Protect Black Boys, Girls, and Squirrels: Motherf*ckin Mini Episode

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Protect Black Boys, Girls, and Squirrels: Motherf*ckin Mini Episode"

Podcast Information:

• Title: Protect Black Boys, Girls, and Squirrels: Motherf*ckin Mini Episode
• Host/Authors: Langston Kerman and Kat Dennings (Big Money Players Network and iHeartPodcasts)
• Release Date: January 9, 2025
• Description: In this mini episode of "My Momma Told Me," comedians Langston Kerman and Kat Dennings delve into thought-provoking discussions surrounding Black identity, societal challenges, and the complexities of cultural integration. Through candid conversations, they explore topics ranging from the impact of drugs on personal and communal resilience to the nuances of cultural assimilation and the perpetuation of stereotypes.

---

1. Introduction to the Mini Episode [02:21 - 03:20]

The episode kicks off with Kat Dennings energetically announcing the mini episode, emphasizing its brevity and focus:

• Kat Dennings [02:42]: "Welcome lil mamas and gentiles alike to another phenomenal episode of My mama told."

Langston Kerman adds a humorous tone, setting the stage for an engaging and unfiltered discussion:

• Langston Kerman [02:48]: "This is one of them teeny, tiny motherfuckers, them little bitches, you know what I mean?"

---

2. The Impact of Crack Cocaine on Black Resilience [03:37 - 06:56]

Discussion Points:

• Perceived Strength: The hosts discuss how crack cocaine has been misconstrued as a source of resilience and strength within the Black community.
• Loss of Discernment: They highlight the detrimental effects of crack, particularly how it diminishes personal judgment and leads to destructive behaviors.

Notable Quotes:

• Langston Kerman [04:21]: "The distance between crack cocaine and that limitless pill are... it's a tiny taint's worth of space between those two powerful drugs."

• Kat Dennings [04:45]: "Every drug... the positive about it is that you feel like you could be a better version of yourself."

• Langston Kerman [05:40]: "Crackheads are strong, resilient, strong people."

---

3. The Struggle of Quitting and Its Consequences [06:01 - 09:16]

Discussion Points:

• Personal Relationships: The difficulty of maintaining personal relationships after overcoming addiction.
• Identity and Power: How reliance on drugs like crack can create a false sense of power and confidence that fades post-addiction.

Notable Quotes:

• Kat Dennings [06:20]: "How sad would you be if you got off crack and you became like, your professional life got better, but your personal life... went to ruins?"

• Langston Kerman [08:13]: "It's the power. But you got to be responsible, my man."

---

4. The Illusion of Profoundness Through Substance Use [10:06 - 15:26]

Discussion Points:

• False Epiphanies: The hosts explore how drugs can create illusions of profound insights that are fleeting and not genuinely transformative.
• Natural Growth vs. Drug-Induced Insights: Emphasis on the idea that true personal growth and understanding should come from within, not through substance dependency.

Notable Quotes:

• Kat Dennings [13:07]: "I mean, I've tried enough drugs and had enough good and bad experiences that I landed at the point of they are just drugs, man."

• Langston Kerman [13:48]: "It's embarrassing to seek answers in traditional ways... we want it quicker, I guess."

---

5. Cultural Assimilation and Identity Preservation [15:26 - 22:02]

Discussion Points:

• Code-Switching: The necessity and impact of adapting one's behavior and speech to fit into different cultural contexts.
• Whiteness and Power Structures: Examination of how assimilation into white communities often requires distancing from one's cultural roots, leading to internal conflicts and identity loss.

Notable Quotes:

• Langston Kerman [16:45]: "The system of whiteness... ensures that you really only have to take that beat for a generation."

• Kat Dennings [44:13]: "The system of whiteness... ensures that you really only have to take that beat for a generation."

---

6. Culture Wars and Societal Division [23:15 - 38:45]

Discussion Points:

• Performative Activism: Critique of individuals who adopt certain opinions primarily to fit into prevailing cultural trends rather than out of genuine belief.
• Media Influence: How media perpetuates stereotypes and fuels divisive narratives, making it challenging to foster genuine understanding and unity.

Notable Quotes:

• Langston Kerman [23:51]: "95% even... most people much of anything. Life is hard... you don't even have time to... forming finished thoughts on right and wrong."

• Kat Dennings [25:44]: "Everybody's the main character in their story. What are you talking about?"

---

7. The Stigmatization of Mental Health and Personal Growth [38:45 - 47:44]

Discussion Points:

• Resistance to Change: The fear and embarrassment associated with striving for personal growth and the societal pressures that discourage vulnerability.
• Impact of Code-Switching: How constantly adapting to different cultural expectations can lead to mental fatigue and resistance to personal transformation.

Notable Quotes:

• Langston Kerman [48:08]: "There are people I grew up with that I still feel that off of them... 'Fuck y'all Niggas.'"

• Kat Dennings [48:23]: "Working on it is the way to frame it... you have to be like, have you worked on this thing?"

---

8. Reflection on the Human Condition and Potential for Growth [47:44 - 49:35]

Discussion Points:

• Fear of Change: The inherent fear adults face when considering personal transformation.
• Human Potential: Despite societal challenges, the hosts acknowledge the unique capacity for growth and adaptation within humanity.

Notable Quotes:

• Langston Kerman [47:44]: "It's extremely terrifying to learn to approach change as an adult..."

• Kat Dennings [49:25]: "That's the beauty of humanity that that's possible. That's why I think we're so special."

---

9. Conclusion and Call to Action [50:04 - 57:06]

Discussion Points:

• Self-Deprecation and Humor: The hosts conclude with humorous reflections on their podcasting skills and future plans.
• Engagement with Audience: Encouragement for listeners to subscribe, follow on social media, and participate in future episodes.

Notable Quotes:

• Kat Dennings [50:26]: "We gotta sell the dream. We're not selling the dream."

• Langston Kerman [53:27]: "Subscribe today and you can get the Amazing Meaningful Beauty system..."

• Kat Dennings [57:06]: "Mini episodes. Mini episode. Mini episodes. Mini episodes. Many episodes. Mini episodes."

