Mattress Firms Are Drug Fronts (with Langston Kerman and David Gborie)

Summary

My Mama Told Me: Mattress Firms Are Drug Fronts Hosted by Langston Kerman and David Gborie | Released on December 17, 2024

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Introduction

In this intriguing episode of My Mama Told Me, comedians Langston Kerman and David Gborie explore a provocative Black conspiracy theory: Are Mattress Firms actually fronts for illicit activities? Drawing from listener insights and their signature humorous banter, Langston and David delve deep into the plausibility of this claim, examining business patterns, legal troubles, and societal implications.

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Setting the Stage

The episode kicks off with light-hearted banter as Langston and David discuss various conspiracies, ranging from silly to deeply unsettling. Their chemistry and comedic timing set a relaxed yet investigative tone for the discussion ahead.

Quote:

• David [04:55]: "This time it's personal."

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Listener Email: The Mattress Firm Conspiracy

The focal point of the episode is an email from a listener named Bree, who presents her contention that Mattress Firms are not just retail stores but orchestrate money laundering schemes under the guise of legitimate business operations.

Key Points from Bree’s Email:

• Clustering of Stores: Bree points out that multiple Mattress Firm locations are often found within close proximity (e.g., five stores less than a mile apart) without a corresponding demand in the area.
• Sustained Operations: Despite apparent low demand, these stores continue to operate, suggesting an unusual level of business sustainability.
• Executive Lawsuits: Numerous lawsuits involving Mattress Firm executives raise suspicions about the company's internal practices and legitimacy.

Quote:

• Bree [54:52]: "Most of them are located in the trap because this man was likely white."

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Analyzing the Plausibility

Langston and David meticulously dissect Bree's claims, weighing evidence and questioning the viability of Mattress Firms as drug fronts.

1. Business Model Sustainability:

   • They question how Mattress Firms can maintain multiple locations with seemingly low demand.
   • Discuss the possibility of overstocking and continuous operations as potential indicators of money laundering.

2. Comparative Analysis:

   • Compare Mattress Firms to other known fronts like laundromats or car washes, pondering why mattresses might be chosen as the medium for illicit activities.
   • Evaluate the high-quality nature of mattresses as a facade for laundering money, considering their substantial cost and storage requirements.

3. Legal Scrutiny:

   • Highlight the numerous lawsuits involving Mattress Firm executives as red flags that could indicate deeper systemic issues within the company.
   • Debate why such patterns have not attracted substantial regulatory attention if the conspiracy theory holds merit.

Quotes:

• Langston [56:35]: "It’s like Mattress Firm is a front. And I have a mattress that I’d like you to lay on."
• David [60:08]: "Why have they not been investigated? Because if it’s that obvious to all of us, it’s obviously obvious to everyone else."

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Broader Discussions: Private Detectives and Disguises

While dissecting the Mattress Firm theory, Langston and David segue into discussions about private detectives, the art of disguise, and the portrayal of Black action heroes in media. This segment serves to contextualize their investigative approach and the cultural perceptions surrounding conspiracy theories.

Highlights:

• Private Detectives: They joke about the stereotypical image of private detectives, debating the effectiveness and reality behind disguises used in investigations.
• Disguise Technology: Touch upon the advancements and limitations of disguise techniques, contrasting real-life practices with their cinematic representations.
• Representation in Media: Express desire for more authentic Black action heroes who embody strength and intelligence without falling into clichéd stereotypes.

Quotes:

• David [06:37]: "Tretch is buff as hell."
• Langston [07:25]: "I have friends who are intimate with their animals in ways that I just can’t be."

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Conclusion and Call to Action

After an extensive and entertaining analysis, Langston and David circle back to Bree's conspiracy theory, reaffirming their intrigue and urging listeners to share their own theories. They emphasize the importance of community engagement in unraveling and discussing such unconventional ideas.

Key Takeaways:

• Skepticism and Open-Mindedness: While entertaining the possibility of Mattress Firms being drug fronts, they maintain a balance between skepticism and openness to new information.
• Community Involvement: Encourage listeners to contribute their own conspiracy theories and engage in thoughtful discussions to broaden the investigative scope.

Quote:

• David [67:14]: "Keep sending them because we really appreciate it. Like subscribe Rate Review Devontae Swing devontae Swing Bye Bitch."

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Langston [04:31]: "That’s a Jodeci hit. They’re back, baby."
• David [05:14]: "Man, I would love a John Wick franchise based on somebody wronging devontae."
• Langston [06:05]: "He's doing weird fucking moves and outrunning guys, and it's like. I don't. I just don't think it's possible."
• David [17:25]: "He was always surrounded by a ton of people."
• Langston [27:04]: "We just didn’t Sell the tickets and planes don’t make sense if you can’t justify the ticket sales."
• David [34:13]: "I think you have to have a real, like, evil motherfucker in your corner."
• Langston [63:43]: "It's every city. Everybody’s had this experience of feeling like, what the fuck? How are there so many of these?"
• David [66:46]: "Sometimes I wish that I could, like, I don’t wanna be a pastor. It would be a great writing exercise to just write a sermon every Sunday."

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Final Thoughts

This episode of My Mama Told Me skillfully blends humor with investigative discourse, inviting listeners to contemplate and question the underlying motives of everyday businesses. Langston and David's dynamic interplay not only entertains but also provokes thought on the complexities of conspiracy theories within the Black community.

For those intrigued by unconventional theories and enjoy comedic yet insightful discussions, this episode offers a compelling listen that challenges perceptions and encourages critical thinking.

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If you have your own conspiracy theories or insights on Bree's Mattress Firm theory, feel free to reach out via email at mymamapodmail.com or send a voicemail to 844-LIL-MOMS. Langston and David are eager to hear your thoughts and continue the conversation on uncovering the hidden truths behind everyday phenomena.

Transcript

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[Truck Week Voice]

It's time for that once a year event Truck Week where you save big on America's biggest trucks including the 12 ton 12 liter war machine.

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[Truck Week Voice]

Also, private detective. Do you think people still use disguises?

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Oh, you think the private detectives are using disguises?

[Truck Week Voice]

I think, yeah. I had hoped that the way that you asked. That really took the wind out of my sails.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah, I don't think private detectives are, like, masters of disguise. I think they're, like people in shitty leather jackets who, like, just sit really far away from the person.

[Truck Week Voice]

Damn, shitty leather jackets is tough. If my private detective goes to Wilson's.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

The leather character, I think these are real Burlington Coat Factory jackets. No irregular arms, you know what I mean?

[Truck Week Voice]

He got some London fog.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

I think this is just a dude, you know what I mean? I don't think there's anything elevated about this experience at all. The government growing babies, microchip's in your anis. All koala bears are racist. The ozone layer owes me money. Marshy's invented turkey stuff with me.

[Truck Week Voice]

Y'all can't tell me nothing. I'm getting a little tired of your broken promises. Promises, promises. Welcome, little mamas and gentiles alike, to another phenomenal episode of My Mama Told.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Me, the podcast where we dive deep, deep into the pockets of black conspiracy.

[Truck Week Voice]

Theories, and we finally work to prove that the shell casings found at the site of the grisly murder of the United Healthcare CEO said, defend, deny, depose. And there was a fourth shell casing not reported to the media that said devontae Swain. That's right, y'all. This is a Jodeci hit. My name is David Borey.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

I'm Langston Kerman. I love it. Jodeci hit. They're back, baby. Hey. They never left. They're back, and they're doing things a little different this time.

[Truck Week Voice]

Yeah, this time it's personal.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

This time, you killed devontae's dog, and he's seeking justice. I like that, man.

[Truck Week Voice]

Man, I would love a John Wick franchise based on somebody wronging devontae.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Dude, there's so much room. I. It frustrates me often when I think about, like, what black media is, and there's so much room for us to really just let some of our greatest heroes shine in ways that we didn't. Wouldn't expect them to shine.

