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Langston Kerman
This is an iHeart podcast.
Ryan Seacrest
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Langston Kerman
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David Bourie
I mean, that being said, G Depp just got out, so maybe. I don't know what he's gonna do. He could. He could make.
Reggie Conquest
Make this money. Make this money.
David Bourie
The G stands for the game. It don't ease pain. Come on. I love that guy. Were you guys G Depp fans?
Langston Kerman
I liked him, but I don't think.
Reggie Conquest
I know a few. I know the hits. Yeah, I don't think he the. I don't think he the guy. I mean, I'm happy he's home. Matter of fact, I'm gonna listen to him today.
Langston Kerman
Welcome home, G Depp. But we're not counting on you to come. Major player here. I mean, go ahead, relax. Get to know your kids.
Reggie Conquest
When they said he was released, I thought. I didn't even know he was in jail, bro. I was like, damn, I didn't even know.
Langston Kerman
G. Okay. Hey, good to see you, man.
David Bourie
I love special delivery. Anyways. Microchips in your anus all koala bears are racist the ozone layer owes me money Marching to Ben and turkey stuff Y' all can't tell me nothing.
Langston Kerman
Num num, num in my tum tum tum There it is. There it is. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another phenomenal episode of My Mama Told Me, the.
David Bourie
Podcast, where we dive deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theories, and we finally work to prove that Shannon Sharpe would, in fact, suck some toes if faced with the right toes. Come on, Shannon, we know you got it in ya. Just do it for the team. My name is David Bourrey.
Langston Kerman
I'm Langston Gurman. I'm all for sucking toes.
David Bourie
I am, too.
Reggie Conquest
I am, too.
Langston Kerman
I ain't fighting it.
David Bourie
It's a crazy move, but I don't get it.
Langston Kerman
But it's not a first date move, but I recognize that, like, everybody date different.
David Bourie
Everybody wouldn't have toes on the first night.
Langston Kerman
I don't think I would do it before I got some. Or at least, like, the promise of it.
David Bourie
No, I'm talking about in the first hookup.
Reggie Conquest
Oh, I would.
Langston Kerman
You would?
David Bourie
Same.
Langston Kerman
Okay.
David Bourie
Which, I mean, I think is really the beginning of the converse the topic today.
Langston Kerman
No, you can jump in whenever I was like.
Reggie Conquest
I'm like, yeah, I'm suck toes.
Langston Kerman
We'll intro you more properly, but feel free to chime in whenever you decide.
Reggie Conquest
Word. Yeah, I'm down sucking toes on the first link.
Langston Kerman
I'm not opposed to it. I don't think my instinct lends itself to sucking toes. Certainly not.
David Bourie
What are you being so scary for? What are you. What?
Langston Kerman
Come on, man. I'm just trying to earn it. I'm just trying to earn it.
David Bourie
Earn the toes sucking.
Reggie Conquest
I'm not jumping straight to the toes though. I want you to be like, take your shoes off, lemme suck the feet.
David Bourie
No, it's not the first place my mouth is going.
Langston Kerman
Look, even Steph Curry takes layups before he takes half court shots is my point. You know what I mean? Like he, he works his way up to the thing that is his thing.
David Bourie
I don't think it's. I don't think it's a half court shot.
Reggie Conquest
I think it's a free throw.
David Bourie
I think it's a. Yeah, I think it's a mid range jumper at best. Maybe a turnaround. But like, nah, man.
Langston Kerman
You feel like across the board, even, even a first interaction with somebody, everybody's like, hell yeah, suck my toes. No doubt in my mind that that's going to be well received.
David Bourie
Yeah. I mean, not, not, not more or less than the other I'm trying to pull off. You want to, like, for real about it. Yeah. I got a couple moves I'm trying to get.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah, I feel like, I feel like it's the first. Is this the first day we're going out to dinner? Like when she comes over for dinner, she comes over for dinner. I'm definitely sucking toast.
David Bourie
Yeah. If you cross while you're watching a movie, it's all going in each other's mouths.
Langston Kerman
So if you made bolognese, you putting toes in your mouth, that's just the way that's going.
Reggie Conquest
Absolutely.
David Bourie
If I had to heat up an appetizer, I'm a taste.
Langston Kerman
Let me get a look at them piggies.
David Bourie
Yeah, pigs in a blanket. Depict in my mouth. That's the order.
Langston Kerman
Our guest today, you already have heard his bold opinions on. And maybe, maybe, maybe I'm in the minority. And it actually leads us well into the subject of today. But our guest today, he's a phenomenal comedian. I couldn't be a bigger fan of him from that damn Michael Che. You know him from Comedy Central, you know him from Abbott Elementary. He's insecure, he's been all kinds of cool shit. Hilarious, dude. Give it up for Reggie Conquest.
Reggie Conquest
Hey, what up? What up? What's going on? It's been a while since I've been on here, man.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, you were in the original iteration of the show, back when it was just me in a different corner of my room.
Reggie Conquest
Dave, what up? Dave, what up?
David Bourie
You changed corners of your room?
Langston Kerman
Yeah, I used to be over there, but now I'm over here.
David Bourie
Okay.
Langston Kerman
It's a whole thing.
David Bourie
Life's about progress. Yeah.
Langston Kerman
I'm not trying to hold it, Reggie. You came. Well, we should say you did not come with this conspiracy theory. It sort of was. It was born of you and Bori looking at each other and building an almost immediate bond in a way that's hard to articulate. How quickly you all sort of like Voltron together into a single body.
David Bourie
You see how quickly on that you all. Shit. You see how he just does that? Obedient. He was gonna draw the line.
Reggie Conquest
Separated himself, you all.
David Bourie
Yeah.
Langston Kerman
The way you two apes sort of monkeyed together, it's. It's hard to articulate.
Reggie Conquest
When they were setting up, I was looking at my camera like, is that me?
Langston Kerman
But you, you came with this conspiracy today. You said, my mama told me dark skinned niggas is up. You're the man now, dog. Uh oh.
Reggie Conquest
Oh, yeah.
Langston Kerman
Tell me. Tell me everything you're feeling right now in this moment. Tell me what you believe.
David Bourie
I mean, me personally, I want to say, for the record, I don't think we've been down since, like, early 90s.
