Where is Obama Storing the Aliens? (with Courtney Bee)

Summary

Podcast Summary: My Momma Told Me — "Where is Obama Storing the Aliens?" (with Courtney Bee)

Podcast: My Momma Told Me (Big Money Players Network & iHeartPodcasts)
Hosts: Langston Kerman & David Gborie
Guest: Courtney Bee
Release Date: March 10, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of My Momma Told Me is a rollicking exploration of Black conspiracy theories with comedian and actress Courtney Bee. The hosts and guest riff on everything from the alleged whereabouts of aliens under Obama’s control, theories about government manipulation, and cultural quirks to personal stories and food conspiracies. The conversation is filled with humor, nostalgia, and sharp asides, always threading conspiracy through the lens of Black experience and pop culture.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Strong Opinions on White Castle

[02:23–04:15]

• The trio launches into a passionate defense of White Castle, likening their burgers to a unique, almost lab-created food experience, not regular hamburgers.
• David: "White Castle is chemistry."
• Langston: "I feel like White Castle burgers come out… like they just pour it into a mold or something, and then they deep fry it, and it just comes out somehow."
• Much laughter around imagined origins and a monarchy-less “castle.”

2. Trade Schools and Black Upbringing

[05:01–06:27]

• Hosts chat about the merits of encouraging kids to go into trades—HVAC, mechanics, electrical work—over expensive colleges.
• David jokes: "Anything that you can be an apprentice in, besides a wizard, is good."
• Langston: "Robots can’t get wet. That’s the only thing that’s gonna keep us safe."

3. Tinfoil Hats and Government Protection

[07:02–09:27]

• Courtney Bee brings tinfoil and makes hats on air, prepping for alien and government mind-reading.
• Ongoing riff about fashion and protecting brains:
  • Courtney: "Our brains have been protected. Now…let's get in freely."
• This turns into playful banter about Tupac’s signature hat and how to wear tinfoil stylishly.

4. Weird Food Habits: Pickles and Pizza

[10:54–12:43]

• Courtney and David bond over late-night food concoctions, like dipping pickles in cheese and putting pickles and chips on pizza.
• Courtney: "Pickles are elite…drizzle some ranch, bro, you out here experimenting. This is a meal."

5. Conspiracies: Aliens, Government Collusion, and DNA

[12:54–26:09]

• Courtney claims aliens arrived November 7th and wears her helmet (tinfoil hat) for protection from both government and aliens.
• She references Obama denying alien storage at Area 51; speculates about their real location.
• Discussion veers to "Scandal" (the show) and the secret B613, suggesting TV has more truth than we think.
• David: "The Epstein files…have exposed…large corporations are tied to criminal masterminding…The children in furniture…"
• Digression into Wayfair, IKEA-is-a-social-experiment, and suspicions about 23andMe-style DNA tests.
  • “They’re taking our DNA for sure…and using it for different scientific experiments.” (Courtney, 25:53)
  • David: Using DNA data, companies might restrict access to mortgages/loans based on health/life expectancy.

6. Birds, Dinosaurs, and Jurassic Park

[17:42–21:25]

• Debate over birds being government surveillance drones.
• Story about native African dinosaur legends (makili-mbembe).
• Courtney is a Jurassic Park mega-fan and reflects on franchise oddities.
  • “Jurassic Park is my favorite franchise…I’ll go see any Jurassic Park.” (Courtney, 18:59)

7. Cultural Identity and Regional Blackness

[22:48–24:34]

• Stories about growing up in segregated or less-diverse parts of the Midwest and “regular Black” upbringing vs. rich cultural enclaves like New Orleans.
• David: "It is the greatest tragedy of the Black migration…we lost all trace of our history."

8. Ray J as a National Treasure

[31:24–34:44]

• Extended admiration for Ray J’s eccentricity and self-destructive genius.
• Discussion of his infamous antics: "He threatened to have Fabulous fucked up." (David, 33:51)
• “If I had one wish, it would be for Ray J to get better.” (Langston, 34:47)

9. Jokes about Food Additives, Grocery Stores, and Muffins

[47:13–54:53]

• Explores hot dogs and food safety—horrifying “fun facts” vs. willful ignorance.
• David: "Sometimes we know too much about the products we’re consuming."
• The “outside perimeter” of grocery stores contains healthy food; the inside's all preservatives and processed goods.
• Riffing on the wild variety and danger of grocery store bakeries and Hostess products.
  • “Bakery carnies.” (Langston & Courtney, 52:39–52:41)

10. Homelessness, Climate, and Innovative Encampments

[65:01–68:49]

• Discussion on regional differences in homelessness; climate advantages in California.
• Stories of innovative, personalized homeless encampments; transformation of vans into livable spaces.

11. Physical Fights and Adult Regrets

[59:14–63:33]

• Great comedic breakdown of how fighting changes in adulthood.
• The indignity of being slapped vs. punched.
• Courtney: "When we’re grown as fuck…it’s kind of crazy."
• Courtney shares her experience narrating real brawls on the show with Nick Cannon.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “White Castle is chemistry.” — David Borey [03:08]
• “Robots can’t get wet. That’s the only thing that’s gonna keep us safe.” — Langston Kerman [06:16]
• “Pickles are elite…drizzle some ranch, bro, you out here experimenting.” — Courtney B. [12:06]
• “Did we watch Scandal with Shonda Rhimes? I feel like Shonda Rhimes might just be a government official…” — Courtney B. [13:40]
• “Epstein files have exposed…large corporations tied to criminal masterminding.” — David Borey [14:01]
• “They’re taking our DNA for sure…and using it for different scientific experiments.” — Courtney B. [25:53]
• “If I had one wish, it would be for Ray J to get better.” — Langston Kerman [34:47]
• “Bakery carnies.” — Langston Kerman & Courtney B. [52:39–52:41]
• “Sometimes we know too much about the products that we’re consuming…I’m choosing what I’m choosing.” — David Borey [49:03]
• “The outside [of the grocery store] you can pretty much kind of eat…” — Courtney B. [50:43]
• “It is the greatest tragedy of the Black migration…we lost all trace of our history.” — David Borey [24:04]

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Important Segment Timestamps

| Time | Segment Description | |-----------|---------------------------------------------------------| | 02:23–04:15 | The White Castle origin theory and chemistry jokes | | 12:54–13:40 | Courtney’s thoughts on aliens & tinfoil helmet | | 13:45–14:34 | Are TV shows signals for real government conspiracies? | | 25:53–26:56 | DNA test paranoia and bank loans based on genetics | | 31:24–34:44 | Ray J, his wildest moments, and heartfelt wishes | | 50:40–52:41 | The grocery store's healthy "outside" and bakery carnies | | 59:14–63:33 | On adult fighting and narrated brawls | | 65:01–68:49 | Homelessness and ingenious survival in California | | 71:34–74:54 | Hurricane folklore, Lake Lanier ghosts, spiritual energy | | 74:03–77:42 | Episode wrap-up and plugs |

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Closing Thoughts

The episode is a vibrant blend of humor, cultural commentary, and wild speculation. Langston, David, and Courtney keep the tone playful while occasionally dipping into deeper issues around Black identity, system distrust, and communal myths. The conspiracies act as springboards for social critique, comedy, and some surprisingly heartfelt asides. The fast-paced banter, frequent call-backs, and playful jabs sum up this collaborative, improvisational vibe.

