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Langston Kern
This is an Iheart podcast.
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Kevin Fredericks
I was laughing because I just realized that flag behind David is Steve Harvey's teeth.
David Borey
That's right.
Langston Kern
Yeah.
Kevin Fredericks
Steve Harvey. Every star.
David Borey
That's right.
Langston Kern
Yeah.
Kevin Fredericks
That is insane.
Langston Kern
Man.
Kevin Fredericks
I've been staring at I was like, why does this look vaguely familiar but I can't place it?
Langston Kern
You're like, I'm a patriot. Is this a. Is this one of them?
Kevin Fredericks
Just guess random things that 100 people have been surveyed on.
Langston Kern
Yeah, Survey, Sam.
Kevin Fredericks
Thank you. I'm sorry.
David Borey
For one of our finer pieces, I.
Kevin Fredericks
Would say really good art.
Langston Kern
Yeah, we have a great collection, but that is a. That's a jewel.
Kevin Fredericks
That's a piece.
Langston Kern
That's a jewel.
Kevin Fredericks
That's Basquiat level, I think so.
Langston Kern
Did you know this is actually the largest collection of black art on the West Coast?
Kevin Fredericks
I did not know that.
David Borey
And what we like to do is treat it like shit. We like to put little thumbtacks, but that's because we are so wealthy that we don't even think about it.
Kevin Fredericks
Yeah. You're not passing this down here, children.
David Borey
No, no, no, no, no.
Kevin Fredericks
This is for to be seen.
Langston Kern
No, these are all originals. No prints.
Kevin Fredericks
No prints. No nft.
Langston Kern
No prints.
David Borey
We'll buy new Jordans. We'll scuffle. We can buy new.
Langston Kern
The government growing babies. Microchips in your anus.
All koala bears are racist. The ozone layer owes me money. Martians invented turkey stuffing.
Y' all can't tell me nothing.
David Borey
Peanut butter jelly. Peanut butter jelly. Peanut butter jelly and a baseball bat. There it is.
Langston Kern
There it is.
David Borey
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another phenomenal episode of My Mama Told Me the.
Langston Kern
Podcast, where we dive deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theories and we.
David Borey
Finally work to prove. Not a goddamn thing.
Langston Kern
Nothing for you, we do. Nothing for you.
We not helping.
Nothing in return.
David Borey
We not helping. We not hurting.
Langston Kern
And that's positive.
David Borey
We're carbon neutral, baby.
Langston Kern
Come on. My footprint is zero.
David Borey
This planet's not gonna heal from us.
Langston Kern
No, no. But I'm not killing it either.
Kevin Fredericks
Hey, hey.
David Borey
We are not bad for you.
Langston Kern
I recycle.
David Borey
Come on.
Langston Kern
Do you recycle?
David Borey
Yeah, but I don't believe in it.
Langston Kern
Me either, man. It's really just my girl.
David Borey
I think it's all made up. It's really. Yeah, I just. I'd feel like less of a man to tell my children. You know what I mean? Nah, you ain't gotta put that in the bin. Yeah, but I don't think. I think they're putting it all in the same bowl.
Kevin Fredericks
I've been saying that.
David Borey
No.
Kevin Fredericks
It's like. I don't know if I can talk.
David Borey
No.
Kevin Fredericks
Jump in.
Langston Kern
Come in.
Kevin Fredericks
Come in. They're not. If I were working at the trash.
David Borey
Yeah.
Langston Kern
I just feel like I'd be ready to. And remind me what that title is.
David Borey
Working out.
Langston Kern
Trash. Man. If I work down in the trash.
Kevin Fredericks
And I was a trash man, you think I care?
David Borey
Yeah.
Kevin Fredericks
I want to go, man.
David Borey
I got to go home.
Kevin Fredericks
I have a firm belief that most People don't care about their jobs. They're not good at them. They just want to do the minimum requirement and get out of there, bro.
David Borey
It stinks so bad there.
Kevin Fredericks
Yeah, it stinks.
Langston Kern
You know what I mean?
David Borey
And it's never not a new smell. So you're never going to get used to it. No, this is just gonna be a violence against your nose every day. You think I give a fuck if.
Langston Kern
Your can didn't go in the right bag? Cause Matcha.
Kevin Fredericks
Yeah, Matcha wasn't a smell for them.
Langston Kern
For a long time. What is that? Let's go. That's crazy. What is that?
Nobody talks about how Matcha fucked up.
The trash industry, bro.
Kevin Fredericks
They had to have a meeting.
Langston Kern
Are you serious? I'm sure they had to be like.
Kevin Fredericks
Yo, Matcha is really like, man, this is a strong odor.
David Borey
Hey, boss, we gonna have to go up on the wages.
Kevin Fredericks
Come on, man. Matcha it came and messed the game up. There's whole Matcha businesses.
David Borey
If this is gonna be it, this is not okay.
Kevin Fredericks
Thank you, man.
Langston Kern
No, yeah. There's like Matcha sides of town. I'm sure, bro.
Kevin Fredericks
There's Matcha sides of town. There's like so many small businesses that have popped up that are like Matcha focused.
Langston Kern
Yeah. And I'm gonna say it. It tastes like dirt.
Kevin Fredericks
Tastes like hot grass milk.
Langston Kern
That shit nasty.
Kevin Fredericks
Sorry, can I interrupt? Oh, man.
Langston Kern
Damn. Where's going?
Kevin Fredericks
That was a good vibe.
Langston Kern
Yeah, sorry.
Kevin Fredericks
Damn good, man. You came in with a glass. Nah, it's cool. Find it again.
Langston Kern
Yeah, he came in. I saw him behind you.
Kevin Fredericks
People start coming.
Langston Kern
That's why I desperately tried to step in. I was like, no.
David Borey
If I just whisper.
Langston Kern
We'Ll remain best friends. We brothers for life right now you fucking this up.
We was going to get T shirts.
Kevin Fredericks
We had it, man. That was a T shirt order. Get it out of there.
Langston Kern
I want to wear the same clothes as my friends so bad.
David Borey
I want to go by laying on stage so bad.
Kevin Fredericks
I actually don't want to be. I don't like that I go by Kev on stage.
David Borey
No, no.
Langston Kern
You want to be Kevin Fredericks.
Kevin Fredericks
I want to be Kevin. And it's like there's not a. I only called myself Kev on stage so I wouldn't get fired.
Langston Kern
Whoa.
Kevin Fredericks
That's the only reason I was using Twitter at the time. Early Twitter, when people was going crazy and getting fired.
David Borey
I'm gonna be honest. This is breaking news.
Langston Kern
This is huge.
I don't like Kevon stage. I don't think you've Said this. No.
Kevin Fredericks
This is my year of relief.
Langston Kern
Whoa.
Kevin Fredericks
Because I feel like there wasn't, like, a thing. It wasn't like, oh, let me create this thing. I was just, like, in a panic because I was tweeting crazy. We was all tweeting crazy in the beginning.
Langston Kern
Yeah.
We was all people crazy.
Kevin Fredericks
We ran traditional celebrities off of Twitter.
Langston Kern
Yeah.
Kevin Fredericks
For the most part, they are gone. You cannot stop Twitter. There's nothing to stop, bitch.
David Borey
You have to hire a man to hire a man to tweet for.
Kevin Fredericks
Yes. Because the replies, like Instagram, you can comment limit. You can hide Twitter, you can't do nothing.
Langston Kern
And I wasn't even tagging the right people.
Kevin Fredericks
Oh, yeah.
Langston Kern
Sorry. Orecarl. Not at the real George Carl. I'm sorry. You have a job, man. I was going nuts. That's cool.
But, yeah. What, you go to Sam Perkins, like.
David Borey
Bro, my ad is George Carl's Jr. I was being silly.
Kevin Fredericks
You're being weird. Why are you tweeting at me?
David Borey
Stop.
