” Langston and David use their signature humor, skepticism, and cultural commentary to examine Dr. Umar’s school—from the unveiling video to questions about legitimacy, mascots, cafeteria menus, and what a truly Black-centric institution should look like. The episode is a comedic deep dive into not just Dr. Umar's antics, but Black educational aspirations, community buy-in, and the spectacle of internet-driven personality cults.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Dr. Umar’s School: Hype vs. Reality

• Langston breaks the news: Dr. Umar has finally revealed a school: “He showed us video of him walking through the school. He shows us video of him pressing the sinks to show that the water is running... Dr. Umar tells us that the school is ready to go… They just need a couple more clearances.” (03:38)
• Skeptical logistics: The hosts question key details—location, school district, age range, and transparency.
  • “There’s not a lot of details of what corners you can find the school on.” —Langston (04:28)
  • “It does not exist in a district. That much I’m sure, bro.” —Langston (04:38)
• Speculation on the school’s mascot and branding: Hilarious riffs on what the mascot would be, from “the fighting abolitionists” to a “foam W.E.B. Du Bois.” (05:18–05:47)
• On extracurriculars: Debate over whether the school will become “a basketball powerhouse” or have “Spanish club”—humorously alluding to limited vision but the importance of diverse exposure (06:37–07:35).

2. The Need for Real School Features

• Empty rooms and running water: The legitimacy of Dr. Umar’s school is questioned based on the sparse walkthrough video.
  • “There was no decoration. It is a lot of empty rooms. A lot of unfurnished rooms.” (16:43)
  • “The water is running in this building that he claims is his. Again, I’m not 100% sure on even that.” (16:57)
  • “Not a book has been purchased. Not a staff member in sight. It is just Dr. Umar walking through what is technically a school building.” (17:14)
• Lunch and curriculum: Joking yet poignant questions on cafeteria offerings and cultural programming:
  • “You feeding them cheese sandwiches is unacceptable…Is the cafeteria primarily African American cuisine?...I would assume he actually would go full Pan African and make it like...fufu and stew.” (17:44–18:21)
• Security concerns: Questions around safety and controversy: “That’s a scary thing as a parent, to imagine, like, I’m gonna put my kid in Dr. Umar’s school, and he gonna be online calling white people the devil…” (21:02)

3. Internet Spectacle, Community, and Accountability

• Charlamagne tha God’s endorsement: Commentary on the spectacle surrounding the school’s unveiling and why people want to believe. (19:08)
• Game of goalposts: Hosts note how Dr. Umar has always found a way to move requirements, keeping supporters invested without proof of actual operation.
  • “You’ll find other checkpoints to create so that we are never actually entering this building.” —Langston (20:30)
• Documentary idea: They joke about doing a “Hoop Dreams”-style doc on the school’s first graduating class, reflecting on outcomes and accountability. (27:08)
  • “I would love to track what they do in high school. In college. And then after that. That's the black liberation story.” —David (27:17)
• Grudging support: Even as skeptics, both wish supporters get what they believe in, though the risk of disappointment is high. (28:05–28:35)

4. Athletic and Cultural Aspirations

• Ex-athlete coaching staff: Riffs on potential for former athletes to teach at the school, with Nate Robinson as an example. (28:50)
• The “Nate Robinson effect”: Extended tangent reflecting on fallen heroes, Black athletic icons, and the spectacle of influencer-boxing matches. “He was like...the buffest little dude...And then we saw him get clean. Clocked the fuck out, and it just sucks, man.” —Langston (29:33)
• Boxing as culture and race politics: “That’s the beauty of boxing—it gets your heart so much. And it’s like, quite frankly, so racial. No, it’s kind of my favorite thing about boxing.” —David (34:41)

5. Theme of Black Institutions & Hopeful Skepticism

• Great potential, scant delivery: The school is both a joke and a genuine beacon for some. Langston calls Dr. Umar “a visionary in that he’s imagining an alternative world...” but notes the school is “not quite as thought-out as we need it to be.” (38:02, 44:44)
• Decor choices and authenticity: Critiques on whether the school’s interior and color scheme match Pan-African ideals, with humorous cultural asides. (25:10–25:20)
• Merch and school spirit: Both hosts agree they will buy gear and show up to support, half-joking about forming a booster club. (36:37–37:29)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Mascot brainstorming: “There’s no adjective for Sankofas. You know what I mean? It can’t be the Silly Sankofas.” —Langston (05:18)
• On running water as a milestone: “That shouldn’t be the thing. You have to show that you have a building. I think books is probably good.” —David (17:04)
• Joking about food as discipline: “You showed up late for the third time, Maurice. It’s borscht today. And that’s too bad, because we’re having banana pudding.” —Langston & David (18:41)
• On the evolving spectacle: “He showed us video...’They say there would never be no school. But I’m here to tell you today the school is done, and the school is ready. Those floors, brothers and sisters, we ready.’” —Imitating Dr. Umar (22:22)
• On the necessity of vision and support: “I’m rooting for everyone who’s invested in this to get what they invested in.” —Langston (28:05)
• Deep sentiment about Black internet entertainers: “He’s maybe one of the best entertainers we’ve ever experienced online.” —Langston (43:09)

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Important Timestamps

| Timestamp | Topic/Quote | |---|---| | 03:38 | School facility announcement; skepticism begins | | 04:28 | No public info on school’s location | | 05:18 | Mascot and school branding riff | | 07:03 | On extracurriculars and school culture | | 16:43 | Critique of the school's undecorated, empty rooms | | 17:44 | Discussion on school lunch and cultural food | | 19:08 | Charlamagne’s endorsement and its effect | | 20:30 | “Moving the goalposts” problem | | 27:08 | Hoop Dreams documentary idea | | 28:05–28:35 | Hopes for supporters, risk of being let down | | 36:37 | “If you start a booster club... you will have a number of purchases...” | | 38:02 | Langston on Dr. Umar’s visionary status | | 44:44 | “It’s not careless, but it isn’t quite as thought-out as we need it to be.” | | 43:09 | “He’s maybe one of the best entertainers we’ve ever experienced online.” |

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Tone and Comedy Highlights

• Playful skepticism: The hosts expertly balance genuine cultural investment with sarcasm and skepticism.
• Cultural authenticity riffs: Hilarious speculations—on mascots, food, and decor—poke fun at the idea of “authentic Blackness” in institutional contexts.
• Personal asides: Stories of Target polos as “dress shirts,” casino jobs, and getting “sturdy” as W.E.B. Du Bois fill out the world of Black working-class youth and hustle culture.
• Respectful yet irreverent: Though quick to joke, the hosts express care for community outcomes and critique with affection.

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Conclusion

Langston and David turn Dr. Umar’s school project into a joyful, provocative conversation about dreams for Black excellence, the pitfalls of spectacle over substance, and the hope that even flawed visionaries can spark something meaningful if backed by the right community. Listeners leave with laughter, a dash of education, and an open question: what could a truly great Black institution look like—and who, if anyone, will get it built?

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Transcript

[Podcast Announcer]

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[Langston Kerman]

Guaranteed Human. I turned off news altogether. I hate to say it, but I don't trust much of anything.

[David]

It's the rage bait. It feels like it's trying to divide people.

[Langston Kerman]

We got clear facts. Maybe we could calm down a little. NBC News brings you clear reporting. Let's meet at the facts. Let's move forward from there. NBC News reporting for America.

