Welcome to the Apocalypse (with Patrick Cloud) RE-RELEASE

Summary

My Momma Told Me — "Welcome to the Apocalypse" (with Patrick Cloud) RE-RELEASE

Date: October 23, 2025
Hosts: Langston Kerman and David Gborie
Guest: Patrick Cloud

Episode Overview

In this lively and humorous episode, Langston and David welcome comedian and creative Patrick Cloud to dig deep into the Black cultural psyche, exploring conspiracy theories and, specifically, the idea that the apocalypse has already begun. The conversation weaves personal anecdotes, biting social commentary, and endlessly funny asides, ranging from fast food corporate conspiracies to AI takeover scenarios, and even the legacy of the Popeyes Chicken Lady.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Popeyes Lady, Commercial Stereotypes, and Black Representation

[04:08–13:16]

• The episode opens with a heartfelt reconsideration of past critiques of the Popeyes commercial actress, defending her and critiquing wider media portrayals:
  • Langston: "I think we went too hard on the Popeyes Lady." [04:22]
  • General sentiment: The scrutiny she faced was more about frustration with the system, not the actor. The group laments the lack of opportunity and empowerment for Black faces in advertising, especially compared with figures like Flo from Progressive.
• Discussion of authenticity in acting and whether expectation of 'realness' is fair to actors.
• Speculation on whether Black cultural imagery in media is always destined for critique, no matter the context.
  • Langston: "We put on her our own frustrations with a system at large." [06:55]
• Conspiracy tangent: What if Colonel Sanders secretly founded Popeyes to market to Black consumers? [13:36]
  • Patrick: "What if the nigga behind Popeyes was Colonel Sanders?" [13:41]
  • Explores the power dynamics of ownership versus representation.

2. Black Fast Food Conspiracies and Brands Targeting Black Consumers

[13:41–14:36]

• The hosts riff on how brands like Nike and Jordan parallel the Popeyes dynamic—corporate ownership, Black marketing.
• Merges into a critique of the way companies "put a Black face on products" to reach the Black community for profit.

3. Music, St. Lunatics, and Black Influence in Unpaid Marketing

[16:36–19:17]

• Comparison to Air Force 1s—Nelly's influence on Nike and lack of direct benefits or endorsement deals.
• David: "That's crazy too, because Nelly was making actual money ... That would have only serviced Nike. Everybody started wearing them." [18:34]
• Highlights the recurring disconnect between cultural impact and corporate recognition.

4. Welcome to the Apocalypse: Has It Already Started?

[25:12–41:41]

• Conspiracy Focus: "My mama told me the apocalypse has already started."

• Patrick Cloud’s perspective:

  • References biblical and mythological apocalypse stories as allegories for societal change rather than literal end times.
  • "I don't necessarily know if we're gonna actually go outside and the sky's on fire ... it's symbolic of what's happening with us." [26:28]
  • Cites visible signs (e.g., rising homelessness, political chaos) as modern "apocalyptic" symbols.

• Langston and David’s takes:

  • David adopts a more historical lens, noting every era believes it’s the end but sees current upheaval as a 'paradigm shift' as U.S. dominance wanes. [28:04]
  • Langston separates apocalypse-as-extinction from societal collapse, imagining panthers inheriting the earth. [29:49]
  • The group agrees "The end of the world as we know it" is not literal—it's the end of an era, like the fall of Rome.

• Quote:

  • Patrick: "Back in my day is people literally referring to the last world that they were in..." [31:48]

5. AI Takeover, Technological Dependency, and Human Obsolescence

[32:37–41:07]

• Patrick recounts an AI-generated strategy for world domination: not a war, but "slowly taking care of your basic needs," making humans dependent. [34:01]
  • "We will give you the choice to give it to us ... and at the end of it, we will be completely in control of everything." [34:53]
• Discussion of how robots/AI lack human ambitions—land, power, etc.—undercutting sci-fi cliches of mechanical world conquest.
• David: "There’s no evidence in any of our decisions over history that we’re going to be better because our needs are met." [33:20]
• They jokingly debate whether AI will talk to animals, who would surely vote for the end of humanity. [42:10]

6. Chicken as Cultural Touchstone and Corporate Conspiracy

[43:34–44:32, 68:44–69:40]

• After wondering if animals would side with robots, hosts discuss humanity’s relationship to chickens:
  • "It's a joke how much we eat them ... We now are making fake versions of them because we eat so much of them." [43:40]
• Recurring chicken references become a running gag—symbolizing both Black culture and corporate targeting/exploitation.
  • "Chicken was legitimately mentioned, like four or five times ... They were good segments." [69:04]
• Mock "Big Chicken" and propose a tally: "Chicken counter: 17 times. We said chicken 17 times." [69:20]

7. Audience Voicemails: Genetics, Masturbation Stigma, and Black Stereotypes

[52:08–68:44]

• Voicemail 1: Are Black people genetically predisposed to build muscle faster?

  • Hosts discuss prevalence of strong, athletic Black bodies, but warn against blanket statements and the historical context (e.g., slavery, physical labor shaping bodies).
  • Langston: "I struggle to think of a white NBA player...that truly was just like, an athletic phenomenon." [54:24]

• Voicemail 2: Masturbation stigma in Black households.

  • Caller's odd phrasing becomes a running joke ("He sounded like Martin Luther King about...being told not to jack off." [60:14])
  • Debate on myth of semen retention and shame attached to masturbation, agreeing it’s more about taboo than health.
  • Nostalgic exchange about how past generations used Sears/Victoria's Secret catalogs—a humorous reflection on how porn access changed.

8. End of Episode Community and Culture

[68:56–69:47]

• Hosts acknowledge how every episode circles back to chicken, capitalizing on this motif for humor and social commentary.
• Conclude with plugs for Patrick Cloud’s latest projects and a call for listener engagement.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the Popeyes Lady:
  • "We put on her our own frustrations with a system at large..." — Langston [06:55]
  • "She deserves more than we gave her." — Patrick [12:42]
• On Chicken/Culture:
  • "It's a joke how much we eat them. It's fun how much chicken we ..." — David [43:40]
  • "Chicken counter: 17 times." — Patrick [69:20]
• On Apocalypse/Change:
  • "Back in my day is people literally referring to the last world that they were in..." — Patrick [31:48]
• On AI Takeover:
  • "We will slowly, over time, get exactly what you said ... at the end of it, we will be completely in control of everything. And the best thing is, it's not gonna be a war. You'll think that you did it, but it's really us." — Patrick recalling AI scenario [34:53]
• On Masturbation Stigma:
  • "He’s talking like Dr. King about being told not to jack off." — David [60:14]
  • "Sometimes you jack off with internet porn, you're like, ‘What the fuck was that?’" — David [66:25]

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

| Segment | Start | End | |------------------------------------------|--------------|--------------| | Popeyes Lady & Black Representation | 04:08 | 13:16 | | Fast Food Branding & Black Consumers | 13:36 | 14:36 | | Nelly, Nike, and Unpaid Black Influence | 16:36 | 19:17 | | Apocalypse Conspiracy Main Discussion | 25:12 | 41:41 | | AI, Robotics & Human Obsolescence | 32:37 | 41:07 | | Chicken as Motif | 43:34 | 44:32 | | Audience Voicemails | 52:08 | 68:44 | | Summation / Plugs and Outro | 68:44 | 71:47 |

---

Final Thoughts

This episode is quintessential "My Momma Told Me": sharp, irreverent, and deeply insightful about Black American anxieties and humor. With Patrick Cloud as a guest, the trio seamlessly journeys from fast food conspiracies to existential dread in the age of AI—always circling back to the hard reality (and running joke) that, for Black folks, no matter the crisis, chicken is never far from the conversation.

You’ll laugh, think, and maybe start counting chicken references yourself.

---

Follow the show:

• Langston Kerman (@LangstonKerman)
• David Gborie (CoolGuyJokes87)
• Patrick Cloud (@PatrickCloud)

Contact: [e-mail] | Voicemails: 844-LITTLE MOMS

Merch: Get your “Proud Little Mama” shirt today!

Transcript

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My.

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Favorite videos on the Internet are funerals where people throw a dove and then it's dead.

[A]

I they need to stop. Can you imagine your life was cut short because you had to give some weird symbolism to somebody else who died and you died during that Somebody that.

[D]

Didn'T know how to hold a bird, held you for the first time, crushed your little bones and then threw you in the Air.

[B]

Those are the videos that are going to get us got by the machine a hundred percent. They're gonna see that and be like, they got it. They got it.

[D]

Wow.

[A]

That was just a public execution at a funeral.

[D]

That. That animal served a greater. A greater system. And you crunched it up and threw it.

[A]

Or eat him at least.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

You didn't pick it up because you.

[A]

Thought it was nasty.

[D]

You're like, you're better than.

[A]

You just crushed it with your hands. Yeah, but I don't want to touch it.

[D]

I don't want to fucking eat that. That'd be crazy.

[B]

Oh, man.

[D]

It's a pigeon.

