What Does Leviathan Meat Taste Like? (with Kiry Shabazz)

Summary

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My Momma Told Me

Episode: "What Does Leviathan Meat Taste Like?"

Host: Langston Kerman

Guest: Kiry Shabazz

Date: August 11, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode blends sharp-witted banter, biting social commentary, and playful conspiracy theorizing as comedians Langston Kerman and guest Kiry Shabazz (with other panelists popping in) meander from everyday Black cultural quirks to a deep-dive into the biblical conspiracy theory of the Leviathan—the giant sea creature said to be fed to humankind by God. While the stated topic is “What Does Leviathan Meat Taste Like?”, the journey is a wild ride through soundboards, British accents in movies, regional dialects, race and pop culture, and the absurdities of conspiratorial thinking itself.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Tech in Everyday Life: Backup Cameras & "Looking Back"

• [00:01–04:05]
  • The hosts riff on how backup cameras in cars have replaced the art of old-school mirror/check-over-the-shoulder driving.
  • Langston: “I, for years, was defiant about the camera... I didn't want to lose the skill, the hellcat mindset... Even though I got the camera, I was defiant about the shit.” (00:21)
  • Amusing reveal: even parenting changes how one leverages rearview mirrors (for discipline, affection, or both).

2. The “Light-Skinned Dudes in the Hood” Conspiracy

• [04:05–04:55]
  • Jokes about the duality—light-skinned guys being either the toughest or softest in the neighborhood.
  • Guest: “Light skinned dudes are either the most terrifying people in the hood... [or] the softest. There's no middle.” (03:09)

3. Soundboard & Listener Drops

• [05:17–07:15]
  • Langston and crew play with their custom soundboard, sourced from listeners.
  • The soundboard becomes an impromptu character, peppering the show with wild, sometimes unhinged, audio drops.
  • Langston: “We compile a sound pad with them... I will say that you are sending me so many and some of them you should not be sending.” (05:59)

4. Rappers Turned Actors & The “British Accent Rule”

• [07:20–13:39]
  • Nostalgia for when rappers played characters close to their real-life personas (“Let [Cam’ron] be what we love... I don't need you to be Poseidon” – 09:16)
  • Debate over why period pieces default to British accents, including hypothetical hilarity if Gladiator had Italian-American inflections.
  • Kiry: “In America... if it's a period piece, they got British accents. Right or wrong. That's just what we've decided.” (13:03)

5. Black Engagement with Canonical Literature

• [19:00–22:18]
  • Revelations about learning to love Shakespeare and Dostoevsky through modern adaptations or explanatory content.
  • Guest: “For me, dude, that was Shakespeare... I never had a reason to give a fuck about it until Denzel.” (22:18)

6. Conceiving a "Black R&B Brunch x Shakespeare Festival"

• [23:23–25:17]
  • Half-joking, half-serious business pitch for Black community-centered engagements with high art.
  • Amusing concern about unintended side-effects: “Then it's going to turn into carnival real fast... I mean Carnival Cruises.” (24:56)

7. Regional Black English & Identity

• [37:31–41:30]
  • Exploration of Baltimore’s wildly unique accent versus Oakland/the Bay’s creative slang and wordplay.
  • Langston: “I love that... somebody invented a new dialect... I can track an emotional journey, but I’m truly not able to gather the sentence.” (37:53)
  • Lead-in to broader commentary on how place shapes Black humor and identity.

8. American vs. British Cultural Dominance in Music & Art

• [43:44–47:01]
  • Playful disdain for British rap and rock, with the conclusion that everyone wants the “cool factor” of American voices—except in the context of epic stories, where British is king.
  • Notes on the hipsterification and fragmentation of music genres in the streaming era.

9. The Conspiracy/Main Theme: The Leviathan

• [54:12–62:36]
  • Kiry introduces the main “conspiracy”: the biblical Leviathan—an unkillable sea monster God will slay and serve as food at the end of days.
  • Jokes about meat hierarchy and who would actually get to eat Leviathan meat (Hollywood types, union members, etc.).
  • Kiry (optimistic): “Leviathan is basically a new Wagyu type meat that we get to ingest, but it’s aquatic.” (56:17)
  • Langston (pessimistic): “My heart sank... Motherfuckers are gonna commodify that so fast, we are gonna be killing each other.” (57:06)
  • The crew veers into discussion of biblical authorship, oral tradition, and Black mothers’ reverence for scripture.

Notable Quotes:

• Langston: “There’s already a meat hierarchy at play, dog. ... You’re up top, baby. How many meats haven’t you had?” (57:59)
• Guest: "Are you not into...are you afraid of new exotic meats?" (56:51)

On Missing Children & Sea Monsters:

• [60:38–61:49]
  • Quick sidebar into a darker conspiracy: “They think all the missing children have been going to feed this sort of underground sea beast.” (60:38)
  • Everyone essentially agrees there is never a solution in these conspiracies, just the thrill of speculation.

10. Death by Leviathan: “Main Character Syndrome”

• [62:48–64:27]
  • Reflecting on who gets “eaten” when the apocalypse comes; nobody here claims a “main character” outlook.
  • Guest: “If I have to be one of the people when Leviathan comes up, he has to just snatch somebody up because he has to make a cool entrance... If that’s me, great.” (63:08)
  • Comedic preferences for being eaten: “Like a penguin eating a fish... I want him to be so satisfied by that meal...” (64:12–64:18)

11. Legendary Langston: The Calm After a Car Crash

• [65:11–67:49]
  • Guest recalls Langston nonchalantly arriving at a comedy industry dinner right after surviving a car accident, instantly grabbing his suitcase and Ubering away.
  • Guest: “...as if someone who had not just been in a horrible accident...can you pass some potatoes?” (66:45)
  • Langston admits: “That behavior has not propelled me forward in any way, shape, or form.” (69:56)

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Memorable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• “I want to shoot you so bad.” – Guest, joking about the soundboard [04:48]
• “We should do that for Patreon: the unfiltered soundboard.” – Kiry, on monetizing wild fan content [32:27]
• “All koala bears are racist.” – Kiry, listing off wild conspiracy teasers [27:16]
• “My mom liked rap until whatever year Romeo & Juliet came out... that was enough for her.” [50:44]
• “American accent... it’s the best.” – Langston, on global art [44:10]
• “The conspiracy... my mama told me the Leviathan has risen, and my mom would be upset if I didn’t clarify. It’s not a conspiracy. It is the word of God.” – Guest [54:12]
• “Leviathan hibachi!” – Langston [64:47]

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Additional Segments

“Incest Porn” in Pop Culture

• [72:54–78:49]
  • Voicemail submitter muses on Terence Howard and Game of Thrones, spinning off into a debate about why incest-themed porn is proliferating and whether it's truly “incest” if everyone’s just acting.
  • Langston: “Everybody pretends like it’s this terrible, naughty thing, but it’s still just two strangers fucking—they’re just bad at acting and have a bad story.” (74:57)
  • Guest and Kiry hash out the “twin thing” versus sibling taboo, circling the difference between kink and actual incest.

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Notable Timestamps for Major Segments

• 00:01–04:05: Backup cameras, “looking back” and parenting.
• 04:05–04:55: Light-skinned guys in the hood.
• 05:17–07:15: Soundboard and fan submissions.
• 07:20–13:39: Rappers as actors; period piece accent rules.
• 19:00–22:18: Shakespeare, Russian literature, and education.
• 23:23–25:17: The Black brunch/Shakespeare festival idea.
• 37:31–41:30: Baltimore/Bay Area dialects and Black identity.
• 43:44–47:01: American versus British music/culture.
• 54:12–62:36: Leviathan theory, biblical context, meat hierarchy.
• 65:11–67:49: Langston’s post-accident dinner story.
• 72:54–78:49: Pop-culture sibling kink/“incest” porn analysis.

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Tone, Flow, and Atmosphere

Irreverent, spontaneous, and deeply playful—often pivoting from incisive Black American cultural critique to gleefully absurd speculation. The hosts let digressions run wild, turn personal anecdotes into group therapy, and keep conspiracy at the intersection of “what if?” and “who cares?” The language is a blend of Black vernacular, stand-up punchlines, and meta-commentary on the performance of conspiracy itself.

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For Newcomers

You’ll laugh, be puzzled, and probably want to Google several references—exactly as intended. The rambling digressions are the point; the titular Leviathan is less a question than a frame for exploring how and why Black folks congregate, myth-make, and clown on each other in the face of both real and outlandish fears. The result is both an education and a hangout.

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Guest Plug

• Kiry Shabazz: Promotes his new special, a mix of apocalypse survival tips, dating frustration, and social commentary (“How do we uplift short kings and tall kings... and have a really practical argument about ‘icks’ in the apocalypse?” [79:50])

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Hosts Socials

• Follow Langston: @lanksonkerman
• Follow Kiry: @jokes87
• Send in your conspiracies, soundboard drops, and voicemails (details provided at episode end).

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Sign-off:
“Buy some merch. Bye, bitches.” – Kiry Shabazz [81:38]

Transcript

[Langston Kerman]

Wave.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

You know what's nasty? When I back up, I don't even do this. I just be looking at the camera.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah, the camera's ruin my life. Have you been in a car with no camera yet?

[Kyrie Shabazz]

No, not since.

[Guest Comedian]

You'll panic. You'll panic.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

You'll panic.

[Guest Comedian]

You'll immediately panic. It's terrifying.

[Langston Kerman]

I, for years, was defiant about the camera because I didn't want to lose the skill, the hellcat mindset I was trying to maintain. I was driving a Honda Civic. I felt like. I felt like a fast guy a little bit.

[Guest Comedian]

No, I think J. Cole. Shit.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Yeah, it felt like, oh, this is cool. This a cool little Civic. I'm. I'm a look back. Even though I got the camera, I was defiant about the shit. And then I caved. My wife pushed and pushed and I caved. And. Yeah, I don't look back no more. No, I'm never going to look back ever again.

[Guest Comedian]

Back.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

That's the way I was.

[Langston Kerman]

Stupid way to drive.

[Guest Comedian]

It's the worst.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

The window.

[Langston Kerman]

Ain't even a good window back there.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Cameras. HD cameras.

[Langston Kerman]

Perfect.

[Guest Comedian]

It was made for Arab people who smoked cigarettes.

[Langston Kerman]

Yes.

[Guest Comedian]

Because that was the way. Remember how your father. Your pops used to.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

It was a way to look back. Now I have no reason to look back there. I don't have children back there.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, your dad.

[Guest Comedian]

Kids are. You have kids, right?

[Langston Kerman]

I have two. Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

So you kind of got to bend the neck a little, but you can.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

You can look in the rear view. You don't have to.

[Langston Kerman]

True. No. You got to look back at them. You got to.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

You got to make. Let them know that you committed to.

[Guest Comedian]

Because sometimes you'll say something as the look back or.

[Langston Kerman]

Or as comforting. Sometimes it can. It can be a mix of both, but. But often you'll say something looking forward, and then they'll be like, but why? And then you have to turn around and go, because. I don't know. That's the rule.

[Guest Comedian]

Right.

[Additional Panelist]

Right.

[Langston Kerman]

And give them a sincere.

[Guest Comedian]

Hey, this is why I don't like Langston.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

I'm gonna turn my back.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

You're turning your whole body to him. That's tough.

[Langston Kerman]

Much like you're driving.

[Guest Comedian]

Right.

[Additional Panelist]

Right.

[Guest Comedian]

I can only do it in confrontation, not in travel and safety.

