NBA Magic Tricks (with Josiah Johnson) RE-RELEASE

Summary

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My Momma Told Me – "NBA Magic Tricks" (with Josiah Johnson) RE-RELEASE

Podcast: My Momma Told Me
Hosts: Langston Kerman & David Gborie
Guest: Josiah Johnson
Date: February 19, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode dives into the enduring conspiracy theory that the 1985 NBA Draft was rigged in favor of the New York Knicks, a topic delivered with comedic flair and deep basketball knowledge. Langston, David, and their guest, NBA Twitter legend and meme king Josiah Johnson, unpack the credibility of draft manipulation, the financial and entertainment motives of the league, and the broader idea of how much control big organizations really have over sport outcomes. The show also explores tangential topics including NBA culture, black athleticism and spectacle, loopholes in league discipline, and the crossover between wrestling, entertainment, and sports.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Opening Banter & Guest Intro

[02:43–09:16]

• Langston and David riff on the "vibe" of wings and strip clubs, setting a laid-back, irreverent tone.
• Discussion about LA’s cute sidewalk delivery robots and how their design leans into humans' tendency to protect cute things rather than see them as threats:

  "We need ugly robots, bro." – David Gborie (05:42)

• Josiah Johnson ("king of NBA Twitter") is introduced, described as a meme king with deep NBA roots ("my dad played in the NBA back in the day").

2. The 1985 NBA Draft: Rigging Conspiracy Explored

[11:58–18:54]

• Josiah lays out the familiar theory:

  "My mama told me the 1985 NBA Draft was rigged." – Josiah Johnson (12:04)

• Explanation of the process: the draft moved from guaranteed worst-record pick to a "lottery" involving envelopes, leading to suspicions ("the envelope was frozen or a little bit lighter").
• Connection to modern draft outcomes benefiting the league’s narrative and financial health:

  "It always seems to work out that way. You got LeBron James coming out of high school, Akron... Cleveland Cavs get the #1 pick." – Josiah (13:49)

3. NBA as Sports Entertainment (Not Pure Sport)

[18:54–21:36]

• Josiah argues the NBA is fundamentally an entertainment product, similar to pro wrestling:

  "NBA is entertainment... I think they do it entertainment because it gives them a little bit more leeway..." – Josiah (19:05) "That's lawyer talk. They hired a very powerful lawyer." – Langston (19:16)

• NBA leadership is lawyer heavy; both David Stern and Adam Silver came up through legal backgrounds rather than basketball.

4. League Manipulation & Loophole Stories

[21:37–23:30]

• Discussion of Gilbert Arenas's infamous locker room incident, using legal loopholes to minimize suspension:

  "Gil is a loophole expert, right?" – Josiah (19:45) "Before he brought guns... he researched: What's the longest I can get suspended?" – Josiah (19:54)

• The NBA's disciplinary process is discussed as performative and determined by perception.

5. Modern Lottery 'Magic Tricks' and Market Motives

[23:31–26:14]

• Scrutiny of the 2025 lottery, with Dallas winning against statistical odds:

  "That's nuts... not a word. The only word that happens is a magic trick. Trickery." – David (26:06)

• Discussion of team ownership changes, city market values, and “cui bono” of rigged results; cynical trading activity following rumors Texas would block a new casino.

6. Magic Tricks, American vs. European White Players, and NBA Entertainment

[26:15–31:01]

• Friendly debate about players (European vs. American "White hopes"), personalities (Jokic’s nonchalance), and how the league’s preferred narratives shape public experience.
• Digressions into tattoo stories, the cultural wave of Chinese tattoos in the early 2000s, and Jackie Chan vs. Tom Cruise as "I-do-my-own-stunts" actors.

7. Draft Rigging, Playoff Manipulation, and the WWE Parallel

[32:09–56:52]

• Do small market teams ever stand a chance? The consensus is that for ratings, big city teams are always going to be pushed when possible.
• NBA’s approach to competitive balance is contrasted with the NFL’s straightforward “worst team wins” draft model.
• Refs’ subtle influence ("superstar treatment," timely foul calls to stretch series), likened to wrestling’s predetermined but plausible outcomes.
• League doles out just enough hope to smaller markets to maintain audience interest.

Notable exchange:

"How rigged do you think the NBA is?" – David (18:45)
"The NBA is entertainment. Similar to wrestling, entertainment." – Josiah (18:54)

8. The Entertainment Value of Self-awareness and Conspiracy

[56:53–59:19]

• Langston muses on the fragility of fandom when one becomes too cynically self-aware:

  "When I really loved wrestling was when I believed in wrestling. ...Now it's this era of wrestling where nobody believes in it. Even kids don't believe in wrestling." – Langston (57:02)

• Is overexposure to the mechanics of conspiracy and manipulation costing us the ability to just enjoy the sport?

9. Voicemail: Black Boys Flipping for White Audiences

[63:12–74:47]

• A listener voicemail brings up the theory that "White people love to see Black boys flip," referencing halftime tumbling squads and the "spectacle" dynamic.
• The call goes sideways mentioning a specific criminal case ("Flippo") and the tension between legitimate youth gymnastics and exploitative practices.
• Langston shares his own family connection:

  "My former stepfather was Benny the Bull at one point...he was a part of the Jesse White Tumblers, which was the famous group of little black boys that do flips in Chicago." (67:22)

• Group reflects on why Black boys are underrepresented in formal gymnastics and recognized for “spectacle,” not as world-class athletes.

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• "We need ugly robots, bro." – David (05:42)
• "NBA is entertainment. Similar to wrestling, entertainment." – Josiah (18:54)
• "Why not just: worst team in the league gets the number one pick? Why do we go through all this shit – ping pong balls, King Kong balls, all these different things?" – Josiah (48:03)
• "When I really loved wrestling was when I believed in wrestling..." – Langston (57:02)
• "Black men are the only ones...I’ve seen fat guys flip. I ain’t never seen a fat white dude do a flip." – David (71:43)
• "Flippo got crazy." – Langston (66:54)
• "If you flip in this town, you give me my kickback. You let me get my beak wet." – David as Chicago fixer (69:40)
• "I want that propofol. I need my milk." – Langston, on Michael Jackson’s sleep aid (44:18)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• NBA rigged draft theory explained: [12:29–13:49]
• NBA as “entertainment” not just sports: [18:54–21:36]
• Modern draft/Luka/Dallas conspiracy: [23:31–26:14]
• Voicemail: Black boys flipping for white audiences: [63:19–74:47]
• Closing & how to follow the hosts and guest: [75:10–76:13]

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Tone & Language

The show is irreverent, profane, and self-aware. Hosts and guests speak candidly, drawing on their own lives and the absurdities of sports fandom. The humor is quick and biting, but insightful—often using black culture, sports history, and personal anecdotes to critique deeper societal patterns.

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Summary Takeaways

• NBA conspiracy theories persist because outcomes often align too conveniently with what is best for ratings and financial health.
• The league’s emphasis on being an entertainment product, not just a sport, allows for leeway in shaping narratives—sometimes through subtle manipulations (like draft lotteries and refereeing).
• Awareness of manipulation does not always ruin the experience; sometimes, knowing about the “magic tricks” is part of the fun.
• The scrutiny of black athleticism as spectacle (especially outside formal fields like gymnastics) reflects ongoing issues of representation and exploitation.
• Ultimately, the show both pokes fun at and finds value in the intersection of conspiracy, entertainment, and community storytelling.

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Transcript

[Langston Kerman]

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[Janice Torres]

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[Langston Kerman]

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[Will Ferrell]

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[David Bourie]

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[Will Ferrell]

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[Bethenny Frankel]

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[Langston Kerman]

I just think wings. Take.

[Will Ferrell]

Bet.

[Langston Kerman]

Taste better with pussy. And that's in the air.

[Will Ferrell]

Come on.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, it's just the aesthetic, Will.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah, boy.

[David Bourie]

No, now you're going crazy.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I just think at the end of the. The day, that's the. You gotta combine them both.

[David Bourie]

It's like a wine pairing, you know? It's like a wine and cheese pairing where you're like, oh, yes. The notes of the subtle buffalo flavor bring out. It brings out the tannins in the pussy.

[Will Ferrell]

100%.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. I think that's 100% what it is.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I didn't have the words for it.

[David Bourie]

No, no, no.

[Janice Torres]

It's like.

[David Bourie]

I also think there's, like, an element of the sweat in the air and then a little. Just a dash of desperation on the men's part.

[Langston Kerman]

And I would say the darkness that. That nice darkness it puts on the wings where you see some titties and then you got to search a little for the wing. It just makes it this romantic sort of experience.

[David Bourie]

Oh, my God. I mean, man, I remember in San Francisco, they had this place and The Gold Club.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah, good. Lunches at the Gold Club. Shout out to. All my people out in San Francisco have not been. But they've told me good things about it.

[David Bourie]

Oh, man. Shout out to. Got me through some tough times. O the government growing babies.

[Will Ferrell]

Microchips in your anus.

[David Bourie]

All koala bears are racist. The ozone layer owes me money. Martians have been in Turkey stuff. Y' all can't tell me nothing. Basketball is my favorite sport. I like the way they dribble up and down the court. Welcome, little mamas and gentiles alike, to another phenomenal episode of My Mama Told.

[Langston Kerman]

Me, the podcast where we dive deep, deep into the pockets of black conspiracy.

[David Bourie]

Theories and we finally work to prove whatever bullshit we feel about talking today. I said about talking, and it doesn't matter. I listen anyways. You little pig.

[Langston Kerman]

I wasn't gonna correct your sentence at all.

[David Bourie]

I know. It was just on me. I felt bad.

[Langston Kerman]

You could feel that that's not the way you wanted to say it.

[David Bourie]

I immediately. You know what I've been thinking about, though? This is what I came and I wanted to talk about. Yeah, those little robots that they have all over la. I took a walk this morning. I realized I think they make them look so cute and dispatch them in the morning. Cause they want you to think about little kids on their way to school and feel like they're innocuous. Cause I was looking at it and it's just so cute. And it's like it looks like a kid with a big ass backpack and big ass glasses walking to school. And they want you to think that so that you don't understand that's the enemy.

[Langston Kerman]

So. So that you. You want to protect them. That's.

[David Bourie]

It was so cute when I was walking, that's all I kept thinking I was like this cute little robot.

[Langston Kerman]

I want to keep him safe.

[David Bourie]

Yeah, look at big robot eyes.

[Will Ferrell]

He got to stop.

[David Bourie]

He can't walk.

[Will Ferrell]

He wobbling.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bourie]

And that's not. We need ugly robots, bro.

[Langston Kerman]

I like that.

[David Bourie]

I think that is like. That's the future is like we need laws that robots have to be.

[Langston Kerman]

That is crazy that when they start building sort of these humanoid robots and they already, you know, had versions of these things happen. They always make them baddies. They don't never make them some little ugly ghoul. That is probably frankly more common in the human experience than the baddies are.

[David Bourie]

Doc, I'm telling you, they want you to fuck them. They want you to think they're cute. They want you to try, want to protect. Like they don't want like, bro, if you get a robot that just looks like a manager at a Sally's beauty supply.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bourie]

You're not going to. You're not going to feel any way towards it. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Give me that Sam Cassell robot, bro.