Langston Kerman
Wow. Really?
David Bourie
I think Wesley Snipes came up and it's been a steady rise.
Langston Kerman
You think Even. Even, like peak Drake era, y' all were still.
David Bourie
And then the Meek shit, here's okay. Meek was a hit. Meek was a hit. That hurt me.
Reggie Conquest
That hurt.
David Bourie
Meek. And you're from Philly. That is tough.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah. I can't offend him no more. I'm kind of over him now.
David Bourie
Get up.
Langston Kerman
Get up, Rock.
Reggie Conquest
To be fair, I was laughing at that video. But then I went and did the same thing. Like, it's easy to sound like a bitch at the wrestling event. And he was like, you know what I feel for me at that point.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
David Bourie
And you're right.
Reggie Conquest
I was with kids. I was with grown men. Like. Like, it was the same exact tone and everything.
Langston Kerman
I'm talking tough.
David Bourie
Like, I had to take a walk when the undertaker got beat at WrestleMania.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah.
David Bourie
That was a bad day. That is a tough day. Here's the thing. I think that to the Drake of it all, here's what I think about Drake. Great artist. We love him, right? Women want to have sex with him. Men don't want to be him. Nah, I don't and that's why I don't think he counts for a take. Niggas want to be Wesley Snipes. Nobody wants to. Like I said, I love the guy. Nobody wants to be Drake. Everybody. Everybody looks. You know what I mean? You see him and you're like, oh, Drake, you're up to your own. What are you doing? Spread eagle on the bed.
Reggie Conquest
I was just speaking from. Just Cole just apologizing to Kendrick. Like, it's. Come on.
David Bourie
That was a big day.
Reggie Conquest
It's our summer. That was a crazy moment for Light Skin, Dark Skin. I was like, oh, we got it. That was a. That's a good day.
David Bourie
He bent the knee.
Langston Kerman
I could not. I. So first. And I want to say this on the record. I didn't care about this beef from the start. From the start. I was like, this is boring. They're just friends, like, being like. I like beef when they beef. When it really is about somebody about to die.
David Bourie
Yeah. Langston wants somebody killed behind it.
Langston Kerman
I like when a man feels sad after he listens to another man read poems. You know what I mean? Like, I don't want this shit where it's like, oh, wow, be rapped really rappy.
David Bourie
Level.
Langston Kerman
Yeah. Let's burn some bridges, baby.
Reggie Conquest
Like that. I respect that.
David Bourie
Yeah. You want somebody's baby mama to get.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah. That's old school. That's old school beef.
David Bourie
That's the worst I ever seen on the Internet.
Reggie Conquest
That was. 50 cent is just wild.
David Bourie
That was the worst thing I've seen. Two girls, one cup. That's still the worst I ever seen on the. Like, it hurt my feelings when I was.
Reggie Conquest
I forgot about that. Yeah, I forgot about that.
David Bourie
Yeah. I'm sorry.
Reggie Conquest
Damn. That's a throwback.
Langston Kerman
Yeah. I think he was meaner to Floyd Mayweather than he was to Ja Rule.
David Bourie
Oh, Floyd got it bad. The reading thing was hard.
Langston Kerman
The reading thing was pretty, like, exposing in a way that I still look at Floyd a little funny, you know what I mean? Where I'm like, damn, bro, you can't read.
Reggie Conquest
But even that era, nobody was getting killed. They were just really shitting on each other.
Langston Kerman
Yeah. They were just real mean. Yeah.
Reggie Conquest
But I knew this bad. I knew this was a real beef, but I didn't. I was getting into it, okay? I'm getting into it.
Langston Kerman
You were buying Apology.
Reggie Conquest
I was buying into the friendship and the lyrical shit. Now, I don't think Drake is coming doing that. I don't think. I think Drake is a foul nigga, and he gonna say so.
David Bourie
I think so. Too. I think so, too.
Langston Kerman
I don't think Drake's gonna make this a rap beef, but I do think he's gonna do something real like fucking weird and personal and make this way ickier than it currently is.
David Bourie
That being said, Drake also was bested by a dark skinned man.
Langston Kerman
He was. He was.
David Bourie
He was.
Langston Kerman
But. But he best. He bested a dark skinned man.
Reggie Conquest
The Splash brothers are done. Steph is done. It's all.
Langston Kerman
Whoa, hey, wait a minute.
David Bourie
Almost. Get out of here. Clay is done.
Langston Kerman
Steph is fine.
David Bourie
I think Clay could come back. I think Clay could reverse Sammy Sosa. I think he ends up with us. To be completely honest. I think that's a real. I think that's a real possibility.
Langston Kerman
Here's what I'll say is I think that there's a fair argument that a lot of our heroes are on their downturn, right? A. Klay Thompson, Steph Curry. Drake obviously is not at his height of heights. It ain't looking great. J. Cole's apologizing, but I don't think you will all are giving enough credit to the way dark skinned niggas have been acting a fool as of late as well. I don't think you're acknowledging all of the important players here. Meek Mill is an important mention. Draymond Green has truly lost every ounce of him.
Reggie Conquest
But see, that's all fun and games. That's all fun and games to us.
David Bourie
And he lost himself in the darkness. He's like Darth Vader. Yeah.
Reggie Conquest
Like, come on. I'm so poop.
David Bourie
Yeah, yeah. Like all the things he's doing is just. He got, if anything, too dark.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, See, that's just.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah, that's just dark skinned fun. That's all I did.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Reggie Conquest
Exactly, exactly.
Langston Kerman
This has always been. This has always been. My issue with this argument is that at its core, you guys hate us so much. I want to be clear about my language. I want to be absolutely clear about my language. I am not. I. I'm furious now because you all hate us so much that when, when Drake acts like a psychopath, you go, this is light skinned behavior. He's being a little bitch, whatever it is. But when Draymond Green arguably does identical shit to Dray.
David Bourie
Identical shit. It's not. You are saying actually. Come on, you seen Draymond spread eagle on the bed?
Langston Kerman
Let's be honest.
David Bourie
You seen that? You think Draymond spreads his legs for a dick pic? That's what you tell me right now?
