THE START THE STEAL TOUR: BROOKLYN! (with The Kid Mero, Marie Faustin, and Jaboukie Young-White)

Summary

Podcast Summary: "THE START THE STEAL TOUR: BROOKLYN!"

Podcast Information

• Title: My Momma Told Me
• Host/Author: Big Money Players Network and iHeartPodcasts
• Description: Comedians Langston Kerman and David Borey delve into the most thrilling, groundbreaking, and occasionally contentious Black conspiracy theories. Joined by guests, they explore everything from lighthearted conspiracies to unsettling theories passed down through family lore.
• Episode: THE START THE STEAL TOUR: BROOKLYN! (with The Kid Mero, Marie Faustin, and Jaboukie Young-White)
• Release Date: December 5, 2024

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1. Introduction and Tour Promotion [00:00 – 05:36]

The episode begins with a series of advertisements promoting various brands and services, including Coca-Cola, LiveNation.com, Chumba Casino, DSW, and IKEA. These segments set a jovial tone before transitioning into the main content at approximately [05:36].

2. Main Discussion: Black Conspiracy Theories in Brooklyn [05:36 – 12:13]

Langston Kerman and David Borey open the live show with enthusiasm, expressing excitement about performing in Brooklyn. They introduce the theme of exploring Black conspiracy theories, setting the stage for an engaging and humorous exploration of local myths.

Marie Faustin brings up the Six Train Disappearances conspiracy, a central topic of the episode. She introduces the theory that numerous individuals have gone missing after riding the 6 train in New York City. Marie states at [07:37], "People are disappearing. So apparently, and this is the first I'm hearing of it, but apparently there have been a number, I think it's somewhere in the 50s of people who have gone missing after riding the 6 train."

Langston adds depth to the discussion by referencing cultural icons associated with the 6 train, such as Jennifer Lopez's early days riding it, thereby blending pop culture with conspiracy lore. At [11:34], Langston explains, "The last stop of the subway is City Hall. But City Hall, which opened in 1904, I believe, then got shut down in 1945, and you are no longer allowed to ride all the way past there."

3. Interactive Segment: Video Analysis and Personal Experiences [12:14 – 25:44]

The hosts share a video from a website dedicated to the Six Train disappearances, sparking a lively debate. David expresses skepticism, suggesting the conspiracy might be exaggerated for a film project: “This sounds like somebody's trying to get their project made.”

Marie and David exchange personal ghost stories and discuss the plausibility of supernatural explanations versus mundane causes for the disappearances. Notably, at [14:18], Marie humorously laments, "I hate that story. Every time."

4. Featured Guest: Jaboukie Young-White and Interactive Games [25:44 – 44:07]

Jaboukie Young-White joins the hosts, bringing additional energy and humor to the episode. The trio engages in various interactive games designed to entertain and provoke thought among the live audience.

Game Highlight: "Hero or Hotep" [50:00 – 74:55]

• Marie introduces the game where participants must determine if a given quote belongs to a "hero" or a "hotep" (a term often used to describe certain Black men with specific ideological stances). For example, at [51:06], a quote is presented: "We must build before the back shots. We must handle the business before the back shots."

Notable Quote:

• At [55:30], David Borey humorously asserts, "I think that could work," in response to a convoluted conspiracy theory involving Sammy Davis Jr. and the KKK.

Game Highlight: "Quid Pro Quo" [73:33 – 82:48]

• Participants are presented with a trade-off scenario, such as receiving courtside tickets to every sporting event for the rest of their lives in exchange for dressing like Spike Lee. Langston enthusiastically accepts, highlighting his willingness to embrace absurd conditions for outrageous perks.

Notable Interaction:

• Langston at [74:44] quips, "I wear a stupid jersey. Br. Too big. I don't give a...," showcasing his comedic flair and willingness to engage in self-deprecating humor.

5. Concluding Discussions and Tour Announcements [82:48 – 88:11]

As the episode nears its end, the hosts continue their comedic exploration of conspiracies intertwined with real-world references, such as the removal of Clarence Thomas from the Supreme Court and the release of controversial figures like R. Kelly.

Tour Promotion:

• Marie Faustin reiterates details about the "Start the Steal Tour," emphasizing upcoming shows in Seattle on December 12th and Portland, Oregon on December 15th. She encourages listeners to purchase tickets via Instagram, websites, and Linktree.

6. Final Advertisements and Closing Remarks [88:11 – 109:45]

The episode winds down with additional advertisements for services like California Psychics and promotions for future podcast episodes. The hosts maintain their humorous banter, closing the episode on a lively and entertaining note.

Notable Quote:

• Near the end, Marie delivers a sharp remark at [105:03], "If this has been hard for you, eat a dick. You made a big mistake. Shame on you," encapsulating the show's edgy and unapologetic comedic style.

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Highlights and Notable Quotes

1. Six Train Disappearances Conspiracy:

   • Marie Faustin [07:37]: "People are disappearing. So apparently, and this is the first I'm hearing of it, but apparently there have been a number, I think it's somewhere in the 50s of people who have gone missing after riding the 6 train."

2. Ghost Story Exchange:

   • Marie Faustin [14:18]: "I hate that story. Every time."

3. Sammy Davis Jr. Conspiracy:

   • David Borey [55:30]: "I think that could work."

4. Quid Pro Quo Game Decision:

   • Langston Kerman [74:44]: "I wear a stupid jersey. Br. Too big. I don't give a..."

5. Closing Banter:

   • Marie Faustin [105:03]: "If this has been hard for you, eat a dick. You made a big mistake. Shame on you."

---

Conclusion

In this lively episode of "My Momma Told Me," hosts Langston Kerman and David Borey, along with guests The Kid Mero, Marie Faustin, and Jaboukie Young-White, deliver a blend of humor, conspiracy theories, and interactive entertainment. From discussing the mysterious Six Train disappearances to playing engaging games that challenge perceptions of heroes and "hotep" figures, the hosts maintain an energetic and comedic atmosphere throughout. The episode not only entertains but also invites listeners to ponder unconventional theories, all while promoting their "Start the Steal Tour" across major cities.

For those intrigued by a mix of comedy and conspiracy, this episode offers a memorable exploration filled with laughter, sharp wit, and engaging discussions.

Transcript

[Langston Kerman]

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[David Borey]

Copyright 2024 the Coca Cola Company.

[Langston Kerman]

Hey comedy fans. The funniest comedians in the world are on tour and you can get tickets to see them live near you. Laugh at the biggest names in comedy like Atsuko Okatsuka, Chelse Handler, Jimmy Carr, Kathy Griffin, Matt Matthews, Matt Rife, Sarah Silverman, Sebastian Maniscalco, Stavros Helkias, Wanda Sykes and so many more. All kinds of shows, all kinds of venues, all kinds of funny. Head to livenation.comcomedy to get your tickets today.

[Jaboukie Young-White]

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[Marie Fostin]

Seek terms and conditions Holiday magic is in the air and DSW's got all.

[Langston Kerman]

The shoes to make your season extra merry.

[Marie Fostin]

Believe you've got parties to attend and.

[Unknown]

Lists to check twice, so DSW is taking care of the details, like gifts.

[Marie Fostin]

To make their own eyes.

[Unknown]

All aglow styles that bring joy to your world. Brands everyone wants like Ugg, Nike, Birkenstock.

[Langston Kerman]

And more and deals to make your budget bright.

[Marie Fostin]

Find the perfect shoes for you and.

[Unknown]

Yours at a DSW store near you or dsw.com the holidays are here and so is the IKEA Winter Sale. Now's your chance to make the holidays a little more magical and less expensive. Save up to 50% off on select items in store and online now through January 7th. Plus IKEA loyalty members get an extra 10% off on SAL offer valid in the US through 17 mall supplies. Last selection may vary by store and online. See [e-mail] wintersale for complete terms. Restrictions apply.

[Marie Fostin]

The government growing babies, Microchips in your.

[Langston Kerman]

Anus, all koala bears are racist.

[Marie Fostin]

The ozone layer owes me money, Partially defended turkey stuff.

[Unknown]

Y'all can't tell me.

[Marie Fostin]

What the Was that? Huh?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Marie Fostin]

Oh, man.

[Unknown]

That's embarrassing as hell.

[Marie Fostin]

That sucked. He went to go take a. And then they.

[Unknown]

I didn't take a. I didn't take a. I did not take a. It was number one.

[Marie Fostin]

Long number one. It wasn't a long number one.

[Unknown]

Don't listen.

[Marie Fostin]

You played the intro music twice.

[Unknown]

Well, that's. That's. That's. That's 90 seconds.

[Marie Fostin]

All right, here we go. Should we start this thing?

[Unknown]

Let's start it for real.

[Langston Kerman]

Mo.

[Marie Fostin]

Better mo. Cheddar foes, knock the man off your polo sweater. There it is. There it is. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to a phenomenal live episode of My Mama Told Me.

[Unknown]

The podcast, where we dive deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theories, and.

[Marie Fostin]

We finally work to prove that with this new Trump presidency, niggas are going to have to buy condoms on the street. Like, they're yellow tops.

[Unknown]

Let's go. Let's go.

[Marie Fostin]

How did he die? Oh, he got some bad Trojans, baby, laced with Fentol. They had to cut them somehow.

[Unknown]

Oh, man, I gotta stretch out this ten pack, man. I would be upset about that if I bought condoms.

[Marie Fostin]

Press a button for yourself. You deserve it.

[Unknown]

When was the last time you bought a condom?

[Marie Fostin]

Last time I bought a condom. Thank you for asking. I've been married now. God damn. Five years. Five years we've been married. Look at this tepid response. You guys don't give a fuck. I found the love of my life, and you're like, so tell your little race jokes, boy. Yeah, I probably haven't bought a condom. I'd say about seven, eight.

[Unknown]

Same.

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

And I have to find the love of my life to do it.

[Marie Fostin]

You're a braver man than me.

[Unknown]

I'm just. I got them in the house. There's like, we. You have house condoms. You know what I'm saying?

[Marie Fostin]

You got your indoor condoms.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

And I got my street condoms.

[Marie Fostin]

You can feed them, but don't touch them.

[Unknown]

Yeah. And then I got the off roads.

[Marie Fostin]

Hey, everybody. Thank you for coming out to the fucking show.

[Unknown]

This is great.

[Marie Fostin]

This is so cool. This looks. This looks better than last time. I'll say that. Last time we were here, there was a lot more space in the room.

[Unknown]

Yeah. We got people standing up. This is good.

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah, this is fucking tight. And you'll stay that way. This is gonna be cool. I'm Langston.

[Unknown]

I'm David.

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah. And if you're unfamiliar, we like to talk about black conspiracy theories. And we love being here. This is. I love this venue. We've Been hanging out, eating pizza. All the toilet seats are loose. It's cool.

[Unknown]

Once again, did not interact with the seat. I was standing up. Don't do that to me.

[Marie Fostin]

We, we like to kick off these live shows by warming you guys up, giving you a little finger banging to get you nice and ready.

[Unknown]

You're getting better. When he first started, he was like, we're going to finger bang. Like it was a crazy angle. And as it's come, I feel like the last show you're going to do like the come hither tour's over. She came.

[Marie Fostin]

Next show, I'm a lick it and then hit y'all with it. But we're going to finger bang you a little bit, get you nice and warmed up. We'd like to start with a little bit of a local conspiracy. We're in Brooklyn. We're in New York City. And so I thought the best way to kick this thing off is for us to talk about a conspiracy I just found out about. But apparently it has a lot of traction. It is the six train disappearances. Ain't that what you imagine the six train looks like? Like if he had a face. Ain't he the shitty one on Thomas?

[Unknown]

That's a mean one, right? Yeah, that one's dad wasn't around. Yeah, that's why he's a bully.

[Marie Fostin]

I don't even know my caboose. What does that mean? Edward, or whatever the fuck your name is.

[Unknown]

Hey, tell me about. I don't know any. You gotta. You gotta.

[Marie Fostin]

Well, let's do you all. Has anybody in the audience ever heard of these six train disappearances? Okay, calm down. Damn.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Relax.

[Marie Fostin]

Don't be rude about it. Behave with civility. People are disappearing. So apparently, and this is. This is the first I'm hearing of it, but apparently there have been a number, I think it's somewhere in the 50s of people who have. Who have gone missing after riding the 6 train.

[Unknown]

God damn.

[Marie Fostin]

Yes.

[Unknown]

Is it a popular train or is it like the 6 train?

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah, it's quite popular.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Marie Fostin]

JLo, I believe.

[Unknown]

Oh, I do know about that.

[Marie Fostin]

JLO famously was a six true train.

[Unknown]

The Bronx.

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah. Expert. She rode the six train early and often.

[Unknown]

Fly girl days.

[Marie Fostin]

Fly Girl days. But this conspiracy, I think then blossoms into a much more complicated one. But I think rather than just tell you everything, I actually found a video from a website that is solely dedicated to these disappearances and the mystery around them. The mystique. There's a website. I'm gonna play the video for you and then we'll talk about it after words.

[Unknown]

What's the website called?

[Marie Fostin]

I think it's like Subway. It's something weird. Six trains, Mysteries. Subway.

[Unknown]

All right.

[Marie Fostin]

Dot com. Are we good? Oh, I. Oh, right. Not on you.

[Unknown]

Sorry we had to.

[Marie Fostin]

You're a good man. I'm sorry I spoke to you that way. I spoke to you the way that nigga spoke to me.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Hurt people.

[Unknown]

Hurt people.

[Marie Fostin]

And that's okay. All right, here we go. This is it. That's a for train, by the way.

[Unknown]

Wait, pause for a second.