[Truck Week Voice]

True.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Why isn't devonte out here with, like, silencers on his gun shooting down bad guys and fucking Lucy Liu or whatever it is that happens in those movies?

[Truck Week Voice]

We need more black action heroes. I Think in general, it feels like. It feels like every time period gets one or two.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah.

[Truck Week Voice]

You know what I mean? And lately they've been getting old for some reason. God Bless Denzel. Equalizer 3.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah. Yeah. It wasn't.

[Truck Week Voice]

Come on, man. Come on, man. And I watched it. I'm not, like. I'm not above it.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

There were a few moments where he was, like, swerving on people. I'm like, come on, man.

[Truck Week Voice]

He can't.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

You know what I mean? He's, like, doing weird fucking moves and outrunning guys, and it's like. I don't. I just don't think it's possible.

[Truck Week Voice]

He doesn't even look like that.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

No.

[Truck Week Voice]

And that's okay. But we get. Devontae could probably still do it.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Devontae could still do it.

[Truck Week Voice]

Devontae could do it. Who else would be a great black action hero?

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

That's a great question.

[Truck Week Voice]

I mean, I think it's like. I think Tretch.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Mm. Tretch is buff.

[Truck Week Voice]

Tretch is buff as hell.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

And scary.

[Truck Week Voice]

And scary. Looks like he knows his way around a lot of guns.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Tretch was scary in a period where rappers weren't scary.

[Truck Week Voice]

Oh, right. They were all on some unity shit. And he was still like, no, I'm buff and I'm scary.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

I'll still kill you.

[Truck Week Voice]

Yeah.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

He's like, all my friends are cool, but I'll still kill you.

[Truck Week Voice]

Yeah. He's like, I will not stop the violence.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Now they holding hands, but I'll beat your ass.

[Truck Week Voice]

Yeah. Nah.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Trek Tretch was terrifying.

[Truck Week Voice]

Yeah. I'm still scared of tretch.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

100%.

[Truck Week Voice]

Trek truck's in here right now. I'm not saying shit.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

We had. We had. His name is failing me now. Q from Moesha. We had.

[Truck Week Voice]

Oh, Fredro Starr. Yeah.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Fredro Starr on Busted.

[Truck Week Voice]

Great interviewer.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Some of the best interviews.

[Truck Week Voice]

Yeah.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Check your knowledge.

[Truck Week Voice]

Do they run you off your block?

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

My. We had him on bus down playing one of the burgers in the barbecue. Oh.

[Truck Week Voice]

When Sam was flipping them.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

When Sam was flipping them. And the anxiety I felt introducing myself to Fredro Starr cannot be articulated.

[Truck Week Voice]

That would be tough.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

And he couldn't have been nicer. Really Couldn't have been more professional. He's a lovely person. As far as the three minutes of interaction that I had with him. Great guy. But I just knew I was gonna be like, what's up, Fredro? He was like, bitch, nigga, I'll kill you.

[Truck Week Voice]

Bow the fuck up. What. What do you. This is a good question because I've struggled with this.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah.

[Truck Week Voice]

What do you say when you introduce yourself to a rapper?

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

I only introduce myself to rappers with context.

[Truck Week Voice]

But, no, I'm talking about what's the opinion? Is it like, sup? I'm Langston. Hey, man. Langston. Langston Kirman. Netflix. Like, what's.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah, I'm one of the executives at Netflix. We love what you're doing.

[Truck Week Voice]

Fredro Langston Kerman, mfa.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

I think I just say, hey, what's up?

[Truck Week Voice]

That's good.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

I don't. I don't do big fan.

[Truck Week Voice]

No, you can't do big fan.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Because I think especially with rappers and musicians, that makes you a hoe real fast.

[Truck Week Voice]

Right.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

And I don't want to be a hoe yet.

[Truck Week Voice]

Right. Not yet.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

I'll be a hoe eventually.

[Truck Week Voice]

Let me earn it on my own time.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah, I never do the big fan shit, but I. Yeah, I usually just say, what's up, man? I'm Langston.

[Truck Week Voice]

Cause here's the thing is, also, you have to lead with strength, but you have to know I'm not playing your game. I want to be Soulja Boy out here talking to Floyd. You know what I mean? So it's like. It's like. There's, like. It's a tough thing I struggle with. Luckily, the one rapper I met, he was wasted.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Oh, that's cool.

[Truck Week Voice]

Freddie Gibbs.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Freddie Gibbs. Okay.

[Truck Week Voice]

I'm pretty sure he thought I was Teddy Ray.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

You're like, teddy, your skin looks better than you look good.

[Truck Week Voice]

We were both on the show.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah. I think the handshakes are more the anxiety for me than, like, what I say.

[Truck Week Voice]

You. You're not coming with a classic dap there.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Well, my fear is that it's one of those where, like, they. You ever meet those people where, like, they do their own thing inside of a classic dap?

[Truck Week Voice]

I hate it.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

It drives me nuts.

[Truck Week Voice]

Don't throw up blood or whatever. You're like. You know, it's always. They go up with it.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah. Or they, like, do the point at the end of it and shit. And it's like, come on, man. Just meet me where I'm at. You knew I was. You knew I wasn't affiliated.

[Truck Week Voice]

You knew.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

I didn't know what you was on. Like, just meet me at home. You know what I mean?

[Truck Week Voice]

I know what you mean. We've worked so hard to have a universal dap that. To throw shit in. It is not fair to either of us.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

And now. And I really appreciate the NBA for this, the NBA introduced that dap where you just slap and then hug and that shit liberated. I think because there was this sort of, like, weird cultural thing where, like, some black people depending on regional shit you dap. Where you go up first and then you come down. And then some people just go straight down and hit it. And so, like, there would be times where adapt would get sloppy. Cause somebody was expecting more of, like, the grip, then the grip, whatever. But like this NBA shit, you just slap and you go in, everybody's clean. You know what I mean?

[Truck Week Voice]

My problem with that is it starts with a hug. I do a subtle lift and then a down tight.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Okay.

[Truck Week Voice]

You understand what I'm saying?

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah.

[Truck Week Voice]

So it's like that. A little bit. A little bit. And then lock it in, let you.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Know, I could go up, but I'm staying down.

[Truck Week Voice]

Exactly, exactly. That's what you need to know about me.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

If you need me up there, I can do it.

[Truck Week Voice]

Because the slap in the hug is too familiar if you don't know people, which is a problem because, like, in my heart, I want a hug.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah. I just want to feel your skin against my skin.

[Truck Week Voice]

I just think it's a great way to greet people. You know what I mean?

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah.

[Truck Week Voice]

But, yeah, that is hard. I don't like it when they. Now I feel like you're implicating me in a crime.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

I've never even thought of it as a gang thing as much as a signature thing.

[Truck Week Voice]

Right.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

That bothers me.

[Truck Week Voice]

Like, this is a Legs to death.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah. Come on, man.

[Truck Week Voice]

We're.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

We're serving up Applebee's over here, and you trying to make this, like, some.

[Truck Week Voice]

Fancy restaurant that I. Davenborg Esquire.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah, I'm not doing that. Just give me traditional American meal, you know what I mean?

[Truck Week Voice]

Yeah.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

I don't care for when it becomes sort of like this. This specialty experience.

[Truck Week Voice]

Right.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

I do. I tweeted this yesterday. I'm still on Twitter. I'm never going to leave.

[Truck Week Voice]

It's okay. I want to see Twitter. Yeah.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

I want to see it burn all the way down before I walk away from what I built over there. But I do have a lot of Twitter followers.

[Truck Week Voice]

I don't mean that to be reductive. I mean, do you have as many Twitter followers as, like, Instagram? No.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

No, not at all.

[Truck Week Voice]

But it.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

But it's. I have, like, 23K.

