T vs A (God Doesn’t Give with Both Hands): Motherf*ckin Mini Episode

Summary

My Momma Told Me: T vs A (God Doesn’t Give with Both Hands) – Motherf*ckin Mini Episode

Released on January 23, 2025, by Big Money Players Network and iHeartPodcasts

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Overview

In this engaging mini episode of My Momma Told Me, hosts Matt Rogers and Bone Yang delve into the intricate dynamics of physical attraction, societal standards, and the playful yet profound conspiracy theories that often originate from familial anecdotes. Titled "T vs A (God Doesn’t Give with Both Hands): Motherf*ckin Mini Episode," the episode blends humor with insightful discussions, providing listeners with a thought-provoking exploration of what truly defines attractiveness.

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1. Opening Banter: Club Chronicles [02:22 - 07:06]

The episode kicks off with Matt and Bone reminiscing about their nightlife experiences, setting a humorous tone. They share personal anecdotes about awkward encounters in clubs, discussing the fine line between casual interactions and more intimate moments.

• Matt Rogers [02:53]: "Have you ever made love in the club?"
• Bone Yang [03:10]: "I got jerked off in the club. I ain't never made love. I know. I wouldn't call that making love."

This playful exchange highlights the challenges of navigating romantic pursuits in high-energy environments, emphasizing the blend of humor and reality in their experiences.

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2. Introducing Greta's Conspiracy Theory [12:15 - 17:46]

The conversation takes a more analytical turn when Matt introduces a voicemail from Greta of Houston, Texas. Greta posits a fascinating theory: "God’s way of balancing out people's looks and body parts is that nobody can have all three. You either got tits, ass, or face, or some combination of two, but not all three."

• Greta [12:15]: "If you got a big booty and a pretty face, you have small boobs. If you got big boobs and a nice booty, you're ugly. Something about your face is fucked up."

Matt and Bone dissect this theory, debating its validity and reflecting on societal beauty standards. They explore whether this perceived imbalance is a divine design or a manifestation of cultural biases.

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3. Analyzing the “God’s Balance” Theory [13:43 - 18:27]

Delving deeper, the hosts examine the plausibility of Greta's claims, questioning the fairness and objectivity behind such assessments.

• Bone Yang [13:43]: "It's intriguing... if that there is some truth to this."
• Matt Rogers [14:01]: "No, that would not be even fair. You know what I mean? That's like, crazy."

They acknowledge the subjective nature of beauty, referencing celebrities like Halle Berry to illustrate the diversity in physical attributes and societal perceptions.

• Bone Yang [14:19]: "You think he was comfortable dropping trowel and making love on the dance floor? Yeah. 07, 08. No, there's no way. That motherfucker. His guns would have fell out."

The discussion underscores the complexity of defining attractiveness and the unrealistic standards often propagated by media and societal norms.

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4. Societal Standards and Personal Preferences [17:46 - 26:27]

Matt and Bone transition into a broader conversation about personal preferences versus societal expectations. They debate whether possessing all three attributes (tits, ass, face) is genuinely impossible or merely a misleading perception.

• Matt Rogers [17:55]: "Truly, one out of three is like a home run. And then two out of three is like, whoa. Whoa. A miracle."

They touch upon the role of body modifications and how they influence perceptions of beauty, questioning whether such alterations solve underlying biases or perpetuate them.

• Bone Yang [15:36]: "Those people are very rare. It's not as common as a 2 out of 3 or 1 out of 3 situation tends to be."

The hosts highlight the subjective nature of attractiveness, emphasizing that beauty standards are often personal and culturally influenced rather than universal truths.

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5. Audience Interaction: Voicemails and Listener Theories [28:00 - 34:56]

Engaging with their audience, Matt and Bone read and respond to voicemails submitted by listeners. Greta's theory serves as a focal point for these interactions, prompting further analysis and alternate viewpoints.

• Greta [12:15]: "God’s way of balancing out people's looks and body parts..."
• Bone Yang [24:20]: "Truly, like, they can't even at their most, like, rudimentary level, reduce us to, like, just body parts."

These segments foster a connection with listeners, encouraging them to contemplate and share their own perspectives on beauty and attractiveness.

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6. Concluding Thoughts: Redefining Beauty [34:56 - 35:25]

As the episode nears its end, Matt and Bone reflect on the importance of moving beyond superficial judgments. They advocate for appreciating individuals holistically, rather than reducing them to mere physical attributes.

• Matt Rogers [33:32]: "That's as good as it gets."
• Bone Yang [34:15]: "It's not calling them ugly, but it's like calling them less."

