Immigrate for a Big D*ck (with Langston Kerman and David Gborie)

Summary

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My Momma Told Me Episode Summary

Episode Title: Immigrate for a Big D*ck
Hosts: Langston Kerman & David Gborie
Release Date: September 2, 2025
Podcast: My Momma Told Me (Big Money Players Network and iHeartPodcasts)

Main Theme & Purpose

This episode of My Momma Told Me dives deep into conspiracies with the comedic lens that hosts Langston Kerman and David Gborie are known for. The episode anchors around outlandish social theories, including the hypothetical impact of new "big dick technology," the culture of body enhancement, and classic Black conspiracy theories. As always, the hosts engage with their audience through voicemails, explore absurd tangents, and reflect on how these theories and trends reflect broader cultural shifts.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Silly Black Conspiracies & Social Commentary

• The show kicks off with tongue-in-cheek banter about Reggie’s secret fish hoagie, setting the tone for playful takes on secrecy and "conspiracy."
• The hosts mock the seriousness sometimes attributed to their discussions:
  "You know this is stupid, right?" – Langston (04:05)

2. The Shakespeare Conspiracy & Cultural Literacy

• Langston discusses his goal to read all of Shakespeare, riffing on the conspiracy that Shakespeare was really multiple people, or perhaps even a woman or a gay man (07:01–07:39).
• They find humor in the idea of cultural trends—like the possible return of the Shakespearean ruffled collar in Black fashion (08:05–08:27).

3. Body Image, Enhancement, and the Evolution of "Desirable" Features

• The hosts analyze the rise of BBLs (Brazilian Butt Lifts) and plastic surgery, especially in everyday settings like airport security at LaGuardia:

  "Your TSA agent has a BBL. That’s where I see the most of them."
  — Langston (11:22)

• David drops a notable fact: Many high-profile cosmetic surgeons aren't even required to be certified plastic surgeons, and some are just dentists performing surgery:

  "A Dr. Miami type is a dentist. He’s not an actual fucking plastic surgeon at all."
  – David (12:44)

• Discussion shifts to speculation about the future of male cosmetic enhancements and the societal impact if "big dick technology" becomes widespread:

  "All of our great discoveries? The moon landing. The Internet. It was all leading to dudes being able to get bigger dicks.”
  — Langston (14:49)

4. Hypotheticals: Global Migration for "Big Dick Technology"

• The hosts envision a world where men immigrate to America specifically for penis enlargement, joking about the dystopian possibilities:

  "People are going to immigrate to this country for dicks."
  — Langston (17:21) "My wife and I came here for a better life. And also 4 to 6 inches.”
  — David (17:37)

• They riff on what would happen if Miami became the epicenter of these procedures, and the chaotic consequences:

  "Once New York finds out they’re doing big dicks down in Miami, it’s gonna be crazy."
  — Langston (18:17)

• The banter turns into a purposely absurd parody of border rhetoric:

  “If you don’t have a big dick, build a wall.”
  — Langston (22:59)

5. Voicemail Section: Listener Conspiracies and Cheeky Critique

a) Shannon Sharpe’s “Ritual Conspiracy”

• Caller speculates that NFL commentator Shannon Sharpe is engaged in attention-grabbing behavior to get his brother, Sterling, into the Hall of Fame.
  • The hosts quickly dismiss it as likely all Shannon's own doing, poking fun at his intelligence and public antics:

    "I think that boy ain’t too bright and he really is digging a nasty buff hole for himself."
    — David (30:33)

b) Cultural Impact & Sports History

• The conversation springboards into the impact of Black athletes on culture and the social significance of sports integration, with special respect for Bill Russell:

  “Nobody has had an impact on, like, the humanity of a greater group of people than Bill Russell.”
  — David (36:13)

• David jokes about Steph Curry being a transformative figure for light-skinned men, drawing comedic protests from Langston (37:37–38:24).

c) The “85% Coochie Conspiracy”

• A listener claims "85% of coochie feels the same," sparking sharp, humorous pushback:

  "That’s a lie. You’re really taking power away from coochie."
  — Langston (44:29)

• The hosts suggest this is more incel energy than scientific observation, emphasize the holistic, contextual reality of sexual chemistry, and encourage openness to “growth and change,” both metaphorically and otherwise:

  “Coochie, much like anything, has the potential to grow and change and become whatever it wants to be.”
  — David (49:11)

• Langston jokes about the caller being a “blinso”—a Black incel—which David immediately understands without need for explanation (51:55).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

“The government growing babies. Microchips in your anus. All koala bears are racist. The ozone layer owes me money. Marshall's invented turkey stuffing.”
— Langston (02:59)
(Opening theme of wild conspiracies)

“If you dumb motherfuckers are learning something from this… you blew it.”
— Langston (03:48)

“You got dentists making butts. They were already on the edge. They haven’t even mastered veneer technology.”
— Langston (13:10)

“People are going to immigrate to this country for dicks. Whoa.”
— Langston (17:21)

“If you don’t have a big dick, build a wall.”
— Langston (22:59)

“Nobody works at Target because we all got huge… Everybody’s an entrepreneur. It’s all crypto.”
— Langston (16:44–16:55)

"That's why you have a job. That's why you drive a car, man... all leading to dudes being able to get bigger dicks. That's the whole point of this. What else are we doing here if not that?"
— Langston (14:49)

“I think fat butts are one of the biggest victims of media poisoning.”
— David (09:47)

“Your TSA agent has a bbl.”
— Langston (11:22)

“We really can’t handle it. You scared the fuck out of me.”
— David (18:30)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Early Conspiracies & Tone Setting: 02:35 – 04:15
• Shakespeare Conspiracy/Thematic Tangent: 06:46 – 08:49
• Surgery, BBLs, & Cosmetic Trends: 11:03 – 14:26
• Big Dick Technology and Sociopolitical Satire: 14:34 – 19:38
• Border/Immigration Satire: 17:21 – 19:34
• Voicemail Segment Start: 28:44
• Shannon & Sterling Sharpe Conspiracy: 29:42 – 34:48
• Sports Integration and Bill Russell Commentary: 34:48 – 36:29
• Light-skinned Steph Curry Bit: 37:38 – 38:24
• The “85% Coochie” Voicemail: 43:20 – 51:47

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Tone and Language

The conversation is irreverent, playful, and unapologetically raunchy, laced with sharp cultural observation and warm self-mockery. Langston and David keep the energy high, frequently riffing off each other in a style that blends sincere curiosity about social phenomena with deep affection for the intentional absurdity of the show’s premise.

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Conclusion

This episode delivers the quintessential My Momma Told Me blend: wild Black conspiracy theories, satirical social commentary, audience engagement via voicemail, and relentless, hilarious banter. The hosts challenge their listeners’ own beliefs and the social narratives around beauty, masculinity, and cultural history—all while never letting go of the humor or the sense that, ultimately, none of this is nearly as serious as it’s made out to be.

