Only Black People Are In the Illuminati (with Jemele Hill) RERELEASE

Summary

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My Momma Told Me

Episode: "Only Black People Are In the Illuminati" (with Jemele Hill) [RERELEASE]

Original Release Date: May 14, 2026
Hosts: Langston Kerman, David Gborie
Guest: Jemele Hill

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Episode Overview

In this lively and irreverent episode, comedians Langston Kerman and David Gborie welcome journalist and podcaster Jemele Hill to examine the cultural conspiracy theory: “Only Black people are in the Illuminati.” The trio explores the roots, racial dimensions, and absurdities of the myth, comparing it with broader ideas of power, exclusivity, and wealth—especially as they manifest in Black pop culture. Along the way, they riff on sports, pop culture nostalgia, what it means to be a “Black Illuminati,” presidents’ involvement in shadowy societies, and much more, all with their signature humor.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Warm-Up: Passion, Sports & Social Media Culture

(02:06 – 09:42)

• Ball Is Life: Langston reflects on his past criticism of those obsessed with basketball (“ball is life”), realizing it might represent “relentless pursuit of a passion for its own sake—not for gain.”
  • Langston: “I think the relentless pursuit of a passion...just because it feels like passion for passion’s sake, not for gain, and I think that is an important aspect to have in your life.” (05:31)
• Sports Can Last for Life (or Not): Discussion on how certain sports (basketball, golf, softball) sustain participation throughout one’s life, unlike football or wrestling. Jemele mentions how she and her husband became “obsessed” with golf, highlighting the social and leisurely aspects.
• Generational Sports Debates: Comparisons between LeBron and Jordan prompt Jemele to note that these generational arguments repeat “in music, sports, entertainment”—everyone is protective of their era.

2. The Joy (or Lack Thereof) in Sports Fandom

(12:15 – 17:20)

• Jemele's Media Persona: She addresses misconceptions about her being “super serious”—insisting she’s much more fun than people think.
• “Joy Sucked Out of Sports”: Jemele observes that discourse around sports often becomes joyless due to instant critical debates (e.g., injury “tainting” championships).
  • Jemele: “The joy of what sports was supposed to bring us gets lost in this machine of conversations and debates about shit that don’t even matter.” (14:11)
• Injuries Are Part of the Story: Injuries affecting championships (Isaiah Thomas, Magic Johnson, Durant, Klay) are discussed as embedded in the natural course of sports history.

3. The Illuminati: Origins & Racialized Mythology

(17:42 – 33:54)

• Black Celebrities & the Illuminati: Jemele introduces the conspiracy: Why are only Black celebrities accused of being in the Illuminati?
  • Jemele: “You never hear white celebrities being put in the Illuminati. And I was like, is it racial?…Like, you don’t…hear Tom Cruise associated with a lot of other shit.” (19:10)
• What Is the Illuminati, Anyway? The hosts and Jemele puzzle over what the Illuminati actually is or wants—world domination? Economic power?
  • Is it like a “co-op of rich motherfuckers” (David, 19:31) who protect and enrich each other?
• Who's Allegedly In? Oprah, Jay-Z, Beyoncé, Will Smith, and (maybe) Debra Lee (former BET head) are named as recurring figures cited as members.
  • Jemele: “If you don’t have Debora Lee…how good is your Illuminati?” (23:27)
• Economic Power vs. Celebrity: Noting that real business titans rarely get included in the conspiracy; it’s always the entertainers.
  • Langston: “As front-facing as they are, celebrities are the tip of the iceberg for whatever money that there is being funneled into that.” (62:15)

4. Unpacking Race & Class in Power Conspiracies

(27:12 – 33:54)

• Do White People Have Different Illuminati Theories? The hosts speculate “white people” might assign Illuminati membership to Elon Musk, Rothschilds, institutional families (Vanderbilts)—contrasting to the Black focus on entertainers.
• Skull & Bones, Institutional Elite: They point out that Skull & Bones (a real secret society for presidents) doesn’t inspire the same celebrity-fixation conspiracy in Black pop culture.
• Are Presidents Illuminati? David asserts: “I think every president was in the Illuminati.” (30:24)
  • Jemele pushes back (e.g., JFK, Carter were “too human,” if they were in they wouldn’t get assassinated/lose reelection).

5. The Real Illuminati: History & Misconceptions

(37:40 – 43:34)

• Langston's Research: Illuminati began in Bavaria (not Italy!), founded by Adam Weishaupt in 1776; peaked at 650–2,500 members, supposedly disbanded by 1785.
• Original Purpose: Promoting Enlightenment ideals to the elite; ironically anti-establishment at first but morphed into a protective community of the wealthy.
• Jemele: “So does it say beyond that?…Were they trying to take over the world? Or were they just trying to enlighten the rich people? And then I’m like, enlighten them to do what?” (41:15)
• Lore Expansion: George Washington helped expand the myth by not fully disavowing its existence.

6. Black Illuminati Membership Speculation

(55:24 – 58:40)

• Other Possible Members: The group riffs on whether Frederick Douglass, Al Sharpton, Obama, and iconic entertainers could be considered “Illuminati.”
  • Jemele on Eddie Murphy: “He makes reggae albums. He’s so free… He’s Illuminati material.” (56:05)
  • On Honorary Membership: Cosby and Murphy as possible “honorary Illuminati”—admitted for cultural power, not actual industrial control.
• Sammy Davis Jr. and Occult Stories: Hilarious retelling of a story where Sammy Davis Jr. boasted to Eddie Murphy that “the devil is just as powerful as God” (57:43), signaling peak Illuminati vibes.

7. The Core Lesson: The Real Power Structure

(59:12 – 63:49)

• ALEC as a Real “Illuminati”: David points out the American Legislative Exchange Council (ALEC) as an actual covert policy-making organization for business, contrasting the mythical “celebrity Illuminati.”
  • David: “There’s an active business or organization in front of us that is the Illuminati. We’re wasting our time getting distracted…by accusing Beyoncé.” (60:09)
• Celebrities as Distraction: The group agrees that by focusing on entertainers, we ignore the deeper mechanics of race, money, and true power in society.
  • Jemele: “If I’m thinking about the Illuminati, I’m going to eliminate the celebrities. I’m going to immediately put, like, Robert Smith in there… Byron Allen… Let’s bring some power and some economic muscle to our Illuminati.” (62:44)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Langston, on Ball Is Life (05:31):

  “The relentless pursuit of a passion…and I think that is an important aspect to have in your life.”

• Jemele, on Joyless Sports Debates (14:11):

  “The joy of what sports was supposed to bring us gets lost in this machine of conversations and debates about shit that don’t even matter.”

• Jemele, on Black Celebrity Illuminati (19:10):

  “You never hear white celebrities being put in the Illuminati… Like, you don’t…hear Tom Cruise associated with a lot of other shit.”

• David, on Real Power (60:09):

  “There’s an active business or organization in front of us that is the Illuminati. We’re wasting our time getting distracted…by accusing Beyoncé.”

• Jemele, on Honorary Membership (56:39):

  “Could he have been like an honorary Illuminati? …Like when you get an honorary degree… That’s how Bill Cosby is a doctor.”

• On Historical Lore – George Washington’s letter (49:59):

  “In 1798, George Washington wrote a letter about the Illuminati…helped their infamy by sort of like, not being clearly wiped out.”

• Jemele, summing up the lesson (62:44):

  “Let’s bring some power and some economic muscle to our Illuminati.”

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Funny Tangents & Pop Culture References

• BET and Black TV Nostalgia: Long discussion of BET's place in Black culture, judging BET vs. mainstream networks, and the guilt/pleasure of enjoying certain shows.
  • “We judge BET, but watch the same shit somewhere else.” (24:06)
• Golden Girls Deep Dive: Hilarious debate about the accuracy of character memories, favorite “spicy” old women (Langston prefers Blanche), and social-justice episodes.
• Sammy Davis and the Devil: The group laughs over Sammy Davis Jr.’s occult lore and how weird it would be to actually have that discussion (“I would just pack my shit and be out," Jemele, 58:42).

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Important Segment Timestamps

• Passion & Ball is Life: 02:06 – 09:42
• Sports Fandom Debates: 12:15 – 17:20
• Introduction to the Illuminati Racial Conspiracy: 17:42 – 21:43
• Black Illuminati Membership Tangent: 22:09 – 26:19
• On White and Black Illuminati Myths: 27:12 – 33:54
• Historical Illuminati Research: 37:40 – 43:34
• Honorary Black Illuminati Members: 55:24 – 58:40
• The Real Power: ALEC & Structure: 59:12 – 63:49

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Listener Voicemail Segment

(70:32 – 83:42)

• Bizarre voicemail proposes “solving” Black male loneliness by pairing them with “white women who wore Cookie Monster pajama bottoms”—leading to mockery and horror.
  • Jemele: “If you’re going to introduce an emotional support white woman, it wouldn’t be the white woman in the Cookie Monster [pajama bottoms]…” (76:31)
  • The group universally rejects the caller’s “solution,” calling it “vile,” “eugenic,” and “terrorism.”
• Discussion ends with a mix of bewilderment and laughter, Jemele joking: “I would love to know… I hope some kind of substance was involved… please let it have been drugs.” (82:36)

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Takeaway & Final Reflection

The episode exposes how the “Black Illuminati” conspiracy is more a commentary on cultural anxieties, celebrity worship, and racialized perceptions of power than true hidden influence. The real Illuminati—then and now—is essentially the entrenchment of systemic, economic, and political elites, not pop culture stars. The hosts and Jemele urge listeners to focus attention on power structures that really shape lives rather than the seductive but superficial myths around beloved or envied celebrities.

Jemele’s Parting Reflection:

“If I’m thinking about the Illuminati, I’m going to eliminate the celebrities…I’m going to immediately put, like, Robert Smith in there…the multi billionaire…Byron Allen…Let’s bring some power and some economic muscle to our Illuminati.” (62:44)

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Where to Find Jemele Hill

• Podcast: “Spolitics” – Weekly show at the intersection of sports, race, gender, and culture
• Socials & Contact: Mentioned at episode’s end.

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Tone and Style Notes

The conversation is irreverent, unfiltered, and fast-paced—packed with jokes, asides, and cultural touchstones. Everyone challenges each other with warmth and sarcasm, creating a vibrant, barbershop-like energy. The group isn’t afraid to debunk, interrogate, and ultimately laugh at the notion of the “Illuminati,” while also landing deep social commentary about class and power in America.

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Transcript

[Jemele Hill]

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[Langston Kerman]

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[Jemele Hill]

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[Kel Penn]

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[Jemele Hill]

I think it was somewhat recently it came out that Bea Arthur and Betty White couldn't stand each other. Yeah, I was like, yo, Golden Girl's drama.

[Langston Kerman]

It was like a Martin Gina situation.

[David Burie]

Well, same circumstances.

[Langston Kerman]

That's what I was. Identical.

[David Burie]

And you know, who was Martin in that relationship?

[Langston Kerman]

You know she was trying to kiss her, right?

[Jemele Hill]

For real.

[David Burie]

Me Arthur was picking Betty White up and trying to kiss her.

[Jemele Hill]

Little did we know what was happening in the back bedrooms, right?

[Langston Kerman]

The government growing babies, Microchips in your nannies. All koala bears are racist. The ozone layer owes me money Washington,

[David Burie]

Ben and turkey stuffing.

[Langston Kerman]

Y' all can't tell me nothing. It's my turn to do the intro.

[David Burie]

I got your song.

[Langston Kerman]

I did not have a song. I can think of one right now. I like pretty girls, girls, girls. Welcome, little mamas and gentiles alike, to another phenomenal episode. My mama told me.

[David Burie]

The podcast where we dive deep, deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theories.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what I've been thinking? Yeah, man. I was really sitting and thinking about it. I think we were too hard. And maybe this is just me personally, I think we were too hard on the ball is life, guys. The more I think about it, it's like maybe the best life advice coming out of social media in a long time, because it's not about making money. It's not about grinding. It's about, like, relentless pursuit of a passion. Because you love that thing.

[David Burie]

Yeah, they really. They were the. The people that. That believed, lived by, that were centered in a way that we didn't acknowledge.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, Yeah. I think it was like. And I mean, sure, yeah, a lot of them are at 24 hour fitnesses at times that you should be at work.

[Jemele Hill]

Not great.

[Langston Kerman]

And. But so am I. You know what I mean? I'm in the Y. I'm downstairs, I'm fucking around, ignoring calls or whatever. Yeah, it's just like. It's like so many things, especially now coming out of social media, are so commodified, and it's this idea of you as a product and a brand and grind time, foul. And these guys were just like, ball is life. Yeah, that's just what I love.

[David Burie]

I just like dribbling and Jamel, you ain't gotta hide from it. You have thoughts on this?

[Jemele Hill]

I have no thoughts on this. Oh, is ball.

[David Burie]

Life is like a. I don't know that it is for me, but I respect anybody that lands on what they truly love.

