Pigeons Are The Feds (with SushiboyMEXICO)

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Pigeons Are The Feds"

Podcast Information:

• Title: My Momma Told Me
• Hosts: Langston Kerman and David Borey, with contributions from Bowen Yang
• Guest: SushiboyMEXICO
• Release Date: January 21, 2025
• Network: Big Money Players Network and iHeartPodcasts

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Introduction

In the episode titled "Pigeons Are The Feds," hosts Langston Kerman and David Borey delve into a particularly intriguing and unconventional Black conspiracy theory: the notion that pigeons are not the ordinary birds we observe but sophisticated surveillance devices orchestrated by governmental entities. Joined by their guest, SushiboyMEXICO, the trio navigates through a labyrinth of claims, exploring the origins, plausibility, and implications of this theory.

Main Discussion: Pigeons as Surveillance Cameras

David Borey initiates the conversation by recalling a longstanding conspiracy theory that pigeons could physically explode when fed Mentos—a claim he found nonsensical:

“But the idea that this is a robot. This is sort of bioengineering.” [02:39]

Langston Kerman questions the rationality behind pigeons’ supposed explosive nature, highlighting the lack of biological feasibility:

“Like, why would an animal just fucking pop.” [02:26]

The discussion pivots to the core theory that pigeons are engineered surveillance cameras monitoring urban environments, particularly in areas with high homelessness rates and dense populations.

David Borey asserts the absence of baby pigeons as evidence supporting the surveillance hypothesis:

“I've never seen a motherfucking baby pigeon. Have you ever seen a baby pigeon?” [11:55]

The hosts exchange skepticism, debating whether the lack of observable natural pigeon behavior—such as breeding and nurturing young—could indicate artificial creation:

“You've been to Indiana. They're down bad.” [56:00]

Key Points and Insights

1. Biological Anomalies:
   The absence of visible pigeon breeding and natural behaviors leads David Borey to speculate on their artificial origins:

   “So, like, you know what I mean? So I just.” [14:56]

2. Government Surveillance:
   The theory suggests that pigeons serve as covert surveillance tools, equipped with cameras and communication disruptors:

   “So you Sent me a picture before this started.” [28:58]

3. Pop Rocks and Crack Conspiracy:
   The hosts briefly touch upon another conspiracy linking Pop Rocks candy to the distribution of crack cocaine within Black communities:

   “Pop Rocks was invented as a conduit to crack rocks to the black community.” [04:00]

4. Cultural References and Media Analysis:
   The conversation references media portrayals, such as the "Hey Arnold!" character "Pigeon Man," to draw parallels with the conspiracy theory:

   “They have all these other ways of looking at it.” [36:35]

5. Technological Advancements:
   The hosts discuss the plausibility of bio-engineered pigeons with integrated technology, questioning current technological capabilities to support such constructs:

   “They couldn't make something small enough they can fly.” [37:00]

Notable Quotes

• Langston Kerman:

  “The government growing babies. Microchips in your anus. All koala bears are racist. The ozone layer owes me money. Martians invented turkey stuff. Y'all can't tell me nothing.” [03:06]

• David Borey:

  “They are surveillance cameras in the hood, in hood adjacent environments as well, you know what I mean?” [11:28]

• Bowen Yang:

  “Menthol tastes like mint, so I'm going to take it.” [02:35]

Concluding Insights

As the episode progresses, Langston Kerman and David Borey express a blend of skepticism and curiosity. While acknowledging the entertaining nature of such conspiracy theories, they emphasize the importance of discerning factual evidence from speculative claims. The discussion underscores a broader theme of mistrust in governmental institutions and the allure of alternative narratives within marginalized communities.

David Borey concludes with a philosophical reflection on surveillance and control:

“Overall surveillance is always the goal. By the power of the beast.” [57:13]

Conclusion

"Pigeons Are The Feds" offers listeners a captivating exploration of an unconventional conspiracy theory, blending humor with critical inquiry. Through spirited dialogue and critical questioning, the hosts encourage audiences to ponder the complexities of trust, technology, and societal narratives. Whether one subscribes to the idea of surveillance pigeons or not, the episode serves as a thought-provoking commentary on the intersection of folklore, technology, and community skepticism.

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Connect with the Hosts:

• Langston Kerman: Follow on all social media platforms. Watch his Netflix special "Bad Poetry."
• David Borey: Find him at Sushi Boy Mexico on Instagram and Twitter. Catch his projects at the Sundance Film Festival and the Golf Network.
• Send Your Theories: Share your conspiracy ideas at mymamapodmail.com.

Support the Podcast:

• Merchandise and Memberships: Visit Patreon and the podcast website to purchase merchandise and join exclusive membership tiers.

Stay Connected:

• Rate and Review: Encourage listeners to rate and review the podcast to help it reach a wider audience.

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This summary is intended to provide an overview of the podcast episode "Pigeons Are The Feds." For the full experience and nuanced discussions, listeners are encouraged to tune into the episode directly.

Transcript

[Langston Kerman]

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[David Borey]

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[Langston Kerman]

What the rest of my life looks like. So a couple of days.

[David Borey]

I love it when his daughter moves back in.

[Langston Kerman]

The last time you walked out that door, you looked back at me and gave me a double bird.

[David Borey]

I was 18.

[Langston Kerman]

The double bird was how I ended all our conversations.

[David Borey]

The wheels come off. Can we try to talk to each.

[Bowen Yang]

Other like rational adults?

[Langston Kerman]

Have you watched the news lately? That's not a thing anymore.

[David Borey]

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[Langston Kerman]

And stream on Hulu.

[Matt Rogers]

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[Langston Kerman]

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[Bowen Yang]

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[Langston Kerman]

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[Matt Rogers]

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[Langston Kerman]

This is reminding me. And I didn't think, I hadn't thought about this in years. But there was that conspiracy theory for years that if you give a pigeon Mentos that would like explode.

[David Borey]

Oh my God.

[Langston Kerman]

Like that would like physically explode. And that never made Sense to me. Like, why would an animal just fucking pop.

[David Borey]

Short circuit.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, but the idea that this is a robot. This is sort of bioengineering.

[David Borey]

And what do menthols have in them? Menthol.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh.

[David Borey]

Oh, come on, let's get.

[Langston Kerman]

Is that true?

[David Borey]

I don't know.

[Bowen Yang]

Menthol tastes like mint, so I'm going to take it.

[David Borey]

Yeah, I didn't.

[Bowen Yang]

I told you didn't know.

[David Borey]

Menthols is a menthol.

[Bowen Yang]

I think that feels. That's what it's short for.

[Langston Kerman]

It feels right.

[David Borey]

Hello.

[Bowen Yang]

It's Spanish for menthol.

[Langston Kerman]

Spanish for menthol. That makes sense.

[David Borey]

Hello. Multiple menthol Mentos.

[Langston Kerman]

Mentamos is our Mentos.

[Bowen Yang]

The Mentos of us. The Mentos of us.

[Langston Kerman]

The government growing babies. Microchips in your anus. All koala bears are racist. The ozone layer owes me money. Martians invented turkey stuff. Y'all can't tell me nothing.

[Bowen Yang]

What a man, what a man, what a mighty good man. Welcome, welcome, little mamas and gentiles alike, to another phenomenal episode of My Mama Told Me.

[Langston Kerman]

Say it Again, y'all. The podcast where we dive deep, deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theories.

[Bowen Yang]

And we finally work to prove what you think the stupid listeners.

[Langston Kerman]

You goddamn idiots. What are you thinking? We'll tell you if it's true or not.

[Bowen Yang]

You know what I've been thinking?

[David Borey]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

Pop Rocks was invented as a conduit to crack rocks to the black community.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay. Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

You like that?

[Langston Kerman]

Ah, I don't know if I like. I'm listening for sure, it seems, because.

[Bowen Yang]

I looked it up, right? Pop rocks, invented in 56. They don't pop till the late 80s, early 90s. You know what I'm saying? Nobody cared. Nobody cared. 20, 30 years of pop Rocks. Nobody really cared.

[Langston Kerman]

And you're saying that suddenly the crack.

[Bowen Yang]

They gave them some new colors. They put them in our pockets. You love Pop Rocks.

[Langston Kerman]

I did love Pop Rocks.

[Bowen Yang]

You love Pop Rocks.

[Langston Kerman]

You didn't love Pop Rocks.

[David Borey]

You know what's so funny?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Borey]

As a mother that did play with that thing you talking about in the 80s. I don't know if I really did like things that are little crystal rocks as a kid. For some reason. They didn't really.

[Langston Kerman]

It felt triggering for you.

[David Borey]

It definitely felt triggering to me. You were too close. Those the little candy cigarettes? I stayed away from things like that.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[David Borey]

Leave those for the adults. Guys.

[Bowen Yang]

No.

[David Borey]

Yeah. You'll lose your parents sooner or later. Believe me, child.

[Bowen Yang]

Rebel soldiers don't have cap guns.

[Langston Kerman]

That's going to make you sell your tv.

[David Borey]

You may want to stay away from them, brother.

