Old Men Give You Worms (with Langston and David)

Summary

My Momma Told Me – “Old Men Give You Worms” (with Langston and David)

Podcast: My Momma Told Me (Big Money Players Network & iHeartPodcasts)
Hosts: Langston Kerman & David Gborie
Date: March 31, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this rollicking solo episode, comedians Langston Kerman and David Gborie riff on Black conspiracy theories and field listener voicemails about wild family wisdom. With their signature mix of humor and sincerity, the duo examine everything from the myth that old men "give you worms" to deeper cultural questions about AI, Black masculinity, and homophobia in sports. The episode is a blend of jokes, tangents, and surprisingly poignant reflections—all filtered through an unapologetically Black and comedic lens.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Patreon Hype & Albino Areolas (03:06–05:13)

• The hosts open with comedic banter about launching their Patreon, full of joking promises (“Langston’s nudes”).
• Wild speculation ensues about what albino nipples look like.
  • “We pride ourselves on doing real research on this podcast. Specifically albino areolas is what I’m curious [about].” – David (04:47)

2. Sex and Bunk Beds: The Physics and Fantasies (06:22–09:10)

• The pair riff on the rarity and challenge of having sex on a bunk bed, going from personal anecdotes to physical logistics:
  • “Good, regular, consensual sex on a bunk bed is very rare.” – Langston (06:22)
• David proposes “fully standing oral” and Langston has a change of heart:
  • “Some stuff could be cool, brother. Holy standing oral could be cool.” – David (09:10)
  • “I was wrong. And David, you were right. And we all need to grow up.” – Langston (09:18)

3. Why This Podcast Isn’t Always Good for You (11:25–12:36)

• Posturing as “chaotic neutral,” they discuss their role in the podcast landscape versus more “positive” shows.
  • “I wish sometimes that this was a force for positive change in the world. But… I'm fine being a chaotic neutral.” – David (11:25)

4. Getting ‘Hoes’ in Spite of Your Ailments (13:21–15:18)

• Extended riff on how men with all kinds of “issues”—height, illness, “victim weight”—still get “hoes.”
  • “There really is something inside of you that has the potential to get hosed.” – Langston (14:41)
  • “Embrace yourself. That’s the only way the hoes are coming.” – David (14:51)
• Playful but real conversation about self-acceptance, attractiveness, and sexual math.

5. Listener Voicemails – Hot Dogs, ‘Big Gay’, and AI (17:01–44:33)

A. “Glizzy Guzzlers” & Food Shame (17:01–20:23)

• Callbacks to a previous voicemail about “hot dogs and masculinity”—the hosts joke about “glizzy guzzler” identity and food shame.
  • “As a motherfucker that loves a hot dog, I don’t like this.” – Langston (17:49)
  • “I want to say I’m a glizzy guzzler to you, but you’re being cold. Love me.” – Langston (18:20)

B. The ‘Big Gay’ Conspiracy in Pro Sports (23:36–33:39)

• Voicemail explores the tongue-in-cheek idea that an organized “Big Gay” is preventing athletes from coming out because it would shift the cultural spotlight.
  • “My mama told me Big Gay is what's trying to keep these athletes from coming out.” – Caller “Big Gay” (26:53)
• Langston and David wrestle with the concept, making jokes but also addressing the realities of homophobia in sports.
  • “A lot of male athletes specifically do not feel comfortable coming out as any versions of queer...” – Langston (30:11)
  • Notable moment: Discussion of Michael Sam’s NFL draft experience.
  • “We saw it with Oldboy who got drafted that year… Michael Sam… [he] had a boyfriend and they kissed when he got drafted. It was a big fucking deal.” – Langston (30:32–31:05)

C. AI and the End of Trust (38:01–44:33)

• Caller expresses the view that AI will not only disrupt creativity but further destroy our shared reality and trust in media.
  • “I think the powers that be are purposefully employing AI to muddy the water...so that it blurs the line between real news and fake [news]… and just become dumber and less informed.” – Caller (39:43)
• The hosts turn the conversation into a mix of real worry and riffs about generational differences in tech use.
  • “We're more fucked up because we don't know how to handle it.” – David (42:19)
  • “We really be trying to pretend like just because we remember the office means we're not fucking addicted to TikTok.” – Langston (43:12)

6. Worms from Old Men – The Title Conspiracy (49:05–59:51)

• Caller asks: Is it true “old men give you worms” if younger women mess with them?
  • “My mama told me that old [men] give you worms. Like, if you’re messing around when you’re a young woman with someone much older, they give you worms. And that could be literally or figuratively.” – Yani (50:52)
• Langston and David admit their inexperience with old men, so they invite their producer Joelle into the discussion.
• The segment pivots to real STIs (scabies, trichomoniasis), horror at “vaginal pinworms,” and comedic disgust:
  • “[If] you're walking around here with worms, you got to chill, bro.” – Langston (54:01)
  • “We're not shaming anybody who ends up with something that they didn't plan to have. It happens to people. But you can't be giving that shit out.” – David (55:12–55:18)

7. Cultural Hygiene, Martin Lawrence, and Kangol Hats (57:08–59:00)

• Quick historical tangent: Martin Lawrence’s SNL monologue being cut for telling people to wash themselves.
• Jokes about the cycle of Kangol hat trends.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Old Myths:
  “You learned some stuff. You learned about worms in your pussy. You learned about worms in your dick. You learned to love again. Specifically your mother, who hurt you in a way that none of us could have anticipated.” – Langston (59:36)
• On Sports and Homophobia:
  “We are heading in a healing place. And… the suggestion of no professional athletes being out and gay is just an elimination of, like, all the women who are actively out and gay. Brittany Griner fucking did for real for real jail time...” – Langston (29:01)
• On AI and Generations:
  “We're like the first indigenous people they gave sugar to.” – David, on Millennials & the internet (42:28)
• On Relationship Advice:
  “Embrace yourself. That’s the only way the hoes are coming. You gotta embrace… you don’t run from it.” – David (14:51)
• On Listener Moms:
  “You do have to forgive her just for you. You do have to make peace.” – David, to the AI conspiracy caller about his mom (39:47)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Patreon Launch & Albino Nipple Banter: 03:06–05:13
• Bunk Bed Sex Logistics: 06:22–09:10
• Role of the Podcast/Positive Change?: 11:25–12:36
• Men Getting ‘Hoes’ Despite Flaws: 13:21–15:18
• Hot Dog/“Glizzy Guzzlers” Callbacks: 17:01–20:23
• The ‘Big Gay’ Athlete Conspiracy: 23:36–33:39
• AI/Tech Dystopia Voicemail: 38:01–44:33
• Old Men Giving Worms – Main Theory: 49:05–59:51

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Tone & Style

All the above is carried out in the hosts' irreverent, roast-heavy, deeply Black comedic style. Tangents abound, but so do sincere moments, especially when discussing marginalized experiences or generational challenges. The humor is raw and occasionally explicit, but never mean-spirited—they punch up and often turn the jokes on themselves.