[Marie Fostin]

Okay, sure.

[Unknown]

A portal to the past.

[Marie Fostin]

That's right.

[Unknown]

This feels like a different conspiracy than we. Than what you presented me with, Playboy.

[Marie Fostin]

Don't overthink it.

[Unknown]

All right, Keep it.

[Marie Fostin]

You're not explaining much.

[Unknown]

I'm excited to see where this goes.

[Marie Fostin]

Oh, no, no. Oh, no. Shut up. Shut.

[Unknown]

Shut the up.

[Marie Fostin]

Shut up. I tried my best. Shut up.

[Unknown]

That is a good ass game, though.

[Marie Fostin]

Okay, here we go. Here we go. Ah. Oh, look, they're printing. The money they're gonna use. Paid off, huh?

[Unknown]

Is that Al Capone?

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah. It could affect you all today there. Yeah. NYC Subway, conspiracy dot com. Let's go. You telling me you don't want to watch that movie? They made a whole documentary. I'm definitely gonna pay for it.

[Unknown]

Wait, that's a movie they were financing?

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah, they're working. They're financing a whole film to explain where these people went.

[Unknown]

I feel like it was. They went to the past. I think I just solved it.

[Marie Fostin]

So. So for the.

[Unknown]

The.

[Marie Fostin]

I guess the people that don't know anything about the 6 train. The 6 train lasts stop is not the last stop that you get off on.

[Unknown]

Right?

[Marie Fostin]

The last stop of the subway is City Hall. But City hall, which opened in 1904, I believe, then got shut down in 1945, and you are no longer allowed to ride all the way past there. And in fact, they work really hard to make sure that the train, even though it does continue forward, nobody's on it all the way to the end. Now, they claim the reason that they shut it down was for safety issues, that apparently it was unsafe. But a lot of motherfuckers report hearing ghost sounds and weird, like noises every time they do just happen to make it all the way to the end of the train.

[Unknown]

The ghost of City Hall.

[Marie Fostin]

The ghost of City Hall. The mayor's no longer here.

[Unknown]

The ghost of election stolen past.

[Marie Fostin]

I don't know.

[Unknown]

I'm into this. I like this. Have you ever been? Does anyone here ever been to that last stop?

[Marie Fostin]

Y'all you can go on tours, sir.

[Unknown]

You gotta relax. You gotta fucking relax, man.

[Marie Fostin]

It sounds like you know one dude.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Marie Fostin]

I don't know if this is a tour or if you're just, like, a weird guy.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Like you went there on a weird date. But that's not.

[Marie Fostin]

I do hope you bring that up with your love life. You know, I've actually been where they filmed Turtles 2.

[Unknown]

And if that doesn't get you some pussy, I don't know what will.

[Marie Fostin]

Yep, the one with Vanilla Ice. Yep, that's the one. Okay, so you can go on a tour to visit this forgotten subway. And now are they pitching this tour? Are they pitching this tour as, like, oh, shit. Holy shit, there's ghosts down here. Or are they like, no, come look at our old shit that we don't show you. Otherwise, the second one. I feel bad that we made you feel like you had to talk stupid. Now.

[Unknown]

You talk to him like you talk to him. So. In the Limited. I don't believe in ghosts. Like, that is my problem. Yeah, I saw a ghost one time.

[Marie Fostin]

But I was gonna say you. You're. You've had a ghost experience once. Do you want to tell the story?

[Unknown]

Yeah, I would. I was. I. I had a party, and then I had to go to work the next morning, so I went to sleep, and I woke up, and I thought I saw my friend as It. It looked like he had his hood on, and he was standing in the corner, like, looking at his phone like. So there was, like, a dull glow. And I was like, get out of my room and move. And I was like, yo, get out. Get out of my room. I gotta work. Get the fuck out of my room. And I went up and I turned on the lights because I was gonna hit him, and then there was nobody there.

[Marie Fostin]

Fuck, yeah. I hate that story. Every time.

[Unknown]

I don't know what. That's what happened. I don't believe in ghosts like that still, though. Really?

[Marie Fostin]

That's crazy.

[Unknown]

I never saw another one.

[Marie Fostin]

Nigga, I've seen one platypus. They're real.

[Unknown]

How drunk were you?

[Marie Fostin]

Dead sober. I said, not today. Langston, you gotta focus. You're gonna meet a platypus, and I don't.

[Unknown]

If you want to get into the depth of it, I don't think that it was like a ghost as much as I think it might have been, like, an evil spirit or something. But I don't think it was like a boo. I think it was like a gimme your soul, like, type shit. That's how I felt.

[Marie Fostin]

I think that scares me a lot more.

[Unknown]

Yeah, no, it's worse.

[Marie Fostin]

Personally, I would prefer. Yeah. Even Casper's uncles seem chill.

[Unknown]

Yeah, no, I have like night terrors or whatever. But do I believe in. No, I don't like this one. I don't think I believe that.

[Marie Fostin]

You're not buying that 50 some people.

[Unknown]

Confirmed or just what that website said?

[Marie Fostin]

50 some people confirmed to be missing according to this website.

[Unknown]

Okay. Also, I don't mean to like shit on your fair city. Don't people go missing here? You could get lost out here. Says the guy who did it.

[Marie Fostin]

Still ain't found him. Probably never will. Show is a shame. Hope they don't miss that motherfucker. You're a sick guy. Take your hand off that woman. Bitch, run. You heard how he spoke. If he's saying that in public, I can't imagine what he'll say in private. Some monster, all the time psychopath.

[Unknown]

To your man's point. That's why I don't believe this, though. I feel like 50 people got missing in any place in this city. Like, it doesn't. The numbers aren't big enough to shock me.

[Marie Fostin]

I think that's fair. One of the other things that. That bummed me out as I read more of their information, because I did.

[Unknown]

Was it was that the cash app was at the bottom. They had two dollar signs in their cash app.

[Marie Fostin]

It's just one dude's name. It ain't even. No, one of the things that bummed me out is I realized in reading some of their materials that what they define as missing also was like somebody rode the 6 train and then they died later.

[Unknown]

It's like, that's not even.

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah, Big dog. What? Like they are really tying the missing and the sort of like, unspoken for real loose to the 6 train.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

See, I don't. I don't. I don't believe in that. I think there could be ghosts here, but I don't believe in the Bell House. Fuck, I hope not. Just in New York City. This sounds crazy to me. This sounds like somebody's trying to get their project made. And I get it. I get it. It's hard. Funding is difficult. Entertainment is a tough business.

[Marie Fostin]

They also do a crazy thing by saying portal to the past.

[Unknown]

That's the problem. That's where they lost me. I would have been in. If they weren't like.

[Marie Fostin]

If they were just like, it's haunted in there. The ghosts are snatching people up. I could get with that a little.

[Unknown]

But now, if that is a Movie that they're making about that. I watch that movie. Like, you put a rapper in that movie. Like Boosie. Blast to the past. I go to see that movie every Halloween.

[Marie Fostin]

I just keep picturing Boosie in the past telling people to put their pussy on Live for $1,000.

[Unknown]

No, it would be different. He'd be like, put your pussy on the phonograph for yo Boosie. Through the ages is amazing. Victorian era Boosie.

[Marie Fostin]

And you know what? His positions on sexuality were much more reasonable then.

[Unknown]

No, he was progressive. In the 1800s, he would have thrived.

[Marie Fostin]

He would have said the F word. And people been like, hell, yeah, Boosie.

[Unknown]

I ever tell you I bought the Boosie movie? I own it. Yeah.

[Marie Fostin]

First of all, this is the first I'm hearing of his movie. I didn't know he was a filmmaker too.

[Unknown]

That's a stretch. He got a camera. He got. You know the best part about the Boosie movie is he plays young, middle and old Boosie.

[Marie Fostin]

Fuck yeah.

[Unknown]

Which is what I would do for my shit too.

[Marie Fostin]

I'm not paying somebody else for this.

[Langston Kerman]

No.

[Unknown]

I'm gonna be me as a kid.

[Marie Fostin]

Guess what? I know me good.

[Unknown]

I wish he had done Boosie. Baby.

[Marie Fostin]

Would it make you sad if somebody played you better than you could play yourself? You know what I mean?

[Langston Kerman]

No.

[Unknown]

That's really complicated. How handsome is that person?

[Marie Fostin]

Oh, they gotta be handsome.

[Unknown]

They gotta be if they're more handsome than me. No, if some ugly dude plays me better than me, I'm going crazy. That would kill me.

[Marie Fostin]

I get what you're saying.

[Unknown]

Like. Like if it wasn't like if. But if it was somebody real sexy. Yeah, that's okay.

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah. Yeah. That's nice.

[Unknown]

Yeah. What about you?

[Marie Fostin]

Would you. Yeah, I think that would destroy me. I don't care how handsome they are. Don't really?

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Marie Fostin]

I think if they locked in me enough that it felt like, damn, I don't know if I could have pulled that off.

[Unknown]

And they like noticed shit about you that you didn't notice. You're like, oh, I didn't even know. I didn't even know I walked like that.

[Marie Fostin]

Right.

[Langston Kerman]

Thanks.

[Unknown]

Idris Elba.

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Or whoever.

[Marie Fostin]

I think we. I think this is covered. I think we did this.

[Unknown]

Oh, yeah. That was a good first.

[Marie Fostin]

That was a good first. You guys feel warm? You feel ready to fuck around and shit. We have a star studded cast of hilarious people, talented people that are joining us on stage. The first. He's amazing. He's a comedian, he's a musician, he's a talent for the ages. Goddamn Daily show rap shit, all kinds of things. Give it up for Jaboukie Young White. Wait, no. Is this supposed to be Jabouki?

[Unknown]

No, you got it. You got it, you got it.

[Marie Fostin]

Should we start with Jaboukie?

[David Borey]

I was literally mid sliced.

[Unknown]

Oh, no, no.

[Marie Fostin]

Oh, God.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay.

[David Borey]

What's up?

[Marie Fostin]

Okay, give it up one more time for Jaboukie.

[David Borey]

What's up? What's up?

[Unknown]

No, we'll fill time. Keep eating that pizza. I got stuff.

[Marie Fostin]

You fucked this. Think, but we'll fix it.

[Unknown]

Oh, no.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, no.

[Marie Fostin]

We forgot to switch again. Shut up.

[Unknown]

This was so embarrassing.

[Marie Fostin]

While we're. While we're working through our kinks, I'll let my man play his thing. But. But while we're working through this, would you consider. Consider yourself a conspiracy. Conspiracy theory ass.

[David Borey]

Yes.

[Unknown]

There we go.

[David Borey]

To the point where I'm like, it's not a conspiracy.

[Unknown]

Whoa, that's. That's good.

[Langston Kerman]

Real.

[Unknown]

You know, that's how I feel where you're like, no, these are just stories. Like, this is just what. This is the news.

[David Borey]

Yes. My other thing, too, is like, something might not be true, but I'm like, what a great narrative. You know?

[Unknown]

Come on.

[David Borey]

It would be great if that was true, and I'll maybe believe that it is.

[Unknown]

I like that.

[David Borey]

I want to live in the world where that is true.

[Unknown]

I like that a lot.

[Marie Fostin]

I love that, too.

[David Borey]

That's radical imagination, you know?

[Marie Fostin]

Do you have one that you feel especially passionate about where you're like, I don't give a fuck if anybody agrees with me here I am.

[David Borey]

One conspiracy theory. I think that Fidel Castro is Justin Trudeau's real dad. Do you guys know about this?

[Langston Kerman]

Whoa.

[David Borey]

Why does Justin Trudeau have brown nipples? Why?

[Unknown]

Motherfucking bars, nigga.

[David Borey]

Someone explain that.

[Langston Kerman]

You can.

[David Borey]

You can.

[Unknown]

You went in crazy. Because that's. I don't believe that any Canadian has brown nipples by birth. That doesn't seem right. That doesn't seem correct to you? Right?

[Langston Kerman]

Right?

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah, I've never.

[Unknown]

That's a pink nipple.

[Marie Fostin]

I'll be honest. This is the first I'm thinking about. About it, boys. But I. I'm listening. I'm here to listen.

[David Borey]

You gotta look it up. There's also this photo of his dad, his mom, and Fidele.

[Langston Kerman]

Wait.

[David Borey]

The way his mom is looking at Fidele, like something. Something happened. Something happened.

[Unknown]

You think she.

[Langston Kerman]

I had the.

[David Borey]

On the low.

[Langston Kerman]

Yes.

[Unknown]

And, you know, honestly, my mom cheated on my dad with, like, Fidel Castro. I'm not that mad about it.

[Marie Fostin]

No, you let that slide now. No part of you thinks she was looking at him that way because Fidel was like, hey, bitch, you better look at me like you want to fuck. I got some shooters here. That.

[David Borey]

No, I think that she was madly in love with him. I think that she was, like, smoking Cuban cigars and he was like, honey, what's that? She's like, oh, no, nothing. Just a hobby.

[Marie Fostin]

Fuck.

[Unknown]

She was trying to get that missile crisis.

[Marie Fostin]

Press a button. Press a button. Fuck.

[Unknown]

Fuck, I blew it.

[Marie Fostin]

She pulls out her breast and she's juggling. Look like she bout to fall over.

[Unknown]

Then she bends over and pulls down.

[Marie Fostin]

Her pennies, spreads her cheeks.

[Unknown]

I'm not lying. I'm telling you what's on the video.

[Marie Fostin]

Spreads her cheeks.

[Unknown]

This is madness.

[Marie Fostin]

It's the longest clip you ever played.

[Unknown]

Sometimes I panic.

[Marie Fostin]

Fuck.

