Podcast Summary: My Momma Told Me – "Ethiopia Jones and the Lost Ark" (with Biniam Bizuneh) RE-RELEASE
Original Air Date: October 2, 2025
Hosts: Langston Kerman & David Gborie
Guest: Biniam Bizuneh
Main Theme: Are the legendary Ark of the Covenant and other treasured artifacts really hidden away in Ethiopia? The comedians hilariously dissect the myth, Ethiopian pride, and the politics of Black excellence and stolen artifacts, with their signature blend of irreverence, authenticity, and cultural insight.
Episode Overview
This episode of My Momma Told Me features guest comedian and writer Biniam Bizuneh exploring the long-standing Black conspiracy that the biblical Ark of the Covenant is hidden in a church in Ethiopia. Langston and David interrogate the myth with deep dives into Ethiopian culture, African diaspora pride and rivalry, the realness of Wakanda, how colonizers still flex stolen goods, and the bizarre reality of defending a sacred item with nothing but slow-twitch muscles and a staff.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Introducing the Conspiracy: The Ark in Ethiopia
- Biniam reveals that as a child of Ethiopian immigrants, he grew up hearing stories about Ethiopia’s unique history—never colonized, victorious over Italy, and home to the Ark of the Covenant.
- Biniam: "My dad's favorite pastime is telling me about Ethiopian history and lore... Ethiopia was never colonized. Ethiopia beat Italy. There's a lot of pride, and that’s central to the Ethiopian ethos." [07:07]
- Langston formalizes the episode’s question: “Is the Ark really hidden in a church in Ethiopia?” [06:36]
2. Ethiopian & African Diaspora Pride
- Dives into cultural pride and how every African group thinks it’s the best.
- Biniam: "All Africans think they're the best Africans." [07:42]
- Langston: Discusses Wakanda’s supposed Ethiopian inspiration: “Y'all are the inspiration for this idealistic society existing on the African continent.” [07:47]
- David critiques Black Panther’s pan-African message, noting how it still centers Black-on-Black conflict.
- David: “You have the one superhero movie based in Africa and you still fight Africans at the end... some major war is still Black people versus Black people. That’s insane.” [09:36]
- The complicated relationship between American Blackness and African immigrant identity, citing generational divides and the urge to separate in America.
3. The Legend of the Ark in Aksum
- The myth: King Menelik, son of Solomon, stole the Ark from Israel and brought it to Ethiopia.
- Guards are appointed for life to protect the Ark in Aksum; only they can see it.
- Langston: “If you’re a guard for life, I’ll beat your ass at 80... I’ll just wait.” [15:38]
- Biniam: Discusses the guards' legendary hand-to-hand combat training, but doubts its effectiveness. [16:43]
4. Fact or Fiction: The “Warrior Monks” and Foreign Intrusion
- Story of Edward Ullendorff, a British officer, possibly the last non-Ethiopian to see the Ark:
- Two versions: either he was welcomed by Haile Selassie or forced his way in with armed guards.
- Biniam: “That level of detail is what my dad knows. I just know the basic part... it’s in this church in Aksum.” [14:55]
- Langston: “History can be rewritten like a motherfucker.” [30:23]
- The Ark’s inaccessibility strengthens its mystique (only the guards ever see it).
5. The Ark as a National Symbol and Replicas
- In Ethiopia, other churches house replicas to honor the original, reinforcing national pride.
- The Ark as chest for the Ten Commandments, adorned with gold and angel wings [34:44]
- The mystique is less about secrecy or shame and more about holiness—“so holy your eyes aren’t worthy to look at it.” [37:28]
6. Sports, Genetics, and Coded Racism
- Discussion on stereotypes: East Africans (like Ethiopians) dominate distance running due to “slow-twitch muscle,” while West Africans excel at sprints.
- David: “Sounds like some fucking eugenics shit. That’s like fucked up... I wouldn’t let some white boy sprinter talk to me like that.” [18:44]
- Explores how physiology language often overlaps with racist and slavery-tinged history.
