Flat Back Music: Motherf*ckin Mini Episode (RE-RELEASE)

Summary

Podcast Summary: My Momma Told Me

Episode: Flat Back Music: Motherf*ckin Mini Episode (RE-RELEASE)
Hosts: Langston Kerman, David Gborie
Date: January 29, 2026
Podcast Network: Big Money Players Network and iHeartPodcasts

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Overview

In this mini episode of My Momma Told Me, comedians Langston Kerman and David Gborie riff on an array of topics with their trademark blend of irreverence and insightful social commentary, focusing specifically on Black conspiracy theories and pop culture dynamics. This re-released mini episode dives into debates over musical taste across racial lines, the representation and treatment of Black folks in medical and cultural spaces, and tackles a particularly provocative listener voicemail: “Unattractive white women are the most dangerous people on the planet.” Along the way, listeners are treated to hilarious anecdotes, cultural critique, and a playful yet sharp dissection of how identity, art, and society collide.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. On Black Conspiracy Theories, Community, and Podcasting

[02:36 – 04:46]

• Langston and David joke about the “community at large” and being recognized by fans, with a warm nod to their show's following and how their podcast personas differ from their real lives.

• Langston on separating podcast personality vs. home life:

  “I get a little high, I talk a little crazy, and then I go, love with my family.” (04:17)

• They laugh about not truly being the “little freakies” their podcast might suggest, poking fun at the contrast between their on-mic bravado and everyday mundanities (like Costco chicken breasts).

2. Health, Representation, and Colorism in Medicine

[05:22 – 07:02]

• David discusses feeling alienated by the healthcare system, especially as a dark-skinned Black man, noting the lack of dermatologists with relevant expertise.
• Langston gently highlights the impact of colorism:

  “They’re able to like see a humanity in us that they just don’t do with y’[all].” (06:09)

• Both reflect on systemic gaps in medical care and research, with David summing up:

  “I’ve never felt like the doctor was for me.” (05:58)

3. Music Taste, Airport Playlists, and Cultural Gaps

[07:59 – 15:08]

• They joke about the show’s deluge of voicemails, especially regarding a Blink 182 segment, openly admitting “we clearly got it wrong.”
• Musical taste is dissected as both hosts compare their comfort zones with music outside of rap and R&B, particularly when navigating predominantly white music spaces.
• David confesses to playing Sinatra in airports because “my airport music taste is the most diverse my music ever gets” (09:13), and both bemoan the heartbreak of learning musical heroes (like Frank Sinatra) were problematic.
• Langston on white people’s music preferences:

  "It's just a band after white band that I’ve never heard of. And they’re always talking about how great the music is. And I go, I love John Mayer. And all of them kind of like, fold their arms as if, like, it’s stinky music.” (13:22)

• They discuss mutual misunderstandings between Black and white folk when it comes to "deep cuts" in their respective genres.

4. The "Flat Back Music" Theory & the Beat Debate

[19:22 – 21:18]

• Both lament their inability to connect to some popular white music, joking it’s all “flat back” – referencing (hilariously) music and women without curves, ie. without the bass or beat they crave.
• Langston:

  "If I can’t do this to your shit, I don’t really... It’s cold. I’m trying to spoon, and you ain’t giving me nothing." (19:28, 20:01)

• They extend this metaphor to relationships, joking about white friends' attraction to “flat back” lovers, noting, “I genuinely believe in your love, and I think that’s okay.” (20:18)

5. Reckless Lyrics, White Listeners, and the Difference Between “Imaginative” and “Believable”

[21:18 – 24:09]

• They muse on punk and rap’s penchant for reckless lyrics, the white audience’s embrace of “crazy” songs when they are clearly exaggerated (Misfits, Eminem’s Slim Shady era) versus real, lived experiences in rap.
• Langston:

  “I think they like when you talk reckless, and it’s clearly just imaginative. I don’t think they like when you talk reckless and they believe you.” (21:26)

• David expresses that replay value is low if the music feels inauthentic, preferring Jay-Z’s grounded storytelling over Eminem’s lyrical acrobatics in “Renegade,” observing, “I just don’t feel like he’s saying anything...there’s no...it’s like, just words together.” (23:18)

6. Listener Voicemail: The Unattractive White Women “Conspiracy”

[31:37 – 42:47]

• Voicemail (31:37): Claims that “unattractive white women are the most dangerous people on the planet,” referencing intergenerational wisdom.
• The hosts receive this with total agreement, riffing on their personal experiences and the social hierarchies that fuel such dynamics.
• Langston gives a pointed, sociological explanation:

  "You create a fucked up hierarchy inside of that second tier where you go, the pretty ones we will treat nicely and the ugly ones will bark at and throw in the mud. And so the ugly ones then need somebody to feel powerful over, and they are so mean to anybody else they can find.” (36:06)

• David delivers a rawer take:

  "This bitch hurt my feelings." (37:20)

• They discuss the intersection of patriarchy and racism, mingling empathy for the targets with judgment for the Black men who ignore these “common knowledge” social risks.