[Langston Kerman]

Exactly. And I think that we all have a ball. It's just their ball is maybe, you know, you have a ball. You have a ball. Right? So it's like, yeah.

[David Burie]

Weird stuff on the Internet. That's my ball.

[Langston Kerman]

Right? Okay.

[David Burie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And yes, I have a family, and

[Langston Kerman]

yes, you have a family and you love them.

[David Burie]

I acknowledge that. They are also life. But you have a ball.

[Langston Kerman]

Come on. That's the point of it, is that I think the relentless pursuit of a passion and just because it feels like passion for passion's sake, not for gain, and I think that is an important aspect to have in your life. And I think when it came out I was upset because I'm not good at basketball. And I really was mean.

[David Burie]

You took this personally.

[Langston Kerman]

I hate basketball players because they get to play basketball forever.

[David Burie]

You really. White lives matter. This movement in a way that.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't love your angle.

[David Burie]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't love your tone. Right.

[David Burie]

You saw some niggas hooping and you were like, I could do stuff too. No. And that rubbed you wrong.

[Langston Kerman]

I've always hated it. Because basketball gets to be a lifelong obsession. And as a little fat kid, you just gotta play football. And they don't tell you this just goes away.

[Jemele Hill]

Right.

[Langston Kerman]

You're just done.

[Jemele Hill]

Because physically you can't do it at a certain time, you shouldn't do it at that time. Well, I mean, I don't know. Debatable.

[Langston Kerman]

I think. I think a lot of people get fucked up in about.

[Jemele Hill]

They do.

[Langston Kerman]

But the point is, like, after high school, it's done.

[David Burie]

They do keep it going.

[Langston Kerman]

Especially. Especially. Especially. We were talking about this, especially linemen, you know. Now we don't. There's no seven on seven for fat dude. Now you're just done. Now it's just over. You bench 3:30 for no reason.

[David Burie]

Yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

And you work at Target and you're angry. And these basketball guys, hey, let's go to the park. We're still having fun. Girls are here.

[Jemele Hill]

Yeah, but see, you just picked the wrong thing. Like I wish. And we talk about balls.

[Langston Kerman]

Another sport was wrestling. What was that going to do?

[David Burie]

Okay.

[Jemele Hill]

You weren't going to wrestle after certain. Otherwise it'd be weird.

[David Burie]

Yeah, it was weird.

[Jemele Hill]

It was weird not be allowed within a school district.

[David Burie]

But a lot of.

[Langston Kerman]

A lot of people let me know. It was weird then.

[Jemele Hill]

But like golf, for example. So like golf is life for me. Like me and my husband, we got into golf like three years ago. I'm completely obsessed.

[Langston Kerman]

Whoa.

[Jemele Hill]

This is something that you definitely could have taken up younger. Still would be playing now. And you meet crazy, like, engaging, fun people on the golf course. Like the social aspect. Now I get it. Like now I get. Of golf.

[David Burie]

You're saying that I have the ability to pivot my life and it doesn't always have to be the same ball.

[Jemele Hill]

Correct.

[David Burie]

It could be a different kind of ball.

[Jemele Hill]

And so. And then listen, how many sports are there where you can drink and do it and still be good at it?

[David Burie]

Not a lot.

[Jemele Hill]

Golf, softball. You could be a softball lifer.

[Langston Kerman]

Basketball for a couple guys.

[Jemele Hill]

Well, yes. Cause there's always one dude.

[Langston Kerman]

They said AI in Denver was going nuts.

[Jemele Hill]

We're just Denver because He also spent time in Detroit, where I'm from, and the stories about him are legendary. There ain't a Friday safe wherever AI is. That's my homie.

[David Burie]

That is so crazy.

[Langston Kerman]

That's those Virginia athletes, man. To be drunk and play a sport,

[David Burie]

I will say, can you think you

[Langston Kerman]

could play basketball, Jon?

[David Burie]

No, not even a little bit. And it does make me feel more passionate in a different way than I ever thought I would. I've always been like, oh, the game evolves. It gets better over time. The players of today are objectively better than the players of yesteryear. That is my position. LeBron is the greatest because LeBron has surpassed everything that Jordan could do at that time.

[Langston Kerman]

Right.

[David Burie]

That's where I live. That's where I live. I'll take that shot if that don't feel right to you.

[Jemele Hill]

Not wrong, per se. But I do think some of this might be. Is somewhat generational because everybody's protective of their era, like music, sports, entertainment. Those are the three areas. Because you could not have convinced my mother that rap wasn't trash. It wasn't just a regurgitation of samples of all the shit that she grew up on and y' all ain't creative and blah, blah, blah. So I get that. But, I mean, he's definitely, you know, right there. He's in the. Like, anybody I know that young people now will. They will 10 years from now be like, I can't believe that was ever an argument that it wasn't just LeBron. Whereas probably for my generation. But it's like, no, it's Michael Jordan.

[David Burie]

Yeah.

[Jemele Hill]

Like, yeah. And that's no disrespect to LeBron because I think to be as firmly in the conversation as he is is a testament to how good he is.

[David Burie]

But here's. Here's a little nod to it possibly being Michael Jordan is that LeBron has spent a million plus dollars a year on his body every year he has eaten clean. He has figured out a way to chisel the form into the perfect form for the sport as he plays it. Michael Jordan was drunk. He was not.

[Jemele Hill]

That is drunk every night. That is not true.

[Langston Kerman]

You don't think so?

[Jemele Hill]

Do you not know this story?

[Langston Kerman]

And I ain't playing. No. You don't think this motherfucker wasn't getting

[David Burie]

wine drunk every night?

[Jemele Hill]

No, he wasn't every night. Listen, okay? Michael Jordan talked about the fact that he did not drink when he played.

[David Burie]

He's a liar.

[Jemele Hill]

Oh, I have heard stories about him drink when he played.

[Langston Kerman]

I've heard Stories about him, he was getting.

[Jemele Hill]

I think it was either 4am or 6am he worked out every day.

[David Burie]

Sure.

[Jemele Hill]

Regardless. Right. Like, he kept his body in immaculate condition. The worst thing he probably did was cigars. That was probably the worst.

[David Burie]

I don't mean to suggest that. That Michael Jordan wasn't putting everything he had into it.

[Jemele Hill]

No. But he was not known as being a drunk at all.

[David Burie]

I only mean, and this is more jumping off of the AI example that there are guys who are comparable to the legends of NOW that also were doing it with other shit going on. You know what I mean? In a way that they don't do it now. I mean, like, listen, Allen Iverson, literally the whole eight.

[Jemele Hill]

A good portion of the 80s. Like, every third player was sniffing coke. I mean, like cocaine. Like, everybody was. So that was. That was the league. That was the big league issue. You know, Michael Ray Richardson, Good God. I mean, that man had a Jerry curler just doing blow. Like, hey, this is Miami Vice right here.

[Langston Kerman]

Basketball players are too big to be doing that much cocaine.

[David Burie]

It's scary.

[Langston Kerman]

That seems like the scary. Could you imagine Charles Oakley?

[David Burie]

Oh, man, keep Charles sober. That's some scary shit. I don't want him nowhere near intoxicants.

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Well,

[David Burie]

our guest today. I can't believe she's here. It's so cool. She is a force, a person, you know, from media in all forms, entertainment, writing, television, the news, the. Not news, all the stuff. She's won Emmys and you know her best now from her own podcast, Politics. Give it up for our phenomenal guest, Jamel Hill, everybody.

[Jemele Hill]

How did all of this trouble begin? Living in America.

[David Burie]

Yeah.

[Jemele Hill]

Well, thank you all for the kind intro. I'm happy to be here, happy to have some fun, you know. And we are a journalist in my line of work. And even though sports was. Sports is really my background and still the foundation of what I do, people start thinking that, like, I'm not a fun person.

[David Burie]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jemele Hill]

Like they think I have no sense of humor and that I'm just walking around, you know, pointing out injustice. Like, oh, there's a white crack in the sidewalk. Somehow it's the white man fault. Like, that's. I'm like, that's not the energy I'm on. Right.

[Langston Kerman]

That's crazy because that's what we do.

[Jemele Hill]

I mean, sometimes. I ain't gonna lie.

[Langston Kerman]

That's all we have.

[David Burie]

I didn't like how you pretended to be us for a second. That's so nasty.

[Jemele Hill]

Like it was a white valet. No, sometimes that happens where People just have this sort of picture of me as being super serious. So I'm always happy to be in spaces like this where we can just laugh and fuck around.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I love it. I love it. Cause sports is. Do you like how serious the sports world is? It seems like people just don't play about that shit.

[Jemele Hill]

No, what I don't like about it is that there are just too much of a machine built around taking the joy out of sports. Yeah, like, everybody, one. Everybody has an opinion, which sounds like a really crazy thing to say, considering I'm in the business of giving my opinion about sports, but an opinion in the sense of, like, something's gotta be wrong with everything, right? It's like, we can't just enjoy what it is. Like, two minutes after OKC wins the finals, the conversation is, was this a tainted championship? Cause Tyrese Halliburton got, you know, got injured. And I'm like, man, fuck that. Can we just celebrate the fact that this team from wire to wire, the way it was constructed, you have, you know, sga, who wins the scoring title, mvp. Finals mvp and a championship all in the same year. Only one of four dudes to do that.

[Langston Kerman]

Come on.

[Jemele Hill]

So I feel like the. The joy of what sports was supposed to bring us gets lost in this machine of conversations and debates about shit that don't even matter.

[David Burie]

And also that injury is part of the bigger story. Do you know what I mean? Like, that is how history remembers things. It's like, oh, they were neck and neck. Anything could have happened. And then their hero goes down.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, he goes down.

[David Burie]

That is how a championship can be won, too. And it's not. That doesn't taint the story. That just makes it the fucking story.

[Jemele Hill]

It just adds to. It's something that you remember. But as I've tried to tell people, even though this is probably for the situation, the most devastating injury I can think of.

[David Burie]

Yeah, for sure.

[Jemele Hill]

But along any championship path, it's always something that happens where somebody. A team benefits from someone else's misfortune. I mean, you know, I grew up. My coming of age with basketball was in the 80s. And when the Pistons, um. When they played the Lakers the first time in the finals, I mean, Isaiah was hurt. They lost. It was. Lakers are better team for the series. That's fine. The next year, Magic was hurt, they were healthy, and they beat the Lakers ass.

[David Burie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jemele Hill]

So it's just. That's just sports. Like, that's what happens.

[David Burie]

I think about how different the league would be at large if Kevin Durant and Klay Thompson don't get injured in that. That Toronto series, right? Like, I think there's a world where, like, they win another championship, they're maybe still together, they work out the shit that they were struggling with emotionally social,

[Jemele Hill]

whatever the fuck I mean, and they

[David Burie]

keep riding, you know what I mean?

[Jemele Hill]

Like, maybe Draymond doesn't fire on Jordan Poole.

[David Burie]

Like, I don't know. Jordan Poole learns to act right because he gets slapped every week by this man. Jordan Poole got brain damage because of Draymond. All that could have been avoided.

[Langston Kerman]

Man, that shit seems so bad. Like, getting bullied at work is the worst.

[David Burie]

That's crazy.

[Langston Kerman]

It sucks.

[David Burie]

It's crazy.

[Jemele Hill]

Sucks, but only acceptable to sports. Like, yeah, I got football stories that are far worse than.

[Langston Kerman]

Really.

[Jemele Hill]

I mean, people be fighting. Shit.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what, though? You can get bullied at Target, too. Like, I. I think it does happen everywhere.

[Jemele Hill]

It does have just. It's just more extreme. Like the. The. The. The docu series or the documentary that's on Netflix right now is part of their. That Untold series.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Yeah, I love those.

[Jemele Hill]

The Gilbert arenas, Javares Kritner 1. These dudes. I never would have thought the story would be two NBA players both bring their heat to the locker room. Like, they both bring their guns to the locker room. And it's. One of them eventually gets charged with murder. And then it's like, what?

[Langston Kerman]

One brought two?

[Jemele Hill]

Yeah, it's one brought two.

[Langston Kerman]

Two cartoon guns. Two Elmer fought.

[David Burie]

Yeah. He was, like, looking for.

[Langston Kerman]

I have a tiger striped. 3.

[David Burie]

He was, like, looking for silly ones. He said, what's my silliest gun? That's gonna make everybody laugh when I pull it out on this nigga.

[Jemele Hill]

This wild. But. Yes, But I wish we concentrated a little bit more on the. On the joy of sports. The fact that we're watching very ridiculously physically built human beings do things that nobody should be able to do.

[David Burie]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, definitely.

[David Burie]

We didn't even come here to talk about any of this. No, no, this is not the plan. But this is beautiful. You came to us, Jamel, with a conspiracy theory that I'm excited to say is the first ever conversation he and I had on this podcast. But you framed it in a way that I don't think we ever really thought about.