---

10. Final Thoughts and Takeaways

In this mini episode, Langston Kerman and Kat Dennings provide a raw and unfiltered exploration of complex issues affecting the Black community and broader societal dynamics. Through their candid dialogue, they shed light on the destructive impact of substance abuse, the challenges of cultural assimilation, and the pervasive nature of performative activism fueled by media influences. Their discussion underscores the importance of genuine personal growth, the courage to seek authentic transformation, and the resilience required to navigate a society rife with stereotypes and divisive narratives.

By intertwining humor with poignant insights, the hosts not only entertain but also provoke critical reflection on the societal structures that shape individual and collective identities. This episode serves as a compelling reminder of the ongoing struggles and the potential for meaningful change within both the Black community and the broader cultural landscape.

---

Notable Quotes Compilation:

• Langston Kerman [04:21]: "The distance between crack cocaine and that limitless pill are... it's a tiny taint's worth of space between those two powerful drugs."
• Kat Dennings [04:45]: "Every drug... the positive about it is that you feel like you could be a better version of yourself."
• Kat Dennings [13:07]: "I mean, I've tried enough drugs and had enough good and bad experiences that I landed at the point of they are just drugs, man."
• Langston Kerman [23:51]: "95% even... most people much of anything. Life is hard... you don't even have time to... forming finished thoughts on right and wrong."
• Langston Kerman [47:44]: "It's extremely terrifying to learn to approach change as an adult..."
• Kat Dennings [49:25]: "That's the beauty of humanity that that's possible. That's why I think we're so special."

---

Timestamp Reference: All timestamps refer to the minutes and seconds into the mini episode where the quotes and discussions occur, facilitating easy navigation for those who wish to delve deeper into specific segments.

Transcript

[Tim Allen]

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[Kat Dennings]

Dad, I'm broke and I need a place to stay until I figure out.

[Langston Kerman]

What the rest of my life looks like. So a couple of days.

[Tim Allen]

I love it when his daughter moves back in.

[Langston Kerman]

The last time you walked out that door, you looked back at me and gave me a double bird. I was 18. The double bird was how I ended all our conversations.

[Tim Allen]

The wheels come off.

[David Bore]

Can we try to talk to each.

[Kat Dennings]

Other like rational adults?

[Langston Kerman]

Have you watched the news lately? That's not a thing anymore.

[Tim Allen]

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[Kenya Barris]

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[Kat Dennings]

Coming to Apple TV.

[Langston Kerman]

What you all did five months ago was one of the most painful moments in the history of this company.

[Tim Allen]

Our message got out.

[Langston Kerman]

We're famous.

[Kat Dennings]

All of us equally. Or one of us is like the star.

[Tim Allen]

What did you see?

[Langston Kerman]

My audi's wife is Ms. Casey.

[Tim Allen]

If you want to find out what.

[David Bore]

Happened to her, I'll help.

[Tim Allen]

She's still alive.

[Langston Kerman]

I want to see my wife. He should have left.

[Kat Dennings]

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[Kat Dennings]

Motherfucking mini episode. Mini episode. Motherfucking mini episode. My mama told niggas get shot every day. B Eat you some soup. You tough, right? Welcome lil mamas and gentiles alike to another phenomenal episode of My mama told.

[Langston Kerman]

Me the podcast where we dive deep, deep into the pockets of black conspiracy.

[Kat Dennings]

Theories and we finally work to prove the conspiracies of you, the listener. It's a motherfucking mini episode.

[Langston Kerman]

This is one of them teeny, tiny motherfuckers, them little bitches, you know what I mean?

[Kat Dennings]

Come on, put it in your pocket. Take it home.

[Langston Kerman]

Come on, we not going to take up your whole day with this shit.

[Kat Dennings]

Just a hit.

[Langston Kerman]

Just a little taste.

[Kat Dennings]

Come on, baby. First one's free.

[Langston Kerman]

You're not a crack fiend yet. If you only listen to the minis, you're not a crack fiend.

[Kat Dennings]

You will not suck dick for a mini episode.

[Langston Kerman]

No, you're like that Harvard professor who said, yeah, I smoke a little crack every day.

[Tim Allen]

Yeah.

[Kat Dennings]

Yeah, every day. He's still a professor.

[Langston Kerman]

Is like, I do my job well, I smoke a little crack. You don't have to get addicted if you don't want to. And I myself do not want to.

[Kat Dennings]

Here's a question, and I, you know, I have spoken out on the subject before. Do you think there is a level of hard drugs where they are a performance enhancement? Like, do you think there's a level where it can be contained and you can be a function and it makes you better than you would be sober?

[Langston Kerman]

I'll be honest. I think the. The. The distance between crack cocaine and that limitless pill are. It's. It's tiny. Do you know what I mean? I think it's like a taint's worth of space between those two powerful drugs, bro.

[Kat Dennings]

I mean, every drug, that's the thing, you feel amazing. I feel like every drug you do, whether it' weed or caffeine or alcohol or cocaine or whatever it is, every drug, the positive about it is that you feel like you could be a better. You see a better version of yourself, dog. You know what I'm saying? You take that Molly in for a second, you're like, I could just be like this.

[Langston Kerman]

People be on drugs and they. They're thin and they're. They're strong. You know what I mean?

[Kat Dennings]

Come on.

[Langston Kerman]

Crackheads are strong, resilient, strong people.

[Kat Dennings]

It's a resilient. It's a resilient people.

[Langston Kerman]

They can. They can move and shake. They'll talk to anybody. You know what I mean? You ain't worried, confident. There's no shy crackheads. They're an outgoing bunch.

[Kat Dennings]

I never seen a crackhead looking down at his shoes once. They look you in the eye when they talk to you.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, ain't no. Aw, shucks, Mr. Crackheads.

[Kat Dennings]

Yeah, there's no. Oh, you're not gonna have to wor. Old crackhead.

[Langston Kerman]

Nah, these believe in themselves. And that. That's a superpower in and of itself, bro.