Memorable Anecdote (38:10 – 41:48)

• David recounts an incident in a bar, where he witnessed a Black man being berated by an unattractive white woman and intervened, only to become the target himself.
  • “She was ugly, and he was real handsome, and she was like... had my man's head down... I turned around and I was like, 'Bro, you ain't got to take that.’” (38:31)
  • He ultimately swiped her wallet and cigarettes as an act of petty retribution: “I left her wallet, like, just out front... it was more just like a fuck this bitch.” (39:51)
• The hosts underscore how these power plays are racially coded, with white women emboldened to treat Black men in ways they wouldn’t treat white men.

7. Wrapping Up: Listener Validation & Calls to Action

[42:22 – 43:04]

• Langston affirms the voicemail’s suspicion: “Ugly white women specifically, are the most dangerous people on the planet...It’s not up for debate.” (42:47)
• David, as always, provides the last punchline:

  “Dog face. White women are by far the most dangerous people on the planet. And you’re right... maybe tighten that message up next time.” (42:52)

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Notable Quotes and Moments

• Langston: “They’re able to like see a humanity in us that they just don’t do with y’[all].” (06:09)
• David: “I just like pop music.” (12:10)
• Langston: “It’s just a band after white band that I’ve never heard of... And I go, I love John Mayer. And all of them kind of like, fold their arms as if, like, it’s stinky music.” (13:22)
• Langston: “White people listen to flatback music. I think it’s correct.” (20:14)
• David: “That shit go from fucking deltoids to fucking heels.” (20:12)
• Langston: "You create a fucked up hierarchy inside of that second tier where... the pretty ones we will treat nicely and the ugly ones will bark at and throw in the mud..." (36:06)
• David: "This bitch called the police on me." (37:38)
• David: “She was ugly, and he was real handsome... had my man's head down... I turned around and I was like, 'Bro, you ain't got to take that.’” (38:31)
• Langston: "Ugly white women specifically, are the most dangerous people on the planet. It's not up for debate." (42:47)

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Important Timestamps

• 02:36: Official start, show’s thematic focus
• 05:22 – 07:02: Colorism and medicine, Black men’s health experiences
• 07:59: Onslaught of voicemails about Blink 182
• 10:00 – 13:22: White music, John Mayer, cultural critique
• 15:08: “Flat back music” and what defines Black vs. white musical taste
• 21:18 – 24:09: Reckless lyrics, authenticity, Eminem vs. Jay-Z
• 31:37 – 42:47: Listener voicemail; unattractive white women conspiracy; personal stories
• 38:10 – 41:48: David’s LA bar story
• 42:22 – 43:04: Affirmation and closing calls

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Final Thoughts

This mini episode is a quickfire reminder of why My Momma Told Me stands out—sharp humor, cultural critique, and unfiltered Black perspective. From musical taste to coded social power, Langston and David use real-life anecdotes and sociological observation to interrogate accepted “truths”—all with vulnerability and laughter. Their embrace of listener participation, even on wild conspiracies, keeps the show’s tone fresh, reckless, and impossible to ignore.

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Note:
Advertisements and non-content sections have been omitted. For standup tour info and more, see David and Langston’s socials.

Transcript

[David]

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[Langston]

Podcast, where we dive deep, deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theories, and.

[David]

We finally work to prove the conspiracies of what we have decided as a community at large.

[Langston]

A community at large is a good, good way to articulate that. I think. I think there's.

[David]

That feels good, right?

[Langston]

I don't know how large that community is, but it certainly is at large, no matter how big or small our community.

[David]

I said the. That's a little too. That's a little too extensive. This little weirdo bubble you created.

[Langston]

This is gonna sound strange, but the other night I went to visit the bay. My wife has a friend in the bay. And we went to visit their family, and they had a game night at their house, and a person came over and they were like, I love your podcast. And that was really nice. Like, I think more fans exist in the world than we realized. And it's really sweet I get to bump into y', all.

[David]

Truly. I just went out on the road a little bit last week in a couple of cities, and, yeah, they're little mamas. Little. I'm not calling you little freakies. Little mamas are out there. Yeah.

[Langston]

Unfortunately, I think we're that guy. We're the little freakies. I don't actually think they're asking to be called that.

[David]

I feel like if you guys were with me day to day, you would.

[Langston]

Not think that nothing about my lifestyle even suggested.

[David]

This is the freakiest I get.

[Langston]

I'm just talking to my boy.

[David]

Yeah.

[Langston]

You know what I mean? I'm just talking crazy with my man. I get a little high, I talk a little crazy, and then I go, love with my family.

[David]

I'm saying in the house, it's just like, I think we should have, you know, some chicken breasts for tonight. I know. It's just. We gotta get rid of it. We got so much at Costco. And then here, I'm like, I wanna fuck with two dicks. And it's like, there it is. This is the best of me. Y' all are getting the best of me.

[Langston]

I sit around with my wife all day today. I told her that we need to have a. Make a more concerted effort to talk to the baby like a person. And then I come on here and.

[David]

I.

[Langston]

I go, hey, y' all know I worship the devil, right? Y' all know I serve at the. At the throne of Satan.

[David]

I don't mean nothing.

[Langston]

I'm just. I'm just saying stuff, man.