[Langston Kerman]

No, I didn't understand the format.

[David Burie]

That's not what I'm accusing you of.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay. I do remember, though.

[David Burie]

I was like, I think you've evolved the conversation is what I mean to say. But you said, my mama told me Only black celebrities get put into the Illuminati.

[Jemele Hill]

I mean, the Illuminati. I'm struggling to understand what it is, like, what is supposed to be the goals of the Illuminati?

[David Burie]

That's a great question.

[Jemele Hill]

Is it just world domination? Is it establishing a global currency? What's the end game of the Illuminati?

[Langston Kerman]

There does seem to need to be some kind of, like, they need some structure. Yeah. Because it's also because I think if it was anything actually that important, it wouldn't be celebrity, I guess you understand. There's no. You don't ever. Nobody's ever like, oh, all these brain surgeons and doctors. It's always just like basketball. It's like rappers. What are you talking about?

[David Burie]

You're not like, I think my. My. I think my orthopedist is in the game.

[Jemele Hill]

All right.

[David Burie]

You're making a lot of money over there.

[Langston Kerman]

Who owns 15 Burger Kings. Right. Like, you know what I'm saying?

[Jemele Hill]

It's never just your run of the mill business person. That's, like, part of the Illuminati.

[Langston Kerman]

There's, like, actors.

[Jemele Hill]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Who aren't really good at anything.

[Jemele Hill]

It's like, oh, okay, she twerks a lot. Got it. Illuminati material.

[Langston Kerman]

Clearly some type of a higher order.

[Jemele Hill]

Yeah. But you never hear white celebrities being put in the Illuminati. And I was like, is it racial? Is like, what is the racial divide there? Like, you don't. You hear Tom Cruise associated with a lot of other shit.

[Langston Kerman]

Obviously, I was gonna say arose by any other name. Right. What the Top of Scientology would.

[Jemele Hill]

Is it a different kind of Illuminati? Is that.

[Langston Kerman]

That's what I think.

[David Burie]

I think that. That certainly, if we're talking about goals. Right. Part of what I've always understood to be the Illuminati's intention is, like, co op. I think they're like a co op of rich motherfuckers. And so in that way, it's like this shared work of just keeping our co op thriving.

[Langston Kerman]

Right.

[David Burie]

And so, like, if you make it in, you never go broke again. You get all the protections of what this institution represents, so long as you're willing to play the game the way we play the game.

[Jemele Hill]

This. This sounds like the co op that Prop Joe built in the Wire.

[David Burie]

Okay.

[Jemele Hill]

Is that what it's like? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[David Burie]

I like this.

[Jemele Hill]

I mean, is Marlo eventually going to be, like, the price of the brick going up?

[David Burie]

And I think. And there are some arguments to be made about the Diddy situation. That is the conspiracy that people are making about Diddy's situation is that he was buying into the co op, he did wrong by the alcohol company that asked him to do behaviors, whatever. He said no. This is the hero story they always tell. Diddy said no. I'm a business of my own. I stand on mine. And then suddenly we're finding out about all of his sexual.

[Jemele Hill]

It's like an evolution of. Bill Cosby was buying NBC.

[David Burie]

There we go.

[Jemele Hill]

Ok.

[David Burie]

Right.

[Jemele Hill]

It's like that.

[David Burie]

Which. Which we now know to be true.

[Jemele Hill]

What?

[Langston Kerman]

Here it goes.

[David Burie]

That's 100% true. That is 100% true. He was legitimately trying to buy NBC. But where people fuck around is the years are way off from what he was doing. You know what I mean?

[Jemele Hill]

That like, was this like the height of Cosby or something?

[David Burie]

This was. No, this was like after his, his second Cosby, after like that, that other one got canceled. He then was like furious with the institution at large and was like, I'm gonna change the whole thing. Made them an offer that was more than they actually were like meant to be getting. And they still said no on some. Like we did. We just don't. We don't want you to be the guy.

[Langston Kerman]

Right.

[David Burie]

And so like he was legitimately trying to buy NBC. That said it. It ain't timing out the way people wanted to.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Burie]

Like he did that. And then the year later they were like, we got you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like, you know, 10 years before anybody even accused him of any.

[Jemele Hill]

Okay, okay. Cause I totally thought that was completely false. Like Bill Cosby about to buy it.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what I always think about the black Illuminati. I'm just thinking about this is also like, have some decorum. It's a lot of first time members. Oh, oh. You know what I'm saying?

[Jemele Hill]

So you feel like it's not enough legacy? I think that would be.

[Langston Kerman]

That's like how you build a strong base. Right. But you're letting all these first time celebrities in.

[Jemele Hill]

A lot of new money. A lot of new money.

[Langston Kerman]

Come on. A lot of new money. And that's my issue with the black Illuminati is like, save it for your children. How.

[David Burie]

How far into your career do you have to be to make it into the Illuminati?

[Jemele Hill]

Like, is there money, nigga hoping 15 years. Like, is there a money minimum to being in the Illustrative?

[David Burie]

I'm curious about it.

[Jemele Hill]

The three names you hear about the most in the Illuminati are Oprah, Jay Z and Beyonce. Right, Those three. Are there other black multi?

[Langston Kerman]

Who's the woman who owns bet?

[David Burie]

Deborah Johnson. Ain't that it?

[Jemele Hill]

Well, Sheila Johnson was Bob Johnson's ex wife. Yeah, yeah, right. Like that's. They were married and then.

[Langston Kerman]

Right.

[Jemele Hill]

And now, I mean, Viacom runs bet, so I'm not really sure.

[David Burie]

They used to be the lady.

[Langston Kerman]

That's who I'm thinking of.

[David Burie]

Boondocks made fun of.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jemele Hill]

Oh, oh, you talking about Deborah Lee?

[David Burie]

Deborah Lee.

[Jemele Hill]

Deborah Lee, yes, yes. Debra Lee, Right? Correct. Okay, so she is not or is in the Illuminati.

[David Burie]

I think if Deborra Lee ain't in the Illuminati, it's not a real institution. I think that's a powerful, powerful figure.

[Jemele Hill]

Like, you gotta. If you don't have Deborra Lee in there, how good is your Illuminati?

[Langston Kerman]

Right?

[David Burie]

That's what I would say. Yeah. Because if we're talking about, like, for real, not celebrity, she's not really a celebrity. We only know her name because she's rich. We don't even like what she makes. You know what I mean? Like, everybody's always going like, man, fuck, bet. But you still know the president's name.

[Langston Kerman]

That's some heat in the catalog.

[David Burie]

No, I'm not saying. I'm not saying that's my position. I'm saying that is the language around bet. We've always been very sort of judgmental of bet, and we still know to kiss the ring. That's a powerful individual.

[Jemele Hill]

Well, but the thing is, though, with bet is like, this is why I never understood the judgment. It's like, we judge bet, but watch the same shit somewhere else. It's like you just don't want BET to show it.

[David Burie]

Right?

[Langston Kerman]

It's better bet.

[Jemele Hill]

Got this money.

[Langston Kerman]

That's what it feels like, baby boy.

[David Burie]

Feel good wherever you watch it.

[Langston Kerman]

Come on, come on. I just want to watch the game. Season 15.

[David Burie]

Come on.

[Jemele Hill]

Don't take away my Marguerite runs.

[David Burie]

I'm telling you. Right?

[Langston Kerman]

Also, I thought they went crazy with those New Edition movies.

[David Burie]

I thought they were pretty good.

[Langston Kerman]

Those were great.

[Jemele Hill]

They did that.

[David Burie]

They were pretty good.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Jemele Hill]

Yeah. My guilty pleasure. BET watch is for my man.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm not even up. I'm not even up on it.

[David Burie]

I don't know this one.

[Jemele Hill]

All right, so this is about women who have murdered or done something. It's usually murder, though. It's not usually stealing. It's usually like, straight up murdered for my man.

[David Burie]

Whoa. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

That's a beautiful premise. See what I'm saying, I do like that.

[David Burie]

And this is a documentary.

[Jemele Hill]

This is a docuseries. Yeah, it's like, it's like first 48, but it's like the. It's like the N version of Snapped, Right? That's like, what it is. And it's like all women, and they just like, yeah, like, I heal for my man. Like, I put this down for my man.

[Langston Kerman]

Like, everyone that's available on the app.

[Jemele Hill]

It is available on the app. It is on bt. It is supreme watching. And it's. No, I like that you shot like, a Hype Williams video. Like, it's amazing.

[Langston Kerman]

I really like everything about that bet.

[Jemele Hill]

Like, I like bt.

[David Burie]

I've always liked bet.

[Jemele Hill]

I had a show. I had no issue with bet. If anything, my issue is, like, they don't take enough chances, right? And it's like, there's things like the New Edition one, to me, was a very strategic swing. They know the audience they were going for. They drill down on what is a story that's important to black culture, and they told it. And I think there's a lot of those opportunities that's out there for them.

[Langston Kerman]

They also kind of oversaturated the market, though, because they did New Edition, then they did the Bobby Brown, which was also good. Amazing three movie series. But then they also had the Bobby. Like, they just kind of like. It's like, we only nine of these movies. There's a little bit.

[Jemele Hill]

Maybe we'll get that Ralph Trazpa at the biofit. We do.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what I want is a Shine movie. I've been saying for years, but they have a doc.

[Jemele Hill]

They don't have a movie.

[Langston Kerman]

But that's a film. That's a life worth of film, right? I think.

[Jemele Hill]

Yeah.

[David Burie]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm gonna be shy.

[David Burie]

I don't think I'm gonna be shy, man.

[Langston Kerman]

No.

[David Burie]

Thank you, though. That's cool. That's cool that you're leaving me in that way.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Burie]

I think I'm all good on being shy.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, that's right.

[Jemele Hill]

But I mean, the conspiracy theory with the Illuminati, the other thing, I also wonder about it, other than, like, what's the goal? What's the agenda is. Oh, you know what? Will Smith, he was another one that's supposed to be the Illuminati.

[David Burie]

100%. Yeah, he was an early. I would say early.

[Jemele Hill]

Yeah, he was an early favorite in the Illuminati.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, definitely. I think that's like the Smith family in general, I think, is like, maybe the number one thing.

[David Burie]

I think about when you think Illuminati.

[Jemele Hill]

About the Illuminati.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[David Burie]

I guess my question.

[Langston Kerman]

And that's also maybe my age as well, and, like, you know, me growing up, seeing Will Smith's catastrophic, you know, the whole rise.

[David Burie]

My question off of that, then, and this is for us at large, is, are we the ones that are making the Illuminati black? You know what I mean? That, like, are we. Because this is who we're consuming. That is the names we're circulating, rather than it being like, oh, everybody's. They have. They talk about the Illuminati in the white community. We're just not clocking in that like they do.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. I never hear them say anything about it.

[Jemele Hill]

I don't think that they. If they. Well, I'll tell you what I think. If they do put people in the Illuminati, if white people are out there, they're putting people like Elon Musk in the Illuminati.

[David Burie]

Sure.

[Jemele Hill]

Because. So your point is, like, we're putting all the entertainers. And maybe that's just because that's our obvious picture of wealth.

[David Burie]

Yeah, right.

[Jemele Hill]

It's like the one we're more familiar with, the sports figures, the entertainers, you know, that kind of thing. And for, like, white people, I think they would put in, like, Elon Musk

[David Burie]

or the Rothschilds or they're putting something like hot glue.

[Jemele Hill]

Exactly.

[David Burie]

And we like who. They're like, no, no, no, you don't get it. This motherfucker made glue hot. He's pretty much the richest man that ever was.

[Langston Kerman]

I have heard a lot of white people talk about the Rothschilds in a way that I don't love bringing it up on this podcast, to be honest.

[David Burie]

The Vanderbilts, you know what I mean?

[Langston Kerman]

Like, weird families, institutional American families, they

[Jemele Hill]

will put in the Illuminati. And I don't know if that refle. Just where we are as black people. The fact that we are putting, like, yes, Oprah. It's gotta be her. She's the richest black woman ever. You know what I'm saying?

[Langston Kerman]

But when we talk about these richer white families, I think there is also a level of, like, you know, there are presidents in the skull and bones or whatever. Like, all that kind of stuff is. Is that not Illuminati?

[David Burie]

Yeah.

[Jemele Hill]

Is Obama now Illuminati? Is Obama, I think.

[David Burie]

Absolutely.

[Langston Kerman]

I really can't tell you.

[Jemele Hill]

Undecided.

[Langston Kerman]

He's like, I waffle with him. I waffle with him.

[Jemele Hill]

Is it.

[David Burie]

You think he's. You think he's like, not. You think he's chilling?

[Langston Kerman]

I think I want him to be a good man so bad.

[David Burie]

Oh.

[Langston Kerman]

And I see. I see this current Jennifer Aniston situation, and I'm like, look, if he was in the.

[Jemele Hill]

Oh, shit, I forgot the conspiracy.