[David Borey]

That was a radio play.

[Langston Kerman]

That's crazy.

[Unknown]

That was bad.

[Marie Fostin]

Jaboukie, we're so excited that you're here. We have a game for you that I'm gonna have to skip past the other game to get to because my order is fucked up. Okay, Shut up. But it is a fantastic brand new game. Brand new game called the Unkuning.

[Unknown]

This is very exciting. We're debuting this in New York City.

[Marie Fostin]

We've never played this before. We have no idea if this works. But we believe in you so much that we know you're going to nail this. Okay, the way the game works is we are going to present to you some historically accurate coons, some people that sort of ubiquitous. It's sort of understood that we have identified these people as coons, and it is your job to review the options for how they can save themselves, how they might come back from their coon life. Okay, cool. We feel comfortable.

[Unknown]

Where did you. Before we go any further, though, where did you get that picture.

[Marie Fostin]

Brother, my Internet is fucked up. My whole algorithm is sick. And not even in, like, a vile way. Like, it's not even smut or anything like that. It's just unhealthy person after unhealthy person after unhealthy person till you get to a man who knows a raccoon who plays guitar a little bit. That's where I'm at with the Internet. All right, here.

[Unknown]

We excited?

[Marie Fostin]

First, Jar Jar Binks.

[David Borey]

Oh, my God. Whoa.

[Unknown]

We all felt it.

[David Borey]

Okay?

[Unknown]

We all felt it, man.

[David Borey]

Wow. Okay. A few things. He's gonna need to see a dialect coach. He's gonna need. He's gotta drop the Chet Hanks routine. He's Gotta stop it.

[Unknown]

Jabouki. Chet Hayes.

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah.

[David Borey]

Yeah, he can't. He can't keep doing that. Yeah, put his tongue back in his mouth. That might help. I also think, you know, he needs to distance himself from the Star wars franchise. Maybe do Dune, you know?

[Unknown]

Oh, that's good.

[David Borey]

Go, like, a little bit more prestige.

[Marie Fostin]

You know where your head is at.

[Unknown]

Get on the Chalamet train.

[Marie Fostin]

Let's see if any of these fall into the category that you. The best category. You'll get an ABC option, and you choose your official decision. Bori, you got these.

[Unknown]

Hey, convince every. Convince everyone on the Jedi High Council that the prophecy was, in fact about Mace Windu instead of Anakin giving us a franchise with a black protagonist.

[David Borey]

Okay. All right. I haven't seen Samuel in a while. Okay, I'll go for that.

[Unknown]

I like that they gave him a purple lightsaber.

[David Borey]

Yeah, the grape flavored lightsaber. I love that.

[Marie Fostin]

You know, he only got that because he asked.

[Unknown]

Even better.

[Marie Fostin]

Like, literally, like, he went, I want a purple lightsaber. And then they went back to George Lucas and he was like, that's not in the shit. Like, I've never once even thought about that. They're blue or they're green or they're fucking red. That's it. And then Samuel was like, I would really like it, George.

[Unknown]

He's like, I am endorsed by Crown Royal. My contract stipulates every movie.

[Langston Kerman]

That's great.

[Marie Fostin]

That's real cool. Okay. That's option one. Option to fly to all the nerd.

[Unknown]

Conventions around the world and beat the shit out of every white guy wearing a Jar Jar costume and. Or doing the Voice.

[David Borey]

Oh, okay.

[Unknown]

That's a pretty good one. That's.

[David Borey]

That's a really solid choice. Yes.

[Unknown]

I mean, look at that guy. You don't want to hear him do it.

[David Borey]

He's not gonna.

[Marie Fostin]

Fuck.

[Langston Kerman]

Fuck. Stop, stop.

[David Borey]

B is looking, I think, beat the shit out of them. Yeah. He's asking for it.

[Langston Kerman]

You're liking.

[Marie Fostin]

You're like, come and get me.

[David Borey]

He's asking.

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah. Okay, last option.

[Unknown]

Fuck. Queen Amidala.

[Marie Fostin]

Again. Fucked up, Internet.

[Unknown]

That's a crazy picture.

[Marie Fostin]

Like, fuck it up, Internet. My shit's fucked up. If y'all know Spectrum, tell them to call me. Cause my shit's fucked up. Tell Spectrum to call me. Cause my shit's fucked up, man. It ain't good. It ain't good. That's not right.

[Unknown]

Cause that's like another picture. And he was like, put Jar Jar's head on this.

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah.

[David Borey]

You know, the source material.

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah, this is.

[Unknown]

We've all got our algorithms.

[Langston Kerman]

Spooky.

[Marie Fostin]

This is realer than a purple lightsaber.

[Langston Kerman]

This is.

[Marie Fostin]

This is in the book. Who is Queen Amidala? The. The. The queen. The princess Amidala was the one that Anakin kills. Luke Skywalker's mom is the answer to the story. Yeah. Bro. Bro.

[Unknown]

I had to research for 15 minutes to write this joke.

[Marie Fostin]

We started. We started with Jar Jar Binks. This ain't a lavelle Crawford show. This is our wheelhouse. What you choosing?

[David Borey]

As much as I'd love to watch C, I feel like. I think B. I think B.

[Marie Fostin]

B is the choice. Yeah. How we feeling?

[David Borey]

I would see that in IMAX, right? Yeah, 100.

[Marie Fostin]

Okay.

[David Borey]

It would smell crazy in there, but I would watch it. I would watch.

[Unknown]

It would smell crazy.

[Langston Kerman]

My question with the option, is there.

[Unknown]

That fat for real or.

[Langston Kerman]

No?

[Unknown]

No. You know, her shit's not fat like that.

[Marie Fostin]

Don't be like that. Nah, man. Good. Good try, though. That's good. Okay, next.

[Unknown]

She got us next.

[Marie Fostin]

Cone. Here we go. Herschel Walker. Any. Any first thoughts on Herschel? Do you got any strong feelings on Herschel?

[David Borey]

Okay. I do have to say I'm a fan of his son. I am a fan of his son. Christian is funny as fuck. I want to play him in his biopic. I. I think he's funny. I feel like he could. He could use that. He's close enough to Trump that. He could just get in there and.

[Unknown]

Just, you know, like, he's so strong.

[Marie Fostin]

Right?

[David Borey]

Like, and go all the way with it, you know?

[Marie Fostin]

Like, I think then it's the job.

[David Borey]

Yeah. Finish it. And I'm not talking about killing. I'm talking about coming. I'm talking about auto erotic asphyxiation. Already on some lists. I need to get on more. It's fine. Yeah. I think he's going to have to do a big one.

[Marie Fostin]

Whoa.

[David Borey]

He's gonna have to do a video.

[Marie Fostin]

Okay, let's see. Here we go.

[Unknown]

Donate his brain to CTE before he's even dead.

[Marie Fostin]

Before he's even dead. He's just like, y'all can have this. He was like, you know what? This ain't right. Somebody check. Somebody check right now.

[David Borey]

That's a really strong option.

[Unknown]

That's a really strong option.

[David Borey]

I think he could also. Another way that he could uncoon himself is if he got, like, a really nice audio situation, went to a studio and just recorded his brain knocking around his empty skull, and then just, like, gave that to a few producers. Let Timbaland have his way with it.

[Unknown]

Give it to Metro. Yeah, Bring me back some. I get it.

[Marie Fostin]

Looks like Andre 3000's coming back. He found his new sound. Okay, next option.

[Unknown]

Go to China and huff up all that bad Chinese air he was talking about.

[Marie Fostin]

I didn't pay for the cartoon. I don't know if y'all can tell. I left the stock photo in. Okay, last option. Are you familiar with his huff all the Chinese air?

[David Borey]

No.

[Marie Fostin]

Apparently he just was saying, they have shit air out there.

[Unknown]

There's a lot of bad air. You could just huff it all up.

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah, okay.

[Unknown]

Which is not right. I mean, I probably had something to do with the city.

[David Borey]

Okay. I don't see how that's uncounting, but I do like it is. No, it's pro. Environmental. Yes.

[Marie Fostin]

Okay. All right.

[David Borey]

That helps everybody.

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah. Sometimes it's not so much the rehabilitation of your black identity as it is just doing something good for humanity.

[David Borey]

Okay. Okay.

[Marie Fostin]

It's offering your best self to the world. Allah.

[David Borey]

You know, what if she's making us look good over there? Because we might need to dip over there in a little bit. I think. I think that's good. That's good.

[Marie Fostin]

Somebody got a taste for bad air.

[David Borey]

Yeah.

[Marie Fostin]

Okay, here we go. Last option.

[Unknown]

Go helmet to helmet with Trump. Except no helmet.

[David Borey]

I want to see that. I want to see them headbutting each other like some rams on Discovery Channel. I'm trying to see that. I'm trying to. I think c. I want to see them WrestleMania level bash the out of each other.

[Marie Fostin]

That'd be nice.

[David Borey]

Yeah.

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah. I think. I think if he. If he dies, he becomes a martyr. He. He can save himself from a. From an identity that we knew him as. But if he just mushes heads with another Dum dum until they're both brain.

[Unknown]

Dead, that's a fun time.

[David Borey]

And then Jar Jar Binks can have his way with either one of them. Let him have some fun.

[Marie Fostin]

Okay, next coon. Here we go.

[Unknown]

Are you. You're familiar.

[David Borey]

Yes, yes. This is a God Tier kun right here.

[Unknown]

Yeah, no, he broke the mold when he made that one.

[Marie Fostin]

Here we go. Option A, open an after school program.

[Unknown]

With Colonel Stinkmeena for at risk youth.

[David Borey]

Okay. I'm afraid to let Stink meaner around children. Yeah, yeah, that's good. There's no gentle parenting happening in that environment.

[Marie Fostin]

Okay.

[Unknown]

Option B replaces big guy with spyware like Sammy Davis Jr. So that he can infiltrate the KKK.

[David Borey]

Sorry, wait, what?

[Unknown]

No, there's a lot to unpack. There's a lot to unpack. That's important. Let's get to the bottom of this.

[Marie Fostin]

You guys aren't familiar with Sammy Davis? Well, then let me explain. There is a conspiracy, a widely known conspiracy that Sammy Davis Jr. After losing his eye, had it replaced with Israeli spyware. That that's why he went so hard for being Jewish and identifying with the Jewish community was because he was in some ways subservient to Israel and was spying on America via this. This glass eye.

[Unknown]

Yeah, it's big.

[Marie Fostin]

Now, what I'm saying is Uncle Ruckus replaces his eye and then takes it into the kkk.

[Unknown]

He works for us now.

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah.

[David Borey]

You know what? Yeah, that could work.

[Unknown]

That's a pretty good one. Pretty good one.

[Marie Fostin]

Okay, last out, option C. Open on tour for Thugnificent.

[David Borey]

I really think. Open on tour for Thugnificent. Yeah, I think that that's gonna be it. That could be almost like a sexy red kind of level of like he.

[Unknown]

Gets on the Homies Over Hoes remix. That's a big summer for him.

[Marie Fostin]

That'd be crazy. Hey, don't be funnier than us.

[Langston Kerman]

Chill out.

[Marie Fostin]

This is my whole life, man.

[Unknown]

He's got kids.

[Marie Fostin]

Gotta feed my kids. You out here. Shut the up. Okay, here we go. Terry Crews.

[Langston Kerman]

Whoa.

[Unknown]

This one is complicated.

[Marie Fostin]

You know what?

[David Borey]

It actually is so simple. White chicken chicks too.

[Marie Fostin]

Whoa.

[David Borey]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Damn, that's great.

[David Borey]

Do it.

[Marie Fostin]

That's a good answer.

[David Borey]

I know some ages in here. Make it happen.

[Marie Fostin]

It's just one dude in the back writing it down. We didn't think of that. Okay, here are his options.

[Unknown]

A, donate all the money he made from white chicks to secular cell anemia research.

[David Borey]

That's good.

[Marie Fostin]

It's very brave, which is important. You gotta donate.

[Unknown]

Open a dance school where he teaches other buffer niggas how to pock block. Not in front of white people.

[David Borey]

That's actually. That's very important because that's a dark art right there. Yeah, like, you could take that to TikTok and get money real fast.

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah, he's creating opportunities.

[David Borey]

Right, right, right.

[Marie Fostin]

That's. He's eating good off of that buff nigga. Tip Pop locking. That's him. Okay, here we go.

[Unknown]

Revive his porn addiction, but this time he strictly watches Ebony and Bet uncut. Also, do you guys remember how iconic that scene was?

[Marie Fostin]

It really was.

[Unknown]

Yeah, that was so. That was so crazy.

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Oh, the first time you saw that, you were like, he what? That's not a rush card.

[David Borey]

I had no idea he had a porn addiction.

[Marie Fostin]

Oh, Terry Crews.

[David Borey]

No.

[Marie Fostin]

Oh, that's where everything.

[David Borey]

That is fake.

[Langston Kerman]

What do you mean?

[David Borey]

You have a porn.

[Unknown]

Exactly.

[David Borey]

Turn off the phone. You weak. Like. What the. You just appreciate art in the visual form.

[Marie Fostin]

Audio.

[David Borey]

Visual nudity is.

[Langston Kerman]

No.

[David Borey]

There's nothing wrong with that.

[Marie Fostin]

Not. I think what happened was his wife, like, walked in on him doing it and then she was like, you gonna pay for.

[David Borey]

It was gay porn. It had to have been gay porn. Otherwise, like, why would she be that. I don't know. That's.

[Unknown]

What.

[David Borey]

I don't think that he should go anywhere near this tip. Drill is too perfect of a medium.

[Unknown]

That's true.