Langston Kerman
Let's be completely honest. You take the dick pic out of the equation. And Draymond Green is going on his podcast and starting beefs that he ends only when he can, like wrestle a dude from the back. It's Drake level behavior.
David Bourie
Dark skinned activities.
Reggie Conquest
Yes. That's fun. That's dark skinned fun. You think Drake started, man, Drake gets suspended. He gets suspended. Just, just like I used to. He gets from everything. Come on.
Langston Kerman
He's doing the same thing Drake does.
Reggie Conquest
He's pulling the fire alarm.
David Bourie
Yes.
Reggie Conquest
I used to really pull every fire alarm in the school.
David Bourie
Exactly.
Langston Kerman
Did you get you guys suspended every time?
Reggie Conquest
Oh, that was like a kink for me back then. I was. Every time. I could not stop pulling fire alarms at one point in my life.
David Bourie
That's. Yo, that's a hilarious stat, bro. 20 fire alarm.
Reggie Conquest
Oh, my God.
David Bourie
It was a.
Reggie Conquest
It was insane.
David Bourie
It is. I get it though, because I've seen somebody do it. And the excitement, if that is exciting.
Reggie Conquest
Excitement, running, laughing, and you're on camera, they're showing you pulling the. They used to show they know right here. And I'm like, whoa, when did that.
Langston Kerman
You might be the first serial fire alarm puller I've ever met in my life.
Reggie Conquest
At one point, from like, from like seventh grade to like 10th grade. Oh, it was a problem. It was a problem.
Langston Kerman
Do you remember your last pull? Do you remember, like, where you were like, hey, I gotta chill. This, this took me over.
Reggie Conquest
I got kicked out of my first high school, ninth grade year, and I got sent to another school. And then when I got sent to the worst. The worst school I was ever at, I was like, all right, that's surprise you.
David Bourie
Yeah. They were like, we don't even have fire alarms over here. Yeah, we'll let you die in this, bitch.
Langston Kerman
You pulled a fire alarm. We send the police.
Reggie Conquest
It's like the beginning of 10th grade. I was like, all right, man, I gotta cut this habit.
Langston Kerman
Damn. Damn. They took a great one out the game. That sucks, man.
Reggie Conquest
It was a problem.
David Bourie
Gone but not forgotten.
Langston Kerman
When we come back, we're really going to try to unpack this so called dark skinned niggas is up movement. Y' all are trying to start right now.
David Bourie
You see it? You see what he does though, bro? You see what he does? And then he's like, I don't understand the light skinned jokes. Like, he's not dividing and trying to divide and conquer right now.
Langston Kerman
I'll say this, it was a good impression. I'll say that.
David Bourie
It was a good impression.
Langston Kerman
You nailed my voice. I give you that.
David Bourie
And it's only when you do that regularly regular guy but then you start.
Langston Kerman
To so called okay yeah. I thought I was talking again. I couldn't believe how close the impression was. We're gonna be back with more Reggie Conquest More My mama told me this.
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David Bourie
Would have been.
Reggie Conquest
Oh, swallowed.
David Bourie
Have you ever been swallowed up? Have you gone through a time of swallowing where everything was overwhelming? We are back.
Reggie Conquest
Nothing ages well. Nothing ages well.
David Bourie
I don't think that was even that long ago. I don't think that was that long ago.
Langston Kerman
Is. Are you guys gonna tell me that's that he got swallowed by the dark skin? What's that? How do you defend that moment?
David Bourie
That one was tough. I don't know. Tdj. I think, I think, yeah. I think that in service of the white Lord, the white Jesus, I think everyone makes mistakes and I think he's. I blame that on white Jesus.
Reggie Conquest
Nothing is aging well. Like in 10 years they're going to call one of us gay and they're going to post a picture. Look at him with his two dark skinned boyfriends. Nothing ages well, man, it's.
David Bourie
And they're taking all our heroes out the game is what I get upset about. I don't. I don't know. I don't know. Not one white guy who had to get rid of any heroes. I got it. I gotta lose one every six weeks.
Langston Kerman
Yeah. Like, nobody looked up to what's his name? What's the producer's name? That Harvey.
Reggie Conquest
Nobody gave a shit.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, Nobody was like, I want to be Harvey Wine. They were just like, miramax fan. Yeah.
David Bourie
He's a distributor.
Langston Kerman
You're like, no, I respect that. He's like very famous and successful, but I don't want to fucking be that guy. He looks like.
David Bourie
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Langston Kerman
Awful.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah, it sucks. We don't have nobody left.
David Bourie
No, man. And it's like more and more, man.
Langston Kerman
They waited to cancel Hugh Hefner the moment he gave out his last cough. You know what I mean? Like, they were like. He was like. And they were like, oh, he's a bad guy. And then he died. And so they just get to live with his memory being good the whole time.
David Bourie
Yeah.
Langston Kerman
Dark skinned niggas is up. Y' all are, Y' all are of the belief that this J. Cole apology, or at least Reggie, you suggested that this J. Cole apology might have been the, the, the big step forward you needed at least for the summer.
Reggie Conquest
Right before summer. Right before summer. It's a good look. And then, you know, Kendrick is our Apache beard king and he gives me confidence.
David Bourie
We love Apache beard.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah, he's. He's Apache beard king. And I'm, I'm following his league.
Langston Kerman
Do you think that Kendrick now walks away from whatever this is? Like, does he go and rest or you think he's coming back with violence?
Reggie Conquest
I hope he come back violent. I want him to rip. I still want him to rip whoever's throat out.
David Bourie
I hope so. I mean, we do know he loves his rest. Yeah, he loves his rest. He loves his rest. He loves taking long breaks, which I do too. Maybe it's the blue in me. I don't. I think it's not just Kendrick, though. I think, I think, I think it's fashionable to be dark skinned. Maybe we have more dark skinned, sexy actors than ever before. Ever before.
Langston Kerman
Damn. Saying yeah.
David Bourie
Come on, Ibaka.
Langston Kerman
Some other Africans, I will say right now, and I felt this for a few years, we are very much lacking in the entertainment Space. There aren't a lot of great light skinned champions moving and shaking the way that they used to be.
David Bourie
Who do you got?