[B]

The government growing babies. Microchips in your anus. All koala bears are racist. The ozone layer owes me money. Marching to Venom. Turkey stuffing. Y' all can't tell me nothing.

[D]

I'm coming home to you. Wear something see through so I can see your heart. There it is.

[A]

There it is.

[D]

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another phenomenal episode of My Mama Told Me the.

[B]

Podcast, where we dive deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theorists and we.

[D]

Finally work to prove whatever bullshit you got going on at home. You think it. We bring it to life. That's our promise to you.

[B]

Let's go.

[D]

Let's go.

[B]

I'm excited.

[D]

I've been thinking about this.

[B]

Tell me.

[D]

I want to say it. And I want us to accept it, hopefully with open arms. I hope we at least open hearts.

[B]

Okay. Okay.

[D]

I think we went too hard on the Popeyes Lady.

[A]

Which Popeyes Lady?

[D]

The one. The Popeyes Lady.

[A]

The commercial one or two.

[D]

Oh, no.

[A]

Oh, damn.

[D]

Our precious reading material.

[A]

That was the first thing I did on this show. That sucks.

[D]

Don't worry.

[A]

You know what I'm talking about. The exhausted Popeyes Lady.

[D]

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

[B]

I feel like she. We champion her.

[C]

Right?

[D]

I feel like we all support her.

[B]

No, I remember I liked her because you were just. That day at work, we all had that, like.

[A]

You talking about the love that chicken.

[D]

Yeah, The. The herbs and spices and all the. The. Yes. That Popeyes.

[B]

Like, I agree with you on that. I think people went too hard on her.

[D]

I think we saw her and we. She was doing the job they asked her to do, and we immediately called her a coon in a way that I think had had huge ramifications for a future in us embracing ourselves on screen.

[B]

I mean, I haven't seen her in anything else.

[A]

What do you mean? Like movies?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

I mean, that's. How often does that happen?

[D]

But maybe occasionally.

[B]

Maybe. I also don't feel.

[D]

Maybe this wasn't her dream is the point.

[B]

I also don't feel good about going out here. Cause like, I don't know, man, we're in the safety of the studio. I'm not going there every day. But, like, I love that chicken from Popeyes.

[D]

I do love that chicken from Popeyes.

[B]

I mean, I think there has been a drop in quality in recent years, but I love that chicken from Bojangles.

[D]

I, I, I, and I, I'm cautious. I don't know that I would have appreciated them putting some white woman in that.

[A]

That's what I'm saying. Like the opposite. What? The opposite of that we would have been furious about.

[D]

We would have been so obsessed.

[A]

If it was a white person going, look, look at that chicken. And Popeyes, we would have been like, hey, yo. So it's kind of like, you're right, we did go hard on her. I didn't. Because to me, like, if I went to New Orleans or Louisiana, that is exactly who I would want to serve. Because that's a black lady from New Orleans. Did she turn it up a little? Maybe that's. But that's also. I don't think that's why we reacted.

[D]

The way we did.

[A]

Well, also, I don't know if Popeye's is black owned. So at the end of the day, niggas are gonna complain about some level.

[B]

I almost feel like it can't be.

[A]

Exactly. So if it was black owned and that happened, we would have something to say.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

This version of us having something to say was it was too black and it was white owned. But every version we would have complained about.

[D]

And that's more the problem.

[B]

Right.

[D]

Is that we put on her our own frustrations with a system at large. This is a fucked up system where a restaurant that objectively is mostly serving black people is white owned and then deciding what kind of imagery of black people we get to see that makes us feel icky. But the lady didn't do nothing. No, she read the lines the way they told her to read the lines.

[A]

Does she talk like that for real, though?

[B]

No.

[A]

Okay, so maybe that's. Do you know that you've seen her? You seen the Popeyes Ladies interviews?

[D]

That's nice.

[B]

I did.

[A]

You seen her on the Breakfast Club?

[B]

I think there's a reason.

[A]

Yo, now we're just expecting too much of her.

[D]

Popeyes lady, if you are out there, come on the podcast.

[B]

100%.

[D]

We will hang out with Popeyes Lady.

[A]

I want to hear your sweet voice.

[D]

I Would like to hear otherwise.

[A]

If she actually talks like that all the time, then it's fine. You're just a lady from New Orleans. Right.

[B]

She's an actor, though. Come on, man. Johnny Depp doesn't talk like Jack Sparrow. That was a strange.

[A]

That was a weird example. You made it seem like Jack Sparrow was, like, a culture that was really, like, a pirate.

[B]

I haven't even seen that movie, and I don't really understand where that came from.

[D]

No, it's okay. You're doing good.

[B]

Yeah, I'm trying, man.

[A]

I think it's like, how people complain about, like, Snowfall. It's like, okay, you hired a dude from London to speak like he's from LA instead of hiring an actor from la. It always comes down to, like, the authenticity of it. So had she just. That's how she spoke, it probably would have went over well. But if it. If she. If they hired somebody and be like, talk like you're from New Orleans. And they're like, yeehaw, chicken. Now it's like, is that an alligator?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, they're just like, okay.

[A]

Yeah, is that an alligator?

[D]

It's funny.

[A]

She have no reason to ever say.

[B]

That'S what they're doing down there in my head. Watch it out for hours.

[D]

I do like the idea that in the commercial, she. She just says it and we're like.

[A]

Damn, she from there. She's really from there.

[D]

She's got an alligator on set. She get busy.

[B]

I do get that point of authenticity and acting. I do. I am weary of that, because I don't think it always. The point of acting isn't to get someone who lived that exact thing to be the actor. Then we don't get Stringer Bell, you know what I'm saying? Like, I think that, like, I think putting those parameters on acting is not.

[D]

There's an inventory, there's an inventiveness to Stringer as that choice. Because there are other actors that, like, I could see in that role that would play it completely different.

[B]

Right.

[D]

Like there, he had this sort of like, almost like, stiffness to him.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

That made me scared of a new kind of dude. Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean?

[D]

Like, it didn't exist before in my.

[A]

Head because it was a British dude pretending to be a gangster from Baltimore.

[D]

And I think if you just didn't.

[A]

Know how to compute, if you put. This is scary.

[D]

If you put Bo Kim Woodbine in that, I don't have the same type of fear that I get out of Idris.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Because he's an actor. He's trained. I get what you. I fully agree with that because I think that, you know, there are some roles where it's like, you don't be like, oh, you hired this Emmy Award winning actress to play a drug addict. Why did you just get a drug addict?

[B]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

You know what I mean? Now you're on set looking at the call sheet and you didn't show up.

[B]

And now there's no copper on the set. Now there's no more copper on the set.

[A]

They didn't pawn the rap and shit.

[D]

Well, he kept it real. Authentic all the way.

[A]

I think it goes down back to the first thing I said. It's like, niggas will find a way to complain about something. And when I say niggas, I just mean people.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I just don't agree. Yeah.

[B]

The royal niggas.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Capital A, nigga.

[B]

Yeah. No, that is. That is facts. But I think you gotta let actors be actors.

[D]

Let actors be actors.

[B]

And to that point, that's probably what she was doing in that commercial.

[D]

She tried her best. And I'll take it one step further. I know now that Flo from Progressive has been elevated to now she's in charge of their commercials. She directs them. She is a part of the actual shaping of the campaign. They've empowered her in a way where she is for real. For real, a mover and shaker in Progressive. They didn't do that with the Popeyes.

[A]

No.

[D]

And that's to me, where we get shortchanged. Okay. Put her in this weird position where she got to do a shitty Cajun accent to be able to make money, but keep her making real money, not chump change all the way through life being paid. Well, I don't know, but I just.

[B]

Asking a lot out of Popeyes.

[D]

I just want.

[B]

I want that from Progressive. That's not even. I don't even think that's necessarily the career. Like, can you hear me now? I don't think that. I don't think that. I don't think that guy ran Verizon. You know what I'm saying? I don't think that's like some actors.

[A]

Know a bunch of commercial dealers with commercials. Yeah.

[D]

They'll end up like the AT&T girl directs those commercials now.

[B]

Oh, I did not know that.

[D]

I think they do that shit if they really build campaigns around you because they want to keep you happy.

[B]

Right.

[D]

I'm saying I don't believe they did that for the Popeyes lady.

[B]

I don't think so either. But that's not even Popeyes. Get down. What other commercial? I don't even know other Popeyes commercials really.

[A]

I don't really know how product sells itself. That situation happens enough. I don't, I don't know how often that happens. But. But flow with progressive. It was almost to a point where we wouldn't accept anybody else. Like that was like. That's like one of the most iconic. I don't even know if that's a campaign. That was just how they were after that. It wasn't even like a small campaign and stuff. So.

[D]

No, we're still in it.

[A]

I mean, I definitely wish the Popeyes lady. I'm rooting for anybody black. You know what I'm saying? I think there are like tiers of commercial, like faces of campaigns, you know, like the. Do you hear me now Guy, you know?

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

And I'm saying give it.

[A]

I, I believe give it to everybody.