[David Borey]

Let's keep him away from it.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Marie Fostin]

He'll turn. He'll turn on it eventually. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[David Borey]

We don't need him talking about it again and Good Morning America or some stuff stupid.

[Marie Fostin]

So. So what's the best choice?

[David Borey]

Okay. What was. You know what I'm gonna say? Sickle cell anemia. Let's.

[Unknown]

Let's.

[Marie Fostin]

I like that.

[David Borey]

That's a really solid.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Borey]

Let's do that.

[Unknown]

That's a good pick.

[Marie Fostin]

He's helping the community directly that way.

[David Borey]

100%. Yeah.

[Marie Fostin]

And that white chick's money. I bet it's pretty thick.

[Unknown]

I bet.

[Marie Fostin]

I bet he sees a nice little check off that thing.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, yeah.

[Unknown]

Oh, yeah.

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah. That shiver plays.

[Unknown]

White chicks money. I think you.

[Marie Fostin]

You're making me do math that I'm not. Because now I'm converting booty into dollars. And that's not. I don't know.

[Unknown]

It'll never work.

[David Borey]

That was also pre bbl. There's inflation. It's too complex.

[Marie Fostin]

But Trump's president now, so I think we're going to see that come down. I think everything's gonna change now that the big man's back in charge. Yep. Pretty solid guy who's gonna do right by us. Okay. Here we go. You're going. You went b. Do you have a. Yeah.

[Unknown]

I think I. I'm with. I think the same thing. The white chick or.

[Marie Fostin]

No, that's the. The sickle cell was a. Yeah. Okay. Huh? Shut up. Okay.

[David Borey]

No. See, that's who I was talking about with the pop locking like that is. That's the chaotic, evil version of that.

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah. His real name is Big Groove, but we refuse his government play that game.

[David Borey]

His government is Big Groove. That's coming from Jabouki. His government. I don't. This guy's beyond the pill. I don't. I don't think. I don't think.

[Unknown]

You don't think he can come back?

[David Borey]

No. Once you are literally shucking and driving on camera. Where do you. Where do you go? Like, there's no other way to describe the dance moves that he's doing other than a shuck. B. Jive that. That's it.

[Marie Fostin]

You're asking the right questions. Here we go. Hey. Kill himself.

[Unknown]

There's other options.

[David Borey]

No, you know what?

[Unknown]

No, no, no. I did make these. I did make these.

[David Borey]

I. No, that would be anti black because he'd be killing a black person. He can't do that.

[Marie Fostin]

He can't do that.

[David Borey]

He can't do that.

[Langston Kerman]

You can't.

[David Borey]

You know, you can't be pro black and suicidal. It's impossible. It's impossible.

[Unknown]

This game is complicated, okay? B finally put his muscles to use and beat up Everybody at the GOP fundraiser he will 100% be invited to.

[Marie Fostin]

I want y'all to know I Photoshopped this one myself.

[Unknown]

And I want you to know you're getting Good.

[Marie Fostin]

Thanks, man.

[David Borey]

100%. Also in this photo, that punch would take his jaw clean off his face.

[Marie Fostin]

A bunch of mud just splashes on the ground.

[David Borey]

Wow.

[Unknown]

That's a pretty good option, though. Okay, finally give free personal training to obese pocs for the next 10 years. Then kill himself.

[David Borey]

Kill himself. It's gonna be B for me. I think it's gonna be. I think I'm always just gonna choose violence, actually.

[Marie Fostin]

You think him being able to stand up for what's right is enough to make up for the pops and the locks?

[David Borey]

I think yes. Because, you know, he would go straight from the shucks and the jives into violence, and then it's like a blaxploitation movie at that point. And then I'm 100% there for that.

[Unknown]

I promise you. There is a fury simmering underneath in that man. I bet you he's violent. Is that. Yeah, it would be bad.

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah, it would be bad. Yeah.

[Unknown]

He's got demons. He's got exercise.

[Marie Fostin]

He dances in a way that makes you feel like he knows he could kill at any moment.

[Unknown]

Yes. Yeah.

[Marie Fostin]

Like, he will take a life. It does not mean anything to him. So I will be free with my titty meat.

[Unknown]

You're going, B. Yeah, I think B as well.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, B.

[Marie Fostin]

Especially because we're recording B.

[Unknown]

I'm not.

[Marie Fostin]

Gonna put my future on the line, one of you fucking liberal motherfuckers being like, he told the big motherfucker to kill himself. That's why he can't host snail. I was just being silly. He. On the abc.

[Langston Kerman]

I did feel like maybe I should kill myself.

[Marie Fostin]

Damn. It. David, what did you do to me? Okay, here we go. Oh, that's it.

[Unknown]

Oh, that's it.

[Marie Fostin]

That's why I up. I didn't remember where we were. It doesn't matter. Don't look, don't look, don't look. Ah, Jabouki and White, everybody. Sorry.

[Jaboukie Young-White]

Hey, comedy fans. The funniest comedians in the world are on tour and you can get tickets to see them live near you. Laugh with the biggest names in comedy like Atsuko Okatsuka, Brian Regan, Chelsea Handler, Corey Holcomb, Dane Cook, Sarah Milliken, Matt Matthews, Nick Swartzen, Sebastian Maniscalco, and so many more. All kinds of shows, all kinds of venues, all kinds of funny. Head to livenation.comcomedy to get your tickets today. That's livenation.comcomedy.

[Langston Kerman]

The holidays are about spending time with your loved ones and creating magical memories.

[David Borey]

That will last a lifetime.

[Langston Kerman]

So whether it's family and friends you haven't seen in a while or those who you see all the time, share holiday magic this season with an ice cold Coca Cola.

[David Borey]

Copyright 2024 the Coca Cola Company.

[Langston Kerman]

Ch. Ch Ch.

[Jaboukie Young-White]

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[Unknown]

The holidays are here and so is the IKEA Winter Sale. Now's your chance to make the holidays a little more magical and less expensive. Save up to 50% off on select items in store and online now through January 7th. Plus, IKEA loyalty members get an extra 10 10% off on sale items. Need help managing the clutter of decorations? IKEA Storage solutions will keep your home tidy from toys and tinsel having extra guests over? Check out offers on select dining furniture to make more room for the people who matter most this time of year. Don't wait to finish your winter wish list. Shop the IKEA Winter Sale in store or Online now until January 7th. Visit ikea-usa.com wintersale for more details. Terms Applied Offer validates may vary US only, while supplies last selection may vary by store and online. See [e-mail] Wintersale for complete terms, restrictions apply for more than 30 years. In Kansas City, Kansas, a man allegedly.

[Langston Kerman]

Raped and terrorized black women. A detective named Roger Golubski.

[Marie Fostin]

He told me to keep my mouth closed. If I did say anything, I would come up missing like so many others.

[Langston Kerman]

But then, right before trial, he was found dead, leaving countless questions behind.

[Unknown]

Listen to corruption Uncovered from Roc Nation.

[Langston Kerman]

And its philanthropic injustice division, Team Rock.

[Unknown]

Wherever you get your podcasts.

[Marie Fostin]

My Mama Told Me presents the Start the Steal Tour. We're very excited about it.

[Unknown]

Yes.

[Marie Fostin]

I'm not about to bite my tongue. We want to sell it out, and the dates are coming up fast, and so if you live in one of these areas, we want you to buy your tickets now. It's all available on our Instagram, on our websites, on our link tree. December 12th, we're in Seattle. And December 15th, you're closing it out in Portland, Oregon. We want y'all to come out. We want y'all to kick it. We will be doing our coveted live show with special guests with just me and David depending on the city. It'll be a great time.

[Unknown]

All that meet and greets. You think Chris Brown has a good.

[Marie Fostin]

Meet and greets, bro? Let's be clear. I'll take a weird picture with you for free.

[Unknown]

Man, that game is crazy.

[Marie Fostin]

A seamless dismount. I'll say.

[Unknown]

Yeah, that was good. How'd you feel about that game for the first time?

[Marie Fostin]

Okay. You already see the name of this game?

[Unknown]

Doesn't give a. Okay.

[Marie Fostin]

Oh.

[Unknown]

Oh. You asked me, so go big group myself.

[Marie Fostin]

I didn't even hear you ask me. I thought that was a great game.

[Unknown]

Oh, okay.

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah, it was a great. That was David's invention. That was a very personal invention. He. It was a great game. Perfect game. Okay, here we go. This game you've already seen the name of. It's. It's one of our favorite new games.

[Unknown]

Yeah. This game is really fun.

[Marie Fostin]

This game's really fun. It's a game called Hero or hotep. The way the game is played. And we should bring out our guests.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Marie Fostin]

Before we do that, our next guest, she's fucking amazing. Comedian, host, maybe one of the funniest human beings I've ever come across. And I'm often scared she's gonna make fun of me and the trauma that lives in me when that. When she's around threatening to make fun of me makes me so anxious. But she is wonderful and talented, and you're gonna love her. Give it up for Marie Fostin. Everybody.

[Unknown]

Hey, how's it going?

[Langston Kerman]

Hi.

[Marie Fostin]

Hey. Wow. Oh yeah.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

I didn't know y'all was gonna have my ex here tonight. That's crazy. Everything reminds me of him.

[Marie Fostin]

Okay, Marie, the way it works. We're going to present to you a quote, okay. A somewhat famous quote. And it is your job to decide if that quote belongs to a hero or that is the quote of a hotel.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Marie Fostin]

That's as much as I can explain.

[Unknown]

Do I get any lifelines?

[Marie Fostin]

You're welcome to ask the audience for their opinions on things.

[Unknown]

Yeah, they look like they read, you know.

[Marie Fostin]

Here we go. First quote I've got to build first. We must build before the back shots. We must handle the business before the back shots. It is consciousness over the cookies. It is politics over the punani. It is revolution over the romance.

[Unknown]

Is this Dr. Umar?

[Marie Fostin]

In fact, it absolutely. Who is? That's Dr. Ahmar Johnson.

[Unknown]

Wow.

[Langston Kerman]

Wow.

[Unknown]

Is that his LinkedIn photo? He don't look like that.

[Marie Fostin]

Oh no.

[Unknown]

You think he got orange pants on too.

He's wearing cargo shorts.

[Marie Fostin]

One thing about him, he ain't got the matching set.

[Langston Kerman]

No, no, no.

[Marie Fostin]

My boy don't match top to bottom. He going to have. He going to have a mix and match situation.

[Unknown]

Yeah, it's autumn up top, summer on the bottom.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Marie Fostin]

Are you. You're a big. You're a big Dr. Umar fan, I see.

[Unknown]

No, I've literally, I've never sat and watched a full Umar presentation.

Oh, it sounds like you have a good grasp of it though.

Well, listen, first of all, I saw back shots and said, wait a minute. And then he said back shots twice. And then he hit us with a little alliteration at the end and I said, yeah, that's.

[Marie Fostin]

That's as big shit is repetition. I think anytime something getting said twice, Dr. Umar did that.

[Unknown]

But also only like a man of a particular age is saying punani. Like Gen Z. Don't even know what that is.

[Marie Fostin]

That's a new sandwich. Okay. Got that new punani.

[Unknown]

You got punani bread? Yeah.

[Marie Fostin]

Okay, next one. What if pasta really had the same kind of fast food credentials as burgers and pizzas? I was trying to figure out how to capitalize in this area of the market. And I was trying to think, how do you make a pasta which you can hold in your hand?

[Unknown]

Ooh, this feel like it go either way. Is this the person who invented calzone? Cause it feels like that. I'm a guess.

[Langston Kerman]

Hero.

[Marie Fostin]

Hero.

[Unknown]

I don't know. Is this Little Caesar's? Like who Wrote this.

[Marie Fostin]

I'm gonna say Dr. Little Caesar.

[Unknown]

Pizza.

[Marie Fostin]

Pizza.

[Unknown]

Punani.

Bori.

[Marie Fostin]

Where are you with this?

[Unknown]

I can't ever recall hearing a hotel talk about pasta and pizza.

[Marie Fostin]

Right? Yeah.

[Unknown]

Is the thing. I'm, like, trying to. So I think because. And this is like an entrepreneurial spirit. This person's trying to innovate markets. I think it's a hero.

Oh, okay.

[Marie Fostin]

You got two heroes, audience. How we feeling? Hero or hotel? I'm hearing a lot of heroes. Okay. It's mostly hero spaghetti. All right, look, she tapped him and said.

[Langston Kerman]

Stop.

[Marie Fostin]

You a good woman. I know black women said, y'all gonna stop caping for us. But I'm glad. I'm glad you didn't stop tonight. Cause you really stepped up right there. You've had a hard election season, and I thank you for that. Cause you really took a bad guy out the game.

[Unknown]

That's a hero right there.

Yeah, that's a hero.

A hero and a hotel.

[Marie Fostin]

Everybody saying hero. It is Robert Pattinson.

[Unknown]

What? What was the question that they asked him?

He just opened with that.

[Marie Fostin]

This is.

[Unknown]

This is his Batman monologue.

That's how he got the part.

That's right.

[Marie Fostin]

The young lady up front said it was from a J. Crew interview and. Oh, a GQ interview. Gq, yeah. Not J.

[David Borey]

Crew.

[Marie Fostin]

What am I? I did drugs before the show. Sure, sure. I did a few drugs. What of it? That's my personality.

[Unknown]

Did he figure out how to make pasta? You could hold, like, a big ass penne, like a cannoli, but it's penne.

[Marie Fostin]

With some ricotta right in the middle.

[Unknown]

Are there any sharks from Shark Tank here tonight?

[Marie Fostin]

You seen honey? I shrunk the kids. Okay, but think pen.