[Kat Dennings]

How sad would you be if you got off crack and you became like. Like your professional life got better, but your personal life, like, went to ruins? Like, you come off crack, now you can't keep a woman, all of a sudden. You ain't got a girlfriend. You smoke a rock, you had three of them. You had a partner. Cause that's a strong love. That's a strong love.

[Langston Kerman]

The crack gave you that certain je ne sais quoi, you know what I mean? And you just ain't got that no more. And now bitches are leaving your life, and that's sad.

[Kat Dennings]

That's like a. That's like a. I would. That would be a worry for me if I. If I was on crack. Like, what if I. What if I can't get any eat, you know what I mean?

[Langston Kerman]

Now, here's what I will say about crack, if there is anything negative to say about it. I think what it. It steals from you is discernment, right? That, like, part of what gives you that je ne sais quoi that you have on crack is that you completely lack discernment and you'll literally fuck anything that moves. And that, I think, has to be some relief where you're like, all right, maybe I'm not keeping love in my life, but I'm certainly also not like, fucking the worst looking person on the planet, right?

[Kat Dennings]

That has got to be tough. That's got to be. Because they're outside too. They see other people, like, you know what I'm saying?

[Langston Kerman]

They know the difference. Yeah. Ain't no crackhead being like, nah, her personality makes her outshine even the baddest bitches. It's like, no, he knows what he's into.

[Kat Dennings]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is the closest approximation. That's tough, man. It would be tough to get off crack and lose your mojo. But that also being said, I think the problem with crack is that it takes down people who have that naturally. And then because. Because you ever heard of stories of, like, dudes becoming, like, in jail, he's. That dude, like, cleans up and then he's in jail, and then all of a sudden he's running shit and all that, and then only to come back to crack and have their lives ruined when they get out.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, it is. That transition is tragic of, like, somebody who. Yeah. Who Fully gets consumed by it in a way that. That. And that's the tragedy of maybe all superpowers. That is the Uncle Ben. With great power comes great responsibility. You have to do a manageable amount of crack.

[Kat Dennings]

I can't. The crack is the power.

[Langston Kerman]

It's the power. But you got be responsible, my man.

[Kat Dennings]

You just can't. Yeah, you want to smoke crack all day, every day. Maybe just do it to go pick up the kids, buddy. Or before that interview, you know what I mean?

[Langston Kerman]

You want to do a big interview coming up. Come on, we're talking. We're talking 16 more an hour than you were making at the old job. This is a big, big, big thing for you. So make a little crack.

[Kat Dennings]

Come on. Because you're out here, you want to smoke crack to relax. That's selfish.

[Langston Kerman]

That's so crazy. That's so crazy. Do you know what I mean? Green Green Lantern takes the ring off when he's gonna lounge by the pool.

[Kat Dennings]

Exactly. You're trying to keep the ring on all day.

[Langston Kerman]

That's nuts.

[Kat Dennings]

You can't do that. Can't do that.

[Langston Kerman]

It's gotta charge, baby. You got to charge. It's got a charge. Don't do it.

[Kat Dennings]

You need to know where you're at, because ultimately you are not the you all that you are on crack, for better or worse. That's not you. You need to check in with you sometimes.

[Langston Kerman]

That's true of every drug. That's not a personal attack. Crackheads, we don't want you to feel like, oh, crack only change. You know, Every drug changes you, and that's the whole reason we take the shit. But you have to do a manageable amount of it. And unfortunately, too many of you are eager to become crackheads rather than crack thinkers.

[Kat Dennings]

You. You don't want to be a crackhead. You want to be a crack mind.

[Langston Kerman]

No, no, no, brother. I'm only cracking spirit. I don't believe in crack. I'm. I'm spiritual with crack.

[Kat Dennings]

Yeah, yeah. So I mean, if you're listening, you. So I think what we've learned here is, like, if you're an outgoing, vivacious, active member of whatever community you ascribe to, don't try crack if you're a loser. You don't got no friends, you ain't got no pussy.

[Langston Kerman]

Give it a little taste.

[Kat Dennings]

Think about a little bit.

[Langston Kerman]

Just a taste. Why not?

[Kat Dennings]

Come on.

[Langston Kerman]

I definitely have heard people say that thing of like, oh, when I get older, I'm gonna. Like, I'm a. I'm gonna do A bunch of drugs, like hard drugs, to. To just experience it before I die. And I've always wondered how I feel about that. I'm not 100 sure that. That it feels like, yeah, that'd be awesome. But being in a candy cane shaped body doesn't feel like I'll really get to experience the joy that it was meant to be. Does that make sense?

[Kat Dennings]

Well, part of me feel like maybe the physical limitations are the limitations. You need to be able to enjoy it and not go out and kill somebody.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh.

[Kat Dennings]

You understand what I'm saying? Maybe that's the restriction you need to be able to enjoy. Truthfully, I will say the way I feel about when people say that is like, whatever. You're just trying to be like, man, I don't know. We've talked about it before. In my opinion, I have tried enough drugs and had enough good and bad experiences that I landed at the point of they are just drugs, man. It's like, ain't nothing crazy going on. I mean, I guess you can feel closer to things that you could probably find a way to feel close to anyways. Like when we were talking about hallucinogens and you were saying how, like, you had that epiphany, but also it's that. That is something that you could have come to anyways.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. I don't remember if we talked about that on the pod or if we were just hanging out, but we were saying that. That I once did, or I was saying I once did mushrooms with my buddy. And we were walking around this. This like, open track, it was like an outdoor track, and we were just on mushrooms watching people run outside. And I had like this crazy epiphany at how. At what felt like crazy at the time, at how like, everybody's body is completely different and that the absurdity of any of us trying to mimic another person's form is. It's silly. It's. It's insane. There. There's no way you can shape you like I shape me. And there's something beautiful in us just accepting those different forms. And then I sobered up and I was like, oh, nigga, that's just body positivity, bro.

[Kat Dennings]

That's what I'm saying, man. There's been so many times when I' drugs and thought I unlocked it just to come and be like, oh, yeah, family is really important.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, it's not.

[Kat Dennings]

You know what I'm saying? Oh, maybe money is another thing. Getting famous will make you happy. None of this shit is deep.

