They’re Trying to Make Black People Lactose Intolerant! (with Carl Tart)

Summary

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Podcast Summary: My Momma Told Me

Episode: "They’re Trying to Make Black People Lactose Intolerant!"

Hosts: Langston Kerman & David Gborie

Guest: Carl Tart

Date: August 19, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this episode of "My Momma Told Me," comedians Langston Kerman and David Gborie welcome back fan-favorite Carl Tart for a lively and hilarious discussion centered around the black conspiracy theory: "They want Black people to be lactose intolerant." The trio dig deep (but not too scientifically), mixing humor, personal anecdotes, and pop culture references while unpacking the idea that there's a nefarious plot afoot to keep dairy off black tables.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Stage: Black Conspiracies, Legendary Comedians, and Booty Talk

• The hosts riff on legendary black comedians like Dick Gregory and Redd Foxx—both for their humor and their conspiratorial ways (03:35-06:17).
• Carl Tart shares how he listens to Redd Foxx to relax in hotels—"At hotels, for some reason I can't get to sleep if the TV is on... so I would turn on Spotify Red Foxx album and just go to sleep to that, which is an insane choice." (07:22-07:49, Carl)

2. Milk in the Black Community: The 'Conspiracy' Explained

• Carl's Conspiracy Statement:
  "[My mama told me] they want black people to be lactose intolerant." (09:51)
• Carl declares he defies the stereotype: “They do. I think they do. But guess what? I’m not. Damn.” (09:58, Carl)
• Discussion about experiences with dairy: Carl can drink milk and eat milkshakes with zero gastrointestinal consequences ("I'm 36... I'm not affected by it," 11:06), while Langston and David admit regret or discomfort after dairy but don't identify as truly lactose intolerant (10:43-10:46).

3. Milk and Race War Jokes

• Carl takes the conspiracy to a comedic extreme: “I think they want us to be lactose intolerant for when the race war happens. We are going to be on the toilet.” (13:46, Carl)
• “See, I’m gonna have to be one of the ones... I don’t even want this responsibility... but I’m gonna have to be on the front lines because milk don’t bother me.” (14:02-14:11, Carl)
• “We’re not just talking to a man, we’re talking to a general.” (14:16, Langston)

4. Dairy Propaganda & Who Started Drinking Milk?

• Discussion about the “Got Milk?” campaign and the food pyramid as government/institutional propaganda (13:34-13:46; 29:34-29:43).
• Jokes and speculation about who first tried cow’s milk and how nasty that was ("the first person got it off the tap ..." 15:22-15:38, David & Carl).
• “They sucked and they pulled and then there was pee coming down. And they didn't give a fuck there'd. Be blood in that shit.” (15:45, Langston)

5. Breast Milk: Protein, Perceptions, and Street Market Demand

• Langston describes the emerging black market for breast milk, mainly for weightlifters and bodybuilders (“There actually is a large black market audience for breast milk...dudes are trying to get buff.” 19:50-20:01, Langston).
• Langston admits he’s tried breast milk (“It tastes like slightly sweeter milk... almond milk texture, so it's thinner.” 20:42-20:46).
• Carl recounts a story about being pressed on breast milk by women in Chicago and compares being a formula baby to missing out on "the experience" (21:33-22:55, Carl).

6. Scientific and Sociocultural Context

• Producer’s research is brought in: Pedro Quatre Casas (Johns Hopkins) found a high prevalence of lactose intolerance among black Americans (27:43-28:11, Langston).
• The panel concludes the real conspiracy is not making Black people lactose intolerant, but telling them to “keep drinking milk” and ignoring the lactose intolerance that’s already present (“The conspiracy theory overall is not keeping us lactose intolerant, ignoring the fact that we are saying, no, keep drinking milk.” 29:43-30:02, Carl).

7. Turkey Bacon and Changing Black Food Preferences

• Talk of pork’s decline in black families, with grandmas shifting to turkey bacon: “Pork started getting phased out in black families…now I think pork is pretty—not gone—but it's leaving.” (31:30-31:41, Carl)
• Debate about pork and health myths—smart pigs, pigs eating anything, and “the other white meat” campaign (33:21-33:29, Langston).

8. Nut Milks: Community Penetration and Taste

• Oat and almond milk’s lack of popularity outside coastal cities.“Nut milks and things haven’t caught on tremendously outside of the coasts.” (39:28-39:42, Carl)
• “Nut milk sounds so unappealing.” (40:28, David)
• Lactaid seen as the compromise in Black communities (“That's what Black people will buy instead of buying whole milk or 2%..., they're not buying nut milks,” 40:30-40:34, Carl).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Lactose Intolerance as Warfare
  "I think they want us to be lactose intolerant for when the race war happens. We are gonna be on the toilet." – Carl Tart (13:46)
• On Dairy Marketing
  "Milk is MAGA." – Langston Kerman (13:22)
• On Generational Patterns
  "They all got diarrhea and then they handed us diarrhea." – Langston Kerman (35:37)
• On Odd Brand Choices
  "You're a Laffy Taffy fan." – Langston Kerman (17:20)
  “Nesquik banana...that went somewhere. I didn't even know.” – Langston Kerman (17:38)
• On Community Change
  "My grandma’s pork chops go crazy...She was like, you ain't supposed to be eating that." – Carl Tart (31:49-31:58)

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Listener Voicemail Segment — “Did Eddie Murphy Kill...?”

(45:36-55:58)

• Voicemail from Davon (Brooklyn): Cites rumors that Eddie Murphy played a part in the suspicious death of trans model/performer Octavia Saint Laurent, linked to her threatening to "out" Black celebrities and Murphy’s own run-ins with trans women.
• Hosts’ Reaction: Investigate the claim, debunk the most outlandish details, and contextualize it as yet another wild black community rumor.
• Memorable Moment:
  “The first track [of Eddie Murphy’s comedy album]…he definitely goes in on Raw for sure...[but] that's different than killing somebody.” – David Gborie (54:32-55:04)
• Bottom Line: The hosts humorously, but thoughtfully, address the lack of evidence and the ease with which the Black community spins tall tales about celebrity sexuality and rumors.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 03:35 – Classic Black comics & their conspiracies
• 09:51 – Main theory introduced: “They want black people to be lactose intolerant!”
• 13:46 – Weapons-grade dairy (race war & lactose jokes)
• 19:50 – Breast milk: Protein & mythology
• 27:43 – Scientific context: Pedro Quatre Casas & real intolerance rates
• 29:43 – Government nutrition propaganda & the food pyramid
• 31:30 – Turkey bacon, pork's decline, and food tradition shifts
• 39:28 – The almond and oat milk wave (and its limits)
• 45:36 – Listener voicemail: The Eddie Murphy rumor rabbit hole

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Tone & Style

The episode keeps the tone irreverent, playful, and self-aware:

• Hosts openly admit, “We’re about to prove, not a goddamn thing.” (03:41, Langston)
• Jokes, visual metaphors, and wordplay abound: “Milk is MAGA.” (13:22, Langston), “We’re talking to a general!” (14:16, Langston)
• Personal stories are shared candidly—embarrassing childhood meals, digestive disasters, and failed celebrity encounters.

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Final Thoughts

This episode uses the framework of a Black conspiracy theory to spark wide-ranging conversation about food culture, health myths, generational dietary changes, and race. Blending science, stand-up, and street wisdom, the hosts land on the idea that the true “conspiracy” is systemic disregard for Black health needs, and how marketing shapes community beliefs and practices around food.

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"We’re not just talking to a man, we’re talking to a general." (14:16, Langston Kerman)

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For More:

• Follow Carl Tart on IG: @dammitcarl
• Check out UCB Theater in LA/NYC for Carl’s upcoming shows
• Submit your own theories or voicemails via podcast social channels!

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Transcript

[Langston Kerman]

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[Carl Tart]

Robin Williams would send you a check if he took one of your jokes, right?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, that's Pretty nice.

[Carl Tart]

Pretty cool.

[David Bore]

Which is probably more than they were getting out of them jokes anyways. Let's be honest. He wasn't stealing great people's jokes. He was stealing shitty people's jokes. You don't think they.