[David]

The other day, I Was like, ah, I never been to the dermatologist. Do you think that's something I should do before 40?

[Langston]

You know, and this is, this is a weird thing to segue into, but maybe we talked about it on the podcast. But it's the unfortunate, unfortunate reality that for dark skinned people like you, the dermatologist is not often. There aren't a lot of dermatologists that really can do what they're supposed to do with you.

[David]

There's not a lot of data points. They don't study us.

[Langston]

Nah, they don't study you. And in fact, even the, the things that they do to be like protective, preventative of all the threats that could be affecting you, they, they don't even know how to identify this shit. They can't spot skin cancer on you.

[David]

I'm telling you. I've never felt like the doctor was for me.

[Langston]

That sucks, man. Genuinely, that, like, really stinks.

[David]

Do you feel like the doctor is for you?

[Langston]

I don't think he's for me, but I don't think there's anything, There are no, like, direct, direct walls between how they think of me as, as physicians. Do you know what I mean? Like, it's not right. They're not sitting back and being like, I will. And I think so much of that is probably rooted in, in my, in being light skinned. They're able to like, see a humanity in us that they just don't do with y'.

[David]

All. Yeah, I guess so, man. I mean, I don't know. I'm all right. Keep going to the wide. I hear Ride my bicycle, baby.

[Langston]

What a, what a way to brush off hundreds of years of prejudice is to just be like, you know, whatever.

[David]

I got a stew in it. I got shit to do.

[Langston]

Yeah. Cry. Cry for the podcast. This could be big for us.

[David]

Oh, my God. I don't, I, I. Man, if we become, if we become a podcast where we actually legitimately cry on here we have Jumped the shark. That's season 10.

[Langston]

It's gonna be bad. This is gonna be really bad if we're, if we're like really expressing ourselves.

[David]

Yeah.

[Langston]

Somebody comes on and says something, we're like, hold on, brother.

[David]

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

[Langston]

Kamala Harris is a, is a saint.

[Greenlight Announcer]

Now.

[David]

Some things are funny and some things ain't, brother.

[Langston]

Yeah.

[David]

This is a serious podcast.

[Langston]

We're facing down serious issues in this country.

[David]

I mean, we are, we're just not here. This is a different place too. Nah, like you said, I was just trying to have some fun with my friend.

[Langston]

We, speaking of fun, have many a voicemail.

[David]

Yeah, you guys are going crazy.

[Langston]

We got a lot of voicemails from a lot of you. We should preface that. A fair amount of them. I would say more than half of them have been Blink 182 related. Now, Bori and I are going out of our way to not try to, like, blow the emails before we get on the podcast. And so I don't know what you guys are screaming at us about as it relates to Blink 182, but I can tell just off of the sheer volume of Blink 182 voicemails, you are very upset with us for the things we said. Yeah.

[David]

We clearly got it wrong. And I don't know what to tell you. I never claimed to get it right.

[Langston]

Shoot or shoot.

[David]

You know what I mean?

[Langston]

They don't always make it. I really like that song, though.

[David]

Come on.

[Langston]

Come on.

[David]

I've listened to it so many times.

[Langston]

Yeah.

[David]

I listen to it in the airport.

[Langston]

Wait, you listen to it as like a. Like an airport song where you're like, I enjoy this song specifically in the airport.

[David]

Yeah. I don't know how to explain it, but my airport music tastes are the most diverse my music ever gets.

[Langston]

Do you think that's because you're surrounded by the most diverse groups of people you're gonna see on average?

[David]

Yeah, I think that it tends to be a. More. Surreal isn't the word. But, yeah, I think it's just. It's just such a. Such an odd mix of people anyways that it makes me feel the comfort of going outside of, like, my go to shit.

[Langston]

Yeah.

[David]

You know what I'm saying? So it's like, yeah, I'll be in the airport. Like, fuck it. Listen to Sinatra. See what he's got going on. Just sit down. Watching people angry that they have children.

[Langston]

I love me some Frank Sinatra.

[David]

Really?

[Langston]

I love Frank Sinatra. I can't tell you as much as we've talked about, like, the disappointment of finding out Michael Jordan was a bad guy. I had an equal level of disappointment finding out Frank Sinatra was a bad guy. Damn, that hit me hard.

[David]

I didn't know till today.

[Langston]

Yeah. I was like, man, he's so fucking cool.

[David]

Was he just mobbed up?

[Langston]

Yeah, he was mobbed up. He was an alcoholic. He was like a grump. And constantly threatening to fight people and. Or fighting people. Like, he was. You know what I mean? I think he was just. He just lived the life that we kind of thought he lived, but, like, sincerely. And I think a Part of me thought that he was, like, just having fun being a rascal with his boys. And instead it was like, you say something mean about him, and he gets your knees broken.

[David]

Man, I would hate to have crossed a crooner and then get beat up that way.

[Langston]

You know what I mean? Cause that's not even. He didn't even grow up like that. He didn't even have to be all that.

[David]

No, no, no. That would hurt.

[Langston]

That would hurt like, you are just singing about the summer wind and getting my knees broken. That's crazy.

