Ethiopia Jones and the Lost Ark (with Biniam Bizuneh) RE-RELEASE

Summary

Podcast Summary: My Momma Told Me – "Ethiopia Jones and the Lost Ark" (with Biniam Bizuneh) RE-RELEASE

Original Air Date: October 2, 2025
Hosts: Langston Kerman & David Gborie
Guest: Biniam Bizuneh
Main Theme: Are the legendary Ark of the Covenant and other treasured artifacts really hidden away in Ethiopia? The comedians hilariously dissect the myth, Ethiopian pride, and the politics of Black excellence and stolen artifacts, with their signature blend of irreverence, authenticity, and cultural insight.

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Episode Overview

This episode of My Momma Told Me features guest comedian and writer Biniam Bizuneh exploring the long-standing Black conspiracy that the biblical Ark of the Covenant is hidden in a church in Ethiopia. Langston and David interrogate the myth with deep dives into Ethiopian culture, African diaspora pride and rivalry, the realness of Wakanda, how colonizers still flex stolen goods, and the bizarre reality of defending a sacred item with nothing but slow-twitch muscles and a staff.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introducing the Conspiracy: The Ark in Ethiopia

• Biniam reveals that as a child of Ethiopian immigrants, he grew up hearing stories about Ethiopia’s unique history—never colonized, victorious over Italy, and home to the Ark of the Covenant.
  • Biniam: "My dad's favorite pastime is telling me about Ethiopian history and lore... Ethiopia was never colonized. Ethiopia beat Italy. There's a lot of pride, and that’s central to the Ethiopian ethos." [07:07]
• Langston formalizes the episode’s question: “Is the Ark really hidden in a church in Ethiopia?” [06:36]

2. Ethiopian & African Diaspora Pride

• Dives into cultural pride and how every African group thinks it’s the best.
  • Biniam: "All Africans think they're the best Africans." [07:42]
  • Langston: Discusses Wakanda’s supposed Ethiopian inspiration: “Y'all are the inspiration for this idealistic society existing on the African continent.” [07:47]
• David critiques Black Panther’s pan-African message, noting how it still centers Black-on-Black conflict.
  • David: “You have the one superhero movie based in Africa and you still fight Africans at the end... some major war is still Black people versus Black people. That’s insane.” [09:36]
• The complicated relationship between American Blackness and African immigrant identity, citing generational divides and the urge to separate in America.

3. The Legend of the Ark in Aksum

• The myth: King Menelik, son of Solomon, stole the Ark from Israel and brought it to Ethiopia.
  • Guards are appointed for life to protect the Ark in Aksum; only they can see it.
  • Langston: “If you’re a guard for life, I’ll beat your ass at 80... I’ll just wait.” [15:38]
  • Biniam: Discusses the guards' legendary hand-to-hand combat training, but doubts its effectiveness. [16:43]

4. Fact or Fiction: The “Warrior Monks” and Foreign Intrusion

• Story of Edward Ullendorff, a British officer, possibly the last non-Ethiopian to see the Ark:
  • Two versions: either he was welcomed by Haile Selassie or forced his way in with armed guards.
  • Biniam: “That level of detail is what my dad knows. I just know the basic part... it’s in this church in Aksum.” [14:55]
  • Langston: “History can be rewritten like a motherfucker.” [30:23]
• The Ark’s inaccessibility strengthens its mystique (only the guards ever see it).

5. The Ark as a National Symbol and Replicas

• In Ethiopia, other churches house replicas to honor the original, reinforcing national pride.
  • The Ark as chest for the Ten Commandments, adorned with gold and angel wings [34:44]
• The mystique is less about secrecy or shame and more about holiness—“so holy your eyes aren’t worthy to look at it.” [37:28]

6. Sports, Genetics, and Coded Racism

• Discussion on stereotypes: East Africans (like Ethiopians) dominate distance running due to “slow-twitch muscle,” while West Africans excel at sprints.
  • David: “Sounds like some fucking eugenics shit. That’s like fucked up... I wouldn’t let some white boy sprinter talk to me like that.” [18:44]
  • Explores how physiology language often overlaps with racist and slavery-tinged history.

7. Looted African Artifacts & Colonizer Flex

• Langston enumerates famous looted artifacts, like the Rosetta Stone, and how Western museums blatantly display them.
  • “Museums are filled all across the world with items stolen from other countries.”
  • The bitter irony: These nations are then offered their artifacts back via “loan.”
  • Langston: “They were like, hey bro, I'll lend you your stuff back to you after I stole it. Come on. That's just good, clean fun.” [47:07]
  • Ethiopia's historic losses after the Battle of Magdala, including needing elephants to cart away the loot. [45:14]

8. Politics, Identity, and the Diaspora

• Humorous take on tribal voting patterns—how in Ethiopia and America, many just vote for “someone who looks like me.” [50:18]
• Langston: “I’m going Black every time.” [52:49]
• Digs into the limitations and contradictions of identity politics, populism, and the difference between regular folks and the political elite.

9. Parental Pressure, Immigrant Dream vs. Comedy Reality

• Biniam contrasts his parents’ revolutionary political past and desire for social justice with his own American comedic path.
  • “They worked so hard... then came to America to have a better life. And were like, okay, American system now. All that communism, all that shit... we’re just living.” [57:23]
• The hosts muse on what it means for immigrant parents to see their children choose “impractical” creative paths.

10. Ending on Laughter and Movie Ideas

• Biniam pitches an Ocean’s Eleven style movie about a team of Ethiopians stealing the Ark—a testament to both the absurdity and allure of this national legend.
  • Langston: “Just 11 Ethiopian dudes in suits being like, we gonna steal the Ark of the Covenant?” [35:58]
  • Biniam: “I am going to write the Ocean's 11 Ark of the Covenant Ethiopia movie.” [61:23]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• David’s take on Black Panther:
  “They got this magical space rock that makes them better than the rest of the Africans... Well, I’m the rest of them. Suck a dick.” [09:36]
• Langston on identity:
  “Some of it’s obviously rude, self-hatred and shit, but some of it is ‘cause y’all motherfuckers walk around constantly telling us you’re better than us.” [12:19]
• On the mystique of the Ark:
  “If all you can do is be good at running away, probably not going to be good at fighting the dude with guns.” [27:52]
• Langston summarizing colonial theft:
  “Museums are filled all across the world with items that were stolen from other countries... but I'll fuck you up if you touch our stolen shit.” [37:02]
• On replicating greatness:
  “I wish there was one good Ethiopian sprinter... you get me in 100 or 200 meters, I'll get dusted by most people.” [20:01]
• On Hollywood's Ark of the Covenant:
  “That’s a movie I want to see. Hollywood!” [35:54]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 06:36: Introduction of the Ethiopian Ark of the Covenant conspiracy
• 09:36: David’s comedic critique of Black Panther and African exceptionalism
• 14:21: Myths about King Menelik and the Ark’s journey to Aksum
• 27:25: The story of Edward Ullendorff supposedly seeing the Ark
• 34:44: Explaining what the Ark is and its cultural relevance
• 45:14: Ethiopian treasures, elephants, and colonial auctions
• 50:18: Voting, identity, and ethnicity both in Ethiopia and the US
• 57:23: Immigrant parents’ Marxist dreams vs. a comedian son
• 61:23: Biniam pitches his Ocean’s Eleven/Ark movie

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Recurring Tone & Style

Warm, irreverent, bracingly honest, and laugh-out-loud funny, the hosts and guest skewer big themes (race, diaspora, pride, cultural theft, immigrant dreams) without ever losing the playful, self-deprecating edge and conversational rhythm that make the podcast such a hit. Whether riffing on deep-seated conspiracy theories or cultural beefs, they keep it sharp and relatable.

