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Courtney B.
This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human
Langston Kernan
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Langston Kernan
you don't seem like a White Castle Patty.
David Borey
It's one of the best restaurants I've ever had.
Courtney B.
Those burgers are so delicious. Especially after. Or a night at the club if
Langston Kernan
White Castle's crazy, too. If you get the White Castle in the store, it tastes like the burgers at the restaurant. Like the frozen ones?
Courtney B.
Yeah.
David Borey
No, they. Whatever chemicals they combine to make White Castle, they perfected it.
Courtney B.
They did.
David Borey
And I think where people get nasty about White Castle, when they start doing that White Castle nasty, What they're doing is comparing it to hamburgers, but it's not hamburger.
Langston Kernan
That's not what we're doing.
David Borey
We're doing White Castle.
Courtney B.
We're doing. It's specific. It's White Castle.
David Borey
They invented a food.
Courtney B.
They made it in a White Castle.
Langston Kernan
Yeah. I'm not eating four hamburgers.
David Borey
Yeah. White Castle is chemistry.
Langston Kernan
That's true.
David Borey
It is just.
Langston Kernan
That's true.
David Borey
This vial to that vial. So y' all gotta chill out. Just keep it. Keep it around the burger.
Langston Kernan
Because I don't know how they assemble it, but I feel like White Castle burgers come out.
David Borey
Whoa.
Langston Kernan
Like, they just pour it into a mold or something, and then they deep fry it, and then it. It just comes out somehow.
Courtney B.
It has a bun and everything.
Langston Kernan
It just comes out like that.
David Borey
I think a bird lays it that way. It comes out. That bird's but a full White Castle.
Courtney B.
That's real.
Langston Kernan
That's exactly it.
Courtney B.
It's not.
Langston Kernan
They don't put that shit together. It's just. It's like that.
David Borey
And it's a yellow one that makes cheese.
Courtney B.
Yeah. That's fact. Cause does White Castle have a king?
Langston Kernan
No, there's nothing.
David Borey
Or a queen?
Courtney B.
Wow. There's nothing.
Langston Kernan
That castle's running amok for real. There's no leadership.
David Borey
Monarchy.
Langston Kernan
There's no leadership.
Courtney B.
That's crazy.
David Borey
Yeah.
Langston Kernan
I think it's actually a constitutional democr.
Ryan Reynolds
Wow.
Langston Kernan
Yeah. They vote on shit at white cats.
David Borey
You know, There's a lot of child soldiers in white cats, I'm telling you.
Langston Kernan
No, it's like, it's a problem.
Courtney B.
The government growing babies.
Langston Kernan
Microchips in your 80s. All koala bears are racist. The ozone layer owes me money. Washington bending turkey stuff.
Courtney B.
You can't tell me nothing. My girlfriends van through thick and van.
Langston Kernan
Welcome, little mamas and gentiles alike, to another phenomenal episode of My Mama Told
David Borey
the podcast where we dive deep, deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theory.
Langston Kernan
And you know what this is? We don't prove anything. You're not gonna learn anything. We don't even like you. We just do this because Langston's kids need to go to college.
David Borey
They're desperately trying to spend $50,000 an institution, and I cannot turn them down. They're my angels, my babies, my future kids.
Langston Kernan
Trade school. Yeah. They're gonna leave high school early.
David Borey
Yeah.
Courtney B.
Yeah.
Langston Kernan
And maybe they'll go hang out with their older boyfriend and. Or girlfriend. That's none of your fucking business.
David Borey
They'll still be certified in H Vac.
Langston Kernan
Do you remember the trade school kids? Did you guys have that at high school?
Courtney B.
Yeah, we did.
David Borey
I actually think that that's the route I plan to encourage your kids.
Courtney B.
Trade school, huh?
David Borey
I don't know.
Langston Kernan
There was levels to the trade school, though. Cause some people were like, I'm gonna be a. I'm a diesel mechanic. But then some people were just learning how to cut hair.
Courtney B.
Yeah, but say chefs and farmers, I
David Borey
think we're good on those.
Courtney B.
Yeah, we got a lot of chefs.
David Borey
Yeah. But if my kid became an electrician, I think that'd be. That'd be the crowd.
Langston Kernan
Yeah.
David Borey
You know what I mean? Like, something where it really is like, yo, you have a. You can do a thing with your body and hands, and nobody is going to eliminate you.
Langston Kernan
Yeah.
Courtney B.
And H Vac is mad money.
Langston Kernan
Yeah, bro. Anything that you could be an apprentice, besides a wizard is good.
David Borey
It's gonna take a minute before robots are digging through, like, muck.
Langston Kernan
Right.
David Borey
You know what I'm saying? Like, if you're down to be one of those.
Langston Kernan
They can't get wet is why.
David Borey
They can't get wet. That's the problem.
Courtney B.
They can't.
Langston Kernan
That's the only thing that's.
Courtney B.
I see where y' all going.
Langston Kernan
I see where y' all going. That's the only thing that's gonna keep us safe. That's the only thing that's gonna keep us safe. Robots can't get wet.
David Borey
That is. And we will live on the water. And they will stand on the shore shaking their robot fists at us, upset. They'll say in their heads. They'll sound like robots when they talk. Our guest today. I pray she's not a robot. I wouldn't believe that.
Courtney B.
No. I was trying to figure out when I should start making my hair right now, because I feel like we're gonna be talking about something and.
Langston Kernan
That's good, Sara. It is good temporary.
Courtney B.
It is a quality level.
David Borey
It's certainly branded.
Courtney B.
Yeah.
David Borey
Oh, I like that you measure yours first.
Courtney B.
Gotta measure.
Langston Kernan
Yeah. That's good.
David Borey
We spoke about this previously. You're our first guest to ever to bring ceramic. To ever show up with tinfoil.
Courtney B.
Well, the thing is, for the podcast,
Langston Kernan
what are you gonna do? With the top? Cause it kind of looks like. Remember those crazy hats Tupac had that he tied off like a Christmas present?
David Borey
Yeah, absolutely.
Courtney B.
Did you ever have one of those?
David Borey
It was a little tie right here.
Redfin Announcer
Yeah.
Langston Kernan
You look like a uncircumcised pen.
David Borey
I always wanted one.
Langston Kernan
I did, too, but I don't think I was cool enough.
Courtney B.
It's so fly, right?
David Borey
It looked cool as shit.
Courtney B.
It did look cool as shit. I think they selling them again now. You know, all the fashion comes back.
Langston Kernan
I can't pull that off.
Courtney B.
No, I feel like you could.
Langston Kernan
That's the nicest thing anybody said to me.
Courtney B.
Do y' all want a hat?
Langston Kernan
Yeah. Yeah.
Ryan Reynolds
Yeah.
David Borey
If you're gonna do it. I think it'd be wrong for us.
Courtney B.
And I think I have enough here.
Langston Kernan
Okay.
Courtney B.
Measure your head. And then.
David Borey
So I wrap this around.
Courtney B.
I wrap it around.
David Borey
Okay.
Langston Kernan
There we go.
Courtney B.
Measure, and then you rip when you feel comfortable.
David Borey
Sure.
Courtney B.
You know, because you wanted to. You don't want the government to hear your thoughts.
David Borey
And I'm going to add a little extra on there.
Courtney B.
He's so light skinned. You see how light skinned that was? Okay. He took it off and then he, like, perfectly.
David Borey
I invited you here on the premise of us being friendly.
Courtney B.
No. Yes. We're very friendly. And then.
David Borey
And then here you are, quite light
Langston Kernan
skinned, though,
David Borey
being nasty.
Courtney B.
No, no.
Langston Kernan
It was just.
Courtney B.
It was just so precise. It feels like scissors. He would cut it.
David Borey
It feels like something you could have maybe kept to yourself.
Courtney B.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Langston, you don't know this man.
Langston Kernan
I'm about to do mine.
Courtney B.
Look at how he about to do his shit.
Langston Kernan
I'm about to do mine like the Jadakiss paper towel.
Courtney B.
Look at how he about to do his shit.
Langston Kernan
Don't look at me.
Courtney B.
All right, let's see. Look here. This shit falling off.
Ryan Reynolds
Yeah.
David Borey
You don't even know how to do it. And then that way I am blacker.
Courtney B.
Okay, now look. Here we go. Yes. Yes. Okay, look.
David Borey
You don't know what he is.
Courtney B.
Aw, see, you done been hanging around him too long.
David Borey
See, there's a problem.
Courtney B.
I ain't even doing nothing. But you gotta get your point. Get your point here.
David Borey
I wanted mine like a snow.
Courtney B.
Like a nub. He got a nub. There we go. Yeah, you gotta get your point.
David Borey
You look like a chef.
Courtney B.
You know what? Cause the government's listening. And the aliens, man.
Langston Kernan
Aliens are like, I'm in the SpaceClan.
David Borey
Yeah.
Courtney B.
Oh, that's it. Yeah. Look at us.
David Borey
You're cheering for A space claim.
Courtney B.
Our brains have been protected. Now we're getting. Now let's get in freely.
Langston Kernan
Yeah. Now we can say different.
Courtney B.
Little Trying to read into our minds.
Langston Kernan
All right, so now let's do it. What do you guys think about the Chinese?
David Borey
Okay. Our guest today. Our guest today.
Courtney B.
Help, help, help.
David Borey
Our guest today, the amazing. We're so happy that she's here. You know her, especially from her podcast is goddamn killing it. It's called we play in Spades. She hosted with Nick Cannon. She's a comedian and actress, a talent of all types. Give it up for Courtney B.
Courtney B.
So what are we talking about? Let's dive in.
Langston Kernan
Yeah, I'm excited. I. I'm gonna wear this to the game tonight.
Courtney B.
What game? Is this a game?
David Borey
He's going to the Clippers game.
Courtney B.
Oh, that's nice. Oh, you got money.
Langston Kernan
I never been in there. Have you been in there yet?
Courtney B.
What is that? Where is that?
David Borey
So far?
Langston Kernan
The new stadium. It's supposed to be crazy.
Courtney B.
Is that the one in Inglewood?
David Borey
Oh, it's not so far.
Langston Kernan
No. Into it.
David Borey
Into it.
Courtney B.
Yeah, yeah.
David Borey
It's also in Englewood.
Courtney B.
Mad night. Ca.
Langston Kernan
Is it good food?
Courtney B.
I'm hungry, so I don't go there expecting to eat necessarily. It's not a.