[David]

That sucks. I like that song when he says, whatever. It was a very good year. That's the one I like.

[Langston]

That's a good one.

[David]

That's a good one.

[Langston]

Yeah.

[David]

We should have him on the pod.

[Langston]

Yeah, we should get. We should get Frank on the pod. If not, I don't know, Michael Buble. We'll get Michael Buble on. That's not the same thing to Sinatra. No, no, no, no. Absolutely.

[David]

That's Starbucks music.

[Langston]

Yeah. Michael Buble, who has some jams. I ain't even gonna hold you. He's got a few guts.

[David]

I don't even know that. Here's my problem is, like, I recently realized.

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I.

[David]

Man, I'm gonna be honest. I don't know if my taste in music is great. Mmm. It's fun. Same door. Like, I don't know, man. A lot of the stuff I love is just real. Like, especially outside of specifically rap music, I kind of just like pop music.

[Voicemail Caller]

Mm.

[David]

Sometimes people be, like, talking about really good music, and I'll be like, I don't know. I like a couple songs, but it's not as good as, like, that shit we all know the words to.

[Langston]

Yeah. I had a really interesting conversation yesterday about John Mayer and how I really fuck with John Mayer. I think that, like, Continuum is a perfect album, and, like, I get it. That, like, he became kind of a joke to a lot of people. But, like, to me, John Mayer is dope. And I was in a room with a lot of white people who. Who are constantly going off about these obscure bands I've never heard of and.

[David]

Haven'T heard the Rolodex is. I feel like they know more bands than we know, rappers and R and B singers.

[Langston]

I think so. But then I. I wonder if that's. You know what I mean? Because if I go like, oh, neo in the room. None of them know, but that's not even a deep one.

[David]

Oh, I see what you're saying.

[Langston]

I'm saying that I don't have to go that deep for them to hit a wall of not knowing shit. So I think they similarly have just a wall that said there's way more are of us. And they just be having, you know, the shins, the neck bones, the elbows. It's just a band after white band that I've never heard of. And they're always talking about how great the music is. And I go, I love John Mayer. And all of them kind of like, fold their arms as if, like, it's stinky music. I was like, oh, I think maybe just black people like the stuff that y' all don't like. Like, I think all the stuff y' all make fun of black people are like, nah, that's when y' all are. That's when y' all are cooking.

[David]

Yeah, maybe that might. That might truly be it. I had a friend one time who said that. I remember we were talking and he said he thought he had an epiphany. He was like, I think they just like it really boring. They just like boring stuff, you know?

[Langston]

I can see that.

[David]

You know what I'm saying? Like, they be like, yeah. Or like. Like. And there's some stuff where it's like, I don't know, man. Like, the guitar doesn't do it for me. And I think that's where I get lost in some shit sometimes.

[Langston]

There's.

[David]

There's. Or like, the guitar I like is like, you know what song I like? Bon Jovi. Living on a Prayer. I think that song goes crazy. I think that song goes crazy.

[Langston]

That's a great song. Yeah.

[David]

And then they. And then you. They talk like, maybe it's cause it's their parents music. I don't know what it is, but like. Yeah, I've always had a disconnect. But, like, like, you said the Shins or the Decemberists or some shit. I hear that shit. I'm like, I don't know, man. It's a. It's the guy in a big hat.

[Langston]

I think they laugh at living on a prayer because that's like being like, you know what song I like? Hypnotized by Biggie Smalls. And you're like, ugh, nigga.

[David]

That is the reaction you get.

[Langston]

That's your favorite.

[David]

I.

[Langston]

Man, I don't think we got that much more to talk about.

[David]

Or, I like the one song from Guitar Hero. I only know it from Guitar hero. I only 18 in life to go that. I think that's the peak of white culture.

[Langston]

Yeah.

[David]

Like what? Ricky was a young boy.

[Langston]

Yeah. I mean, I think there's a lot of shit that it's not that they don't like it, it's just that they're like, well, that's embarrassing for you to say out loud.

[David]

That's right.

[Langston]

It's shameful that that is where you would start the conversation.

[David]

But then.

[Langston]

Because.

[David]

But it's also like. But whenever they try to. Like, you ever try to talk to a white dude about rap music?

[Langston]

I have.

[David]

They don't do the same thing. They're always trying to be like, what do you think about Jurassic 5? And you're like, yeah, honestly, I've avoided it because of this conversation. Yeah, they.

[Langston]

They. And, you know, some of it, I think comes from, like, this fucked up elitism. But I think they took a. For an era of. Of white men. I don't think they exist the same way anymore. But there was an era of white men that took a lot of pride in knowing, like, our. Our crunchy, like, backpack rappers instead of, like, knowing the niggas. Like, they didn't.

[David]

That's what I was gonna say. But, like, the backpack rappers isn't. Was crunchy to me.

[Langston]

That's. Wait, it isn't crunchy?

[David]

It's just not. Like, if you're gonna surprise me, you're not gonna surprise me by saying you, like. Like, I don't even know, Aesop Rock or some weird shit. You're gonna surprise me if you're like, you know who I like? Slim Cut Calhoun. Then I'm gonna be like, whoa. You know what I mean?