[Langston Kerman]

It's not Something you couldn't have found just by like reading more and communicating with, with smarter people. It's, it's not. This is all within reach for all of us. We just, we. We want it quicker, I guess, or we want it with less, Less vulnerability. Maybe that's a better way of thinking.

[Kat Dennings]

I think that that's it. I think it's also a lot easier to think that it is profound because it's something that you come upon and like more of a ritualized way. You know, I'm saying, like, if you're going to trip real hard, you prepare for that, right? Whereas like, if you're just taking a walk and you realize that all bodies are different, that that doesn't seem as profound.

[Langston Kerman]

And I think that's, and I think.

[Kat Dennings]

That'S the issue with drugs a lot is that the. In. Within the preparation, that's where you. And, and maybe that's the positivity of it, right? Is that you need to slow things down or you need to focus in that way on the one thing.

[Langston Kerman]

And I, and I do think to your point, it's not profoundness simply for the. The. Simply for the title. I think people are seeking more meaning in their lives all the time, but I think it's embarrassing to seek them out in traditional ways. Do you know what I mean? Like, it's.

[Kat Dennings]

What do you mean by traditional?

[Langston Kerman]

I think it's embarrassing for a lot of people to learn as an adult. You know what I mean? Like, where they go. Like. I didn't know that and I'm sorry I, I said that thing or wasn't, you know, fully connecting with your experience in this or that way. I think people fucking have a hard time going the route of being a person, just receiving the world differently. And so in that way, if I smoke a little crack, I can skip a bunch of embarrassing steps to get to that euphoria, revelation, whatever it is.

[Kat Dennings]

I agree with you. I where I wish that the drug. Because I have a problem with that. Right. I think that adult life often requires a lot of answers for you that you don't have, particularly when they're needed. So you find a way to fill that gap as quick as possible because you have to keep living. You have to have. What is this? I don't know anything about this, but I have to have an opinion and I have to figure out how to do this to help my life or whatever. Yeah, the problem, the thing I wish that drugs did then is like, I'll never eat mushrooms and want to sign up for a Creative writing class. I want to be high in the park. Like it doesn't, like it doesn't let, it doesn't lead me to those new experiences that will open up, you know, kind of making myself better.

[Langston Kerman]

It for in your opinion, it doesn't activate you. It only encourages you to replicate that feeling via the drugs once again.

[Kat Dennings]

Or it makes me become self important and think I figured it out. And I think that's if you're, I mean for some people, right. For some people, truly they're iconoclasts and whatever. But if everybody, and this is, I'm saying this is a lifelong contrarian. If everybody's over here and you're over here, a lot of times you're not. Right.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Kat Dennings]

You know what I mean?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I agree. I think that's 100% true. I think you, you might be right in some technical sense that you've, you've landed on. But the right. And this is, you know, the frustrating thing about all the ways that we, we approach like politics and culture and all of these things in this country as we step stamp this morality on correctness. And the truth is correctness is more rooted in a shared agreement than it is on like some right and wrong ass spectrum.

[Kat Dennings]

Right. That's why it's like hard to like that's why when it's like, like the culture wars are crazy because it's just our culture. You know what I'm saying? They're not worried about that over there wherever. Like it's like it's, and it's just, it's just of the time you could have been take a completely morally upstanding person 200 years ago they were still on board for some shit that we find atrocious. But at the time they were progressive. So it's like if these things like change in that way, then what, then what are we trying to go to war with everybody about for this thing that, you know what I mean, that we're not even sure is going to be in vogue, you know?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, truly.

[Kat Dennings]

And that's why I want to say the R word on here more.

[Langston Kerman]

That's why I'm about to become a bigot. I'm really about to dig into some bigotry because I could be worse.

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[Kat Dennings]

I do think that is the weird thing about it and it's like I was thinking about this. We can get into the email at any point. I was thinking about this. Just like I just, I was thinking about this and I was wondering what you would think about. I was thinking about like the idea of culture wars and stuff like that. And like what percentage, what do you think the percentage of people who are doing these things to be fashionable is who are holding these opinions or going so hard on whatever the other team is. What percentage of that is like people just trying to be in vogue?

[Langston Kerman]

95%.

[Kat Dennings]

That's what it feels like to me that like that in my heart is what it feels like. And then you're like okay, well then this is all never gonna get figured out and probably how it all always was on some topic or another forever and ever, right?

[Langston Kerman]

No, I, I truly believe 95% even. Not even. Not just people on television. Like, I don't even want to limit.

[Kat Dennings]

No, I'm talking about just life.

[Langston Kerman]

Like, in life, I do not think most people much of anything. Do you know what I mean? And not even in a pejorative way. I think, like, literally, life is hard. The, the very, like, act of existing is such a challenge for most people that you don't even have time to, like, be sitting back and truly, like, forming finished thoughts on right and wrong, morality, whatever the. Based on, you know, politics, traditions. Nobody believes any of this shit. Alternatively, a lot of people pretend to, and it's the. It's going to keep us in a cycle of poisoning each other, you know, for entertainment.

[Kat Dennings]

That's what I feel like. The Internet is all podcasts except for ours. Like, it's like in any other one I'm associated with, I still have to get money. But, like, I was just, like, I was. Because I told you I went down that Dr. Umar Road, and then I was just like. And then once you get that, you kind of get into that space, especially via TikTok, which I'm out of there. You just start to get. I started to get like, Jordan Peterson and shit. And it's just like, it's just. Or David Goggins and shit like that. And it's just confidence, man. We all just want to belong. Everybody's selling you something, man. I don't, I don't really believe much of most of these people. That's why I'm not trying to tell y'all to get better, man. I don't give a shit. I don't know.

[Langston Kerman]

I mean, I, I. If anything, I think that's the beauty of what we've established on this podcast, is we tell you all every week that we don't know or believe none of this shit. This is. We're not presenting these conspiracies and being like, I stand firm in any of it. Nor are we saying it's all a lie. It's just, we're entertained by the very conversation, by the, the deep dive inside of it. It is not. This ain't a. This is not something you should be investing your true beliefs in. You should not be listening to us. We're fucking idiots. And we're having a.

