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Langston Kerman
This is an iHeart podcast.
David Borey
At Designer.
Langston Kerman
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Langston Kerman
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Unknown
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David Borey
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Unknown
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Unknown
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Langston Kerman
If McDonald's does an oxtail, are you.
Unknown
Going to try it if McDonald's does an oxtail, it's going to tear my family apart. It's going to ruin us. Baby.
Langston Kerman
I'm sick.
Unknown
What do you want from me?
Langston Kerman
It tastes too damn good. Sauce is different than the way they make sauce in other places.
Unknown
The government growing babies, microchips in your anus. All koala bears are racist. The ozone layer owes me money. Martians invented turkey stuffing. Y' all can't tell me nothing.
Langston Kerman
Zagazow ziggy zow zagazow batman. Now there it is. There it is. Ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentiles alike, welcome to another phenomenal episode of My.
Unknown
Mama Told Me the podcast where we dive deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theories.
Langston Kerman
And come on, you know what we've proven. Not a goddamn thing.
Unknown
Nothing.
Langston Kerman
When you're not here to learn, what could we prove? We didn't read about it before we started talking.
Unknown
And also, I think we're here to zig when they zag. Every podcast is trying to teach you something. Trying to give you some type of political insight, some answ. Hey, you know who's not gonna tell you how to be an Alpha? Ol. Langston and David.
Langston Kerman
Betta boy, Beta boy.
Unknown
Come on, baby. Come on. You don't wanna look your stepdad in the eye. Come over here.
Langston Kerman
Look, hey, if you wanna talk shit about him once he out the room. Now you're talking to the boys.
Unknown
Is your favorite part of the cookout. Kiki ing with the ladies.
Langston Kerman
Was your best friend at church. Sister the best hats. There was no disagreement.
Unknown
Do you relate more to living single than Fresh Prince of Bel Air?
Langston Kerman
Are you a Sinclair or a regime? You're not Max. You're not Max. That is a confident person.
Unknown
You're not Max. You're not Kyle.
Langston Kerman
Nope.
Unknown
Do we. Can we talk about this before we get. I know you have a statement. I just want to say.
Langston Kerman
Oh, yes, yes, please. Before you.
Unknown
Okay. You remember living single? Yeah, right. You remember Kyle?
Langston Kerman
Of course.
Unknown
Do we? What happened to that genre of dark skinned dude who spoke almost vaguely British? Where did those guys go?
Langston Kerman
See, And I don't mean to step on what you said.
Unknown
You're about to get mean. You're about to say something so nasty. Look at your face. Look at.
Langston Kerman
I worry that what you were considering British was just homosexual.
Unknown
No, no, no. And that is a mistake I've made with a lot of foreigners. I'm not here to say I'm better than anyone. I've done it. You know what I mean? Gay or Italian, who knows? That's not What?
Langston Kerman
I.
Unknown
That's not. That's not. No, that's not right.
Langston Kerman
He was gay, though. He was very gay.
Unknown
It was.
Langston Kerman
He. He was a.
Unknown
He was fucking Maxine like crazy.
Langston Kerman
Yes, of course. But he moved like a snake.
Unknown
That's. That's wrong.
Langston Kerman
No, I think we. I think we wanted that to be a type of like swaggy, cool shit.
Unknown
And I think it was cool because gay is cool.
Langston Kerman
I'm not saying it's not.
Unknown
Maybe you were born this way.
Langston Kerman
I'm not saying it's not cool. It's fucking awesome. It's really cool. Hell yeah. In fact, I'm a big fan. I'm a big fan of what you got going on. I personally wish there were more of you that said. That said he was very much in the community that I'm speaking of.
Unknown
That's. I can't go with you on that.
Langston Kerman
No, no, that's. And I.
Unknown
You remember there was a genre, but you understand what the guy I'm talking.
Langston Kerman
About, and I agree with the genre.
Unknown
There was a genre. They had like big wooden canes, ornate canes, sometimes.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, they were like, like the guy.
Unknown
From Boyz II Men. The dark skinned guy. All the Philly steaks you can eat.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, they were British, but also you could tell by way of Africa. And it.
Unknown
Yeah, like some kind of a Idris Elba prototype.
Langston Kerman
It was like a very tailored suit with a kente cloth accent.
Unknown
And you're like short dreads.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Unknown
Short, short lineup.
Langston Kerman
Absolutely.
Unknown
Short, short dreads. Yeah, yeah.
Langston Kerman
No, I agree with the man.
Unknown
Okay.
Langston Kerman
I remember the man. I wish there were more of the.
Unknown
Man before you had this disrespectful detour. What I was saying was what happened to that man is all. Because you don't see that anymore. You don't see that guy. No, I tried to bring it back. I brought this at the African American Arts Festival.
Langston Kerman
Oh, it's beautiful.
Unknown
Brim too big.
Langston Kerman
Oh, no.
Unknown
Brim too big.
Langston Kerman
Oh, you can't see.
Unknown
Yeah, it sucks. Like, I bought it and it was too expensive. And I was even telling my girl, I was like, oh, I wear it at the beach.
Langston Kerman
I wear it. I wear it all the time.
Unknown
And then I got it and I was gonna wear it on here, but then when you. It's like too much.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, you're, you're. It is. It is a style for sure. But you're like making a choice for your day.
Unknown
Cause here's the thing is, like, I don't have a complexion that lends itself to looking Like a farmer.
Langston Kerman
Well, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure.
Unknown
Say what you will. Draw whatever you want.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
Unknown
I just don't have, like, the type of face that should be looking up under a hat.
Langston Kerman
If ICE is looking for people actively, you have now labeled yourself a target.
Unknown
But the problem is then you flip it up and it's like, now I look like Queen Latifah. It's like you and I t. Yeah.
Langston Kerman
I don't know why it reminded me of Gordon's fish. You know what I mean? But there is a sort of fisherman quality. He obviously is not wearing the hat, but.
Unknown
And now I got this $30 hat I don't really know what to do with.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, well, I'm sorry it happened to you. And I think you'll find the exact fold to make that gorgeous.
Unknown
Yeah. Shout out to the African American Arts Festival in Denver.
Langston Kerman
That we had a shout out to them. All eight of them that gathered together.
Unknown
No, there was a lot. There was a lot. I am worried a little bit.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
Unknown
Like, have you ever noticed? So, okay, I don't want to step on any toes here. Have you been to, like, an African street festival put on by Africans versus an African type street festival put on by African Americans?
Langston Kerman
I don't think that I have been to the former.
Unknown
The one by African.
Langston Kerman
By Africans.
Unknown
Okay.
Langston Kerman
I think I've almost exclusively been to ones with Pan African sort of like, leadership.
Unknown
Cause I went. So this was the Pan African type.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
Unknown
And I was there, and I was like, man, the hustle of being an African person selling to black Americans is good. Cause it's like every stall had the same country cloth. It's all this. It was not like. And I know because, like, when my mom gets shit directly from Sierra Leone, it's like, different. But they had, like, the same 10 patterns. And I was like, this is. You just go to. You just go to black arts festivals every weekend. And then one was so disrespectful. It was a Mexican lady. So, bro, this is what's fucked up. She's selling country cloth and kente cloth next to a labubu poncho.
Langston Kerman
Fuck.
Unknown
And now we're so upside down. Yeah, it's fucked up, man.
Langston Kerman
The idea that somebody would buy from a place that sells both of those things, presuming that they do both of those things well, is crazy.
Unknown
I think it's all. It all comes off the same truck, though, I think.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, I think that's the unfortunate reality. But, like, when you are buying these things, to some extent, you're going like, well, I want to believe there's a quality to this. Right?
Unknown
Yeah. I got fleece, too. The lady, like, when we bought it, she took our pictures because my girl got a hat. Reasonable size brim on hers, which sucks worse. Kind of.