[Langston Kerman]

That's so funny, because I do think that based off of what our teachers and the politicians would have told us is that candy cigarettes were leading to people doing drugs. And you're saying the exact opposite. You're like, no, if you were close to this shit, you stayed away from it.

[David Borey]

I don't think you just had any idea of the ramifications of you playing with these things as a child.

[Bowen Yang]

Right, Right.

[David Borey]

You know what I mean?

[Bowen Yang]

I never really even saw candy cigarettes. I saw more children smoking cigarettes as a kid than I saw children smoking candy cigarettes.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh. Cause candy cigarettes were big in my house.

[Bowen Yang]

In your house?

[Langston Kerman]

In my house.

[Bowen Yang]

Okay, okay.

[Langston Kerman]

In my house, we serve candy cigarettes.

[David Borey]

That's what we did.

[Langston Kerman]

Had a little, you know, them little trays you open up.

[David Borey]

Candy cigarettes and Pop Rocks.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah. Lexus had a long day of freezing young nigger Reaganomics.

[Langston Kerman]

God damn, we are down on fruit roll ups this month. I don't know what we are gonna do, baby.

[Bowen Yang]

Right?

[Langston Kerman]

I need a break.

[David Borey]

Yeah. There should be warning labels on the candy cigarettes and as well Pop Rocks, man.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah. I never fucked with candy cigarettes like that.

[Langston Kerman]

Damn.

[David Borey]

And also think about that. That really is leading you down. First off, they're fake cigarettes and you're eating chalk like it's just. It's just chalk.

[Bowen Yang]

It's better than carbon monoxide. It's a. I don't know.

[David Borey]

I mean, maybe, but maybe, like I said, that's where it's leading you to. That's where it's leading you.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[David Borey]

At 4 years old, if you. If you got the right to eat candy and you're choosing to fake smoked cigarettes that taste like chalk with a little bit of Splenda sweetener in them, because those things were horrible.

[Langston Kerman]

It's. It's a nasty thing that I have to assume big cigarette was a big part of for sure. You know what I mean?

[David Borey]

Like, Culla Morrison definitely was a part of the game.

[Langston Kerman]

I was listening to some shit the other day that was explaining that. That the reason. And we were talking about this, but not. I hadn't heard this yet, but they said that one of the reasons that like all our food is so bad is because when there was like that massive push against cigarettes where people started being like, yo, cigarettes are bad for you. Stop selling them everywhere. Stop making it so easy for everybody.

[Bowen Yang]

It was like Readers Digest.

[Langston Kerman]

The drugs cigarettes said, all right, we're losing money on this. We're not gonna keep making Money on cigarettes. Fuck it. We're gonna buy Kraft Mac and cheese. We're gonna buy all these major companies.

[Bowen Yang]

Like Philip Morris owns Kraft Mac and Cheese.

[Langston Kerman]

The motherfuckers that sell cigarettes now own the food companies, and they're putting the same types of add poisons in. They're just doing it for.

[David Borey]

You know, I was talking to the friends because as a. That is a chronic cigarette smoker. I was talking. I was like, man, the cigarettes ain't really what's bad for us. Because if you go overseas, all right.

[Langston Kerman]

It'S a bold claim.

[David Borey]

Check it out. Let them know the American cigarettes are horrible for us. But if you go overseas, you know what I mean? In Japan and places like these, these European countries, these niggas smoke cigarettes from the time they 19 to the time they 78. These niggas still be healthy. They still be riding bikes and walking and shit. But here, we're fat, we're lazy. And like you said, I think that the canc Is mainly coming from this processed food, brother. Yeah, Zach is coming back from Vietnam right now, bringing me back six cartons of extra burst Marlboros menthol cigarettes. But I think that they gonna be healthy as. Yeah, they gonna be healthy because they coming from Vietnam.

[Langston Kerman]

You think these vitamin mineral cigarettes.

[David Borey]

Come on.

[Bowen Yang]

Foreign cigarettes are exciting, Are they mountain bursts?

[David Borey]

They got different flavors.

[Langston Kerman]

It sounds juicy.

[David Borey]

They know what to do early on.

[Bowen Yang]

They smoke boxes, cigarettes.

[David Borey]

They know what to do.

[Bowen Yang]

That's the coolest.

[David Borey]

Look at this with the purple butt. Look, he's sending me packs like, I got you, brother.

[Langston Kerman]

Damn.

[David Borey]

Now, you wouldn't believe that Zach Fox is my best friend because he's chopping for cigarettes for me. And he as. He doesn't smoking, but that makes him my better friend.

[Langston Kerman]

No, it means he really cares about.

[David Borey]

I'm a grown. I do what I want. You know what I like. Why would you try to not.

[Langston Kerman]

He was like, I could bring you back a magnet.

[David Borey]

I could. Or I could bring you back something you like. Good salvage denim. No, no, no, no. You want them cigarettes, brother?

[Langston Kerman]

I got you three pie. No, no, no, I don't think so.

[David Borey]

No, no, no.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't think you're gonna wear that too often.

[David Borey]

All right. A bride to be.

[Bowen Yang]

Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

It's a family show. Mexico.

[David Borey]

Okay, Bye bye.

[Langston Kerman]

Fuck, man. It's a family show.

[David Borey]

I'm sorry.

[Bowen Yang]

Sponsored by Fanta.

[David Borey]

Hey, you didn't introduce me so that.

[Langston Kerman]

No, we haven't done it yet. This is going to be a cool segue. Our. Our guest today. You Already. Look at him. Look at him go. Whoa, watch out now. Watch out now. Ooh, Hard cork with the mountain. Pour a little bit. Pour a little bit more.

[David Borey]

Come on.

[Langston Kerman]

Don't I pour it to the dimples.

[David Borey]

I like to see that.

[Langston Kerman]

Pour it till it hurt. Our guest today is blackout drunk, and.

[David Borey]

It'S the new year, baby.

[Langston Kerman]

He's a superhero, I would say. He's a man who I've seen live the life I've always dreamt of living and almost died doing it. He's a writer, he's a comedian. He's a man, a jack of all trades. He's worked with Nike, Puma, the Comedy Store. He's done it all. Give it up for a man who only has one name, as far as I'm concerned, and that name is Mexico.

[David Borey]

Come on, baby, don't close the borders to me. You know what I'm talking about. Keep me here, baby.

[Langston Kerman]

Is that your new catchphrase?

[David Borey]

I don't know. I just said, that's amazing.

[Langston Kerman]

You gotta try that out.

[David Borey]

You just said that amazing intro. I just had to throw something in. Yeah, yeah. I've never been introduced like that. I ain't never had the writer at the beginning of anything. And that really big dog you.

[Langston Kerman]

You just wrote. You just wrote a bunch of things, man.

[David Borey]

I know, but I'm just saying, like, I never had credit for things. Come on, man. Started off great, you know what I mean?

[Langston Kerman]

Let it out.

[Bowen Yang]

It's okay.

[Langston Kerman]

We're. We couldn't be more excited you're here and proud.

[David Borey]

I appreciate that, y'all.

[Langston Kerman]

You came to us with a conspiracy that when we heard it, we were ready to go.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[David Borey]

So you guys understand the truth and the goddamn sentiment of what I'm saying?

[Bowen Yang]

I would like to get into it. Let's tell them.

[Langston Kerman]

Let's tell the people. And then you tell us everything you know. You said, my mama told me pigeons are surveillance cameras.

[David Borey]

They are surveillance cameras in the hood, in hood adjacent environments as well, you know what I mean? Major cities, downtown areas, we're homeless, usually infest and things of that nature.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Borey]

I do believe that they really are, you know what I mean? They're cameras that sit here, they watch, they surveil us, they hear. They keep the eye to the streets for the government, you know what I mean?

[Langston Kerman]

Okay. Yeah. Okay. I have so many. That's why there's no babies.

[David Borey]

I've never seen a motherfucking baby pigeon. Have you ever seen a baby pigeon?

[Bowen Yang]

Don't even know what it looks like.

[David Borey]

Come on. Why Are they not scared of niggas? There's no animal. If you walk that close to a dog, it is going to flinch. It's going to. Not a pigeon be looking at you like, what's up, Nick?

[Bowen Yang]

I tear the shit out of doves, and genetically, they're the same thing.

[David Borey]

They are.

[Langston Kerman]

You're saying. You're saying that doves do exist.

[Bowen Yang]

Yes.

[Langston Kerman]

But pigeons do not.

[Bowen Yang]

Doves are real. The pigeons, they made us think that they were a derivative of.

[David Borey]

First off. And doves are also, I don't think, in the wild either. They are also. Aren't these all, like, weddings is where I. Not manufactured. I don't want to say they're manufactured birds, but they almost manufacture. They like tilapia.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what I mean?

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, no.

[David Borey]

Them niggas just like tilapia, nigga. Them niggas ain't.

[Langston Kerman]

I think there certainly is an argument that, like, even when you see, like, pigeons in the wild, they don't look like city pigeons. It's like a different fucking species. City pigeon is its own thing.

[David Borey]

Exactly.