[Langston]

Yeah, but they don't like that. That's my point. I think they're not doing it because they're, like, digging through the crates as much as they're being like, I like the one that raps about positive things or uplifts through, like, a type of articulation. Yeah, yeah, exactly. As opposed to, like a motherfucker that's just rapping about bitches and cars and stuff.

[David]

They do love the clips, though.

[Langston]

They love the clips, but even them, they got elevated a little bit past. Just, like, they weren't just, you know, I mean, coke rappers. Even though that's literally all they were. They were like, smart coke rappers.

[David]

Yeah, yeah. It's always interesting what is smart to them with rappers, you know what I mean? Like, it's like an interesting because I guess the clips are smart, but also the clips. I like it when they're talking shit, too. I like it when he says like that Bron. Bron I had a long time ago, like.

[Langston]

Yeah, I think it Takes a lot of time with the community to recognize intelligence in ways that you don't immediately associate for yourself. Do you know what I mean? That, like, young thug is a genius, but you have to be able to see a humanity in all forms of black people to see him as a genius. Because otherwise it's just a nigga whining over, like, trap beats. And you're like, I don't. Okay. This is just noise.

[David]

And maybe that's why we don't like their obscure stuff too, because it's just like. I don't know, it all just sounds. I don't know. It sounds like breakup music. All of it to me, bro.

[Langston]

I be trying. They'll, like, say bands and stuff in the room, and I'll go and spend a little bit of time listening to this shit. And truly, I can't. I can't always crack the code. There's sometimes where I can, but, like, it is tough to make it through some of these motherfuckers.

[David]

Yeah. Yeah. I also have a hard time with not finding a discernible beat to move my body to.

[Langston]

That's it. It makes it really hard. If I can't do this to your shit, I don't really.

[David]

Any semblance of that. Like, I don't even. Like, sometimes you listen to rap music and I can't even. Yeah, I can't even catch where to. Like, I can't even catch. I can't catch how to listen to it. Yeah. You know you feel a beat and you're like, oh. Oh, shit. You know what I mean? I don't.

[Langston]

Yeah, give me something to hold on to.

[David]

I don't got that shit. Got no ass.

[Langston]

It's cold. I'm trying to spoon, and you ain't giving me nothing.

[David]

You ain't gonna be giving me flat back. Damn, that shit go from fucking deltoids to fucking heels.

[Langston]

White people listen to flatback music. I think it's correct.

[David]

I think that's really what it is.

[Langston]

And I think to their credit, they have learned an appreciation for flatbacks that I do not always recognize. I've seen so many of my white friends go off with flatback women and truly feel the same arousal, same excitement for their flatback lover that I feel for my not flat back lover. And I know that's because you mean it. And I don't know why. It's not what I would want for myself, but I genuinely believe in your love, and I think that's okay.

[David]

Yeah, it's just. It truly is just different strokes I think is all it is. It's just like, it's different strokes. I also think they don't talk, like, people talking reckless as much.

[Langston]

Yeah.

[David]

Does that make sense? Like, that's why even not just Blink 182, but, like, I've always, like. If I listen to, like, a punk song, I kind of like it because, like, the Misfit, they say, like, crazy shit.

[Langston]

Yeah.

[David]

I killed a baby today. And you're like, what the fuck is this? Like, that's crazy. Like, I feel like, feel something from that.

[Langston]

I think they like when you talk reckless, and it's clearly just imaginative. I don't think they like when you talk reckless and they believe you.

[David]

Oh, like Eminem?

[Langston]

Yeah, like, Eminem, I think, didn't scare them as much as he was meant to scare them, in part because he. Well, I think he started to blur the line in a way that. That did scare them. But I think they liked the Slim Shady era, and it's the reason it became what it became because it felt like just, oh, I'm just crazy. I'll eat boogers and push down your dog. And it's like, oh, that's okay. Yeah, it's just doing the thing. I'll kill a baby today. But in rap form.

[David]

Right, Right. Cause that's what it always was. What I was listening to, it was like, Yeah. I don't know. Cause he. He doesn't. It doesn't. That music doesn't have a high replay value for me.

[Langston]

Mm. There's like, a sweet spot Marshall Mathers lp, where, like, the nostalgia outweighs whatever, like, logic. I go into the songs with, like, I can still. I can play it. But no, it's not one of those where, like, the way I am meant so much to me when I was fucking 10 years old.

[David]

Really.

[Langston]

If that comes on now, I'm not like, whoa, my fucking song. I just. Yeah, I love that song.

[David]

I love that one. Oh, man. What I love. What was it? I wanted an album so rugged, nobody could touch it. Fucking still don't give a fuck. That was my Eminem song. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was my. But he was talking crazy.

[Langston]

He was talking real crazy.

[David]

But I don't really listen to it anymore. I just. It doesn't like. Cause he never had beats either.

[Langston]

I felt like, mm, he killed it on Renegade.