David Borey
You know, as we've discussed many times on the podcast, I eat like a dog, and so I'll eat anything.
Courtney B.
Anything. Huh. What is your concoction?
Langston Kernan
Ooh, that's good. Cause you can't cook.
David Borey
I don't cook.
Redfin Announcer
Yeah.
Courtney B.
Like, do you have something that you like? Yo, this is not normal.
David Borey
Yeah.
Langston Kernan
What's your go to? Okay. You're drunk off some cracking rum.
Courtney B.
Wow.
Langston Kernan
And you got a fridge half full. What are you making? Nobody's around half full.
David Borey
I'm gonna piece together some items that are probably in there. I'll fuck around and dip pick into some feta cheese.
Courtney B.
What you know about a pickle? I like that.
David Borey
You got so excited for pickle.
Langston Kernan
You were like, you didn't even need a second. Second ingredient.
Courtney B.
Pickles are elite. I'm in. Go ahead.
David Borey
Yeah, I'll dip it in some cheese or some weird sauces. I'll just go crazy with a pickle Pickle dipper.
Courtney B.
It's a pickle dipper.
David Borey
You can really make it a two. That's real.
Courtney B.
No, that's real. It's like a chip.
David Borey
Let's go. That's real long chip.
Courtney B.
I like that.
David Borey
I like that. Go ahead, try it.
Courtney B.
I think I.
David Borey
It's not a bad thing.
Courtney B.
It's not as bad as you would, like, think.
Langston Kernan
Yeah, I never thought about pickles and cheese together, brother.
Courtney B.
Oh, my God. I put pickles on pizza with plain lays, potato chips crumbled on top.
Langston Kernan
Wait, what kind of pizza?
Courtney B.
Like, a pregnant woman that's not pregnant ever. I be like, oh, nigga, drizzle some ranch, bro. You out here experimenting. This is a meal.
Langston Kernan
Are you guys talking about pizza pizza or are you talking about $1 totinos? Cause I put chips on that.
Courtney B.
Okay, totinos. Okay, let's. Okay. No, no, no, no.
Langston Kernan
You're buying pizza.
Courtney B.
We're talking about we going to a pizzeria.
David Borey
What?
Langston Kernan
And then you're putting doctoring.
Courtney B.
Okay, I'm doctoring.
Langston Kernan
That's crazy. I didn't know we had a PhD in here.
David Borey
This is how you. This is how you make arsenic. You got to be careful.
Courtney B.
Gotta be careful.
David Borey
That combination, you gonna pass out.
Courtney B.
It's lethal.
David Borey
Courtney R. Do you consider yourself a conspiracy theorist to some degree?
Courtney B.
I think that. So, you know the aliens came this year, like, November 7th. I think they were coming, so I made sure to have my helmet on also.
David Borey
No, no, no, wait. Sorry to stop you there. When they came or were meant to have come, you put this on to protect yourself from our government?
Courtney B.
From our government, but also from the aliens as well. I think it all transmits the same. I think the government works with the aliens because, you know, Barack Obama recently stated that they're not at area 51, so they at area what, 39. What area are they at?
Langston Kernan
I think 1 through 50.
Courtney B.
They at an area. You get what I'm saying?
Langston Kernan
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Courtney B.
So I am a conspiracy theorist to some degree. I feel like Scandal. Did we watch Scandal with Shonda Rhimes?
David Borey
I watched it for some time.
Courtney B.
I feel like Shonda Rhimes might just be a government official, and we just don't realize it because B613 is some real ass shit.
David Borey
Yeah.
Courtney B.
And I feel like we seeing B613 right now. I will say we playing, but for
David Borey
real, I will say what the Epstein files, for me, have exposed is that so many of these large corporations that ain't straight are. Are tied to criminal masterminding on, like, such a large scale that, like, it's not out of the realm of possibility anymore. The children in furniture. Whereas, like, before, it did feel sort of whimsical and silly, and now these nasty motherfuckers are, like, just willing to do that.
Courtney B.
They ruining our shit, dawg. Wayfair. I love Wayfair.
David Borey
Yeah, Wayfair.
Courtney B.
My apartment for Wayfair. Now I gotta figure out somewhere to buy some shit.
David Borey
Wayfair?
Courtney B.
Yeah. Everything's so expensive. You can't buy shit from ikea. You can't put it together. No.
Langston Kernan
Wayfair was like, TJ Maxx online.
Courtney B.
Facts.
David Borey
It was nice.
Courtney B.
Facts.
Langston Kernan
It was nice. It was really.
Courtney B.
IKEA is amazed. Ikea. I feel like IKEA is a social experiment. Oh, yeah. Cause they're trying to push me through
Langston Kernan
here, and then they.
Courtney B.
They look you. They. They pay attention to when you stop.
Langston Kernan
Yeah, I don't like IKEA yet.
Courtney B.
You ever been through IKEA and just rest somewhere?
Langston Kernan
Yeah, they don't like it. They don't like.
David Borey
I've never rested in ikea. You never rested ever in ikea.
Courtney B.
I gotta find somewhere to sit.
David Borey
Yeah, yeah. I run to.
Courtney B.
You get your steps in, don't ya?
David Borey
I put my arms back like, nar.
Langston Kernan
That's Lexington on the security footage at ikea.
Courtney B.
Ah, that's funny.
David Borey
We saw a yellow flash.
Courtney B.
That's funny as shit. I be chilling in ikea, nigga, they got food. I be chilling in ikea.
Langston Kernan
But I don't like that. I feel like I want to experience the store, how I want to experience it. I don't like the. It's so hard to backtrack in ikea.
Courtney B.
Oh, yeah, it's hard.
Langston Kernan
Like, if you're like, oh, we should go back and get that shit. You can't do it.
David Borey
That's what I think.
Courtney B.
You forget where it's at.
Langston Kernan
Mm. And now it feels like a different story.
Courtney B.
It's so true.
David Borey
It is crazy. A wrong turn in IKEA has, like, repercussions. Do you know what I mean? Like, where you're like, oh, no, it's gonna take me a minute to get back to the way I thought I was going.
Courtney B.
That's why I'm saying, I think the execs and shit sit up top and just be watching us in this little maze. Like, oh, they stop here. So maybe we should put plates and whatever here. Like, it's like a social experiment.
David Borey
Can I tell you where my brain goes when you say this? And remember, I am on Dr. Drugs. I often am.
Courtney B.
Okay, I understand.
David Borey
Quite high. But what this does make me think about is if we are preparing for a world where we are living in bunkers right underground, which is often what IKEA is. Is like sort of descending into the earth for this maze, whatever it is. I wonder how much of this is, like, a manipulation of how we can see this as a real world where we get comfortable in the Maze. We get lost in the maze. We understand how to follow rules in the maze.
Langston Kernan
It also feels big as hell down there.
David Borey
Yep.
Langston Kernan
Like, you're down there and you're like, damn, IKEA's big.
Courtney B.
And you down there for hours.
Langston Kernan
Every time I'm down in an ikea, I'm like, damn, it's big as hell. Like, so spacious.
Courtney B.
And we still willingly walk in.
David Borey
Can we get them used to walking into a space that they can't get out of? The other way around.
Courtney B.
Ooh, deep. That's deep. That's deep.
David Borey
And it's also nonsense. So remember both of those things. Remember both of those things. It's not just deep, it's also made up. And you have to hold both of those things in your head. Please stop trying to hold me accountable for the things that I say.
Langston Kernan
You say that like you're trying to get ahead of stuff. Are people holding you accountable right now?
Courtney B.
Are you saying stuff to you?
David Borey
I don't like the energy.
Langston Kernan
They're not holding me. I be saying, yeah, please don't hold me accountable.
Courtney B.
But also, some of this shit really is real.
David Borey
Yeah.
Courtney B.
Pigeons and birds. Like, really all birds. I feel like they. Government officials too.
David Borey
Okay.
Courtney B.
I feel like birds. You see it right there? Yeah. You got it. Birds are literally like cameras. They're little cameras all over the place. I think pigeons are like the little minions and seagulls. Little minions. But them eagles, they running shit.
Langston Kernan
I will say big birds scare me. Like, you ever seen a pelican? For real?
Courtney B.
Yes.
Langston Kernan
That's a scary bird.
Courtney B.
Yeah.
Langston Kernan
I don't like it at all. What's this part? What's in there?
David Borey
I. When you see them up close, you realize, oh, they are for real. Dinosaurs.
Langston Kernan
Yeah, like, whatever.
David Borey
All that nonsense people go about. Dinosaurs. They didn't have feathers. Whatever. They're dinosaurs.
Courtney B.
Dinosaurs have. There were certain dinosaurs that had feathers.
David Borey
For sure.
Langston Kernan
Most of them.
Courtney B.
Right?
Langston Kernan
Yeah, that might be. I don't think it's.
Courtney B.
Don't hold me accountable. I'm not accountable. Have you seen Jurassic Park? Jurassic Park? That's not real. Yeah, Jurassic Park.
David Borey
I got bad news.
Courtney B.
Jurassic park is real. Jurassic park is my favorite franchise.
Langston Kernan
Really?
Courtney B.
Seriously? Like, I will go see. As a franchise, as a franchise, I will go see any Jurassic Park. I don't care if they turn the T. Rex into the Velociraptor, into the. I don't care what they, like, turn it into. I'm gonna go sit and watch it.
Langston Kernan
What about the newest one where they had the crazy made up diamonds? Oh, I love it was that one that was like dead looking.
Courtney B.
I loved it. I loved it. He was outrageous. But I thought it was.
Langston Kernan
He was outrageous. He was scary. I was scared of him, but it was the best.
David Borey
You leave pleased every time.
Courtney B.
Every single time. I wear a Jurassic park shirt and everything. It's like a whole thing for me.
Langston Kernan
Really?
Courtney B.
Yeah.
Langston Kernan
Okay, what's your favorite one?
Courtney B.
Oh, you know what I love? When they took the white guy, the second one. So the white guy with the black little girl and he was like, how the fuck he get a black daughter? But somehow he had this dark skinned black daughter. It made no sense.
David Borey
She wasn't mixed at all.
Courtney B.
They did not try to get a girl curly hair. No, they didn't cut her.
David Borey
They tried to do shit.
Courtney B.
And she was a gymnast. I was like, okay. But somebody got her. That storyline, it was so cute.
David Borey
It also felt like for me, it felt like such a blown opportunity because in the first one he was just all about getting pussy. Yeah, that was a pussy hound. Jeff Gold.
Courtney B.