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For more:

• Follow the podcast on social media @mymomatoldmepod.
• Call in at 844-LITTLE MOMS or email [e-mail] to contribute your own conspiracies.
• Langston's special "Birth of a Nation" drops September 9th on YouTube.
• Catch David on the "Aspiring Deadbeat Tour" this fall.

Transcript

[Langston Kerman]

This is an iheart podcast.

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[Langston Kerman]

Sometimes I'd be thinking about Reggie not giving up that fish hoagie.

[David Bore]

Yeah, he really wanted it.

[Langston Kerman]

I really wanted it, and he was not going to tell me where he got it.

[David Bore]

Nah. He really was like, nah, this is. This is private.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

He's like, you don't even want to go to that neighborhood, bro.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, he was. That's how he played. He was like, oh, it's not even. It's from my old neighborhood. You can't even get over there.

[David Bore]

Yeah. He's like, man, buses don't even go that way.

[Langston Kerman]

Get your ish, Kabbles. Shut the fuck up. The government growing babies. Microchips in your anus. All koala bears are racist. The ozone layer owes me money. Marshall's invented turkey stuffing. Y' all can't tell me nothing.

[David Bore]

Y' all real smooth. There it is. There it is, little mamas and gentiles alike. Welcome to another phenomenal episode of My.

[Langston Kerman]

Mama Told Me the podcast, where we dive deep into the pockets of black.

[David Bore]

Conspiracies, and you know, what the fuck we came to prove. Not a goddamn thing. We ain't helping.

[Langston Kerman]

Not even trying to.

[David Bore]

That wasn't our goal at all.

[Langston Kerman]

Nope. We don't even have the illusion of it.

[David Bore]

If you dumb motherfuckers are learning something from this.

[Langston Kerman]

Ugh. Yeah. Boom.

[David Bore]

What?

[Langston Kerman]

You blew it.

[David Bore]

Are you crazy?

[Langston Kerman]

Sometimes I do see, like, comments and stuff, and I'm like, oh, there's people who are taking this seriously.

[David Bore]

Yeah, that's.

[Langston Kerman]

That's a worry of mine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a worry when people are like, actually. And you're like, you know, this is stupid. Yeah.

[David Bore]

You know, I didn't. I didn't think about this for that long.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, actually, because this is dumb, actually. Listen to the news. Yeah. Yeah.

[David Bore]

No, there. But, yeah, the news, I guess, is hard to believe, too, so.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Have you read all of Shakespeare?

[David Bore]

All of it, yeah. No, not even. I haven't even put a big dent in it.

[Langston Kerman]

I think I'm gonna do it this year.

[David Bore]

You're hitting a lot of Shakespeare. Yeah. Are you a fan? No. Are you doing this to, like, force yourself to become a fan?

[Langston Kerman]

I would just like to know what it's all about. Like, I think I'll do, like, spark notes alongside with it. Like, I don't need to, like, not, like, gonna just write notes about every single.

[David Bore]

You're not gonna, like, figure this out.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. But I do want to know what all the plays are, in a way where I've read them all.

[David Bore]

I Don't need to read them all, but I would like, to that point, a little bit of. Of appreciation for some of them. Ones that are ones.

[Langston Kerman]

That's how I feel.

[David Bore]

Like, I want to know King Lear well enough that I go like, oh, I get why people fuck with King Lear so hard.

[Langston Kerman]

That's what I mean. I want to. Well, I'm just going to. It's not so big that it's crazy, especially because you could just read it one play at a time is how I'm thinking. Right. But I think I can. I just ordered it on Amazon. I'd like to get it done by the end of the year. Wow. I don't think it's that crazy. Like, bro, I've tried to read the Idiot so many times, and I just can't. That Russian shit, it's, like, too dense for me or something.

[David Bore]

I really. What I'd like, and what I've been sort of aiming for as a goal is that I'm just now fully being honest about what I like in books. And I like thriller, horror, and I don't even care if it's garbage.

[Langston Kerman]

Right. Okay, I got you.

[David Bore]

And so, like, I've resolved that, like, I may not have an opinion on a bunch of, like, the classics, right? But I. I do still want to be reading. I still want to be learning, growing. And so I'll focus my energy on some shit I really fuck with and just make that part of my wheelhouse rather than, you know, trying to be fit in with a bunch of people who grew up reading some shit that I'm never going to appreciate as much as they do.

[Langston Kerman]

It's not even the fitting into me, though. It's just like. Like the Shakespeare stuff. It's like a bunch of stuff I like is based off of that.

[David Bore]

Almost everything.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what I mean? So it's like, I want that knowledge just in and of that.

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Less than, like, I don't really want to talk to people about Shakespeare.

[David Bore]

Right.

[Langston Kerman]

Or most books.

[David Bore]

But I also think, you know, all of it's based off of that, because it was the first thing.

[Langston Kerman]

And how many stories are there?

[David Bore]

That's what I mean. There's like, six stories, and he did them first. So here we are.

[Langston Kerman]

Isn't that conspiracy that he didn't do them or he had a lot of help.

[David Bore]

Yeah, that Shakespeare. I think there's a conspiracy that Shakespeare is more than one person.

[Langston Kerman]

It's like a Banksy.

[David Bore]

Yeah. I didn't know that Banksy is thought to be more than one person.

[Langston Kerman]

I thought that. I don't know, though.

[David Bore]

Yeah, I'm not sure. I don't know enough about either of them. But there are theories that Shakespeare. There are theories that Shakespeare was a woman. There was also a lot of theories that he was gay and that like half the sonnets are about a young boy.

[Langston Kerman]

That he was like one specific young boy.

[David Bore]

My understanding is that there were like a few, but like, there's one dude in particular that really shines in them sonnets.

[Langston Kerman]

Was he working class? He couldn't have been working class. He was writing in Shakespeare. Yeah, he's a pretty rich guy.

[David Bore]

He looked rich to me because he had an earring. Yeah, he had a big old puffed up collar.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

Like a motherfucker with some money.

[Langston Kerman]

That's not. I feel like there will be a point where black people get to that collar.

[David Bore]

Oh, puffed up collar?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I think so.

[David Bore]

You think we're, we're heading towards a puffed up collar era?

[Langston Kerman]

I think it's going to happen at some point now.

[David Bore]

Do you, do you think about that and think progress?

[Langston Kerman]

I don't think about fashion in those terms.

[David Bore]

Oh, okay.

[Langston Kerman]

I kind of just think about it as like, oh, what a weird face. I mean, I don't know, I guess they say, like, it can be. I don't know enough about fashion to understand how the trends are reflective of society. Like, I remember hearing something about like, in the 90s, shit was baggy because we were that prosperous. But I don't know if that's real. Oh.

[David Bore]

Yeah, there's always that thing where they go, like, during Victorian times, a thick woman meant that you were well fed.

[Langston Kerman]

Right? Right.

[David Bore]

Very attractive to everyone around you.

[Langston Kerman]

Right.