[Langston Kerman]

You don't think they're hitting on the bank teller? Like, you know, Robin Williams wrote me that check.

[Carl Tart]

And the bank teller knows comedy. Oh, so he took your joke and did it better? Yeah.

[David Bore]

It says here it's signed by Mrs.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't think we can catch that.

[David Bore]

The government growing babies, microchips in your anus. All koala bears are racist.

[Carl Tart]

The ozone layer owes me money. Martians have been in turkey stuffing.

[David Bore]

Y' all can't tell me nothing.

[Langston Kerman]

I forgot that it was my turn to start. There it is. Ladies and gentlemen, Lil Ma and Gentiles alike, welcome to another phenomenal episode of My Mama Told Me, the podcast, where.

[David Bore]

We dive deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theory, and you know what.

[Langston Kerman]

We'Re about to prove. Not a goddamn thing.

[David Bore]

Nothing.

[Langston Kerman]

We not helping you with nothing.

[David Bore]

No help. No help. You want to learn how to invest? Get the fuck out of here.

[Langston Kerman]

What?

[David Bore]

Come on.

[Langston Kerman]

You asked us.

[David Bore]

You want to repair your credit, fool.

[Langston Kerman]

Our guest today has been with us. We've already been talking. It's your third appearance and a favorite of mine, a favorite of David's. We are always pleased when this gentleman is here. You know him from snl. As a writer on snl, you know him from Grand Crew. You know him from so many goddamn shows. It's frustrating as an actor. You go, carl again.

[David Bore]

God damn it.

[Langston Kerman]

This motherfucker's funny.

[David Bore]

Sometimes he really comes from a real place.

[Langston Kerman]

God damn it, I wanted that job. And this motherfucker's so funny. I understand why it's happening. He's the best. Give it up for Carl Tars.

[David Bore]

You think the bigger the booty, the finer it is. And now we can convince her.

[Voicemail Caller (Davon from Brooklyn)]

She walks, switching that big old booty and all that. It ain't nothing but doo doo in there.

[Carl Tart]

Dick Gregory, right?

[David Bore]

He really went off the rails at the end there.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I'll say it. I said it to you already. A white whale for this podcast. Your dream it would have been to have Dick Gregory on here talking about doo doo and booties.

[Carl Tart]

I used to watch those YouTube videos, and he would be so mad at the dude that's asking the questions. So the dude would just be like, so, what do you think about Michael Jackson?

[David Bore]

Huh?

[Carl Tart]

You asked me about Michael Jackson one more time, mother.

[David Bore]

Huh?

[Carl Tart]

And he would always Say, huh? So you have to think about Michael Jackson. Michael Jackson, I remember this. This is the one that stands out to me the most. Michael Jackson wasn't no goddamn pedophile. Michael Jackson was gay.

[Langston Kerman]

What you say?

[Carl Tart]

Why you asking me about Michael Jackson? Let me go home.

[Langston Kerman]

Boy. I'll kill you if I can get.

[Carl Tart]

Out of this jail.

[David Bore]

I'.

[Langston Kerman]

I haven't agreed to an interview in 38 years.

[David Bore]

Are you my mother fucking nurse?

[Carl Tart]

Me so mad myself it ain't nothing.

[Langston Kerman]

But do do down there. No. Dick Gregory was such a brilliant comedian that he became funny on accident.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what I mean?

[David Bore]

Like he truly best case scenario too. I think that's as good as this ends.

[Langston Kerman]

He really was like, I don't even gotta fucking try anymore. I'll. Everything I say sounds funny and also insightful. I'm just crazy.

[Carl Tart]

Y' all are both standups. Let me ask you this. And we could talk about this for 20 minutes and then we'll never get to the conspiracy.

[Langston Kerman]

No, it's fine.

[Carl Tart]

What type of standups do y' all think y' all would be in the 1960s?

[Langston Kerman]

Ooh.

[Carl Tart]

So I've seen. You've seen Dick Gregory. They all sit down and smoke a cigarette and they do like racially based humor. Godfrey Cambridge. People like this who sit down and like the Negro today.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

I would love to say that I audiences, I would love to say that I would be doing that I would be doing party records.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

I would be doing Red Fox. Set up, set up, small punch, big punch. Set up, set up, small punch, big punch. And then talking about my wife gave me some boozy as.

[Carl Tart]

It would be that.

[David Bore]

So when I go crazy, I think. I think I would go crazy last.

[Carl Tart]

Year on Spotify, Red Fox was my number one artist.

[Langston Kerman]

Whoa.

[Carl Tart]

Here's why. I was on the road a lot. And at hotels, like at home I sleep with the TV on. And at hotels, for some reason I can't get to sleep if the TV is on. It might be too bright up in there.

[Langston Kerman]

I think it's consuming more room with its light.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

You know, like little ass room, big ass lights.

[David Bore]

The brightest TV is a hotel room.

[Carl Tart]

Alone hotel room tv. And so I would turn on like just like Spotify Red Fox album and just go to sleep to that, which.

[Langston Kerman]

Is an insane choice.

[Carl Tart]

It's so funny.

[Langston Kerman]

That's why it's insane. That's not when I feel like laughing.

[Carl Tart]

Thing is, when it's bedtime, I want to go to bed. I want to have good dreams. So I want. I Want something funny?

[Langston Kerman]

Carl rolls over, you should watch your.

[Carl Tart]

Ass and go, good night.

[David Bore]

He really doesn't miss, though. Red Vine. Everything's hilarious.

[Carl Tart]

It was crazy how, like, the clip that he would just come up with these. And I wonder if he was writing these or if these were, like, general jokes that everybody put. They spin on.

[David Bore]

I mean, I don't even care, man.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah, sometimes.

[David Bore]

Like, sometimes. Even when I hear somebody do a street joke to me, if you, like, told the shit out of it, I really don't care, man.

[Langston Kerman]

There were people, and I think it's harder to find now, but there were people that had evolved beyond, like, accountability for the art form.

[David Bore]

You know what I mean?

[Carl Tart]

Oh, yeah.

[David Bore]

Oh, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

You hear it all the time of, like, Robin Williams used to steal jokes, and it's like, well, yeah, but he's gonna be funnier about it than you were.

[David Bore]

That's what I'm saying.

[Langston Kerman]

He's insane.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah, I let him have it. Let him have a joke.

[David Bore]

I've seen a lot of unfunny people murder beautiful jokes. You ever see that happen where somebody has a hilarious joke and they just blow it? Talking. It's like, oh, you're bad at. You're just bad at talking, man.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. And I'm not an advocate for stealing jokes in any kind of way, but God damn, like, Robin Williams is just gonna be unbeatable. Redd Fox is unbeatable. I don't care if that's from a nigga on the street. He's better at it. Let him have it.

[Carl Tart]

Some people are just funnier.

[David Bore]

Yeah. Yeah. Some people are hilarious. Some people don't have to say anything funny.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Carl, you came here today with a conspiracy theory that I assume has to hit close to home. I can only presume that this is something that affects you directly.

[Carl Tart]

Surprisingly well, yes. But not in the way that you think it would.

[David Bore]

Oh, wow.

[Langston Kerman]

Ok. Ok. Well, then I'll tell them that. Carl, your theory is. My mama told me.

[Howie Mandel]

They want black.

[David Bore]

People to be lactose intolerant.

[Carl Tart]

And boom goes the dynamite. They do. I think they do. But guess what? I'm not. Damn.

[David Bore]

How. Okay. Cause I was talking about this earlier. What level? Because I always assume that minorities, all minorities don't drink milk. I don't know why. It's really fucked up. Or foreign people or whatever.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

Like, I'm not lactose intolerant, but I couldn't. Like, I couldn't drink a glass of whole milk.

[Carl Tart]

No.

[David Bore]

Probably not.

[Carl Tart]

And would it. Would it mess you up in a bad way or Would you just be a little.

[David Bore]

It would mess me up in a bad.

[Carl Tart]

What about you?