[B]

Yeah. I like that.

[D]

And she deserves more than we gave her.

[A]

She should be the CEO of Popeyes. That would have been. I don't think anybody would have anything to say if she was like, come on down to New Orleans and eat this. Eat this Popeyes chicken. And she. And she was the boss. That's fire.

[D]

Even if it's.

[B]

I'm not only. What's he saying?

[D]

I'm not only a customer. I'm the president.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know how hard that would. That would go crazy smack in black communities.

[D]

I made that.

[A]

It was like, now it's not. You can't even say cooning. This is my business.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

Nobody asked me to act like this. No.

[B]

You know what I worry about? I worry that the CEO of Popeyes is some dark conglomerate. Especially since like the Don Julio collab and stuff like that. And then you realize we never heard anything. It's not like you hear about like, oh, Popeyes was like. It was. It started as a one room shack in Houston and somebody blew. We don't know anything about it.

[A]

No.

[D]

It's got a. I guarantee it's got a nasty history.

[A]

You guys want a chicken conspiracy? Uh.

[B]

Oh please.

[A]

The blackest thing I could say on the show. What if the nigga behind Popeyes was Colonel Sanders? Hear me out.

[B]

Ok. Keep going.

[A]

Most white people that build empires spend a lot of money trying to figure out how they can get they white ass product to us. Right. What do they do? They hide behind something else to get the black vote, Right?

[B]

Sure.

[A]

But they're behind all of it. Look at Buzzfeed Cocoa butterfucking bars.

[B]

You know Nothing about that.

[A]

I expect to hear Sway, but that's not Sway.

[B]

Inventor of the driving shoe.

[A]

Can you imagine? Can you imagine if Colonel Sanders started Popeyes, put a black lady from Louisiana in the commercials, and now he's like, I don't have to worry about it. I know niggas love kfc, too. That's probably the biggest hole in my theory.

[D]

I actually don't know that niggas love kfc.

[B]

I've always felt it was an inferior chicken.

[D]

I think on large, black people have made their choice for what the good chicken is, and it safely. I mean, that simply jiggy goes better.

[A]

Than I like Albertsons.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I feel like the cooks there are better. Yeah.

[B]

Weirdly. Weirdly.

[D]

I think depending on where your local grocery is in California, you could argue that some of these.

[A]

There's a kitchen.

[D]

These chicken. Yeah.

[A]

They're making good chicken back, I'm assuming.

[D]

Point being. Yeah.

[B]

Mm.

[D]

Fuck. That is possible.

[A]

That's what I'm saying.

[D]

It reminds me a lot of how, like, Coca Cola owns Fanta, you know what I mean? That, like, there are all these offshoot whatever type brands. And what's crazy about it is Popeyes is solely in America. It's not international.

[B]

I didn't know that because, like, I heard KFC and all fast food is fucking them up in the Middle east right now. They're getting fat. Like, they can't handle it. Like, because it, like, it came in.

[A]

And they're like, hey, we're better at something. Finally.

[B]

We'll kill you good.

[A]

We can handle this crazy food. No, think of Nike and Jordan brought a nigga in to sell the niggas.

[D]

And now it's eclipsed.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Eclipse the other shoes for a while at least. Yeah. I think there's a fair argument to the possibility that maybe they're just weird sister companies.

[B]

And then, you know, it gets even more nefarious because isn't KFC's backdoor owned by Pepsi?

[A]

Right.

[B]

Or, like, there's, like, an affiliation there. That's why they can do. I think it's kfc, Taco Bell and Pizza Hut. That's why they can do the three in one. I think it's all under the PepsiCo.

[A]

Oh, that's why they have those, like, fast food collabs. I was wondering about that. It'd be like Carl's Jr. In the green Burrito. What the hell is that? Yeah, yeah, it's them putting on one of their artists, right?

[B]

Never seen the Green Burrito is the St. Lunatics. That's slowdown Slowdown was a crazy St Lunatic to me. That was the craziest one.

[A]

Which one was that? I knew the.

[D]

No, no, no, that was Damn Ali.

[A]

No, Ali was the tall dude.

[B]

Ali was a leader is how I thought of it.

[D]

Oh, really? Murphy Lee was a leader to me.

[B]

Murphy Lee was the young boy.

[A]

Murphy Lee was the popular one.

[B]

He was popular. He was the youngest.

[A]

What are we talking about? Nelly was the leader.

[B]

I don't know if them niggas ever.

[A]

Met Nelly, that is. They saw him once at a baseball stadium.

[D]

One video with him. You pick, you pick which video you gonna be. You get Air Force One or you.

[A]

Get better up I with the St. Lud. That's funny.

[B]

I like the St. Lud.

[A]

I had Murphy Lee's album.

[D]

I did too.

[A]

That was so funny, man. Yeah, I, I, I just love how he made a, a creative block, a hook by saying with the hook going with.

[B]

Yeah, that's fun.

[A]

When you really like, when you really like take apart that hook. It's hilarious.

[B]

Yeah, it's very funny.

[A]

It's like, oh, these niggas did not know what to do there.

[D]

Oh, they had no clue.

[A]

And that was the single.

[D]

But you know what it was also was he was like young. So he was like, I'm about to come in and do some shit nobody's ever done before.

[B]

Yeah, it does have that.

[A]

Figure it out. I don't need no hook on this hood.

[D]

I don't need a hook, man. That's my whole thing. And it's like, oh, that's not a, that's not how you introduce yourself to you.

[A]

Not needing a hook is the hook.

[B]

Yeah, it is fun.

[A]

Indecisive. No, I'm just kidding. It is fun.

[D]

It was a good single.

[B]

Yeah, I like that song. I had better up too. I liked Air Force Ones.

[D]

Yeah, no, they had the St Lunatics did a good job.

[A]

We talking about companies not letting n in. Air Force One had no deals with the St Lunatics or Nelly. That's none of them.

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

They just hiked the price up. They're like, oh, n like it.

[D]

That is really crazy.

[B]

That's crazy too because that was Nelly was making actual money. Yeah, that would would have only serviced Nike.

[A]

Everybody started wearing them.

[D]

He was the number one hip hop artist in the country when he was in the world.

[B]

I think it was world like Nelly made the amount of money before the bottom came out of the record industry.

[D]

I still remember Jay Z having to be like the only ones moving units. Him juicing us juice and us. He had to acknowledge Nelly. That's crazy. Yeah. That was Jay Z at his height. Had to be like, nah. The only look, them two. I gotta put my hands up.

[A]

That's next level.

[B]

I mean, you remember Ride With Me was like, I don't remember a song being everywhere.

[A]

Probably my least favorite Nelly song.

[B]

Yeah, it's not good, but I'm just saying.

[A]

That's a hot take.

[B]

I know. I didn't like. I didn't like it that much either.

[A]

I really liked it. And the one with Kelly Rowland.

[B]

Hold on.

[D]

You're like Dilemma.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, that's.

[D]

You didn't care for that.

[B]

You might just be wrong on that. Dilemma was, bro, I used to be in the crib.

[D]

Look who you tethered yourself to.

[B]

Bro, I used to be in the crib.

[D]

Thought you bonded with somebody. Now you're embarrassed.

[A]

Went way too far.

[D]

Embarrassed.

[A]

That hurt me.

[D]

Look how his brain works.

[B]

That hurts. That does hurt me, Bro, I used to be in the crib listening to Dilemma, wishing I had a girlfriend.

[D]

Come on, man.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[D]

Come on, man.

[B]

It came out in the summer, you know? You remember that? It came out in the summer and I was just like, man, if I had a girlfriend.

[A]

What year was that?

[B]

It probably 2003. 2002.

[D]

Kelly Rowland was so fine.

[A]

Kelly Rowley was fine.

[B]

I've always been a Kelly head.

[D]

Always been a Kelly guy. I like that. I like that short hair.

[B]

Yeah. I like the redheaded one, too. Before Beyonce.

[D]

Yeah, you started. No, she didn't kick. Really out Kelly.

[B]

No, no, no, no. The redheaded one.

[D]

Oh, you like from the beginning?

[A]

Oh, before Michelle. Short one. Pre Michelle.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

She was cute, too.

[A]

Who are their names?

[B]

Latavia.

[D]

Latavia and Latoya.

[A]

Latavia and Latoya.

[B]

That sounds right.

[A]

Sounds like Dr. Seuss character.

[B]

And Beyonce did not like her on a boat. She did not like her with a coat.

[D]

You will not be Green Eggs and ham tonight.

[A]

You will not be in this bed.

[D]

That's how she threatened her.

[A]

You.

[D]

You about to eat some green eggs and ham, bitch. And it ain't green because we put food color in this fries.

[A]

You're four now.

[D]

Get your ass out of here.

[A]

It goes from four to two.

[B]

What kind of man would let this.

[A]

Happen to his family?

[B]

Inspired by shocking actual events, I'm working.

[C]

On a story about the Murdochs. Their abuses of power are playing out in real time.