Kevin Fredericks
But, yeah, my Twitter handle was Evan Fredericks. Right.
Langston Kern
Right.
Kevin Fredericks
And I just was like, man, if I get. I ended up getting fired from that job anyway. Unrelated to tweets.
David Borey
Okay, Y' all fucked up. Look how much money he could have.
Langston Kern
Made for your company, you fucking fool.
Kevin Fredericks
But I was just like. I was doing standup. I was early in my standup career, and I was just like, man, I just. I'm Kevin. I be on stage.
David Borey
Yeah.
Kevin Fredericks
And that was it. And then what's interesting is I've been Kev onstage so long, people don't even know my name is Kevin. They think my name is Kevon.
Langston Kern
Oh, yo.
Kevin Fredericks
They think my name is Kevon. And some people actually believe. Seriously, my last name is Stage. And when I ran to them, I'm like, have you ever met anybody else whose last name is Stage?
David Borey
That's not a thing.
Kevin Fredericks
And I'm like, that's not a name. They're like, there's all kind of names that are new that I haven't heard of.
Langston Kern
No, that's. I've gotten. Cause when I was on Twitter, I got off early. I got off in Pandemic. My last name is Bori. So my Twitter was. The G is silent. Yeah. And I would run into people, and they'd be like, what is a jizzilin? And I would have to be.
David Borey
Because they didn't understand what they didn't understand. You were the Jiz. As far as they know, you were the jizzlyn.
Langston Kern
I was the jizzlyn. They'd be like, that's such a funny name. It doesn't make any sense.
David Borey
I will say that every time I think about your Twitter handle. I had to think about it.
Langston Kern
Yeah.
David Borey
I had to go like, all right, the G is.
Langston Kern
No, it wasn't a smooth. It wasn't a smooth move. Cool guy jokes. 87 is working out, though. Really good at naming myself on the Internet.
Hey, brother, I know you think you got it. This is the king of brands.
Kevin Fredericks
Email address, name.
Langston Kern
I see you hot right now, but this the man that got it.
I literally was like, what are three things I got? This is gonna be cool, though.
Kevin Fredericks
This is gonna be good. Oh, snap.
David Borey
Kevin Fredericks is here, everybody.
Kevin Fredericks
And then there's the whole Hollywood aspect, too. It's like, what do I go by? Do I go by Kevin? Kevin on stage? Like, I had to have a meeting.
David Borey
Yeah.
Kevin Fredericks
With my agents, and I was like, this is a stupid meeting to have.
David Borey
Yeah. There's.
Langston Kern
Do you feel like you can take it back at this point?
Kevin Fredericks
Take Jake Frederick's back. I think you can get it. Oh, the actual handle.
Langston Kern
No, just like your personhood behind your name.
Oh, yeah.
Kevin Fredericks
Well, luckily that Kev on stage is really just a performative version of my actual personality. It's not like a separate entity, so that much I'm not worried about. And, like, at this point, you know black people. The guy who Winston Duke. He ain't Winston Duke. He's just m', Baku, man. Doesn't matter what he does. He can win three Oscars in a row for three very different films. Mbaku did it again. Y' all like, black people. Just whatever you are, you are.
Langston Kern
I didn't know who Winston Duke was till just now. I'm gonna be completely hon. Langston started shaking his head, and I was like, it must be a music thing. Yeah.
But you know who embark, and that's.
Kevin Fredericks
How black people do, bro. They don't. So I'm like, it don't really matter. Yeah.
David Borey
Like, I get a few muscles. I get a part in Black Panther. I get to be whoever the fuck I want to be. I got you new handles.
Langston Kern
Killmonger. Fat Killmonger.
Fat Killmonger.
Kevin Fredericks
They got some juice to it, though.
Langston Kern
Yo.
Kevin Fredericks
That's Killmonger. Would work.
Langston Kern
That could be good.
David Borey
It actually scares me more than regular Killmonger.
Langston Kern
Yeah.
David Borey
You know what I mean? Because in my mind, this one of them fat dudes that can still flip and shit.
Kevin Fredericks
Yep.
Langston Kern
Yep. Bear me in the pool. Bury me in the park.
Kevin Fredericks
Like tackle. Why are you that fast? You're too big to be that fast? Like, nah. And I could jump out the pool.
Langston Kern
Did you see that dude? Yeah.
David Borey
He jumped out and I'm like, yo, you're a psychopath.
Kevin Fredericks
You really shouldn't be able to be that athletic.
Langston Kern
America doesn't want to see us an athletic flat man.
And I'm not the one.
But there are. There are ones.
David Borey
He's coming for sure.
Langston Kern
Yeah, there are ones.
Kevin Fredericks
That Victor Wembena is really going to mess the NBA up. Tall was different.
Langston Kern
That's what y' all thought.
Kevin Fredericks
Oh, seven feet gonna change the game?
Langston Kern
Nah, short of that.
He's from France, too.
And we always had Khalid El Amieh. Khalid El Amieh. I was like, yo, this is what we need.
Kevin Fredericks
He's fat and he's athletic.
Langston Kern
Hey, shout out to Glen Davis. Fat enough.
Glenn Davis. Fat enough.
Kevin Fredericks
Fat enough.
David Borey
I think that is why Zion was such a big disappointment for people.
Kevin Fredericks
I had hopes in him.
David Borey
I think everybody believed that a miracle had happened and we got fat.
Langston Kern
Well, now it's not a miracle. Lex is doing that shit where he's inserting his thin agenda.
No, no, no.
Fat people can be athletic. It's not a miracle.
Let's just be honest, brother.
David Borey
It's more of a rarity than the skinny version.
Langston Kern
That's not true.
Athleticism has nothing to do with physical fitness. Well, I think it does in the form of, like, gaining muscle and shit like that. But, like, athleticism is just.
David Borey
I'm not talking about regular physical fitness. I'm talking about a God amongst men.
Kevin Fredericks
Right?
David Borey
And that is what Zion represented, right?
Langston Kern
He.
Kevin Fredericks
Then.
David Borey
He was just a dude who liked bad bbls. And that's not the same thing.
Langston Kern
That's a place to get caught up.
Kevin Fredericks
It was like they were comparing him to, like, which is so funny. His highlights from high school was like, can you imagine finishing seventh period? And then you're guarding him, bro, these kids, it didn't look like y' all was at the same place.
Langston Kern
No, they need to, like, they need to separate high schools. This sounds terrible, but, like, you don't get to just play again.
What am I gonna tell my son? I tell him to work hard every.
Day, work hard, go in the gym all summer, and then maybe you'll get on varsity.
Kevin Fredericks
And now Zion Williamson is.
David Borey
He never had a chance.
Kevin Fredericks
What's he gonna do, bro?
Langston Kern
Now you gotta go talk to your girlfriend. Those kids had girlfriends.
They were like regular sized children. You know what? They did, too.
David Borey
And this is really the brilliance of Zion's family is they mostly circulated videos of him dunking on white Children.
Langston Kern
And that was good for us.
David Borey
That was huge.
Langston Kern
I am into that.
David Borey
It was huge for us. It was huge for Zion because every.
Langston Kern
Zion was huge for Zion.
Every clip made him look like a monster.
Kevin Fredericks
Oh, my God.
Langston Kern
Like an absolute monster.
Kevin Fredericks
And I don't think he went to, like, super basketball high.
Langston Kern
No.
Kevin Fredericks
Like, these are like regular children who are just like, we not. Come on, man.
David Borey
He was just in the wrong school district at the right time.
Langston Kern
It was just a kid who worked at rallies.
That's it, man. Like, you gotta flip burgers after this. This kid is like 6, 5, 200 PO.
Kevin Fredericks
These kids were, like, helpless, bro.
Langston Kern
They're like, what are you gonna do?
I have a job.
David Borey
It's everywhere.
Langston Kern
Nobody's looking away from this job, man.