[Truck Week Voice]

All right, that's worth saying.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

And yeah, it's like, it'd be silly to just walk away from 23,000 people who might like something and show up. I don't have a big enough fan base showing up to my shows to, like, abandon A platform. You know what I mean?

[Truck Week Voice]

My brother the same.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah. I got to go where they might be at.

[Truck Week Voice]

I only got out of Twitter because I was scared of Pandemic.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah, sure.

[Truck Week Voice]

To be honest, like, white boys bleach their hair. I got off Twitter.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

That's fair.

[Truck Week Voice]

It was the same thing, though.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah.

[Truck Week Voice]

Yeah. Where it was like, oh, he's going through it.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Right. I say all that to say I do really want to reach a point in my career where at some point, I have the option to create a signature handshake with LeBron.

[Truck Week Voice]

LeBron is who you pick.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Well, he just has so many signature handshakes.

[Truck Week Voice]

Okay, so you think it would be just another.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

I think he's willing to make a signature handshake with just about anybody if you can get in close enough to him. And I think he will remember it because he has that insane photographic memory.

[Truck Week Voice]

Here's the thing, people. I feel like in theory, I guess with LeBron, it's different in practice. I don't think people love secret handshakes that much.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Whoa.

[Truck Week Voice]

So my boy has family handshake. The shout out to Brian Sullivan. He's watching.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Okay.

[Truck Week Voice]

He has, like, a family handshake that he does.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah.

[Truck Week Voice]

And then he taught me, so I'll do it with him. But then my girl is.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Wait, so it's his. His family. His immediate family, and I think it's extended. Okay.

[Truck Week Voice]

I think it's like. I think it's like the fan. It's like, coming to Thanksgiving.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

I got you.

[Truck Week Voice]

But, man, I do it in, like, when I do it in front of my girl, I see her get angry.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Whoa.

[Truck Week Voice]

And then I suggested. We had a secret handshake, and she said, I'm not one of your little friends, which hurt. Hurt.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah. I think what she's trying to say to you is, don't dat me up, motherfucker. Give me some dick. Give me what I deserve. Which is not a high five for my partner.

[Truck Week Voice]

So I guess maybe that was more of a personal anecdote.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah. But I will say there are. There are people in both of our lives who we know who have secret handshakes or sort of like signature handshakes. And I'm never like, hell, yeah. When I watch them do it.

[Truck Week Voice]

Yeah.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

I'm always like, all right.

[Truck Week Voice]

But like, I think that all right. From the dates of Fresh Prince, I always wanted to be on that inside track, dog.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

It looks so cool. Yeah. When Will and Jeff would do the thing, man.

[Truck Week Voice]

Who do you think wrote that?

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

They feel like they had that before they Showed up.

[Truck Week Voice]

You think they came to the writers room with that?

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

I think that's what they contributed.

[Truck Week Voice]

Okay.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

I don't think they contributed a lot to the writers room, but I think Will and Jeff showed up being like, we have this really fun handshake we like to do.

[Truck Week Voice]

Do you think they still do it? Yes, man. That's great. That's really beautiful. I really. That's really great.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah, I think they still do that, man. And I think what makes it a little sad is I'm not sure that they still do it because that's their passion or as much as, like, once you become that famous, you. Everybody's always watching, and it becomes like every interaction is a performance. And so we put on the show every time. But, yeah, I think they still do it.

[Truck Week Voice]

But you think they do it when nobody's watching? Like, you know how there's, like, four green rooms at any event? They're in, like, the most famous people green room. It's just them.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

And then, like, I don't think there's ever. I think when you become Will Smith, there's never a point where nobody's watching.

[Truck Week Voice]

That's fair. I met him, and he was always surrounded by a ton of people. Yeah, I met him a few times. He's always. There's always. It's like a team.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Truck Week Voice]

And like, so much so that, like, everywhere he was had to be, like, sectioned off. Like, we were at topgolf, and then the top floor of topgolf is Will Smith. Can nobody go up there? Or like. Yeah, so.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah, no, I did. I was at the store a few months ago, and Martin Lawrence came in and did a set. And I was sitting in the chairs and was supposed to be sitting in the chairs. Cause I was there to watch someone else's set and give notes on it. Like a very, you know, cool motherfucker. Whatever.

[Truck Week Voice]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

And they were like, hey, y'all gotta get up. And we're like, why? And they were like, because Martin's security and video people are gonna sit there. And we're like, we'll find some other. They were rude about it, but they were like. They got to sit right there. I was like, oh, yeah. Because Martin Lawrence is never going to be alone again.

[Truck Week Voice]

I don't know if I can handle that.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

No, it seems. It seems hard.

[Truck Week Voice]

And I'm not saying I'm a bad guy. There's a lot of stuff that I do alone.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah.

[Truck Week Voice]

I don't. I've spent a lot of time alone. I've lived Alone? Thank God my girl works. Yeah, I'm in the crib alone. There's a lot of alone shit I don't need anybody having access to.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

No. Imagine if that hairless cat could tweet. You know what I mean? If that. That fucking.

[Truck Week Voice]

If that push could tweet, bro.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah, no, it's nasty.

[Truck Week Voice]

She's like an idiot, though. It'd be some dumb shit if she could. Cheating about butter. What do cats like?

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Have y'all heard of butter?

[Truck Week Voice]

I had to get her out the butter, like, 10 minutes before you got to my house.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Oh, really?

[Truck Week Voice]

Yeah.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

What, do you keep the butter out?

[Truck Week Voice]

Well, we made breakfast this morning, and the butter was out, and then I came, and she was just face deep in it.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Oh, shit.

[Truck Week Voice]

Yeah.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Now what are you going to do with that butter? You're going to keep that butter?

[Truck Week Voice]

No, that butter's gone.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Okay.

[Truck Week Voice]

Yeah. All right.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

I'm just glad to hear it. You got to know who you're working with.

[Truck Week Voice]

Oh, yeah, no, I. Partnering with. I like her. I'm not trying to. It's not in a way where. No, no, no. It's the same with my dog. She's very affectionate. She doesn't lick my face.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

I'm always a little disturbed. I have friends who are. Who are intimate with their animals in ways that. That I just. I can't be.

[Truck Week Voice]

You know what I mean?

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Their dog, like, licks their popsicle and then they lick it afterwards, and it's like, guys, I'm not an expert, but this is a sin, bro.

[Truck Week Voice]

I don't. Like.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

This is a sin against humanity, and we shouldn't do that.

[Truck Week Voice]

I don't really love sharing food with people, even. Like, if I make something, you're welcome to have some of whatever I make. Not off my plate.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

I don't love. I. Even with my wife, I don't really love sharing like that.

[Truck Week Voice]

Yeah, we share. But, like, what?

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

My preferred version of sharing is eat everything you plan to eat and I'll take the rest.

[Truck Week Voice]

Oh, yeah, well, that's.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Of course, I don't mind that, because then it's like, all right, there's no weird. Sort of like, you have something, then I'll have some, then you have some, then. I don't like that game that frustrates the shit out of me.

[Truck Week Voice]

I like it for one. You want to try this? Because you got something different. You wanna try this? Cause I got something different. But after the one, then I'm with you. Where? It's.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

It's mine now.

[Truck Week Voice]

Yeah. And as a dude, I'm probably gonna be batting cleanup anyways.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Come on.

[Truck Week Voice]

You know what I mean?

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah.

[Truck Week Voice]

You left some of that sandwich out. You know how it's going.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah. I be clocking my wife's meals, like. Yeah. All right. It's been about five minutes. You gonna finish that or. Cause I'll take it to the trash, but it ain't going to the trash, if you know what I mean.

[Truck Week Voice]

Somebody ordered too much.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah, Now I'm finishing everything, baby.

[Truck Week Voice]

Yeah, yeah. Do you do that with the kids, too?

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

100%.