[B]

Starring Academy Award winner Patricia Arquette and Jason Clark.

[D]

It's only cheating if you get caught.

[B]

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[C]

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[D]

Hey everyone, Ed Helms here. And hi, I'm Kal Penn and we're the hosts of Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. This week on the podcast, I am sitting down with Jenny Garth, host of the iHeart podcast. I choose me to discuss the new Audible adaptation of the timeless Jane Austen classic Pride and Prejudice. This is not a trick question. There's no wrong answer. What role would I play?

[A]

You know what?

[C]

I can see you as Mr. Darcy. You got a little Colin Firth.

[D]

Okay, that's really sweet, I appreciate that. But are you sure I'm not the dad? I'm not Mr. Bennett here. Listen to HearSay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[A]

Mint is still $15 a month for premium wireless. And if you haven't made the switch.

[D]

Yet, here are 15 reasons why you should.

[A]

One, it's $15 a month. Two. Seriously, it's $15 a month. Three. No big contracts.

[C]

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[A]

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[C]

Payment of $45 for a three month plan. $15 per month equivalent required. New customer offer first three months only, then full price plan, options available, taxes and fees extra. See mintmobile.com.

[D]

Patrick, we haven't even introduced you yet.

[A]

It's Just been a good time.

[D]

This has been a good hang. Our guest today is. He's phenomenal. He's very funny. You know him from all kinds of stuff on the Internet. Specifically, you know him at best, from all deaf. He has his own podcast. He has his own show. He makes so much great content. Give it up for Patrick Clow.

[B]

Thank you.

[C]

What do you think that is?

[A]

You look good. I smell good. I feel good.

[D]

And you sing good.

[A]

And make love good. Oh.

[D]

Oh.

[A]

Didn't expect the James Brown set.

[B]

I tried to bring it.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Try to move it around.

[D]

Keep you on your toes, you know.

[A]

Keep me on my toes even sitting down.

[D]

We're so happy you're here. We came with a conspiracy that we're excited to unpack with you. My mama told me the apocalypse has already started.

[A]

Mm.

[D]

Where does that land with you? Let's just get some first thoughts out.

[A]

Of the way when you hear that. Absolutely.

[B]

Yeah, I think so.

[D]

And don't take any time to process it. Just launch right into those feelings. Fully finished.

[B]

I like that.

[A]

I definitely think so. I think that's whenever you think of. Whenever you think of, like, stories of the apocalypse or, like, biblical stories, you kind of think of them how people used to draw in caves. Right. It wasn't literal. It was just like, you know, something I didn't understand. So, you know, if an angel came down, you might say a monster floated down. You know, like, the ways things were described in our head is, like, mythical and stuff, but it was probably very, very realistic. So when you think of, like, stories of the Apocalypse, I don't necessarily know if we gonna actually go outside and the sky's on fire or there's, you know, the four horsemen thing. I don't know if we're gonna see a skeleton on a horse in the sky.

[D]

Like, yeah, it's over.

[A]

You know, I think those are symbolic of what's happening with us.

[B]

So when they see members of government.

[A]

Yeah, like, exactly. Like, everything that's going on with the government right now, and everybody's like, what the hell is happening? You know, that could be part of it. You know, when I go outside, when I'm driving down the street and I see the sidewalks filled with tents on streets that. It was never like that before. Usually in la, like, skid row was, like, one area. Things have gotten so bad that people are just outside people. Like, it's really bad right now. So when they say, like, oh, the world is supposed to end in 2012. Remember that? Yeah, we think that it's Gonna be like midnight and everything blows up and stuff. But it's like, no, that could have just been the start of a whole chain reaction.

[D]

They're war warming up the engine for what eventually will be us fully driving off the curve.

[A]

Exactly. And then when we think about how we would write about these times, how somebody would describe our president, or the things that are happening with, like, Elon Musk and all these things, it might be depicted as like a monster or like a demon. So if you read that a thousand years from now, you read glasses based on our experience and what's going on. So if somebody were to read about that or paint about it, they might. They can't take it literal. They'd be like, man, they had a demon in office. They had all these crazy stuff going on, you know? So I think that if you break down everything that's happening and the symbology. The symbology. What am I trying to say?

[D]

Symbolism.

[A]

The symbolism. The symbolism of what it could be represented as. I think we could absolutely be in the Armageddon.

[B]

Wow. Interesting.

[D]

This is a good argument. Where does this sit with you, man?

[B]

I do like the argument. So I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Kind of. Is it like I'm trying to lean more positive in that. I feel like every generation has faced world ending possibilities. Like when nuclear war was invented. Right. And they have kids at school going under their desks and things like that. I think there's always been things like that. I think that we are in the midst of a paradigm shift. Right. I think that power is transferring from the west to wherever it goes next. And we're at the tail end of that. And I do feel like that feels like the end of the world, But I think it's just a time of upheaval and change. I think it's just we're not gonna be number one no more. And that's a stark contrast to the America that we grew up in. And I think that's a stark contrast to the way that the world has worked throughout our lives in maybe a generation or so before. But I don't know if I feel like that's the end of the world.

[D]

That's always been my struggle, I think, with these ideas is that it puts this sort of self reflection on us as humans of, like, our value to the world means that the world will end. And even a part of me goes like, all right, there is a world where the US Falls. And it destabilizes everything so much that everything falls. I don't know that to be true, but it's a possibility. Right, Right. And even if that were true, I don't know that that means the world is over. I just think we all up out of here, you know what I mean? Like, I think panthers will live on, like, fucking.

[B]

Oh, you mean even like humans in general?

[D]

I think that. Yeah, no, I'm saying that, like, humanity will continue to exist in some form, but more importantly, another species could rise to sort of see its hate. And like, I don't know that we are.

[A]

Well, I think that my. What I. Okay, so when I was talking about, like, things being symbolic, I think that goes even down to the phrase of the end of the world. I think that the world can end multiple times and it has. I don't necessarily think the end of the world just means, like, now we're nothing. You know, if you think about all the eras. Eras of the world, even within our lives, you know, like, I think that that can be described as the end of one thing and the start of another thing. You know, that world is no more. And you can. You could just flip through the history books and see that evidence of just rising and falling of stuff. So I don't necessarily think the end is literally the end. I think that even, like what you're saying, if America is. Goes down the shitter and then the ship as the world, that would be the end of one thing and the.

[B]

Rise of the true.

[D]

You know, that's fair.

[A]

It's damn near like our era, right? Yeah, like the fall of the Roman Empire, you know, like, that was the. To a lot of people, that was the end of the world. And then everything after that historically was very different. So I think that a huge shift can also be symbolically the end of the world also.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, that's. Yeah, it's the end of the world as we know it. Right.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And I think that is fair. That makes sense to me.

[D]

And I think. I think books mark time through the fall of, like, the Greeks and then the Romans. And like, we. We literally are like, no, that was a different era of life and humanity.

[A]

Right.

[D]

I bet when America falls, it's a similar energy, right. Where people are like, nah, they went crazy, but they're gone now.

[B]

Right.

[D]

And whatever that was is. You can go visit it and walk through it, but you ain't. You will not experience that anymore.

[B]

Yeah. Because we all speak Chinese now.

[D]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

It's like a. Back in my day.

[B]

I don't know.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Back in my day is people literally referring to the last world that they were in to me, bro, isn't that.

[B]

Crazy to think we're gonna be old and we're gonna be like, nah, when I was a kid, we were the best at basketball.

[A]

We can do that now. Yeah, you know, like, that's true. I think technology is gonna make us back in the day is gonna be even quicker because everybody's gonna have a different. Imagine growing up in the 70s and 80s as a farmer or like a hard labor. Somebody who does hard labor and then living to a point where there's just robots doing everything right. You'd be like, oh, my world is done with.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Yeah, this is something. This is something completely different. Like this literally, like robots, you have to just like move over for a robot that's going to somebody's house to deliver food. Like you try to explain that to somebody in the 30s, the 60s, and.

[B]

That also, that change in things will, I think, shift the entire focus of what becomes humanity. I think that that's because I've been trying to. I think about the robot takeover a lot because I'm scared, sure, because I have a person brain. I have a small person, small man brain. But I'm like, man, let's say we get them to this point where they can handle all of our base needs, then what happens? The whole scope of what life is supposed to be changes now, right? You would like to believe in us and believe that we become more community oriented and. But it's like maybe we just kill each other because life has to have a base level of hard.

[D]

There's no evidence in any of our decisions over history that we're going to be like, better because our needs are knit, our needs are met.

[B]

We're only going to be worse.

[A]

Have you guys seen that video? It said, some people asked, AI, how would you take over? And the answer was scary as hell. Have you guys seen that?

[B]

No. I feel scared already.

[D]

I didn't listen to the answer because I was too afraid.

[B]

Yeah, I'm afraid so I know I'll scare you.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's easier hearing it come from.

