I Wet My Hair Back and Forth (with Jay Jurden) RE-RELEASE

Summary

Podcast Summary: "I Wet My Hair Back and Forth (with Jay Jurden)"

Podcast Information:

• Title: My Momma Told Me
• Host/Author: Big Money Players Network and iHeartPodcasts
• Description: Comedians Langston Kerman and David Bori delve into the most intriguing, innovative, and occasionally controversial Black conspiracy theories. Featuring guests who explore everything from lighthearted conspiracies to more unsettling ones, often inspired by familial anecdotes.
• Episode: I Wet My Hair Back and Forth (with Jay Jurden) RE-RELEASE
• Release Date: March 4, 2025

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Introduction to the Episode

In the re-release of "I Wet My Hair Back and Forth," hosts Langston Kerman and David Bori, alongside guest Jay Jerden, engage in a spirited discussion dissecting a peculiar Black conspiracy theory: the belief that wet hair leads to catching a cold. The episode seamlessly blends humor with cultural commentary, providing listeners with both laughs and thoughtful insights into societal beliefs and their origins.

Unveiling the Conspiracy Theory: Wet Hair and Colds

The conversation kicks off with Langston questioning Jay’s familiarity with Justin Guarini, leading to a broader discussion about Mike Bibby and the so-called "Team Dime" conspiracy. This segues into examining how certain myths, like the belief that wet hair causes sickness, persist within communities.

Notable Quote:

Jay Jerden [32:10]: "I think germs lead to colds. I think viruses lead to colds... I don't think wet hair leads to disease. I think wet hair leads to feeling a bit cold because you can feel a bit colder."

Cultural Roots and Historical Context

The hosts explore the historical underpinnings of the wet hair myth, tracing it back to World War I soldiers who slept with wet hair in trenches, inadvertently conflating wet hair with increased cold incidence. This historical anecdote highlights how misconceptions can evolve and embed themselves in cultural consciousness.

Notable Quote:

Jay Jerden [57:04]: "There was an entire show called 'In the Heat of the Night.'"
David Bori [57:46]: "It may be rooted from World War I, when scientists concluded that soldiers who slept in wet trenches were more likely to catch colds."

Black Hair and Societal Standards

A significant portion of the episode delves into the complexities surrounding Black hair, societal expectations, and the stigma associated with certain hairstyles. The hosts discuss personal experiences with hair maintenance, cultural identity, and the pressures exerted by societal norms on Black individuals regarding their hair.

Notable Quote:

Langston Kerman [22:05]: "I'm from Mississippi, like Southern, and this is kind of cross-cultural. Southern people truly think that cold air is poisonous and that air at night is poisonous."

Breaking Down Stereotypes and Addressing Misconceptions

The discussion transitions into addressing stereotypes about Black men and grooming practices, particularly focusing on the misconception that wet hair is inherently unclean or undesirable. The hosts debunk these myths by highlighting the lack of scientific evidence supporting the wet hair-cold linkage and emphasizing the strength and resilience of Black communities against such unfounded beliefs.

Notable Quote:

David Bori [43:30]: "According to nearly everything I've read, having wet hair does not, in fact, in any way cause you to catch a cold or make you more sick."

Pop Culture References and Representation

Langston, David, and Jay weave in references to pop culture, including discussions about the "Wakanda Forever" movie and its portrayal of Black characters and myths. They critically analyze how such representations can both challenge and reinforce existing stereotypes, contributing to the broader conversation about Black identity in media.

Notable Quote:

Jay Jerden [44:34]: "When we talk about hair getting wet, that's like a black trigger for a number of reasons... It's a story about Black hair."

Humorous Interludes and Personal Anecdotes

Interspersed with serious discussions are moments of levity as the hosts share personal stories and humorous takes on everyday experiences. These anecdotes not only provide comic relief but also offer relatable insights into the challenges and quirks of maintaining cultural identity in various settings.

Notable Quote:

Jay Jerden [54:35]: "I washed my hair, dried it off a little bit. It was still damp when I went outside. It was like a nice 50-degree day in New York. Did not happen to me. I'm good."

Conclusion and Final Thoughts

As the episode wraps up, the hosts reiterate the importance of questioning long-held beliefs and encourage listeners to seek evidence-based information. They celebrate the strength and ingenuity of Black communities in navigating and dismantling harmful myths, all while maintaining a humorous and engaging dialogue.

Notable Quote:

Langston Kerman [64:37]: "This was important, though. We're doing the Lord's work."

Guest Spotlight: Jay Jerden

Throughout the episode, Jay Jerden brings a fresh perspective, blending his comedic prowess with thoughtful commentary. His contributions are pivotal in dissecting the conspiracy theory and offering unique insights into the intersection of culture, identity, and societal beliefs.

Notable Quote:

Jay Jerden [56:54]: "This is Matthew Cherry's black hair cinematic universe."

Key Takeaways

• Debunking Myths: The episode effectively challenges the misconception that wet hair causes colds, emphasizing the importance of distinguishing correlation from causation.
• Cultural Significance of Hair: It underscores the deep cultural ties Black individuals have with their hair, exploring how societal pressures influence personal grooming choices.
• Historical Context Matters: Understanding the origins of certain beliefs can help dismantle unfounded myths and promote healthier societal norms.
• Humor as a Tool: Utilizing humor and personal anecdotes makes complex and sensitive topics more accessible and engaging for listeners.

Closing Remarks

"I Wet My Hair Back and Forth (with Jay Jurden)" is a compelling episode that marries humor with critical analysis, offering listeners a nuanced exploration of a seemingly simple myth with profound cultural implications. Langston, David, and Jay provide an entertaining yet informative discourse, encouraging audiences to rethink and question the beliefs they’ve inherited.

For more insightful discussions and groundbreaking conspiracy theories, tune into future episodes of "My Momma Told Me."

Transcript

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[Langston Kerman]

Do you know Justin Guarini? Does that make sense?

[David Bori]

Now?

[Jay Jerden]

You.

[David Bori]

No, you. You're not gonna. You're not gonna do that. That's crazy. That's crazy. That's wild. We didn't even know we. Justin Guarini had to come out as black halfway through the American Idol season.

[Jay Jerden]

So that we would even think about voting for him. Justin Guarini came out as black, and black women still said, but my baby.

[David Bori]

Kelly, though.

[Jay Jerden]

Black women still went, you know, I like Kelly. She's built like a real woman.

[David Bori]

Black women were like, good for you, young man. Move out of Kelly's way. She's got a big final number.

[Jay Jerden]

That'S nice for you. Little light, bright Now. Yeah.

[David Bori]

Get the fuck out of here.

[Jay Jerden]

I gotta see Ms. Kelly Clarkson. The government growing babies microchips in your anus.

[David Bori]

All koala bears are racist.

[Jay Jerden]

The ozone layer owes me money.

[David Bori]

Marshy's invented turkey stuffing.

[Jay Jerden]

Y'all can't tell me nothing.

[David Bori]

Yep, yep, yep. Bang, bang, bang. Skeet, skeet, skeet. There it is. There it is. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another phenomenon. Phenomenal episode of My Mama Told Me.

[Langston Kerman]

The podcast where we dive deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theories and.

[David Bori]

We finally work to prove that Mike Bibby is in fact going to be the subject of season three of the vow. He made a bunch of light skinned men tattoo the dime on their inner thighs.

[Jay Jerden]

Team Dime.

[Langston Kerman]

And so Team Dime.

[David Bori]

Team Dime. And then take slave little like captive pictures. Not like field slaves, but like Russian girl slaves.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, they all look like they got taken in that. In that ESPN pic.

[David Bori]

And they're taking pictures showing their lower back tattoos saying, team Dime. This is a criminality that needs to be brought to justice.