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[Kel Penn]

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[David]

Oh, microchips in your maze. All koala bears are racist. The C stands for cool breeze who's known as the champ. Freddy Calhoun, the coolest cutter at camp. My ones and my twos got your whole town shook. Better listen to your corner and watch for the hook. Welcome little mamas and gentiles alike, to another phenomenal episode of My Mama Told

[Langston Kerman]

Me, the podcast where we dive deep De into the pockets of black conspiracy theories.

[David]

And we don't prove anything. We don't teach you anything. We have nothing for you.

[Langston Kerman]

That could not be more true. But there is someone out there who does have something for them. Oh, this is exciting news.

[David]

I can't wait.

[Langston Kerman]

It's not breaking news. You yourself are probably aware of this, but I couldn't have been more excited. Dr. Umar has revealed a school. No.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Today.

[Langston Kerman]

No. Over the weekend. He revealed that he does in fact have a facility. He showed us video of him walking through the school. He shows us video of him pressing the sinks to show that the water is running. He shows the exterior of the school which has portraits of different black figures, including some of the greatest revolutionaries in history. Dr. Umar tells us that the school is ready to go. They just need a couple more clearances.

[David]

Yeah. Couple more checkpoints from the state of Florida, I assume.

[Langston Kerman]

Don't know where the school is.

[David]

You can't tell the. He can't reveal the location.

[Langston Kerman]

That is a troubling part of it. There's not a lot of details of what corners you can find the school on.

[David]

I would like to know what school district.

[Langston Kerman]

It does not exist in a district. That much I'm sure, bro.

[David]

You know what my first question is? Truly.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David]

So it's a school. Is it supposed to be elementary age?

[Langston Kerman]

Elementary, that's right.

[David]

Okay, my major question, and I think we could.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't know what range it goes up to, but certainly there are elementary deaths in the school.

[David]

Whatever the range is. My question. What is the mascot?

[Kel Penn]

Fuck.

[Dr. Umar]

Yeah.

[David]

Yeah. Cause the colors, I assume are red, black and green.

[Langston Kerman]

You gotta. You gotta assume that there's gotta be.

[David]

Right.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. There's no adjective for sankofas. You know what I mean? It can't be the silly sankofas.

[David]

No, but I think he's gotta have like. I think it should be like the fighting.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, Fighting for sure.

[David]

Abolitionists. Right. You could even make it a person.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David]

Like, it could be the Du Bois.

[Langston Kerman]

But you don't wanna. You don't want a foam, man.

[David]

That's a worry.

[Langston Kerman]

Foam W E B.

[Mint Mobile Ad Voice]

Du Bois.

[David]

That's a worry. Like dressed up like one of those mascots. Yeah, you see it like the.

[Langston Kerman]

But he's still balding. He still looks like WEB Du Bois.

[David]

And then you gotta see WEB Du Bois get sturdy.

[Langston Kerman]

He slips and drops popcorn.

[David]

He's saying Nixon 4. Damn.

[Dr. Umar]

Wb.

[Langston Kerman]

Dude, boyz can dunk.

[Dr. Umar]

Yeah.

[David]

Yeah. You got a trampoline?

[Langston Kerman]

Trampoline dunk.

[David]

No, we got. I really would like to know what the mascara. Because I assume there will be athletics.

[Langston Kerman]

You gotta assume that Dr. Umar, if you're collecting all of these true African kids, right, it'd be a mistake to not let him hoop a little bit.

[David]

I think you kind of have to.

[Langston Kerman]

You got to do something.

[David]

Which then maybe. Are we talking. Is this like a Donda academy? What if it becomes a basketball powerhouse?

[Langston Kerman]

Move over, Sierra Canyon. Yeah, we gotta. Yeah. Fuck.

[David]

That's like. I'm so curious about the extra. What clubs. Is there a Spanish club? Probably not.

[Langston Kerman]

I think the unfortunate reality is I'm not sure that Dr. Umar has envisioned this far. But I think that if he were truly treating this as a school to create opportunity for these kids, it is not to do it in isolation. No, it's not. To put them in this building and just have them learn your thoughts and make them like, study your shit. And somehow they'll be better for the world because of it. The way you make these kids better is to make them play ball against people who do not believe none of the shit they're being taught.

[David]

That's what I'm saying. Stand on it.

[Langston Kerman]

Yes.

[David]

Play these white schools.

[Langston Kerman]

Play it.

[David]

Play these Mexican schools.

[Langston Kerman]

Call them all the words that you've been learning in school.

[David]

Yeah. Come on.

[Langston Kerman]

And now we're fighting.

[David]

Come on.

[Langston Kerman]

Now we've got. Now we've got a rival.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

Yeah.

[David]

Bring it to the paint. Bring it to the paint. You got a problem with my ethics? My teachings? Bring it to the paint. I assume he would also head coach, for which he would pay himself a handsome salary. Coach Umar sounds horrible, bro.

[Langston Kerman]

You know he's going. Coach Doctor Umar Coach Doctor. You know that Doctor gotta stay in there.

[David]

All right, team, circle up on coach doctor.

[Langston Kerman]

The good coach doctor said we gotta run 13 suicides.

[David]

Yo, imagine the assistant coach at Coach Doctor's school. Cause, man, you know how the assistant coach is always kind of not on some hoe shit, but he's always like, coach Doctor works hard. Coach Doctor works hard. And I don't want to see you guys slack it off.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, bro. You have to. You have to be willing to defend a man against children, Which is never. Should never be the situation. You should never be standing in front of a room full of children and saying, he's right and you're wrong. Kids.

[David]

I remember even as a kid, like at high school age, like, thinking like, man, like, assistant coaches. I'd be like, man, you gotta go home to your wife after this. Yeah, like you're yelling at me about how I'm talking to that man who talks to me. Crazy, right?

[Langston Kerman]

There were only two versions of assistant coaches. They were either like absolute like hoes, like up the coach's ass.

[David]

Yeah, like Sam Jackson and Django.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, exactly. It's big Stephen Vibes.

[David]

Yeah. That was a he assisted ass coach.

[Mint Mobile Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Whatever play you want, boss.

[David]

I wouldn't know. The boy's right. Running the trap, boss.

[Langston Kerman]

There was that. But then the alternative was like, real

[David]

chill guy, cool assistant coach was important. That was my shout out to Mr. Wilson.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David]

The coach we all assume smokes weed.

[Langston Kerman]

The one that smokes weed is real cool. Cause you get yelled at by a different dude and then you can kind of slide over there with him and he can talk you through.

[David]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Not a solution.

[David]

No, he. Because the thing about cool assistant coach, not even particularly sure he knows all the rules of the game.

[Langston Kerman]

He doesn't have a lot of power there.

[David]

He doesn't. You can tell.

[Langston Kerman]

He's more just a vibe dude. And he's awesome for your vibe. But man, is he useless as far as like getting you back in the game.

[David]

He ain't drawn up one play this whole year.

[Langston Kerman]

He can't even tap the coach to be like, I think no.

[David]

Yeah, he can't. Nah, he can't do anything.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David]

They say stick to special teams.

[Dr. Umar]

Yep.

[Langston Kerman]

You got jv.

[David]

You know who's worse? And I would be interested. I don't know if this is the same parallel in women's sports, but I know this happened for us. The worst coach, ex player coach. I remember the one on our football team where it's like, bro, you're like six years older than me. Whoa, what are you doing? Did you guys have. You guys didn't have that? That might be a heavy football thing too.

[Langston Kerman]

We had it in at for our high school basketball. A bunch of them were ex players. My head coach when I was playing was a former. Not the head head coach of varsity, but the head coach of sophomore basketball when I was playing was ex player. And he was one of them dudes that like would. If you up, he'd get out there and show you how it's done. And man, that sucked.