Fans of irreverent, culturally informed comedy and Black pop culture will find a lot to enjoy—just don’t expect hard evidence or definitive answers. As Langston says: "We don’t prove anything. You’re not gonna learn anything." But you’ll definitely laugh.

Transcript

[Courtney B.]

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[Langston Kernan]

you don't seem like a White Castle Patty.

[David Borey]

It's one of the best restaurants I've ever had.

[Courtney B.]

Those burgers are so delicious. Especially after. Or a night at the club if

[Langston Kernan]

White Castle's crazy, too. If you get the White Castle in the store, it tastes like the burgers at the restaurant. Like the frozen ones?

[Courtney B.]

Yeah.

[David Borey]

No, they. Whatever chemicals they combine to make White Castle, they perfected it.

[Courtney B.]

They did.

[David Borey]

And I think where people get nasty about White Castle, when they start doing that White Castle nasty, What they're doing is comparing it to hamburgers, but it's not hamburger.

[Langston Kernan]

That's not what we're doing.

[David Borey]

We're doing White Castle.

[Courtney B.]

We're doing. It's specific. It's White Castle.

[David Borey]

They invented a food.

[Courtney B.]

They made it in a White Castle.

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah. I'm not eating four hamburgers.

[David Borey]

Yeah. White Castle is chemistry.

[Langston Kernan]

That's true.

[David Borey]

It is just.

[Langston Kernan]

That's true.

[David Borey]

This vial to that vial. So y' all gotta chill out. Just keep it. Keep it around the burger.

[Langston Kernan]

Because I don't know how they assemble it, but I feel like White Castle burgers come out.

[David Borey]

Whoa.

[Langston Kernan]

Like, they just pour it into a mold or something, and then they deep fry it, and then it. It just comes out somehow.

[Courtney B.]

It has a bun and everything.

[Langston Kernan]

It just comes out like that.

[David Borey]

I think a bird lays it that way. It comes out. That bird's but a full White Castle.

[Courtney B.]

That's real.

[Langston Kernan]

That's exactly it.

[Courtney B.]

It's not.

[Langston Kernan]

They don't put that shit together. It's just. It's like that.

[David Borey]

And it's a yellow one that makes cheese.

[Courtney B.]

Yeah. That's fact. Cause does White Castle have a king?

[Langston Kernan]

No, there's nothing.

[David Borey]

Or a queen?

[Courtney B.]

Wow. There's nothing.

[Langston Kernan]

That castle's running amok for real. There's no leadership.

[David Borey]

Monarchy.

[Langston Kernan]

There's no leadership.

[Courtney B.]

That's crazy.

[David Borey]

Yeah.

[Langston Kernan]

I think it's actually a constitutional democr.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Wow.

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah. They vote on shit at white cats.

[David Borey]

You know, There's a lot of child soldiers in white cats, I'm telling you.

[Langston Kernan]

No, it's like, it's a problem.

[Courtney B.]

The government growing babies.

[Langston Kernan]

Microchips in your 80s. All koala bears are racist. The ozone layer owes me money. Washington bending turkey stuff.

[Courtney B.]

You can't tell me nothing. My girlfriends van through thick and van.

[Langston Kernan]

Welcome, little mamas and gentiles alike, to another phenomenal episode of My Mama Told

[David Borey]

the podcast where we dive deep, deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theory.

[Langston Kernan]

And you know what this is? We don't prove anything. You're not gonna learn anything. We don't even like you. We just do this because Langston's kids need to go to college.

[David Borey]

They're desperately trying to spend $50,000 an institution, and I cannot turn them down. They're my angels, my babies, my future kids.

[Langston Kernan]

Trade school. Yeah. They're gonna leave high school early.

[David Borey]

Yeah.

[Courtney B.]

Yeah.

[Langston Kernan]

And maybe they'll go hang out with their older boyfriend and. Or girlfriend. That's none of your fucking business.

[David Borey]

They'll still be certified in H Vac.

[Langston Kernan]

Do you remember the trade school kids? Did you guys have that at high school?

[Courtney B.]

Yeah, we did.

[David Borey]

I actually think that that's the route I plan to encourage your kids.

[Courtney B.]

Trade school, huh?

[David Borey]

I don't know.

[Langston Kernan]

There was levels to the trade school, though. Cause some people were like, I'm gonna be a. I'm a diesel mechanic. But then some people were just learning how to cut hair.

[Courtney B.]

Yeah, but say chefs and farmers, I

[David Borey]

think we're good on those.

[Courtney B.]

Yeah, we got a lot of chefs.

[David Borey]

Yeah. But if my kid became an electrician, I think that'd be. That'd be the crowd.

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah.

[David Borey]

You know what I mean? Like, something where it really is like, yo, you have a. You can do a thing with your body and hands, and nobody is going to eliminate you.

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah.

[Courtney B.]

And H Vac is mad money.

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah, bro. Anything that you could be an apprentice, besides a wizard is good.

[David Borey]

It's gonna take a minute before robots are digging through, like, muck.

[Langston Kernan]

Right.

[David Borey]

You know what I'm saying? Like, if you're down to be one of those.

[Langston Kernan]

They can't get wet is why.

[David Borey]

They can't get wet. That's the problem.

[Courtney B.]

They can't.

[Langston Kernan]

That's the only thing that's.

[Courtney B.]

I see where y' all going.

[Langston Kernan]

I see where y' all going. That's the only thing that's gonna keep us safe. That's the only thing that's gonna keep us safe. Robots can't get wet.

[David Borey]

That is. And we will live on the water. And they will stand on the shore shaking their robot fists at us, upset. They'll say in their heads. They'll sound like robots when they talk. Our guest today. I pray she's not a robot. I wouldn't believe that.

[Courtney B.]

No. I was trying to figure out when I should start making my hair right now, because I feel like we're gonna be talking about something and.

[Langston Kernan]

That's good, Sara. It is good temporary.

[Courtney B.]

It is a quality level.

[David Borey]

It's certainly branded.

[Courtney B.]

Yeah.

[David Borey]

Oh, I like that you measure yours first.

[Courtney B.]

Gotta measure.

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah. That's good.

[David Borey]

We spoke about this previously. You're our first guest to ever to bring ceramic. To ever show up with tinfoil.

[Courtney B.]

Well, the thing is, for the podcast,

[Langston Kernan]

what are you gonna do? With the top? Cause it kind of looks like. Remember those crazy hats Tupac had that he tied off like a Christmas present?