[Will Ferrell]

Damn. Sam Cassell catches crazy already. He ain't doing that. He minding his business.

[David Bourie]

No, he knows.

[Will Ferrell]

Sam, don't listen to this episode.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm not saying anything. He don't know, but I'm sure he knows by now.

[Will Ferrell]

But he doesn't care. I think he's had time to.

[Langston Kerman]

No, he's all right. He ain't worried about what I'm talking about. I'm just saying that's what we should be looking at.

[David Bourie]

We should be looking at. And I do want it known just for the listenership. I like ugly people better. I do think that's cooler. I think it's like a greater distance to travel to be successful, especially in media and entertainment if you are ugly. Wow. I really don't respect really beautiful people that much.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay.

[David Bourie]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't fully disagree with that.

[David Bourie]

Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

Easier life for sure.

[David Bourie]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't, there's no part of me that pushes back on that.

[Will Ferrell]

No.

[David Bourie]

Okay.

[Will Ferrell]

Ugly people don't get privileged.

[David Bourie]

Ugly people, they get it out of the mud. Every ugly person, bro. You don't really see ugly people in positions of power who were bad at shit. You know what I'm saying? You don't see a lot of ugly ass bosses who don't run the shit out of that star.

[Will Ferrell]

That's real.

[David Bourie]

And that's like, I think that's like, admirable. You know what I mean?

[Langston Kerman]

Wow.

[David Bourie]

Damn.

[Langston Kerman]

Elon ugly.

[Will Ferrell]

Ooh.

[David Bourie]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Very effective.

[David Bourie]

Very effective.

[Langston Kerman]

Arguably the most ever effective person.

[David Bourie]

I don't think he's butt ugly, though. I think he's quirky looking. Elon's not butt ugly.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, but he's got a lot, he could get cheeks.

[Will Ferrell]

A lot of work done.

[Langston Kerman]

He's like, works really hard to get to this.

[David Bourie]

That's true. PayPal. Elon is bad looking, I think. Bad hair.

[Langston Kerman]

I think you're really underestimating how much we, we know for a fact this motherfucker went and like, tried to fix it.

[David Bourie]

I mean, listen, there's short guys in the NBA, bro. I'm not saying this is like, it's.

[Langston Kerman]

Not a perfect album.

[David Bourie]

Yeah. I'm not saying this. Like, people define the odds every day. I'm just saying in general, man, I, I, man, we need to go back. We need to have like, ugly presidents. I think we need, like, we need more ugly people.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't, I don't disagree with you. I, I Our guest today, you've already heard his voice. He's already been participating in this.

[Will Ferrell]

I'm enjoying the show.

[Langston Kerman]

We're not gonna, that's what we don't want it to be. We came here, we came here to have very important conversations, okay? A la this conspiracy you brought to us. And so we're very excited you're here.

[David Bourie]

He's.

[Langston Kerman]

He's the goddamn king of what was formerly known as Twitter. You know him from, from his new film, Memes and Nightmares. You know him from, most importantly, no Chill with Gilbert Arenas. He, he's hilarious. He's so talented. Give it up for Josiah Johnson, everybody.

[Will Ferrell]

Shout out to everybody who watches Gills Arena. Presented by Underdog. Whoop, whoop. Trying to get this bag always. Oh, yeah.

[David Bourie]

Get it in.

[Will Ferrell]

Keep the sponsor happy. Get it in every day of the week.

[David Bourie]

We should start doing that for sponsors. We want. Yeah, yeah. Shout out to dxl, the number one choice in plus size men's clothing.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay.

[Will Ferrell]

Very quality clothes.

[David Bourie]

Yeah. That's good stuff because you're on the tall side, which you already know. We never think about that, to be honest.

[Will Ferrell]

I'm DXL Coles. Like, I only got, like, three or four places I can stop at.

[Langston Kerman]

Wow.

[David Bourie]

It's like, I think being a fat guy in those stores, you start to think the tall guys are a myth.

[Will Ferrell]

No. Yeah. You got the big section and the tall section. They work together in perfect harmony. Big and tall.

[David Bourie]

Okay, so you got the T on the end of your shoe.

[Will Ferrell]

Oh, for sure. Wow.

[David Bourie]

I thought that. I didn't even know what that was for.

[Langston Kerman]

You thought they were just doing that to keep y' all comfortable?

[David Bourie]

I thought it was to make you feel better. You're like, no.

[Will Ferrell]

Tall guys.

[David Bourie]

Go.

[Will Ferrell]

Hit it.

[Langston Kerman]

Like when somebody call you big man.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Like, come on. There's only one reason you're saying that.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah.

[David Bourie]

It's not tall.

[Langston Kerman]

That's not cool, because you're just.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

All right.

[David Bourie]

Anyways, you got a plug? You want to do like you should. We should manifest plugs. I think that's an idea.

[Langston Kerman]

Do I have a plug?

[David Bourie]

He's got. You got to have the thing that you want.

[Langston Kerman]

I feel like, yeah, probably. But then it feels like it gets embarrassing very quickly.

[David Bourie]

Oh, really? Just be open.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay. Crunchyroll. I really want you to give us free pass words to country roll so I can watch anime all day.

[Will Ferrell]

Okay. Ain't nothing wrong with that.

[Langston Kerman]

See, I knew you wasn't gonna like it.

[Will Ferrell]

He blew it.

[Langston Kerman]

I knew you were gonna be mad at me. That's why I didn't want to do it. I knew the only answer I had was honest. It wasn't, like, a good joke, so.

[Will Ferrell]

No, that was good.

[Langston Kerman]

Nah, man. I just wan able to watch anime and fucking nerd out all day.

[David Bourie]

That's good, man.

[Langston Kerman]

Nice. I'm sorry.

[David Bourie]

Well, anyways, yeah. You have a aspirational plug. You already got your real.

[Will Ferrell]

I like basic shit. Snapple.

[Langston Kerman]

Like, Snapple.

[Will Ferrell]

Things that are functional, things that I like to use and drink around the house. So Snapple. I'm a big Celsius fan, so shout out Celsius. Taking Celsius every day before the show.

[Langston Kerman]

In the water, okay?

[Will Ferrell]

Some of my castmates get mad at me, say it's bad for you. I say, look, I ain't gonna live forever. Come on, let me enjoy. Let me enjoy my day.

[Langston Kerman]

His heart's gonna explode at exactly 10.

[Will Ferrell]

Calories, tons of energy. Shout out Celsius.

[Langston Kerman]

Shout out Celsius. Yeah.

[David Bourie]

And Crunchyroll.

[Will Ferrell]

Crunchyroll for the anime.

[Langston Kerman]

Those. You'd be mad at me.

[David Bourie]

I'm having a good time.

[Langston Kerman]

Josiah, you came to us today with a conspiracy that I frankly knew about but had never put a lot of thought into. You know, it's one of those that I think is rumored in such a way. There's like, oh, I don't know how to unpack the truth and not truth from this. But you said that. My mama told me the 1985 NBA Draft was rigged.

[Will Ferrell]

Let me use the words wisely, because I'm hoping to get credentialed by the NBA someday. They used to call me the king of NBA Twitter. That wasn't very fruitful in actually getting any love from the league. Still having my own tickets. Yeah, they didn't. They didn't. Every. Every time. So we. We put credential requests out, and I'm literally at this point, it's like two or three days a week before the event. So let's say it's all star weekend, summer league. Whatever it is, your credential's been denied. And I'm like, damn. But I see all the people that are there and I know I'm working hard for the league, but I'm. I'm a big NBA fan. I love the league. My dad played in the NBA back in the day. And for me, it's like you look at leagues like the NFL, right? You're the worst team in the NFL. You get the number one pick, as it should be. You have the worst record. You deserve to have it. So the NBA has always had this like ping pong lottery, like as of, you know, I think 80s is when it first started. But they tell this story back in the day. David Stern, obviously, Knicks, you know, Patrick Ewing coming out of Georgetown.

[David Bourie]

And a New Yorker, David Stern, which is important.

[Will Ferrell]

And a New Yorker, Patrick Ewing, if I'm not mistaken, is he from New York?

[Langston Kerman]

He's from Boston.

[Will Ferrell]

Okay, okay, okay.

[Langston Kerman]

But then. Then went to New York, if I'm.

[David Bourie]

Not mistaken, by way of Jamaica.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah, he's from Jamaica.

[Langston Kerman]

He's Jamaican.

[Will Ferrell]

I'm getting Jamaican, Jamaica, Queens confused. But no, shout, shout out to Patrick Ewing, but number one player in college at that point. So they show the video and if you go through and watch it, they basically like have this big like tumble thing with all the different envelopes in it.

[David Bourie]

Right.

[Will Ferrell]

So they spin it a couple of times, but you see them kind of reach in there, feel around. Yeah. And there was always saying the envelope was frozen or it was a Little bit lighter. There was something going on. He just happens to yank it out and hey, I'm not looking, but hey, yank it out of here. The New York Knicks get the number one pick and they end up getting Patrick Ewan, obviously. And you talk about the league that even nowadays with viewership issues and even stuff we saw in contemporary draft lottery times, like the one that was recent, it always seems to work out that way. You got LeBron James coming out of high school, Akron, Ohio. What do you know? Cleveland Cavs get the number one pick.

[David Bourie]

Derrick Rose as a Denver Perk native. Not a great time for me.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, you. You thought you had a shot.

[David Bourie]

I thought we had a sh. I thought.

[Will Ferrell]

I was like, man, you get mellow. So shit.

[David Bourie]

I mean, yeah, it was cool, but, like, I was like, we're getting new jerseys. We're getting LeBron.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what's crazy? I never thought anyone else had a shot.

[David Bourie]

I mean. Cause you weren't number two, though.

[Langston Kerman]

That's fair.

[David Bourie]

You know what I mean?

[Langston Kerman]

Right, right, right.

[David Bourie]

It was. I feel like it was like we were close enough that it was like, no, this could really, really happen.

[Langston Kerman]

Right. You really believed in the possibility of what this could be.

[David Bourie]

And then I was like, it's going to be that we're going to have some great colorway that's coming out, too. I was like, the city's going to change. And then they hit us with sky blue.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

That was a bad run, brother.

[David Bourie]

It was, bro. You know, it's like. It's like the way my heart sank.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bourie]

When I saw it.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bourie]

And I just like, oh, man, that shit was really upsetting because baby blue is a terrible color, especially for fat guys.

[Will Ferrell]

It's not. Yeah.

[David Bourie]

It's not good.

[Will Ferrell]

It's not flattering.

[David Bourie]

It's not flattering at all. It's like black.

[Will Ferrell]

That's it.

[David Bourie]

Come on. And then it's like you had a jersey that could make a guy like Kenyon Martin not look cool.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, no, it was impressive.

[David Bourie]

That's work. That's work.

[Langston Kerman]

They were really trying.

[David Bourie]

Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

Now you gonna watch this.

[David Bourie]

Oh, man. Man. Shout out.

[Will Ferrell]

You look cool and everything.

[David Bourie]

No, he's a top tier Doug to me. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

So you, obviously, you're a kid at this point when.

[Will Ferrell]

Oh, I'm three years old when this is happening.