[Langston Kerman]

I can drink it, but I would have regrets.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Like, it wouldn't. I wouldn't call myself lactose intolerant, but I'm definitely what everybody is where, like, I shouldn't do that.

[David Bore]

That's how I feel. Like a milkshake will fuck me up.

[Carl Tart]

Interesting. Not me. It don't do nothing to me. Yeah. And damn, you strong. One of God's strongest soldiers. It don't do nothing.

[David Bore]

That's crazy.

[Carl Tart]

And I've been waiting. Cause people say, like, every black person gets to a certain age where they become lactose intolerant. I'm getting up there.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

As far as black man years, I'm in my Twilight.

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

I'm 36.

[David Bore]

Once you get some white in here and it's there. Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

No, I keep it shaved because my hair is gray. The hair that still grows, brother.

[Langston Kerman]

It's coming for me better than you willing.

[Carl Tart]

But I'm not affected by it. I can drink a milkshake. I mean, I still use milk in my cereal. I do use Fair Life, though, because it's protein milk.

[David Bore]

Right.

[Langston Kerman]

So you just want to be more buff. You ain't got nothing. You're not worried about the effects of any of this.

[David Bore]

What percent?

[Carl Tart]

The 2%.

[David Bore]

Okay. That's different, though. That is better.

[Carl Tart]

But I can drink home, like, if I'm at. Like, okay, this is going to sound crazy if it's probably not. But if there's ever cookies around, I always have to ask, like, I got some milk.

[David Bore]

You said it. I thought you were gonna have some kind of crazy beliefs on Palestine. You just said the most reasonable shit.

[Langston Kerman]

I know why he was struggling, because he's implying. If I may, it seems as if he's doing this in people's homes as much as he's not. Like at a cookie restaurant.

[Carl Tart]

I've done this on a plane.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

Alaska gives you cookies, and they're usually pretty fresh. And if you like sitting in first class or whatever and not a flex, it's Alaska to Seattle, brother. Cheap first class.

[David Bore]

Come on, man.

[Langston Kerman]

Hey, we all fly first class on somebody else's dining.

[Carl Tart]

Exactly, exactly. But they give you cookies. And I always ask the flight. Excuse me, Did y' all happen to have milk on this planet?

[David Bore]

She usually is like, nobody's ever asked.

[Carl Tart]

Nobody's ever asked for milk. I don't think. Like, we have, like, little creamers. No, that's not gonna.

[David Bore]

That's the first shit they quit doing. They quit Letting you smoke and drink milk on blaze.

[Carl Tart]

Milk on blaze. You can't. Everybody was trying to drink milk with their spaghetti in the 60s. Now, that's crazy to me. People used to drink milk with dinner.

[David Bore]

Yeah, yeah, that's. I knew some kids in high school like that. That's nasty to me. I. I will say drinking milk to get, like, quench your thirst is like the most disgusting.

[Langston Kerman]

It is the most like America. The way that I think white people imagine they want it to go back to.

[David Bore]

Is milk.

[Langston Kerman]

It the level of wholesome, where you're just like, milk make me strong. I drink milk.

[Carl Tart]

Milk is maga.

[David Bore]

But isn't that crazy to you? The idea, how much do you have to consume, how many resources to have a meal?

[Langston Kerman]

Dad, no, it's nuts.

[David Bore]

You gotta steal baby cow milk to have your fucking shitty dried meatloaf.

[Carl Tart]

And we did learn that that's not true. Right. That the amount of calcium in milk is negligible.

[David Bore]

Yeah. No, the whole got milk thing was like a push. Propaganda, for sure. It's not based on anything.

[Carl Tart]

So I think they want us to be lactose intolerant for when the race war happens. We are gonna be on the toilet.

[Langston Kerman]

When milk becomes like an essential resource. Not just anything.

[Carl Tart]

Drink the milk. They allow us to have the milk, but it messes up our guts. Right, Right.

[David Bore]

Every time.

[Carl Tart]

See, I'm gonna have to be one of the ones. And I don't want this responsibility.

[David Bore]

I don't even want this responsibility with.

[Carl Tart]

Great power, but I'm gonna have to be on the front lines because milk don't bother me.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

I'm gonna be sitting there dipping that Alaska air, being like, come on, motherfucker.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. We're not just talking to a man. We're talking to a general.

[David Bore]

Yeah, that's it.

[Carl Tart]

Unfortunately, that's it. I didn't want this to be. To be me.

[Langston Kerman]

Now, what do you think they're doing that is especially nefarious to make this happen?

[Carl Tart]

That I can't tell you.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay.

[Carl Tart]

Because I'm trying to figure out how they affect. And maybe milk is. Maybe the white whole milk is the actual thing that takes us down more than racism. More than.

[David Bore]

I'd say it's at least equal.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah. It's up there.

[David Bore]

I think it's at least equal.

[Carl Tart]

They figured this out. Maybe we wasn't even drinking cow's milk back in the day.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

And somebody went, hold on. Why are all the slaves farting? Give them some more.

[Langston Kerman]

The slave on the walking.

[David Bore]

It stinks in here.

[Carl Tart]

Wait a second.

[Langston Kerman]

Wait a minute. That gives me an idea. If they stink all the time, they.

[Carl Tart]

Won'T fuck each other. We can't have that.

[David Bore]

Okay, okay, okay.

[Langston Kerman]

I'll make them stink on Thursday.

[Carl Tart]

Back in the last.

[David Bore]

You know my question about milk in that? Because maybe people did reason who started drinking milk? Where did it start a sick. That's what I'm saying. That's nasty. Somebody was a freak because the first person got it off the tab.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

You know that, right?

[Carl Tart]

And they put their mouth on it too.

[David Bore]

Yeah, they did. That's what I'm saying. They didn't put it into a bucket. The first guy.

[Carl Tart]

No, the first guy.

[David Bore]

And then they. He had to live on the outskirts of town.

[Langston Kerman]

They sucked and they pulled and then there was pee coming down. And they didn't give a fuck there'd.

[David Bore]

Be blood in that shit.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, that was a nasty motherfucker that did that the first time.

[Carl Tart]

And then the next guy was like, no, we gotta put that in a bucket. And then he drank it out the bucket. He was still a freak. And the next guy was like, ah, that stuff got a lot of stuff in it. We gotta figure out how to clean that. Clearly something is good about it.

[David Bore]

Yeah. It tastes so sweet.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

It killed three of my brothers, but.

[Carl Tart]

They loved it all the way to the end. So we gotta figure out how to clean it up. Put it in some cheese cloth or something.

[David Bore]

I mean, they did do right, though, because milk got a lot of uses.

[Langston Kerman]

Nah, it's the best.

[Carl Tart]

I mean, I was gonna. Do y' all like milk?

[David Bore]

Yeah, I drink a lot of core powers.

[Carl Tart]

Corepower. Now a 42 grams core powers the extra one.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

That's a protein shake.

[David Bore]

I don't know. Yeah, it's like. But it's milk, right?

[Carl Tart]

Yeah, it's pretty much milk. It's fair life.

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

It's made by that same. The same brand. It's a protein shake. It's really good.

[David Bore]

It's the best.

[Carl Tart]

And I like the vanilla ones.

[David Bore]

Really? I do the chocolate one.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

Sometimes strawberry.

[Carl Tart]

Strawberry banana one.

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

I wish they wouldn't mix them.

[Langston Kerman]

I 100% agree with that.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I do not like that strawberry and bananas show up together.

[David Bore]

I don't think they go together like that either.

[Langston Kerman]

I think they're fine together artificially.

[Carl Tart]

No, real. I think so.

[David Bore]

Okay. Like if a smoothie.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah, yeah.

[David Bore]

If I'm talking about like candy.

[Carl Tart]

No, I agree with that.

[David Bore]

I agree.

[Langston Kerman]

I think banana flavor. We've talked about it on the podcast a few times. Banana flavor is vile now it's only.

[David Bore]

For pudding for me.

[Carl Tart]

The Laffy Taffy's hit for me.

[Langston Kerman]

You're a Laffy Taffy fan.

[Carl Tart]

And I also am a this man. I'm about to get ate up online for this one.