[David]

He really did. He really did. But. Okay, this is crazy, too. I go back and I listen to Renegade, and I feel like I like. And this sounds crazy. People don't like it. I. As an adult, I Like, what? Jay said better. I just don't feel like he's saying anything. I feel like he's just. Or I feel like he's just saying anything. Like, I get it to put it in there. Take a bath with the Catholics. But he doesn't, like, mean. It doesn't mean anything. Like, there's no. It's like, just words together when, like. And Jay's like, often my pops left me off and my mom's wasn't home. I'm like, okay, I can relate to that.

[Langston]

Yeah. Jay was being a human being, an anti Semitic human being, but a human being all the same.

[David]

Hey, hey, come on. Hey, Papi. Wait, was he anti Semitic? Yeah.

[Langston]

He says, I only talk about Jews. Do you listen to music or do you just skim through it? I think he was taking shots at Leor at the time, probably. Or some. Some large Jewish executive being like, you guys are. Are trying to monetize our thing without actually, like, appreciating it. I think there's an argument that, like, when he's saying Jews, he is not saying it in a way that's meant to represent the entire mass of people and more just saying, like, I'm talking about the motherfuckers that are fucking with my money and my situation. But certainly if somebody was like, blacks, it wouldn't feel great. No.

[David]

Ultimately, I think at the end of the day, this conversation was complicated. I just want to say whoever does in fact run the media, I'm with y'. All. Give me a call.

[Langston]

That was so beautifully said. I think we should take a break. I think you specifically need a break. I think you go ahead, you take a rest, big man. You lay out a. You lay out for a little bit. And we're gonna. When we come back, we're gonna get a voicemail. We have a voicemail we want to listen to. So we're gonna take a break.

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[Langston]

David more. Langston more. My mama told me.

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[David]

You've never been one to settle, stand down or stand still.

[Langston]

You're a lifelong learner, energized by excellence.

[David]

There's a fire inside you you can't ignore. You've got competition to outrun, momentum to build on, and your own high standards to meet.

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[David]

Not a chance. At Capella University, we help you catch.

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[David]

Now go earn the degree Capella University. What can't you do? Visit Capella Edu to learn more.

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[Langston]

A free to play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spinquest.com for more detail.

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[David]

You raggedy bitch. But we don't mean that about any oppressed people. Only white men.

[Langston]

That's right. Only white men are raggedy bitches. The rest of us are fine bitches.

[David]

Proud, fine, proud. A long storied tradition of bitches. White men. We're going to get on your ass until you, I don't know, eventually break and then it's all going to be a problem.

[Langston]

Yeah, that's. The other thing is like.

[David]

And I.

[Langston]

Think, I think truly Elon is a great example of it of like a dude who we for a long time had on some version of what we consider the right side, know what the fuck that means. But like at least viewed himself in that way. And then we kind of bullied him a bunch and, and he snapped and he deserved to be bullied. He's an awful person and I wish he didn't exist, but the reality is he does and he has all the money. And so the second he snapped, he started making Other choices that are now affecting us in a much more dire, negative way than we ever could have imagined.

[Voicemail Caller]

And.

[Langston]

And what do you want? Like, you're going to just break these white men and they'll go away. They're going to fucking. They have all of it.

[David]

There's so many of them.

[Langston]

Yeah. We got to. We got to learn to talk different to each other, y'. All.

[David]

Apparently, they're lonely. Now. Do you feel like that affects black people? The male loneliness epidemic? I think that I am not as in tune with Internet culture, nor youth culture to make an informed opinion on it, but my guess is that it probably also does.

[Langston]

Yeah. I don't always believe them when they say stuff like. By that, I mean young people sort of like talking about their own challenges. That said, I don't believe them emotionally, but I take their word for it. I guess that's the best way of.

[David]

That's fair.

[Langston]

Like, I don't know how to believe them. And that's probably my own dinosaur brain. Right? It's not me being a hero and being like, I'm correct. You're wrong. It's just I was raised a certain way that I can't fully undo. And so when you tell me that, like, you're experiencing traumas that, to me, do not sound like traumas, I go, no, you're not. In the back of my head. But I acknowledge that. Like, no, you feel what you're feeling, and that makes it true for you.

[David]

Right, Right, Right, right. And every generation is more aware of all that stuff than the last generation. Right?

[Langston]

Yeah. None of us are.

[David]

Until we just all get so soft, we meld into a pile of goo together and go back to the stars from once we came.

[Langston]

Yeah. None of us are not gonna be our dads. Do you know what I mean? Like, we're all gonna turn into old men who are wrong and backwards. And that's why less people should be doing stand up comedy after a certain age.

[David]

Yeah, exactly. That being said, 37. I'm hot right now. Come see me at the Dallas Comedy Club.

[Langston]

Should we play this? Voicemail. We have a voicemail.

[David]

Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it.

[Langston]

It's very exciting. Whenever you're ready.

[Voicemail Caller]

Hi. David and Langston. Love the pod. My mama told me and my grandma, actually that unattractive white women are the most dangerous people on the planet.

[David]

Pause.

[Langston]

Okay, let's pause right there.

[David]

Sold.

[Langston]

I. I have nothing that in this that I disagree with so far. There's not one part of this. Truly at the Core of me. I was like, I don't even know if we can call this conspiracy theory. Just dangerous. Dangerous people. Yeah.