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Takeaway

Ethiopia’s claim to the Ark of the Covenant is more than a conspiracy—it’s a lens on history, pride, colonial injury, and diaspora identity. And while nobody—not even determined comedians—can confirm if the Ark’s real, this episode shows the real treasure is the community, humor, and resilience of Black folks worldwide.

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Transcript

[Binyamin Bazuna]

This is an iHeart podcast.

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[Langston Kerman]

Learn more about the technology, insights and.

[David Bourrey]

Support [e-mail].

[Binyamin Bazuna]

I think it was a great choice because anything that Bori's added to immediately becomes better.

[David Bourrey]

Just saying.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Yeah, when you became the voice of Comedy Central, stock went up.

[Langston Kerman]

I disagree. Now that's where I'll disagree. I think under the Kyle Kaname regime, they were doing pretty good.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

What?

[Langston Kerman]

And now they stick.

[David Bourrey]

South park just had its 25th anniversary. That doesn't happen by accident.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

The Daily show is stronger than it's ever been.

[David Bourrey]

It's Stronger. We got a Black Daily show now. That's me.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what the streets were calling for? A Black Daily Show. Get rid of yo, MTV Raps. We want a Black Daily Show.

[David Bourrey]

The government growing babies Microchips in your anus.

[Langston Kerman]

All koala bears are racist.

[David Bourrey]

The ozone layer owes me money Parching.

[Langston Kerman]

T bed and turkey stuffing?

[David Bourrey]

Y' all can't tell me nothing.

[Langston Kerman]

Yep, yep, yep. There it is. There it is. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another phenomenal episode of My Mama Told Me, the.

[David Bourrey]

Podcast, where we dive deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theories, and we.

[Langston Kerman]

Finally work to prove that Vin Diesel is, in fact, working on an alternative energy source that is not powered by gasoline, but in fact, powered by family. That's right. You bring the family together, you protect the family, and that's what makes your car go vroom, vroom. I'm your host, Langston.

[David Bourrey]

And I'm David Bourrey. And I. I love family.

[Langston Kerman]

You love family. I knew you. I knew that about you.

[David Bourrey]

Yeah, that just means I'm out of gas.

[Langston Kerman]

He's like, hey, bro, give me a ride. We're family.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Come here.

[Langston Kerman]

Well, we. We can't bullshit about family any longer. We have a very funny, very talented guest today. We both know him very well. You know him as a writer on Dave season. Seasons one and two, I believe, if.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

I'm not mistaken, seasons two and three. But two and three, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay.

[David Bourrey]

And four, five, and six. I just called my shot.

[Langston Kerman]

He's calling it.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Let's go.

[Langston Kerman]

It's in the air. It'll come down in about six months. But Ed said he's very hilarious. You've seen him on Comedy Central. Give it up for our guest today, Mr. Bennium Bazuna.

[David Bourrey]

What up?

[Binyamin Bazuna]

I'm so excited.

[Langston Kerman]

What up, dog?

[Binyamin Bazuna]

I've been a longtime fan of the show. I loved watching when it first came out and you had, like, all the different animations and people were talking. It just was such a cool concept. And I love talking shit about conspiracies. So very honored to be here.

[Langston Kerman]

That's. That's. Wow. What a. Nobody ever volleys it back to us and says nice things. So that. That's really sweet that you would do that.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

I mean, I didn't know. When did. When did you become a co host, Bori? I didn't even know.

[David Bourrey]

That hurts.

[Langston Kerman]

He's been here for long enough. If you were really a fan, you would know.

[David Bourrey]

God damn it.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

I've gone on to the podcast app and listened to episodes with the like. Like Yasser's episode And I think I've listened to, like, Garrick's or somebody's, like. But these were. This was all, like, during COVID maybe, or, like. So I didn't know that there was, like, a new change up. So then when I heard you were going to be on it, too, I was like, oh, two for one. Let's go.

[David Bourrey]

Double down.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Bori has proven himself to be an essential player here. We value his. His membership very much. And in probably the last, like, 12 episodes, you can hear his voice in. In all of them. I would say maybe. All right, we've bullshitted long enough because you came with a conspiracy theory that, frankly, I had never heard of Bori. I think you said you had.

[David Bourrey]

Yeah.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

You know, this Bori, you knew about this because it's an African thing. Like, this is, like, Ethiopia is. One of their claims to fame is that we have. Whoa, whoa.

[Langston Kerman]

Don't jump the gun here.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Oh, shit.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay, well, we got to intro it. I love. I love the enthusiasm, but you said, my mama told me the Ark of the Covenant is hidden in a church in Ethiopia.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Yes.

[Langston Kerman]

Tell us more. Tell us everything you know.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Okay, so my parents are Ethiopian, you know, born there, moved to America in, like, the 80s. And one of my dad's favorite pastimes is telling me about Ethiopian history and lore and just having a lot of pride. He's always saying things like, ethiopia was never colonized. Ethiopia beat Italy. They tried to get us, but we beat him twice. You know, there's a lot of pride, and I think that's like, central to the Ethiopian ethos is this kind of superiority complex. Like, they think they're great.

[David Bourrey]

Oh, you think? That's just. You guys.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Tell me what it's like over there. Sierra Leone.

[David Bourrey]

We also think we're great. That's all I have to say.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

All Africans think they're the best Africans. Yeah.

[David Bourrey]

It was like, that's part of being from there.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I will say that we did an episode earlier this year about a different Ethiopian conspiracy theory, or at least somewhat rooted in Ethiopian conspiracy theory. But I discovered, and I didn't know this, that Wakanda is theoretically based on Ethiopia. That, like, wow, y' all are the. The inspiration for this idealistic society existing on the African. And part of it is the fact that you guys, to your point, are one of the few nations that has never been colonized and had, like, a bunch of wealth at certain points that, like, far exceeded everybody else.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

You know, I've been to Ethiopia, and let me just say the movie is not an accurate depiction. They.

[Langston Kerman]

They.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

They really upped it. But, yeah, I think there is like, this kind of like, you know, Haile Selassie was, like, this dude who created the African Union. And a bunch of people have, like, pride over him being, like, the last emperor. All this stuff. I did not know that, though. I didn't know Wakanda was based on that.

[Langston Kerman]

Who.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Who brought. Did Solomon Giorgio bring that in?

[David Bourrey]

Oh, that sounds like something he would know.

[Langston Kerman]

I feel like it might have been Solomon who. Who came with. Wakanda is real, if I'm not mistaken.

[David Bourrey]

So I'm not a big Wakanda guy. I'm just saying that.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, shit. That's a hard stance.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Okay. When you saw David. When you saw the movie, were you.

[David Bourrey]

Like, we have to do this now? Cause this is why I don't have a Twitter.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Well, let's put it on the record. Let's get it out there. When you saw the movie, were you, like, finally, like, african excellence depicted? How did you feel?