[Langston Kerman]

You're three years old when this is happening.

[Will Ferrell]

So you're not born in 82, obviously, draft 85.

[Langston Kerman]

You're not aware that this is happening. At what point does this get on your radar?

[Will Ferrell]

Well, when you just See over the years how convenient it is even now. 2025, Mavs trade Luka to kick off Black History Month. Bring him to the Lakers. God bless Nico Harrison. Nico gets a lot of heat. The most hated person in the league. They booing him at medieval times.

[Langston Kerman]

He's got a new meme just eating him alive.

[Will Ferrell]

He looked like Jafar from Aladdin with the grill look. But so Trey Luca away for seemingly not a ton of return, right? No disrespect to Anthony Davis or Max Christie or one first round draft pick, but we've seen Rudy Gobert go for five, six first round. We saw Mikhail Bridges go to the Knicks for five first rounders like Luka. Generational talent, you know what I mean? All NBA, perennial first team, all NBA. We getting crazy. Max Christie and a first round pick. We thought it was highway robbery.

[Langston Kerman]

And Anthony Davis, that don't look even close to the Anthony Davies.

[Will Ferrell]

He gets hurt.

[Langston Kerman]

Dreamt about.

[Will Ferrell]

He gets hurt. I think before that came back, got hurt. But then they end up going. They make the play in, win their first game and it's like. And you know, I do a show with Gil and Gil the whole time, like, what the fuck are y' all doing, man? Like, you have a chance to now build through the draft. Like, why would you ever want to go to the playoffs? End up. I think they would have got the AFC and ended up getting swept by the Thunder. You're not going to do anything. So his whole thing, and I agree is like, if you're not gonna win the championship, there's like four or five teams every year that are trying to win a championship. If you're not trying to win a championship, you might as well not tank it, but not just give your best effort. Whatever. Whatever's in between there.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, it feels. It feels crazy that the playoff team got the pick. Yeah, like, not like objectively. That feels nuts where like we historically don't ever see that. Of like, you went to the playoffs and you still get the best one.

[David Bourie]

That seems. It just doesn't. It's not like a. But it's not like a fair situation.

[Will Ferrell]

It's some bullshit. I think they were 11th overall of the 14 lottery teams in terms of. I think it was like 1.8% chance of getting that pick. Meanwhile, you got the Hornets, who are trash. You got the Jazz, who are trash. You got the Wizards, who are absolutely trash.

[Langston Kerman]

Don't forget about the Chicago Bulls. We're always rooting for them, baby.

[Will Ferrell]

The Bulls got it, man. That giddy shot still haunts me, man, like watching that. We do a work as company playback, so we stream live games. So we're doing that game, going crazy, thinking, the Lakers gonna win. Motherfucker hits a half quarter and it's just like, damn. But the Bulls getting screwed. I think it's the second time, if I'm not mistaken. So I want to say the Bulls and the Mavs had the same record. So it's basically a coin flip to see who got that 11 spot, that 11th spot, ends up getting the number one overall pick. Bulls get kind of screwed out of it. I want to say the second time it happened with them in the Mavs, I think the last time Mavs drafted Luka. So it's kind of, you know, some fucked up shit going on.

[David Bourie]

Here's my question. I feel like we open it up and we just say it. I feel like we've talked about it a lot on this podcast. How rigged do you think the NBA is? I mean, that's what we're beating around the bush, right?

[Will Ferrell]

The NBA is entertainment. So NBA, similar to wrestling, entertainment. They don't really classify themselves as a sports league. We do. But I think, you know, when you.

[David Bourie]

Get to the Nadia, you think they don't classify.

[Will Ferrell]

I think they do it entertainment because it gives them a little bit more leeway and flexibility in terms of how they operate from behind the scenes.

[David Bourie]

That's sketchy as fuck.

[Will Ferrell]

It's entertainment, right? It's there to entertain.

[Langston Kerman]

That's like lawyer talk. They hired a very powerful lawyer.

[Will Ferrell]

Their whole crew was all lawyers. David Stern back in the day, like, successful lawyer, I believe, worked for the league before he ended up becoming commissioner. I want to say Adam Silver followed a similar trajectory. Kind of hit the ground.

[Langston Kerman]

They weren't hooping, I'll tell you that.

[Will Ferrell]

No jumpers.

[David Bourie]

No.

[Will Ferrell]

Come on. Jumpers being shot.

[David Bourie]

Come on, come on.

[Will Ferrell]

And for those who know, neither one.

[Langston Kerman]

Of them boys put a ball on the court. Not once.

[Will Ferrell]

You talk about behind the scenes shit like, you know, strong army. You know, Gil's got his doc out on Netflix now. Untold Shooting Guards.

[David Bourie]

We were just watching. I was just talking to him about.

[Will Ferrell]

It yesterday, and something he said. And I have no problem. I'm telling everybody on your show. But he said repeatedly, it was like, Gil is a loophole expert, right? So Gil should have been a lawyer.

[David Bourie]

I could really see that.

[Will Ferrell]

So before he brought guns to the locker room, he researched, all right, what's the longest I can get suspended? It's like, all right, you know, player X brought it in. He got two games. This player shot a gun. He got three games. I was like, shit. The most I'm gonna get is five for doing this.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm gonna say this.

[David Bourie]

That's maniacal.

[Will Ferrell]

But this is how he operates in life.

[Langston Kerman]

I thought it was more he was just being a silly Billy. He's like, no, I'm gonna make sure.

[Will Ferrell]

I have Street Dog put into everything. So I'm like, as most I get his five, I'm gonna do it. That's how his mind works.

[David Bourie]

Even in the doc, he says the reason he felt like he got punished is because they knew he was moving guns around, right?

[Will Ferrell]

So that's what it ended up becoming. But if you go back to why he initially got suspended, it wasn't cause the guns in the locker room, because they can never prove anything, right? This thing came out, like, a week or two after the fact. It was kind of just going around the locker room. Somebody ended up snitching to the press, and then it went crazy. But that's all these dudes. And you guys know, like, we might have a situation here. We want to fight each other, whatever. Now we're cool. But a week from now, we hear, you know, we've moved on. We passed it, right? Everybody now is like, man, we heard about that shit that went down. It's like, huh? Like, I forgot all about that. Oh, yeah, I did bring guns in the locker room, man. I'm tripping. But you watched it go.

[David Bourie]

It is not that kind of environment here, though. It would be crazy. It would fuck us up.

[Will Ferrell]

Oh, it'd be awesome if people. If, like, the energy would be fucking.

[David Bourie]

Up if Nelson brought two guns and put them on the couch and said, pick one.

[Langston Kerman]

I'd tell on all y' all niggas immediately.

[Will Ferrell]

But then you dig deeper. And that's even the situation with Ja. Like, Ja didn't really get jammed up for in the strip club, right? It was more like, well, how'd the gun get there? And. Oh, really? So how did you. How did you.

[Langston Kerman]

What's the relationship?

[Will Ferrell]

Did you bring that on on a team? Playing on a team bus? Because now it becomes something deeper. But Gil didn't get suspended for the guns. He got suspended because he was in warmups, fucking around, and he did the. The finger guns. And then David Stern saw that and was like, all right, dog. Like, I'm about to strong arm your ass up.

[David Bourie]

That is.

[Will Ferrell]

That is one way or the other.

[David Bourie]

That is a crazy thing to do, though, bro.

[Langston Kerman]

I think what makes it nasty, though, is the Fact that they can't prove it. Right. Like, especially with the Josh situation. Because what they told us via the media was that he was bringing the guns into the locker room and onto the plane. But they don't know that for a.

[Will Ferrell]

Fact unless he says, I did it, which I don't think he's done. But.

[Langston Kerman]

But the point being, it's not like he got on the plane and was like, hey, y', all, look at my gun.

[Will Ferrell]

He's in a strip club. Tons of ones on the ground holding a noisy cricket in Colorado, which is, I believe, an open carry state. Okay.

[David Bourie]

So I was gonna say about the Josh situation.

[Will Ferrell]

Wrong.

[David Bourie]

Strip club. You go to Dandy Dan's. That doesn't happen to you, brother. Guns in there. Yeah. You go up off the Federal, they'll let you. Like.

[Will Ferrell]

It's called Shotgun Willys, though. So, like, he should have been holding the shotgun.

[David Bourie]

It's like trash. You only go there. They got steak on Tuesdays. That's all they got going. Good.

[Will Ferrell]

Well, that's not a. That's. Yeah. I love a strip club that bounces as a culinary eatery. Shout out to Magic City. I've got the hot wings. Post made it to me, man.

[David Bourie]

Honestly, if we're talking about ads, we want Magic City highways.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay. We're in agreement on this.

[David Bourie]

That would be a good 100%.

[Langston Kerman]

We're in agreement.

[Will Ferrell]

You guys ate them there?

[David Bourie]

No.

[Will Ferrell]

Okay. Cause I got it. I was. I was doing some stuff with tnt. I was in Atlanta, got them postmated to the. To the hotel. Was not impressed when I. They were like, baby. I'm like, damn, what's going down? I think they gave me, like, the. The bottom of the barrel win.

[David Bourie]

You gotta go in.

[Will Ferrell]

You gotta come in on Monday. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

We need to take a break. But before we do, my question for you, leading, I guess, into this break, is what do you say to the issue of it being Dallas specifically? Because that is not a major market. It's not one that we've ever historically championed. Right. In terms of sinking the money into it. And more importantly, there's not that many incentives to make it good again if you just traded away Luka. So how do we justify that part?

[Will Ferrell]

I think Dallas still top 10 market, if I'm not mistaken.

[David Bourie]

That's what I was gonna say, I think. I mean, I don't.

[Will Ferrell]

It don't sound like it, but, like. Because I thought the same thing. I'm like, yo, like, you know, we kind of look at the Mavs like, they're a small Market team, but top 10. Everything Mark Cuban came over to do. But Mark Cuban ends up selling the team, giving up control of basketball operations to Alderson family, who owns the Sam's Corp, who's heavy in gaming. So the initial rumor was they wanted to bring a casino to the arena. We're salty. That. The state of Texas was kind of hating on that. The legislature wasn't letting it get through. So they're like, all right, well, fuck you. We trading the golden boy now. What? And we're gonna make bread either way. This franchise is gonna be valuable either way. You guys are gonna still come to games. Like we've seen before. Steve Ballmer took over the Clippers. He's done an amazing job. But Donald Sterling, My dad played for the Donald Sterling Clippers. Most embarrassing organization probably in the history of sports. Used to practice at the ymca. Played at the sports arena.

[David Bourie]

Like, well, hey, now, shout out to the ymca, Big YMCA guy. That's another. That's another sponsor.

[Langston Kerman]

You were there this morning?

[David Bourie]

Yeah. No. Well, it was like, man, bro, it was this uber. Was like $28 from your house to the YMCA. I couldn't justify it. I just got 10,000 steps in, came right on back.

[Will Ferrell]

It makes sense. But ymca, great for common folk like us.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

Imagine your NBA team now.

[David Bourie]

Yeah, it's just six, eight Common. We're just three Common dudes over here.