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Final Thoughts

This “My Momma Told Me” episode delivers what loyal fans expect: wild conspiracies, snappy banter, unexpected social commentary, and gross-out laughs—with the myth of “old men give you worms” dissected in classic L&D style. Perfect for listeners who want a blend of barbershop wisdom, stand-up comedy, and genuine cultural reflection.

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Subscribe for more on their Patreon, and don’t forget—if you’re thinking of old men, worms, or Martin Lawrence, remember to wash your ass (and call your mom).

Transcript

[A]

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Switch upfront payment of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month. Required intro rate, first 3 months only, then full price plan options available. Taxes and fees, extra fee, full [e-mail] Stop everything.

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Put that shit down.

[D]

Stop making love to your significant others. We're talking.

[B]

Get your penis out of your wife

[D]

and get that pussy out of your side piece.

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Yeah, out of it.

[D]

Into your. I've never had sex before.

[B]

We have big news.

[D]

Big, huge news.

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Unbelievable news for all of you who

[D]

want to see us get filthy rich.

[B]

We are offering up a new opportunity. A bag of beans, if you will, that we're hopeful you believe is going to grow into a giant beanstalk. Yeah, magical beans. And those magical beans are the My mama Told me Patreon. I actually am 1.4% Nigerian. African. I'm a sister. Okay? Why is that the button you pressed?

[D]

I shouldn't have smoked.

[B]

We're starting a Patreon.

[D]

We're starting a Patreon. It's gonna be so much fun. We're gonna have, what, four extra episodes a month?

[B]

It's four extra episodes. It's all kinds of games. It's watch alongs, it's grab bags, it's

[D]

gonn mailbags, live streams, all this stuff. Langston's nudes.

[B]

This is the first I'm hearing of it, but I'm not in a space to contradict. I'm desperate for you to join. So if that is what will entice you to come see us over at Patreon, please do that.

[D]

Yeah. So you can go ahead and go online to WW Patreon. It's on the bottom.

[B]

Yep.

[D]

We'll have it flashing on the screen.

[B]

Yeah, we don't likely, but we'll figure it out. It's coming. Bye, bitch.

[D]

We are all curious about your nipples.

[B]

We want to know what's happening on your chest. Yeah.

[D]

Because if you Google albino nipples, image service does not cut it.

[B]

It doesn't give you enough. We pride ourselves on doing real research on this podcast.

[D]

Specifically albino areolas is what I'm curious

[B]

and my friend can only find out. He can only trul. Get those curiosities. Satisfied by you sending us your albino nipples.

[D]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. David boy. No, no, no, no, no.

[B]

He's on record. He wants to see those albino nipples more than anyone on this earth. Please send them to him. Do subscribe.

[D]

Just subscribe. I'm a wordsmith. I have a love for the art of the written word.

[B]

Wait a minute.

[D]

Let me.

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Eggshell, you say, huh?

[D]

But no, because areolas are so discolored, you wonder what goes on there.

[B]

It could get whiter.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

You never know.

[D]

That would be. I didn't even imagine that. I always thought it would be some kind of a crazy pink thing.

[B]

Or it could be, like, a negative of a photo.

[D]

The photo negative. Areola.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Ooh. The government growing babies. Microchips in your babies. All koala bears are racist. The ozone layer owes me money. Marshy's even in turkey stuffing. Y' all can't tell me nothing. It's just not often you get to have good, regular ass sex on a bunk bed.

[B]

You should take that. Absolutely. Good, regular, consensual sex on a bunk bed is very rare.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Go ahead and. Go ahead and celebrate my guy.

[D]

It's a little bed, though. It is a little bed.

[B]

It is a little bed. But if you go up to the top, you can make it feel more. It feels.

[D]

Whoa. You know what's crazy?

[B]

It feels like looking out on a

[D]

landscape, and this is me having to change my standards. I didn't even imagine having sex with my top one.

[B]

Oh, you never even went up there in your mind?

[D]

No.

[B]

Damn.

[D]

For sex?

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

No. I'd be worried it would be like. What's that movie where the bunk bed smushes him? Stepbrothers. I worried I'd. Stepbrothers.

[B]

Yeah. If he dies, he dies. That's how I feel. What do you want?

[D]

Have you had sex on a bunk bed?

[B]

Have I had sex on a bunk bed? I've had, like, second base. I've had sexy stuff on a bunk bed.

[D]

Top or bottom?

[B]

Bottom.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

But I didn't have the confidence to advocate for myself back then. Do you know what I mean? I've grown as a person.

[D]

You didn't know. You could say, hey, baby, let's go upstairs, bro.

[B]

Now, I'm 28 years old. I'm a big. I can say, like, you know, I'm actually. I'd prefer to be up there, please.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd like a view.

[B]

Yeah, I'd like a view.

[D]

If you do it right, Maybe you could sit on the top bunk and she could stand. That doesn't happen ever.

[B]

Yeah, I guess.

[D]

You know what I'm saying.

[B]

Yeah, for sure.

[D]

But, like, you hang your legs off.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

The edge.

[B]

Right. And you're saying, get some head.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

With her standing all the way up. And then they.

[D]

That's crazy.

[B]

And then you can put your arms like this and.

[D]

Jack, I feel so free. That's really cool.

[B]

Yeah, man. I never really thought about it.

[D]

Me either. Fuck. How many times in your life do you get oral sex where someone is standing straight up?

[B]

You know what's making me?

[D]

Women maybe get it with them buff niggas, like.

[B]

Right? And maybe that's why you like that. Is that he. He's the only one that can put you in the sky.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah, Yeah, I bet that's really cool.

[B]

That's probably awesome.

[D]

That's really cool.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Damn.

[B]

You know what I wanted to do? I wanted to call that dumb.

[D]

No, it's not.

[B]

And I think I was being unfair to you and I apologize.

[D]

Yeah, you would be very close minded. It would be amazing.

[B]

I walked into that and I said, my friend is being absurd and I need to shame him for that. And I prayerfully made that choice.

[D]

We gotta open you up to some. It's not all weird if you haven't done it. Some stuff could be cool, brother. Holy standing oral could be cool.

[B]

It. Yeah. Yeah, that's. That's right. Fully standing oral could be cool. And I was wrong. And David, you were right. And we all need to grow up.

[D]

The podcast where we dive deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theories.

[B]

Welcome to My Mama Told Me. We didn't enter normal at all. No, we went a long time ahead of this.

[D]

Yeah. We said some stuff that might get cut out hopefully.

[B]

Yeah. I think especially the earlier section. But I think there's parts of what we got to.

[D]

That was important.

[B]

That was important. So we should keep the essential parts and lose some of these specific names.

[D]

Yeah, that's good. That's good.

[B]

I'm Langston.

[D]

I'm David. Do we do that usually?

[B]

No, but it's a little weird that we don't. Right?

