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Langston Kerman
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Langston Kerman
Four.
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David Bore
So share the season with a peppermint.
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Jamel Johnson
My mama told me. Number one, the podcast usa.
Langston Kerman
That's right. We just hit number one.
Jamel Johnson
Number one, Sterling K. Brown likes it. We're going to the moon.
David Bore
Come on. You guys is here. Finally. I knew this day would come. I bet on y' all on DraftKings.
Jamel Johnson
Oh, man, thank you.
Langston Kerman
Oh, man, it's been a tough couple of years for that bet.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah. Nah, also because if no one did, they were gonna break our legs.
David Bore
But it didn't trash out. You know what I'm saying? They never pulled it. The ticket was still active.
Jamel Johnson
The Draft Kings and the Queens were going to kill us.
David Bore
We up, man. Don't worry about it now.
Jamel Johnson
They have his family.
Langston Kerman
They do have my family.
David Bore
All right, well, we'll. I guess you should worry about that.
Langston Kerman
The draft queens are pretty scary. Microchips in your anus.
Jamel Johnson
All koala bears are racist.
Langston Kerman
The ozone layer Owes me money, marshy.
David Bore
To vennet Turkey stuff y' all can't tell me.
Jamel Johnson
Smooth, just like a silka Soft and cuddly help me up like a quilt I'm a lyrical lover. I take from me no filth with me Sexual physique, you know me well built. How's this in a booster? Boo Bostic the other day, when you.
David Bore
Do it, it sound like Pirates of the Caribbean.
Jamel Johnson
I like it better that way.
David Bore
Sound like Treasure island when you do it.
Jamel Johnson
I didn't know how to do it when it came in. I didn't have a plan. I was sure. The Black Pearl.
David Bore
Be closer.
Jamel Johnson
Boombustic Reggae fantastic. Yeah.
David Bore
I got the night manager at Long John Silver Skull crazy. He went there, dog. When the shift change, go.
Langston Kerman
He had character to the rescue.
Jamel Johnson
Hey, to be fair, pirates are in the Caribbean.
Langston Kerman
They are in the Caribbean.
Jamel Johnson
Reggae pirates. Not like a crazy jump.
Langston Kerman
No, it isn't.
David Bore
They gotta be down there. Oh, my God.
Langston Kerman
And I think we should stop.
David Bore
Big dance hall, guys.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
David Bore
He's a rookie, boy. Yeah, they. Damn. Yeah, it sure is.
Langston Kerman
Yo.
Jamel Johnson
Reggae pirates. Now I'm never gonna knock them out.
Langston Kerman
I really think they did us a disservice by not including that in the films.
Jamel Johnson
Reggae.
David Bore
Oh, sure.
Langston Kerman
Yeah. No, just reggae pirates. Should have been in the Pirates of the Caribbean.
Jamel Johnson
One of the ships.
Langston Kerman
They're not based on anything.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah, that's a good point. You could have a black ship, motherfucker.
Langston Kerman
Use your imagination.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah, that would be fun.
David Bore
You know what I mean?
Langston Kerman
There was no Jack Sparrow.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah.
Langston Kerman
Now give us Shaggy.
Jamel Johnson
They're making jerk on the boat, bro. They got drills and steel drums. Yeah, yeah.
Langston Kerman
That should have been a part of it.
David Bore
That would have been cool.
Langston Kerman
Keira Knightley should have had to twerk some.
David Bore
Yeah.
Jamel Johnson
Get out of a sticky situation.
Langston Kerman
Get out of something nasty.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah, yeah. For Captain Lockbeard.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
David Bore
Orlando Bloom doing the heel toe.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
David Bore
Trying to escape.
Langston Kerman
She should have had to get daggered off the top ropes like them girls from the videos.
Jamel Johnson
And then the captain's like, more fire, more fire.
Langston Kerman
And then, like, she can take a pounding.
David Bore
Oh, my God.
Langston Kerman
My God. This woman could take a pounding. She's one of us. Yeah, I think that should have been in the movies. It sucks that they want the Caribbean.
David Bore
Nigga from Living Single. I just see he would have been perfect for this. The lead pirate. Yeah.
Langston Kerman
T.C.
Jamel Johnson
Carson. The main T.C.
Langston Kerman
Carson.
David Bore
I'm talking to the other. No, the music nigga. The nigga with the scooter.
Jamel Johnson
What was his name in real life?
David Bore
That was the Other. That was the black lightning nigga. I'm talking about the.
Langston Kerman
You're talking about the dude that replaced T.C. carson?
David Bore
Nah, that's the light skinned nigga. I'm talking about the nigga who was working at Flavor, bro. And he started. He started to strike.
Jamel Johnson
Little assistant.
David Bore
The little dude.
Jamel Johnson
Little guy.
David Bore
He used to rock. Yeah, he used to rock the Scullies, man. He was the music editor.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah, I liked him.
David Bore
That would have been. This was supposed to be his. His Mr. Holland's opus.
Langston Kerman
And that's the problem with Hollywood is that they don't imagine Mr. Holland's opus for us. You know what I mean? Like, they should have looked at that, man, and they should have saw a vision. They should have said, have we got the role for you, little fella? And instead they casted him out of Hollywood.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah, I think it's cause he was little. He was real little, remember?
Langston Kerman
I think it's cause he was black.
David Bore
I think it's cause he was black and. Cause Tom Cruise was little. Mm. Tom Cruise was excommunicating all the little. Yeah, he said everybody little gotta step off.
Jamel Johnson
He cleaned out little Hollywood.
David Bore
You gotta go work at the amusement park. That's mine.
Jamel Johnson
Now you live in little Tidewater. Whoa. Damn.
Langston Kerman
There aren't a lot of little guys in Hollywood.
Jamel Johnson
Not like there used to. It used to be all little guys.
David Bore
Kevin Hart was the first. He's the first one to come back.
Jamel Johnson
Cause it's.
David Bore
And it took him a long, dawg. Tom Cruise tried to get him out the way multiple times. Tom Cruise tried to get around multiple times.
Jamel Johnson
I know that you have. I know that you have a conspiracy that you brought, but maybe this is where we.
David Bore
He was on a lot of directions.
Langston Kerman
He said it as if we were like, well, of course, yes, we know.
Jamel Johnson
Obviously Tom Cruise has been trying to.
Langston Kerman
Get assassination attempts that Tom Cruise has had.
David Bore
Come on, man.
Jamel Johnson
That would be a crazy beef. Cause I don't know who would win.
Langston Kerman
Oh, Tom Cruise.
David Bore
It could go. It could go 12 rounds. It could go the distance.
Langston Kerman
Kevin's really strong. He's strong. All power to him. But I do think that Tom Cruise lives with a mania that is hard to match.
David Bore
It's going the distance. I don't know who winning either, but it's going 12 rounds.
Jamel Johnson
It's decisions. It's decisions.
Langston Kerman
Remember, at the very least, Tom Cruise will jump out of a building, right?
Jamel Johnson
And that's.
David Bore
You gotta.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah. Cause then what do you do with it?
Langston Kerman
How do you fight against somebody that when push comes to shove, will Pull you with him out of a building.
Jamel Johnson
He's ready to die.
Langston Kerman
He's ready to die.
Jamel Johnson
Maybe. Do you think that maybe sometimes doing his own stunts is him, like, low key, trying to die? Like, drinking yourself to death? If it happens, it happens.
Langston Kerman
I think that's all it is.
David Bore
Absolutely.
Jamel Johnson
Oh, okay. I thought there was gonna be pushback.
Langston Kerman
Cool.
Jamel Johnson
No, no.
David Bore
Yeah, man. He's been trying to kill himself for the past four or five mission impossibles.
Jamel Johnson
Mission Impossible 10. Run it this time. I eat a bunch of suicide pills. I eat a bunch of cyanide. That's the. The riff fell apart at the end. But it was good at the beginning. Yeah, it was good at the beginning.
Langston Kerman
Nah, you did great.
David Bore
I'll give you like a 85% on it. That's cool.
Jamel Johnson
That'd be good.
Langston Kerman
Nah, I think you did good.
David Bore
That's a solid. That' in every school.