[David]

That sucks so bad when you watch

[Langston Kerman]

a 40 year old man slap the floor.

[David]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

And then play hard against your friends. It's a bummer either way.

[David]

And then, you know his Tinder profile says works with kids. Bro.

[LifeLock Ad Voice]

Bro.

[David]

Hey, if any women have access to assistant coach Tinder profiles, we will pay money. Probably not, but we would really like to see that.

[Langston Kerman]

I would like to see some assistant coach tender profiles.

[David]

I'd like to see teacher profile, Tinder profiles in general.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I'm good on teachers.

[David]

Oh, well, you were inside baseball.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I want to see.

[David]

He said I'm good on teachers.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I know what that is. You know what I mean? You already got on a work shirt, so you took the picture there.

[David]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

And you think it's handsome. And perhaps people that see this will. But, like, it just reads of dork

[David]

in a way that it's so tough in life when your work shirts are your best shirts. Yep, bro. I had a time when I was probably like. I was probably like 19 down, bad, damn near homeless.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David]

In the car sometimes. I worked at Target. My work shirts were my good shirts.

[Langston Kerman]

Fuck.

[David]

And they were Target red polos.

[Langston Kerman]

I was. They only got one shirt over there.

[David]

Target red polos, Dickies, double knees kneed khakis. And I would just. I would go to the party in the Target shirt. Cause that was my. So many times.

[Langston Kerman]

Fuck, man.

[David]

And just. Ha ha ha. You know, I just got off work.

[LifeLock Ad Voice]

Whoa.

[Langston Kerman]

You had to play it off.

[David]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Because you're like, nah, this is my good shirt.

[David]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Cause my only other good pair of clothes, the 3x G unit jacket I got at TJ Maxx is June. I just can't pull it off.

[Langston Kerman]

God damn, this sucks.

[David]

This has been a tough opening.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, this is a nightmare.

[David]

But you didn't have that when you were teaching it all. You said bow ties. Bow ties went both ways for you.

[Langston Kerman]

But I got. I caught in a. In a huge save for my. For my life at the time. I caught that beautiful wave where we were dressing up to go out.

[David]

Yeah. Oh, that's.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what I mean? So, like, I could literally get off work and have on clothes that I could go out in. I could play that off easy.

[David]

Did it feel crazy to mold minds and then try to go get pussy in the same outfit?

[Langston Kerman]

Uh, I made peace with it pretty, pretty quickly once I got that cracking in me.

[Starbucks Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[David]

Not forget once that rum hits.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, once that rum.

[David]

Oh, that's so funny.

[Kel Penn]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

No, you do feel crazy at first.

[David]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

But then you go, well, this is just functionality. This makes everything easy. Cause I could go do. I could teach, I could go do a show, and then I could go out all in the same bow tied outfit.

[David]

It's a streamlined experience, bro.

[Langston Kerman]

It was.

[David]

That's synergy.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David]

That's what that means, right?

[Langston Kerman]

That's what that common poem Was about.

[David]

Yeah. What's about wearing the same outfit.

[Langston Kerman]

Wear that same outfit. Wear that same outfit from Go Karts to the club, yo. Yeah.

[David]

Cause, bro, I remember when I first started comedy, I was working at a casino.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

Yeah.

[David]

So I had to like. It was like business casual, but my pockets were sewn up.

[Dr. Umar]

Fuck.

[David]

So I'd be out trying to, like, you know, get something going. Gotta get a little motion in the city, talking to girls and shit like that. And be like, what's wrong with your pockets?

[Langston Kerman]

So they sew your pockets up to keep you from stealing.

[David]

Stealing chips.

[Langston Kerman]

Holy shit.

[Taco Bell Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[David]

You had to sew your pockets up. And I was also. I also seemed crazy because, like. So they sew your pockets up to make. Keep you from stealing chips. You also, because the cameras are overhead.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David]

So every time you move your hands or touch something, you have to clear your hands to the camera.

[Langston Kerman]

Holy shit.

[David]

So. But like, you get. It becomes a reflex.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David]

So I'm like at a bar, like, so where are you from? With my pocket sewed up in a sweater vest like a fucking psychopath.

[Langston Kerman]

It just looks like you're like a magician a little bit.

[David]

I would do it when I would grab a beard and she's like, what the fuck?

[Dr. Umar]

Yeah.

[David]

It took a while to like break that.

[Langston Kerman]

Unlearn.

[Dr. Umar]

Yeah.

[David]

Cause I worked there for like a year and a half.

[Langston Kerman]

That's a long time to be flipping your hands over.

[David]

Shout out to the FBI, though.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, yeah, they helped you quit.

[David]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I told you.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That God damn. Umar. Umar should really start to think about what. What these. This school could be.

[David]

I think, because in the way that decorations make a house a home, I think that extracurriculars make a school an institution.

[Langston Kerman]

And I will say that from the footage she showed us, uh, there was no decoration.

[David]

That's. That's a problem.

[Langston Kerman]

It is a lot of empty rooms. A lot of unfurnished rooms.

[Dr. Umar]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Um, the water is running in this building that he claims is his. Again, I'm not 100% sure on even that.

[David]

That shouldn't be the thing. You have to show that you have a building. I think books is probably good.

[Langston Kerman]

There are none. Not a. Not a book.

[David]

The waterworks.

[Langston Kerman]

The waterworks. Not a book has been purchased. Not a. Not a staff member in sight. It is just Dr. Umar walking through what is technically a school building.

[David]

You know what else I'm. Now I'm really thinking about it. You know what else I'm curious about? School lunches.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay.

[David]

What is the cuisine at U of M Academy. I don't know what he's gonna call it.

[Langston Kerman]

I think it's the Frederick Douglass.

[David]

Oh, that's right. He has said that.

[Langston Kerman]

Something like that. But this is a big question because now Dr. Umar is being put in a very complicated position. We're talking about the empowerment of black youth and the future of this world. You feeding them cheese sandwiches is unacceptable.

[David]

Not gonna cut it.

[Langston Kerman]

That's not the future you're promising us now.

[David]

Is the cafeteria primarily African American cuisine?

[Langston Kerman]

And that's a great question. I would assume he actually would go full Pan African and make it like.

[David]

Oh, like fufu and Stu.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, like, he'd go like international black with it.

[David]

Ghari. That'd be weird. Yeah, I mean, I would eat African food at school, but like.

[Langston Kerman]

But I bet in his heart of hearts, it's a new cuisine every day. So that you learn about all the places where we're from.

[David]

And then for punishment, he's like, here's some Polish food.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

Yeah.

[Dr. Umar]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

You showed up late for the third time, Maurice.

[David]

It's borscht today. And that's too bad. Cause we're having banana pudding.

[Mint Mobile Ad Voice]

Yeah,

[Langston Kerman]

it's auntie day,

[David]

bro. It's just like the opportunity for shenanigans is so high.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm really impressed with his ability to keep the ball in the air.

[David]

It's been a long time.

[Langston Kerman]

It's been a long time. And that was a lot of the feedback. I should say that part of the way that I came across this is because Charlamagne tha God. Oh, we love him. Over.

[David]

That's your man, right?

[Langston Kerman]

Can't get enough of that guy. I think he's funny and smart. Charlamagne had posted. Reposted Umar posting it being like y' all said it wouldn't happen. What y' all gotta say now is

[David]

he gonna send his kids.

[Langston Kerman]

And that's where it gets nasty, right? Is that now we're in this complicated game of him having somewhat achieved a goal he claimed to achieve, thus proving everything he's ever said to be true for a small pocket of people.

[David]

Cause, like, it's probably gonna be private.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't think it's real.