[D]

No. You know what? It is at this point, but a

[B]

lot of people are finding us for the first time. Oh, okay. I think a lot of big ice

[D]

Cup Cat, if you like that other podcast. I do. Give this one some money. Yeah.

[B]

And I'm Deontay Caillou. If things got weird, if life started to really take a turn for that young man.

[D]

Oh, man. Shout out to them, though. That was great.

[B]

That was a great episode.

[D]

That was amazing. We gotta get on there.

[B]

Love those dudes. Yeah.

[D]

I fear I don't have as much to contribute to their platform as they do to ours.

[B]

If we do their show, we have

[D]

to do it together.

[B]

We should do it together. Absolutely. And more than anything, if they don't at some point go, hey, dawg, hush.

[D]

Yeah, that's. You have to do that to us,

[B]

then mistakes were made because we not helping. None of the people learning over there, being healthy. None of that.

[D]

No, but we do love you.

[B]

We love you. We're big fans. And we wish sometimes that we could handle that kind of responsibility.

[D]

I wish sometimes that this was a force for positive change in the world. But in this time of chaos in this world, I'm fine being a chaotic neutral.

[B]

I think that's fair.

[D]

You know what I mean? When stuff is so bad and so heightened, you just come over here and kick it and laugh a little bit.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

And you probably not learn anything. I'm okay with that. I'm not detracting. I'm not trying to tell people how to be men or whatever's going on.

[B]

Yeah. I'm not going to the lynching, but I will go to, like, the tailgate.

[D]

I don't love this train. I think that.

[B]

I think white people had tailgates before lynchings. And I think some people were like, man, I ain't really with that shit.

[D]

But, like, I'm just over here. Cause I like bratwurst.

[B]

My cousin, he's running it, so, you

[D]

know, he's doing a boil.

[B]

Everybody. Everybody loves drinking beers in the yard.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

It's when you get see somebody, like, murdered, that's where you go like, you're a monster. You're really on some wild shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't make a good seat.

[D]

That's okay.

[B]

That's okay.

[D]

That's okay. That's okay.

[B]

Press a button. Get us out of this.

[D]

I'm bald.

[B]

I can't get any hoes.

[D]

I've been fighting my entire life.

[E]

You can get hoes.

[D]

I didn't remember that. He says you can get hose. That's what I laughed at.

[B]

I completely forgot that. He says that at some point you

[D]

can't get hosed, though I do feel like that's like one of the more inspiring types of people I've ever met is a. Is a man or woman who's fighting something crazy. But they still got hoes crazy. And you're always like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause it's like always what you say. They're like, so and so X and X. Whatever the problem is. But then the caveat is always, hey, you got hoes, though.

[B]

I've seen motherfuckers win with all the ailments that men on the Internet pretend are like impossibly crippling identity, you know, Bro.

[D]

You know how many niggas I've seen get hoes at victim weight?

[B]

Yeah, bro.

[D]

Victim weight guys get pussy, dog.

[B]

Some of the shortest men I've seen in my life be tearing it up like, truly. Like, what is this? And they are. They are cooking because they're not running around apologizing for the thing that they can't fix anyway.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

What could we do about it?

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

I want to be six one so bad.

[D]

Aren't you six' one?

[B]

No.

[D]

Oh, I don't have to. We don't have. You don't have to say it.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

You don't have to do that. You don't have to do that.

[B]

You're right.

[D]

The fact that I thought you had it was enough.

[B]

Yeah. Okay.

[D]

Hell yeah. This man has a family at five. Whatever it is.

[B]

Your mama always think you beautiful.

[D]

You know what I mean?

[B]

I don't care what they say at school. You cute to me.

[D]

And you could get hoes.

[B]

Yeah. It really that if we can leave our listeners with anything. You could get hosed, man.

[D]

It's one of the more. It's always truly one of the more inspiring things I've ever seen.

[B]

There really is something inside of you that has the potential to get hosed. You have to find that you have to be willing to admit where you've stepped on your ability to get hoes.

[D]

Yeah. And you need to embrace yourself. That's the only way the hoes are coming. You gotta embrace. You don't run from it.

[B]

Yeah. You gotta really get comfortable with whatever the fuck you got going on. And the hoes will be there.

[D]

Yeah. Don't worry about it. Some hoes like that weird little arm.

[B]

For sure. For sure.

[D]

Or whatever it is you got.

[B]

Yup.

[D]

I mean some things I think are tougher. No, I'm thinking of.

[B]

This was meant to be an inspiring.

[D]

Well, I'm just thinking like if you have. Like how it's ho. Like bad brats is. There's some things.

[B]

But that to me feels like the work.

[D]

But. Yeah, but. And I do think there are guys with bad breath who do get hoes.

[B]

I've seen that too. I've seen that too. But there is an algorithmic balancing that happens. You have bad breath, but you have a car. You have resources.

[D]

God bless women for the math they have to do.

[B]

Listen, listen.

[D]

Ti83 plus in here, them bitches be

[B]

beautif your eyes darting.

[D]

It's just equations on whether or not to give him push.

[B]

And we just standing there like, hurry up, please.

[D]

Breath stanking. I'm hard as hell right now. She's like Carrie the Six.

[B]

Why does she keep making me wait?

[D]

I did the math.

[B]

You and me together ain't nothing but animals.

[D]

Oh, man.

[B]

It's a solo episode, L and D. Yeah.

[D]

Some of what you get over on that Patreon.

[B]

We usually keep this for them Patreon listeners, but we're giving y' all one for free here in the studio, and we're having a jolly old time. We're gonna do some voicemails. We're gonna listen to some voicemails together. We're gonna talk some shit about y', all specifically, why you keep calling. We have no idea.

[D]

I'm so thankful for voicemails. It's getting to be. It's like I'm more excited to hear the voicemail than the conspiracy theory some days.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Like, I, like, really fuck with hearing. Like, that hot dog guy was amazing.

[B]

He was so mad.

[D]

He was yelling.

[B]

He was furious.

[D]

I like it when they're yelling.

[B]

And you know what? I really thought about it afterwards because we spent a lot of time shaming him because of the big leaps he was making.

[D]

I was shaming him because he was. I was just making fun of him cause he's funny, not cause of the hot dog thing. I feel like people got that wrong. I don't think.

[B]

I think the big. He was making big emotional choices that made it feel crazy.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

But it wasn't that. I disagree with the general premise of hot dogs being overly associated with gay.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

As a motherfucker that loves a hot dog, I don't like this.

[D]

This is a safe space. I. I wasn't ready. I didn't think you were going to say that. I didn't think you were going to say that.

[B]

The next thing I was going to say is, I'm a glizzy guzzler. So it's not a safe space because now you've blocked that off. You made it. So I don't feel comfortable calling myself a glizzy guzzler to my friend. What do you want me to do? I want to say I'm a glizzy guzzler to you, but you're being cold. Love me.

[D]

Love me. Why are you gay? Who says I'm gay?

[B]

You are gay.

[D]

I was trying. I was. That's not. That wasn't fair.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Cause first of all, I also love hot dogs.