Langston Kerman
I think we should introduce our guest. I think we couldn't be happier he's here. You already heard his sweet dulcet tones. He's the hilarious comedian that we've grown to love in so many ways. One of our favorites. You know him from his own film memes and nightmares on Hulu. You know him from Comedy Central. You know him from the Brandon Jamel Show. You know him from all hilarious things. Give it up for Jamel Johnson.
David Bore
What's good?
Jamel Johnson
My rhymes are fly.
David Bore
My beats are sick.
Jamel Johnson
My crew is big, and it keeps getting bigger. That's cause Jesus Christ is my nigga.
David Bore
Hi, guys. How y' all boys doing? Everybody good? I got a little something to show you guys. I was gonna wear it, but I seen how y' all do y' all camera angle. It's no point. It don't. It's like a little small, so I didn't want mine. But this is the blackest T shirt in my house, and I need a little help figuring out the date.
Langston Kerman
Cause listen, strong men keep on coming, coming, coming.
Jamel Johnson
Okay, they spelled coming wrong. First of all.
David Bore
Depending on who you ask, pimp.
Jamel Johnson
That was pretty good.
David Bore
Damn.
Langston Kerman
First glance, How'd you try? You can't stop us now.
Jamel Johnson
February 27th to the 28th, that's Nelson Mandela. I did think that was Harriet Tubman for a second.
David Bore
See what I'm saying?
Langston Kerman
Listen, that's something for a second first glance.
David Bore
You think Million Man March, which the anniversary was yesterday for y' all boys, but that, see, that's October. Yeah, this is February.
Jamel Johnson
With the last February 27th and 8th.
David Bore
I have to assume this is an event in Gary, Indiana. If Anybody could tell me.
Jamel Johnson
I think this actually might be the premiere party from Belly.
David Bore
Ooh. Cause if you. Ok. Hey, you know.
Langston Kerman
You know what's funny? That's the most Kevin Durant, Martin Luther King has ever looked.
David Bore
Let me see how it looks.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah. Where'd you get. Did you get this at PG Plaza?
David Bore
That's why you look like kd, bro.
Langston Kerman
That is KD if I've ever seen him.
David Bore
Yeah, man.
Jamel Johnson
The camera. So they can really analyze.
David Bore
Yeah. Let's get a.
Langston Kerman
You really want to.
David Bore
Cause I tried to go to your camera.
Langston Kerman
Cause that's a wide. Go to your camera over here.
David Bore
Boom.
Langston Kerman
Straight there. Yeah, that's.
David Bore
See what I'm saying, guys?
Langston Kerman
You're going to want to go right there.
David Bore
Yeah, yeah. I got this.
Jamel Johnson
Where do you usually wear that? Like, just around the house.
David Bore
Yeah, yeah. Listen, I might hit the court with this.
Jamel Johnson
Okay. You know what I'm saying?
David Bore
I might do something like that.
Langston Kerman
That's intimidating.
David Bore
I might just go on a little taco run.
Langston Kerman
A brother who knows his history this well, he gonna know the game even more.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah.
David Bore
You know, I know where the ball gonna fall. You know, I'm getting every rebound.
Jamel Johnson
It's mind and body.
Langston Kerman
Okay.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah, I get that. They connected 100% get that.
Langston Kerman
How do they connect? Show me again. Okay.
David Bore
Yeah, yeah, right there.
Langston Kerman
Jamel, we're very happy you're here. You came to us with a conspiracy theory that we talked about ahead of time, but as soon as we talked about it, you said, no, I believe in this.
David Bore
Yeah. Because honestly, I was like, you get asked to do the show, and the person I'm emailing with is like, what conspiracy theory you got? And I'm blanking. I'm, like, hitting the J.
Langston Kerman
Like, yeah, I got a. I've heard.
David Bore
A million of these.
Langston Kerman
Sure.
David Bore
I believe all of them. What's up? And I'm like, blanking. And I'm like, I text you guys, and as soon as you sent your list, I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah. Not only was I like, I agree with this. And then I did the research. I needed this conversation with you all to even find out what it was called. Cause when my mama told me, she just said they was trying to make niggas little. Oh, she never used the name.
Jamel Johnson
That's hilarious.
Langston Kerman
This coming from her mom is crazy.
David Bore
Yeah. You know they trying to make niggas little. Let's this what she used to say.
Langston Kerman
Okay. Now I'm excited to say you heard his heart, my baby. The fact that this came from home is so nuts. But you said, my mama told me the government is making homunculi.
David Bore
Trying to create a homunculus or.
Jamel Johnson
Say it how he said it, please.
David Bore
Or they're trying to make niggas little. They're not trying to make little niggas.
Langston Kerman
That's already.
David Bore
They're trying to make average sized niggas little niggas.
Jamel Johnson
The royal niggas, littler niggas.
David Bore
Okay. Yeah.
Jamel Johnson
I can't afford that, bruh.
David Bore
For years. Like, she would either be like that or she would be like, humongous. And I ain't know what she meant. Cause my mom saying it in the house. You got any of them moms? Y' all moms, like, don't know the names of anything.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah, yeah.
David Bore
Mom's one of them moms. You know I got you. Cause it always centered around, like, it's always some food stuff. That's why we stopped putting foil on the girls. You're like, stop using that foil. They gonna make you homunculus. No foil on the grill. We stopped using, like. We stopped having any sauce. Any sauce that's got, like, a name brand to it.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah.
David Bore
No Chick Fil A sauce. No bang bang.
Jamel Johnson
Because of humongous.
David Bore
They gonna try to make me humongous. This was what my mama said to me.
Jamel Johnson
First of all, that laugh is nasty.
Langston Kerman
No, it's so fun. I'm having a great time.
David Bore
Humongous, dog. But I'm like. I don't even know what you talking about. You know, I'm just thinking, just general, like, whatever, Mom.
Langston Kerman
I just. I was hoping to put Chick Fil A sauce on my Chick Fil A nuggets.
Jamel Johnson
Now you gotta sneak it. Were you sneaking in the fridge?
David Bore
Yeah, yeah, exactly. I'm not bringing the trash in the house.
Jamel Johnson
And you got poly sauce under your back.
Langston Kerman
She's making you be a bad son, and that's not fair to you.
David Bore
Sure. You know what I'm saying? But honestly, y' all help me put it all together. I ain't. Yeah.
Jamel Johnson
Do you have any idea where your mom got this? Cause she seems pretty deep.
David Bore
Honestly, no clue. I could only assume the Dunbar housing projects is where she got that one.
Jamel Johnson
Okay, okay.
David Bore
You know what I'm saying? Mid-80s, OK. That's where that theory is began. I can only assume Columbia Heights Metro Station.
Langston Kerman
The unfortunate thing with racism in this country is it took our histories from us. And maybe you could have traced the humongous back generation after generation. But instead, you have to stop at your mom.
Jamel Johnson
That's real. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
David Bore
And that's why I wasn't feeling. I'm like, what is this even based off? What is you talking about?
Langston Kerman
Damn.
Jamel Johnson
Was this like a lifelong. Was there a point where she started interjecting it? Or is this like as far back as you can remember?
David Bore
There was a. I feel like it was like this, like high school. This, like when she was like.
Jamel Johnson
But you had to take foil off the grill. That's big.
David Bore
It was. And it was in. I think it was connected to a change in income. You know, My parents is doing a little better.
Langston Kerman
Mm.
David Bore
We start going to Costco. My mom like, hey, stop grabbing all that stuff. That's gonna make you humongous. You know what I'm saying? Like, you gonna end up humong. And you keep eating them goddamn samples.
Jamel Johnson
And it's crazy. Cause it sounds like humongous.
David Bore
I'm. Boy.
Jamel Johnson
And that's what you probably thought.
David Bore
That's what I was thinking.
Jamel Johnson
She's like, mom. You're like, mom doesn't want me to have the best foods, mayonnaise or whatever, Right? Because she don't want me to get humongous.
Langston Kerman
She didn't want me to get humongous.
Jamel Johnson
The opposite.
David Bore
It was the opposite. Cause I'm like, what do you mean, Mom? I've been humongous. Like, what's up? And she like, I'm talking about the other way. They try to make niggas little. Quit eating that stuff. You drinking that shit. They trying to make you. They trying to make your big ass little.