[Unknown]

But now, what if the kids were big?

Yeah. And cheesy.

[Marie Fostin]

Right? Sharks. I'mma need $8 million.

[Unknown]

Capitalize. That's crazy.

[Marie Fostin]

Next up, here we go. When you say the white man brought us here, okay, you're removing our ability to transport ourselves. You're saying, oh, we didn't know anything about boats.

[Unknown]

When you say the white man, you are a hotep.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Is it when you say the white man and he's saying this and his, like, white girlfriend is in the back, you know, she got beads in her braids.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Marie Fostin]

Look, he's screaming.

[Unknown]

It look like that.

Oh, yeah, that's hilarious. He said there's a few here tonight.

Oh, you know what?

That's so funny.

[Marie Fostin]

Whoops.

[Unknown]

My bad. Brooklyn. I forgot I was in the new. New Brooklyn.

[Marie Fostin]

We'll still take a picture with you after the show, don't worry.

[Unknown]

But you gotta use the flash.

For one of us.

[Marie Fostin]

No, no, no, no.

[Unknown]

That's right.

For one and a half of us.

[Marie Fostin]

My mom says I'm gonna get dark any day now. Just watch.

[Unknown]

You know, Langston, when the white man says you gonna get dark, they lying. They lying to you.

[Marie Fostin]

She said, my dark gonna settle in and I'll be just like everybody else pretty soon.

[Unknown]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Here come the senior year, black as fuck.

Do you tan?

[Marie Fostin]

See what I was saying before when.

[Unknown]

I intro'd her, I've never seen like.

[Marie Fostin]

What a hateful thing to say to somebody. Just a deep rooted.

[Unknown]

What are you talking about?

[Marie Fostin]

Underbelly knifing.

[Unknown]

I'm just trying to get to the bottom.

[Marie Fostin]

Do you can.

[Unknown]

Do you like.

[Marie Fostin]

Can your skin even do that?

[Unknown]

Listen, you are my melanin challenged friend. You get gold in July.

[Marie Fostin]

Like, let's talk about it on a chilly evening.

[Langston Kerman]

Yes.

[Marie Fostin]

Okay, but do you. Boy, just answer the fucking question, man. Boy.

[Langston Kerman]

Stop crazy.

[Marie Fostin]

I said Bory. I heard boy. I said Boris.

[Unknown]

It's giving Samuel L. Jackson in Django.

[Marie Fostin]

And what of it? He made some good points. Stay your ass at home. The blue suit is terrible.

[Unknown]

I'm crying.

[Langston Kerman]

Boy.

[Marie Fostin]

Your feelings.

[Unknown]

Oh, it's. It has to be hot. It's like prototypical Hotel.

[Marie Fostin]

Hotel for you audience. Hotel. Okay, here we go. The answer is hotep. Jesus.

[Unknown]

Wait.

His name is Hotep. Jesus.

[Marie Fostin]

Who is most famous for being on Fox News and Rogan. So call a hotep. What you want to call a hotel? You know what I mean? It's real up out here.

[Unknown]

Men of murder.

[Marie Fostin]

Order.

[Langston Kerman]

Order.

[Marie Fostin]

Well, Mortar. Woo. Men of mortar. Men of mortar.

[Unknown]

His first name is Hotep. Last name Jesus.

[Marie Fostin]

That's what he's telling people. Yes.

[Unknown]

Okay. And he put his glasses on. You know, it's not even. No lenses. No, that's don't fist Blue Life readers.

[Marie Fostin]

Only.

[Unknown]

Ahotep is gonna talk about boats. He probably can't even swim. I can't either. That's okay.

[Langston Kerman]

That's systemic. That's systemic.

[Unknown]

That's systemic. Thank you, brother. With the beads.

Yeah.

[Marie Fostin]

Hey, just remember, you on the right side of bead history.

[Unknown]

They look like they glow in the dark too.

When you pay, they do look like they glow.

You got those on Etsy?

[Langston Kerman]

The store. What you talking about?

[Unknown]

The store?

[Langston Kerman]

The beauty supply.

[Unknown]

Oh, okay. I see white people at the beauty supply store. Now they getting bonnet.

What?

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah, you saw them? Oh, wow. What did you do?

[Unknown]

What did I do?

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

What do you mean? I stole my Bonnet and left. I said, she paying for me.

[Marie Fostin]

She got it.

[Unknown]

She got it.

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah. That's sister back there.

[Unknown]

Sister Shannon got.

[Marie Fostin]

Okay, here we go. Next quote. I remember once I had this place that overlooked the Hudson river. And I saw this guy on a sailboat and it had capsized. And I went to the phone thinking, I've gotta call someone. But then I thought, what's the best thing I can do?

[Unknown]

You know what?

[Marie Fostin]

I'm gonna pray for this person. I'm gonna send them loving energy.

[Unknown]

This one is fucked up.

This one is a little bit of both.

Yeah. Cause I don't wanna. I don't wanna pick one and commit the other. You know what I'm saying?

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Like if I say. If I say this is a hero. I don't want this to be a hero.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

I don't.

[Marie Fostin]

You want this to be just purely a hotep talking silly.

[Unknown]

I don't know.

[Marie Fostin]

I don't.

[Unknown]

I don't want this.

[Marie Fostin]

Sorry.

[Unknown]

Is this a passage from. What's that book?

[Marie Fostin]

Uncle.

[Unknown]

Oh, not Uncle Tom. Huck Finn. This is given that. Because the sailboat is throwing me.

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah. Yeah, that's fair. It feels. It feels old.

[Unknown]

It feels like a hero hotep. Right. It feels like a hotep with a guarantor.

[Marie Fostin]

Okay, Right. A hotep in an apartment he can't afford otherwise.

[Unknown]

Right. But he's moving on up.

[Marie Fostin]

I got you.

[Unknown]

Right.

[Marie Fostin]

I'm saying shaking heads. Hero hotep. What are we saying out here? Hero.

[Unknown]

I think.

[Marie Fostin]

A what? Hotel. A biracial hotel.

[Unknown]

Oh, damn. She said that? Right at you.

She said that from her diaphragm.

[Marie Fostin]

That was crazy. I heard her spit after she said it.

[Unknown]

Might as well have asked if you tan. That was crazy.

[Marie Fostin]

Okay. I'm hearing hotel. I'm hearing heroes from YouTube.

[Unknown]

Yeah, it feel hoteppy, but it feels. I think it's both.

[Marie Fostin]

Okay, here we go.

[Unknown]

It's a Arnold Palmer.

[Marie Fostin]

The answer is RuPaul.

[Unknown]

Let's go.

I think that's a gay hotep. Go tip. Oh, wow.

[Marie Fostin]

You know what?

[Unknown]

I want to pray for this person. I'm going to send them some love and energy that just vibes.

[Marie Fostin]

I love that. Just. I can't. I gotta just pray now.

[Unknown]

What is this from? What, the memoirs?

[Marie Fostin]

I guess so. Some of them I just, you know, I find the dirty way. Okay, here we go. I don't think there is anything particularly wrong about hitting a woman. Although I don't recommend it in the same way that you'd hit a man if all other alternatives fail and there has Been plenty of warning. If a woman is a bitch or hysterical or bloody minded continually, then I'd do it.

[Langston Kerman]

Ooh.

[Unknown]

This feels like. Is this boosie? Like, what's that guy? Charleston. Is it Charleston?

Charleston White?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Marie Fostin]

You named Charleston White?

[Unknown]

He's giving Charleston White.

[Marie Fostin]

Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

Woo.

[Unknown]

We already know what that is.

[Marie Fostin]

Mess.

[Unknown]

Woo.

[Marie Fostin]

Bory.

[Unknown]

I'm not gonna say hero. It's a hotep. It's a hotep.

[Marie Fostin]

This is a hotep. This is a hotep for you.

[Unknown]

But what if a woman is a bitch or bloody minded or she's hysterical? You still wouldn't.

Is bloody minded. Honorable honor period.

I like how you hesitated to say.

No, I don't either.

He said, is that.

[Marie Fostin]

Is that.

[Langston Kerman]

Period?

[Unknown]

He was like, punani.

I mean, I put him out of the house.

Oh, not. You put him outside.

No, this. I say hotel. I gotta say hotel.

[Marie Fostin]

Hotel, Yeah.

[Unknown]

I think it's a hotel, because what hotel?

[Marie Fostin]

Audience.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, whoa.

[Marie Fostin]

That's a crazy thing to yell. It's a hero for you. You feel like you know who it is.

[Unknown]

Can we say why?

[Marie Fostin]

Do you want to tell? Do you want to say a white man said it? Oh, it's not you.

[Unknown]

So you think the white man is.

[Marie Fostin]

No, she said it, right? She said it, yeah. Who are you saying it is?

[Unknown]

A hero.

[Marie Fostin]

And you know, specifically, you think you know specifically Sean Connery.

[Unknown]

That makes him a hero because he's white. Y'all crazy.

[Marie Fostin]

Y'all crazy crazy. I wasn't trying to high five you. I was throwing my hands up. I didn't want to be in trouble. I'm not high fiving.

[Unknown]

Shut up, Langston.

[Marie Fostin]

You made me feel small.

[Unknown]

Oh, listen, that's not me, baby. It's a little chilly in here.

[Marie Fostin]

I think there's one more. I'm pretty sure there's one more.

[Langston Kerman]

Here we go.

[Unknown]

What the hell was Sean Connery talking about?

[Marie Fostin]

Well, you know what's even crazier is that years later, Barbara Walters did a separate interview with him about this specific quote and. And asked him, like, straight up, like, yo, years ago, you said beating women was cool. Do you still feel that way? And he was like, oh, yeah, absolutely. He was like, a hundred percent Sir Sean Connery. Wow. He was like. And he was like in his, like, 80s. And he was like, nah, you gotta.

[Unknown]

He said, if she's a. Or she on her.

[Marie Fostin]

Period. Okay, last one. Here we go. Oh, I, I up. I up, I up.

[Unknown]

Damn.

Is he wearing blue contacts?

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah. Anyway, we know how that game, but isn't that a funny quote? I hate When I'm on a flight and I wake up with a water bottle next to me, like, oh, great, now I gotta be responsible for this water bottle.

[Unknown]

And you know what that is? A hero. Cause that means he recycling.

[Marie Fostin]

Look, Kanye ain't all crazy, man. He's like 99 crazy. But some of them shits, he be hidden. I. I don't know if there's one more or not. We're gonna find out together. Okay, let's see if there's not. I up. Oh, I up bad.

[Unknown]

Damn.

[Langston Kerman]

It was the tan question?

[Marie Fostin]

Yep. Really threw me off with the tan question.

[Unknown]

You double tap the arrow where you say, maybe you should make the photo and the quote two separate slides.

[Marie Fostin]

Okay, if we gonna workshop this, that is an option.

[Unknown]

You know, it's gonna be more slides in the long run, but it's gonna be a bigger reveal.

[Marie Fostin]

Okay, I like your thinking. I don't appreciate it at this moment. Oh. But I know somewhere down the line, I'm gonna find peace enough to say, okay. Thank you.

[Unknown]

Okay, so just.

That's fine.

[Marie Fostin]

Okay.

[Unknown]

Now, what did you contribute to this group project? Cause it's Langston's laptop. It's Langston's Google Doc calendar thing.

I wrote the game.

You wrote the game? What, you mean you gave it the frame?

I'm like his muse. You know what I mean?

Oh, okay, so what you're saying is he draws you like he draws his French girl.

I don't understand the reference.

[Marie Fostin]

Oh, too black.

[Unknown]

Too black.

[Marie Fostin]

Too black.

[Unknown]

This is why you need flash, baby.

[Marie Fostin]

Marie Foster, everybody. Keep it going for Marie. That was great. A perfect dismount.

[Unknown]

That was great.

[Marie Fostin]

That was great. Okay, here we go. Ignore the next. Next couple slides because, you know, I got it out of order. But we're gonna reveal first. We should bring up our. Yeah, no, I'll do it. I'll do this part first because then it's less embarrassing.

[Unknown]

Can you go back to that Jar Jar picture?

[Langston Kerman]

One more. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Marie Fostin]

That one.

[Unknown]

God damn, it is fat, though. I think what.

[Marie Fostin]

What took me a while to notice is that there's also balls and a big ass dick. Oh, no.

[Unknown]

Oh, I thought he was standing behind a big ass. That's his ass. Oh, that changes the whole dynamic.

[Marie Fostin]

Whoa. I didn't know we were on the.

[Unknown]

You tricked me.

[Marie Fostin]

He's gay. He's gay.

[Unknown]

Classic light skin trickery.

[Marie Fostin]

This proves they're always doing that. This proves everything.

[Unknown]

Go put on some suntan lotion. That is a crazy picture, though. But anyway.

[Marie Fostin]

Okay, here we go. Our next. Who was Our last person. Was it big? Yeah, it was a big group. Okay, here we go. Okay, our next guest. Our next guest is. Is phenomenal. He. You know him?

[Langston Kerman]

He's.

[Marie Fostin]

He's. I think if there's a podcast, Mount Rushmore, this belongs definitely, definitely somewhere. Somewhere in that. He. He's a. You just give it up for Mel, everybody. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Hell yeah. You're your boy. Listen, I've been on st. I've been on stage before, but I, I just. I always make this announcement.

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

When I get on stage. Cuz we're very close to the front row. So ladies, if you're not on birth control, be careful because I'm very fertile and I do not reproduce normally. I just give off spores like a mushroom. So you might leave here pregnant. Invoice me.

[Marie Fostin]

Y'all saying last of us, he the bad guy.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what I'm saying? Put it together. What's up?