[B]

Yeah. Yes.

[D]

And I would be hypocritical to say I didn't.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

I love Costco dogs. I even will fuck with a Bar

[B]

S. Come on, man.

[D]

And that's the lowest brand. I was saying I thought you were classier than hot dogs. That's why it surprised me. Oh, really? And then Glizzy gobblers. Funny, because two GS is always funny.

[B]

Yeah. Guzzler is what I went with. So that was two GS. Two Zs.

[D]

Yeah. That's. That's like crazy in my head.

[B]

I had a home run set up for us. You did?

[D]

I think it was still kind of the way it played out was great.

[B]

It played out great. But. But. But it did come with some pain that I wasn't anticipating.

[D]

Right. And what I was going to say was, I would always imagine that you would be the type of guy that if it was burgers or dogs, you would pick burgers. Oh, I feel like burgers seem kind of elevated. And that was. That's where I had you at. That's all that is.

[B]

I'm hot dog. Every time.

[D]

Cramming them.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Guzzling.

[D]

Do you eat hot dogs at the house?

[B]

Yeah, when I can. My kids don't like them as much as I wish they did.

[D]

Really?

[B]

I wish they were like, can we have hot dogs?

[D]

Right.

[B]

And they're not like that. It's more me being like, y' all want hot dogs? And then I can sneak.

[D]

Yeah, that's smart.

[B]

A hot dog. As opposed to, like, going to my wife and being like, can we have hot dogs for dinner?

[D]

She's like, no, brother, I know exactly what you're saying. Alana doesn't eat hot dogs like that.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

So then if I get them now, she sees the rate that they're deleting at. You know what I'm saying? Especially because you could get those Costco ones for your house.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

We had it for a barbecue one time, and they went fast. And it was known.

[B]

Yeah. She knew who did that.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

That sucks.

[D]

And she wasn't even. It was just like, oh, the dogs are gone. But I'm so insecure now. Cause I've been sneaking hot dogs all week.

[B]

But that's the thing is, I don't

[D]

want to do that.

[B]

I don't even know that my wife is gonna actively shame me in any way. I think I'm just. Once you become responsible for another person, choosing hot dogs, every day starts to feel crazy.

[D]

I believe that. I understand that.

[B]

And you just go, man, I'm. I can't fucking ask. You're a Father, I'm 28 years old. I can't ask my wife.

[D]

Why you keep saying that?

[B]

I don't know. I thought we were in agreement about how old we were.

[D]

Oh, we are 28 years old. Casting.

[B]

I thought we made a deal, man.

[D]

My bad, my bad, my bad.

[B]

What the fuck?

[D]

My bad. Joel, cut this. You got it.

[B]

Let's listen to some voicemails.

[D]

All right, let's listen to some voicemails.

[B]

Yeah, let's start with the first one. Oh, no, it's. Let's start with Big Gay.

[D]

That's always good.

[E]

My mama told me. Yeah, I'm back. I'm back. Good luck remembering when I called last. Anyways, got a conspiracy theory for y'. All.

[B]

Hold on. Can we pause it for a second, brother? We don't know your name.

[D]

No, no. And I don't recognize your voice. In all my 28 years. I don't know who that is.

[B]

If you thought we were gonna be like, oh, shit. Whoa.

[D]

This is a worry. I worry that people are gonna get. My mama told me, call in famous.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

You know what I mean?

[B]

That could be interesting.

[D]

That could be a pro. Now we have our own world of pseudo celebrity.

[B]

We've got casts and characters.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Maybe they already exist. And we are so ignorant to calling that we're not actually realizing it.

[D]

Cause Carlos X was that before he

[B]

got locked up, everybody cared about Carlos X.

[D]

We still hear about him from time to time in person. People.

[B]

We got asked about him multiple times this weekend. Oh, yeah.

[D]

New Orleans.

[B]

Yeah. There were a lot of people asking what happened to Carlos X. Yeah. And we don't know. We don't know.

[D]

We won't know.

[B]

We're not checking it until we receive

[D]

a severed finger in the mail.

[B]

Yeah. And at that point, I'm just gonna move.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah. Ye. You gotta pull up. Yeah.

[B]

I'm not. I'm not helping him. I'm getting myself out of a negative situation.

[D]

But anyways, we don't know who you are. Yeah, continue.

[B]

But we love you.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

Thank you for calling, but I think y' all can handle it. You know, people have been talking more, and it's getting really weird that it's 20, 26 and they are like, no out gay athletes in the major sports in the U. S. Makes no sense. Right? It's like, it's a. Men spend a lot of time with each other in the locker room. And you tell me, ain't no gay football player, ain't no gay basketball player, ain't no gay baseball players.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

And so people talked about it, but it's like, why is it. Because, you know, they. The masculinity and, you know, we got to be telling you what it is.

[D]

You're wrong, Dave.

[E]

Big Gay.

[B]

Big Gay.

[E]

Big Gay doesn't want.

[B]

Let's. Yeah, let's.

[D]

Are you Big Gay?

[B]

He's pointing at himself.

[D]

You know what the problem is, Big Gay? I can't tell.

[B]

It's me. Big Gay calling again.

[D]

I can't tell if he's gay.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

I can't tell where this man is coming from.

[B]

I don't think he's gay, at least.

[D]

Oh, then this man is very problematic.

[B]

Well, we're gonna find out together. But I am worried.

[D]

Yeah. This is gonna be.

[B]

Because it wasn'. He's like, it can't possibly be the patriarchy. There must be a criminal organization underneath this. I know a perfect title. Big Gay. It's not being in a good direction.

[D]

I hate the idea that, like, I think there are gay athletes. Just as a numbers game, I don't think the activity is necessarily what leads, like when people are like, it's gay to where you're hanging out with your friends, tossing some balls, catching some balls. That part's not gay.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

It's just gay because it's a percentage thing, I think. Yeah.

[B]

I mean, I think one could argue that the amount of time you're spending with them, not in the activity alone, is more gay.

[D]

No.

[B]

Like, how many times you played football? How many times were you just going and getting dinner with a dude because that. He was like your buddy on the trip kind of thing?

[D]

I do that now.

[B]

And I'm saying that, like, if you're.

[D]

I'm saying that's gay.

[B]

You're gay. I'm saying that ultimately that is. That is how you create intimacy with a person. And if you are a gay person, that would activate you theoretically.

[D]

Okay. I guess what my point is, is that we should allow men to engage in intimacy with each other without calling. Like, I think those are different things.

[B]

I think that's fair.

[D]

That's my point.

[B]

I agree that this is heading in a complicated direction.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And it is just a matter of time before this nigga really puts his foot in.

[D]

No, he's about to say something nasty.

[B]

I'm excited.

[D]

Ok, let's hear more. Let's go.