Langston Kerman
That she didn't get shammed, that her.
Unknown
Hers worked well. Oh, and then mine is like, I'm going to wear it this whole time, and maybe it'll grow on me by the end of this. Yeah.
Langston Kerman
I think if you just forget it's there, you might find yourself becoming comfortable with it.
Unknown
I do worry, and this has happened to me a lot of times, I worry that this is a hat that Cole on Martin would wear. Right. And that's not a man you want to be.
Langston Kerman
No, he's not a man you want to be. And that's such a funny thing because he was my favorite character when I was a kid.
Unknown
Big Shirley. It was all very funny.
Langston Kerman
I thought he was the funniest guy. But, yeah, you knew from the beginning where you're like. You're like, oh, we're laughing at him.
Unknown
Yeah.
Langston Kerman
He's not, like, in on this.
Unknown
He's got. Because the 90s had so many hats that. Just a lot of buffoon hats.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Unknown
In that, like, five, six year tall.
Langston Kerman
Tall furs.
Unknown
Tall furs.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
Unknown
Stovepipe, Cat in the Hat joints.
Langston Kerman
Yep. Yeah. Where your mom at?
Unknown
She left, bro. And they had cool. They didn't even. They would have cool in the Cat in the Hat and the circle glasses. And it's like, that's too much for one man. No one man can bear the weight of all those accessories.
Langston Kerman
It also was, like, accessories. And then he'd just be wearing a black T shirt, and it's like, hey, this ain't. Yeah, you gotta at least, like, make him, like, a weirdo. All top to bottom.
Unknown
It's gotta be all lime green.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
Unknown
You'll get to just like. You know what I'm saying?
Langston Kerman
He just puts a funky hat on, and then you ain't gonna dress it. Nobody's gonna be like, man, what are you doing today?
Unknown
Oh, man, he was always wearing. What are those hats that look like uncircumcised penises? You know what I'm talking about? Like the drawstring at the top.
Langston Kerman
Oh, I do know what you're talking about.
Unknown
Yeah.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
Unknown
He had a lot of those.
Langston Kerman
Them little. The net.
Unknown
Yeah.
Langston Kerman
Like a. Just like a canvas skull cap.
Unknown
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Langston Kerman
He loved that shit.
Unknown
Yeah. Anyways, what you got for Shout out to Cole, man? Yeah. Shout out to Cole.
Langston Kerman
More important.
Unknown
Carl Thomas Paine.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
Unknown
Is that right?
Langston Kerman
I don't know. I know it's something. Thomas Paine. Carl Thomas Paine. Makes me worried that it's Carl Thomas. And is it Karl Anthony?
Unknown
I've never seen him in the same room together.
Langston Kerman
Let's look at it.
Unknown
That's all I'm saying. I never see Carl Thomas and Cole at the same room.
Langston Kerman
Carl Anthony Payne.
Unknown
Carl Anthony Payne.
Langston Kerman
The second.
Unknown
The second.
Langston Kerman
Yeah. There's been a few of them.
Unknown
Would you ever give your kid one of those?
Langston Kerman
Absolutely not.
Unknown
No.
Langston Kerman
Not even for a moment would I consider it?
Unknown
I think I would do it.
Langston Kerman
I think we offer so many curses to our children just by proxy, just by our presence being there. It's already, like, tainting them in a way that it makes me feel embarrassed.
Unknown
You're talking about, like, generational curses.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, Just shit that I carry that is in some way affecting my children in a way that their purity doesn't deserve. But I can't help, because I am what I am, and I very much don't need my name to be attached to who you become.
Unknown
Oh, see, I like my name. I'd give it up.
Langston Kerman
Oh, man. If my daughter was like, I want to be named Anvil, I'd be like, you got it.
Unknown
Hey, Anvil.
Langston Kerman
Anvil.
Unknown
Anvil Kerman.
Langston Kerman
Yeah. No, no, no. Drop that, too.
Unknown
Oh, you just let her.
Langston Kerman
You're just Anvil. Whoa.
Unknown
Cool.
Langston Kerman
You got it.
Unknown
Whoa.
Langston Kerman
Create whatever legacy you want.
Unknown
You don't want to push the name forward at all.
Langston Kerman
I'm just honored to be here, dog.
Unknown
Damn. That's really beautiful.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, I just. I.
Unknown
Does your wife have your last name?
Langston Kerman
Uh, yeah, but she wanted that. I didn't ask. The fuck do I need that for? You know what I mean?
Unknown
That's fair.
Langston Kerman
Yeah. I don't.
Unknown
All right. It dies with you. You would be fine if it died with you.
Langston Kerman
Shoot Kerman in the head. I don't give a shit.
Unknown
Golly. All right, but you got. Do you have any other siblings to carry it on?
Langston Kerman
My brother has our last name.
Unknown
And he has kids.
Langston Kerman
No, he doesn't have.
Unknown
No.
Langston Kerman
So it's no kids, no family. Yeah, but he's 26, so.
Unknown
Okay, so he could.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, he's not. He's not past his prime. He'll figure his life out. So maybe he'll carry on the name in a way that, you know, part.
Unknown
Of you doesn't want. Like some. Like. Oh, them Kerman boys or something like that.
Langston Kerman
No. Sometimes my daughter will say her last name and I'd be like, ugh, you're.
Unknown
Keeping that, like, in the way that little kids say their whole name sometimes.
Langston Kerman
She always introduces herself with her full name, middle name included.
Unknown
That's adorable.
Langston Kerman
And then she'll say, my name's, you know, blank, blank, blank. Kermit. Yeah. And then she'll. And then she'll be like, what's your name? And it's just like, oh, you know what?
Unknown
She did introduce herself to me like that. Yeah, it was very cute. Cause it was one sentence.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, she doesn't know where it stops. And it's mumbly, so you're not even really sure that she's saying stuff.
Unknown
Your daughter. Your daughter talks like stupid people. Text.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, you should read her text. They're shit. They're absolute shit.
Unknown
Oh, man.
Langston Kerman
I'm glad we're having fun. But in the light of some recent events, I prepared a statement that I'd like to read. I know this isn't traditional, it's not our usual banter, but we're gonna. I would like to be able to say some things.
Unknown
Let me take this off before you say something funny.
Langston Kerman
Oh, you don't want to keep that on, man.
Unknown
I saw it. I'm gonna be completely honest. I saw a glimpse of it in the mirror and it sucked.
Langston Kerman
Okay. I'm sorry that that happened.
Unknown
Kind of. Gunny and Paddington.
Langston Kerman
I'm also sorry for the weird jumps that this is gonna cause throughout this episode.
Unknown
This will be good.
Langston Kerman
It'll be fine.
Unknown
They like us.
Langston Kerman
Here we go. I prepared a statement that I'm going to read to you now. At some point, we are going to have to unpack How Love island is just taking advantage of sexy special needs people. I'll hold for applause. I'll repeat. They are poaching special needs people and making them finger each other for our entertainment. It's criminal. It should be illegal. They are abusing these students with IEPs, and frankly, that's on us for being so bigoted and not realizing that special needs people can be bad bitches too. As a society, we've behaved like differently abled people mean something ugly. And that is not the case. Some of the most beautiful people on earth had to take classes in a separate part of the school. I like turtles. The kings and queens of Onlyfans could only leave the classroom if a helper was with them. And I know. I know all of this sounds a little empowering, but I assure you, those Love island producers are pure evil. I open the floor to your thoughts.
Unknown
And I think you begin to touch the heart of the matter is that I. There's no. It needed to be said. Yeah, it needed to be said because I think we talked about it on the phone a little bit. I watched an episode of Love island, and for a second, you're like, this is the best entertainment I've ever seen.
Langston Kerman
Absolutely.
Unknown
This is, like, incredible. Oh, my.
Langston Kerman
Pure. Yeah.
Unknown
And then you watch a second one, and you're like, oh, they got the hottest idiots.