[David]

Okay, but you gotta.

[Langston Kerman]

If we're playing the game, I'll play the game.

[David]

Yeah, you gotta play the game.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay, we're playing the game.

[David]

You have to play the game.

[Langston Kerman]

But we should acknowled this is a lie.

[David]

Yeah, no. There would be books, probably.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I think this is.

[David]

Or like a triple beam scale. Some kind of a Bunsen burmer. Cause it's gonna also.

[Langston Kerman]

This is moving the goalposts.

[David]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

And you're making it so that, like, oh, you showed me a facility. Thus, the facility becomes real. And then you'll find other checkpoints to create so that we are never actually entering this building.

[David]

Because I also worry.

[LifeLock Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[David]

Is this gonna be like a boarding school? Is there gonna be dormitories?

[Langston Kerman]

I didn't get that vibe.

[David]

Okay. Okay. This is like, you drop them off.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. For the, I assume, Philadelphia community.

[David]

Okay, that's probably that. Man, I wonder what pickup line that Dr. Umar School is like.

[Langston Kerman]

And that's also scary because you're asking people to send their kids to this school that theoretically is steeped in controversy. That's a scary thing, as a parent, to imagine, like, I'm gonna put my kid in Dr. Umar's school, and he gonna be online calling white people the devil. And maybe somebody retaliates. Maybe there's some virgin.

[David]

Oh, I didn't even think about that. That's so much more responsible than how that. Well, there will be armed guards.

[Langston Kerman]

I would hope so. I mean, they certainly weren't at that walkthrough.

[David]

Listen, man.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David]

I hate to be on Dr. Umar's side. It was just a walkthrough.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[David]

Granted, I haven't seen it. I was doing my own shit this weekend.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, that's not your responsibility. In this podcast, I keep up with the Umar stuff.

[David]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

You focus more on.

[David]

I get the smut, and it works for us. You're here.

[Langston Kerman]

I think I need to show you.

[David]

Yeah, I think maybe I need to see it because I'm like, I'm. Whereas you sound. You sound like the game. I'm excited to see a vision come together. I love when a plan comes together.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm not mad at it. I just am not a believer, necessarily. But maybe I'm wrong.

[David]

Okay, let me see.

[Dr. Umar]

Look at your school, brothers and sisters. We are complete. And we are ready to decorate for our children. We are ready to decorate for our community again. They said we stole the money. They say there would never be no school. But I'm here to tell you today the school is done, and the school is ready. Those floors, brothers and sisters, we ready.

[Langston Kerman]

It doesn't look like Africanists will be learning.

[Dr. Umar]

We are ready, brothers. And look at the shine on that floor, brothers and sisters.

[Langston Kerman]

You built this for academic revolution?

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

No.

[Dr. Umar]

Are y' all ready for academic? In these sacred classrooms, in these sacred walls, there will be an academic.

[David]

Can you pause for a Second revolution. Here's what I'll say. That is good or bad.

[Langston Kerman]

Yep.

[David]

It does look like a school in Africa.

[Langston Kerman]

You think he was modeling it off of a place that was struggling with resources?

[David]

There's school right outside my grandpa's village. It looks kind of like that.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[David]

I got an uncle who works at a school. Looks kind of.

[Dr. Umar]

Yeah.

[David]

And I think if that's the vibe he's going for,

[Langston Kerman]

I think it looks a little bit like you aren't telling us the whole story of this school.

[David]

I don't like how much time he spent on the bathroom.

[Langston Kerman]

You didn't build this from the ground up.

[David]

Yeah. And the bathroom is like. I don't want to say the least important room in the school, but if we're talking about areas, that's maybe not what I'm worried about.

[Langston Kerman]

I really like to see that classroom first.

[David]

I would like to see the classroom. Yeah, but you saw. He did show one.

[Langston Kerman]

He showed classrooms.

[David]

How many desks was that? That seemed like a good classroom size. It didn't seem like the amount of desks that would have a school be overcrowded.

[Langston Kerman]

No, it was a lot of desks for one room and then none for the

[Dr. Umar]

desk.

[David]

Can desks. You know, you could get desks.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, you can get desks. For sure. They are expensive.

[David]

Well, but you can. Even when I was a kid during the war, my mom and some people, we filled a container with school supplies donation and sent it to Sierra Leone. Gang of desks in there. Gang of desks in there.

[Langston Kerman]

Here's what I'll say. That put me off the most and made me feel the most. This is what turned me into the detective I've become. Come inside of this. The colors don't match what he says he's building.

[David]

The colors of the school.

[Langston Kerman]

There's no, like, Africanized color scheme inside of this.

[David]

I was going to say that yellow. There's a lot of that in Africa. That color of building.

[Langston Kerman]

100%.

[David]

Right. You've been to Africa. You saw some of those yellow buildings.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[David]

Big over there.

[Langston Kerman]

But I'm saying that blue. Yellow combo.

[David]

And then there was like.

[Langston Kerman]

The room was red.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

It just feels haphazard in a way that doesn't feel like you worked on this.

[David]

Okay, here's what I'll say.

[Dr. Umar]

Yeah.

[David]

I assume that the blue in the bathroom is the boy's room. Cause he also showed the urinal with the sensors that may or may not look at your penis.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, we were real dismissive of it being cameras and Then people online were like, nah, it's cameras.

[David]

Yeah. People really felt that.

[Langston Kerman]

And maybe we're wrong.

[David]

I don't have any way to feel. If it is a camera, it's too late.

[Langston Kerman]

I've never cracked one open. So maybe we're fools.

[David]

The world will see my soft meat. Thank God I'm married.

[Podcast Announcer]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

It's a bummer if that gets out.

[David]

That's not really what you. That's not what you want to lead with.

[Langston Kerman]

That's not good news.

[David]

That's not what you want to lead with.

[Langston Kerman]

That's a bad news day for me. If this gets out to the world.

[David]

Yeah. Shout out to people who have admirable soft meat. I really not how I was raised.

[Langston Kerman]

It's the time that I respect a man the most. It's not business. It's certainly not this dumb shit we do.

[Dr. Umar]

No. God no.

[Langston Kerman]

But if you can pull your dick out and not be embarrassed just on self, sir. Have your way with whatever you need in my home.

[David]

That's a different lifestyle.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, you live a different lifestyle.

[David]

Listen man, though I want this school to work out at least I would like. Here's what I would love. I would just love to see. And maybe this is where we go into our filmmaking bag.

[Langston Kerman]

Yup.

[David]

I would like to document the first graduating class of Frederick. Like the first class who entered his.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

What is it?

[David]

K through 8. Maybe the first class who entered K through 8 graduated 8th grade. I'd love to track what they do in high school. In college.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David]

And then after that.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David]

That's what I. That's the black liberation story.

[Langston Kerman]

I would do a full of full hoop dreams but for similar endings. Yeah. For fucking. For kids going through the Dr. Umar

[David]

program and they're probably. I, I. Listen man. A lot of crazy people can get schools off, bro.

[Langston Kerman]

And here's what I'll say. I'm rooting for everyone who's invested in this to get what they invested in.

[David]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what I mean that like if you did in fact go. I would like to see what Dr. Umar's school look like. I think you deserve that school.

[David]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

And if that is a space where you feel comfortable sending your kids, you

[David]

should send them there.

[Langston Kerman]

And I would love for that you to be able to feel what you believed in. Because maybe you're right.

[David]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

And this does create a better generation of kids. Or maybe you're wrong. And that's an important lesson for you and yours in the future.

[David]

Listen, I think it's all about supporting cast now. Dr. Umar who do you fill that school with? Probably no more podcasters.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, please, no more.