[E]

Some superstar athlete to be gay. Because what's going to happen now? You're gonna take away all of the other exciting things about being gay. The drag, the fashion, the beard, you know, like all, you know, all The. All the women love the gay men because they're just perfect. But now you're gonna take some regular masculine, mostly dudes, but then they also kind of gay. It's gonna take the spotlight from the folks that are big Gay right now. You Big Gay. You could be huge in Hollywood. You could go get you a huge show. They take. They go take money away from big gate. I think Big gay is making these NFL and NBA stars be like, nah, y' all gotta wait until after y' all retire to come out because y' all ain't about to steal our shine and take money out of our pockets. Nah, stay in your lane. Keep your together and quiet. Maybe. Maybe that's the case. I could be wrong. That's my conspiracy theory. My mama told me Big gay is what's trying to keep these athletes from coming out. And it's not that. That's. That's. That's all I'm saying, man. It's something worth to discuss because it's really weird.

[D]

All right, brother.

[E]

For there to not be any gay professional athlete. 2,026. It's nothing wrong with it. It's okay.

[A]

Gay.

[B]

Okay.

[E]

It's okay to be gay. It's. It's dope. It's okay. Why ain't you coming out?

[B]

Okay.

[E]

I don't know. See, it's kind of weird.

[B]

All right.

[E]

I love Yalls podcast. Keep doing what y' all doing.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

Call back. Oh, you're still talking.

[D]

Bisexual. God damn that. He really kept talking. It was a more interesting point than I thought it was going to be. For sure. I think it still is.

[B]

Is rooted in all the problematic things that we talked about ahead of time that, like. I think I would be silly to ever suggest that the root of our problems is connected to anything other than white dominance.

[D]

I do think this guy's gay.

[B]

You think this is a gay guy?

[D]

He was like. Cause women love them because they're perfect. That's not something a homophobe would call in and say.

[B]

But them is an othering of trying

[D]

to throw us off the scent. Yeah, actually, I don't give a fuck. I don't even know where I'm going with. That's a funny point. That is a really funny point. I don't. I wonder, would it overshadow because you

[B]

wonder, like, if LeBron James was gay?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Do you think that that would.

[D]

I think it would open a lot of guys up to understand their feelings about LeBron, bro. That only fans would go nuts. Bro. Them dud. That.

[B]

That made LeBron, their personality, they're really gonna impact some shit that they need, you know what I mean? Like, we are going to. We are heading in a healing place.

[D]

Yeah. And.

[B]

And I. I think we need to be fair because the. Even the suggestion of no professional athletes being out and gay is just an elimination of like, all the women who are actively out and gay. Brittany Griner fucking did. For real. For real jail time essentially, because of that in some regard. Like, I thought it was.

[D]

Cause she is Hwang Ui for sure.

[B]

But I think the fact that you're this big black lesbian person, almost like masculine presenting in your form, probably incentivized them to be harsher with her.

[D]

Oh, yeah, I can see that.

[B]

That would be my instinct. But maybe I'm overthinking it. Maybe they just were like, nope, the rule is you do weed, you gotta dig up rocks.

[D]

Yeah. I think black was more of a big deal than gay for them.

[B]

Big and black. I bet that bugged them up.

[D]

Yeah, I bet they don't like that over there.

[B]

Anybody that is black and could bonk them on the head. That's kabunk on the head.

[D]

Hurts. No, this. Yeah. I don't know. I don't. That was crazy. I do think it was a lot going on.

[B]

I do think at its essence, what we're. What we. What we know to be true is that a lot of male athletes specifically do not feel comfortable coming out as any versions of queer, regardless of gay, straight, like, not even the. Even. The idea of engaging with another man is a sin.

[D]

Right.

[B]

We saw it with Oldboy who got drafted that year. What was it? Fuck, he went to, like, the Rams or some shit?

[D]

Oh, I don't know. I've been off football for a minute.

[B]

That black dude that was in college and then he got drafted and he was already out. Damn, I'm gonna forget his name.

[D]

Well, either way.

[B]

Oh, right. Michael Sam. You remember Michael Sam?

[D]

I don't remember this at all.

[B]

He had a boyfriend and they kissed when he got drafted. And it was a big fucking deal. It was like 2014. Yeah, man.

[D]

I remember that at all.

[B]

All right, well, anyways, fun convo.

[D]

I'm sorry. What happened to him? What happened to him?

[B]

Is it he just never turned into the giant prospect that he was supposed to be? And some of it feels very much like it got buried in his profile that, like, regardless, he may not have never been the elite NFL prospect that he seemed like he was going to be. But what it felt like was that all the noise around him overshadowed his abilities and didn't give him a fair shot at growing into the player you feel for.

[D]

Cause it almost, like would be easier if it was an established superstar over someone coming into the league because they got like that. Pressure probably compounds because now you're doing it not just for friends, family, where you came from, also for this entire community. That's like the weight of the world on someone's shoulders one way. That's probably, I would imagine, inhibits people,

[B]

but I don't know if we can. It seems like what this caller would like is to somehow draft a gay ass. Kevin Durant.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

This person wants to see the world be shaken by a Cooper flag who loves cock. That's what he's aiming for, and we pray for him.

[D]

Yeah, that'd be cool, man.

[B]

Yeah. If that's what you want, that's what you get, my man. We're praying for it as well.

[D]

Yeah. Also, Brittney Griner, if you want to come on.

[B]

Yeah. Pick up that phone.

[D]

She got. Sit in the middle, though. Anybody that talk gotta sit in the middle. That should be a new rule.

[B]

Brittney Griner. You, come on. You sit in the small corner. We're not changing it up for you.

[D]

You figure out a way to stretch out Brittany. She come and our feet would. Me and her feet would touch.

[B]

Yeah, that'd be dope. That'd be dope. She gets the alpha U in space.

[D]

That would be so hard if her feet were over where my feet are.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Damn. I'd be like, damn, Brittany.

[B]

She's the tallest person that's ever been, as far as I'm concerned.

[D]

One of them. Cause we have never had, like a seven footer on here.

[B]

No. Josiah might be the biggest that we've had.

[D]

Oh, we had him in that little spot, and he didn't touch my feet.

[B]

No, he was all right.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Six, seven.

[D]

Okay. That's pretty good. All right. Brittney Griner. Yeah. You sit there, then.

[B]

Yeah. No, Brittney Griner ain't better than the Lil C. Yeah.

[D]

All right.

[B]

But come, please, if you'd like.

[D]

Yeah, we'd like it.

[B]

We think you're better than this. We just. If you get tricked into coming here, you're not better than this.

[D]

We got some weed.

[B]

Yeah, we're gonna take a break.

[D]

More.

[B]

My mama told.

[C]

Tyler reddick here from 2311 Racing. Another checkered flag for the books.

[B]

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[B]

And then she said in my ear, go deeper. Stay with me now. And what hurt me is I was already all the way in.

[D]

It's real.

[B]

It's real.

[D]

Not to me, but

[B]

happens to a lot of folks, I've heard. I love the way that he presents it because he says, stay with me now, as if there's something really fucking dense coming on the back end.

[D]

He talked like he was gonna throw a curve ball.