[David Bore]

Uh oh, okay.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm scared.

[Carl Tart]

Nesquik milk, when they had the milk, like the individual.

[Langston Kerman]

All the individual bottles, and they had.

[Carl Tart]

A banana one, and they would sell that at my school.

[David Bore]

Whoa. I didn't even know about this.

[Carl Tart]

It was fire.

[Langston Kerman]

That went somewhere. I didn't even know.

[David Bore]

That's quick. Banana.

[Carl Tart]

Google it.

[David Bore]

I gotta look this up. Google it. Talk amongst yourselves.

[Langston Kerman]

Google it. Wait, so you were in essence, this man sucking on a cow teeth?

[Carl Tart]

Because I was the first one.

[Langston Kerman]

You were the first man to walk a boy, frankly, to walk into a convenience store. See that, and make that bold choice.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah. Sucking on a rabbit. His banana teeth.

[David Bore]

Yeah. How come they had a rabbit selling us milk?

[Langston Kerman]

None of it made sense.

[Carl Tart]

None of it makes sense.

[Langston Kerman]

But that's how stupid we were. And that is. The nostalgia I think they're aiming for is like you can just put an animal next to it and tell them it's good for them and they'll fucking take it.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

All the powers that be, they don't give a shit about, like, Christian values, really. They just want you morally in a place where milk is all you think about.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah. I wonder what is the origin of, like, is it true that black people have weaker guts?

[David Bore]

I don't think weaker. Weaker is not what it makes sense.

[Carl Tart]

Or is it that we are people who are like, you should not be drinking this.

[David Bore]

I think that's what it is. I think it's not really something you necessarily need to be consuming. It's. The whole thing is superfluous. And then to not have a tolerance to it is almost. That's the true weakness.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

Or to have a tolerance. You know what I mean? Yeah. To have built up the tolerance to this thing you shouldn't be drinking.

[Langston Kerman]

You're saying to consume poison and not flinch is more the problem.

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

He's taking a shot at you just now.

[Carl Tart]

Feel it.

[David Bore]

No, no, no. I'm saying on the whole. I'm saying on the whole. Yeah, saying on the whole. Milk is crazy to drink.

[Langston Kerman]

Yep.

[David Bore]

It's a crazy thing to drink. We don't give our shit away.

[Carl Tart]

Very true.

[David Bore]

We don't give our shit to. We don't even give our shit to other people, actually. You ever try to get some titty milk off somebody? It's crazy.

[Carl Tart]

You got to get it off the black market.

[Langston Kerman]

I was. So you're gaining.

[David Bore]

You're gonna say a black woman.

[Langston Kerman]

I was about to say there's.

[Carl Tart]

You gotta get it from a black woman. Tastes like cereal. Milk.

[Langston Kerman]

White lady milk is cold. It comes out cold.

[David Bore]

Powdery pet milk.

[Langston Kerman]

There actually is a large black market audience for breast milk. For exactly the reason you're saying that, like, dudes are trying to get more buff by drinking breast milk.

[David Bore]

Like, there's more protein.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah, they say it's a lot more protein.

[David Bore]

It's a lot more protein.

[Langston Kerman]

And it's protein specifically geared towards, like, human. Human growth as opposed to cow milk is giving you cow growth or whatever the.

[David Bore]

Oh, interesting.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

Is that. And that's working. Have you tried that?

[Carl Tart]

No.

[Langston Kerman]

FBI. We're all listening.

[David Bore]

Come on. I would love to source it.

[Langston Kerman]

Mm.

[David Bore]

Just. You never seen. Okay, is this.

[Langston Kerman]

We can work out a deal. I got access to a fair amount of it.

[David Bore]

Oh, yeah. No, I can't.

[Carl Tart]

Have you tried it?

[Langston Kerman]

Breast milk?

[Carl Tart]

Yeah, I've tried it. What does it taste like?

[Langston Kerman]

It tastes like slightly sweeter milk.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

It's not. It doesn't. It's like almond milk texture, so it's thinner.

[David Bore]

But you just took, like, a drink. You didn't, like, pour it on Fruity Pest?

[Langston Kerman]

No, no, no. I didn't make it active. No.

[David Bore]

Because it feels, like, very labor intensive. I've seen a woman have to pump before.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

It seems like a lot to get a little.

[Langston Kerman]

It is a lot to get a little. And you do learn to respect it quite a bit when it becomes sustenance for your child. Yeah. You're like, all right, you're not flipping with it anymore.

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

This is precious.

[Carl Tart]

Can't drop it.

[Langston Kerman]

No, you're not tossing it around.

[David Bore]

He used to be putting it behind his ears. Go out.

[Langston Kerman]

You literally start counting bags. And you're like, all right, well, we can make it through this day to keep you alive. And then I gotta start making other choices. So you're like, no, I'm not. I don't fuck around with that shit. But no, it's not.

[Carl Tart]

One time we was in Chicago, actually, at the Soho House, Chicago. And these girls at the bar was just like, excuse me, would you ever try breast milk? And my first. My knee jerk reaction was like, no, no, no, probably not. And they got so mad at me.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

And then Jason Mantzoukas walked up behind them, and they were like, would you ever try breast milk? And he was like, absolutely. And they were just like, the reason why this guy's better than You. And I'm like, they got mad at you. They got mad at me.

[David Bore]

They were trying to set you up, friend.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah, absolutely was. They got mad at me. They were like, you ain't. You're not a man.

[Langston Kerman]

They wanted you to feel small.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah, I'm a man.

[David Bore]

It's for babies.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah, that's what I was thinking. I was like, I didn't think that this was gonna be so polarizing.

[David Bore]

Yeah, I'm the best thing that happens. If you drink breast mil, this is the best case scenario.

[Langston Kerman]

Also, you don't want me to be, like, fetishizing this.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah, no.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what I mean? Like, don't introduce a new thing for me. Yeah, I've agreed that that's not for me. You don't have to complicate this for me.

[Carl Tart]

And now it's complicated.

[Langston Kerman]

Now it's complicated.

[Carl Tart]

You two attractive women are now upset with me?

[David Bore]

Were they offering?

[Carl Tart]

No, they weren't offering. They just were like. It was like a. It was like a. Like a man hating conversation. You know what I mean? This man won't even try to breast milk. And it's like, well, I haven't thought about it like that. I was also a formula baby, and.

[Langston Kerman]

I love my son. You've never even had breast milk? No, no.

[Carl Tart]

My mom had me in high school. Like, she couldn't be breastfeeding.

[David Bore]

She had to go to work, she.

[Carl Tart]

Had to go to class, go to school.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, it feels like.

[David Bore]

Cause you're 36, right? It feels like there weren't. I don't feel like everybody had a pump back then like that.

[Langston Kerman]

No, the pump was like how. The one for churning butter.

[David Bore]

Yeah, it was like a. It was like in the center of an African village.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

The. Well one Dr. 1989. It's a wood paneled Hamilton Beach.

[Langston Kerman]

Aw. Tell the girls to come in. Dinner's on the table.

[Carl Tart]

Imagine the Flintstone days. Like, what animal do you think you use as a restaurant?

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, man, it's just a pterodactyl. Having to stick his nose in and spit it out. He's like, oh, boy.

[David Bore]

What a day.

[Langston Kerman]

All right, we need to take a break. We're gonna be back with more car talk. More. My mama told me.

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[Langston Kerman]

We, we, Carl, are still talking about your conspiracy of. Of lactose intolerance and whether or not there's an intentional effort to make us lactose intolerant. I will tell you that our producer bae, did some research on this conversation and, and pointed me to a. A gentleman by the name of Pedro Quatre Casas. I did my best on that. Pedro.

[David Bore]

Pedro four things.

[Langston Kerman]

Yep. Pedro four houses.

[David Bore]

Pedro four houses. That's a good name.

[Carl Tart]

That's a good name.

[Langston Kerman]

Pretty cool.

[Carl Tart]

Pedro four houses.

[Langston Kerman]

He's sitting in a Bentley in front of one of them.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

You don't know where the other ones are?