Langston Kerman
Jesse Williams is down. Michael Ealy is down.
David Bourie
Michael Ealy's down. Bad.
Langston Kerman
Shemar Moore is long past his expiration date. Terrence Howard retired from the game.
David Bourie
Is he retired?
Langston Kerman
Well, he did. Let's talk about him a little bit. Terrence Howard did retire so that he could explain his solving these major math sort of breakthroughs. And now he has announced that he's out of retirement because he was in massive debt and in need of money. So he's back acting again, but he ain't doing great.
David Bourie
Why? Because I know you watched the entire interview. What's with the bangs?
Langston Kerman
Great question. He goes five minutes into the interview without ever addressing them once.
Reggie Conquest
And it isn't until skit at one point.
Langston Kerman
I think that's a reasonable guess.
Reggie Conquest
He don't give skit vibes. Like.
David Bourie
I don't think he's funny. Like, I'd imagine he doesn't like comedy is what I.
Langston Kerman
No, I don't think so either. I don't think he likes to laugh.
David Bourie
Yeah, like, you never seen him be funny in a movie ever.
Reggie Conquest
Never.
David Bourie
And that's like hard for a black male actor to never have had a comedic role.
Langston Kerman
He goes five minutes into the conversation, never having acknowledged it. And then eventually the interviewer, who loves him dearly, like, is very obsessed with him, believes very much in everything that he claims to have done. But she kind of goes like, hey, maybe we should tell people why you're wearing a wig. And he goes, oh, yeah, it's for a role. I'm on set and it's like, oh.
David Bourie
Take it off, take it off.
Langston Kerman
You can take it off. This is a two hour interview. Take off the fucking wig, you're done for the day.
Reggie Conquest
You think he knew what he was doing? Like, hey, this is probably gonna like. I don't feel like he's a skit guy, but I feel like he did, like, he does things on purpose to like.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, I think. And this is where I start to push back again against what you guys are saying. I think Terrence Howard is an antics guy. I think he was the type to pull fire alarms. And you're not acknowledging how much that wig is just a pulled fire alarm on top of your head.
Reggie Conquest
I don't know. Young Terrence Howard don't give. Fire alarm. Fire alarm. I seen him pictures of him when he was on the Cosby Show. He looked like a good kid.
David Bourie
Or in Sunset park he's the devil. He's a devil. He's the devil. I'm just saying it.
Langston Kerman
I want to be clear.
David Bourie
He's a light skinned terrorist.
Langston Kerman
I want to be clear. Terrence Howard does not come from anything reasonable. Terrence Howard, his dad killed Santa Claus. His dad fucking. No, his dad killed a man in line in front of Santa Claus because he bumped into him while they were waiting to see Santa Claus.
David Bourie
Almost as if his dad had some type of a beige rage.
Langston Kerman
They cut in front of them and bumped them, and Terrence Howard's dad then pulled out a gun, shot the man in front of Terrence Howard, the other person's child, and Santa Claus, and then did time in prison for it.
Reggie Conquest
Is this real?
Langston Kerman
Is this a. Yeah, this is a very real thing.
Reggie Conquest
Really? Oh, shit. Never mind. Damn. That's crazy. I didn't know that.
Langston Kerman
He don't come from a goddamn thing.
David Bourie
No, no, no. He got it out the mud. He's from Cleveland, right?
Langston Kerman
I don't remember.
Reggie Conquest
If he went through that. He definitely don't pull fire alarms. He starts fires.
David Bourie
Yes.
Reggie Conquest
He's a fire star.
David Bourie
That's what I'm saying.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
David Bourie
He's a menace. He's not. He's not for play. Yeah.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
Reggie Conquest
I think he's. I think he's a fire kid.
David Bourie
Yeah.
Reggie Conquest
Fire alarms was. Fire alarms was all in fun. My friends was like, do it. Do it. We said, get out of class. Disrupt class. I pull firearms for everybody. You know that little distraction it calls it cost like. Like seven to ten minutes to get it stopped or sometimes, you know, I did it for the people. Terrence Howard started fires just because he wanted people to die.
David Bourie
Yeah. He wanted to kill the teachers Again.
Langston Kerman
Again. You guys keep moving the. The fucking goal post with this. Terrence Howard and Draymond Green. Same energy. Terrence Howard, frankly, and Puff Daddy, same energy. Both of them terrorists, monsters, just moving and shaking and pretending like they're not. And you're gonna pretend like we're not. We're not talking about the same types of individuals.
Reggie Conquest
His name is love.
David Bourie
Yeah, I think there is. I think there is. There is a foundation of fun and enjoyment that Terrence Howard does not have.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
Langston Kerman
You don't think he put on. You don't think he did that interview and had a good time sitting there with his leg crossed and moving the bang out of his face?
David Bourie
I think he said, I am at work. Everyone will take me seriously. Because such. I don't think he was like, this is hilarious. Like Diddy would have thought or Draymond Green would have thought had they had the same wig. I think he was like, I'm a serious actor. This is my process, and this is just a part of it. Fuck you.
Langston Kerman
I think at some point, because I should note that the film that he's shooting on is a mahalo.
David Bourie
Not mad.
Langston Kerman
It is, actually. It's a mahalo. It's a Mahalo. It's a 60s film where he plays, like, some sort of gangster in a Muhammad Ali sort of offshoot story. It's like a before a fight story. I can't remember what exactly it is, but Kevin Hart is involved. Samuel L. Jackson.
David Bourie
I auditioned for that.
Reggie Conquest
How was it?
David Bourie
Oh, I did not get it.
Langston Kerman
Yeah. I think we gathered. Don't nobody say I auditioned. And they booked.
David Bourie
It didn't go great. Supposed to do. Was supposed to do a read with Kevin Hart. He couldn't make it.
Reggie Conquest
Wait, okay. Kevin Hart's involved, Right? I think. I think Terence Howard did that interview to show. I think it's a You to Cat Williams and every black person that thinks that, you gotta. Because it's something. It's something there in that wig. Like, hey, I can wear this wig and still be a scary nigga. Like, I could still be a man's man in this wig.
David Bourie
Maybe. I agree with that. I think he thought Empire was a documentary. I think that it's only to scare people.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
Langston Kerman
I think that Terrence Howard put on that wig.