[Langston Kerman]

What's your personality if Mike Bibby is your cult leader where you're like, that's the guy. Come on, give it all up for.

[David Bori]

I thought he was sick the whole time. I thought this was. I thought this was just some man's make a wish to get to play NBA basketball.

[Langston Kerman]

He looks like he's slowly being erased. Like in a few ship.

[David Bori]

He's barely there, the boy. You don't worship that. You certainly don't tattoo it.

[Langston Kerman]

He's really more of a shade than a man.

[David Bori]

Yeah. These boys getting tattoos on their gooch.

[Langston Kerman]

For Mike Bibby, man.

[David Bori]

Fuck no.

[Langston Kerman]

Team John.

[David Bori]

Jason Williams was the coolest guy on that team and Chris Weber was who you would, you would admire the most. You don't go for fucking Mike Bibby.

[Langston Kerman]

He's a third tier cult leader, I'll say that.

[David Bori]

I'm Langston Kerman.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm David Poiry and we're talking.

[David Bori]

We're hot into it. And our guest today, I'm so excited for our guest today. He did a live show, our only official live show of My mama told Me. And he was fucking phenomenal, as he always is. He's so funny. You know him from the problem with Jon Stewart on Apple tv. Is it plus? I can't remember. Apple plus is the network. It's Apple related. You'll figure it out, you pieces of shit. He also, he has amazing comedy clips all over Comedy Central. He's so funny. Please give it up for our guest, Mr. Jerden.

[Jay Jerden]

Hey, what's up?

[David Bori]

How Y'all.

[Jay Jerden]

Fuck.

[David Bori]

Yeah, we're good. How you.

[Jay Jerden]

I'm good. I mean, the person I would follow, Chris Weber, Vlade Diva.

[David Bori]

Oh, yeah.

[Jay Jerden]

If Vladi Divock told me to do something, I could do that. I'd easily do that.

[Langston Kerman]

He knows I follow Vladdy right now.

[David Bori]

Well, let me be clear. Are you all saying you would still follow Vladdy even after the disaster of him being GM in Sacramento?

[Langston Kerman]

Yes.

[Jay Jerden]

You want to know something? Yes. And here's why.

[Langston Kerman]

He's running a cult, not a business.

[Jay Jerden]

Yeah, I'd still be able to get some fun stories from him. I mean, we got to support. Listen. We got to support for Eastern European skill players. Like, it's.

[Langston Kerman]

Listen, hey, I'm a Denver Nuggets fan. Keep. Keep talking.

[David Bori]

Keep talking. Yeah.

[Jay Jerden]

Vladi Divock. Well, before I would ever, ever follow Mike Bibby. Also, was it. Was it jacked Mike Bibby or was it regular Mike Bibby?

[Langston Kerman]

It was playing Mike Bibby.

[David Bori]

This was regular Mike Bibby.

[Langston Kerman]

Hold on, let me. I'm gonna drop the. I'm gonna drop the picture in the chat also.

[Jay Jerden]

I know this is my next question. So are they saying that they are Dimes or are they talking about assists?

[Langston Kerman]

I think it was. They were like team assists because they were assisting Mike Bibby.

[David Bori]

I think they were the boys that assisted the king of assists was the implication of the thing.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, that makes sense. Like he's into Dimes. Cause it's definitely not hot ass dudes.

[David Bori]

Like, it feels like they called him Dimes. Do you know what I mean? Like, that was their fun little nickname for him. Cause he was just so nasty with the Dimes that he was Team Dime, that they were Team Dime.

[Jay Jerden]

Hold on.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, you gotta take a look at it. It's weird. And we'll throw it up in the video so everybody can. They're also like in a hallway. It's not properly lit.

[Jay Jerden]

Yeah. My only question is that when that kind of stuff comes out, what do you respond with? Like, you know, like, the Juan Dixon stuff is coming out now. Like, this is like weird stuff.

[David Bori]

It is weird. That's what I'm saying. You need a documentary.

[Langston Kerman]

It looks like a back page listing.

[David Bori]

You can't just. You can't just look at this picture in 2023, knowing what we know about histories of fucking sex cults and weird control of other people and not look at this Team Dime shit and go, something the fuck was up here.

[Langston Kerman]

That's how I felt when I read the article in 04. I was like, this thing Is weird.

[David Bori]

Yeah, this is. This is like a half step away from when B2K or. No, not B2K. Yeah, they had that. That IMX had to take that. That naked picture together.

[Jay Jerden]

Oh, wait a second. That. That's before all the Chris Stokes stuff.

[David Bori]

Oh, they were doing that back when they were just being abused by a different man.

[Langston Kerman]

This is.

[Jay Jerden]

Oh, my God.

[David Bori]

I thought that was Chris Stokes that was behind the camera on that one.

[Jay Jerden]

But no, I thought Chris Stokes was like Marcus Houston's age. Like he was abusing Raspy and the other and Lil Fizz because they were younger. This.

[David Bori]

Wow.

[Jay Jerden]

Can I say something?

[David Bori]

Yeah.

[Jay Jerden]

A lot of people will say that there's not actually enough representation. I would say, yeah, sure. When it comes to black cult leaders and older black men taking advantage of young black people. And I want to say good on them. Good on them. Not for touching the boys. Not for. Not for grooming the boys, but for breaking with the stereotype.

[David Bori]

Yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

There's not a ton of it. It's like Africa Bamba. Who else?

[David Bori]

Yeah. Ooh.

[Jay Jerden]

Africa Bambada.

[Langston Kerman]

We don't like to talk about it. I know. We don't like to talk about that. Happen. Whoa.

[Jay Jerden]

I mean.

[David Bori]

Woo.

[Jay Jerden]

Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

We already send the email then. Send the email then.

[Jay Jerden]

Okay. But this is also. This is like a sub. My mama told me. Cause a lot of black parents will be like, you know, those older white men be touching you. But older niggas be touching folks too, all the time.

[Langston Kerman]

I mean, it's really equality.

[David Bori]

It really speaks to.

[Langston Kerman]

Maybe I'm wild. We are five minutes in.

[Jay Jerden]

Yeah.

[David Bori]

I do think it really speaks to a generation of black women working really hard to protect their own, even in the face of fucking raping children. It truly was like them. Yeah. I didn't have to say it.

[Langston Kerman]

Nothing off the.

[David Bori]

You didn't take. Listen, I put the cream cheese on and I didn't spread a bit. You know what I mean? It just. It just sat where it sat. And I apologize to everybody. But the point being, I think it's just women being like, well, not ours, but men be doing stuff. White men watch out. And it's like, tell me everything, ma'am.

[Jay Jerden]

Right. I think.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't know if I'm going to put this on women.

[David Bori]

I think I'm more acknowledging their strength than I am putting it on them as blame. But. But sure. Make me a monster, David. Make me want to be a monster. You love it.

[Jay Jerden]

Yeah. It's not to me. Here's the thing. It's not that It's. It's not that, like, it was, like, the black community's fault for not saying that molestation existed. I truly think it was, like, it was moved from priority number one to priority number three for them because it was like, racism, misogyny. Oh, shit. Who do I leave with? The kids?

[David Bori]

Oh, no, no, no.

[Langston Kerman]

The house is on fire. There's a lot of stuff you gotta save.

[David Bori]

Somebody has to be left with the kids. Therefore, that.

[Langston Kerman]

Why not the leader of the Zulu nation? They're just learning to dance.

[David Bori]

This motherfucker makes music that's perfect to pop lock. Dude, we can't examine this anymore.