[B]

He said, it's about to get fucking crazy, brother.

[D]

You ain't had enough meat.

[B]

And he didn't have enough meat. And that's that. I think Chad Ochocinko is maybe the funniest person to ever walk the planet Earth.

[D]

He's up there.

[B]

He's real high in our regard.

[D]

I really like him.

[B]

And Chad, now you can have the middle seat.

[D]

We got some weed.

[B]

You're not as tall, but the height of your heart, my man.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Heart of a giant. 85ft tall.

[B]

Let's do another voicemail. Let's do one more.

[E]

What's up, fellas? I'm Kees. I do do really appreciate y' all podcast, first of all, but. So my conspiracy is not from my mother. I don't really talk to her like that, but I think that the. That the powers that be are trying to get everybody not used to using AI in the sense that, like, will no longer, like, want to create things. Like, I. Obviously AI is fucking up, like, creative integrity, which is its own thing, but I think also the powers that be are purposefully employing AI to muddy the water of journalistic integrity, of media, of all things, so that it blurs the line between real news and fake. Fake news, real photos, fake photos, real videos, fake videos, real audio, fake audio, so that. So that the people don't know if what they're looking at is real or not, and thus trust information less. And then, like, we ultimately no longer are learning anything or are no longer able to trust sharing information and just become dumber and less informed and easily. More easily manipulated. So. So, yeah.

[B]

So, yeah, okay.

[D]

First of all, you don't have to call your mom. You do have to forgive her just for you.

[B]

You do have to make peace.

[D]

You have to figure that out.

[B]

Yeah. You can't just be like, man, I don't fuck with her like that.

[D]

Yeah. It's just gonna.

[E]

That.

[D]

That fuel doesn't burn clean. Yeah. Is all I'm saying to you.

[B]

You're not. You're not. You're not as strong as you think you are.

[D]

No, no, no, no, no. It takes a village.

[B]

Yeah. 100%, I. I fully agree with this. Yeah.

[D]

That wasn't even.

[B]

It's a bummer.

[D]

Yeah. But I think he's completely right.

[B]

I felt sad the whole time.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah. It's hard when somebody calls in and there's not a funny joke to take out of it.

[B]

No. We were sitting there looking dumb the whole time.

[D]

Yeah. It's just. I think you're right. That's why I chose to focus on your relationship with your mother. Because your conspiracy theory really upset me.

[B]

Yeah. It is your mom.

[D]

And then I lashed out.

[B]

Your mom is all we had.

[D]

That's really all you gave us was your mom.

[B]

Otherwise, you were right. Nail on the fucking head for me.

[D]

It's exactly that.

[B]

This is something I've seen in film now. I've seen it in. What was that mountain movie from the dude that made Succession.

[D]

Oh, Fountainhead.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is about that.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Essentially, they are sort of like, disturbing reality. There are very few videos I watch now that I don't go, was that AI?

[D]

Yeah, it happened. It's. It's. It's. We're in it. We're in it. And media literacy, as that goes up, media literacy is going down. So I think that we are finding ourselves in a place that is really, really bad.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

And I think, much like your relationship with your mother, Who you do need to forgive. Yeah.

[B]

I think we are heading.

[D]

Yeah. It's gonna get so bad.

[B]

We're so far in a direction that I don't know how to control that it really, like, it scares me.

[D]

I kind of hope that in the way that, like, generations rebel, I hope at some point the kids are gonna be like, computers are nerdy. And then they're not gonna wanna fuck with it.

[B]

Which I have hear where Gen Alpha is trending, right. Where they're a little more, like, nostalgic for songs and, like, videos of yesteryear. They're less, like, inclined to spend their whole day on their phones as much as, like, the generation before everybody. Just saying, Gen Z, pretty fucked up. But I've been saying, I think everybody on the other side of it is,

[D]

no, Gen Z's fucked up. But we're more fucked up because we don't know how to handle it. Gen Z, at least, has been managing it their entire lives.

[B]

Gen Z was like, I'm getting strapped and I'm not making kids to slow me down, bro.

[D]

We're like, we're. We're like the first indigenous people they gave sugar to.

[B]

Uh huh.

[D]

You know what I'm saying? Where we're like, what the.

[B]

Yeah, we're that white man feeding them African people. The Sour Patch Kids.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

It was like, I'm gonna kill my wife. Yeah.

[B]

I didn't even know, bro. I didn't even know this sour existed.

[D]

They've had sour their whole lives, so maybe they're addicted, but at least there's like a level of moderate. That's why, like, we go in on Gen Z, but it's like, man, I. Millennials are on. We're on our phones all day.

[B]

Like, no, we're bad.

[D]

I don't know why we. We really be trying to pretend like just because we remember the office means we're not fucking addicted to TikTok.

[B]

Yeah, no, we're. We're equally addicted. We just are not acting it out the way that they are.

[D]

Yeah, because. Because we pretend like there's a distance. Yeah, we. We pretend like we're not addicted to shit.

[B]

Well, we're still. We are a generation that was raised by actual bullies, and so we're still scared of the repercussions of doing a dance so publicly.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

But they're like, bro, none of this is even fucking real. Yeah, if I want to dance in public, I'm gonna dance in public. And then I'm gonna post it. And that will be voucher, which I

[D]

kind of appreciate more because I've been recently trying to, at least in my own life, really understand. Like, it's really easy to pretend like you're not on that shit.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

And it's like, I'm on that shit, bro. I gotta, like, Like, I just, like, I think we process it different.

[B]

Yep.

[D]

And there's like, like you said, like, an unwillingness to integrate it into real life, which is probably good. But like, we're all on that shit, baby.

[B]

Yeah, we all.

[D]

I don't know what drug that was first.

[B]

You wet it. You gonna want that drug wet before you put it up your nose. It only smells good when it's wet.

[D]

The point is. Yeah, man, that call sucked. Yeah, no, it was like, great for the conspiracy aspect.

[B]

It was something I genuinely believe. It's something I've been afraid of for a long time. It is something that I really don't know what to do with my own children. It is not something I was pumped to hear you call about. No.

[D]

Maybe get drunk next time.

[B]

You should have come fun to us.

[D]

Yeah, maybe sing a little bit. People like to do that. Maybe open it with singing our names and then we grab something. Cause that was tough. You came really? For real. We had to pull out that little diamond which you glossed over in the mom thing.

[B]

Brother, spin moves are free.

[D]

Yep.

[B]

Do a spin move, then come call tap circle. Just. Just be. Be at. Be your best self next time. Don't be sad. But we appreciate your call. And we're going to take one more break. One more. One more break. And then more. My mama told me. Bye. Hey, it's Cole Swindell. After I give everything I've got to

[D]

land a perfect vocal, I usually take

[B]

five before jumping into the next track. And I've learned exactly how, how to recharge in that time.