[Will Ferrell]

We're just three Common. But imagine you're an NBA team practicing and you gotta leave. Cause Pilates class is coming in or whatever the fuck is going on. So we got a bunch of naked Armenian dudes like, yo, you gotta go, dog. It's our time. I don't give a fuck who you are.

[David Bourie]

He said he's not finished walking off the court. Yeah, they say they're not finished.

[Langston Kerman]

It's time to play.

[David Bourie]

Bunch of dudes hooping in jeans, half court.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah, for sure. So new. New management group comes in. New ownership group. Ended up making the trade for Luke. And like I said, we heard that trade. Everybody thought it was nuts. Everybody shout all over it. Nico Harrison, myself included. You know, fire, Nico chants, all that stuff. But the Mavs had raised ticket prices after the Luca trade. Wow. Really? So it's like, let me scratch my head here. Some shit's going on now. I'm not. I'm not gonna call the league out. There's been a ton of people in the media who I respect to say, oh, no, this process just happens the way it is. But I think the percentage of the team. Three teams that got it Mav, spurs and Sixers we got the first three picks was like 0.01% of that happening. Obviously much lower than the lottery. But even the Mavs winning, I think is 1.8%. And we talked about this on the show. That'd be like me putting a stack of cards saying, hey, pick the two of diamonds, and you just reaching in. Boop to a dime is like the percentage of that potentially happening. So it's not.

[Langston Kerman]

That's nuts.

[Will Ferrell]

Not a word.

[David Bourie]

The only word that happens is a magic trick. Trickery.

[Will Ferrell]

It's convenient.

[Langston Kerman]

It's not 0%, but it's a silly number. Close to 0%.

[Will Ferrell]

So it's wild shit to see it actually happen. And now then be able to get Cooper Flag. Who's the great American white hope? Luca. European, of course, but one of my favorite Caucasians.

[Langston Kerman]

It's a designer replacement for that institution.

[Will Ferrell]

We've got American, Caucasian, Koopa, and Luka Whitey.

[David Bourie]

I mean, if we have to qualify, I don't know, maybe this is because of the Nuggets thing. I kind of like the European whites better.

[Will Ferrell]

Shout out Joker. Like the fat, sloppy look, don't look athletic, but come out, we'll cook.

[David Bourie]

You got those scary brothers running around my city. Even though he's. When he's gone, they just did.

[Will Ferrell]

They just master. Have you seen them out and about, bro?

[David Bourie]

I know a girl, I know somebody who lives in their building, and she was like, he's gone. As soon as the season's over, they're just up there.

[Will Ferrell]

They just chilling. They're just holding it down, making sure ain't nothing going on. Okay.

[David Bourie]

Just lurking around.

[Langston Kerman]

I like that, man. I love that. They're like, man, we ain't going back there.

[Will Ferrell]

We really run this city. Low key. We at the crib, not doing shit. We're fucking with the horses. We holding it down. We representing different.

[David Bourie]

They are outside in tight, tight T shirts.

[Langston Kerman]

That's amazing. I love that. Good for them. Good for them. And frankly, good for the Dallas Mavericks. Shout out, Dallas, y' all figured it out. Whatever the game was, you fucking mastered it perfectly. We're gonna take a break. We're gonna come right back with more Josiah Johnson. More. My mama told me.

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[Will Ferrell]

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[Langston Kerman]

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[Will Ferrell]

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[Langston Kerman]

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[Will Ferrell]

We're not going to let Joe Biden and Kamala Harris cut America's meat.

[David Bourie]

That's dead on that. That's dead on that. And we're not gonna let the NBA continue to rig our league. We love so Much.

[Will Ferrell]

Keep doing it. I enj.

[Langston Kerman]

I was gonna say, I don't know if I want the alternative as much as I think I do.

[David Bourie]

No, I mean, wrestling is as fun as any other thing. Right.

[Langston Kerman]

And it does create sort of this weird commitment to your teams in a way that actually makes the experience more meaningful, I would say.

[David Bourie]

Right.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what I mean? That, like, when I remember as a kid, my favorite team growing up was that Sacramento team that almost did it. You know what I mean?

[Will Ferrell]

And then we had Bibby and that crew. Paige, come on.

[Langston Kerman]

It was crazy.

[David Bourie]

Shout out to team Dime.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, that team was nuts.

[Will Ferrell]

Team Dime. I got a funny story, actually. Yeah. So this tattoo. So one of my teammates at UCLA was Mike Bibby's cousin, Ryan Walcott, my guy. We still ride together to this day. So they used to have tattoo day, the Bibby family from Phoenix. So I'd happened to roll in during the off season. I think Mike was doing a camp or something. It was tattoo day. So rolled up to the tattoo parlor. Mike Bibby bought me this. This one right here, the Pitch Johnson, which is my last name, official last name. But he was like, yeah, you want to tag? I'm like, hell, yeah, Mike Fat.

[David Bourie]

Are those characters also saying pitch?

[Will Ferrell]

No. So I got those when I was 18. No, I get it. But you're a Denver guy, so, you know, Marcus can't be like the big Chinese symbols worth the wave back then. I can't speak a lick of Chinese. Probably one of my biggest regrets in life, but I own it and I wear it like a badge of. It's supposed to say fear. No, man, but my Chinese friends are kind of like, ah, nigga, not this time.

[Langston Kerman]

If I had to explain the embarrassment on my.

[Will Ferrell]

It was a cool thing to do in the early 2000s.

[Langston Kerman]

Ain't no shaming. Tattoo shaming. We don't do that over here.

[Will Ferrell]

Marcus can't be, though. Marcus can't be. You had the big ass Chinese symbols. You know, niggas had no connection to China whatsoever, bro.

[David Bourie]

But it was really.

[Will Ferrell]

China had us in a chokehold, which they still do. So maybe we saw the future.

[Langston Kerman]

That might be it from tariffs of otipus.

[David Bourie]

But, I mean, I'm talking about, like, the Cisco era. There was a lot of dragons running around. Yeah, for sure, man.

[Langston Kerman]

Jackie Chan had a cartoon.

[David Bourie]

He did the Jackie Chan adventures.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Y' all remember that?

[David Bourie]

I do remember that. On channel, on the wb.

[Langston Kerman]

It was like. It was like the. More like it was like almost anime a little bit. It kind of had like, A more advanced. Is this you?

[David Bourie]

Are you leveraging for Crunchyroll again?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, Crunchyroll. Howlands if you got that Jackie Chan cartoon, go ahead, let me watch it. I'm trying to watch it for free.

[Will Ferrell]

Jackie Chan did run shit for a while.

[Langston Kerman]

Nah, he was going crazy.

[David Bourie]

I was a big rumble in the Bronx guy. That was my Jackie Chan.

[Langston Kerman]

I will say, now that we're talking about it, then this is my conspiratorial brain really triggering. I do think they kind of gave Tom Cruise some of Jackie Chan's shit.

[David Bourie]

Whoa, wait. Expand.

[Langston Kerman]

I think Jackie Chan really has been a I do my own stunts motherfucker for a long time.

[David Bourie]

Because he came from like, the circus, right, or something like that?

[Langston Kerman]

Yes, I think he just came from karate.

[Will Ferrell]

But he's like a class bad doing.

[David Bourie]

All that type of shit, man.

[Will Ferrell]

He's like classic.

[David Bourie]

He's like, trained in that.

[Langston Kerman]

But more importantly, he's a dude who's been cooking at that from the moment we met him. Tom Cruise went through like 15 evolutions.

[David Bourie]

Before he became the idealist, the guy.

[Langston Kerman]

Who, like, truly did all his own stunts.

[David Bourie]

Also, Tom Cruise couldn't. He couldn't share a bill with Chris Tucker. That would be a terrible movie.

[Langston Kerman]

You want to watch that back and forth?

[David Bourie]

Rush Hour with Tom Cruise and Chris Tucker.

[Langston Kerman]

No, that's it.

[David Bourie]

Thanks. Tom Cruise. Cruz just calls him a slur movie over. Chris's like, don't touch my radio. He's like, you godamn. You think I want to listen to cool Modi?

[Will Ferrell]

Get out of here.

[David Bourie]

That's hilarious.

[Langston Kerman]

No, I think they gave Jack. I think Jackie Chan.

[Will Ferrell]

Tom Cruise said, fuck it, I'm about to just take over. Wouldn't be the first time we've seen it colonized and gentrified.

[Langston Kerman]

Cause I don't think that Jackie Chan would be opposed to jumping out of a plane. You know what I mean? I don't think he'd be scared to bungee jump off of the fucking waterfall. Whatever.

[David Bourie]

Here's my question.

[Langston Kerman]

They just were like, no, we'll fund Tom in all of this.

[David Bourie]

Here's my question. In true gentrifier status, are the stunts Tom Cruise is doing more difficult than the shit that Jackie chan was doing?

[Langston Kerman]

100%.

[Will Ferrell]

You think so?

[David Bourie]

I mean, the checky shit was like, I don't. I think one could go one way. I don't think the other could go. You know what I'm saying? Jackie was so athletic. I don't think that Jackie. Tom Cruise could do the shit. Yeah, that Jackie Chan is Doing, bro.

[Langston Kerman]

You're saying that. That it actually is much harder to get legit kicked in the face off of, like, a box towel than it is to, like, have this massive rig that ensures you won't actually ever get hurt. You just have to be brave enough to do the thing.

[David Bourie]

When he jumped off the shit in Rumble in the Bronx and he broke his foot or whatever, like, I just think that, like, I think the degree of difficulty might have been higher on Jackie Chan for sure. Because Jackie Chan's a proven, like, he's like athletic.

[Langston Kerman]

He's a martial artist.

[David Bourie]

It's not like Tom Cruise was like, oh, I was bad athletic. And then I became a movie star. I think he's kind of just a guy.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Just alone.

[Will Ferrell]

He trying to stay relevant. Death wish, all this type of thing. No, I really want to die every time this shit happens. I'm disappointed that y' all keep letting me down.

[David Bourie]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

And yeah, the church doesn't approve of suicide, so I'll figure it out another way.

[Will Ferrell]

Do it in a movie.

[David Bourie]

Damn, that's dark.

[Will Ferrell]

I'm acting.

[David Bourie]

That's how he's about to check out Mission Impossible 8.

[Will Ferrell]

It's too many Mission Impossible. I'll just say that too. Like, shit. At some point, all these missions are possible.

[David Bourie]

You could do the missions.

[Will Ferrell]

They're possible.

[David Bourie]

You did eight of them. You could do it. You redoing it. That's what you do.

[Langston Kerman]

Boys, I don't disagree with you on a logical sense, but they are strong films.

[Will Ferrell]

They're good movies. But all these missions are very possible.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, difficult. They're very difficult, but possible.

[David Bourie]

They should be. Hard ass missions.

[Langston Kerman]

Hard ass missions.

[Will Ferrell]

They gotta fuck up one time. We didn't get it done.

[Langston Kerman]

There's all these conspiracies running around that Michael B. Jordan is about to be the replacement for the Ethan Hunt of the upcoming Mission Impossibles. And I wonder if they're going to make that. Hard ass missions.

[David Bourie]

Ooh, you know what I mean? When it becomes black people.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. It's just hard ass. Yeah.

[David Bourie]

This shit tough as hell, y'. All. Oh, y' all gonna do that shit, all right.

