My Momma Told Me Episode Summary

Episode Title: Immigrate for a Big D*ck
Hosts: Langston Kerman & David Gborie
Release Date: September 2, 2025
Podcast: My Momma Told Me (Big Money Players Network and iHeartPodcasts)

Main Theme & Purpose

This episode of My Momma Told Me dives deep into conspiracies with the comedic lens that hosts Langston Kerman and David Gborie are known for. The episode anchors around outlandish social theories, including the hypothetical impact of new "big dick technology," the culture of body enhancement, and classic Black conspiracy theories. As always, the hosts engage with their audience through voicemails, explore absurd tangents, and reflect on how these theories and trends reflect broader cultural shifts.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Silly Black Conspiracies & Social Commentary

• The show kicks off with tongue-in-cheek banter about Reggie’s secret fish hoagie, setting the tone for playful takes on secrecy and "conspiracy."
• The hosts mock the seriousness sometimes attributed to their discussions:
  "You know this is stupid, right?" – Langston (04:05)

2. The Shakespeare Conspiracy & Cultural Literacy

• Langston discusses his goal to read all of Shakespeare, riffing on the conspiracy that Shakespeare was really multiple people, or perhaps even a woman or a gay man (07:01–07:39).
• They find humor in the idea of cultural trends—like the possible return of the Shakespearean ruffled collar in Black fashion (08:05–08:27).

3. Body Image, Enhancement, and the Evolution of "Desirable" Features

• The hosts analyze the rise of BBLs (Brazilian Butt Lifts) and plastic surgery, especially in everyday settings like airport security at LaGuardia:

  "Your TSA agent has a BBL. That’s where I see the most of them."
  — Langston (11:22)

• David drops a notable fact: Many high-profile cosmetic surgeons aren't even required to be certified plastic surgeons, and some are just dentists performing surgery:

  "A Dr. Miami type is a dentist. He’s not an actual fucking plastic surgeon at all."
  – David (12:44)

• Discussion shifts to speculation about the future of male cosmetic enhancements and the societal impact if "big dick technology" becomes widespread:

  "All of our great discoveries? The moon landing. The Internet. It was all leading to dudes being able to get bigger dicks.”
  — Langston (14:49)

4. Hypotheticals: Global Migration for "Big Dick Technology"

• The hosts envision a world where men immigrate to America specifically for penis enlargement, joking about the dystopian possibilities:

  "People are going to immigrate to this country for dicks."
  — Langston (17:21) "My wife and I came here for a better life. And also 4 to 6 inches.”
  — David (17:37)

• They riff on what would happen if Miami became the epicenter of these procedures, and the chaotic consequences:

  "Once New York finds out they’re doing big dicks down in Miami, it’s gonna be crazy."
  — Langston (18:17)

• The banter turns into a purposely absurd parody of border rhetoric:

  “If you don’t have a big dick, build a wall.”
  — Langston (22:59)

5. Voicemail Section: Listener Conspiracies and Cheeky Critique

a) Shannon Sharpe’s “Ritual Conspiracy”

• Caller speculates that NFL commentator Shannon Sharpe is engaged in attention-grabbing behavior to get his brother, Sterling, into the Hall of Fame.
  • The hosts quickly dismiss it as likely all Shannon's own doing, poking fun at his intelligence and public antics:

    "I think that boy ain’t too bright and he really is digging a nasty buff hole for himself."
    — David (30:33)

b) Cultural Impact & Sports History

• The conversation springboards into the impact of Black athletes on culture and the social significance of sports integration, with special respect for Bill Russell:

  “Nobody has had an impact on, like, the humanity of a greater group of people than Bill Russell.”
  — David (36:13)

• David jokes about Steph Curry being a transformative figure for light-skinned men, drawing comedic protests from Langston (37:37–38:24).

c) The “85% Coochie Conspiracy”

• A listener claims "85% of coochie feels the same," sparking sharp, humorous pushback:

  "That’s a lie. You’re really taking power away from coochie."
  — Langston (44:29)

• The hosts suggest this is more incel energy than scientific observation, emphasize the holistic, contextual reality of sexual chemistry, and encourage openness to “growth and change,” both metaphorically and otherwise:

  “Coochie, much like anything, has the potential to grow and change and become whatever it wants to be.”
  — David (49:11)

• Langston jokes about the caller being a “blinso”—a Black incel—which David immediately understands without need for explanation (51:55).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

“The government growing babies. Microchips in your anus. All koala bears are racist. The ozone layer owes me money. Marshall's invented turkey stuffing.”
— Langston (02:59)
(Opening theme of wild conspiracies)

“If you dumb motherfuckers are learning something from this… you blew it.”
— Langston (03:48)

“You got dentists making butts. They were already on the edge. They haven’t even mastered veneer technology.”
— Langston (13:10)

“People are going to immigrate to this country for dicks. Whoa.”
— Langston (17:21)

“If you don’t have a big dick, build a wall.”
— Langston (22:59)

“Nobody works at Target because we all got huge… Everybody’s an entrepreneur. It’s all crypto.”
— Langston (16:44–16:55)

"That's why you have a job. That's why you drive a car, man... all leading to dudes being able to get bigger dicks. That's the whole point of this. What else are we doing here if not that?"
— Langston (14:49)

“I think fat butts are one of the biggest victims of media poisoning.”
— David (09:47)

“Your TSA agent has a bbl.”
— Langston (11:22)

“We really can’t handle it. You scared the fuck out of me.”
— David (18:30)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Early Conspiracies & Tone Setting: 02:35 – 04:15
• Shakespeare Conspiracy/Thematic Tangent: 06:46 – 08:49
• Surgery, BBLs, & Cosmetic Trends: 11:03 – 14:26
• Big Dick Technology and Sociopolitical Satire: 14:34 – 19:38
• Border/Immigration Satire: 17:21 – 19:34
• Voicemail Segment Start: 28:44
• Shannon & Sterling Sharpe Conspiracy: 29:42 – 34:48
• Sports Integration and Bill Russell Commentary: 34:48 – 36:29
• Light-skinned Steph Curry Bit: 37:38 – 38:24
• The “85% Coochie” Voicemail: 43:20 – 51:47

Tone and Language

The conversation is irreverent, playful, and unapologetically raunchy, laced with sharp cultural observation and warm self-mockery. Langston and David keep the energy high, frequently riffing off each other in a style that blends sincere curiosity about social phenomena with deep affection for the intentional absurdity of the show’s premise.

Conclusion

This episode delivers the quintessential My Momma Told Me blend: wild Black conspiracy theories, satirical social commentary, audience engagement via voicemail, and relentless, hilarious banter. The hosts challenge their listeners’ own beliefs and the social narratives around beauty, masculinity, and cultural history—all while never letting go of the humor or the sense that, ultimately, none of this is nearly as serious as it’s made out to be.

For more:

• Follow the podcast on social media @mymomatoldmepod.
• Call in at 844-LITTLE MOMS or email mymamatoldme@gmail.com to contribute your own conspiracies.
• Langston's special "Birth of a Nation" drops September 9th on YouTube.
• Catch David on the "Aspiring Deadbeat Tour" this fall.