[Carl Tart]

You don't know which one this one is?

[Langston Kerman]

Nah.

[Carl Tart]

You don't know where in the order this one is.

[Langston Kerman]

That's just one of them. Pedro of Johns Hopkins School of Medicine actually did a study, somewhat accidentally by discovering that 31 of. Like the. The 41. Yeah, 30. 41.

[David Bore]

31 of the 41 black people, they.

[Langston Kerman]

Were given syphilis also turned out to be lactose intolerant. I think the syphilis is triggering something. 31 of them in this study who were also, I guess a part of his program ended up of the black men, ended up being lactose intolerant of the 41 black men that were participants in this program. Black people. And so he discovers this correlation of black people being lactose intolerant and tries to make it this larger, more public conversation. And everybody is like, get out of here.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

They don't want to hear it.

[Carl Tart]

They don't want to hear it.

[Langston Kerman]

We don't care.

[David Bore]

I don't think there's a ton of money in it. Right.

[Langston Kerman]

I think it's. I think that's.

[David Bore]

Is there a ton of money in black people being lactose intolerant?

[Langston Kerman]

I think there's.

[David Bore]

Because you have to sell cereal.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

But I think there's way more money in making sure that we keep milk in all communities.

[David Bore]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[Langston Kerman]

They can't afford to lose a single.

[Carl Tart]

You got to keep milking. All right, well.

[David Bore]

Cause isn't dairy. It's like sugar. Right. Where it's like mostly government subsidized. So it makes its own money. It's its own industry.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah.

[David Bore]

You can't pull that. You gotta have.

[Carl Tart]

And milk is on the food table. Milk and cheese is on the food table.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah. They made that food table, though.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

To sell us milk.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. There's a bunch of shit that's in that food pyramid that we got as kids. That isn't supposed to be consumed at the scale that they're saying.

[David Bore]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Carl Tart]

So I think the conspiracy theory overall is not keeping us lactose intolerant, ignoring the fact that we are saying, no, keep drinking milk. Yeah, that's valuable, and that keeps us. What I said was weak, we all said was actually strong because we're not supposed to be drinking it. But you cannot fight in the war if you are on the toilet.

[Langston Kerman]

That's true.

[David Bore]

That is real.

[Langston Kerman]

That's objective.

[David Bore]

That is real. That is real.

[Langston Kerman]

And here's to support that claim. There is quite a bit of evidence, it seems, of there being documentation of black people's allergy to lack to lactose. That, like, this isn't just like, some shit. This dude discovered for the first time that, like, some. There's articles of like, some black Americans avoid dairy foods due to lactose intolerance, a key reason dairy consumption is lower in the community. So they're tracking this on a financial level, but they're not, like, wanting to do something about it. They're just being like, no. We notice we sell less in black communities.

[David Bore]

I mean, I was telling our producer bae right before we started this, my whole life, I always kind of assumed all minorities don't fuck with milk. I always kind of think of milk as a white thing. Like, my whole life. I don't.

[Carl Tart]

Okay. Did yalls grandmas start eating turkey bacon in the 90s?

[David Bore]

No. But my mom had a friend who got really big into turkey bacon. Out of nowhere. Turkey bacon and turkey sausage all of a sudden?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, no, my grandma and turkey wings. My grandma smoked Pall Mall.

[Carl Tart]

So she was real bacon, huh?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, she wasn't gonna change.

[Carl Tart]

My grandma also smoked. She smoked Dorels.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay.

[Carl Tart]

And filter King cools.

[David Bore]

Okay.

[Carl Tart]

But she started eating turkey bacon.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

Pork started getting phased out in black families. And now I think pork is pretty. Not gone, but it's leaving. Besides ribs, I feel like I was.

[Langston Kerman]

About to say barbecues. Feel like they immediately change the barbecue.

[David Bore]

And still pork ribs. And links. Yeah, Links are pork. Right?

[Carl Tart]

But you saw the grandma the other day. Cause I said, when I come home, I want you to fry up some pork chops. My grandma's pork chops go crazy. And she was like, you can't be eating that pork no more.

[David Bore]

And I. Grandma no.

[Langston Kerman]

Wow. Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

She was like, I cook it, but you can't.

[David Bore]

You ain't supposed to be eating that.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you? And you're not out on pork either?

[Carl Tart]

Not fully, but I don't make it at the house.

[Langston Kerman]

Sure.

[Carl Tart]

But like, I will barbecue ribs and.

[Langston Kerman]

I think pork ribs. I still love it.

[David Bore]

I've been kind of out on pork.

[Carl Tart]

I don't keep bacon in the house.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

Is that for. But do you. Any type of bacon?

[Carl Tart]

Like, nothing. I just don't like fixed bacon at the house.

[David Bore]

Okay, okay, okay.

[Carl Tart]

I do like a.

[David Bore]

But you'll have a chop at the house. What you mean you'll have a pork chop at the house?

[Carl Tart]

No, I don't do that either.

[Langston Kerman]

I have.

[Carl Tart]

But I have done that because like, you know how you be in the grocery store and it might be like, for me it has happened like post hooping in the summer. And you walking through the grocery store like, I gotta get a dinner situation tonight. And you walk through the grocery store, you feel like you done worked out cause you've been running and stuff like that. And you go, I kind of want some pork chops.

[David Bore]

Yeah, I got six of them for a dollar fifty. Pork chop peels are incredible.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah. And fry em up, batter them up, put it in the Ziploc bag. And it's like, yeah, this was good, but I probably shouldn't have been eating this.

[David Bore]

Sure, yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

You have regrets, but you haven't given up the warm feeling.

[David Bore]

I mean, it's a lean meat, right?

[Langston Kerman]

No, I don't.

[David Bore]

It's a white decision.

[Langston Kerman]

I fully understand. I think that that pitch of it being the other white me, like another campaign propaganda.

[David Bore]

Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

I think they were trying to reposition pork to not be a bad food when we had kind of all agreed, like, that's not good for you.

[David Bore]

Is it bad because the pigs don't sweat? Is it bad because they're so smart? Like, what is the. Is it just a fatty meat? Because so is beef.

[Langston Kerman]

I think history tells us that the reason pigs were put down is because they were unclean or harder to clean.

[David Bore]

Clean.

[Langston Kerman]

And so people were getting sick from pork more often, I think.

[David Bore]

Oh, like if it's not cooked because you get like, what, chickinella or whatever. That's pork.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

Pigs eat shit.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

They play in it. They eat it.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. And then you gotta clean it.

[David Bore]

And don't cows live in shit? Like you've driven up the fire?

[Carl Tart]

Cows drink, Cows eat grass.

[David Bore]

Pigs, I thought pigs ate like corn and grain.

[Langston Kerman]

They can, but they can also like.

[David Bore]

Just straight up eat poop.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

They could survive on a lot of shit that, that, that you put in front of them.

[David Bore]

Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

It's not that they have to eat. It's just that, like, they were letting them eat.

[Carl Tart]

Eat.

[David Bore]

They're also smart, though, right? They're like, very smart.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah.

[David Bore]

The smartest livestock animal 100. And they're. And they're like, very close to us.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

Like physically, like, their skin is similar and all that stuff.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. And they could cry real tears.

[David Bore]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

They're sad. Damn.

[Carl Tart]

You cry like Nipsey Russell from the Wiz.

[Langston Kerman]

As a reference. Only three people listen are gonna get it. But they're gonna enjoy that one, though. Yeah. The last thing that I'll. That I'll tell you is that according to registered dietitian Tamara S. Melton, the confusion often begins with households. I have found that black parents experience symptoms of lactose into. And because they are not sure how to manage or avoid these symptoms, they will pass their avoidance behavior to their children. And so our lack of even owning lactose intolerance as like, a part of our identity, she's saying, is because our parents did the same.

[David Bore]

I.

[Langston Kerman]

They all got diarrhea and then they handed us diarrhea.

[David Bore]

I do get that because I have a high tolerance for letting food put me down. You know, saying like, you just eat something, you're like, oh, God damn, I got to go to bed. And you don't even think, like, maybe there was some stuff within that meal. You know what I mean? It's just like, I ate a big ass meal. It's seven o'clock on Sunday night. Let me go to sleep.