[David Bore]

And maybe that's true. Maybe they were getting like horned up for these big old thick ladies because they were rich. But then I wonder how much of that is like hindsight bias where we go like, oh, that explains why everybody, everybody was gonna be horny for the queen anyway.

[Voicemail Caller]

Right.

[David Bore]

And the fact that she happened to be a little chubby. It doesn't matter. We're, that's our, our. That's the way the world works, is you're gonna be horny for the rich lady.

[Langston Kerman]

I think more specifically than people were always gonna be horny for rich ladies. I don't think there was ever a time where fat butts weren't cool. You know what I'm saying? Like, I think that was always probably pretty. I don't, I don't.

[David Bore]

You know, I think in the same.

[Langston Kerman]

Way, I think if anything, the most Present time is probably the first time that people didn't like fat butts.

[David Bore]

I think in the same way that, like, media has poisoned our perspective on a lot of things. But I think fat butts are one of the biggest victims of media poisoning.

[Langston Kerman]

Damn. Yeah. That might be it because I do feel this way, feel like ass got out of control in a way that titties did it, at least in my lifetime. Right. Because like, you think about our age in the 90s, it was like we still liked ass, but I feel like the zeitgeist was titties.

[David Bore]

Titties was. Titties was king for a long time.

[Langston Kerman]

Titties was king in the 90s. But I feel like the extreme of titties was not the same as the extreme of ass now.

[David Bore]

Whoa.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

You think people have taken ass technology further than they took titty technology?

[Langston Kerman]

100%? Yes.

[David Bore]

I don't know, man. I saw a lot of videos of big tittied ladies crushing cans and I don't think that was normal, though.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't think. I think that was freak shit.

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

That you. I think that was fringe shit that you saw. I don't think that, like, I think if you compare Kim Kardashian's ass.

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

To Pam Anderson's titties.

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Kim Kardashian's ass is more outside the realm of the normal.

[David Bore]

I will say this. I think that BBLs have become so a part of our everyday lives that we don't even notice them anymore.

[Langston Kerman]

Right.

[David Bore]

You know what I mean? Your TSA agent has a bbl.

[Langston Kerman]

That's where I see the most of them.

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Shout out to LaGuardia. They're going crazy over there.

[David Bore]

I don't know if y' all got a work discount, but you're going nuts.

[Langston Kerman]

It's crazy. LaGuardia ass, like in the last three, four years.

[David Bore]

And frankly, some of you would do well to ask a different doctor for a second consultation.

[Langston Kerman]

I have seen some terrible ones at LaGuardia.

[David Bore]

I've seen some wild point diamond shaped women.

[Langston Kerman]

And here's my question too. I don't know, does that speak to surgery in general or is that something within the nature of the ass and. Or the titty?

[David Bore]

Well, here's something I can tell you that I learned pretty recently. My sister in law explained this to me, that to be a plastic surgeon, specifically the type of cosmetic plastic surgeon that they are, you don't have to necessarily have a surgical license. You don't have to be a surgeon. You just have to like have a Medical certification to be able to do a lot of these surgeries. So, like, I can't remember his name, but, like, the dude who's, like, the biggest. One of the biggest, like, surgeons in the US who does, like, all the, like, weird celebrity BBL.

[Langston Kerman]

Dr. Miami.

[David Bore]

It might be Dr. Miami. It might be a different dude, but either way, a Dr. Miami type is a dentist. He's not an actual fucking plastic surgeon at all. He just is a dude who. Who technically has a medical degree and is like, yeah, I'm about to get a bag.

[Langston Kerman]

We need to go back to a simpler time when Dr. Miami was a cocaine dealer. Yeah.

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

That's when we understood the world. That's.

[David Bore]

That was easy.

[Langston Kerman]

You got dentists making butts.

[David Bore]

That's crazy.

[Langston Kerman]

That's. They were already on the edge.

[David Bore]

They're not even. They haven't even mastered veneer technology.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, man. And now you can put butts in.

[David Bore]

Nah, that's crazy. Yeah, no, it's scary shit when you think about, like, who's controlling the imagery that we not only experience, but, like, put on ourselves.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. I can't wait till the butts get old. It's gonna be fun.

[David Bore]

You think 2060. You think the disintegrating BBL is gonna be worth the potential nightmare we live in inside of everybody having one?

[Langston Kerman]

I don't know about worth it, but it's kind of. It'll be a fun part of that to be like, oh, remember when we were going crazy?

[David Bore]

You're saying there's still a silver lining regardless.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it'll be. But maybe they'll age well. I don't really know. I've never seen an old fake butt.

[David Bore]

I don't think that this technology has gotten old yet.

[Langston Kerman]

That's the problem.

[David Bore]

And I think that's why.

[Langston Kerman]

And look, I think titty technology got old, and they seem to be doing okay.

[David Bore]

I think some titties are aging really well.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

And I think some of them are not. But I think that's just the difference in quality of work more than it is. Like, the technology could not handle being old.

[Langston Kerman]

It's going to be crazy when whatever dudes start doing more regularly gets old. Because hair is just the beginning, my friend.

[David Bore]

Oh, no. What do you think's coming?

[Langston Kerman]

I think it's all. You don't think they're going to figure out how to give guys bigger dicks? You don't think that's where science has been leading this whole time? All of our great discoveries? The moon landing.

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

The Internet. It was all leading to dudes being able to get bigger dicks. That's the whole point of this. What else are we doing here if not that? Yeah. And then that's when. That's the fall of Rome.

[David Bore]

If you're willing to break your shin so that you could get another 4 inches, you're 100 willing to let them inject some shit into your pee pee and see what happens.

[Langston Kerman]

And do you want four inches on top or do you want four inches of dick? Really?

[David Bore]

I think the truth is you wanted 4 inches of dick and the technology hadn't caught up yet.

[Langston Kerman]

That's what I'm saying.

[David Bore]

I think you will stand so tall with 4 extra inches of dick. My posture would be so tall, just.

[Langston Kerman]

From ego alone, I would will another inch off the top. On the top you get like, I'm growing an inch.

[David Bore]

That's HGH is gonna. It's gonna burn back up. It's gonna like an old factory reset. Motherfucker is kicking back in. Cause I got four more inches of dick, bro.

[Langston Kerman]

That's all we're all looking for. That's why you have a job. That's why you drive a car, man. Like so. Yeah. I do think that's where it's going. And I think that's, quite frankly, a power we're not fit or ready to harness.

[David Bore]

I think that is the fall of man.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, that's it.

[David Bore]

I think once everybody is walking around with a big old dick, it is scary the results that are going to come out of that.

[Langston Kerman]

You know how many more wars? If you could just. If everybody had a big dick, everybody's got a big old. Because I don't think it becomes. Everybody has a big dick. So no one has one. Yeah. Because we're flawed. We're people. So it's. It's gonna. Instead of that, it's gonna be like, no, I got this big old dick, dude. You can't talk to me like that.