Their concluding remarks serve as a reminder to listeners to challenge ingrained biases and embrace a more inclusive understanding of beauty.

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Notable Quotes

• Matt Rogers [02:53]: "Have you ever made love in the club?"
• Bone Yang [12:15]: "God’s way of balancing out people's looks and body parts..."
• Matt Rogers [14:01]: "No, that would not be even fair. You know what I mean? That's like, crazy."
• Bone Yang [15:36]: "Those people are very rare."
• Matt Rogers [17:55]: "Truly, one out of three is like a home run."

---

Conclusion

In this mini episode, My Momma Told Me effectively blends humor with critical discussions on beauty standards and societal expectations. Through engaging dialogues and thoughtful analysis, Matt Rogers and Bone Yang invite listeners to reevaluate their perceptions of attractiveness, challenging the notion that one must choose between physical attributes. The episode is a testament to the podcast's ability to entertain while prompting meaningful reflection on contemporary social issues.

For those who haven't tuned in yet, this episode offers a captivating exploration of personal and societal influences on what we deem attractive, all delivered with the hosts' signature wit and insight.

Transcript

[Lisa]

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[Matt Rogers]

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[Lisa]

So a couple of days when his daughter moves back in.

[Bone Yang]

The last time you walked out that door, you looked back at me and gave me a double bird.

[Matt Rogers]

I was 18.

[Lisa]

The double bird was how I ended all our conversations. The wheels come off.

[Matt Rogers]

We try to talk to each other like rational adults.

[Bone Yang]

Have you watched the news lately? That's a thing anymore?

[Lisa]

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[Matt Rogers]

This is Matt Rogers from Lost Culturesis with Matt Rogers and Bone Yang.

[Lisa]

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[Matt Rogers]

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[Bone Yang]

Uh oh.

[Lisa]

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[Matt Rogers]

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[Lisa]

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[Matt Rogers]

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[Matt Rogers]

Motherfucking mini episode mini episode Motherfucking mini episode.

[Bone Yang]

You ever made love to a thug in the club with his ice on 87 jeans and a fresh pair of Nikes on. There it is. There it is. Ladies. Ladies and gentlemen, Gentiles and lil mamas alike, welcome to another phenomenal episode of.

[Matt Rogers]

My Mama Told Me, the podcast where we dive deep into the pockets of.

[Bone Yang]

Black conspiracy theories and we finally work to prove the theories that you, the lil mamas, and others have at home. Come on. It's a motherfucking mini episode.

[Matt Rogers]

Have you ever made love in the club?

[Bone Yang]

Uh, I got jerked off in the club. I ain't never made love. I know. I wouldn't call that making love.

[Matt Rogers]

It was pretty good, though. It was pretty good.

[Bone Yang]

It was pretty good.

[Matt Rogers]

Completion? Once.

[Bone Yang]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Wait, how many times you been jerked off in a club?

[Bone Yang]

Multiple times, Same person. No, no, no.

[Matt Rogers]

Let's go, baby. All right, all right. I never got jerked off in a club.

[Bone Yang]

Yeah, no. I mean, sometimes it's like, above the pants type situation, but.

[Matt Rogers]

Okay.

[Bone Yang]

But I count that I survived.

[Matt Rogers]

Is that getting jerked off?

[Bone Yang]

I think so. I think at the point that they're, like, fully gripping it and, like, trying to go into.

[Matt Rogers]

If they can make out the whole shape of it.

[Bone Yang]

That's what I'm saying. Like, we're doing this for propriety's sake, not because we're avoiding the sexual experience.

[Matt Rogers]

Right, right, right, right.

[Bone Yang]

And then I've had under, you know, fully go, like, deep into the shit.

[Matt Rogers]

I've had it grabbed at. At the club. Does that count?

[Bone Yang]

That's pretty good.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah. It's not love, though. I don't think. I don't think Jeezy was either.

[Bone Yang]

No, wait, you think Jeezy. You think Jeezy.

[Matt Rogers]

07 Jeezy.

[Bone Yang]

King of two shirts.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah. A lot of layers. A lot of layers you gotta take off to get to the snowman.

[Bone Yang]

You think he was comfortable dropping trowel and making love on the dance floor? Yeah. 07, 08. No, there's no way. That motherfucker. His guns would have fell out.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah. If I was in a fucking. A club. I'm not dropping my pants all the way, though. No, you gotta take it out, right? Yeah.

[Bone Yang]

You gotta be psychotic to be like, look away.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah. I will say I saw some guy getting a blowjob in the club once, and I was like, damn, he's free.