[David Bourrey]

I felt like in the movie, they were like, we have this magical space rock that makes us better than the rest of the Africans. They said it. They literally said then we would be like the rest of them. Well, I'm the rest of them. Suck a dick. That's how I felt about that whole shit. How you have the one superhero movie based in Africa and you still fight Africans at the end. Somehow the major war is still black people versus black people. That's insane.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Yeah.

[David Bourrey]

That's crazy.

[Langston Kerman]

You've been mad about this the whole.

[David Bourrey]

Time since I went in the theater.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

And you know what? That's why a lot of people left the movie. Being like Killmonger was right was because that was basically his point. He was like, you guys got all this power, all this money, all these weapons, and you're not sharing it with anybody.

[David Bourrey]

You're actively hating on everybody else.

[Langston Kerman]

Damn.

[David Bourrey]

But no, sir, go save the fucking. Do what the EU wants you to do.

[Langston Kerman]

But they do open the borders at the end of it. That's what they say, that they're welcoming the world in.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

That's the ending of it. True. But he only changed that way because Killmonger, like, had rubbed off on him, right? He was like, I don't know how.

[David Bourrey]

They hadn't seen it before.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm just saying, if you beat my ass afterwards, I rethink some things. That's what they got. He got punched in the fucking jaw. And he was like, you know what I do? Gotta be a better person. And that's kind of nice. That's a good moral of the story.

[David Bourrey]

We are not here.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

What I.

[David Bourrey]

I just know a few other Africans who feel the same way I did about that movie, is all I'm saying.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Well, what I will say that's accurate, that ties back to what we're talking.

[David Bourrey]

About, is that tie it back. We need to be tethered.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Is that like Ethiopians. And I've heard this from other Africans too. They have a feeling of being better, you know? And like you were saying Sierra Leone, people think they're better. And like, I've heard my aunt say terrible things. She'll be like, oh, you're not black, you're Ethiopian. And like, shit like that where you're like, yo, you're black too. What are you talking about?

[David Bourrey]

You know, the diaspora is very complicated.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Yeah, he's like these older people who come to America. You know what I think it's. It's rooted in. It's like people. You're, you know, you're African. You're living in a country where everyone looks like you. You come to America and then you see how black people get treated, and then you're like, oh, let me separate myself so I don't get treated like. Like something like that. It's like my model minority type bullshit happens. And I guess that's what Black Panther accurately depicted with that attitude.

[Langston Kerman]

I will say that that is what you're speaking to, is as an American black person, what sort of like, for us is the thing where y' all are like, man, people. All the black people, always hating on Africans. Some of it. And some of it's obviously rude self hatred and shit, but some of it is. Cause y' all motherfuckers walk around constantly telling us you're better than us.

[David Bourrey]

It is true. And like. And then like. But like, also while wearing, like, penny loafers and track bands.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

You got on the same school uniform I do, bro. How are you that much better than me?

[Binyamin Bazuna]

I mean, that's the thing. It's coming. It's never coming from people our age. It's coming from a dude driving your Uber, telling you that. And then you're like, bro, come on. Like, I mean, but they're.

[David Bourrey]

But they're not just driving Ubers. There's a bunch of Nigerian.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Really?

[David Bourrey]

Everything.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

I would say Nigerians are the most educated. I think diaspora group in general, not even just African group. Like, they're the highest educated. Right?

[David Bourrey]

Really?

[Binyamin Bazuna]

This is what. That's what Opie told me. He said that.

[David Bourrey]

Opie the Nigerian?

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Yeah, that, like, I mean, and it's true because, like, the Nigerians are rich. They're all, like.

[David Bourrey]

They're so rich.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Doctors, businessmen, lawyers. But I haven't. I don't know. I can't speak for Nigerians. I haven't heard Nigerians saying that. I don't know. But I know I have heard it from older Ethiopian people, and I think that, like, it's. It's all part of that. And the Ark of the covenant thing is that they think that in this church in this place called Aksum, that this Ethiopian king, Menelik, brought back the ark, like, centuries and centuries ago and brought it to this church and brought it from where? I think from Israel. Right.

[Langston Kerman]

We'll get into some of this in the research. But basically, he's believed to have stolen it from Solomon's son that, like, Solomon had, like, a bastard child that he. He. That showed up late in life, and Solomon gifted him the Ark of the covenant. And then that dude with Ethiopia super hard and was gonna, like, travel to Ethiopia to, like, kick it. But in meeting up with this. This emperor dude, the emperor dude tricked him and replaced the. The ark with a fake one and then stole the other joint.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

See, it's like that. That level of detail is what my dad knows. I know. I just know the basic part, which is that it's in this church in Aksum, and they appoint people to be guards. And if you're appointed, it's like the supreme court. Whereas for life, you are a guard, and you're. And the only people that are allowed to look at it. Are you allowed? Is that. I've read things that say that there are two guards. I've read things that say that they're one and they switch off, but that's the only person allowed to lay eyes on it. So if you were trying to do some independent research and verify if it was real, you're not allowed to and that.

[Langston Kerman]

See, that sounds crazy, because if you're a guard for life, I'll beat your ass at 80. Do you know what I mean? Like, I'll just wait.

[David Bourrey]

That's true.

[Langston Kerman]

Get old, and then I'm gonna go look at that goddamn arc.

[David Bourrey]

You know, I thought you weren't supposed to look at it. And maybe that's just. Is that what happened in the movie? I thought if you looked at it, your face was gonna melt.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, that's what Indiana Jones said.

[David Bourrey]

Oh, okay. All right.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

I feel like they just.

[David Bourrey]

I'm mixing up my historical text.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Yeah, they needed it to be, like, some, like, shit for the movie. So that there was like a surprise or whatever. But in. That's not in the Ethiopian text. They just think that this is the shit that held the stone tablets that have the ten commandments on them. And it's like a wooden thing that's caked in gold and it's like the original shit that like Moses had, right? Yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

And that's the belief that Moses was like a. Y' all build a container for the commandments and then they did that.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Yeah. And I also read this other thing that said that the guards are trained in hand to hand combat to like fight anyone who comes up. Now what I don't know is when you do get to be 80, like you're saying, do they then go like, bro, you gotta retire. You're not gonna be a very good guard. Like, you can't choose to retire. They'll retire you because they like know that you, you know.

[David Bourrey]

Yeah, that's a good question. Also my question, what is this? Like some type of Ethiopian kung fu? Like what is this? Because I'm impressed if you guys have your own karate.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

I have never heard of any Ethiopian fighting style. I would say.

[Langston Kerman]

That'S not good news.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Never.

[Langston Kerman]

A lot of people are going to listen to this and be like, I'm going to go see that fucking arc now.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Because if there was an Ethiopian fighting style, I think we would be good at any sport other than long distance running. That's the only thing we can do. And it's the like only non contact type, like non combat, non strength based thing.

[Langston Kerman]

Damn.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Yeah, like that, that's, that's the one thing we dominate in any other type of sport. Like that takes. They always say this, they say like East Africa is slow twitch muscles. West Africa is fast twitch. So all of the, like, you heard.

[David Bourrey]

Him, you heard him.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Yeah, yeah. So it's like sprints, football, whatever.

[David Bourrey]

Wait, who always says that? That's why I never. Who always says that?

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Athletes like Iran tracking white athletes.

[David Bourrey]

Don't let them say that to you. No, no, no.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

It sounds, that sounds like some eugenics shit. That's like fucked up. But it's actually a term in kinesiology. Like fast twitch and slow twitch muscle.