[Kat Dennings]

Which is trash on our part. Because the way you get the money is you tell people you have an answer or you have an underlying. Like. I was thinking about that. I've been really thinking this last week. I think it's because I was smelling a lot of weed. I was thinking about, like, the idea of, like, selling out culturally, like, profiting off of, like, tragedy porn of your culture.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Kat Dennings]

I was like, these people aren't doing this to seek an answer or anything like that. They're just like. They know white liberals will eat it up. You know what I mean?

[Langston Kerman]

True.

[Kat Dennings]

It's like, I got. I'm gonna. I'm gonna write a movie about goddamn Sierra Leone. I gotta get paid.

[Langston Kerman]

There's those two black dudes that got in trouble one time, and then they. It's like Slim and. And the Brain or some bullshit. I don't remember.

[Kat Dennings]

Starring Buck Wild.

[Langston Kerman]

No, Fresh and fit. That's what it is.

[Kat Dennings]

I'm aware of their demise because like I said, I ain't shit either.

[Langston Kerman]

They really.

[Kat Dennings]

I want to see the destruction of some.

[Langston Kerman]

They really just went on this insane journey of, like, y'all were cornballs and y'all were corny with the wrong women. And the. The shit circulated. You got embarrassed and you were like, fuck it, I hate niggers. You know what I mean? Like, they trended one time in a. In a way that was, like, negative towards their race, and they were like, that fine. That's the whole thing. Now.

[Kat Dennings]

I think that that's what happens when you get embarrassed a lot of times and you have too much ego. I think that's a lot of. I think a lot of racism is probably rooted in some guy just getting embarrassed.

[Langston Kerman]

Bro, I'll be honest.

[Kat Dennings]

I probably started a few people on their journey.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm sure not even on some race shit I've had. I've been embarrassed in places where I just think, from now on, I hate all y'all niggas. Do you know what I mean? Like, it. It isn't even racial. I. I've had bad experiences where, like, I used to do, like, travel between schools to. To sort of, like, use it. Do this poetry after school program, right? So like, at multiple middle schools.

[Kat Dennings]

Oh, that got embarrassing for you?

[Langston Kerman]

No, hear me out. I'm sorry.

[Kat Dennings]

Fuck you.

[Langston Kerman]

Wait a minute. Fuck you. I didn't process the joke fast, and so I thought I was carrying on, and instead I now know I'm the butt of that joke. Wait a goddamn minute. I had a respectable career before this.

[Kat Dennings]

No, I worked at the car wash you got.

[Langston Kerman]

I taught children to connect with themselves. I'm a proud man, but I had to Travel between these various, like, middle schools to do. Do this after school poetry program. And there was this one school that I will not forget in fucking Brooklyn that, like, multiple times kids in there, like, roasted me fucking. You know what I mean? Like, really ignored me, made me feel a small that I'll never get back to. You know what I mean? So, so, so fuck y'all. Do you want to be like, fuck this whole facility. I don't give a shit about you. You, you, you, you. I hope y'all all diet Best Buy. Do you what I mean? Like, I. I feel that way. So if that. Now, if I associate that with Cambodians, that's just how I am. Do you know what I mean?

[Kat Dennings]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you're. That's facts. That's so. That's facts. And that's like, like, it's not good, obviously. I'm not saying that it's good, but that is real. I think that, like, so much of this shit is based in that. It's just like, oh, you got. They got. They got on you one time, they got on your head. And if that's not your culture, that's really difficult. Or you were new here or some shit like that. And then now it's like maga till the wheels fall off.

[Langston Kerman]

Exactly. They hurt my feelings in Brooklyn.

[Kat Dennings]

And.

[Langston Kerman]

And now a little piece of me, every time I meet a New York nigga, I'd be like, man, fuck y'all New York niggas. I don't. Oh, I think y'all, because you make babies like that. We need to take a break. We, we, we need to take a break. And when we come back, we're gonna do a voicemail. We got a voicemail from somebody and we're really excited to hear all of their. Their problematic, beautiful thoughts. So take take a break, go get yourself a sip of oj, and then come on back for more mini more My Mama Told me.

[Kenya Barris]

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[David Bore]

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[Langston Kerman]

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[Tim Allen]

Such a clutch off season pickup. Dave I know right? I was worried we'd bring back the same team. Oh no, I meant those blackout motorized shades. MVP of the room lines.com made it crazy affordable to replace our old blinds Hard to install? No, it's easy. Even you could do it. Nice. I installed these and then got some from my mom too. You fly across the country to do the install? Nope. Blinds.com can do it all. All she had to do was pick what she wanted. She talked to a design consultant for free and scheduled a professional measure and install. Look at you. Hall of fame, son. Oh. I just picked the winning team. They're the number one online retailer of custom window coverings in the world.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh.

[Kat Dennings]

Oh.

[Tim Allen]

Blinds.com is the goat.

[Kat Dennings]

The goat shop.

[Langston Kerman]

Blinds.com right now. And get up to 40% off select.

[David Bore]

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[Langston Kerman]

A 100% satisfaction guarantee. Save up to [e-mail]. blinds.com rules and restrictions may apply.

[Kat Dennings]

Do you drink orange juice?

[Langston Kerman]

No, I don't drink any juice.

[Kat Dennings]

Yeah, I was gonna say you're like a club soda guy.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I've had juice, sincerely, in years.

[Kat Dennings]

Really?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Kat Dennings]

Did you grow up on juice?

[Langston Kerman]

Mm. Like a real fucking sick. We were running through that shit constantly, and I think when I got older and my body started changing, I was like, all right, well, if I got to start somewhere, I gotta chill on juice.

[Kat Dennings]

It's. I think it does a lot of damage.

[Langston Kerman]

It's literally just injecting syrup into your. Into your veins.

[Kat Dennings]

Oh, man. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Niggas are dying from juice.

[Kat Dennings]

I got the juice foot. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I can't. I'm not gonna go out that way.