Langston Kerman
Oh, they're still there.
Unknown
What do you mean?
Langston Kerman
That's what I mean.
Unknown
You're watching.
Langston Kerman
You're like, oh, you're still doing this.
Unknown
Yeah.
Langston Kerman
Oh, okay.
Unknown
You're. You're like, very. They're so, like, there's a lot of. Like. Like, I made this joke. I like turtles. But there's, like, a lot of. There's a lot of those statements.
Langston Kerman
That's what I'm. That's what I'm seeing as well.
Unknown
Like, me and my girl watched it, and now she gets so mad. Cause she watched one episode, and two of these idiots were breaking up. And one of the guys, he, like, goes. He, like, grabs her face and he goes, everything you said to me was amazing. Or everything you ever said to me was amazing.
Langston Kerman
It doesn't matter.
Unknown
I say that shit to her in the dark. Like, when we wake up now, everything you've ever said to me was amazing. It's like a bummer how stupid they are.
Langston Kerman
If somebody said that to me, I would shoot them.
Unknown
Yeah.
Langston Kerman
I mean, what are you talking about?
Unknown
Also, have you seen the challenges?
Langston Kerman
Yeah, they're insane.
Unknown
The milk was. Cause here's the thing. We have too much porno for you to be beaten around the bush on network television.
Langston Kerman
And that's what's stressing me out. That's the part of it where it starts to become like, oh, okay. It's not just like, there's not that big of a difference between Love island and Love on the Spectrum.
Unknown
It is people. I will get you there. Love on the Spectrum is far more charming.
Langston Kerman
No, I'm saying that this is watching people make choices. Where I go, well, I wouldn't do that, but I hope it works out for you. It's the same vibe, but then they add these nasty challenges where they make them take every item of clothing off, and then they make them spit in each other's mouths, just repeatedly, over and over and over again. And that's where it becomes a violence.
Unknown
They got him eating popsicles covered in olive oil, bro. It's crazy.
Langston Kerman
And then they wake him up early, and they Go get in the gym.
Unknown
Yeah.
Langston Kerman
Work out.
Unknown
Do the one thing you're good at. Yeah. The one place the world makes sense to you.
Langston Kerman
I better not catch you reading a book.
Unknown
They work. They make a lot of breakfast.
Langston Kerman
They make a lot of breakfast. Don't nobody read. This is. They're taking advantage of people.
Unknown
Yeah, but, I mean, wasn't that always television?
Langston Kerman
Of course, but we gotta call it out.
Unknown
Yeah.
Langston Kerman
That's the whole point of the show, David.
Unknown
Ok. It does feel like we're at the worst point. Like some of these people need, like, assistance shopping at the grocery store.
Langston Kerman
Buddy, I showed up when I showed up. You know what I mean? I didn't choose the timeline that I live in, but I have to hold myself accountable for trying to change it.
Unknown
You're like a whistleblower.
Langston Kerman
Come on, man. I'm ready to sit in front of Congress on this one.
Unknown
They are fine as hell, though. Everybody on that show is fine as hell.
Langston Kerman
It's the most stressed I've ever had watching a television show because of how sexy everybody is.
Unknown
Oh, yeah, with your. With your partner.
Langston Kerman
I don't like watching it with my. My wife. And now I'm watching it with my wife and her sister.
Unknown
That's. That's. You can't win.
Langston Kerman
It sucks.
Unknown
There's no. There's no. Because the problem is they're so fine, and they have such little personality that you can't even be like, oh, I think Chella's really. You know what I mean?
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
Unknown
It's just like, we're all seeing the finest person we've ever seen.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
Unknown
Alandria is the finest person I've seen in real life.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
Unknown
I'm not. Not in real life, but, like, I was watched.
Langston Kerman
Your brain.
Unknown
No, they're too fine. It's. That show's tough for me, too, man.
Langston Kerman
It's a tough watch. And I hope Congress, while I don't support you ever, I do hope that you and I can come to terms here and we can figure out a way to get this resolved.
Unknown
Find the Epstein files. Cancel Love Island.
Langston Kerman
Come on.
Unknown
Olivia says it's time for a break. Cause maybe we got too hot. Maybe we just touched a motherfucking nerve.
Langston Kerman
Just to be clear, when he says fine, he just means print them out. You got him?
Unknown
Yeah. You got them.
Langston Kerman
They're still open on the top window of your computer.
Unknown
You kept talking about how they were on your desk. He said, oh, I got.
Langston Kerman
He's a thick old piece of paper, too.
Unknown
Remember Menace when he had that tape? Because he killed that guy. That's what the Republicans are doing. I got the tape. No, I got the tape.
Langston Kerman
They were like, it's in Times New Roman 12 font. It was written in 1998. No, they're silly billies for doing that. But we are going to take a break. Let's take a break and then we're gonna do some voicemails from the listeners. So. More. David, more. Langston, more. My mama told me.
Unknown
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The guys from Stuff they don't want you to know. Here at our show, we celebrate curiosity. And that's why we're always talking about Hendrix Gin.
Unknown
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Hendrix gin is the refreshingly curious choice for marvelous summer cocktails.
David Borey
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Unknown
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Langston Kerman
Well, we're going to do this respectfully.
Unknown
Otherwise we'll end in a duel. And I mean a duel.
Langston Kerman
Real life duel where only one person walks away. We can meet with guns, bomb, knives.
Unknown
Or books and equations, but we're gonna.
Langston Kerman
Do this like men. So get ready.
Unknown
We're about to have a hook book duel. Bring your best bell hooks, I'll bring mine. I'll give you a hint. It's not feminist theory. I tried to read that, but I didn't get too far.
Langston Kerman
Can I tell you that when you played that, I'm high enough that I had voicemail in my head and I thought that that was a voicemail from Terrence Howard.
Unknown
That must be hard for you to have realized that. It's not, though.
Langston Kerman
Yeah. It was a real, like, holy moly journey. You know what I mean? Like, I really went through the full spectrum of feelings where I was like, it's a miracle. And I was like, oh, no, I'm a fool.
Unknown
I still think he's open to us, though. I don't think we. I don't think we played ourselves.
Langston Kerman
I haven't given up at all.
Unknown
Yeah, me either. I really think we could get him.
Langston Kerman
I think we continue to grow. We're continuing to evolve as a podcast, and I think, frankly, if there are people out there who have the means to be able to connect us directly with Terrence Howard. We welcome your contact. Yeah.
Unknown
Or any assist, really, at this point. Yeah, you got a good assist. Just call us.
Langston Kerman
Yeah. If you happen to be in his DMs, and he does, in fact, respond to you, we'll take it. Yeah.
Unknown
Come on, man. So if you want to tell us about it, get you a glass of arbor mist. Put it on ice.
Langston Kerman
Give us a call.
Unknown
Give us a call, because we know you're drunk.
Langston Kerman
I bet you're drunk.
Unknown
I bet at least two of these voicemails. We're about to listen to drunk people.
Langston Kerman
I think that's an underestimation right there. Okay. We got a lot of. A lot of great ones here.
Unknown
Pick the most salacious title I feel like, or just the most exciting title to you. Okay, I'm excited.
Langston Kerman
All right.
Unknown
My mama told me.
Langston Kerman
Yeah. Okay.
Unknown
David Langston, brother Charles calling from Durham, North Carolina.
Okay.
Langston Kerman
I knew he was from the south because his second name was Charles.
Unknown
Oh. Do you think the first name, Charles, is more of a Midwestern thing?
Langston Kerman
I think anytime Charles is in that name, you are of the South.
Unknown
Okay.
Langston Kerman
And I think Charles being the second name means you still in the South.
Unknown
Okay. Yeah. It's not like a Yankee ass name.
Langston Kerman
No.
Unknown
Charles.
Langston Kerman
Charles.
Unknown
Yeah.