[David Bourrey]

No, I know about, I know about, I know about muscle fibers. I'm talking about regional, regional African benefits of muscle fibers. Sounds like fucking phrenology. And I wouldn't let some white boy sprinter talk to me like that.

[Langston Kerman]

I think it sounds like you're saying Joe Rogan is an athlete and listen, he can kick the shit out of a bag. But I wouldn't call him an athlete.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

I heard this from track coaches all through, like, I ran cross country in high school and college. And they would say, like, all of the world records can be traced to West Africa in sprints. In all the world records in distances 5000 and above can be traced to East Africa. And they were like, it's due to just, you know, like, in East Africa, lots of things are at altitude and you're just growing up in that way. And over time, people. It's like weight training. Because it's like you get so good at training when there's like no oxygen in the air. And then you go to sea level and you're just racing. It's like Goku taking off the heavy clothes. It's easy. And then as far as West Africa goes, I have no idea why there's just like faster roti.

[David Bourrey]

I mean, as a West African from the mile high city, I do tell you, I will say to you, when I go to sea level, I am like a God. You hear the term God body. That's how I feel. I'm so fast on the beach.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Man, I wish that there were. I wish there was one good Ethiopian sprinter. It's never happened. We're like, people would always, like, because I ran like long distance, I would do like the, the mile and two mile and the 5k and stuff, people would always be like, oh, you're, you're the runner, you're fast. And I'm like, yeah, over like a mile or longer, you get me in a hundred or two hundred meters, I'll get dusted by most people.

[David Bourrey]

Right.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

The fast twitch and slow twitch shit does sound like some shit. Like. Yeah. A European scientist was like, the Africans on this side of the continent are faster. Over here, they're more, you know, and.

[David Bourrey]

They can't feel pain.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Yeah, yeah, 100%.

[David Bourrey]

They're so musical.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what the problem is, is that we've commodified athletes so much that we can't disassociate, like, the language of like, of science and slavery. Do you know what I mean? Like, it truly is like, I don't know if the reason you talk like that is because of slavery or because that's literally the only way we could describe what you're seeing.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Yeah. And I guess it's, it's like, it.

[David Bourrey]

Also goes along the same. It takes the same route as most coded racist language. You know what I'm saying? Where they're like, no, it's, it's phys it, it's, it's, it's science. It's not. It's just a regional. Like, that's like, that's what people get into when it talks. Then they're talking about smaller heads thus as far as smaller breast. Like, it's like the same, it lives in the same place and all that.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. It's not LeBron James is a genius that, that should be acknowledged as such. It's LeBron James just got that big old body and those fast twitch muscles.

[David Bourrey]

Yeah. Nobody ever talks about his photographic memory, though.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Which he fully has.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Because I will say there's a.

[David Bourrey]

That's why he's better than Jordan. He's a genius. Michael Jordan's not a genius.

[Langston Kerman]

All right, well, I didn't like the way this took a turn, but Benium, you were speaking.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

I mean, the part that gets left out of these kind of like conversations about certain areas of the world and why athletes are as good as they are is that there's a bunch of Ethiopians who are slow as hell and suck it long distance running. And there's a bunch of West Africans that are not good at the 100 meter dash.

[David Bourrey]

Wash your mouth.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

But the correlation is what makes people go like, oh, okay, you can, you can draw some. But even that, it is a little dangerous. I hear it.

[David Bourrey]

It's scary.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Listen, we have to take a break, but when we come back, we're going to find out if is willing to quit comedy to become the fastest Ethiopian on the planet. This is, this is exciting that we're building here. We'll be back with more Binyamin Bazuna. More My mama told me.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway Cough. And cold season is coming, so make sure you're prepared and stock up on your family's favorite personal wellness products now through October 7th. Shop in store and online for savings on products like Mucinex Kickstart Combo, Zyrtec allergy relief tablets or liquid gels, hulls, cough drops and Mucinex Fast day and night. So you and your family are armed and ready for the season ahead. Offer ends October 7th. Restrictions apply. Offers may vary. Visit albertsons or safeway.com for more details.

[Mori Hair Care Advertiser]

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[David Bourrey]

Ugh. Come on. Why is this taking so long? This thing is ancient.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Still using yesterday's tech upgrade to the ThinkPad Extra Ultralight. Ultra powerful and built for serious productivity with Intel Core Ultra processors, blazing speed and AI powered performance. It keeps up with your business, not the other way around.

[David Bourrey]

Whoa, this thing moves.

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Langston Kerman]

And we are back.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Can you lend a a pencil?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. All right, we're back here with more Benny and Bazuna.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

More.

[Langston Kerman]

My mama told me we're still talking about the possibility that the Ark of the Covenant is not where Indiana Jones was hunting, but in fact, hidden in a church in Ethiopia surrounded by potentially very old warrior monks.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Yes, I love the term warrior monk, by the way, because I feel like it's a very thankless job that these guys have. I would be very surprised if they're allowed to have sex. I bet. Probably not. Well, also.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, you can't get no pussy up there.

[David Bourrey]

No, not next to the ark. That's disrespectful. Yeah, not even hand stuff. My thing is also because, like, how many people are running up on the Ark of the Covenant? Like, that's what I think the hard thing about that job is, is they probably never have to. How often do they really have to defend it?

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Okay, so this might get into the research, but I was reading up on this and there was a researcher, European dude, I assume he was British, who like sometime in the middle of the 20th century, like 1950s, 1960s, he wanted to see if this ark was really in this church and he came up and he had like gunmen with him. And he was like, sorry y', all, I don't give a fuck about your customs. I'm just walking in. And he walked past, went inside and he wrote that. He looked at it and thought it was just a replica. And he was like, sadly, this isn't the Ark of the Covenant.

[David Bourrey]

But also they just rolled over and let that. They just let that happen. Huh?

[Binyamin Bazuna]

I guess. I don't think they have guns. All they have are just like walking. They just have like walking staffs.

[Langston Kerman]

They're like, hey man, could we have guns? And they're like, no, no, no man, you got it.

[David Bourrey]

You trained, you got that East African karate. Come on man, use them.

[Langston Kerman]

Use some slow twitch muscles.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Look, I feel like if all you can do is be good at running away, probably not going to be good at fighting the dude with guns. I would love to have seen how that went down. If they like put up a fight or if they were just like, I.

[Langston Kerman]

I have to assume they were like, you got it, go ahead, take a look, my guy.

[David Bourrey]

Oh man, that makes me so sad.

[Langston Kerman]

You just make me sit in a, in a cellar all day preparing for the worst job, which is defending this, this wooden basket. No, go ahead, look at it.

[David Bourrey]

But the one time you get to prove yourself and that the job was worth it, in the years of commitment that you put in learning hand to hand Ethiopian combat, and then you were.

[Langston Kerman]

Just like, nah, come on man, you got a gun. I thought we was just doing fist fights down here, but all right, you shooting, go ahead.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

See, I just feel like you're supposed to die for it. That's probably what they were told, right? You got to die for this. And I, when I read this account, it didn't talk about any bloodshed. So I think that, yeah, I don't blame them because I would do the same thing. But it sounds like they weren't really about it bout it, you know?

[David Bourrey]

Yeah, they need to get some fast switches in there.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Yeah. If we had, if we had, we had a couple of the people from the film that our country is based on defending it, then you know, maybe they, they wouldn't have stood a chance. But.