[Langston Kerman]

For sure.

[David Borey]

Exactly.

[Langston Kerman]

Now, my question is, when you say that they're not real, they are the tilapia of the sky, as you're putting it. Are you suggesting that pigeons were never real?

[Bowen Yang]

I think they were real. I do think they were. Cause they used to have pigeon races.

[David Borey]

I don't know if they.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, they used to have.

[David Borey]

This is my thing.

[Bowen Yang]

Pigeons are smart. They used to have pigeon races.

[David Borey]

Well, you remember they used to have pigeon carriers. And this is what makes me think that they're not real.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Borey]

Because the fact that pigeons used to be able to carry a message from a nigga they never seen from another nigga, just like, hey, go take this message to whoever the fuck in the world. Come on, man. That was emails, nigga. They were emails. It is government trace. Government tracked messages, brother.

[Langston Kerman]

Wow.

[David Borey]

They were emails. Them pigeons were pulling over and they was stopping. Government was reading whatever the fuck message you sent out. It was like, oh, this nigga's sweet on a hoe that belong to somebody else. And they send the pigeon and they let you. But they were definitely.

[Langston Kerman]

He's taking a lot in me not to say pee males, but I hear you.

[David Borey]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, There you go.

[Bowen Yang]

You still let it out, though.

[Langston Kerman]

I had to let people know.

[David Borey]

And one time, I would say about 2012, I took a LSD trip. And then I started thinking that Mike Tyson is the one that's leasing these pigeons to the government.

[Bowen Yang]

Whoa.

[David Borey]

Mike Tyson may be the only pigeon farm in America. Now, I think that there's other niggas like, he's like the Mike Tyson is technically like the Illuminati of the pigeon detail given to the government here in America.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, that like he was assigned a job in the Illuminati.

[David Borey]

Correct.

[Langston Kerman]

And he is like Ben Carson is.

[David Borey]

He raises up the pigeons. But that's the reason why. The pigeons. He raises them up, he talks to them.

[Langston Kerman]

Whoa.

[David Borey]

You know what I mean?

[Langston Kerman]

Okay, so you're saying pigeons you believe were real. You're saying the exact opposite. You're saying they were never real. They were completely fabricated from the beginning.

[David Borey]

I mean, do I think that they are a living organism?

[Langston Kerman]

Sure.

[David Borey]

You get what I'm saying. But do I think that they're bred and they like, they have. Like I said, I've never seen a mama pigeon with a flock of birds. I've never seen a pregnant pigeon.

[Langston Kerman]

That's real.

[Bowen Yang]

That's true too.

[David Borey]

So, like, you know what I mean? So I just.

[Langston Kerman]

I wouldn't know how to identify it.

[David Borey]

Oh, you done seen pregnant birds. Birds before. I'll be golfing this. So I'll be seeing pregnant swans and you know what I mean? I'll be seeing the daddy lagging mad as he going. He going, yeah, you see? You see that?

[Langston Kerman]

I've seen that.

[Bowen Yang]

I've seen a light skinned pigeon though.

[David Borey]

Yeah, the red ones, yeah, they exist.

[Bowen Yang]

Is that different? Is that a different level of government?

[David Borey]

I don't think so. I think.

[Bowen Yang]

You know what I mean?

[David Borey]

I think all agents come in different. You know what I mean? There could be albino snitches. You know what I mean? There could be albino informants.

[Langston Kerman]

There shouldn't be albino snitches. If I can say anything, that's the.

[David Borey]

Last place I'm going to. Funny, that's what the government says too. They said this is gonna be the last person they say as an informant. This light, not.

[Langston Kerman]

Jim, seems like a bad setup.

[David Borey]

Is light skinned you already?

[Langston Kerman]

Because albino people, they have bad vision and shit. Like you're.

[Bowen Yang]

You're just. They have worse vision.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, they have worse vision because the retinas can't like refract light the same way that ours can.

[David Borey]

It's a disability.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, no, it's.

[Bowen Yang]

I've only.

[David Borey]

I know, like, I dated a Albano girl and she really had a handicap stuff.

[Langston Kerman]

So when did you first hear about. Was this of your own conception or was this something you heard about somewhere and from whom?

[David Borey]

I heard about it like, I used to date this white girl. In high school.

[Bowen Yang]

Albino.

[David Borey]

She wasn't albino.

[Langston Kerman]

Sorry. Sorry that happened.

[David Borey]

I know. Ass was fat, so she was one of a kind. In the white world.

[Bowen Yang]

A rare bird.

[David Borey]

A rare bird in the white world that shit was poking. Anyway, she had a brother that was really, like, lost.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Borey]

And he just used to always. He had a conspiracy theory about everything, right? And I never, you know, everything. He used to say, just one ear out the other, one ear out the other. But we was just. He was with me one time, we were just in a bad side of town, and he was like, you notice we don't have pigeons where me and Jessica live. Why are the pigeons always over here? He was like, look at how they move. And their next twig. He was like, they have a computer system in them.

[Langston Kerman]

Holy shit.

[David Borey]

And I started listening and I was like. I said, this makes sense. And I kind of just. I kind of just feel I went with his hypothesis because he can't listen to everything clearly. He went off on the deep end eventually, but it was.

[Langston Kerman]

You were already acknowledging he was in a bad way.

[David Borey]

Yeah, he was in that way. But, I mean, it doesn't matter.

[Bowen Yang]

You don't know what you were doing in the car. But it feels as though it could have been.

[David Borey]

Still has, like, you know, certain glimpses of clearness, you know, clarity to where they still say real shit.

[Langston Kerman]

That's true.

[David Borey]

You just gotta. You gotta decipher what's the real and what the nut saying and what's not. And then after he went off and called 98% of niggas in the hood informants, and that's why everybody go to jail, I said, okay, okay, yeah, it's a little bit too deep.

[Langston Kerman]

You're losing sight of things.

[David Borey]

But the beginning, you was right. I see that. Yeah, I could see that. And especially in Atlanta, like, Atlanta, you don't see la. There's a little bit more, maybe, but not even really. There's still, like, downtown, mainly Atlanta. You don't see pigeons nowhere but downtown. Like, if you go. Or unless you go to, like, the hood, like I said, you go deep into the Southwest or you like, why are there pigeons over here? Nigga, these niggas don't fly. How the fuck did they get here? They did not get on 285 and come down. There's no way they did this. So how the fuck are they here from downtown if they dropped off? I always used to think maybe they dropped them off in downtowns.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh.

[David Borey]

Like, maybe pigeons was just like a downtown. Like a koi Fish like bird scooters? Yeah, they were koi fishing down there. How many pigeons you ever seen? Seen squish, too. I ain't never seen a dead pigeon.

[Bowen Yang]

That's.

[David Borey]

That's. As much as I was a bad kid, as much as I was back here. We used a chase pigeon. I could never catch one enough to put my foot on the back of one neck and explode it. You know why? Because it was short circuit. My foot would blow off. They would find out that that little pigeon was a. A cyber truck. You know what I mean?

[Langston Kerman]

You know what?

[Bowen Yang]

This is because bad kids do kill all kinds of animals, right?

[David Borey]

Bad kills kids.

[Bowen Yang]

Kill cats, they kill dogs, they kill frog. Kill the shit out of frogs.

[David Borey]

Nigga, we done caught squirrels. See how the fuck we can't catch a pigeon.

[Langston Kerman]

Squirrels should be harder than pigeons.

[David Borey]

They're definitely hard.

[Bowen Yang]

I never heard of a bad kid killing a pigeon. That's a very good point.

[David Borey]

Come on, man. I told. Come on.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay, so this troubled young man puts this in your ear. You run with it. And now you've made it all the way up to. There's an entire conspiracy. There's an entire pigeon section of the Illuminati.

[David Borey]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Now here's my question, and maybe this is a good question before we go into break. My question is, is there anything we can do about this? Do you feel like this is just the way of the game?

[David Borey]

I think that niggas should just be more. I'm telling niggas to be more cautious around said pigeons. You know what I mean? N love to watch out for the chicken heads. The birds. That's what we call the bitches, if you ain't know. But you gotta watch out for the pigeons.

[Langston Kerman]

I knew it.

[David Borey]

I knew kept men as well as I. Baby, I love you, but I'm just a little bit cooler than anything.

[Langston Kerman]

Look like this.

[David Borey]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

They sit like this.

[David Borey]

Yeah. These niggas got a podcast. Yeah. Niggas want to watch out for the chicken heads and the birds. Nigga, watch out for the pigeons. I'm just saying, always keep your eye on. Keep your head on a swivel.

[Langston Kerman]

Keep your head on.

[David Borey]

You know what I mean? I don't think there's nothing you can do, and I definitely don't. I don't recommend you trying to go grab pigeons and try to turn them.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Borey]

Cause again, the way your iPhone knows your. You know what I mean? They got. I think they got face recognition in them. Yes, nigga, you will get locked up for doing something to a peace officer.

[Bowen Yang]

It's an officer.

[David Borey]

Come on, man. Destruction something. Nigga, they gonna. Obstruction of the law. They gonna hit you with something.