[Kat Dennings]

Oh, that's fair.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Kat Dennings]

I hope somebody. I don't want to go out sick. I'd rather somebody kill me. It is like, you can't. I feel like if you. I feel like if somebody kills you, they can't shit on your name too much unless you were going crazy.

[Langston Kerman]

Right.

[Kat Dennings]

You know what I mean? If somebody kills you, it's 95% of the time pretty tragic.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. No, that's what makes this. This United Health CEO so fascinating, is almost everybody is like, kill that nigga. Yeah, I'm glad he's dead.

[Kat Dennings]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

And that's crazy.

[Kat Dennings]

Yeah. We were talking about it, and my girl was like, I. You know, somebody probably loves him. And I was like, I don't think that even negates it. No, I don't think that even. Matt. Yeah. Yeah. And that comes off callous or whatever. Yeah. Somebody does probably love him. That was evil. That's an evil. That's.

[Langston Kerman]

That's an evil motherfucker, man.

[Kat Dennings]

Yeah. I can't. It's hard for me to find the tragedy in it, which is dark. It seems like it's hard for America to find the tragedy in it. Everybody trying to suck Luigi's D.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Get off his dick a little bit.

[Kat Dennings]

I don't remember that guy. I don't remember the CEO's name. I know. Luigi Mangione.

[Langston Kerman]

Ugh. Man, Luigi is going crazy right now.

[Kat Dennings]

Luigi. Olivia said, don't talk about my boyfriend like that. He's going nuts.

[Langston Kerman]

He's going. I've never seen this type of popularity.

[Kat Dennings]

I've never seen it that fast either. It's like Ted Bundy effect or whatever. You know what I mean? Like, it's like, immediate. He never got villainized.

[Langston Kerman]

No. And. And it's. It's across racial lines. Do you what I mean? It's across class lines in some weird way where, like, even I saw, like, corporations kind of, like, tagging in with, like, a little joke. It's like, yo, you can't do that.

[Kat Dennings]

It's.

[Langston Kerman]

Bro, it is your friend.

[Kat Dennings]

This might be the most dystopian shit we've had happen where, like, the biggest.

[Langston Kerman]

Sign of it, a assassin.

[Kat Dennings]

And we're just like, yeah, that's how bad shit is. That's how bad shit is. We're like, yeah, he's the best guy.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, free him. That's what everybody keeps saying.

[Kat Dennings]

I see he just posted. He's innocent, which maybe he is. I don't know. But you don't know.

[Langston Kerman]

You don't know to me. And look, I. I do like that there is a true fear around accountability as it relates to the moral awful things that are immoral, things that are happening around us. Right? Like the fact that this assassination would lead to even a moment of regret for some of these giant insurance companies and. And blah, blah, blah. I. I love it. I think that's absolutely beautiful.

[Kat Dennings]

I don't think regret is the word, though.

[Langston Kerman]

What do you mean?

[Kat Dennings]

I don't. I, like, regret, to me, feels moral. I don't think they're, like, morally feeling bad about what they.

[Langston Kerman]

No, no, no. I don't think they regret it in a moral sense, but I do think they regret making the choice that will get them murdered.

[Kat Dennings]

Right. You know what I mean?

[Langston Kerman]

All right, we took it. That's too far. The fact that they would know, even for a second that that's too far. I like that they have that feeling. That said, I don't think I'm seeing anything about this Luigi gentleman, and I do call him a gentleman. I'm not seeing anything about him that doesn't feel like he's not gonna take it too far. Do you wanna me? Like, I think. I think he nailed that first album, but I think the sophomore album's gonna be a little problematic.

[Kat Dennings]

Yeah, it's still a. It's people. You gotta. I think sometimes with a situation like this, because he did something that we all kind of view as good. It's still a crazy thing. He's still a crazy person.

[Langston Kerman]

He's a cold blooded killer. And I don't wanna be driving and accidentally crash into him and get assassinated for it, is my point.

[Kat Dennings]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what I mean? Like, I don't want this to be. I don't need Batman. And this motherfucker is kind of trying to be Batman. And that's crazy.

[Kat Dennings]

You're right, too. You don't need Batman. I need legislation. Like, yo, what are we talking about? We just, like. Because that's what happened, right? We skipped the reasonable way to get us out of this. We skipped that. We were like, no, no, no, we're not going to change policy. We're not going to hold these people to task. We just got to start killing them. That seems like an answer. Like, the fact that that seems like an answer shows you how upside down we already are.

[Langston Kerman]

Literally. And I don't mean this to be, you know, insensitive. Literally. Luigi was feeling the same thing about murdering that CEO as the nigga that choked out the white dude that choked out that man on the train was feeling about choking out the man on the train. They both thought that they were the most correct in murdering another human being. And only one of them is endearing personally. But that doesn't make it not a crazy person.

[Kat Dennings]

Yeah. Truly. Truly, truly. Okay. What do you think would have happened if he wasn't fine?

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, that's a good question.

[Kat Dennings]

Does that make sense? Yeah, because it's also like, the fine thing is, like, it's interesting. Cause it feels like. I think it would be a really simple way to be. Like, women are pushing this. You know what I mean? But it's like men are swayed by attractive men, too. You know what I mean?

[Langston Kerman]

Right? Women want to fuck them, men want to be them. I think Luigi's got it all. It's got it. Yeah. The man is. He's. He's prime, baby. He's. He's fucking thriving.

[Kat Dennings]

But what if he was busted?

[Langston Kerman]

I don't know that it gets the same reaction if he's ugly. I also don't know that it gets the same reaction if. If he isn't this cartoonish Italian man. Do you know what I mean?

[Kat Dennings]

Like, I. I don't know if we're gonna get to the voicemail, because that's also what I wanted to talk to you about specifically. Have you been seeing. People have been like, I've seen it on social media since this happened. People are saying, we're finally going to see whether or not Italians are white.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I've seen that. Yeah.

[Kat Dennings]

How do you feel about that?

[Langston Kerman]

It's the silliest thing I've ever heard in my life.

[Kat Dennings]

I think it's hilarious. I think it's the funniest takeaway from all of this.

[Langston Kerman]

The fact that they have even been able to slightly trick people into thinking that they're not white is phenomenal. What a.