[Langston Kerman]

Couldn't be me. That's what it's gonna be.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah, you got it. You got it.

[Langston Kerman]

Couldn't be me with Michael B. Jordan.

[David Bourie]

I would rather have a black James Bond than a black Mission Impossible guy.

[Will Ferrell]

Oh, really?

[David Bourie]

Yeah, I think it means. I think it means more.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, I. I think they're just gonna really be so. You gotta remember British racism when it. They finally do it. It's that peer shit, that's true.

[David Bourie]

That's uncut.

[Will Ferrell]

Racism. Y' all is behind the ties here. Like everything else. We ran this way before. Y', all, please.

[Langston Kerman]

Nah, they. They give you that pure shit. And I don't like how that feels. And I don't want to see that happen to Idris or whoever is like.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah, that shit is wild. You guys been out there before?

[David Bourie]

Yeah, I've only been out there once.

[Will Ferrell]

Never been out. Like, I'm good.

[Langston Kerman]

It's actually. You know what's funny? It. It doesn't feel that way when you're like, like amongst them. They feel like a more liberal, frankly, more like welcoming people than we are in America. But on the flip side, I just think when they do get racist, like, look how they reacted to Meghan Markle. That bitch is barely a color. And they were upset when I went over there.

[David Bourie]

It felt like a boring New York.

[Will Ferrell]

Really.

[David Bourie]

Yeah, that's really how it felt. It felt like just like kind of like stuff shuts down earlier. But it is, like ingrained in them to be.

[Langston Kerman]

I think it's at their root, it's at their core. And that's why their paparazzi is so mean and crazy and shit.

[David Bourie]

I've always thought about this, about their media, on social media, some level at least within their media, they are better about racial stuff than we are. Whereas, like, you'll watch a British movie, even from like the 90s or something, they'll have a black guy and a white guy be a best friend. And that's not the point of the movie.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, no, that's what I mean is like, they know how to present progressive, right? But when you get to some shit that they really don't want you to do, they turn up.

[Will Ferrell]

You don't fuck with the Royal Family, man.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, they don't want that bloodline looking like what you offer. No, stop is their response.

[Will Ferrell]

Shout out to Megan and Harry. Went to, I think, Lakers playoff game a couple years ago.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

And so I had a little bread at that time. So I was sitting in like B level suites or. Yeah, might have got an A level. I think it was Lakers grizzly. But they were at the game one sweet over. We look over like, oh, they just low key, holding it down.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

Got their own little security, but with the Lakers, so I had to roll with them. I'm like, all right, you know, that's really all it takes. Whatever going on. Y' all feel put after Lakers game. So I'm rolling with you.

[Langston Kerman]

It's so Funny. You're willing to forgive the. The roots of racism because they didn't do it.

[David Bourie]

Harry didn't do it.

[Langston Kerman]

Harry's cool.

[Will Ferrell]

Harry didn't want a chance.

[David Bourie]

Come on, man.

[Will Ferrell]

He liked it.

[Langston Kerman]

Harry liked it for a while. Then he stopped liking it.

[Will Ferrell]

Harry said the family. I see y', all, Larry moving out here, Santa Barbara. We going to pull up the Lakers games. Hold it down.

[Langston Kerman]

We move different. Y', all. We. Y'.

[Will Ferrell]

All. Y' all go ahead.

[Langston Kerman]

Y' all enjoy.

[David Bourie]

Okay. I'm sorry. Royal family.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah.

[David Bourie]

Like, say, hates the royal. I hate the royal family. I don't like it. I'm saying I like Harry.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm teasing.

[Will Ferrell]

I'm teasing.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay, my next question for you as it relates to this.

[Will Ferrell]

Are we going back to that? I thought we were. Let's do it. No.

[David Bourie]

Yeah. We can go wherever.

[Langston Kerman]

We can go wherever.

[Will Ferrell]

Nah, let's do it. I like it.

[David Bourie]

I do want to ask. Yeah, I had a question about it, too.

[Langston Kerman]

My next question for you is. Do you feel like you've been cheated out of any of the quote unquote rigging? As a Lakers fan?

[Will Ferrell]

No. Lakers, we haven't had, like, a fuck you trade in a while, actually. I said that. And Luka trade was in February, so maybe. But CP3, I think, was the. One of the few times when the Lakers actually got got. But by and large, for the most.

[Langston Kerman]

Part, you guys are the favorite.

[Will Ferrell]

You look at the Gasol trade back in the day, trading for his brother, and Marc Gasol ended up being a great player, but he wasn't shit at that point. He wasn't.

[Langston Kerman]

And he never became Powell. He just was. He was his own guy.

[Will Ferrell]

So as much as the league talks about parody and being competitive, at the end of the day, no disrespect to the Nuggets, but even looking at the playoffs right now, the ideal matchup as it stands right now, you want Timberwolves, Knicks, right? You got the Julius Randle cat. Like, yeah, Jokic is a fucking great story, and God bless you, but that and fans got mad at me when it was that Nuggets, he serious. I'm like, the fucking league don't want this shit, brother.

[David Bourie]

I don't want this shit.

[Will Ferrell]

People ain't watching it.

[David Bourie]

I was watching the game with Langston last night, and I was like, you know how hard it is to have your team be the least cool. Good team.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah. But a great team nonetheless, though, right? I'm a Westbrook guy. I love Joker. I love that squad.

[David Bourie]

But, like, as far as, like, Cool guys on a basketball team.

[Langston Kerman]

Nah, it's tough Pickens over there.

[Will Ferrell]

All basic humans like Joker literally tell you to your face, this shit is just a job for me. I'll see y' all when I see y' all when it's done. I don't even like doing this shit or being around y'. All.

[David Bourie]

He wants to race horses on that little cart he's got.

[Langston Kerman]

I watched the post game interview yesterday with the one where they catch him right at the end, and they were like, asking him, like, yo, you know, how'd you do produce this? And the whole time, he's just looking like this past the lady as he's talking to her. He don't give a. Oh, no. He's like, I am. I am checked out of here.

[Will Ferrell]

I'm dropping a triple double. I'll see y' all later. I'm going right back to the crib.

[Langston Kerman]

And when we.

[David Bourie]

And when we do have cool guys, they don't want to be there.

[Langston Kerman]

No.

[David Bourie]

Even for football, it's the same thing. They don't want to be mellow. Wasn't having a great time living in Denver.

[Will Ferrell]

No, you had a. I like that. I like those. Mellow Cruise. OKMAR jr. I mean, it was.

[David Bourie]

What a great time. What was it, the 2009 Western Conference finals with you guys? That was like, before I started comedy. And then maybe if I have a child or get married or whatever, that'll also be great. But that was the greatest time of my life. The bench was deep, man. It just felt so good.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, you guys were fun to watch.

[David Bourie]

We were fun. We were exciting guys.

[Langston Kerman]

And it was like a bunch of dudes who, like, the year before, were being labeled, like, knuckleheads and misfits.

[Will Ferrell]

The Nuggets.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. It was like, oh, we. We've given up on these. These terrible youth. And then suddenly it became.

[David Bourie]

Barack Obama was president. I swear. Like, that Nuggets team Barack Obama and the death of Michael Jackson pushed me to follow my dreams and move to California and start doing comedy. Like, that's how much, like, if that doesn't happen, if that doesn't happen, I am a manager of a call center in Inglewood, Colorado, right now.

[Langston Kerman]

That's a nasty little crossover of, like.

[Will Ferrell]

Perfect motivation that happened all in a reasonable timeframe to each other. Yeah, I forgot about that. Also a dui.

[David Bourie]

But that doesn't matter, bro. It's like, all that stuff. All that stuff came together.

[Langston Kerman]

No. Cause it's beautiful. Because you had all the motivation for yourself, a la Barack Obama. You had all the personal joy in your life a la the nuggets. And then on top of that, you have all the motivation for. From fear, Allah, Michael Jackson's life being cut short. You can find that profile. Shout out to propofol. We want some of you.

[Will Ferrell]

That's what I want.

[Langston Kerman]

I want that PR fall. I need my milk.

[Will Ferrell]

I need my. I'm like, damn, that milk sound kind of good, but I'm. I don't want to with it. But damn, you know how bad I'm.

[Langston Kerman]

Trying to go to bed right now.

[Will Ferrell]

That nigga was sleeping good, though.

[Langston Kerman]

I got two kids. I can use some rest. Purple Fall, please hook me up.

[Will Ferrell]

I'd never heard of this shit before that number.

[David Bourie]

It never came up.

[Will Ferrell]

If the King of Pop is calling that shit his milk. His milk. I'm sure he was sleeping good as fuck.

[Langston Kerman]

That boy couldn't go to bed. They said he died multiple times before he actually died. This is the theory is that literally he had died, and they resuscitated him on different days, and he was still like, give me.

[David Bourie]

Give me my milk.

[Will Ferrell]

I need my milk.

[Langston Kerman]

That Michael was already up out of here.

[Will Ferrell]

He did enough. He accomplished everything he did. He really went, y' all ain't got nothing for me. I can't.

[David Bourie]

Yeah, what else you knew?

[Will Ferrell]

Niggas ain't fucking getting on my level.

[David Bourie]

So how much better was it gonna get for him?

[Langston Kerman]

Not. It wasn't gonna get better.

[David Bourie]

That's what I think. That's probably the hard part about being truly great. Yeah, it's something. Being truly, truly great. Is that the back end? It feels like. I mean. Yeah. Even if you have a family or whatever, you're like, I would. That was number one.

[Langston Kerman]

And we already had done some.

[David Bourie]

Look at my man crying right there.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. No crying about it. He having a hard time.

[Will Ferrell]

That's liquor porn. Porn.

[Langston Kerman]

That's some of the finest tequila made by a man who was drunk.

[Will Ferrell]

MJ said, I'm not smoking cigars, getting drunk all night. You niggas still. Let me give you 50. What the fuck? I done left, came back. Left, came back, made a movie. You n. Still ain't doing shit, bro. Dog still suck.

[David Bourie]

He really.

[Will Ferrell]

I'm a LeBron guy, but when I look at it from that lens.

[Langston Kerman]

No, but he really lives so high on a level above everyone that there wasn't even. We didn't even debate if there was a better person in the league.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah, for sure.

[Langston Kerman]

Now every. Every fucking week, somebody's claiming LeBron ain't the greatest you know what I mean? Like, he'll spend his life with that. Even, like, as more players, they're going to give it to Wimby so fast.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah, but do you know what I mean?

[Langston Kerman]

Like, that's.

[Will Ferrell]

Well, we've seen it with Wemby, and that's the whole thing. And this is the point, because somebody asked me early on would I rather go Chet or Wimby. And I said, chet, but they're two big tall dudes. But what we've seen, like the Yao Ming. And just when a dude's that tall. And you hope that Wemby. Because Wemby does everything to take care of his body. I think this blood clot was just some unfortunate shit. But he's gotta be able to sustain. Cause we've seen him when he plays. He's the fucking highest level of hoop that we've ever seen in our life. This is a fucking cheat code. But you a big ass motherfucker. So Yao Ming shit ended because of a toe, Shaq. Fucking toe. You know, you just think about that. My damn toe hurt. I can't fucking. I got to retire a lot of times.