[Langston Kerman]

See how you're breaking our relationship so quickly? That's why you gotta look back.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

No.

[Guest Comedian]

Cause your mindset is so positive.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

I immediately say, oh, you wanna look back to be intimidating.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

And your brain is so healthy. Oh, can I.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Can I jump in on this?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Please.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

You are misinterpreting that. Most likely because of the tone of his skin. He's sick and nasty.

[Additional Panelist]

Bad.

[Guest Comedian]

Oh, I know.

[Langston Kerman]

So.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

So it's like.

[Guest Comedian]

No, no, no.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

It's like he's got a triple filter the vodka before he can even taste you. Understand what I'm saying?

[Langston Kerman]

We're warming up. I'll get there.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah. These are like. These are self imposed things.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Because if he went without restrictor.

[Langston Kerman]

Yep.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah. You let that engine just run the way it was built.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Everybody getting shot.

[Langston Kerman]

Batman has to have rules.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yes, exactly.

[Langston Kerman]

Otherwise he's the Joker.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

He tastes blood. He tastes a drop of blood.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Gotham's a whole new town.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. I'm the fucked up one.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

That brother's positive.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I'm pretty good.

[Guest Comedian]

But see, I don't know where y' all grew up. I grew up in the hood. And I have a theory.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

Light skinned dudes are either the most terrifying people in the hood.

[Langston Kerman]

Yep.

[Guest Comedian]

Are the softest. There's no middle.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah, but that's not your theory. That's an accepted okay.

[Guest Comedian]

Good. I didn't know everybody.

[Langston Kerman]

It's a reality. I live in the moon.

[Guest Comedian]

Okay.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I've been watching the sky at night time. I think that we orbit the moon.

[Guest Comedian]

I don't know if you told us, but fire is hot in water.

[Additional Panelist]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

I don't know how.

[Langston Kerman]

And I think we all know where I fell. The times that I was visiting.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I think that you.

[Guest Comedian]

I'm saying there's no. But do people know. There's no middle. That's what I'm.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

You guys are either the most dangerous people in the hood or the softest.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't think that the journey of a light skinned person has a middle class.

[Voiceover/Ad Reader]

How many children do you have?

[Guest Comedian]

23. 22. Which. Real bad, man.

[Additional Panelist]

It.

[Guest Comedian]

It.

[Langston Kerman]

It's.

[Additional Panelist]

It.

[Langston Kerman]

Thank you for. It's not allowed to exist. I think because we are so niggas.

[Guest Comedian]

This is the. I want. I need this soundboard.

[Voiceover/Ad Reader]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

No, it's a pretty good custom.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah. This is custom. Yeah. He.

[Guest Comedian]

Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Customize it.

[Guest Comedian]

Okay. Yeah. This couldn't be on Apple Store like this. Real niggas. I'm thinking this from that. That guy sounds like it's a clip of some guy calling a girl Franklin a turtle.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

Is that where that's from? Do you know what I'm talking about?

[Langston Kerman]

We certainly probably have source material that will live in that same space.

[Guest Comedian]

I want to shoot you so bad.

[Langston Kerman]

My dick's hard.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Oh, you've Been going crazy.

[Guest Comedian]

That was recorded right out here.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

On the corner. Yeah.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

That was at the Greyhound station. We just got some room, Tone.

[Guest Comedian]

Oh, dude, that'd be good. Just a board of just downtown sounds.

[Voiceover/Ad Reader]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

Hey, that's my fit.

[Langston Kerman]

If I do become a dj, that is the path I'm going to.

[Guest Comedian]

That's your producer tag.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

DJ Downtown.

[Guest Comedian]

DJ Downtown man.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Want a car date, baby. Damn, my booty ho itches.

[Guest Comedian]

Where the is that bus? That sounds though. This soundboard is unhinged. I love it.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

It's a problem.

[Langston Kerman]

Really powerful stuff. We. We don't yield it. Wisely wield it.

[Voiceover/Ad Reader]

I'm light skinned, but I promise it's not a scam.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah, okay. That gotta be a producer tag, man.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

Don't call me white, man.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

You just gave Mozart his first piano with that one. That's crazy. I'm about to get.

[Voiceover/Ad Reader]

We.

[Langston Kerman]

We should acknowledge that all of these have been sourced from our. Our faithful listeners.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah. Thank you.

[Langston Kerman]

Y' all send us your drops.

[Voiceover/Ad Reader]

We.

[Langston Kerman]

We add them to. We compile a sound pad with them. I will say that you are sending me so many and some of them you should not be sending.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

There should be a time limit a little bit. Cause sometimes they'll send us like just a scene from a movie.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah. Like a long ass scene from Goodfellas.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Additional Panelist]

Or like.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I wish.

[Langston Kerman]

I wish it was from like. It's from like projects that you hadn't even heard about.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Jason's lyric 2.

[Additional Panelist]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

Or belly 3.

[Additional Panelist]

Yeah.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Belly 3. The one with the game. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Yo.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

That is called Belly Games. Belly. Was it called Belly Shout out the Game, man.

[Langston Kerman]

He was in the belly too though, right?

[Guest Comedian]

I thought so. It was two or three.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

It's two or three.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

Somewhere where the plot was lost.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

He was in a lot of hood DVDs from him. You remember?

[Guest Comedian]

Stop snitching.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Stop lying.

[Guest Comedian]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

That was a crazy dvd.

[Guest Comedian]

Cash money. Like the early Cash. They had a string of them too. Like NOLA project type.

[Langston Kerman]

I missed when rappers wanted to be actors. The way they are.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

We've now.

[Guest Comedian]

Because you go on to something. What you mean the way they are?

[Langston Kerman]

Because we. We've now pivoted to where like rap is such a. A list thing that they get assigned responsibilities in films that don't match their actual vibe.

[Guest Comedian]

Gotcha.

[Langston Kerman]

That do not capture their character in a raw form.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

You're talking about the Odyssey.

[Langston Kerman]

Yes.

[Additional Panelist]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

Were there rappers in Odyssey?

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Ought to see this nigga Travis Scott acting.

[Guest Comedian]

He's a Poseidon that's crazy.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

He was doing. Are you mad because he was doing a poem?

[Langston Kerman]

I. I didn't even see it.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

You haven't seen it yet?

[Guest Comedian]

Oh, I'm being serious. That was him with the. That was Travis Scott, bro.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I didn't know either. I saw the movie. I didn't. I didn't know it at all.

[Guest Comedian]

I didn't piece that. They did a good job. Whoa.

[Langston Kerman]

He really don't even seem like Travis Scott, though.

[Guest Comedian]

Not all at all. He's killing the role. He. The stick. Shit.

[Langston Kerman]

Is he, like, CGI'd up or made up?

[Guest Comedian]

No, no CGI.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I honestly just don't really look at his face a lot. He's not a guy I've looked at.

[Guest Comedian]

He's very. Sunglasses, braids and.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, you don't have his face memorized, so.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah, I think most of us don't, though.

[Langston Kerman]

I think I know Travis Scott.

[Guest Comedian]

Oh, for.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Like.

[Additional Panelist]

Really?

[Guest Comedian]

Okay.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Travis Scott and then some skinny dude walking here right now.

[Guest Comedian]

You'll know.

[Langston Kerman]

I go. Give me a second. Yeah, that's Travis Scott.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Okay.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah. Okay.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I don't.

[Langston Kerman]

Give me one minute. You know what I mean? Yeah.

[Additional Panelist]

Yeah.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Is that Travis?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. I'm not immediate. I'm not, like, locked in with the nigga, but I recognize him.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Interesting.

[Guest Comedian]

In this movie, though, like, you would like it's. Well, maybe for you. I didn't expect he would be on the table banging a stick, reciting about Odessi.

[Langston Kerman]

But. But here's. Here's the thing. Cameron Paid in Full, to me, is the greatest breakout performance of any person.

[Guest Comedian]

Because he was playing Cameron, in a way. And that's what I'm his Persona. Yeah.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Let him kill a.

[Langston Kerman]

Let him be what we love. I don't need you to be Poseidon. I need you to be whatever I fell in love with.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

You're so right. I don't need you to say anything about Poseidon. I need you to be Cameron. Saying you ain't even see when I put my leg up. Because that's some of the best acting in the whole film.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, he's so fucking good in that movie.

[Guest Comedian]

So where do you think the break went for that? Do you think it was Ice Cube and are we there yet? Do you think Ice Cube shattered that mold, or was it Ice Tea? Like, who do you think shattered that

[Kyrie Shabazz]

iced tea in the kangaroo suit, maybe?

[Guest Comedian]

Oh, I don't even know about that. No, I had on a kangaroo.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Warriors of Virtue. Whoa. I think that was the first time. Isaac, can you look up what year Ice T put on the kangaroo Suit.

[Langston Kerman]

I need my computer.

[Guest Comedian]

I haven't seen him, but I'd take your word that on April. That sounds like. What would have.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

He said they paid him like $3 million, which I'm not even mad at. $3 million. Bring the kangaroo shoot down. It was either Bring it over.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah, but then what would you say about guys like LL Cool J? You think he played him too? Because he was the first the Rock.

[Langston Kerman]

Well, LL introduced himself to us as a lover.

[Guest Comedian]

Oh, okay.

[Langston Kerman]

He maintained lover energy. He just pivoted into a new form.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah. And then he was like the good guy. Right. Remember, in the house? Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Thank you.

[Guest Comedian]

Dog squat and some other shit.

[Langston Kerman]

He had a sit car.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

He was a good guy on a sit.

[Langston Kerman]

He found himself just in a new space. But. But my son typed this.

[Guest Comedian]

That's on the receipt.

[Additional Panelist]

It.

[Langston Kerman]

It's. It's.

[Guest Comedian]

Oh, it's nonsense. Yeah, not nonsense, but it's his.

[Langston Kerman]

No, the boy's not bright. I agree.

[Guest Comedian]

Oh, those layers are starting to unfold. I don't think layers are starting to.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't think he's too smart, but he's a good guy.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

How old do kids learn how to type now?

[Guest Comedian]

How old are they?

[Kyrie Shabazz]

He's.

[Additional Panelist]

He's.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah, he can't type, but I'm saying

[Guest Comedian]

he can't do anything this generation.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

But I'm saying by five or six, they're probably like clickety clacking.

[Guest Comedian]

I'm saying it's late. I'm saying by two for his generation.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, he should be typing.

[Guest Comedian]

He should already be. That's the way of the world for him. Will be. I. I will say tablets and screens and drones.

[Langston Kerman]

He has figured out phone in a way that I did not anticipate.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Oh, that's scary.

[Langston Kerman]

Where, like, he watches YouTube and he knows how to make the ads go away.

[Guest Comedian]

Good dam.

[Langston Kerman]

But he, like, he doesn't have the ability to articulate what he actually wants to see.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah.

[Additional Panelist]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

But he certainly knows how to move the ads and control the next video.

[Guest Comedian]

So he's advanced beyond our understanding.

[Langston Kerman]

I think he's.

[Guest Comedian]

No, I think.

[Langston Kerman]

I think he's just a person moving through the world.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

You can let your son be smart.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah, you can. He's smart in a way.

[Langston Kerman]

Let him prove it to me. Let him prove it to me, and then I'll acknowledge your worth to your father, boy. Show me. They say.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

They say.

[Langston Kerman]

Show me.