[Langston Kerman]

So you already started talking about some pretty important moments. But I think if I'm not mistaken, the last known non Ethiopian person, and I'm not sure if this is the person you're talking about or if this is a different individual, but the last non Ethiopian person who is said to have saw the Ark is this dude Edward Ulindorf is. Is his name, who basically found himself stationed in Ethiopia while fighting for Britain in. In World War II, and then becomes friends with Haile Selassie and then is basically, like, escorted in. Like, they become so cool that he's like, yeah, fuck it, I'll show you the Ark. And he says he sees it and believes it and writes stories about it years later.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

So that's what I'm talking about. It's the same guy.

[David Bourrey]

Whoa.

[Langston Kerman]

So this is an example of the way that history can be fucking rewritten like a motherfucker, man.

[David Bourrey]

The white side of history, dog.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Yeah. That's so weird. Yeah, Because I'm looking at the article right now to make sure. And he says that Uhlendorf was concerned after he gave an interview that he hoped that Ethiopian authorities did not become aware of the Los Angeles Times article. And then he never spoke to a reporter again about what he saw. But I guess he said, this is what it. This is how. This is what it says entirely. He went to the Church of Mary Zion with a couple of soldiers. He spoke to the monks in the church at Amharic asking to see the Ark. His requests were refused. They said, you can't go in. This is holy. He said, well, I'm sorry, but I want to go in. And he did go in with his soldiers behind him. They couldn't do anything to stop him.

[Langston Kerman]

Whoa. Yeah. Things that I've read have made him seem like much more of a sweet, neutral figure who, like, kissed a king's hand enough times that he, like, carried him in. There is. That's wild.

[David Bourrey]

This is dark.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

I don't know which one is true, but this version says, I do.

[Langston Kerman]

I think I know which one is true.

[David Bourrey]

I have an idea.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

I think that he marched in with his guns because, hey, that's the one.

[Langston Kerman]

That's true too, Dog. I don't think there's any doubt in my mind that he did a meaner thing than what he's done. Been telling people.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

This is from. I'm reading from livescience.com by the way. I'm just going to trust that they're reputable. I have no idea. And it says that what he saw you can find in any Ethiopian church, which is a model of the Ark of the Covenant. He says it didn't differ in any way from many arcs you see in any other churches in Ethiopia. It wasn't ancient, and it certainly wasn't the original ark.

[David Bourrey]

Now, how many. How many arcs? How many arcs are there? Why Is there so many arcs?

[Binyamin Bazuna]

So in all these other churches in Ethiopia, they have replica arcs kind of at. I don't really know why.

[Langston Kerman]

I think it's in reference to the fact that it is widely understood in Ethiopia that they are housing the Ark of the Covenant. And so if you are following the same Christian Judaic principles, then you're going to be like, yeah, this is a symbol of our thing. And only the. The priest is allowed anywhere inside the circle where the Ark is kept during, like, you know, any sermon, like, in any church. Only the priests can go in that area.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Yeah. And I remember when I was 11, that's the only time I've been back there. There was this lake that we went on called, like, Lake Tana, and there were, like, little islands all on this lake, and there were churches on them. And I remember going like, we weren't. There was like, something where, like, only men were allowed in the church or something. But I even think, like, there. We weren't allowed to, like, look at the Ark. We were just. Even the replica. I don't think we're allowed to look at.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, they're trying to play theirs off. They're like, yeah, we might have.

[David Bourrey]

We might have it. How do you know?

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Yeah, and it's like, I can't remember if we were allowed in or not, but I remember there, like, being told that at the time, like, we have these replica ones. And what was I about to say? Yeah, it's just widely. It's just. It's another point of like, yo, we're out here killing it. Never been colonized. We got the ark points on the board. That is.

[Langston Kerman]

So just to walk us back a little bit, because I feel like we jumped immediately into some parts of this conversation that may not be totally clear to our audience. The Ark of the Covenant is a sort of, like, large wooden structure that has a little, like, house over it, where, in theory, it's like a chest, basically, with, like, a bunch of fancy things around it that is said to be the holster for the Ten Commandments, as commanded by Moses from God.

[David Bourrey]

And.

[Langston Kerman]

And then the Israelites carried that exact thing through the desert for 40 years while they were trying to find their home.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Yep. And it's got those. Defining feature is, like, those two wings. Yeah, the two.

[David Bourrey]

I think they're angels. What are those things on the top?

[Binyamin Bazuna]

I think it's.

[Langston Kerman]

I think they're wings. Yeah, I always.

[David Bourrey]

But they're like birds, and their wings are facing towards each other, and it's.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Like, covered in gold. It's shiny, and then it's got these, like, sticks for carrying so that you could have, like, almost like pallbearers, you know, like four people kind of like supporting it from all sides because.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. You don't put your Ark of the Covenant on the ground. I get.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

No, no, no, no. Yeah, you gotta.

[Langston Kerman]

Don't put your purse on the ground. Don't put your Ark of the Covenant on the ground. Those are just two facts.

[David Bourrey]

Either way, somebody's slipping something in it or taking something out.

[Langston Kerman]

I mean, somebody roofies the Ark of the Covenant.

[David Bourrey]

That's how they got it to Ethiopia.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Right. That's what they did. They pulled a Ocean's Eleven switcheroo type shit to get it there. Right.

[David Bourrey]

That's a movie I want to see. Hollywood.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I mean, just 11 Ethiopian dudes in suits being like, we gonna steal the.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Ark of the Covenant?

[David Bourrey]

I mean, sounds amazing.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

It feels like it wouldn't take much. All you have to do is show up with a gun and it's like, yeah, that's true. Okay, get in there.

[David Bourrey]

That makes me feel like I could go get the Ark of the Covenant.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

I mean, if it's this valuable. And you think about all the other art thefts that have happened where people, like, steal a Monet or whatever, you would think that some. Someone would have tried to steal it. Well.

[Langston Kerman]

Well, that's. That's one of the things that I. I wanted to bring up. Right. Is that, like, look, you went into detail about how crazy they have to feel or at least feel like they're protecting this. This item. And it's insane, in part because museums are filled all across the world with items that were stolen from other countries.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

So they're sitting there and they don't feel the same instinct. And I guess in some forms they do. They make it very hard, obviously, to steal a debatable. Right, Exactly. Things get stolen from museums all the time. And then even with that, they don't feel no shame about it. They're not like, yo, we got to hide it away so nobody can even lay eyes on it. They're like, not look at it, but I'll fuck you up if you touch our stolen shit.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

And I feel like with the Ark, their thing is based. It's like, it's not because of shame. It's because it's like, oh, it's so holy that your eyes aren't worthy to look at it. And they.

[David Bourrey]

From.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

From what I've read, it seems like they feel like they are the rightful keepers of it. Like, because it's, it's a Christian thing more so than a. It belongs to this country or that country is how they think of it.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. If I'm remembering correctly, I think Ethiopians have a. Something in that they, they stayed loyal on some, like, Christian shit and sort of like, were devoted to Christianity when every other sort of like, sect of Christianity at one point in the Bible bailed. Like, they were like, yo, we don't. We can't even rock with this shit no more. And Ethiopians were like, no, we're still with it. We like, this is where we're at. And so then they're like, no, we are the original Christians. We are sort of like the source of everything that makes this thing valuable.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

I wonder if the black Israelites think that they have claim over the Ark of the Covenant, you know, because if they're like, we're the original Israelites, maybe they're like, we should have it.