[David]

Probably no more podcasters. Yeah, probably. Maybe get some ex athletes.

[Langston Kerman]

Yep.

[David]

You know what I'm saying? I'm sure Nate Robertson could coach Jim or something.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nate Little. Coach Nate Little Coach Nate.

[David]

That'd be cool.

[Langston Kerman]

I will say that now that he got knocked out by Jake Paul, I do struggle to see Nate Robinson as the God that I once saw him as.

[David]

No, I don't agree.

[Langston Kerman]

You don't see it that way.

[David]

That song.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David]

It was a bad day. He's a basketball player.

[Langston Kerman]

Yup.

[David]

You shouldn't even be over here fighting.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't disagree with you, but he's little.

[David]

Jake's big.

[Langston Kerman]

But part of it was that Nate Robinson was, like, the buffest.

[David]

He was really buff.

[Langston Kerman]

Little dude is buff and was banging on dudes.

[David]

I love watching him.

[Langston Kerman]

He was like. He was. They didn't even like fighting with him.

[David]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Nobody liked fighting with Nate Robinson.

[Dr. Umar]

Yeah.

[David]

Remember when he jumped over Dwight Howard?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, man.

[David]

That was so cool.

[Langston Kerman]

He was a little scrappy do motherfucker.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

Yeah.

[David]

I really liked it.

[Langston Kerman]

And then we saw him get clean. Clocked the fuck out, and it's. It just sucks, man.

[David]

I feel like people gotta quit fighting.

[Langston Kerman]

Nobody should be doing that.

[David]

Everybody's gotta quit fighting.

[Langston Kerman]

Why are you fighting?

[David]

Stop it.

[Langston Kerman]

You're not gonna win.

[David]

And even if you win, you're not gonna win.

[Langston Kerman]

It's all a losing game for everybody involved.

[David]

Like, we're still not gonna be talking about in five years. No, like. And he defeated one of the greatest men of all generations.

[Langston Kerman]

He took down. He took down Zeus.

[Dr. Umar]

Yeah.

[David]

He climbed Olympus.

[Langston Kerman]

Zeus parentheses network.

[Dr. Umar]

Yeah.

[Podcast Announcer]

Zeus

[Langston Kerman]

close parentheses.

[David]

Oh, man. Yeah. We got to stop. There's no bag that I would get that would, like, be worth the fallout of it.

[Langston Kerman]

No, it's not worth it. And, like.

[David]

Cause if you're down, it's not gonna bring you back up. And if you're up, I feel like it's only gonna bring you down.

[Langston Kerman]

I also. And I gotta be honest, I also think I was really counting on Nate Robinson back there.

[David]

Oh, you thought that.

[Langston Kerman]

I really was like, bro, the athlete that he is is so godlike.

[David]

Right.

[Langston Kerman]

I would argue Nate Robinson might be, if not the greatest, the. He's in the top three of, like, dudes under 6ft playing. Who played in the NBA?

[David]

Under 5, 10, probably.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Even better.

[David]

Yeah. I just.

[Langston Kerman]

Cause I feel like, who would you put under six feet? Because Iverson's like, six one.

[David]

That's True. That's exactly who I was thinking of.

[Langston Kerman]

I think most guys are like six feet and above.

[David]

Right, right.

[Langston Kerman]

Like, I think it really is a sensational mom. That's like under six feet doing even. Chris Paul, six, three.

[David]

Yeah. I was a big Earl Boykins guy.

[Langston Kerman]

Who's that?

[David]

Chris Paul's not six feet. Isaac's flexing on us having met Chris Paul, notorious Clipper.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David]

Which I did tell my family this weekend that the Clippers is the Korean team. They think I'm very.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, Koreans love the Clippers.

[David]

I'm Korean. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Wow. How did that happen?

[David]

Well, I learned it because I went to the stadium.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay. You just looked around?

[David]

I said, well, okay. It's a little different seeing a lot

[Langston Kerman]

of Isaacs around here.

[David]

I didn't say smell. I didn't say it smells like anything. Isaac said smells like kimchi. I did not comment on any smells I did or did not notice in Intuit Dome.

[Langston Kerman]

I will say that smell is the most like. Oh, you're racist. For real choice.

[David]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

If you go like, this is what they smell like.

[David]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

You go, okay.

[David]

Smells is the most racist thing.

[Langston Kerman]

Because we all do smell the certain smells.

[David]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

But you keep that one to yourself.

[David]

You don't say anything. I love this restaurant. You say, I take dates here all the time.

[Langston Kerman]

It's very authentic. That's why I enjoy it the most.

[David]

Yeah. Because every cuisine's got some crazy smells.

[Langston Kerman]

Crazy smells is part of it.

[David]

That's the point. Yeah. If it doesn't smell crazy a little bit. What are you doing?

[Langston Kerman]

You got to scare yourself with a little odor.

[David]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. I like a pungent plate.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[David]

Oh, fuck, no. That sounded crazy. Yeah. Nah, I was trying to impress you guys.

[Langston Kerman]

Nah, it sounded cool.

[David]

My tastes are actually more pedestrian than I'd like lately.

[Langston Kerman]

I think my larger point is that Nate Robinson, for me, stood as like, this untouchable athlete in a way that I was like, certainly this fucking YouTuber cannot penetrate. And then he got knocked out in a way that was so embarrassing.

[David]

I mean, first of all, you're operating under the illusion that these are real fights.

[Langston Kerman]

Yup.

[David]

Which is not. That's already not.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, you don't even feel like this. You feel like this was predetermined in some.

[David]

I think Jake Paul's only gonna lose to who he's supposed to lose to.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, and you, dog.

[David]

He's fighting 60 year old Mel. Like, come on, man.

[Langston Kerman]

But you don't think Nate Robinson took a fall.

[David]

I think that Jake Paul is a Much more experienced boxer.

[Langston Kerman]

Yep.

[David]

I don't think Jake Paul can't fight.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David]

So in that I think he knew the odds on a much smaller opponent who doesn't box.

[Langston Kerman]

Right.

[David]

Are pretty good, man.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[David]

Like, I think he's, he's picking them on. He's picking them right.

[Langston Kerman]

You know, that's fair.

[David]

I understand you want it. Cause that's the beauty of boxing is it gets your heart so much.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David]

And it's like, quite frankly, so racial. No, it's kind of my favorite thing about boxing.

[Langston Kerman]

They become your champion.

[David]

Yeah. Your black champion.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David]

Your dark, black, short champion.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. I think for me, he just had become my champion.

[David]

Yeah, I get that.

[Langston Kerman]

And I think the, you're right. The reality is that Jake Paul is like 6:2, probably weighs 60 pounds more

[David]

than Nate Robinson and not unathletic. I'm not saying Jake Paul is even a professional, but he's like an athlete.

[Langston Kerman]

I think he's.

[David]

And he boxes.

[Langston Kerman]

He's much more capable than anybody expected him to be. I don't think that like up against a real fighter, as we saw, anywhere near what he actually is competing at, that he's real competition. But I think that, that he could fuck up a regular dude pretty good.

[David]

I hate it on the outside. On the inside, probably pretty fun career, awesome career. Just like be a boxer without really being a boxer.

[Langston Kerman]

You have so much money that they're never gonna make you actually test this shit.

[Dr. Umar]

Yeah.

[David]

That's what's gonna happen when I start my jazz career after this bullshit. It'll be like, I guess he's okay at saxophone stuff.

[Langston Kerman]

David exclusively scats now.

[David]

Yo, you see that video of Don Cheadle scatting?