Reggie Conquest
I think that wig was subliminal.
David Bourie
Yeah.
Langston Kerman
And I'm saying I think he kept that wig on. I think he did two hours of interview. He shook that woman's hands, and then he walked back to Kevin Hart and Samuel L. Jackson, and he was like, y' all ain't gonna believe the shit I just did.
David Bourie
I don't think he's that silly.
Langston Kerman
I don't think he laughed.
David Bourie
I don't think he's that silly.
Langston Kerman
But I think he came back and very seriously was like, you know, I wore the wig the whole time, right? And then walked away. And they were like, this man is a psychopath.
David Bourie
Okay?
Langston Kerman
But that's the funniest thing that a human being can be, is that level of psychopath.
Reggie Conquest
I can see him saying that dead seriously.
Langston Kerman
That's what I'm saying. That's so much funnier than coming back and being like, y' all ain't gonna believe. No, here's what.
David Bourie
Here's what I think that I'm. I'm. See, I. Okay. I think I'm starting to see a split. And I'm understanding the dark skinned, light skin debate. This is because our humor is based in whimsy and fun. Your humor is, in fact, as you have said yourself, based in true evil. That's what you like, is evil. Langston. Langston.
Langston Kerman
I pride myself on being able to enjoy all kinds of fun.
David Bourie
Langston, don't do this.
Langston Kerman
But don't you.
David Bourie
Shut up.
Langston Kerman
Let me finish. Let me finish.
David Bourie
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Langston Kerman
I pride myself on being able to enjoy all kinds of humor. I will say that Terrence Howard, for me, Terrence Howard is the top of the top of hilarious human beings. And why is that on the planet? And if. If some of that humor is rooted in devildom, I'm comfortable with that.
David Bourie
I'm saying you in your core as a light skinned man, like evil.
Langston Kerman
I do. I aspire towards it for sure.
David Bourie
Case closed.
Reggie Conquest
You want harm case, clothes. That's the difference between light skinned and dark skinned fun. You want.
David Bourie
We just want to play a little basketball, hit you in the nuts.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah. We want, like temporary, like pain a little bit. Like, we want it to go away. You want it forever.
David Bourie
We want to come up, suck you up a little bit. You want to kill people?
Langston Kerman
No, I don't want to kill people. But if you have like a permanent limp, that's pretty funny. If something I did just made you always walk different, that's hilarious. That's not funny.
David Bourie
How his eyes have kind of gone cold even right now.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah, right now.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
David Bourie
That's not. They glazed over.
Reggie Conquest
I kind of agree with Terrence Howard doing that. Seriously, like, hey, it's.
Langston Kerman
Come on, man. That's the funniest way you could have done that.
David Bourie
I get that. But I need to acknowledge that it's because of the evil that burns inside of his heart.
Langston Kerman
I don't think he's a good guy. That's never been my argument for him. I just think he's the funniest person.
Reggie Conquest
He'S trying to get. He's trying. Hey, guys, it's okay to wear wigs. Put her put on a wig.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
David Bourie
And I don't even know if that's what he thinks, bro.
Langston Kerman
I think he's just makes it up as he goes.
Reggie Conquest
That shit was gorgeous.
David Bourie
It was nice. It was really good.
Langston Kerman
It was very pretty. It was a really nice wig. And the woman, again, I cannot emphasize this enough. The woman could not admire him more. And so she truly addresses it at the five minute mark. And it never comes back up again. Like, there's never an answer he gives where she goes. I have trouble taking this seriously, while you're wearing that wig. She just is like, sir, thank you, thank you, thank you for your brilliance and your time the entire time.
David Bourie
Now here's the question I have. Is sort of like, is this like a. Like we're talking about degrees of evil within light skinnedness. Do you think light skinned green eyes eyes is what takes you to be the full devil? Does that make sense? Because you're light skinned with brown eyes. Still good man. Has a family. Not a tried to invent any new math. You know what I mean? You delight in the devil's playground, but you don't live there. Okay, right.
Reggie Conquest
Well, here's the word, boy, even, whoa.
Langston Kerman
Here's what I'll sell the word, here's what I'll say. And I'd be curious to hear both of your thoughts on this. I am not a full subscriber that what Terrence Howard is doing with the math is as wrong as we think it is.
Reggie Conquest
Wait, what?
Langston Kerman
I'm not saying that his math is correct, but I am not a subscriber to it being as wrong as everybody keeps trying to say it is. I actually think he's kind of making a few points even as he's saying a bunch of bullshit around it.
David Bourie
Go on.
Langston Kerman
Okay, here's what I'll say. Fundamentally, one times one does not equal two. I understand that is incorrect in the technical sense. Right. But what I think Terrence Howard is trying to do in a in a shitty, not as intelligent as he thinks it is way, is challenge us to reconsider how much of this mathematic shit is just rules versus things that are actually true in our everyday experience. So, for example, we were having this debate the other day, zero. Where in your life does zero actually exist? The number zero.
David Bourie
It's the absence of existence.
Langston Kerman
It's the absence of existence.
David Bourie
It's like the color of black being the absence of light. I still.
Langston Kerman
It's still tangible, but again, that's a thing that you're adding a logic to. I'm saying in your everyday sort of natural experience, where does zero exist?
David Bourie
When I have one of something and it goes to none of something, but that does not have it.
Langston Kerman
So principally, if you're looking at this the way that he argues it through physics, that doesn't stop existing simply because it isn't yours anymore. That is just you.
Reggie Conquest
This is where, please, I can feel my fire alarm.
David Bourie
Versus zero.
Reggie Conquest
I'm gonna pull a fire alarm right now.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, I get it. It's tough to make sense of some of it, but But I don't think that everything he's saying is completely incorrect. What I will say it's. It's wrong. It's technically wrong because we've created standardized language for how we talk about math, how we talk about certain ideas, and because we as humans just agreed on that shit. Then he's absolutely wrong, because we've all agreed on it. Stop being a weirdo and trying to break up the party with a new math. Like, we're chilling, but, like, if we really unpack some of this. He's not wrong in what the natural world is.
David Bourie
It's just.