[Truck Week Voice]

Oh, that's good.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Now, here's where kids make you disgusting is kids eat like fucking animals, right? Like, everything is spilled, it's half bitten off of. You've clearly watched them slob in ways that are inhumane, but it's just the nature of a child. And then you as a parent become so detached from, like, any levels of, like, cleanliness and propriety that, like, you'll just eat off their nasty animal plate afterwards because you're like, well, I'm not gonna waste this half chewed up bagel. Yeah, I'm gonna eat that bagel, man. And that's when it starts to feel dark, where you're like, damn, I should hold myself with some level of, like, care.

[Truck Week Voice]

But it's like, you know, they are. It's really kind of better than sharing with your wife. That's you, right? She's another person.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah.

[Truck Week Voice]

You know what I'm saying? You and me, we're in this together.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

You got some of my blood in you.

[Truck Week Voice]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Kind of like I fucked up that bagel.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

That's just a bagel from my past.

[Truck Week Voice]

Yeah, exactly.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Exactly.

[Truck Week Voice]

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[Oscar Mayer Voice]

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[Truck Week Voice]

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[Oscar Mayer Voice]

All right, well, I think we got a good cold open. This is nice.

[Truck Week Voice]

We.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

We riffed for a little bit.

[Truck Week Voice]

We.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

We are here in. In lovely Denver, Colorado.

[Truck Week Voice]

Yeah.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

At Dude IDK Studios.

[Truck Week Voice]

Yeah. Shout out to Nick and them.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Nick and them. It's Nick and two dogs, I believe is the.

[Truck Week Voice]

There's some other people who work here.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Okay, cool. I've only met Nick. I met Nick and two very friendly dogs.

[Truck Week Voice]

Yeah, they're nice dogs.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

And we're here in Denver, and unfortunately, the Denver show was canceled.

[Truck Week Voice]

Sorry.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Y'all didn't buy tickets. That's not on us.

[Truck Week Voice]

It. Listen, we begged you. The hard thing about it is, should we say. I think we should talk about the cancellation?

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Sure.

[Truck Week Voice]

Yeah, I think we should. We've gotten enough dms. Yeah.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

A lot of people have asked, which is strange. How many people have asked, given how few tickets sold?

[Truck Week Voice]

I think it's because the few people who came were down.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

They were really into it. Yeah.

[Truck Week Voice]

We love the dozens of you. And actually, that's an exaggeration.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

The dozen and a half of you who were willing to come out. A lot of this tour has been very fun. I don't want to. To besmirch our good name. We've sold a lot of tickets. We filled out a lot of venues. But there have been a few places where we have discovered that our ties are not as deep as we would. Our mob ties are not as deep as we thought they were.

[Truck Week Voice]

Some places where maybe I live.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah.

[Truck Week Voice]

Some places where really people I know are.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Some places where I thought it was a guaranteed home run because of your relationship to them.

[Truck Week Voice]

Yes.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Turned out that didn't work out so well.

[Truck Week Voice]

Turns out I don't have any fucking friends. And I.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

And to your credit, I felt that way. Detroit. I was like, I. My people live in Detroit.

[Truck Week Voice]

You said you were like, I got people.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

I got people in Detroit. Certainly Detroit will be a home run. And the numbers in Detroit did not reflect that at all. So I relate to you. I do not. This is not a singular issue, but there have been a few places where we just couldn't make it happen. And we're sorry that that is the case and we hope to make up for that in the future. And the only way that's possible is if you keep watching and listening to our bullshit and helping this thing grow.

[Truck Week Voice]

Exactly. And it's not because we're being bougie. I saw a couple of comments, maybe thinking like, that was it. Listen. No. He eats off his kid's plate.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

I'm eating chewed up bagels, baby. I'm not better than nobody.

[Truck Week Voice]

I'm stealing my girl's tempura when she's not looking. Blaming it on the baby cat. We're not bougie.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Not better than you.

[Truck Week Voice]

We just truly just didn't sell the tickets.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

We just didn't Sell the tickets and planes don't make sense if you can't justify the ticket sales.

[Truck Week Voice]

Anyways, I think we needed. We did. We. That. I feel good. I feel like we need. I needed to get that off my.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah, we should. We should open up a little bit and be transparent and all that. Anyway, fuck y'all.

[Truck Week Voice]

Yep. Fuck you. You're not coming to my birthday.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

We. We have an email. Yes, it's a Langston and David episode. A David and Langston episode. But we figured an email was apropos given the circumstances. And we have an email from a person named Bree. Brie sent us an email, a very exciting email with the headline, is Mattress Firm a drug Front? I mean, you're already in.

[Truck Week Voice]

I like. So what I was thinking about with this email is I have always wanted to and I don't think ever, quite frankly, been cool enough to participate in some kind of a front. I've been to like speakeasies.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Sure, sure, sure.

[Truck Week Voice]

In like after hours spots and shit. Like, or like even like a store where my friend works that sells weed.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah.

[Truck Week Voice]

But like, to be involved in a true front, I always thought would be really neat.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

When you say. And neat is not how you want to finish that sentence if you plan to be in a front.

[Truck Week Voice]

No, that's why I haven't got in. I can fuck it outside.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Oh, this is neat. This is neat, fellas.

[Truck Week Voice]

I was really searching for a cool word and brain failed me.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

When you say a part of the front, do you imagine yourself to be like, in the mix? Are you? Tell Bori to go drop off the envelope at 3pm yes. Okay.

[Truck Week Voice]

Yes.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah.

[Truck Week Voice]

I've always wanted insider information. I knew this one guy who was just like a bad character. And when you called him, you had to say, I'm looking for a Mexican with a lot of gold teeth. And I always wanted a reason to call somebody. Call him.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah.

[Truck Week Voice]

And I never. I just want to be in the mix one time and I don't want to do anything bad. In my head, it's like, maybe it's like an illegal gambling situation or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not trying to traffic anybody, but yeah, it would be nice.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

I don't think I've ever wanted to be a part of it, but I have wanted to have a guy like, I was watching Wolf's. You've seen that movie with Brad Pitt and George Clooney. It's like it's an Apple movie where they're back together and they're both, they're both fixers.

[Truck Week Voice]

For I don't really fuck with Apple tv.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Oh, that's fair.

[Truck Week Voice]

Yeah.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

They ain't got a lot going on over there.

[Truck Week Voice]

It just seems like something about it bothers me. And I'm in a movie on Apple tv.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah, I was about to say first film, I assume.

[Truck Week Voice]

Yeah, first film. I've been in two, but the other one's not out.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

And you didn't even subscribe then. No, damn.

[Truck Week Voice]

I haven't seen the film.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Okay.

[Truck Week Voice]

But you know, you can watch it.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

I will.

[Truck Week Voice]

Yeah, it's on Apple tv.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

I have that. Right. But in the movie, they are both guys who get called to fix this problem for this lady. And unintentionally they call two different guys, but they both are called. And that's sort of the game of. It is like these two dudes end up being both the fixers. But there's this cool moment where she likes. Calls a guy who has a guy for her to call. And I've always wanted to just have a dude in my phone where I'm like, hey, I fucked up. Fix this.

[Truck Week Voice]

Right.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

You know what I mean?

[Truck Week Voice]

As it stands now, who would you call?

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

My dad. I don't know.

[Truck Week Voice]

I'm sorry.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

I don't have anybody.

[Truck Week Voice]

That's really good.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah.

[Truck Week Voice]

He's clearly a great father.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah. I'd call my dad and be like, I'm in a bad. That way I at least know he wouldn't come with, like, some weird, like, moral thing. He would just try to fix it.

[Truck Week Voice]

Yeah. I mean. Yeah. I don't even. Yeah.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Who would you call?

[Truck Week Voice]

The only people I could think of that I've even had in my life that would be on that level or not in my life anymore, because I'm not an idiot.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah, you're trying to be better.

[Truck Week Voice]

Yeah, I mean, I. I call my brother, but that's probably just a vent.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

That's what I mean. Like, I'm not sure that anybody I could call could actually fix something.