[Langston Kerman]

If he was in the Illuminati, they would have thrown him a friend. They give you a friend in the Illuminati. You get a friend if you're in the Illuminati.

[David Burie]

Right?

[Jemele Hill]

Do you mean like an actual member of the Friends cast, or do you mean just.

[Langston Kerman]

I mean, if you're in the black Illuminati, they let you fuck one of the friends.

[Jemele Hill]

Okay. I do think that I'm like Courtney Cox. What?

[David Burie]

Anyone?

[Langston Kerman]

Anyone?

[Jemele Hill]

Anyone?

[Langston Kerman]

It could be Joey. David Schwimmer. Is that David Schwimmer?

[Jemele Hill]

Yes. He's a friend.

[Langston Kerman]

He's a friend.

[David Burie]

He's a friend.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. I think you get a friend if you're in the illness.

[Jemele Hill]

Get a friend.

[Langston Kerman]

And it doesn't. We.

[David Burie]

Yeah. I think it would be absurd to call an American president somehow safe from the Illuminati, that he's, like, not tapping in over there.

[Langston Kerman]

You think every president was in the Illuminati?

[David Burie]

100%.

[Langston Kerman]

Jimmy Carter was in the Illuminati.

[Jemele Hill]

No way.

[David Burie]

Jimmy Carter.

[Langston Kerman]

Carter was not in the. Come on, let's.

[David Burie]

100%. That's.

[Jemele Hill]

If he were really in the Illuminati, he'd have lasted. He wouldn't be on that list of incumbents that lost.

[Langston Kerman]

The man was a bean farmer.

[David Burie]

I think that's why they got mad. Y' all have to remember that Jimmy Carter wasn't like, this groundbreaking dude right from the start.

[Langston Kerman]

Right?

[David Burie]

He came in and then started doing them fireside chats and acting funny and being weird to them, and they were like, hey, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Jemele Hill]

He was too human.

[Langston Kerman]

He was too human.

[David Burie]

He was seeing those meetings. He was experiencing what they were doing in there. And he was going, bro, I gotta talk to the people.

[Langston Kerman]

Right?

[David Burie]

This is crazy, right?

[Langston Kerman]

And then they were like, fine.

[David Burie]

You'll go.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, we don't care. Yeah, well, we wanted Billy anyways.

[David Burie]

Yeah, we'll replace Drunk brother.

[Langston Kerman]

Was Billy your brother who sold beer? You know he had that drunk brother who sold beer?

[Jemele Hill]

I remember that vaguely. I didn't remember his name. Every president.

[David Burie]

I don't.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't.

[David Burie]

Give me one who ain't.

[Jemele Hill]

I mean, I don't think JFK was in the Illuminati.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't think so.

[Jemele Hill]

Because if he was, he'd Be here.

[David Burie]

You think they don't let that shot get off? If the Illuminati.

[Jemele Hill]

I mean, if he was really part of the Illuminati.

[Langston Kerman]

Come on.

[Jemele Hill]

There's gotta be some protection in the Illuminati.

[David Burie]

I can't.

[Langston Kerman]

Camelot out. See what I'm saying, Right? Like, as far as. Like, I think there were.

[David Burie]

I guess what I'm saying is, I think that if the Illuminati is, in fact, this. This real co op, as we are now understanding it, that it is. It is like any co op where if you rub the wrong people wrong, you will find yourself put out quickly or upcharged or in debt, in danger in a way that you weren't previously.

[Jemele Hill]

I think if you've been assassinated, I don't think you've been a part of. Or the Illuminati didn't accept you, it was something you didn't do.

[Langston Kerman]

What if there was an attempt? You think the same thing?

[Jemele Hill]

No, I think that's just a scare tactic. Okay, then they're just trying to scare you into acting, right.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't think they would have let Trump in because he's a hillbilly. Mm. He's uncouth.

[Jemele Hill]

He is. But he also would try to come in on some wrecking ball shit. And they, like, we down in certain

[Langston Kerman]

order to our shit, but everybody rejects him. That's his whole get down. Right.

[David Burie]

I don't know, y'.

[Listener Caller]

All.

[Langston Kerman]

I think also, why are we talking about any Italians?

[Jemele Hill]

Any Illuminati?

[Langston Kerman]

It's. No. Okay. This is not. This is not.

[David Burie]

Hey, no, don't lose me right now, you playboy.

[Langston Kerman]

Don't lose me right now.

[David Burie]

Find your camera.

[Langston Kerman]

It's clearly an Italian word. It started in Italy. We have talked about no Italians.

[Jemele Hill]

And everyone.

[Langston Kerman]

That's crazy.

[David Burie]

Both of those things are not true.

[Langston Kerman]

It's an Italian word.

[David Burie]

I think it's a Latin word.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, that's different. I thought it was about. I thought it was Italian.

[David Burie]

Illuminati. I don't think it's that.

[Langston Kerman]

I thought it was started by the fetuccinis.

[Jemele Hill]

Yeah, I don't think.

[David Burie]

I don't think you're gonna find this on, like, a menu.

[Langston Kerman]

That's disappointing. I really thought it was based in Italy. I thought it was like La Costa Nostra. I thought it was started over there and came over here.

[Jemele Hill]

That sounds true, though.

[Langston Kerman]

That feels right.

[Jemele Hill]

Just say it feels that fel. Right. I was like.

[Langston Kerman]

I was sitting here. I was like, no one Italian. This is crazy.

[Jemele Hill]

Sorry. What can I say?

[Langston Kerman]

But it did start in Europe. It didn't start here.

[David Burie]

That is true. And maybe this is a good segue for us to we're going to take a break and when we come back, I did some research on the Illuminati that I I'd like to discuss and we can. We can see if we can come to a conclusion on this old thing

[Langston Kerman]

and we can find where the Italians are.

[David Burie]

Find those Italians. We know you're in there. We'll be back with more Jamel Hill. More My Mama Told Me.

[Langston Kerman]

Amazon Health AI presents Painful Thoughts why did I search the Internet for answers to my cold sore problem?

[David Burie]

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[David Burie]

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I can clear my search history, but I can never unsee that.

[Langston Kerman]

Don't go down the rabbit hole. Amazon Health AI gets you the right care fast.

[David Burie]

Healthcare just got less painful.

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[Kel Penn]

Hey, everyone, it's Cal Penn. I'm the host of Irsay The Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. This week on the podcast, I am sitting down with Ray Porter, the narrator of Andy Weir's audiobook project, Hail Mary Massive sci fi adventure about survival and science and what happens when you wake up alone, very far from Earth.

[Ray Porter]

I really had to make a decision because I caught myself getting that frog in my throat and starting to get teary as I'm narrating some of these sections, and it's like, okay, yo, yo, yo. Is this indulgent? And I really thought about it. I was like, no. At this point, it would kind of be betraying the trust the author and the listener have in telling this story if I don't go through it. But there's places in this book that have that deeply, emotionally affected me. And I left it on the mic. That's great, because it served the story. People will say, like, oh, my God, I cried at the end. It's like, yeah, dude, me too.

[Kel Penn]

Listen to Hearsay, the Audible and iHeart audiobook club on the iHeartradio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[David Burie]

But we're gonna do this respectfully. Otherwise will end in a duel. And I mean a duel. Real life duel, where only one person walks away. We can meet with guns, bottles, knives, or books and equations, but we're gonna do this like men.

[Langston Kerman]

So get ready and get ready for this. Langston did some research on the Illuminati.

[Jemele Hill]

I'm just imagining an equation. Fight. That's what I was thinking of. I was like, my ex versus your Y. What you gonna do?

[Langston Kerman]

Gravel. Parabola.

[Jemele Hill]

Jesus. Time.

[David Burie]

Yeah, they're both curved. That's pretty cool. He's the funniest man. I don't know. He's really, really pretty much the greatest guy. We got close, Jamel. I did some research. We were talking about the Italian roots of the Illuminati moments ago, but the Illuminati is actually Bavarian. It originally started in Bavaria.

[Jemele Hill]

Okay.

[David Burie]

It was a secret society that operated from 1776 to 1785.

[Jemele Hill]

That sounded a long run.

[Langston Kerman]

That is not a long run. Is it just a coincidence that it started when America started? Whoa.

[Jemele Hill]

There you go, connecting the dots.

[Langston Kerman]

Right?

[David Burie]

Okay. I don't know that I ever thought about that. I don't know why it's 1776, but it did start exactly when America started. They had some shit going before they died.

[Jemele Hill]

Started as an interesting word.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Burie]

This wasn't like a vacant parking lot.

[Langston Kerman]

They had some.

[Jemele Hill]

Hey, no start America right there. There you go.

[Langston Kerman]

Nobody's there.

[Jemele Hill]

So did they disclose who was in the Bavarian Illuminati?

[David Burie]

So it was started by a dude named Adam Weishaupt.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm out.

[David Burie]

You don't like that? That rubs you wrong.

[Langston Kerman]

I thought it was Freddy Spaghetti and them. The idea that it's a bunch of German dudes just doesn't.

[David Burie]

That'.

[Langston Kerman]

This doesn't seem nearly as interesting as I thought.

[David Burie]

A German lawmaker who believed strongly in Enlightenment ideals and specifically worked to promote the principles among the elites. So it was trying to get Enlightenment to the elite class of society always

[Langston Kerman]

works well when Germans go that way.

[Jemele Hill]

It's such an amazing track record. Amazing.

[David Burie]

Three for three. You say we, not the goat, but three for three.

[Langston Kerman]

This is racist. Like, as soon as you started talking about this, I was like, oh, this isn't even sexy anymore.

[David Burie]

All right.

[Langston Kerman]

The Illuminati, I thought it was a bunch of suave

[David Burie]

in those cloaks, but they're naked underneath, and you're like, damn, this kind of nasty. Y' all get down.

[Langston Kerman]

I didn't think about it. Any of them eating sausages?

[David Burie]

Yeah. Nah, this is goofy shit. It was a part of a European intellectual movement of the 17th and 18th century that emphasized an individualism and reasoning over tradition, which I will say then kind of makes me feel like at least what people claim about the Illuminati makes sense.

[Langston Kerman]

Right?

[David Burie]

That their intentions are, like, gaining individual power beyond reason. Like, beyond, like, I mean, some talented 10 shit, basically.

[Jemele Hill]

Right. But in that case, I mean, it might have been even less than 10% that they were trying to appeal these ideals to. So does it. Does it say beyond that? Like, what, were they trying to take over the world? Or they were just. Just trying to enlighten the rich people. And then I'm like, enlighten them to do what?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, also, you set a hard end date, which makes me wonder. Like, they just were like, they quit.

[David Burie]

Yeah. So it.

[Langston Kerman]

They were like, nah.

[Jemele Hill]

They're like, this kind of didn't work out.

[Langston Kerman]

We tried it. We tried it.

[David Burie]

Y' all just want to stop calling each other that, right?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, no, we still meet up.

[David Burie]

We just. You ain't got to call me Mr. No More. It's cool. We friends here.

[Jemele Hill]

Illuminati.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay. It's just Rick. All right, it's just Rick now.

[David Burie]

So the group originally started with six to nine guys, and at its largest grew to somewhere between. And this is a pretty big range. 650 to 2,500 people.

[Langston Kerman]

That's a huge wow.

[Jemele Hill]

That's. That is not as indiscriminate as it seems like it should be.

[David Burie]

No. And you would think the Illuminati would have a clearer track if they had. But maybe that speaks to some of, like how it becomes this larger lore. Right. Is that because they don't know exactly if it's 650 or 2500? Everybody becomes a weird suspect of this organization that didn't really do shit.

[Langston Kerman]

That's what I was gonna ask. What are their notable accomplishments? Cause it just still sounds like kind of some shitty rich guys hanging out. Like, did they get anything done? They get some books.

[David Burie]

What's weird is the Illuminati, at least in the beginning, was largely opposed to the ruling class. Like it was meant to be like.

[Jemele Hill]

Like anti establishment.

[Listener Caller]

Yeah.

[David Burie]

Anti establishment shit. And they were closer to like anonymous, you know what I mean? Like Skull and Bones type shit. And then eventually found themselves shifting, I think in part because you can't get the elite together without them protecting a large. Right. That's the danger of capitalism, as we talk about it is like, I make money and then I start to build a community with people who make money. And I can't fuck up your money. No, I gotta be cool and like, not. Not do bad things to your money, even though I know your money is nasty.

[Langston Kerman]

I can't even really disrupt the system in a real way.

[Jemele Hill]

No. So that they clearly weren't trying to disrupt the system. They were just trying to overtake it and be more powerful.

[David Burie]

Which is.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Jemele Hill]

Disappointing.

[Langston Kerman]

Huh? It was way better as Italians.

[Jemele Hill]

Who would be the lead Italian in the Italian Illuminati?

[David Burie]

That's a good question. And I'm talking about.

[Langston Kerman]

Are we talking about current days?