[E]

Some folks grab coffee, I hit a

[B]

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[C]

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[C]

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[A]

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[D]

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[D]

My rhymes are fly, my beats are

[E]

sick My crew is big and it

[D]

keeps getting bigger that's cause Jesus Christ is my nigga turn on my bass. I like to think he was in the booth.

[B]

It was like, run that one back.

[D]

Yeah, let it run, let it run.

[B]

You were slow. You were slow. You're supposed to pick that up.

[D]

I come in on the one. Let's do a final voicemail.

[B]

Yeah. All right. We have one left. Let's do it.

[E]

Hey, Langston and David. My name is Yani. I'm from Minneapolis and I'm a longtime listener since 2020 when Langston was by himself struggling.

[B]

Okay.

[E]

And David came along and that's.

[D]

Come on, man.

[B]

No, I was struggling. They can hear it.

[D]

You said you were going crazy a

[B]

little bit before, but yeah, man, you know what happens. I don't know how much we've said of this on the actual live cameras. What ends up happening when you were not here is that you and I have such a healthy, natural banter together that nothing we ever end up talking about feels sad. It feels like we can find our ways to something uplifting and at the very least, joyful inside of the tragic conversations that we're often like.

[D]

That last call.

[B]

Like that last call. And when it was me by myself, it was real dependent on whoever was sitting across from me, what energy we were gonna be stuck in.

[D]

I get that.

[B]

And so it wasn't always bad, but it was a struggle every time to be like, all right, I guess it's a serious episode.

[D]

Yeah. And then now you gotta do a whole serious episode, which is tough, but

[B]

I'm still trying to fire shit off. And then they don't give it back. And then I go, ah, yeah. Was a. It was a nightmare being alone, so. I'm so happy you're here.

[D]

King Kong ain't got on me. Okay, let's continue.

[E]

This voice just made the podcast what it is today, but my mama told me, and I'll wait. First, I want y' all to discuss this with a woman.

[B]

She fell.

[E]

If y' all have a she fell down, y' all have somebody on there who's a woman. This is their question. My mama told me that old give you words like, if you messing around when you're a young woman, you mess around with someone much older, they give you worms. And that could be literally or figuratively. This is coming from someone who had a baby bio negative. So, yeah, you got question?

[B]

You gotta stop calling my bitches. Stop calling your babies worms. Yeah, that's not right. They're babies. They're human babies. They're not worms at all.

[D]

It's Jeremy.

[B]

Jeremy is a person.

[D]

I am out of my league on this one, Joel.

[B]

I've never been with an old nigga.

[D]

No, me either.

[B]

I have nothing to speak on about their worms. So I understand why she's now asking. Asking for a woman to weigh in. Should we ask Joelle?

[D]

Should we?

[B]

Yeah. Joelle. Hey, hey. In your experience, and we don't want to presume, but in your experience, have old niggas ever given you or any of your contemporaries worms? So. Oh, no, That's a crazy question. Not worms. What's the, uh. Oh. Oh, my. Whatever it is is bad if they weren't there beforehand. This is bad news.

[D]

I forget what this. It's like pirates used to get it.

[B]

It's not scurvy, but it's like jalopy. What the fuck are you talking about?

[D]

Rickets. Pirates used to get it. Pirate dick. Chlamydia. It comes from. You know, listen, sometimes folks be fucking around with old niggas, and, you know, when old niggas go after younger girls, like, usually they don't have their shit together. That is, like, perceived. And, you know.

[B]

Yeah. They be Passing stuff.

[D]

Worms is crazy. You got. I think.

[B]

How.

[D]

Listen, you gotta be an extra level of dirty to begin. Like, ringworm or something, if that's what she's talking about.

[B]

I. I didn't picture ringworm.

[D]

I've heard of vaginal pinworms before.

[B]

Whoa, what's that, bro? What?

[D]

I just had heard of it. Somebody told me about it one time.

[B]

Oh, no. Vaginal pinworms.

[D]

I don't know if you want to Google it, brother.

[B]

I'm already in, man.

[D]

You're gonna have to burn my. Did it show you a picture? Did it show you a picture?

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Do I want to see it?

[B]

No, but I'm gonna show you. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

[D]

Fuck that. Fuck that. Fuck that. Fuck that. That is fucking so bad. No. Yo, if that's.

[E]

Can you lend a nigga a pencil?

[B]

Don't lend him that pencil. If that's what all niggas are giving y', all.

[D]

You gotta. You. I'm old, but you.

[B]

I'm.

[D]

Well, I'm 28 years old. If that's a possibility, you got to get the fuck out.

[B]

Don't even do it. I. You can't let that happen to you.

[D]

Also, shame on you old niggas. If that's what they could.

[B]

Like, if you're walking around here with worms, you got to chill, bro. Chill.

[D]

You got to. You got to get that cleared up.

[B]

Look, man, I get it. We come from different generations. You don't know me, I don't know you. We don't have a lot to. To. To bond over, but you gotta stop giving bitches worms. Yo, that's not cool, bro.

[D]

You gotta fix your worms.

[B]

That's cool.

[D]

I mean, if we're for real, you gotta fix your worms.

[B]

You can't have worms.

[D]

It's not even about. It is about them and you being irresponsible. But also, bro, you live in a car,

[B]

Get it washed every once in a while.

[D]

You gotta do something.

[B]

You gotta wash that car, bro.

[D]

That sucks. And also, was she. Did she mean that her baby daddy? No, she just meant.

[B]

No, I think she was just saying that her friend of hers, that she had sort of heard through the grapevine that all niggas give you worms.

[D]

And also, we gotta open it up, even if you're just getting burned. That's crazy.

[B]

Yeah, don't. I mean, it happens. It happens to people.

[D]

It happens to. You know, if you're outside, you know, things happen. Sun is hot, you're gonna get burned.

[B]

We're not shaming anybody who ends up with something that they didn't plan to have. It happens to people.

[D]

But you can't be giving that shit out.

[B]

You can't. You gotta be able to cut it off. You. This can't be. You can't wish that on other people. Don't do that.

[D]

Cause one time is an accident, two times is a choice, bro.

[B]

Worms.

[D]

That's fucking. And I don't even know what we're talking about. Completely. I don't know what worms. I don't know what worms.

[B]

No. What is.

[D]

I know. Crabs. I don't really know.

[B]

Yeah, look up worms.

[D]

Sti.

[B]

No, I've seen enough.

[D]

You've done a lot. Let me all fuck my shit up for this.

[B]

This worms. SDI is going to be worse. They're going to be coming out of the penis then. And I'm going to feel it in my own guts.

[D]

That was a really bad picture. Okay, I'm going to say. Oh, by the way, shout out to ebony magazine, top 25 creators.

[B]

Yeah. This is what Ebony likes.

[D]

This is what EBONY likes. Worms.

[B]

Yeah. Shout out, though. That was cool.

[D]

Okay, what? Std. Okay. Trick up.

[B]

Scabies. That's what I was talking. Scabies. Of course.

[D]

Scabies.

[B]

Yep.

[D]

Chicago is a dirty place.