Langston Kerman
That's a working man.
Unknown
It's a Mr. Charles.
Langston Kerman
Yeah. You put a mister on my child.
Unknown
Yeah. I'm fucking your granny.
Langston Kerman
Can I tell you, I literally knew a Mr. Charles growing up.
Unknown
Was he?
Langston Kerman
Yeah. Well, he was fucking. This was in college. My best friend's mom, it was like her boyfriend, and his name was Mr. Charles. And we rode around in his van like, big old conversion van.
Unknown
He was just telling you about life.
Langston Kerman
Mr. Charles didn't talk a lot, but. No, but when he did, you listen, your ears perk up. Uh oh. Uh oh. Fellas, gather round. He's ready to give us another gym.
Unknown
Yeah, I feel like Mr. Charles. If your name is Mr. Charles, you really can't be knocking down, like, bachelorettes. You gotta really.
Langston Kerman
Nah, he's looking for women.
Unknown
Yeah. You're the father that stepped up every time.
Langston Kerman
Nah, he's looking for real women with real women problems. Yeah. And I respected that. Mr. Charles.
Unknown
Harry.
Langston Kerman
Oh, yeah. He didn't need a haircut.
Unknown
No, no, no. I mean, I'm talking about.
Langston Kerman
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Unknown
Mr. Charles likes Harry.
Langston Kerman
No, I think it's. I think the haircut applies to both ends.
Unknown
Okay. Yeah, yeah.
Langston Kerman
I think top and bottom. He was like, I don't put no clippers in my head.
Unknown
Yeah, yeah. Who's clippers? The man's clippers.
Langston Kerman
I like when men use scissors, and then they're like, well, we don't do that here. So he was like, well, then I'll take my business elsewhere.
Unknown
He puts back on his hard hat.
Langston Kerman
Yeah. And then he puts another fedora on top of that.
Unknown
I can't be talking about hats the way I came out.
Langston Kerman
No, you were acting crazy. And. And we will always have that memory.
Unknown
Yeah. Fuck.
Anyways, here we go from right outside D.C. alexandria, Virginia. Quick conspiracy for y'.
All.
Why do niggas love the burnt hot dog at the cookout more than any other hot dog?
Langston Kerman
All right.
Unknown
Keep doing what y' all doing.
Okay. It was short.
Langston Kerman
It was short.
Unknown
I've thought about. I've thought about this a lot.
Langston Kerman
Oh, you have thought about it?
Unknown
Yeah. Well, I mean, first of all, do you like a burnt hot dog?
Langston Kerman
It's my favorite kind of hot dog.
Unknown
Yeah. Or like, a burnt link?
Langston Kerman
Come on, man.
Unknown
It's like. I think that there's something when it. I think the heat does something to it where it's, like. When it overcooks it, like, something about the juices in there, it becomes, like, a different flavor profile. Like, it changes the whole. Yeah, it changes the whole texture of the thing.
Langston Kerman
It turns a hot dog into a steak for me. Exactly where I'm like, oh, I didn't know this was a classy event.
Unknown
No, this is cuisine.
Langston Kerman
Yeah. This is fine dining.
Unknown
Now let me set down my paper cup.
Langston Kerman
I didn't know there was a chef. I thought you would do what I do and just grill it until you got scared.
Unknown
My question is, is it only a black person thing to like the burnt one?
Langston Kerman
I think that's where I didn't feel confident, is that I consider this to be just a thing for any human ever. And as it Turns out maybe it is just a black thing.
Unknown
There's a lot of things like that. The washcloth debate. There's a lot of times that we've thought things were common sense.
Langston Kerman
That's true.
Unknown
And you come to find out, I.
Langston Kerman
Wonder if we could look this up.
Unknown
The history of the burnt link.
Langston Kerman
I wonder if we looked up. Do white people.
Unknown
Yeah, you don't have any of my Google searches.
Langston Kerman
Do white people like burnt hot dogs?
Unknown
I don't feel like white people like burnt stuff.
Langston Kerman
Hmm. I put do white people like burnt?
Unknown
It'll auto populate. People have been here before.
Langston Kerman
Some people, regardless of their racial background. This is the AI overview.
Unknown
Boo.
Langston Kerman
Enjoy a certain level of char or crispiness in certain foods. This can be due. Blah, blah, blah. Are there people who like burnt food? That's a quora. This is why some people purposely burn their food. Okay. I'm willing to make a leap based off of. Of what I'm reading. I think the amount of times that they're saying why some people burn their food and treating it like a study tells me that white people do not like the burnt hot dogs the way that I think we do.
Unknown
Yeah. I feel like they like them. Like on the commercial, it's like sweaty little lines.
Langston Kerman
Maybe a little line of char, but you don't want the whole thing all blackened up.
Unknown
Nah, my shit needs to look like Nat King Cole.
Langston Kerman
Little soup.
Unknown
Yeah, I like it. I like it so. Because it just. It works better even, like with hot dogs in the crib. If I'm making hot dogs in the house, I'll put them in the microwave so that the ends split like they're burnt.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
Unknown
Like, that's how I like when people boil it. It's like.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, you gotta. You gotta put it in a cup with a little water in it.
Unknown
Put the water away. We'll make it meat. There's juice in there. There's juice in there.
Langston Kerman
You're not gonna disagree with you.
Unknown
It's crazy.
Langston Kerman
It really allows the oils to cook itself. You know what I mean? To, like, really, like, just. Just contain themselves in the hot dog.
Unknown
It's almost like it starts to cannibalize itself. Like, the grease starts to eat itself.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
Unknown
And then that's where the flavor comes in.
Langston Kerman
I like the way you put that. It's not the way I would have ever thought to put it, but it was.
Unknown
That's probably because it's wrong.
Langston Kerman
No, it was beautiful. I really liked it.
Unknown
All right, let's hear another voiceover.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, we should do another problem Solved.
Unknown
That was a good one.
Langston Kerman
Yeah. I think this person nailed it. You called. You were healthy, sober.
Unknown
Yeah. You sound. I mean, he's singing.
Langston Kerman
He sang, but that was like.
Unknown
You think that was a happy thing?
Langston Kerman
I think that was just confidence.
Unknown
Okay. Maybe when you start calling, tell us what time of day it is too from now on.
Langston Kerman
And what you're doing after that.
Unknown
Yeah, yeah. Where are you. Where are you going? Is this your pregame or your post game?
Langston Kerman
Yeah. Is this the end of the night for you or you just. You just getting yourself together? Okay, I. I see another one that we should do. Here we go.
Unknown
It's more of a conspiracy theory and observation. R B music died around 19 or 2004. 2005, when Coochie stopped.
Okay, so that's a tough start already. I don't know when Cooshi stopped being hairy. Oh, I know. When I got into the game.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
Unknown
But I don't know. I don't have the numbers.
Langston Kerman
When you got into the game, was coochie Harry or not Harry?
Unknown
I'd say it was like 70, 30, not.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, yeah. That's about where I was. Where it was like.
Unknown
Yeah.
Langston Kerman
It's been primarily bald my whole life.
Unknown
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But in my life, it stops being bald when that comfort grows. Like the first time. Not. And then.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Unknown
Now you get to know each other.
Langston Kerman
It comes back. It finds its way back into your home.
Unknown
Like. I like that. It's like a. It's like a. It's like a familiar old sweater on a nippy winter day.
Langston Kerman
Come on back home, David.
Unknown
Come on.
Langston Kerman
You've had a long journey out there.
Unknown
It's the August. Let me pull out my butter.
Langston Kerman
Yeah. No, I. As far as I knew it. But I do like this. This does track, at least logically. That like 2004, I was probably had been having sex for a year at tops by the time.
Unknown
Yeah. Me to a year. Whole calendar year at that point.