[Marie Fostin]

We're happy you're here. Are you a conspiracy theorist? Would you consider yourself a conspiracy?

[Langston Kerman]

It depends on like. It depends on the strain I'm smoking that evening.

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

How far we go into the YouTube shorts?

[Marie Fostin]

Let's go, you know.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, we're not doing.

[Unknown]

No, the shorts is where it happens at. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

They got the words there for you. You ain't got to think too much.

[Marie Fostin]

They gotta hook you, they gotta keep you. Yeah, it all works. Yeah, you get those like hour and a half die documentaries and it takes a lot out of your.

[Unknown]

Yeah, definitely.

[Langston Kerman]

It's like mentally draining. Like the king of Spain had.

[Marie Fostin]

Was a.

[Langston Kerman]

Was a gay child.

[Unknown]

What.

[Langston Kerman]

What does this mean? I don't know.

[Marie Fostin]

I don't care.

[Langston Kerman]

Give me a 30 second clip. Yeah. You know what I mean? That tells me that birds are not real. Or that. Yeah, my left eye has an RFID chip in it. Yeah.

[Unknown]

Preferably filmed in a kitchen with no shirt on.

[David Borey]

Exactly.

[Unknown]

Too close to the camera.

[Langston Kerman]

Real to real close. You see, there's not a lot of head clearance.

[Unknown]

Yeah. No, no, no, not at all.

[Marie Fostin]

There's no time. You ain't got time for Frank. You gotta.

[Langston Kerman]

Everybody that makes conspiracy videos could touch their ceiling in their apartment standing up.

[Marie Fostin]

And yes, it's popcorn. Yes, you're right.

[Langston Kerman]

Yes, yes, 100%.

[Marie Fostin]

Okay. We have a. Our favorite game that we like to play on tour. We want to play with you. It's a classic game called Quid Pro Quo. Ho.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Set up for this one.

[Marie Fostin]

Okay. The way the game works, we're gonna present to you a beautiful option for the world. A great opportunity that might happen. But with each of those opportunity comes a condition. Something that you might not want to happen. And it's your job to decide which you would prefer.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay.

[Marie Fostin]

All right, here we go. You got these.

[Langston Kerman]

Please.

[Unknown]

You get courtside tickets to every sporting event you want for the rest of your life. But. But you have to dress exactly like current Spike Lee.

[Langston Kerman]

Woo. Listen, I'm Dominican. I used to do a show with a Jamaican. I'm no stranger to dressing ridiculous. So I'ma do it.

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I need to watch Carl Anthony Towns drop 40 and bring him a big Dominican flag, you know what I'm saying? And then trip him like that Larry David did to Shaq.

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what I'm saying?

[Marie Fostin]

You're saying this won't affect your. Your at all your future in any way.

[Langston Kerman]

Not at all. This actually is funny because this will make me an OG in the Bronx.

[Marie Fostin]

Wow.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what I'm saying? Like yo, yo, yo, his ma. His hat matched the jersey. Yo.

[Unknown]

It's nice.

[Langston Kerman]

Match the boots. You know what I mean? The drip is crazy. Yeah, he got your unc. The drip is crazy. Drip is crazy. Word.

[Marie Fostin]

You got it. You got it.

[Langston Kerman]

I'll do it, man. I'll do the M. Bison hat too. I don't give a. I'll do all that.

[Marie Fostin]

Damn all that.

[Langston Kerman]

I wear a stupid jersey. Br. Too big. I don't give a. I got so many big ass throwback jerseys, cuz. They're all like a size 5 XL when they was cool. Oh yeah? Yeah. They all look like nightgowns. I don't care.

[Marie Fostin]

And you just refuse use to get rid of them.

[Langston Kerman]

I will never get rid of my.

[Unknown]

That's an investment. Yeah, that's an investment.

[Langston Kerman]

Come on.

[Marie Fostin]

It's like buying a watch. I threw some away. I was like, this is embarrassing. You know, the generation changed. And you fall for the trick of like, these will never be matter again, ever. And I fell for it and I threw away some. And now.

[Langston Kerman]

Now everything is huge. Oversized. Yeah, Like Billie Eilish out here, you know?

[Marie Fostin]

Damn.

[Langston Kerman]

Listen, bro, you gotta keep be a hoarder like me.

[Marie Fostin]

You know what I'm saying?

[Langston Kerman]

Don't never throw nothing away. I got plastic bottles in my house full of urine. Only some of them.

[Marie Fostin]

So you're going with it?

[Langston Kerman]

I'm with it, bro.

[Unknown]

Bori, I have to go. It's too good of a deal. Yeah, it's too good of a deal.

[Langston Kerman]

What's your favorite team?

[Unknown]

The Nuggets.

[Langston Kerman]

The Nuggets.

[Unknown]

See, I would look crazy at a Nuggets. You wanna sit there front in an orange. What is that? What do you call that?

[Langston Kerman]

I don't even. A Russian war hat. I don't even. I got a Putin on yo Ukraine. Watch out.

[Marie Fostin]

Like, I think I call that a comfy condom.

[Langston Kerman]

It's a scalp eater. I don't even know what the that is, dog. That look like a love seat. Novelty Ninja Turtle couch. The Michelangelo one. What? I win it, though. Look at him flexing the watch, too. He's like, I'm sorry.

[Unknown]

Yeah, I get the watch.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Look at my.

[Marie Fostin]

I'll be honest, that's the one that bums me out the most because, you know. You know, he knew they were watching in that one.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Marie Fostin]

You know what I mean? Like, he really wanted that.

[Langston Kerman]

Let me look stoic.

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

With this love seat on my head.

[Marie Fostin]

These other ones, he's just being himself. But this was like, nah, I gotta show.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is go. This is going in the brochure.

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah. Spikely.com sends out a monthly brochure that's.

[Langston Kerman]

On his About Us page.

[Marie Fostin]

Okay, here we go.

[Langston Kerman]

Imagine that, bro. You dress like crazy, but Jokic is like, yo, the drip is crazy, my friend. I love Nickelodeon. I like this. I like Nicole. Nickelodeon, too. Remember? This is all that. This is all that. I was fine. I was fine. I like Lori Beth Denver.

[Unknown]

Talk funny, and you're like, hey, what.

[Marie Fostin]

Business do you get into? And then they just look us straight.

[Langston Kerman]

Ahead like, my friend, you do not worry about this. I am porter in building. That's all I do. You drop a Maybach. Shut up.

[Marie Fostin]

Something. Something crazy is happening.

[Langston Kerman]

You got oil money?

[Marie Fostin]

All right, here we go. Next one.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay, okay.

[Unknown]

Food deserts and all impoverished neighborhoods are abolished.

[Langston Kerman]

Yes, righteous.

[Unknown]

But when you eat out, you can only order the White Castle surfing dirt.

[Langston Kerman]

Damn. Damn. Are we allowed to, like, like, add a addiction a caveat to this or something?

[Unknown]

No, it's just the surfing.

[Langston Kerman]

It's just what it is.

[Unknown]

That's just an abomination.

[Langston Kerman]

Can I get up? Can I get, like. Can I drink, like, half a bottle of, like, plastic bottle vodka?

[Marie Fostin]

You can do whatever you need to do to get that to enjoy.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay. Yeah, yeah. So I do it. I do it. I do it.

[Unknown]

You do it.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll do it.

[Unknown]

You know what? Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Clap for the right. Yeah. Righteous, man. You know what I'm saying? I want to.

[Unknown]

I use the.

[Langston Kerman]

Food deserts are a problem. And you do York City, especially in the Bronx, where I'm from.

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah. You know, that's a sacrifice That's a.

[Langston Kerman]

Sacrifice I'm willing to make. I'm willing to sacrifice my arteries.

[Marie Fostin]

Damn.

[Langston Kerman]

For the youth, you know?

[Marie Fostin]

And your liver, because you're talking about getting blackout drugs.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, that too. That's just to eat a meal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm Dominican, bro. I drink kerosene, bro. It don't affect me.

[Marie Fostin]

Okay, okay.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm on Manjaro. My doctor said you can drink all you want. You don't get there might be some interactions. I'm like, yo, that's just called being crossfaded, dog. That's it.

[Marie Fostin]

That's all Bori.

[Unknown]

Hell, no. I'm sorry. I just can't do it. That shit's nasty. That's crazy. Come on, bro.

[Langston Kerman]

That is insane.

[Unknown]

Fish and beef.

[Langston Kerman]

That's insane.

[Marie Fostin]

And they put cheese on it, bro.

[Unknown]

Come on.

[Marie Fostin]

That's wild.

[Langston Kerman]

Cheese is like. Like, yo, just in case you didn't think you was going, whoa. Yeah, we gonna put cheese on it.

[Unknown]

Just in case you thought you had a chance to get out of here alive.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Marie Fostin]

Nah. And it's still just the same tiny little onions. Like, they didn't, like, change up the vibes of the sandwich.

[Unknown]

They just put a fish stick on it.

[Marie Fostin]

They just put a fish stick on it.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what's crazy, though? Like, I don't know how White Castles are nationwide, but, like, my Bronx, White Castle shout out to Westchester Ave. Is the. Is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They violent. Get them out of here anyways.

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah. Our security will take care of that. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what I'm saying? But, you know, people get shot in there. You know what I'm saying? They got bulletproof glass, and. And so the onions, they just got a layer of onions, and they put the burgers on top of the onions. I'm like, is that how they do it at every White Castle, bro?

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah, I think so.

[Langston Kerman]

They just flip over, and I'm like, bro, I don't know how long the money's been there, you know?

[Marie Fostin]

No, it. What's up about White Castle is that. That they, for some reason, feel the most confident to show you the back.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Marie Fostin]

Of all the restaurants.

[Unknown]

Oh, yeah.

[Marie Fostin]

Like, their shit's mad open floor plan.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Unknown]

Like, they have nothing to hide.

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah. And it's like, bro, you gotta keep a secret. Yo, this is bad.

[Unknown]

What are you doing? You're back there mixing beef with fish. I don't want to see it. Lie to me. Lie to me. White Castle, please.

[Langston Kerman]

Like, the number one question I ask people all the time is like, you know When I ask them about White Castle, I'm like, yo, do you like White Castle? And they're like, yeah. And I'm like, sober. Yeah.

[Unknown]

And if they're like, that's different.

[Langston Kerman]

If they're like, yeah. Then I'm like, all right, bro, like, I gotta delete your contact. We can't talk. I got coupons that expire from White Castle.

[Marie Fostin]

I like White Castle. I'm gonna be honest with you.

[Langston Kerman]

No, I fuck with it. But. But I'm disgusting.

[Unknown]

Serving turf. Every meal.

[Langston Kerman]

Every meal.

[Unknown]

Every meal. Every.

[Marie Fostin]

No, every time you eat out.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, order out. Oh, so if you go still a lot of times, if you're sitting in White Castle as a patron, you can order whatever you want.

[Marie Fostin]

No, no, no. I'm saying that at any point that you eat outside your home. Oh, you are eating White Castle surf and turf.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, God damn. Okay, all right, now, if you want.

[Marie Fostin]

To eat at home. Home for the remainder of always, you never have to taste this meal.

[Langston Kerman]

All right. Hey, look, maybe we're buying groceries. We're trying to. Maybe I'll get that bread maker that I've been looking at. The ten piece Le Creusette set.

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what I'm saying?

[Marie Fostin]

But you. So you're still being brave. You're still gonna.

[Unknown]

I'm still.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm still gonna do it. You know what I'm saying? Because I'm here for a good time, not a long time. And I want the. I want to be remembered. I want to leave a legacy. Legacy. Imagine leaving that legacy.

[Unknown]

They're gonna remember you. Yo, he only ate White Castle. I never seen no like that in my life, bro. Everywhere. I seen him eat it at a wedding one time.

[Langston Kerman]

He put a slider on the ice luge and did a shot. A double shot of clam strips with a sir. That's nasty.

[Unknown]

It was his kids graduation. Everybody else had sticks.

[Langston Kerman]

They don't give a about the food desert. It's like a footnote in the Wikipedia.

[Unknown]

Yeah, no, they would. That's not how they'll remember you. I'm over here. Like, spicy pickles aren't that bad.

[Marie Fostin]

You just gotta pull a crave case out and put it on the table.

[Langston Kerman]

This is what I saved America with. You're welcome.

[Marie Fostin]

Okay, wait, are you doing it? Oh, I would. You know what? I would do it. I would do it. I think I could get used to. I like White Castle enough that I think I could get used to whatever the happening here.

[Langston Kerman]

Also, you could take the fish out. You know, you could like take it.

[Marie Fostin]

Like, nah, you got to keep it together.

[Langston Kerman]

You gotta eat the whole thing.

[Marie Fostin]

You gotta eat the whole thing as it is. You don't get to be like not a fish guy. But you gotta pescatarian and you know, all right, here we go.

[Langston Kerman]

Shout out to you if you've ever ordered clam strips from White Castle. Shout out to you for no, don't clap for that. The that's like yo. Shout out to you if you ever on yourself in public transit. So they, they both parallel tracks. You know what I'm.

[Jaboukie Young-White]

Hey, comedy fans. The funniest comedians in the world are on tour and you can get tickets to see them live near you laugh with the biggest names in comedy like Atsuko Okatsuka, Brian Regan, Chelsea Handler, Corey Holcomb, Dane Cook, Sarah Milligan, Matt Matthews, Nick Swartzen, Sebastian Maniscalco, and so many more. All kinds of shows, all kinds of venues, all kinds of funny. Head to livenation.comcomedy to get your tickets today. That's livenation.comcomedy.