[B]

Hey, watch your mouth.

[D]

That's where she's talking about it. Joelle.

[B]

Wait, say again? I'm sorry.

[D]

Are you talking about that happening in Chicago or Los Angeles?

[B]

Yes, sir. That happened to a friend of mine, and it was horrific. Okay, Joelle, you had the chance to stand up for our fine city right there. I'm sorry.

[D]

I wish I could. You could have.

[B]

You could have lied. I know, motherfucker. It was in Denver, bitch.

[D]

Should we take a game?

[B]

No, no, no.

[D]

We gotta keep it real. You know what, though? It says it's a very common STI caused by infection, although symptoms vary. Most people with trich, because it's short for trich, I'm gonna say cannot tell they have it.

[B]

I ain't got worm.

[D]

No, I don't think that I do either.

[B]

Yeah, I think they can't tell they have it because they're out here acting up, not because they're getting a regular tune up and making sure it's all doing what it's supposed to. The point is wash, wash down there, all of it. Brett Fox said it. Martin Lawrence said it big time. Maybe on the most public platform anybody has ever said it. HBO and then on fucking snl.

[D]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[B]

He did it for his monologue in snl. And they cut the feed.

[D]

He said, I have to Open with this.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

That means maybe he caught worms.

[B]

When you watch SNL now, if you go back and watch the Martin Lawrence episode, they have blacked out what he said and now have, like, a vo. Like, talking over what he said.

[D]

Beautiful.

[B]

Because they're, like, at this point in the monologue, they're trying to be funny about it, but they're really playing the fuck out of him because, you know, he got banned for life.

[D]

Yeah. For saying wash your ass.

[B]

Yeah. For telling them to wash their ass. And their pussies.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. And pussies. And pussies.

[B]

I think he.

[D]

But this is about dicks.

[B]

This is about dicks.

[D]

This is about dicks.

[B]

I think it's about pussy choices.

[D]

Right, right, right, right. You hear me now? And I get it. These old niggas, attractive old niggas. He comes through, he's got that toothpaste pick, Kango on forwards or backwards, He'll.

[B]

He'll take good care of you.

[D]

You see white guys talking about wearing Kangos all of a sudden.

[B]

Yeah, I don't like that.

[D]

I don't like it at all.

[B]

Yeah. Chalamet, really, He. He twisted up the game in a nasty way.

[D]

Because I was always hoping Kengo would be a move I could revert to in my old age.

[B]

I can see that for you.

[D]

Yeah. But not anymore. They're fucking it up.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't want to be a Kengo guy now.

[D]

No, no, no, no.

[B]

But the nice thing is it might cycle back.

[D]

That's true.

[B]

They're gonna get tired of it fast.

[D]

And I'm 28. There's a long time till I'm old, bro.

[B]

You got all day.

[D]

12 years. Not two. Not two. One and a half. Honestly, I'm a tortoise. Less than half. Yeah.

[B]

Should we take. Wait, did we finish that one?

[D]

You did all of the voicemails?

[B]

We did all of them.

[D]

Oh, we did them all.

[B]

We did this. We did the whole thing.

[D]

Oh, that's the whole episode there.

[B]

We had finished. You had fun. And who are you to say otherwise?

[D]

And you learned some stuff.

[B]

You learned some stuff. You learned about worms in your pussy. You learned about worms in your dick. You learned to love again. Specifically your mother, who hurt you in a way that none of us could have anticipated.

[D]

Yeah, that's true. That's true.

[B]

You wanna tell the people where they can find you?

[D]

Cool guyjokes87 on Instagram. I'll be on there pretty soon celebrating my 29th birthday. That's it for now. That's it. That's it. That's it.

[B]

Hell yeah. May 6th, come see me at the Elysian Theater in Los Angeles for the Netflix's Joke Festival. I'll be telling my little jokes there.

[D]

And you watch the Hours, man. At least if it's what you were doing in New Orleans. My man's going crazy.

[B]

Yeah, it's a fun hour.

[D]

He's going nuts.

[B]

Thanks, man. I'm really excited about what's coming down the pipeline.

[D]

I would go, but I have surgery.

[B]

That's okay. You should we talk about that off air that you're having surgery?

[D]

It's not like, oh, hernia surgery. It's not like.

[B]

It's not crazy crazy.

[D]

No, no, no, no.

[B]

All right, because I'd like to know.

[D]

No, I'm trying to get more meat. Trying not to get Ocho Cinco'd out here.

[B]

Let's get that. Let's get all the way deeper. If she asks you to send us your own drops, your own conspiracy theories, let us know how much meat is or is not [e-mail] 844 Little Moms. Follow that goddamn Patreon. Subscribe. We are doing some fun stuff over

[D]

there over there too.

[B]

We are really acting a fool.

[D]

A lot of personal confessions going on.

[B]

If you wanted to know private things about us that we regret telling you, the best place to find it is on Patreon. And I don't know, call your mama. Bye, bitch. Mom, do you ever feel, you know, not so fresh?

[D]

Ew.

[B]

No, no, no. My Mama told Me is a production of Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and I Heart podcast.

[D]

Created and hosted by Langston Kearney.

[B]

Co hosted by David Bore Executive produced

[D]

by Will Ferrell Hot and Joel Monique Edited and engineered by Justin Kahneman.

[B]

Music by Nick Chambers.

[D]

Artwork by Dogon Krieger.

[B]

You can now watch episodes of My Mama told me on YouTube, follow at my Mama Told Me and subscribe to our channel.

[C]

Hello, it is Ryan. And we could all use an extra bright spot in our day to day, couldn't we? Just to make up for things like sitting in traffic, doing the dishes, counting your steps. You know, all the mundane stuff. That is why I'm such a big fan of Chumba Casino. Chumba Casino has all your favorite social casino style games that you can play for free anytime, anywhere with daily bonuses. So sign up [e-mail] that's chumbacasino.com no

[E]

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conditions applied supply hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway. It's Stock up savings time now through March 31st. Spring in for storewide deals and earn four times the points. Look for in store tags to earn on eligible items from Hunts, Nerds, Pillsbury, Lowry's, Breyers, Quaker and Culture Pop. Then clip the offer in the app for automatic event long savings. Stack up those rewards to save even more. Enjoy savings on top of savings when you shop in store or online for easy drive up and go pick up order later. Delivery restrictions apply. See website for full terms and conditions.

[D]

Honestly, Honestly, Honestly, no one wants to think about hiv. But there are things that everyone can do to help prevent it. Things like prep. Prep stands for Pre Exposure Prophylaxis, and it means routinely taking prescription medicine before you're exposed to HIV to help reduce your chances of getting it. Prep can be about 99% effective when taken as prescribed. It doesn't protect against other STIs, though, so be sure to use condoms and other other healthy sex practices. Ask a healthcare provider about all your prevention Options, and visit findoutaboutprep.com to learn more.

[C]

Sponsored by Gilead it's tax season, and by now we're all a bit tired of numbers.

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[A]

This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.