[Guest Comedian]

I think the odyssey would be healing for you if you haven't seen yet.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm really excited to see it. I am a dedicated father and in that way, I do not have the six hours that it is going to require of my day just yet.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah. Because you got to get there.

[Guest Comedian]

But it breezes through. Have you seen it?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I'm excited for it.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I do have an issue that I sort of wanted to bring up to people, please, today. And this is not going to require you having seen it.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I don't like that they're talking like Americans.

[Guest Comedian]

People have said that.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

It pisses me off. When he said, dad, I said, shut the fuck up.

[Guest Comedian]

He should have said, this is an epic.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

You should have said father, because here's.

[Guest Comedian]

Okay, yeah, yeah.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Here's what I was thinking about. In America, in filmmaking, we've decided that if it's a period piece, they got British accents. Right or wrong. That's just what we've decided.

[Langston Kerman]

It's respect.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

It's out of respect. Because then I'm thinking, do other colonized countries, like, if Mexico makes a movie and it's a period piece, are they speaking Spain, Spanish, Castellano or whatever, Ibiza? Is that what they do in Mexican period pieces? Do Mexicans have their version of 12 Years to Slave? And what is the accent used?

[Langston Kerman]

That's a complicated question because it also. You then go, how do they differentiate physically? What are they doing? They getting that. I bet they get the white ones and the big, strong white ones.

[Guest Comedian]

And when you sign up for something like that, you almost sign up for the accent of the. There was a time of Rome. You know what I mean? Like, sign up for, like, the sort of Romany, but it's not Romany.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

That's what I. So that's what I was really bugging off of, bro. They don't talk like Italians in Gladiator. That'd be hilarious. Marcus Aurelius. Hey, that would be hilarious.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. No, they're talking.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

They speak British accent. It's British.

[Langston Kerman]

And I want a little slang on it.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

To make themselves a more flamboyant character, giving you, like, those Mediterranean whatever vibes. But it's British.

[Guest Comedian]

But I want that. I need that, bro.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

That's what I'm saying. I don't want to hear you talk like an American. I don't want to hear you say dad.

[Guest Comedian]

I don't want to hear you say, fuck.

[Langston Kerman]

This does clear up.

[Guest Comedian]

Dad makes you sound weaker, too.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Dad is the weakest shit to say.

[Guest Comedian]

Dad.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

That is the weakest shit to say.

[Guest Comedian]

Father sounds more like daddy's harder than dad.

[Langston Kerman]

It's respect.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

But yeah, yeah, Daddy. Calling your dad daddy is a lot tougher than dad.

[Langston Kerman]

If I say, daddy, I'll beat your ass. I'm gonna win.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

You projecting fantasies right now?

[Guest Comedian]

But no, even a.

[Langston Kerman]

You guys think I win, right? You agree that'd be pretty cool if I said that and then I put my dukes up.

[Guest Comedian]

No, because in a way, if you call your dad daddy, it's sort of damasculate. It's like calling him a bitch. Yeah, like, hey, Daddy. No, I can't even make that sound tough, but

[Langston Kerman]

it sounded affectionate.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Oh, shit. It's just the first draft. It's a writer's room.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah, I work on it more in the mirror, but I think Father sounds like you want to avenge or like. It's like, father, I ride for my father.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

I ride for my father. And they don't.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Where it's like, I ride for my dad. That's like, let me take this back to Cole's.

[Langston Kerman]

Because he can't get it done right.

[Guest Comedian]

The problem with the tune is not spoiling it. Cause it's. The modern language puts you in that mindset. So when, like, Odessi is on the island with Cersei eating a lotus flower, the accent helps sell the fantasy of that. Whereas now I'm looking like, no, you was just chilling with your side bitch for seven years on the island, and now you going back home telling your wife a bunch of bullshit.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

And, bro, I want that in the book. When I read the book. When I read the book, I want to be able to break it down in that way, because it's already me creating the whole visual world anyways. Right?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

So the book. Let me think about it in my terms like that. If I'm. If you're doing me the favor of creating this whole world and I'm lazy, not even lazy enough. Just. That's how I'm engaging with this. Then don't give me that bullshit, bro. I'll just make them talk crazy.

[Langston Kerman]

If we're doing English, British is the first one. Make it the oldest one.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I can't have you talk like you're talking in Cleveland.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, it's funny. This does clear up a lot for me, because I've. I've only seen the trailer, and the trailer barely has any words. And the one word that sort of does come up is when Odysseus, played by Matt Damon, goes, let's go, and runs to into war.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Sounds like he's in a Buckeyes game.

[Langston Kerman]

And I thought. I was like, damn, he dropped the accent for yelling. But. But maybe that's just a Thing I'm not clocking.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

No, he's just talking about Matt Damon, the whole movie.

[Guest Comedian]

And Matt Dame's a good actor. I don't think for. For this.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

And Hathaway kills. Like, the acting is good. I just don't. Yeah, let's not. Let's not. I feel like once we. We let that in, then once we let in, it's really a sign of the times. That's a recession indicator.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Once our period pieces start having American accents, we gotta be. That's it. That's it.

[Langston Kerman]

We gotta agree on something, folks.

[Guest Comedian]

It was a risk they took. Didn't make it impossible to enjoy. But I appreciate who thou with all father. It just. It keeps me in that zone.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I want Denzel at Hammond. That's what I want.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

Denzel was still kind of Denzeli. Right?

[Langston Kerman]

In Gladiator, too.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

But in Hamlet, in Hamlet, he was still kind of Denzel.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

He.

[Langston Kerman]

I think he did brilliant.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I didn't watch all of it.

[Guest Comedian]

I'll be honest. He killed it. He made. You know what Denzel made me like. I hated Shakespeare for so long.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Really?

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah. I just never liked it. It's just that thou with art.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I'm like, but the stories you don't dislike.

[Guest Comedian]

Well, I didn't even give them a chance. Cause I don't give a fuck about Shakespeare. But when Denzel was in it and I watched it, I was so befuddled and confused.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

You don't like thou with Ardeth. You just said befuddled.

[Langston Kerman]

Add a th to that thing. You Shakespeare baby.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

You twitch the language in the parlance, but it's not.

[Guest Comedian]

Before, I was confounded, but this is now. Me coming out of appreciating Shakespeare. Yeah. The appreciation. My palette has grown. Okay, because I want to watch the Denzel movie. I went on YouTube. I watched the explainer videos of what Hamlet was or, like, the Shakespeare stuff. I was like, oh, that's dope. And then once I watched it, now that I knew what the story was, it made the listening easy. Then you hear the poetry of Shakespeare. And then I went down this weird rabbit hole of just loving Shakespeare to the point where I'm watching old monsters monologues with Judi Dench.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Whoa, Dame Judi Dench.

[Guest Comedian]

Damn. Yeah. Let me put some respect on it.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, no, she's a dame.

[Guest Comedian]

Kind of fine back then, too.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

That's what. That's what that means.

[Langston Kerman]

Hey, some of us.

[Guest Comedian]

Is that what dame means? That means bad bitch in England.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

Crazy actress. But even who's the dude that played Magneto. Older.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Oh, Ian McKellen.

[Voiceover/Ad Reader]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Ian McKellen.

[Guest Comedian]

Sir. Ian McKellen, sir. Damn. We got a really, you know your sirs and dames. I respect that, man. You well traveled.

[Langston Kerman]

What else you got?

[Kyrie Shabazz]

No, that was it.

[Guest Comedian]

There was a few. Yeah. Professor McGonagall.

[Langston Kerman]

I think she was Helen Mirren, ain't she?

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I think she's a dame. I think Helen Mirren is.

[Guest Comedian]

Oh, Idris Elbus got knighted, right?

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Did he?

[Guest Comedian]

I thought he. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Is he sir?

[Guest Comedian]

I don't know why I feel like

[Langston Kerman]

he announced that more.

[Guest Comedian]

I thought he got sir.

[Langston Kerman]

He got sir.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I don't know.

[Additional Panelist]

He did.

[Guest Comedian]

Oh, he did, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, he's being humble about it.

[Guest Comedian]

I think it's just a bad year for black people in England because it happened shortly after the bafta Tourette's. Yeah, that wasn't great.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

That wasn't great.

[Langston Kerman]

We knight. You nigger.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Again,

[Guest Comedian]

sir nigger.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

The first one.

[Guest Comedian]

The first of your name.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

First in your name.

[Guest Comedian]

But not the last. But not the last. Certainly not the last. Dude, I'm with you on that.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Reading the. Or watching the videos to help you understand that, bro. I read some Russian literature and I was reading that afterwards. These Russians are amazing.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

Oh, they are.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I had no idea.

[Guest Comedian]

I want to get into.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

These Russians are. Dostoevsky is going crazy.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

Wait, the what?

[Kyrie Shabazz]

The Dostoevsky. I read the idiots. And it's like amazing. It's like one of the. It's one of the best times I've ever had reading.

[Langston Kerman]

Whoa.

[Guest Comedian]

But you had to do pre work.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I had. So what I started to do was I would read the Cliff Notes after every chapter.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

But then once you get into it, you start understanding the language more, and then you have to do that less and less.

[Guest Comedian]

Yes.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

So then it'd be like I'd read it for three, four chapters.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

You know what I mean?

[Langston Kerman]

And then.

[Guest Comedian]

Because now you know what's going on. Yeah. Yeah.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

But once. But I'm glad that I did that because I had bought it. You know how you buy some shit to be smart and then never read it?

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah, I did that.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah. I read three pages. I was like. And then I. And then when I came back to it, I really gave it what I thought it deserved. And it was one of the most incredible pieces of art I've ever taken in.

[Guest Comedian]

And I love those moments. And for me, I'm. Dude, that was Shakespeare for me. I never had a reason to give a fuck about it until Denzel. So now that's what he was hoping would happen. Is it? I think so.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. I think so.

[Guest Comedian]

That's a conspiracy theory. Like black people should be into Shakespeare more.

[Langston Kerman]

Denzel ushered in a lot of important stages in my life. I would say.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah. Tucked in T shirts.

[Langston Kerman]

Come on.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

He's pretty much the best at that.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

He looked awesome.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

The boys and girls club.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, man.

[Guest Comedian]

His whole brainchild smoking pcp.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

Pulling Will Smith to the side like,

[Langston Kerman]

hey, Will, let me giving the man a stern talk.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah, yeah. You need that in Hollywood, man. That dude. But do you fear. Cause there's certain things at our age we can't start getting into. And I'm afraid at 35 as a black man, this isn't the time to start loving Shakespeare. Because then now with Shakespeare festivals with weird whites and youth.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I don't think you have to. I don't think you have to. I think that you don't have to find community in it. I think you could just like your heart aches, bro. You know your heart aches. No, this is personal. This is personal.

[Guest Comedian]

You set.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Your heart aches.

[Langston Kerman]

You gotta find.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Because you gotta find community where you're at.

[Guest Comedian]

I'm making excuses for my true larpy desires. Probably. Yeah. But I don't want to.

[Langston Kerman]

You trying to catch a in a corset.

[Guest Comedian]

You being if it was a black Shakespeare fest. Yes. I can't be around smelly whites in the forest.

[Langston Kerman]

That's fair.

[Guest Comedian]

Hopping around with no hygiene.

[Langston Kerman]

Absolutely.

[Guest Comedian]

Reciting. I refuse to subject myself to that. So I'm hoping that we catch on. So it's like a black R B

[Kyrie Shabazz]

brunch slash Shakespeare festival.