[Bone Yang]

Yeah. I can't imagine it was messy, though.

[Matt Rogers]

He was old.

[Bone Yang]

Oh. It wasn't like a cool blowjob?

[Matt Rogers]

No, it wasn't cool. It sucked. It was awful.

[Bone Yang]

I guess there was a part of me that was hoping it was like the music was playing. He was getting Head. But he was still up here.

[Matt Rogers]

But he was signaling to people. Yeah, you always want to get head to signal to somebody, but it's never happened to me.

[Bone Yang]

No, I haven't had that pleasure. But I don't know. Life is long and these days are short. We'll find out.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, you never know. Just wanted somebody to be like, eh. You know what I mean? But nah.

[Bone Yang]

Yeah, that's what's up.

[Matt Rogers]

I got walked in on getting head once. It's terribly awkward.

[Bone Yang]

Oh, you weren't like, you didn't just keep chilling. You felt embarrassed and well, she felt.

[Matt Rogers]

Embarrassed and then I, you know what I mean? I'm not you subsequently you, you gotta feel the second hand embarrassment. I can't just be like, I don't know, you know what I mean? She's like, woo.

[Bone Yang]

And you're like, I'm chilling, I'm cool.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bone Yang]

No, that does sound unfair.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, I'm not putting my shoes back on.

[Bone Yang]

We can't do this again. No, we can't go another round.

[Matt Rogers]

That's true, that's true. And this, who we're talking about on this one is a lot worse than what we were talking about. This, this conversation stretched to 45 minutes. We get canceled.

[Bone Yang]

Yeah. We're not going to make it all the way to the end of the careers in which we might get love in the club.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah. We can still get at least jerked off.

[Bone Yang]

At least jerked off to completion. Under the pants, the whole wait to completion.

[Matt Rogers]

I don't want to nut if I nut. I want to leave the club immediately. I don't. That's the last place I want to deal with post nut clarity. You know what I'm saying?

[Bone Yang]

You're right.

[Matt Rogers]

You're right. Awful.

[Bone Yang]

No, you're right. Suddenly the club's not dark anymore. You're like, this sucks.

[Matt Rogers]

This sucks.

[Bone Yang]

This liangelo ball music is awful. I hate this.

[Matt Rogers]

I might start tweaking it so just letting shit go. Yeah, no, I've had that realization with the club anyways, where maybe you just sober up a little bit and you're like, oh, I think, I think this sucks, bro.

[Bone Yang]

I used to hate the end of the night.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, you know what I mean?

[Bone Yang]

Where you start that you ain't buying no more drinks and everybody's just starting to look much more clear and you're like, fuck, man, this sucks.

[Matt Rogers]

This wasn't even cool. I thought, nah, you're disheveled now. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, like your T shirt's all wrinkly.

[Bone Yang]

You're like, wait a minute. So I've just been walking 150 square feet looking for women for two hours. This is sad. This is sad is what's happened.

[Matt Rogers]

You ever stayed back thinking you could pull some last minute shit, like your friends left and you were like, nah, I'm gonna.

[Bone Yang]

I'm a hang.

[Matt Rogers]

Ugh. Yeah, man, but sometimes it works. Me and my girl, one of the first times we hung out for real was we hung back at a hang and we hung out together. And she just showed me a picture from the. From that night the other day. And it. Drunken love is what it looks like. I was just smiling too big because she, like. We did like a selfie. Yeah, yeah. You can't believe it's working.

[Bone Yang]

She's still there. She's still there.

[Matt Rogers]

Crazy guys.

[Bone Yang]

The boys at home aren't gonna believe this shit.

[Matt Rogers]

That being said, I do think I was thinking about this the other day. We could get into the. Into the email after or the voicemail after this. Yeah, I do think once a year, over the age of 30. I think once a year, twice a year, you should still be able to go to the club and ball out. But you can't go to the club broke anymore. That's what it is. You can't wait in line and do all that shit. But you should be able to go and be like, you know what? I make a little bit of money. Send a bottle over.

[Bone Yang]

I agree with that.

[Matt Rogers]

I think it's. I think that's about the amount I would. I want to do it now.

[Bone Yang]

Yeah. I think you should be able to go full shenanigans like, whatever that is for you. Be it. You know, go get wild on the dance floor. Go get, you know, fucking drunk. Go buy a bottle. Whatever it is that makes you strip club throw. Throw a whole lot of money at a lady that ain't gonna love you. Whatever you need. That makes.

[Matt Rogers]

Thousand dollars.

[Bone Yang]

Yeah. Cool.