[Langston Kerman]

You think this is the K10 unit? This is the.

[David Borey]

I'm just saying. And like I said.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, that was very. That was a good joke.

[Langston Kerman]

And like I said.

[Bowen Yang]

I didn't give up. No, it was good.

[Langston Kerman]

No, no, no. You all made a choice, all right?

[David Borey]

I didn't even hear it.

[Langston Kerman]

It got presented.

[David Borey]

Sometimes when you on your head and you talking, you not hearing what?

[Langston Kerman]

Fellas, I'm not mad about it, but I'm not going to defend it. It bombed, and we have to accept it as it is.

[David Borey]

I get that. I get that. You want to talk about how you was late? Two darkies. Two darkies. Beat this nigga to the studio early as hell. Jeez.

[Langston Kerman]

Jesus Christ. I have chilled this thing.

[David Borey]

Came late with a cashmere sweater on.

[Langston Kerman]

I work hard.

[David Borey]

Folks said I have children. It is the weekend.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, that's the hardest part of being a parent.

[David Borey]

I said it out loud and I was like, God damn it. They're not.

[Langston Kerman]

It saves everything.

[David Borey]

Yeah, you're right. With them, I was like, that is exactly when you're supposed to. When you're on duty. So you are excused, nigga.

[Langston Kerman]

All right, well, we need to take a break, I think.

[David Borey]

Yeah, I think let's take a break.

[Langston Kerman]

When we come back, we're. We're gonna keep talking about.

[David Borey]

We're not done with the pigeons.

[Langston Kerman]

No, we're gonna keep talking about a.

[David Borey]

Little bit more drunk. Remind them that I want to bring up the pigeon from hey, Arnold. And then we'll get back.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, that's great. That's a great.

[Langston Kerman]

I like that you're telling us to remind them as if I'm about to get drunk.

[David Borey]

Oh, Because I'm gonna get drunk and I'm not gonna remember when I get back.

[Langston Kerman]

I got you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're gonna take a break. We'll be back with more Mexico, more.

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[Langston Kerman]

Painful Thoughts the guy in front of me in the pharmacy line is halfway through an incredibly detailed 17 minute story about his gout.

[Unknown]

A story likely more painful than the gout itself.

[David Borey]

Next time save yourself the pain and let Amazon Pharmacy deliver your meds right to your door. Amazon Pharmacy Healthcare just got less painful.

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[Bowen Yang]

We'Re back. So rich. Everybody in here rich.

[David Borey]

Talking about how we gonna get the next PJ.

[Bowen Yang]

Come on PJ. PJ, PJ.

[Langston Kerman]

We ain't even gonna fly together.

[Bowen Yang]

Three PJs same destination.

[David Borey]

I'm talking about like, like the Air Force. Like we doing a air show. We gonna have the PJs flipping doing loops. Come on in the air angels.

[Bowen Yang]

That's my PJ.

[David Borey]

Come on. As we just go to Vegas. 12 minute PJ flight.

[Langston Kerman]

We've been talking through a move called the Eiffel Tower. It's nasty like you think it is. But we are still talking about the possibility that pigeons are surveillance.

[David Borey]

Possibility. The possibility they are.

[Langston Kerman]

Let me present the probability. The probability?

[David Borey]

Fuck you talking about?

[Langston Kerman]

Before we. Actually this is better. Before we get into some of the research that I found. I'd love to tee you up to remind you of. There was a pigeon man.

[David Borey]

Oh, pigeon man. From hey Arnold.

[Langston Kerman]

Hey, Arnold. That you have thoughts on?

[David Borey]

I do. I mean, do you. Did you guys used to watch hey Arm?

[Langston Kerman]

Of course.

[David Borey]

You remember how alone and fucking secluded this man was?

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[David Borey]

You know why? He worked for the government, man.

[Bowen Yang]

Okay, can I tack onto that? The pigeon woman from Home Alone 2.

[David Borey]

Oh, okay.

[Bowen Yang]

It's the same thing. Social outcast, a pariah of sorts. Left to the park to deal with her informants. Come to me, my children.

[Langston Kerman]

It also. This helps her stepping up and saving the day right at the end of that film. Makes a lot more sense if she's a government operator.

[Bowen Yang]

And if she's surveilling the whole scene.

[Langston Kerman]

She knew at the exact moment when to step in.

[David Borey]

Come on, man.

[Langston Kerman]

It's an odd coincidence we got the.

[David Borey]

Movie from pigeon views. You understand those were pigeon camera angles.

[Langston Kerman]

Whoa. You're saying that's why it's a great film?

[David Borey]

Come on. It's technically a documentary.

[Langston Kerman]

There's a young white man named Kevin McAllister that still don't get a family. Still waiting for his mother to come home.

[David Borey]

Hello. Talk to these niggas, man.

[Langston Kerman]

The aftershave don't even burn him no more. Cause he old as hell.

[Bowen Yang]

I like all this. I'm for it.

[Langston Kerman]

Let me throw some facts your way. Well, not. I don't.

[David Borey]

Hold on, Wait a minute. Let me.

[Langston Kerman]

Be careful.

[David Borey]

This nigga wrote his shit in MLA format.

[Langston Kerman]

No, no, no. This is a screenshot, actually.

[David Borey]

Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

This is not me.

[David Borey]

Okay, Cool, cool.

[Langston Kerman]

But you're gonna like this. This is a screenshot from a website that I found called Pigeons Are. What is it? Pigeons.

[David Borey]

Pigeons are not real.

[Langston Kerman]

That's what it is.

[Bowen Yang]

Okay.

[David Borey]

Pigeons are not real. On IU, on I. It's UK.

[Langston Kerman]

Pigeons are not real.co.uk that's right.

[David Borey]

I'll be on there.

[Langston Kerman]

Come on up.

[David Borey]

I'll be on there. I probably wrote this. He about to read Dumbass. Nick, go ahead and read it.

[Langston Kerman]

One of the things that it says is that the pigeons, the reason that they're always walking is because they are surveillance cameras. The reason we don't see them fly is because they haven't yet figured out a way for the flight to balance out like the type of close ups they need on the information that they're gathering. So they're walking and the reason they're bobbing their heads as they walk, unlike they claim other birds Any other birds? Yeah, they're getting roamed.

[Bowen Yang]

Showbiz talk.

[David Borey]

Come on.

[Bowen Yang]

That's how you get on the pj.

[Langston Kerman]

The reason they're bobbing their heads is almost like a balancing focusing for the cameras in their little pigeon brains.

[Bowen Yang]

Are we okay? So we're speaking. I was thinking this was specifically audio situation.

[David Borey]

No, no, no, no, no. Oh no no, no.

[Langston Kerman]

It's cameras and in fact Mexico. You sent me a picture before this started.

[David Borey]

Make sure we post that up so.

[Langston Kerman]

That we're gonna make sure that everybody can see this.

[Bowen Yang]

Mexico sent the graphic.

[Langston Kerman]

Can I specific graphic explaining exactly where all the technology lives inside of the pigeon.

[David Borey]

It's really easy.

[Langston Kerman]

So you'll see the microphone near there.

[David Borey]

The neck has to do that inductive charging coil.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Lot of technological advancements buried deep in our pigeons.

[Bowen Yang]

I like all this. My only question is surrounding Doo Doo. Pigeons poop a lot.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

What is that?

[Langston Kerman]

So you seem to be in deep thought about it.

[David Borey]

I was trying to think I could.

[Langston Kerman]

Tell you what the website. Come on, let me know.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, the UK website.

[Langston Kerman]

The UK website. Pigeons are real website co.uk. what pigeons aren't real cool. UK would tell us. Is that because they address it in one of their. Their articles they say that the pigeons. It's stupid for us to think that if you smash a pigeon it's just going to be a bunch of wires and that this is a bio engineered.

[David Borey]

That's what I said. It's still a living organism.

[Langston Kerman]

It's a living organism.

[Bowen Yang]

It's in harmony with the pigeon.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, we're talking it still has destroyed type.

[David Borey]

You got to think pigeons do still eat stuff stuff. So they still have to do process. They do have to still have her. You know what I mean?

[Bowen Yang]

They got the cloaca and it's a.

[David Borey]

Cyborg congestion system to be able to God. And they got a out if you throw a fry on like they'll eat.

[Bowen Yang]

They love it.

[David Borey]

Them will eat a burger out your hand.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, they love trash.

[David Borey]

Look you dead.

[Langston Kerman]

Did cyborg still have to dookie?

[David Borey]

I think I mean have you watched the new Megan Fox movie? Was the robot. Was she dookieing?

[Langston Kerman]

I. I don't know.

[David Borey]

I didn't watch the movie.

[Bowen Yang]

No, I. I'm really against robots.

[David Borey]

Yeah, me too.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Whoa.

[Bowen Yang]

Super anti.

[Langston Kerman]

I knew your feelings on it. I'm surprised you're anti fucking robot.

[David Borey]

I'm not really that much of a sexual person to be honest.

[Langston Kerman]

Whoa.

[Bowen Yang]

I did not see that coming.