Langston Kerman
I have a number of follow up questions. First and foremost, what is she afraid of with making niggas li. What is the plan?
David Bore
You know what?
Langston Kerman
Making niggas live.
David Bore
I think that the. See, and it's like, the truth is I need to talk to my mom more about this.
Langston Kerman
Okay.
David Bore
Cause I'm only putting pieces together. Cause it's one of them things. I'm just letting her say it. And I'm like, you got it, mom.
Jamel Johnson
I ain't really.
David Bore
I ain't fully challenging.
Jamel Johnson
It's still your mom. What are you doing?
David Bore
It's still your mom. What am I gonna do?
Jamel Johnson
You can't press her.
Langston Kerman
That's the hardest part about. I think being just a son of a lady is like, you can't. There's not a lot you can do. You know what I mean? Like, you can't just be like you're backwards and wrong.
David Bore
Like, it's just. Yeah, that ain't gonna work.
Langston Kerman
That's just who you are.
Jamel Johnson
It's not even a possibility. No, you just You're a person who believes that if you swallow gum, you die. Yeah.
Langston Kerman
And. And I am a person who believes that I have to keep you alive. So.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, when me and my brothers all three unpacked, that we had told. She had told us all that at separate times in our lives. Crazy experience.
Langston Kerman
That's hard.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah.
Langston Kerman
Or maybe cathartic.
Jamel Johnson
It was like, together.
David Bore
I remember. Hard, positive. We were like.
Jamel Johnson
We were on Haight street in San Francisco. And I remember. I was like, man. I remember when I was little, mom said. Mom said, if I swallow gum, I die. And the other two were like. Yeah. She said that to us at different times. Whoa. And I don't know where she got it, but that's. That's for a different day.
Langston Kerman
That's almost like when you find out that you really are brothers.
Jamel Johnson
No, I've never had that experience.
Langston Kerman
Oh, you don't.
Jamel Johnson
Oh, oh, oh, oh. I thought. Okay, I'm sorry.
Langston Kerman
Like, in a connecting way.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Langston Kerman
Where you just go, no, we're. Damn. We're brothers.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah. I thought you meant like a. Like a. Like a. Like a funny movie kind of situation.
Langston Kerman
No, no, no. I wasn't speaking to a Mamma Mia type.
Jamel Johnson
Is that what happened in that movie?
Langston Kerman
Mamma Mia is about a white woman, buddy.
David Bore
I was just thinking about this movie. Go ahead, continue.
Langston Kerman
A white woman who has a white child. I don't know why I'm making her race so specific. There's white people.
Jamel Johnson
I thought they were Greek.
David Bore
Well, now they in Europe with it. That's why you think they Greek with it.
Langston Kerman
They're European. And it's by the beach.
Jamel Johnson
That's Greece.
David Bore
Yeah, that's all Greece.
Langston Kerman
They're playing it loose for what that area is. But she's. She.
David Bore
You can call it Turkey if you want. That's Greece. That's how I agree. I agree.
Jamel Johnson
Is Papa Pia in that movie?
Langston Kerman
No, there's no Papa Pia. Thank you for asking.
David Bore
Ok.
Langston Kerman
It's based off of a song. That's why it's called Mamma Mia.
David Bore
So.
Jamel Johnson
Is what I'm saying.
David Bore
Oh, man.
Langston Kerman
And in the movie, she has a kid, the kid gets old enough to wonder who her dad is, and then it's three dudes who are, like, up for grabs for who could be her father.
Jamel Johnson
Okay. None of which are Papa Pia. They really missed.
Langston Kerman
They did not call him Papa Pia.
Jamel Johnson
They really missed out on him.
David Bore
But I was thinking, when is. How do we get our Mamma Mia off the ground? Oh, Mamma Mia. X.
Langston Kerman
Let's Go.
Jamel Johnson
Yo, you're going nuts.
David Bore
What do we do? Mamma Mia X. I was thinking about this yesterday. How do we get to Mamma Mia X?
Jamel Johnson
Monopolize her on everything we see.
David Bore
This is a good start. These are the first blocks.
Jamel Johnson
Make them say Mamma Mia X. Yeah.
David Bore
It could work. It could work on multiple platforms. Yeah.
Jamel Johnson
Tubi, I think, is what jumps out first, for sure.
David Bore
But to answer your question, you weren't.
Langston Kerman
Going to HBO with this one.
David Bore
That was the. Yeah, no, not yet.
Jamel Johnson
We pitch where we think we have a landing first, and then if that doesn't work, we go to the.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, we still reach.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah, we still reach out.
Langston Kerman
We still reach out.
David Bore
Answer your question, though. I'm pretty sure white people is trying to make us all humunculous. Really?
Langston Kerman
Okay.
Jamel Johnson
I think they would love it if.
David Bore
We was all little. They would love it if we was all little, man.
Jamel Johnson
They would love it if we were all little.
David Bore
And they got a thousand different ways they trying to get it. You know what I'm saying?
Jamel Johnson
Everything but making us physically littler. Yeah, they try to. Mentally, emotionally, all those other. But you're right that I'm in.
David Bore
They don't want to. Yeah.
Langston Kerman
You know what's fascinating for me is that my framing of Humunculus, the first time I heard the word was from Fullmetal Alchemist, which is an anime that I. It's my favorite anime, arguably, of all time.
Jamel Johnson
What about Yu. Yu Hakusho? Yu.
Langston Kerman
Yu Hakusho's up there for me, but.
Jamel Johnson
Okay. I haven't paid attention.
Langston Kerman
Fullmetal's my. My. My number one.
Jamel Johnson
Okay. I haven't watched any of these, but.
Langston Kerman
And you never will.
Jamel Johnson
I might. I might pull up on you one day and be like, hey, I was.
David Bore
Bro, you might want to pop out for a couple of these, bro. I like what he said.
Langston Kerman
I think Full Metal would really.
Jamel Johnson
You think I'd like it?
Langston Kerman
I think it would do something for you.
David Bore
You would love it because I know you've eaten acid before.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
David Bore
And Full Metal Alchemist is the most. Oh, damn. I just ate some acid.
Langston Kerman
It's.
Jamel Johnson
It's tight.
David Bore
You feel me?
Langston Kerman
It really is, like. It's mostly about, like, the existence or the possibility of God and humans interaction with God. Like, it's. It's far more, like, complicated and messy than it is, like, a hero's journey of, like, good. Good versus evil.
Jamel Johnson
I thought it was talking about turning base metal into gold.
Langston Kerman
It's.
David Bore
But that's like, a little piece.
Langston Kerman
It's a little piece.
Jamel Johnson
So Humongous.
Langston Kerman
It's about alchemy, okay? And alchemy in this world is like being able to create magic essentially from, like, a certain science. Like, alchemy is science in this world. And it very much allows them to, like, turn a piece of scrap metal into a sword or, like, turn fucking like wind into fire by snapping their fingers type shit or a piece of.
David Bore
Paper into a tab of lsd.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, you're really on that ass.
Jamel Johnson
I have other hobbies.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, but just in case you don't and you want to fuck around, it's a very good show. But point being, that was my first reference for a homunculus. And in that show, they are not little people. They're not framed as, like, small. They're framed as sort of like these abnormal humanoid creatures that are created. Weirdly proportioned, for sure, but still humanoid. Some of them's quite sexy in the show. And intentionally.
Sponsor/Ad Voice
Oh, really?
David Bore
They're homunculus.
Langston Kerman
They got some baddies up in there.
Jamel Johnson
That's the only thing I would. Cause they don't want us to be finer.
Langston Kerman
That's where it does.
Jamel Johnson
You want us to be littered.
David Bore
And that's why they won't really fully unleash the ultimate plan. Cause they haven't figured out how to make us not fun.
Jamel Johnson
Because here's the thing.
David Bore
No matter what size, we still banging.
Jamel Johnson
Cause I feel like if you take me and you put it all smaller now, it's super fine.
David Bore
Yeah. Cause it's easier for us to grow waves. Like, it's easier to maintain the waves when you.
Jamel Johnson
That size fine is condensed. It's like concentrated orange juice.