Langston Kerman
Either way, tons. We were Both close to 2004, I assume, in our start game. And so I would say that the music that predates that did feel a lot more like what I knew to be R and B. And then everything that is postdate that excluding confessions and a few sort of.
Unknown
Like confessions is Harry Coochie music.
Langston Kerman
It is.
Unknown
That's a really good point.
Langston Kerman
But I think there's a few examples. But they become less and less after that point.
Unknown
When did get it shorty come out? I think that was.
Langston Kerman
You think that was the breaking point.
Unknown
That was the end of Harry Coochie.
Langston Kerman
You're saying that we shouldn't be measuring by the millennium. We should be measuring by pre and post by Lloyd. Get it shouty.
Unknown
Yeah. Cause that was like. That's. I think everybody can agree that's bald coochie music.
Langston Kerman
Right. But see, I think Lloyd had some Harry Coochie music, which songs like that Southside. That song felt like that's just meeting up to be nasty.
Unknown
You know what it is, is that it used to be. And this is. I hope people understand what we're saying when we say Harry Kuchi music.
Langston Kerman
Yeah. I think. I think it's because my heart understands.
Unknown
It, but I can't verbalize it in a good.
Langston Kerman
I think it's sort of a raw R and B. That. That doesn't. That isn't sort of wanting to have abs and titty meat as much as having, like, your fucking. Your belly hanging over your belt.
Unknown
Yeah. And you're going through it. Yeah.
Langston Kerman
And you put your whole heart into this. And we're worried about you. Do you know what I mean?
Unknown
Is d' Angelo hairy coochie music?
Langston Kerman
Absolutely. Some of the hairiest, I would say.
Unknown
Yeah. Yeah. Like braids coming out a little bit.
Langston Kerman
Come on, man.
Unknown
Come on. Yeah, man. We stick to that.
Langston Kerman
D' Angelo looked good for a year and a half.
Unknown
Come on, man.
Langston Kerman
You know what I mean? He had like a year and a half of abs, and then that man turned into a ghoul.
Unknown
I like him better. I like fat d'. Angelo.
Langston Kerman
And that's what I'm saying is like, we were still like. Nah, that's still sex embodied.
Unknown
Yeah, I do. I do. Like, man, this was a good. This is a good. I do. Because now if I think about it, I. I want all the Harry Kuchi music. I don't really.
Langston Kerman
It's my preference, for sure. Damn. Yeah. This. They continue.
Unknown
Because if you go back and listen to R B From, like the 50s up until, like, the late 90s, Coochie was hairy.
Langston Kerman
You know, I'm.
Unknown
I'm my early 40s, but you would just had to have been around to understand that it was a different type of situation when Kuchi was hairy. Like, you. It's just. It's just. Stop begging. Because coochie stopped being here. I'm sorry. I'm high as playing Call of Duty.
No, don't be sorry. First of all, we love you.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
Unknown
And also, here's. Go with me on this.
Langston Kerman
Yep.
Unknown
Here's. Here's what I think.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
Unknown
This is just what popped into my head. Oh, no, Harry Kuchi. It's like, I feel like there's more maintenance to be done. There's hair you gotta wash. There's. You know what I mean? It's just like. It's just like. There's more attention that needs to be paid where bald coochie is just like, set it and forget it.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
Unknown
You know what I'm saying? We're bald now. We don't have to take care of anything. You don't have to tend to your garden.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
Unknown
And that's why the music is a lot less involved and a lot more fun partying. You gotta invest in hairy pussy.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
Unknown
You don't really gotta invest in bald coochie.
Langston Kerman
Yeah. You like it because, you know, it's quality. And that takes work, that takes love, that takes maintenance to your.
Unknown
You know what it is, Harry? Coochie is a stew. BALD Coochie, that's McDonald's.
Langston Kerman
Wow.
Unknown
You can just go get it.
Langston Kerman
I'm not gonna call any coochie McDonald's. I'm too big a fan.
Unknown
Don't act like McDonald's isn't delicious in the right context.
Langston Kerman
It's my favorite restaurant.
Unknown
Yeah. Yeah. Come on, man.
Langston Kerman
I struggle to think of a restaurant I love more than McDonald's.
Unknown
That's what I'm saying. But you can't get the homemade classic.
Langston Kerman
No, no, no. Absolutely not.
Unknown
There's no stew.
Langston Kerman
Everybody has one order they like, and then they just ride that for the Till the end of time.
Unknown
And I love a McChicken and cheese. There's no oxtails there.
Langston Kerman
Right, right.
Unknown
You know what I mean? You know, they were trying to charge me $20 to get some goat in the park there.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
Unknown
I was like, I'm the only one out here who wants this. You have a Haitian truck in Denver, Colorado. You're lucky I'm here. You know how lucky you are that I happened past a jazz in the park to eat your goat? None of these people want it. $20.
Langston Kerman
I think it's so funny because they had so little business that day that they were in the back like, all right, how far can we push this?
Unknown
Yeah.
Langston Kerman
How? Because we got to make up for lost time.
Unknown
Nobody was even standing over there. It was just me. I was so mad, bro. I was so mad.
Langston Kerman
But that's on you. I didn't buy it, but that's what I'm saying is that the signs were there that this wasn't quality. On some level, on some level of the experience, somebody was unhappy because somebody should have wanted to be at Least adventurous and be like, well, that's different than all the other ones. Sure.
Unknown
Right, right, right, right. I think. I don't think people think goat is good, though.
Langston Kerman
I really fuck with goat, man.
Unknown
Of course. It's amazing.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
Unknown
But I don't think, like, the general public eats goat.
Langston Kerman
Oh, that's crazy.
Unknown
Do white people eat goat? I don't think white people eat goat.
Langston Kerman
I know them.
Unknown
Have you ever seen one?
Langston Kerman
A white person eating a goat?
Unknown
Yeah.
Langston Kerman
Not the way I think. You're making me think about it in my head.
Unknown
Well, let's parse this out. First of all, you came at me in a way. What do you mean? Standing up.
Langston Kerman
That made me think that the goat was still alive and they're just biting into it. Come on, don't do that to me.
Unknown
No, it was.
Langston Kerman
And my answer was no. But I don't. My dad maybe, like, Indian restaurant type situation.
Unknown
Your dad also seems like he eats, like, plantains and stuff.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, my dad's an adventurous dude.
Unknown
Yeah. I feel like that's not the typical.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, I think I often assume it is, because that's My blind spot, is I go, that's white people shit. And sometimes it's just my dad I.
Unknown
Was thinking about when I was at the park. I don't even know if I've ever paid for goat.
Langston Kerman
Wow.
Unknown
Yeah.
Langston Kerman
Oh, man.
Unknown
Yeah. I think I've only ever had it. So one time, my mom and this Ethiopian guy went halves on, like, a side of goat.
Langston Kerman
Okay.
Unknown
Years ago, so we had so much goat, my mom and this guy owed the ano.
Langston Kerman
It's so funny. I didn't. It never occurred to me that you could split the goat with somebody else.
Unknown
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Langston Kerman
That's so funny.
Unknown
But they split, like, a half of it. Yeah.
Langston Kerman
So it was like a quarter goat each.
Unknown
Yeah, they split it. Yeah.
Langston Kerman
Yeah. That's a lot of goat. Goats are big as fuck.
Unknown
Goats are big enough.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
Unknown
When it's just me and you in this apartment.
Langston Kerman
Right.
Unknown
You know.
Langston Kerman
Mom, third day this week with goat sandwiches. I'm starting to get a little tired.
Unknown
It's always stupid, but that's a good fried goat aside. Haitian food truck aside.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
Unknown
Harry Cucci music. I think he's right on the money with his timeline.
Langston Kerman
I don't disagree with it at all. It feels very accurate to me. It feels very true. And I do think that there are some people out there trying to push back into that wave. I think currently we're heading, I think, in a direction where Harry Coochie music could find its Way back. So don't give up hope.