[Kat Dennings]

What a. I mean, I think there was a time. I just watched It's a Wonderful Life last night while we put the Christmas tree up, and the. They go so hard on Italians in that movie. They call them lazy garlic eaters, buddy.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm not. I'm not suggesting that the Italians didn't have a rough go of it at some point in this country, but I am suggesting that if we are gauging whiteness by whether or not white people were mean to you, then there's like, six of them that are truly white, and the rest of them are just victims, too. Do you know what I mean? Like, I'm not calling no Irish person a colored man. Y'all are the whitest on the planet.

[Kat Dennings]

And I think the system of whiteness, or the power structure or whatever you want to call it, ensures that you really only have to take that beat for a generation.

[Tim Allen]

Right?

[Langston Kerman]

It's a pyramid system.

[Kat Dennings]

And then you can. And then you can. And then you. Then you're in.

[Langston Kerman]

You can go up the pyramid, but you got a scheme.

[Kat Dennings]

Yeah. You just knock out the ones in your family who talk funny, and the rest of them can make their way in this world.

[Langston Kerman]

You start spreading some hateful language about your own people, and you vote a little differently, and you can find yourself into a white community. You know what I mean? It is possible for y'all. We will never get that. That.

[Kat Dennings]

Here's a question. Because we do not get that. And I think that the most conflicted of us are those that you see trying to do that. I think those people always seem like they want to fucking kill themselves.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. I think that's because everybody wants them dead. I think it's literally because the world won't stop screaming at them to fucking die. Like, God damn, this is eating at me.

[Kat Dennings]

Yeah. Cannot have been worth the price of Admission. But I wonder, do you think when white people do that, like talking about, let's say a second generation situ. Or a first generation, even when they. How conscious is that decision? Do you think they view it as just trying to be, like, successful? Or do they think they understand that, like, I have to put this to bed so I can fold into what this is?

[Langston Kerman]

I think it's both. I think it's not unconscious decision. I don't think that they think when they're doing it, folding in matters as much because they truly are saying, like, well, I'm abandoning that culture and I'm going to be a part of this one in a way that, like, you know what I mean? Like, they're like, well, that is bad. I shouldn't be that way because now I'm here and I recognize what it takes to be successful here. So I'm getting rid of all that old goofy. And I think that, that. So they're intertwined more than they are. Like a separate thought. Like, I think it's a true genuine feeling of being like, I want to succeed here. What does that require? Then I will do it.

[Kat Dennings]

Right, Right, right, right. And I mean, I think that every, Most everybody kind of comes up against that. Right.

[Langston Kerman]

I. I think even if you remove.

[Kat Dennings]

Like across color lines and stuff like that.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. You remove the racial element of it. I think we, we. It is the reason that code switching exists as a concept. Right. Like, we all employ some version of it in our. In our daily lives, our social lives. All of the things. The person I was in high school is very different than the person I was in college versus the person I am now. And all of that is like an. Adjusting to a society around me more than it is me just being like, no, I'm this forever. And those people are insane.

[Kat Dennings]

Right. Because you also have to allow for growth in some way. Right?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Kat Dennings]

Like, to be like, at least in my life, some of the worst people I've known are people who are just like, no, it's just how I am. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

No, I locked in at 13 and I. Yeah, it's like I've been cruising ever since.

[Kat Dennings]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Psychopath. What are you talking about?

[Kat Dennings]

That's not really. That's not what this is for, I don't think.

[Langston Kerman]

No, truly, it's embarrassing. There are people I grew up with that I still feel that off of them of being like, oh, man, you just haven't. You haven't worked on this at all. You didn't even take a minute to be like, I could be different than this.

[Kat Dennings]

I think working on it is the way to frame it. You know what I mean? I think that when you frame it as, like, change or whatever, I think people tend to think that. They tend to dismiss that. But if you frame it as, have you worked on this thing? To really change it, that I think is probably the best way to look at that.

[Langston Kerman]

And I think it circles back to our original conversation that it is extremely terrifying to learn to, to even approach change as an adult. The, the literal working on it doesn't even suggest that you will transform as a person. It just suggests, like, you're keeping that muscle awake. You're, like, truly figuring out if you can, you can shave a little half second off of that, that run. And the fact that most of us are so unwilling to even do that is. It's the tragedy of humanity.

[Kat Dennings]

I think it's also the beauty of humanity that that's possible. Right? You're. If you're, if you're, if you're, if you're a lion, you're just a lion forever. I know.

[Langston Kerman]

That's really nice.

[Kat Dennings]

I, I, I truly. Then that's what separates. That's, that's what, that's the potential of what we can do. That's why I think we're so special. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Wow. That was so nice. Wow. Wow. That's cool, man. I'm glad you. I'm glad you hit that. That was really nice.

[Kat Dennings]

Oh, yeah. Damn. Damn. All right.

[Langston Kerman]

Well, we were supposed to do a voicemail for this one. I don't know. I think we.

[Kat Dennings]

I think we did it.

[Langston Kerman]

I think somehow we. We talked about nothing and yet covered all the territory we needed to cover this episode.

[Kat Dennings]

The hustle continues.

[Langston Kerman]

Never stop that grind, y'all.

[Kat Dennings]

Welcome to my master class.

[Langston Kerman]

Maybe that's part of the problem, that, that maybe that's what we're missing to be more successful is we got to say something inspirational at the end.

[Kat Dennings]

You know, I think we need to. I think, I think that truly, we need to rhyme more.

[Langston Kerman]

Rhyme more. Yep.

[Kat Dennings]

And I think we need to convince people we can make them better than they are now and not tell them that they're okay now. We need to be like, you need to come to my mama told me university. You know what I mean?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Kat Dennings]

We gotta sell the dream. We're not selling the dream.

[Langston Kerman]

I watched so many clips of podcasts of people being, like, saying maybe some of the most basic shit I've ever heard in my life. And it'll, like, cycle. It'll go up them numbers, be Going crazy just because one dude's like, you know, for me, a black woman is a queen. And it's like, all right, man. Okay. So maybe we just gotta say that maybe that's what's missing is like, hey, David. David. Hey. I know we had a lot of laughs today, but I just want to remind you. God first.