[Guest Comedian]

Shakespeare festival.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

You might be the first person who's ever pitched this in the world.

[Guest Comedian]

And it's on record, so let's copyright it.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

But that would be amazing.

[Guest Comedian]

I want to enjoy Shakespeare with us. I can't do it in the woods with white.

[Langston Kerman]

Can I say where I think.

[Guest Comedian]

But I think that would hit harder.

[Langston Kerman]

Can I say where I think you're being ambitious And I'm sorry to be this way, but I think we can work this business a little bit. I think you're starting a little early with the brunch.

[Guest Comedian]

No, no.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Brunch.

[Guest Comedian]

Not. Yeah, I'm sorry.

[Langston Kerman]

I think you gotta start with just that. Shakespeare.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

He's saying in the spirit of.

[Guest Comedian]

The spirit of brunch.

[Langston Kerman]

Ok, great. You're not serving food.

[Guest Comedian]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Langston Kerman]

Because then it's going to turn into carnival real fast. Do you know what I mean?

[Kyrie Shabazz]

And that's not terrible.

[Langston Kerman]

It's not terrible. I don't mean Carnival party. I mean Carnival Cruises.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

That's what I was going to say.

[Guest Comedian]

All those fans.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Bring them over here.

[Guest Comedian]

Oh, no, they're Carnival Blacks. No, cruise ship blacks.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

No, Carnival blacks is a crazy dirt.

[Guest Comedian]

That sounds like a slur Black.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't think cruise ship blacks is going to sit well in their.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah, I don't want to appear the whole market. I'm trying to get my ticket sales up. So. Cruise ship.

[Langston Kerman]

Hillary Clinton calling them deplorables.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

No, but there should be a black carnival.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, there should.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Like a traveling black car. I don't know.

[Langston Kerman]

Black Carnival or not. Barnum and Bailey, they. What was the Black Circus?

[Guest Comedian]

Tyler Perry plays are kind of like. That's truffling. Black Carnival.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

There is a black circus dog. And I can't believe I'm not remembering

[Kyrie Shabazz]

there's a black room.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, Universal Circus. Y' all don't know Universal?

[Guest Comedian]

No.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

You just Googled it.

[Guest Comedian]

No, it was.

[Langston Kerman]

Maybe it's Chicago based. I didn't realize that.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Oh, is it Chicago based?

[Langston Kerman]

My whole life I thought that this. No, they're in Atlanta, of course, but.

[Guest Comedian]

But Universe Soul.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. The Universe Soul Circus. Yeah, was always traveling. It wasn't quite as.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

As.

[Langston Kerman]

As Soul Train now presented. It was a show of respect. We honored it. It was on the radio every week. The Universe Soul Circus is coming to Chicago? Yeah, absolutely.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

If that's coming back, we should go.

[Langston Kerman]

I'll go to Black Circus with you.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

It feels like. I think the Harlem Globetrotters were sort of.

[Langston Kerman]

They live in that space.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

That's a bit of a black circus.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah, definitely a bit of a black star.

[Langston Kerman]

We're burning bridges left.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I've seen the Globetrotters time shout out to showbiz. Looks like me, but smaller. Okay, I got a little dark one.

[Langston Kerman]

A little dark.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

That's crazy dark. Globetrotter.

[Guest Comedian]

Oh.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

All right, guys, I think maybe we go to break.

[Langston Kerman]

No, we got to do the intro. We literally haven't even done a formal intro.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Okay, okay, okay. Yeah. Microchips in your maze. All koala bears are racist. Kick off your shoes and relax your feet and party on down to the X Gate beat. Just kick it, just kick it, just kick it. Welcome all mamas and gentiles alike, to another phenomenal episode of My Mama Told

[Langston Kerman]

Me, the podcast, where we dive deep, deep into the pockets of black conspiracy

[Kyrie Shabazz]

theories and we work to prove nothing. We ain't got shit for you. No, I ain't got it, cuz it

[Langston Kerman]

Ain't it ain't available. Maybe next week we can check in the back. But I assure you we are constantly out.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

You can hold us upside down, shake

[Guest Comedian]

us all you want.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I don't have it for you.

[Langston Kerman]

It might do something good for my back. I have been feeling some discomfort. You're welcome to bully me if that makes you comfortable. But no, it won't fix the thing. Anyway. Our guest today, We couldn't be more excited that he's here. We're in a brand new space. A comedian of men, many notes. You know him, his don't tell his Tonight show sets so funny. We're so glad that he's here. Kyrisha Baz, ladies and gentlemen.

[Guest Comedian]

They got your man.

[Voiceover/Ad Reader]

They got.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Your man's on sex. To me. He just handed it to me.

[Guest Comedian]

I don't know what they all.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I don't know what they all say. I don't know what they all say.

[Guest Comedian]

What kind of got you journal is that? That sucks.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I'm saying. I'm sorry. I'm sorry we invited you down here behind the old bus station to do this to you.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah. Where the first sexual assault in LA happened. For the viewers who don't know, we are in possibly the sketchiest part.

[Langston Kerman]

Yep.

[Guest Comedian]

But I like it. Cause it feels like real art was made.

[Langston Kerman]

It's raw, baby.

[Guest Comedian]

It's good, but it is raw. Unfiltered. Safe from the hands of gentrification and time.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

Nothing modern exists here.

[Langston Kerman]

Nope.

[Guest Comedian]

This is the future of la.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

We.

[Langston Kerman]

We already. We picked our dystopia now.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, that's good.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

That's a good. That's a good way to look at it.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah, but that. That intro, that sucks.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

No, I mean, let me try to get you.

[Guest Comedian]

Can I hear it again? No, I want to hear that one again.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

That one again.

[Guest Comedian]

No, no, no. You don't hear my lawyers.

[Langston Kerman]

Don't give it to him again. He's got lawyers.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I got another one.

[Guest Comedian]

I got another one.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I got another one.

[Additional Panelist]

Get it.

[Guest Comedian]

Hey, hey. Let's get it.

[Langston Kerman]

Let's go.

[Guest Comedian]

Hey, let's. Let's go. Much better. Unemployed. Oh, fuck. Dead. Dead broke.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Lift your mom on the couch.

[Guest Comedian]

Okay, perfect. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This has definitely got you. This is the weirdest rap beef ever.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

It feels like now I've never been

[Guest Comedian]

dissed on the soundboard.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

It feels like he loaded these against both of us. Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

This is premeditated.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Again.

[Langston Kerman]

We source this from you, the listeners. I loaded it. I did not pick them. I just loaded it up and I cut out the Ones that were insane.

[Guest Comedian]

So originally I had a conspiracy in mind, but this new conspiracy.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, let's dig into it.

[Guest Comedian]

Of Langston's soundboard.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, that I. That I am this. See, I told you. I'm the devil.

[Guest Comedian]

No, I told you earlier.

[Voiceover/Ad Reader]

But I promise it's not a scam.

[Guest Comedian]

See, it definitely is a scam. I went from what was the first one was sexual assault to unemployed broke on my mom's house.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

That was tough.

[Guest Comedian]

Which it correlates

[Kyrie Shabazz]

a lot of times.

[Guest Comedian]

Not me personally, but you do have

[Kyrie Shabazz]

two cell phones, which is crazy.

[Guest Comedian]

You do. One is for my mom to let me back in, and the other one is for my public defender. Yeah. So. Wow, that's. No, it doesn't correlate with me, but I think that lifestyle.

[Langston Kerman]

No, the lifestyles match pretty much. So.

[Guest Comedian]

And when you fans, you sick fucks, your fans curated the soundboard.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, they did this.

[Guest Comedian]

So this is what got filtered through. I can't imagine the ones that didn't make.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, no, it's haunting.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Well, you know what's crazy? I think we're both really learning about our fans more recently. That they are nasty.

[Guest Comedian]

Steve.

[Additional Panelist]

Bro.

[Guest Comedian]

Oh, man.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

They're like. They're like bad versions of us. They. They like it sick. They want the nasty stuff.

[Voiceover/Ad Reader]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

Keep sending them at. Send them the worst vile.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

They will.

[Guest Comedian]

You have.

[Langston Kerman]

They really will.

[Guest Comedian]

I want the unrated, unedited, unfiltered sound.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Oh, that would be fire.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

We should do that for Patreon. For Patreon.

[Guest Comedian]

We should have subscribe to Patreon for the unfiltered sound.

[Langston Kerman]

They're just long.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

What I'll do then the C. Because then I can't blame you or boy. I'll randomly press one.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

Like a Ouija board.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah. Close your eyes.

[Langston Kerman]

As long as you don't press the green one, you're straight. Whatever.

[Guest Comedian]

Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

Oh, okay. That was much better. And it died. Okay, I feel better now.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

My shit died because I took it to the beach recently.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

That's embarrassing.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, that's okay.

[Guest Comedian]

I feel better because at least I just have a coke addiction.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah, that one's not too bad.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah, coke addiction is hard.

[Langston Kerman]

And that's Smokey Robinson inspiring you to get off of that coke addiction.

[Guest Comedian]

Okay. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

You didn't know that was a Smokey Robinson classic?

[Guest Comedian]

I did know.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Oh, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

That is.

[Guest Comedian]

That must have been the 80s when he tried hip hop album. It is the 90s.

[Langston Kerman]

It is a late era Smokey for the DARE program. He has on a Jean all Denim. All denim, top to bottom. He's in the streets and he is shaming for what they doing wrong.

[Guest Comedian]

Which has historically worked.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

Throughout the hood. Your name is.

[Langston Kerman]

You don't tell me what to do, brother. Brother. The things that we know you got up to.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah, we're talking. Yeah.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Smokey.

[Guest Comedian]

Smokey's a wildcat.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. I. I can't believe you never seen Smokey Robinson gang banging.

[Guest Comedian]

We gotta watch it in a Canadian tuxedo.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. No, it's.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

It's crazy.

[Langston Kerman]

It's one of the best. Best things he's ever done. It is so frightening to think this is the beginning of the music video.

[Guest Comedian]

Oh, gang violence. Well, he wants to relate to the

[Langston Kerman]

youth at an all time high.

[Additional Panelist]

High.

[Langston Kerman]

It's at an all time high.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

It's so severe.

[Guest Comedian]

These ain't gangways. That nigga's not a gang.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. And look, he holding the gun. He just got it on him. And I'm gonna get gang banging to be a public service message because these

[Guest Comedian]

are white gang bangers.

[Langston Kerman]

And it talks about casting. Had to move fast.

[Guest Comedian]

Got you.

[Langston Kerman]

Smokey was ready to shoot.

[Guest Comedian]

We got one brother.

[Langston Kerman]

He got a big ass gun.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Killing.

[Guest Comedian]

He looks friendly.

[Langston Kerman]

He left his gun on the ground.

[Guest Comedian]

He doesn't respect the gun they gave him. They're like, dude, if you can't respect

[Langston Kerman]

our weapons, that's not usually how people treat their guns. I don't at all, you know, people,

[Kyrie Shabazz]

except for OG Gun on the ground.

[Guest Comedian]

We know this is a tough neighborhood because there's graffiti.

[Langston Kerman]

There's a lot of graffiti. Actively being sprayed there. He is doing that w. Part of

[Guest Comedian]

this song is cool stuff.

[Additional Panelist]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

It sound like he's advertising it.

[Additional Panelist]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

It doesn't sound anti.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

No, it sounds like promoted.

[Guest Comedian]

I want to join the game, by the way. This looks like outside, but I want to join again.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Well, they shot it in the house.