Yeah. That's why his shirt was open the whole time.
David Borey
It wasn't that he was like actively chasing bitches. He wasn't actively chasing bitches, but he was selling ass.
Courtney B.
He was so cute in that first.
Langston Kernan
Come on, you.
David Borey
He was being a hoe the whole time.
Langston Kernan
You don't talk like that if you're not trying to get. Get a pussy.
Courtney B.
That was how he was.
David Borey
He was trying to get ass the whole time. And then somehow he like, is a family man and it's like, no, make him a pussy.
Courtney B.
He had to go save her. He saved his girlfriend.
Langston Kernan
Scientists don't even wear all black or sunglasses.
David Borey
And they certainly don't open all the buttons. Come on.
Courtney B.
If there was a land that was full of dinosaurs, would you pay to go see it?
Langston Kernan
What continent is it on?
Courtney B.
Oh, aren't they. Weren't they in like.
Langston Kernan
I feel like they were in Puerto Rico.
Courtney B.
Yeah, it was like Cuba, Caribbean or something.
David Borey
Yeah, it was Caribbean for sure.
Langston Kernan
It was like near there.
David Borey
And they didn't want to talk about it very long.
Langston Kernan
No, no, no.
David Borey
Which is why we're all so.
Courtney B.
And the natives knew not to go on those islands.
Langston Kernan
I mean, but they talk about natives seeing dinosaurs in Africa. Makili omembi. They talk about the brontosaurus.
Courtney B.
Tell us more.
Langston Kernan
Brontosaurus in the. I think it's like in the DRC or something like that.
David Borey
Oh, I didn't know that.
Courtney B.
I've never heard that. I saw.
Langston Kernan
Yeah, but they called it Makilio mimby. And then I Guess they were like, talking to the locals and like, somebody had seen it and then the locals were like, oh, yeah. And then it's supposed to be a dinosaur.
Courtney B.
Really?
Langston Kernan
Yeah. I think I feel like there's kind all kinds of shit in the heart of the jungle.
Courtney B.
Well, there's no way. Nobody's seen. There's a lot of land. That's one of the things.
Langston Kernan
Like the Amazon.
David Borey
I read something, bro.
Langston Kernan
They can't even get in there.
David Borey
I read something the other day that was saying that, like, nearly 60% of the Amazon is, like, unexplored.
Langston Kernan
Yeah.
David Borey
Because it's just too dangerous in vegetation that they can't, like, get through it.
Langston Kernan
Have you ever been in a jungle? That shit is so scary.
David Borey
Yes.
Courtney B.
Because who wants to go into a jungle?
Langston Kernan
It's scary.
Courtney B.
Have you been at night?
Langston Kernan
Yeah, why? It's just a pee.
Courtney B.
I'm sorry.
Langston Kernan
I was in my grandpa's village.
David Borey
He's from his. You gotta give me.
Langston Kernan
Yeah, that's fair, that's fair.
Courtney B.
Okay. Sierra Leone.
Langston Kernan
And we were like. Me and my cousins were playing at the edge because it's like one road in.
David Borey
She's from Detroit, so.
Courtney B.
Hey, you know, I. This is my first time meeting somebody.
Langston Kernan
I get you. It's a Sierra Leone. In the Midwest, people say that a lot.
David Borey
The Midwest is crazy. Because we don't meet nobody.
Courtney B.
Nobody. I'm like, we.
David Borey
I didn't meet a Caribbean person until I left.
Courtney B.
I left and moved to Florida. I moved to Florida.
Langston Kernan
Yeah. Even in Chicago, I didn't know what a Dominican was.
David Borey
We have Puerto Ricans and Dominicans, but that's it.
Courtney B.
That counts.
David Borey
Yeah, but I'm saying, like. I'm saying like the fun ones. Oh, like the ones where you're like, whoa, right?
Courtney B.
Yeah, like the real ones.
David Borey
Haitian.
Courtney B.
What? Yeah. Okay.
Langston Kernan
Okay.
Courtney B.
That's real.
Langston Kernan
That's crazy. So there's just not. It's just not like, diverse. It's not internationally diverse.
Courtney B.
Well, segregated too. There's a lot of segregation. So, like, even if they do have their cultures and their events and whatever, you deep on the east side or in the hood somewhere, you don't even know they got this stuff going on. You know what I'm saying? So we had like, northwest Detroit, which is where a lot of Hispanics are,
Langston Kernan
but
Courtney B.
we don't be over there. Like, you know what I'm saying?
David Borey
You've heard legend up there exist.
Courtney B.
Yeah, I've heard legend of their. But I mean, you know what I'm saying? It's kind of tricky like that, but it Wasn't until I moved to Florida that I found out about, like, Dominicans and Jamaicans and Haitians and different foods and different. You know, and just how, like, pride. How much pride they have for their culture. It was like, shit, what am I? Yeah, I'm just.
Langston Kernan
You're Detroiter black.
David Borey
You're regular black.
Courtney B.
I'm just regular black. I wanted a little, you know, like, I love New Orleans. Cause they got so much culture. I'm like, God damn. Y' all lived in America and kept y' all culture. That's beautiful.
Langston Kernan
New Orleans is crazy.
Courtney B.
Yeah.
Langston Kernan
They don't even seem like Americans down there.
Courtney B.
No, for real.
Langston Kernan
It seems like another thing.
Courtney B.
That's what I'm saying. It's like another country. The way they celebrate their culture. And then they. They even keep the language, you know, the Creole. They keep that language. They teach their kids. Their kids. Teach their kids. It's. It's this generation.
David Borey
No, it's the. It to me, is the greatest tragedy of the black migration. Right? Is that, like, we lost all trace of our, like, history as black people, you know, born of black people in this country. And so, like. Yeah, there's just a lot of people in the middle who are like, my grandma from Indiana.
Courtney B.
Right.
David Borey
That's what I know.
Langston Kernan
It was like when we were in Louisiana, it was stew. Now we're up here eating Coneys.
David Borey
Yeah, that's as far back as I can trace, is two generations.
Courtney B.
That's real.
David Borey
Here we are. You know what I mean?
Courtney B.
Did y' all do, like, you know, the little thing 23andMe and all that stuff?
David Borey
You don't wanna do 53andMe.
Courtney B.
Okay, that's fair. That's fair.
David Borey
That's the antithro. That's when they get in that butt.
Courtney B.
But crazy.
Langston Kernan
That's crazy.
Courtney B.
Not in the butt. You wanna know your jeans. For real. Not in the butt.
David Borey
You let me in your jeans. I'll tell you your jeans.
Courtney B.
Did y' all do 23andMe?
Langston Kernan
No.
Courtney B.
Did you?
Langston Kernan
I. I don't get a feeling. I have a complexion and I look like people from where I'm from. I don't think there's a lot of other shit in there.
Courtney B.
Okay, I understand that. You are really brown.
David Borey
He's gonna get sent back a whole pot.
Langston Kernan
It's gonna have, like, a little bit. He's gonna have a piece of another part of Africa.
David Borey
Yeah.
Courtney B.
That's all. Okay.
David Borey
Oh, you gotta go to Africa. That's three blocks over.
Langston Kernan
Yeah, I know.
Courtney B.
They was doing shit with our DNA. And that's Another thing.
Langston Kernan
But I don't know though, because I have been worried. My grandpa is lighter, a lot lighter skin than you would think.
David Borey
Oh really?
Courtney B.
Really.
Langston Kernan
And that makes me nervous. Oh dang. But we got like. Like. Cause like even my mom's not as dark as me. But then I got like a couple cousins as dark as. So it's like. Like I would wonder.
Courtney B.
That was beautiful though.
Langston Kernan
But it feels like a scam too.
Courtney B.
Really.
Langston Kernan
I. I think it's 23andMe. You don't have to.
Courtney B.
I feel like they're. They're. Yeah, they're taking. They taking our DNA for sure. And like mutilating and doing. Using it for different scientific experiments. And because we. They put all of that wording in there and you just signing your shit away, you don't even realize what the fuck you signing off.
David Borey
See, I. I know for a fact just based off of research that that they are using our sort of like DNA. But it's not. I haven't read yet that they're manipulating it. Although I'm not dismissing that as a possibility. But they are actively using it to do things like deny bank loans to people.
Courtney B.
What do you mean?
David Borey
They are looking at. The goal is to be able to sell off your information. So if they look at your family history and they go, your family has a history of high cholesterol after all. They're going to say that your family is reflective of how you probably live your life and how long you'll live. So we're not going to give you a 30 year mortgage.
Courtney B.
Damn.
David Borey
Because of the possibility you're not going to pay it off.
Langston Kernan
And that's why I'm not.
Courtney B.
Because you're going to die. That's why we got to stop eating that damn white cast. That's what we.
Langston Kernan
No, no, no.
Courtney B.
Don't. No, you don't say that here.
Langston Kernan
Courtney.
Courtney B.
They can pickles and sauce.
Langston Kernan
They can pry it from my cold dead body in my apartment
Courtney B.
that he gonna keep paying rent he doesn't have to own. The fuck is a mortgage. Fuck a mortgage. Loans are high as hell anyway.
David Borey
I know what I'm putting my money into this White Castle crave cases.
Langston Kernan
I got a lease. I got a lease and a rental. I could disappear tomorrow. David Bore died in the woods eight years ago.
David Borey
He exploded from White Castle poisoning. He overdosed.
Courtney B.
Not on white cast. Shake took that nigga out, yo.
Langston Kernan
No, that would be the worst way for them to find you. I hope, I pray when I die there's no fast food in the room.
Courtney B.
That's Funny as fuck, though. That be funny as shit.
Langston Kernan
Yeah, it would be hilarious.
David Borey
If there's fast food in the room, it's an absolute bummer.
Courtney B.
No. Swear to God. I made some pancakes today. Beautiful. Golden, crispy on the edges.
David Borey
I like that.
Courtney B.
I took Carrie's gold. I think it's Carrie's gold.
Langston Kernan
Oh, that Irish butter, that's the best thing I do.
Courtney B.
I slapped it on top. Melted.
David Borey
Yeah.
Courtney B.
And then I put the syrup on it.
David Borey
Okay.
Courtney B.
And there was this gray film on top of it. Fucked up my whole experience.
Langston Kernan
What kind of syrup was it?
Courtney B.
Trader Joe's.
Langston Kernan
Yeah.
Courtney B.
Trader Joe's ain't out.
Langston Kernan
You gotta stick to the classics.
Courtney B.
You gotta get some log cabin.