[Jay Jerden]

I would also argue that head coaches, basketball coaches, sports figures, since we're talking about Mike Bibby. And I brought up the Juan Dixon thing. That's a particular kind of trust and brotherhood and, like, kind of fraternal order where, like, you. You as a. As a single mother, as a mom, you would also be like, I don't need. That's. You know, someone's teaching these boys how to be men.

[David Bori]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. No, I don't think. You don't ever think that the blind side went bad.

[Jay Jerden]

Wow. Wow.

[Langston Kerman]

Like, okay, Michael Oher. Yeah, Great. But you don't think there was, like, five times where they were just fucking that kid?

[David Bori]

Fuck.

[Jay Jerden]

Okay, now you say kid, and that's what makes it bad. But that is the part that makes it bad. But if it's just a white Southern couple who wants to cuck. Who wants to be cucked by a larger black man with SEC dreams, that's just a Tuesday. Can I say, as a person who spent a lot of time in Oxford, Mississippi, and Tuscaloos, Alabama, baby.

[Langston Kerman]

Yo. Of age is kind of a nice deal. All I'm saying is like, hey, I live in their house. Every now and again, I gotta go upstairs watching. But we don't talk about it downstairs.

[Jay Jerden]

The bad part is the fetishism and the dehumanization of black bodies. The good part is, did he get a hot meal? Did he have gas in his car?

[Langston Kerman]

Did he end up starting at Clemson? Listen, somebody had to get him through that red shirt year. That's all I'm saying.

[Jay Jerden]

That's how you end up starting at Liberty University. That's right.

[David Bori]

If you're out there and you're being sued, the law offices of Jordan and Bori are here to represent you with what I would argue is real, sound law. They seem to be coming at you with real law.

[Langston Kerman]

It's legal. That's legal. That's legal. You got Somebody fuck your wife. You can move somebody in who's fucking your wife. That's not against the law.

[Jay Jerden]

Yeah. Okay. So this. So the Mike Bibby stuff happening in Arizona kind of makes it seem a little bit more like. It was like, you know, when people all jerk off kind of around the same area, you know, I have heard of that.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bori]

Yeah, sure. You go in the woods, and once.

[Jay Jerden]

Again another your mama. Once again another. My mama told me that. My mama didn't tell me, but my friend's mama told me. It's the whole discrepancy between, like, groups of young white boys. We'll jerk off together. Groups of young black boys will just, like. We'll pass the porn around, and we'll even be like, oh, make sure you go to Paige. Blah, blah, blah, in the book. We'll also be like, man, I already see your dick. I seen your dick enough.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I mean, there's no shit.

[David Bori]

I never jerked off with nobody.

[Langston Kerman]

Never even. I never even was asked to be completely honest.

[David Bori]

Same.

[Langston Kerman]

It never came.

[David Bori]

When I said that.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm like, what was wrong with me?

[David Bori]

When I said that, I fully expected y'all to be like, what the is wrong with you? You didn't. You know what I mean?

[Jay Jerden]

No, it's truly. I think it's like, sometimes people are very bored in suburban communities. I think there's also, like, a level of exploration of queerness, but with never having to state that outright because, like, you kind of. You want to know where people measure up. If you've never been in the locker room, never been in a shower situation, it's like, that's. You know what black. You know what black people. And I won't say all black people, but what black kids did in my school, instead of that, like, you would nut check people, like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or even, like, if someone ever bent down to pick something up, you'd go and, like, pretend like you're getting sloppy Toppy from them. Like, we.

[Langston Kerman]

Those were just funny bits.

[Jay Jerden]

But that's. But what I'm saying is that we engaged in a communal group sexualized activity that wasn't as explicit.

[Langston Kerman]

Right? It was. There is something that was very juvenile about that. Well, I mean. But also, like, getting together and jerking off is also seems very. Damn, I'm blowing up.

[David Bori]

Sorry, man. Two phones over here.

[Jay Jerden]

Is it Mike Bibby? Is he mad? He knows Mike Bibby. Like, hey, nigga, watch your mouth, yo.

[Langston Kerman]

Text me directly.

[David Bori]

It took him a long time because those big clunky muscles make it hard to. But he finally found you. Yeah. I feel like we used to walk around the entire school, like, slapping each other on the ass as hard as we possibly could. I think that was like a bit that we would do of like, you're talking to a girl and then I would like come up and like. Yeah. Slap you real hard. And you'd scream out in front of a lady.

[Jay Jerden]

Okay, there was one. This comes from my high school. There was one story. I wasn't there when it happened, but we were people smacking asses. A lot. A lot of football players were smacking ass. Someone smacked another football player's ass and his response was, ooh, that was kind of soft.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, ok. That would spread like wildfire.

[Jay Jerden]

Yeah, I didn't expect that ass to be that soft.

[Langston Kerman]

It was. You got a smooth butt.

[Jay Jerden]

Yeah, that was when that happened. Everyone was like, what's going on? I will say also we had an extremely. An extremely progressive girls basketball team. We had like two or three state championships. Tons of out studs while we were there.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, interesting.

[Jay Jerden]

I mean, like, I'm talking about studs going to prom fades.

[David Bori]

But I will say, I will say it seems like you can be a stud if you're a champion. Do you know what I mean? Like, even in an era of major homophobia and violence against, you know, lesbians and gay men alike, if you're a champion. You good? Yeah, go ahead.

[Jay Jerden]

The only way you can beat homophobia is if you also beat Callaway. That's it. We got two rules in this house, okay? Win state and then you get to eat coochie, not any other order.

[David Bori]

Look, you got to celebrate. How you celebrate. That's not for me to decide.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No. Whatever you want to do with that trophy, that's your business.

[David Bori]

But. But you ain't doing it with a second place trophy in this house. I'll tell you that much. All right, we. We can't keep fooling around. This is. This is too much silly. Before we've even gotten to the thing, you came to us, Jay, with a conspiracy theory. I guess conspiracy theory is probably a more technical definition for what this is. Although for. I think it had almost it. It borders on the like old wives tale energy, if that makes sense. It has like old wives tale moon rising inside of this shit. But you said my mama told.

[Langston Kerman]

I love old wife tail.

[David Bori]

You love that one. Just old wife tail.

[Langston Kerman]

I meant tail in the.

[Jay Jerden]

He meant tail in the colloquial sense.

[David Bori]

No, I understand.

[Langston Kerman]

As in blacktail magazine.

[David Bori]

Yeah, you were talking about anuses. I Got it.

[Langston Kerman]

All right, calm down.

[Jay Jerden]

Just the movie in general. Not the whole, but just the lower half.

[Langston Kerman]

You're not investing anything today.

[David Bori]

I know Bori pretty well. He was talking about the whole.

[Langston Kerman]

I celebrate the entire catalog of books. Don't do that to me.

[David Bori]

All right. Well, you said, my mama told me.

[Jay Jerden]

You will catch a bad cold if your hair is wet. Yes. So I think that this is. There are multiple prongs to this. So first of all, it deals with black mothers never wanting their black children to look like white children in public. So you don't ever want your child to have wet hair outside. Like, that's one. A black mom does not want you to be outside with your hair wet. They just don't want it even at the pool. They'll, like, dry your hair off. You be like, I'm going back in. This is a game. This is the thought exercise. But let's go. So that's the first thing. The second thing is that I'm from Mississippi, like, Southern, and this kind is cross cultural. Southern people truly think that cold air is poisonous and that air at night is poisonous. They will, like, wrap up babies to protect them from the night air. It was the same air five hours ago.

[David Bori]

Sure.

[Jay Jerden]

But they'll be like, that night air. I don't want to get on this baby.

[David Bori]

It's just directly blowing.

[Langston Kerman]

It's also the calmest night air in the country.

[Jay Jerden]

Right.

[Langston Kerman]

Like in Chicago. It makes sense to me.

