Podcast Summary: My Momma Told Me

Episode: "They’re Trying to Make Black People Lactose Intolerant!"

Hosts: Langston Kerman & David Gborie

Guest: Carl Tart

Date: August 19, 2025

Episode Overview

In this episode of "My Momma Told Me," comedians Langston Kerman and David Gborie welcome back fan-favorite Carl Tart for a lively and hilarious discussion centered around the black conspiracy theory: "They want Black people to be lactose intolerant." The trio dig deep (but not too scientifically), mixing humor, personal anecdotes, and pop culture references while unpacking the idea that there's a nefarious plot afoot to keep dairy off black tables.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Stage: Black Conspiracies, Legendary Comedians, and Booty Talk

• The hosts riff on legendary black comedians like Dick Gregory and Redd Foxx—both for their humor and their conspiratorial ways (03:35-06:17).
• Carl Tart shares how he listens to Redd Foxx to relax in hotels—"At hotels, for some reason I can't get to sleep if the TV is on... so I would turn on Spotify Red Foxx album and just go to sleep to that, which is an insane choice." (07:22-07:49, Carl)

2. Milk in the Black Community: The 'Conspiracy' Explained

• Carl's Conspiracy Statement:
  "[My mama told me] they want black people to be lactose intolerant." (09:51)
• Carl declares he defies the stereotype: “They do. I think they do. But guess what? I’m not. Damn.” (09:58, Carl)
• Discussion about experiences with dairy: Carl can drink milk and eat milkshakes with zero gastrointestinal consequences ("I'm 36... I'm not affected by it," 11:06), while Langston and David admit regret or discomfort after dairy but don't identify as truly lactose intolerant (10:43-10:46).

3. Milk and Race War Jokes

• Carl takes the conspiracy to a comedic extreme: “I think they want us to be lactose intolerant for when the race war happens. We are going to be on the toilet.” (13:46, Carl)
• “See, I’m gonna have to be one of the ones... I don’t even want this responsibility... but I’m gonna have to be on the front lines because milk don’t bother me.” (14:02-14:11, Carl)
• “We’re not just talking to a man, we’re talking to a general.” (14:16, Langston)

4. Dairy Propaganda & Who Started Drinking Milk?

• Discussion about the “Got Milk?” campaign and the food pyramid as government/institutional propaganda (13:34-13:46; 29:34-29:43).
• Jokes and speculation about who first tried cow’s milk and how nasty that was ("the first person got it off the tap ..." 15:22-15:38, David & Carl).
• “They sucked and they pulled and then there was pee coming down. And they didn't give a fuck there'd. Be blood in that shit.” (15:45, Langston)

5. Breast Milk: Protein, Perceptions, and Street Market Demand

• Langston describes the emerging black market for breast milk, mainly for weightlifters and bodybuilders (“There actually is a large black market audience for breast milk...dudes are trying to get buff.” 19:50-20:01, Langston).
• Langston admits he’s tried breast milk (“It tastes like slightly sweeter milk... almond milk texture, so it's thinner.” 20:42-20:46).
• Carl recounts a story about being pressed on breast milk by women in Chicago and compares being a formula baby to missing out on "the experience" (21:33-22:55, Carl).

6. Scientific and Sociocultural Context

• Producer’s research is brought in: Pedro Quatre Casas (Johns Hopkins) found a high prevalence of lactose intolerance among black Americans (27:43-28:11, Langston).
• The panel concludes the real conspiracy is not making Black people lactose intolerant, but telling them to “keep drinking milk” and ignoring the lactose intolerance that’s already present (“The conspiracy theory overall is not keeping us lactose intolerant, ignoring the fact that we are saying, no, keep drinking milk.” 29:43-30:02, Carl).