Langston Kernan
Yeah. Some log cabbage.
Courtney B.
Never in my life have I had a gray film.
David Borey
Yep.
Courtney B.
I said throw away shit away.
Langston Kernan
Mrs. Butterworth doesn't change colors.
Courtney B.
What are they doing?
Langston Kernan
Even after we're all dead and gone, she's gonna be thick.
David Borey
And that is the problem with the way that Trader Joe's thinks they're saving us. Do you know what I mean? Like, they're like, oh, we could take out the stuff that makes syrup. Syrup. And it's like, well, what makes it syrup is that it can sit in my cabinet for 20 years and then I come back to it and it's still syrup. Also, I don't want some shit I gotta rebuy six months from now.
Langston Kernan
I don't want maple. I want my syrup butterflies flavor.
Courtney B.
Wow. You wanted them that go to IHOP and eat the blueberry and.
Langston Kernan
No, I eat the regular. That's crazy.
Courtney B.
That's slander, man.
Langston Kernan
That's slander, man.
Courtney B.
I'm just saying that hurts.
David Borey
Remember when she was being nasty to me? You sat back, you said nothing. And now it's come for all of
Courtney B.
us that like butter pecan flavor syrup.
Langston Kernan
And you know what? All you've done is drive us closer together.
David Borey
I love that we're still brothers.
Courtney B.
Look at you guys.
David Borey
Am I my brother's keeper?
Bethenny Frankel
Offer some syrup.
Langston Kernan
I don't experiment, though. I don't. I don't experiment.
Courtney B.
Yeah, you gotta be. I mean, you gotta stick to what we know.
Langston Kernan
But that's what I'm saying is, like, I don't want the maple syrup 100% tapped from a Canadian tree. I just want the bottle where it says, but like Mrs. Butterworth.
Courtney B.
Yeah. No, that's real. And that's what I mean. Let's be clear. Maple syrup, the log cabins and the Ms. Butterworths. That shit could last us, what, six months, right? You go get that Organic shit. You use two little drops, the whole bottle, gone.
David Borey
It's bad.
Courtney B.
It's gone.
David Borey
It's bad. And the fact is, and this is where I really will challenge Trader Joe's and anybody who's suggesting that maybe we should be having healthier foods. The concept of syrup is. It is effectively injecting sugar.
Courtney B.
That's not where it's going.
David Borey
Directly into you. I want to do it the best way possible.
Courtney B.
Oh, okay, now you're getting.
Langston Kernan
We're not getting it.
David Borey
If I'm consenting to this.
Courtney B.
Poison me good, daddy. Poison me good. Don't give me no half ass poison.
David Borey
And now I'm sick, but I'm aware of it.
Courtney B.
I don't want that. You don't want to be aware.
Langston Kernan
Let that syrup put me in the ground.
Courtney B.
Take me out, Bury me deep.
Langston Kernan
I'm about to bleed from my eyes
Courtney B.
now you smell like syrup in your casket. They like, damn, that nigga. It's mapley as fuck in this funeral. And then that way I do relate
David Borey
to what Ray J's going through.
Courtney B.
Whoa, that shit was crazy, bro. Never in my life have I seen that shit.
Langston Kernan
Somebody gotta come get him.
Courtney B.
Somebody gotta come. Randy's brother is losing his mind.
David Borey
I'm worried about him quite a bit.
Langston Kernan
And we love him. Come up between us a lot since
Courtney B.
it happened because we love Ray. Jeez, I met the man. He crazy as hell.
David Borey
I have to.
Courtney B.
But you love. You love what he is.
Langston Kernan
Yeah, I'm afraid now that I won't get to.
Courtney B.
You gotta meet him. He crazy. It's something, man. He be in LA all the time. I mean, he be just walking around.
David Borey
It really is something.
Courtney B.
Something going on, though. I know. I mean, we know what it is, but he gotta get off that shit. Get off the shit. Louisiana is crazy, dawg. You gotta get off that.
David Borey
But I'm gonna challenge you here because I do believe that Ray J is such an exceptional individual that if he were high or if he were sober, we would still be dealing with Ray J. This would still be. He'd find a way to be almost dead, blood coming out of his eyes. Whether he was on drugs or whether he was clean as the day is long.
Langston Kernan
I do think some people live a life that's so big that they just can't go much deep. Longer, bro. I think you know what I'm saying? Ray J, he's just. What's Ray J gonna do? In 20 years, he's done all the things, dog.
David Borey
I think if America was honest, we'd be honoring him the Same way they honor Andy Kaufman.
Langston Kernan
Oh, you want him on a penny?
Courtney B.
I think.
Langston Kernan
Oh, Kaufman's not on a penny.
David Borey
Yeah, I don't know him to be on money.
Langston Kernan
Yeah, yeah.
Courtney B.
And my dumb ass will sit up here like a penny. Andy Kaufman,
David Borey
they saying a lot of words. I don't know.
Courtney B.
Be co. Andy Cohen. Andy Cohen. I know him.
David Borey
Not my taste, but. Yeah, I'm listening.
Courtney B.
Okay.
David Borey
He don't play spades.
Courtney B.
Hell no.
David Borey
Yeah, I, I, I worry about Ray J. But I do think that he is a gifted, he is an exceptional talent that we should be celebrating to.
Courtney B.
The nigga.
Langston Kernan
He's so funny. Those glasses without trying.
David Borey
That's what makes it.
Langston Kernan
Yeah, the glasses, that was amazing. The beanie.
Courtney B.
The beanie broke the glasses.
Langston Kernan
The beanie.
Courtney B.
The beanie.
David Borey
The beanie was crazy.
Langston Kernan
He came up like this, bro. It was so good.
David Borey
He threatened to have fabulous fucked.
Courtney B.
Yes.
Langston Kernan
That was awesome. When he called up to the Breakfast Club.
Courtney B.
The Breakfast Club, and he was on Militia.
David Borey
Yeah. Booty niggas ready to go.
Langston Kernan
Yeah.
Courtney B.
Yeah. Crazy as hell. I love it. He crazy as hell. He crazy as hell, but I love it.
Langston Kernan
Yeah.
Courtney B.
And you know what's even crazier about Ray J? N really like Ray J really like that out here. He ain't no one of them. N like he a hood. He a nigga that's like protected by the hood out here. Yeah, he real untouchable.
Langston Kernan
He's a natural treasure.
Courtney B.
That's why he's interesting too. Yeah, he's a national treasure. Cause like to the rest of the world they be like, oh, that lame ass nigga, blah, blah, blah.
Langston Kernan
But I never felt that way about
David Borey
Ray J. I think in general, I think he's been good to a lot of people probably.
Courtney B.
Yeah.
David Borey
Like I think whatever his self destructive nature is, is his. But I think as far as the
Courtney B.
people around him, yeah, he show a lot of love.
David Borey
I think he kind of just is being good to people.
Ryan Reynolds
Yeah.
Courtney B.
Nah, N, don't fuck around about Ray J. Ray J, real protective.
Langston Kernan
If I had one wish, it would be for Ray J to get better.
Courtney B.
Ray J, please get better. Blood out the eyes. I ain't never seen no shit like that in my life.
Langston Kernan
That was from a scary movie.
Courtney B.
That was crazy.
Langston Kernan
Why are you so sad?
Courtney B.
Why you go home?
David Borey
And we should acknowledge there are a few, quite a few articles suggesting that it was fake blood. This isn't real blood.
Courtney B.
Why you would do that?
David Borey
And I think that's the mastery that we need to celebrate.
Courtney B.
Cause why? What?
David Borey
That is what is making this Journey so joyful.
Courtney B.
But is that. That's a lot of clout that you need, because why you gotta do all of this?
Langston Kernan
It's got so much clout, too.
David Borey
But I'm saying.
Courtney B.
That's what I'm saying already more.
David Borey
But I'm saying think of it more as just a beautiful piece of art. This man is introducing us to a new premise where he goes, I'm dying. I'm dying. And now he's going to show us death enacted in front of us, and we'll never know if he's really dying.
Courtney B.
You know, Miguel hung himself from lots and lots of needles in the sky with his back.
Langston Kernan
From the singer Miguel.
Courtney B.
Yes. Y' all missed that.
David Borey
Oh, no.
Langston Kernan
Yeah.
Courtney B.
Yes.
Langston Kernan
Why do you do this week?
Courtney B.
Exactly. This week he just be doing shit.
Langston Kernan
Okay, this week. That and Shia LaBeouf. This week is going crazy.
Courtney B.
Yo. Shia LaBeouf crazy as fuck.
David Borey
He really got his ass whooped, huh?
Courtney B.
Now somebody he off as fuck, too. I ain't mad at Shia, though. Now, Shya, Did y' all see Peanut butter Falcon?
Langston Kernan
Yes.
Courtney B.
Fucking brilliant.
Langston Kernan
It took me a second to put all the words together. I did see that.
David Borey
Separated them.
Courtney B.
Peanut butter. Cause I was trying to figure out what bird it was. I was like, was it a.
David Borey
Have y' all seen peanut butter?
Courtney B.
Was it a falcon? Was it a parakeet? Was it a cockatiel? I had to figure out what bird the peanut butter was.
Langston Kernan
No, Peanut butter. Cockatiel is a different movie. It's a different movie starring Dolemite.
Courtney B.
Dolomite.
Langston Kernan
Rudy Ray Moore.
Courtney B.
No. I had a bird. I had a bird named Chester. May he rest. Whoa.
Langston Kernan
Yeah.
Courtney B.
For 28 years. That was my baby.
Langston Kernan
28 years.
Courtney B.
28 years. He was a g. I'm a bird lover. He was a cockatiel.
Langston Kernan
What happened?
Courtney B.
Yeah, he just older. He just got old. Yeah. But my mama. Me and my mama, we kept him in the freezer for, like, two more years after he passed.
David Borey
Oh, no, don't say that.
Courtney B.
Yeah. Kept him by the chicken.
David Borey
That sucked.
Courtney B.
We did.
David Borey
I hate this news.
Courtney B.
Yeah.
David Borey
It was a sad story. And then you turned it insane.
Courtney B.
Yeah, we did. Almost instantly.
Bethenny Frankel
We did.
Courtney B.
We had to put him. We kept him by the chicken. We was like, yo, he not leaving us just yet.
David Borey
That is.
Courtney B.
Damn.
David Borey
But he looks so sad, man.
Courtney B.
No, we put him in some foil. We really. We molded him really well and put him in some foil. He was out here like this and some paper gear. We put him in foil.