Unknown
Oh, I think the whole shit's about to get flipped. Yeah. Cause I also think when times is hard, coochies get hairy. I think when this country is going through strife.
Langston Kerman
That's a beautiful statement.
Unknown
Coochies get hairy.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
Unknown
You know what I mean? The civil rights bush.
Langston Kerman
Yup.
Unknown
Women's suffrage movement, I assume the LA riots. The LA riots, Yo, that shit was going crazy. Pussy was going crazy in the LA riots.
Langston Kerman
The amount of pussy that grew through that OJ trial went unshaved in protest through oj. It's innumerable.
Unknown
Selma.
Langston Kerman
That's how they kept them skirts from sweating. Moisture absorbing.
Unknown
But I do believe that when this country is going through a difficult time, coochie's will. Because we need to get back to ourselves. We need to get back to our roots. You know, you've seen the politics. Shit's going nuts.
Langston Kerman
Absolutely.
Unknown
We got tariffs.
Langston Kerman
We got tariffs.
Unknown
Grow em out, baby.
Langston Kerman
We absolutely got tariffs. What we also need is a break. We're gonna take one more break and then when we come back, we'll do a couple more voicemails. We'll get out of here.
Unknown
Yeah.
Langston Kerman
All right. More David, more Langston. More. My Mama told.
Unknown
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David Borey
The guys from Stuff they don't want you to know. Here at our show, we celebrate curiosity. And that's why we're always talking about Hendrik's Gin.
Unknown
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Hendrix Gin is the refreshingly curious choice for marvelous summer cocktails.
David Borey
Yeah, this summer you can try the delectable Hendricks Cucumber Lemonade. It's a simple cocktail, but check it out. It's perfect for any occasion because Hendrix tastes like no other gin. You know why? Because it's made like no other gin.
Unknown
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Langston Kerman
Somebody got dick in the face. Craig, see if he's okay.
Unknown
And I want to see if you're okay. We both do. Welcome back to My mama told me.
Langston Kerman
Welcome back to My mama told me. We're still being rascals.
Unknown
We're just fucking around.
Langston Kerman
Talking. Talking to you all. Listening to your voices at least. And here we go. We're going to listen to a few more voicemails. Oh, this one's provocative. I'm going to play this. Here we go.
Unknown
Don't even tell me the titles.
Langston Kerman
Here we go. Hey, what's going on?
Unknown
I don't call you the dual freaky.
That's.
Black Mexican, dude. Yeah, again.
Langston Kerman
So had the Jehovah's Witness shit.
Unknown
Whatever. Anyways, my mama told me the ice coming after black people next.
Abso fucking lutely. Watch out, y'. All. This is a problem. I'm. I'm with them. I have nothing else to say.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, I didn't like you should be.
Unknown
Upset when they're coming after the other people, too.
Langston Kerman
I didn't like how hard he laughed. That. That rubbed me a little wrong. But I think he disagree with him.
Unknown
I think he just feels double affected because he said he's black and Mexican.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
Unknown
I think he's just realizing he's like, the world's crashing down. He's like, telling his wife, you got to grow it out. I need it now more than ever.
Langston Kerman
Yeah. It's getting nasty. And I will say that. That before we continue that. I've seen a lot of weird shit where people are going like, y' all voted for them. Ah, that's what you get. And it's like, if you don't shut your dumb ass up, bro.
Unknown
That's the stupidest response to that shit. Cause then what? Okay, then what?
Langston Kerman
Okay, then what?
Unknown
We're still here.
Langston Kerman
You won.
Unknown
Yeah. You're smart on the Internet.
Langston Kerman
You won the game that we all lost.
Unknown
Yeah.
Langston Kerman
Okay. Congratu. Fucking lations. I hate that shit, bro.
Unknown
I guess you're gonna be smarter than everybody at the end of the world. That's a good feeling.
Langston Kerman
It's so not like, at least if you're gonna be annoying, figure out a way to be fun annoying.
Unknown
Yeah, this is funny about it.
Langston Kerman
This is like, boring annoying.
Unknown
Yeah.
Langston Kerman
You're just gonna laugh.
Unknown
I hate that shit. I hate that shit because it's like. I get it. I'm scared too, man. Shit's going down. It's real terrible. You need a win.
Langston Kerman
You're feeling so powerless that you just are needing to shoot something on the ground. You gotta stomp it down.
Unknown
You're also doing it to your echo chamber, which is the craziest thing about the Internet, right?
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
Unknown
It's like, who you say that to? The people it happened to? Or are you saying that to the 20 people who follow you, who think like you do? Like, what are we doing, man?
Langston Kerman
No, it's crazy. Here we go.
Unknown
But anyways, I'll be loud because it's.
Tragically funny because, you know, I'm glad he explained himself.
Yeah. He's wrong.
But if we look at history, you know, they are gonna go whittle down the list and go down people and persecute them next or whatever. But also, we've. We've heard some ICE agents refer to this. But history.
Langston Kerman
You were doing great.
Unknown
He's falling apart.
Langston Kerman
He was killing it.
Unknown
He's falling apart.
Langston Kerman
And he said.
Unknown
All right. Anyway, that Modelo kicked in.
And I know it's not the funniest topic, but. No, we could laugh about it and bring awareness to it, but also, David, bonjour.
Oh, we were a British colony. We don't speak French. People love really thinking I speak French.
Langston Kerman
Sierra Leone does sound like it would have been a French.
Unknown
I think it is a French word.
Langston Kerman
Yeah. It sounds like it would have been there doing.
Unknown
Yeah, no, we're the. We're a British colony. But I appreciate that, man. Thank you. I like French. I like.
Langston Kerman
How are you? I don't even think he.
Unknown
Listen, you're more French than I am.
Langston Kerman
He gave you a compliment.
Unknown
As far as that shit that he was saying, hell, yeah, they're coming for black people, then they're coming for you stupid fucking poor white people. You think he cares about you? You think that guy likes you? You. You fucking idiot. It's the club. You're not in it, bro.
Langston Kerman
He's. He's starting.
Unknown
He's gonna kill everybody.
Langston Kerman
He's starting with Rosie o' Donnell just to see if we'll let him do it.
Unknown
Yeah.
Langston Kerman
Do you know what I mean?
Unknown
Which is a lot of people's gateway into things.
Langston Kerman
Like, he really just needs this to be, like, a public shooting because if we let him get away with this shit, he's cruising.
Unknown
Yeah.
Langston Kerman
He's about to cruise through everybody else.
Unknown
Yeah. You guys fucking voted for. They gave him all that money for ice and shit. You think he's like, it's about to be.
Langston Kerman
He gonna Have. That's gonna be his day. Is making a list and checking it twice.
Unknown
Yuck. Yuck.
Langston Kerman
And black people. You will be a target.
Unknown
Nobody is safe.
Langston Kerman
No. It's real scary shit.
Unknown
Anyway, so resistance starts in the home. Start growing that coochie hair.
Langston Kerman
Okay, okay.
Unknown
I just. It's really the only way I feel any control over.
Langston Kerman
That's why I'm staring at them. Cause I'm hoping they're listening. The man said something important. I hope you listen.
Unknown
Anyways.
Langston Kerman
Okay, one more. I'm gonna play one more. Yeah, this one seems like it objectively will end up being lighter than that one.
Unknown
Hello, my name is Kev on the bus. Not really.
Listen, I also think Kev on stage is cool.
Langston Kerman
I like that in that scenario, he was like, kev on bus. No, no, no. Kev on the bus.
Unknown
Yeah, you gotta put the. The back there.
Langston Kerman
The duh make you sound dumb, but he's Kev on the bus. Yeah. I think it sucks that you're calling us on the bus.
Unknown
This is not you. This is just. I hate when people are on the phone on the bus in general. And that's been since cell phones came out. It's sort of shit always.