Langston Kerman
Now it's like a fine pressure cooker.
Jamel Johnson
Exactly. Compressor bust pipes and nuts.
Langston Kerman
Hey, you leave that in the middle of Times Square, that's dangerous.
Jamel Johnson
Everybody's getting pregnant.
David Bore
They outside the Eminem store acting foolish. Yeah, it's true, man.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah, yeah.
Langston Kerman
So you, from the beginning, understand whom uncle is to be a little. A shrunken version of human. Is there anything else about humunculus that stands out? Like, was your mother describing any other traits of a homunculus other than just downsized?
David Bore
Yeah, just the downsizedness. Just the littleness. In the research, I'm sure you guys have seen in your research, there is one very particular.
Jamel Johnson
Oh, big dicks.
David Bore
The dick is still regular size, which is. Which my mom did not bring up.
Jamel Johnson
But that it didn't come up because the problem is. That's also a help.
Langston Kerman
It doesn't hurt.
Jamel Johnson
It's like you worry that they're trying to make Us better.
Langston Kerman
It certainly doesn't hurt.
Jamel Johnson
Everybody's meat looks bigger if they cut six inches off the top of their head.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, man.
Jamel Johnson
Off the top of their.
David Bore
Yeah, off the top of my skull. It could buy a grain.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah.
David Bore
Cut my head off. My shit'll look. My shit'll look crazy if I ain't had nothing on top of this. Damn.
Langston Kerman
I didn't even notice he ain't have no heads.
Jamel Johnson
It's the most distracting thing from my meme.
Langston Kerman
So for you, it was just this shrunken thing. But you did show. You sent us an image, which, if you don't mind holding it up for the camera, and we'll send it to.
Jamel Johnson
Justin so he can put it up.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, we'll make sure that it's edited in. But you sent us an image that I would say lives in my dreams. Maybe always is. Safe to say.
David Bore
Look at the loop, man.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah, I'm trying to find.
David Bore
Look at my son, man.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, that's the one. Just all hog.
David Bore
This is how, you know the government is involved.
Jamel Johnson
That looks like a drawing on a bathroom wall.
Langston Kerman
And it feels deeply racist.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah, for sure. Why? His lips are as big as his.
Langston Kerman
Me. Yeah, it's the 2.
David Bore
3.
Langston Kerman
3 parts remain the same. His big old hands, because they were like, nah, you still gonna do work. And the big old meat and them big old lips. And that's quite troubling. Everything else is proportionate.
David Bore
And you know what it reminded me of? I sent you guys another image.
Langston Kerman
That's true.
David Bore
Yeah, this is. Now it's getting a little deeper.
Jamel Johnson
We'll also send this to Justin because we're gonna have to put these up on the screen.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, These are important for everybody.
David Bore
Does this look familiar to anybody? Oh, that.
Jamel Johnson
Yep.
David Bore
The School of Hard Knocks mascot.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, that's right.
David Bore
Now, as an adult man who's paying bills on time, I start to think there's already a couple homunculus in the hood. Oh.
Jamel Johnson
Like they've been letting them out.
David Bore
They've been out. And we trying to keep them from the government. The government is trying to make us all humunculous.
Jamel Johnson
Right.
David Bore
A couple niggas fell through the fine print. We trying to keep them out the.
Jamel Johnson
Facilities as a testament to black people, though. That's probably why School of Hard Knocks was always BT or streetwear.
David Bore
Oh, we rejected it.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah. Cause I had one School of Hard Knocks T shirt, and I felt dumb about it.
David Bore
Sure.
Langston Kerman
It was not a popular brand.
David Bore
It wasn't cool.
Jamel Johnson
It was not cool. It was almost like kind of like junkie clothes. Like crackhead clothes. Like what Johnny Blaze turned into. Yeah.
Langston Kerman
It felt like what? It felt like it wanted to be and one so bad, but it wasn't and just didn't have of what it took to be animal.
Jamel Johnson
And it was such a clunky. It was so clunky. S o h k is not.
David Bore
It don't really like soak. Soak what? I'm soaking zombies.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah.
David Bore
It don't feel right. It never felt right.
Jamel Johnson
I felt like it was a lot of off colored sweatsuits. You know what I mean? A lot of like lavender sweatsuits. Yeah, Lavender School of Hard Knocks. And I remember the T shirts had hella words on them. Like too many words.
Langston Kerman
They were. They were long winded.
Jamel Johnson
It's like what I'm gonna read this.
Langston Kerman
They'd be big paragraphs and shit.
David Bore
They out here dry snoo with the clothes. You know what I'm saying? That's. Hey, you see the leprechaun say yeah.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah, bro, I'm not even gonna hold you. That's my anime. The people who invented School of Hard Knocks trying to humunculus into the black community. They wanted to make us cool with it.
Langston Kerman
Damn, that's nasty.
David Bore
Yeah, it's way better than that show. What was that white one? How to make it in America. I like this better.
Jamel Johnson
What about the jeans?
David Bore
Yeah, yeah, but this. About this.
Jamel Johnson
But this Kid Cudi's still in it. Different role.
David Bore
Way more talking from Kid Cudi in.
Langston Kerman
This, which we all want. We all want more talking from Kid Cudi.
Jamel Johnson
I'm okay with it.
Langston Kerman
We've all enjoyed the way that Kid Cudi has rolled out all of his things, especially as of late. You're killing it, Kid Cudi. We love what you do.
David Bore
Yeah, he back. He back around.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, man.
Jamel Johnson
Maybe we take a break. Maybe we just let that settle in. We'll be back with more David, more Langston, more Jamel and more. My mama told me.
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I turned off news altogether. I hate to say it, but I don't trust much of anything. It's the rage bait.
David Bore
It feels like it's trying to divide people.
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Langston Kerman
NBC News brings you clear reporting. Let's meet at the Facts. Let's move forward from there.
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David Bore
Cementmobile.com.
Jamel Johnson
And we're also back off of that crack.
David Bore
You done said it, David.
Jamel Johnson
Wow.
Langston Kerman
Jamel, I did some research on the existence sort of this conversation of the homunculus. Right? The term homunculus originates.
Jamel Johnson
I know this one.
Langston Kerman
You know this one. Go ahead.
Jamel Johnson
The 1979 Australian film the Road War.
Langston Kerman
Unfortunately, that's not true.
Jamel Johnson
I think it is. I think maybe you run that movie back. He says I am the great humongous.
David Bore
Walk away and we will spare your life.
Jamel Johnson
I love that movie, man.
David Bore
It felt true.
Langston Kerman
Man, your ability to pull such specific quotes, it's admirable.
Jamel Johnson
It's very strange.
Langston Kerman
You really keep a library of very specific things that a person said.
Jamel Johnson
It's fun here, but then it's hard cause I gotta live like this.
Langston Kerman
Oh, I get that.
Jamel Johnson
You know what I mean? So it's like I go to the bathroom at 4 in the morning. Alana's like, where you been?
David Bore
And I'm like, yeah, running lines, man.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah. Morning, sister. Act two. And she's like, I'm sleeping.
Langston Kerman
I've been in there doing A Beautiful Mind with shit that Orlando Brown says.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah, that's the problem with having to live.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, that sucks.
Jamel Johnson
I'm sorry.
Langston Kerman
The term humunculus was born from a Latin word meaning little parts.
Jamel Johnson
Oh, okay.
Langston Kerman
And then was later evolved to mean small artificial human being.
Jamel Johnson
So it specifically meant that it is.
Langston Kerman
About a person who is not born. Your mother is a little off in that you were not going to turn into a humungulus. You instead would somebody would create a small artificial version of your or your life.
Jamel Johnson
Oh, can we one thing. Can we get this clear? Because I am confused. Is it humongulus with a G or is it humunkugulus like uncle.
Langston Kerman
There's no G in it.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah, it's a C. Oh, that's my problem that I've been having this whole episode.
Langston Kerman
I thought you were in on the bit.
David Bore
Yeah.
Langston Kerman
Cause I. Yeah, he's been saying it wrong because that's how his mother said it.
Jamel Johnson
Oh, no. I thought I was saying it right.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, that's why you took offense to my laugh. Yeah. Okay.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Langston Kerman
Now everything's making sense.