David Borey
He had a foil. Zip, zip.
Courtney B.
And then we put him in a Ziploc. A little Ziploc container.
David Borey
Just in case.
Courtney B.
Just in case. And it was a good, you know, a mortuary for.
Langston Kernan
What was it like when you had to decide that he left the freezer? Like that day.
Courtney B.
That was a sad day. My mama called me. She said, courtney, I think it's time. What time we let him go.
Langston Kernan
Damn.
Courtney B.
And I said, you know what, Ma? He has been taking up a lot of space in the freezer. And I know you gotta put your
Langston Kernan
riblets and your chicken, and there's a sell on chicken.
David Borey
Now, I'm gonna tell you something you're not gonna like hearing, but I do believe.
Courtney B.
But you have much juice to say it.
Langston Kernan
It's going to get mean.
David Borey
You didn't have to say what you said to me. So now. So now buckle up.
Courtney B.
Okay.
David Borey
Something broke off your bird.
Langston Kernan
Y.
Courtney B.
That was. That is evil. No. Right. He's.
David Borey
Your mama picked up your bird. Bird snapped. She called you Courtney. I think it's time. Courtney.
Courtney B.
It's a fucking.
David Borey
Courtney. Today's the day we gotta. We gotta put Chester out in the. Out in the trash.
Courtney B.
Oh, my son. Her is crazy. Now my baby head fell off. And my mama said, gordon, it's time to let him go, baby.
David Borey
Before you get home, we gotta throw this bird away.
Langston Kernan
Did you see him one last time before she got rid of him?
Courtney B.
She sent me a picture, okay? She sent me a picture. And we documented it.
David Borey
And we don't know what time that picture was taken.
Courtney B.
Right? We documented it. She put him in a crib
Voicemail Caller
to
Langston Kernan
live with the other birds.
David Borey
He got to thaw out.
Courtney B.
Yeah, he got to thaw out. Hopefully he's resting and some animal didn't just come grab him.
Langston Kernan
No, a coyote. Got that. I'm so. That's. And I don't. I hate to be Langston about it,
Courtney B.
but that's very lengthening.
David Borey
I'll be honest. A coyote had ice chips that night.
Courtney B.
It was like this bird. Crunchy as fuck.
Langston Kernan
What's wrong with this bird?
Courtney B.
Tastes like Fritos.
Langston Kernan
I should have known. He was just laying there, not moving.
David Borey
All right, we need to take a break. We're going to come back more. Courtney B.
Courtney B.
More.
David Borey
My mama told me.
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Courtney B.
So good.
Langston Kernan
Your bill, ladies. I. I got it.
Courtney B.
No, I got it. Seriously, I insist.
Bethenny Frankel
I insisted first.
Courtney B.
Don't be silly. You know, be silly.
Langston Kernan
People with the Wells Fargo Active cash credit card prefer to pay because they
Courtney B.
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Langston Kernan
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Courtney B.
Look at your neighbor and Say he's a meat Stress.
Langston Kernan
He'll stretch your meat. Hallelujah. And look at your neighbor and say, we're back.
David Borey
We're back. We're back.
Courtney B.
Where did y' all get that soundbite from? He will stretch your meat. Who said that?
Langston Kernan
TD Jakes.
Bethenny Frankel
Right?
Courtney B.
That is not TD Jakes.
David Borey
That's not TD Jakes. But it is a very well known pastor.
Courtney B.
That's crazy. Stretch your meat. Pause.
David Borey
Yeah. And you will find that most of the things on here are ayo.
Langston Kernan
Yeah, it's a lot of that on here.
David Borey
It always teeters in that space for sure.
Langston Kernan
That's what we.
David Borey
I know a few.
Courtney B.
Yeah, Teeter.
Langston Kernan
That sounds like a bird name.
David Borey
Teeter.
Langston Kernan
Yeah. Yeah, good one. Yeah, I think so.
David Borey
Are you at all worried that because you were talking about the aliens before, are you at all worried about Barack Obama admitting that aliens exist? Like, does that give you fear? Or had you already been bought in enough that this doesn't shake you at all?
Courtney B.
That doesn't shake me. What shakes me is my preparation or my lack of funding for preparation. Because the reality is, is that the Earth is going to. Now we don't know how. Our first step was COVID 19, right? COVID 19, I feel like, was definitely Population control. Right. I hate to say it, but I think that's what it was.
David Borey
Okay, Right.
Courtney B.
And also those shots, I don't know what that is just yet. I can't really place what those shots were, but that was something too.
David Borey
Either way, I think it was delicious juice. If you tasted it.
Courtney B.
Did you taste it? Did you?
David Borey
Did you?
Courtney B.
When they injected it, he was like, yeah, nurse.
Langston Kernan
Yeah, he's a nurse.
David Borey
Give me a squirt.
Langston Kernan
I taste mango.
Courtney B.
I can taste it. He sucked his own arm when they was done.
Langston Kernan
That's the most light skinned way to take a shot. I can't taste it.
Courtney B.
But yeah, COVID 19 was definitely population control and DNC. That was the first step. I think that we got some more steps to go through, but eventually, I think it's a nine step process. Okay, that's a good nine step and then nine. Nine, right.
Langston Kernan
That's a good number.
Courtney B.
And then eventually the Earth is just gonna go somewhere. I don't know, it might just die. Maybe it'll be like the day after tomorrow. I don't know. But I think we need more. I agree. Bunkers, you need to be underground and we need to, you know. But you gotta have money to build that bunker. I'm trying to figure that shit out. It's expensive to Build that bunker. But I wanna get rich enough to be able to build me a bunker.
Langston Kernan
Cause you also gotta build a bunker, and then you also gotta stock it.
Courtney B.
You gotta stock the bunker with at
Langston Kernan
least a couple years worth of shit. Right?
Courtney B.
I think everybody. All them rich folks, they got them bunkers.
Langston Kernan
They say that's, like, under the Denver Airport, all kinds of shit. Oh, yeah.
David Borey
I think what really scares me with bunkers is that you don't know how many years you're gonna need stuff for. And so at some point, you are just.
Courtney B.
You are gonna run out. That's real.
David Borey
And, like, if this is truly, like, yo, we gotta go under the earth, I think we're gonna need more than a few years to, like, clear it out.
Courtney B.
But then eventually, aren't you able to come out and then learn how to live again? Like, don't you start killing different animals?
Langston Kernan
That's.
David Borey
If you have somebody down there with you that's studying what's happening up there top the whole time.
Langston Kernan
That's also if the animals made it.
David Borey
That's what I'm saying. Like, they gotta. You don't even know what to kill up here anymore. Rats.
Langston Kernan
You know what will make it all? That White Castle.
Courtney B.
That White Castle. Gonna make the. The White Castle.
David Borey
But it's gonna make. It's gonna have legs.
Courtney B.
And I can guarantee a roach is gonna make it.
David Borey
Okay. Yeah.
Courtney B.
So we can collect roaches.
Langston Kernan
If we can start crossbreeding the roaches with the White Castle.
Courtney B.
Let's go. I think they already breed the white roaches with the white cast.
Langston Kernan
Now we have a replenishing food source.
David Borey
Let's go.
Courtney B.
Somebody done had a roach in their.
Langston Kernan
Oh, right as we speak. Just saying every five minutes in America, someone gets a roach in their White Castle.
David Borey
If you don't think about it, then it's still a good White Castle.
Courtney B.
That's true. Literally, you just don't think about it.
Langston Kernan
I don't.
Courtney B.
No. I try not to. I don't think about that kitchen.
David Borey
No. My uncle. This is a weird flex, but I have an uncle who's, like, a very prominent neuroscientist.
Langston Kernan
Is he White Castle?
David Borey
No, no, no, no. He absolutely wouldn't touch it. But he once explained to me that if you look at a hot glass dog, underneath, like, a microscope, it, like, you see fuck, tons of, like, hair and bone and, like, fragments of, like, the earth. And that's how I see it. Where he was telling me. He was telling me on some. You shouldn't eat that shit. I was like, oh, I don't see nothing. Yeah, this is a hot dog also. I want it to taste like hot dog.
Courtney B.
Must be fire, though.
David Borey
That's what I'm saying. Hair might be why it tastes so good.
Courtney B.
And it's not like when you pull from hot dogs. Like hair.
Langston Kernan
No, I can't see it.
David Borey
They mushed.
Courtney B.
It ain't real. They mushed it up real well.
Langston Kernan
He doesn't eat hot dogs, though. He refuses.
David Borey
I bet he would, but I think it is sort of like in his mind.
Langston Kernan
Were you going crazy on hot dogs for him to say that to you?
Courtney B.
Look, man, a glizzy gobbler going crazy on the glizzy put relish and shit. What you put on your eye, dog?
David Borey
I was trying to talk to y' all like grown ups.
Courtney B.
You had about 15. I said maybe I could throw a
David Borey
fun fact into this conversation. Maybe that'll help volley the ball. You know what I mean?
Courtney B.
We're keeping a ball in the air. This is a romantic dance. And here y' all niggas come. I go, this one's for you, David. And you swat it. You swat it out of bounds for what? He was at a cookout, fucking up my dogs up. He's like. Was like, hey, you know they got hair and shit in there, man. Was like, I don't give a you, Uncle Mark. That put it all the way in then, by Gl. Nobody.
David Borey
Even the way you're having me eat the hot dog.
Courtney B.
It's so big, and yet it doesn't affect my throat at all.
David Borey
It goes all the way from back here and finds its way to the back of my throat.
Courtney B.
One bite.
David Borey
You think I'm a hot dog whore. You're being crazy.
Courtney B.
That is crazy.
David Borey
This is not how you treat people.
Courtney B.
Glad we got that little known fact out.
Langston Kernan
That was good. Though.
David Borey
I do think we know sometimes too much about the products that we're consuming. And I think that until. Until they do right by us for real and start actually removing all of these dyes and all of these chemicals that are absolutely unnecessary from the food across the board. I'm choosing what I'm choosing.
Langston Kernan
Yeah, I agree. Also, sometimes I'm choosing color. If it was all the natural color it's supposed to be. Is a hot link still so delicious?
Courtney B.
Is it still hot?
Langston Kernan
Is it still hot? What color is a hot link if they pull all. All the dye out.
David Borey
That is a fable I've heard since I was a child.
Langston Kernan
This seem Uncle.
Courtney B.
No, that hot link ain't that color. Hot link's really purple, you know?