Langston Kerman
He's wrong about fucking breaking up a party.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah, I think you asked me earlier what I. Am I team Terrence Howard or something along those lines. Yeah, I would absolutely be team Terrence Howard. Okay, I'm. I'm, I'm going. I'm rolling with him. Fuck it.
Langston Kerman
I like to hear it. See these, These bonds, they can be repaired.
Reggie Conquest
I'm rolling with Terrence in the wig, man.
David Bourie
He's a free.
Reggie Conquest
He's a free, scary man.
Langston Kerman
He's terrifying. He's a. He's a menace. And you kind of have to root for. It's the fucking root for the villain sometimes. Yeah, it's the white Bronco on the fucking freeway. You know what I mean? It's OJ driving with ac. No, he's not a good guy. No, you don't fucking want him to be, you know what I mean? Just a free man for the rest of his life. But at the end of the day, you want the Bronco to get away.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah, you want him to get away. In that situation. In that situation, though, you want him to get away. And then later y' all can get him.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, drive OJ Drive. And then a few weeks from now, you pick him up in like, a motel in Memphis and. Yeah, okay, you got me. Yeah, I want him to be, but I want him to have that ride.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah, that's fair.
Langston Kerman
Yeah. I think that too often the distinction of light skinned people being sensitive maybe, and this Bori made this point is conflated with the fact that we like to be menaces and we don't get enough credit for the menace work that we do.
Reggie Conquest
I think we're forgetting somebody. I can't think, but we're forgetting somebody. That's a scumbag.
Langston Kerman
That's like Chris Breezy.
Reggie Conquest
Oh, I love Chris Brown.
Langston Kerman
Yeah. And he's a bad guy. Yeah, he's a fucking menace.
Reggie Conquest
He is a menace, but I love that dude.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, that's okay, listen. And we may get pushback from some of our listeners as it relates to, to this. This podcast ain't here to yuck your yum. If that's who you're into, that's who you're into. I'm not going to defend his character and I'm not going to tell other.
Reggie Conquest
People that they should character. I'm talking about his music. I'm going to go see him in June. I'm going to be dancing. I'm definitely going.
Langston Kerman
Yeah. You know, at the end of the day, it is what it is as far as how you pick and choose who you want to go see, dance and sing. But Chris Breezy is an objectively menacing, successful person. That's just true. That's true for everybody. We're going to take a break because David is, I think, still figuring out how to get back up in this. But when he comes back, we'll come back and we'll still be talking to Reggie, Conquest and more. My mama told me.
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David Bourie
And we are back, ladies and gentlemen, discussing the complicated life and times of one Terrence Olivier Howard. Is that his middle name?
Langston Kerman
I don't know.
David Bourie
Also, did you talk about the new water?
Langston Kerman
Talk about what?
David Bourie
He claimed he invented new water.
Langston Kerman
I didn't see new water.
David Bourie
The new hydrogen technology.
Langston Kerman
Oh, hydrogen Technology. It wasn't water.
David Bourie
Okay, okay. Now we're all this dude, he wins one argument. Now everybody's a fucking scientist, right?
Langston Kerman
I like that you were like H2O. Yeah, I can cut out all the other elements in that water.
David Bourie
He was saying water.
Langston Kerman
Yeah. That's not what he's saying at all.
David Bourie
But what was he saying?
Langston Kerman
Oh, I mean, I'll tell you what he was saying. He's claiming that, that and this is some of where Terrence Howard is truly the biggest psychopath on the planet is he believes that if we. He can just reframe our fundamental math, our one times one equals two, then we can finally advance to larger problems that have existed for 6,000 years. This thing called the flower of life, which would open up like these new pussy. I wish. It's a. It's a diagram of sorts that he says is one of the most ancient symbols that humankind has ever made. And that Da Vinci and all these great Plato, a lot of great thinkers were struggling to figure out this diagram because it has these particles inside it that by opening it up he has discovered new particles out in the universe and in doing so can now reframe the way that we use our like, fuels and shit. So we would have hydrogen technology. He could solve climate change, he could solve starvation agricultural issues across the world.
David Bourie
It sounds to me like he's talking about good pussy.
Reggie Conquest
Wait. Said all this in the interview?
Langston Kerman
Terrence Howard has said this across many interviews, including appearing at Oxford University where he gave a speech where they asked him to speak there about his acting career. And instead he showed up and gave an hour long presentation about the science that he has been working on for 40 years as he goes claims.
Reggie Conquest
Really.
David Bourie
How old is he?
Langston Kerman
Like 50?
Reggie Conquest
Damn, bro. You. Do you know your Terence Howard? Howard Homework. I don't know anything about that.
Langston Kerman
Dude, I'm not going to lie to you. I don't think that there's a person I know more about, including my wife. I think, I think Terrence Howard comes from. And every day I'd be wondering, how do you spell my wife's hometown? Again, I don't really know. And then Terrence Howard, I'd be like spitting his knowledge like I'm in a fraternity.
David Bourie
Yeah, that was crazy. That was crazy.
Langston Kerman
His middle name is Deshawn.
David Bourie
I did, I did look that up yesterday. I did see that. Which you'd think he would go. He seems more like a Deshawn to me.
Reggie Conquest
Deshaun Howard. That sounds like a football player. I feel like I'm pretty Sure. That's a football player name, too.
Langston Kerman
Yeah. No, it sounds like one for sure.
David Bourie
Just like the odds.
Langston Kerman
Yeah. Okay. He's 55 years old. Yeah. So for 40 years, he is. He's been working on this science.
David Bourie
He's been doing flower science for 40 years.
Langston Kerman
The flower of life. Let's not be reductive.
Reggie Conquest
It does sound like what David said. The flower of life does sound like that.
Langston Kerman
It might be. It might be. And I pray that he solves the equation, I guess, is really the more important part here.
David Bourie
I mean, I don't think any of us have figured it out all the way.
Langston Kerman
That's what I'm saying. I think that at the end of the day, and this is where I take issue when people laugh at Terrence Howard, or at least the way that they laugh at him, is that at the end of the day, what he's presenting isn't bad. He's saying he wants to solve all our problems out in the world. That's fucking cool. We should root for him. Even if he is being a psychopath, like dum dum. We should be like, yeah, figure it out, Terrence. That's great.