[Jemele Hill]

You do current day. I mean, look, I think the fascists

[Langston Kerman]

were in there, right? Mussolini was probably.

[Jemele Hill]

Oh, Mussolini.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay, sure.

[Jemele Hill]

Yeah.

[David Burie]

Now give us a fun one. Go ahead and throw a fun one in there.

[Langston Kerman]

I mean, there's so many fun ones. They're such a musical people. They're such a light hearted

[Jemele Hill]

Sinatra.

[Langston Kerman]

I think Fellini. I think Fellini was probably.

[David Burie]

You're thinking of like over there. Italians.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, I was not thinking of ours.

[Jemele Hill]

Oh, you weren't thinking about Americans?

[Langston Kerman]

I wasn't thinking of ours. No, no, no.

[Jemele Hill]

Like a combination, like Pavarotti.

[David Burie]

I thought you were gonna be like Guy Fieri and the Illuminati.

[Langston Kerman]

That's why you said Tony Danza. You were Tony Danza.

[David Burie]

What?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Burie]

That money kept him safe. He did something right. You know what I mean? He had a right person pocket.

[Langston Kerman]

Tony Danza is probably caked up, though, right?

[David Burie]

He's caked up syndication in the 80s.

[Jemele Hill]

He's in the power universe.

[David Burie]

And that's. And that's what makes me think Illuminati, because something changed.

[Jemele Hill]

Something went wrong.

[David Burie]

This isn't the Tony dance that we grew up with. What the fuck is he doing over there? Unless he burned a bridge.

[Langston Kerman]

Is his name a Tony on Power, too?

[Jemele Hill]

No, I feel like it's not. I feel like it's something else.

[David Burie]

I hope his name is Tony in everything he does.

[Langston Kerman]

That's amazing.

[David Burie]

Wasn't it in Taxi, too? He was Tony in Taxi.

[Langston Kerman]

He was Tony.

[Jemele Hill]

Oh, my God.

[Langston Kerman]

I think that's the way to get into show business.

[David Burie]

That's a flex.

[Langston Kerman]

Really? Really? That. That would be great.

[David Burie]

They were like, bro, we can't even imagine you different.

[Langston Kerman]

You got to be Tony.

[David Burie]

You got to be Tony Tony.

[Jemele Hill]

But he's allowed to be different types of Tony.

[David Burie]

That's true.

[Jemele Hill]

Because he was, like, the. The goofball, like, dummy in Taxi right then.

[Langston Kerman]

He was very different from who's the Boss?

[Jemele Hill]

Very different from who's the Boss. It took him, like, 35 years to finally get with Judith Light, like, hooked

[David Burie]

up to the boss. He was like. Like, more smooth talking.

[Jemele Hill]

Yeah, smooth talking, but yet a very progressive man for the time.

[David Burie]

He was progressive.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, because he worked in the house?

[Jemele Hill]

Cause he was. Yeah, he was the house manager, if you will. And.

[David Burie]

And he protected those women.

[Jemele Hill]

He did.

[David Burie]

He really, like, was like, no, I believe in y'. All.

[Jemele Hill]

Raise a single dad raising.

[David Burie]

Yes. He was like, I'm dumb, so. You're right.

[Jemele Hill]

You're right. Exactly.

[David Burie]

That was his whole thing, every episode.

[Langston Kerman]

I didn't really care for him on that show as a Mona guy.

[Jemele Hill]

Whoa. Oh, really?

[David Burie]

Yeah. Mona was a baddie.

[Jemele Hill]

She was spicy.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. No, it's like the same. I was a Blanche guy as well.

[Jemele Hill]

It's like a. Oh, you like the spicier.

[Langston Kerman]

That's the word for you.

[Jemele Hill]

You like spicy white.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Jemele Hill]

Okay, I got it.

[Langston Kerman]

I think that I like older women who like to entertain.

[Jemele Hill]

Seasoned. Yes, Seasoned ladies of spice.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Burie]

I will say that Blanche's stories always felt like the life most lived.

[Langston Kerman]

Yes.

[David Burie]

Like everybody else, they'd recount the story, and it's like, ah, that's kind of sad.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, yeah. And Dorothy would be like, oh, what time in Minnesota's like, bitch, shut up, Blanche, out. You're fucking. Like, I don't care what you have to say.

[Jemele Hill]

Oh, wait, no, that was Betty White. That Was Rose. Because she was from St. Olive. Rose was from Minnesota.

[David Burie]

Blanche was the big old sad one.

[Langston Kerman]

No, no, no, no, no, no. You're talking about Bea Arthur.

[Jemele Hill]

Bea Arthur. Blanche was the. Dorothy was the big old sandwich.

[David Burie]

Yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Blanche had. She had a guy named Big Daddy for a while.

[David Burie]

She was going crazy.

[Jemele Hill]

Blanche was a city girl.

[Langston Kerman]

That's what I liked.

[Jemele Hill]

Like, I mean, and, you know, that's my thing. She's in Miami. But, you know, when you watch Golden Girls, it is like, it was ahead of its time in so many ways. And, like, some of the episodes you forget about, like, some of the. The deeper, like, social justice kind of episodes they had. Like, when Blanche. I think her brother was gay. That was one.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Jemele Hill]

Yes, her brother was gay. Then they did a racial. They did a racial one, but I'm

[David Burie]

pretty sure they did a few racial ones.

[Jemele Hill]

They did a couple racial ones, and I was like, look at Golden Girl.

[David Burie]

Yeah, they.

[Langston Kerman]

By the way, I think that's the best setup for a television show is give me whatever and then let me see them face everything I don't want to see. Not everything has to be this niche group and only what they experience. Yeah. I don't mind. Just, like, give me five people and then have it all happen to them. Like, I like that.

[David Burie]

You know, I do, too. Carmichael's show did a good job of that.

[Langston Kerman]

They did.

[David Burie]

Hey, this just is happening in this area, so y' all gotta. Y' all gotta deal with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's nice when it feels like they're living in the same world that we live in.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Jemele Hill]

So you. No love for Sofia, like, that was.

[Langston Kerman]

She was funny. She was funny. She was funny.

[David Burie]

She was very wonderful.

[Langston Kerman]

She was cutting. I. I liked that.

[David Burie]

They never really wrote any story for.

[Jemele Hill]

That's what I'm saying.

[Langston Kerman]

She never had much to do. She never had much.

[Jemele Hill]

I mean, she was just there, really to roast people.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Jemele Hill]

That was, like, effectively every once in

[David Burie]

a while, she admits something to Bea Arthur that, like, kind of rounded out the character, but, like, it wasn't.

[Jemele Hill]

That wasn't her.

[David Burie]

It wasn't a lot. You know what I mean?

[Langston Kerman]

She was the oldest lady. You know, it was hard.

[David Burie]

But she was also the youngest lady

[Langston Kerman]

in real life, right?

[Jemele Hill]

In real life, yeah.

[David Burie]

She caught a bad one.

[Jemele Hill]

The recent. They didn't do it dirty, though.

[Langston Kerman]

That is crazy.

[David Burie]

Yeah.

[Jemele Hill]

And then I remember it would freak me out when I would see her not in the Golden Girls, like, you know, get up, and I was like, oh, my gosh. She's like, 30 years younger than the character she's playing. Like, she's still around now.

[Langston Kerman]

No.

[Jemele Hill]

No, she's not.

[David Burie]

Yeah, I think they're all gone.

[Jemele Hill]

Yeah, I think they're all.

[David Burie]

Damn. Betty White was the last one. Betty White died in, what, 99.

[Jemele Hill]

99. Yeah.

[David Burie]

I mean, you guys asked the question, and I do have an answer to it, but maybe we should take the. Well, no, no, we'll do this. Before we do the break, the question of how the Illuminati got broken up. In 1785, the Duke of Bavaria banned all secret societies, and the Illuminati was, quote, unquote, wiped out. Now, in 1798, though, this is where it gets exciting. In 1798, George Washington. Yeah. He was like, hey, don't do that.

[Jemele Hill]

What kind of Illuminati is that? Right?

[Langston Kerman]

Italians would never.

[David Burie]

Would never.

[Jemele Hill]

Tony Danza never would never.

[Langston Kerman]

Come on.

[David Burie]

He was the boss.

[Langston Kerman]

He was the boss.

[David Burie]

Well, it's just. Who was it? We don't know.

[Langston Kerman]

But Angelo was one of the bosses.

[Jemele Hill]

He was one, at least. Exactly.

[David Burie]

But in 1798, George Washington wrote a letter about the Illuminati where he speculated that the threat had largely been beaten, but mentioned the group helped their infamy by sort of like, not being clearly wiped out. That, like, he said, they had largely been beaten, but left enough space in whatever he was saying that it started to build lore around the Illuminati, and a few other guys after that start to do something similar where they'll, like, acknowledge its existence, but not fully be like, it's stupid, it's old. It doesn't exist anymore.

[Jemele Hill]

There's a lot of questions there because those original Illuminatis have descendants, Right? Where did those descendants wind up? And, you know, especially, I imagine everybody wasn't down to just end the Illuminati. So they might have been teaching another Illuminati class. How to Illuminati.

[David Burie]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Well, okay. And that's my question, though, is what is how to Illuminati? Cause still sounds like they ain't on shit.

[David Burie]

I mean, but if you got.

[Langston Kerman]

What if they got. What if they. What are they doing?

[David Burie]

If you got the President of the United States writing letters.

[Jemele Hill]

I got a point about presidents, Right.

[David Burie]

You're a mover and shaker. And yes, George Washington acknowledging it means he was part of the Illuminati. He was a part of the Illuminati. And I stand behind her original statement.

[Jemele Hill]

I feel like Andrew Jackson was too

[David Burie]

loose to be real.

[Jemele Hill]

Like, they would be like, we good

[David Burie]

on that one, I think they liked him the most. I think they were like, look, I say crazy. This does it. That's cool.

[Jemele Hill]

I mean, he was a drunk. He was a gambler.

[David Burie]

He was walking down the street shooting people in the head.

[Langston Kerman]

He didn't give a.

[Jemele Hill]

That's true.

[David Burie]

That's. That's a.

[Jemele Hill]

Tell me they let old stale ass Rutherford be Hayes up in the Illuminati.

[Langston Kerman]

Come on. There's some boring ones.

[Jemele Hill]

Some boring ones that you gonna be like, we can't. Warren G. Harding.

[David Burie]

I think they had a big orangey bathtub.

[Langston Kerman]

They had a big talk with tap captain.

[David Burie]

I think they talked to him.

[Langston Kerman]

This man did other stuff. I think they said he wasn't just a fat guy. I think they said he was a president. Respect him. That's all we talk about is the dub with that guy.

[David Burie]

They said, hey, man, you're doing something real nasty to your situation and we gotta be better. And he said, I'm sorry, I will. And I think he did some stuff. I think you're right. You probably did some stuff. But we're gonna remember that bad thing.

[Langston Kerman]

No, we don't. I don't know what he did. What's the most. What is his biggest legacy as a president?

[David Burie]

Bathtub and mustache. That's what I know, bro.

[Langston Kerman]

We don't know anything. We don't know anything. That man did.

[Jemele Hill]

You are right about abe Laker.

[David Burie]

Illuminati 100%.

[Langston Kerman]

But he was black.

[David Burie]

He got shot by a celebrity.

[Langston Kerman]

Was John Wilkes Booth the celebrity?

[David Burie]

He was like the Brad Pitt of that generation.

[Jemele Hill]

Rapid shot Bray.

[David Burie]

Pitt shot the president.

[Langston Kerman]

I knew he was an actor, but he was that guy.

[David Burie]

He was that guy dog.

[Jemele Hill]

Oh, okay. I thought he was just some struggling. Didn't nobody know who he was.

[David Burie]

This was Timothee Chalamet climbing up there and shooting the president.

[Langston Kerman]

Was he tiny, too?

[David Burie]

I don't know. Timothy Chalamet's actually pretty tall.

[Langston Kerman]

Really? Yeah.

[David Burie]

He's like 6ft. 6ft tall.

[Langston Kerman]

I thought he was a little guy.

[David Burie]

Nah, that's a big dude. That's how he has all that confidence.

[Langston Kerman]

That's not nearly as good of a story.

[David Burie]

Oh, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I think I thought he was like. I thought he was tiny. Dynamite. Like a little firecracker.

[David Burie]

You thought he was above all odds I will succeed.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I thought he was just like a little baby guy.

[David Burie]

Nope. Just a tall, handsome, sexy dude.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, so he's a tall guy who's having it says we're modeling. That's not even cool.

[David Burie]

Yeah. Nah, it's pretty Sick. Oh, my God.

[Jemele Hill]

The things you learn. I know Lincoln, but it's the whole, you know, him ending slavery thing, sort of, kind of.

[David Burie]

I think that could be the argument.

[Langston Kerman]

Sure.

[Jemele Hill]

It's like, may. Maybe it's, you know, the Illuminati not being down with that said, you know what?