[Langston Kerman]

Smokey was here earlier.

[Additional Panelist]

He was.

[Langston Kerman]

He was our actual first guest. We weren't supposed to say anything.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Got you.

[Guest Comedian]

That's a good first guest.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Dropping next week. Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

Smokey, I think. Yeah. I want to smoke on the wine and hanging out all the time. Yeah, yeah. Sounds a good time.

[Langston Kerman]

He listed all the fun stuff, and then he presented a multicultural group of people that you might want to hang out with.

[Guest Comedian]

It's a very inclusive gang. It's a very diverse gang. Nobody seems to be going hard none. And the gang potluck. It's gonna be fire if they.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Oh, my God. There's gonna have. There's gonna be elote.

[Langston Kerman]

They Got a fucking Filipino dude.

[Guest Comedian]

There's gonna be baba gadoush.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah. Baba ganoush. Elote lumpia.

[Guest Comedian]

Baba ganoush. I said it wrong, Mom.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

No, it was good. It was good. Baba ganoush is.

[Langston Kerman]

Man, that shit is crazy in here. You said however you to want, want.

[Guest Comedian]

I appreciate that.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Sometimes we say, boo boo gadoosh.

[Langston Kerman]

Here's what we need to do because we've. We've taken things too far.

[Guest Comedian]

Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

We need to take a break.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Okay.

[Guest Comedian]

Yes.

[Langston Kerman]

And then when we come back, we're going to dig into the conspiracy theory Kyrie that you showed up here with. So let's take a break. When we come back. More, Kyrie, more. My mama told me.

[Guest Comedian]

Yes, sir. I might say going down Atlanta bazangs. And you need a manual or something. So that's what I told him.

[Langston Kerman]

I said, come get my nickelated from the real snoozy.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

We're back.

[Guest Comedian]

Jesus.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

That was Baltimore. We don't know what's going on there. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

That was a barber in Baltimore.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I really understand how that accent works.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Usually I can hear shit and be like, I know what that is, that accent. I don't know. It's.

[Guest Comedian]

Wow.

[Langston Kerman]

It's whimsical in a way that I love.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

It is fun. My little brother's obsessed with it.

[Langston Kerman]

I really, really like that that somebody invented a new dialect.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

In a way where I can kind of track an emotional journey, but I'm truly not able to gather the sentence. That's. That's a phenomenal pool.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

You take somebody from Jamaica and you take somebody from Baltimore. Yeah, I understand. Jamaica first.

[Guest Comedian]

Speaking of, I want to go back and watch the Wire now and see, because I don't remember hearing that accent as much.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I don't think they did it. They.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't think it.

[Guest Comedian]

They did the Odyssey thing at.

[Langston Kerman]

At the. The scale that it does.

[Guest Comedian]

Oh, it was post the Wire, I think.

[Langston Kerman]

I think after the Wire, the Internet became. It created a complicated relationship with Baltimore and the accent because it became too popular. Right. And so then the Baltimore natives. This is my interpretation of it, but maybe I don't understand it well enough. Created. They innovated again. They were like, bro, we are not your punching bag. We will find new silly ass ways for niggas to talk.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

We're going to get manipulated.

[Langston Kerman]

And they perfected it and they really found it. Yeah.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Which is. Which is heroic. I couldn't do it, man. I wish I could come up with some new bro.

[Guest Comedian]

Like, the bay has an accent, though,

[Kyrie Shabazz]

or like the Bay has an accent y' all have. Y' all are, you know, when you, you know, even. Even like the city versus Oakland. Yeah. You know, versus the Peninsula.

[Langston Kerman]

And y' all are. Are E40 is that innovative space. You know what I mean? Like, there's so much. There's so much of y' all language that has now become universal. That used to be just the way niggas from the Bay talked.

[Guest Comedian]

And that this era was such a fun time because there were so many whimsical, magical words. It was so magical mixed in with some of the hardest gang banging niggas ever. Like. Yeah.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Cause you the bird.

[Guest Comedian]

The bird, the sneeze, the smeeze. Words like shabooba la bloopy.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

It's like imagine that being your last words before you're slain in the streets of Oakland.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

Is a nigga talking about shaboo blah bloopy. So the day.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

It would be hard and my eternal soul would not find rest.

[Guest Comedian]

It would never find rest. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I am going to haunt that.

[Guest Comedian]

You need a desi. Yeah.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I'll be on the corners of Jack London Square. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm. I'm going be scaring the out of cars driving past.

[Guest Comedian]

But that's all la, I think too. Their gang banging was so whimsical. Cali gang banging culture. You grew up in Chicago, right?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

So, yeah, I'm used to East Coast, Midwest. It's the hoodies, the timberlands, the. Out here, there were like flags and colors and dances. Like the Crip Walk is such a festive display of.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I mean, California is still paradise.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Additional Panelist]

Yeah.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

So it's like, even. Even.

[Guest Comedian]

So it's hard to have that hardened soul.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Even, even. Even the bottom of it is still the bottom of paradise.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Right.

[Guest Comedian]

Truly.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

You know what I mean?

[Guest Comedian]

It's like, truly.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

It's like you've been to the Midwest in the winter. Like, it just does not get that bad here.

[Langston Kerman]

It can get bleak.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, my God.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

It gets bleak in the nice parts of the Midwest.

[Guest Comedian]

Chicago was more. I grew up in Cleveland, where you would have streets and streets of just abandoned houses.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

Dark abandoned houses. Street lights out, touring. We came out here to Cali. It was like, oh, this is the hood. Like, this is the nicest neighborhood I've ever been in.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Everybody's got houses.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The jungles looks good. It's. It's. So Cali has always had some sort of whimsical gang thing where I think that's what makes Baltimore cool. It's like, now that they have this new accent with the kind of urban, tough grittiness, they're right in a good pocket.

[Langston Kerman]

And I think they. The accent doesn't stray so far from their roots that they even have to, like, announce, hey, we landed on some new shit, y'.

[Voiceover/Ad Reader]

All.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

It's not like when you hear people from Toronto talk and you're like, when did this. When did this kid.

[Langston Kerman]

I've been going to Toronto for a long time. Y' all wouldn't.

[Guest Comedian]

No croties and woes.

[Langston Kerman]

Y' all wasn't doing all this.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Especially not as many of the Indian dudes that I.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Right, right, right, right.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah.

[Voiceover/Ad Reader]

No.

[Guest Comedian]

Geez. And I still refuse to believe Toronto's tough. I don't.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I think every big city can be tough.

[Langston Kerman]

I think it's tough in a way that I don't understand.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

And so I acknowledge that. Like, what doesn't scare me doesn't mean it won't kill me.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Right.

[Guest Comedian]

But that's the hard part. That's why I think stuff like Top Dog. I never really watched the series, but I couldn't get into finding these.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Top Boy.

[Guest Comedian]

Top Boy. Yeah.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Oh, yeah. I thought you were Top Dog.

[Guest Comedian]

Top Dog is definitely Top Dog.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Sorry.

[Guest Comedian]

Top Dog. Top Dog.

[Langston Kerman]

Love the show.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Did you get hit by the bus station?

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah. No. Top Dog.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Call the dog.

[Guest Comedian]

Please don't murder me. No Top Dog. Definitely intimidating. Top Boy, is.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

It just.

[Guest Comedian]

I can't get into English hip hop, rap.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't like it either.

[Guest Comedian]

We don't.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I don't like. We talked about it.

[Guest Comedian]

We don't like to have.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I like watching. I like watching Top Boy, though.

[Guest Comedian]

I'm giving a shot. But, yeah, the rap is horrendous.

[Langston Kerman]

It's a real problem. I cannot buy it. And I know that that's not fair and I know it's not true. I am imagining stabbings left and right in these communities.

[Guest Comedian]

Plenty of murders.

[Voiceover/Ad Reader]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm not ignorant to the fact that you're having real experiences. You sound like crumbs. And that doesn't work.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

That's even talking about, like, what we were talking about with the Odyssey. America did a really good job of being like, nah, they talk like hoes over there.

[Voiceover/Ad Reader]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

Remember we used to.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Not over here.

[Guest Comedian]

I don't even like what the Revolutionary War was about. We're not. We gotta pay y' all and sound like bitches. Nah, nah, fuck that. Fuck that.

[Langston Kerman]

I'll be honest. I don't even like when British people sing in British accents. You sing like me.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah, Adele. Cuz when you hear Adele talk, it is different.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. I don't want that shimmey sweep ass shit.

[Guest Comedian]

We don't have a me spy.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

You say, hello,

[Guest Comedian]

I wrote the album. Like. No, say it.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. I think, I think we should pay them the respect of giving them history and they should pay us the respect of making art and culture. American accent. Because it's the best.

[Guest Comedian]

Unless it's an epic.

[Langston Kerman]

Unless it's an epic.

[Guest Comedian]

That's the only time you get to use that.

[Langston Kerman]

But if we're talking about modernity, if we're talking about modern culture, make that shit American. We did it.

[Guest Comedian]

Make it American.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

What about rock and roll music?

[Guest Comedian]

See, I love a old. That's a little more mummified rock star with an English accent.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

That's what I'm saying.

[Langston Kerman]

That's a little more complicated.

[Guest Comedian]

I respect that.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I kind of like. Does the Rolling Stones count?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, they're British.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

No, but I mean, it feels like they sing British.

[Langston Kerman]

Yes, they do.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Or they sing a little bit of a mixture.

[Langston Kerman]

They do a hybrid.

[Guest Comedian]

But that's why you said modern too.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Right. Today at the reception. That's kind of. Yeah, I, I, Yeah, I like it when they do. They do rock and roll.

[Langston Kerman]

I think rock and roll of yesteryear is a little different than rock and roll of now.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

So I don't want them head back singing.

[Guest Comedian]

No, I don't want the emo accent, the.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Whoa. I never thought that today I saw the.

[Guest Comedian]

Like that Whoa.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I never thought about that.

[Guest Comedian]

The Uber stanked in with the Aventure.

[Langston Kerman]

Jeffy.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

That's pretty fun.

[Guest Comedian]

I don't want.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I actually kind of might be into that.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Only when it's black. Because there's a new evolution. I don't know if you guys have like these black rock bands who are going back to that sort of style.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I have seen that on Instagram.

[Guest Comedian]

Hooba stank bands. I love what they're doing.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Hooba stick. I don't know that.

[Langston Kerman]

I think, I think, like, I think there are now punk bands. Black punk bands.

[Guest Comedian]

No, but they're not going for like

[Kyrie Shabazz]

the second Hoover stank. I get knocked down and I get up again.

[Langston Kerman]

Hoover stank is the hanging off the side of the building.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Sing it.

[Guest Comedian]

I'm not a per. What's the.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, okay.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Isaac stick.

[Guest Comedian]

It's a Isaac knows who pacific thing.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Okay.

[Guest Comedian]

It's. Maybe it is only me they have. No, it's an error.

[Langston Kerman]

The reason. Yeah, the reason that. Yeah, you've heard. Okay. You've heard this.

[Guest Comedian]

You are Not Alone by Michael.

[Langston Kerman]

You've heard this. You know this song? Perfect person.

[Guest Comedian]

This is very much an era of rock.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I don't know this song. My white music scope is large but limited at the same time. It's very odd.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah, but this was very, like, mainstream. Yeah, but the black bands now are kind of bringing back that sort of yellow card.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Oh, I know. Yellow card.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah. There's a place called Ocean Avenue. Yeah. Yeah. So I like seeing black bands do that. But I hated that annoying sort of rock. Oh, I love accent.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I kind of like that voice.