David Bourie
At what point does psychopath and dumb dumb not be the more important thing to focus on?
Reggie Conquest
Who you following first, a psychopath or a dumb dumb?
Langston Kerman
I think I'll follow a psychopath, man.
David Bourie
I'd be lying if I had said I let some dumb dudes talk me into some shit in my lifetime. Maybe they confident dumb dudes have got me in trouble.
Langston Kerman
But in your current life, and this is worth asking, 36 years old, in your current self, would you follow a psychopath or a dum dum first?
Reggie Conquest
I would go psychopath today.
Langston Kerman
There we go.
David Bourie
I agree. I agree.
Langston Kerman
There we go.
David Bourie
Yeah. If it's right now I think that I can see the forest through the trees with a dumbass. I'll still get tricked by a psychopath.
Langston Kerman
Psychopath is just a better leader, hands down.
David Bourie
Not. See, you're jumping, you're jumping, you're jumping.
Reggie Conquest
I followed a lot of dumb dumbs and did a lot of dumb shit. I never. I don't. I never went behind. I'm definitely following the psychopath because it's just like, all right, this is the first time for everything. Let's go.
David Bourie
I do think the thing about. And also the thing about psychopath is you can still be a psychopath and be kind of smart or be successful, right? There's. I think most famous people are psychopaths inside, right? Like super dupe, like up Top famous people. They're all.
Langston Kerman
Steph Curry prays after every shot.
David Bourie
Yeah.
Langston Kerman
That's not a psychopath. That's a psychopath.
David Bourie
That's wild. That's wild.
Langston Kerman
LeBron James got the chosen one tattooed on his body before he played an NBA game.
David Bourie
To be fair. Was he not?
Langston Kerman
But that's even crazy.
David Bourie
Even at that point. He hit that between the legs dunk and in. In high school in game. And I also was like, he's bro.
Langston Kerman
I'm not questioning the. The legend coming to you.
Reggie Conquest
Oh man. If that didn't work out.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, but that's what I'm saying that if it didn't work out.
David Bourie
What do you think?
Langston Kerman
What do you think Greg Odin has tattooed on his body? Do you know what I mean?
David Bourie
Like TJ Ford is just at a 24 Hour Fitness.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
Reggie Conquest
With.
Langston Kerman
With wild tattoos.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
Langston Kerman
That is.
David Bourie
That's hard.
Langston Kerman
Go.
Reggie Conquest
You know what I mean?
Langston Kerman
Like, it's like bro, I think you're being crazy. I think you're being a fucking psychopath.
David Bourie
I don't mean that too. I love TJ Ford. I'm trying to be hating less on this podcast.
Langston Kerman
I really hate.
David Bourie
I like tj.
Langston Kerman
I know you, not me.
David Bourie
TJ Ford, another dark skinned king.
Langston Kerman
So if I were to make an argument here and I'd love to hear your thoughts. I think that if you're saying that principally light skinned people live towards psychopath versus sort of like dumb, silly, anti.
David Bourie
I don't think psychopath. I think more towards evil. Evil is the word I said.
Langston Kerman
You don't think that those have a level of synonymous inside of them?
David Bourie
I think truly concentrated evil isn't psychopathic. It's just evil. You know, it's just the opposite of good. I don't think you have to be nuts.
Reggie Conquest
It's some good stuff.
David Bourie
Yeah. I don't think you have to be nuts to be evil. And like you said. Yeah, I think there are some psycho people who are totally good.
Langston Kerman
I don't think you can be evil without psychosis. I do think you can be a psychopath without being evil, but I don't think you. It's like square to rectangle. Rectangle.
David Bourie
I think it's just a different orientation.
Langston Kerman
You just give me an example of an evil person who is not a psychopath. Evil.
Reggie Conquest
Evil genius. Like an evil genius.
David Bourie
Like I don't think you're a psychopath. I think we start inside the house and we move outside.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, but I'm not actually evil. I just aspire towards it.
David Bourie
Ah, that's a good Point, though, now that, if I think about it, somebody who's evil, who's not a psychopath.
Reggie Conquest
Dexter's laboratory.
David Bourie
He was just a German child, but he was.
Langston Kerman
Bro. He's not supposed to be German. His parents were American. That's a psychopath. That's a psychopath.
Reggie Conquest
No, but he wasn't evil, though. He was just a good psychopathic kid.
David Bourie
He was just nuts. He's just a little nut job.
Langston Kerman
He was trying to take over the world. Like, every episode, y' all are pretending like. Yeah. Yes. He wasn't just chilling down there. He was doing wild shit.
David Bourie
Damn. I mean, I am. I'm having trouble pulling up. The only. The only people I feel like I can pull up are, like, just people I've known personally in my life.
Langston Kerman
Nah, that's what I'm.
David Bourie
Yeah. I don't think they're evil on a large enough scale to make that count, because I've known some people like that.
Reggie Conquest
There's lovable psychopaths. Hold on. Come on.
David Bourie
Oh, yeah. There's lovable psychopaths.
Langston Kerman
I think we're in agreement about that. There are plenty of psychopaths that you can love and we all agree are not evil. We're saying, can you be evil without being a psychopath? And I don't think you can.
David Bourie
What's a psychopath? Right.
Langston Kerman
I. I don't know. And I. I don't. I don't even know.
David Bourie
A person affected by a chronic mental disorder with abnormal or violent social behavior. Okay. I don't know if you can be evil without abnormal or violent social behavior.
Langston Kerman
Exactly. That's.
Reggie Conquest
That's.
Langston Kerman
That's been my point this whole time. And so I say. I say that. That while. Yes, it's looking like a warm summer for y' all, and I hope that you enjoy it. Congratulations on this odd victory that you pulled with.
David Bourie
Why is it odd? Why is it an odd victory?
Langston Kerman
It's not odd for a rapper to be on stage apologizing because he just wants his friend back. That's not.
David Bourie
Oh, I thought you said it's odd that Dark Skin is winning.
Langston Kerman
No, no, no. You're so sensitive.
David Bourie
Which is historically one of your traits. Maybe I'm the missing link.