[Jay Jerden]

There was an entire show called in the Heat of the Night.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bori]

Yeah. I honestly think the air turns off in Mississippi after a certain hour.

[Jay Jerden]

And the third thing is, like, I think people thinking that cold air and cold hair leads to death is truly connected to William Henry Harrison. Now he's a president who apparently didn't wear a coat or was kind of wet on his inauguration day, and then he died a few days later. But here's the thing. He also was an old white man in the 1800s. That is never just taken into account.

[Langston Kerman]

You're all borrowed time. What was he, 46? That's over.

[Jay Jerden]

That's what I'm so, like, all these things combined so that, like, black mothers would be like, make sure you got something in your head. Make sure your hair ain't wet. And there's like, kind of like an additional part of it where, like, you also, as a little black boy, we. I couldn't grow my hair out. I think I didn't. I wasn't able to grow my hair out until 2015.

[David Bori]

Yeah, I remember you guys weren't Allowed to grow your hair.

[Langston Kerman]

I've had the same haircut. I've been having the same haircut since I've had haircuts.

[Jay Jerden]

Damn. Langston. Langston, your privilege is showing. Right, Langston. I used to have to get the even Steven one. Even all over. Or I could get.

[Langston Kerman]

I just got it. I just went and got it.

[Jay Jerden]

I could get a. I could get, like, a fade. But even that was, like, what you trying. You know, that's neither.

[David Bori]

Oh. See, I think. Well, if I may, I think it was that my mom, while at points, was a single mom, she always had a. Like a stepdad. Like, I always. There was. She was always remarried to someone, and at that point, she was excited for us to have bonding time, which meant that, like, I didn't have a mother in a barbershop dictating my hair.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, that was not a great feeling.

[David Bori]

I had a nigga who didn't really give a fuck what my hair looked like dictating it. So I was like, I want this. And he's like, yeah. The boys say, you want that? And here you go.

[Jay Jerden]

I got to grow. I think I got to grow, like, some modicum of an Afro for a little bit. And then my grades start to dip, and my mom instantly connected to.

[Langston Kerman]

It's probably that long ass hand.

[David Bori]

All your brain cells is growing out your damn scalp.

[Jay Jerden]

It was. Do you understand the punish? Okay, I don't. I never want to sensationalize things as a comedian, but truly, that's like a horror scene for so many people of other races, is being forcibly shaved.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. No, they write articles about it.

[Jay Jerden]

That's like, what happened. That's like what happened to Anne Hathaway's character in Les Mis, and she was a prostitute dying of tuberculosis. You know what I'm saying?

[David Bori]

And that was the worst thing that was happening to her.

[Jay Jerden]

That's what I was going through. My punishment was the same. It happened to Natalie Portman's character in Beef of Vendetta. You know what I'm saying?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jay Jerden]

But it just happens. Little black boys every two weeks.

[David Bori]

Yeah, well, you should have snitched. Is, I think, the argument here. I think you should have told on your mother, and then you could have gone to a nice group home where they'll never shave.

[Jay Jerden]

I'm supposed to call the cop with the same haircut as me and say, I'm getting abused.

[David Bori]

Look at me. I look like a fool.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't know about you, but I was threatened with the cops all the time. I got a lot of call the cops, then call. That was, that was my call. CPS call.

[Jay Jerden]

Every black disciplinarian is so aware of response time.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bori]

Oh, sure of what they can get away with before somebody shows up.

[Jay Jerden]

That's the one part of racism they can leverage. They go, you think they gonna come here?

[David Bori]

You think, you think they're gonna come here and then be able to figure it out from your little inarticulate ass?

[Langston Kerman]

You failed English. Yeah.

[David Bori]

You think you're gonna be able to.

[Langston Kerman]

Explain you're fucking hip hop gibberish.

[David Bori]

What's happening to you? He's not gonna give a.

[Jay Jerden]

Just a black mom saying, who do you think they'll believe?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I have a job.

[David Bori]

Yeah, you're in that weird not cute stage where your teeth are.

[Langston Kerman]

Are half filled in.

[David Bori]

Who are you gonna fucking tell?

[Langston Kerman]

11 years old, haven't grown into your nose yet.

[Jay Jerden]

Matter of fact, take that platinum FUBU off. Is your mom becoming Bill O'Reilly, Fat Albert and the gang? What kind of gang?

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, man, that was the weirdest era of fubu.

[David Bori]

You know what? I wrote it all the way to the end.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, were you. Did you have some. Did you write it all the way to like the Harlem Globetrotters?

[David Bori]

Foo Boo. That's that big dog. Yeah, you were Bash.

[Langston Kerman]

Whoa, Langston.

[David Bori]

I went to Muhammad Ali. Fubu.

[Jay Jerden]

Langston, Langston. Got a Mark Ekko shirt on right now.

[David Bori]

And you know what's fucked up is that's what I switched to after I made it past platinum fubu was I was like, nah, I'm an Echo man now.

[Langston Kerman]

And every fucking white guys, they co opted that too quick. They got a lot of.

[Jay Jerden]

Also that man was making shirts we really couldn't wash. Yo, I know the rhino was suede we couldn't wash. Yeah.

[David Bori]

We didn't have the technology back then.

[Langston Kerman]

Your shit would look bugged out so fast. Fucking echo, man. I always assumed you were like a Mecca, man, but maybe I wore Mecca too.

[David Bori]

I wore Mecha too, but Mecca was more expensive at the time.

[Langston Kerman]

Mecca was very. It was top tier once.

[David Bori]

Platinum fubu and, and Echo and, and Sean John. All of those could be founded at like a Value City or goddamn Marshalls. And yeah, you remember when you would.

[Langston Kerman]

Go to Marshalls and you'd find like the Sean John and you'd be like, oh, yeah.

[David Bori]

You'd look around like, yeah, is this, this can't be that defective.

[Jay Jerden]

Yeah, yeah. I actually don't need the matching velour pants, but this jacket going, yeah, the.

[David Bori]

Jacket you can get away with A bunch of this shit.

[Langston Kerman]

If you have the jacket, the pants are assumed to be at home.

[Jay Jerden]

I also remember when denim became so shiny. Oh, yeah, Shiny denim, like hot boys era.

[Langston Kerman]

Did you ever overshoot the shiny denim? I got my mom to buy me some denim that was too shiny.

[David Bori]

I did. And if I could, because I identify with this so much, if I could articulate what I think the mistake is, is that when you are a kid who's not allowed to buy shiny denim and you only get one pair of shiny denim pants, you think you have to get the shiniest denim possible. And the reality is what you want is just that, that dark denim with shine to it.

[Langston Kerman]

You want a mid shine because I came out, had no tops for it.

[David Bori]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

What am I gonna wear on top of this shiny fucking denim?

[David Bori]

You're sitting there with silver fucking pants on and no options on the bus.

[Langston Kerman]

Worried, worried, worried about what's gonna happen when I get off.

[David Bori]

This was a mistake, but I can't tell anyone.

[Langston Kerman]

This shit was damn near platinum. It was like, I close my eyes and I see it.

[David Bori]

I spent 20 minutes putting a crease in this. I can't walk away from what this is.

[Jay Jerden]

The other part is, oh, man, I wore it this week.

[David Bori]

Fuck, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, yeah.

[David Bori]

Yeah.

[Jay Jerden]

I hit him with it, though. I had it on.

[Langston Kerman]

That was. That was the hardest part about pants, was like, damn, if I hit it on Monday. Is Thursday crazy? Yeah.

[David Bori]

Is that crazy?

[Langston Kerman]

Am I crazy?

[David Bori]

My T shirt was long. Maybe they didn't see which ones these were.