Langston Kerman
And I hate that you're drunk on the bus. I hate. You know what I mean? Like, I hate the whole vibe that got you to calling us. You know what I mean? That, like, he's deep. He's deep in it where he's, like, drunk, but he's on the bus. And he's. But he's, like, aware of it. Yeah, he's like. There's too much noise in the background that I can't address this. So. So here we go.
Unknown
But, I mean, we've all gotten. Raise your hand if you haven't gotten drunk on the bus, brother.
Langston Kerman
Most of my bus rides, I've been drunk.
Unknown
Come on. Shout out to the 38, the 49, the 8X.
Langston Kerman
Drunk or drinking?
Unknown
Yeah, drinking actively on the bus.
Langston Kerman
A lot of times I used to fill up half a Coke bottle with some cracking.
Unknown
Oh, that was your cracking days?
Langston Kerman
And I'd be riding the bus to the club.
Unknown
Yeah. Yo, riding a bus to the club sucks. It fucking sucks.
Langston Kerman
Cause you got a hose on.
Unknown
Like, you. You get off the bus in your nice clothes. Like, you weren't just on the fucking bus.
Langston Kerman
Come on.
Unknown
It's, like, so hard to go from, like, don't want to get stabbed to get pussy.
Langston Kerman
Yeah. That's why I always used to give myself about a block and a half.
Unknown
That's smart.
Langston Kerman
I'D get off a little early, finish the crack in, take a couple swigs, do a lap.
Unknown
Yeah.
Langston Kerman
You know what I mean?
Unknown
You gotta walk around the club.
Langston Kerman
You gotta get bust off of you.
Unknown
Yeah, that's real, man.
Langston Kerman
Gotta really get that bust off of you.
Unknown
Also, when going to meet up with a woman, same thing.
Langston Kerman
Take that bus off of you.
Unknown
Yeah. You can't just go from the bus to her door.
Langston Kerman
And I think that that maybe is an important lesson for our listeners. There is nothing wrong with riding the bus. We do not look down on anybody who uses public transportation in any form. I don't give a fuck. If that's what you need, if that's what you want, if that functions for your life, that's fucking awesome. But get that bus off of you.
Unknown
Get the bus off.
Langston Kerman
What you're seeing on that bus, that's not good for the spirit.
Unknown
Don't take it into the bar.
Langston Kerman
That's not good for communication.
Unknown
Because you also ever notice nobody likes your bus story.
Langston Kerman
Nobody wants the bus story.
Unknown
When you come in and you're like, yeah, I just saw somebody get robbed, nobody's like, oh, cool.
Langston Kerman
Yeah. You're like, damn, that sound like the bus.
Unknown
Yeah, yeah, I just saw some guy jerking off. Nobody's like, awesome story.
Langston Kerman
Yeah. Truly, if you saw somebody jerking off in this building, you'd be like, oh, that's a good story. But on the bus, I'm like, that's a bus.
Unknown
You were on the bus.
Langston Kerman
Okay.
Unknown
You were on your way over here.
Langston Kerman
Hey. And now get that off of you.
Unknown
Get that bus off.
Langston Kerman
Take a lap.
Unknown
That's important for kids to know.
Langston Kerman
Call a friend. Just something that makes you a little bit more you again.
Unknown
Go dip in the corner store, buy some gum, whatever you gotta do.
Langston Kerman
Absolutely.
Unknown
Yeah, I like that.
Langston Kerman
I think a beautiful way to perhaps end this thing. Oh, there's more to campus.
Unknown
No, there's more to camp on the bus. We just heard.
Langston Kerman
We literally didn't even hear any information from Kev on the bus, but I've.
Unknown
Been listening to podcast and. And I just. It's my first time calling the line, and now I see why people call you a little freaky. So basically, that's all I got.
Okay.
But also, I had a question. When it seems like this is the right place to ask that question. Are there color gradients to light versus dark kids? Because I went my entire life thinking that, you know, I was a regular, you know, dark African American until I asked somebody to pass their football and he told me I was too light. Skinned to play wide receiver. Now I'm brown.
Langston Kerman
Mm.
Unknown
I have big thoughts on this.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, I do too. But I. I think it's better if you kick him off. I think I'll come off if you start.
Unknown
No, that the wide receiver of it all specifically is very interesting because while I think we can agree that in attitude, basically the second most light skinned position in football.
Langston Kerman
Okay, sure.
Unknown
Right.
Langston Kerman
Yep.
Unknown
We defensive backs is first. Oh no, no, no, no, no, no.
Langston Kerman
I wouldn't think that at all.
Unknown
No, actually it is first. It is first. But a field dominated by a lot of dark skinned heroes.
Langston Kerman
Randy Moss, Come on.
Unknown
Jerry Rice is not light skinned. You know what I mean? To like dark skinned dudes.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
Unknown
Who's the other guy on Philly? Freddie. Freddie. What's his name? Freddy Jackson.
Langston Kerman
I don't know.
Unknown
The receiver. Whatever.
Langston Kerman
No, you know, I knew one name.
Unknown
And I. I didn't. I should not have gone any further. I'm sorry.
Langston Kerman
You saw me not pit her.
Unknown
That's fucked up.
Langston Kerman
I didn't serve nothing back.
Unknown
We can cut this out. We can cut this out. We can cut this off.
Langston Kerman
Here this motherfucker come. You know Freddie Fred, North Street College, your favorite school.
Unknown
The point is. Yeah, wide receiver. I feel like traditionally are divas, but a lot of dark skinned men. And it's almost like wide receiving is the great equalizer in this brutal, brutal color war to which we've all been embroiled.
Langston Kerman
Yeah. I think that there are probably. We would all benefit from a little bit of a standardizing of our conversations around light skinned versus, versus dark skinned. And I think unfortunately, I don't think.
Unknown
It'S ever gonna happen.
Langston Kerman
I think unfortunately getting a congress as it were together to be able to cover this is almost an impossible feat.
Unknown
I mean I saw it when we had that clip go big. We had a clip go big.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
Unknown
And then somebody else had a clip go big where they were remixing what we said.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
Unknown
Did you see that?
Langston Kerman
Yeah. And it hurt my feelings out there.
Unknown
Yeah, whatever.
Langston Kerman
I tried to sort of play it, but no, it deeply cut my.
Unknown
Did it? Yeah.
Langston Kerman
I think there's a part of me that understood exactly the point that I think was important. And it felt like I had failed in communicating that point.
Unknown
Nah, that's the Internet, bro. That's what they do is miss the point. That's the whole. The Internet is people listening to what you say being like. Well actually and not like hearing what you said. That was. Cause you didn't make a bad point, but whatever.
Langston Kerman
No, but I do know that what ends up happening is they pull a moment, and then they activate that moment. Right. But it made me feel stupid for allowing a space to be the moment. You know what I mean?
Unknown
Hey, Langston, don't feel bad for trying.
Langston Kerman
Thanks. Thanks, David.
Unknown
Don't let these stupid people on the Internet. That's how I get through it. I just assume everybody on the Internet is really, really stupid, and then it makes me feel good about myself. And I read their comments. I'm like. Cause there's. I never read a comment where I'm like, he got me.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
Unknown
Yeah. You know what I mean? I always read a comment. I'm like, oh, that's because you're dumb.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, I feel that way, but I still want them to like me, and that. That's my burden.
Unknown
But you don't. Do you want stupid people to like you?
Langston Kerman
I think so.
Unknown
As much as you want smart people to like you?
Langston Kerman
No. But I. I think. I think I still need them very badly. And until I evolve past whatever that feeling is, then I. Then I'm not safe emotionally, socially.
Unknown
Man, you really. That's, like, really saying the quiet part out loud. I didn't love that.
Langston Kerman
No. I, I, I regret it. I regret being vulnerable at all. I'm gonna. I'm gonna press play on this. I, I hate that that happened.