[Langston Kerman]

Yep.

[David Bore]

Like, you just. I just. I just will let food take me out and not.

[Langston Kerman]

Bro.

[David Bore]

I never blame the food.

[Langston Kerman]

The worst. The worst food poisoning I ever got in my life, where I was like, Truly, both ends crippled on my mother's bathroom floor for hours and hours was two hamburger meal from McDonald's at like.

[Carl Tart]

3:00Am like the two cheeseburger meal.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

That's crazy. The worst food poisoning I ever got was McDonald's too.

[Langston Kerman]

Truly took me out. I could feel it as it was going down. The first burger, I ate it and I was like, something wasn't right about that.

[Carl Tart]

Was it cold?

[Langston Kerman]

It just felt.

[Carl Tart]

It probably had been sitting for a while.

[Langston Kerman]

It felt unsafe.

[David Bore]

That cheese outside of a certain temperature range is poison.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm a hamburger guy. I tell him to take that cheese off of that.

[David Bore]

Oh, so you didn't.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay, so I need have cheese to blame.

[David Bore]

Damn. So would you be getting like, double wouldn't the. During the double cheeseburger era, you just get a double burger?

[Langston Kerman]

That's right.

[David Bore]

Damn.

[Langston Kerman]

Damn. Carry hours.

[David Bore]

So different. So different. Yeah. We can come together under this plate.

[Carl Tart]

Cheese is such a big. Like, my grandma used to do that when we would go to McDonald's. She'd be like, Give me get two hamburgers and some French fried potatoes and make sure my potatoes is hot. Because last time I came, they was cold, and it would embarrass the hell out of me. Yeah, they wasn't cold cold. It was fine. She would order hamburgers like, grandma cheeseburger. We got cheese at the house. So I grew up, like, putting a crab single on hamburgers.

[David Bore]

That's awesome. You know what's funny to me is.

[Langston Kerman]

I with cheeseburgers everywhere else.

[David Bore]

Except for McDonald's.

[Langston Kerman]

Except for McDonald's, where I go, nah, I don't like the way their cheese feels like the devil to me. Interesting.

[David Bore]

It is bad. It is. There is a texture to it. See, I like it.

[Carl Tart]

Me, too.

[David Bore]

I put cheese on a McTick.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, no, I heard you earlier, and it made me sad, but I didn't want to.

[David Bore]

Oh, you want to bring it up?

[Langston Kerman]

Nah, I didn't.

[David Bore]

Yeah, I put cheese on me chicken right now.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah. I don't do that, brother. I had to cut McDonald's out of my life, man. I miss McDonald's a lot.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, you don't.

[David Bore]

You're going to go back. It's going to be the same as it ever.

[Carl Tart]

It is same. By shame. I haven't had, like, a really bad bout of food poisoning. I can remember. But I did what I was telling y' all about when I first got home from the job. Like, my body said that was stomach issues that we couldn't identify. We didn't know what it was. And so, like, I've just cut out a bunch of stuff. And it sucks, man. Cause this world is like America is. We all big because of convenience. You know what I mean? And now it's like, I gotta. I have to eat something good or else I don't know if my stomach's gonna just be like, psych.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, bitch. Eating something reasonable takes real fucking work.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

Which is crazy because the convenience level is like, have you ever eaten meat, like, have you ever prepared meat from, like, straight when you killed it? It's so much work. It's so much work to make me. Like, the fact that we could just get ground beef is crazy.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

You know what I mean? Like, that's so much work.

[Langston Kerman]

No, it speaks to what you and I were talking about earlier of, like, we're not really supposed to be here. No, you Know what I mean? Like, all of us who cannot hunt, who cannot gather, who cannot do any of the things that would have, like, provided our own resources, we're not supposed to have survived.

[David Bore]

Can't plum, can't carpent.

[Langston Kerman]

So if it has poison in it. That's just the deal.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

That's part of it. Is that they're going to poison you. You didn't. You didn't catch this.

[Carl Tart]

Milk.

[Langston Kerman]

Milk.

[Carl Tart]

There it is.

[David Bore]

Damn.

[Carl Tart]

You're gonna eat this. You gonna drink this milk?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

You're gonna. Cause I don't think reason why I asked about turkey bacon a little while ago. I. But I asked about turkey because I don't think nut milks and things have caught on tremendously in outside of the coasts.

[David Bore]

Yeah. Nut milk is nasty.

[Carl Tart]

Is why I do not care for almond milk.

[David Bore]

No.

[Carl Tart]

Except in, like, oat milk, I really don't care for.

[David Bore]

Cause it's salty, it tastes like water. It's bad.

[Carl Tart]

But almond milk I can do in, like, smoothies and stuff like that.

[David Bore]

Right.

[Carl Tart]

But. And I also have had a oat milk matcha that I was like, okay, these flavor profiles work. That was pretty good with a little agave in there. That was hidden. But I don't think, like, in the south, like, my grandma's not buying oat milk. She's not buying almond milk. If anything, she just getting scammed and thinking that that's helping.

[David Bore]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't think that they have even bothered trying to target the black community with that stuff.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Not in a meaningful way. Yeah. Nut milks, I think, think oat milk. None of it.

[David Bore]

They're like, nut milk sounds so unappealing.

[Carl Tart]

It's hard lactate. That's what. That's what black people will buy instead of buying whole milk or 2% or because they're not buying nut milks.

[Langston Kerman]

Like, no.

[Carl Tart]

Like, they can't even.

[David Bore]

Like saying it over and over.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

And this podcast is brought to you by Nut Milk. Big Nut Milk is paying us a hefty penny to talk about lactobacity.

[Carl Tart]

We don't have to use the koozies if we was drinking nut milk. You can show that.

[Langston Kerman]

We'Re going to take one more break, and when we come back, we're going to do a voicemail.

[David Bore]

We should do a voicemail.

[Langston Kerman]

More Carl Tart. More. My mama told me.

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[Washable Sofas Advertiser]

This Labor Day, say goodbye to spills, stains and overpriced furniture with washablesofas.com featuring Anabe, the only machine washable sofa inside and out where designer quality meets budget friendly pricing. Sofas start at just $6.99, making it the perfect time to upgrade your space. Annabe's pet friendly, stain resistant and interchangeable slipcovers are made with high performance fabric built for real life. You'll love the cloud like comfort of hypoallergenic high resilience foam that never needs float fluffing and a durable steel frame that stands the test of time with modular pieces you can rearrange anytime. It's a sofa that adapts to your life. Now through Labor Day, get up to 60% off site [e-mail] Every order comes with a 30 day satisfaction guarantee. If you're not in love, send it back for a full refund. No return shipping, no restocking fees, every penny back. Shop [e-mail] Offers are subject to change and certain restrictions may apply.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and safeway now through August 26th. It's back to Deals time where you can enjoy storewide deals and earn four times points. Look for in store tags to earn on eligible items from Kettle, Haagen, Dazs, M M's, Ritz, Chips Ahoy, Arrowhead, All Poppy, Charman and Red Bull. Then clip the offer in the app for automatic event long savings. Shop in store or online for easy drive up and go pickup or delivery subject to availability restrictions apply. Visit Albertsons or Safeway.com for more details.

[Howie Mandel]

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[David Bore]

That's right.

[Carl Tart]

I your woman.

[David Bore]

I didn't. But we're back.

[Carl Tart]

JD's revenge. Is that what that is?

[David Bore]

I don't even know.

[Langston Kerman]

Sometimes we just gather things.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah, I think that's JD's revenge, a horror movie starring. What's my man name? He just got a Hollywood star. Glenn Turman.

[Langston Kerman]

Glenn Turman.

[David Bore]

He just got a Hollywood star, yeah. Oh, I didn't know that.

[Langston Kerman]

That's right.

[David Bore]

I just saw a picture of him and Ben Vereem the other day.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, they're best friends.

[David Bore]

I think you liked it.

[Langston Kerman]

They're best friends. Oh, legends right there. Since, I guess since high school they've known each other.