[Jay Jerden]

And because, like, I mean, as a. When you know people are gonna notice, you always go, I gotta wash and dry my house. You ain't gonna watch and drive. You have something wrecked. Listen, I want you guys to know I'm not without means. I just don't think y'all saw this. You know what I needed? A block schedule. That's what you need.

[Langston Kerman]

That is B day. That is it. That is it.

[David Bori]

I used to blame it on being a child of divorce, so.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, I was at my mom's house.

[David Bori]

Yeah. I was at my mom's crib, so I had to. And we ain't have no other outfits, so I had to double up. You know what I mean?

[Jay Jerden]

But the other thing that would happen is that, like, so I had like a pair of jabots and like, if you have your. Once again, any sort of pants that stand out. So I had my red straps on my bows.

[Langston Kerman]

You have the red straps. That's a good bow.

[Jay Jerden]

But guess what? I wore them that week. I can't do it again.

[David Bori]

It's too memorable.

[Langston Kerman]

It's too memorable.

[Jay Jerden]

Cause the first day, everyone's gonna be like, what?

[David Bori]

Okay, you just need one. And that's one fucking person to be like, hey, didn't you have those on?

[Jay Jerden]

It's like. And that person, they always know when it's the quietest in the most and the most people are around and they find a way.

[Langston Kerman]

I remember in junior high because I went to a crazy junior high and then a very white high school. I remember in junior high a couple kids being dubbed like, Jabot kids, but you know what I'm saying? Like, oh, you know, he's always got those dusty ass green Jabotes on. Yeah, it's like a. That's a. That's a fade. That's a fade.

[David Bori]

I. There was a pair of FUBU sweatpants that I wore often enough that my friend Josh Miller came up to me and was like, hey, niggas are talking about how much you wear them pants. And then I never. I, like, was wearing them like, goddamn every other day, probably. And he was like, hey, bro, they're talking about it. I was like, all right. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

What a good friend called.

[David Bori]

Yeah, no, it was bad.

[Langston Kerman]

What a good friend. What a good friend.

[David Bori]

Josh was a hero at that time. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

He didn't have to tell you that.

[David Bori]

Nah. And to be honest, I don't know that he wasn't laughing in my face when he told me. But he told me not in front of everyone. And that's where the hero.

[Langston Kerman]

That's really good.

[David Bori]

Kicks in. That's really good. So Jay and God, have we drifted on this?

[Langston Kerman]

This was important, though. We're doing the Lord's work.

[David Bori]

Jay, could you tell us before we go to break, could you tell us a little bit about how much you believe because your energy is giving off, you're not bought into your conspiracy theory, but is there any chance that you do, in fact believe in this? Cold hair leads to. Or wet hair, rather, leads to cold's theory.

[Jay Jerden]

I think that germs lead to colds. I think the viruses lead to colds. I think I have to say, once again, pertaining to the news over the past six months, as a black person in New York who's sometimes in Brooklyn, I have to say this plainly and explicitly. I think viruses lead to disease. I think germs lead to disease, various infections, pathogens and whatnot. I don't think wet hair leads to disease. I think wet hair leads to cold. To you feeling a bit cold because you can feel a bit colder. I think that people associate a lot of stuff with a cold because it's going on around the same time. They'll be like, oh, I'm cold. You know, people. People really think I'm cold. Now I'm going to have a cold. I'm like, no, you're.

[David Bori]

You're.

[Jay Jerden]

Temperature wise, you're cold.

[David Bori]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Here's my issue. I. My brain with you. 100%.

[Jay Jerden]

No, but your body. But your heart.

[Langston Kerman]

My heart. Cause, man, I just. I lived in Washington, and sometimes you'd be out all day in the cold, all. All rainy and shit like that, running around, and then you would get home and at night you would be sniffling like, I don't know. I don't. I don't. I don't think it's just cold hair, but I think a day spent wet will fuck you up.

[David Bori]

Whoa.

[Jay Jerden]

I don't like being cold and wet. I think being cold and wet is the worst combination there is.

[Langston Kerman]

It's terrible. It's terrible.

[Jay Jerden]

It's one of the few things that could break me. Like, I will give up secrets.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bori]

Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

You get the bottom of my pants wet. I'll tell you all the mystical.

[Jay Jerden]

If I get water in my socks, I get water in my socks. Oh, my God. I'm telling. I'm telling everybody. I'm gonna. If I get water in my socks.

[Langston Kerman]

I got water in my socks. Today, walking home from the barber shop, and it was pretty bad.

[Jay Jerden]

No, I'm. Twitch bird.

[David Bori]

He did it. You changed your socks?

[Langston Kerman]

Of course.

[David Bori]

You're not. You didn't sit through that.

[Langston Kerman]

No, no. I was walking home, so I had to get home first.

[Jay Jerden]

But yeah, sure, let's take a trench foot now. Wet socks, that can lead to some.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay, so that. So you. Okay, so that's a start.

[David Bori]

Whoa. So you're like. You're like, head. Absolutely not your business.

[Jay Jerden]

No, but I'm saying, like. Okay, I'm saying the moisture in a foot, if maintained in a swampy environment, will lead to athlete's foot or like a rash.

[David Bori]

Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah. In Vietnam, I had clean socks. This is. It wasn't crazy like that. It wasn't crazy. My feet are clean. I had clean socks on. I just stepped in a snow puddle and it was cold for about 15 blocks. It wasn't that. I need that.

[David Bori]

Listen, listeners at home, David just held up his foot and it is a rich green. Don't do that to me. It is tough to look at, but he has to focus on this DDP.

[Langston Kerman]

Yoga, and I'll be able to pull my foot up and show you my shit's good.

[Jay Jerden]

Also, Langston, stop taking away black people's feet, okay?

[David Bori]

That is a thing for me, huh?

[Jay Jerden]

Insulin insufficient.

[Langston Kerman]

Don't do that.

[David Bori]

All right, we're gonna take a break. We'll be back with more JJ and more My Mama told.

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[David Bori]

It out.

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[Jay Jerden]

Yeah, boy.

[Langston Kerman]

Welcome back to My Mama Told Me the podcast where we are currently discussing whether or not cold makes you sick. And it's a divided house. It's a house divided right now. Wet hair, specifically because we've proven wet foot. Hoping to bring it up include wet hair.

[David Bori]

Wet foot has been. It seems like it's more widely believed I'm still on the fence on wet foot, but you too, seem to be.

[Langston Kerman]

You don't think wet foot. You're crazy.

[David Bori]

I think wet foot is a little more complicated than we're making it seem. But that said, wet hair is divided. Jay saying nay. This is foolish and just Old wives, Tales from black mamas. And David being like, my black mom ain't never wrong. I believe.

[Langston Kerman]

No, I don't think I would have to text her. I don't even know what her pace on it is. Cause my mom's not a water moment at all. Like, she made sure I had swimming lessons, but I don't think I've even seen my mom in a hot tub. I mean, I'm trying to. She does. She does. She stays old. Like, I'm trying to think.

[Jay Jerden]

There is something also, too. I think black people of a certain age, they also just don't like to get wet in general. So this is another aspect that we need to investigate. Yeah, I'm not gonna say it's because of civil rights hoses, but I'm not gonna say it's not. Not because of civil rights hoses.

[Langston Kerman]

I mean, it goes far, though, because I'm African, right? And people say. Kono people, my tribe specifically, they say we're afraid of water.

[David Bori]

Whoa. That's like y'all weakness. Yeah, y'all are like those aliens and science.

[Langston Kerman]

Strong, proud people. But they.

[David Bori]

If I splash you with a cup of water, your face is gonna sizzle. That's what it's like.