[Truck Week Voice]

Right.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

As much as be a sympathetic ear.

[Truck Week Voice]

Right. But you want somebody to call who knows what they're like, okay, get some lime salt or whatever.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

No, in the movie, she calls a guy, he shows up at the door, he starts making the problem go away. You know what I'm saying? Like a dead body in her hotel. He shows up and he. He is cleaning that body. He is telling her what to put on. He is telling her where to go and where she was the entire night. Like, you know what I want that.

[Truck Week Voice]

You know what I think it is? We're not rich. Enough.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

We're not raising.

[Truck Week Voice]

And don't get me wrong, we're doing fine. You're a homeowner. I got two cats and a dog. And a dog.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah.

[Truck Week Voice]

There's a goddamn Jungle Book in there.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah.

[Truck Week Voice]

I don't think we're. I think it's like. I think that's like, you have to be like a senator wealthy.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

I think you have to be senator wealthy. And I think you also have to maintain those relationships in a way that, like, I'm not fostering. Do you know what I mean? Right.

[Truck Week Voice]

I'm not good at maintaining relationships.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

And you also, you have to maintain relationships with people you know are like, shitty people. But, like, you're like, well, yeah, you're the worst guy. But you are the guy that I would call.

[Truck Week Voice]

Right.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Or you have the person that I could call that would fix this. You know what I mean?

[Truck Week Voice]

Right.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Like, you need to have a real, like, evil motherfucker in your corner, and I just thank God. Same that level of evil yet.

[Truck Week Voice]

Well, if you're a fixer, call into 8.4L4LIL MOMS.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

That's right. If you are a fixer, you can email us at mymamapod. Mymamapodmail.com. we would love to hear from you and we would love to know what you could fix for us.

[Truck Week Voice]

Right. And this is not to say we have anything to fix.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

We don't have anything yet.

[Truck Week Voice]

We're doing.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

We want to know. We want to know what. What is in your fixing repertoire.

[Truck Week Voice]

Exactly. Give me. I want to know. You know what I've always wanted, now that I'm really thinking about this, I've always wanted somebody who could get like a dossier. Oh, on somebody.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah.

[Truck Week Voice]

Like, let's say fast forward 20 years in the future.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

23.

[Truck Week Voice]

Give me some space. I don't know. Let's say I have a daughter. She's going to get married now. I got somebody. I call, he comes. Boom. Here's a manila envelope, everything. I got pictures. I know where his mom stays, his dad stays. Jobs, drug habits. That's weird.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Suspensions from school.

[Truck Week Voice]

Yes.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah, yeah.

[Truck Week Voice]

I think that is more. And not Google. Don't think Google. I mean the deep shit.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah, no, I get what you mean.

[Truck Week Voice]

Yeah.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

You want to know the tax returns, they didn't fill out.

[Truck Week Voice]

Right.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

And, like, how they covered that with the banks and the government and shit.

[Truck Week Voice]

Right. Like, I want to be tapped in to someone who can get that kind of. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. And that's.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

That's tough. Because in theory, you could hire a private detective, but even then, how do you verify that they're a quality private detective? How do you know that they're going to show up with the things that you're really looking for?

[Truck Week Voice]

And I kind of think private detectives have maybe been mythologized a little more. I think in real life, you call it. And it's just like a guy named Donovan.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah.

[Truck Week Voice]

And he wanted to be a cop and it didn't work out. Yeah.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

I think it's. I think it's a divorcee that figured they were going to try something different because their kids are out of the house and they don't have to pay child support.

[Truck Week Voice]

Exactly.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

It was like, let's see, let's go try something else.

[Truck Week Voice]

Because, I mean, what does it take to be a private? And is it a rigorous.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

I think it's like a certification.

[Truck Week Voice]

So it's like becoming a notary.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah, kind of. I think it's just like, you gotta have a car.

[Truck Week Voice]

I'm out.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah, you can't be. You can't be my private detective. You just gotta have a car. And a willingness to sit outside somebody's house.

[Truck Week Voice]

Cause is it, like. Is it a difficult job to track somebody? I don't really know.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

I bet it's harder than we're giving it credit for.

[Truck Week Voice]

That's true. We're not trying.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

I bet it's not an intelligence question. Do you know what I mean? Like, I don't think you have to be smart to be a private detective. I think you probably have to be, like, determined.

[Truck Week Voice]

Okay.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

And, like, willing to, like, put in the hours to, like, follow somebody.

[Truck Week Voice]

And here's one more. I'm gonna derail it a little bit further and then we can come back.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah.

[Truck Week Voice]

So is the art of disguise dead?

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

I do think the art of disguise. I mean, we watched that dude get assassinated on video.

[Truck Week Voice]

We did.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

And he just had on a hoodie and a face mask. It wasn't.

[Truck Week Voice]

Damn.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

It didn't feel like he had. You know what I mean? Like, I think the art of disguise now has turned into, like, the digital disguising.

[Truck Week Voice]

That's not cool.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

That's not disguising. Yeah. It really sucks. There was that guy for a while who had, like, figured out a way to do deep fakes where, like, he was being Tom Cruise in a lot of places, and it was, like, almost indistinguishable from the real Tom Cruise. I don't know if you remember this at all.

[Truck Week Voice]

No, no. Deepfakes scared the shit out of Me.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

But he was, like, really fucking good at, like, the. Whatever it was to be Tom Cruise in these deepfakes. And, like, I guess did a good enough impression and was similarly sized. And, like, it just. It was hard to tell if that wasn't Tom Cruise.

[Truck Week Voice]

But is it that hard to tell if you're looking for Tom Cruise? I mean, if you think about. I see people I know all the time. I've seen a Chris Rhett at the airport eight times.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Sure, sure, sure.

[Truck Week Voice]

You know what I mean?

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

But I'm saying that this is more digital.

[Truck Week Voice]

Okay? Right.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

So, like, he probably out in the world was just a dude doing a bad Tom Cruise impression. But online, as a viewer, that is Tom Cruise.

[Truck Week Voice]

Oh, interesting. Damn. Well, shout out to the art of disguise.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Shout out to the master of disguise. Turtle. Turtle. Turtle.

[Truck Week Voice]

Turtle. Damn. I just. I want that to still be a thing.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

I don't think it is, but maybe it is. And we're just not giving it credit. Those Mission Impossible movies, they still make it seem like is they were out.

[Truck Week Voice]

Fake fingertips and like, man, that's fucking cool. You know who was the master of disguise?

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Who's that?

[Truck Week Voice]

Michael Jackson.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

That's true.

[Truck Week Voice]

He loved disguises.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

He loved disguises.

[Truck Week Voice]

That's like a nick. Did you know that?

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah. Michael Jackson. For our listeners, our viewers that are unaware, Michael Jackson would regularly go out in public in some of the most elaborate disguises known to man.

[Truck Week Voice]

You said elaborate, not good.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

No, no, no, I didn't. I didn't call them good.

[Truck Week Voice]

That's a key point in all of this, though.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

They are disguises, but they are substantial disguises. And in a way where, like, I know that's a motherfucker in a disguise, but I don't know that that's Michael Jackson.

[Truck Week Voice]

Right.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

He was good enough at it. Where I'm like, that tall, lanky motherfucker looks insane.

[Truck Week Voice]

You know what that makes me wonder, though, is, like, he was rich. So he had probably the greatest disguise technology at his disposal. And if even that was bad, it makes, like, you know, that theory that there aren't really hitmen. Like, it makes me feel like kind of like that. Like maybe there wasn't even.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Maybe the disguise technology truly isn't what.

[Truck Week Voice]

We think it maybe and maybe it never was.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah, that's tough.

[Truck Week Voice]

Because isn't anonymity your greatest disguise?

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

I've been watching, like, I think many of us, the Penguin and insane, what Colin Farrell is able to transform into. I love it.