You know, he was sick that whole week. He had to guard side.
Kevin Fredericks
Oh, my God.
Langston Kern
He had to wake up every day.
Kevin Fredericks
On a belly full of chocolate milk and spaghetti.
Langston Kern
Like, you hit chocolate milk and spaghetti.
Kevin Fredericks
And then threw the whistle and your.
Langston Kern
Dog'S dunkin on you because you don't.
David Borey
Even go to a good enough school where they know to give you a different diet.
Langston Kern
Oh, what diet do you. What's the D to make a boy fight a man.
Kevin Fredericks
You're right. It doesn't matter. You better have a nutritionist.
Langston Kern
Lettuce.
David Borey
Lettuce ain't gonna do.
Langston Kern
Feed that little boy some steroids. There's no situation.
Kevin Fredericks
Yeah.
David Borey
You gotta change the rules. Like airbud.
Kevin Fredericks
Yeah.
David Borey
To beat whatever that is.
Langston Kern
He's like airbud.
David Borey
He is airbud.
Langston Kern
He's more like airbud than he is like a lot of other athletes.
David Borey
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Langston Kern
Don't get me started on AirBud. AirBud pissed me off. Okay. You're a father on the other team. This is how I think about it. You understand what I'm saying? You teached your son. Taught your son fundamentals.
Kevin Fredericks
Yeah.
Langston Kern
There's a dog out here. How do I explain to my son how the world works?
Yeah.
How do I explain to him how the world. What's justice.
Yeah.
Was justice. When they let that animal.
They let a wild animal.
David Borey
I can't say it like that.
Langston Kern
I can't say it like that. I'm a be animal. I'm a be animal. Don't do this to me. Don't do this to me.
Don't do this to me.
No, no, no.
You're an animal.
David Borey
You're 100% right. Just. Just relax a little bit.
Langston Kern
It's just crazy.
Kevin Fredericks
It's just like he's hooping and he's hooping with the snout. And then you're lobbing and he's. And then you heard about him going in, bro.
Langston Kern
And then you heard about him and you're like, okay, thank God. Thank God I taught my kid to play football. Airbud 2 golden receiver. You know what I mean? It's like, trash, bro. That shit's.
That's.
Kevin Fredericks
It's not cool.
David Borey
I never even considered two sport kids, bro.
Langston Kern
Can't you really just terrorize him into a small tail?
David Borey
It never occurred to me that this dog could be, like, hurting a. Twice.
Kevin Fredericks
He's in all the newspapers. Yeah.
Langston Kern
Come on. You don't think he became Sheriff Bud after this? Oh, my God. You don't think that's how that. Come on, man.
Kevin Fredericks
Can't rid himself, Air Bud.
Langston Kern
He's been ruining my life since ninth grade. He runs this test.
David Borey
They're trying to sneak chocolate and grapes in the locker room just to make this sick.
Langston Kern
We gotta take everybody out. He's killing us.
Kevin Fredericks
But the life lesson there is, if I'm the parent, I'm like, life's not fair, son. You actually need to learn that early. Right? You think this is right? You think life is fair? Fair is a place where pigs get judged.
Langston Kern
I like that.
Kevin Fredericks
It's not right.
Langston Kern
I like that. And everybody's cooking you.
Kevin Fredericks
He had a triple double. How's the dog getting rebounds? I get the points aspect.
Langston Kern
How is he getting rebounds, man? I can see grasses. This is craz. Foul the dog, man. Foul him.
David Borey
Yeah, you gotta. You can seriously injure.
Kevin Fredericks
Throw a tennis ball.
Langston Kern
We gotta switch it up.
Kevin Fredericks
Use his dog stuff against him.
David Borey
It's really crazy. They didn't try dog stuff.
Kevin Fredericks
There's no treats. Nobody's ever dropping little salmon treats.
Langston Kern
Yeah, nobody begging strips.
Kevin Fredericks
Come on, man. There's no game plan.
David Borey
You're not scheming for dumb fucking dog.
Langston Kern
He's a dog at heart.
And I know he's not eligible. Right?
He's not going to class.
No, this dog can really. His dog's gonna take the SATs.
David Borey
Guys, according to my calculations, Air Bud is 49 years old.
Langston Kern
Yeah, that's a good point.
David Borey
That is a grown man.
Langston Kern
High school eligibility done.
David Borey
Man, he should not be here at all.
Kevin Fredericks
He's got an nil deal, man.
Langston Kern
This is crazy.
His nil would go crazy.
What?
Because now he has petsmart as well.
Kevin Fredericks
He's got petsmart? He's got Dog lovers.
Langston Kern
Yeah.
Kevin Fredericks
That would be huge. That would be huge. Arch Manning thinks he's got money. Aaron Buck, he's killing Arch Manning on the nil.
David Borey
Fuck, man.
Langston Kern
He's sponsored by Draft Kings. It's like a right.
David Borey
Damn.
Kevin Fredericks
Enter promo code.
Langston Kern
Woof.
Kevin Fredericks
$10 off your first bet. Now I'm a degenerate gambler because of AirBuds.
Langston Kern
AirBud ruined my favorite. Where does it stop? It doesn't. It doesn't. In the presidency.
President Bud.
President Bud.
There's nothing in the Declaration of Independence that says he can't be the president. And we would be the country to be like, yeah.
David Borey
I mean, a dog can run.
Kevin Fredericks
A dog can run.
Langston Kern
We've had worse celebrities is all.
David Borey
Honestly, I kind of want Air Bud to be the president.
Langston Kern
Come on. You don't.
Kevin Fredericks
I'm gonna be honest with you.
Langston Kern
What are you gonna tell your children?
David Borey
I'm gonna be honest with you, man. We not going to war. AirBuds president.
Langston Kern
Oh, God.
I think he would do a lot for foreign negotiations.
David Borey
I think he could tip a missile out the sky with his nose.
Langston Kern
Cause they didn't really put like, I.
David Borey
Dare you to bomb us.
Langston Kern
There was no restriction on what he could do physically. So I.
David Borey
Man, that.
Kevin Fredericks
That.
Langston Kern
You think Air Bud can't knock a nuclear bomb in a different direction. He' became the president. There's no limits. There's no limits. He can knock it. Knock that ship to Saudi Arabia, baby.
Kevin Fredericks
It's so funny, man.
Langston Kern
Also weirdly, negotiate peace in the Middle East.
David Borey
Come on, man.
Kevin Fredericks
You guys want to do this? He's just like, yeah, like, we don't got to do well. Come on. He's just cute, y'.
David Borey
All.
Langston Kern
Look at his eyes.
Kevin Fredericks
Get all that.
Langston Kern
He's just a good boy.
Kevin Fredericks
He's a good boy, man.
Langston Kern
He ain't even the president. He ain't even going to be alive that long. Come on, let him be president, man. Let him be president, y'. All. Let him be president.
Kevin Fredericks
He's not to going make the first time.
Langston Kern
Purebred dog. He gonna die soon.
They got bad hips.
Kevin Fredericks
I don't think there's a more American dog than a golden retriever. No, that is an eagle dog. That is the eaglest dog that you can have.
Langston Kern
That's the bald eagle.
Kevin Fredericks
If we didn't have the bald eagle, it would absolutely be a golden retriever.
David Borey
If their future is to evolve into an animal with wings, that is correct for sure. You know what I mean? That's the. That's the animal that would grow wings.
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David Borey
Kev, you came to us with a conspiracy that we haven't touched yet.
Kevin Fredericks
Yes.
Langston Kern
Yeah, but we've been having a good time.
David Borey
Yes, this has been really fun. I generalized it. But you have a very specific angle on this conspiracy. But the general sort of gist that I got from you is my mama told me reality TV ain't real.
Kevin Fredericks
Yes.
David Borey
Tell me everything to the blessings of God.