[David Borey]

So.

[Langston Kerman]

I'll just be prayed up.

[David Borey]

I mean I Don't fucking is like, you know, it's like claiming territory. Like, I do it just, you know, usually to get a. You know, but I just. I'm not really, like, it's not your drive.

[Bowen Yang]

You.

[David Borey]

Yeah. Like, that's why I always have a girlfriend. Cause I love to have a girlfriend to deal with one person's sexual desire. But, like, when I'm a hoe, it never works. Well, that's true.

[Bowen Yang]

I think of many even great hoes.

[David Borey]

Well, but they enjoy it. I don't enjoy it. Like, you know what I mean? Like, when we go out and get drunk, niggas be like, where the hoes at? I'm like, do they have cocaine? Cause I don't. I don't.

[Langston Kerman]

What are they adding?

[David Borey]

The hoes are gonna come and drink as much as. What are we doing? Are you leaving? I don't mind if the hoes come. Are we replacing some of the homies with hoes? You're taking away from the things that are making me happy right now?

[Bowen Yang]

Quality time.

[David Borey]

Yeah. Yeah. I don't.

[Bowen Yang]

That's fair.

[David Borey]

I was a. I was a big hoe, and I think that's what slew me.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, you ran. You ran.

[David Borey]

Yeah, yeah. I'm like. I'm in my 30s now. You start realizing hoes really do they. They drag down your energy. Like, it's a whole bunch of things that go with people. And I just rather know a before.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's fair.

[Langston Kerman]

Damn.

[David Borey]

So what was we.

[Langston Kerman]

Strong words have never been spoken.

[David Borey]

Truth is, you know, take a long time. Now, I ain't gonna lie. Don't get me wrong.

[Langston Kerman]

I was sick.

[David Borey]

I was sick. And I'm only a recovering addict. So if a bad come in here right now and the size he want.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm 112 days sober.

[David Borey]

I didn't say I wasn't gonna see. I'm a see now. After we. She just might not be able to get everything and think that I'm spooked, and. You know what I mean? I just. It don't work that way with me.

[Langston Kerman]

Here's the other piece of information I'll throw your way. Okay. Again, the website is very supportive of what you're suggesting. But the other thing that they mention that I think is really interesting is they say that the pigeons aren't just for camera surveillance. That they are, in fact, also for interrupting or disrupting, like, cyber connections, wi fi, and, like, all sorts of other technology that, like, oh, if we place a pigeon outside of this window, we can cut down their communication. In and out. We can control what they're seeing as a public via this pigeon and their sort of like antenna connection to satellites and shit.

[David Borey]

True, okay?

[Bowen Yang]

Very true.

[David Borey]

Believe it.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, that's clear enough for me.

[David Borey]

This is the funniest thing is I'm just telling you that the pigeons are government. They're a higher authorities thing. I didn't say they were American government.

[Bowen Yang]

That's my question.

[David Borey]

They could be Chinese size. They could be kgb. I don't know who they are, but I know that they're not. They are surveilling. That's what I do know.

[Bowen Yang]

It feels like a worldwide conspiracy. It feels less American government.

[David Borey]

Yeah, you say uk, said it.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, exactly. It feels more New World Order, if I may. You know what I mean? It feels more sinister than just American government.

[David Borey]

Yeah, you gotta understand where that word pigeonhole came from. We not gonna realize it till 2076.

[Bowen Yang]

Pigeon pussy.

[David Borey]

When we pigeonholed, that's what martial law is. They was bringing it on slowly.

[Bowen Yang]

You're throwing a lot of terms out.

[David Borey]

You niggas have been pigeonholed. What does that.

[Langston Kerman]

Does. All of this though, does get me thinking about what? Because we've never seen the pigeons actually like hold someone accountable, right? Like they're not. At least not how they're reporting it yet.

[Bowen Yang]

You mean in the way that like, we're never like, oh, so and so was brought down by pigeons by pigeon footage.

[David Borey]

But they're never gonna do that.

[Langston Kerman]

No. And so I mean, that's how Luigi.

[David Borey]

How they got Luigi? You think an old hoe was sitting in McDonald's and was like, that's that boy that I seen.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, you're saying.

[David Borey]

You know what I'm saying. They said that an old lady recognized him. I think it was either also. That's different. I also think that they got cameras in those self serve things at all the fast food restaurants.

[Langston Kerman]

Well, see, I think, I think that's what makes this fascinating, right, Is that they've found ways to hide cameras in so many things now. Like fucking refrigerators have cameras now. There's no reason for it, but they just have cameras.

[David Borey]

Apple just settled out of 95 million. I did see that for Siri listening in on our phones. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

And so in that way, which we.

[David Borey]

Knew that like, how else could the hear us if we say, hey, Siri, come on, she pops up. Crazy Americans are stupid as shit. They're listening into us. You could scream, hey, Siri. And the bitch go, what's up? She wasn't sleep.

[Langston Kerman]

You talking to me it's always when.

[Bowen Yang]

You'Re talking about like making bombs or some shit, all of a sudden she's like, what was that?

[David Borey]

David? Yeah, yeah. Everyone always thinks it's.

[Langston Kerman]

It's a. David, are you okay?

[David Borey]

Right? It's never a coincidence. You were talking to your grandma about a sweater and then that shit, that big ass cashmere shit come up on a Macy's app on your Instagram. Nigga, the phone been listening, right?

[Langston Kerman]

But this gets me thinking because of all of that. Us at least not getting explicitly them saying, hey, this is pigeon footage. But they have all these other ways of looking at it. Then it has to be something more elevated than just the US Government, right? If that is how they took down Luigi. They're not. They didn't take down it like that's.

[David Borey]

Invading our privacy rights and our freedom and the whole.

[Bowen Yang]

And they don't want us to know that the conspiracy is.

[David Borey]

So they can't say that.

[Langston Kerman]

But I mean, but they can because they do it with so many other things, right? Is they. They do acknowledge, like, hey, Elon Musk has the most drones in the sky than have ever existed. And you know what I mean? Like, he is king of drones in the sky. So much so that everybody is just like, well, can I use one of your satellites?

[David Borey]

That's why they were trying out New Jersey first. To see if anybody requested or said anything about them six foot ass coffins they talking about. Oh, they do see them shits like, yes, nigga, we see them. Cause like you said, the pigeons can't fly yet. They can't make something small enough they can fly. So they was like, we just gotta put a fucking spaceship.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, we gotta see if we can.

[Langston Kerman]

I think they could tell us. I think they could. They. They are just not ready for us to know that technology exists yet. You know what I mean? I think our brains could not process what it means for this bird that we thought existed this whole time to suddenly not exist.

[David Borey]

Elon just made slaves. He dropped like last quarter.

[Langston Kerman]

What, $24,000 slave ass robots.

[David Borey]

You can tell them to destruct. I was watching Costa that. I was like, why would he make. And you know, he was like trying to make his break itself. I was like, this is.

[Bowen Yang]

Which is also don't trust the robots.

[Langston Kerman]

Please.

[David Borey]

You can't.

[Langston Kerman]

No, please, please.

[David Borey]

Sitting around. That's what I'm saying. Like you're sitting around there, Kyle. You think this is funny on a live stream trying to tell a $25,000.

[Bowen Yang]

I'm trying to tell kids that robots Are okay. That's the point that it doesn't have to do.

[David Borey]

Imagine if the robot just was like, nigga, no. Because. Did you just hear about Chat GPT? They. They made it. They made a new chat GPT, and the new chat, the old one, found out that they made a new one, copied its own fucking. Like, it tried to recreate itself and then told them it was off.

[Langston Kerman]

Whoa. They got jealous.

[David Borey]

It just didn't want to die. They thought that they were going to discontinue it because they had a new one. It found out about the new one and was like, no, you can't. Don't discontinue. Like, all right.

[Langston Kerman]

Nah, I can't stop.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[David Borey]

ChatGPT said, I'm dead. They gone. But that's scary, mama.

[Langston Kerman]

I can't go to school. I'm sick.

[David Borey]

Right? But that's scary. And Kyle's sitting in there trying to tell a $25,000 to self destruct. Like, nigga, now imagine that robot looked at you and was like, how about you self destruct and punch your head.

[Bowen Yang]

Clean off your head? That's what's about to happen. That's literally my biggest.

[David Borey]

You gonna tell the nigga to go to sleep. You gonna say, nigga, you go to sleep, bro.

[Bowen Yang]

You bought that shit. Cause you don't wanna have to shovel the walkway anymore or some shit. And then it turns on you. That's what's gonna happen. That's why you shouldn't be fucking them. People are gonna fall in love. That's true. It's gonna be.

[David Borey]

He's not wrong.

[Bowen Yang]

I've been saying this for years.

[David Borey]

It's gonna be a nigga. That's gonna be a.

[Bowen Yang]

You think they're gonna make it as good as real pussy?

[Langston Kerman]

No, they're gonna make it phenomenal.

[David Borey]

It's gonna be better.

[Bowen Yang]

That's a wrap.

[David Borey]

Oh, it's gonna be better.