[David Borey]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Courtney B.]

Did you ever have one of those?

[David Borey]

It was a little tie right here.

[Redfin Announcer]

Yeah.

[Langston Kernan]

You look like a uncircumcised pen.

[David Borey]

I always wanted one.

[Langston Kernan]

I did, too, but I don't think I was cool enough.

[Courtney B.]

It's so fly, right?

[David Borey]

It looked cool as shit.

[Courtney B.]

It did look cool as shit. I think they selling them again now. You know, all the fashion comes back.

[Langston Kernan]

I can't pull that off.

[Courtney B.]

No, I feel like you could.

[Langston Kernan]

That's the nicest thing anybody said to me.

[Courtney B.]

Do y' all want a hat?

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[David Borey]

If you're gonna do it. I think it'd be wrong for us.

[Courtney B.]

And I think I have enough here.

[Langston Kernan]

Okay.

[Courtney B.]

Measure your head. And then.

[David Borey]

So I wrap this around.

[Courtney B.]

I wrap it around.

[David Borey]

Okay.

[Langston Kernan]

There we go.

[Courtney B.]

Measure, and then you rip when you feel comfortable.

[David Borey]

Sure.

[Courtney B.]

You know, because you wanted to. You don't want the government to hear your thoughts.

[David Borey]

And I'm going to add a little extra on there.

[Courtney B.]

He's so light skinned. You see how light skinned that was? Okay. He took it off and then he, like, perfectly.

[David Borey]

I invited you here on the premise of us being friendly.

[Courtney B.]

No. Yes. We're very friendly. And then.

[David Borey]

And then here you are, quite light

[Langston Kernan]

skinned, though,

[David Borey]

being nasty.

[Courtney B.]

No, no.

[Langston Kernan]

It was just.

[Courtney B.]

It was just so precise. It feels like scissors. He would cut it.

[David Borey]

It feels like something you could have maybe kept to yourself.

[Courtney B.]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Langston, you don't know this man.

[Langston Kernan]

I'm about to do mine.

[Courtney B.]

Look at how he about to do his shit.

[Langston Kernan]

I'm about to do mine like the Jadakiss paper towel.

[Courtney B.]

Look at how he about to do his shit.

[Langston Kernan]

Don't look at me.

[Courtney B.]

All right, let's see. Look here. This shit falling off.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[David Borey]

You don't even know how to do it. And then that way I am blacker.

[Courtney B.]

Okay, now look. Here we go. Yes. Yes. Okay, look.

[David Borey]

You don't know what he is.

[Courtney B.]

Aw, see, you done been hanging around him too long.

[David Borey]

See, there's a problem.

[Courtney B.]

I ain't even doing nothing. But you gotta get your point. Get your point here.

[David Borey]

I wanted mine like a snow.

[Courtney B.]

Like a nub. He got a nub. There we go. Yeah, you gotta get your point.

[David Borey]

You look like a chef.

[Courtney B.]

You know what? Cause the government's listening. And the aliens, man.

[Langston Kernan]

Aliens are like, I'm in the SpaceClan.

[David Borey]

Yeah.

[Courtney B.]

Oh, that's it. Yeah. Look at us.

[David Borey]

You're cheering for A space claim.

[Courtney B.]

Our brains have been protected. Now we're getting. Now let's get in freely.

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah. Now we can say different.

[Courtney B.]

Little Trying to read into our minds.

[Langston Kernan]

All right, so now let's do it. What do you guys think about the Chinese?

[David Borey]

Okay. Our guest today. Our guest today.

[Courtney B.]

Help, help, help.

[David Borey]

Our guest today, the amazing. We're so happy that she's here. You know her, especially from her podcast is goddamn killing it. It's called we play in Spades. She hosted with Nick Cannon. She's a comedian and actress, a talent of all types. Give it up for Courtney B.

[Courtney B.]

So what are we talking about? Let's dive in.

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah, I'm excited. I. I'm gonna wear this to the game tonight.

[Courtney B.]

What game? Is this a game?

[David Borey]

He's going to the Clippers game.

[Courtney B.]

Oh, that's nice. Oh, you got money.

[Langston Kernan]

I never been in there. Have you been in there yet?

[Courtney B.]

What is that? Where is that?

[David Borey]

So far?

[Langston Kernan]

The new stadium. It's supposed to be crazy.

[Courtney B.]

Is that the one in Inglewood?

[David Borey]

Oh, it's not so far.

[Langston Kernan]

No. Into it.

[David Borey]

Into it.

[Courtney B.]

Yeah, yeah.

[David Borey]

It's also in Englewood.

[Courtney B.]

Mad night. Ca.

[Langston Kernan]

Is it good food?

[Courtney B.]

I'm hungry, so I don't go there expecting to eat necessarily. It's not a.

[David Borey]

You know, as we've discussed many times on the podcast, I eat like a dog, and so I'll eat anything.

[Courtney B.]

Anything. Huh. What is your concoction?

[Langston Kernan]

Ooh, that's good. Cause you can't cook.

[David Borey]

I don't cook.

[Redfin Announcer]

Yeah.

[Courtney B.]

Like, do you have something that you like? Yo, this is not normal.

[David Borey]

Yeah.

[Langston Kernan]

What's your go to? Okay. You're drunk off some cracking rum.

[Courtney B.]

Wow.

[Langston Kernan]

And you got a fridge half full. What are you making? Nobody's around half full.

[David Borey]

I'm gonna piece together some items that are probably in there. I'll fuck around and dip pick into some feta cheese.

[Courtney B.]

What you know about a pickle? I like that.

[David Borey]

You got so excited for pickle.

[Langston Kernan]

You were like, you didn't even need a second. Second ingredient.

[Courtney B.]

Pickles are elite. I'm in. Go ahead.

[David Borey]

Yeah, I'll dip it in some cheese or some weird sauces. I'll just go crazy with a pickle Pickle dipper.

[Courtney B.]

It's a pickle dipper.

[David Borey]

You can really make it a two. That's real.

[Courtney B.]

No, that's real. It's like a chip.

[David Borey]

Let's go. That's real long chip.

[Courtney B.]

I like that.

[David Borey]

I like that. Go ahead, try it.

[Courtney B.]

I think I.

[David Borey]

It's not a bad thing.

[Courtney B.]

It's not as bad as you would, like, think.

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah, I never thought about pickles and cheese together, brother.

[Courtney B.]

Oh, my God. I put pickles on pizza with plain lays, potato chips crumbled on top.

[Langston Kernan]

Wait, what kind of pizza?

[Courtney B.]

Like, a pregnant woman that's not pregnant ever. I be like, oh, nigga, drizzle some ranch, bro. You out here experimenting. This is a meal.

[Langston Kernan]

Are you guys talking about pizza pizza or are you talking about $1 totinos? Cause I put chips on that.

[Courtney B.]