Kevin Fredericks
Yeah, here's my thing. I was watching Barbecue Showdown on Netflix, which is a great program. I mean a great way to spend a Friday evening. This is my life now let's go.
Langston Kern
I'm like, Friday night.
Kevin Fredericks
Friday night. Okay. And, you know, Friday night, baby, barbecue showdown.
Langston Kern
All right.
David Borey
Okay.
Kevin Fredericks
We got through six episodes.
David Borey
You and the missus.
Kevin Fredericks
Me and my wife are watching Meats Get Smoked.
Langston Kern
Okay.
Kevin Fredericks
They brought out the cool. I don't forget what it's called. But they got, like, the special flame things. This is crazy, y'.
Langston Kern
All.
David Borey
Hey, y', all feel free to clip up. Me and my wife love watching meats Give smoke.
Langston Kern
Give smoke.
David Borey
If you wanna just isolate that and keep that for yourself, you go ahead and do that.
Kevin Fredericks
Give smoke. So I'm watching this, and they've got this whole refrigerator of, like, all these different meats and stuff. And I'm like, there's no way. You mean to tell me these chefs are just coming in blind and they have no idea what they're gonna make?
Langston Kern
Yeah.
Kevin Fredericks
And you open this freezer full of, like, every meat known to man that you can throw on a grill and things I've never even seen grilled before. They were, like, grilling duck wings one time, and you want me to believe they have no idea what to make? Right. It's a lie, man.
Langston Kern
Oh, you think?
How.
Okay, my question is, how staged do you think? Do you think they're coming in like, hey, we got duck in there?
Kevin Fredericks
I think it's fully staged. I think the only thing that that's true is how good it tastes. The whole Iron Chef. I'm on to all of you.
Langston Kern
Iron Chef, Bobby Flay, we calling you out. Ingredient.
Kevin Fredericks
You think they're just open? You know how it's just garlic?
David Borey
Yeah.
Kevin Fredericks
And the clock starts.
David Borey
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Kevin Fredericks
No Google, no chat. GPT. Like, okay, garlic.
David Borey
Yeah. Okay.
Kevin Fredericks
In my head, I know I'm gonna make a garlic pate with. With stuffed roast. And everything you need is every ingredient known to man. Everything you need mysteriously, is just there.
David Borey
Sure, sure, sure.
Kevin Fredericks
Because the stuff's not just, like. It's not always just salt, pepper, you know, bacon, and it's like, sometimes some very specific ingredients. Cardamom and cardamom.
Langston Kern
You don't have that on hand.
Kevin Fredericks
Yeah.
Langston Kern
You don't have it.
Kevin Fredericks
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Langston Kern
You gotta go and make sure you.
David Borey
Get that what you've imagined requires something that is not available.
Kevin Fredericks
And this is. This is the tv, y'.
David Borey
All. Yeah.
Kevin Fredericks
They don't leave nothing to chance.
Langston Kern
This is production.
Kevin Fredericks
First of all, I don't think the clocks are real. I don't think it only takes an hour. I think it takes however long it makes you take, and they just edit it Because.
David Borey
And then they just go. You're saying at the end, they just go, hurry up, hurry up, hurry up. And everybody just runs.
Kevin Fredericks
And they just edit it to make. I don't even think people finish at the same time.
Langston Kern
Well, okay, I will say that I.
Kevin Fredericks
Think it's all a lie, because that.
Langston Kern
Plating section, you ever notice when it's like. Like, they're plating it and they're like.
Kevin Fredericks
Yes.
Langston Kern
It never looks like it does. When they set it down.
Kevin Fredericks
When they set it down, it looks like it's been plated for an hour.
Langston Kern
Was I doing too much hand stuff?
Kevin Fredericks
That felt.
David Borey
No, you're gonna. You got some in your hair.
Langston Kern
Yeah, man. We gotta run back the airbud rip.
Kevin Fredericks
He would have made sure that didn't happen, producing that.
David Borey
You watch your mouth. That's President Podcast 48 to you.
Kevin Fredericks
Come on, man. There you go, man. That's brotherhood, y'. All.
David Borey
We gotta pray for you.
Langston Kern
Was that there for the whole air thing?
Kevin Fredericks
It appeared from somewhere.
David Borey
It appeared later. That's my concern, and it is concerning for us.
Langston Kern
There's asbestos in here.
David Borey
In that way, we can only record for an hour at a time before the mist gets to you. You'll get dizzy.
Langston Kern
We don't want start smell apples.
David Borey
Okay. Reality tv.
Kevin Fredericks
Yes.
David Borey
Are you strictly at the foods? Are you like. Nah, that's the only time I'm calling the bluff.
Kevin Fredericks
No, no, no. I mean, there's a clip from. I think it was Jersey Shore. You guys drank at exactly the same time with your same hand.
Langston Kern
Shit.
David Borey
Fuck.
Kevin Fredericks
Wow.
David Borey
Fuck.
Kevin Fredericks
You're in sync.
David Borey
All right. That's a good way to enter.
Langston Kern
Yeah, that's good.
Kevin Fredericks
I like that.
Langston Kern
But it's not just chemistry.
Kevin Fredericks
No, no, it's just chemistry.
David Borey
I thought you were gonna call us AI versus No, no, no, no.
Kevin Fredericks
I've accepted that word. There was a clip. I wan. And you can see, like, a producer's hand throw water on one of the girls, and then it starts a fight. Like, there's a whole clip of, like, all the times the producers interacted. Like, Love Island. I watched Love island with my wife. I'm like. You can see production's thumbs all over. And I think with, like, wrestling, it's the same thing. You gotta establish, like, we know it's predetermined, but there's a certain amount of believability that we, you know, do. But I think they're asking too much.
David Borey
You're saying you would be happy with Iron Chef if they just told you the truth? And everybody got to make a Dope meal.
Kevin Fredericks
Right.
David Borey
Under. Under harder circumstances, I'm still competing against you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Kevin Fredericks
Why do we have to act like, I'm just thinking of this off the top of my head. And the chefs, they're not always good actors. So that's what. They're just like, ugh, garlic. What am I gonna do? It sounds like anime villain. The onions, like, I just. They're not trained.
Langston Kern
I don't like onion powder.
Yeah, exactly.
Kevin Fredericks
So it pulls me behind. It takes away the believability too much for me sometimes I don't like when.
David Borey
They yell for that reason.
Kevin Fredericks
Yes.
David Borey
When they're like, we gotta hurry up, and it's like, ah, that's not how. That's not how you talk in the kitchen, man.
Kevin Fredericks
That's not you.
David Borey
Whatever.
Langston Kern
They also talk like bad leaders. They never sound like a real leader.
David Borey
When they do that.
Kevin Fredericks
Yeah.
Langston Kern
Come on, guys. There's seven minutes, and it's like, I.
I don't think that's. I think you would have said fuck.
Kevin Fredericks
Yeah, exactly. And I agree that they probably yell in kitchens.
David Borey
Right. Like, I watched the bear 100%.
Langston Kern
I know everything.
David Borey
And why would the bear lie to us?
Langston Kern
Why would the bear lie? They did a oner. They did a oner.
David Borey
They're the most honest show on television.
Kevin Fredericks
Absolutely. I didn't know they said heard in the kitchen until the bear. No, I actually didn't realize. I didn't know anything about kitchen, and now the bear has taught me it's the, er, of the kitchen. Like, this is what it's really like. You guys think it's fun back here, man. They're making. Now you are dying.
David Borey
Some people. No, some people stuck in the freezer.
Kevin Fredericks
Some people stuck in the freezer.
Langston Kern
I always knew that, though, because chefs are intense. Yeah. You ever met chefs in real life? It's always, like, too intense, I guess. Like, I don't know if you are a chef or you play rock and roll music.
Kevin Fredericks
Yeah.
Langston Kern
You know what I mean?
David Borey
It demands you find it sexy.
Kevin Fredericks
Yeah, yeah.