[Langston Kerman]

I liked. I liked when we all had a thing that was completely our own. Yeah, it was really nice when everybody had their own. And then we started mixing and matching and now.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

You know who ruined it? Limp Biscuit. When they started doing that rap rock, it was. It really all. It was like, no, no, no, no. Yeah, rap and rock. I don't want you to mix. You're taking the worst parts about each of them.

[Langston Kerman]

You're not even good at either one of them.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[Guest Comedian]

So you weren't a fan of, like, the Jay Z Lincoln Park?

[Kyrie Shabazz]

No, I hated that.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, I'm not gonna lie.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I hated that.

[Guest Comedian]

If you hated that, I'm alone. I love that.

[Langston Kerman]

That was huge for me.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I didn't hate it.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah, dude, that.

[Langston Kerman]

I really fucked with that.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I didn't like that whole era. The only one of those songs of that weird era I liked, and this is embarrassing, I did like the 100% reason to remember the name song. You know what I'm talking about?

[Guest Comedian]

No.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah. 10%, 50% skill.

[Guest Comedian]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Concentrated power of will.

[Langston Kerman]

That's actually one of the worst.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

That's the one I.

[Guest Comedian]

That was corn. That was a band.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Corn or 5% pleasure. 100% pain.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, that song stunk.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Remember the name.

[Guest Comedian]

But the numb.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I don't like Linkin Park.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. I used to love.

[Guest Comedian]

Oh, you don't. I love Lincoln Park. Yeah, that was.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I like. You know who I like?

[Guest Comedian]

I love the shit.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

You know who I like? Can't wake up.

[Guest Comedian]

Wake Evanescence or something.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yo, wake up, baby up inside.

[Guest Comedian]

And the bitch was literally falling from the.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah, that was good. Can't wake up, wake up. Yeah, that's that white be. When white music pieces.

[Langston Kerman]

That's who I was confusing.

[Guest Comedian]

So why. Where is rock music now? Cause I felt like it was so dominant. Like store, Hot Topic, Spencers. Stores were built on the backs of these bands. And now it feels like you can't even hear a rock song and save your life. The last one might have been Arctic Monkeys.

[Langston Kerman]

I think the charts have just shifted so much that we're not aware of what. What's out there.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

And I feel like younger people seem to really pull a lot into their music, so it's like they don't want to be defined by genres at all.

[Langston Kerman]

And we also. We lived in an era where, like, when. When new music came out, it was like an announcement for everybody.

[Guest Comedian]

Right.

[Langston Kerman]

Everybody knew when 50 Cent was coming out. My dad knew when 50 Cent was coming out. He didn't give a. But he was aware because it was like, sort of around media.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Everybody heard in the club.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah, everybody.

[Langston Kerman]

There were only six ways listening to music.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

So you listen the way you listen, and now you have every option. So music is just so privatized that we're not aware of what exists anymore.

[Guest Comedian]

My parents didn't like rap, but they would want to know what was the number one song on 106.

[Langston Kerman]

In part, yep.

[Guest Comedian]

Like, they just. Out of curiosity.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

You know what's funny? This is funny because my mom was really young. I watched my mom outgrow rap, and now she pretends like she was never over there.

[Guest Comedian]

Oh, she. Okay. She's the.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

We all thought it was great when I learned the words to the Humpty Dance, first of all.

[Guest Comedian]

So she's a huge denier.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Loved it at parties.

[Guest Comedian]

She's like, I've always loved Anita Baker.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah, it's like that. Like. No, I was always into Whitney Houston more. And it's like, lady, we listened to the. You had to pick the radio station.

[Langston Kerman]

I rode in the car with you.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah, we were.

[Guest Comedian]

It was pretty much the station back then. Yeah.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

No, it was. My mom liked rap until whatever year year Romeo and Juliet came out. You remember that song?

[Guest Comedian]

It's like Romeo and Juliet.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I think that was when my mom started making a departure that was enough for her. I think that was kind of the end of it, where it was like, I can't.

[Guest Comedian]

I will say that.

[Langston Kerman]

That if you're riding around with your kid and that becomes. You do have to draw a line.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I get it. I get it for sure.

[Langston Kerman]

The boys back there.

[Additional Panelist]

I can't.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah, I need to put smooth.

[Additional Panelist]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

He does all the words.

[Langston Kerman]

He's definitely not going to school.

[Guest Comedian]

He's singing every.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

But I remember I got in trouble for singing, but she always listen to nasty music. Because I got in trouble for singing. Get off at school. That Prince song got to have A mother for me Your big ass on this way. I was singing that song.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

And.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

And 23 positions in on one night.

[Langston Kerman]

And teacher heard you.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

And then reported you to the principal.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah.

[Additional Panelist]

What?

[Guest Comedian]

And look at you now.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I Fuck.

[Guest Comedian]

She's with the child.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. She said, can you do that to me?

[Kyrie Shabazz]

She said, this little boy is too sexy, dude.

[Guest Comedian]

That man. It's an era I miss. But I'm glad black people, black rockers are now any space we can invade in music. I fully support the country invasion. Even though it's getting amok now, it's losing its plot.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Well, I think country mimics rap in that it just became commercially a really easy way to get a lot of money and not like, work that hard on your craft. Right. Cause like, pop country, I've heard a lot of, like, popular country of the last 15, 20 years. It's just as bad. It's just as, like, formula. It's really easy to make.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm not gonna lie. I do fuck with a few cuts over there.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

What are you. What are you talking about?

[Guest Comedian]

90s? I'm talking 90s. Cause I have country as well. I'm talking about a fucking neon multi moon. There's a song. I don't know if you know what I mean. You know what I mean?

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Neon Moon hits. Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

There's like a good air of that 90s country.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

It's like kind of a. They sing about some kind of an alcohol and then like. Or some kind of a liquid and then like a tough day.

[Additional Panelist]

Yeah.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

And then I like it when white

[Guest Comedian]

people talk about roads down the road. Yep.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Seeing on that dirty old back road.

[Guest Comedian]

They love a dirty old back road.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

They love being dusty.

[Guest Comedian]

Dusty and dirty.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

They want to talk about a dusty ass grandpa.

[Guest Comedian]

When they say make America great again, they mean get rid of paved streets and gravel.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

We needed dusty.

[Guest Comedian]

We need dusty, dirty paths to watermelon patches.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I think that's what they want. I think they want dusty roads and they want to jar their own fruits.

[Guest Comedian]

100% terrible.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I wish I could draw char fruits. Really?

[Additional Panelist]

Really.

[Guest Comedian]

Me too. I think it's a skill we'll need now.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

I'm upset that our culture isn't built on. Yeah. On us surviving what will be the downfall of society.

[Langston Kerman]

Well, this, I think is. And we haven't brought ourselves back in. In any formal way, but we are.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I think that's an Isaac job, maybe.

[Guest Comedian]

Oh, my bad. I'm sorry. I'm just talking to y' all niggas like we in the green room.

[Langston Kerman]

It's our way. And you are not changing a thing.

[Guest Comedian]

I appreciate that.

[Langston Kerman]

We don't ever. We never will. That said, the. The conspiracy you came today with is. Is. You said, my mama told me the Leviathan has risen, and my mom would

[Guest Comedian]

be upset if I didn't clarify. It's not a conspiracy. It is the word of God.

[Langston Kerman]

Whoa.

[Guest Comedian]

That's why I picked it.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

It's.

[Guest Comedian]

It's not conspiracy. It is the will and testament of all the Lord.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

If you don't think that they conspired to give us what his will and testament was.

[Guest Comedian]

Right, right.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

So that's the biggest conspiracy ever. How many people wrote the Bible?

[Guest Comedian]

Hundreds.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

And how long ago?

[Guest Comedian]

Hundreds.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

And how long ago from when it happened did they write it down?

[Langston Kerman]

Come on.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

That's the conspiracy.

[Guest Comedian]

A lot of it was oral communication.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah. You know how that always works.

[Langston Kerman]

Well, also, hundreds of people wrote it down, and only, like, 16 dudes got to put their name on it.

[Guest Comedian]

But you can't tell that to your black mother.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

You know what I mean? Dudes could read.

[Additional Panelist]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

You can't turn up to your black mom. No, no, no. The Bible.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah, no, I get it.

[Additional Panelist]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

Hollywood. That's the Hollywood change you. Yeah, no, I'll get a lecture. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

But I also couldn't invite my black mother to this space. And in that way.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

You wouldn't invite your mom to a

[Guest Comedian]

live show to this space.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Oh, no, no, no, no. Right now this is not safe. I meant, like, if we had a show or something.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I mean, she could come to

[Kyrie Shabazz]

a show for sure.

[Additional Panelist]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

Oh, she didn't come to the mint ones.

[Langston Kerman]

My mom lives in Ghana.

[Guest Comedian]

Oh, in Ghana. Okay.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

My mom lives in San Bruno, the Ghana of California.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, for sure. For sure. Dude. This one for me, I picked this one mainly because it was. It's such absurd, the reaction and fear of it if there's no threat there with the Leviathan thing.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah, right.

[Guest Comedian]

And I think so many. For those who don't know what the. Like, it's just a creature that no man can kill but God, and then he feeds it to mankind.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

It's a water creature, right?

[Guest Comedian]

It's a water creature. So in a way, it's almost like the end result is we get a new meat. So there's no. Because he feeds it to the people. So it's like, this is going to be new barbecue. Leviathan is basically a new Wagyu type meat that we get to ingest, but it's aquatic.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Let me tell you.

[Guest Comedian]

Aquatic agent. New crab just dropped new crab.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

That's what I'm saying, dude.

[Langston Kerman]

Cause.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Does it have a shell? What do you mean? You don't look happy at all.

[Langston Kerman]

This scares me.

[Guest Comedian]

Are you not into. Are you afraid of new exotic meats?

[Langston Kerman]

See, you're being so optimistic about this, but immediately my heart sank when you said this, because I go, okay, we've got this new majestic meat.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Motherfuckers are gonna commodify that so fast, we are gonna be killing each other.

[Guest Comedian]

Oh, it won't be free.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Why the fuck was that?

[Guest Comedian]

I'm sorry.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

We're not killing each other over crab right now.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, but this new meat, there's gonna

[Kyrie Shabazz]

be an abundant amount.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah. What meat?

[Kyrie Shabazz]

How much?

[Langston Kerman]

Leviathan can go around the Earth, the planet?

[Guest Comedian]

It's exclusive. You're average.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

You're worried about the wrong thing, right?

[Guest Comedian]

Leviathan will be in a corn dog. No, this won't be for commoners.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, that's what. That's what scares me. That's what I'm saying. It's going to create.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Langston. There's already a meat hierarchy at play, dog. There's already a meat hierarchy. You know how many people have not had Wu?

[Guest Comedian]

You don't think SAG AFTRA members will have access? Your union dudes entitle you to Leviathan on set, bro.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

We're in.

[Langston Kerman]

I get invited to the SAG Awards. They serve in Leviathan.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Man, we're already in the meat hierarchy. We're. We're in it. We're in it. I hate to break it to you. You're up top, baby. How many meats haven't you had?

[Langston Kerman]

Wow.

[Guest Comedian]

Like I said, you're closer to more exotic meats than we are. Yeah, anybody should be lamenting, it should be I. And I'm not throwing you in there, boy level, but, you know, I had

[Kyrie Shabazz]

horse six months ago.