Okay, totinos. Okay, let's. Okay. No, no, no, no.

[Langston Kernan]

You're buying pizza.

[Courtney B.]

We're talking about we going to a pizzeria.

[David Borey]

What?

[Langston Kernan]

And then you're putting doctoring.

[Courtney B.]

Okay, I'm doctoring.

[Langston Kernan]

That's crazy. I didn't know we had a PhD in here.

[David Borey]

This is how you. This is how you make arsenic. You got to be careful.

[Courtney B.]

Gotta be careful.

[David Borey]

That combination, you gonna pass out.

[Courtney B.]

It's lethal.

[David Borey]

Courtney R. Do you consider yourself a conspiracy theorist to some degree?

[Courtney B.]

I think that. So, you know the aliens came this year, like, November 7th. I think they were coming, so I made sure to have my helmet on also.

[David Borey]

No, no, no, wait. Sorry to stop you there. When they came or were meant to have come, you put this on to protect yourself from our government?

[Courtney B.]

From our government, but also from the aliens as well. I think it all transmits the same. I think the government works with the aliens because, you know, Barack Obama recently stated that they're not at area 51, so they at area what, 39. What area are they at?

[Langston Kernan]

I think 1 through 50.

[Courtney B.]

They at an area. You get what I'm saying?

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Courtney B.]

So I am a conspiracy theorist to some degree. I feel like Scandal. Did we watch Scandal with Shonda Rhimes?

[David Borey]

I watched it for some time.

[Courtney B.]

I feel like Shonda Rhimes might just be a government official, and we just don't realize it because B613 is some real ass shit.

[David Borey]

Yeah.

[Courtney B.]

And I feel like we seeing B613 right now. I will say we playing, but for

[David Borey]

real, I will say what the Epstein files, for me, have exposed is that so many of these large corporations that ain't straight are. Are tied to criminal masterminding on, like, such a large scale that, like, it's not out of the realm of possibility anymore. The children in furniture. Whereas, like, before, it did feel sort of whimsical and silly, and now these nasty motherfuckers are, like, just willing to do that.

[Courtney B.]

They ruining our shit, dawg. Wayfair. I love Wayfair.

[David Borey]

Yeah, Wayfair.

[Courtney B.]

My apartment for Wayfair. Now I gotta figure out somewhere to buy some shit.

[David Borey]

Wayfair?

[Courtney B.]

Yeah. Everything's so expensive. You can't buy shit from ikea. You can't put it together. No.

[Langston Kernan]

Wayfair was like, TJ Maxx online.

[Courtney B.]

Facts.

[David Borey]

It was nice.

[Courtney B.]

Facts.

[Langston Kernan]

It was nice. It was really.

[Courtney B.]

IKEA is amazed. Ikea. I feel like IKEA is a social experiment. Oh, yeah. Cause they're trying to push me through

[Langston Kernan]

here, and then they.

[Courtney B.]

They look you. They. They pay attention to when you stop.

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah, I don't like IKEA yet.

[Courtney B.]

You ever been through IKEA and just rest somewhere?

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah, they don't like it. They don't like.

[David Borey]

I've never rested in ikea. You never rested ever in ikea.

[Courtney B.]

I gotta find somewhere to sit.

[David Borey]

Yeah, yeah. I run to.

[Courtney B.]

You get your steps in, don't ya?

[David Borey]

I put my arms back like, nar.

[Langston Kernan]

That's Lexington on the security footage at ikea.

[Courtney B.]

Ah, that's funny.

[David Borey]

We saw a yellow flash.

[Courtney B.]

That's funny as shit. I be chilling in ikea, nigga, they got food. I be chilling in ikea.

[Langston Kernan]

But I don't like that. I feel like I want to experience the store, how I want to experience it. I don't like the. It's so hard to backtrack in ikea.

[Courtney B.]

Oh, yeah, it's hard.

[Langston Kernan]

Like, if you're like, oh, we should go back and get that shit. You can't do it.

[David Borey]

That's what I think.

[Courtney B.]

You forget where it's at.

[Langston Kernan]

Mm. And now it feels like a different story.

[Courtney B.]

It's so true.

[David Borey]

It is crazy. A wrong turn in IKEA has, like, repercussions. Do you know what I mean? Like, where you're like, oh, no, it's gonna take me a minute to get back to the way I thought I was going.

[Courtney B.]

That's why I'm saying, I think the execs and shit sit up top and just be watching us in this little maze. Like, oh, they stop here. So maybe we should put plates and whatever here. Like, it's like a social experiment.

[David Borey]

Can I tell you where my brain goes when you say this? And remember, I am on Dr. Drugs. I often am.

[Courtney B.]

Okay, I understand.

[David Borey]

Quite high. But what this does make me think about is if we are preparing for a world where we are living in bunkers right underground, which is often what IKEA is. Is like sort of descending into the earth for this maze, whatever it is. I wonder how much of this is, like, a manipulation of how we can see this as a real world where we get comfortable in the Maze. We get lost in the maze. We understand how to follow rules in the maze.

[Langston Kernan]

It also feels big as hell down there.

[David Borey]

Yep.

[Langston Kernan]

Like, you're down there and you're like, damn, IKEA's big.

[Courtney B.]

And you down there for hours.

[Langston Kernan]

Every time I'm down in an ikea, I'm like, damn, it's big as hell. Like, so spacious.

[Courtney B.]

And we still willingly walk in.

[David Borey]

Can we get them used to walking into a space that they can't get out of? The other way around.

[Courtney B.]

Ooh, deep. That's deep. That's deep.

[David Borey]

And it's also nonsense. So remember both of those things. Remember both of those things. It's not just deep, it's also made up. And you have to hold both of those things in your head. Please stop trying to hold me accountable for the things that I say.

[Langston Kernan]

You say that like you're trying to get ahead of stuff. Are people holding you accountable right now?

[Courtney B.]

Are you saying stuff to you?

[David Borey]

I don't like the energy.

[Langston Kernan]

They're not holding me. I be saying, yeah, please don't hold me accountable.

[Courtney B.]

But also, some of this shit really is real.

[David Borey]

Yeah.

[Courtney B.]

Pigeons and birds. Like, really all birds. I feel like they. Government officials too.

[David Borey]

Okay.

[Courtney B.]

I feel like birds. You see it right there? Yeah. You got it. Birds are literally like cameras. They're little cameras all over the place. I think pigeons are like the little minions and seagulls. Little minions. But them eagles, they running shit.

[Langston Kernan]

I will say big birds scare me. Like, you ever seen a pelican? For real?

[Courtney B.]

Yes.

[Langston Kernan]

That's a scary bird.

[Courtney B.]

Yeah.

[Langston Kernan]

I don't like it at all. What's this part? What's in there?

[David Borey]

I. When you see them up close, you realize, oh, they are for real. Dinosaurs.

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah, like, whatever.