[Truck Week Voice]

I love you.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Truly. Like, unbelievable. My wife literally did not know that was Colin Farrell until episode four.

[Truck Week Voice]

See, that's awesome.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

She just was like. I think we watched one of the after the episode things, and it was him. And she was like, why is he in it? I was like, that's the penguin. She was like, what the fuck? The penguin is Irish. And I was like, yeah, it's crazy. He's been in the penguin the whole time. And even that. I wonder if I see that makeup and that in person, if it starts to tell on itself a lot better than on camera when they're maneuvering and.

[Truck Week Voice]

Positioning, lighting and all that.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

And constantly fluffing it to, like, keep the neck down and the eyes in place and shit.

[Truck Week Voice]

But, I mean, had I seen Nutty. Had I seen the clumps.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yep.

[Truck Week Voice]

In real life, I would. I don't know. I think.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

I don't know, man.

[Truck Week Voice]

I don't know. It was not maybe that good, but maybe it was.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

And maybe there's just. You really have to be a phenomenal. You have to have a phenomenal team. This isn't just a dude in his apartment who can, like, put a nose on and play it off.

[Truck Week Voice]

Right.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

I think you really have to have, like, a fucking unit of people that are, like, making you look as indecipherable as they're able to be.

[Truck Week Voice]

Damn. Cause I always wanted it to be real. Like, you know when they pull the mask off from, like, out from under the. Yeah, I always kind of wanted. Yeah, Yeah. I always wanted that to be real, but I get it.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

I don't think that's as real as we want it to be. Well, anyways, we got an email from Bree, and this was a long walk, Bri, and maybe we should take a break. Yeah, we'll take a break, and then we're gonna get into this email from Bri. So we're gonna take a break. We'll be back here at Dude IDK Studios. More. My mama told me.

[Coca Cola Voice]

The holidays are about spending time with your loved ones and creating magical memories that will last a lifetime. So whether it's family and friends you haven't seen in a while, or those who you see all the time, share holiday magic this season with an ice cold Coca Cola. Copyright 2020 24, the Coca Cola Company.

[Chumba Casino Voice]

Hey, comedy fans. The funniest comedians in the world are on tour and you can get tickets to see them live near you laugh with the biggest names in comedy like Atsuko Okatsuka, Brian Regan, Chelsea Handler, Corey Holcomb, Dane Cook, Sara Milliken, Matt Matthews, Nick Swardson, Sebastian Maniscalco, and so many more. All kinds of shows, all kinds of venues, all kinds of funny. Head to livenation.comcomedy to get your tickets today. That's livenation.comcomedy.

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[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Okay, bacon lovers, and I know you're out there. Let me tell you something amazing about Oscar Mayer thick cut bacon. Now, I don't know if you've used a smoker before, but it's a real labor of love. You gotta put in time to get that rich, smoky flavor. So now think about this. Oscar Meyer smokes their bacon for 12 hours. That's half a day. Twice as long as most bacon is smoked. So for that savory, smoky thick cut bacon, keep it.

[Truck Week Voice]

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[Oscar Mayer Voice]

That's the same amount of time Oscar Meyer smokes their delicious thick cut bacon. Yeah, while you're sleeping, Oscar Meyer is still smoking that bacon. Forget your mattress for thick cut bacon. You'll dream about. Keep it Oscar. Hi everyone, it's Savannah Guthrie and Hoda Kotb from the Today Show. We love this time of year. There's so much to celebrate. That's right. Nobody does the holidays quite like today all season long.

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[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Perfect holiday feast, and great deals on the hottest toys and gifts for everyone on your list. So join us every morning on NBC to make TODAY your home for the holidays.

[Truck Week Voice]

I would have been swallowed up. Have you ever been swallowed up? Have you gone through a time of swallowing where everything was overwhelming? Have you ever been swallowed?

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Do you think he Obviously knows it's a meme. There's no way he doesn't know it's a meme. Do you think he laughs about that? Like, do you think TD Jakes has a little bit of a sense of humor about all of this?

[Truck Week Voice]

I think that he sees that and he's like, I still spitting. I think he still is like, no, I was saucing.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

I think it's somewhere in the middle.

[Truck Week Voice]

You think so?

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah. I think he laughs about the fact that it gets taken out of context, but I think he is like, nah. But y'all know that day in church, I was going crazy.

[Truck Week Voice]

Yeah. Cause you go, yeah.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Like, I think he's able to be like, ha, ha ha. He.

[Truck Week Voice]

He.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

He.

[Truck Week Voice]

Yeah. Like. But like, also, for real, y'all don't play with me.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

I went crazy.

[Truck Week Voice]

Yeah.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

I'm still like, that guy, you know.

[Truck Week Voice]

Who went crazy preaching was that white lady. Did you see that beacon, man? I was. I talked to Sam on the phone about it. Yeah. When she posted it, because he was.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

So like, be like, bacon, baby.

[Truck Week Voice]

Man, make your own. Make your own oil.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah. I'm not gonna lie. It hit. She went crazy and inspired.

[Truck Week Voice]

Can you. Justin, can you drop that in right here? Yeah, so they can see it. It's visual. Now y'all.

[G]

Y'all know what it's like. We getting ready to go home. It's time to eat. What do you do when you're getting ready to fry? Get that skillet. What do you. You go fry some chicken, you gonna need some oil. You gonna fry some fish. You gonna need some oil. You gonna fry some vegetables. You're gonna need some oil. You gonna fry some bacon. You need some oil. No, you don't need no oil. When you fry bacon, cuz. What? Bacon has this.

[Truck Week Voice]

I want you to look over at.

[G]

Somebody and say, me like bacon, baby. Every time the heat is applied, you just produce your own oil. You just produce your own oil and become what you were meant to be. You produce your own oil and allow others to taste and see that the Lord is good.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

It's so nice because not only is she in her pocket, but she knows it.

[Truck Week Voice]

Oh, that's why she played with them. Yeah, that's why she played with them.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

She knows what's coming.

[Truck Week Voice]

She was like, which I wish my comedy. All I'm ever trying to do is be like, uh, yeah.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

She knew. She knew that the energy was about to shift in the room. That was a punchline if ever there was one.

[Truck Week Voice]

And it delivered. They went crazy. That's the good thing about preaching is it would have worked on me. I'm not religious. If I was in there, I'd have gone crazy, too.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

It went nuts.

[Truck Week Voice]

I'd have gone crazy.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

How could you not? It's so fucking good.

[Truck Week Voice]

Yeah, man.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

She wrote that down and she was like, I'm taking a break. Yep, I got it.

[Truck Week Voice]

I'm gonna go get a Fresca.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

We're good for Sunday.

[Truck Week Voice]

Janine, you've done it again.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Every Sunday after this. I'll figure it out. But this Sunday we're good. We're gonna be just fine.

[Truck Week Voice]

Sometimes I wish that I could, like, I don't wanna be a pastor. It would be a great writing exercise to just write a sermon every Sunday. You ever think about that as, like, a creative. As a creative exercise?

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah.

[Truck Week Voice]

I bet you. Because I don't think we give religious people enough creative, enough credit for how creative they are. I think that's what they made up, a man in the sky.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

I think that's what sucks about it, is that it's so conflated with this manipulative property.

[Truck Week Voice]

Right?

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

That it's so intended to, like, make people guide people towards, like, principles and morality that I don't always agree with and I think has, like, dangerous implications that you can't appreciate how sick the art form is that these motherfuckers are just going crazy as, like, performers and writers.

[Truck Week Voice]

Right? Cause every week is. I don't write 15 new minutes every or how long is a sermon?

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

It's way longer than 15 minutes, I think.

[Truck Week Voice]

Every week.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Every week.

[Truck Week Voice]

And I assume it's staggered some point where you're probably two, three weeks out.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah, I think you gotta have some shit. And I. I'm assuming.