[Carl Tart]

That's tight.

[David Bore]

Oh, that's awesome. That is great.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, they dress the same kind of like old black silly.

[David Bore]

I like that.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah. Bamboree being his best. And Glenn Turman is like cowboy, you know?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Yeah. It's the same, like, vibe, so somehow. And yeah, they're silly.

[David Bore]

Yeah, you know?

[Langston Kerman]

Cause there's old black serious and then there's old black silly. Them niggas silly.

[Carl Tart]

They're artists.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

How many ascots you got, man?

[Langston Kerman]

I bet you can't put on one more ascot, bitch. Bet you I can. All right, we're going to do a voicemail. We got a lot of voicemails from people this month. Month. Let's do this one. Here we go.

[Voicemail Caller (Davon from Brooklyn)]

Hey, David A. Langston. What's going on? Is Davon from Brooklyn?

[Langston Kerman]

Mm.

[Voicemail Caller (Davon from Brooklyn)]

I wanted to drop this on you. I think I left this message before, but I was probably a little high. And now that I got more information, I really want to get into it as it is July 1st, when I'm dropping this message. Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay. We got my date.

[Voicemail Caller (Davon from Brooklyn)]

Well, not my mom, but my mother.

[David Bore]

Told me same person.

[Langston Kerman]

Is that a distinction for you gentlemen?

[David Bore]

No.

[Langston Kerman]

Mom and mother.

[David Bore]

Is that.

[Langston Kerman]

Are those hitting?

[Carl Tart]

No, I think maybe this. Maybe this dude is biracial.

[David Bore]

Oh, perhaps. Perhaps.

[Carl Tart]

He says my mother is supposed. I call her my mama.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. And so you're saying mother indicates white mom?

[Carl Tart]

Yeah, maybe so.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay.

[David Bore]

I don't think I ever called.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm guessing mother, only condescending.

[David Bore]

It was mama and then mommy for.

[Langston Kerman]

Like, into the 20s, and then now.

[David Bore]

It'S probably mom most I say ma. Yeah. I say ma sometimes, too.

[Langston Kerman]

I say mom. Yeah. All right.

[David Bore]

Were you ever a mommy, kid?

[Langston Kerman]

I don't think so. I think I came out a man.

[Carl Tart]

Mommy didn't roll off the Southern tongue.

[David Bore]

Oh, yeah, I never hear. So anybody in the south say mommy?

[Carl Tart]

Nah, I don't say nah, mama, or ma. Ma.

[David Bore]

I hear people from the east coast say mommy.

[Carl Tart]

Me too. Yeah, New York people say mommy.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They talk like babies out there, though.

[David Bore]

Damn. Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

They talk like little babies.

[David Bore]

No, I want you to expand.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, that's how babies talk. Yo, yo, bro.

[David Bore]

You know what I mean?

[Langston Kerman]

Like, there's more babies.

[David Bore]

Are you talking about.

[Langston Kerman]

Not everything is, like, identifying the person as you talk to them.

[David Bore]

Yo, son.

[Langston Kerman]

Yo, son.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah, they do. They do.

[Langston Kerman]

That's how babies talk.

[David Bore]

They do refer to you in conversation a lot when in conversation with you.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, my.

[David Bore]

Whatever their choice.

[Langston Kerman]

My daughter says daddy every time.

[David Bore]

Right.

[Langston Kerman]

That's how New York people talk to other people. They'll say your name over and over again, and it's like, oh, it's. Cause y' all are stupid babies.

[Carl Tart]

Damn, you really eating the ass up.

[David Bore]

Yeah, that came from a real place, too.

[Langston Kerman]

I feel like I've just been. I. I spent enough time there to be like, oh, these niggas are being children. Okay. Yeah, I get it. I get the vibes, and I'm not. That doesn't have to be besmirching that you guys are having fun in a way.

[David Bore]

No, we're gonna clip it. They're gonna go nuts.

[Langston Kerman]

You guys are having fun in a way that babies have fun, and I think that's cool. You're babies on the train, and I bet that's fun as hell.

[David Bore]

You're a goddamn devil.

[Langston Kerman]

Ain't that a good movie, Babies on the Train?

[David Bore]

Yeah, of course it's good movie.

[Carl Tart]

That's on the point.

[Langston Kerman]

We all want to see that film. I'm sick of these babies on this.

[Carl Tart]

Train just crawling around. Don't touch that. Don't touch. That's nasty.

[David Bore]

Leave that alone.

[Carl Tart]

Get that out your mouth.

[Langston Kerman]

This one's wet. All right, let's keep playing this.

[Voicemail Caller (Davon from Brooklyn)]

Oh, damn. Not my brain. The Eddie Murphy killed a trans woman.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, my God.

[David Bore]

That was a crazy transition.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. He was like, what? I. What was I trying to say? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Carl Tart]

Eddie Murphy.

[Voicemail Caller (Davon from Brooklyn)]

There was a trans model named Octavia Saint Laurent that was going to release an Altar Tell all book about black celebrities that was sleeping with trans women. Women. And she had a very famous clip before she died where she specifically hinted at Eddie Murphy. And she wound up dead in between two buildings. And they ruled it a suicide, but everybody that knew her said it wasn't a suicide, and they believed that Eddie Murphy killed her. What do y' all think about that? That.

[David Bore]

Did you know her.

[Voicemail Caller (Davon from Brooklyn)]

Anyway, let me know, because that is wild. Because remember, Eddie Murphy got caught with a trans hooker once, too, and we completely forgot that. And he's been acting real sus lately. Like, he don't even act like regular Eddie Murphy. Act like robot Eddie Murphy.

[David Bore]

All right, that's what I want to get into this.

[Langston Kerman]

Mad at Eddie Murphy.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

Which is a lot of our voicemails is what it comes down to, ultimately, somebody being like, they're there.

[Langston Kerman]

This. This is a person very angry at Eddie Murphy. I'm not saying that that means makes the claim illegitimate. I am saying that, like, this is coming from a more original place than just defending the queer community.

[Carl Tart]

I actually just watched a video about this.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

Apparently Eddie Murphy used to drive around in the Santa Monica Boulevard area just, like, handing out money and to, like, sex workers and stuff.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[David Bore]

Like, as a retainer.

[Carl Tart]

I don't know if it's retainer. Like, I think as like, a. He was just being nice. He was like, get off the streets. And so, of course, one night he said he was just giving one a ride home. He saw one late at night and he was like, you gotta get from out here. Like, it's dangerous out here. Let me take you home. And he got caught with her and got over.

[David Bore]

Oh, you believe his story?

[Carl Tart]

I have no.

[David Bore]

Okay, okay.

[Carl Tart]

Like, dog in the fight.

[David Bore]

Cause I seen the press conference. It sounds like you lying.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, it's the coolest I've ever seen some. You know what I mean? Like, he looked cool as shit when he was explaining it.

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I was like, yeah, but you lying, man.

[Carl Tart]

But that woman did die. And it was at a building, like, in Koreatown.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

And it was one of them old school buildings. And apparently she had called. She had crawled up the fire escape trying to get into an apartment, and they would, like, crawl all the way up to the roof or something if they didn't have a key and climb down, like a rope or a sheet or something like that and tried to swing into a window, like, Tarzan style.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

And the window was closed and they slipped and fell.

[Langston Kerman]

This is how they had to get into her. This is how she got into her apartment every night.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Batman style.

[Carl Tart]

Batman style.

[Langston Kerman]

Holy shit.

[Carl Tart]

And then I get that, though.

[David Bore]

I've had a place that was tough to get into if you forgot your key.

[Langston Kerman]

Fuck.

[David Bore]

Had to go to the Toyota dealership next door, get on top of the shed, hop over the fence, go up all the stairs.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, that's challenging for sure. But that's like American Gladiators. Y about is cartoonish. This is only Spider man and a few of the X Men frankly couldn't even handle this kind of attack.

[David Bore]

Ok, so that's how it happened. And then people are saying Eddie Murphy did that.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah, that he killed. That he killed her because it was pretty soon after that whole thing went down.