[David Borey]

All that nonsense people go about. Dinosaurs. They didn't have feathers. Whatever. They're dinosaurs.

[Courtney B.]

Dinosaurs have. There were certain dinosaurs that had feathers.

[David Borey]

For sure.

[Langston Kernan]

Most of them.

[Courtney B.]

Right?

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah, that might be. I don't think it's.

[Courtney B.]

Don't hold me accountable. I'm not accountable. Have you seen Jurassic Park? Jurassic Park? That's not real. Yeah, Jurassic Park.

[David Borey]

I got bad news.

[Courtney B.]

Jurassic park is real. Jurassic park is my favorite franchise.

[Langston Kernan]

Really?

[Courtney B.]

Seriously? Like, I will go see. As a franchise, as a franchise, I will go see any Jurassic Park. I don't care if they turn the T. Rex into the Velociraptor, into the. I don't care what they, like, turn it into. I'm gonna go sit and watch it.

[Langston Kernan]

What about the newest one where they had the crazy made up diamonds? Oh, I love it was that one that was like dead looking.

[Courtney B.]

I loved it. I loved it. He was outrageous. But I thought it was.

[Langston Kernan]

He was outrageous. He was scary. I was scared of him, but it was the best.

[David Borey]

You leave pleased every time.

[Courtney B.]

Every single time. I wear a Jurassic park shirt and everything. It's like a whole thing for me.

[Langston Kernan]

Really?

[Courtney B.]

Yeah.

[Langston Kernan]

Okay, what's your favorite one?

[Courtney B.]

Oh, you know what I love? When they took the white guy, the second one. So the white guy with the black little girl and he was like, how the fuck he get a black daughter? But somehow he had this dark skinned black daughter. It made no sense.

[David Borey]

She wasn't mixed at all.

[Courtney B.]

They did not try to get a girl curly hair. No, they didn't cut her.

[David Borey]

They tried to do shit.

[Courtney B.]

And she was a gymnast. I was like, okay. But somebody got her. That storyline, it was so cute.

[David Borey]

It also felt like for me, it felt like such a blown opportunity because in the first one he was just all about getting pussy. Yeah, that was a pussy hound. Jeff Gold.

[Courtney B.]

Yeah. That's why his shirt was open the whole time.

[David Borey]

It wasn't that he was like actively chasing bitches. He wasn't actively chasing bitches, but he was selling ass.

[Courtney B.]

He was so cute in that first.

[Langston Kernan]

Come on, you.

[David Borey]

He was being a hoe the whole time.

[Langston Kernan]

You don't talk like that if you're not trying to get. Get a pussy.

[Courtney B.]

That was how he was.

[David Borey]

He was trying to get ass the whole time. And then somehow he like, is a family man and it's like, no, make him a pussy.

[Courtney B.]

He had to go save her. He saved his girlfriend.

[Langston Kernan]

Scientists don't even wear all black or sunglasses.

[David Borey]

And they certainly don't open all the buttons. Come on.

[Courtney B.]

If there was a land that was full of dinosaurs, would you pay to go see it?

[Langston Kernan]

What continent is it on?

[Courtney B.]

Oh, aren't they. Weren't they in like.

[Langston Kernan]

I feel like they were in Puerto Rico.

[Courtney B.]

Yeah, it was like Cuba, Caribbean or something.

[David Borey]

Yeah, it was Caribbean for sure.

[Langston Kernan]

It was like near there.

[David Borey]

And they didn't want to talk about it very long.

[Langston Kernan]

No, no, no.

[David Borey]

Which is why we're all so.

[Courtney B.]

And the natives knew not to go on those islands.

[Langston Kernan]

I mean, but they talk about natives seeing dinosaurs in Africa. Makili omembi. They talk about the brontosaurus.

[Courtney B.]

Tell us more.

[Langston Kernan]

Brontosaurus in the. I think it's like in the DRC or something like that.

[David Borey]

Oh, I didn't know that.

[Courtney B.]

I've never heard that. I saw.

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah, but they called it Makilio mimby. And then I Guess they were like, talking to the locals and like, somebody had seen it and then the locals were like, oh, yeah. And then it's supposed to be a dinosaur.

[Courtney B.]

Really?

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah. I think I feel like there's kind all kinds of shit in the heart of the jungle.

[Courtney B.]

Well, there's no way. Nobody's seen. There's a lot of land. That's one of the things.

[Langston Kernan]

Like the Amazon.

[David Borey]

I read something, bro.

[Langston Kernan]

They can't even get in there.

[David Borey]

I read something the other day that was saying that, like, nearly 60% of the Amazon is, like, unexplored.

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah.

[David Borey]

Because it's just too dangerous in vegetation that they can't, like, get through it.

[Langston Kernan]

Have you ever been in a jungle? That shit is so scary.

[David Borey]

Yes.

[Courtney B.]

Because who wants to go into a jungle?

[Langston Kernan]

It's scary.

[Courtney B.]

Have you been at night?

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah, why? It's just a pee.

[Courtney B.]

I'm sorry.

[Langston Kernan]

I was in my grandpa's village.

[David Borey]

He's from his. You gotta give me.

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah, that's fair, that's fair.

[Courtney B.]

Okay. Sierra Leone.

[Langston Kernan]

And we were like. Me and my cousins were playing at the edge because it's like one road in.

[David Borey]

She's from Detroit, so.

[Courtney B.]

Hey, you know, I. This is my first time meeting somebody.

[Langston Kernan]

I get you. It's a Sierra Leone. In the Midwest, people say that a lot.

[David Borey]

The Midwest is crazy. Because we don't meet nobody.

[Courtney B.]

Nobody. I'm like, we.

[David Borey]

I didn't meet a Caribbean person until I left.

[Courtney B.]

I left and moved to Florida. I moved to Florida.

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah. Even in Chicago, I didn't know what a Dominican was.

[David Borey]

We have Puerto Ricans and Dominicans, but that's it.

[Courtney B.]

That counts.

[David Borey]

Yeah, but I'm saying, like. I'm saying like the fun ones. Oh, like the ones where you're like, whoa, right?

[Courtney B.]

Yeah, like the real ones.

[David Borey]

Haitian.

[Courtney B.]

What? Yeah. Okay.

[Langston Kernan]

Okay.

[Courtney B.]

That's real.

[Langston Kernan]

That's crazy. So there's just not. It's just not like, diverse. It's not internationally diverse.

[Courtney B.]

Well, segregated too. There's a lot of segregation. So, like, even if they do have their cultures and their events and whatever, you deep on the east side or in the hood somewhere, you don't even know they got this stuff going on. You know what I'm saying? So we had like, northwest Detroit, which is where a lot of Hispanics are,

[Langston Kernan]

but

[Courtney B.]

we don't be over there. Like, you know what I'm saying?

[David Borey]

You've heard legend up there exist.

[Courtney B.]