[Langston Kerman]

The holidays are about spending time with your loved ones and creating magical memories that will last a lifetime. So whether it's family and friends you haven't seen in a while or those who you see all the time, share holiday magic this season with an ice cold Coca Cola.

[David Borey]

Copyright 2024 the Coca Cola Company.

[Marie Fostin]

The.

[Unknown]

Holidays are here, and so is the IKEA Winter Sale. Now's your chance to make the holidays a little more magical and less expensive. Save up to 50% off on select items in store and online now through January 7th. Plus, IKEA loyalty members get an extra 10% off on sale items. Need help managing the clutter of decorations? IKEA Storage Solutions will keep your home tidy from toys and tinsel. Having extra guests over? Check out offers on select dining furniture to make more room for the people who matter most this time of year. Don't wait to finish your winter wish list. Shop the IKEA Winter Sale in store or online now until January 7th. Visit ikea-usa.com wintersale for more details. Terms applied offer valid Dates may vary us only, while supplies last. Selection may vary by store and online. See [e-mail] wintersale for complete terms. Restrictions apply for more than 30 years. In Kansas City, Kansas, a man allegedly.

[Langston Kerman]

Raped and terrorized black women. A detective named Roger Golubski.

[Marie Fostin]

He told me to keep my mouth closed. If I did say anything, I would come up missing like so many others.

[Langston Kerman]

But then, right before trial, he was found dead, leaving countless questions behind.

[Unknown]

Listen to corruption uncovered from Roc Nation.

[Langston Kerman]

And its Philanthropic Injustice Division.

[Unknown]

Team Roc, wherever you get your podcasts.

[Langston Kerman]

My name is Rhiann and I'm a.

[Unknown]

Healer, clairvoyant, and empath. Everyone I read for tells me that I've confirmed something they've already known, but we're afraid to see. Sometimes I have to tell people things they don't want to hear. But if I don't tell them, I am not helping them.

[Marie Fostin]

At California Psychics, we thoroughly test our.

[Langston Kerman]

Psychics to make sure they're professional, have.

[Marie Fostin]

Real gifts, and communicate clearly. Plus, we have over 400 psychics to choose from.

[Unknown]

California Psychics look for psychics with experience who are confident in their abilities. They're very selective and have very high standards.

[Marie Fostin]

And California Psychics promises that your psychic reading will be the best you've ever had. Satisfaction guaranteed. Just call 800, predict 800 P R.

[Langston Kerman]

E D I C T. I really.

[Unknown]

Look inside people deeply to find their deepest truth. It's so rewarding, helping people. It's a very uplifting feeling.

[Marie Fostin]

Visit californiapsychics.com or download our app.

[Langston Kerman]

Plus, new customers get 80% off.

[Marie Fostin]

Call 800, predict 800 P R E D I C T. California Psychics. The Psychic services. More people trust. My Mama Told Me presents the Start the Steel Tour. We're very excited about it.

[Unknown]

Yes.

[Marie Fostin]

I'm not about to bite my tongue. We want to sell it out. And the dates are coming up fast. And so if you live in one of these areas, we want you to buy your tickets now. It's all available on our Instagrams, on our websites, on our link tree. December 12th, we're in Seattle. And December 15th, you're closing it out in Portland, Oregon. We want y'all to come out. We want y'all to kick it. We will be doing our coveted live show with special guests with just me and David depending on the city. It'll be a great time.

[Unknown]

All that meet and greets. You think Chris Brown has a good.

[Marie Fostin]

Meet and greet, bro? Let's be clear. I'll take a weird picture with you for free. Okay, here we go.

[Unknown]

NYC cancels all parking tickets for citizens of color.

[Langston Kerman]

Let's go, cuz the app don't work. Let's go.

[Unknown]

But everywhere he speaks, no matter what he's saying, you have to stand next to Eric Adams.

[Langston Kerman]

Yo, can I just say that? Like, I'm a.

[Marie Fostin]

You gotta be like this close.

[Langston Kerman]

This.

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah, you gotta be like.

[Unknown]

Like you can't pretend like you don't know him. Like, you look like you came with him.

[Marie Fostin]

You're his number one guy. As far as the.

[Unknown]

Yeah, that's your man.

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah, yeah.

[Unknown]

Right, Right side.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, my God.

[Marie Fostin]

You don't have to do any other work for him. You just gotta be there. Like, be there.

[Unknown]

Be there, like, everywhere he goes.

[Langston Kerman]

I mean, look, if you would have been like, yo, Giuliani, I would have been like, hell, no. But this be at zero bond. And he'd be turning up. He got bottle service and all, right? So if that. If that's what it is, I'm like, hey, bro, it's basically like going out with, like, Carmelo Anthony or some, like. Yeah, we going to the club. It's about to be turned up. There's gonna be shorty's in the section. Like, French Montana might pull up.

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah, yeah, he's a good hang.

[Unknown]

Yeah, that's a good time.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. He's a horrible politician.

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Terrific hang. You know what I'm saying? And then that's.

[Unknown]

That's common, right?

[Langston Kerman]

And then it's just like, yo, you know, after that, we go back to my crib in Jersey. That's him telling me that.

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

You know, And I'm like, yo, I also live in New Jersey. You could drop me off.

[Marie Fostin]

Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

On your way to your house.

[Marie Fostin]

You're playing a long game.

[Langston Kerman]

No more. It's a long con, you know? And then when he goes to jail, be like, y'all send you Kai's champ.

[Marie Fostin]

You like, nigga, I know where you really live. Come on, take me home. Come on.

[Langston Kerman]

On.

[Marie Fostin]

Stop playing.

[Langston Kerman]

You don't got to pay. Two easy passes. Cut it out. That's who need a RICO charge is easy pass. What is that jacket made out of, bro? Look at that blazer.

[Marie Fostin]

So I think that is made out.

[Langston Kerman]

Of, like, that's like the. That you shave off your clothes when they.

[Unknown]

It looks like it's pill. It looks like a cat toy.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what I'm saying?

[Marie Fostin]

It. It looks like they meant to brush that off. Off, and then they just forgot.

[Langston Kerman]

Got his blazer at Petco Dog. She's made out of a scratching post.

[Marie Fostin]

He'll bite the out.

[Langston Kerman]

The hat is diabolical. That is crazy. I'm not even, like, super, like, sport guy, but this is crazy. This is like, like Yankees, Mets X collaboration. Like, what. What the does that mean?

[Marie Fostin]

I don't know.

[Langston Kerman]

Y'all gonna play the.

[Unknown]

Half the.

[Langston Kerman]

The Mets and half the Yankees are going to play a game together?

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Like, against the rest.

[Marie Fostin]

They don't like each other historically.

[Langston Kerman]

And this is like the Italian Day parade. Look at the sash yeah, Weirdo.

[Unknown]

And that's you right next to him?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah. Like with the other sash, bro, you.

[Unknown]

Got the sash, too.

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah. You gotta wear the same.

[Unknown]

Yeah, yeah, you gotta wear the same.

[Langston Kerman]

I would just wear the.

[Unknown]

The.

[Langston Kerman]

Listen, we bear 40 seconds all the time. Time. Times Square, and I just get the shirt that says, I'm with stupid. You know what I'm saying?

[Unknown]

But after a while, they're gonna know. You don't think he's stupid. You're everywhere.

[Marie Fostin]

And also remember that this is him. How he behaves in the middle of what he's trying to make his comeback. Oh, when this nigga's not mayor anymore, we're gonna see a very different.

[Langston Kerman]

That's what I'm saying. It might be.

[Marie Fostin]

I don't. I'm just saying it's a risk to stand next to him.

[Langston Kerman]

It could be, but I've been arrested it before. I've been to J. You know what I mean? Like, I could. I could bid. You know what I'm saying? I could bid. You looking at me like I can't. I could bid. I could bid. I have that whole. Full of honey buns and onion soup, all right? Making dip, dry onion. You know what I'm saying? I'm about to start doing jail recipes up there. Take. Derail the whole. But this guy's an. Get him out of my face. I can't even. He's.

[Unknown]

I hear him laughing.

[Langston Kerman]

Laughing. Yeah, his big ass teeth. Teeth look like a retaining wall. That's right. He's at a restaurant. He's having a good time.

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

There's a lot of beautiful ladies. You know that New York is the Matrix feature of America. Shut the fuck up, bro.

[Marie Fostin]

Just.

[Langston Kerman]

If he just spins a wheel like, yo, what's a big city in the world? You know? You know, New York is the. The New Zealand of America. Like, mo, bro. That's a country. It's not a city.

[Marie Fostin]

Don't talk like that, man.

[Langston Kerman]

It's terrible.

[Marie Fostin]

Stop saying that. You got to stop speaking to me.

[Langston Kerman]

Like, if you want me to. No, we got swagger. That's what we need. Swag.

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah, he's a cornball.

[Langston Kerman]

He's terrible. So how do you solve. You can't pick. You can't solve problems with swagger.

[Marie Fostin]

No, but you guys really believed he could, and that's cool. That's crazy, right? Isn't that kind of cool? No, you guys are taking it personally, and that's because you made a mistake. But I'm saying, like, on a fundamental level, that's really cool that you had that kind of stuff. Stupid Hope to say, like, no, I think he could fix this with swagger, Joe.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what?

[Unknown]

That's.

[Langston Kerman]

You know who's going to fix this city? A cop with swagger. That's who's going to fix New York City. That's the oxymoron, dog. Anytime you see a cop, they got have an old Yankees T shirt jersey on.

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

A player that does not play anymore. Scott Brous, you're like, yo, is that even a real guy? Did he just make that up?

[Marie Fostin]

That's his cousin. All the armbands. Of course, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, my God.

[Marie Fostin]

Very chill. Very chill.

[Langston Kerman]

Standing in solidarity with Istanbul. Now we know why they get to.

[Marie Fostin]

Do what they want over there.

[Langston Kerman]

Come on.

[Marie Fostin]

Okay, here we go.

[Unknown]

Clarence Thomas is removed from his Supreme Court seat, ushering a new liberal justice in his his place.

[Langston Kerman]

That pictures. What y'all find?

[Marie Fostin]

That.

[Unknown]

That picture is nasty.

[Langston Kerman]

Nasty.

[Unknown]

That's bad news, bro.

[Marie Fostin]

Look how happy I had to really hunt for this one. I'm not gonna lie. Yo, I had to go out looking for something vile and I landed.

[Unknown]

Yo, that is.

[Marie Fostin]

I was like, wait a minute.

[Langston Kerman]

You got it, you got it, you got it. This is nasty. That was.

[Unknown]

That's.

[Langston Kerman]

That jump scared me when you opened it up. I just had to compose myself. I'm glad I took a clippin backstage because I would have had a panic attack seeing that. Crazy.

[Marie Fostin]

Okay, but.

[Unknown]

But R. Kelly gets released from prison, man. Wait, wait, wait. And he makes the best of both World Style album with Bill Cosby.

[Langston Kerman]

Damn. The best. Does Bill got bars? Honestly, I never heard Bill rap.

[Marie Fostin]

Honestly, I'll be honest. Bill Cosby, that special. Before he went in, he was at the top of his game. He might still have it, you know what I mean?

[Langston Kerman]

He might if he could rap. Yo, just keep him in the studio. Keep him locked in the studio. Both of them, keep him locked in the studio. No wi fi.

[Unknown]

No wi fi.

[Langston Kerman]

No wi fi. No access. No access to tube sites. You know what I'm talking about? Just keep them. Yeah. You know what I mean?

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Don't let them subscribe to Parents magazine, you know what I'm saying? They can't do none of that. Just very strict rules.

[Marie Fostin]

I like that y'all grown like you just found out.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Is this news to you? Hey, guys, I don't know if you noticed, R. Kelly is a pedophile. Breaking news, you know what I'm saying? But then again, look at the jersey.

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah, I'm saying, I bet he's still Got that?

[Langston Kerman]

He's. See? And if he gets out, what's he gonna do? Put the jersey right back on.

[Marie Fostin]

That's right.

[Langston Kerman]

He's gonna be like, yo, Mary, you got that Julie serving. I'll be like, I don't know who this is. Leave me alone. But damn, this is like evil versus, like. It's like. Remember Ren and Stimpy?

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

When it was like Ren would split in half, and it'd be like. It wasn't good and evil Ren. It was like evil Ren and hideously evil Ren.

[Unknown]

Yeah, yeah, that's exactly.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. This is what this is now.

[Marie Fostin]

It's very real.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, man.

[Marie Fostin]

Remember, you could change history.

[Langston Kerman]

Yes, He.

[Marie Fostin]

Clarence Thomas. He's out, baby.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Get him out of here.

[Marie Fostin]

And a new skateboarding motherfuckers in there.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Whoever it is, bro, it can't get no horse like Clarence. Yeah, but Bill and Kel's in the studio. My God.

[Marie Fostin]

What would they even talk about, right?

[Unknown]

What are you talking about? You know what they would talk about. I mean, the fuck. Fish. Fish.

[Langston Kerman]

Look at all the fish. You see that? I see that Michael Jackson video. He's in limo, and she's like, look at all the fish now. Look at the titties. I was like, yo, hearing Mike Zweig titties was crazy to me. Anyway, get Clarence Thomas out of here. I will figure out. I'll figure out a way with these two. You know what I mean? Yeah. I figure out a way, like, keep them somewhere locked away, you know?

[Marie Fostin]

You. You can manage this.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. This is federal level.

[Marie Fostin]

I get that.

[Langston Kerman]

You know?

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

You know, you don't beat the feds.

[Marie Fostin]

That's fair.

[Langston Kerman]

When they got only a few. Young thug. Oh, yeah. Word. Yeah. Free. Free. Ysl. I got the bracelet on. Word. He's free now, so I can take it off.