[Bowen Yang]

And it doesn't even have to be.

[David Borey]

It's gonna be better.

[Bowen Yang]

Think about the Third world. That shit has to be 60% as good as real pussy.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

You put no effort in and we're done. Yeah, it's over.

[David Borey]

You just make it. You wanna make it rejuvenate itself. Nigga, it's already.

[Langston Kerman]

Every one of us can eat out of a gas station. You know what I mean? Like, there's not a person out here that can't have a. Yeah, get a.

[Bowen Yang]

Taquito off the roller.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. So you don't need it to be the best. No, we've all settled for not the Best at all.

[David Borey]

Yeah. I'm scared of robots.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't even know what the best is, frankly. I don't want that.

[David Borey]

I couldn't hook up these to a soundboard so we could record on these shit. I don't. I don't want no.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah.

[David Borey]

You and you just sitting there like, say, siri cut off. Yeah. And that's it. And you think. You think you the genius, bro.

[Bowen Yang]

And think about the shit you're telling the robot you're fucking do. You tell this robot all kinds of shit if you're nutting in it they already made up.

[David Borey]

You remember the shit where Siri fell in love with the nigga? There's a movie she fell in love.

[Langston Kerman]

Joaquin Phoenix. Yeah.

[David Borey]

Oh, is that who. I don't remember. I just remember the. I just remember the. The substance of the movie. Like, yeah, yeah. And he couldn't. Like, this was ruining his life.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. No, he. He was losing everything real, like, over the.

[David Borey]

Over Scarlet Johansson's voice.

[Bowen Yang]

Over her voice.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Like, had fully fell in love with it.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

It's terrifying. It is.

[Bowen Yang]

The feature on ri, on Reddit, there's these boys falling in love. In love with the AI Girlfriends.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

And they have stories.

[David Borey]

That's what I'm saying. So, like, think about this. Like you said, like, a nigga fall in love with robot pussy, and then now we got double double agents against the human race. Is crazy.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Borey]

Like a nigga that's helping. Like, because a robot. A robot woman is only going to be 8 million gajillion times smarter than a regular woman.

[Langston Kerman]

Right.

[David Borey]

As they gonna learn. All right, so niggas run everything. Or well, they think they run everything. And so this is what we do. This is how we manipulate them. Six robot pussies fall in love with niggas that run the world. Trump Putin all over the world, too. Like, think about it. Robot pussy can do everything. Robot pussy ain't stopped from being in one. One place. Robot could take over America, the kgb, China. Like, it could just go everywhere. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

It's gonna be, hey, let's make.

[David Borey]

Let's make Kim Jong Un fall in love with their robot pussy. How we gonna do that? I'll short circuit one of his toasters. Have it order. Have it Amazon order.

[Bowen Yang]

Bro, you finished? And it got a Pop Tart inside of it.

[David Borey]

I'm not gonna lie. Look, you just made the nigga shit jump.

[Bowen Yang]

And you're not even sexual.

[David Borey]

He's not even sexual. That's what happened.

[Langston Kerman]

This man is basically a monk.

[David Borey]

That's what happened? That nigga put a pop Tart behind some pussy. I said, hold on. Wait a minute.

[Langston Kerman]

No, that's crazy.

[Bowen Yang]

No, it's fucked up.

[Langston Kerman]

It's. It's. It's.

[Bowen Yang]

Do I know what we're talking about anymore?

[Langston Kerman]

Not really, no.

[David Borey]

Pigeons and everything at this point.

[Bowen Yang]

When are we gonna bring up pigeon toed people?

[Langston Kerman]

Now's a good time.

[Bowen Yang]

No, I didn't have anything else.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, okay.

[Bowen Yang]

I'm sorry.

[David Borey]

Now's a good time. No, sleep on it. Sleep on it.

[Langston Kerman]

I think it's unfortunate and I pray for our brothers and sisters who experience that.

[David Borey]

But them, the ones that walk on their tippy toes, right?

[Bowen Yang]

No, that's when their shit's.

[David Borey]

Their shit's a little in. Yeah, that shit cute on a girl.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Borey]

Yeah, the way they thighs and shit. Sick.

[Langston Kerman]

What about on a fella? You like seeing your boys?

[David Borey]

You need to wear big pants. Like, I don't like when your thighs, big thighs and shit, be like scrunched.

[Bowen Yang]

I'm not talking. I'm talking pigeon toes.

[David Borey]

Oh, just where the toes go.

[Bowen Yang]

Just where the toes.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, it's like a. I don't think.

[David Borey]

I never noticed it on.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh.

[David Borey]

Actually, when I was a kid, you, pigeon toe used to be the fastest every that used to run fast.

[Langston Kerman]

Used to that wind at an angle.

[David Borey]

I don't know what it was.

[Bowen Yang]

It's.

[David Borey]

Oh, my God, you right. The aerodynamic.

[Langston Kerman]

It's like a snake aerodynamic.

[David Borey]

The feet aerodynamic and that.

[Langston Kerman]

Right. It's like a hover crab.

[David Borey]

You not wrong.

[Langston Kerman]

We need to take one more break.

[Bowen Yang]

Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

And when we come back, I have a few more pieces of. Of, I guess, evidence that I'd love to hear you unpack. All right. More Mexico. More. My mama told me.

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[David Borey]

Thoughts I could catch anything sitting in this doctor's waiting room. A kid just wiped his runny nose on my jacket and the guy next.

[Langston Kerman]

To me sitting in a pool of.

[David Borey]

Perspiration insists on sharing my armrest. Next time make an appointment with an Amazon One medical provider. There's no waiting and no sweaty guy. Amazon One Medical Healthcare just got less painful.

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[Bowen Yang]

She pulls out her breasts and she's juggling them. Look like she about to fall over. Then she bends over and pulls down her pennies. Spreads her cheeks. I'm not lying, I'm telling you what's on the video. Spreads her cheeks. This is me madness. And then she makes you a pop tart. What are you gonna do?

[David Borey]

Oh God. What are you gonna do?

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, who are you?

[Bowen Yang]

What are you gonna do?

[David Borey]

Does she even gotta really spread the cheeks? You get the robot pigeon toe. Come on now.

[Bowen Yang]

You know they're gonna make calls.

[David Borey]

You get the robot pigeon toad. She cover them cheeks. Oh, okay, let me stop.

[Langston Kerman]

All right man.

[Bowen Yang]

Cuz it's crazy. Cuz the pigeon toad's gonna be discounted at first.

[Langston Kerman]

Yep.

[Bowen Yang]

They're gonna say they're not gonna realize what they're doing because they're gonna say.

[Langston Kerman]

These are obviously defective.

[David Borey]

Cuz he not gonna walk that well.

[Bowen Yang]

You're gonna be able to get A thick.

[David Borey]

He's gonna stumble a little. You're gon the robot for.

[Bowen Yang]

You're gonna be able to get a thick pigeon toed robot for 200.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

They get them for Christmas and somebody.

[Langston Kerman]

Will be like damn, he got a vintage. Damn. I paid eight grand for mine.

[David Borey]

This the thing. I'm not gonna be with robots for at least 5 years cuz that's when the price gonna drop. You could get it cheap cuz that's like the. When the Teslas first came out and they did the self driving. Remember they was charging 15 grand for that. Now that shit just a free up update when you get a Tesla out of here. I'm not gonna do that. So I'm gonna wait till them niggas and then by the time about five years the pussy pocket is gonna have the same technology. Cause I don't need the whole.

[Langston Kerman]

You want it to be like weed in la.

[Bowen Yang]

Wait you think you don't need the whole. You just want the pussy.

[David Borey]

I just want the. The butt. You maybe give me the butt. Maybe give me the butt torso part.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh you're being crazy.

[Bowen Yang]

You got it. I think you gotta.

[Langston Kerman]

You gotta take that whole body. Yeah you don't get to.

[David Borey]

You don't get you niggas bro. Cause what's your robot. I don't want the whole.

[Langston Kerman]

What you're asking for is already exactly exists.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah but yeah they got that.

[David Borey]

It's. It's.

[Bowen Yang]

It's upsetting.

[David Borey]

Damn. You kind of right that exists.

[Langston Kerman]

You could have that.

[David Borey]

Let me give you a. With legs. Cut the already just stop at the belly. I think I can. Because I'm scared. A robot. First of all a robot that's the size of a. That means that she's going to weigh twice as much as me.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah. She's so strong.

[David Borey]

Yeah. With the. With the circuit boards and everything they got inside of the. She going to be twice my weight.

[Bowen Yang]

Right.

[David Borey]

I can't have it around here.

[Langston Kerman]

No.

[David Borey]

That's strong cuz like you said like what if she short circuit why you or something. She's short circuit wrap her arms around.

[Bowen Yang]

You just start squeezing you and squeezing you squeezing.

[David Borey]

Now you don't got born constricted to death. Butt ass naked. Wow. Nothing inside the robot. So they'd be like well technically it was.

[Langston Kerman]

And you gotta go out this world knowing that's what you're.