[Guest Comedian]

You're close to Leviathan.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

That's. You're going to get. You're going to get. You're going to get some of that.

[Langston Kerman]

I, I, I'm.

[Additional Panelist]

I'm.

[Langston Kerman]

Hey, I'm part of the proletariat, baby.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah. Come on, man.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm a man of the people, but

[Guest Comedian]

the whole conspiracy is just around. There's a rock formation that looks like a dragon in the ocean.

[Langston Kerman]

It's a giant.

[Guest Comedian]

Therefore, this is Leviathan.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

So they think it's, like, resting underneath

[Guest Comedian]

this rock formation, frozen. And so what they're saying is, with climate change and everything and the icebreakers breaking out. Yeah, that's supposed to be his Head right there.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

This Leviathan head.

[Langston Kerman]

Giant Leviathan head. Head.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Which barely looks like an embryo.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah, it does. It barely looks like.

[Langston Kerman]

It does look like snake head to me. But it really is counting on so much stuff that everything looks like something.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

If you tell me.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I mean, there could be some shit in that ice, though. If there's all these diseases that are coming out of the ice, there's going to be some other shit.

[Langston Kerman]

I think that we are constantly imagining these big, giant, giant, majestic monsters when the truth is is that everything that has ever been foretold has been an allegory. It is a Leviathan could very well be coming.

[Guest Comedian]

Right.

[Langston Kerman]

But whatever rests under that is not a giant serpent.

[Guest Comedian]

This isn't it, though.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, it's. It's whatever the.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

This is a rock formation.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

That's what I mean.

[Guest Comedian]

That's where I'm at with it. Leviathan is there, but this is. Isn't.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, you're saying there is a Leviathan under the earth?

[Guest Comedian]

In a way.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

Because look, we already got the. Here's the strongest evidence they have towards the. Right.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

Is that we already had our government confirm that there's alien life forms in the ocean or some kind of. They all hear about that. Like, it was like when the episodes.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They've said. They've said it. Yeah. He had to distract from.

[Guest Comedian]

From the.

[Voiceover/Ad Reader]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

From the real. Yeah, from the real Leviathan, which was a pedophile ring of millionaires.

[Langston Kerman]

Are those aliens?

[Guest Comedian]

Right, right.

[Langston Kerman]

Damn, they coming close this time.

[Guest Comedian]

Fuck yeah. Y' all worried about us? Leviathan about to come eat your kids.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

There's not enough to eat.

[Guest Comedian]

And that's a standard theory, too. They think all the missing children have been going to feed this sort of underground sea beast.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Why would they not? I feel like it's easier to source adults. No one want the children.

[Additional Panelist]

Children.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

No one wants.

[Guest Comedian]

It always has to be children. For some reason. I don't know.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

Ancient beast. For some reason.

[Langston Kerman]

I think it's the reason we value Ve.

[Guest Comedian]

I think Leviathan has a taste for Ve.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I think breaks the orphan's legs.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. Yeah. I think the sickness is to imagine them at their most vulnerable and.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

And then.

[Langston Kerman]

And then do it.

[Guest Comedian]

But like most conspiracy theory, nothing ever adds up or makes sense. And there's never, never a solution with it. It's never like, no one's like, hey, this is Leviathan. It's real. It's coming to attack us.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

By the way, I have dragonstone or glass or Right and that's.

[Langston Kerman]

That is the bummer for me with all of these conspiracy.

[Guest Comedian]

There's never a solution is.

[Additional Panelist]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Like, come on, dog. If that. If this is legitimately a Leviathan and you are legitimately worried about him coming and up the planet, what's the game plan? Let's ban together.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Let's finally give that Independence Day ass speech and fix this.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

That wasn't what I thought.

[Guest Comedian]

I have anxiety whenever this plays. I never.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah, no, this is. It sucks that you're on the first one.

[Guest Comedian]

No, no, no.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I'll dial it in over time, but right now I'm just really. I'm shooting.

[Guest Comedian]

It makes me appreciate your fans more.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They miss it.

[Langston Kerman]

They miss the thing they've been craving.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

They said.

[Guest Comedian]

What the.

[Langston Kerman]

They yelled at us a lot. Here's what I'll ask you before we go to break. You believe in the possibility of the Leviathan underneath the earth, ready to strike and then be taken down by the Lord and thus feeding the people and

[Guest Comedian]

really great deadly sound.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

Do you worry you're going to get caught in the crosshairs of Leviathan?

[Guest Comedian]

Meaning I'm going to be one of the people he eats. Yeah.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

You are on a coastal city.

[Langston Kerman]

He's not dying without taking a few of us with him. This ain't, you know, Godzilla. Godzilla shows up at the middle to the end of the film.

[Guest Comedian]

I'm one of those people. I don't believe I'm a main character in the whole. I think we have to get over main character syndrome.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

So if I have to be one of the people when Leviathan comes up, he has to just snatch somebody up because he has to make a cool entrance. You have to do the dragon bite and shake somebody. If that's me, great.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Damn.

[Guest Comedian]

But not in, like a suicidal way.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

No, no. But, like, if that's how I gotta go. A lot of people just go to, like, you know, degenerative diseases. Yeah, that's.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah. I don't wanna be.

[Langston Kerman]

I wanna die. I want to die by Leviathan. So silly, man. I want the Leviathan.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Like that guy who was pooping in Jurassic Park.

[Voiceover/Ad Reader]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Who was pooping in Jura. That's exactly what I was thinking of. I want to be there taking a shit. Leviathan knocks my roof off and he go.

[Guest Comedian]

But I do want Leviathan to respect me. And I want. I don't want the bite where it's like, you nibble and then you just toss it with, like, half of my body. Yeah. Like, do the toss Me up and like. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Leviathan eats you whole.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah. I want it to be like a penguin eating a fish.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, exactly.

[Guest Comedian]

Exactly.

[Langston Kerman]

There's a lot of meatball on that bone, playboy.

[Guest Comedian]

I just don't. Yeah, I want. Yeah. I want him to be so satisfied by that meal. He's like, I'm good.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

But yeah, not just, you know that one bite where, like, they shoot him

[Kyrie Shabazz]

with the death blow after he's satiated from you?

[Guest Comedian]

Exactly.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Like he's rubbing his belly and then they say, oh, now, but if I

[Guest Comedian]

could have it my way, I would rather be one of the people at the time. Same table.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. I'd like to survive. I don't expect that.

[Guest Comedian]

I will. Leviathan hibachi.

[Langston Kerman]

Haviathan labachi. Leviathan. Hibachi. It sounds so good.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

We should get some hibachi. Hibachi after this.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah. Leviathan rams.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah.

[Additional Panelist]

All right.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Just, like, regular.

[Langston Kerman]

That's so ambitious.

[Guest Comedian]

Can I. Before we go, can I tell it. Speaking of dinner, Lanc. This story which you. Sticks in my mind because it changed the way I viewed the industry forever. You might not remember it. Oh, no, you look terrified. You look terrified.

[Langston Kerman]

Because I be saying shit.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I don't.

[Guest Comedian]

No, no, no.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Especially at dinner.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. If you feed me, I'll talk crazy.

[Guest Comedian]

No, that was a black. That. No, this was. I wanted stand up. MC Used have to be stand up competitions.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

And I won it one year. And next year, what they do is they have you go travel with them to all the cities they audition in and they'll bring people that were part of the program who end up being really successful. So they'll have people come in, you know, know that notable things.

[Langston Kerman]

Weren't he successful.

[Guest Comedian]

No. But at that time, Nick, I was like, yo, that's the dude from Insecure. Like, that's cool. Like, it was. It was a dinner with us and the executives. It was in Chicago. And you were sitting there com.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I bet he was g. I bet he was. If I know my boy, I bet he was going bad.

[Guest Comedian]

No, no, no, no.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

This is.

[Guest Comedian]

This makes it crazier. You were as calm as a cucumber.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah, that's how he.

[Guest Comedian]

That's the. The dude. Calm as a cucumber. Chilling. Yeah, that. And we talking. It was like, oh, yeah. Everybody talking about they travel and stuff. And you was like, oh, yeah, No, I took a lift here. I got in a car accident. I don't know if you remember this. Oh, yeah, you took a lift. You got into a car accident. Yeah, it was A bad. Kind of a bad accident.

[Langston Kerman]

It was a very bad accident.

[Guest Comedian]

But you left unscathed.

[Langston Kerman]

Y.

[Guest Comedian]

But his tone and his manner of talking to his is like, yeah, no, I got into a terrible car accident and can you pass some potatoes? And it was so chill and relaxed.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

As if someone who had not just been in a horrible accident and we had follow up questions which seemed to shock you.

[Langston Kerman]

Yep.

[Guest Comedian]

As if there was no reason for legitimate concern. You like, well, I'm okay and I'm here. What it like, did the driver die? Did what happened?

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Was that kind of an accident?

[Langston Kerman]

No, it was a bad accident. It was a dude's. I was in the backseat on a highway and a dude was going. My driver was going too fast, tailgating a lady. And she stopped fast. And he stopped not fast enough. And shit got crunched and I fucking wiggled my way out. I looked at four cars smushed together and people screaming at each other. Nobody was. I. I knew nobody was hurt, but I saw people yelling at each other and trying to resolve shit. And I walked up that expressway ramp and I never looked back.

[Guest Comedian]

And got another lift, dude. But he's.

[Langston Kerman]

I called an Uber.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I said, okay,

[Kyrie Shabazz]

yo, that's David, that's.

[Guest Comedian]

But he's telling the story casually.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yo, you're so funny. He's so funny.

[Guest Comedian]

Can you to potatoes, please? Like, just.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

You walked up, dog. You walked up the highway, doc.

[Guest Comedian]

And that's what me up.

[Langston Kerman]

I got my suitcase out of that broken trunk, yo, and I went the my way.

[Guest Comedian]

Can I say I had so much respect for you and fear for you at the same time, because the balls that took. I would have did the phony fake linger to make. Is everyone okay? You're losing your car, your livelihood to make an income.

[Langston Kerman]

Can I. I'm gonna tell you something that we can't use this part either.

[Guest Comedian]

Okay? So without knowing that context, I'm like, okay, this dude is.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

They're like, this is your travel partner?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yo, meet your new sergeant.

[Guest Comedian]

Yo. I. I was like, this dude could lead us to the prom. Like, it was a moment where I'm like, no matter what happens to you in this fucking industry, in this game, no matter what goes on. And you, dude, the way you were telling, like, yeah, no, I was ejected from a windshield and flew about 3 yards over the breezeway and almost was hit by a semi truck. The fact that you got up, dust yourself off, ordered another lift in front of a four car pile up. Yeah, dude. And proceeded to come here and eat zucchini and steak. An Illuminati style dinner.

[Langston Kerman]

It was an illuminati dinner. Absolutely.

[Guest Comedian]

100%. I was like, yo, this is the level of unbothered and unfuckwithable. I need to reach to. To be success. I haven't found it yet.

[Langston Kerman]

No.

[Guest Comedian]

But the fact that you just fucking casually survived a near death experience and,

[Langston Kerman]

brother, it hasn't solved any of my problems.

[Guest Comedian]

Okay?

[Langston Kerman]

That's not what saved me at all. That behavior has not propelled me forward in any way, shape, or form. That said, I disagree.