[Matt Rogers]

That's the first time I ever thought I was successful in music or in entertainment.

[Bone Yang]

I was gonna say you're successful in music. Don't shortchange yourself.

[Matt Rogers]

Come on.

[Bone Yang]

I love that new. That new DG is the.

[Matt Rogers]

It's one of my greater insecurities that my name doesn't sound good with initials. And you really. You really hit that.

[Bone Yang]

Yeah. Sorry about that.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah. It's okay, man. It's not all. You're okay. You're not doing much better.

[Bone Yang]

I'm not killing it. No. All right, well, we got voicemail anyways. We got a voicemail from a young Lady, I don't. Is her name available? Do we have her name?

[Matt Rogers]

I think she says it in the voicemail.

[Bone Yang]

Okay, well, we got a voicemail and we're excited to hear it. We got a lot of voicemails. Let me not shortchange ourselves.

[Matt Rogers]

All sexual in tone.

[Bone Yang]

A lot of sexual energy coming our way. And we're not mad at it.

[Matt Rogers]

No, no, no, no, no. It's crazy.

[Bone Yang]

Oh, and you mentioned that you were. You saw something on the Reddit that we should talk about.

[Matt Rogers]

They want to be called Lil Freakies.

[Bone Yang]

Uh, no, we're not going to do that.

[Matt Rogers]

No, you can call yourselves that.

[Bone Yang]

Yeah, you're. You're welcome. If you're like. If you're like, nah, I'm a true lil mama in that. I'm so deep in this, I'm willing to be called a little freaky. You are welcome.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Bone Yang]

To do that for yourself. Just know I'm not ever gonna say that to you.

[Matt Rogers]

I can't do it. Not on the street.

[Bone Yang]

You can make your own shirts. We're not gonna do that thing where we, like, get em shut down and like.

[Matt Rogers]

No, it's cool. It's cool that there's a subset of. It's like. It's kind of like our gestapo.

[Bone Yang]

Mm, mm, mm.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, we had the little mamas, but then we had the little freakies.

[Bone Yang]

And you're like, fuck, you don't wanna.

[Lisa]

You don't.

[Bone Yang]

Yeah, you don't wanna get bad on the little freakies.

[Matt Rogers]

They come up to your house wearing all black.

[Bone Yang]

Dad, watch out for them little freakies, man.

[Matt Rogers]

Oh, yeah. So anyways, we're not going to call you that, but let's play this from one of you freaky ass mamas.

[Bone Yang]

Hey, David and Langston, this is Greta from Houston, Texas. And my mama told me that God's way of balancing out people's looks and body parts is that nobody can have all three. You either got tits, ass, or face, or some combination of two, but not all three. So if you got a big booty and a pretty face, you have small boobs. If you got big boobs and a nice booty, you're ugly. Something about your face is fucked up. And if you're beautiful, just absolutely beautiful, like drop dead gorgeous in the face, you probably won't have pits or acne. And that's God's way of balancing things out. Wow. Bye, bitches.

[Matt Rogers]

First of all, Greta, what are you working with? How did. God bless you, you in Houston.

[Bone Yang]

We know ass ain't the problem.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, I can guess it's probably two of the things.

[Bone Yang]

What, that face talking about granny.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah. It's not a face town. You remember when we went to Houston? Good God, that waitress. That was crazy.

[Bone Yang]

Oh, yeah. Her body was the moment of silence.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, that was nuts. Okay, okay, let's start. How do you feel about this?

[Bone Yang]

It's intriguing, for sure, where I sit back and it challenges me in a way that makes me wonder if that there is some truth to this. Certainly it doesn't feel like everybody gets an even distribution of all three.

[Matt Rogers]

No, that would not be even fair. You know what I mean? That's like, crazy. I think there are some people who get off. I think a lot of it is like, here's the difficulty with this is face. Because I think we all have the same kind of metric for titties and ass.

[Bone Yang]

Yeah, right. Yeah, well, I guess maybe. But then I go, halle Berry. You know what I mean? And I think some people would say, well, she ain't got no ass. And I would say, no, no, no, my brother. Yeah, I would say, no, no, no, my brother. That's a spectacular ass. That's a great ass. But they would say, like, oh, that's not like a fat ass. That's not like. You know what I mean? Like that. It just is shapely. And I think that's the debate.

[Matt Rogers]

I think that Greta is in the shapely camp because she said no titties or no ass. She didn't say nice, well sculpted, perfectly rounded, or.

[Bone Yang]

She wasn't saying fat ass and fat titties. She was saying specifically just the existence of.

[Matt Rogers]

Right, right, right, right, right.