[David Bore]

And.

[Langston Kerman]

And now nobody. Now nobody works at Target. Now nobody works at Target because we all got huge. Cause it's just. Everybody's an entrepreneur.

[David Bore]

Yeah, everybody's.

[Langston Kerman]

It's all crypto.

[David Bore]

And they. You.

[Langston Kerman]

You know how many coins launch if we all get big dick.

[David Bore]

You spent money to get that big dig. So, you know, you earned. You. You went through the trenches for that big dick.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

So, yeah, you're going to walk around and act like you have a big dick now, bro.

[Langston Kerman]

Guys with big dicks walk around crazy, and they didn't even earn it.

[David Bore]

They didn't earn it at all.

[Langston Kerman]

Imagine if you put that shit on layaway.

[David Bore]

A man and a lady gave you that.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, you just got lucky.

[David Bore]

You got real lucky.

[Langston Kerman]

You just got lucky. Imagine if you worked hard. There's going. People are going to immigrate to this country for dicks. Whoa.

[David Bore]

My wife and I came here for a better Life. And also 4 to 6 inches, he's.

[Langston Kerman]

Just busting tables at Olive Garden. He's gonna go back. He's gonna go back to Puerto, Paraguay.

[David Bore]

Dr. North Dakota assures me he can give me the biggest hog that's ever existed in North Dakota. They're gonna have to put this technology somewhere unreachable. No, it's not where you really have to earn it. Cause if it's just in and they're giving niggas big dicks in Miami, we're donezo.

[Langston Kerman]

No, it's a. It's a wrath. Once New York finds out they're giving.

[David Bore]

Big dicks down in Miami, it's gonna be crazy.

[Langston Kerman]

And then the Carolinas, it's gonna filter.

[David Bore]

They got big dick week on the beach.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Oh, man.

[David Bore]

Myrtle.

[Langston Kerman]

No, it's. We really can't handle it. We really can't handle it.

[David Bore]

You scared the fuck out of me.

[Langston Kerman]

No, imagine the whole Elian Gonzalez saga if he had just been coming here to get a bigger dick.

[David Bore]

That's why that rap thing?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, they don't do it in Cuba.

[David Bore]

He's like, look, man, what I got right now ain't going to work. And I'm willing to break every law in this country. I'm willing to upend your legal system for the sake of getting a bigger hog.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm not the type of guy to say this, but if we get big dick technology in Miami, go on and build that wall, we're gonna need it. We're gonna need it. We're gonna need it.

[David Bore]

Look, this is for our safety. These people coming over the border, we don't know what size their penis is. It can be terrifying, the little penises they have. We can't afford to give them big dicks. Build that wall.

[Langston Kerman]

We can all agree we don't want the gene pool water down in that way.

[David Bore]

Look, look. These tiny pee pees.

[Commercial Announcer]

This Labor Day. Say goodbye to spills, stains and overpriced furniture with washablesofas.com featuring Annabe, the only machine washable sofa inside and out where designer quality meets the budget. Friendly pricing sofas start at just $6.99, making it the perfect time to upgrade your space anibe's. Pet Friendly, stain resistant and interchangeable slipcovers are made with high performance fabric built for real life. You'll love the cloud like comfort of hypoallergenic high resilience foam that never needs fluffing and a durable steel frame that stands the test of time with modular pieces you can rearrange anytime. It's a sofa that adapts to to your life. Now through Labor Day. Get up to 60% off site [e-mail] Every order comes with a 30 day satisfaction guarantee. If you're not in love, send it back for a full refund. No return shipping, no restocking fees, every penny back. Shop [e-mail] Offers are subject to change and certain restrictions may apply. Good morning. Welcome to Today.

[Today Show Host]

From back to school to tackling your to do list, the Today show is your best start to the day.

[David Bore]

It's a new season and every morning we're here to help you take it all on. As the forecast calls for football all.

[Today Show Host]

Across the country, blockbuster stars, live concerts and so much more. Wake up to where it's all happening.

[Commercial Announcer]

We're getting back to all of it and the best way to start is together.

[Today Show Host]

Watch the Today show weekday mornings at 7am on NBC.

[Homes.com Announcer]

With comprehensive reports on local schools you won't find anywhere else. Homes.com is the only place to find the in depth info home shoppers want very in depth info. Curious about where a school ranks in the state? Look no further. Percentage of teachers in their first or second year? We've got it. Lowest student teacher ratio? No problem. The best cafeteria lunch in the district for your nine year old food blogger. Would it surprise you if we said yes? Homes.com we've done your homework.

[Robert Lamb]

This episode is brought to you by Hendrix Gin. This is Robert Lamb from Stuff to Blow youw Mind. Here at Stuff to Blow youw Mind, we celebrate curiosity. And that's why I want to take a minute to talk about Hendrix Gin, the refreshingly curious choice for marvelous summer cocktails. Whether you're mixing up a Hendrix Cucumber Lemonade with Hendrix Gin Original or trying out one of their limited releases from the Cabinet of Curiosities. Opening a bottle of Hendrik's Gin is even more than the start of a refreshing cocktail. It's about opening yourself up to the extraordinary, the unusual. So pick up Hendrix, Oseum Gran Cabaret or Flora Adora to try these fleeting expressions before they're gone. Embrace your curiosity. Hendrix is the refreshingly curious choice for marvelous summer cocktails to Learn more about Hendrix. And to find more refreshing cocktail recipes, visit hendrixgen.com us Drink responsibly. Hendrix Gin, 44% alcohol by volume 2025, imported by William Grant & Sons Incorporated, New York, NY.

[Langston Kerman]

I just said, if you don't have a big dick, build a wall.

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

This can't be where you're getting any information from.

[David Bore]

You said it, and I liked it so much, I thought we should circle it.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is. We have said it before. We're not real models.

[David Bore]

No. I even forget how he pronounces role models.

[Langston Kerman]

I was just gonna say that. I was just gonna say that. I roro your boat models. Yeah, yeah. I forget that. It's roll.

[David Bore]

Roll. Models.

[Langston Kerman]

Roll.

[David Bore]

Yeah. Like with the e. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Not like.

[David Bore]

No, not like the dice.

[Langston Kerman]

Wouldn't that be funny if it was role models?

[David Bore]

Your dice hero? Yeah, he's my dice hero.

[Langston Kerman]

You ever play dice?

[David Bore]

Uh, not really.

[Langston Kerman]

I think you would actually really enjoy it. And not even like, at a house. I mean, at Vegas, it's like at the craps table. It's like a. It's an energy game.

[David Bore]

It was the. It was like the bad kid thing to do at school, right. Was be playing dice in the bathroom. And I think I was such a. I don't want to be in the bad kid.

[Langston Kerman]

Right?

[David Bore]

Like, bad, bad kid. I liked it. I liked being tangential. Tangential to a lot of, like, misbehaving people, actually.

[Langston Kerman]

Bad kids, though.