[Guest Comedian]

That said,

[Langston Kerman]

we find it how we can. It was a fun. You were so funny on that tour. That was like a fun little run that we got to do. I'm grateful that I completely forgot that those two stories were synced, because it

[Guest Comedian]

was moments after, right?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Additional Panelist]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Literally, I came from the accident straight to be with the dinner because we had the dinner first and the show that night.

[Guest Comedian]

See, I thought the shattered glass in your shirt was a design choice. I didn't know.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Cause she wears fancy shirts.

[Additional Panelist]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

And I do have a shattered glass shirt, but it is.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah. I'm like, am I behind the trainers? Niggas wearing shattered windshield glass?

[Langston Kerman]

No. I've been in three different uber accidents.

[Guest Comedian]

That's crazy. Oh, my God. That's an alarming amount.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah, that's two too many.

[Langston Kerman]

No, I really should be out the game.

[Guest Comedian]

Don't get in a waymo.

[Langston Kerman]

No, no, no. I'm not fucking with you.

[Guest Comedian]

You gonna be the first Waymu.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I like that you say way more.

[Guest Comedian]

Waymo.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, nigga.

[Guest Comedian]

Shit. Waymu. But hit the nigga on the counter button. Yeah, that's.

[Voiceover/Ad Reader]

I got it. Yes, bitch.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Chocolate vanilla swirl with cookie crunch, please.

[Additional Panelist]

Okay.

[Guest Comedian]

Jesus Christ.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I'm learning. I'm learning.

[Guest Comedian]

Jesus Christ. Yeah. No, I say way more. Yeah, that's a way more.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

We.

[Langston Kerman]

We should take one more break.

[Guest Comedian]

Please.

[Langston Kerman]

We should. And then we should do a quick voicemail and we'll get out of here. All right. More. More. Kyrie.

[Additional Panelist]

More.

[Langston Kerman]

My mama told me

[Voiceover/Ad Reader]

this episode is brought to you by Facebook. So you were scrolling on Marketplace, and there was. It was the bike you'd been searching for. You sent a message, and it turned out the seller was super chatty, kind of funny, and an avid cyclist. The next thing you know, you're in a cycling crew. Well, a community cycling group. The thing about Facebook, you might find more than what you're looking for from a browse to a bike ride this summer. Find more on Facebook.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

We're back with Langston Kerman. Kyrie Shabazz and the white John Goodman.

[Langston Kerman]

The white one, the black John Goodman. All right, we need to do a voicemail.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

We're gonna do a voicemail.

[Langston Kerman]

We haven't filtered through any of these.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I'm just picking this one.

[Langston Kerman]

If you pick at random, that is

[Guest Comedian]

not good news for me at all. That is not working.

[Langston Kerman]

Our callers are como se d say insane.

[Guest Comedian]

Are y' all like the black Joe Rogan?

[Langston Kerman]

We are trying our best not to be.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Okay, the T shirts come soon.

[Guest Comedian]

I am a white Puerto Rican. Nope, already off top.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

No. Yeah. Nah, the super bowl was in February.

[Langston Kerman]

What a funny choice.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I didn't know. I mean, no, I mean, to get.

[Langston Kerman]

To not let her.

[Additional Panelist]

Yeah, I was just scrolling on reels, right. And I seen, I guess, an interview with Terence Howard, right. And they're talking about Game of Thrones. And he said, I don't know this. So my conspiracy is separate from his. But he's asserting that because Game of Thrones got all this incest. It got on incest porn. But he's talking about himself personally. Personally. Oh, my conspiracy. Is Chance Howard out here watching incest porn on some weird. But that's it, y'. All. Yeah,

[Guest Comedian]

I mean, I think that's pretty, Pretty, pretty fair.

[Additional Panelist]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

I don't know. There's no conspiracy.

[Langston Kerman]

What am I gonna argue against it? Oh, yeah, you'd probably be watching this.

[Guest Comedian]

Cracked it and solved it.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, yeah, I think, I think.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

No, that was a fully form.

[Langston Kerman]

I think he saw something he liked and then had mixed feelings about that.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah, you gotta watch that stuff with the sound off.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Never learn their names. Never learn their stories.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

That was a strong hypothesis back by the scientific.

[Langston Kerman]

Now here's my question. With the incest porn of it all.

[Additional Panelist]

Oh, no.

[Langston Kerman]

I do have follow up questions and I apologize if that scares you, David.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

It does.

[Langston Kerman]

My concern or question rather with the incest porn. Are we calling it incest porn when we absolutely know for a fact they are not related?

[Guest Comedian]

I think the narrative is if they're pretending to be.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

I think that's the point.

[Langston Kerman]

So, like, even though they are very

[Kyrie Shabazz]

clear, it's not like organic where it has to be real to put the label on it.

[Langston Kerman]

Everybody pretends. Everybody pretends like it's this like terrible, naughty thing, but it's still just two strangers fucking. They're just bad at acting and have a bad story.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah. But I think that a lot of people are going for the bad story.

[Guest Comedian]

I got you.

[Langston Kerman]

That they are getting rocked up on that bad story.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah.

[Additional Panelist]

On.

[Guest Comedian]

On the incest of it. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

That. That is not my way. So I. I didn't understand that.

[Guest Comedian]

No.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

No one thought it was.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, well, I. I'm.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I'm.

[Langston Kerman]

I declare it.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

It's been said. And I'll say it again if you need me to. I'm not into that.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah, me.

[Additional Panelist]

Me either.

[Guest Comedian]

Even with the twin chick.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Okay, man, come on. No.

[Guest Comedian]

Cause twin sisters, like, it was.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

You're right.

[Guest Comedian]

No, no. Y' all twin.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

No, you're right.

[Guest Comedian]

Thank you for your bravery. You're right. No. Oh, my God.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

No, you're right. I'm agreeing.

[Guest Comedian]

Me and Terence Howard. Cause at least with twins, it's like, that's a twin thing versus. This is two siblings.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

That's literally the same thing.

[Guest Comedian]

No, but they don't look alike. Like, for example, the twin thing is like, I'm so hot, I'll fuck myself.

[Langston Kerman]

No one flinched when Ray Allen got to see them two twins in Loving Basketball. I think those were in.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I think those were just two white ladies.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, they weren't twins.

[Guest Comedian]

No, I think they just two white bitches that look alike.

[Langston Kerman]

I thought they were twins.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

That's a different movie.

[Guest Comedian]

I don't want to be the. The incest. The now feel corner.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I think he just too. I don't think they even had the same hair color. Now you gotta look.

[Guest Comedian]

Or the algorithm finna be on incest born now.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

He got game. The. He got game. Those were.

[Guest Comedian]

Oh, I know you're talking about. Yeah.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

When he went to big with Rick Fox hooked him up.

[Guest Comedian]

I don't know if those were.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I don't think.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah, I would have to go back and watch. They did look. But they were two blonde, big city white. Right?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I. I typed in he got game twin scene, and then it sent me to the Disney Channel Original movie double team.

[Guest Comedian]

That definitely was twin Disney Channel.

[Langston Kerman]

That's a horrifying correlation.

[Guest Comedian]

Mar. Ashley. Uncut versions.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah, no, I think that that was not. I don't think those were twins, Langston.

[Guest Comedian]

But y' all know what I mean. There is this twin. Does the twin fetish separate from the in? Like, can somebody mentally separate a twin fetish from me?

[Langston Kerman]

I do think that, like, would it

[Guest Comedian]

be separate genres of the same if they're identical?

[Kyrie Shabazz]

You're not talking about, like, fraternal.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah, no, because then that'll be had two sisters.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

This is a crazy line to draw.

[Guest Comedian]

No, man, look.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

What you. Okay. It's like, ostensibly, like, if you could have a clone.

[Guest Comedian]

Yes.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

If you could clone a lady.

[Guest Comedian]

She's so hot. She's herself for your pleasure.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Talking about them with themselves.

[Guest Comedian]

The twins fucking each other.

[Additional Panelist]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

Oh for you like y' all know

[Kyrie Shabazz]

what I'm talking about.

[Guest Comedian]

What kind of die on the scale

[Kyrie Shabazz]

diabolical evil villain hideout is this happening at?

[Guest Comedian]

There's a thing called twin. I'm not this is this can't be news.

[Langston Kerman]

I I agree with you.

[Guest Comedian]

There is a twin thing.

[Langston Kerman]

I think that that win like a commercial twins men get horny for double the price.

[Guest Comedian]

It grows for them for sure.

[Langston Kerman]

And I think the presumption of patriarchy is to demand that these people who are literally siblings would somehow be willing to fuck you at the same time because they have the same face.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Okay.

[Guest Comedian]

It's double that. So I wonder if people can separate. That's what I'm saying. Is that counted into incest? I would I'm saying it is incest.

[Langston Kerman]

I I'm gonna go.

[Guest Comedian]

I'm gonna go. So bold as to say yes.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I don't think you can count.

[Guest Comedian]

I I I don't think I think people rash lines. I think there's a difference between a twins versus this is my sibling. Well the twin is a s I'm not dying on this.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Yeah. This is crazy. This is why some argue that they're closer than regular sibling.

[Langston Kerman]

They can read each other's minds.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I don' so if you have the

[Guest Comedian]

same hive mind that makes it less incesty.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I think I think we're gonna save

[Guest Comedian]

you masturbation people where you've been?

[Kyrie Shabazz]

What you got to promote.

[Guest Comedian]

I've been on Twitch says onlyfans. No man. Right now I have right now I have a donto that came out that I'm really happy about. It's all about surviving and dating in the apocalypse. It's a mix of me just being frustrated going out on the road. Cuz you guys know the algorithm is crowded with all this dating and people hate them being at odds with each other.

[Additional Panelist]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Guest Comedian]

Talkings and freaks and who should pay for this and that and dinner. So it's just a blending of oh the world is on fire. We're talking about this. How do we blend it? How do we uplift short kings and tall kings. Yeah. And have a really practical argument of what these red flags and icks that we call now. How would they be beneficial to us in the end time scenario?

[Langston Kerman]

This brother putting short kings on his shoulders. We honor the work. Yeah. Fuck with him. Go.

[Guest Comedian]

And acknowledging that fat kings won't survive. I'm on a CPAP so I wouldn't survive.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

But if you can't sipap or regular

[Guest Comedian]

pap, it might be. It's the severe one. So I think the BiPAP, you can outgrow it. Yeah. So I don't know. I know y' all like conspiracies and. And incest stuff, but it's strange soundboards. But if your audience, if y'.

[Voiceover/Ad Reader]

All.

[Guest Comedian]

If y' all want to watch some. I think it's dope. Stand up. Check it out, man. It's out right now. And I think you could get some good tips on how to survive the apocalypse that is going to happen with Kyrie.

[Langston Kerman]

Watch the. Watch the clips. So funny boy with you.

[Guest Comedian]

Thank you, man.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

I downgraded from a BiPAP. Now I'm on a regular path.

[Langston Kerman]

Let's go.

[Guest Comedian]

Hopefully no progr, brother.

[Additional Panelist]

Yeah.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

By mid next year. You know, we got jokes87 on Instagram. Like us on Facebook. Now we're on Facebook. Patreon, YouTube, Instagram, all that.

[Guest Comedian]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Fuck with us. You can follow me at Lankson Kerman on all social media platforms. You can give us a call at 844-LIL-MOMS. You can send us an [e-mail] we would love to hear from you. Your drops, your conspiracy theories, all of that. And most important importantly, buy some merch.

[Kyrie Shabazz]

Bye, bitches.