[Bone Yang]

Well, then that I think I. I disagree with. I'm closer to disagreeing if it's just shapely. If it's like, truly. God, didn't. You know what I mean? Because then it's like, we see shapely quite a bit. And like, on pretty girls that have, like, enough that I'd be happy with in all forms and it looks great. But.

[Matt Rogers]

But this. But this type of thing is not personal preference either, though, because to me, I don't. I don't care about the distribution really. It all adds up to 100%, baby. You know what I'm saying? We're passing the class no matter what. Like, I don't give a fuck, man. You know what I'm saying? That is how I. That's truly how I feel.

[Bone Yang]

Hey, baby, you could be built like one of them. One of them chickens we put weird chemicals inside of.

[Matt Rogers]

It's fine, whatever. Give me a super chicken breast. Then I don't. Like. It's like, none of that stuff is a deal breaker, but that's me personally.

[Bone Yang]

Okay.

[Matt Rogers]

You know what I'm saying? I don't really. Like. It's all. You could have crazy legs. Maybe that's not my thing. Like, it's like. I don't really. It's like, whatever. It's just like, does your shit make sense together?

[Bone Yang]

Yes. Tough. I will say that that is what this body transformation era that we find ourselves in sort of means to undo or rather reconfigure, is giving everybody an even distribution of them. And I'd say that even in getting body modifications, it does not always seem to solve the problem as effectively as people think it does.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah. Cause you can kind of tell we were at Zoolights. Me and my old lady were at Zoolights the other night, and we saw a fresh bbl, and it was like, you could tell. But to Greta's point, do I think that you can't have all three? No. Cause you've seen some people who got all three, and it's just like, sometimes God gives with both hands.

[Bone Yang]

Yeah. But I will say. I will say, to Greta's point, those people are very rare.

[Matt Rogers]

Right.

[Bone Yang]

It's not as common as a 2 out of 3 or 1 out of 3 situation tends to be.

[Matt Rogers]

Right. That's true. That's true. But one out of three is good. I don't know, man. It's like, we gotta stop judging shit so hard, you know? What are you looking for?

[Bone Yang]

Truly, one out of three is. That's like a home run. And then two out of three is like, whoa. Whoa. A miracle. What? What is this? Guys keep on blessing me, and then.

[Matt Rogers]

Three out of three, now you're a liability.

[Bone Yang]

Yeah. Three out of three.

[Matt Rogers]

I go. I go.

[Bone Yang]

You'll be great for somebody else, baby. I can't.

[Matt Rogers]

I can't be on high alert all the time.

[Bone Yang]

That's too stressful for me. And you should be president. As far as I'm concerned, you should be president.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah. You got it. You got it.

[Bone Yang]

This country is progressive enough yet to make you the president, but we'll get you there.

[Lisa]

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[Matt Rogers]

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[Lisa]

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[Matt Rogers]

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[Matt Rogers]

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[Matt Rogers]

It is times like this that I wish we had a woman on the podcast. Olivia, what do you think about all three? Cause I wanna know what the equivalent is for men. Just to know what their. Well, Olivia, when you used to go out in your ho dress, what were you looking for?

[Bone Yang]

That one you had. I was looking for that black American Express card.

[Matt Rogers]

Okay. Okay. American Express. I wasn't sure you were gonna say express afterwards. I didn't.

[Bone Yang]

I'm looking for that black American.

[Matt Rogers]

Olivia.

[Bone Yang]

You gotta stop calling him that.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, that's not the same thing, though. What I. Like, I'm saying, if we're talking of face, titties, or ass for. And what are the rude rubrics? And I don't think it. I think it has to be purely physical to be fair. You don't get to add money or whatever, because that's not. You know what I mean? We're just talking, right?

[Bone Yang]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

I would say. I mean, I think with guys it's. If we're looking at physical, I would say eyes. And I would say. I would say shoulders. Like. Like a good, like, broad shoulder looking. And what's the third thing?

[Bone Yang]

And the third thing?

[Matt Rogers]

I would say me. Me. Let me see what that did do.

[Bone Yang]

Imprint. Imprint, I would say, so eye, shoulders. And I would say arms.

[Lisa]

I feel like arms is a big.

[Matt Rogers]

Thing, like, because I know this is very, you know, I guess, like.

[Bone Yang]

Like.

[Lisa]

Like if a guy can lift, like.

[Matt Rogers]

Lift up, like lifting up a woman. Like, oh, you want a strong man? Strong man, yeah.

[Bone Yang]

Women really feel like psychopaths to me.

[Matt Rogers]

I think they just are aware of physical violence.