7. Looted African Artifacts & Colonizer Flex
- Langston enumerates famous looted artifacts, like the Rosetta Stone, and how Western museums blatantly display them.
- “Museums are filled all across the world with items stolen from other countries.”
- The bitter irony: These nations are then offered their artifacts back via “loan.”
- Langston: “They were like, hey bro, I'll lend you your stuff back to you after I stole it. Come on. That's just good, clean fun.” [47:07]
- Ethiopia's historic losses after the Battle of Magdala, including needing elephants to cart away the loot. [45:14]
8. Politics, Identity, and the Diaspora
- Humorous take on tribal voting patterns—how in Ethiopia and America, many just vote for “someone who looks like me.” [50:18]
- Langston: “I’m going Black every time.” [52:49]
- Digs into the limitations and contradictions of identity politics, populism, and the difference between regular folks and the political elite.
9. Parental Pressure, Immigrant Dream vs. Comedy Reality
- Biniam contrasts his parents’ revolutionary political past and desire for social justice with his own American comedic path.
- “They worked so hard... then came to America to have a better life. And were like, okay, American system now. All that communism, all that shit... we’re just living.” [57:23]
- The hosts muse on what it means for immigrant parents to see their children choose “impractical” creative paths.
10. Ending on Laughter and Movie Ideas
- Biniam pitches an Ocean’s Eleven style movie about a team of Ethiopians stealing the Ark—a testament to both the absurdity and allure of this national legend.
- Langston: “Just 11 Ethiopian dudes in suits being like, we gonna steal the Ark of the Covenant?” [35:58]
- Biniam: “I am going to write the Ocean's 11 Ark of the Covenant Ethiopia movie.” [61:23]
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- David’s take on Black Panther:
“They got this magical space rock that makes them better than the rest of the Africans... Well, I’m the rest of them. Suck a dick.” [09:36] - Langston on identity:
“Some of it’s obviously rude, self-hatred and shit, but some of it is ‘cause y’all motherfuckers walk around constantly telling us you’re better than us.” [12:19] - On the mystique of the Ark:
“If all you can do is be good at running away, probably not going to be good at fighting the dude with guns.” [27:52] - Langston summarizing colonial theft:
“Museums are filled all across the world with items that were stolen from other countries... but I'll fuck you up if you touch our stolen shit.” [37:02] - On replicating greatness:
“I wish there was one good Ethiopian sprinter... you get me in 100 or 200 meters, I'll get dusted by most people.” [20:01] - On Hollywood's Ark of the Covenant:
“That’s a movie I want to see. Hollywood!” [35:54]
Timestamps for Key Segments
- 06:36: Introduction of the Ethiopian Ark of the Covenant conspiracy
- 09:36: David’s comedic critique of Black Panther and African exceptionalism
- 14:21: Myths about King Menelik and the Ark’s journey to Aksum
- 27:25: The story of Edward Ullendorff supposedly seeing the Ark
- 34:44: Explaining what the Ark is and its cultural relevance
- 45:14: Ethiopian treasures, elephants, and colonial auctions
- 50:18: Voting, identity, and ethnicity both in Ethiopia and the US
- 57:23: Immigrant parents’ Marxist dreams vs. a comedian son
- 61:23: Biniam pitches his Ocean’s Eleven/Ark movie
Recurring Tone & Style
Warm, irreverent, bracingly honest, and laugh-out-loud funny, the hosts and guest skewer big themes (race, diaspora, pride, cultural theft, immigrant dreams) without ever losing the playful, self-deprecating edge and conversational rhythm that make the podcast such a hit. Whether riffing on deep-seated conspiracy theories or cultural beefs, they keep it sharp and relatable.
Takeaway
Ethiopia’s claim to the Ark of the Covenant is more than a conspiracy—it’s a lens on history, pride, colonial injury, and diaspora identity. And while nobody—not even determined comedians—can confirm if the Ark’s real, this episode shows the real treasure is the community, humor, and resilience of Black folks worldwide.