Yeah, I've heard legend of their. But I mean, you know what I'm saying? It's kind of tricky like that, but it Wasn't until I moved to Florida that I found out about, like, Dominicans and Jamaicans and Haitians and different foods and different. You know, and just how, like, pride. How much pride they have for their culture. It was like, shit, what am I? Yeah, I'm just.

[Langston Kernan]

You're Detroiter black.

[David Borey]

You're regular black.

[Courtney B.]

I'm just regular black. I wanted a little, you know, like, I love New Orleans. Cause they got so much culture. I'm like, God damn. Y' all lived in America and kept y' all culture. That's beautiful.

[Langston Kernan]

New Orleans is crazy.

[Courtney B.]

Yeah.

[Langston Kernan]

They don't even seem like Americans down there.

[Courtney B.]

No, for real.

[Langston Kernan]

It seems like another thing.

[Courtney B.]

That's what I'm saying. It's like another country. The way they celebrate their culture. And then they. They even keep the language, you know, the Creole. They keep that language. They teach their kids. Their kids. Teach their kids. It's. It's this generation.

[David Borey]

No, it's the. It to me, is the greatest tragedy of the black migration. Right? Is that, like, we lost all trace of our, like, history as black people, you know, born of black people in this country. And so, like. Yeah, there's just a lot of people in the middle who are like, my grandma from Indiana.

[Courtney B.]

Right.

[David Borey]

That's what I know.

[Langston Kernan]

It was like when we were in Louisiana, it was stew. Now we're up here eating Coneys.

[David Borey]

Yeah, that's as far back as I can trace, is two generations.

[Courtney B.]

That's real.

[David Borey]

Here we are. You know what I mean?

[Courtney B.]

Did y' all do, like, you know, the little thing 23andMe and all that stuff?

[David Borey]

You don't wanna do 53andMe.

[Courtney B.]

Okay, that's fair. That's fair.

[David Borey]

That's the antithro. That's when they get in that butt.

[Courtney B.]

But crazy.

[Langston Kernan]

That's crazy.

[Courtney B.]

Not in the butt. You wanna know your jeans. For real. Not in the butt.

[David Borey]

You let me in your jeans. I'll tell you your jeans.

[Courtney B.]

Did y' all do 23andMe?

[Langston Kernan]

No.

[Courtney B.]

Did you?

[Langston Kernan]

I. I don't get a feeling. I have a complexion and I look like people from where I'm from. I don't think there's a lot of other shit in there.

[Courtney B.]

Okay, I understand that. You are really brown.

[David Borey]

He's gonna get sent back a whole pot.

[Langston Kernan]

It's gonna have, like, a little bit. He's gonna have a piece of another part of Africa.

[David Borey]

Yeah.

[Courtney B.]

That's all. Okay.

[David Borey]

Oh, you gotta go to Africa. That's three blocks over.

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah, I know.

[Courtney B.]

They was doing shit with our DNA. And that's Another thing.

[Langston Kernan]

But I don't know though, because I have been worried. My grandpa is lighter, a lot lighter skin than you would think.

[David Borey]

Oh really?

[Courtney B.]

Really.

[Langston Kernan]

And that makes me nervous. Oh dang. But we got like. Like. Cause like even my mom's not as dark as me. But then I got like a couple cousins as dark as. So it's like. Like I would wonder.

[Courtney B.]

That was beautiful though.

[Langston Kernan]

But it feels like a scam too.

[Courtney B.]

Really.

[Langston Kernan]

I. I think it's 23andMe. You don't have to.

[Courtney B.]

I feel like they're. They're. Yeah, they're taking. They taking our DNA for sure. And like mutilating and doing. Using it for different scientific experiments. And because we. They put all of that wording in there and you just signing your shit away, you don't even realize what the fuck you signing off.

[David Borey]

See, I. I know for a fact just based off of research that that they are using our sort of like DNA. But it's not. I haven't read yet that they're manipulating it. Although I'm not dismissing that as a possibility. But they are actively using it to do things like deny bank loans to people.

[Courtney B.]

What do you mean?

[David Borey]

They are looking at. The goal is to be able to sell off your information. So if they look at your family history and they go, your family has a history of high cholesterol after all. They're going to say that your family is reflective of how you probably live your life and how long you'll live. So we're not going to give you a 30 year mortgage.

[Courtney B.]

Damn.

[David Borey]

Because of the possibility you're not going to pay it off.

[Langston Kernan]

And that's why I'm not.

[Courtney B.]

Because you're going to die. That's why we got to stop eating that damn white cast. That's what we.

[Langston Kernan]

No, no, no.

[Courtney B.]

Don't. No, you don't say that here.

[Langston Kernan]

Courtney.

[Courtney B.]

They can pickles and sauce.

[Langston Kernan]

They can pry it from my cold dead body in my apartment

[Courtney B.]

that he gonna keep paying rent he doesn't have to own. The fuck is a mortgage. Fuck a mortgage. Loans are high as hell anyway.

[David Borey]

I know what I'm putting my money into this White Castle crave cases.

[Langston Kernan]

I got a lease. I got a lease and a rental. I could disappear tomorrow. David Bore died in the woods eight years ago.

[David Borey]

He exploded from White Castle poisoning. He overdosed.

[Courtney B.]

Not on white cast. Shake took that nigga out, yo.

[Langston Kernan]

No, that would be the worst way for them to find you. I hope, I pray when I die there's no fast food in the room.

[Courtney B.]

That's Funny as fuck, though. That be funny as shit.

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah, it would be hilarious.

[David Borey]

If there's fast food in the room, it's an absolute bummer.

[Courtney B.]

No. Swear to God. I made some pancakes today. Beautiful. Golden, crispy on the edges.

[David Borey]

I like that.

[Courtney B.]

I took Carrie's gold. I think it's Carrie's gold.

[Langston Kernan]

Oh, that Irish butter, that's the best thing I do.

[Courtney B.]

I slapped it on top. Melted.

[David Borey]

Yeah.

[Courtney B.]

And then I put the syrup on it.

[David Borey]

Okay.

[Courtney B.]

And there was this gray film on top of it. Fucked up my whole experience.

[Langston Kernan]

What kind of syrup was it?

[Courtney B.]

Trader Joe's.

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah.

[Courtney B.]

Trader Joe's ain't out.

[Langston Kernan]

You gotta stick to the classics.

[Courtney B.]

You gotta get some log cabin.

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah. Some log cabbage.

[Courtney B.]

Never in my life have I had a gray film.

[David Borey]

Yep.

[Courtney B.]

I said throw away shit away.

[Langston Kernan]

Mrs. Butterworth doesn't change colors.

[Courtney B.]

What are they doing?

[Langston Kernan]

Even after we're all dead and gone, she's gonna be thick.

[David Borey]

And that is the problem with the way that Trader Joe's thinks they're saving us. Do you know what I mean? Like, they're like, oh, we could take out the stuff that makes syrup. Syrup. And it's like, well, what makes it syrup is that it can sit in my cabinet for 20 years and then I come back to it and it's still syrup. Also, I don't want some shit I gotta rebuy six months from now.