[David]

Yeah.

[Langston]

Terrifying.

[David]

I think we're on the same page, but continue. Let's hear what else.

[Voicemail Caller]

I'd love to hear your opinions on that. Also, you just. You had Xen of Dutch. Oh, she's amazing. She's so funny. I love her. You're talking about. About sunblock versus sunscreen. What about us photosensitive people? I'm a black person who looks like a beekeeper every summer. It sucks. And I missed you in Philly, so. Bummed out. I had tickets, but I was so sick I couldn't. Couldn't make it. Didn't want to make your show a super spreader event. We stayed home.

[Langston]

Okay.

[Voicemail Caller]

But yeah. Oh, and one more thing. I think if you miss Will Smith and Halle Berry, you get Shaun T. Like the fitness guy. I see it. No one else seems to see it, but I see it. But anyway, your specials look great and I look forward to more and keep on keeping on covered about it.

[David]

That was very special.

[Langston]

That voicemail started pretty good. I would say she came in hot. She came with a conspiracy. It felt good and I liked all the other compliments, but certainly it felt like maybe that voicemail didn't have to be quite. As long as she made it, that maybe it could have just stopped at the unattractive. White women are the most dangerous people on the planet.

[David]

Yeah. But I appreciate it. Thank you for not coming and spreading it. I looked up Shaun Taylor. That's very. I do see it.

[Langston]

Shaun T. I don't even know Shaun T. Or maybe I do when I just.

[David]

I just looked him up. S H A U N. Yeah.

[Langston]

Oh, I could see. There's some photos where I could see a little bit of Will Smith, certainly.

[David]

Yeah.

[Langston]

He's 46 years old, so if you're suspecting at all that maybe he might be the byproduct of those two, he's not.

[David]

I don't know. Philly guys start early. I feel like that's the place where you fuck young.

[Langston]

Yeah. You think Will Smith fucked Young?

[David]

100%. He was always that guy. Yeah, I think. Yeah. You don't think he did.

[Langston]

Mm. I'm of two minds, to be honest with you. Him having, if I'm remembering correctly, pretty religious parents and like, not cussing for a long time sort of leads me to believe that maybe he was a little more, like, straight laced than we thought he was.

[David]

Doesn't he have a goon, though?

[Langston]

Yeah, there are stories of, like, him. Cause when he was arrested that time, it was because, like, somebody tried to flex on him and then his, like, guy just mopped him.

[David]

He was also a teen rap sensation in the 80s. Like, I don't know, man. I think he fucked you. I think he definitely fucked you.

[Langston]

It's probably. It's a safer bet than what I'm pitching.

[David]

And I remember this is. I don't know why I remember this, but there was a joke on. On Fresh Prince of Bel Air where somebody says something to Will and he thinks. He says, you're a virgin. And he's like, not since I was 14. I remember being like 10 at the time. Being like, what?

[Langston]

Wait, wait. I only got four years left. Fuck.

[David]

Fuck. I can't. That's not gonna happen. That's not gonna happen.

[Langston]

I haven't even started.

[David]

Yeah.

[Langston]

What?

[David]

But, yeah, I think Will Smith fucked Young for sure.

[Langston]

That's probably a safe bet. I think. Obviously, if you have your own thoughts on whether or not Will Smith fucked young, give us a call. 844 Lil Moms. As it relates to this voicemail. I would say that the reason I believe that unattractive white women are so dangerous is because of the weird hierarchical dangers of cross pollinating patriarchy with racism. Right? That, like, you create a system where attractiveness is value. And then you create a system where women understand from the jump that they are being positioned, and I'm not saying this as like a flex, but they are being positioned as less than two men. And white women in particular have sort of bought into that subservience of being like, yes, we serve under that second tier position. But then you create a fucked up hierarchy inside of that second tier where you go, the pretty ones we will treat nicely and the ugly ones will bark at and throw in the mud. And so the ugly ones then need somebody to feel powerful over, and they are so mean to anybody else they can find.

[David]

I'm so glad you stepped in and took that because my synopsis would not have been that elegant. It would have been angry. This bitch hurt my feelings.

[Langston]

This bitch called the police on me.

[David]

Well, I was just gonna say all of those things also breed an anger. And then enter an unsuspecting black man who just thought he got a white girl and his life is ravaged. No, I think we all can. We all know them. We've all seen it.

[Langston]

It's. It's tough to watch it.

[David]

It is. It is really. It's painful.

[Langston]

Yeah.

[David]

Did I ever tell you this is a funny story. We gotta go in a second. But this is a funny story. I tell you. I was out in LA at a bar one time with this girl, and we got really drunk, and behind us there was a white lady. This is so bad. Behind us, there was a white lady.

[Langston]

And she was just yelling at this nigga, bro.

[David]

Like, it was bad. It was bad, like, publicly shaming him. She was ugly, and he was real handsome, and she was like. Like, had my man's. Had my. Have my man's head down. You know what I'm saying? Like. And, like, I was wasted, and, like, it was going on for so long that I turned around and I was like, bro, you ain't got to take that. Whoa.

[Langston]

You stepped up, bro.