David Bore
I'm glad we could check in, like, in real time.
Jamel Johnson
Well, I was just. It was going on and I was like, eh.
Langston Kerman
Yeah. No, I was laughing because I thought you were joking.
Jamel Johnson
Oh, no, I've been real cheeks.
David Bore
Never mind. Okay.
Jamel Johnson
It does. Yeah, it does.
David Bore
I thought I could laugh.
Jamel Johnson
Oh, man.
Langston Kerman
You thought I was shaking.
Jamel Johnson
I think if we get a raise in production budget, though. Yeah, we want to make a yakub head out of the real doll shit. Mm. Mm.
David Bore
That's gonna be cribs.
Jamel Johnson
Cause you felt like.
David Bore
Yeah, I'm fucking with that. Just with a side note.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, we gonna have My mama told me dark.
David Bore
And hey.
Langston Kerman
That'S gonna be behind a paywall, but you are gonna want to subscribe. So it is meaning small artificial human being. It was first popularized in the 16th century in alchemic writings. It is an alchemy based sort of like, theory. And in fact, in 1537, a dude named Paracelsus wrote this method.
Jamel Johnson
Black eye.
David Bore
Nah, the nigga came up with Celsius the drink.
Langston Kerman
No, I don't think he did either one of those black or Celsius. He wrote his method for creating a homunculus, and it said that the sperm of a man be putrefied by itself in a sealed cucurbit. For 40 days with the highest degree of putrefaction in a Can that be more not? I think it's like not till it hardened.
David Bore
It then.
Langston Kerman
Almost freeze dry.
Jamel Johnson
Are you saying putrefied or petrified?
Langston Kerman
Putrified is the word, like root word. Putrid sealed, essentially.
Jamel Johnson
Okay, okay.
Langston Kerman
Vacuum sealed.
Jamel Johnson
Oh, so you cut them out carbonite style.
Langston Kerman
Yeah. 40 days and then at its, like, highest putrefaction inside of a horse's womb, or at least so long that it comes to life and moves itself and stirs, which is easily observed. After this time, it will look somewhat like a man, but transparent without a body. If after this, it be fed wisely with the acarnum of human blood and be nourished for up to 40 weeks and be kept in the even heat of the horse's womb, A living human child grows therefrom from with all of its members. Like another child which is born of a woman, but much smaller.
David Bore
Damn, son. They was 3D printing in the 1500s.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah.
David Bore
Yo, they're probably doing crazy stuff.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah. This is an abomination. Yes. There should be no dirty. I'm not into horse nut science. Yeah, this is like.
David Bore
This ain't even horse nut.
Langston Kerman
It's human.
Jamel Johnson
I'm talking about. I'm talking about Are not with horses. I'm not with any of that.
Langston Kerman
The combo alone is not right.
Jamel Johnson
Honestly. This is why you need checks and balances as far. You can't just be letting scientists just do stuff.
David Bore
Yeah, man, that's.
Jamel Johnson
Cause he did that. I don't think it worked.
David Bore
So he did it a few times too.
Jamel Johnson
I think this guy was trying to get away with fucking a horse.
David Bore
Hell yeah. He was.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah. 100%.
David Bore
Are you kidding? I knew that nut was putrefied. That was fresh nut he put in that horse a hundred percent right off the vine. It's nuts. I ain't letting it putrefy. Just write it down that I said it.
Langston Kerman
Hey, tell him.
David Bore
Tell them I let it get dry.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, tell them it was there for a while.
David Bore
Nah, I putrefied it. Yeah. Nah, that ain't from today.
Jamel Johnson
I'm doing research out here.
David Bore
That is not from today.
Langston Kerman
That's like six weeks old, baby.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah. Been in there.
Langston Kerman
Nah, I don't even do that no more.
Jamel Johnson
Oh, man.
David Bore
But it looked like Alex Mack. It looked like it's still. Nah.
Langston Kerman
That might have been my son. Honestly, he'd be putrefying in horses.
David Bore
Come on, man.
Jamel Johnson
You gotta do that.
David Bore
He lying.
Langston Kerman
He just making up. So. Yeah, he's like. He's like oh, my son probably did that. So I should be clear that alchemy is not necessarily real.
Jamel Johnson
No.
Langston Kerman
It is a sort of fictional science. It is a science that is imagined.
Jamel Johnson
It's like time travel.
Langston Kerman
Right.
Jamel Johnson
And so I think there's theories, but there's not. Right.
Langston Kerman
Even the alchemist writers of that time, I don't think are necessarily claiming to be actively doing this shit as much as they are like. Like sort of playing with magic in. In words and fiction and shit. That said much in the way that we've seen with so many writers historically and creators historically. Sometimes they're writing about real experiences and real shit and it doesn't. It would not surprise me even for a second if my boy Paracelsus was horses. And then being like, I bet you make it from nothing in a horse wound.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah, no, I'm a scientist.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, yeah.
David Bore
Paracelsus. And started tripping.
Langston Kerman
Now, part of the reason he says that they did this shit was. Or that like a homunculus would have been advantageous is because they were like, exceptionally gifted at what they were calling art, which would then lead to them being able to create more fake humans and more like giants, odd creatures that did not exist on the earth.
David Bore
Carnival slaves.
Langston Kerman
Carnival slaves, Absolutely.
Jamel Johnson
Whoa.
David Bore
They try and make carnival slaves out of nigga.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
David Bore
100%.
Jamel Johnson
Whoa. Because, I mean, I feel like carnies are slaves anyways.
David Bore
But then they.
Jamel Johnson
And they're freaks. They wanted more of that. Yeah.
David Bore
And they wanted more of that.
Jamel Johnson
They wanted more.
David Bore
Let's play them a little less.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah.
David Bore
We ripping them off. They starting to get upset. They stronger than us.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
David Bore
Let's make them small.
Jamel Johnson
Now it's like, I don't have to pay you at all because you're small. Where are you gonna go? You have a beard.
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David Bore
Yeah, we make them small, but leave the meat big. Cause I wanna see the big meat.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
Jamel Johnson
And people will pay to come see the big meat.
Langston Kerman
Look how big we can make a man's meat.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah. But he can't overpower me. Even though it's meat.
Langston Kerman
He's so small.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah.
Langston Kerman
No, it's terrifying.
Jamel Johnson
This is a complicated episode.
Langston Kerman
I think it really made me take a step back because one of the things that they point to for modern day, like humunculus, whatever, is this claim that in Russia they were attempting to create a homunculus.
Jamel Johnson
I don't know why I knew that that's where they were doing it.
Langston Kerman
You knew Russia was the source.
David Bore
It felt like they could be. It's cold. Nobody's looking way out Siberia, Chechnya. Maybe send them to Fight Island.
Jamel Johnson
Is that where Fight island is?
David Bore
Fight island is somewhere else. But Chechnya had a real Fight Island.
Langston Kerman
Okay.
David Bore
They really get it. That's where they doing, like, the team ufc. That's where. You ever see the ones where they gotta. They trying to fight each other in a car with the seat belts on?
Jamel Johnson
Yeah, car.
Langston Kerman
Jiu Jitsu.
David Bore
Car Jitsus. Yeah, that's them.
Langston Kerman
That shit's crazy. Fighting in the car is crazy. And then they have the ones where, like, it'll be like six dudes versus one real big guy.
David Bore
Yeah, they doing all type of illegal ass fights.
Jamel Johnson
Carvel slaves. Yeah, yeah.
Langston Kerman
And then they had. The craziest one I've ever seen was when they had a dude who was a drug dealer fight the person who bought the drugs that still owed him money. Ooh.
Jamel Johnson
Whoa. See, I don't think that that's the fight I want to see. I want to see the drug dealer fight the addict's father. Oh, okay, now, now, now. Call up the draft queens. We got a fucking situation.
David Bore
Waitress. Yo, I need to see the live bets on that.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
David Bore
Well, also, if the drug user is actively on meth or whatever they're doing, they're probably doing that.
Jamel Johnson
No, doing that crocodile shit over there.
David Bore
Super Soldier is a lie.
Langston Kerman
The drug dealer gave him. Gave him that word? I mean, the. The drug. Damn. The drug addict gave him that word.