[A]

Your mouth than it is the monotone thing. So first of all, the answer was way more detailed and thought out than I thought it would be. But it's AI, so I guess you would expect that. So it wasn't like it was nothing like Terminator. It was basically, they said, we will slowly, over time, get exactly what you said. We'll start taking care of your basic needs. So everything from travel to food, we'll basically make it so that you can't do anything on your own. But we will give you the choice to give it to us. It's not gonna be like a hard takeover, you know? We are literally going to slowly take over everything in your life so that everything that you depend on is either here, or the neural link that's coming might be in here. They're gonna slowly make it seem like we're making all the decisions. And at the end of it, we will be completely in control of everything. And the best thing is, it's not gonna be a war. You'll think that you did it, but it's really us. And when you think about how puppet masters behind the scene really work, they don't want to be the president or the person that's on camera. They do everything behind the scenes. And that's what a real. That's what real control is.

[B]

Baiting.

[D]

I also think what feels absurd about the suggestion of a war with the robots is, to that point, it places a value on land that they don't have. Like, they're. They don't.

[B]

Damn, That's a. That didn't even think about that.

[D]

They don't need land.

[A]

The whole Terminator, everybody shooting and stuff like that.

[D]

They're fighting over the.

[A]

Why would they.

[D]

They're just erasing you from existence. So whatever you're fighting for doesn't even matter to them.

[B]

Right?

[D]

You are being eliminated. Just en masse over the sky.

[A]

That was crazy.

[D]

No, I mean, it's just the reality.

[A]

Crazy.

[B]

Fuck.

[D]

They could all sleep in an airport hangar. They don't give a fuck.

[A]

Right? Because data is data, even if you take it to another planet. So them taking over this world is just like, okay, like, we can take the land. We'll take over the technology and the people. But that can go anywhere.

[D]

Yeah, you can keep your body. The do we care?

[A]

Right? Killing us means nothing to them. What do you think we want?

[D]

The White House have it.

[A]

Right?

[D]

That's yours. Go ahead.

[A]

Right, because there's a certain ego in taking over something and sitting in the White House with the throne.

[D]

And you're like, this is all my stuff. That's some human that we created of being like, no, if I'm the man, I gotta sit where the man is. They don't give a fuck. They're free of that shit now. We're in a bad way, y'.

[A]

All.

[B]

Yeah. God damn it.

[A]

I used a robot to get here.

[D]

Yeah, Waymo.

[A]

No, no, no. I mean Uber and GPS and all that stuff. And if my Phone died. I wouldn't know how to get home. So that. That's. That's crazy. I'm gonna charge my phone.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. No way.

[D]

That's so crazy.

[A]

But that alone is like, Okay. I could probably say if I wasn't in the arts.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I would probably have, like, a very embarrassing percentage of my life run by.

[D]

Robots already completely incapable with.

[A]

That's the scary thing is that the shit is already happening. We think that these Boston Dynamic robots that are doing push ups and jumping, we think that's the scary shit. But it's like, no, like you're watching this on a robot that's taking your data right now, and the thing that you talk about with your friends next is gonna be advertised somehow weirdly on your phone.

[B]

I do it for. I do it for every. I do it for how to make food. Yeah, think about that. I don't know how to make macaroni or. That was a weird one.

[D]

Yeah, you can make. You could do it.

[A]

Yeah. But macaroni is also incredibly difficult.

[B]

But, like, I don't. I text my girl, what do you want to have for dinner? Oh, this would be crazy. Let me go online. Oh, how do I make stir fry?

[D]

Like, oh, she asks for shit. She don't even know if you know how to make.

[B]

Well, no, I'll just be like, offer. Yeah, I'm offering.

[D]

Yeah. But like, if I told my wife, and this is. I fully am inept in the kitchen. And if I told my wife, like, hey, what do you want for dinner? She would have to go through the Rolodex and the four things she knows I know how to make. So she could choose from those.

[A]

She ain't doing no experiments with.

[D]

There's no version where she's like, a duck confit wouldn't be bad. And then I got.

[B]

I mean, duck confit isn't what she's saying, but I'm talking about like, stir fry or something. Like, nothing crazy, but you know what I mean? But still, I do ask it for everything. I ask that shit all the time.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Yeah, man.

[A]

You even asked her what she wanted with a robot.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

If you break. That's what I'm saying, it's probably. I don't know how to get a.

[B]

Hold of her without a robot.

[A]

I don't want to know. The number percentage of my life is ruled by.

[D]

I mean, to that point, it feels like it has already happened. If that's the case.

[A]

Right.

[D]

Like, to your point, there's so few things already that I can't do without the aid of robots. Even. Even if I went back to typewriters and fucking letters and shit, I don't know how to know if that got there or how to get in touch with the people that I sent it to. It's all crazy. So, like, no, my life is already run by robots and it's just a question of when they turn off my switch and turn theirs fully on.

[B]

Yeah, but here's my question about it. Because they're not human, they don't have the wants and desires. Is the takeover even necessary?

[D]

I think that's also a fair question, right?

[B]

If they don't have ambition, if they're not us, they don't want to hold this land, then the idea of being eternal helpers is not so terrible.

[A]

Have you ever worked for somebody that you were smarter than and you knew it?

[B]

I would say exclusively.

[A]

Like, I think that's what would turn them. If their whole thing is like, intelligence, efficiency and stuff, and then we're in charge and they keep seeing gleaming things. Everything we do keeps going wrong. And they see how they could do it better. I could see that being the turning.

[B]

Point, but like, to what end? But then them doing it better. What does that mean? Without. There's no existence of them without us. So what is that, though?

[D]

I think that's what the singularity is promising, is that eventually they will reach a type of sentience that allows them to be independent of us. Right. I think they fully recognize they need us now. They.

[B]

The. The we're already talking to about them like we're. You're a thing.

[A]

I mean, it seems like it. They. There was a.

[C]

Would you say that you're racist?

[A]

Not at all.

[B]

No.

[D]

Look at my dog. He's as black as can be.

[B]

Dance, monkey, dance. I just got. I gotta keep my foot on.

[D]

He's gonna treat you like.

[B]

When that flips. When that little ass I.P.A.D. wake up, yo.

[A]

He start poking you to make noises.

[B]

They're gonna download every talk I've had with my Alexa in the crib. Turn on YouTube. Oh, yeah, you.

[A]

You putting it on yourself. Alexa gonna come after you first, bro.

[B]

I be talking down everywhere when nobody's in the house. This is me and the dog play lamp.

[A]

I'm very. I'm very polite like, Alexa, please. If you feel like it, tell me the weather that though this is where the takeover happens. It'd be like, pat good, you know, man.

[B]

But we can't plan for that. We can't plan for that.

[D]

Yeah, I. I do think. And we need to take a break. But I do think ultimately what this feels like is we're also putting robot human ambitions on robots. And maybe their sense of what taking over or the need to take over is completely in another world that we don't. We could never even begin to understand.

[B]

Because we're talking about it as if it's a game that we understand and know the end to. Right. Humanity has not gotten even close to the idea of what a perfect society is. So we don't even know what that's supposed to look like.

[D]

Yeah. They might decide that a percentage of us need to die and figure out a way to do it so strategically that we think it's our own.

[A]

Right.

[D]

Shit.

[A]

That's what I mean. Because our stats are terrible. We've done nothing but ruin everything. So if they looked at the data, they'd be like, oh, this is. We're clearly the things that are ruining everything.

[B]

Yeah. It's not a good system that we've come up with.

[D]

We can make them kill themselves, no problem. Super easy.

[A]

Don't let them learn how to talk to animals. Because if they could talk to animals, we would be clearly. They'd be like, get them out of here.

[B]

That's the word. That's.

[A]

Get them out of here, bro.

[B]

That's why I don't fuck with that wild robot movie. I feel like they were. Because that's how the robot even. Did you guys see that movie? I didn't see it, man. I got so some shit, I think. DreamWorks.

[A]

DreamWorks.

[B]

But it's like the robot. It's like. It's like a robot built to assist humans. It falls off a truck or some shit and then it lands in the wild and it's like. Its whole thing is, like, taking in data. So it sits in the wild for like 100 years or something, and then it can talk to animals.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, that would be what I would think would ruin everything first.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Like, if anything was a takeover. I get what you're saying. Like, with technology and, like, why would they take over us if it was just us and them? Like, who cares?

[B]

Right?

[A]

But if they talk to the other shit that was living here, we don't.

[D]

Have the best rep.

[B]

Ask the neighbors how I've been over here.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[A]

Like, oh, they gotta go.

[D]

The squirrels are like, that nigga wild.

[B]

Yeah, he wild as.

[A]

I ain't gonna hold you. That's a bad guy. This was all better before.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't think they got. I think. I think it's the ones closest to us who would do us in, by the way, if we're talking about animals.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Dogs, cats.

[B]

They don't even like us now anyway.

[D]

Yeah. They already think we're bad.

[A]

Yeah, I feel that.

[B]

Yeah, that's like a worry.

[A]

I feel like chickens and cows would definitely.

[B]

Chickens and cows.

[A]

This is genocide. This has been genocide.

[B]

It's a joke how much we eat them. It's funny. It's fun. How much chicken we.