Unknown
And that was the first time in my life I had ever been called life. And I never recovered from that. So, like, if y' all could let me know, Is there, like, a colored gradient? Is there a chart or something I can refer to? Because I would like to know. Because my mother's chocolate. I've always wanted to be chocolate.
I got a chocolate baby.
But apparently, I myself am not. So y' all could give me some insight on that. That would be great. Thank you.
Here's the tough thing about this.
Langston Kerman
Please.
Unknown
We're two people who've never been middle spectrum, so to get any sort of, like, real answer from us is difficult. Nobody was ever right. Like, what are you doing? Like I said, chewing on rocks. Like, nobody was ever. You know what I mean?
Langston Kerman
I want to propose something right here and right now. I believe that we could do a draft. I believe that we could assemble a team.
Unknown
This is a slippery slope, brother.
Langston Kerman
I'm scared of what I'm saying already. I don't feel safe. I mentioned that earlier, and now I'm trying something insane. I do believe that we could assemble a team of men and women of various shading ingredients, and we could do a true draft of the tent poles by which light skinned and dark skinned are determined.
Unknown
Like we like in this room. You mean we get like 10 people?
Langston Kerman
I think we could. I think we.
Unknown
10 past guests.
Langston Kerman
I think we could get a couple past guests. I don't think we can afford 10 afford.
Unknown
Cause we pay.
Langston Kerman
I think our resources are limited.
Unknown
That's true, that's true, that's true.
Langston Kerman
But I think if we could get a nice group together, we could figure it out. For celebrity sort of tent poles.
Unknown
We do need to this. It would be nice to have some uniformity. Right. And it's not really for. And I don't think this is. We're really good guys. This is how you know we're good guys. Cause this isn't for my benefit. This isn't for your benefit. We know where we're at.
Langston Kerman
I know. I know what's light skinned to me.
Unknown
I know what's light skinned to me.
Langston Kerman
I'm good. Yeah, I'm good. I'm chilling.
Unknown
I'm. What I'm curious about is which dark skin do you.
Langston Kerman
Hey brother, what we're not gonna do is got your media. I'll tell you this. This podcast is a lot of things, but it will never be gotcha media. You're not gonna. You're not gonna Tucker Carlson me into something nasty. That's private, brother. That's absolutely private. Was dark skinned to me and frankly it should be private to everybody. Make politics private again. That's how I feel.
Unknown
I like that. So you want to draft him?
Langston Kerman
I think we should. I think we should.
Unknown
I'm with that. I think that would be good.
Langston Kerman
And if we don't do it, just know it's because we sobered up from this entire conversation.
Unknown
It's because Will Ferrell stepped in.
Langston Kerman
Hey, fellas.
Unknown
He said I got elf2 coming out. I'm not trying to.
Langston Kerman
I'm hearing something about you drafting niggas Now. I hate to use.
Unknown
That's the how he talks it down.
Langston Kerman
I hate to use the word boys, but. But now I gotta say it. Cause that's the way you're behaving.
Unknown
Oh man, that's so funny.
Langston Kerman
This is a good episode. Yeah, you wanna tell the people where they can find you?
Unknown
Oh, are we done?
Langston Kerman
Yeah, I think so. Oh shit. Yeah. All right, say bye.
Unknown
Coolguyjokes87 on Instagram patreon.com davidbory it's probably that. Something like that. Man, come on. You know I'm trying to get back in the game.
Langston Kerman
What if it was Backslash Arnold from Different Strokes and of course it's David.
Unknown
That's a good point. Yeah, there's only one. This is one prominent.
Langston Kerman
You can follow me at Langston Kerman on all social media platforms. Watch my special, it's called Bad Poetry. It's on Netflix now. And send us your own drops, your own conspiracy theories. If you want to tell us what is dark skin to you, I don't want to hear it. Keep it to yourself. But everybody else, contact us@mymamapodmail.com and give us a call. 844 Lil Moms, 844 Lil Moms. We want to hear from you. Like subscribe, rate review. YouTube.com is where we also have plenty of places for you to see us. And that's the whole shebang. Bye bitch. I don't give a fuck who say what. Blood on Crib My Mama Told Me is a production of Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and iHeart podcast, created and hosted by Langston Kirkman, co hosted.
Unknown
By David Bourie executive produced by Will Ferrell Hansani and Olivia Aguilar co produced by Bay Wayne Edited and engineered by Justin Kahman Music by Nick Chambers Artwork by Dogon Krieger.
Langston Kerman
You can now watch episodes of My Mama told me on YouTube. YouTube. Follow at my Mama Told Me and subscribe to our channel.
Unknown
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Langston Kerman
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Langston Kerman
This is an I Heart podcast.
Podcast Summary: "Find the Epstein Files, Cancel Love Island"
My Momma Told Me
Hosts: Langston Kerman and David Gborie
Released: July 22, 2025
Network: Big Money Players Network and iHeartPodcasts
At the [03:28] mark, Langston Kerman and David Gborie officially kick off the episode with their signature flair, setting the stage for a deep dive into contemporary cultural phenomena and conspiracy theories affecting the Black community.
The primary focus of this episode centers around their critical analysis of the reality TV show Love Island. Langston initiates the conversation with a prepared statement addressing the show's controversial portrayal of individuals with special needs:
Langston Kerman [17:10]: "At some point, we are going to have to unpack how Love Island is just taking advantage of sexy special needs people. [...] Those Love Island producers are pure evil."
Exploitation of Special Needs Individuals:
Impact on Society's Perception:
Contrasting with Other Shows:
David Gborie [22:19]: "We have to call it out. That's the whole point of the show, David."
The episode transitions into a segment featuring listener voicemails, each bringing unique and often humorous perspectives on various topics. These voicemails range from social observations to personal anecdotes, adding depth and variety to the discussion.
Langston Kerman [40:54]: "I'm glad we're having fun. But in the light of some recent events, I prepared a statement that I'd like to read."
Listener Kev [62:39]: "Are there color gradients to light versus dark kids? [...] I'm brown."
Langston Kerman [60:39]: "Take a lap. That's important for kids to know."
David Gborie [41:20]: "HEAVY topics, but at least we can bring awareness to them while also laughing about it."
Langston Kerman [43:46]: "Don't act like McDonald's isn't delicious in the right context."
Beyond the voicemails, Langston and David delve into broader cultural discussions, touching upon themes like fashion, societal expectations, and the intersection of race and media representation. Their conversations often blend humor with critical analysis, making complex topics accessible and engaging.
Fashion and Identity:
Media Representation:
Personal Identity and Legacy:
Langston Kerman [16:31]: "You got to call us @myMamaPodmail.com and give us a call."
As the episode winds down, Langston and David reflect on the conversations they've had, emphasizing the importance of addressing uncomfortable truths while maintaining a sense of humor. They encourage listeners to engage with them through social media and voicemails, fostering a community of open dialogue and continuous learning.
Langston Kerman [66:00]: "We know where we're at. This isn't for my benefit. This isn't for your benefit. We know where we're at."
David Gborie [70:20]: "You can send us your own drops, your own conspiracy theories if you want to tell us what is dark skin to you."
The hosts invite listeners to subscribe, rate, review, and follow them across various platforms, ensuring ongoing engagement and support for future episodes.
Langston Kerman [70:27]: "You can follow me at Langston Kerman on all social media platforms. Watch my special, it's called Bad Poetry. It's on Netflix now."
In this episode of My Momma Told Me, Langston Kerman and David Gborie skillfully navigate through serious societal issues and lighter, humorous topics, offering listeners a comprehensive and entertaining exploration of Black cultural dynamics and media critique. Their blend of humor, critical insight, and genuine engagement makes for a compelling and thought-provoking listen.
Notable Quotes with Timestamps:
Stay Connected:
This summary provides an overview of the episode's key discussions, notable quotes, and overall flow, offering insights for those who haven't listened to the full episode.