[David Burie]

Imagine how many people's money he fucked up.

[Jemele Hill]

Exactly. A lot.

[Langston Kerman]

Half the country.

[David Burie]

And you fucked it up in a way where, like, I ain't never gonna see that again.

[Langston Kerman]

No, because they knew how sweet they. I mean, listen, free labor is like. Like, they were like, this is.

[Jemele Hill]

I mean. And the reparations, again, wasn't shit compared to, like, what they lost. Right.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't know. Put myself in the mindset of them, but they must have been like, yes,

[Jemele Hill]

channel your inner slave.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm just saying. I'm just saying. To get free labor is like. You must have been like. And you came over here and stole the land anyways. You must have been like, this is never going to stop. And then somebody coming and being like, no, you have to try to kill him.

[David Burie]

It's crazy.

[Langston Kerman]

You got to try to kill him.

[David Burie]

I'd shoot my brother for it.

[Jemele Hill]

Frederick died Douglas. Illuminati.

[David Burie]

I think Frederick Douglass. Absolutely Illuminati.

[Langston Kerman]

Come on, man.

[David Burie]

I think he married a white woman. He married a white woman. Immediately.

[Jemele Hill]

Immediately.

[Langston Kerman]

He had a black lady. He did.

[Jemele Hill]

And he was like. You know, he got narratives.

[David Burie]

He had a black lady, but to

[Jemele Hill]

do that during that time, and he was like, that's some Illuminati shit right there.

[Langston Kerman]

Baby, I. Yeah, he felt. He felt untouchable.

[David Burie]

He was like, baby, I don't know how to explain this to you, but we can't be together no more. Your hands, they got scars on them. I can't. Oh, I gotta move on.

[Jemele Hill]

See the keloids? Like.

[David Burie]

Yeah, that's not.

[Jemele Hill]

That's not where he was.

[David Burie]

Look. Cause if I take you to dinner, to Mr. Chow's, they gonna see it on your fingers.

[Jemele Hill]

They gonna know.

[David Burie]

They gonna know. I can't.

[Jemele Hill]

Unfortunate. Unfortunate. Do you think there's been a lot of black leaders, political leaders, who've been. Other than. I mean, not counting Obama, like, who would put him behind.

[Langston Kerman]

Wait, I have one Al Sharpton.

[Jemele Hill]

Illuminati.

[David Burie]

You think Al Sharpton's Illuminati?

[Langston Kerman]

No, I'm asking how you feel.

[David Burie]

Oh, I don't think Al Sharpton's in the Illuminati.

[Jemele Hill]

I don't think Al Sharp, man.

[David Burie]

I think Al Sharp.

[Langston Kerman]

Who fun is there?

[David Burie]

Happy to be there.

[Langston Kerman]

Whose Fun is there. Whose fun there? Who's fun?

[David Burie]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jemele Hill]

Is there, like, a comedian in there? Is like, Eddie Murphy.

[David Burie]

Oh, Eddie Murphy's in the Illuminati.

[Langston Kerman]

Eddie Murphy. Murphy.

[David Burie]

I think Eddie Murphy's in the Illuminati.

[Jemele Hill]

He's Illuminati material.

[David Burie]

He makes reggae albums. He's so free. You know what I mean? Like, you have. That's a level of, like, evolves.

[Jemele Hill]

He's still peaceful.

[David Burie]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

He seems so zen.

[David Burie]

I think they. He may have been one of those hires where it just was clear from the beginning. Eddie, we're not gonna ask too much of you. We like your vibe.

[Langston Kerman]

You're just so talented.

[David Burie]

We like what you can do for sort of public manipulation. We're not gonna ask too much of you.

[Jemele Hill]

Could he have been like an honorary Illuminati?

[David Burie]

I think it might be that.

[Jemele Hill]

Yeah. Like, when you get an honorary degree, honorary memorial.

[David Burie]

That's how Bill Cosby is a doctor. Yeah, exactly.

[Jemele Hill]

There you go. He's honorary Illuminati.

[Listener Caller]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

That's really probably the best position as a black man is the honorary.

[Jemele Hill]

Yeah. I think it has to be too committed.

[David Burie]

Yeah.

[Jemele Hill]

And you didn't have to go through the same ritual process that maybe the other ones did.

[Langston Kerman]

That's what I think. I think Eddie Murphy, they were like, hey, just pick somebody up on the street one time. We're going to catch you, humiliate you a little bit.

[David Burie]

Or maybe he rubbed somebody wrong and they were like, we got to do a humiliation ritual.

[Langston Kerman]

Sorry. Look, love you.

[David Burie]

You're so funny. Come on.

[Langston Kerman]

Yes, but the clumps, I loved it.

[David Burie]

But you did. You said some nasty things about him. So we're gonna have to. Yeah.

[Jemele Hill]

I feel like Sammy Davis Jr. Would have been in a little bit.

[Langston Kerman]

I think definitely.

[Jemele Hill]

I think definitely from an entertainer, fun guy like this.

[David Burie]

This is actually my favorite.

[Langston Kerman]

You heard him talking about the devil? Yeah. The.

[David Burie]

Eddie Murphy tells that story.

[Langston Kerman]

Eddie Murphy tells a story where he's like, in a limousine with Sammy Davis, and out of nowhere, they're at dinner. They're at dinner. And Sammy Davis Jr. Is like. Like, you know, the devil's just as powerful as God.

[Jemele Hill]

Right.

[David Burie]

And Eddie goes. Eddie goes, what? And then Sammy goes, oh, nothing.

[Jemele Hill]

See, that's some Illuminati. That's it. Where do you take the conversation when somebody says that? What's the follow up to that?

[Langston Kerman]

Okay, that's my problem, though, is I keep asking.

[Jemele Hill]

Oh, you. You would have interchanged.

[Langston Kerman]

I have to know because now I

[Jemele Hill]

got to know where this came from.

[David Burie]

And to bring us full circle. This is why I'm so scared of Tyler Perry, is because I would find myself at that table being like, you know who's so funny? Sammy Davis Jr. I would be like, he's the coolest guy and we should hang out with him every week. And now suddenly I'm worshiping the devil just cause I want to be around this funny ass dude. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Just cause it's hilarious.

[David Burie]

That's such a funny way to talk about the devil.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Burie]

To be like, you know he's just as powerful as Jesus, right? What? I don't know,

[Jemele Hill]

Sammy, on that shit, like, what's going on?

[Langston Kerman]

What did you say, Sammy? Ye.

[Jemele Hill]

It's either one of two reactions. Either you ask more questions as you seem to do, or I'm like the piano player in Color Purple where I'm just packing my shit immediately and be like, it was nice and I'm out. Because like, I don't know where you're going after that.

[Langston Kerman]

That's smarter. That's much smarter.

[David Burie]

Yeah, I just. I don't know how to pack up. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I mean, I want to know. Too bad. I like weird people too much.

[David Burie]

Yeah. I'm gonna stick around for a while.

[Jemele Hill]

I mean, I made it for the story nine times out of ten.

[David Burie]

Yeah.

[Jemele Hill]

But I'm like, eh, maybe this one I don't need to hear.

[David Burie]

The last piece of information that I'll give you as it relates to the black Illuminati. Well, the Illuminati at large, let's say that while this secret society is proven to have existed and for generations they have not figured out ways to land down exactly what or who the Illuminati is to the larger point that we talked about in terms of it being celebrities that always get brought up. The American Legislative Exchange Council, ALEC is essentially that of businesses and tycoons and people. It is like a secret organization that focuses on sort of like this collective hive mind. How do we strategize to keep all of these businesses and people afloat? There's an active business or organization in front of us that is the Illuminati. We're wasting our time getting distracted, in

[Langston Kerman]

my opinion, by the black one.

[David Burie]

By accusing Beyonce.

[Jemele Hill]

By the celebrity one.

[David Burie]

Right.

[Jemele Hill]

We need to be on the.

[Langston Kerman]

There's a group.

[Jemele Hill]

There is. To your point about how. How come the experts. How come the experts are the major billionaires that are black people? How come you know that in the business world, how come they aren't put in the Illuminati? It's Kind of. It's kind of like when they. From a government standpoint, when they want to create black policies or.

[David Burie]

Yeah, yes.

[Jemele Hill]

They never bring the social scientists. They're like, you know what? Let's call Ice Cube. Why? No offense, but you know, the shoot

[Langston Kerman]

makes me feel crazy.

[Jemele Hill]

Yes.

[Langston Kerman]

It's like when you talk to a rapper about anything. Yeah. I love rap music, but I'm just saying, like, there are people who just go to school for stuff.

[Jemele Hill]

Yes. I mean, strangely enough, they have degrees on their lives or they've been on the grassroots in that field. It's like, well, we want to figure out how to, you know, reshape mass and incarceration. Let's call 50 cents.

[David Burie]

Like, what if I had 100 numbers in my phone, Ice Cube would not be on the list of people I would send. And that's not. We were just thinking highly of him yesterday. But what the fuck does this nigga know that's going to be helpful towards like true change?

[Jemele Hill]

Correct. They never call experts. But it's like always like, you know, in charge of hood. It's like, what the fuck are we?

[Langston Kerman]

Why it's so disrespectful to just like it's so disrespectful. You know what I mean? Just to think of that and to

[David Burie]

the larger point, it makes me feel like we are in some ways creating our own narrative by continuing to accuse our own of being in these secret societies when in fact Beyonce's not in the secret society. The company that owns the record label that Beyonce is under is in the secret society. You know what I mean? Like, that is. She's as much a product of what they want.

[Langston Kerman]

Right.

[David Burie]

And maybe you can argue that she is. She is being handled by the Illuminati, but certainly she's not like at a meeting.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. I mean, it's also like as front facing as they are, celebrities are the tip of the iceberg for whatever money that there is being funneled into that. Right?

[David Burie]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

None of them run the industries that give them that.

[David Burie]

They're always the poorest person in first class.

[Langston Kerman]

Exactly, exactly.

[Jemele Hill]

This felt like a. Remember how NBC used to have. The more, you know, I just feel like a rainbow should just come over right now. Trek.

[Langston Kerman]

The more.

[David Burie]

You know, Alec. Yes. Alec is the devil.

[Jemele Hill]

So it's like it feels like we need to get our alignment Illuminati game up. That we have been greatly underestimating our people. Like we're throwing all these celebrities in there. It's like, so what I have learned today Is that if I'm thinking about the Illuminati, I'm going to eliminate the celebrities. I'm going to immediately put, like, Robert Smith in there, the multi billionaire and other people. Melody Hopson.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Byron Allen.

[Jemele Hill]

There we go. Yes. Let's bring some power and some economic muscle to our Illuminati.

[Langston Kerman]

And also because we're in here having these ideas. Us. Okay. Yeah, I think. Right. And we're restarting.

[David Burie]

I think you're actually moving backwards in terms of the argument.

[Langston Kerman]

No, I'm just saying. But, like, if we're restarting it up,

[David Burie]

I think if we can luckily get Byron Allen on the podcast, we can ask him straight up, like, what's the.

[Jemele Hill]

You in the Illuminati or not?

[David Burie]

And can we join your Illuminati honorary

[Langston Kerman]

Eddie Murphy style, man.

[Jemele Hill]

Yeah, Eddie Murphy does feel like an honorary Illuminati.

[David Burie]

100%.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, definitely. Definitely.

[David Burie]

You know, they're replacing After Midnight with his show.

[Langston Kerman]

Let's go. His show that he built himself by buying that dog shit airtime.

[David Burie]

But it's comics unleashed reruns. He bought the airtime four After Midnight to show his show that he don't even make no more.

[Jemele Hill]

So funny.

[Langston Kerman]

That's so funny.

[Jemele Hill]

That's genius and petty. I like the. I like the combination.

[David Burie]

He's just going to be sitting across from dead men. Do you know what I mean? Half these comedians ain't even with us no more.

[Langston Kerman]

No, he's not like, so dead fan. I heard you. I heard you got into a funny altercation at a McDonald's.

[Jemele Hill]

Hey, yo, did he just get some money from them at McDonald's?

[Langston Kerman]

That fan did.

[Jemele Hill]

No, no. Pirate Allen,

[Langston Kerman]

like, yes.

[Jemele Hill]

You got it, man. Keep.

[David Burie]

Keep fighting.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, he did. He got a bunch of money from that.

[Jemele Hill]

He sued them for racial discrimination.

[Langston Kerman]

Byron Allen sued McDonald's, like nine, nine, nine figures type money.

[Jemele Hill]

Like, yo, he got crazy. I don't even know the details. I was just reading about that, why he got it. I was like, what the did he sue him for?

[David Burie]

You could sue McDonald's.

[Jemele Hill]

Hey, hey.

[Langston Kerman]

I think. I think at the end of the day, I think we all have to give it up. Byron Allen.

[Jemele Hill]

Byron Allen.