[Bone Yang]

Yes. But then. Yeah, but then that dude's also strong. He is the violence. He's the problem. And statistically that's always true.

[Matt Rogers]

Do you not feel strong? Is that why you're lashing out?

[Bone Yang]

No, I. And watch your mouth. I feel. I feel crazy strong. I think it just feels so fascinating that the things that we consider to be our, like the core aesthetic values are so different than the ones that they do.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, I mean, that's. Yeah.

[Bone Yang]

Truly, like, truly, like, they. They can't even at their most, like, rudimentary level, reduce us to, like, just body parts. And we're so capable of doing it for them.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah. That's how we walk around.

[Bone Yang]

Yep. And maybe that's just more Speaks to our psychosis than theirs. But it does feel so. It feels so different than what we're. The game we're playing.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah. I mean, that's the funny, funny part about it is. Right? Like, because I almost think, when I think about it, it almost seems more fair that for women. Maybe it wouldn't be three holy physical traits just for like how they. You know what I. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

[Bone Yang]

But if we were women, we would just be like mouth, abs, meat. Like that.

[Matt Rogers]

Men were women. Yeah, yeah.

[Bone Yang]

It was just like, what do I look for? Mouth, abs, meat.

[Matt Rogers]

I don't even think I've ever heard a woman call it a mouth. They say lips.

[Bone Yang]

Yeah. No, they don't.

[Matt Rogers]

Mouth.

[Bone Yang]

Yeah. They don't have that animal in them the way that we do.

[Matt Rogers]

Damn.

[Bone Yang]

I've 100% been like, damn, look at her mouth. You know what I mean?

[Matt Rogers]

Oh, I've said that about, I've said that about every, every part like an animal. Because it's like, whatever. I don't know.

[Bone Yang]

No, we use the whole buffalo in my house.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, look at her nose.

[Bone Yang]

I don't know.

[Matt Rogers]

There's somehow. It's like. There's this comic I used to know. I don't remember his name, but he had a joke about how like, he's talking about big titties. He's like, yeah, even if you're not into it, you're into it. It's like you walk down the street and you see a five foot tall cheeseburger, you're still gonna look at it, you know what I mean? You'll be like, I'm a vegetarian. But you're still like, damn, that's crazy.

[Bone Yang]

Big ass cheeseburger.

[Matt Rogers]

That's a big ass cheeseburger. Oh, smell it.

[Bone Yang]

Go ahead.

[Matt Rogers]

I was just going to say who. There are people though, that it seems like they did get all three. And I think there's more. I don't think the rarity is as rare as you're saying. I think that like, because that's how, that's how there's enough. There's a lot of hot people. It's that it's not a commodity. You've never been in a social situation without a hot person. That's why there's always a hot person at your job or a hot person in a class that you took or whatever. There's always one.

[Bone Yang]

I don't know, man. I don't know if I agree with that, really. I think there's been a fair amount of social situations you can find yourself in where you're like, God damn this collection of uggos, man.

[Matt Rogers]

That's crazy. I don't feel that way. There's always one where you like.

[Bone Yang]

But I do think that's the beauty of hot being subjective. Right? Is that, like, we. We are always scaling for ourselves, and sometimes what you're aspiring for is not in that room, but that does not mean beauty is not in that room. Right. I don't want to be cruel to people and suggest that, like, there's just rooms of ugly people all collecting and looking at each other.

[Matt Rogers]

That's literally what you just said.

[Bone Yang]

Yeah, but I'm trying to walk it back, David, and you're not helping. I'm trying to be responsible. I'm recognizing where someone would get angry at me, and I'm saying to myself, langston, you could fix this. And then you go, shut up. Hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

[Matt Rogers]

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

[Bone Yang]

Wait a minute. You can't be better. You can't be better than you were a moment ago. You gotta be exactly who you were.

[Matt Rogers]

Listen, it's subjective. I mean, I think that I have definitely also been in rooms where it's a bunch of ugly people, but I feel like, for the most part, there's a. And because the way that shit works, it's so subjective that if we're all in this room after a day, you are the hot person in this room.

[Bone Yang]

No, it scales fast.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, man. Yeah. And it's like. And I think that's why it's not that important. That's why I've always never felt like it's.

[Bone Yang]

Well, I guess that. And that, to me, is maybe worth distinguishing, is that I'm not speaking to being in rooms and who I would fucking. I'm speaking to being in rooms and whether people are objectively, in my opinion, but it's subjectively hot. And that's a different conversation.

[Matt Rogers]

Right. You've also spent a lot of time in New York and la, which skews it. I have as well, which definitely skews it.