[David Bore]

I didn't want it to be. I didn't want to be, like, a bad kid.

[Langston Kerman]

That's why I'm saying Vegas.

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

It's like, at the table, everybody's drunk, you're on a run, you're betting with some Swedish guy. I find you're asking him how to say stuff in Swedish.

[David Bore]

I find Vegas so intimidating, really. Casinos in general. So intimidating, in part because everybody around you seems like they know what they're doing.

[Langston Kerman]

That's true.

[David Bore]

And I don't. And you feel like an asshole to be like, can you teach me how I can play?

[Langston Kerman]

It is built to make you feel like an asshole. It's built for you to either really know what you're doing or to come lose your money and leave because you're embarrassed.

[David Bore]

And I think a lot of people would maybe break even if they were just willing to be like, hey, I don't actually know how to play this. That good. Could someone help?

[Langston Kerman]

Right? And the thing about craps. That'll happen. This should be getting on my nerves. You'll come and There'll be somebody who's betting everybody. And then it comes to your role, and they don't bet or they bet against you, and you're like, oh, so it's fuck me. Right. Right. And then you get, like. You get angry. They think you're bad luck or some shit. Or some shit.

[David Bore]

They don't like your energy.

[Langston Kerman]

They don't like your energy, and so.

[David Bore]

They bet against you.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

And now you have a nemesis.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. But I've developed a callus because I've had a lot of Chinese people yell at me, bad luck.

[David Bore]

Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

They used to call me Hokchai.

[David Bore]

Oh, no.

[Langston Kerman]

Bad luck in Chinese.

[David Bore]

No, I pieced that together.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Yeah.

[David Bore]

It was either that or it was the worst word.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, no, the other. Their word for black at the time was Obama. Oh, this was 2010.

[David Bore]

Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. It was like a lot of Obama. You live in Oakland Obama. Whoa. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[David Bore]

So they didn't even consider that. That there was only one Obama. They were like, nah, y' all all Obama.

[Langston Kerman]

Yes.

[David Bore]

That's cool.

[Langston Kerman]

And I would love to say I haven't participated in similar activities going the other way.

[David Bore]

I think the 90s had us calling a lot of people Jackie Chan.

[Langston Kerman]

Yes.

[David Bore]

In a violent, shameful way.

[Langston Kerman]

I think we've talked about it on here. That whole movie was just like, you can't. You talk crazy? Yeah. I don't understand you. I don't understand the whole movie. The whole movie. What's a walk? It was like a very terrible cultural. And it was like Jackie Chan being very patient.

[David Bore]

They really.

[Langston Kerman]

Jackie Chan's like, in my country, I worked hard and I earned this job. And here's the story. And Chris Lucker's like, I don't give a fuck about that. My daddy did.

[David Bore]

That was the only humanizing thing they was. They were like, his dad's dead and he was a cop.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Yeah.

[David Bore]

So I guess he has a purpose. But, like, otherwise, Chris Tucker was just a psychopath yelling at this man who clearly doesn't speak English about touching his radio and letting him tag along in the most dangerous scenarios imaginable.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. It was really. Man, what a good movie.

[David Bore]

It was. What a pair.

[Langston Kerman]

And that's why I want to read Shakespeare. Because isn't that A Midsummer's Night's Dream?

[David Bore]

Oh, I have no idea.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, I don't.

[David Bore]

I don't think so.

[Langston Kerman]

I'll tell you why I read it.

[David Bore]

I'm going to go so far as to say I don't think A Midsummer Night's Dream at Any point has a Chinese man saying the N word.

[Langston Kerman]

Well, you know what? Let me read it for myself. All right? Let me be the judge of that.

[David Bore]

Yeah. All right. We should get into some voicemails. Yeah, we got voicemails from you sweet baby boys and baby girls.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Thank you. Shout out to the guy who last night told me and Langston, he wants to call in with his pants off, drunk.

[David Bore]

Yeah, that was nice.

[Langston Kerman]

That guy was nice.

[David Bore]

That was very nice.

[Langston Kerman]

It's nice to see fans out and about.

[David Bore]

Yeah. Yeah. You know, you don't have to call that way.

[Langston Kerman]

I mean, you're gonna do what you're gonna do. You're an adult, and I think that's really all we could say. I haven't listened to any of the. I haven't even looked at the titles.

[David Bore]

I haven't either, but. But let's. Let's pick one. Let's. Let's be bold. Let's be caring.

[Langston Kerman]

I got the titles.

[David Bore]

I got. I got one that feels exciting to me.

[Langston Kerman]

Pull the trigger.

[David Bore]

All right, here we go.

[Voicemail Caller]

Yo, first and foremost, fucking love your episode. One of my homeboys put me on. Can't stop fucking listening.

[Langston Kerman]

All right.

[David Bore]

You cussing a lot.

[Langston Kerman]

I like that deep voice. Yeah.

[Voicemail Caller]

I have a fucking conspiracy theory, okay.

[David Bore]

This motherfucker love cussing. Cussing. That's cool.

[Langston Kerman]

I fucking love y' all fucking.

[David Bore]

I got a fucking thing to tell you. Fucking.

[Langston Kerman]

It makes me. You know what the energy is. He's on break at work. Like, you ever be on break at work and you just try to fit it in, Like. Like walking in like, it's like that. Yeah.

[David Bore]

His break just started, but he's been thinking about this the whole time.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm a fucking. Tell him something.

[David Bore]

I'm about to put some shit on him. They gonna call me back. So I gotta.

[Langston Kerman]

I love it.

[David Bore]

I gotta get this in.

[Langston Kerman]

I love it.

[David Bore]

All right, here we go.

[Voicemail Caller]

Seamus Sharp and his brother, Sterling Sharp. I think with everything going on right now with Shane and Sharp, it's a hundred percent a ritual conspiracy. It's a ritual conspiracy. They're making him do all of this stupid shit so he could get his brother into the hall of Fame.

[Langston Kerman]

Whoa. Okay. This isn't. You're saying the NFL.

[David Bore]

Like some sort of shame ritual?

[Langston Kerman]

The NFL is making him do this? I would love that, brother. I'm pretty sure this is all shit. I don't think anybody assisted.

[David Bore]

I don't think that mushmouth motherfucker needs that much help.

[Langston Kerman]

I think this is all his idea.

[David Bore]

I think that boy ain't too bright and he really is digging a nasty buff hole for himself.

[Langston Kerman]

A buff hole. It's a deep hole because he's strong.

[David Bore]

That hole got muscles on it.

[Langston Kerman]

He's strong as hell, but he is.

[David Bore]

He is digging a hole. It is a fascinating thing to watch. But let's.

[Voicemail Caller]

Sharp's numbers were not amazing. They just wanted somebody to get in the hall of Fame so they could keep on having all these other players come later on. But Sterling Sharp was never going to make it. Shannon put himself on there and said, I will do whatever to get my brother into the hall of Fame. That's it.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay, listen, I understand what you're saying and I love my brother.