[Langston Kerman]

No.

[David]

On Rocky Mountain PBS when he was in high school.

[Taco Bell Ad Voice]

No.

[Langston Kerman]

I want to see that.

[Dr. Umar]

Oh, man.

[David]

Let me find it. Keep talking. I'll find it. It's good.

[Langston Kerman]

I, I Nate, we certainly. Umar. Umar. We wish you the best with your

[David]

school and we believe in you. And we cannot wait to go to the season open for the fighting abolitionists. I'm buying gear. Yeah, I'm buying all, man.

[Langston Kerman]

If you start making gear for the school, I'm not going to call it merch. I don't want to commodify it in that way.

[David]

These are children and it's for support.

[Langston Kerman]

It is for support. If you start a booster club where you make your clothes available, I promise you, sir, you will have a number of purchases made here on My Mama Told Me, Man.

[David]

Come on. I'm going to get Stella a Bandana.

[Langston Kerman]

Buying something for everyone in our household.

[David]

You have the babies decked out.

[Langston Kerman]

Come on.

[David]

It's going to say. It's going to say, future Frederick Douglass alumni.

[Dr. Umar]

Yeah,

[Langston Kerman]

Absolutely. I love that.

[David]

Listen, if that. If he gets this school off the ground and they compete in athletics.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David]

We will travel to a game and vlog it.

[Langston Kerman]

I.

[David]

Well, it's a game.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm getting season tickets, baby. I'm moving my family to whatever remote part of Philadelphia you're building this in.

[David]

By the way. Concessions at a Dr. Umar game.

[Langston Kerman]

Come on.

[David]

Concessions gonna go crazy.

[Langston Kerman]

Real crazy.

[David]

Real crazy. They're gonna have skewers. Them hot dogs. They're gonna have jerk skewers.

[Langston Kerman]

Them hot dogs getting grilled.

[Dr. Umar]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, man.

[David]

Getting Burt Link. Yeah, man. He should just let us run it.

[Langston Kerman]

He needs to take his hands off the wheel.

[David]

Yes.

[Langston Kerman]

And let some actual visionaries take over from here. Because I do think he is a visionary in that he's imagining an alternative world where he can actually transform the experience for black and brown people in the world. He really is a visionary in that sense. A way that you and I don't see ourselves. We are not taking on those challenges of transformation for the world.

[David]

Yeah. In my brain, I see myself that way. But I know enough to never enact the crazy ideas that I have. It doesn't make it past here.

[Langston Kerman]

And we need somebody with his ambition who can do that.

[David]

We need somebody who's gonna get the water turned on.

[Langston Kerman]

Get that water turned on. I wasn't gonna do that.

[David]

I didn't know how, brother. You know how much stuff I thought would be cool?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David]

I bought a bodyboard the other day.

[Langston Kerman]

And for what?

[David]

Give it to the kids. They're out there going crazy.

[Langston Kerman]

Y. Yeah.

[David]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

But my point is, is that here is this beautiful opportunity. You've created the facility. You've painted the walls blue and red for some reason. But here we are with this beautiful opportunity where you hand over the keys and you go, fellas. Get to making some gym T shirts.

[David]

That's what I'm saying.

[Langston Kerman]

Get to really imagining what kind of books and lunches can happen here in this Frederick Douglass building.

[David]

Get us the mural on the first entryway.

[Langston Kerman]

Yup.

[David]

You know that the school mural that they always have.

[Langston Kerman]

And he has one. You should know that, bro.

[David]

It's gonna go crazy. He does have one of those right now.

[Langston Kerman]

He does have one already.

[David]

See, my man, he. It's like you said, he is thinking.

[Langston Kerman]

He's thinking.

[David]

He's not. Not thinking.

[Langston Kerman]

No, he's not.

[David]

Not thinking he's putting thought to it. It's not careless.

[Langston Kerman]

It's not careless, but it isn't quite as thought out as we need it to be.

[David]

And I don't know about the specific Vicks. Whose name is that water bill in. I don't know that.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't know that he knows that.

[Dr. Umar]

Grand opening coming soon. For those who have donated FDC grand opening, they go to the honorable Marcus Garvey, the honorable Frederick Douglass, the prophet Nat Turner, and the Emperor John Jacques Desolines. Where my Haitian Africans at? Where are my Haitian at?

[David]

Nat Turnerland.

[Dr. Umar]

I'mma see you on Thursday. My.

[David]

My brother.

[Langston Kerman]

My favorite part of the. The video is that at one point he's walking through the building and he thanks everybody from everywhere. He says, my. My Connecticut Africans, my. My Phoenix Africans, my Chicago Africans, my Miami. And he literally goes to every ma. He. He get. He gets international on the.

[David]

I'm getting fucking hyped.

[Langston Kerman]

He hits everybody because he. And he is. He's hyping you up and you. Fuck, man. We did. We all did this. And I didn't do nothing, but I'm like, damn, we did this. Yeah, yeah, go.

[David]

Here's a question for you. I have. Honestly.

[LifeLock Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[David]

How many more single line parts do I have to get in Matt Damon movies? Oh, to receive an honorary doctorate.

[Langston Kerman]

Yep.

[David]

From Dr. Umar's K through 8. Like, what do I have to accomplish that he would let me do that? You don't think he.

[Langston Kerman]

I think you're gonna have to do something purely black, like kill a guy.

[David]

Kill a white guy. I don't mean black. I mean, for Dr. Umar, white guys, everybody kills people.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. I'm saying. I'm saying that, like, Dr. Umar, part of his game is to always call people coons. And so long as you are a single line in a Matt Damon film, you are a coon to him.

[David]

I would love to get a single line in Nemesis, and that's the difference. I would love to Langston. I think for him, the power universe is not calling me.

[Langston Kerman]

I think for him, that's what he needs in order to feel like you are worthy of. Of the honorary degree. But I'm not suggesting Yurukun. I just am suggesting Dr. Umar would. As he would me. I'll never get my name on that building. I've done too much on the Internet. You know what I mean?

[David]

That's really the hardest part about all this, is to turn it back inwards, is that we can't get down.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, no, he's never Gonna fuck with us like that. But that doesn't change my want to support him.

[David]

Yeah, I'll still go to the game.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. I'm still a fan of him Even if he's not a fan of me.

[David]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I really do feel that way.

[David]

And that's how you know you're a fan.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I'm a.

[David]

Cause you are a true. I feel like a lot of times it comes off tongue in cheek on this.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David]

But as an entertainer, I think to entertainer.

[Langston Kerman]

Take your time. It's a scary word. I get stumbled up all the time.

[David]

The t's and the n's are tough on you.

[Langston Kerman]

Entertainer.

[David]

I think that you are a true fan of him.

[Langston Kerman]

I think he's maybe one of the best entertainers we've ever experienced online.

[David]

You hear that, Cedric?

[Langston Kerman]

You are the entertainer.

[David]

It's the only other one I could think of.

[Langston Kerman]

But I think that Dr. Umar ascends even because he's so effective in being both, like, slightly convincing and funny the whole time.

[David]

Yeah. But also good at his job. I was hyped like him in front of that mural. I was excited. I'm still kind of excited.

[Langston Kerman]

We should tell them. We've tried to have Dr. Umar on the show before. Yeah. We've actively pursued Dr. Umar.

[David]

We didn't have it in the budget, but maybe this new network that we're trying to get locked in.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Dr. Umar]

Oof.

[Langston Kerman]

In a way that really felt even more telling to why I love him so much. We emailed Dr. Umar. Dr. Umar emailed back immediately. It wasn't even like a long wait.