[Bone Yang]

I just think at the end of the day, there are so many rooms I walk in, I'd be like, I'd fuck.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Bone Yang]

You know what I mean? I'm not. I'm not.

[Matt Rogers]

That's what I walk in.

[Bone Yang]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

I never have walked in a room.

[Bone Yang]

And been like, oh, it's been like three. And they. It had to be all dudes. And a bad day for them fellas. You know what I mean?

[Lisa]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Like you were teaching at a prison or something.

[Bone Yang]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Even though I Bet there's hot dudes in prison too.

[Bone Yang]

Hot dudes where you're like, nah, I see what somebody. How somebody could find themselves in this. Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah. Your skin is clear. You're sleeping every night, eight hours.

[Bone Yang]

Look at those arms and those eyes and those shoulders. And those shoulders.

[Matt Rogers]

Those gray prison sweats. Oh, man.

[Bone Yang]

Do you have a black American Express card?

[Matt Rogers]

You know what's crazy? Until the gray sweatpants movement, I was so close minded. I never even thought about women seeking that out.

[Bone Yang]

I never thought they could see it.

[Matt Rogers]

I never even. It never even crossed my mind that they would try.

[Bone Yang]

No, I know.

[Matt Rogers]

And I like that they have that. Good for them. I think that's.

[Bone Yang]

They deserve to be nasty.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, we can be nasty.

[Bone Yang]

You know, I'm almost exclusively nasty in my head.

[Matt Rogers]

I keep it in my head though. I will never. I'm not yelling. I'm not even. I'm so cold, my eyebrows don't even move anymore.

[Bone Yang]

I truly will never let you know the nasty things that I'm thinking about you. And that is my promise.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Bone Yang]

To you, the listeners, the people that see us live. If you come up to me and you looking good, it ain't coming up with us ever.

[Matt Rogers]

Ever.

[Bone Yang]

That's my promise to you.

[Matt Rogers]

And truly, I'm gonna be honest with you. That's the best I can do. That's as good as it gets. That's as good as it gets.

[Bone Yang]

I think we're crushing it.

[Matt Rogers]

I think we're pretty good. I think we're pretty good. Yeah.

[Bone Yang]

There's not gonna be a single scandal. David Lyson groped me after the show. He was drinking and he kept talking to me too close. Nope.

[Matt Rogers]

Nope. I think I'm probably gonna start doing that Keanu Reeves shit.

[Bone Yang]

Oh, just hover.

[Matt Rogers]

Maybe. I just like. And this is not sexual. I like the. If you come up to take a picture, I do want to feel you and you to feel me, but it's not. I'm not like, I don't feel. I'm never like rubbing, squeezing arms or anything like that.

[Bone Yang]

You know what I mean? No, I don't want that.

[Matt Rogers]

Do you hover? Are you doing the hover?

[Bone Yang]

No, but I think I should.

[Matt Rogers]

You want to talk?

[Bone Yang]

You know what I mean? Like, it's not. It's not because I feel confident that I've. You know what I mean? That, like there's no. No one who could be like, we squeezed tight and then suddenly we're having a different conversation.

[Matt Rogers]

Bro, I've been confident in like three hugs in my whole Life, it always feels like. It's like, I don't think people understand. For some people who are weird, the bravery I have to go out. The bravery I have to exhibit to hug you when I didn't know if we could hug. Keeps me up at night.

[Bone Yang]

That's a big ask for sure.

[Matt Rogers]

It's tough. It's tough. I don't like it. I don't like it. I don't like greetings, really. I would rather we just fall into conversation because the greeting and the dismount are both like, oh, man, it sucks.

[Bone Yang]

I had a writing session yesterday with some folks, very funny people, very talented people. And we had a great session and all laughed at a lot of funny things. And then afterwards, said the most awkward goodbyes that humans could say to each other. And it's like, bro, we were just so intimate. We were just so close to one another. And now we don't know where to put our fucking hands as we, like, do these half hugs. And it sucks.

[Matt Rogers]

You know what it is? It's the intimacy that. The intimacy is not what scares me or bothers me. It's the ritual. The intimacy is fine. I can handle that. It's the ritual in the, like. How's this supposed to open? Okay, I've met you three times, but sometimes it feels disrespectful to just shake a woman's hand like you would shake a man's hand. Yeah.

[Bone Yang]

You're like calling them. Calling them ugly somehow by.

[Matt Rogers]

It does feel that.

[Bone Yang]

Is that.

[Matt Rogers]

I'm glad. So is that. That's not just me. You feel that way too.