David Borey
It, like, it tells you you will think of me as a sexual being.
Kevin Fredericks
Yeah.
David Borey
I wasn't even on that, bro. No, no, no.
Langston Kern
I just like pancakes. Yeah.
I didn't eat pancakes.
David Borey
I heard you make a good stat.
Langston Kern
I know when you're back there yelling at people 1,000%. Absolutely. Like, and that's good for them. Good for them.
Kevin Fredericks
Absolutely. This is your job. Take it seriously.
David Borey
At what point do you think you started to realize this?
Kevin Fredericks
I. First of all, I watch a lot of Food Network.
David Borey
Yeah.
Kevin Fredericks
Love Food Network. And I remember I was watching Iron Chef, and I just was like, they pulled out a really random thing, and I'm just like, man, there's just.
David Borey
I believe, like, one of my ingredients is nickel.
Langston Kern
Yeah, I'll figure it out.
Kevin Fredericks
I was just like, man, that's like, I believe first. I believe most chefs have, like, a wheelhouse of stuff that they make.
Langston Kern
Right.
Kevin Fredericks
And I just remember it was like, Faye was cardamom. And I'm just like, okay. And these were not, like, Iron Chefs. These are just like, man, I own this restaurant. We make Southern home kitchen back in here or whatever. Like, and now you just off the top of your head without thinking. My grandma, for example, amazing cook, but she's basically cooking her stuff.
Langston Kern
The same.
Kevin Fredericks
Her same wheelhouse?
Langston Kern
Yeah, yeah.
Kevin Fredericks
Her same 20, 28 things.
Langston Kern
Yeah, yeah.
Kevin Fredericks
She's never just like, man, beef Wellington, y'. All. I'm gonna just start with that. Like, grandma, you ain't never done that duck confit. Yeah.
Langston Kern
Grandma not venturing out.
She sushi.
And you're like, man, Grandma ain't never did that. There's no way I'm eating that.
Kevin Fredericks
I'd rather eat gas station sushi than my grandma sushi because.
Langston Kern
What are you doing, Ruthie? You ain't never. You ain't ever acted this way. You have not behaved in this matter in 42 years.
David Borey
It's just a fried catfish rolled in a. Rolled in a piece of cabbage rice in the middle.
Kevin Fredericks
It's pretty good.
Langston Kern
Of went black sushi.
David Borey
I'm not going to.
Langston Kern
L hear me out.
David Borey
I'm not going to lie. We.
Langston Kern
We maybe shut the camera.
Kevin Fredericks
We should have a food truck inside right now.
Langston Kern
How have we not done black sushi yet?
Kevin Fredericks
We nigged it up.
David Borey
I think we got you a new name. Kev in the kitchen.
Langston Kern
Oh, I thought you were going to say black sushi.
Kevin Fredericks
Yeah.
Langston Kern
First of all, it would be amazing. That would be really.
Kevin Fredericks
I mean, I'm sure somebody's already done it. Somebody's watching this. Like, oh, I already have this. Glass fish is my thing. We're in New Orleans right now, going crazy.
Langston Kern
I mean, I've eaten off a lot.
Kevin Fredericks
Of trucks going by.
Langston Kern
Yeah. I haven't never seen it.
Kevin Fredericks
Never seen it. Catfish roll with actual catfish.
David Borey
Yeah.
Kevin Fredericks
Collard green wrapped in collard greens.
Langston Kern
It's right there.
David Borey
It's that dirty rice on.
Kevin Fredericks
It's the dirty rice.
Langston Kern
No, you're still here.
Kevin Fredericks
Instead of the regular rice, you're still here.
David Borey
That's what we.
Kevin Fredericks
That's where you really smooth me. Cause I was Kind of witchy with the dirty rice. I said, hold on, let me turn this plate.
David Borey
I think we have to fully abandon. Abandon all things Japanese in this.
Kevin Fredericks
Absolutely. Yes.
David Borey
Like, I think the danger, true appropriation, the danger that people often find themselves in is they try to keep a little bit of that something that they borrowed from.
Langston Kern
We say no.
Kevin Fredericks
No. We say no.
David Borey
Get that out of here.
Kevin Fredericks
We vehemently deny all Japanese involvement.
David Borey
Brother, I don't even speak that language.
Langston Kern
This is Japanese in name only.
Matter of fact, we ain't even doing.
Kevin Fredericks
Now it's fried chicken. Yeah. In a collard green roll and dirty roll.
David Borey
We dishonor you in all of your traditions.
Langston Kern
Hey, same chef outfit though.
David Borey
Same chef outfit.
Kevin Fredericks
Absolutely.
David Borey
And you do it in the open.
Langston Kern
Oh, like you come to the restaurant.
David Borey
Like, like how you sit at the sushi bar and then you sit and you watch somebody cut fine pieces of man of fried chicken. Yeah, yeah.
Kevin Fredericks
Yes.
David Borey
We gotta take a break. I don't know what else to do at this point. We're gonna take a break. We're gonna come back, we're gonna talk more about this conspiracy theory. More Kevin Fredericks.
Kevin Fredericks
More.
David Borey
My mama told me.
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Langston Kern
We'Re not going to let.
Joe Biden and Kamal, Kamala Harris cut America's meat.
That's dead on that. That's dead on that.
David Borey
We're back. That's that on that. We're back. We're, we're here, frankly. Let's just start it like it's the beginning. Our guest today, we haven't even done any formal introduction. Our, our guest today is one of the busiest goddamn motherfuckers on the planet. This man be working and he be working hard and he be working good. He makes amazing shit. He's a hilarious comedian. You know from his new series the Hospital on bet. You know from his second season hit series on bet, Churchy, you know him from his brand new book, successful Failure. Give it up for the hilarious Kevin Fredericks, y'.
Langston Kern
All.
David Borey
We're still talking about this possibility that reality TV ain't real. Specifically these cooking shows being like the most flagrant. It sounds like offensive in that they won't just tell you the truth of all the realities.
Kevin Fredericks
In the same way wrestling eventually had to be like, all right, man, like, we're dropping the kayfabe aspect. Cause I don't think wrestling continues on the way it is now.
Langston Kern
If they kept it, it's crazy.
Kevin Fredericks
You can't, you couldn't.
Langston Kern
It's like the whole, it seems to be a whole aspect of their business model is insight into what is really going on. Right. Like that Netflix show. They would have never done that. I don't think 10 years ago they would have done that.
Kevin Fredericks
No.
David Borey
I think about it all the time of how I genuinely believed Undertaker and Kane were brothers.
Kevin Fredericks
It was real. He was from Death Valley. That was like, this is real.
David Borey
I thought his dad really looked like that.
Kevin Fredericks
Yes.
Langston Kern
I thought mankind was a guy. I thought that was a guy. Yeah. I Thought that was a real guy locked in a basement and they let him out and wrestle.
David Borey
Yeah, yeah.
Kevin Fredericks
And I was old enough to know then, right? Like, as a kid, you know, it was like, papa Shango, he is killing the ultimate warrior right now, and you guys are nobody. Black blood is coming out of his mouth, and you guys are just rolling.
Langston Kern
Nobody's gonna do anything about dying. Send someone in. He's my favorite wrestler. Like, forget he is dying.
Kevin Fredericks
So I'm not even talking about that level. When it was absolutely real to me, I accepted that there was, you know, and I still bought that. Dang, they are brothers. Like, that part I fell for.
David Borey
There were moments inside of it that you had to believe in order to keep watching.
Kevin Fredericks
Yes.
David Borey
But now you don't have to believe none of it. And you can still be a fan of it.
Kevin Fredericks
People are like, they should nominate wrestlers for acting awards.
Langston Kern
I'm with that.
Kevin Fredericks
Like, that's what Paul Heyman is like. Roman Reigns should get an award for this character that he's playing.