7. Turkey Bacon and Changing Black Food Preferences

• Talk of pork’s decline in black families, with grandmas shifting to turkey bacon: “Pork started getting phased out in black families…now I think pork is pretty—not gone—but it's leaving.” (31:30-31:41, Carl)
• Debate about pork and health myths—smart pigs, pigs eating anything, and “the other white meat” campaign (33:21-33:29, Langston).

8. Nut Milks: Community Penetration and Taste

• Oat and almond milk’s lack of popularity outside coastal cities.“Nut milks and things haven’t caught on tremendously outside of the coasts.” (39:28-39:42, Carl)
• “Nut milk sounds so unappealing.” (40:28, David)
• Lactaid seen as the compromise in Black communities (“That's what Black people will buy instead of buying whole milk or 2%..., they're not buying nut milks,” 40:30-40:34, Carl).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Lactose Intolerance as Warfare
  "I think they want us to be lactose intolerant for when the race war happens. We are gonna be on the toilet." – Carl Tart (13:46)
• On Dairy Marketing
  "Milk is MAGA." – Langston Kerman (13:22)
• On Generational Patterns
  "They all got diarrhea and then they handed us diarrhea." – Langston Kerman (35:37)
• On Odd Brand Choices
  "You're a Laffy Taffy fan." – Langston Kerman (17:20)
  “Nesquik banana...that went somewhere. I didn't even know.” – Langston Kerman (17:38)
• On Community Change
  "My grandma’s pork chops go crazy...She was like, you ain't supposed to be eating that." – Carl Tart (31:49-31:58)

Listener Voicemail Segment — “Did Eddie Murphy Kill...?”

(45:36-55:58)

• Voicemail from Davon (Brooklyn): Cites rumors that Eddie Murphy played a part in the suspicious death of trans model/performer Octavia Saint Laurent, linked to her threatening to "out" Black celebrities and Murphy’s own run-ins with trans women.
• Hosts’ Reaction: Investigate the claim, debunk the most outlandish details, and contextualize it as yet another wild black community rumor.
• Memorable Moment:
  “The first track [of Eddie Murphy’s comedy album]…he definitely goes in on Raw for sure...[but] that's different than killing somebody.” – David Gborie (54:32-55:04)
• Bottom Line: The hosts humorously, but thoughtfully, address the lack of evidence and the ease with which the Black community spins tall tales about celebrity sexuality and rumors.

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 03:35 – Classic Black comics & their conspiracies
• 09:51 – Main theory introduced: “They want black people to be lactose intolerant!”
• 13:46 – Weapons-grade dairy (race war & lactose jokes)
• 19:50 – Breast milk: Protein & mythology
• 27:43 – Scientific context: Pedro Quatre Casas & real intolerance rates
• 29:43 – Government nutrition propaganda & the food pyramid
• 31:30 – Turkey bacon, pork's decline, and food tradition shifts
• 39:28 – The almond and oat milk wave (and its limits)
• 45:36 – Listener voicemail: The Eddie Murphy rumor rabbit hole

Tone & Style

The episode keeps the tone irreverent, playful, and self-aware:

• Hosts openly admit, “We’re about to prove, not a goddamn thing.” (03:41, Langston)
• Jokes, visual metaphors, and wordplay abound: “Milk is MAGA.” (13:22, Langston), “We’re talking to a general!” (14:16, Langston)
• Personal stories are shared candidly—embarrassing childhood meals, digestive disasters, and failed celebrity encounters.

Final Thoughts

This episode uses the framework of a Black conspiracy theory to spark wide-ranging conversation about food culture, health myths, generational dietary changes, and race. Blending science, stand-up, and street wisdom, the hosts land on the idea that the true “conspiracy” is systemic disregard for Black health needs, and how marketing shapes community beliefs and practices around food.

"We’re not just talking to a man, we’re talking to a general." (14:16, Langston Kerman)

For More:

• Follow Carl Tart on IG: @dammitcarl
• Check out UCB Theater in LA/NYC for Carl’s upcoming shows
• Submit your own theories or voicemails via podcast social channels!