[David]

I was. I was like, dude, you. It doesn't. You don't even have. It doesn't have to be like that. And then she went crazy on me and was like, who the. Are you? Fat, fat bitch. You fat bitch. I'll talk to him however the fuck I want. And I was just like. I was just like, bro, you don't have to do this. You don't. You don't have to be like this. You have to take that. I understand. We're in Silver Lake. It doesn't have to be like. I just, like, talked over her because if I looked at her, she would get mad. You know what I mean? I was like, you really, like. I was just, like, looking him in his eyes, but I was really drunk. I was like, you really don't. It doesn't have to be like this. And she was like, fat. You fat nothing. You fat nothing. And then. And then she went to the bathroom, and I took her wallet and her cigarettes. Whoa.

[Langston]

Yeah.

[David]

She left her purse on. I know. I left her wallet, like, just out front.

[Langston]

But you didn't. You didn't take any gold.

[David]

It was more just like a fuck this bit, but, like.

[Langston]

Yeah.

[David]

And it hurt my feelings because as I was leaving, she was in the bathroom. I was leaving with this girl. And he. Even then, he wasn't like. He wasn't like, thank you. You could just tell he was.

[Langston]

He was gone.

[David]

He was just cooked. He was just cooked.

[Langston]

I think the unfortunate reality is, while I do think that they're the most dangerous people on the planet, I struggle to feel sympathy for the attractive black men, particularly who go over there, because I think it should just be common knowledge at this point in a way that makes me go like, come on, man. What are we doing? I get it. You think your baby boo is special. But history Teaches us over and over and over fucking again. That. That's not true. Chill. Leave them alone.

[David]

I can see the look on his face still. And it was just like. And it was like the way she was yelling at him. This is what I took from it too. I was like, I don't think she would yell at a white guy like that.

[Langston]

No, I don't think she would.

[David]

I don't think she would do that in public like that.

[Langston]

And that's what I'm saying. I think they need somebody to serve under them because we created a system of service where they have a tier, but then they are being treated as fucking third tier when they were promised second tier.

[David]

Right. That's a big flaw. Yeah. Because even the way she was talking and then even the way she was talking to me was like, I don't think you would yell at a white guy. It was just like she was talking like there was no repercussions for her action.

[Langston]

Yeah, you can't get bopped on the head.

[David]

I did feel good though, as we were walking because she left and I just like grabbed that shit.

[Langston]

No, you did you. And we gotta go in a second. But you did a beautiful thing. I think very few people are able to watch somebody experience that in a public space. Then step up and you should be commended. That's a brave thing you did to say something. A thing that, frankly, I don't know that I would have done in that situation.

[David]

Well, you know, one out of 10 times you got to step up. There's nine times I didn't say anything so fair.

[Langston]

Dear listener, I hope that this at least confirms your suspicions. I hope you feel satisfied to hear it. Both your mother and grandmother. Let them know we agree. White women are the most dangerous. Ugly white women specifically, are the most dangerous people on the planet. I know you didn't say, but we don't fix the words around here. We knew what the fuck you meant. It's not up for debate.

[David]

I'd go far as to say, busted.

[Langston]

Dog face. White women are by far the most dangerous people on the planet. And you're right. And maybe tighten that message up next time.

[David]

Bye, bitch.

[Langston]

You want to tell the people where they can find you?

[David]

Cool guy jokes? 87 on Instagram. Patreon.com davidbory Go buy my special. And Dallas, April 25th and 26th. I'm going to be at the Dallas Comedy Club. Come out and find me.

[Langston]

And you can find me at Langston Carmen on all social media platforms. You can see me live in Vancouver March 27th through the 29th and then in Salt Lake City on April 10th and then again in Vegas on April 17th. And watch everybody's Live on with John Mulaney on Netflix. It is. It is out now. It is live. We have episodes every week and I'm very proud to have written on it. And, and I'll show up a few times in that bad boy, so it'll be fun. And if you want to send us your own drops, your own conspiracy theories, if you want to tell us who the most, I guess, positive group of people on the planet are, you send it all to mymamapodmail.com buy the merch rate, subscribe, review. Remember, buzz stuff is all right. All right. Bye bitch.

[David]

Mini episode. Mini episode. Motherfucking mini episodes. Mini episodes. Motherfucking mini episodes.

[Mint Mobile Announcer]

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[David]

What do you have to lose?

[Mint Mobile Announcer]

Give it a [e-mail] Switch limited time.

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[Langston]

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[David]

Why have I asked my electrician I found on Angie.com to bury my pet.

[Langston]

Hamster Nibbles in our yard for me?

[David]

Because I was so moved by how carefully he buried my electrical wires. I knew I could trust him to bury my sweet Nibbles after his untimely end.

[Mint Mobile Announcer]

Huh?

[Langston]

Nibbles gone too soon.

[David]

May he scurry in peace. Hey, sorry about your pet, but I just wire stuff. Nibbles would have loved you like a brother. Connecting homeowners with skilled pros for over 30 years. Angie, the one you trust to find the ones you trust. Find pros for all your home [e-mail].

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[David]

Guaranteed human.