[David]

We don't know if it was him.

[Langston Kerman]

Well, Dr. Umar's team emails back immediately. They go, thank you for your interest. It will be 7,500 in person. It will be 5,000 for a Zoom recording, plus hotel and expenses. Flight. Hotel and expenses.

[David]

And if I had it like that. Yeah, that's the. That was the tough thing about that is I think we talked about it. We were like, if it was in

[Langston Kerman]

the budget, I would pay top dollar for it.

[David]

A hundred. No question.

[Langston Kerman]

He don't miss.

[David]

And by the way, pay 7512 all said 125 all in. Pay 125 for what will most definitely be a terrible episode.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David]

That's how much we're. It's not gonna be good.

[Langston Kerman]

We wouldn't have fun even for a minute.

[David]

No. He would hate us. We're gonna bring him in my room. He's gotta see Stella. I got a hairless cat in here.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[David]

This is gonna be awful.

[Langston Kerman]

He's really gonna look at these walls and he's gonna have complicated feelings about what the fuck this is.

[David]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

No, I.

[David]

We have a Korean man in a closet.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, Yeah. I forgot that he would have to process that.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

Alone.

[David]

Yeah, Alone.

[Langston Kerman]

Figuring out what to do.

[David]

It's honestly seeing the Isaac. Dr. Umar interaction would be worth the memory.

[Langston Kerman]

He goes, and there was an Isaac I spoke to.

[David]

And.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, he's right in there.

[David]

You know what's weird? And maybe this is crazy to say. I bet Dr. Umar smells amazing.

[Langston Kerman]

I can see that.

[David]

I bet it's like a very distinct, like a woody scent. Like strong wood.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David]

Which is like. I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I think that to really step into your ankh dome, you need to be more like a wood and less bright. A darker scent as opposed to like a floral or.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David]

Can't be out here smelling like fruit after 40, I don't think.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Whoa.

[David]

Even if it's orange blossom.

[Langston Kerman]

That's real. I am finding myself shifting into manlier scents.

[David]

Same, bro. My cologne is like. It's like, dense.

[Langston Kerman]

I think I'm still not quite at dense levels. I think I'm still cowering away from that. But I think that's my own weakness more than me being honest with.

[David]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

What I should be doing.

[David]

Men should smell like wood and beer.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David]

And a little bit of tobacco.

[Langston Kerman]

What's that? Chainsaw.

[David]

Oh, no, that's black and mild.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. We should take a break.

[David]

Yeah, let's take a break. All right.

[Langston Kerman]

More, David, more. Langston, more. My mama told me I turned off news altogether. I hate to say it, but I don't trust much of anything.

[David]

It's the rage bait. It feels like it's trying to divide people.

[Langston Kerman]

We got clear facts. Maybe we could calm down a little. NBC News brings you clear reporting. Let's meet at the Facts. Let's move forward from there. NBC News, reporting for America, Ryan Reynolds

[Ryan Reynolds]

here from Mint Mobile. I don't know if you knew this this, but anyone can get the same Premium Wireless for $15 a month plan that I've been enjoying. It's not just for celebrities. So do like I did and have one of your assistant's assistants switch you to Mint Mobile today. I'm told it's super easy to do.

[Mint Mobile Ad Voice]

@mintmobile.com Switch upfront payment of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month required intro rate, first 3 months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees, extra fee, full [e-mail].

[Podcast Announcer]

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[Taco Bell Ad Voice]

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[Langston Kerman]

Jingle bells, jingle bells Jingle all the way oh, what fun it is to sing on Channel 6 today. These white people, fed up with him. Look at that girl's face. My boy. Oh, yes, Skip.

[Mint Mobile Ad Voice]

I really do.

[Langston Kerman]

I wouldn't lie to you.

[Taco Bell Ad Voice]

You're a star.

[David]

You drive big cars. I hope that you love me, too.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Just gift.

[Langston Kerman]

Keep talking to me, you know, it feels so good. I love your eyes.

[LifeLock Ad Voice]

Love your.

[Langston Kerman]

This isn't even a part of Jingle Bells. I love those ears, those eyes, those lips.

[Dr. Umar]

Those go.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, Don, you're such a. Oh, can we pause it for one second? At no point in Jingle Bells does somebody demand that they fuck now.

[David]

No, no, no, no.

[Langston Kerman]

It's jingle all the way.

[David]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

And I'm sorry I got upset and knocked everything over. Stella, you can't do this. This is nuts. Sweetheart. And you're a beautiful girl.

[David]

You gotta get out of here.

[Langston Kerman]

You're a beautiful girl. I'm a big fan of you.

[David]

She wants to get up now because she's. She's. She. Her body's weird, so she can't, like, move.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David]

All right. Get out of here.

[Langston Kerman]

Come on. You're beautiful girl. But it's too much.

[David]

It's too much. No. Okay, so here's what I think about that video.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David]

I think it makes me Love Don Cheadle. I think they're like, let's just go in here and fuck with these white people. Cause he's being very flippant. He's being very casual, very.

[Langston Kerman]

He didn't even remember what channel he was on.

[David]

He said, oh, what fun it is to sing on Channel 6 today. He's not.

[Langston Kerman]

He didn't take this seriously at all.

[David]

He brought his man. His man can't sing. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

And he's like, just tell me how handsome I am while I scat.

[David]

And from being from Denver, I know what happened. They had that white fucking choir and they said, oh, no, we need to like. Like, we need to. We need to like. We can't just have this white choir.

[Langston Kerman]

You think Denver was on like identity politics early?

[David]

I think that somebody said, there's this talented young boy who goes to East High School. Yeah, I saw him in the play. He'd be perfect to spice up this Donald Romaine Cheadle. Romaine is great.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't know why his name is that.

[David]

Cause he gets leaded.

[Langston Kerman]

Always getting to that green.

[David]

I think that him and his friend know that this is silly.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David]

And I think they're there. I think they're like getting everybody.

[Langston Kerman]

Fuck.

[David]

Cause like, you saw the. He knows it's ridiculous. Yeah, that was. He was being hilarious.

[Langston Kerman]

No, he was being really funny. And also, like you said, very flippant about the shit. It didn't even feel like he was trying to sing his best. No, he was being really casual about singing in a way that. Yeah, it didn't feel. It was very confusing.

[David]

But you see how the whites in the back are taking it really seriously.

[Langston Kerman]

They were taking it very seriously. And they also did not seem happy with the way that he was being cavalier. They seemed like they were like resentful of being in the back while he was up there being a good time gal.

[David]

So once again, I have to say shout out to Don Cheadle, greatest Denver native of all time.

[Langston Kerman]

Shout out to Don Cheadle.

[David]

That was really cool.

[Langston Kerman]

I think he might be. He might be in the top 10 for me of guests that I've dreamt of, man. I think he'd be fun.

[David]

I think he's. I think he's great. I really dark skinned hero.

[Langston Kerman]

I think he would get from the 80s. Right away he would know, like, oh, this stupid.

[David]

Yeah, yeah. No, we. Someday, man, someday. And if any of you guys have connects, I think he's related to Chauncey Billups somehow. I don't know if that helps.

[Langston Kerman]

They Kind of look like they would be. They got that head shape, you know what I mean? They, they both went, they both lead with head.

[David]

Rocky Mountain head. Yeah, I, I think, I know, I know. I met a guy in Denver who's his nephew who be out sometimes. Damn, that boy look like Don.

[LifeLock Ad Voice]

Damn.

[Langston Kerman]

He might be my favorite black actor.

[David]

Dark skinned you mean?

[Langston Kerman]

I just think in general. Oh yeah. My favorites aren't usually cut off that way.