[Langston Kerman]

Allen, one of the greatest of all time.

[Jemele Hill]

Let's put him on a secret ballot to be president of the Illuminati.

[David Burie]

Yeah, come on.

[Jemele Hill]

The new black Illuminati. That's what we got now.

[David Burie]

I like what you're thinking. Absolutely. And I think for anybody at home who's been wondering who's in the Illuminati, who. Who are our real threats? Both serve and feel threatened by renal and the lights.

[Jemele Hill]

There it is.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Jemele Hill]

Yeah, there it is.

[David Burie]

Jamel, we're gonna take one more break.

[Jemele Hill]

I'm in.

[David Burie]

And then we're gonna do a voicemail. But this. I think we solved it.

[Langston Kerman]

I think we figured it out.

[David Burie]

I think everybody feels good.

[Ray Porter]

So.

[David Burie]

More Jemele Hill. More My Mama Told Me.

[Langston Kerman]

Amazon Pharmacy presents Painful Thoughts of course

[David Burie]

I see my co worker in light at the pharmacy.

[Kel Penn]

Can he tell I'm picking up prescription hemorrhoid cream?

[David Burie]

I'm probably standing weird.

[Jemele Hill]

Why is he smiling?

[David Burie]

He knows he's gonna call me Hemorrhoid Lloyd tomorrow. I know it. I gotta quit my job.

[Langston Kerman]

Next time, avoid awkward conversations and get fast free delivery with Amazon Pharmacy. Healthcare just got less painful.

[Cindy Crawford]

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[Kel Penn]

Hey everyone, it's Cal Penn. I'm the host of Irsay the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. This week on the podcast, I am sitting down with Ray Porter, the narrator of Andy Weir's audiobook project Hail Mary. Massive sci fi adventure about survival and science and what happens when you wake up alone, very far from Earth.

[Ray Porter]

I really had to make a decision because I caught myself getting that frog in my throat and starting to get teary as I'm narrating some of these sections and it's like, okay, yo, yo, yo, is this indulgent? And I really thought about it. I was like, no, at this point it would kind of be betraying the trust the author and the listener have in telling this story, if I don't go through it. But there's places in this book that. That deeply, emotionally affected me. And I left it on the mic. That's great because it served the story. People will say like, oh, my God, I cried at the end. It's like, yeah, dude, me too.

[Kel Penn]

Listen to Hearsay the Audible and iHeart audiobook club on the iHeartradio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[David Burie]

Give him a little something. Go ahead, break it down.

[Jemele Hill]

When you really break it down, we're just two honks and a Negro serving the Lord. We're just two honks and a Negro singing our song.

[Langston Kerman]

And we're just not gonna comment on that last clip. We're back. I do love that clip, though.

[David Burie]

That's a great clip. Have you seen that clip?

[Jemele Hill]

What is that from?

[Langston Kerman]

It's the group DC Talk on Arsenio Hal.

[Jemele Hill]

Oh, DC Talk. Yeah. I loosely remember the name.

[David Burie]

Arsenio walks up and he goes, hey, come on, y', all, sing something for us. And then. And they go, yeah, we got you.

[Langston Kerman]

I think he says, who are you? Tell him who you are.

[David Burie]

Like that.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then this underwater black man and these two white men sing that to Arsenio in Arsenio. The funniest part is he gets it. So they're singing it and Arsenio is just singing like.

[David Burie]

He like, immediately is like, nah, this is it.

[Jemele Hill]

Not what I had in mind.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, so you didn't do what you thought you did here?

[David Burie]

Yeah, that's crazy. You're being crazy. And in particular, like, they all like, hit that, like that 90s ass.

[Jemele Hill]

Like, oh, they had that. That little sort of weird pop lock. Yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Cuz it goes longer. O, yeah, yeah. Two hunks and a Negro. It's rough.

[Jemele Hill]

Then they add some soul to it.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, that's a bad day.

[David Burie]

No, it's pretty crazy.

[Langston Kerman]

They were a Christian group, right?

[David Burie]

I have to assume so.

[Langston Kerman]

I think they were a Christian group.

[David Burie]

I don't think there's any other way.

[Jemele Hill]

It only makes that funnier.

[Langston Kerman]

It's so much funnier.

[David Burie]

I think that was non denominational Christianity.

[Jemele Hill]

I mean, it did have that tone.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. But I think also that was a play from a Christian record label executive who's like, we're gonna cross you over into the black market. We got you on Arsinio. He said it wrong and he was like, here's what you're gonna sing.

[David Burie]

I don't disagree.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Burie]

Anyways, we got A voicemail from one of our listeners. Let's see what they talking about.

[Langston Kerman]

They're probably drunk, so, you know.

[Listener Caller]

Yeah, I just wanted to say, really huge fan. Black conspiracy kind of my shit. This is a conspiracy theory that I think would solve the male loneliness epidemic. I believe that as a nation, if we truly want to save the black loneliness male epidemic, which I also don't believe is real, but. But for shits and giggles, we're gonna pretend it's real. I think every man. Black man.

[David Burie]

Just gonna pause that for a second.

[Langston Kerman]

Black men can't be lonely.

[Jemele Hill]

Well, is there a black male? I mean, I know they talked about a male loneliness.

[David Burie]

I've certainly heard male loneliness.

[Jemele Hill]

But is this something much like every other problem in society that is disproportionately impacting black men?

[Langston Kerman]

I think this is the one time we get away clean, because I had not sensed that.

[Jemele Hill]

I had not sensed that there was a plan that specifically black men were.

[Langston Kerman]

This is the one thing I think that is not. I don't think it's.

[David Burie]

I think we are doing some of the things that their actual loneliness epidemic, like experiences like the nut conservation shit, whatever. You know, people not wanting to bust their nut to hold on to their. Their. Oh, I'm the only person who studied the Internet. For real. Okay.

[Jemele Hill]

I don't know.

[Langston Kerman]

We just hang out in different corners. We just hang out. No, no.

[David Burie]

You guys are pretending. Tending to be culture experts.

[Jemele Hill]

Okay.

[David Burie]

I'm really down in the trench. Is that the trench that's part of what people. Semen retention.

[Langston Kerman]

Popular, sort of like Kevin Gates preaches it.

[David Burie]

Trend that's happening amongst a lot of young black men.

[Jemele Hill]

You actually listen to Kevin Gates?

[Langston Kerman]

I hear things he says.

[David Burie]

Yeah.

[Jemele Hill]

Oh, okay. I'm like, oh, I'm not aware.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't process it. And I don't believe it.

[Jemele Hill]

You just sort of like it's in the atmosphere. Like, okay, he said that.

[Langston Kerman]

Very funny. And that's where I. Traffic is.

[David Burie]

Humor.

[Langston Kerman]

He is very, very funny.

[David Burie]

He's one of the funniest people on the planet.

[Jemele Hill]

He's like that. Unintentionally. He doesn't know he's serious, which makes it funny.

[Langston Kerman]

Yes.

[David Burie]

And then sometimes you can't tell which one he is.

[Langston Kerman]

You almost hope it's like a Borat character.

[David Burie]

Yeah. Whereas, like, if it's going too far, Kevin. And you're scaring me, but keep going. Also keep going.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Jemele Hill]

Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay. So I have heard of semen retention.

[Jemele Hill]

He is a proponent of semen retention.

[David Burie]

I'm saying that there Are young black men that are serving certainly mimicking some of these behaviors that you see in the white epidemic. But I don't think that they're interpreting it in the same ways. I don't think they're return retaining their semen and then wanting to hurt people because of it. They're doing it because they're like, this gonna make me hoot better. This is like. This is really how I like. They're like, yo, if I.

[Jemele Hill]

If I really want to be out here on some Steph Curry shit.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Burie]

If I'm gonna make the combine.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, Here we go.

[David Burie]

I gotta jump two inches higher.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Burie]

And the only way I'm gonna do that is if I'm.

[Jemele Hill]

What else would help, though? I would think that would be rating 225.

[Langston Kerman]

Goes up that much easier.

[David Burie]

I don't get it.

[Jemele Hill]

Like, this is.

[David Burie]

Listen, I'm not keeping mine.

[Langston Kerman]

No, listen. It's phrenology. This is not good.

[David Burie]

I want to be very clear with everybody. Mind is free.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. I can't give it away.

[David Burie]

You ain't got to worry about me being backed up in the least.

[Langston Kerman]

I promise you. I don't want to. That poison inside of me.

[Jemele Hill]

Seems like the semen retention movement is having some struggles. Perhaps they need a diversity outreach. The one. The one thing we don't want to be DEI is in is semen rejection.

[David Burie]

That's right.

[Langston Kerman]

Keep that over there.

[Jemele Hill]

Keep that over there.

[Langston Kerman]

We don't want to take their job.

[Jemele Hill]

All right. The things you learn. I tell you so.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Burie]

I worry that this black loneliness epidemic is not, in fact, a thing. But maybe.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't know.

[David Burie]

Maybe I'm not.

[Langston Kerman]

Internet culture has. Has gotten so big for the youth, though, that it goes to places that I don't know. And it will. I will acknowledge that. That they're large for sure. Yeah.

[Listener Caller]

Undiagnosed or diagnosed depression needs to be assigned a white woman who wore cookie monster pajama bottoms in high school.

[Langston Kerman]

Wait, where did that go?

[Jemele Hill]

What? I'm sorry. How did we get you.

[Langston Kerman]

You got what I need. That's not what I thought it was.

[Jemele Hill]

Where did the cookie mask. What?

[Langston Kerman]

I'm sorry. I got viscerally very angry.

[David Burie]

That was.

[Langston Kerman]

Run it back for a second because we did. I don't think we got it played. That sucks. I hate this.

[David Burie]

This is a hard thought to wrestle with. Here we go.

[Listener Caller]

Who has undiagnosed or diagnosed depression needs to be assigned a white woman who wore cookie monster pajama bottoms in high school. He gets her for three years. She is going to build him up, right? Build up his confidence. She's gonna cook, she's gonna clean. She's gonna do what Cookie Monster pajama bottom mamas do.

[Jemele Hill]

Cookie Monster pajama bottoms.

[Langston Kerman]

We throw this man in the trash and we never talk about this again. Get the fuck out of here.

[Jemele Hill]

But the thing is, I know exactly

[David Burie]

the type of woman he is. I know 100%.

[Langston Kerman]

We all know. Her name is Chastity.

[Jemele Hill]

I mean, I went to college with a bunch. So I'm like, I know exactly who this white woman is.

[David Burie]

I know exactly who it is. And I know for certain that is not a person who has built up anybody or anything she will take from you.

[Langston Kerman]

She steals.

[David Burie]

That is not.

[Langston Kerman]

Come on, man.

[David Burie]

That's not a good spirit to put on anybody.

[Jemele Hill]

I mean, three years, too. Three years. I mean, that's.

[Langston Kerman]

That's a bid.

[David Burie]

And I'm depressed.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Burie]

Remember, this person is saying, you're at your lowest. You're thinking to yourself, I can't go on.

[Langston Kerman]

This is ass.

[David Burie]

And then you introduce this.

[Langston Kerman]

This is ass.

[David Burie]

This is terrorism.

[Langston Kerman]

She ruins lives.

[David Burie]

This is terrorism.

[Langston Kerman]

N die behind.

[Jemele Hill]

Like, if you're going to introduce a emotional support white woman, it wouldn't be the white woman in the Cookie Monster.

[David Burie]

Absolutely not.

[Jemele Hill]

That's not the white woman you need.

[Langston Kerman]

It better not be one from Oklahoma. No.

[Jemele Hill]

Hell no.

[David Burie]

This is not. Give me Nancy Reagan.

[Langston Kerman]

That's what I get.

[David Burie]

Give me a pure psychopath, top tier.

[Langston Kerman]

If you're gonna do it. If you're gonna do it.

[David Burie]

You gotta go with a bony psychopath. Yeah, man. Cause I can get ass over here.

[Langston Kerman]

Give me friends. Give me one of the friends.

[Jemele Hill]

Yeah, I want one of the friends.

[Langston Kerman]

One of the friends.

[Jemele Hill]

Lisa Monster, Courtney Cox, Jennifer Aniston.

[David Burie]

That's the right order.

[Jemele Hill]

Is that the right order? I was like, I just.

[Langston Kerman]

Bitch got dog food in her pockets. That's what you're fucking offering.

[David Burie]

Nah, that's nuts. That's literally nuts.

[Jemele Hill]

It's been a long time since I have heard something that. Unhinged.

[David Burie]

This isn't helping anyone.

[Langston Kerman]

This is an awful take.

[David Burie]

It's an awful take. And I'm embarrassed to admit there's so much more to it.

[Langston Kerman]

What is it?

[Listener Caller]

And then if at the end of the trial session, he doesn't get better, we just take him behind the yard and off him. Or. Yeah, we just do that.

[Langston Kerman]

What?

[Jemele Hill]

Hold up, hold up.