[Langston Kernan]

I don't want maple. I want my syrup butterflies flavor.

[Courtney B.]

Wow. You wanted them that go to IHOP and eat the blueberry and.

[Langston Kernan]

No, I eat the regular. That's crazy.

[Courtney B.]

That's slander, man.

[Langston Kernan]

That's slander, man.

[Courtney B.]

I'm just saying that hurts.

[David Borey]

Remember when she was being nasty to me? You sat back, you said nothing. And now it's come for all of

[Courtney B.]

us that like butter pecan flavor syrup.

[Langston Kernan]

And you know what? All you've done is drive us closer together.

[David Borey]

I love that we're still brothers.

[Courtney B.]

Look at you guys.

[David Borey]

Am I my brother's keeper?

[Bethenny Frankel]

Offer some syrup.

[Langston Kernan]

I don't experiment, though. I don't. I don't experiment.

[Courtney B.]

Yeah, you gotta be. I mean, you gotta stick to what we know.

[Langston Kernan]

But that's what I'm saying is, like, I don't want the maple syrup 100% tapped from a Canadian tree. I just want the bottle where it says, but like Mrs. Butterworth.

[Courtney B.]

Yeah. No, that's real. And that's what I mean. Let's be clear. Maple syrup, the log cabins and the Ms. Butterworths. That shit could last us, what, six months, right? You go get that Organic shit. You use two little drops, the whole bottle, gone.

[David Borey]

It's bad.

[Courtney B.]

It's gone.

[David Borey]

It's bad. And the fact is, and this is where I really will challenge Trader Joe's and anybody who's suggesting that maybe we should be having healthier foods. The concept of syrup is. It is effectively injecting sugar.

[Courtney B.]

That's not where it's going.

[David Borey]

Directly into you. I want to do it the best way possible.

[Courtney B.]

Oh, okay, now you're getting.

[Langston Kernan]

We're not getting it.

[David Borey]

If I'm consenting to this.

[Courtney B.]

Poison me good, daddy. Poison me good. Don't give me no half ass poison.

[David Borey]

And now I'm sick, but I'm aware of it.

[Courtney B.]

I don't want that. You don't want to be aware.

[Langston Kernan]

Let that syrup put me in the ground.

[Courtney B.]

Take me out, Bury me deep.

[Langston Kernan]

I'm about to bleed from my eyes

[Courtney B.]

now you smell like syrup in your casket. They like, damn, that nigga. It's mapley as fuck in this funeral. And then that way I do relate

[David Borey]

to what Ray J's going through.

[Courtney B.]

Whoa, that shit was crazy, bro. Never in my life have I seen that shit.

[Langston Kernan]

Somebody gotta come get him.

[Courtney B.]

Somebody gotta come. Randy's brother is losing his mind.

[David Borey]

I'm worried about him quite a bit.

[Langston Kernan]

And we love him. Come up between us a lot since

[Courtney B.]

it happened because we love Ray. Jeez, I met the man. He crazy as hell.

[David Borey]

I have to.

[Courtney B.]

But you love. You love what he is.

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah, I'm afraid now that I won't get to.

[Courtney B.]

You gotta meet him. He crazy. It's something, man. He be in LA all the time. I mean, he be just walking around.

[David Borey]

It really is something.

[Courtney B.]

Something going on, though. I know. I mean, we know what it is, but he gotta get off that shit. Get off the shit. Louisiana is crazy, dawg. You gotta get off that.

[David Borey]

But I'm gonna challenge you here because I do believe that Ray J is such an exceptional individual that if he were high or if he were sober, we would still be dealing with Ray J. This would still be. He'd find a way to be almost dead, blood coming out of his eyes. Whether he was on drugs or whether he was clean as the day is long.

[Langston Kernan]

I do think some people live a life that's so big that they just can't go much deep. Longer, bro. I think you know what I'm saying? Ray J, he's just. What's Ray J gonna do? In 20 years, he's done all the things, dog.

[David Borey]

I think if America was honest, we'd be honoring him the Same way they honor Andy Kaufman.

[Langston Kernan]

Oh, you want him on a penny?

[Courtney B.]

I think.

[Langston Kernan]

Oh, Kaufman's not on a penny.

[David Borey]

Yeah, I don't know him to be on money.

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Courtney B.]

And my dumb ass will sit up here like a penny. Andy Kaufman,

[David Borey]

they saying a lot of words. I don't know.

[Courtney B.]

Be co. Andy Cohen. Andy Cohen. I know him.

[David Borey]

Not my taste, but. Yeah, I'm listening.

[Courtney B.]

Okay.

[David Borey]

He don't play spades.

[Courtney B.]

Hell no.

[David Borey]

Yeah, I, I, I worry about Ray J. But I do think that he is a gifted, he is an exceptional talent that we should be celebrating to.

[Courtney B.]

The nigga.

[Langston Kernan]

He's so funny. Those glasses without trying.

[David Borey]

That's what makes it.

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah, the glasses, that was amazing. The beanie.

[Courtney B.]

The beanie broke the glasses.

[Langston Kernan]

The beanie.

[Courtney B.]

The beanie.

[David Borey]

The beanie was crazy.

[Langston Kernan]

He came up like this, bro. It was so good.

[David Borey]

He threatened to have fabulous fucked.

[Courtney B.]

Yes.

[Langston Kernan]

That was awesome. When he called up to the Breakfast Club.

[Courtney B.]

The Breakfast Club, and he was on Militia.

[David Borey]

Yeah. Booty niggas ready to go.

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah.

[Courtney B.]

Yeah. Crazy as hell. I love it. He crazy as hell. He crazy as hell, but I love it.

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah.

[Courtney B.]

And you know what's even crazier about Ray J? N really like Ray J really like that out here. He ain't no one of them. N like he a hood. He a nigga that's like protected by the hood out here. Yeah, he real untouchable.

[Langston Kernan]

He's a natural treasure.

[Courtney B.]

That's why he's interesting too. Yeah, he's a national treasure. Cause like to the rest of the world they be like, oh, that lame ass nigga, blah, blah, blah.

[Langston Kernan]

But I never felt that way about

[David Borey]

Ray J. I think in general, I think he's been good to a lot of people probably.

[Courtney B.]

Yeah.

[David Borey]

Like I think whatever his self destructive nature is, is his. But I think as far as the

[Courtney B.]

people around him, yeah, he show a lot of love.

[David Borey]

I think he kind of just is being good to people.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Courtney B.]

Nah, N, don't fuck around about Ray J. Ray J, real protective.

[Langston Kernan]

If I had one wish, it would be for Ray J to get better.

[Courtney B.]

Ray J, please get better. Blood out the eyes. I ain't never seen no shit like that in my life.