[Truck Week Voice]

And they go on tour.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

I'm assuming they recycle bits. I. I imagine that it's not just like, oh, I do a brand new 15 every week. But I bet it has to be new enough, right, that people come back for it.

[Truck Week Voice]

Because it's not a comedy club. It's the same people every week.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

No, they.

[Truck Week Voice]

They heard you do that.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

That's my favorite verse.

[Truck Week Voice]

They.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

They want to hear new man shout out to them.

[Truck Week Voice]

That is impressive. Like, as. Just as a performer. That is a feat to deliver new material every week, week in, week out. It is like. It is incredible. It's a large task and it's nuts.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

It's really cool. Please stop stealing from my grandma. But it's so cool.

[Truck Week Voice]

Exactly. Exactly.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Leave my grandmother out of this. But you're fucking nailing it.

[Truck Week Voice]

It's not worth 10% of all my earnings.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Cool.

[Truck Week Voice]

No, but, like, keep going.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

I don't want you to get a new suit. I want you to just keep doing your art, and that's cool.

[Truck Week Voice]

I wish there was a way that we could appreciate it divorced from the religion where we could just sit back and be like, this is great. This, man is. Because that TD Jakes, it is a joke and we play it or whatever. But it's also, as a performer, I know what it. Like, it looks like when someone is in the pocket, and that man was in the pocket, and to him, I say, like, kudos, bro.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

There's so many.

[Truck Week Voice]

Hats off.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

There's so many times I watch somebody on stage and I go, I can't do that.

[Truck Week Voice]

Right.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Do you want to mean, like, in stand up, in other types of performance, where I go, motherfucker's going crazy, and I can't do it? I literally don't have, whatever, the confidence or weird click in my brain that would allow me the freedom to be that. And swallowed up is an example of that, where I just. He was swallowed. I can't do it.

[Truck Week Voice]

I don't have. Yeah, I don't have the confidence.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah.

[Truck Week Voice]

There's no set I can do. I don't even do voices, bro. Yeah, I don't even do voices.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

I do them, but it's like three in, like.

[Truck Week Voice]

What's your best voice?

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

It's old black, man.

[Truck Week Voice]

I don't think that counts if it's just something you're gonna turn into.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

That's what I mean.

[Truck Week Voice]

It's like doing Baby Langston.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

It doesn't. It's in my. Already in my wheelhouse.

[Truck Week Voice]

Yeah, that's not. That doesn't count. I'm talking about a completely different. That wasn't even a character, though. He just was talking and he said, I don't have the confidence to do that with my face, man. That guy's good, man.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Tdj, shout out to TG Jakes.

[Truck Week Voice]

Yeah, man.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Leave our families alone.

[Truck Week Voice]

But shout out to TD Jake, take my family's money.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

All right, we gotta get to this.

[Truck Week Voice]

Let's get to it.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Okay. We got an email from Bree. Brie sent us an email. She said, hey, David and Langston, big fan of the show. I really enjoy your banter, opinions, and hilarity. You both downplay how intelligent and insightful you are. But after one episode, it was clear to me, y'all are brilliant. Bree, shut the fuck up.

[Truck Week Voice]

Shut the fuck.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

What are you talking about, you goofy motherfucker?

[Truck Week Voice]

I make money off these Dum dums out here.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

We don't know what we're talking about. Bree, you idiot.

[Truck Week Voice]

Also, I don't want you to be upset when we eventually do get money and turn full stupid.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Bree, I'm gonna. I'm gonna do Fox News eventually.

[Truck Week Voice]

You don't think so?

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Come on. There's big opportunities over there.

[Truck Week Voice]

Bri, you gonna be on Hardball?

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

She goes on to say, A man on hinge recently told me that he believes mattress. This is a weird hinge conversation. Recently told me that he believes Mattress Firm is a drug front because most of them are located in the trap in parentheses. Because this man was likely white. Lily white, in fact, you are unable to buy a mattress from the store even though they seem to have 100 plus in stock. He had some of the crazy. Some other crazy opinions, so the conversation didn't last long. But I did Google search, and apparently he's not the only one who thinks this. Lots of people. Mainly a Reddit and snopes.com on Reddit and snopes.com I believe that mattress firms simply have to be a money laundering scheme because they're always located in clusters, like five stores less than a mile apart. There's no real demand, but they stay open. And many of the executives have had major lawsuits over the years. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

[Truck Week Voice]

First of all, that is a crazy way to try to get some pussy.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

That is nuts. It's like Mattress Firm is a front. And I have a mattress that I'd like you to lay on.

[Truck Week Voice]

You know what's not fronting this Casper mattress.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

As you'll see here, my mattress is not from Mattress Firm. It's from a legitimate place. Dare to try it bre.

[Truck Week Voice]

So that being said, out of the way, I do wonder. It is a business that I wonder how it's sustainable. Like the fact that there are multiple mattress factories in the world continuing to make mattresses even though it seems like everybody uses theirs. I mean, broke people. I had the same mattress till I got money. I didn't have one for a while. I think growing up, I probably had this. I think I had a crib that I was in too long. Worried about the lasting effects of that.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Maybe that's why you're short.

[Truck Week Voice]

I am worried about it. I saw a picture of me in a crib and it looked like a man behind bars. Yeah, I was too big.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

You know how like a crab can't outgrow its shell?

[Truck Week Voice]

That's what I. Now I can't dunk. Cause this Bitch didn't want to spring for a big boy bed. That's trash, bro. I saw the picture of me in the crib. There's no. There's no childhood in my limb. Does that make sense? I'm like, I got my hands on this shit and I Of the limbs.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

That I have now, it's just hair.

[Truck Week Voice]

On your arms and shit.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Why that baby got hairy knuckles? That's weird.

[Truck Week Voice]

I got a toothpick.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Mama. Mama.

[Truck Week Voice]

Yo. I'm marking off the days I've been in the crib.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

396 sleeps till I'm finally free.

[Truck Week Voice]

But for real, it doesn't seem like the turnover on mattresses matches the production. And I don't see how it could.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

I bought one mattress in college, when I went off to college, what size it was, I think it was a full. No, it was a queen. Because we started. It wasn't when I went off to college. It was my junior year of college. When I finally moved off campus, I bought my first mattress. It was a queen size. And I kept that for years, years and years until queen is good enough.

[Truck Week Voice]

To get some pussy.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Queen's pretty solid. Until I moved to Boston where I bought a fucking queen sized air mattress, thinking that that would supplement the. I was like, no.

[Truck Week Voice]

Cause the games we play, dog.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

I found out that they make like those air mattresses that get to the height of a normal bed.

[Truck Week Voice]

And it's made by Beautyrest. So you're like, this is basically. I'm not broke. This is basically a mattress.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

I was like, this is a bed. It's just preferential at this point.

[Truck Week Voice]

And then baby girl nicks her legs on the seams coming out, dog.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

You ask a lady to lay on it and she bounces and you're like, ah, fuck. Ah, damn. Okay, I gotta fix this fast. And my fix. And this is again, broke nigga choices. My fix was not to buy a legitimate mattress. It was to Craigslist a mattress from a different person who was giving away for. It was like $50 was like giving away a pillow top mattress that I kept for another like five years. So no way are these mattress firms just staying open off of like these insane sales of mattresses.

[Truck Week Voice]

Like, you got a back full of mattresses, who's getting a mattress? You know what I'm saying? Yeah, like there's never like, oh, let me go to the back. We don't. You know.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

And that's even what she's saying in this email is that it doesn't sound like they even will let you walk Home with a mattress that day that, like, if you show up, you can test them, you can sit on them, but you gotta buy online or get it shipped to your house.

[Truck Week Voice]

My first, my first mattress I ever got as an adult. Not my first. My first mattress I got. When I wasn't dead broke, I went to Atwater Village where they have like six of those mattress stores. No, probably four for real. But on that main drag there, there's like four of them right next to each other. I went in with cash in hand and they had to deliver it because I was so upset. Because I was like, I'm about. I need this tonight. Yeah. You know what I mean?