[Langston Kerman]

I have not to brag. I got some property in Africa and I keep needing. I need my cousin or somebody to come out and look at it. And Kono, people are afraid of water. So it's like only a few people in my family are willing to go out and look at it.

[David Bori]

Damn, that's wild.

[Jay Jerden]

Yeah, you shouldn't have said that on the podcast.

[Langston Kerman]

Now it's truly. If you're trying to buy property in Sierra Leone, go crazy.

[David Bori]

I'm gonna. Nah, fuck buy. I'm gonna show up there with six super soakers and colonize that motherfucker. You Know what I mean?

[Jay Jerden]

You want to be. You want to be the Columbus?

[David Bori]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

No, it's just Kono people. The other people. Timney and Mande and everybody. Mandinka. Everybody else is not afraid of. It's just our people.

[David Bori]

Hey, y'all gotta have a little section. And guess who's about to become the king of Kono Town is. It's your boy.

[Jay Jerden]

To that I say they are not. They're not the Fire Nation. You can't like.

[David Bori]

I know, because that means they ain't gonna be able to fight back. I'm about to bust they ass with Super Soakers.

[Jay Jerden]

Like. Okay, but like, you know, I'm. When I talk about hair getting wet, that's like a. That's like truly like a black trigger for a number of reasons.

[David Bori]

Yeah.

[Jay Jerden]

Like, it returns.

[Langston Kerman]

But I Don't you feel like for women more so than men.

[Jay Jerden]

Yeah. Because we ain't really rocking conch the way we used to.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Jay Jerden]

No one on the podcast has a slick back. Langston might get one.

[David Bori]

I will say. I will say that is the dream is to get.

[Langston Kerman]

I know it is.

[David Bori]

I fucking get to an age where I. I dec. To just change direction on my hair.

[Langston Kerman]

All this man wants to know is karate and rock a. That's his. Come on, bro, Drink his mouth. This is a funny.

[Jay Jerden]

This is actually very. This is actually very germane. Because you know who does brush his back? T.J. holmes.

[David Bori]

Come on. And I'll say this. That's a handsome. Who deserved. No, I'm joking.

[Jay Jerden]

But.

[David Bori]

But no, I think he looked cool before he started acting up with that white lady. He was killing it, man.

[Jay Jerden]

Brushing your hair back. That is.

[Langston Kerman]

It's the craziest is Billy D. Williams.

[Jay Jerden]

And then everybody else.

[David Bori]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

You can't just be doing that.

[David Bori]

Hey, man, I'm gonna be real with you. I'll be that guy. When the time comes, I'm going backwards and I'm not even going to think about it.

[Langston Kerman]

But how straight is your hair if you grow it out?

[David Bori]

If I grow it out, it's. It's very curly. It's like.

[Langston Kerman]

But it's like. But it's. Is it. Is it like you. You know what I'm fucking saying?

[David Bori]

It's not.

[Jay Jerden]

David wants a number and a letter.

[David Bori]

It's not tight little coils. It is like, big like it is. You know, it's somewhere in the spectrum of like a. Who's the right. It's Corbin. What was his name? Corbin Blue. It's going to Corbin Blue. You know what I Mean. Well, let's unpack this officially. Right? Because the conspiracy theory is still on the table. And I did some research. So let's just say this. I'm going to be as forward about this as possible. According to nearly everything I've read, having wet hair does not, in fact, in any way cause you to catch a cold or make you more sick.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, but what Internet. On the white man's Internet. That's your. That's your first problem.

[David Bori]

Yeah, this is. Unfortunately, this is still white man's Internet that I'm. I'm reciting back to you. So it does have its faults, but.

[Jay Jerden]

Yes, you gotta use one of those beads and ask Grio, what did you gotta do? You want your beads at. You got your beads on. How we supposed to locate you?

[David Bori]

Well, so.

[Jay Jerden]

So that's a movie all about black people's hair getting wet. All the theme here's. Okay, the theme of Wakanda Forever is.

[Langston Kerman]

Man, are we doing this because I have some feelings.

[David Bori]

Listen. I'm listening. I'm gonna let you. I'm gonna let you kick it off and then. And then I'll weigh in, depending on the circumstance.

[Jay Jerden]

Oh, okay. Well, this is what I can say. I love the source material. I ultimately enjoyed the film. But it is funny that a stereotype that has been leveraged against us so much was a central plot point to the movie. It was.

[Langston Kerman]

I have a joke about it. I have a joke about it. You could just swim. That's how you defeat Wakanda. He just swam in there. And they were like, what is this magic?

[David Bori]

That's fucking insane.

[Langston Kerman]

Fuck that, bro. Come on. That's all he did.

[Jay Jerden]

He also flew into. He flew in.

[Langston Kerman]

He came in with all his swimmers. And that was what happened the first time.

[David Bori]

They beat their ass. Here's what I'll say. I think they. They worked the hardest on that film, on that monologue. And then they. They figured out the rest. You know what I mean? They really.

[Langston Kerman]

I've been anti Black Panther for a while, though.

[Jay Jerden]

Wow. Now, see, here's something. Some people in my life have recently seen the first one and they were like, did I need to see other stuff? And I was like, maybe. I don't know. It was. We were. We were swept up in the moment. Don't get mad. Just watch it the way I watch. Watch it with my eyes from back then.

[Langston Kerman]

I can't. I'm. I'm too African. The whole movie I watched, they had this magic rock that made them better than the rest of the Africans. And they Kept being like, but if we didn't have this rock, then we'd be like the rest of them. I'm the rest of them. Pretty good guy, I think.

[David Bori]

Wow.

[Jay Jerden]

Pretty good guy. Did not really investigate that because I was caught up in the diaspora part of it. But that isn't saying that they were so close. The proximity is wild.

[Langston Kerman]

It's crazy.

[David Bori]

Yeah. No, they weren't being very kind, the Wakandans.

[Langston Kerman]

All I'm saying, go see the woman king. That's all I got for you.

[David Bori]

The woman king was good. I enjoyed it. A lot of, a lot of good karate kicks.

[Jay Jerden]

But, but like karate. Karate.

[Langston Kerman]

He wants karate.

[David Bori]

Bitches were doing something similar. I don't know.

[Jay Jerden]

Are you just. I, I love any, any martial art being described as karate.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, it's a catch all term for sure.

[David Bori]

I certainly don't think I'm going to do the research to figure out what your respective martial art is.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, you're in the ufc. You are karate.

[David Bori]

You do karate. Yeah.

[Jay Jerden]

When Langston becomes a man of a certain age who starts combing his hair back, he's gonna be a karate man.

[Langston Kerman]

The Chucks on him right now.

[David Bori]

There's nunchucks right there. Jay Jerden. I am, I'm, I'm not lying to you all. I'm going to, I'm going to brush my hair back, I'm going to buy a nice gi, and I'm going to drink oolong. Like, I don't, I don't think that this is a stretch.

[Langston Kerman]

This is just a reminder to all the listeners, if we do hit 1000subs on the YouTube, Langston does have to drop that, that nunchuck video.

[David Bori]

Well, I'm glad you brought this up because, and I'm sorry to do this in the middle of our riveting conversation, Jay, but it's worth noting that before you got on today, Bori, I, I, I should give you some backstory. I have nunchucks. I've never learned to use them, and I promised, based off of Bori's suggestion, that at a thousand subscribers for our YouTube channel, I would give a, a nunchuck tutorial to all the viewers that wish to see that. Bori recently admitted hours ago that he bought a harmonica during pandemic, expecting to learn to play harmonica, and has not yet even cracked the box on his harmonica. And we are now.

[Langston Kerman]

I've opened it. It's open. It's been open.