[David Bore]

Yeah. Thank you for saying that. I think a lot of people were.

[Langston Kerman]

Worried he might be listening. Any of the three, and my sisters too, they're not listening. I don't know if you have sex with a 20 year old to help your brother. You know what I'm saying? I don't think that's like. He's like, I gotta do. I don't wanna. I gotta do it for Sterling.

[David Bore]

My sacrifice.

[Langston Kerman]

Fucking on a 20 year old girl. I don't think he. I think he's.

[David Bore]

This isn't a hero's tale.

[Langston Kerman]

No, I think it's a wild but. Cause did Sterling. Cause he does say he's one of those guys who's like, my brother was better than I ever was. Right.

[David Bore]

I think so.

[Langston Kerman]

Right.

[David Bore]

But I think everybody feels that way about their.

[Langston Kerman]

It's just Cause he got taller first. Yeah.

[David Bore]

I mean Michael Jordan has all those stories about how like his brother was like the greater player, but he never grew past like five, eight or something.

[Langston Kerman]

I was gonna say his brother's also five' eight.

[David Bore]

Yeah. And it's like.

[Langston Kerman]

Well, his name's Larry.

[David Bore]

Yeah. He's like. Well, I guess you could say Larry's better. But like.

[Langston Kerman]

And when you were 12, he was.

[David Bore]

He was.

[Langston Kerman]

And that's cool, man.

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

And I think that's fun.

[David Bore]

It's really dope.

[Langston Kerman]

He's telling people in a bar right now.

[David Bore]

Cheryl Miller was so good at basketball that she busted Reggie Miller's ass for most of his life.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

But eventually Reggie Miller made it past what that is.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what I mean?

[David Bore]

We have to be honest about.

[Langston Kerman]

Cheryl is more revolutionary for her game than 100%. But. Yeah.

[David Bore]

But eventually Reggie became a giant who could do some impossible shit. And that made it so that him and Cheryl weren't on the same competitive level. And that's okay.

[Langston Kerman]

Do you think Cheryl ever gave it to him? Just, like, one time at Thanksgiving when nobody's around, she's like, hey, I think you're really good at basketball.

[David Bore]

Oh, I think she.

[Langston Kerman]

Reggie, I think you're really, really good at basketball.

[David Bore]

I think she gave that boy hell.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. You could feel it on him. You can't feel it on him.

[David Bore]

I think he spent his whole life just hoping she would say that, and she never gave him even a taste of it.

[Langston Kerman]

Well, there's still time.

[David Bore]

There's still time. They're both still with us.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. God, that would be tough.

[David Bore]

As far as Shannon Sharpe is concerned, I don't believe him to be a particularly altruistic guy. I think this is a person who has largely been out for self for some time now. And I think while his brother probably. He does see his brother as, like, a deserving person, I don't know that giving up the career that he had, like, somehow made for himself is a fair exchange for a Hall of Fame ballot.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Which is like, who's. I don't even. Who's on the hall of Fame ballot? I don't even ever, like, every hall of Fame ballot, it's always like, two guys, you know, like, for a casual observer.

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Like two guys, you know, and then five guys that. They're like, oh, Applesauce Jenkins, the single bar helmet. You know what I mean?

[David Bore]

Dickie Markinson.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. He invented the three technique. And you're like, all right. I guess he was an innovative nose tackle in the 60s. I don't really.

[David Bore]

He's the first one to put black stuff under his eyes.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess they called it cooning.

[David Bore]

Little coon here, little coon there. Now you're ready to play football.

[Langston Kerman]

Here come your Alabama Rolling Tide. And are they cooning? Isn't it fun?

[David Bore]

Just a pure white sport, Dick. Pure white sport.

[Langston Kerman]

They'll never catch us here. That's how they used to feel.

[David Bore]

The black man can't even run this fast.

[Langston Kerman]

Man. I wish I could. That seems like a great time to be alive as a black man. When we took over sports.

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Like, to see that happen in your. That would be great. Yeah, it would almost be. It's because it's almost like policy is obviously what helps or whatever, but the social win, like black men taking over basketball, do you think that did more than having a black president for the first time?

[David Bore]

Socially, I think that's why we don't. We really should be saying Bill Russell is the greatest player of all time because of that specific because of the giant leap that he forced a bunch of motherfuckers to make in regards to how they saw the sport and the controlling parties in it. I think you owe some shit to Bill Russell.

[Langston Kerman]

That's fair.

[David Bore]

You know what I mean? Like, I think everybody else has been probably a more talented player right on the list. But I think nobody has had a impact on, like, the humanity of a greater group of people than Bill Russell.

[Langston Kerman]

Right. Cause what else outside of sports and I guess entertainment, which is like, you know, that's so loaded in and of itself.

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

But what other industry have we taken over in that way?

[David Bore]

I don't. Tennis, maybe, but even tennis, they don't give us the keys. They just go like, it's a quality.

[Langston Kerman]

Of players, but it's not a quantity of players. And like, I don't think tennis will ever. It's not gonna ever reflect back black culture in the way that, like, the NBA does.

[David Bore]

That's what I mean. It's like, right?

[Langston Kerman]

Shout out to Francis Tiafo, though. Let's go. Sierra Leone, baby. We on top from Sierra Leone. It's a big deal.

[David Bore]

Even the. Even the way that Serena Williams continued to have, like, tiffs with them about her clothing, about, like, her behavior on the court reflects how much it remains a white sport even though your greatest is a black woman.

[Langston Kerman]

Same with golf. But basketball and football, it was like, no, this is. You just have to. You just have to accept it.

[David Bore]

And. And if Bill Russell is our greatest pioneer, I would say Steph Curry is number two for light skinned people. I would say for light skinned people, same level of transformation.

[Langston Kerman]

No, no, no, no, no.

[David Bore]

Step forward.

[Langston Kerman]

Stop it. Stop it. Ugly. You're disgusting. I'm going to kill you. Give me $200. That was insane. I think that was an insane jump. Has sound off in the comments.

[David Bore]

Has literally.

[Langston Kerman]

This is crazy. What you're saying.

[David Bore]

Has lifted. Light eyed.

[Langston Kerman]

Stop it. Please stop.

[David Bore]

Yellow spirited men get out of here. To a beautiful angelic high. This is that we may never come down from. Thank you. Thank you, Wardell.

[Langston Kerman]

Anyways, let's listen to another.

[David Bore]

Let's do one more voicemail.

[Langston Kerman]

That was a crazy. I liked it. I liked the audacity much like, because that's all I respect. You know that about me.

[David Bore]

I made a bold choice.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. And that's really what I like in life.

[David Bore]

Let's take a break. When we come back, we're gonna do one more voicemail. More David, more. Langston, more. My mama told me.

