My Momma Told Me – "Is Santa an Elf?" (December 25, 2025)

Episode Overview

In this special holiday episode, hosts Langston Kerman and David Gborie dig into the wild, hilarious, and strangely profound world of Black Christmas conspiracy theories. They ask the central question: "Is Santa an elf?" but explore much more—delving into the cultural awkwardness of Kwanzaa vs. Christmas, the racial coding of Santa Claus, terrifying Santa legends, and listener voicemails that veer delightfully off-track. With their signature irreverence and sharp wit, Langston and David turn holiday traditions and myths inside out, inviting listeners to laugh and think a little deeper about what we pass down as seasonal "truths."

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Struggle of Kwanzaa vs. Christmas

• Langston opens with the idea that Kwanzaa is set up to fail because of its placement right after Christmas:

  "I think Kwanzaa could have worked if you repositioned its place in the calendar. You can't compete with Christmas. ...Put it in that little drought from, like, February to May." (03:17)

• Both hosts agree it’s nearly impossible for Kwanzaa to thrive coming immediately after America's most dominant holiday.
• David pokes fun at how Kwanzaa gets lost:

  "Even if I want to celebrate Kwanzaa, even if I'm not anti Kwanzaa...God damn. Are you making me ask a lot?" (03:43)

• The conversation touches upon how major holidays are baked into American culture, making alternatives feel irrelevant or "secondary."

2. The Question of Santa’s Morality and Racial Coding

• An email prompts Langston and David to examine a bizarre Black family legend: if you look at Santa, he'll spit chewing tobacco into your eyes, causing magical blindness. Both hosts are baffled:

  "I've never heard of Santa smoking cigarettes or chewing tobacco. ...I thought Santa was not addicted to nicotine products." (07:46, David)

• They theorize this version of Santa probably came from a rougher, more rural environment—injecting him with local "uncle energy"—and that the legend was likely meant to terrorize kids into behaving.
• Langston muses on how Santa is commonly non-punitive in his family's lore:

  "Santa also never felt like he wanted to give the coal. ...You forced him to do it." (09:52)

• The conversation expands into international Santas, the folklore of Krampus, and the problematic figure of Black Pete ("Zwarte Piet"):
  • "Well, Black Pete is his slave. ...That's not Santa, that's the slave boy he keeps with him." (11:46, David)
  • They reject the idea of needing a Black Santa for validation:

    "When you're too passionate about Santa's racial identity, you stop dealing with the fact that this motherfucker ain't real." (13:09, David)

  • Instead, they joke about making the Easter Bunny "as dark as you can," a comedic reversal.

3. "Is Santa an Elf?" – The Core Conspiracy

• A listener claims Santa is a cryptid—a "jolly plump elf" and possibly his people's king. The hosts break down the logic:
  • "I don't consider Santa to be an elf. I think that's a man who has met some elves and decided this is a good business opportunity." (14:48, David)
  • "He's got regular ears. ...And he doesn't have names like them." (15:05, Langston)
• They compare Santa’s elf-adjacent status to the “Gary Owen of elves”—he's not one, but associated.
• The conversation drifts into "Santa as myth," comparing him to gods (Odin, Zeus) and even Bigfoot as a frequently "sighted" but never proven figure.
• A stoned cousin puts forward that "Santa is the link between us and the future, the suit is his skin, not clothes" (17:43). The hosts are amused but doubt his ideas are healthy for an underdeveloped brain.
• David draws a line between parental and Santa credit:

  "I don't want you worshiping. ...My children are not gonna worship a white man in the sky. ...Daddy brings the bread." (20:09)

4. Wild Conspiracies from Listener Voicemails

Freddy Krueger as Santa Claus (24:12)

• A caller links Santa and Freddy Krueger (“he sees you when you’re sleeping...”) and develops an elaborate story about Santa’s mantle being passed like James Bond, Santa abusing elves, and Freddy being the "burned" former Santa.
• Both hosts are bewildered:

  "You got a lot going on, man. ...That was world-building in a very creative way." (26:44, 27:55)

• They gently wish the caller well, implying incarceration or at least a need for help, and humorously promise to pray for him.

Jack Frost: Christmas Movie or Horror? (29:23)

• Another caller, apparently drunk and driving to Wingstop, wonders aloud about the dual nature of the "Jack Frost" movies (the horror film vs. the Michael Keaton family film).

  "What do you want from us? You said, there’s a movie I’ve seen. There’s another movie I’ve also seen. And what’s up with that? ...I don’t know, man." (31:22, David)

• David and Langston use the opportunity to riff on Hollywood recycling failed properties, then move onto a tangent about the merits (or lack thereof) of Wingstop’s veggie sides.

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• "Merry Christmas, you bitch." – Langston Kerman (02:56)
• "Christmas is unfadable. It just is. You just gotta move it." – Langston (06:00)
• "I don't want you worshiping. ...My children are not gonna worship a white man in the sky. ...Daddy brings the bread." – David (20:09)
• "Santa also never felt like he wanted to give the coal. ...You forced him to do it." – Langston (09:52)
• "This Santa is like, I will take your fucking eyeballs from you." – David (09:43)
• "When you're too passionate about Santa's racial identity, you stop dealing with the fact that this motherfucker ain't real." – David (13:09)
• "You gotta lot going on, man." – Langston (26:44)
• "You want some Wingstop. You're drunk. Or take a nap." – Langston (31:47)
• "I think Wingstop perfected the formula in a lab. ...There are not real chefs in those kitchens." – David (34:14)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [03:17] – Langston lays out his Kwanzaa placement theory.
• [07:06] – Listener email: Santa spitting chewing tobacco, magical blindness.
• [09:27] – How mean/violent is Santa? Actual family beliefs.
• [11:46] – Black Pete/International Santa folklore.
• [13:09] – On the racial politics of Santa and authenticity.
• [14:46] – Email: Is Santa an elf? Is he a cryptid?
• [17:43] – Stoned cousin’s theory: Santa is the future of humanity.
• [20:09] – Parental control over Santa credit ("Daddy brings the bread").
• [24:12] – World Building Voicemail: Santa/Freddy Krueger mega-theory.
• [29:23] – Drunk-dialed conspiracy about Jack Frost movies.
• [32:38] – Deeper dive into Jack Frost film timelines and Hollywood’s use of failed properties.
• [34:06] – Food tangent: why Wingstop’s sides are trash (but wings are good).
• [35:36] – Holiday sign-off and notes on addiction/help-seeking, promotion of future shows.

Final Thoughts

Langston and David keep things irreverent but thoughtful—never missing an opportunity to reframe cultural myths or bust up a tired Black conspiracy theory. The holiday episode is true to the show’s spirit: part barbershop, part family dinner, and part absurd improv. Whether parsing the relationship between Santa and elves, mocking scary regional Santas, or handling (very) strange voicemails, they make the holiday season both funnier and a little bit realer.

Perfect for fans of cultural satire, Black folklore, and the art of going off-topic in brilliant ways.

Connect & Participate

• Send your own conspiracy theories to: mymamapodmail@gmail.com
• Call in at: 844-LIM-MOMS
• Find David on Instagram: @Coolguyjokes87
• Find Langston everywhere: @LangstonKerman

Happy holidays, and remember: Daddy brings the bread.