[David Bori]

None of this matters because we are now instituting that at 2000 subscribers, Bori will have to give a harmonica tutorial to those same viewers and obviously doubled in size.

[Jay Jerden]

I think here's. Here's what I like about this. I think David actually has the easier thing to do.

[Langston Kerman]

I appreciate that.

[Jay Jerden]

Well, here's the trick. Harmonica is just like, as long as you can kind of stay in one place and then take it away and then be like, what if I go up here and it's playing the scale right?

[Langston Kerman]

That's true.

[Jay Jerden]

Nunchucks are actually more dangerous, I think.

[Langston Kerman]

Also, I'm not gonna hit my dick with this harmonica.

[Jay Jerden]

There's no chance during harmonica solo you can take it off, sing a blues lyric, and be like, I'm stuck in jail. It's very.

[David Bori]

Yeah, well, let me.

[Langston Kerman]

That's a good point. That's a good point. I can talk a lot. I can talk a lot.

[Jay Jerden]

Oh, yeah.

[David Bori]

Let me be clear. There's gonna be no BBQing this bad boy.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm BBQ King. Come on, man. Let me.

[David Bori]

You got to do this right. You're gonna give. You're gonna. Blues Traveler. Harmonica is what I want.

[Langston Kerman]

That's crazy to do that.

[Jay Jerden]

That's. No, that. I don't see it happening.

[Langston Kerman]

My man had a bandolier of harmonicas. He looked like a. He looked like a harmonica bandito. I can't do that. You know, I can't do that.

[Jay Jerden]

He. That thing stay on me.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, he had.

[Jay Jerden]

He had.

[Langston Kerman]

He had so many. I bet he called them Monicas. He didn't even say Baby Theresa.

[David Bori]

My Monica.

[Langston Kerman]

Give me my Monica.

[Jay Jerden]

He didn't have time for that first syllable. It would get in the way.

[Langston Kerman]

It would get in the way of him having to play.

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[David Bori]

Okay, let's, let's unpack a little bit more of this research because I want to, I want to make this clear for our listeners at home as to why the cold doesn't actually do anything. To your point, Jay, it doesn't do anything in terms of catching sickness. The only real cause of a cold is being exposed to the virus. No matter the circumstances. Temperature as it or temperature is often suggested. Right. It truly makes no difference if you have the germs in your body. And this is what they say. The reason that more people get sick actually during the the winter months is because you are closer together by being inside huddling up from the cold and the wet, not because the cold and.

[Jay Jerden]

The wet has triggered anything that sounds kind of hot. That sounds sexual.

[David Bori]

Yeah, it does.

[Langston Kerman]

It does sound sexy.

[David Bori]

Hey, it's all that winter boning that everybody's doing that apparently is getting people sick.

[Jay Jerden]

And here's the thing, you can always warm up fast enough. That's the other thing. What's the incubation time if it actually comes from the temperature. Because once you get in, if you heat up enough, would it go away?

[Langston Kerman]

I always assume, though, this is the idea of you get out and you just don't ever dry your hair. And you just go.

[David Bori]

Right. If you just roll.

[Langston Kerman]

This isn't like from the pool to the towel, right?

[Jay Jerden]

Yeah. Can I tell y'all something crazy? Can I tell you something crazy?

[Langston Kerman]

Don't do it.

[Jay Jerden]

I did it a few days ago.

[Langston Kerman]

You went swimming and didn't dry your hair? No, no, no.

[Jay Jerden]

I washed my hair, dried it off a little bit. It was still damp when I went outside. It was like a nice 50 degree day in New York. Did not happen to me. I'm good.

[David Bori]

And did you enjoy the feeling? Was it like a good feeling?

[Jay Jerden]

It is. When your hair is wet in public, there is a sense of power and privilege.

[Langston Kerman]

Also, it feels good to be bad. They've written so many songs about it.

[Jay Jerden]

I mean, the thing also is that so many people, they don't know I got Hang tight. They don't know nothing. So when your hair is wet, it's moving a little bit. Also, black people's hair absorbs moisture so fast that when your hair is actually moisturized, you are like, whose hair is this? Wait a second.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause it feels like wet.

[Jay Jerden]

You go, who is this? This ain't me. This ain't where I'm at all the time.

[Langston Kerman]

Who am I? Yeah, yeah.

[Jay Jerden]

I mean, I'm not going. That's what. Actually, because I'm contrary to what the ring light is doing. I'm very much brown skin. But like, with that hair, your shit's blowing you up. That thing's good with the hair. I was. That morning. It was bad. It was bad.

[David Bori]

Yeah. Even as I was looking this up, there actually came another theory. And what you guys are saying sort of reminds me of it, where a bunch of people apparently believe that going to bed with wet hair can cause you to get a cold.

[Langston Kerman]

And I do that. That's crazy.

[David Bori]

That's what I thought was like, I. Why would you ever go to bed with a wet head? Like that seems fucking awful on your pillows. Yeah, I don't.

[Jay Jerden]

People do it. Oh, I know some people will do a conditioning treatment, but then they wrap it up.

[David Bori]

Sure, but that's. I guess that counts.

[Langston Kerman]

I guess that counts. I guess that counts.

[David Bori]

It's so wet and. But I mean, it's intentionally wet and then it's so wrapped that it sort of becomes like a non factor, you know what I mean? Like, it's not like you're sitting wet and exposed to elements inside of that. That situation.

[Jay Jerden]

I think that. I think that this is very much a story about black hair.

[Langston Kerman]

That's it.

[Jay Jerden]

That's what I said when I saw Wakanda Fabric. This is very much a story about black.

[David Bori]

This is Matthew Cherry's black hair cinematic universe.

[Langston Kerman]

There's one thing this movie could use, and that's little Monica.

[Jay Jerden]

Oh, man.

[David Bori]

Yeah, it truly. It's weird. So it goes on to say that because I wanted to look up some of the origin of this. It said that this may have been rooted. And no one knows exactly where it comes from, certainly. But they said it may be rooted from World War I, when scientists concluded that soldiers who slept in wet trenches were more likely to catch colds than soldiers who slept in dry bursts. Barracks, which feels like you're skipping over a lot of the elements in their wet.

[Jay Jerden]

The fact that they were sleeping on top of each other and coughing and bleeding each other's mouth.

[David Bori]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I mean, that's where they got trench foot.

[David Bori]

Sure. Yeah. It was bad for your feet, but it wasn't the reason you were coughing as much as it was everything else.

[Jay Jerden]

Yeah. I think it's truly. I think it's truly conflation versus causation. I think it's correlation versus causation. And people. Germ theory is still younger than this, than hair, than people being like, I'm cold. People can go, I feel cold. And now I feel sick. I know it's. I mean, it took how long for us to be able to look at any sort of, like, you know, organisms under a microscope? Yeah.

[David Bori]

I think. I feel like doctors started washing their hands in, like, 1996. It's like, very recent.

[Langston Kerman]

They just smoke a cigarette, blow it, blow it out, put their hands on you.

[Jay Jerden]

People didn't start washing their hands until three years ago.

[David Bori]

Right. Yeah. And we know that by all the deaths that accumulated in the early part of this bad boy. But truly, it's wild how little of our science is in any way sort of like ancient. Right. We don't have any ancient learnings. All of this shit is brand new to us.

[Jay Jerden]

There was. Okay, now, just so I can. We can't, like, David will push back on this. Black people, indigenous people, a number of people kind of like, knew how to get dirt off of the body. They knew they were getting dirt off. They didn't know they were also getting germs off.

[David Bori]

Right.

[Jay Jerden]

But they just knew that, like when, like, the Moors going to Spain and Being like, what's. What's happening? Y'all don't.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Jay Jerden]

Y'all don't have. Y'all don't, like, cleanse.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm not pushing back on that. I'm with that.