[Langston Kerman]

Right? Because they're like, yo, maybe they have it.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Maybe they have it.

[Langston Kerman]

Has anybody actually listened to what they're yelling? They might be today.

[David Bourrey]

What's the math? What's the math?

[Binyamin Bazuna]

I heard the best thing. This is like maybe 2014 or so. And I was like around Slauson and there were some dudes doing the black Israelite thing with the megaphone. And there was like a main dude and then he had a couple like, helpers, and they were reading from the Bible and the guy was reading back this thing and he said like, and from the water the leviathan came. And the main guy was like, read that back, read that back. And then the guy said it again. And from the waters the leviathan came. And the dude was like, loch Ness Monster is real, yo.

[David Bourrey]

But also I overstand where he's coming from.

[Langston Kerman]

And that's, you know, that was where my brain went, where I was like, is that, is that insane or is that just a hard ass bar that, like, you can pull more information from when you need it? You know what I mean? Like, he's just.

[David Bourrey]

The whole Bible is, Is a hard ass bar.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

I mean, all of it's just English class. That's how I feel. You find a little proof and then you can extrapolate and be like, this is what this means.

[David Bourrey]

Right?

[Langston Kerman]

Right. Right. You can half read a book and get a whole lot of messages from whatever that is.

[David Bourrey]

Who you telling? You think I finished the People's History of the United States? I'm like, no, no, I haven't.

[Langston Kerman]

So I looked up some of the examples of, like, Things sort of like the most famous things, I guess, that were stolen by other. Other countries that are kept in other museums that, you know, Truly. Everybody feels real comfortable flexing. The Rosetta Stone is an example that the British literally stole from Egypt and now have on display without a care in the world. Like, Truly. And it's written in Egyptian hieroglyphics. It's not like it's, you know, a shared language. These motherfuckers just have their shit in their museum.

[David Bourrey]

Egypt's got to go get it back, though. That's on them at this point.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

They gotta pull a killmonger. Like, I didn't even know the Rosetta Stone was a real thing. I thought that was.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, dog.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

I legit.

[David Bourrey]

Oh, how to learn Spanish.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Yeah. I was like, this is a cool name for a company. If anything, Egypt should be getting some money off them too.

[Langston Kerman]

I think it has something to do with the. And yes, I agree with you. Their capitalism.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Boom. Yeah. Yeah.

[David Bourrey]

I mean, listen, if we're gonna start kicking back to Egypt everything that they invented, I mean, that's a long day.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. There's a lot of dudes I know with tattoos that are gonna have to kick some bread.

[David Bourrey]

Yeah. Every ankh tattoo's gotta give them 10 bucks. That's gonna take forever.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Fucking Yu Gi. Oh. That entire show is based on Egypt.

[David Bourrey]

I feel like Erykah Badu's gotta kick some money up.

[Langston Kerman]

Erykah Badu owes a lot of money to Egypt right now.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

What are. What are. What are these other things?

[Langston Kerman]

Additionally, there's something called the Man Eaters of Sabo, which are displayed in the Chicago Field Museum. Great museum. And are taxidermied bodies of two lions, which, at their peak, killed somewhere between 28 to 140 people in Kenya. So these lions are. Are killing the. Out of Kenyan people? Well, no, specifically Indian workers in Kenya at the time. I don't know. Geopolitics was wild. Anyway, they're killing all these people, and then one dude shoots them and has them taxidermied and then ends up sending them to the United States for $5,000. And the Kenyan government was like, bro, what the fuck? This is the most famous two lions that have ever existed in history. Don't sell our shit. And now they just don't get them back.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Yeah. I mean, if there's anything that, like, you know, like, after World War II, how they were like, okay, we have, like, the World Court, and we can hold people responsible for shit. Like, can they do the same thing for these artifacts that were Stolen from places in ancient times. They could be like, well, you're under our jurisdiction because we're the world, you know.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I don't think so, because everybody just points to the transactions that justify it. So again, this dude technically did say.

[David Bourrey]

We gave him five.

[Langston Kerman]

They gave him $5,000 for the fucking lions. Like, why? What are you talking about?

[Binyamin Bazuna]

It was, he made a bad deal. But yes, I guess it's a deal, though, you know, what could they say?

[Langston Kerman]

I think that's the justification. Now you can turn back and look at like, yo, there are cultural justifications, human justifications inside of this, but I think any court is going to lose out when they try to do that instead of being like, well, there's a receipt right here. It says five GS.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

I mean, I guess it's the same as like Israel, Palestine, because it's like, whatever, land stolen, places taken, whatever. But you can't really. Who's going to listen?

[David Bourrey]

How far can we go back?

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Yeah, exactly.

[David Bourrey]

How far can we. How far back can we really source it?

[Langston Kerman]

We can quote this episode, Binyam says, Israel, whatever.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

But in terms of listening to an outside foreign power or like a World bank or whoever the fuck is going to be the jurisdiction, no one is going to. If you're the one in the situation, you're always going to have your own self interest and you're not going to be like, well, you're right. You're going to be like, nah, this is my lion now, I had it.

[David Bourrey]

You know, this lion, he loves the bears, he's been in jail. He loves Italian beef.

[Langston Kerman]

So the last example I'll give you, and we'll take a break after this, the last example I'll give you is specific actually to Ethiopia. Oh, shit. Ethiopia fell victim in the Battle of Magdala. Am I saying that right? Magdala in 1868, it was a. Basically when the British came in and took pieces of Ethiopia from y', all, or at least y' all gave off like a little taste of Ethiopia to make, to keep them from fully colonizing the entire country. So you've never been colonized, but you have had to give up a few parts to get, get good with people.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

See, I didn't even know about this battle. I've never heard that name. Magdala.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. M A G D A L A and so in this, this fight, the British end up taking so much shit, literally so much shit, including something called the Crown of Abood, a gold crown that was once, that once sat atop, like, the head of The Ethiopian church. But they took so much shit that they needed 15 elephants and 100 meals to transfer all the stuff to a nearby town for auction.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

That's crazy. And now it's like, is it displayed in England just proudly.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, my favorite part of this. This is. This is going to be the most devastating part. My favorite part is that when the Ethiopian. When the Ethiopian government has, like, come back to them and been like, hey, bro, we're in modern times now. Give us back our shit. The response was, oh, for sure, you can have some of it, but we will return it to you only as a loan, and you have to then take your name off of any. Any suggestions that this was yours to own in the first place.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Wow, that's so fucked up.

[Langston Kerman]

It's Wild Dog.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

And they can't.

[David Bourrey]

And it's like, damn, I don't like this section.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

And they can't. I guess they can't do anything. They just gotta. It's just like the dudes with the guns walking up to the church. They're just like, okay, yeah, what are you gonna do?

[David Bourrey]

I don't like how happy Langston is about all.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

It's.

[Langston Kerman]

It's all so silly. They were like, hey, bro, I'll lend you your stuff back to you after I stole it. Come on. That's just. That's just good, clean fun.

[David Bourrey]

It's typical bully behavior. Ethiopia is getting bullied out of their items. I don't like that.