[Kat Dennings]

Yeah, yeah. Also, protect black boys and girls and squirrels. It's got a rhyme.

[Langston Kerman]

Black boys, black girls, and black squirrels.

[Kat Dennings]

That's how we get. That's how we run the numbers up.

[Langston Kerman]

That's how we got this.

[Kat Dennings]

Being candid. You can only get rich. Being relatable for white boys.

[Langston Kerman]

You gotta say something inspirational or you. Or you gotta really be nasty to a group of people in a way that usually women.

[Kat Dennings]

If you're looking at podcasts, it's like, you just say some real bad shit about women frequently.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. And. And. And then frame it as like. But I'll help you. If you would just listen to me. I'll fix everything.

[Kat Dennings]

Right?

[Langston Kerman]

And you can really scam a lot of people.

[Kat Dennings]

It's so funny how the basis of a lot of that rhetoric just boils down to like, you're not as good as me. You're not worth what I am. Let me show you how to be. Like, I always. Listening to that shit was always crazy to me, because it's like, everybody's the main character in their story. Like, what are you talking about? What the fuck are you talking about?

[Langston Kerman]

What do you think you're teaching anybody? This is crazy.

[Kat Dennings]

And why would you believe this person who's making money doing this?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. He has no. He could not possibly care about you. He doesn't even know you exist, and he never will. He. He hopes to never have to bump into you.

[Kat Dennings]

He would rather not ever talk to you. But send him that email, and he'll tell other people that you helped him out so he could keep getting that check. We're doing this all wrong. The more we talk about this, we are fucking. We're fucking it up.

[Langston Kerman]

Nah, man. We're bad at. We're bad at podcasting. That's clear. But. But. But we're having a great time doing it.

[Kat Dennings]

Come on. That's good. Don't be surprised if I go down on some kind of crypto scam. Cause I got.

[Tim Allen]

I got.

[Kat Dennings]

I got. I gotta make it. I gotta make the dough somewhere, man. You gotta do some evil to get some money.

[Langston Kerman]

There's a new coin that's called your man from the Congo coin. I don't know if anybody's heard.

[Kat Dennings]

But no, it's actually black boy, girl squirrel croin.

[Langston Kerman]

I can't even say boy, girl, squirrel coin. Yeah, no, we fucked up. But, you know, tell the people where they can find you.

[Kat Dennings]

Oh, cool. Guy jokes87 on Instagram. You can stream my special Birth of a Nation with the G G B I R th. An idea that is increasingly becoming apparently apparent to me was not very good. It was hilarious.

[Langston Kerman]

It makes me laugh.

[Kat Dennings]

It's very funny. SEO and all that shit. I really.

[Langston Kerman]

It does make you go, man, he's really counting on people having name recognition with him. That's. That's a big swing.

[Kat Dennings]

I really play this whole thing. Like, I'm very popular.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Kat Dennings]

That's the way my whole shit, my whole get down is like, oh, no, they'll know how to. They love me so much.

[Langston Kerman]

It's gonna be David Silent G Bori. First name David, nickname Silent G. It's interchangeable like jay Z and Hov.

[Kat Dennings]

But, you know, maybe it'll work. Patreon.com Shut up. You gotta be quiet. Patreon.com backslash David Bore. Go buy my special. It's different jokes than the album, so that's exciting. I'm the only one who's ever done that.

[Langston Kerman]

Follow David. Do that. And you can follow me at Langston Kerman on all social media platforms. You can watch my special Bad Poetry on Netflix. And you, you can. You can buy the merch, you can. You can call your. Your family, your friends, tell them about the podcast, make it super popular, watch it all on YouTube, all of that. And more importantly, if you want to send us your own drops, your own conspiracy theories, if you want to tell us what the this episode was about, send it all to my mamapod gmail dot com. We would love to hear from you. And. And give us a call. Give us a call. If you want to be on a mini episode that we actually accomplish something on, you can call us at 844-LIL-MOMS. We would love to hear from you and subscribe.

[Kat Dennings]

Like, yeah, do we need to run the numbers up?

[Langston Kerman]

Run them numbers up as much as you possibly can. Don't. Don't hesitate. The subscription means nothing. It costs you nothing. But boy, does it build our confidence. You know what I mean? Oh, that makes us feel strong like we've never been before.

[Kat Dennings]

When you're strong, black boys, girls and squirrels just gotta slip it in.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. So, you know, buy the coin and subscribe and that's it. Bye.

[Kat Dennings]

Mini episodes. Mini episode. Mini episodes. Mini episodes. Many episodes. Mini episodes.

[David Bore]

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[Tim Allen]

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[Langston Kerman]

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[David Bore]

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[Langston Kerman]

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[David Bore]

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[Langston Kerman]

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[Tim Allen]

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[Langston Kerman]

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[Tim Allen]

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[Langston Kerman]

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[Tim Allen]

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[Langston Kerman]

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[Tim Allen]

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[Langston Kerman]

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[Kat Dennings]

Amazon Pharmacy Presents Painful Thoughts the guy.

[Langston Kerman]

In front of me in the pharmacy.

[Tim Allen]

Line is halfway through an incredibly detailed.

[Langston Kerman]

17 minute story about his gout, a story likely more painful than the gout itself.

[Kat Dennings]

Next time, save yourself the pain and let Amazon Pharmacy deliver your meds right to your door. Amazon Pharmacy Healthcare just got less painful.

[Tim Allen]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway. This new year, make sure you take.

[Langston Kerman]

Some time to take care of yourself and your family.

[Tim Allen]

Stock up on your favorite personal care Items now through January 28th and earn four times the points to use towards.

[Langston Kerman]

Discounts on groceries or fuel.

[Tim Allen]

Shop in store, online or in the app for items like Pantene Shampoo, Old Spice Body Wash, Campers, Swaddlers, Diapers, Venus Razors and Crest Complete toothpaste and earn four times points on your purchase offer ends January 28th. Visit albertsons or safeway.com for more details.