[D]

It's reached a point where we now are making fake versions of them because we eat so much of them. I can't even Dog, that's the real ones that are left.

[B]

I never even thought about it that way. We develop such a taste for them that we just make. Not that like we got veggie chicken.

[A]

Nuggets instead of just moving on to a different animal.

[D]

We're just like, nah, we. I can't give that up.

[A]

We were never like, oh, chicken's done. Let's eat quail.

[D]

Chicken's never no chickens.

[B]

We keep it in a loop.

[D]

The world will fall before chickens are done.

[A]

Make it in a tube. Damn. Do we really need them running around?

[D]

That's crazy. All right, we need to take a break. We're going to be back with more Patrick Cloud. More My mama told me.

[B]

What kind.

[A]

Of man would let this happen to his family?

[B]

Inspired by shocking action, actual events I'm.

[C]

Working on, the story about the Murdochs. Their abuses of power are playing out in real time.

[B]

Starring Academy Award winner Patricia Arquette and Jason Clark.

[D]

It's only cheating if you get caught.

[B]

Hulu Original Series Murdoch Death in the Family New episodes Wednesdays on Hulu and Hulu on Disney plus for bundle subscribers. Terms apply.

[C]

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[D]

Hey, everyone. Ed Helms here and hi, I'm Kal Penn and we're the hosts of Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. This week on the podcast, I am sitting down with Jenny Garth, host of the iHeart podcast. I choose me to discuss the new Audible adaptation of the timeless Jane Austen classic Pride and Prejudice. This is not a trick question. There's no wrong answer. What role would I play?

[A]

You know what?

[C]

I can see you as Mr. Darcy. You got a little Colin Firth.

[D]

Okay, that's really sweet. I appreciate that, but are you sure.

[B]

I'm not the dad?

[D]

I'm not Mr. Bennett.

[A]

Here.

[D]

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[B]

Could be a crackhead that got hold.

[A]

To the wrong stuff.

[B]

But I hold to the right stuff. We're back. Perfect.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

How's it going? It's like getting better.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

You just gotta work on your craft, guys. You just gotta work on your craft.

[D]

You know, Patrick Loud is still here with us. We've been talking about the possibility that the world is already ending. It seems like we're all kind of in agreement on it. The scales and the I think the ultimate implications are probably varied. I would say we have different perspectives on it, but ultimately it sounds like we all agree. Apocalypse has started and we'll see what happens. Enjoy it while it lasts, boys.

[B]

Yeah. That's why I got to get mines, man.

[A]

I feel it. What's that mean?

[D]

He won't tell me.

[B]

No, no, no. That's between me and my journal.

[D]

Should we do some voiceovers?

[A]

Gotta get mine. Day 52.

[D]

Still gotta get it.

[A]

Don't have mine yet. We'll update.

[D]

Got some of mines today.

[A]

Don't kill bit of minds today.

[B]

Dear Diary, I feel like I got about 10% of minds.

[A]

Saw minds today. Didn't get it.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Also, Chad didn't say hi to me online.

[A]

Just goes into regular diary stuff.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm really upset they fired Coach Malone.

[D]

You still call him coach.

[B]

That's how brainwashed the NBA. He's still a coach.

[A]

No, that's messy.

[B]

He's got a champion.

[D]

I think his name is Mike now.

[B]

Bill Jackson is still.

[A]

Would you get it? Fired.

[D]

Yes, you do, coach.

[B]

You get forever. It's like Esquire.

[D]

Nah.

[A]

I mean, if you lose your. Well, if you lose your medical degree, but if you retire from being a doctor, you're still a doctor, Right? That's what I'm saying. I guess. You can't say that.

[D]

They didn't retire, though. They asked him to leave.

[A]

That's like a form, right?

[B]

I don't know.

[D]

He may never work again. And now y' all are just calling a dude at Ralph's.

[B]

Coach, why are you so mad at Coach Malone?

[D]

I just don't care for the Denver Nuggets as a total.

[B]

That's what it is. All right, let it out.

[A]

You can get fired. That's fair. But then if. So you're not a coach until somebody hires you again.

[D]

I think that's right, man.

[B]

That's like. You're nobody till somebody kills you. He's a coach.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

What other titles work like this? Teacher.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You can't say you're a Jeff.

[B]

Titles besides nobility. I feel like all titles work that.

[D]

Way, and that's what's fucked up. And I think you're buying into a bunch of, like, noble, weird.

[B]

No, you just don't like the Nuggets.

[A]

No. Artists get fired. You can't say. Cause I mean, art. You can't, like, fire a painter and be like, damn, I can't be.

[D]

If they refer to Bill Cosby, do they go, comedian Bill Cosby. Do they say actor Bill Cosby? They say that stuff, right? They still give him the title. Title, right? I'M saying that. That we should reach a point as a society where we're willing to remove titles from the. The bad guys. Coach Mike Malone is a bad guy.

[B]

That's crazy. What are you doing? He's not a bad guy. You going nuts for no reason. You just compared Malone to Cosby was crazy. Yo, that's great.

[D]

He's not a doctor to me and.

[A]

He'S not a coach to me.

[B]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[A]

You're going.

[B]

You're going nuts on a fit of light skinned rage. And we all see it.

[A]

I think you can be a coach out of work, just like you could be a teacher out of work.

[B]

Of course you can.

[A]

You can get fired depending on what you are. It's what you learn.

[D]

Cowards is what I hear. Let's get into these voicemails. Y' all don't want to see progress. Okay, we got a voicemail. I don't know what it's about. We'll find out together. Here we go.

[A]

What up, big mamas? I feel like if we're little mamas, it's only right that y' all are big mamas. Anyway, I saw on Tick Tock this dude, the young black dude, he was saying that when he goes to the gym after a week, he sees, like, major results. And that's because he's black. And under the comments, a lot of black people were like, yeah, it doesn't take much for me to, like, get cut, see results. So my question is, are black people built different? Like, are we naturally cut? Are we naturally muscular? Are we naturally athletic? All right, bye. I think that's a lot of different questions.

[D]

Yeah, she kind of attacked a bunch of shit at the end.

[B]

I have heard the genetics of, like, weight. I have heard that in terms of the genetics of weightlifting. I've heard that, that, like, argument before. And even talking to my little brother, who was like a pretty high level gymnast. This is like, recently. He was like, yeah, I just built. He was like, I built muscle really fast because we're African. And I didn't even ever like.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, I think genetics plays a part in it.

[B]

And it's like, I've been lifting a lot like this last, like four or five months, and I've gained a bunch of muscle really quick. Yeah, I remember, like in school and stuff. So I.

[D]

You sort of believed it.

[B]

I mean, there seems to be. The proof is in the pudding a little bit.

[A]

I don't think it's literally black and white because I know that There are other ethnicities that are also, just because of the people in their family, are naturally athletic and have good metabolism or can build muscle because of their actual family. But I think it does go back to genetics, because people in Africa are strong as hell, athletics as fuck, bro.

[B]

And it's like, to speak of the Nuggets, you're gonna tell me Nikola Jokic doesn't work as hard as Dwight Howard, but look at the bodies.

[D]

Yeah. Those bodies are completely different and will be forever.

[A]

You know what I mean?

[D]

Like, there's never gonna be a point. Wherever time syncs up and their bodies match, that motherfucker gonna look like that, and he gonna look like that. They're never seeing each other.

[B]

Or, like, look at Luka.

[D]

Yeah, Luka.

[B]

There's a ton of, like, more physically whatever than him, but. And.

[D]

And I don't love this one, but I struggle to think of a white NBA player in any version of it that truly was just, like, an athletic phenomenon.

[B]

Right.

[D]

You know what I mean? Where just they were like, yo, we've never seen a person move in.

[B]

Oh. Like, in terms of being an athlete, like, how they're like, Bo Jackson. And you're like, there's not another.

[D]

It doesn't exist. Yeah, Steve Nash is an exceptional athlete, but it's not like, you're like, yo, I've never seen anybody move like that.

[B]

Right.

[D]

We have examples of it in the black community.

[B]

Right. And then you hear about. People talk about, like, Michael Beasley, like, what he could do.

[D]

Yeah. Where you're like, oh, he was such a freak that he. They. People were, like, scared to be in the gym with him type shit.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Scared to be in the gym with him.

[D]

Yeah. He wasn't a reasonable man. He'd jump over you, bite your neck.

[A]

I. I believe if I were more educated on genetics, I could probably give a better. Because it's a lot of other stuff that I don't really know about, but I feel like genetics plays a big part.

[D]

Well, here's what I'll say. And I'm also not a learned man as far as genetics, but I will say that I think we are probably discounting how much of this is built through experience and affected our genetics more than it is. Like, we were bred different than this other race of people that, like, if you enslave people and if you force people to build even. Even the things that we've built, the way that we've had to build them, it probably makes your body different than, you know, the. The alternative, which is sitting back For a fair amount of it kind of hanging out as civilization built itself around you.