[Langston Kerman]

Toe.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah, that's a big toe.

[David Bourie]

Big ass toe.

[Will Ferrell]

And that is the. The base of everything you got cracking. But as shorter Hoopers, like, oh, I'll be good in a couple weeks. Like, these niggas, like, I got. I'll check out.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, Mugsy bounce back, baby.

[David Bourie]

Hey, come on.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah, my shit.

[David Bourie]

Little like, that's a toe. That's a mugsy toe.

[Langston Kerman]

You could. You could take it up. I don't know.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah, but you hope like you want. I mean, you see the dude when he plays and just how phenomenal he is. Shooting threes, doing everything he's doing. But then it's like, all right. Had to miss this season. Hopefully they bounce back. You know, Pop getting old, having a stroke. His old ass was trying to stick around too long. Just as like, you know, my last kind of thing. I'm gonna give back to the league and get wimpy ready to go. So I can go on and do what I'm doing. But saw Pop at his retirement shit, it was like, Damn, dog, like 76. You can't keep up with these young, these niggas.

[Langston Kerman]

And you're just standing there. It's not like you're, like, running up and down the court. But there is a level of, like, just keeping logically, keeping up energy, keeping up that you got a match.

[Will Ferrell]

I would tell everybody, encourage all you guys out there. Like, I do a Show with Gil, we go like two and a half hours live and, like, just sit on the couch, go sit in the gym. Just stand up for two and a half hours walking around and not do that shit every single day and see how much your back hurts, your leg. I coach high school. My shit, my knees and back be hurting. I gotta go take a seat in the big chair for a little bit to, like, juvenile. But he's 76. Having to do that, it's like, come on, man, set it down.

[David Bourie]

Nah, get it. Get it down.

[Langston Kerman]

You gotta scowl when he doing it. You'd be mad. That wears on your body.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah, for sure.

[Langston Kerman]

All that, man.

[David Bourie]

Yeah, it takes less. Nope, I ain't have it.

[Langston Kerman]

Yep. All right, well, now we both let each other down.

[David Bourie]

Yeah, man, I'm sorry. You know, it's a give and take relationship. You know.

[Langston Kerman]

You had the question that you said you wanted to ask.

[David Bourie]

Oh, I just wanted to ask about the 1985 draft. How ballot manipulation. Like, the idea of it was frozen or it was bent or it was light.

[Will Ferrell]

You hear the different theories.

[David Bourie]

Do you feel like that's a real possibility? I also wanted to ask. Cause you said your dad was in the league. Does he have feelings on it as well?

[Will Ferrell]

Well, he's still employed by the league, so he has no feelings on it. He's just very working with the Milwaukee Bucks. Shout out to Giannis. Hopefully he stays out there. But I'm just like, you can do shit in plain sight, right? Like, you know, I'm a big fan of magic. You see all these magic tricks. Like, it's very easy to do shit and manipulate the eye and do all those type of. So we're giving you. It's like, why do all that? Why not just worst team in the league, it's the number one pick. Why do we go through all this shit, King Kong balls, all these different things, when we want competitive balance, where you had three teams who were literally the fucking worst teams in the league, and neither. None of those three teams got the top three picks in this draft.

[David Bourie]

Right?

[Langston Kerman]

Well, what's funny is before 1985, which was sort of the source of us starting this conversation, that. So 1985 is the first official draft lottery, which is why it was a big deal that Patrick Ewing got that before. It was a coin flip between the first and second worst team in the.

[Will Ferrell]

League, which is how the Lakers get magic. I mean, that's. But that's even silly in itself. It's like, football has it, right? You are the fucking worst team in the NFL. You get the first pick.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bourie]

Yeah. And let's keep it recycled.

[Will Ferrell]

I don't care if you tanked or did whatever the fuck you did. And now it's like the league's trying to punish tankers. So we're trying to punish you losers for losing by making you lose money more.

[Langston Kerman]

Right.

[David Bourie]

And that's how you get. You don't get people to come up on top. Right. Like it doesn't. You don't. You can't get new blood that way. Yeah. Unless you got dough.

[Langston Kerman]

I guess. Well, and that's the argument is that.

[David Bourie]

And.

[Langston Kerman]

Well, I guess what makes it more complicated is that if this were rigging just for the sake of narrative, right. At the end of the day, what, what makes wrestling. Enjoying. Enjoy, enjoy.

[David Bourie]

You got it.

[Will Ferrell]

We. We know what you're.

[Langston Kerman]

The reason niggas like wrestling is because racial tension is because they. They ultimately are weaving the story with the intention of just selling you the best story.

[Will Ferrell]

Right?

[Langston Kerman]

Right. But the NBA is going, well, I'll sell you the best story that serves financial fucking back end so large that they're almost hard to keep track of.

[David Bourie]

But it's also.

[Langston Kerman]

And that makes it kind of whack.

[David Bourie]

But it's also ultimately because they're serving the best story for the biggest crowd. They're crowdsourcing it still. And I would argue that is the same thing the WWE is. They're just letting the. They don't have to worry about a market. They have to worry about. We bring this wrestler out, what do they think of him? But they're still servicing.

[Will Ferrell]

So the NBA has to dangle that carrot of small market teams being able to get to the highest level and win championships. But when you talk about a league that's bitching about viewership and whatever, like the Lakers are going to have the worst team in the league. People are going to watch those games. Right. Like the Knicks. Right now you're seeing Knicks, Celtics, that series. And I see it when we do the show every day and people kind of bitch at us like, man, you don't talk about Cavs, you don't talk about Pacers. And it's like when we do talk about it, you motherfuckers don't watch.

[David Bourie]

Right?

[Langston Kerman]

Right.

[Will Ferrell]

So do you want a show? Everybody has opinions on how we should do the show, whatever. But when y' all do it, like, y' all don't talk about these teams either. And it's like, oh, but the Cavs are doing so good. Yeah, but we know the Cavs are going to get packed up. Like, no disrespect to Cleveland. Love you guys. We knew the Cavs are going to get backed up. League's not allowing that. Like, what the fuck do you guys think is going on? Like, right, we got the Celtics and the Knicks both playing high level basketball. You think even the Pacers now they got to deal with that? And by the grace of God, the Pacers are able to get to the finals and more power to them. But you got the Knicks or Celtics coming to town. Like, who do you think we want to get to these finals?

[Langston Kerman]

So here's. Here's my question to that. How. How daytoday do you think they're actually able to. To present these stories? I guess. You know what I mean? Because.

[David Bourie]

Oh, like, how much control do they have over the narrative?

[Langston Kerman]

I always took it to be like, they're just setting it up so that this team is good this year. I didn't think they were setting it up in a way where they're like, all right, Cavs are cooking, but we're going to make sure that they don't get cooked.

[Will Ferrell]

I mean, sometimes the teams will do that to themselves, but, like, you look at that Knicks, Celtics game. Believe what game five, whatever it was. Jalen Brunson gets five fouls in the third quarter. This is the superstar of this team. But the series is 3:1. Okay. Motherfucker got five fouls in a single quarter, right?

[David Bourie]

Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

That's just not. That's not how it's going down. These refs know what's going on. You're trying to tell me the refs didn't know? Yeah, they're not tripping. Cause Tatum goes down like, shit. We gotta stretch this shit a little bit. A little bit stuck out.

[David Bourie]

They can't go home.

[Will Ferrell]

The worries they gonna win a game like, shit, we gotta stretch it a little bit.

[Langston Kerman]

It's not total manipulation. They're not figuring out the box score. They're saying, like, hey, do what you can.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah, exactly. And you still might be able to win with these variables. We're gonna make it a little bit more difficult for you.

[David Bourie]

Cause that's what they can do. They can adjust factors, right?

[Langston Kerman]

Yep.

[David Bourie]

They can, like, adjust little things.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Take somebody out.

[Will Ferrell]

Like Halliburton got two fouls in the first quarter. I think they still end winning that game, but it's like, okay. I mean, going down.

[Langston Kerman]

That's the argument you always see with like the. The. They. They made it a bunch with Draymond in the. In the playoffs this year. Of him just tackling and falling and kicking.

[Will Ferrell]

Like, Draymond found loopholes, though, because, like, they weren't foul, so they had to be tech. So he had like all together, I want to say like nine or 10 of them. He can get combined before he ends up get suspended. So I can get like three fragrance and five texts and I still got my eight. They were literally all flavor fouls. That's just what me. I'll bing him in the head. It's not a foul on me because the foul's already been called. So I'll just give him a tech instead. All right, we good. He can stay in the game.

[David Bourie]

That's some five game suspension for bringing a gun. Thinking, yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

Mastermind. Yeah. And you talk to Gil. And Gil, literally a genie. Because he'll literally explain. He'll tell you guys, like, yo, and I saw, like, I think Telfair had had a situation. He got like two games. And I saw Stephen Jackson, like, shot a gun in front of a strip club, and he might have got three or four. So I'm like, I ain't getting no more than five. This is precedent. But now he comes, you know, thinking he's. He's a genius to David Stern. David Stern's like, fuck you, nigga. Like, yeah, you gonna take these 50 games? I'll let you keep your bread, but you're Gonna take this 50, man.

[Langston Kerman]

I see why ESPN was scared.

[David Bourie]

Yes.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what I mean? It took them a minute and then they were like, I don't know. Because if he think like that, he might say something on camera that we don't. But we can't sponsor anymore.

[Will Ferrell]

He's fucking. What was it? I think he was like, jokic is like the worst three time MVP ever or some shit.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

But when you look at the numbers, it's like, well, who's he better than on this list? It's like Larry Bird, LeBron, whatever. It wasn't like a sleight of yogurt, but he knows how to stir the pot and fuck with people. They'll be like, fuck you, idiot. You don't know what you're talking about. Then they go look like, here's the list. Well, man, you know, like, all right, fine, like, whatever. You know what I mean?

[Langston Kerman]

There's nobody. You would actually put him.

[Will Ferrell]

You can't put him. You know, you can't put. And that's no disrespect to Joker, but he literally, like, thinks about this shit. And I'll hear him say shit. He. He words it very Specifically, just to fuck with people, just to see. Prove me wrong. But he, when he's on espn, he's in the suit, he's doing what he gotta do so he can balance. And when he gets the Gills arena, it's straight, you know, he's killing it.

[Langston Kerman]

But I know I didn't scare them.

[David Bourie]

Yeah, I get it.

[Will Ferrell]

But yeah, he tells the story like he did, like the jump or whatever it was back in the day. And he's like, all right, what, what, what words can I say on tv? So they give him the list. Here's the words you can't say. He's like, oh, shit, douchebag's not on here. So I'm used that. And then it's like, yeah, yeah, like, come on, dog. Like, man. But I respect that level of petty and diligence to loopholing.

[Langston Kerman]

Do you when, when this loophole and when all the different sort of like, strategies are in play, do you feel like there's something dangerous in the way that, like, we are now always aware of it before it actually even plays itself out?