[Commercial Announcer]

This Labor Day. Say goodbye to spills. Stains and overpriced furniture with washablesofas.com featuring Annabe the only machine washable sofa inside and out where designer quality meets budget friendly pricing. Sofas start at just $6.99, making it the perfect time to upgrade your space. Anibase Pet Friendly stain resistant and interchangeable slipcovers are made with high performance fabric built for real life. You'll love the cloud like comfort of hypoallergenic high resilience foam that never needs fluffing and a durable steel frame that stands the test of time with modular pieces. You can rearrange range anytime. It's a sofa that adapts to your life. Now through Labor Day. Get up to 60% off site [e-mail] Every order comes with a 30 day satisfaction guarantee. If you're not in love, send it back for a full refund. No return shipping, no restocking fees, every penny back. Shop [e-mail] Offers are subject to change and certain restrictions may apply. Good morning. Welcome to today.

[Today Show Host]

From back to school to tackling your to do list, the Today show is your best start to the day.

[David Bore]

It's a new season and every morning we're here to help you take it all on. As the forecast calls for football all.

[Today Show Host]

Across the country, blockbuster stars, live concerts, and so much more. Wake up to where it's all happening.

[Commercial Announcer]

We're getting back to all of it and the best way to start is together.

[Today Show Host]

Watch the Today show weekday mornings at 7am on NBC.

[Homes.com Announcer]

With a detailed agent directory you won't find anywhere else. Homes.com is the only place to find the in depth info home shoppers want. Very in depth info. Looking for a listing agent's contact info? We've got it. The agent with the most sales in your price range. Easy specialized agents with all the up to date info on your dream neighborhood. We'll know them. A Pisces who enjoys long walks on the beach. You've got other sites for that. Homes.com We've done your homework.

[David Bore]

Hey, it's us. The guys from Stuff they don't want you to know. Here at our show, we celebrate curiosity and that's why we're always talking about Hendrix Gin. Opening a bottle of Hendrix Gin is more than the beginning of a cocktail. It's about being open to the extraordinary, the unusual.

[Langston Kerman]

Hendrix Gin is the refreshingly curious choice.

[David Bore]

For marvelous summer cocktails. Yeah, this summer you can try the delectable Hendrix Cucumber Lemonade. It's a simple cocktail, but Check it out. It's perfect for any occasion because Hendrix tastes like no other gin. You know why? Because it's made like no other gin. And check out Hendrick's Gin limited release variants because they take you on a flavor journey. And each bottle tells a unique story. And every sip invites the unexpected. To learn more about Hendrix and to find more cocktail recipes, visit hendricksgin.com US Drink responsibly. Hendrix Gin, 44% alcohol by volume 20, 25, imported by William Grant & Sons Incorporated, New York, NY.

[Langston Kerman]

They need to have songs to get us away from drugs again.

[David Bore]

I agree.

[Langston Kerman]

We really cut that out. We cut that short, I think. Yeah.

[David Bore]

A little fun, little bop about fentanyl would be nice.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Talking about getting out the swamp.

[David Bore]

Get off that fence.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[David Bore]

Stop pitching that tent. Get off that fence.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, I like that.

[David Bore]

Yeah, look, I just thought of that.

[Langston Kerman]

We gotta get somebody in here. We gotta get somebody in. We gotta get somebody in.

[David Bore]

We just make an anti fentanyl song almost identical to that one.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, Yeah. I think it'd be awesome doing that fan.

[David Bore]

That turned into that weird Smokey Robinson.

[Langston Kerman]

That's exactly what I was going for. That's exactly what I was going for.

[David Bore]

Oh, we got different plans.

[Langston Kerman]

Bang, bang, bang, bang.

[David Bore]

Never mind. I thought we were in sync.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay.

[David Bore]

Okay. I actually don't think we can work on this together.

[Langston Kerman]

Doing that code.

[David Bore]

Okay, this next voicemail. I actually don't know what the subject line means, but I'm excited because it either is gonna make no sense or the most sense.

[Voicemail Caller]

My mama told me. Hey, guys. Love the.

[David Bore]

Okay. Coming in hot.

[Langston Kerman]

You don't like that?

[David Bore]

I don't know how I feel about it. I think the passion at which this person sang and then directly went back into their regular speaking voice troubles me slightly.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay. I mean, but did you. What, you thought it was gonna be a hinged, man?

[David Bore]

I think I wanted him to be like, that was crazy, right? And then you say, hey. He just sort of was like, normal. Here we go.

[Langston Kerman]

Much like your Steph Curry take. I loved it. Okay, let's go.

[Voicemail Caller]

So I'm calling in sober. Very much on my way to work, wishing I was not sober. My mama told me that about 85% of Coochie feels the same pause.

[Langston Kerman]

And therefore, this guy must be protected at all costs. This man is dangerous. Yeah. And he's. I don't even know if he's right or not. I'm just saying that already puts everything in jeopardy.

[David Bore]

85%.

[Langston Kerman]

That's a lie. That's a lie.

[David Bore]

You're really taking power away from coochie.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. From the almighty dollar.

[David Bore]

It's certainly what I value most.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Voicemail Caller]

It is possible for things to actually be better than the majority of pussy that is food. And I'm sure you have all had an experience where you ate some food and it was so good that you thought to yourself, this is better than some sex I have had.

[Langston Kerman]

Pause. I don't know if this man has had coochie. Oh, is. Is. Is what I'm starting to feel.

[David Bore]

Yeah. Yeah. You think this is all a long con.

[Langston Kerman]

I think that maybe he's not familiar with the heights that it can reach.

[David Bore]

Yeah. He's like, me, I get pussy all the time. Watch me leave a voicemail about it.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, Yeah. I like Mac and cheese. Like, all right. Yeah, I. Mac and cheese has gotten me sweaty, but I wasn't proud of it.

[David Bore]

I've certainly had a lot of meals where I go like, damn, that shit. That shit was like sex. That shit felt whatever. I think where I disagree is that if I'm ever saying it's better than sex, it's because I just had sex.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

You know what I mean? Like, I know more sex is on the horizon. I'm not like eating Mac and cheese and then being like, you know what? I don't need to fuck no more. I can just keep eating this.

[Langston Kerman]

It's also where, you know, the bar is, where it's like. If you say that was better than sexual, you're not saying it's better than the best sex you ever had. No. You're saying it's better than the worst sex you ever had.

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

This is always, Always. Yeah.

[David Bore]

This is better than Digiorno as well.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is. This is better than junior year, I guess, when nobody knew what was going on.

[David Bore]

But this would be like, what are we talking about now? To his point, he's saying 85% of it is just that 80. You know what is just this standard sort of like not bad, not good.

[Langston Kerman]

I didn't understand. I thought he said 85% of the coochie's in the world felt the same.

[David Bore]

I think that is what he's saying.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, I thought. Ok. I thought what you were saying is that he's saying 85% of the reason coochie feels good.

[David Bore]

Oh, no, no, no. I don't think he's putting a measurement on pussy objectively.

[Langston Kerman]

Right.

[David Bore]

I think he's saying as a group, most pussy is the same. Coochie respectfully, is the same. But every once in a while you come across something miraculous.