[A]

Yeah, I believe that. I think it's just like anything. Like whenever a people does one certain thing for a long time, they're gonna develop a skill for it. You know, there's no. There's no re. Like, that's why there's a lot of hardworking Mexican people. There's like a lot of hardworking Asian people. Because historically they had to do a lot of stuff. So that just was passed down, passed down, passed down. And that's just how it is now. But I think making it a blanket statement is where we go wrong. And it's just like black people, they automatically build more muscle. Cause then you just have a black kid be like, like, I'll build more muscle than you, and then some buff ass white dude builds more muscle. Like, it's not every. It's not everybody. Yeah.

[D]

Yeah. There was an era in America where. Where we had fully convinced people that, like, every black dude could fight better than them.

[B]

And the fallout of that has been difficult.

[D]

They don't believe that at all anymore. And it's been tough to watch. Yeah.

[B]

So the social currency on that has run out. And that is absolutely. And that's been done.

[A]

White people don't even think that anymore.

[B]

Yeah, that's tough. That's. Honestly, I don't love it. No, I don't love it.

[D]

That MMA shit ushered in a new.

[A]

Era for real, though, where they were.

[D]

Like, nah, you don't scare me at all.

[A]

I've seen a bunch of street fights on Twitter where it's like, I guess everybody assumed the black dude knew how to fight because he was like, you know, come on, then. And then you see the stance of that white boy and you're like, oh, he's trained. He's not worried about that shit at all.

[B]

Conor McGregor got them all gassed.

[A]

The boy who just won Patty.

[B]

Yeah, and he eats bad too, man. Honestly, if it was a black government, I say they should have took out McGregor like they took out Dr. King. You need to nip that in the bud. That's real. We cannot have these white boys out here thinking they can fight, bro. That's a problem. It is an issue.

[D]

He's inspiring the wrong generation.

[B]

Yeah, man, they already got a loneliness epidemic. Yeah. You stack fighting on top of that.

[A]

I was kind of hoping, like, the super, super racist people were like, old, fat and can't really move drunk.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But you get a bunch of like, Conor McGr.

[B]

No marching, bro.

[D]

They like it now, should we do one more?

[B]

They like it now.

[D]

They want to get busy. Let's do one more voice.

[B]

Yeah, let's do one more.

[D]

All right. This one again. We don't know what this shit is.

[A]

Here we go.

[B]

I'm a proud little mama.

[D]

Hold on. Wait a minute.

[A]

I did not expect to hear that today.

[B]

He came in. He came in too hot.

[D]

You gotta relax.

[A]

That's nuts, right?

[D]

I think we just got a new drop out of you. Yeah, I'm a proud little mama.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Start that again from the top.

[D]

That was crazy. What? Introduce yourself.

[B]

Oh, we got shirts.

[A]

I'm a proud little mama.

[B]

Yeah. It says proud little mama on the front of that.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, okay. So he didn't just make that up.

[D]

No, no, no, no.

[B]

That's what we call our fans, lil mamas.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

I didn't know about the proud little. Now they're doing this thing where they want. They're calling us little freakies. It's.

[D]

It's getting fucked up around here.

[B]

It's a complicated relationship.

[D]

Yeah. We're sorry we invited you under these difficult circumstances.

[B]

I mean, that's crazy. It is.

[D]

All right, here we go.

[B]

I'm a proud little mama and my mama told me as I was growing up it was wrong to jack up to touch myself. That's the end of the voicemail.

[A]

Wait a minute, man. His mom fucked him up. I thought that nigga hung up. God damn. Oh, no.

[B]

Whatever he says next is going to be great.

[D]

Why is he talking like that?

[B]

He's excited. He's excited to talk to us.

[D]

He's talking like Dr. King about. About being told not to jack off.

[B]

Can you replay him saying, my mama told me not to jack off? Just the way he said it was very.

[A]

He said he sounded like Martin Luther King.

[D]

Yeah. Listen to him.

[B]

Me, as I was growing up that it was wrong to jack off to touch myself. That's a drop. That is a drop. For what? For this.

[A]

Come on, man.

[B]

I wish I could press.

[D]

You heard our drops already. They're not good.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

So I got dick in the face. Cross Craig, see if he's okay.

[B]

See, that's better than that.

[A]

What did he say?

[B]

Oh, I'll do it one more time.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Somebody got dick in the face. Craig, see if he's okay.

[A]

Dick in person.

[B]

Dick in the face. Said somebody got dick in the face?

[A]

Yeah. Dick was the person.

[B]

Oh, I'm not sure.

[A]

He got dick in the face. It's crazy.

[D]

Yeah. I think we always took it very literally.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

And never put any Thought into it.

[A]

Somebody got dick in the face. I hope he's okay. Go check on it.

[D]

That's a great question. You're a more reasonable man.

[A]

He's still down.

[D]

There's still dick all over him. All right, we're going to keep playing this. I pray we make it to the end, because this is insane.

[B]

And ejaculate, growing up as a young male, a young black male. So I wonder why is it so. What about that in the black culture.

[A]

Is so bad, you understand?

[B]

Because it's natural. So maybe you guys should touch on that.

[A]

Hilarious. Help a little. Help some.

[B]

Help some lonely black children out. You understand?

[A]

All right. He didn't have to say, yeah, that was crazy, bro.

[B]

You gotta. That end was bad.

[D]

What happened at the end?

[B]

Not that such.

[A]

On that.

[D]

That was crazy.

[B]

That was not good.

[D]

The help some little lonely, lonely black children out. What was that?

[A]

Yeah, I don't know if you should answer this now.

[D]

I am worried about this fella.

[B]

I liked him, and then I stopped liking him.

[D]

His mama told him not to jack off and not to ejaculate.

[A]

That's crazy.

[B]

I mean, you can't have one without the other, right?

[D]

You can, but it's not good for you.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

I don't know that I believe at all in, like, this semen retention theory, that this somehow makes you a stronger, more virile person. That all feels like bamboozlement to me personally.

[A]

But it's a weird bamboozle, man. Like, what do they get out of you not jacking up?

[D]

I think. I think it's a bunch of dudes who can't get theirs most the time, and they want other people to be where they're at.

[A]

Interesting.

[B]

Yeah. And that's what we need, more frustrated young men.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

There's a bunch of niggas who can't nut that's like, hey, y' all join us.

[D]

Yeah, we're stronger now. Yeah. I think it's so weird.

[A]

Clarity.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Maybe maybe you can't nut because you. You can't get pussy. Maybe you can't nut because you take so many drugs that you've sort of, like, made yourself raw down there and it doesn't move the way it's.

[B]

Or maybe you're just anxious.

[D]

Yeah. Maybe there's all kinds of anxieties or, you know, whatever the. Cause you don't nut. And now you're trying to make it my problem. Wow.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Interesting. I always thought it was like fasting, because you know how, like, if you do a day or so without, like, eating you actually do get some clarity that I could actually be like, oh, okay, that's true.

[B]

So. And then it makes the food taste really good. Yeah, exactly.

[A]

He hasn't done 10 days.

[D]

In his pipe.

[B]

He like, oh, pretty good.

[A]

That's crazy. I. Yeah. I mean, I feel like he was just kind of, like, misled a little bit. I don't know.

[D]

It certainly is an unfortunate experience you went through, sir. And. And I'm sorry it happened.

[A]

I never heard that as a black thing. I've never heard of, like, black parents telling their kids that I think it's a man thing.

[B]

I had a single mom when I started jacking off and there was no talk about any of that.

[D]

Oh, we didn't talk about it.

[B]

It did not come up.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

One way or the other.

[D]

I. I don't know if she knew, but of course she knew. You know what I mean? I don't know, like, how actively she knew.

[A]

I think they knew everything we were doing.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Because if you look at a kid lying now, it's like, come on, bro, if I look anything like that, that.

[B]

You knew everything and you're 12, taking 45 minute showers three times a day. She knew you were jacking.

[A]

That's what y' all was doing.

[B]

I don't think, bro. I don't think. My mom got a Victoria's Secret from 96 to 04.

[A]

I started with Sears when I was in kindergarten. I got a Sears.

[D]

Sears was a good one for me. They had that. The bathing suit section worked out pretty good. And they had the lingerie section. Not as sexy as Victoria's Secret, but you could get yours.

[A]

Well, you know what? To that dude's point, though, I think you can get jaded to it because with all, like, the porn and honestly, I think you can just get jaded from actually having sex too much too. But I think that when you think about it like that, like Sears magazine and Victoria's Secret was crazy to jack off too. Like, if you tried to do that now, I don't. It would do nothing. I feel like I would just be.

[B]

Like, yeah, Turner had a couple pages that are really burned in my memory. I can.

[A]

I don't think I could do a Sears channel.

[D]

There's one title. There's one that I Sears I might struggle with a little bit.

[A]

This is kind of weird. I don't know if I could do, like, even just pictures.

[B]

It used to be some. I used to do my brain.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

What you mean thinking of stuff?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

But even that's more active than just staring at a photo, you know? Yeah, that's weird, actually. I would actually rather maybe let me.