[Will Ferrell]

Well, I think going into this shit, you can make the jokes about Mavs getting the number one pick or whatever, but that shit is so far fetched, you don't think it's going to happen. And then you sit there, watch it happen in real time. You watch the Sixers get the third pick. You talking about a Mavs team that was in the NBA Finals last season, right? Talking about a Mavs team that without injuries to Kyrie and AD would be a top five, top six team in the west this season. So now you're literally telling me a team that has championship level aspirations trades away their franchise guy gets AD in that crew, which is still a very formidable team if they're helping. And now we're gonna add Cooper Flag to it because Kyrie's down for, you know, most of next season and we still need you guys to be competitive. So here, take the number one overall pick.

[David Bourie]

Yeah, man, it doesn't add up.

[Will Ferrell]

One of the biggest names. Buzzing. One of the strongest.

[Langston Kerman]

But then, but then I go. But as a fan, right? If I'm thinking about it more as like a fan of this whole thing, when I really loved wrestling was when I believed in wrestling.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

And now it's this era of wrestling where nobody believes in it. Even kids don't believe in wrestling.

[Will Ferrell]

Well, kids are assholes now. And they're intelligent. My kids know more than me. Like they can operate an iPad better than me. Like, no, you got to do this like, nigga, you eight years old.

[Langston Kerman]

I guess I worry that that then takes the enjoyment out of it if I become too self aware inside of the.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Inside of the beast. You know what I mean? Gil scares me, I guess, is what I'm saying, is that he's just gonna expose the whole thing and then I'm gonna be a dum dum who thought Magic was right.

[Will Ferrell]

But I think we all got to just watch Woodlands. We grew up watching wrestling. We grew up watching all these sports. I grew up watching the NBA. I'd read an article and just take that shit at face value. Now it's like, I saw something the other day about Russ came out in the ESPN article. It's anonymous players. And I was asking the guys on the couch, I'm like, can you generally tell who the snitch in the locker room is? He's like, yeah, just go see the first person she comes up to when she pulls up or who's the nicest on the team when it happens. So imagine you gotta be in a locker room now. You know goddamn well it's one of you two niggas. Right here are the ones who. Who did. Yeah. Who said all this anonymous player in my ass, because I know he not talking to her. He don't with her like, this dude don't mess with her. Like, but she can walk in and who she dapping up? And buddy, Buddy.

[David Bourie]

I never thought about that.

[Will Ferrell]

So we used to read these things and like, you watch the Last Dance, and I think it was like Horace Grant, who was the one on that team that was kind of breaking all the information down or whatever. Yeah, we would just take all that at face value. So I would say, oh, if this guy's bad in the locker room, like, you've heard all this stuff about Russ his whole life. Like Russell, UCLA guy. I've known Russell since he was a young pup, like, has all this negativity surrounding him from a fan standpoint, and the media kind of feed into that. But everybody who's played with Russ, by and large, always available, fucking, you know, works his ass off. Fucking sets a good culture in the locker room. But you see a nigga miss a couple layups or shoot a couple shots off the backboard, and you put this narrative out there. He's just like the worst human being ever.

[David Bourie]

And when he says you, he means me last night.

[Will Ferrell]

Okay, but that's the Westbrook experience in Langston's living room. Like, that is the Westbrook experience. You'll be ready to choke his ass out. He'll come through, get a big steal, hit a 3, and do some crazy rushes.

[David Bourie]

That's exactly what happened.

[Will Ferrell]

But it doesn't stop. Every game is one way or the other. Sometimes you get both within the span of like two minutes.

[Langston Kerman]

But yeah, he, he really sends you on a journey.

[David Bourie]

That's true. That's true. And that is entertainment.

[Langston Kerman]

That's entertainment.

[David Bourie]

And we got to take a break.

[Langston Kerman]

We need to take a break. We're going to take one more break and then we're going to do some voicemails. Okay, we'll probably cover one voicemail. We'll be back with more Josiah Johnson or My Mama Told.

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[Tara Davis Woodhull]

Hey, this is US Olympic gold medalist Tara Davis Woodhull.

[Will Ferrell]

And I'm US Paralympic gold medalist Hunter Woodhull.

[Tara Davis Woodhull]

As athletes, our lives are about having.

[Langston Kerman]

A clear path and a team that.

[Will Ferrell]

You can absolutely trust.

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So when it came to getting the best mortgage, we chose PennyMac. PennyMac is proud to be the official mortgage provider of Team USA and you.

[Langston Kerman]

Learn more at pennymac.com PennyMac Loan Services, LLC. Equal Housing Lender NMLS ID 35953 licensed.

[Will Ferrell]

By the Department of Financial Protection and.

[Langston Kerman]

Innovation under the California Residential Mortgage Lending Act. Conditions and restrictions may apply.

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[Bethenny Frankel]

Would you say that you're racist?

[Will Ferrell]

Not at all.

[David Bourie]

No.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, look at my dog.

[Will Ferrell]

He's as black as can be.

[David Bourie]

Come on, we're back. We're back. As black as could be. Shout out to the dogs.

[Langston Kerman]

Shout out to them dogs.

[Will Ferrell]

Colored dog. Real racists. Say negra. They don't say the N word. Damn Negra.

[Langston Kerman]

They get so racist in Spanish.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's. Wow.

[Langston Kerman]

We want to do a voicemail with you. Listen to a voicemail from one of our little mamas at home and see what they talking about.

[David Bourie]

Here we go.

[J]

Greetings, niggas, niggas, wiggas and wiggets.

[Will Ferrell]

Nope.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I don't like that.

[David Bourie]

I don't like that. I don't like that he put that in there.

[Langston Kerman]

That feels odd that he makes me.

[David Bourie]

I don't know which side he's on.

[Will Ferrell]

Wiggers and wig it. He hates all. He hates anything. That's a residue of blackness.

[David Bourie]

I've also never heard the term wiggette till today. I've seen it. I've seen it.

[Langston Kerman]

I've seen it for sure. Yeah. White people I think are trying to do a little magic trick with that white word.

[David Bourie]

Wigger. Oh, like it's not.

[Langston Kerman]

I think they're trying to make it a bad word.

[Will Ferrell]

No.

[David Bourie]

You think so?

[Langston Kerman]

I think white people are now trying to be like, I shouldn't say that.

[David Bourie]

They're the ones who say it, and that's. It's their shit.

[Langston Kerman]

And then I think it becomes this magic trick of it suddenly, like, our responsibility to police some shit that we didn't even make up in the first place.

[Will Ferrell]

It always goes, now. Now it's DEI is the safe word for.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

DEI hire was like, damn, everybody that got hired, just. If they. Not a white man. Like, they just were unqualified and uncapable of doing anything.

[David Bourie]

Yeah, like, everybody doesn't have jobs.

[Langston Kerman]

No, it's. It's crazy who they'll call a DEI hire where it's like, hey, man, I get it.

[Will Ferrell]

I get it.

[Langston Kerman]

You. Whoever's at your work might be upsetting you, but we gotta chill with how we're labeling.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah, that's it. Yeah, I see it every day now. I'm just like, wow, man, they really flipped the script. But woke, how that became.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, no, woke.

[David Bourie]

They went crazy.

[Will Ferrell]

I don't want any woke here. What does that mean?

[David Bourie]

They don't know.

[Will Ferrell]

It means black or not.

[Tara Davis Woodhull]

Their.

[Will Ferrell]

It's too woke. Like, huh? What does that mean?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, it's nasty.

[Will Ferrell]

Define it. Oh, you can't.

[Langston Kerman]

No, you don't want to talk about that part.

[Will Ferrell]

All right, fair enough. Cool. I'll just keep doing what I do anyways.

[Langston Kerman]

Wiggets, wiggettes. Let's find out what they talking about.

[J]

All right, so check this out, y'. All. My mama told me white people love to see black people flip. Now hear me out. Not just black people, but black boys specifically. All right, now think about this. Anytime you've gone to a basketball game, whether at a big arena where it's college or pro or whatever, they would always have. Mainly college. They would always have some underprivileged groups. Group come in and do flips in front of everybody at halftime. You got skinny doing something. Twist and double axles and all kind of. And I grew up in Tennessee. You know, we had a whole group that did this thing. And the crazy thing about it, it was called Flippo. Bear with me, because it gets dark. Word around the campfire was that Flippo was actually getting these boys booty.

[Langston Kerman]

Flipo, I believe.

[J]

Dude went to jail for it, or at least he was charged with it. Know that. You know, you cannot have a. A legit dude trying to get young boys to turn flips for white. White folk. You can't have him doing that and being awesome. You know, he's trying to get those boys.

[David Bourie]

Some of these guys are just gymnastics coach. You gotta relax.

[Will Ferrell]

This thing went so many different places. Cause I was rolling with the black man flipping part. Cause I was like, damn, they do have niggas be flipping that games a lot.

[Langston Kerman]

100%.

[Will Ferrell]

But then Flippo.

[David Bourie]

This feels like a personal thing against Flipo.

[Langston Kerman]

Flippo got crazy.

[Will Ferrell]

Flippo.

[Langston Kerman]

This feel like Flippo's worst enemy called and I heard the nigga was fucking them kids.

[David Bourie]

Yeah. Yeah, bro. That's different than the conspiracy you brought.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, you bring in some personal shit to flip o situation.

[Will Ferrell]

They call a number and leave this voicemail.

[David Bourie]

Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

Sometimes they can just go as long as they want.

[Langston Kerman]

They can go like two and a half minutes.

[Will Ferrell]

Cause that was fucking. He went. He's got a long journey. Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

He's not done. I will say, on the subject of the little black boys flipping, my former stepfather. I famously have spoken about this. My former stepfather was Benny the Bull one point.

[Will Ferrell]

Okay, wow.

[Langston Kerman]

Did not know that he was in fact the most infamous Benny the Bull of all time because he got fired for selling weed after a game to one of the players.

[David Bourie]

Your hero's journey is so crazy, bro.

[Langston Kerman]

And. And just to top it all off, he didn't become my stepfather till after all of that.

[Will Ferrell]

Oh, wow. Wow.

[Langston Kerman]

Just way, way after we could have benefited from any of his success. Doubt they.

[David Bourie]

He was in the.

[Langston Kerman]

They caught him.

[David Bourie]

He was in. He was in the. He was in the helmet.

[Will Ferrell]

He was weighing out. 3.5 grams was 3.5. Need to take nothing off of. I know how you dump back in the day. Calling it haters and them were Tony Kochi.

[Langston Kerman]

Give him a hook up. He gonna take care of his man, Tony.

[Will Ferrell]

I wonder the player snitch or the team caught him on surveillance camera.

[Langston Kerman]

Like how I think it was caught on surveillance camera.

[Will Ferrell]

These are haters, man. Wait, did you. Was that the Nuggets game or the Wolves game when it did yesterday? Dude, do the. He did a.

[David Bourie]

No, I haven't seen it.

[Will Ferrell]

It's on Twitter right now, but he's. Boop, boop. Hit it up.

[David Bourie]

Hey, man, I forget which one of.

[Will Ferrell]

These NBA games is that, but y' all know I'm be on Twitter all day. I'm just like, damn, that motherfucker is bold. It's either nuggets or timberwolves.

[David Bourie]

That sounds like something my city would partake in.

[Langston Kerman]

I feel like it's one of them things where especially as a white person, you go, like, I mean, what are they really gonna do? I. Yeah. You know what?

[David Bourie]

I mean, what are they gonna. I mean. Yeah, what are they gonna do?