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

I. My only concern with this because it feels fully plausible to me, right? That this is some kind of money laundering, drug front, whatever it is that that makes it so that they can put six mattress firms in a single location and somehow not have to sell any. My only question is, why is it that they're never investigated at all? Because if it's that obvious to all of us, it's obviously obvious to everyone else, certainly the powers that be that would hold it accountable.

[Truck Week Voice]

I wonder if it's because a mattress is a high quality enough product. Like, you know what I mean? Like, it seems like when I think money laundering, I think of like a Laundromat or like a car wash or something.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Some bullshit.

[Truck Week Voice]

Yeah. It seems like a mattress is like maybe a classy enough product that it stays. Because they're expensive. The high end ones, that's not even.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

The cheap ones are still.

[Truck Week Voice]

You can get a Honda Civic for a mattress or at least like a Sonata.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah, you can get. Yeah. It's sad, but yeah, that's true.

[Truck Week Voice]

Yeah. No, that's where we're at. Yeah, that is a good question. Why have they not been investigated? Because I was telling you, I think recently when I played Rooster T. Feathers in Sunnyvale.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Stop bragging.

[Truck Week Voice]

Yeah, Another show a lot of you guys came out to. I was walking from the hotel to the club. Cause it was like, you know, it's nice to have a wife. Yeah.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah.

[Truck Week Voice]

Don't worry about what my process is.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

I get it.

[Truck Week Voice]

The art gets made.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah.

[Truck Week Voice]

I walked past a mattress store and every day I walk past that bitch, there would be one of the salesmen inside blatantly laying on the mattress.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Right.

[Truck Week Voice]

And then I was thinking, because I was like, that is crazy. We're in the deep in the suburbs. Who needs a mattress on Tuesday at 6:00pm? Like, why do they even need a storefront?

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Here's what I'll say. And I don't have a lot on this yet, but it feels correct to me, is that I think we're thinking too small for a drug front or, like, money laundering. I think that the stretch of mattresses, mattress sale places that exist with nobody purchasing mattresses suggests to me that this is. This goes all the way to the top. Oh, that this is like how the government washes their money more than it is like, how a local drug dealer does. Yeah, exactly. I think this is like Joe Biden, on the day that he entered office, got a fucking dossier that broke down. Exactly how the mattress money ties to the money that they send to Israel.

[Truck Week Voice]

Wow.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

And they gotta. We gotta make this all clean and clear. This part of our gdp, baby. Yo, check it out.

[Truck Week Voice]

I think you might have just blown this thing wide open.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yeah.

[Truck Week Voice]

Because you're right. It does speak to, like, they're everywhere. They are everywhere.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

It's every city. It's. Everybody's had this experience of feeling like, what the fuck? How are there so many of these? I see. I live in Los Angeles. There's a mattress store on the corner of. Of, like, La Brea and Third that I've seen exist while every other business in that area has lost. Has lost it.

[Truck Week Voice]

Right.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

You know what I mean? Everybody else has gone shut down. Fucking. They can't keep their doors open. But that mattress store stays open.

[Truck Week Voice]

You know what you'd ever see?

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Yep.

[Truck Week Voice]

A mattress going out of business sale.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Come on.

[Truck Week Voice]

Nobody's ever like, oh, furniture warehouse was closing down. Yeah, I just got this shit for $600.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Ever come get these Sertas for the low?

[Truck Week Voice]

And to be fair, I don't think the price has fluctuated anywhere but up.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

It's only gotten.

[Truck Week Voice]

I think it's like the price of ammunition. I think it's only. I think mattress prices have only gone up despite the. Oh, no. Yeah, because we might need to not put this out.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Nah, man. We did a nasty thing here and. Bree, you horrible, horrible lady. What have you done to us?

[Truck Week Voice]

What have you done?

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

He's got cash.

[Truck Week Voice]

Who's paying you?

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

You knew we would land here, and you knew we would lose opportunities because of this.

[Truck Week Voice]

I'm just saying, if I get Ghost off of Instagram, my one social platform. You know who did it, Bree?

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Bri and the government.

[Truck Week Voice]

Bri and the government.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

Well, Bree, we appreciate you sending this email, even though you tried to sabotage us, and we hope that this answers your question. We believe this goes all the way to the top. We believe that every president right or left wing leaning is involved and nobody is exempt because the mattresses they keep on selling, baby, they keep them.

[Truck Week Voice]

Doors stay open, big wheels keep on turning.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

You want to tell the people where they can find you and what cool shit you got going on.

[Truck Week Voice]

Cool guy jokes 87 on Instagram. You can listen to my album Birth of a Nation on all streaming platforms right now. Just go to Spotify and listen to it. You can get my special different jokes at my patreon patreon.com davidborry Hell yeah.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

You can follow me at Langston Kerman on all social media platforms. You can see my special on Netflix. It's called Bad Poetry. And you can watch English Teacher. It streams on Hulu. And more importantly, if you want to send us your own drops, your own conspiracy theories, if you want to tell us what exactly that mattress money is used for in the government, send it all to mymamapodmail.com we would love to hear from you. And even more important, we want to hear your voices. Send us a voicemail at 844-LIL-MOMS. 844-LIL-DOMS. We would love to hear your voices. We have a ton of voicemails now that we yeah, we are.

[Truck Week Voice]

We're sitting on a bunch.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

We're sitting on a bunch and we're going to start talking to y'all soon. But but for now keep sending them because we really appreciate it. Like subscribe Rate Review Devontae Swing devontae Swing Bye Bitch. My Mama Told Me is a production of Will Ferrell Big Money Players Network and I Heart Podcast, created and hosted by Langston Kerman co hosted by David.

[Truck Week Voice]

Borey executive produced by Will Ferrell, Han Sani and Olivia Aguilar co produced by Bay Wang Edited and engineered by Justin Connor Music by Nick Chambers Artwork by Dogon Krieger.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

You can now watch episodes of My Mama told me on YouTube. Follow follow @ My Mama Told Me and subscribe to our channel.

[Coca Cola Voice]

The holidays are about spending time with your loved ones and creating magical memories that will last a lifetime. So whether it's family and friends you haven't seen in a while or those who you see all the time, share holiday magic this season season with a nice cold Coca Cola. Copyright 2024 the Coca Cola Company.

[Live Nation Voice]

Hey comedy fans. The funniest comedians in the world are on tour and you can get tickets to see them live near you. Laugh at the biggest names in comedy like Atsuko Katsuka, Chelsea Handler, Jimmy Carr, Kathy Griffin, Matt Matthews, Matt Rife, Sarah Silverman, Sebastian Maniscalco, Stavros Helk, Wanda Sykes and so many more. All kinds of shows, all kinds of venues, all kinds of funny. Head to livenation.comcomedy to get your tickets today. That's livenation.comcomedy. with millions of books on Amazon, there's a reading feeling for everyone. For example, Raquel's Whoa when she first entered the kingdom by Dragonback is different to Ari's Whoa when he found out there was more than one crime scene, which is also different to Ava's Whoa, the moment when the stable boy became a stable man. From Whoa to Whoa to Amazon books, that reading feeling awaits.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

If you like bacon, you'll love Oscar Mayer thick cut bacon. It's smoked for 12 hours. That's a really long time. So for the delicious smoky flavor, keep it Oscar baby.

[Truck Week Voice]

It's time for that once a year event Truck Week where you say big on America's biggest trucks, including the 12 ton 12 liter war machine.

[Oscar Mayer Voice]

12 hours of Oscar Meyer smoking thick cut bacon for half the day, they're still smoking that bacon. If you're driven by your love of smoky thick cut bacon, keep it Oscar. If you've got a plan to eat smoky thick cut bacon, keep it Oscar.

[Pets Best Insurance Voice]

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