[David Bori]

Yeah, but.

[Jay Jerden]

Because, like, I don't know, you dirty.

[Langston Kerman]

Dirty, dirty Spanish people. Is that what we're doing?

[Jay Jerden]

I mean, dirty stand yours. Because I know a lot of people gonna be like, I'm not dirty. I'm like, no, dirty, like 1400s Spanish Europe was stinky.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Your whole armada stank.

[David Bori]

Yeah. You had the boats, but you also had the funk. And that's on y'all.

[Jay Jerden]

Funk is. Wow. Funk being both an insult and a compliment. Truly the best.

[David Bori]

Yeah, we do. We do good work in the black community.

[Jay Jerden]

My God, in the 70s, saying something has some funk.

[David Bori]

Yeah. This funky motherfucker.

[Jay Jerden]

Ah.

[David Bori]

God damn.

[Langston Kerman]

That.

[David Bori]

That also give us the funk. Yeah.

[Jay Jerden]

Imagine someone. That means someone played bass so well that everyone's like, that shit stank.

[Langston Kerman]

Damn, it smells like shit.

[David Bori]

But in a good way, right?

[Jay Jerden]

Imagine being so musty from two stepping. It's like, it's some funk up in. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I mean, but then there's also people like, I don't. I bet Bootsy didn't smell great.

[David Bori]

Yeah. George. God damn. Yeah. No, they. They smell like.

[Jay Jerden]

Yeah. It was all synthetic fibers. They didn't breathe. Yeah.

[David Bori]

And you're up all night doing heroin and shit. Yeah. You're gonna smell like so much liquor.

[Langston Kerman]

Coming out of their pores.

[Jay Jerden]

Because imagine. Imagine all the comics that y'all know that are a little musty when they get off stage.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. And now by two hours, and you're actually working.

[Jay Jerden]

Two hours actually working and dancing. I don't even want to get within 100ft of James Brown.

[David Bori]

Yeah. There's that video that. That. That's always viral.

[Langston Kerman]

Comfortable saying James Brown smells bad.

[David Bori]

Oh, come on. He did. We gotta be honest. There's that video.

[Langston Kerman]

I know what you're saying.

[David Bori]

You know the video where he's sweating and he, like, comes into frame and he's, like, out of breath? Yeah. He's like, barely. He can barely keep his eyes open because he's been going so hard on whatever fudgeing song he's doing. There's no way he smelled good in that video.

[Jay Jerden]

He's in a red jumpsuit. Yes, yes, yes.

[David Bori]

It's not possible for him to have smelled like anything but asshole. And that's part of the magic of the performance.

[Langston Kerman]

I mean, if you put on a. If you put on a jumpsuit it's just a countdown till when your nuts start stinking. Come on, man, you got, you got, you got maybe two and a half hours before it's.

[Jay Jerden]

They start stinking. The minute you realize you have to put on a jumpsuit.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Once you, once your dick hits that pleather.

[David Bori]

Eddie Murphy could not fuck after Delirious. He had to go home and wash first and then fuck. There's no way he just unzipped and let a lady smell whatever was underneath that.

[Jay Jerden]

Oh my God. Yeah. And, and I will say he did it twice. You know, he was like, man, he came back. I'mma be stinky again.

[David Bori]

No, here's what I think happened is the second time he was like, hey, man, make the leather more breathable this time. Not realizing that that's not possible at either. It was as breathable as it could be. And you just got a funky dick again.

[Langston Kerman]

I always would worry about his nipples in those outfits. Oh, yeah, hot leather nipples is probably not good.

[David Bori]

No.

[Jay Jerden]

I had a nipple check for the first time a couple of weeks ago. And that's not pleasant.

[Langston Kerman]

It's a bad. It's a bad.

[Jay Jerden]

It's a bad if you get the wrong. Just the wrong amount of like wool on anything and you're not wearing like a, like a tank top underneath or like an undershirt and you start all day.

[Langston Kerman]

No, that's why you have to wear under tank. For me, that's why I wear tank tops, is to spare my nipples.

[David Bori]

Yeah.

[Jay Jerden]

Wild feeling.

[David Bori]

I didn't mesh fucks my nipples up real bad. And I always wondered why NBA players are always wearing those tank tops underneath. I'm like, it's the same size, boys. It's not hiding anything. It's like, oh, no, they're just making their nipples not.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, they don't want their nipples to rub off.

[Jay Jerden]

Yeah, that would. Imagine having a gang that's up there with Paul Pierce having a boo boo.

[David Bori]

Yeah. Somebody clutches their chest and they pretend to have a heart attack. But it's just a bloody nipple.

[Langston Kerman]

I've done it. I've done the thing where I've just worn like a basketball jersey outside with nothing on underneath. And that shit's like. It's a short. That logos gets to rubbing, man. You gotta go back in the house.

[David Bori]

Yeah, man. Well, this really devolved into some bullshit.

[Langston Kerman]

Right at the end, but I feel good about it.

[David Bori]

Otherwise, I'd say. I'd say perfect episode. I think we nailed it.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I feel good.

[David Bori]

Jay, could you tell the people at home where they can find you and what cool shit you have going on.

[Jay Jerden]

You can find me on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, all the stuff that we're forced to do to exist in this new digital content age that is neither good nor bad, but we should at least be aware of it because we are being turned into just lines of code for bigger companies. So I'm there. I'm on all this. J. Jordan. I'm the only person named that. So you can find me. There's also, if you watch the Problem with Jon Stewart, I'm on a couple of episodes, maybe watch those. And that's it.

[David Bori]

Yeah.

[Jay Jerden]

And I have shows around the country, so, yeah, that's it.

[David Bori]

Hell yeah. Follow Jay, follow his little bit of code that's out there that we're all forced to be a part of. Bori, you want to tell the people where they can find you?

[Langston Kerman]

Cool. Guyaitjokes87 on Instagram. January 27th. I'll be at the Newberry in Great Falls, Montana, March 23rd through 26. Rooster T Feathers in Sunnyvale, California. March 31st through April 1st. The Dallas Comedy Club, Dallas, Texas, touring. February 17th, come to High Note Comedy in Denver. We got Brittany Carney. And you know, February 16, come out and see me in Langston live at the Elysium.

[Jay Jerden]

Oh, hell yeah. I love Rudy Carney.

[Langston Kerman]

See, we got good stuff going on.

[David Bori]

Hell yeah. And like Bori said, fucking live show. February 16th, we've got some amazing comedians coming out. We're gonna have some games, we're gonna throw out some prizes. Maybe, I don't know, I'm making up shit, but come fuck around with us. We can get some prizes, you know, fucking.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, my brother's there. I'll make him do a flip or something.

[David Bori]

Oh, shit, yeah, Bori's brother is going to do a flip and. And yeah, come check us out. And if you want to follow me, you can follow me at Langston Herman on all platforms. And if you want to send us your own conspiracy theories, your own drops, your own haunting suggestions about what happened to other people's nipples, please send them to mymamapodmail.com we would love to hear, hear from you. Okay, that's it. Bye, bitch.

[Jay Jerden]

The ozone layer owes me money.

[Langston Kerman]

Martian defended turkey stuffing.

[Jay Jerden]

Y'all can't tell me Dolphins.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway. It's stock up savings time now through March 25th. Spring in for storewide deals and earn four times the points. Look for in store tags to earn on eligible beverage items like Powerade, Monster and Poppy, or breakfast items like Quaker Instant Oatmeal or General Mill cereals, plus many more. Then clip the offer in our app for automatic event long savings. Stack up those rewards. To save even more restrictions apply. Visit Albertsons or Safeway.com for more details.

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[Ryan Seacrest]

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