David Bore
I'm like, oh, no, he on the shit, right?
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
David Bore
We didn't call him later. He's on the shit that I just stole from him.
Langston Kerman
In the video, the drug dealer looks like Kingpin. Like, he has, like.
Jamel Johnson
Oh, he's a big fat guy.
Langston Kerman
Big fat guy, big leather jacket. He's, like, in a ring and he's, like, knuckled up like this. And, like, you're like, oh. Either he's gonna catch a him quickly and this will be over, or he's about to get whooped because it's just a true crackhead. Like, fast, skinny, nimble, this motherfucker.
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Langston Kerman
He jab, jab, jab, jab. He go to sleep. Jab, jab, jab. You know what I mean? He moving. He don't give a fuck.
David Bore
It's a different kind of pace.
Langston Kerman
Yeah. Three minutes to a long time.
David Bore
A long ass time.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
David Bore
Most street fights don't go one round. No, no, no.
Jamel Johnson
They go 40 seconds tops.
David Bore
Feel like a lifetime.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, yeah.
Jamel Johnson
Some girl gets in and breaks it up.
David Bore
Y' all ever see a girl stop doing this? You ever see A girl try to break up a fight and then get.
Jamel Johnson
Like, yeah, but I've also seen it where she breaks like a girlfriend.
David Bore
Like, it's me, it's me. Look at me, look at me.
Jamel Johnson
Damn.
David Bore
Had to calm a nigga down. Like the Hulk.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Langston Kerman
It's a real bummer when it becomes a moral conversation in the middle of a fight.
Jamel Johnson
Or when you're like. But then you're also like, damn, they're really in love.
Langston Kerman
No, they care about you.
Jamel Johnson
She really doesn't want them to fight.
Langston Kerman
She was willing to sacrifice everything to keep you.
David Bore
That's beautiful. The version I saw, way less beautiful.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, I get that.
David Bore
We don't gotta get into details.
Jamel Johnson
No, no, no, no. This took a dark turn.
Langston Kerman
So in Russia, apparently the claim was that they were attempting to create a homunculus, which was made popular by a video about 10 years ago that started circulating of a man trying to. To inject sperm into a chicken egg.
Jamel Johnson
God damn it, bro, people gotta chill.
Langston Kerman
It was later proved to be a complete online hoax that. I don't know if it is an online hoax and that the man was not injecting the sperm into the egg.
David Bore
What's the hoax part?
Langston Kerman
I think it was more just like he was like, I'm gonna make a homunculus.
David Bore
And then he did something that would be funny if they was like, turns out Reddit is a hoax. Yeah, we just trying to get niggas to film themselves doing fucked up shit, man. That's what Red got him.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah.
Langston Kerman
One of the things this got me thinking about though, was this, what is the need for these additional bodies? Right? We live in a time where there's.
Jamel Johnson
A surplus of people, there's a surplus of people, people willing to do clearly, all kinds of shit.
Langston Kerman
We already have the ability to enslave people. And we, we have all, frankly, at this point, all the individuals we need for war. War is now done by fucking robots from hundreds of miles away. We don't need more warm bodies to necessarily throw at guns the way that we used to. So I'm not even sure that this has the same necessity that it might have had in like fucking olden times where you just needed a new fucking body to.
Jamel Johnson
Right, right. You needed a new body that you could control. You needed a crash dummy.
Langston Kerman
Yes. And now they don't need a crash dummy.
Jamel Johnson
Now people are self identifying as crash dummies.
Langston Kerman
They're happy to be a crash dummy.
Jamel Johnson
It's a different time.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, 100%.
David Bore
He can make some pretty good money.
Langston Kerman
And it crash, dummy.
David Bore
Yeah, sell some of them videos. They're ridiculousness.
Jamel Johnson
Shots fired.
David Bore
You can do your thing. Yo, this guy. You could, you could, you could. And when you said Russia, I'm thinking space race. Yeah, let's send some little niggas to space. Yeah, niggas that are little.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah, put them in there. A dog. See what happens. Yeah, see what happens.
Langston Kerman
Yeah. We don't know.
David Bore
Send them to space.
Langston Kerman
I'm not gonna send my wife.
Jamel Johnson
No, no, no, no.
David Bore
I need to yell at her.
Jamel Johnson
I don't wanna send my mother in law.
David Bore
I don't know.
Langston Kerman
Not at all.
Jamel Johnson
Shout out to Koly P. She's pretty cool.
Langston Kerman
The other part of this that I do think it sort of revealed, as I was reading about this shit, is how much AI is just humunculous shit.
David Bore
Oh, hell yeah. Fuck, buddy boy.
Langston Kerman
Do you know what I mean? Like, we are just fabricating humanity via the computer now.
David Bore
The first Will Smith eating spaghetti.
Langston Kerman
But homunculus, 100%. And we've been pretending this whole time. Like, homunculus, that's cursed magic. That's evil. These motherfuckers were sick. Meanwhile, we're doing the exact same thing.
Jamel Johnson
We're watching it.
Langston Kerman
We're just watching it.
Jamel Johnson
What if cities were persons?
Langston Kerman
And we go, well, it's not technically a person, so it's okay that we're doing vile, evil shit by, like, making a not real person eat spaghetti.
Jamel Johnson
Mmm.
David Bore
God damn it.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
David Bore
Langston, you done did it, man. You done fucking did it.
Langston Kerman
It's nasty.
David Bore
It's the most grotesque.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah, that AI shit is gross.
David Bore
I had to get off Facebook, man. Y' all been getting them. It was the fake movie post.
Jamel Johnson
I haven't been on Facebook since 2020.
Langston Kerman
Go over there, man.
David Bore
Listen, I still got family deep in the burbs, so I was over there, okay?
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
David Bore
But I had to finally leave, dawg. They kept making these, like, fake hood movie posters.
Langston Kerman
Oh, no.
Jamel Johnson
Were they good?
David Bore
No, they were awful.
Jamel Johnson
He left.
Langston Kerman
He wasn't.
David Bore
I had to leave Facebook.
Langston Kerman
It wasn't. He wasn't addicted to him.
Jamel Johnson
I was just thinking how much I would like to see, like, Coming America 3.
David Bore
See Coming America 3. That's the type of shit it would be. It would be Coming America. It would be this, but it would be, like, Tracy Morgan and, like, Monique is fucking Nelson Mandela.
Langston Kerman
Right?
David Bore
You know what I'm saying? It was some shit like this.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah.
Langston Kerman
It was a nightmare.
David Bore
It was the one for Friday after Next too.
Langston Kerman
That finally, a sequel for Friday after Next, too.
David Bore
A sequel for Just Friday after next, they made a fake movie poster for this, and I got really close to leaving an angry comment, and I was like, I gotta go. I gotta go right this feeling.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah. What were you gonna say, bitch?
David Bore
This ain't. What?
Jamel Johnson
I don't even know yet.
David Bore
This ain't real. This ain't real. I was just gonna say some straight like, yeah, it's not Christmas again.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah, yeah, No, I know what you mean. Cause that want to, like. That want to have to, like, leave that comment. But then you're scared. I mean, I told you about. Oh, you were in my house with the YouTube thing when I told you. I got all high and got mad on YouTube and left a bunch of comments and then was worried people could find me, so I changed my YouTube page.
David Bore
Yeah, I saw this. See? Yeah, they want us to do that.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah. They want us to engage Ghostbusters, too.
David Bore
They trying to create, like, a Ghostbusters 2 economy where they just getting paid off of us being angry about it.
Langston Kerman
Everything's pink slime.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah. Yeah, man.
Langston Kerman
That's crazy. What were you so mad at?
Jamel Johnson
I think. Oh, it.
David Bore
I don't mean to laugh. I know he opening up right now.
Langston Kerman
I know it's about to be dumb as shit, both of these things.
David Bore
It's certainly about to be dumb as shit. I want to hear it.
Jamel Johnson
It was one of those comedy critique videos, like, where they be critiquing comedians. But I was like. I was like, he's not even American, this guy.
David Bore
He doesn't even know how to say anybody's last name.
Jamel Johnson
He's talking about comedy here.