David Borey
Hot link Light skin. That's how they supposed to be.
Courtney B.
Why your ass on fire after you eat it?
David Borey
Cause of all the red, all the
Langston Kernan
rib and that slice of cheese you put on it. Don't be be greedy.
David Borey
Yeah. There's a bunch of stuff that I think I would just rather not know.
Courtney B.
I agree with you on that. I feel that.
Langston Kernan
For real, I mean, life is hard. Give me a hot dog. No, for real, I'm saying, like what
Courtney B.
are we talking about?
Langston Kernan
That's where we're. That's.
Courtney B.
They literally will find anything. I mean, you technically cannot go on the inside of a grocery store.
David Borey
Yeah.
Courtney B.
You know what I'm saying? Like everything on the outside, it's supposed
Langston Kernan
to be on the outside.
Courtney B.
Everything on the outside.
Langston Kernan
Technically, I learned that way late. And by that I mean within the last month.
Courtney B.
Wow.
Langston Kernan
Yeah. I had never known about it.
David Borey
I never heard that before.
Courtney B.
Everything on the outside you can pretty much kind of eat. But when you start going on the inside, it's all preservatives, it's all bad, it's all stuff that can sit on shelves for long periods of time.
Langston Kernan
Where's the Fruity Pebbles? Dead in the center.
Courtney B.
Mmm. True Cap Crunch.
David Borey
But you know how nice grocery stores,
Langston Kernan
they got peanut butter, cinnamon, toast crunch.
Courtney B.
Now shut up.
David Borey
Damn.
Langston Kernan
Yeah, I just seen it all.
Courtney B.
Shut it off. Shut it up. Oh, you done fucked me up with that one. Now
David Borey
she gonna put that on a pizz.
Courtney B.
There you go. Oh, oh, I'm about to that up. I'mma dip it in the. Take out all the cereal and then all the cinnamon and peanut butter. Put a little pickle in that. Oh, you done me up with that one. I might, I might, I might go to Bonds right now.
Langston Kernan
I saw it, cuz I was getting some stuff from Ralph's the other day
Courtney B.
and I was like, ooh, that's. Ooh, that's tasty.
David Borey
That outside shit trips me out a little bit because it feels like. Then all the pastries and shit was a late ad where like they started at cheeses and milks and vegetables and meats, produce. And then they started to see that people caught on to a trend or avoiding the middle. And then they were like, all right, we're gonna end it with the bakery.
Langston Kernan
Cause you could tell that grocery store bakery, you could tell that's the most dangerous bakery. It's like those muffins are the muffins that's gonna kill you.
Courtney B.
I like them.
Langston Kernan
Yeah, no, they're delicious.
David Borey
Those are drug addicts experimenting. Do you know what I mean? The people that Work in the bakery at Ralph's.
Courtney B.
Yeah. No, seriously, they are. They're rehabilitated. They're sketchy.
David Borey
They're rehabilitated for sure.
Courtney B.
They're like amusement park attendants.
Langston Kernan
Carnies.
Courtney B.
Yeah.
Bethenny Frankel
Carnival.
Courtney B.
The carnival people.
Langston Kernan
Yeah.
Courtney B.
That's crazy.
Langston Kernan
Bakery carnies.
David Borey
Bakery carnies.
Courtney B.
Barney's is funny.
David Borey
Barney's, I believe, is.
Courtney B.
I'll crack it up. Oh, my God.
Langston Kernan
Hey, though, I do think, though, if they gave me, like, six months, I could design some crazy muffins.
David Borey
I could see you.
Courtney B.
Why would you put in a muffin?
Langston Kernan
I mean, we can't start right now. I need Runway. Yeah.
David Borey
Let my boys study.
Langston Kernan
I need some time.
Courtney B.
Oh, you need some time.
Langston Kernan
But I think I could really, like, do damage in the industry.
Courtney B.
You know what's crazy? How limited my thought process on muffins is. Cause I'm like, I cannot see anything outside of a banana nut or a blueberry.
Langston Kernan
And that's. Exactly.
Courtney B.
Or a chocolate chip.
Langston Kernan
And that's what I'm saying.
Courtney B.
Or a cornbread.
Langston Kernan
No, we're going bigger than that.
Courtney B.
What? Are there any other muffins? I mean, okay. Hostess does have that little speckled sprinkle joints. I'm tasty.
Langston Kernan
Those are good. The mini muffins. In the bag. In the bag.
David Borey
And I will say that they're.
Langston Kernan
Yeah, I'm out here.
Courtney B.
You're like a snackologist.
Langston Kernan
Yeah, I'm really outside.
David Borey
I will say they're being pretty loose.
Courtney B.
It's kind of. His knowledge of snacks is required.
David Borey
No, it's impressive, for sure.
Courtney B.
That nigga knew his. Exactly what packaging I was in. He like. Yeah, no, he keep that thing on him.
Langston Kernan
Wow.
Courtney B.
I'm impressed by that.
David Borey
He's been a ding dong.
Langston Kernan
That's a limited edition strawberry.
Courtney B.
He don't be calling she. We just be calling Twinkies at night. The new Twinkies.
David Borey
No, I. Yeah, I think they're being a little loose when they call those muffins, though.
Courtney B.
What do you mean? Really?
David Borey
The hostess. I don't think Hostess makes muffins.
Langston Kernan
What does Hostess make?
Courtney B.
What makes a muffin a muffin?
Langston Kernan
Hostess.
David Borey
Hostess.
Langston Kernan
A hostess.
David Borey
Don't get upset.
Langston Kernan
I understand. You're about to get upset.
Courtney B.
He just got a little overheated.
Langston Kernan
He start glitching.
Courtney B.
He start glitching. That's the government trying to get in your brain right there. That's what we got.
Langston Kernan
This.
Courtney B.
He started glitching.
David Borey
I upset him a little bit.
Langston Kernan
What I was going to say is that Hostess to me is the same as Taco Bell, where it's just the Same ingredients retooled into several different products.
Courtney B.
I don't know that I like that.
Langston Kernan
It's not great, but I think it's very. I think it has legs.
David Borey
You think cupcake and Ding Dong are the same product?
Langston Kernan
It's enchirito.
Courtney B.
It's repurposed.
Langston Kernan
Yeah, it's all. It's all. I think it's all. I think there was one mother Hostess product. And then through all that, they just remixed everything a little bit.
David Borey
Zebra cake is just.
Langston Kernan
It's cream, pastry and cake inside out and frosting. That's all. But they just like. And they package it to however you want it.
David Borey
I will say that they really benefit from the texture differences because I much prefer a Ding Dong to a zebra cake.
Langston Kernan
Zebra cakes was at school though.
David Borey
I feel zebra cakes is zebra cake.
Courtney B.
I never ate a zebra cake. I don't think I've ever had a zebra cake.
Langston Kernan
Really? You don't support interaction?
Courtney B.
Yeah, I ain't fucking with the zebras. The zebras, the zebras. Something off with the zebras.
David Borey
I don't fuck with him.
Courtney B.
Little light skinned ass snacks.
David Borey
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I said I didn't fuck with him either. But you still felt the need to hurt me. You still were like, yeah, but I
Courtney B.
said, it's so easy.
David Borey
You were like, brother, get me right there, brother. I still don't want us to connect. FYI, I'm still keeping you at a distance.
Courtney B.
No, forever.
David Borey
Love, love, love. I think we need to take another break.
Langston Kernan
Okay.
David Borey
And then when we come back, we should do a voicemail together.
Langston Kernan
Yeah.
Courtney B.
This foil heating up my head.
David Borey
Yeah.
Langston Kernan
It's hotter than I would. I thought it was.
David Borey
I am starting to feel a little bit rashy underneath the foil and I would like to get it out more.
Courtney B.
Cooking
David Borey
more. Courtney B. More what Mama told me
Courtney B.
Foreign.
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Courtney B.
So good.
Langston Kernan
Your bill, ladies. I got it.
Courtney B.
No, I got it. Seriously, I insist. I insisted. First,
Langston Kernan
people with the Wells Fargo active
Courtney B.
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Langston Kernan
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David Borey
Well, we're going to do this respectfully. Otherwise. Otherwise we'll end in a duel. And I mean a duel. Real life duel where only one person walks away. We can meet with guns, bottles, knives, or books and equations. But we're gonna do this like men. So get ready.
Langston Kernan
I'm ready. Are you? We're back.
David Borey
Yeah, we are back.
Langston Kernan
I would rather do the book equation.
David Borey
I don't want to fight Terrence Howard.
Courtney B.
Hell no. That nigga look like he really knows some shit. Yeah, he looks like he would like taekwondo your ass.
Langston Kernan
He seems like he would pull some shit off. Like Terrence, just pull your cheek off.
David Borey
He also seems like he only swings open hand.
Courtney B.
That's funny as fuck.
David Borey
You know what I mean?
Courtney B.
He only slapping the shit.
David Borey
He'll whoop your ass.
Courtney B.
Open hand.
David Borey
And I don't need that. That's my. I'm not trying to take that kind of air.
Courtney B.
Is a slap worse than a punch?
Langston Kernan
100%.
Courtney B.
Okay.
Langston Kernan
Cause you respected me enough to close your fist.
David Borey
A fear exists in you.
Langston Kernan
For me, you saw me at least as a worthy adversary. Enough that you had to prepare. You didn't even think of this. You didn't even. Especially, like, fingers wide together is a little more respect. But like, I feel when they. When you see somebody get, like, mushed almost, that's bad.
David Borey
You think so little of me that you didn't even wanna knock me out.
Courtney B.
Darn.
David Borey
Because you're not afraid of the retaliation.
Courtney B.
Ooh. Okay.
David Borey
Yeah.
Courtney B.
Interesting.
David Borey
Yeah. No, don't slap me, please.
Courtney B.
That's real.
David Borey
Anybody out there.
Courtney B.
That's why I think fighting is just like, when we grown as fuck is just kind of crazy.
Langston Kernan
No, it's crazy.
Courtney B.
Cause now if you fall, I mean, I don't know how old you are, but.
David Borey
38.
Courtney B.
Okay.
Langston Kernan
26.
Courtney B.
I'm 39.
David Borey
Okay.
Courtney B.
So I know your ass ain't no damn 26, but I said I'm gonna let him ride. Yeah.
Langston Kernan
That was really nice of you.
Courtney B.
Thank you. I was.
Langston Kernan
You know, I really appreciate it.
Courtney B.
I'm just saying, with the grace you've
David Borey
shown me this afternoon.