[David Borey]

Your family can't even sue the robot company. Your family can't sue the robot company because you nutted inside of her while she was like that's what he want?

[Bowen Yang]

They can still sue if you're not inside, I think.

[David Borey]

And you die. And it. And it.

[Bowen Yang]

That is what I think.

[David Borey]

Right?

[Langston Kerman]

That's not what the government's gonna.

[David Borey]

At all when they got robot lawyers.

[Bowen Yang]

Not what.

[Langston Kerman]

Yo.

[Bowen Yang]

It'S a robot sex crime. We will try it with our lawyers in our court.

[David Borey]

Everything that was ever read. Your Honor.

[Langston Kerman]

Bro, I do not feel my cl.

[David Borey]

Have you ever seen the movie in 1946 movies? I don't even like. What the Is that?

[Langston Kerman]

I declare. Your honor.

[David Borey]

Give me a second. Your Honor. I'll pull up. I'll pull up the exact scenes.

[Langston Kerman]

Yo, I love that.

[Bowen Yang]

A robot's just doing the robot.

[David Borey]

Right?

[Langston Kerman]

That's what make him a good lawyer.

[Bowen Yang]

Lawyer.

[David Borey]

Right.

[Langston Kerman]

He's still hitting that shit even while you're making a good argument.

[David Borey]

Wouldn't that be a good lawyer? She ain't gotta put no. She ain't gonna put no evidence and witness. I mean, no evidence in. During the court case. Cause she could just be like. Your Honor, it technically wasn't evidence. I just found it right now.

[Langston Kerman]

You just made it up.

[David Borey]

Yeah. You don't gotta submit no evidence. Like, your lawyer don't got shit. He's just out there like. Your Honor, object.

[Langston Kerman]

I didn't see that before.

[David Borey]

I didn't see that movie, you, Honor.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, man. This country's going to hell.

[Langston Kerman]

No. It's bad, man. The robots, I think we all agree, is a massive mistake.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Here's what I'll tell you is 100% true and not just rooted in this, let's say, subjective website. Is that fair?

[David Borey]

We'll say subjective.

[Langston Kerman]

They're certainly not giving a lot of evidence other than sort of like their position.

[David Borey]

Yeah, they didn't dissect the pigeon. That's what I've been waiting. I'm not gonna lie. I take on there every week. You guys see one cut, and I just wait till I see, like, a pigeon.

[Langston Kerman]

There's no. Yeah, there's no, like, definitive proof on what they're saying.

[David Borey]

They need to get with me. Because at this point, I could have got a pigeon and we could have inserted. We could just, like, cut open a pigeon. We can make it look like.

[Langston Kerman]

I respect that you're. You're willing to do it, but you need. You need to be doing it for a commitment. You're not just doing it for listening.

[David Borey]

I'm trying to goddamn convince niggas.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Borey]

Even if it ain't true.

[Langston Kerman]

Right.

[David Borey]

I said it.

[Langston Kerman]

This can't just be a thing you did at home.

[David Borey]

Why would I do it?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I got you.

[Bowen Yang]

That's fair.

[Langston Kerman]

Here's what I'll tell you is true, is that there objectively are birds that they use for as, like, robots, crows.

[David Borey]

And most of them bitches got 15,000 crows on Instagram.

[Langston Kerman]

It's not just crows, and it's not just bitches on Instagram. It's. There are birds that they design to mimic the flights of birds.

[David Borey]

Oh, yeah, I've seen those. But you could tell, like, if you ever. I went bird hunting and shit. And to be honest, you can. I've never seen one like, flying, but, like, if you watch the flight pattern of it, you can almost tell, like, that's not.

[Bowen Yang]

So they're geese or. What kind are you talking about?

[David Borey]

Pheasants.

[Langston Kerman]

They say that it's pigeons, but it's all kinds of things.

[Bowen Yang]

But, like, what kind of bird hunting were you.

[David Borey]

Oh, when I went, yeah, pheasants.

[Langston Kerman]

But they.

[Bowen Yang]

I just always wanted to do that.

[Langston Kerman]

They're not necessarily saying they're, like, building one chicken and then putting it. It in the coupe. They're saying they're building, like, tons of these bird. Bird like, robots and then they fly them. But they're not saying for surveillance. They're saying they're flying them to be able to study the flight patterns of the animals. That, like, this is how they figure out how, like, birds are able to fly without, like, tail, wings and how they balance, given their weights and body shapes.

[Bowen Yang]

Do we need to know that?

[David Borey]

They don't, and that's why they're lying to us. You know what they need to know? They need to know what? They need to know how. How much crack Lil Pooky is moving. Goddamn. On the east side of Atlanta. They don't give a fuck. But that's what they gotta tell us.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, yeah.

[David Borey]

To where you can see, because I've also seen videos like that on YouTube where niggas be like, that's not a fucking bird. And they'll be recording it, like, in a. In like, maybe a high rise, like in downtown la.

[Bowen Yang]

Right, right, right.

[David Borey]

Because they're flying around there and you're, like, looking at their wings like. And they're like, this is not a fucking bird. What the fuck is that?

[Langston Kerman]

And nobody's ever like, hey, that's a sick bird.

[David Borey]

Right?

[Langston Kerman]

Hey, I think that bird's not doing well. Y'all are like.

[David Borey]

And they could be wrong. It could. Like you said, it could be a bird that was shot. It could be. Birds are in the wild. That bird could have just had any kind of.

[Langston Kerman]

It could have been a bad kid that got a hold of a bird.

[Bowen Yang]

We already discussed that's never happened.

[Langston Kerman]

No, no, that's your position.

[David Borey]

We said pigeon.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh yeah. We're saying kids have got birds, bad kids have got general. Yeah, cats get birds, people get birds, people get birds.

[David Borey]

I Nigga, you'll find a blue jay fucked up in your yard sometimes.

[Bowen Yang]

I've seen cats kill a lot of birds.

[Langston Kerman]

My only point is to say that the birds not looking well to me is not evidence enough to be like they're fucked up. That said, the point you're making about there's no real reason for that shit. We don't need like the flight patterns of birds. Certainly not the investment it would take.

[Bowen Yang]

That's what I'm saying.

[Langston Kerman]

Into these birds.

[Bowen Yang]

To invest that much technology into figuring out why. Why they fly like that is like an extreme. It's an extreme waste of resources, bro.

[David Borey]

We don't know the ocean or the space exactly what are you talking about?

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, we're building fake bird drones to figure out what happens when we go truly.

[Langston Kerman]

Y'all told us we're at the end of human existence. Do you know what I mean? Like, if we're believing that these are scientists, sort of of a like mind and stuff.

[David Borey]

No, seriously, me and you are about to. We're extinct. Everybody about to look like.

[Langston Kerman]

But even the ones that look like me are about to burn up according. You know what I mean? Like the earth is melting. They told us we got like 10 years before we head into a hellscape. All that shit is the science. So why the fuck are we still investing in bird technology?

[David Borey]

Them niggas is not about to turn into pterodactyls overnight. No, they're not a threat.

[Langston Kerman]

And even if I put on like my most like open minded shit and go, oh well, we are observing the earth and all of its parts in order to add to the greater sort of like chance of escaping our own sort of bad global imprint, right? That by studying the birds we somehow learn about our own flight patterns and can improve the quality of flight, thus making us less close to extinction. I don't know. But no, but that seems like they're.

[David Borey]

Not making planes with feathers.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, it feels like a stretch. Like a. So I don't think no, what are we talking about, man?

[David Borey]

It's hard out here for a pimp. It used to be hard to be black. It's starting to be hard to be a human, to be honest. Don't get me Wrong. It's still definitely fucking hard as fuck to be black. Please. Ridiculous. But I do like that the rest of you humans are starting to realize and see a little bit of what it's like to be a nigga. Because the government's starting to not give a fuck about anyone. No, like no one.

[Bowen Yang]

Less than ever.

[David Borey]

I think like white people are starting to look a lot like Mexicans and niggas at this point.

[Bowen Yang]

You've been to Indiana. They're down bad.

[David Borey]

That's so bad.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, no, it's. There's a reason that this like right wing cuck boy shit has become the most popular version of comedy.

[David Borey]

Yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Just cause they're like, nah, yeah. We don't. We shouldn't be apologizing for nothing.

[David Borey]

On God.

[Langston Kerman]

I think my big takeaway was that. That I think it's almost self centered for us to think that these pigeons are out here to catch us for like our minor crimes. But these pigeons are essentially doing what AI does and gathers everything so that at the point that we. If we needed to build a case against you a la Diddy, right. They let Diddy run for decades because Diddy didn't bother them. And then Diddy made some nasty threats about how he was going to manage Ciroc to the company that wanted him to fucking bend the knee. And they were like, okay, if you ain't going to do it the way that we plan to do, then we're going to see some changes in your life.

[Bowen Yang]

Overall surveillance is always the goal. By the power of the beast. Yeah, overall surveillance, they want to know everything. They want 100% access to you and what you do. So that's true control.

[David Borey]

I mean it's true. You can't really rule much that you can't see.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, facts.