Langston Kerman
Calm down, sweetheart, all right? Your voice is heard. All I'm saying is that while the victory is present, I don't believe that you're built to win the war. And I look forward to the championship that we will eventually hoist above our heads as yellow as our skin. Golden even. Amen.
Reggie Conquest
I disagree.
David Bourie
Come to Brooklyn. Yeah. I think.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
David Bourie
I'm saying I think. I think we. I think you put us all in a room together, all that shit.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
David Bourie
All that shit stops.
Langston Kerman
Nope.
David Bourie
Yep.
Langston Kerman
Cause we gonna run in circles and go nanny, nanny, boo, boo and y' all.
David Bourie
Yeah.
Reggie Conquest
Hey, the monkey stuff is always hilarious. Yeah, it is very funny.
David Bourie
It is very fascist.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
David Bourie
Usain Bolt is not a light skinned man is all I'm saying. We got fast ones too.
Langston Kerman
He ain't running. You know it. He ain't showing up for that. All right, this is fun. Reggie, this is great. Could you tell the people where they can find you and what cool shit you have going on?
Reggie Conquest
You can find me on Instagram. Reg. Conquest. RG Conquest.
David Bourie
You can find me on Instagram. Cool guy jokes 87.
Langston Kerman
As always, you can follow me at Langston Kermit. I'm not going to address it. And always you can follow me at Langston Carmen on all social media platforms. And as always, if you want to send us your own drops, your own conspiracy theories, if you want to make a case for why Terrence Howard's math in fact should be the math we teach in schools, send it all to mymamapodmail.com we would love to hear from you. Like, subscribe, do whatever else you're supposed to do. Buy the merch@mymamatoldme.merchtable.com that's everything we needed to say. Bye.
David Bourie
Later microchips in your anus, all koala bears, all the.
Ryan Seacrest
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Unknown
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Ryan Seacrest
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Langston Kerman
Homes.com has collaboration tools to help home shoppers search, share and discuss home shopping with family, friends and their agent directly through the site. Though it was fun to get that.
Unknown
Email from your husband about that three.
Langston Kerman
Bedroom in the hills, to which you replied via text that you would never live in the hills and you'd like to find a three bedroom closer to the beach. To which he replied, why are you so uncompromising? A fun way to spend an afternoon, but we think it's just a tad bit easier our way. Homes.com Ding dong, we've done your homework. This is an iHeart podcast.
Podcast Summary: "Dark Week (with Reggie Conquest) RE-RELEASE"
My Momma Told Me is a vibrant and insightful podcast hosted by comedians Langston Kerman and David Bourie, under the Big Money Players Network and iHeartPodcasts. In the episode titled "Dark Week (with Reggie Conquest) RE-RELEASE," released on July 3, 2025, the hosts delve deep into intriguing Black conspiracy theories, blending humor with critical discussions. This episode prominently features comedian Reggie Conquest, adding a fresh dynamic to the conversation.
The episode kicks off with Langston Kerman and David Bourie warmly welcoming their guest, Reggie Conquest, a fellow comedian known for his sharp wit and appearances on platforms like Comedy Central and Abbott Elementary. The trio quickly establishes camaraderie, reminiscing about past iterations of the show and setting the stage for an engaging dialogue.
Notable Quote:
The central theme of the episode revolves around the burgeoning "Dark Skinned Niggas Is Up" movement. The hosts interpret this as a cultural shift where dark-skinned individuals are asserting their presence and influence more boldly in various spheres, from entertainment to personal behavior.
Key Points:
Terrence Howard's Mathematical Theories: A significant portion of the discussion focuses on actor Terrence Howard and his unconventional mathematical theories, particularly his reinterpretation of fundamental equations like "one times one equals two." Howard's work on the "Flower of Life" diagram is examined, with the hosts debating its validity and implications.
Notable Quotes:
Behavioral Differences Between Light-Skinned and Dark-Skinned Individuals: The hosts engage in a humorous yet pointed analysis of perceived behavioral traits, contrasting what they term "light-skinned fun" with "dark-skinned fun." This includes discussions on actions deemed as psychopathic versus those considered silly or dumb.
Notable Quotes:
Intertwined with the main themes are critiques and observations about various celebrities and public figures, including Drake, J. Cole, Meek Mill, Steph Curry, Draymond Green, and Chris Brown. The discussion touches on their influence, public behavior, and the narrative constructed around them in media and society.
Key Points:
Drake vs. Wesley Snipes: The hosts compare the societal perceptions of artists like Drake and actors like Wesley Snipes, highlighting how their actions and personas are interpreted differently based on their skin tone and public image.
Notable Quotes:
Terrence Howard's Public Image: A detailed examination of Howard's persona, including his appearance in interviews and the authenticity of his scientific claims, is a focal point. The hosts humorously speculate on his motivations and the sincerity behind his public statements.
Notable Quotes:
The podcast adeptly balances humor with the exploration of conspiracy theories, making complex and controversial topics accessible and entertaining. The dialogue often shifts between serious debate and comedic banter, reflecting the hosts' unique approach to discussing Black conspiracy theories.
Key Points:
Psychopathy vs. Evil: A recurring theme is the distinction between psychopathic behavior and outright evil, with the hosts debating whether one can exist without the other and how these traits influence leadership and societal perceptions.
Notable Quotes:
Humorous Anecdotes: Personal stories and exaggerated scenarios, such as pulling fire alarms or stealing rides, are used to illustrate points humorously while critiquing certain behaviors.
Notable Quotes:
As the episode winds down, the hosts reflect on the discussions, emphasizing the need to recognize and appreciate the complexity of behaviors within the dark-skinned community. They hint at continuing these conversations in future episodes, promising more in-depth analysis and guest appearances.
Notable Quote:
"Dark Week (with Reggie Conquest) RE-RELEASE" offers a compelling mix of humor, critical analysis, and cultural commentary. By addressing unconventional theories and societal behaviors through a comedic lens, Langston Kerman, David Bourie, and Reggie Conquest create an engaging dialogue that challenges listeners to rethink preconceived notions and explore deeper cultural dynamics.
For listeners interested in a blend of comedy and thought-provoking discussions on Black conspiracy theories and cultural behaviors, this episode of My Momma Told Me is a must-listen.