Courtney B.
No, I. So much grace. So much grace. But if we fall now. Yeah, nigga, you might be hurt for the rest of your life.
Langston Kernan
And I'm gonna choke somebody. What am I doing?
David Borey
It really is embarrassing when you, like, walk away from that moment. You go, that is so bene.
Courtney B.
Yeah. Like, why the fuck I did it? But also, they came at me crazy, too. So.
David Borey
Yeah.
Courtney B.
You know, you still gotta, like, defend yourself.
Langston Kernan
Yeah.
Courtney B.
You can't.
Langston Kernan
There's like a line there.
Courtney B.
He is. Cause there's been situations where I be like. I walk away from some shit and I be like, you should have really smacked that bitch.
David Borey
Yeah.
Courtney B.
You know, and then you feel bad. Cause you ain't smacked the bitch. Then you. I hate that feeling too.
David Borey
That also a bad feeling as well.
Courtney B.
You're like, damn, I should have did it.
Langston Kernan
Cause then you're just thinking about it, like.
Courtney B.
Yeah.
Langston Kernan
And you be like, this is. This would have been a different.
David Borey
I think once you are our age, you start to go like, oh, the feeling of having done it is actually still worse than the feeling of not.
Langston Kernan
Yeah.
David Borey
There's like. I can still find pleasure in saying all the shit that I should have said.
Courtney B.
Yeah.
David Borey
Into a fucking car mirror. That's real as I'm like on my way back home unscathed.
Langston Kernan
The way you slap people in your head is different than the way you
Courtney B.
actually slap on, man.
Langston Kernan
Because in real life maybe kind of it slides weird.
David Borey
It slides, but in.
Langston Kernan
In your head, that like, it makes
Courtney B.
that like
Langston Kernan
they jump.
David Borey
And y' all are doing this with
Langston Kernan
your arms and you're like trying to get in there.
David Borey
It's just bad. It's embarrassing.
Langston Kernan
No, you don't look cool throwing punches actually.
David Borey
Nah, dog.
Langston Kernan
Hey, unless you're like a real fighter. But like, people fights look so funny.
David Borey
They look really.
Langston Kernan
They look really funny. And then somebody that's like most fights, yo, I hosted.
Courtney B.
Me and Nick had this show on Zeus called Bad versus Wild.
David Borey
Okay.
Courtney B.
And I would narrate the fights. It was the craziest shit ever. It was like a titties out. Her wig is off. Yeah, yeah, she just slapped the shit out that bitch. That's crazy. And they were so entertained by it. It was like, why are we doing this? You're the masked singer.
David Borey
This is not.
Courtney B.
But also this is a good check.
Langston Kernan
Yeah, you gotta.
David Borey
I'm not gonna say nothing, but we should stop. But this is.
Courtney B.
It's insane. It's insane.
Langston Kernan
It's insane.
Courtney B.
It'd be insane to watch. But you know, people find entertainment and entertainment.
David Borey
You don't want to fight as a grownup. And if you are out there still fighting and you're over 35.
Langston Kernan
Come on, dawg, she's not coming back.
David Borey
You gotta stop.
Courtney B.
You gotta quit walking or go to boxing class or something. You know, you gotta find some other way to like get your anger out.
Langston Kernan
But also there's a lot of dudes at the gym who are fighting through that too.
Courtney B.
You see em?
David Borey
Uh huh.
Langston Kernan
Like a no job ass dude at the gym? Yeah, my old gym in Denver, there was a guy, he had his prayer mat in there. He was praying all the times a day and then working out at the Y. Oh, wow.
Courtney B.
Yeah, he was using the fuck out of that membership. Yo, I know they was. They was locking him in. Like, this is not what we meant
Langston Kernan
when we said he would be in there early.
Courtney B.
That's crazy.
David Borey
Hey, Marcus, you can come every day, but three times is too much.
Courtney B.
It's too much like, damn.
Langston Kernan
There's no rules though.
Courtney B.
There's no limitations.
Langston Kernan
Yeah, you could just.
Courtney B.
He and that bitch using the shower. That nigga got a shower rack radio in there.
David Borey
Bitch, he's eating in there.
Langston Kernan
Yeah, it felt like sometimes it felt like you were walking into his room.
David Borey
Yeah, Funny as fuck.
Courtney B.
That N a be like, hey, dawg. Well.
Langston Kernan
Cause also, there was like two. There was like two regular chairs in the front, and he'd always be sitting on one, charging two phones.
Courtney B.
Oh, yeah, he was homeless.
Langston Kernan
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But strong.
Courtney B.
But strong, but strong. Gotta stay strong.
Langston Kernan
That's the best way to be homeless, I think. Seriously, I'm not gonna be homeless and weak.
Courtney B.
One thing I'll give California is if you're gonna be home homeless, California might be the best state.
Langston Kernan
Oh, you think we have the best homeless people?
Courtney B.
Well, I feel like you have the best climate for homelessness, for sure.
Langston Kernan
I think this or Hawaii. Yeah, this is a great.
David Borey
I think the governor is a nasty motherfucker who has done some pretty bad things.
Courtney B.
You don't like Newsom?
David Borey
I think he's doing some bad shit to homeless people, specifically.
Courtney B.
Always specific to homeless.
David Borey
Yeah, I think he, like, really? Because of how many California city cities are like, quote unquote, overrun with homeless.
Courtney B.
Okay.
David Borey
He, like, has done a lot of policy shit to make it really difficult to be unhoused in, like, LA and San Francisco. But for real, for real, the climate alone does make it better than most.
Courtney B.
Oh, yeah. I mean, imagine being homeless in Chicago or Detroit, bro.
David Borey
I can't. I can't.
Courtney B.
That's insane. But here, I mean, I mean, it's sunny.
David Borey
Yesterday might have been the coldest day of the year.
Courtney B.
It was freezing.
David Borey
Yeah, it's still manageable.
Courtney B.
And it's still manageable. You get you a bunch of good covers and shit, you'll be all right.
Langston Kernan
Yeah, I used to excel at making forts, and I think that would extend. Mm.
Courtney B.
I got this homeless dude that live across the street from me and my neighbor. I call him my neighbor. Cause let me tell you something. They tell that nigga to move, and he come, come back and he. He redesigns his home. It is boring. I mean, it's always different, and I'm always amazed by it. I mean, he'll find a cabinet. It'd be a cabinet out there. He got a chair. We have visitors.
Langston Kernan
When I was in the Valley, they were really doing some great innovative.
Courtney B.
They're innovating.
Langston Kernan
Like, especially during COVID when you're taking all those walks, you'd be like, well, you. This is.
Courtney B.
This is a city.
Langston Kernan
This is a four bedroom.
David Borey
He's like, look, yo, I made a Victorian.
Courtney B.
For real. It's innovative as shit, yo.
David Borey
More Spanish style for me.
Langston Kernan
Is that a foyer?
Courtney B.
Niggas got chandeliers, bro.
Langston Kernan
They were really kind of going crazy.
Courtney B.
Okay.
David Borey
Yeah. I mean, I think Obviously, it's a. The encampments are a complicated.
Courtney B.
It is a complicated conversation for sure.
David Borey
But I think at the end of the day, the literal, like, temperature outside makes it so that, like, California has to be more ideal than fucking most places. Cause even if you go to Arizona, that's too hot.
Langston Kernan
It's too hot. That's.
Courtney B.
They can't even be outside like that. I never even thought about that.
Langston Kernan
And like, California, if you could live in a car, I think you could run that for a long time.
Courtney B.
You know what? I have a couple of friends that are living in cars and it's very interesting lifestyle, but they actually really make it work really well.
Langston Kernan
There are a lot of people who did it at different times in life.
Courtney B.
Yeah. And they figure out how to make it work. I mean. I mean, one of my friends, she like, yo, bitch, I'm trying to get a bigger car. Lay this bitch out.
Langston Kernan
Get a van, nigga.
Courtney B.
They got like a whole plan.
Langston Kernan
Hey, we were just talking about that. Get a van.
Courtney B.
Cause they sick of paying rent. People are sick of paying rent. Like, they just sick of paying for shit. You know what I'm saying? And then if you travel, like, if you're a comedian and you working all the time, you ain't even home anyway.
Langston Kernan
So you're talking to me 23 years old. I was like, maybe I could just do that.
Courtney B.
No, for real.
David Borey
Car can be house.
Langston Kernan
Yeah.
Courtney B.
I was in Marina down, and there was this huge van and she opened it up. She had dogs in there. She had carpet light. I mean, it was so nice. I was like, yo, this shit kind of.
Langston Kernan
You could do a lot to vans.
David Borey
Some of those people that live out of their van are a little bit of a bummer because they are choosing it to the point that they're like, well, of course you could deck this out because you have so many resources that you can afford to live this way.
Courtney B.
That's fair.
David Borey
It's more inspired.
Langston Kernan
You built a fireflies nook in here.
David Borey
Yeah. But you could have had a breakfast nook in a real home.
Courtney B.
In a real home, you just start choosing.
David Borey
It's much more inspiring when it's somebody who's like, no, I'm making it work.
Courtney B.
Yeah. Trying to figure it out. Yeah, it's interesting, for sure.
David Borey
Let's do a voicemail.
Courtney B.
Let's do a voicemail.
David Borey
We're gonna play a voicemail and then get outta here.
Courtney B.
People still leaving voicemails for us.
David Borey
They're usually specific, they're usually drunk. And they do often scold us up Top for our voice message, which unfortunately we made a mistake on that.
Courtney B.
And. And you'll hear, okay, yeah, David and
Voicemail Caller
Langson, Ebony and ivory. That's why I just call all you.
Langston Kernan
I don't like your tone. Ebony Lasser. Ebony.
David Borey
Yeah, don't do that.
Langston Kernan
That was crazy.
Courtney B.
Ebony Naivarian also.
Langston Kernan
I started with Indian first. It took me a second to. Yeah, I had to get into Caribbean. I was like. I was like, wow, we have people in India. No, probably not.
David Borey
That'd be nuts.
Langston Kernan
That would be nuts.
David Borey
I. I think that'd be irresponsible.
Langston Kernan
We're gonna get over there.
Courtney B.
They'll get us.
David Borey
I hope so.
Langston Kernan
All right, I'm sorry, continue.