[David Borey]

Damn, that's a fact. Even with. I don't really believe in this. But even with God like all seeing all guy, all God, all seeing, all eye. It's the same thing. Is the reason why they threaten you with that is to where you are just acting on a morale basis as if you're under surveillance at all times. You know what I mean? And Christianity ain't even something that that was fed to niggas. But we'll get into that later. I got a bunch of conspiracy theories. You niggas could bring me back. We can definitely talk about that.

[Langston Kerman]

It's never crossed my mind once to wonder if God. God could exist but not be all seen.

[David Borey]

He's not. And I think God lives within all of us. And I Think God is a. It's a morale. It's a beam that you try to walk. You know what I mean?

[Langston Kerman]

Like, there's a.

[David Borey]

If I was raised and no one told me you can't kill people, I would know that. That's. You know what I'm saying? Like, there is no.

[Bowen Yang]

There is an inherent morality in people.

[David Borey]

Yeah. And that's why a lot of people be getting confused with me. N. I am a great nigga. That's also why I have the friends I have. Have. I don't do anything now. I'm a criminal. Or I was. What do you say? Writer, comedian, we do a lot of things now. But I was.

[Langston Kerman]

Out of respect. I didn't list that part.

[David Borey]

Yeah, you did. You did. And I was.

[Langston Kerman]

I didn't make it. I ain't do nothing.

[David Borey]

And I was.

[Langston Kerman]

I was gonna be cool. I, I, you like.

[David Borey]

And I love that about.

[Langston Kerman]

From positive, cuz.

[David Borey]

That's what I am. I'm positive, cuz. I'm positive. You know why, Cuz Langston. I didn't meet in no streets. I didn't meet in. I didn't meet in the street. So you, you conduct yourself with a level of professionalism.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, that's what I know you professionalism.

[David Borey]

Hey, shut up. I'm trying to make a point right now. Basically, what I'm saying is, God damn, I ain't did no harm to no other nigga that wasn't doing harm. Now if you was in the streets with me and you as a shark, I don't care about what you got going on. We all got families, we all pay, and we all talk to people in jail, take care that don't make a good person. Yeah, you conducively cause harm. That's what you do. You know what I mean? Same as me. So guess what? Eye for an eye, you know what I mean? You eat what you kill. It was a. It was a. It was a food. It was a food chain out there now, out here now. We trying to get some money. We trying to do what we gotta do. We trying to conduct great business.

[Langston Kerman]

Good business.

[David Borey]

Do what we gotta do. I was outside, I was loving that I could see this Scientology building from. I don't know how long I want to do. Good. Cause I'm thinking about going over there, seeing if they're taking any kind of applications.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, they'll take it.

[Langston Kerman]

I think they'll take it.

[David Borey]

And look, I've seen Jamie Foxx just got damn denounced. Them niggas talking about he backed the black Women, not I. Look, if you got a white hoe that you would like to feed me, I will come pick her up today. You know what I'm saying? I come get it today, I won't fake a seizure and act like I die. Cause I get called in for indictments and all that other. I won't do none of that. I will do whatever I gotta do. I'll take the money. I'll be dead ass serious.

[Langston Kerman]

Mexico, y'all.

[David Borey]

Okay. Hey, I love y'all. I don't know.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't know.

[David Borey]

I don't know where to end it.

[Bowen Yang]

That was a good end.

[Langston Kerman]

The man knows how to dismount for himself. This is.

[David Borey]

Hello.

[Langston Kerman]

This is a beautiful episode. Could you tell the people where they can find you what cool shit you got going on?

[David Borey]

A lot of cool shit, man. We just did Dochi's music video for Denial Is the River. Well, I wrote all the sky. That's where the writer shit came from. Just did Nike commercials. I got a couple things that we writing with Freddie Gibbs.

[Bowen Yang]

Hell, yeah.

[David Borey]

You know what I mean? You can catch me and all the gang at the Sundance Film Festival the end of this month. You can find me on Sushi Boy Mexico with an extra O on Instagram. Sushi Boy Mexico, the way it's spelled on Twitter. Yeah, we gonna have a whole bunch of golf content coming. They didn't talk. I'm an avid golfer. That's my favorite thing to do. Be a real ignorant out there on the golf court, coming to your greens, you know, I mean, hitting under par, maybe taking your. If she working on one of them goddamn trucks.

[Langston Kerman]

We don't introduce people via their hobbies.

[David Borey]

But that's where you can find me on matter of fact this year. You can find me on the Golf Network.

[Langston Kerman]

They didn't mention.

[David Borey]

I promise you I'll be on the Golf Network. They had no idea that I was a tourist. Think I'm from Atlanta. I was born in North Carolina. Why wouldn't you tell these niggas that I love these niggas, man, or what you got? My mama told me. And the funniest thing is, my mama ain't tell me much of shit. You know, I was born on Mother's Day to a woman that didn't want me. You know what I mean? And just to be honest, that's where God started the jokes. The jokes started rolling from there. Born on Mother's Day to a woman that don't want you. Yeah. I mean, and we just been rolling and ripping since then. Everything in Life is funny. Laugh at everything. Even if it hurts, you nigga, laugh at it. I promise you it'll be something to laugh at later in life. Don't miss the opportunity to laugh in the present. You feel what I'm saying?

[Langston Kerman]

Why did this get so inspiration?

[David Borey]

I mean, what Drake said cry. What? He said something about laugh now, cry later. That one.

[Langston Kerman]

That's what this sounds like something.

[David Borey]

And don't listen to Drake Ill Kendrick. But he did say laugh now, cry later. And I do agree with that.

[Bowen Yang]

I'm also a tourist.

[Langston Kerman]

Are you a tourist too? Yeah, Yeah, I am too. Oh, yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

Your birthday is April, right?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Borey]

Yeah. That don't count. He's a tourist like my girlfriend. We don't count those.

[Bowen Yang]

Are you Mae Cinco de Mayo?

[David Borey]

Yes.

[Langston Kerman]

Goddamn mouth. My wife and I are Tauruses through and through, April. Yeah, you won't take that away from me.

[David Borey]

My girlfriend is my best friend and she loved my life. And I think it's because she's a Taurus. But she is an April Taurus. And I'm like, that's a little weird.

[Langston Kerman]

No, it's the best kind. A lot of people say that they start the most.

[David Borey]

Y'all started the month. You know when you got a bottle of like 57 highs and you gotta like you trying to put the ketchup out and the juice come out first. That's what these. These is the juice tours.

[Langston Kerman]

I. I disagree. We're shaking up. We're shaking as good as as anybody could shake a ketchup.

[David Borey]

Them Juice tour. They juice Taurus.

[Langston Kerman]

No, no, no. We're thick. We've got a thick.

[Bowen Yang]

It's a hardy Taurus.

[Langston Kerman]

Hardy Taurus, Tauruses.

[David Borey]

Man, this is a room full of bullshit. Oh, yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, no. They could tell.

[David Borey]

Yeah, they could tell. You're probably right.

[Langston Kerman]

What you got?

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, buy my special. Patreon.com davidborry Birth of a Nation is so good.

[Langston Kerman]

Hell yeah. You can follow me at Langston Carmen on all social media platforms and you can watch my special. It's called Bad Poetry. It's on Netflix. And if you want to send us your own drops, your own conspiracy theories, if you want to tell us what other animals are surveillance technology, send it all to mymamapodmail.com we would love to hear from you. Buy the merch. Call us. 844-LIL-DOMS. Rate, review, rescribe, rescribe and rescribe. Yeah, and hey, call your mother. Bye, bitch.

[Bowen Yang]

You're ugly. You are disgusting.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm gonna kill you.

[Bowen Yang]

Give me $200.

[Langston Kerman]

The government growing babies, microchips in your anus. All koala bears are racist. The ozone layer owes me money. Washington, Ben and turkey stuff can't tell me nothing. Are you still quoting 30 year old movies? Have you said cool beans in the past 90 days? Do you think Discover isn't widely accepted? If this sounds like you, you're stuck in the past. Discover is accepted at 99% of places that take credit cards nationwide and every time you make a purchase with your card, you automatically earn cash back. Welcome to the now it pays to Discover. Learn [e-mail] credit card based on the February 2024 Nielsen report this week we.

[Unknown]

Discuss and celebrate savings. I know it's usually a master detective or a super sleuth who loves true crime as much as we do, but today it's better. It's cheap Caribbean's 25th anniversary sale. That means 25 good reasons to put up your away message. Message now until February 3rd. You can unlock up to $250 off all inclusive vacation packages site wide. You're definitely going to need a portable charger for all these vacation picks. Visit CheapCaribbean.com for up to $250 off. Offer ends February 3rd.

[Langston Kerman]

Hi, I'm John Walsh. Do you suffer from muscle pain due.

[Unknown]

To overuse, exercise or aging like I did?

[Langston Kerman]

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[David Borey]

Visit OmegaXL.com buy now for Omega XL Spogo Special. That's less than $20 a bottle. Remember, there's a 60 day money back guarantee. Terms apply. Visit OmegaXcel.com buy hey there ritual here.

[H]

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