[David]

Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't usually go.

[David]

I wish I could start saying dark

[Langston Kerman]

skinned black, light skinned black.

[David]

And this is where cuz we're different

[Langston Kerman]

sometimes and, and I don't know that. And we've had this argument before and I certainly don't mean to rehash it because you all could not have been meaner to me about you nasty motherfuckers. The way you spoke to me about, about what I said which I stand behind which was specifically a list.

[David]

You really don't need to do this.

[Langston Kerman]

But you're right, I'm not going to bring it back up. But boy were you mad at me about my previous thoughts on light skinned celebrity. And I think because we have so few, I think I, I collect black in whole.

[David]

That's fair.

[Langston Kerman]

It's a lot easier to have a favorite when light skinned one when there are so few. You're like I don't know, James Earl Jones, I guess.

[David]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I mean dark skinned. I'm the darkest though. So there's like not. I never saw anybody on TV who looked at it.

[Langston Kerman]

Don Cheadle's close.

[David]

That's what I'm saying.

[Langston Kerman]

He's up there.

[David]

That's what I'm saying. Yeah. King, King, King.

[Langston Kerman]

He good man.

[David]

That boy good.

[Langston Kerman]

He's good at. And he's good at all of it.

[David]

He could do anything. He could be funny, he could be African.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, he did that once.

[David]

He did it. You know who didn't do that? Your man Will Smith. Not well.

[Langston Kerman]

Nah, he didn't do it too good.

[David]

He didn't do a good job at all. I'll say this.

[Langston Kerman]

Denzel ain't do it that good.

[David]

I know it.

[Langston Kerman]

Don Cheadle, the only one that put on that British accent. I go, that's pretty good.

[David]

You know who did good? Forest Whitaker.

[Langston Kerman]

Forest Whitaker did great.

[David]

He went crazy.

[Langston Kerman]

Forest Whitaker, really?

[David]

He went really crazy.

[Langston Kerman]

Forest Whitaker went nuts in a way where like. But Hollywood had to take him seriously in a way that they didn't want to.

[David]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Cause for years they had kind of like pushed Forest Whitaker off On like, oh, he's like, we'll let him be like a bad guy in our shit, but we're not gonna let him be like a star.

[David]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

And then, and then he. That king of Scotland, they were like, ah, man, we gotta give it to you. You're a star.

[David]

You know what I like about Portis Winner? He does a thing that a lot of, like, white actors that you always remember. He has a very strange speech pattern.

[Langston Kerman]

Uh huh.

[David]

It's like black Christopher Walken.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David]

And that's a lot of fun.

[Langston Kerman]

I do think that at some point you gotta take yourself seriously enough that you gotta stop talking like you used to talk.

[David]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what I mean? Where you go like, nah, if I'm gonna be the artist I claim to be, there can't be any remnant of a little boy that I once was. So you just changed the whole vibe.

[David]

That's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna go like Madonna did. I'm gonna get British later. You know, my mama told me I was upstairs, wasn't he? I don't have a lot of words right now, but I'm working.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Nah, it sound like shit. I sound like shit. But certainly I do think that that's how you free yourself of who you were, is who would you talk like,

[David]

if you had to, like, completely. If you had to go full artist mode. Like, no more comedies for you. It's straight up dramas and like dramas where you're trying to get your son back, you know, you're avenging a death.

[Langston Kerman]

You know, like late stage Russell Crowe.

[David]

No, he. I don't know that at all. Sorry. Russell Crowe, when he was fighting everybody.

[Langston Kerman]

No, just Russell Crowe now is like much more gravelly and kind of like, like, and gruff, but still Australian as fuck. And so like, I like the idea of Russell Crowe after he's like a drunken.

[David]

Oh, that's cool.

[Langston Kerman]

Like, I want it to be. It's serious and it's quiet and it's flippant and he curses a lot. I want it to be like a drunk Australian.

[David]

You know what's cool? You're doing like a reverse Mel Gibson.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David]

You know what I mean? And then people, when they see your old shit, it'll be like, when you see Mad Max with Mel Gibson, you're like, I didn't know he's Australian.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Why is he talking like that?

[David]

People are gonna be like, I saw Langston Kerman on Abbott. He's not Australian at all.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David]

Also bad father.

[Langston Kerman]

Nah, he's a bad dad. You Keep yelling, but it don't seem like he helping.

[David]

Oh, man.

[Langston Kerman]

No. Yeah. I think late stage Russell Crowe, drunk Australian is exactly where I'd like to be.

[David]

Well, you heard it here. We're both going to adopt colonizer voices, get famous, and leave all of you behind.

[Langston Kerman]

There's no chance coming with us, sweetheart. But thank you, thank you, thank you for your investment thus far.

[David]

And in the meantime, Langston, can you tell them where you're going to be at and what cool things you have going on?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Thank you. David.

[David]

Did that fuck you up that I did your thing?

[Langston Kerman]

No, it's not my thing. I think I've just taken on the responsibility and have presumed it is mine.

[David]

Yeah. I thought you liked it.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't like doing work at all.

[David]

Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

I think there's this massive illusion that people have of me that I actually enjoy doing the labor.

[David]

I thought that. I always thought that you. I always kind of was. I always kind of feel like I'm like, Langston really likes doing the work.

[Langston Kerman]

I think I'm so afraid of quiet and put so much onus on things getting quiet as my fault that I over. I'll talk through the quiet quickly and just act quickly, presuming that is my responsibility.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

Possibility.

[David]

Damn. Okay. Well noted.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that felt great. You can follow me at Langston Carmen on all social media platforms. You. You can see us live come or no. It'll probably have already happened by gone.

[Dr. Umar]

Probably.

[David]

But you saw us live, and we sold that bitch out.

[Langston Kerman]

We did. The tickets couldn't have sold faster.

[David]

A lot of notable celebrities.

[Langston Kerman]

Too bad, bitches left, right and down the middle.

[David]

I can't believe the Obama showed up.

[Langston Kerman]

And. And I'm sorry we had to put them out.

[LifeLock Ad Voice]

Ha.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm sorry we had to put them out. But, Malia, you know what you did?

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

Yeah.

[David]

Oh, talk about that. Ah, that's so funny.

[Langston Kerman]

What you got? What you got?

[David]

Cool guy jokes87 on Instagram. You know, just watch this. We're really making a run here. We're in my house.

[Dr. Umar]

We're.

[David]

This is. We need you.

[Langston Kerman]

We need you.

[David]

We need you to watch this. We need you to join the Patreon. We're fighting for our life right now. I'm not going to hide it. We've been going through some shit, personally, emotionally. We need this.

[Langston Kerman]

You know that.

[David]

Need this to work.

[Langston Kerman]

You know that part of the Gayle King interview where R. Kelly stands up?

[David]

Don't do that. Don't do that to me. Don't do that to me.

[Langston Kerman]

I've done for my life right?

[David]

Right now.

[Langston Kerman]

Robert, sit down. I am Robert, sit down.

[David]

Bye.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get the same Premium Wireless for $15 a month plan that I've been enjoying. It's not just for celebrities. So do like like I did and have one of your assistant's assistants switch you to Mint Mobile today. I'm told it's super easy to [e-mail]

[Mint Mobile Ad Voice]

Switch upfront payment of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month required intro rate first 3 months only then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra. See full [e-mail] this is Matt Altmix

[Kel Penn]

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[David]

Lyft.

[Kel Penn]

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[Guest or Additional Speaker]

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[Podcast Announcer]

this is an iHeart podcast.

[Langston Kerman]

Guaranteed human.