[David Bore]

But that sounds like elaborate, right? And why would he kill like her.

[Carl Tart]

Body was in a way that. That somebody fell off a building.

[David Bore]

So they're saying Eddie Murphy was on top of the building?

[Carl Tart]

No, they just saying that Eddie Murphy had her kid.

[Langston Kerman]

Carl's saying that she swung and then Eddie Murphy took a big pair of scissors and he cut the rope.

[David Bore]

They said.

[Carl Tart]

Grand opening, grand closing.

[David Bore]

Eddie Murphy live.

[Langston Kerman]

I certainly the AI overview of Google says that she was known for publicly calling out Eddie Murphy and down low men. I guess that became part of her. Her identity in sort of becoming this public figure. And yes. Died in this. This way that you're talking about. She was in Paris's burning. I didn't know that. That's interesting.

[David Bore]

I love that movie.

[Langston Kerman]

So maybe this wasn't the woman that he picked up. This was perhaps a different. Yeah, because this was trans model, performer and activist. So the person he picked up was not necessarily.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah, I think that person's name was like Skylark or something. So maybe this is one that I don't know about.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. So Octavia Saint Laurent was just an actress, a performer, a model who I guess became very vocal about Eddie Murphy having been queer and hiding it.

[Carl Tart]

I mean you ain't gotta kill somebody for that. I feel like you're famous.

[David Bore]

It's really the opposite of what you should do.

[Carl Tart]

I'm just gonna eat this rumor. Like I'll say this.

[Langston Kerman]

The opening track for Eddie Murphy's first album is.

[David Bore]

Oh, comedy album.

[Langston Kerman]

His comedy album.

[Carl Tart]

When he got the rose in his ear like the real earth.

[Langston Kerman]

But I'm saying the first track, I think it might. Whichever Delirious is first.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah, he.

[Langston Kerman]

The delirious first track. Yeah, the second. The first track of his second album is revisited.

[Carl Tart]

My gosh.

[David Bore]

I get it. Sometimes you write off the old stuff for the new hour. Sometimes he goes like I ain't done talking about this.

[Carl Tart]

He definitely goes in on Raw for sure.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. I think there's a level of like anti Queerness. That. That very much was a part of, like, the way a man was. And he was the sexiest man on the planet. I think there was no, like, oh, I get to just be out here and. And be se having sex with. With trans sex workers. I think he very much was like, nah, that has to go away.

[Carl Tart]

Right?

[David Bore]

That's different than killing somebody.

[Langston Kerman]

100%.

[David Bore]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

And I think to. To the larger point of. Of Eddie Murphy's lore, there's also the Johnny Gill claims that they've been in like a. A relationship all this time.

[Carl Tart]

And Arsenio with them too.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, Arsenio is another one, I think.

[Carl Tart]

I'm not spreading this. I'm too close to Eddie. He.

[Langston Kerman]

He dropped you off, right?

[Carl Tart]

Don't say nothing.

[David Bore]

He went to the newsstand after this, right?

[Carl Tart]

He said there with a newspaper, hiding his face, like in disguise, but you could just go inside.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I think that'd be cool about it, man. Yeah, I think. I think certainly these claims have existed and those people have not been threatened or murdered. I think there's very little likelihood that maybe he actively killed a person. And more, he really didn't want that information to come out. So, yeah, he's willing to be like, yeah, I give out money at night. 3am is my favorite time.

[David Bore]

He had to do that afterwards.

[Carl Tart]

I'mma choose to believe him.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, that's beautiful. Yeah, we're really happy for you, Karl.

[David Bore]

That's good. That's good. I'm far away from Eddie Murphy.

[Langston Kerman]

So, Carl, this is great. Could you tell the people where they can find you, what cool shit you got going on?

[Carl Tart]

Yeah, just follow me on Instagram, ammitcarl.d A M M I T C A R L. C A R L. I ain't spelled my name right.

[Langston Kerman]

Nah, it's okay. You try D A M M I T.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah, and I'm around UCB Theater if you're in LA in the summertime, and UCB Theater, New York, if you're in New York in the fall.

[Langston Kerman]

Fuck yeah. Follow Carl. Go see him perform. He's the best. He's the funniest.

[Carl Tart]

I appreciate that.

[David Bore]

Jock who got jokes 87.

[Langston Kerman]

Hell yeah.

[David Bore]

That's what I got. That's it.

[Langston Kerman]

All right. You can follow me at Langston Carmen on all social media platforms. You can, like, subscribe, rate, review, follow the YouTube call. Call us at 844-LIL-MOMS. We would love to hear from you. Please keep sending your emails. We are still reading the emails. We are still wanting to engage with them, but these voicemails have been so fun that we we sort of put the the email a little on hold, but we're coming back and you can send that to mymamapodmail.com we would love to hear from you and and that's that's all we gotta say. Bye.

[David Bore]

Easy Wheels or is you ate my baby?

[Langston Kerman]

My Mama Told Me is a production of Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network.

[David Bore]

And I Heart Podcast, created and hosted by Langston Kerman co hosted by David Bore executive produced by Will Ferrell Hansani.

[Langston Kerman]

And Olivia Aguilar co producer produced by.

[David Bore]

Bay Wayne Edited and engineered by Justin Cotton Music by Nick Chambers artwork by Dogon Krieger.

[Langston Kerman]

You can now watch episodes of My Mama told me on YouTube, follow at my Mama Told Me and subscribe to our channel.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and SAFEWAY now through August 26th, it's back to Deals Time where you can enjoy storewide deals and earn four times points points. Look for in store tags to earn on eligible items from Kettle, Haagen, Dazs, M M's Ritz, Chips Ahoy, Arrowhead, All Poppy Charman and Red Bull. Then clip the offer in the app for automatic event long savings. Shop in store or online for easy drive up and go pickup or delivery subject to availability restrictions apply. Visit Albertsons or Safeway.com for more details.

[Washable Sofas Advertiser]

This Labor Day, say goodbye to spills, stains and overpriced furniture with washablesofas.com featuring Anabe, the only machine washable sofa inside and out where designer quality meets budget friendly pricing. Sofas start at just $6.99, making it the perfect time to upgrade your space. Anibe's pet friendly stain resistant and interchangeable slipcovers are made with high performance fabric built for real life. You'll love the cloud like comfort of hypoallergenic, high resilience foam that never needs SP fluffing and a durable steel frame that stands the test of time with modular pieces you can rearrange anytime. It's a sofa that adapts to your life. Now through Labor Day. Get up to 60% off site [e-mail] Every order comes with a 30 day satisfaction guarantee. If you're not in love, send it back for a full refund. No return shipping, no restocking fees. Every penny back. Shop [e-mail] Offers are subject to change and certain restrictions may apply.

[Danielle Fishel]

Hi, it's Danielle Fishel from Pod Meets World. You know that moment when you're getting dressed and it's just total chaos. Your kid can't find a shoe, the dog's barking at his reflection, and all you need is a go to outfit you can trust. If you're tired of options that miss the mark, let me put you on to JCPenney. No, don't give me that weight. Seriously look. They've got stylish, dependable pieces that feel effortless, shirtless. A perfect solution for busy parents. I just picked up an A and a denim blouse and Liz Claiborne a line dress. Both easy wins for when I'm on the go and super affordable. And the best part? The shocked faces I get when I say, yeah, it's from JCPenney. Don't miss out. Shop [e-mail] yes, JCPenney, this is Danielle Fishel from Pod Meets World. Parents, quick question. When is the last time you won snack time? The other day I handed my son a perfectly portioned Pinterest level snack and he traded it for a Mott's applesauce pouch. I'm not mad, just impressed. And that's why Mott's no Sugar Added Applesauce pouches are perfect to keep on hand. They're made with real apples packed in a super easy pouch. Perfect for tossing in a lunchbox, keeping in the car, or grabbing as you're running out the door. Plus, they're a good source of vitamin C and kids love them. Win, win. Make sure your kid wins snack time with Motts. Real apples make real good applesauce. Learn [e-mail] this is an I Heart podcast.