[Langston Kerman]

I would like to also hear the numbers if that's how he feels about booty.

[David Bore]

Oh, interesting.

[Voicemail Caller]

And also for a lot of women who think they have premium or top tier that live in that 50, they're.

[Langston Kerman]

Coming from a bad place. Yeah, it's coming from a bad place.

[David Bore]

I didn't like that.

[Langston Kerman]

That was not good. And I don't the way that this is a villain.

[David Bore]

Yeah. I think this felt like peer reviewed science at first and now it's just a man who has an issue with a few women who made fun of his body or personality.

[Langston Kerman]

And I get it because they'll eat you up sometimes.

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. And it hurts when women cut you. Yeah.

[David Bore]

I've been hurt before and I just think leaving the voicemail is. Is not going to be the solution to the pain that you're experiencing.

[Langston Kerman]

But let's hear him out.

[David Bore]

Let's let him finish. Because that top tier, that premium, we got to know what that means for you.

[Voicemail Caller]

15%. They often are very incorrect. And usually men can tell if a woman is in that top tier not by actually engaging in sexual intercourse, but looking at the aura of men around her.

[Langston Kerman]

Pause. This man is. He's speaking from underground.

[David Bore]

Yeah. He's talking about auras.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. What are you.

[David Bore]

We can smell it in the wind that she's got the good pussy.

[Langston Kerman]

Cause here's the thing. And this. Yeah. This is like bullshit. If there was ever something to believe in, the idea of like a diamond in the rough, it's coochie. Yeah. If there was ever like a case for that idea of things being. You don't think there's just some Great coochie at 7:11 that you just don't know about because she just married some man. And this is. I don't like this guy anymore. Also, you were my friend because you sang. And I was wrong. And I was wrong.

[David Bore]

You called it early.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. You did. As I was wrong.

[David Bore]

I'll say this. I think that this is such a cynical perspective of the world and that coochie, much like anything, has the potential to grow and change and become whatever it wants to be. If you have spent your life with trash pussy that can end today, you tomorrow can wake up and say I got good coochie.

[Langston Kerman]

Called Dr. South Dakota.

[David Bore]

That's where they do that at. It is gonna take some work. But you can face the world a good coochie person. Despite much like you can face the world a good dick dude. Even though you have A history of leaving bad dick around town. I think that people have the potential for growth and change. And I think this sort of weird measurement of 85 to 15 and you don't know, you thought you had it, but you don't have it, presumes that coochie is strictly about the orifice. And that's not what good pussy is for me.

[Langston Kerman]

No, it's the whole catalog. It's everything about it.

[David Bore]

It's the entire vibe. Your whole experience with that person is good pussy. And I don't put a measurement on it. Strictly based off of the vagina.

[Langston Kerman]

Exactly. Because we love women and this guy does not.

[David Bore]

But, brother, we hope you keep listening.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, no, keep calling in. Cause you're driving the dialogue.

[David Bore]

We disagree with you, but that don't mean you gotta go home. You keep kicking it. You keep hanging out and see if maybe, you know, you catch the vibe we got going on over here. Yeah, you thought you were playing peanut. We play spades. That's. You gonna have to figure out what we got going, but you're welcome to stay. Put that shitty deck away.

[Langston Kerman]

But congratulations. Learning a harder game.

[David Bore]

Yep, for sure. Pete Knuckle is harder.

[Langston Kerman]

I hope that works out for you. Learning the more complicated game.

[David Bore]

It's harder and way less people want to play it.

[Langston Kerman]

Yep. But I'm over here getting drunk, going new.

[David Bore]

So we don't need to finish.

[Langston Kerman]

I would like to finish.

[David Bore]

Okay, let's finish.

[Voicemail Caller]

I. E. How men react to Rihanna who have been with her or Erykah Badu. We all know that they have top tier without ever engaging. So just wanted to share that theory with you guys. I don't know if that's something you can work with. Yeah, we can work with this because it's 85. Feeling the same love. Y' all guys take care.

[David Bore]

Damn.

[Langston Kerman]

Damn.

[David Bore]

Hey, first of all, man, we love you too. Like a brother. And like a lot of brothers, we think, brother, you need help.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, brother. It's not working. Good.

[David Bore]

You gotta learn to love ladies beyond the sum of their parts.

[Langston Kerman]

That was a blinso. Yeah, Black incel.

[David Bore]

No, I knew what you meant.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay.

[David Bore]

I knew it wasn't a word I was familiar with, but that it had other words I recognized.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, it's usually just me combining two shits.

[David Bore]

What you got going on? Tell the people where they can find you.

[Langston Kerman]

Cool guy jokes87 on Instagram. My comedy special, Birth of a Nation, is coming out on 800 pound gorilla on August 9th, so you can watch it for YouTube for free. So everybody who didn't want to buy it from me. It's okay. I forgive you. Just go watch it for free 10 times.

[David Bore]

Hell yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

September 9th. Did I say August 9th? September.

[David Bore]

September 9th. Either way, yeah, go see it. If it was September 9th correct the first time, he was right. And if it's not, bitch, you heard the change. September 9th. You bitch, you bitch. You bitch, you bitch. You can follow me at Langston Kerman. I am going on tour. I'm going to be hitting a bunch of fucking cities on the Aspiring Deadbeat Dad Tour. Inspiring Deadbeat Tour is what it's called. I'm very proud of the work. Darryl Sharp, who has done a lot of work for our show in the past, did the art for it and I'm really excited to be going to your city. September 18th, I'll be in Toronto, one night only. And then September 19th and 20th, I'm going to Philly, baby. I want to hear y' all with your weird accents. Pull up so we could talk shit about your sports teams, huh? That's all I really want to do.

[Langston Kerman]

You're going to get a hoagie, I'm.

[David Bore]

Going to get a big old sammich and I'm going to talk shit about your weird town. Yeah, come out. Toronto, Philly, September, and then all the other dates you can find on my [e-mail] follow us at my mama told me pod on everything social media like subscribe, rate, review. Give us a call at 844-LITTLE MOMS. Send us your thoughts on all [e-mail] we would love to hear your voices and most importantly, wash your ass. Bye, bitch. I got bronchitis.

[Langston Kerman]

Ain't nobody got time for that.

[David Bore]

My Mama Told Me is a production of Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network.

[Langston Kerman]

And iHeart podcast created and hosted by Langston Kern.

[David Bore]

Co hosted by David Bore executive produced.

[Langston Kerman]

By Will Ferrell on Sci Fi and Olivia Aguilar.

[David Bore]

Co produced by Bay Wayne Edited and.

[Langston Kerman]

Engineered by Justin Khan.

[David Bore]

Music by Nick Chambers.

[Langston Kerman]

Artwork by Dogon Krieger.

[David Bore]

You can now watch episodes of My Mama told me on YouTube, follow at my Mama Told Me and subscribe to our channel.

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[David Bore]

This is an iHeart podcast.