[Bone Yang]

It's not calling them ugly, but it's like calling them less. It's almost treating them less like women. And I think that feels reductive to, like, their beauty to beauty standards, to, like, what they represent in a way that I. I don't know how to undo.

[Matt Rogers]

That's. That's. You hit it on the head, bro. Because sometimes it'll be like. Or if it's like a woman I've never met or like you've only met on the Internet, that first one is like, I don't want to hug you because it does feel inappropriate. But something about just shaking your hand feels disrespectful and you don't. I don't want to dap you up, because that's not right.

[Bone Yang]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

So now I'm just, like, dreading the first 10 seconds of our meeting.

[Bone Yang]

I really struggle. First. First meets of women that I, you know. And it's men, too. I Don't want this to just be women. It's. It's a different kind of struggle. But certainly with women, it's like, I want to give a respectful distance to whatever this is, but I also don't want to make it seem as if you are not a very, you know, a beautiful woman.

[Matt Rogers]

I'm also not trying to other you because we're most likely in a situation where it's mostly men. You know what I mean? So I'm not trying to make you feel even more alienated.

[Bone Yang]

Yeah. Where it's like, why did he immediately treat me like an outsider to a thing?

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah. Especially because he dapped up the dudes he knows. You know, we just gotta either be all in or all out on touching.

[Bone Yang]

Is what I. I think so too. So you heard it here first, folks. If you got a fat ass, let us grab it. Kiss off the first meet. You know, you got that big old thing back there. You know, we're looking.

[Matt Rogers]

Whether or not we said anything, we're.

[Bone Yang]

Not going to address it. But go ahead and let us put a hand on it.

[Matt Rogers]

This next tour is going to go crazy. We'll actually only be going to Houston.

[Bone Yang]

Houston, Atlanta, Vegas. Weird little run for the boys.

[Matt Rogers]

Also Baton Rouge. I don't understand. Oh, man.

[Bone Yang]

All right, you want.

[Matt Rogers]

I think we saw.

[Bone Yang]

They can find you.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, yeah. Cool guy jokes. 87 on Instagram, patreon.com backslash DavidBory. Buy my special. I got a lot of stuff going on over there. Yeah, that's it. I'm gonna be in the Cincinnati area and then Chicago and most likely Minneapolis. That's coming at the end of February. I don't. I don't have this shit on me.

[Bone Yang]

Right now telling you that you can find me at Langston Kerman on all social media platforms. You can watch my special. It's called Bad Poetry. It is on Netflix. You can see me live in February in Vancouver for JFL Vancouver. It's gonna be very fun. I think I'm doing one night, and then you can also see me in March in Vermont. I'm gonna be at the Vermont Comedy Club March 27th through the 29th. And it's going to be a great time. Everybody's going to laugh and have a nice time. And then after that, you can send us your own drops, your own conspiracy theories. You can tell us what kind of ass, titties and face you're working with [e-mail] and you can buy the merch. You can give us a call at 844-LITTLE-DOMS. You can donate to people in need. You can pray for your for their salvation and most importantly, you can suck dick in the club. Bye bitch.

[Matt Rogers]

Bye bitch.

[Bone Yang]

How did you get here? I called the bus.

[Matt Rogers]

Nobody supposed to be here.

[Bone Yang]

Well I came to.

[Matt Rogers]

Mini mini episode Mini episode Motherfucking mini episode Mini episode Motherfucking mini episode.

[Lisa]

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[Bone Yang]

Discuss and celebrate savings.

[Lisa]

I know it's usually a master detective or a super sleuth who loves true.

[Bone Yang]

Crime as much as we do, but today it's better.

[Matt Rogers]

It's cheap. Caribbean's 25th anniversary sale.

[Lisa]

That means 25 good reasons to put.

[Bone Yang]

Up your away Message now until February 3rd. You can unlock up to $250 off all inclusive vacation packages site wide.

[Lisa]

You're definitely going to need a portable.

[Bone Yang]

Charger for all these vacation pics. Visit CheapCaribbean.com for up to $250 off.

[Lisa]

Offer ends February 3rd.

[Matt Rogers]

Amazon One Medical presents Painful Thoughts I.

[Bone Yang]

Could catch anything sitting in this doctor's waiting room.

[Lisa]

A kid just wiped his runny nose.

[Bone Yang]

On my jacket and the guy next to me sitting in a pool of.

[Lisa]

Perspiration insists on sharing my armrest.

[Matt Rogers]

Next time, make an appointment with an Amazon One medical provider. There's no waiting and no sweaty guy. Amazon One Medical Healthcare just got less painful.