David Borey
This is not my original thought. Danny Jollis, comedian, y' all might know, he said this, and I do agree with it, that the should be the mo. He is the best actor on the planet. That, like, he. He. He can't. I get it. He can't do certain sides of what acting is. But as a. A entity that created an identity that we will serve as for a lifetime.
Kevin Fredericks
Like, what people think Drake has done, he's.
David Borey
He's unbeatable.
Kevin Fredericks
Yeah.
David Borey
In terms of just being. Having created a character. The Rock.
Kevin Fredericks
The character.
David Borey
The Rock, the character. And then subsequently Dwayne John because of it.
Langston Kern
I forget that's a dude named Dwayne all the time.
Kevin Fredericks
Yeah. He can't.
David Borey
What are you gonna do? Threaten to beat him up? Like, everybody's literally like, no, he's the strongest man that ever was. Meryl Streep can't do that.
Kevin Fredericks
This is a very interesting.
Langston Kern
That's tough.
Kevin Fredericks
And also, you could argue that he is acting all the time. All the time.
Langston Kern
He's never. There's no in between scenes.
No.
Kevin Fredericks
He has Meryl Street. She's. She might be knitting right now. I don't know what she does in her off time. She might be nice on Madden. She could be on Call of Duty.
Langston Kern
We don't know.
Kevin Fredericks
You never know with her. Crazy. Wouldn't that be if Mer was just killing you?
David Borey
Like, man, Streep Street.
Langston Kern
No. Put in the street. Put up the street.
Kevin Fredericks
Quick on the street.
Langston Kern
She won't even need.
She won't even need A number on it.
Kevin Fredericks
It'll just be right there.
Langston Kern
Yeah, that'd be good.
David Borey
Damn. She has good.
Langston Kern
Yeah. Okay.
Kevin Fredericks
That is a. That is a. That is a take that I like.
David Borey
Nah. The Rock, I think, may be the most talented actor on the planet.
Langston Kern
Interesting. Do you worry that it's going. Do you worry that the pressure is going to eventually, like, kill him? Like, do you think the veneer is ever going to crack? Because how old is Iraqi? He's not.
Kevin Fredericks
He's 50, mid-50s, I believe.
David Borey
Yeah.
Langston Kern
You think he's going to do it for.
Kevin Fredericks
Yeah, I think in some ways, at that point, that point of view, that's Beyonce, Oprah, like, that's. Everybody is me, you know, to some extent at least. Maybe the character. Like, in acting, a lot of the stuff is based on you and your point of view, but, like, in that case, there are a lot of people are doing that, but he might be doing it the best. Honestly. You can't make me believe anybody's doing any better than Drake.
Langston Kern
You think Drake is the top.
Kevin Fredericks
Aubrey Graham's greatest role is Drake. He's acting like the rapper. He also happens to be a very skilled rapper and singer. But that Persona. If you watch old videos of Drake when he was, like, Jewish and Canadian.
David Borey
Yeah.
Kevin Fredericks
That is an entirely different person.
David Borey
He was yelling at his mom about bagels.
Kevin Fredericks
For sure.
Langston Kern
You're the one who shot.
David Borey
Yeah.
Kevin Fredericks
No, he was telling his friends, like, the people in Toronto, like, the way they talk in school.
Langston Kern
Like, I saw that. He was like, they're so stupid.
Yeah, yeah. He had the pro.
Kevin Fredericks
Now he's like, oh, Drake.
David Borey
No, he's. And each year, he. His accent becomes more and more Canadian. Yeah, he used to. He used to be a little bit Memphis. Right, right. Remember, he was a little bit Memphis. And now all of a sudden, he's, like, fully the most Canadian Toronto talking. That's when he went to London.
Kevin Fredericks
I was like, oh, you turn the Canadian. Canadian up a little bit. A lot, actually. And this is not like, I'm not even. This isn't like a shot at him.
David Borey
No. And frankly, it's okay. At this point, I think he's got a lot going on. I don't think he's gonna notice.
Langston Kern
I don't think he'll be like, no, not Kev.
Kevin Fredericks
That's where he draws the line. Like, I took a lot of stuff, man.
David Borey
Now he's trying to make up with LeBron.
Langston Kern
He's.
David Borey
If he lost you, he lost everybody. I don't think it's that bad.
Langston Kern
Yeah, but.
Kevin Fredericks
Yeah, he, him and the Rock probably are the. Of the. Of that point of view, they probably are the best.
David Borey
I think they are. They are the most talented.
Kevin Fredericks
Or Rick Ross. Remember, Rick Ross convinced us.
David Borey
Rick Ross is crazy.
Kevin Fredericks
He beat a corrections officer. Be truth, as a rapper.
Langston Kern
That's like. That's like crazier to me than. Than Drake in the rock because it was like, that's a completely other side.
Kevin Fredericks
That's a Wizard of Oz.
Langston Kern
Now you're a dog.
Kevin Fredericks
You're Air Bud.
Langston Kern
You're Air Bud. You're President Bud.
David Borey
Yeah. You're President Bud.
Kevin Fredericks
PB he shouldn't have come back from that.
David Borey
My truly, my favorite thing about that incident is that when it did come out, when that picture finally landed and we took it to Rick Ross, we put it in his.
Langston Kern
We said to explain this motherfucker, what is this? You've been lying to us?
David Borey
And he said, the answer is more nefarious than you could ever believe. And never said nothing else.
Langston Kern
That is a good actor.
Great actor.
That is a.
Kevin Fredericks
You would think you have him dead to rights.
Langston Kern
Yeah, that is an Oscar worthy talent.
David Borey
He said, you wouldn't even understand what I was up to. And we went, damn, damn, you got us again, Rick.
Kevin Fredericks
And then we just.
David Borey
Not your real name, Ross.
Langston Kern
You're. That guy's alive. You can't take an alive guy's name. It's not even his name.
David Borey
And he was like, yeah, my name rang out in the streets. It's like, that can't be true.
Langston Kern
He took the name of an alive coke dealer.
David Borey
Yeah.
Langston Kern
The famous one, the best one, the most talented one.
Oh, he might be my Al Pacino.
Kevin Fredericks
Yeah.
David Borey
He's unbelievable.
Langston Kern
Now, okay, here's what I'm saying. Yeah. Scent of a Woman reboot with Rick Ross.
Hey, man, press a button.
Kevin Fredericks
If you gave me a million dollars and I could guess forever, I would have never guessed that was the next.
Langston Kern
It's not even the Pacino film that.
David Borey
Makes the most sense.
Langston Kern
Yeah.
David Borey
No, you don't start at Scent of a War Woman.
Langston Kern
That might be. I might be the first guy who ever said that.
Wasn't he blind in that movie? Yeah, you give him. You give him heat. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. It was so off.
Kevin Fredericks
I questioned if I knew before you were.
David Borey
I was like, nah, this motherfucker's blind and weird with a lady.
Langston Kern
Yeah.
David Borey
The whole time.
Langston Kern
It's a lot of buildup. It's a very slow movie.
Kevin Fredericks
It's funny, man.
Langston Kern
No, thank you. I really liked it too.
David Borey
It's really good.
Langston Kern
Well, anyways, you did some research.
David Borey
I did some research.
Kevin Fredericks
Oh, yeah, please let me hear this.
David Borey
I did a little bit of research on this conspiracy theory, and I thought reality tv, this is important for us to lay the ground. I thought that reality TV was born around, like, the real World time.
Kevin Fredericks
Oh, no.
David Borey
If I thought about the source, I was like, oh, it's like around real World and it's way before that.
Langston Kern
Oh, I didn't know that either. Yeah, it's.
David Borey
In fact, it. It precedes tv. It started on some radio shit. This is your life, which was the original JoJo dance. Well, yeah, but that's where that comes from. This is your life was a show that would surprise people. This dude, Ralph Edwards, wasn't that his name? Yeah, something like that. Ralph Edwards, we're gonna call him.