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah, Boring.

[Langston Kerman]

Choose wisely.

[Unknown]

I kind of want to hear it, man. And to be doing a good thing. And to be doing a good thing. It's two things. Yeah, I'm with it. I'm doing it.

[Marie Fostin]

We never. We never heard a comedy R and B album before.

[Langston Kerman]

Come on. And if somebody.

[Unknown]

Wait, no. Is he doing comedy?

[Langston Kerman]

I want that.

[Unknown]

He has to rap.

[Langston Kerman]

Comedy. Rap.

[Unknown]

He has to rap.

[Marie Fostin]

He doesn't rap.

[Unknown]

Oh, he's just like, oh, he's being Bill Cosby. He's saying, my brother Ennis, who slept with me.

[Marie Fostin]

Let me tell you you a story. And then he. And then R. Kelly come in and do the hooks, and R. Kelly can't.

[Langston Kerman]

And I'm.

[Unknown]

He could sing a story.

[Langston Kerman]

Though Bill is telling the story.

[Unknown]

Yeah, he could sing a good story.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah.

[Marie Fostin]

He tells a good story. He makes a good hook. This going to be a great album. Hey, look, that's objectively a good album.

[Langston Kerman]

It's hard to disagree with these guys is all I'm going to say. You know, cuz look at Bill's face. He's ready to spit.

[Unknown]

No, thought I ain't have it. I got the sauce.

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah, I think we all want.

[Unknown]

This is so terrible.

[Langston Kerman]

Y'all are evil.

[Marie Fostin]

I think we all want the same thing.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, Yeah. I just want to hear what it sounds like.

[Marie Fostin]

Honestly, I just gotta know. Here we go.

[Langston Kerman]

It's like when you hold it in the fire. You're like, yeah.

[Unknown]

I don't know.

[Marie Fostin]

It might stink, it might not.

[Langston Kerman]

Depends on what I ate. I had a poke bowl for the first time. I don't know what it's going to smell like.

[Marie Fostin]

Okay, here we go.

[Unknown]

Charlie Bird Parker replaces the bald eagle as the official bird of the United States.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay.

[Unknown]

But they rearranged the stars on the play to South Africa.

[Marie Fostin]

Hardy yards. Re.

[Unknown]

Hard er.

[Marie Fostin]

You know what this is about.

[Langston Kerman]

Sorry, Charlie. Sorry, Charlie. We can't do this.

[Unknown]

No, that's crazy. Imagine.

[Langston Kerman]

Imagine LeBron James in the Olympics holding that flag. The optics are terrible. We can't do that.

[Unknown]

It would ruin the Olympics. The Olympics all the way. The whole Olympics up.

[Langston Kerman]

We send him, LeBron and KD over there. Look at DOD.

[Unknown]

Come on, man.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what that say on their flag? They don't respect you. If I was you, I quit. Yeah, that's nuts.

[Unknown]

No, I can't.

[Langston Kerman]

Also, the Photoshop on this is horrible. Whoa.

[Unknown]

He's getting better. He's getting better.

[Marie Fostin]

This is my best work.

[Unknown]

I was like, is that that 50 stars? I don't.

[Langston Kerman]

No.

[Marie Fostin]

Here's what happened. I realized this was as small as I could get them and still move. Maneuver them well enough to be able to. So I couldn't make them smaller to smell. Spell out all of.

[Unknown]

No, I get it.

[Marie Fostin]

Cuz I got stuck. And I was like, they'll get it.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah. Cuz I looked at it and I was just like, what's wrong with NI6?

[Unknown]

Is that like.

[Langston Kerman]

Is that a chemical compound? Like, is that like fluoride? Like, what are you trying to say, my guy?

[Marie Fostin]

I did my best.

[Langston Kerman]

No, it works.

[Unknown]

It works.

[Langston Kerman]

I mean, the hard er on the bottom, like, yeah, you did it. That's. That's all the context you need.

[Unknown]

You did it.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Marie Fostin]

I. Yeah, I. I would have trouble with this One.

[Unknown]

No, I can't. I. I like Eagles.

[Langston Kerman]

I love Charlie Parker, bro, but we can't do this. This is crazy. Steph Curry jogging down the. The champ, holding the Bro.

[Unknown]

You gotta have kids pledge allegiance to that at school in the morning.

[Langston Kerman]

That's nuts.

[Unknown]

That's bad news.

[Langston Kerman]

Before every youth football game I coach.

[Unknown]

I'm like, bro, that's crazy. Every youth basketball tournament is like, that's.

[Langston Kerman]

N. Come on, dog.

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah, it's a tough transition.

[Unknown]

It's history.

[Langston Kerman]

It's heritage. It's not hate.

[Marie Fostin]

They called you that back in the days.

[Langston Kerman]

They still do sometimes when you cut them off in traffic.

[Marie Fostin]

Here we go.

[Unknown]

Candace Owens gets the shit beat out of her by six white teenage girls outside of Fulton Mall.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, no, no. Yeah.

[Unknown]

But you find out your girl used to fuck Jason Whitlock, I'll jump in first. Can't do it. It cannot do it.

[Langston Kerman]

No way. Nope. No way.

[Unknown]

Look at that hat.

[Langston Kerman]

No way. Yeah. Yo, that is a.

[Unknown]

And she. And now she's in love with you.

[Langston Kerman]

Nah, that's like. Yo, listen, listen.

[Unknown]

Your past is your past, but come on, man.

[Langston Kerman]

Come on.

[Unknown]

Yo, I didn't need to see.

[Langston Kerman]

Yo, that's like you have sex for the first time. She has, like, a corn tattoo. Like, the band on her chest. You like. Like, what the.

[Marie Fostin]

Like, some choices are unforgivable.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Like, you can't do that Fred Durst discography. That's crazy. I can't with you.

[Marie Fostin]

Ah, this is bad.

[Langston Kerman]

This is bad.

[Unknown]

It's terrible.

[Langston Kerman]

And this is the picture they always use for this.

[Unknown]

Yeah, it's his picture.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Marie Fostin]

No, this ain't.

[Unknown]

That's his best.

[Marie Fostin]

That's what's crazy. This ain't me trolling.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Marie Fostin]

This is, like, truly some. He's like, nah, I killed it that day.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, that's. Yeah, yeah. Yo, use that one. His publicist. Well out of here.

[Unknown]

Give me the pick with the hat with the littlest brim.

[Langston Kerman]

I. Yeah, yo, give me the. That barely fit on my head. I want to. You know what? Dj, drop that.

[Unknown]

Doesn't keep the sun out of his face.

[Marie Fostin]

They were like, jason, do you care if it matches? He's like, nah, nah, nah.

[Langston Kerman]

Don't worry about that. Black goes with everything.

[Marie Fostin]

N. That's cool.

[Unknown]

Cool.

[Langston Kerman]

Just give me a. A hook and reel napkin as a pocket square, and I'm good to go. She's like, yo, hook and real motherfuckers trying to take you there. Act like it was fancy, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Marie Fostin]

Huh?

[Langston Kerman]

It ain't. It ain't. It's just. It's just Red Lobster, bro. They just re rebranded.

[Marie Fostin]

Purple suit, silver tie, black hat. Jason, you're ready.

[Langston Kerman]

Ready to go. That's in his media kit, ladies and gentlemen. That's what he's presenting to people when he's pitching himself.

[Marie Fostin]

No, I couldn't. I. I couldn't let.

[Unknown]

I can't do it.

[Marie Fostin]

Let this happen.

[Langston Kerman]

Nah, I can't. I can't. Like, yo, used to, Jason Whitlock, bro. Now we gotta talk every. For a long time. Every.

[Unknown]

We got kids together, and you were doing this.

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

That's crazy.

[Unknown]

Yeah. There's residual Whitlock on my kids.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, that's. Wow.

[Marie Fostin]

There's something rotten in your spirit.

[Langston Kerman]

I would say. Listen, that would have me asking stupid questions, bro, that I would never ask a woman in my life. I'm like, yo, did he come inside you ever, ever be honest with me? Don't lie to me.

[Marie Fostin]

And then. And then you end up with widow with locks.

[Unknown]

There's no answer.

[Langston Kerman]

You want to hear, oh, baby born, look like a Christmas ham. And you like, what the. That ain't my baby.

[Unknown]

The baby got that hat on.

[Langston Kerman]

I just sucked the shit out of you.

[Marie Fostin]

I was like, God damn it.

[Unknown]

That shit was funny, bruh.

[Langston Kerman]

That is the smallest. Is that a. What is that?

[Unknown]

It's a baby hat.

[Langston Kerman]

It's a baby. It's a baby. That is a children's place for Dora.

[Unknown]

I know.

[Langston Kerman]

I tried to dress my son up as Dick Tracy one time for Halloween. That's the same. He got that same hat. He's like, who?

[Unknown]

Dick Tracy?

[Langston Kerman]

I was like, yo, criteria collection. Shit. Little.

[Unknown]

Shut up.

[Langston Kerman]

You don't know about this. It's classics.

[Marie Fostin]

Nobody's doing this crowd. No. Nobody's crazy. This is tough. Damn. If anybody in here has Jason Whitlock.

[Langston Kerman]

If. You with Jason.

[Unknown]

No.

[Marie Fostin]

If this has been. If this has been hard for you, eat a dick. You made a big mistake. Shame on you.

[Langston Kerman]

That's it. Shame. James. Shame out of here.

[Marie Fostin]

Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, to get.

[Marie Fostin]

Oh, no.

[Langston Kerman]

That was it.

[Unknown]

That was it.

[Marie Fostin]

I gotta learn to count.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh.

[Marie Fostin]

I don't know how to count.

[Langston Kerman]

Thank you. Nobody that I've ever had sex with has had sex with Jason Whitlock.

[Marie Fostin]

And what a beautiful message to leave the audience with.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what I mean?

[Unknown]

Take that home with you.

[Marie Fostin]

For you to inspire them to not have sex with somebody that's had sex with Jason.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay? Keep that. To keep that degree of separation as separate as possible. You know what I mean? Or you could end up with a tiny hat on. You know, I mean. And I'm not talking about a condom.

[Marie Fostin]

One more time for Marrow, everybody.

[Langston Kerman]

Who.

[Marie Fostin]

Thank you.

[Langston Kerman]

Let's fucking go, Yo. Yeah.

[Unknown]

If you want to take a picture, we're gonna be out front.

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

We got hats and T shirts for sale.

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah. That's the whole thing.

[Unknown]

That's the whole shit.

[Marie Fostin]

And now. And if you listen to the new episodes, you can call us. We have a new phone line.

[Unknown]

That's right.

[Marie Fostin]

If people want to leave voicemails and shit, we're gonna. We'd love to hear your voices and talk to.

[Unknown]

What is it? 844 Lil Moms.

[Marie Fostin]

Yeah, I think that is it. It's 8. 4. 4 Lil Moms and Mom's with an S. We couldn't get Z. Shut up. But. But, yeah, we'd love to hear from you. So call us. And that's the whole thing. Bye, bitch.

[Unknown]

The government growing babies.

[Marie Fostin]

Microchips in your nails.

[Langston Kerman]

All koala bears are racist.

[Marie Fostin]

The ozone lair owes me money.

[Langston Kerman]

Martians invented dirty stuff.

[Unknown]

Y'all can't tell me nothing.

[Langston Kerman]

Hey, comedy fans. The funniest comedians in the world are on tour, and you can get tickets to see them live near you. Laugh at the biggest names in comedy like Atsuko Okatsuka, Chelsea Handler, Jimmy Carr, Kathy Griffin, Matt Matthews, Matt Rife, Sarah Silverman, Sebastian Maniscalco, Stavros Helkias, Wanda Sykes, and so many more. All kinds of shows, all kinds of venues, all kinds of funny. Head to livenation.comcomedy to get your tickets today. That's livenation.comcomedy.

[Unknown]

The holidays are here, and so is the IKEA Winter Sale. Now's your chance to make the holidays a little more magical and less expensive. Save up to 50% off on select items in store and online now through January 7th. Plus IKEA loyalty members get an extra 10% off on sale items offer, valid in the US through 17 mall supplies. Last selection may vary by store and online. See store in ikea-usa.com wintersale for complete terms restrictions apply.

[Marie Fostin]

Hey there, it's Scott Patterson from I Am all in again. Podcast Life Short talk fast Stream Gilmore Girls on Hulu. That's right, grab your coffee and get cozy because all seven seasons of Gilmore Girls are now on Hulu. Stream all the witty, banner, heartwarming moments and awkward Friday night dinners with Lorelei, Rory and the eclectic mix of characters. Whether you're re watching or going Gilmore, for the first time, Hulu has you covered. It's a show. It's a lifestyle. It's now streaming on Hulu. We know you're uncertain about psychics. Is this fortune teller you found on a forum legit?

[Langston Kerman]

Your one true love is me. That's why California psychics reject 98% of.

[Marie Fostin]

The psychics who apply to work with us. We guarantee if your rating isn't life changing, it's free. New customers receive 20 minutes for just $20. So experience the joy of [e-mail] for.

[Langston Kerman]

More than 30 years in Kansas City, Kansas, a man allegedly raped and terrorized black women. A detective named Roger Golubski.

[Marie Fostin]

He told me to keep my mouth closed. If I did say anything, I would come up missing like so many others.

[Langston Kerman]

But then, right before trial, he was found dead, leaving countless questions behind.

[Unknown]

Listen to Corruption Uncovered from Roc Nation.

[Langston Kerman]

And its Philanthropic Injustice Division. Team Roc.

[Unknown]

Wherever you get your podcasts.