Langston Kerman
Yeah. And then I was like, you turned into a weird nationalist.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
David Bore
They had you out there looking.
Jamel Johnson
Looking nuts, compromised. And I don't even. I'm not even on that. It was crazy. It was crazy.
Langston Kerman
Damn.
David Bore
But listen, we. Brother, they almost got me.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah.
David Bore
Friday after the Harlem Nights 2 poster. Friday after next two poster. And it's always a sequel.
Jamel Johnson
The problem is all these sequels are sequels. I want to see. And I know right after Next two would be amazing.
David Bore
Yeah, man. And New Line Cinema would never allow it. I'm about to start commenting like, you know New Line Cinema ain't gonna let Ice Cube make this.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
Jamel Johnson
You're eating a bread masterpiece, brother.
Langston Kerman
They will see.
David Bore
I can feel the steam coming off my.
Langston Kerman
They will kill Ricky Smiley so fast before they let us get a.
David Bore
Even a whiff of that.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, they not letting him get no lines off.
David Bore
That's it.
Jamel Johnson
Damn.
David Bore
They had that. They had coming America 2 Harlem knight 2 it was all twos. Jason's other lyrics. Yeah. And it was killing me.
Jamel Johnson
Eve's wetlands.
David Bore
Stand in wetlands. Get me to the bayou. She's from the bio. Why the hell in a wetlands?
Langston Kerman
So she just kept wondering what happened.
Sponsor/Ad Voice
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David Bore
I didn't think it out. I was just having fun with you guys.
Langston Kerman
Okay. It seems as if we're all in agreement at the end of this that humunculus, while probably not real, that they're probably not as a government sitting and like, trying to concoct people into like, weird little science bodies.
David Bore
Yeah. It's like I think they're trying it, but they're just not pulling it off. I've kind of. I know you. I've. I've heard you express these feelings where it's like they not that smart. Right. You know what I'm saying? But they want to be Nazis so bad. You know what I'm saying?
Langston Kerman
I think they fucked around with it.
David Bore
Yeah. They try to get some Mengele off, but they can't do it, bro, if they.
Langston Kerman
I know for a fact they've injected human nut into chicken egg just to.
David Bore
See justice for show. They're doing it monthly.
Langston Kerman
You got to.
David Bore
They have monthly logs. You don't got to. They got to. For whatever reasons they have.
Jamel Johnson
Reasons. Maybe get the school system together is all I'm saying.
Langston Kerman
I wish.
David Bore
I wish. That's what we would prefer.
Langston Kerman
I would. That's. Yeah. I think you're taking this as us advocating they have to get that out.
David Bore
Also, you're not the. Let me stop pointing at you.
Langston Kerman
That is. Boy, you're gonna want a nut in an egg and that's your business. But for me and Jamel, we're not really. We ain't on that, but we understand that you gotta get on regular.
David Bore
Long story short. Yeah, they've tried and the results was one humunculus in Queens they couldn't catch.
Langston Kerman
Uh huh.
David Bore
Whoa. And he's in with a little guy now. He's just like a little guy with a flip phone. I never. Hanging out at the basketball court with a sweatsuit on.
Jamel Johnson
People be like being like, k. Do.
David Bore
A flip with his hat cocked. In every city. It's only like one. You see, we got one. We got. Dude, his name Lil Dudat. Lil Du. Dat is sick.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah.
David Bore
Lil Duat is one of the sickest guys that ever exist.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
David Bore
And they can't catch him. They trying to catch him. They trying to bottle it. But they can't catch him.
Langston Kerman
They can't get their hands on on him. That's cool. Good for him man free lil do.
Jamel Johnson
That Keep him free.
Langston Kerman
We love you lil do that. We're going to take a break. More more Jamel more. My mama told me.
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Langston Kerman
I turned off news altogether.
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I hate to say it, but I don't trust much of anything. It's the rage bait.
David Bore
It feels like it's trying to divide people.
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Langston Kerman
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Jamel Johnson
Think the bigger the booty, the finer it is. And now I'm. We can convince her she walks, switching that big old booty and all that.
Langston Kerman
It ain't nothing but doo doo in there.
Jamel Johnson
And it ain't nothing but dudes. Dudes in here.
Langston Kerman
Three of them.
Jamel Johnson
We're back.
Langston Kerman
Nice.
Jamel Johnson
We got a voicemail.
Langston Kerman
We have a voicemail. We got a.
David Bore
You think both butt cheeks is full of doo doo, by the way?
Jamel Johnson
Is that his theory?
David Bore
He's old.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
David Bore
Is Dick Gregory thinks that butt cheeks is too doo doo reservoirs. Yo, Dick Gregory. Hilarious, yo. Yeah, that is funny, Ben. We two doo doo silos.
Langston Kerman
We really. We've talked about this before. He will remain maybe the whitest whale that could have existed for this podcast.
David Bore
Oh, sure, yeah. Oh, my God. The Dick Gregory ep.
Langston Kerman
That would have. It would have truly gone.
David Bore
They'd have put that on tv, doc. Y' all got on like straight up broadcast television.
Langston Kerman
Whether we would have had to make it a two night event.
David Bore
Yeah, yeah, I'm wearing tuxedos. Damn, I can see that.
Langston Kerman
Fuck, bro, the things he would have said to us, it would have changed everything. God, yeah, we think about it often. Certainly I do. I don't want to speak for David.
Jamel Johnson
Him and recently deceased Quincy Jones, man.
David Bore
He got, man, Quincy Jones. Quincy was Cicely Tyson. Whatever he would have said about Cicely Tyson. Yeah, whatever he would have said.
Langston Kerman
Man.
Jamel Johnson
Listen, we could get into. We could get into people. Dead people. We would like to have on.
Langston Kerman
We can get into theory all day. But we did get a voicemail. I'll play it for us now.
Jamel Johnson
Hey, y', all, my mama told me that white people tend to have funerals faster because they decompose quicker. And so like they need to have the funeral within like three to seven. Seven days. And that black people, we can like take our time planning.
David Bore
Since we age, our shit kind of stays.
Jamel Johnson
You know, black people, they might have the funeral a week after the death. Two weeks, Three weeks. Hell, I've seen four weeks.
David Bore
It was a month. Nah, my uncle was like, he was dead for a straight up month and they had the funeral a month later, dog. That was the nigga. That was two weeks ago. For real. Shout out. RIP My Uncle Melvin, man. For real. But that's real as shit. White funerals are quick.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
Jamel Johnson
I mean, I guess if I think about it, well.
David Bore
Cause I mean, you know, how many white funerals is anybody really going to. But I'm sure we all got one white friend who was like, oh, my cat just died. We gotta have the funeral right now. Like, see, they not thinking that. It's like, I'm thinking about it. Like, let me get it now.
Jamel Johnson
I think my Grandpa was like, 90 days or some shit. Fuck it.
David Bore
Be a long time, dog.
Langston Kerman
Forever. Yeah, yeah.
Jamel Johnson
Even my auntie. My auntie who died a couple years ago, same thing. It was like a little bit the.
Langston Kerman
Jewish side of my family. I believe in Jewish religion. You're supposed to bury within two days.
Jamel Johnson
Two days, yeah.
Langston Kerman
If I'm not mistaken, because they got.
David Bore
That crepe thin skin.
Langston Kerman
Now, see, that's where we get. That's where it gets complicated for me.
Jamel Johnson
Right? Okay. We're talking black preservatives now.
Langston Kerman
I do think. I do think white people tend to bury faster. I worry that if we're ever going to find any version of unity that ever exists again, we can't tell them that they buried them, their families faster because they're gonna melt, man.
David Bore
At some point, you right.
Langston Kerman
At some point, we have to reach across the aisle at least a little. We have to put our hand out. Do you know what I mean? We don't have to be.
David Bore
I see what you say.
Langston Kerman
We don't have to serve.
David Bore
You don't gotta say that out loud.
Langston Kerman
You don't gotta be like, well, you'll turn your dust. You get that in the back end.
David Bore
Yeah, you just keep that up there.
Langston Kerman
You keep that back there. Of course.
Jamel Johnson
That's why.
David Bore
Yeah, maybe.
Langston Kerman
Of course, when this person said it, I go, yeah, that makes sense to me.