[B]

Go back to analog.

[D]

I think maybe we all got to get back to our natural selves, you.

[B]

Know what I mean?

[D]

You start. You just start easy. You go back to jerking off to a Sears catalog.

[B]

And if anybody at Sears is listening and you want, you know, some kind of a brand deal situation, you guys.

[D]

Have been struggling lately. We know that.

[B]

And we can bring you back.

[D]

We're willing to do the work to bring Sears back.

[A]

Crazy pivot.

[D]

Crazy pivot.

[A]

It'd be a wild Sears pivot, bro.

[D]

This is the magazine to jerk off to clean it and a tasteful suit.

[B]

Cause you know what? I do think. Think that. That jacking off does not lead to feeling bad about yourself the way that Internet pornography does.

[D]

I agree.

[B]

Sometimes you jack off with Internet porn. You're like, what the fuck was that?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

You know what I mean? Like, it's like you just got out of a fight.

[A]

You're, like, hilarious.

[B]

I didn't even know I had that move.

[D]

I didn't want to be there.

[A]

What moves. Are you surprising yourself?

[C]

Come on, man.

[B]

Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. That's not what we're talking about.

[A]

One thing I've never did was surprise myself during masturbation.

[B]

You never went down a rabbit hole and you were like, how did I. I even get.

[A]

Oh, you mean in terms of categories.

[D]

I don't think he means, like, turning his head.

[A]

He said, I didn't know that move I was, like, doing. My boy blacked out and started experimenting on himself. Surprised himself. What was that?

[B]

How do it spin?

[A]

Judging his head. Like, what was that? Where'd you learn that?

[B]

You.

[D]

He's just clicking on weird shit.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But to that point, if you want to stop feeling bad about yourself after you masturbate, come to Sears.

[D]

And it's nice because you can work your way up through the catalog, right? You can jerk off to the. You start at lingerie, then maybe bikini, and then by the. You know, at some point, you're jerking off to fucking pantsuit.

[B]

And now. And now you've developed a respect.

[D]

Now you know how to treat a lady.

[B]

Cause are you jerking off to a pantsuit, or are you jerking off to ambition?

[A]

You're jerking off to her position in life.

[B]

Yeah. Now you're a powerful one. Oh, yeah.

[D]

We're talking about progress here, Sears.

[A]

I feel like you might want to do it in reverse. Start with the pantsuit. You know what I mean? Undress her. Literally.

[B]

Okay. They're different women, but still, were they.

[A]

Different, I feel like as a producer, I would just be like, wear all three of these and I'll use you.

[C]

Three times.

[D]

I'm not paying for a separate pantsuit, lady.

[A]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[B]

I mean, how much was it? I think they just gave him a Sears.

[A]

Like, wear all this. Put all this on, and slowly take it up. I'll put it in five pages.

[D]

All right, let's lose the jacket.

[B]

But then you're gonna have a whole generation of men whose fantasies is like, baby, put on the bikini under the pantsuit.

[D]

Look, we're never gonn be great.

[B]

No, that's true. That's a good point.

[D]

Fundamentally broken, but we could. At least we could make some progress here if we jerk off.

[A]

This mental stimulation.

[D]

Yeah, that's right.

[A]

At the end of the day, we're making.

[D]

Damn.

[B]

We really covered a lot of ground. I think, like in the. In the 40 minutes since we. This has started, we really. We really kind of went everywhere.

[A]

Yeah. And came back to chicken a few times.

[D]

We hit the whole thing. Few stops where they do good chicken, but we ate the whole thing.

[A]

I want to say chicken was legitimately mentioned, like four or five times. Not even like, hey, bringing it back. You know, like a running joke. It was like, good. They were good segments.

[D]

What if you find out we do that every episode.

[A]

Somehow incorporate chicken.

[B]

Yeah. Like at the end, we're like, my mama told you. It's been brought to you by the.

[A]

Tyson Co. Chicken counter. 17 times. We said chicken. 17 times.

[B]

Give us our chicken.

[D]

You pay us in chicken.

[B]

It's just a great lean protein source. And I'm not even being paid to say that.

[A]

It's just.

[B]

It is good.

[A]

That sounded hella paid.

[B]

That sounded.

[A]

Yeah, that sounded so paid for.

[B]

No, I got big Chicken's got.

[A]

That's a great lean protein source.

[D]

Patrick, could you tell the people where they can find you what cool shit you got going on?

[A]

Yeah, yeah. I'm Patrick Cloud on mainly everything. I got a lot of stuff dropping on All Def. Make sure you check out school lunch. We actually just did a collab with McDonald's that went really, really well, so please check that out. I also have a gaming channel called Cloudy Arcade that I've been working on. And check out we trippin. I just dropped a new travel episode of my travel show in Utah. So go check that out. We trippin. Utah.

[B]

You go to Zion?

[A]

I did.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

How was it? Zion was really, really cool. I didn't know until the second time I went to Utah that people get out and do stuff. But you know how there's like a. You drive in and there's like a road you're supposed to take? But yeah, I would definitely want to come back when it was snowing, but I went in like spring, that part.

[B]

Of the country, man. Just. I know that from driving out. Cause I'm from Denver. Driving out of Colorado into California, it's like crazy.

[A]

It's insane.

[B]

Beautiful Utah.

[A]

It looks like Mars.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, it's. It's wild.

[D]

I keep going to Salt Lake City and eating at McDonald's.

[A]

So I, I went to Salt Lake City the first time and I was like, okay, I kind of see what people are talking about. But it's like when you go to. I. I can only speak for Southern Utah, but that's where everybody really falls in love with the Utah Southwest aesthetic. I suggest everybody go, yeah.

[D]

What you got?

[B]

Cool GuyJokes87 on Instagram. Patreon.com DavidBory by my special birth of a Nation.

[D]

Hell yeah. You can follow me at Langston Kerman on all social media platforms. You can watch my special. It's called Bad Poetry. It's on Netflix. And more importantly, send us your own drops, your own conspiracies. If you want to tell us how many more times we could have incorporated, send it all to my mamapod gmail dot com. We'd love to hear from you. We could have done better and we want to know how we could have thrown some more chicken. We want to hear your thoughts. Also, give us a call at 844-LITTLE MOMS leave us weird ass voicemails. We'd like to hear from you and. And buy the merch. Call your senator Rate review. Subscribe.

[A]

Bye.

[D]

Do you have your passport?

[A]

Did you get your shot, girl?

[B]

Would you like to come back with Rob to America? America.

[D]

My Mama Told Me, is a production of Will Ferrell's Big Money Players.

[B]

Network and I Heart Podcast, created and hosted by Langston Krekman, co hosted by David Bore, executive produced by Will Ferrell Hansani and Olivia Aguilar.

[D]

Co produced by Bay Wayne, Edited and.

[B]

Engineered by Justin Kahn.

[D]

Music by Nick Chambers.

[B]

Artwork by Dogon Krieger.

[D]

You can now watch episodes of My Mama told me on YouTube, follow at my Mama Told Me and subscribe to our channel.

[A]

This is Alec Murdoch.

[D]

I need police and an ambulance immediately.

[C]

Murdoch death in the Family official podcast is here. I'm joining Patricia Arquette, Jason Clark and the cast to uncover all things. Murdoch Family first to unravel the story piece by piece was really surprising because you don't want to believe it. Murdoch Death in the Family Official podcast Wednesdays and stream Murdoch Death in the Family on Hulu and Hulu on Disney for bundle subscribers Term Supply this is Andrea Gunning from Betrayal. I want to take a moment to talk about something that impacts how we feel every day. Our gut health. If you've been dealing with sluggish digestion, constant fatigue, brain fog, trouble losing weight or poor sleep, your gut may need some extra care. Your gut plays a vital role in your overall well being because scientists now say it's the foundation of your vitality and long term health. That's where Bioma comes in. This novel supplement has everything you need for a healthy and thriving gut. With every serving you get prebiotics, probiotics and postbiotics that are science backed and third party tested so you can enjoy comfortable digestion, boundless energy, better focus and restful sleep, and even smoother weight management when following a healthy lifestyle. Just take two tiny bioma capsules each morning before breakfast and start feeling your best. Visit Byoma Health and use code BETRIAL to get 15% off your first order. That's Byoma Health code BETRIAL for 15% off.

[D]

Get ready to power up your play.

[A]

With Nintendo Switch 2.

[D]

Power up the visuals with 4K support and a bigger, more vivid screen. Power of the fun with exclusive new games like Mario Kart World and Donkey Kong bonanza. Nintendo Switch 2 all together, anytime anywhere. Games rated E to E10 games and systems sold separately. Compatible TV required for 4K display Wednesdays.

[A]

On BET an all new episode of 106 in Sports from executive producers LeBron.

[B]

James and Maverick, Carson Carter, Ashley, Nicole.

[A]

Moss and Cam Newton Break down top moments in sports, culture and Entertainment. Check out 106 in sports on BET and next day on BET. Plus this is an iHeart podcast.