[Langston Kerman]

All right, we're gonna take one more break. We'll be back with more video business owner. More My mama told me.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway Cough and cold season is coming, so make sure you're prepared. And stock up on your family's favorite personal wellness products. Now through October 7th. Shop in store and online for savings on products like Mucinex Kickstart Combo, Zyrtec Allergy relief tablets or liquid gels, Halls Cough drops and Mucinex fast day and night. So you and your family are armed and ready for the season ahead. Offerings October 7th restrictions. Supply offers may vary. Visit albertsons or safeway.com for more details.

[Mori Hair Care Advertiser]

A life that's carefree needs hair that's worry free. Have both with Mori. Reduce shedding and thinning in as little as 12 weeks with clinically proven all natural Mori nourishing hair care products. Others containing sulfates, parabens and GMOs can actually weaken your hair over time. You can look great for holiday photos. Still not sure we get it. So right now, purchase Mori at 50% off while while it lasts and take a quiz for a custom hair care [e-mail] results can vary. Mori is not a substitute for medical advice. See website for more.

[Langston Kerman]

Ah, come on.

[David Bourrey]

Why is this taking so long? This thing is ancient.

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[David Bourrey]

Whoa, this thing moves.

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Langston Kerman]

And we are back.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

All right. So.

[Langston Kerman]

I can go anywhere.

[David Bourrey]

Suck my dick.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, we're back here with more Benny and Bazuna, more My Mama Told Me and Benium. Can't wait to tell you God damn more about the Ark of the Covenant being in Ethiopia.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

I like waited for a second. I was like, okay, there's no sound cue here. Let me just jump in.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, baby. There's always a sound key.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

You know what's crazy is in Ethiopia and I think this is like, in a lot of like newer democracies, there's no such thing as like, is this candidate pro choice? What's this candidate's views on the environment? It's just like. It's just like, are you the same ethnicity as me? Then you're going to be looking out for this ethnic group. That's all it is.

[David Bourrey]

That's how I vote.

[Langston Kerman]

I voted like that once before. It didn't change much for me, but I felt good about what I did.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Which is so interesting because it's like our things that go into when we vote so different.

[David Bourrey]

That's what they say. They think it's the same shit. I think it's the same shit.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. I don't think there's anybody that's like really focused on the issues as much.

[David Bourrey]

As they do there's like 20 people in LA who pretend on Instagram. Everybody else, they're like, that one looks like me.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I like the way that one. I like the way his jib is cut.

[David Bourrey]

I like it that he's not one of those.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

I will say, yeah, if there was someone who looked like me, I would vote for them as I have in the past.

[David Bourrey]

Immediately let me just run for anything. Yeah, you gotta let it slide.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

If there was somebody that was from your exact neighborhood, city, all this shit, but you don't agree with them on all the issues, would you be like, yeah, but they're like. They're of my area and they look like me. What would be more important to you?

[David Bourrey]

Uh, how far against my issues are they? Is it like. Yeah, is it like, minimal stuff? Cause I got some deal breakers.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

I mean, let's say they are fiscally conservative, but socially, whatever. Like, liberal. Liberal. Yeah.

[David Bourrey]

I can fuck with that. How fiscally conservative? Are we cutting all social services or are we just like flat taps?

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like, pull them up by your own bootstraps. They're that concerning.

[David Bourrey]

Oh, I can't get down. I was too poor.

[Langston Kerman]

Look, all I'm saying.

[David Bourrey]

But if they lived next door to me, they wouldn't be like that because I was broke till, like three years ago.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

You would have rubbed off on them.

[David Bourrey]

They would have been broke like me. They wouldn't even. They'd have had strong senses of community. That's what I'll say.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

All I'm saying is I need to know the exact alternative to this person, meaning, like, whoever they're running against, because if they're still better than the other person, I'm going black, baby. You know what I mean? Like, I'm going black every time.

[David Bourrey]

Like, do you know the level of white excellence you have to have for me to vote you over just like a regular black person. To be completely honest, just a bus.

[Langston Kerman]

Driver with a briefcase. Yeah, yeah.

[David Bourrey]

He looks like he got a job.

[Langston Kerman]

Damn. He might manage the buses. This guy's real.

[David Bourrey]

You got a briefcase.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

What was the name of that Godfather's Pizza Republican? Black dude.

[Langston Kerman]

Fuck, what was his name? It starts with the H. Herman Cain.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Herman Cain, Yeah. Now, it seems like there are people like this every couple years who just get thrust at. To the top of the Republican Party. And there's not a chance that I look at them and go like, but they're black. Because they're just like, so. Well, no way.

[David Bourrey]

You know, but that's different. That's yeah, you know, you know, not.

[Langston Kerman]

Talking about her, talking about.

[David Bourrey]

Come on, man. I know you're not into the conversation.

[Langston Kerman]

We're talking about regular motherfuckers who you would kick it with. Not fucking Herman Cain, but regular motherfuckers.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

You would kick it with are never, like, running for president. Like, they're you. I mean, that's the problem, baby.

[David Bourrey]

That's my issue. That's my issue. We need a. You know what we need is a black Trump. I want to look up there and say, like, yeah, he's saying it. I'm thinking it. That's what I want. Oh, no.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

You know, so now we're off.

[David Bourrey]

Now we're off. I thought we were banking on the community.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

But I get what you're saying. It's like someone who's black with the Trump attitude, but they don't have Trump positions.

[David Bourrey]

Yeah, yeah. I'm being completely facetious. I think that your political candidate should be better than you. And if you don't think that, you're kind of stupid.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, no, I do think that we should be clear.

[David Bourrey]

I don't want him to be like me. I ate ramen three times this week. Like, I want him. You gotta be better.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

But can he be better than you but also be a populist at the same time? Yeah, yeah, I think that exists.

[David Bourrey]

Definitely. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

100%. Listen, I grew up in a. In a very Marxist household. I don't agree. There's no. Yeah. There's no version of this that I'm going to be like, hell, yeah. If we just vote the right way, we gonna fix it. It's like, no.

[David Bourrey]

Yeah, I feel it.

[Langston Kerman]

I. You know, one way or the other. And I do vote. I ain't. I ain't.

[David Bourrey]

I like that. I like that. You won't even let us play make believe for a second, though. Like, you had to, like, listen, brother, like, we were just having a good time.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Marxism.

[Langston Kerman]

Look, man, I vote, but I don't believe in that shit. I just be doing my civic duty, you know?

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Man, what was that like growing up in a Marxist household?

[David Bourrey]

You drink a lot of Mountain Dew?

[Langston Kerman]

Well, my dad drank Diet Cokes, so I had to show him that I was younger and more gnarly than he was. I don't know, it was chill. We, you know, ate potatoes and stuff.

[David Bourrey]

You had, like, Christmas and shit, right? It wasn't like.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, we weren't. We weren't sad. We were just, you know, political. There was a different political slant.

[David Bourrey]

Were you allowed to watch television?

[Langston Kerman]

Yep. We had it we had multiple TVs which we could turn on and off whenever we wanted.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Would, would your parents, how would they think of like voting in a national election? Were they like.

[Langston Kerman]

Well, it's not both my parents. It's specifically my dad, my mom, you know, broken homes. But specifically my dad is. That's his political lean.

[David Bourrey]

Okay, what was your mom?

[Langston Kerman]

Lady trying to make it okay, but we got her head above water, making a wave when she can. Temporary layoff.