Langston Kern
That's good enough.
David Borey
Who the fuck cares? Yeah. Ralph Edwards would surprise people, celebrities and regular people, and then show them, like, moments from their life as like a. Basically a celebration of them that, like, out of.
Kevin Fredericks
And it was on the radio.
David Borey
It was on the radio. And they would do, like, plumbers, but then they also did, like, Johnny Cash at a concert, like, in the middle of a concert, like, came out and did this is your life.
Kevin Fredericks
Oh, my God.
David Borey
The crowds would go nuts because, like, you're getting to witness this moment and they would, like, do this retrospective on you and the man that you are kind of thing.
Langston Kern
Oh, wow. And they would do that for normal people.
David Borey
For normal people, too.
Langston Kern
You gotta bring that back.
David Borey
Yeah, it seemed pretty tight.
Langston Kern
I wanna watch that.
David Borey
And so it goes from 1948 to 1950 on the radio, and then it becomes a television show from 1952 to 1961, and does celebrities and the likes for years and years.
Kevin Fredericks
Wow.
David Borey
This is the. Apparently the original reality.
Kevin Fredericks
I thought Cops was the beginning of reality.
Langston Kern
I did, too. I did. I did, too.
Kevin Fredericks
I would have never imagined it went on the radio.
David Borey
That's such a cynical start.
Kevin Fredericks
Yes.
Langston Kern
I've watched a lot of. I watch it on YouTube.
Kevin Fredericks
Yeah. Because there's my other thing. Yeah. I never believed on Cops that they caught everybody.
Langston Kern
Of course not.
Kevin Fredericks
There's just no way you catch everybody, brother.
Langston Kern
I know people who have gotten away from the cops, like, they can't have 100% hit rate with the camera.
Kevin Fredericks
It just doesn't make sense.
Langston Kern
I know stupid people who have gotten away from the cops.
Kevin Fredericks
And I've seen these cops. They're not all great athletes. They're just police officers.
David Borey
It's a lot of videos of them slipping and falling for sure.
Langston Kern
You know what I mean?
Kevin Fredericks
And a guy who wants to get away is running faster than a guy that wants to catch somebody.
Langston Kern
Yes.
Kevin Fredericks
Right.
Langston Kern
That's a. That's. That's very true.
Kevin Fredericks
If you catch me, I'm going to jail. I have way more incentive to run speed jump than you have. You catch me, you just get off work.
Langston Kern
Yep.
David Borey
Yeah.
Langston Kern
Do they. Do they get off work if they catch somebody?
Kevin Fredericks
I mean, if I caught somebody, my dark.
Langston Kern
Yeah, I got to the paperwork, brother.
Kevin Fredericks
If I had to run, brother.
Langston Kern
Oh, no.
David Borey
Hour one, you catch.
Kevin Fredericks
If I had to chase them, somebody and I caught him, brother. Six hours I'm writing.
Langston Kern
You got a problem, take it up with Commissioner Bud.
David Borey
He said wolf.
Kevin Fredericks
He said wolf. Wolf.
David Borey
I don't know what that means. You talk to him.
Langston Kern
I'm out.
Oh, man.
David Borey
No, I. I would have respected cops a lot more if they put banana peel sounds underneath. Yeah, underneath.
Langston Kern
I was the one when they're running on, like, a carpet where it's like.
David Borey
Yeah, it should have. While we're being silly about this and acknowledging that you're slipping and falling or like, you said something dumb. We freeze rainbow.
Kevin Fredericks
Whoopsie.
David Borey
Like, just something that really.
Kevin Fredericks
You chased somebody and they outran you, and they cut to you. You're like, man, he was really fast.
David Borey
He busted my ass.
Kevin Fredericks
Like. Like how they interview athletes. Like, yeah, man, I threw a lot of. Like, I need you to be. Really. Cause that had to happen.
David Borey
Yeah.
Kevin Fredericks
You know?
Langston Kern
Yeah.
Kevin Fredericks
And they were like, dang, man, he was fast. All right, well, onto the. The next one.
Langston Kern
Here's what I'm thinking. That's a conspiracy to me. They're sitting on all that footage.
Kevin Fredericks
The real cops.
Langston Kern
The real cops.
David Borey
The real cops.
Langston Kern
Okay.
David Borey
It's gonna be some fucked up footage, y'.
Langston Kern
All.
Kevin Fredericks
Well, yeah, man. There's probably some crimes.
Langston Kern
Yeah, yeah.
Kevin Fredericks
I actually edit that out.
Langston Kern
You know what runs faster is a bullet is the problem.
David Borey
I think when they slip and fall, they do something different. And that means they say a lot.
Langston Kern
Of stuff not fit for network television.
1,000%.
Yeah, that's probably.
David Borey
You know what?
Kevin Fredericks
Yeah, you know what? There's probably. Y' all probably.
Langston Kern
I think we got the best.
David Borey
You go ahead and keep that footage.
Kevin Fredericks
And.
David Borey
And I only say that because you're not gonna let us do anything about it, right?
Langston Kern
You know what I mean?
David Borey
He not gonna let us fix it, so. Yeah, okay. You keep that footage.
Kevin Fredericks
I don't.
David Borey
I don't gotta be that kind of man.
Langston Kern
They must have burned the tapes, because that just in the history of cops they caught. What do you do in that position? You're the camera guy, and you're watching this happen.
Kevin Fredericks
You're zooming in, and that guy turned the corner and he's gone. Or. And the cop's here.
Langston Kern
You don't think they ever saw a cop sprinkle a crack?
Kevin Fredericks
Oh, come on, man. Come on. He makes that in.
Langston Kern
Is it in a seasoning container for you? Yeah, yeah.
Kevin Fredericks
They just all keep a little crack on there just to make the scene make sense.
David Borey
Don't throw the garlic salt away.
Langston Kern
I'm gonna put a little crack.
David Borey
Crack in there and spilled some on the table.
Langston Kern
Let me put it over my shoulder. But they did at some point, right?
David Borey
No, I think they did the most vile things possible, which is why they're still cops. Yeah. Why that show is so nasty. Yeah. It's like you are not only only showing the heroics, but you're also not showing the true monsters that y' all are 1000%. And that's crazy. Crazy. That's, like, truly wild.
Kevin Fredericks
I've been watching the Mayor of Kingstowne, which is about cops in a prison in town. Like, how they interact and the way they just talk, the way the cops just plant evidence is, like, part of the job. It's like whatever narrative we need to tell, we are the writers and the editors. Like, what do you mean? And you never saw that on Cops?
Langston Kern
No.
Kevin Fredericks
And we grew up actually trusting police until the world became real to us.
Langston Kern
Right, right.
Kevin Fredericks
Like, you're like, oh, the police are good.
David Borey
Yeah.
Langston Kern
I thought they were like firemen when I was little.
Kevin Fredericks
And you know what's so interesting about that?
Langston Kern
Nobody has beef with firemen because firemen are the best, man.
Kevin Fredericks
And they're not planning fires.
Langston Kern
No.
Kevin Fredericks
They're just putting them out, man.
David Borey
No cop, no fireman calls the fire the N word. Religious. And if they do, so what?
Langston Kern
So what? Go ahead. If that's what you need to put out the fire. If that's how you can do it, I'mma kill you. You fire. And then he does. Hell, yeah.
David Borey
Say that.
Langston Kern
That was the first draft of Backdraft, though. That's how they wrote it.
You fire going die today.
For real, though. They're good guys. They also do medical. They do all this stuff.
Kevin Fredericks
And they have the same, like, build.
Langston Kern
Yeah. I think they're a better build.
Kevin Fredericks
Yeah. I mean, they look. Yeah, they actually are, bro.
Langston Kern
Think about how nobody talks about the policeman's calendar.
Kevin Fredericks
No.
David Borey
But think about culture.
Langston Kern
It's not like women like, oh, I.