David Bore
It kind of respects.
Langston Kerman
But I keep it to me, right?
Jamel Johnson
I started doing my stats. I was like, I better get six months before they had to put me down.
Langston Kerman
And I started doing my stats and it was shorter. It was shorter. I said to myself, oh, boy. I said, oh, boy. Maybe if you put this peach in a brown bag, you can get a few extra days out of it. But. But no, it's not gonna work out the way I'd like.
David Bore
Personally, I also think that the nursing home. No, excuse me, not nursing home. The funeral home industry. Probably one of the most racist. Probably right up there with car sales.
Jamel Johnson
Yup, I can see that.
David Bore
And shit of this nature.
Langston Kerman
I think they definitely upcharge us for putting people in the earth.
David Bore
Just like for shots of Hennessy. They charging us more. They making us wait for headstones. All the headstones ain't gonna be ready for.
Jamel Johnson
Right, right.
David Bore
Three, four weeks. Oh, we can't spell Johnson.
Jamel Johnson
Right, right.
David Bore
We ran out of H's.
Jamel Johnson
This feels very personal.
David Bore
Oh, I can't spell the. Oh, what's the black ass last name? Edwards. I can't spell Edwards. The W broke on my laser cutter. Yeah, it's gonna be about three, four weeks. Yeah, I think the funeral home industry.
Jamel Johnson
Damn.
David Bore
Listen, are there a lot of black.
Jamel Johnson
Owned funeral homes have you ever had? I think a lot.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
David Bore
100% dog. Which is. Listen, man. Couple of them been put in place so they can move wet throughout the community.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
David Bore
Wait, what? They selling PCP out the funeral homes, kid.
Jamel Johnson
Oh, the embalming fluid.
David Bore
Yeah, obviously. Cause that's where it is. So that's just, you know, crime of opportunity. But the opportunity is being placed by them up there. You feel me? They dropping down the embalming fluid to us. We like.
Langston Kerman
Sure.
David Bore
It's dying all the time.
Langston Kerman
Ronald Reagan dropped off that embalming fluid 100%, man. Yeah.
David Bore
@ the bus stop.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
David Bore
And it's all, you know. Yeah, sure, maybe white people, maybe white cells break down like wet cardboard. Maybe they do, maybe they don't. But I also think them funeral homes is.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah.
Langston Kerman
And I think. I think to that point, it does lead me to a bigger feeling, which is like, at the end of the day, part of the reason black people and brown people do not bury their families as quickly is because of resources. Because of oftentimes there's poor white people. Yeah, but I think we don't know none of them. I think the population understands them through their wealth, not through their poverty.
Jamel Johnson
Right. That's true.
David Bore
Every white person that talk to me got to have at least 80 grand in their bank account. You can't even talk to me if you got under that.
Langston Kerman
Yeah. We don't know enough about the way that poor white people are living. And in some ways it's probably identical to poor black and brown people. End of the day, though, you take away enough resources, it makes it hard for me to bury my family. And I bet to your point, you upcharge me the entire time that my family is in holding.
David Bore
Oh, yeah. Oh, it's a dollar fifty a day storage for me to keep this dead nigga in Michigan. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Jamel Johnson
It's like you had the container down.
Langston Kerman
You already had the cold.
David Bore
Oh, you want him to wear Jordans. That's an extra hundred. Cause we got our own. We got our own dress shoes.
Jamel Johnson
We like to provide.
Langston Kerman
We give you a shoe.
David Bore
We gotta charge extra. I gotta charge extra for my own shoes.
Jamel Johnson
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
David Bore
They his shoes. Yeah. But we all. We got a lot of. It's like a bowling alley thing where we got our own.
Langston Kerman
And the truth is we should just be putting people in the dirt naked. No box.
Jamel Johnson
I do kind of think that too. That really isn't. It's just like. Feels like when you get uber eats from McDonald's and they got all that paper.
David Bore
Yeah.
Jamel Johnson
And you're like, hey, man, man, we could have done this with three less bags.
Langston Kerman
You didn't have to do that.
Jamel Johnson
You know what I mean?
Langston Kerman
This is actually much better if I.
Jamel Johnson
Got two breakfast burritos.
David Bore
They do like to put the McDonald's in a Bloomingdale's bag so much. Why do they do that? I don't know, man.
Langston Kerman
It's crazy to make you feel like you didn't order McDonald's, right?
Jamel Johnson
And then.
David Bore
And then the drink is gonna get spilled. You got all of this stuff to hold this drink in place.
Jamel Johnson
And they're not insulated bags. The shit's cold.
Langston Kerman
Yeah, no, they're still McDonald's employees the whole time. They're not. Just cause you put it in a big bag doesn't make it not McDonald's level. Yeah, well, I think we did it.
Jamel Johnson
This was a pretty good episode.
Langston Kerman
I think this was really fun.
Jamel Johnson
Shout out to Papa Pia.
Langston Kerman
Shout out to Papa Pia. Jamel, could you tell the people where they can find you? What cool shit you got going?
David Bore
You can find me Rockley House on Instagram for a limited time. Who knows when I pull the plug on that? Once I see an ad I don't like, I probably just yank. But I'm over there, I'm over there. And if you see me on threads, don't even look twice. Just, you know, I might be there, I might not, and shit, I ain't nowhere else. Oh, New Year's Eve, DC Improv.
Langston Kerman
Okay. Hell yeah. Fire. What you got.
Jamel Johnson
Cool guy jokes 87 on Instagram. Nothing. Just watch my special on YouTube. Birth of a Nation with a G. Oh.
David Bore
Every first Tuesday, every month in Los Angeles. That's what I got. A little show called Fresh Produce. Me and Garrick. Bernard, that was this thing.
Langston Kerman
Yeah.
David Bore
Blind Barbara, Highland Park. We up north.
Jamel Johnson
All right.
David Bore
This nigga's in the mountains.
Langston Kerman
All right, let's go. Beautiful. You can follow me at Langston Kerman on all social media platforms. You can see me on tour. I am coming to Phoenix, Wilmington, Cleveland, Brooklyn, East Providence, Chicago, Detroit and Grand Rapids. It's coming up. Please buy them tickets@langstoncurman.com if you want to send us your own voicemails, your own call us us at 844-LIL-MOM send us an email@mamapodmail.com and like subscribe rate, review, buy merch. Buy popsicles. Suck on them things. Bye bitch.
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Well, I think I'm looking forward to cracking up.
Jamel Johnson
I hope I can like, you know, totally crack up. So I haven't like totally cracked up.
Langston Kerman
In a long time. My Mama Told Me is a production of Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network.
Jamel Johnson
And I Heart Podcast, created and hosted by Langston Kern, co hosted by David Bore, executive produced by Will Ferrell Hansani.
Langston Kerman
And Olivia Aguilar co produced by Bay.
Jamel Johnson
Wayne edited and engineered by Justin Khan.
Langston Kerman
Music by Nick Chambers artwork by Dogon Grant. You can now watch episodes of My Mama told me on YouTube, follow at my Mama Told Me and subscribe to our channel.
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David Bore
This episode is brought to you by.
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Podcast: My Momma Told Me
Hosts: Langston Kerman & David Gborie
Episode: Homunculus for the Rest of Us
Guest: Jamel Johnson
Release Date: November 11, 2025
This lively episode dives into the Black conspiracy theory surrounding the government’s supposed attempts to create "homunculi" (small artificial humans)—in particular, the notion that mainstream society’s real plan is to "make niggas little." Through jokes, personal stories, and a surprising amount of historical research, Langston, David, and their guest Jamel Johnson explore the myth’s roots, its cultural echoes, and how Black folks have interpreted and passed down these ideas. The result is a fun and insightful banter about suspicion, folklore, and the places where sci-fi meets street wisdom.
The episode closes with the group agreeing that while no government is actually making “homunculi,” the urge to control and diminish Black people is real and manifests in subtler ways—and that every community has that “one little guy” that might just be the escaped homunculus the world could never bottle up ([51:14]). The episode finishes with shoutouts, social media info, and loving appreciation for their weird, wonderful audience.
If you want a blend of laughter, folklore, social critique, and creative Black conspiracy history, this is an unmissable listen.