[David Bourrey]

My mom, easy credit ripper, my mom. I mean.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

So here's something that's kind of in common is that when my parents were in Ethiopia and they were students, this dude Haile Selassie, who was the emperor, like, they wanted him to be overthrown because they wanted feudalism to be gone. They thought it was unfair. They thought the rich were just getting richer. And they were part of these like student groups that would meet up at night and you had to be all secret. And they wanted to overthrow this dude and they wanted communism to come to Ethiopia because they were like, on paper, this is great, you know.

[David Bourrey]

And then they came to America and you became a comedian. Isn't that. That's bugged out.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, you're bugging, man. Call them. Apologize for what you're doing.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Look, you got the Marxist dad. You feel the same struggle. But then the dude got overthrown by the military. And the military was worse than this dude. And they were like, okay, now let's overthrow this military, right? And they were part of these like, they were like medics for guerrilla fighters trying to, they, they, they worked so hard and were so about their political shit and then came to America to have a better life. And we're like, okay, American system now. All that communism, all that shit, you know, we're just living.

[David Bourrey]

Leave it over there.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah, it's, it's, it's. I, the older I get, the more I can see how you can feel devastated by your kids choices even. You know what I mean? Even if that you're not doing it to hurt your parents. You're truly just pursuing the things that make you feel whole and precious in the world. And like, they didn't come here for that. You know what I mean? That's just not what they, that's not the reason they're here. And it's like, oh, we ain't talking the same shit, baby.

[David Bourrey]

But also, they came here in one way or another for you to cash some checks.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Exactly.

[David Bourrey]

So you know what I mean? Like, ultimately, I'm sorry, I'm not a doctor, but we're doing all right.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

It's just. Have a better life than me. Have more choices.

[David Bourrey]

Right, Exactly.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

More freedom to do what you want. The only reason they wanted you to be a doctor was because that was a straight path to financial freedom. Better life. But if you could do it another way, still accomplishing it, you know?

[David Bourrey]

Yeah, right, right. Yeah, yeah. No, and they'll still be proud. Who cares that you live in a one bedroom apartment? You still like horseshit.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Yeah, it's a one bedroom in la, which is a house. That's a house in Indiana.

[David Bourrey]

Well, Colorado. But it's good. You know what? I keep it clean. I keep it cle. Big ass tv.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, big ass.

[David Bourrey]

All the streamers, all the platforms.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

I love it, baby.

[Langston Kerman]

You watching Paramount Plus?

[David Bourrey]

You got it, baby. I got stars. Oh, you can watch. Well, you can watch Raising Canaan on my shit. All the 50 Cent shows.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Bro. If you have Paramount plus, you know, you're eating.

[David Bourrey]

I do have Paramount Plus.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

That's an ancillary streaming platform.

[Langston Kerman]

I hope I'm not overstepping here. They. I hope they give it to you for free. I hope they at least kick you.

[David Bourrey]

And we are. That just came up recently. My views here are in no way expressed by the Viacom Corporation.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

I don't think people get. I mean, as with all my interactions with people, no one's ever been like, yeah, I have free Hulu, or I have. Like, it doesn't seem like it's a thing.

[Langston Kerman]

I got free peacock for a year.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Well, that's dope.

[David Bourrey]

Just for a year.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. That's the first time that any of them have, you know, HBO has been Comedy Central and HBO have employed me for a lot of shit. And never once either of them have been like, what's up here?

[Binyamin Bazuna]

They're like, oh, well, you can afford it with that salary we're paying you.

[David Bourrey]

Yeah. They're like, we know what you're. They know what we're paying you.

[Langston Kerman]

That's crazy. All right. I don't know what this episode turned into.

[David Bourrey]

It went far off the rails.

[Langston Kerman]

It really went far. But goddamn it, I think we did it. I do think we nailed. We nailed all the essential parts and there's a whole lot of fat on that bone. So, you know, we'll enjoy the meal all the same.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

I think what. You know what we. One thing I'll say is the best thing to come out of this is that I'm going to write the ocean's 11 arc of the Covenant Ethiopia movie.

[David Bourrey]

And that's really, really important. That's very important.

[Langston Kerman]

I want a founder's feet. Come on. Now.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Definitely in that special. Thanks.

[David Bourrey]

I'm going to wear. I'm going to wear a dashiki to the movie theater.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Okay. We doing it.

[Langston Kerman]

All right, Benium, could you tell the people at home where they can find you and what cool shit you have going on?

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Yeah, you could find me Benny and Biz on any of the things. Yeah, you go on YouTube, search my name, just see some shit? Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Hell yeah. YouTube him go watch his shit. He's written on a bunch of cool things. And goddammit, YouTube again. I don't know, just keep youtubing Benny.

[David Bourrey]

Him keep doing it.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Run the numbers though.

[Langston Kerman]

David, you want to tell the people.

[David Bourrey]

Where they can find you cool guy jokes87 on Instagram.

[Langston Kerman]

As always, you can follow me at Langston Kerman. And as always, if you want to send us your own drops, your own conspiracy theories, your own bullshit, please send it to mymamapodmail.com I would love to hear from you. And give us a call. 844 Lil Moms. 844 Little Moms. We want to hear from you. Otherwise, you know what to do. Bye, bitch.

[David Bourrey]

Growing babies. Microchips in your 80s. All koala bears are racist. The ozone layer owes me money. Washington Vending turkey stuffing. Y' all can't tell me nothing.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway. Cough and cold season is coming, so make sure you're prepared and stock up on your family's favorite personal wellness products. Now through October 7th. Shop in store and online for savings on products like Mucinex Kickstart Combo, Zyrtec Allergy Relief tablets or liquid Gels. Halls, Cough drops and Mucinex fast day and night so you and your family are armed and ready for the season ahead. Offer ends October 7th. Restrictions apply. Offers may vary. Visit albertsons or safeway.com for more details.

[Langston Kerman]

With the new IHOP value menu, 6 bucks is all it takes to go to your happy plates where stacks of pancakes, pancakes with bacon and eggs are just six bucks every day. French toast, sausage and eggs are. You guessed it, six bucks. And fluffy omelets come with a side of pancakes and only cost six bucks. Go to your happy plates every day at ihop. Seven bucks in some locations. Available every day for a limited time at participating restaurants in the U.S. hours may vary.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

No substitutions.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Not valid. With other discounts or promotions, prices may vary.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

Can small acts make a real impact in the world? Sometimes times a small thing has the power to become more something big and meaningful.

[Ryan Seacrest]

And when it comes to helping children, no act is too small.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

When you fill up at the Purple Giving Pump at Shell, a portion of your purchase will be donated to support.

[Langston Kerman]

Charities in your community.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

The Giving Pump Easy to stop, Easy to donate from 9125 to 103125 participating Shell stations will donate a minimum of $0.01 per gallon of the fuel pump.

[Ryan Seacrest]

From the Giving pump or a minimum donation of $300.

[Langston Kerman]

Ford was built on the belief that the world doesn't get to decide what you're capable of.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

You do.

[Langston Kerman]

So ask yourself, can you or can't you? Can you load up a Ford F150 and build your dream with sweat and steel? Can you chase thrills and conquer curves in a Mustang? Can you take a Bronco to where the map ends and adventure begins? Whether you think you can or think you can can't, you're right. Ready, set, forward.

[Binyamin Bazuna]

This is an iHeart podcast.