Voicemail Caller
That's why I just call. I just call all. Yeah. Anywho, I just calling in to say hello and thanks for some new Caribbean slave all up in all your life. Life and thing is called me with Khalifa. I just called him to ask you guys if you heard about this one. So my mother told me the reason we just get hurricanes and thing over here is because the souls of our ancestry is vexated and they turn up the ocean and that is what does cause the hurricane. So tell me if all you ever heard that one. Maybe not. It might be a Caribbean lord, you know, but turn it out there also. Love the show. Love it. Love it all. You just make my mornings. So keep up the good work. Love the duo. Don't. Don't bother with these people. Just be talking long stand. You're not. You're not whining. You don't whine. You don't just, you know, real light skin.
Courtney B.
That's the point.
Voicemail Caller
Okay, I go on.
Courtney B.
Real light skin. You're not whining light. Nobody's even saying that. That's funny as like, I'm hearing a lot. That's not even about whining. That's not feedback I'm getting. Yeah, they supposed to be in the comments and I'm getting negative feedback. Don't get me wrong with. But it's not that I'm whining. That sh. Funny as hell.
David Borey
I gotta get out of this.
Courtney B.
You be getting shot. You don't even be knowing you about to get hit.
Langston Kernan
I really do go crazy on him sometimes.
David Borey
I just gotta get out of here.
Langston Kernan
I was sure she was gonna say David something, but she did not.
David Borey
Fuck.
Langston Kernan
I have heard that.
Courtney B.
I've heard that too. I've heard that too. That's definitely true. It's kind of like that. What's that spot in Georgia? The lake. Lake Lanier.
David Borey
Oh, sure, sure, sure.
Courtney B.
They say that apparently Lake Lanier had an entire community, black community. And then they. I don't know, they put through, like, they killed all the black people, and then they covered it with the water. And so then people do die a
David Borey
lot out there, live on in Lakeland,
Courtney B.
and they never know how these people die. The people just die out there. They drown. But it's always just like, well, how the fuck did they drown? You know, it's always. So I think that is very much true, that the souls of it. Cause, I mean, you gotta think about the slave trade and how they dropped all those bodies over the ships and stuff. I think the soul of those people, man, they turn the fuck up and
Langston Kernan
people think it's the Jews who control the weather.
Courtney B.
Nazi. Nazi.
Langston Kernan
I thought we were having fun.
Courtney B.
I don't say that. I don't even say that word. You see, that's the word to say. I don't even say that word. Listen, I don't know what he talking about. I don't even say the word. All right. All the best to you and yours. Look, you already don't be giving on no podcast saying shit like that. I don't play them games.
Langston Kernan
I'm saying we control.
Courtney B.
Y' all ain't learned nothing from Nick Cannon and Kylie. I've learned a lot from Nick Cannon.
Langston Kernan
I've learned a lot from Nick Cannon,
David Borey
and now I sit back and reap the benefits. Now it's my podcast again, and we're doing a lot more whining next week. Buckle up. Yeah, it reminds me what you're saying a little bit of, like, that Japanese forest. There's a quote unquote suicide forest where people are often choosing to go kill themselves in this forest, but they suggest that there is, like, a spiritual density there that sort of lures people to this. And I think if that is true, if we do believe in the power of energy in that way, I do believe that there probably is something along the, you know, the transatlantic slave trade path that allows for, like, negative or rageful energy to form, because places absorb that.
Langston Kernan
You ever been someplace and you're just like, I don't know what it is,
Courtney B.
but it's this off.
David Borey
Yeah, man.
Langston Kernan
Bad over here. Yeah, I feel that. I feel that sometimes. Like, what was it? There was this. It was like a place of battle had been fought, and I was there, and I was just like. It just feels heavy. Just feels not good right here.
David Borey
You ever. You ever been to a bar that used to be a worse bar?
Courtney B.
Yeah.
David Borey
And Then they, like, tried to fix it.
Courtney B.
Oh, yeah, that's real.
David Borey
But the niggas that were there are still there, and they still doing what they were going to do.
Langston Kernan
That's exactly it.
David Borey
You understand? Y' all tried. Y' all thought you could put new walls up, and that's gonna make us act right.
Langston Kernan
Yeah, you put karaoke on Tuesday.
David Borey
You thought people were gonna quit selling
Courtney B.
weed in here, and that's not what it is.
David Borey
There's a. There's an energy.
Langston Kernan
Yeah, they sell Old Milwaukee.
Courtney B.
That is so true.
David Borey
Yeah, I think. I think at the end of the day, there's probably, like, a spiritual truth to the hurricanes being originated in the Atlantic and pushing that way.
Courtney B.
Yeah, I agree.
David Borey
Even if it's not technically true. You know what I mean? Some things can be true without being true. Yeah.
Langston Kernan
And he didn't whine once this whole time.
Courtney B.
He did not whine.
Langston Kernan
How about that? Stop projecting.
David Borey
I think when we listen back to this episode, there's going to be a little bit of whining. And I do call her. I hate you so much for the way that you made me feel, but I will reflect on it. And I curse you. I curse your island. Courtney, can you tell the people where they can find you?
Courtney B.
What cool shit you got going on? Listen. Okay, y' all can find me on Instagram. Hereal Courtney B. Also on Facebook. Herealcourtney B. Make sure you tune into we playing spades on YouTube. And you can also listen to it on Amazon or anywhere you get your podcast. Also, make sure you check me out on Wild N Out. Cause Wild N Out still runs, so make sure you catch me on Wild' n Out. Wild'. N. Wild' N. Wild'. N. And yeah, you know, I got a bunch of new projects. Also, Netflix is a joke festival. Make sure y' all catch me there, too. And I'm doing shows all over the country, so look out for your girl, Beautiful.
David Borey
What you got?
Langston Kernan
I'm also doing Netflix as a joke. If I can get a headshot with my short shoulders in it. I guess my headshot didn't work.
David Borey
Oh, they weren't satisfied with your headshot?
Courtney B.
Yeah.
Langston Kernan
Yeah, I gotta upgrade my headshot.
David Borey
Hell, yeah.
Langston Kernan
So if you take pictures, coolguyjokes87 on Instagram. Come see Langston and I in New Orleans for the Toledano Street Comedy Festival.
David Borey
That's sports drink.
Langston Kernan
It's sports drink. And there's another venue, but it's uptown. Easy to get to.
David Borey
We're gonna be doing stand up separately, and then we're gonna be doing the podcast together live podcast. Jamel Johnson Mandel, I believe, are the two guests.
Langston Kernan
Come on. Two of our greatest hits.
Courtney B.
I just did a showroom yesterday. He's the best.
David Borey
They're the best. Yeah, two funny motherfuckers. You don't want to come see it? Let's sell that show out. You can see me. Netflix is a joke festival. May 6 at the Elysian Theater. I'll be there. I'll be telling my best jokes for motherfuckers to listen to. You can send us emails@mymamapodmail.com you can give us a call at 844. Lil moms love hearing your voices. We can't get enough of it. Follow the Patreon subscribe like do all the things to the podcast to make it successful. Put your tinfoil hats on. Bye.
Courtney B.
Pop my butt. Pop, pop my butt. Pop my butt. Pop, pop my butt. Do you know what pop my butt meant to Harriet Tubman? Do you know what that meant? It meant a.
David Borey
My Mama Told Me is a production of Will Ferrell's Big Money players network
Langston Kernan
and iHeart podcast, created and hosted by
David Borey
Langston Kernan, co hosted by David Borey,
Langston Kernan
executive produced by Will Ferrell, Hansani and
David Borey
Joel Monique, co produced by Bay Wang,
Langston Kernan
edited and engineered by Justin Comey.
David Borey
Music by Nick Chambers.
Langston Kernan
Artwork by Dogon Krieger.
David Borey
You can now watch episodes, episodes of My Mama told me on YouTube. Follow at my Mama Told Me and subscribe to our channel.
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Courtney B.
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Courtney B.
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Courtney B.
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Janice Torres here and I'm Austin Hankwitz. We host the podcast Mind the Small Business Success Stories produced by Ruby Studio in partnership with Intuit Corporate QuickBooks.
Bethenny Frankel
We're back for season four to talk to some incredible small business owners.
Courtney B.
The big thing about working at tech is that it's ever evolving, ever changing. Everyone's a rookie. That's how fast the industry is changing. So what I'm really excited about is
David Borey
to be part of that change. So listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
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Courtney B.
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Podcast: My Momma Told Me (Big Money Players Network & iHeartPodcasts)
Hosts: Langston Kerman & David Gborie
Guest: Courtney Bee
Release Date: March 10, 2026
This episode of My Momma Told Me is a rollicking exploration of Black conspiracy theories with comedian and actress Courtney Bee. The hosts and guest riff on everything from the alleged whereabouts of aliens under Obama’s control, theories about government manipulation, and cultural quirks to personal stories and food conspiracies. The conversation is filled with humor, nostalgia, and sharp asides, always threading conspiracy through the lens of Black experience and pop culture.
[02:23–04:15]
[05:01–06:27]
[07:02–09:27]
[10:54–12:43]
[12:54–26:09]
[17:42–21:25]
[22:48–24:34]
[31:24–34:44]
[47:13–54:53]
[65:01–68:49]
[59:14–63:33]
| Time | Segment Description | |-----------|---------------------------------------------------------| | 02:23–04:15 | The White Castle origin theory and chemistry jokes | | 12:54–13:40 | Courtney’s thoughts on aliens & tinfoil helmet | | 13:45–14:34 | Are TV shows signals for real government conspiracies? | | 25:53–26:56 | DNA test paranoia and bank loans based on genetics | | 31:24–34:44 | Ray J, his wildest moments, and heartfelt wishes | | 50:40–52:41 | The grocery store's healthy "outside" and bakery carnies | | 59:14–63:33 | On adult fighting and narrated brawls | | 65:01–68:49 | Homelessness and ingenious survival in California | | 71:34–74:54 | Hurricane folklore, Lake Lanier ghosts, spiritual energy | | 74:03–77:42 | Episode wrap-up and plugs |
The episode is a vibrant blend of humor, cultural commentary, and wild speculation. Langston, David, and Courtney keep the tone playful while occasionally dipping into deeper issues around Black identity, system distrust, and communal myths. The conspiracies act as springboards for social critique, comedy, and some surprisingly heartfelt asides. The fast-paced banter, frequent call-backs, and playful jabs sum up this collaborative, improvisational vibe.
Fans of irreverent, culturally informed comedy and Black pop culture will find a lot to enjoy—just don’t expect hard evidence or definitive answers. As Langston says: "We don’t prove anything. You’re not gonna learn anything." But you’ll definitely laugh.