Kevin Fredericks
Can'T wait for that.
Langston Kern
New LAPD calendar.
Covered in donut crumbs.
David Borey
I heard the sheriff's office is releasing soon.
Langston Kern
Got to get my eyes on it.
David Borey
Think about how much we've known that the police were bad. That we drop off our unwanted babies to the firemen instead. Yeah, the firemen shouldn't even know what to do with the babies.
Langston Kern
That's not their. It's literally 10 dudes in a house.
David Borey
It's not even their purview, bro. No, man, they shouldn't even lie like that.
Langston Kern
There's no other house full of 10. No other house full of 10 dudes working out that I'm going to drop a kid off.
There's not one dude. I drop my kids off with my. My father included. Alone. Both of them. No one he could handle one. He do one, not two. Oh, my God. You're dropping these kids off to these young swole boys.
David Borey
Because, you know, dropping it on the other side of town.
Kevin Fredericks
Town. That's. That's. They're gonna arrest the baby.
Langston Kern
Also, you got warrants? What are you doing? Now you're double in trouble. You tried to give away your kid and you got tickets.
Yeah.
Yeah. That's like, not good, right?
David Borey
They gonna come and call in, too.
Kevin Fredericks
You can't even get on the ground for me.
David Borey
You look like Teresa.
Langston Kern
This is a strange question. Do you have to show your ID to drop a kid off?
Kevin Fredericks
No, I think you gotta, like, do it without people knowing.
David Borey
I think it's.
Langston Kern
They can't see you gotta drop it.
Kevin Fredericks
The whole thing.
David Borey
I think they. They'd send it away if you were trying to do it in person.
Langston Kern
Person.
David Borey
No, no, no.
Kevin Fredericks
Come on, man. Take your baby, bro.
David Borey
We talked about it.
Kevin Fredericks
If I catch you, if I see you, it's out. The deal's off.
Langston Kern
What I tell you, Rick? What I tell you last week?
David Borey
Hey, I'll turn the hose on, man. Get the out of here.
Langston Kern
I get it. Fatherhood is difficult.
Oh, my God.
David Borey
I'll spray your feet, man. Get the out of here.
Langston Kern
That hose water is strong. It's strong.
David Borey
Gonna hurt your toes for sure.
Kevin Fredericks
That's toes on conc.
Langston Kern
Both sides. No, he gets it. He's leaving.
Kevin Fredericks
Yeah.
Langston Kern
Don't swear. My feet, man. All right, all right.
David Borey
My bad, my bad.
Langston Kern
I'm gone, bro.
David Borey
You ain't got to say it again, man. Last time we spoiled, I was getting a different energy. My apologies. I won't be back.
Kevin Fredericks
So. Interesting, cuz. Like, I hold my breath when I pass police. I don't. When I see fire, I wave.
Langston Kern
Yeah, this is the only one I.
David Borey
Like doing it for.
Langston Kern
Yeah.
I see fireman and I say, thank God someone here is in control. Like, anything could happen. I've never been relieved by their presence before.
Kevin Fredericks
No, I'm nervous.
David Borey
LA does this nasty thing. Instead of pulling to the side, they all just stop in the middle of the street. You know what I mean? Like, drivers don't because they don't want to lose their spot, so they stay exactly where they are and just let the fire.
Langston Kern
This town is bad.
David Borey
Figure it out.
Langston Kern
It's a bad town.
David Borey
It's a crazy place.
Kevin Fredericks
It definitely is. It really is.
Langston Kern
That's nuts.
David Borey
And truly, before I lived here, I heard the fire truck and I was as far and as quickly as possible because those were my men and I wanted them to get where they needed to be.
Kevin Fredericks
I wanted to save somebody or a cat or something.
David Borey
It's the only motherfuckers I trust. And so I wanted them to succeed. And now I've become cynical because of where we live. But I'm glad we're having this conversation.
Kevin Fredericks
No, this is.
David Borey
These are important men and we should celebrate them more often.
Kevin Fredericks
Yes.
Langston Kern
Yeah. Hey. I know you little mamas are having such a good time with this episode. Us too. We were actually having such a good time that this shit is two parts. So tune in next week to listen.
Kevin Fredericks
To the rest of us.
Langston Kern
In the meantime, follow us on Instagram and TikTok at my mama Told Me Pod and subscribe to the YouTube page to watch our episode. Bye, bitch.
David Borey
My Mama Told Me is a production of Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and I Heart Podcast, created and hosted.
Langston Kern
By Langston Kern, co hosted by David Borey, executive produced by Will Ferrell Hansani and Olivia Aguilar.
David Borey
Co produced by Bay Wayne.
Langston Kern
Edited and engineered by Justin Kahman.
David Borey
Music by Nick Chambers.
Langston Kern
Artwork by Dogon Krieger.
David Borey
You can now watch episodes of My Mama told me on YouTube, follow @mymama told me and subscribe to our channel.
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David Borey
This is an iHeart podcast.
Podcast: My Momma Told Me
Hosts: Langston Kerman, David Gborie
Guest: Kevin Fredericks (KevOnStage)
Release Date: September 16, 2025
Theme: Black Conspiracy Theories—“Reality TV Ain’t Real!”
This episode dives deep into the Black conspiracy theory that reality TV is staged, with a focus on cooking competitions. Langston, David, and their guest, comedian Kevin Fredericks (KevOnStage), blend hilarious riffs, personal anecdotes, and sharp pop-culture critique. They explore the myth of unscripted television, its mechanics, and its broader cultural implications—while detouring through viral sports stories, wrestling, and even Air Bud’s unlikely reign as an American hero.
[02:23 - 04:30]
[07:08 - 11:15]
“I only called myself Kev on stage so I wouldn’t get fired...I was tweeting crazy. We was all tweeting crazy in the beginning.” — Kevin [07:13]
[12:12 - 16:01]
“America doesn’t want to see an athletic fat man!” — Langston [12:12]
[15:50 - 21:00]
“How do I explain to my son how the world works?...Life’s not fair, son. You actually need to learn that early. Fair is a place where pigs get judged!” — Kevin [17:24]
“There’s nothing in the Declaration of Independence that says he can’t be the president.” — Langston [19:13]
[23:37 - 29:15]
“I was watching Barbecue Showdown…you mean to tell me these chefs are just coming in blind?...It’s a lie!” — Kevin [24:44] “First of all, I don’t think the clocks are real…I think it takes however long it takes and they just edit it!” — Kevin [26:25]
[29:11 - 32:06]
“They talk like bad leaders. They never sound like a real leader…You would’ve said fuck!” — Langston [29:29]
[32:13 - 34:01]
“We vehemently deny all Japanese involvement.” — Kevin [33:37]
[38:01 - 44:11]
“I genuinely believed Undertaker and Kane were brothers...Now people say wrestlers should get acting awards!” — Kevin [38:12, 39:40]
“Aubrey Graham’s greatest role is Drake.” — Kevin [42:16] “Rick Ross convinced us—a corrections officer!—to be the truth as a rapper.” — Kevin [43:57]
[46:23 - 48:13]
“Apparently the original reality [show]...I thought Cops was the beginning.” — Kevin [48:06]
[52:13 - 53:09]
“Nobody has beef with firemen because firemen are the best, man. And they’re not planning fires!” — Kevin [52:47]
The tone is conversational, irreverent, and proudly Black. The hosts and guest freely mix pop culture, real talk, and hilarious tangents, rarely staying on-topic through their comedic chemistry.
Anyone curious about Black folk conspiracies, the mechanics of “reality” TV, or just looking for rapid-fire hilarity with insightful digs at culture, media, and identity. And if you’ve ever doubted what you see on Food Network, this is your vindication.
This episode is labeled “Pt. 1,” and ends with the promise of a follow-up in next week’s episode.
Social:
Follow @mymamatoldmepod on Instagram and TikTok; watch on YouTube.