[Langston Kerman]

This is a fan of us.

[David Burie]

This is a person who likes what we do. What are we doing to these people?

[Langston Kerman]

That's what I Just. I just got scared of every decision I've ever made.

[Jemele Hill]

You need to. I feel like y' all need to reevaluate some things.

[Langston Kerman]

Crazy. But usually people just call all drunk. This is. This is.

[Jemele Hill]

So she went from Cookie Monster to then murder.

[Langston Kerman]

Like, what if we take the whole thing in? This man is proposing that we murder depressed black men. Yes.

[Jemele Hill]

Yes.

[David Burie]

First they're depressed, then you make them way more depressed.

[Jemele Hill]

Correct.

[Langston Kerman]

Catch a case for sure.

[David Burie]

You throw their life into a whirlwind of chaos, and then if they somehow don't get better from the hell that you've unleashed on them, you take them behind a tree, Old Yeller style, and you shoot them. And then they went. Maybe. I don't know. Nah, that's what we should do.

[Langston Kerman]

That's. Wait, that's the end. That's.

[David Burie]

No, there's still more to this.

[Jemele Hill]

Oh, wait. There's still more to this.

[David Burie]

Yes.

[Jemele Hill]

Okay.

[David Burie]

I'm sorry.

[Listener Caller]

I think we can perfect it. A lot of people know Lil Durk is.

[Jemele Hill]

There's room for improvement.

[Listener Caller]

She was a white bitch who wore Cookie Monster pajama bottoms. And I think without her, he wouldn't be the rapper that he is today.

[Langston Kerman]

Was she referencing.

[Listener Caller]

A lot of people know Lil Durk, his first baby mama. She was a white bitch who wore Cookie Monster pajama bottoms. And I think without her, he wouldn't be the rapper that he is today, because she really put him on.

[Langston Kerman]

You know where Durk is right now?

[David Burie]

He's not doing good. Yeah.

[Jemele Hill]

So that. That doesn't help your argument.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, that's what I'm.

[Jemele Hill]

This. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

This is. Yo, this is a psyop.

[David Burie]

This is.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't. I don't like using those dirts.

[David Burie]

This is a nasty attempt at brainwashing.

[Langston Kerman]

Something about this. This is. This is. I don't like even. This is not good.

[David Burie]

This is like a. Like, they have. This is like, TEMU level, like, efforts at washing our brains.

[Jemele Hill]

But, you know, the crazy part is that her whole description of what needs to happen, like, white woman, Cookie Monster pajamas, three years, whatever. If you pitch that in a Hollywood meeting, they say yes.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, yeah.

[Jemele Hill]

I mean, they'd be like, oh, a psychotic white woman that kills black dudes.

[David Burie]

Yeah.

[Jemele Hill]

Can we get Jordan Peele on this? Can we get him to come in and do this and call in Monster? I'm saying that sounds like the Hollywood elevator pitch of the year.

[Langston Kerman]

Well, I also don't think.

[David Burie]

Proprietary. It's proprietary.

[Jemele Hill]

That's right. Right.

[David Burie]

You put it on our phone so it's ours now.

[Jemele Hill]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I also don't think this person knows that all black men aren't rappers.

[David Burie]

It's unfortunate.

[Langston Kerman]

Why am I poking holes in the argument? This person's a psychopath.

[David Burie]

Yeah, let's.

[Listener Caller]

When we get down to the nitty grittiness of, like, the procreation and stuff, like, I don't really give a fuck about that, but I do think we can solve the male loneliness epidemic with the power of uniting crusty, dusty, depressed, gross black men with white bitches who wear. Who wore cookie monster pajama bottoms in high school. Again, super huge fan of the show. Yeah, thank you.

[David Burie]

This raggedy bitch.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't want you to listen to our show anymore. I'm not a fan of you. Stop it. I don't like you. I don't like your ideas. Stop listening to it.

[David Burie]

This sucks, man. Fuck you. Fuck you.

[Langston Kerman]

Fuck you.

[Jemele Hill]

Her ending with it, by the way. Huge ranch.

[Langston Kerman]

You said what?

[David Burie]

Dusty black men.

[Jemele Hill]

And we. I was like, so every black man that's depressed has to be.

[David Burie]

Fuck.

[Jemele Hill]

I was like, this is not exactly. So I guess she feels like she's gonna help depression because by her theory, there will be less black men who will actually be lonely because she's murdered them.

[Langston Kerman]

I appreciate you going that deep. This is a definite.

[Jemele Hill]

I mean, there's no.

[Langston Kerman]

We need to treat this person as such.

[Jemele Hill]

The question. You guys need to call Homeland Security now.

[David Burie]

But I'm saying is at my most empathetic, I go. This is a person saying, I think we should collect the bottom tier of one community and make them mush into the bottom tier of another community to solve a loneliness crisis. And I think that that is eugenic. I think that is. Do you know what I mean? Like, I think that is vile, vile shit that is being proposed to us. And this is a nasty person.

[Langston Kerman]

No, that was horrible.

[David Burie]

This person scares me to my bone.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. I don't.

[Jemele Hill]

Yeah, I think that she might need some help. I mean, I don't. I don't know that. I would love to know. I would. I. I honestly hope some kind of substance was involved. When she. She sent you all this angel dust.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Jemele Hill]

I was like, please let there have been drugs involved.

[David Burie]

It better be a drug that ain't even out there like that anymore or like some.

[Jemele Hill]

Some retro where it's like some.

[Langston Kerman]

We don't know is drugs. This is huffing oven cleaner. Yeah. Calling us up.

[Jemele Hill]

This does seem like it could be helium. Like it could be a helium. You know, sort of, you know, if

[David Burie]

you put it up your Butt. You sound like that for a long time, right?

[Jemele Hill]

It's like a unusual drug that they put in a not so usual orifice.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Jemele Hill]

Like a combination of that led to.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah. You.

[David Burie]

You smoking nitrogen out of pipe. This is something weird.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. You're, like, being odd. I hate. Ah, man.

[Jemele Hill]

I just, like, need a camera in her brain to see, like, what is not happening there. Like, is it? I'm not sure.

[David Burie]

No, this is bad.

[Langston Kerman]

I think this is a person who has been hurt and who seeks to hurt. I think that's probably hurt people.

[Jemele Hill]

Hurt people.

[Langston Kerman]

Exactly.

[David Burie]

Well, Jamel, this wasn't supposed to be how we ended the podcast. I mean, listen, sometimes they ain't good. This was not.

[Jemele Hill]

It's okay.

[David Burie]

This was nasty.

[Jemele Hill]

I know the opinions expressed are not of those of the host or the esteemed host, so I do get this. But this is. This was an amazing time. A lot of fun. It does not take away from all the things I learned about from, you know, the semen retention movement there to how the Illuminati was actually formed, that George Washington was probably in the Illuminati.

[Langston Kerman]

No, Italians.

[Jemele Hill]

No Italians in the. Listen. Huge, gaping blind spot there to not have Stevie Wonder. Illuminati. Erno.

[David Burie]

Oh, Stevie's in that Illuminati.

[Langston Kerman]

No, Stevie's in Ray Charles now.

[Jemele Hill]

Not what?

[David Burie]

I can see that.

[Langston Kerman]

I could see that Ray was nasty.

[David Burie]

I can see that. I think there were a few, like, members that fucked with him, so they kept him taken care of. But I don't think Ray was in there. But Stevie can see.

[Jemele Hill]

Well, I mean, if this podcast hasn't addressed that, then, like, what are you guys even doing? That's what I figured. I was like, what? Kidding me?

[David Burie]

You know, I think. I think he didn't always. I don't think he was always able to see. I think they got him some new eye. Yeah, they got it back, and they gotta make him play it cool. You know what I mean?

[Jemele Hill]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Like how the government has technology way before civilians. I think.

[David Burie]

I think songs in the key of life. Yeah, you go ahead. We giving you some new eyeballs, my man.

[Jemele Hill]

Yeah, after that. Yeah, you earned it.

[Langston Kerman]

Hey, you know what? Hey, hey, hey. This one's on the house.

[David Burie]

Hey, you see that ribbon in that sky? Yes, you do. That's thanks to me, Charles. Illuminati. We got some other products for you too, Steve.

[Jemele Hill]

That's what it was. The Illuminati gave them. They got Stevie new eyeballs.

[David Burie]

They got Stevie new eyeballs.

[Jemele Hill]

There it is.

[Langston Kerman]

And hey, good on them. Because he does deserve. It's cool. He does deserve it.

[David Burie]

I think that's cool.

[Jemele Hill]

The Illuminati could. It doesn't necessarily have to mean something apocalyptic. Perhaps there's some good the Illuminati could do.

[David Burie]

I think they were like, we want every funeral, every famous funeral to be slapping from now on. We gotta keep Stevie taken care of. Yeah, he gonna say, there you go. That he will pay us back in song.

[Langston Kerman]

Almost as if it's like a guiding hand for society, not like something meant to rip us apart.

[David Burie]

Oh, this nigga's nasty. I saw it. You saw it? Jamel, tell em where they can find you. Cause that's a bad guy.

[Jemele Hill]

I'm about to get my sight back. Jeez, do you have a white woman with some cookie mouths in their pants somewhere?

[Langston Kerman]

No. My life is going good. I'm not depressed at.

[Jemele Hill]

Well, people. I have my own podcast, as you mentioned earlier, weekly podcasts. You know, we tackle like you the light subjects, racism, you know, xenophobia. But it's a sports and politics podcast called Spolitics, covering the intersection between sports, race, gender and culture. So. Yeah. So I'm very excited and happy to be doing that. And in fact, this particular week's episode is crisp. Paul.

[David Burie]

Whoa. Cpt.

[Jemele Hill]

Not in the Illuminati.

[David Burie]

Not in the Illuminati?

[Jemele Hill]

I don't think so. I don't get any Illuminati from him.

[David Burie]

You. You say he get to be on the banana boat and not Illuminati.

[Jemele Hill]

Oh, the banana boat.

[Langston Kerman]

You think the banana boat was a humiliation ritual?

[David Burie]

Look, guys, I'm not here to make that decision. It's the end of the show.

[Jemele Hill]

LeBron definitely in Illuminati.

[David Burie]

Come on, come on. What are we talking about? Go ahead, tell your story.

[Langston Kerman]

I got nothing, man. I'm Moving Cool Guy Jokes 87 on Instagram. Buy my special on Patreon.

[David Burie]

Yeah, and you can follow me at Langston Kerman on all social media platforms and like, subscribe, rate, review, do all the things. Send us [e-mail], send us voicemails at 844-LIL-MOMS. We would love to hear from you. And most importantly, fuck guys. Bye.

[Langston Kerman]

I want you to know this. If your prayers include me to stop drinking, stop smoking, and stop having fun and stop watching these little pop their ass. If your prayers include any of those things, they're not going to work because I'm rejecting them all. And I will be continuing in my same wicked ass ways, I guess. Is that the way you Want to Put

[David Burie]

My Mama Told Me is a production of Will Ferrell's Big Money Player Network and I Heart Podcast, created and

[Langston Kerman]

hosted by Langston Kernley, co hosted by David Bourie executive produced by Will Ferrell Hansani and Olivia Aguilar co produced by Bay Wayne edited and engineered by Justin Kahn music by Nick Chambers artwork by Dogon Kriega.

[David Burie]

You can now watch episodes of My Mama told me on YouTube, follow at my Mama Told Me and subscribe to our channel.

[Kel Penn]

Hey everyone, it's Kel Penn. I'm inviting you to join the best sounding book club you've ever heard with my podcast, Hearsay, The Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. Every episode I nerd out with amazing guests and dive into the best new ideas. Audiobooks available on Audible. It's the book club for your ears. Listen to Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[David Burie]

Paramount plus is now the home of all your BET favorites.

[Jemele Hill]

What?

[David Burie]

Yeah, with all new episodes of Tyler Perry's Divorce Sisters you've always liked a little drama, plus a whole new world of movies like Gladiator 2. Now I will control an Empire original series like the Shy.

[Langston Kerman]

Just make sure we protect each other

[David Burie]

in live sports like ufc.

[Langston Kerman]

Welcome to the history books.

[David Burie]

New home, same family. Your BET favorites are now on Paramount plus. Subscribe now.

[Jemele Hill]

Ever wonder how to make hosting look effortless? Here's a secret.

[David Burie]

When prepping for cooking and baking, get ahead of the mess with new Reynolds

[Jemele Hill]

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[David Burie]

Just lightly wet the counter so the

[Jemele Hill]

paper grips, lay it down and drips and spills stay on the paper, not on your counter.

[David Burie]

Cleanup is as simple as lifting it away to reveal clean counters.

[Jemele Hill]

Effortless it is, thanks to Reynolds Kitchen's countertop prep paper. Wet it, set it, prep it.

[David Burie]

Done.

[Jemele Hill]

Available in the Reynolds Wrap aisle at

[David Burie]

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