[Will Ferrell]

And you can't sell weed to the players. Like I'm helping you.

[Langston Kerman]

No, it's crazy. I genuinely. It's crazy, but also is like, well, you knew what they would do about it. But I bring all that up to say that he was a part of a group called the Jesse White Tumblers, which was the sort of, like, famous group of little black boys that do flips across the city of Chicago.

[David Bourie]

Okay. It was Flippos. Flippo Chi Town.

[Langston Kerman]

If niggas are flipping, they are Jesse White Tumblers, and they are.

[Will Ferrell]

No flipping goes without Jesse White involved.

[Langston Kerman]

Exactly.

[David Bourie]

In this city, you flip in this town.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bourie]

You give me my kickback. You let me get my beak wet.

[Langston Kerman]

I heard there's a boy over here who like to flip.

[Will Ferrell]

Fuck your flipo.

[Langston Kerman]

Hate for that mattress to get moved.

[Will Ferrell]

Flippo holding down Tennessee. Damn, man.

[David Bourie]

I mean, that's a different thing than what we need to be.

[Langston Kerman]

He's.

[David Bourie]

He. That's personal.

[Langston Kerman]

I do believe him about Flippo.

[David Bourie]

Yeah. He wouldn't have done that.

[Will Ferrell]

He felt inclined and inspired to leave a voicemail.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

To give you a whole conspiracy about flipping at games and looking at a little black boy's flip to let you know that Flippo was out there grabbing booties.

[Langston Kerman]

And I think that maybe that's why that conspiracy was triggering for him.

[David Bourie]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Where he's like, no, I've seen the. I've seen the history.

[David Bourie]

I know how.

[Langston Kerman]

I know how they're. I know what they have to go through to get. Get here. And if it's just for white entertainment, then that is. There's something malicious happening here.

[Will Ferrell]

Damn.

[J]

I mean, think about this. Jordan Childs. She grew up in the hood. She's from Compton, but she's a small lady. She's a gymnast. I know dudes that turned flips that grew up in the hood. They weren't gymnasts. They were victims. So. So what y' all think about that? Every time you see a group of black boys flipping, turning flips for exhibition, it's for white people. They love to see us flip. I hope y' all see titty today.

[Will Ferrell]

I hope you see titties.

[Langston Kerman]

That was really nice, man.

[David Bourie]

My man's. There's a lot going on with him.

[Langston Kerman]

He really.

[Will Ferrell]

But the hope that you, myself included, I'm a guessing she'll see titties today.

[David Bourie]

Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah. Thank you.

[David Bourie]

No, I do like that.

[Will Ferrell]

I do like that.

[Langston Kerman]

That's really nice.

[David Bourie]

I will say, now that I'm thinking about it, I think that black people flip at a higher percentage than other. Any other rate.

[Will Ferrell]

Are we more acrobatic?

[David Bourie]

I don't know. I just feel like I've seen more black men flip than any other race of men.

[Langston Kerman]

I. I agree with that.

[David Bourie]

I seen. I never. I. Black men are the only ones that. I've seen fat guys flip that.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bourie]

I never seen a fat white. I do a flip.

[Will Ferrell]

Wow.

[Langston Kerman]

There's those two Spanish dudes that do that. The two fat that do.

[Will Ferrell]

He, like, flips his legs.

[David Bourie]

Oh, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

But I'm saying that's as close as I.

[Will Ferrell]

In the rocket jersey, I wear a rocket shirt. You talk about the.

[David Bourie]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

When they're, like, popping and then.

[David Bourie]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Trade spaces.

[Will Ferrell]

That's one of my favorite clips on the Internet.

[Langston Kerman]

I still don't even know how it works. I just know that one flipped over.

[Will Ferrell]

The other and then they had to practice that. I don't think that was their first time.

[David Bourie]

You can't walk.

[Will Ferrell]

They're like experts at doing that. And they saved that for those moments.

[Langston Kerman]

They do that every day. Yeah.

[David Bourie]

You learn to do that in a basement.

[Langston Kerman]

They wake up, they brush their teeth, they practice a flip, then they have breakfast.

[Will Ferrell]

That was their moment. That was their moment. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I do like what he's saying, though, about sort of this being a grander black. The fact that black kids, black men specifically, are not being, like, fed into a gymnastics community does feel sinister in some kind.

[David Bourie]

My little brother's in gymnastics. But he got that in Europe.

[Langston Kerman]

Right?

[David Bourie]

My little brother's like a world. He's pretty good.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. He was like.

[David Bourie]

He did.

[Will Ferrell]

He went from world class.

[David Bourie]

Well, no, he did international competition. He did one intern or one or two international competitions where it's like seven or eight.

[Will Ferrell]

That's real good.

[Langston Kerman]

So he is world class.

[David Bourie]

Yeah, he's world class.

[Langston Kerman]

You were trying to be protective to not, like, make him suddenly an elite Olympian.

[David Bourie]

Yeah, I didn't want it to seem like that.

[Will Ferrell]

Okay.

[David Bourie]

But he is, like, top.

[Will Ferrell]

Top tier.

[Langston Kerman]

Hell, yeah.

[David Bourie]

But they didn't do that for him in America. He had to move to Europe before that.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay.

[David Bourie]

In America, my man was just trying to play soccer and shit.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah. No, I. I think California. I think it's exactly that. I think there's this strange lack of instinct for putting black boys into gymnastic spaces, which is why when there's, like, a black dude on the team, it's like oh. Oh. Where'd that come from? But the whole time they've been telling us we're the most athletic people and we're equipped to win every sport, then why not gymnastics, right?

[Will Ferrell]

That's fair. That is fair. They said, now, niggas, you just gotta flip a basketball game for the halftime.

[David Bourie]

Show or in a parking lot.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah. That's all you can inspire.

[David Bourie]

That's where I be seeing that shit happen, dog.

[Langston Kerman]

The Jesse White Tumblers came out for a three on three tournament. I did when I was in sixth grade. Man, that shit's low. You know what I mean? Like, that wasn't.

[Will Ferrell]

They did it for the people.

[Langston Kerman]

I think we were gonna split, like, a $150 check.

[Will Ferrell]

Flip it for the love.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Will Ferrell]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

They flew. They drove them from the south side.

[Will Ferrell]

To get to us.

[David Bourie]

That's a crazy amount of black men. I've seen flip with no formal coaching. They just figured that out. Yeah. Which is brave. Which is brave. You ever just joked around trying to do a flip to figure out you could do that? There's like a level of bravery you have to have even.

[Langston Kerman]

Yes, it's extremely brave. They don't even have, or they didn't have YouTube to, like, teach them the beginning steps.

[David Bourie]

They just figured out they could do it.

[Langston Kerman]

They just jumped off a thing and they were like, I didn't. I didn't die. So, yeah, I think I can do that now.

[David Bourie]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

That's crazy.

[David Bourie]

So I'm. I'm with you. Flippo is maybe your own thing, but I am. I'm against Flipo as well. But I. I'm with your conspiracy theory. I rock with it.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I rock with it. I'm not. I'm not gonna write any letters on behalf or against Flip Flop. I'm staying out of it. But I do believe Flip O is a criminal, and I hope that he's met accountability. All right.

[David Bourie]

Yeah, I think we did it.

[Will Ferrell]

Thank y' all so much, man.

[Langston Kerman]

This was great.

[David Bourie]

This is so good, bro.

[Langston Kerman]

Could you tell the people where they can find you what cool stuff?

[Will Ferrell]

I'm at that stage in my life, I don't want anybody to find me anymore. So I just appreciate y' all letting me pull up.

[David Bourie]

I get it.

[Will Ferrell]

They can start finding you and start asking for jobs and shit, and I don't have jobs. I'm barely trying to keep my job. But now you can on. What is it, x now? King Josiah 54. I'm on threads now too. I'm really trying to do some things over at Threads A Little bit more peaceful, less cancer wishes, death threats, kind of a little bit more night. But I also miss.

[David Bourie]

Feel like it's a lot of robots over there though.

[Will Ferrell]

But my thing with Threads is like I miss that shit too. I need one or two just to keep me on my toes every once in a while. Cause if it ain't my best shit, like please pack me up, right?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, you really gotta search through the crates on Threads to get the nasty sort of like gutter stuff. And I do. I feel the same way.

[Will Ferrell]

I miss it a little bit. Like one or two is fine, but just not the plethora of it. But yeah. King Josiah on all social media. Social media king Josiah 54. Excuse me, let me remember because I want King Josiah to get all the love. Yeah, yeah. My 54th in line.

[Langston Kerman]

54Th in line. But. But number one here today. There we go. And boy, what you got?

[David Bourie]

Cool guy jokes. 87 on Instagram. Littlefield, Brooklyn, New York June 15. That's the one I'm gonna be. I got some Bay Area dates the week before that. I don't have them in front of me. Littlefield, Brooklyn, New York June 15th.

[Langston Kerman]

Hell yeah. Follow me at Langston Kerman on all social media platforms. Watch my special. It's called Bad Poetry. It's on Netflix. And most importantly like subscribe rate review. Send us your own thoughts conspiracies. If you have a team that you think got rigged out of the opportunity, send it all to mamapodmail.com we would love to hear from you. And call us at 844-LIL-MAP. We love hearing your sweet voices and your nasty conspiracies. And most importantly, call your mama. Bye bitch. My Mama Told Me is a production of Will Ferrell's Big Money Player Network.

[David Bourie]

And I Heart Podcast created and hosted by Langston Kernman, co hosted by David Bourie, executive produced by Will Ferrell Hansani and Olivia Aguilar.

[Langston Kerman]

Co produced by Bay Wayne Edited and.

[David Bourie]

Engineered by Justin Kahn.

[Langston Kerman]

Music by Nick Chambers.

[David Bourie]

Artwork by Dogon Kriega.

[Langston Kerman]

You can now watch episodes of My Mama told me on YouTube. Follow at my Mama Told Me and subscribe to our channel.

[Bethenny Frankel (Ad)]

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[Langston Kerman]

Janice Torres here and I'm Austin Hankwitz.

[Janice Torres]

We host the podcast Mind the Business Small Business Success Stories, produced by Ruby.

[Langston Kerman]

Studio in partnership with Intuit QuickBooks.

[Bethenny Frankel (Ad)]

We're back for season four to talk.

[Langston Kerman]

To some incredible small business owners.

[Janice Torres]

The big thing about working at tech is that it's ever evolving, ever changing. Everyone's a rookie, that's how fast the industry is changing.

[Langston Kerman]

So what I'm really excited about is.

[Will Ferrell]

To be part of that change.

[Janice Torres]

So listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[David Bourie]

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[Tara Davis Woodhull]

Is more of the same. Like another round of golf played From a channel with 247 cover fridge, another look at the garden and the deer as they pick their way through it, another Taco Tuesday followed by a Whatever's in the Fridge Wednesday. And to get more of the same, all we need is a little help with adaptable care plans from qualified compassionate caregivers matched to your family's needs. Home Instead can help you and your passions stay home no matter what's on your horizon. Visit home instead online for a better what's next?

[Langston Kerman]

This is an iHeart podcast.

[Meaningful Beauty Ad Voice]

Guaranteed Human.