[Langston Kernan]

That was from a scary movie.

[Courtney B.]

That was crazy.

[Langston Kernan]

Why are you so sad?

[Courtney B.]

Why you go home?

[David Borey]

And we should acknowledge there are a few, quite a few articles suggesting that it was fake blood. This isn't real blood.

[Courtney B.]

Why you would do that?

[David Borey]

And I think that's the mastery that we need to celebrate.

[Courtney B.]

Cause why? What?

[David Borey]

That is what is making this Journey so joyful.

[Courtney B.]

But is that. That's a lot of clout that you need, because why you gotta do all of this?

[Langston Kernan]

It's got so much clout, too.

[David Borey]

But I'm saying.

[Courtney B.]

That's what I'm saying already more.

[David Borey]

But I'm saying think of it more as just a beautiful piece of art. This man is introducing us to a new premise where he goes, I'm dying. I'm dying. And now he's going to show us death enacted in front of us, and we'll never know if he's really dying.

[Courtney B.]

You know, Miguel hung himself from lots and lots of needles in the sky with his back.

[Langston Kernan]

From the singer Miguel.

[Courtney B.]

Yes. Y' all missed that.

[David Borey]

Oh, no.

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah.

[Courtney B.]

Yes.

[Langston Kernan]

Why do you do this week?

[Courtney B.]

Exactly. This week he just be doing shit.

[Langston Kernan]

Okay, this week. That and Shia LaBeouf. This week is going crazy.

[Courtney B.]

Yo. Shia LaBeouf crazy as fuck.

[David Borey]

He really got his ass whooped, huh?

[Courtney B.]

Now somebody he off as fuck, too. I ain't mad at Shia, though. Now, Shya, Did y' all see Peanut butter Falcon?

[Langston Kernan]

Yes.

[Courtney B.]

Fucking brilliant.

[Langston Kernan]

It took me a second to put all the words together. I did see that.

[David Borey]

Separated them.

[Courtney B.]

Peanut butter. Cause I was trying to figure out what bird it was. I was like, was it a.

[David Borey]

Have y' all seen peanut butter?

[Courtney B.]

Was it a falcon? Was it a parakeet? Was it a cockatiel? I had to figure out what bird the peanut butter was.

[Langston Kernan]

No, Peanut butter. Cockatiel is a different movie. It's a different movie starring Dolemite.

[Courtney B.]

Dolomite.

[Langston Kernan]

Rudy Ray Moore.

[Courtney B.]

No. I had a bird. I had a bird named Chester. May he rest. Whoa.

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah.

[Courtney B.]

For 28 years. That was my baby.

[Langston Kernan]

28 years.

[Courtney B.]

28 years. He was a g. I'm a bird lover. He was a cockatiel.

[Langston Kernan]

What happened?

[Courtney B.]

Yeah, he just older. He just got old. Yeah. But my mama. Me and my mama, we kept him in the freezer for, like, two more years after he passed.

[David Borey]

Oh, no, don't say that.

[Courtney B.]

Yeah. Kept him by the chicken.

[David Borey]

That sucked.

[Courtney B.]

We did.

[David Borey]

I hate this news.

[Courtney B.]

Yeah.

[David Borey]

It was a sad story. And then you turned it insane.

[Courtney B.]

Yeah, we did. Almost instantly.

[Bethenny Frankel]

We did.

[Courtney B.]

We had to put him. We kept him by the chicken. We was like, yo, he not leaving us just yet.

[David Borey]

That is.

[Courtney B.]

Damn.

[David Borey]

But he looks so sad, man.

[Courtney B.]

No, we put him in some foil. We really. We molded him really well and put him in some foil. He was out here like this and some paper gear. We put him in foil.

[David Borey]

He had a foil. Zip, zip.

[Courtney B.]

And then we put him in a Ziploc. A little Ziploc container.

[David Borey]

Just in case.

[Courtney B.]

Just in case. And it was a good, you know, a mortuary for.

[Langston Kernan]

What was it like when you had to decide that he left the freezer? Like that day.

[Courtney B.]

That was a sad day. My mama called me. She said, courtney, I think it's time. What time we let him go.

[Langston Kernan]

Damn.

[Courtney B.]

And I said, you know what, Ma? He has been taking up a lot of space in the freezer. And I know you gotta put your

[Langston Kernan]

riblets and your chicken, and there's a sell on chicken.

[David Borey]

Now, I'm gonna tell you something you're not gonna like hearing, but I do believe.

[Courtney B.]

But you have much juice to say it.

[Langston Kernan]

It's going to get mean.

[David Borey]

You didn't have to say what you said to me. So now. So now buckle up.

[Courtney B.]

Okay.

[David Borey]

Something broke off your bird.

[Langston Kernan]

Y.

[Courtney B.]

That was. That is evil. No. Right. He's.

[David Borey]

Your mama picked up your bird. Bird snapped. She called you Courtney. I think it's time. Courtney.

[Courtney B.]

It's a fucking.

[David Borey]

Courtney. Today's the day we gotta. We gotta put Chester out in the. Out in the trash.

[Courtney B.]

Oh, my son. Her is crazy. Now my baby head fell off. And my mama said, gordon, it's time to let him go, baby.

[David Borey]

Before you get home, we gotta throw this bird away.

[Langston Kernan]

Did you see him one last time before she got rid of him?

[Courtney B.]

She sent me a picture, okay? She sent me a picture. And we documented it.

[David Borey]

And we don't know what time that picture was taken.

[Courtney B.]

Right? We documented it. She put him in a crib

[Voicemail Caller]

to

[Langston Kernan]

live with the other birds.

[David Borey]

He got to thaw out.

[Courtney B.]

Yeah, he got to thaw out. Hopefully he's resting and some animal didn't just come grab him.

[Langston Kernan]

No, a coyote. Got that. I'm so. That's. And I don't. I hate to be Langston about it,

[Courtney B.]

but that's very lengthening.

[David Borey]

I'll be honest. A coyote had ice chips that night.

[Courtney B.]

It was like this bird. Crunchy as fuck.

[Langston Kernan]

What's wrong with this bird?

[Courtney B.]

Tastes like Fritos.

[Langston Kernan]

I should have known. He was just laying there, not moving.

[David Borey]

All right, we need to take a break. We're going to come back more. Courtney B.

[Courtney B.]

More.

[David Borey]

My mama told me.

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[Courtney B.]

So good.

[Langston Kernan]

Your bill, ladies. I. I got it.

[Courtney B.]

No, I got it. Seriously, I insist.

[Bethenny Frankel]

I insisted first.

[Courtney B.]

Don't be silly. You know, be silly.

[Langston Kernan]

People with the Wells Fargo Active cash credit card prefer to pay because they

[Courtney B.]

earn unlimited 2% cash rewards on purchases. Okay. Rock, paper, scissors for it. Rock, paper, scissors. Shoot. No.

[Langston Kernan]

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[Courtney B.]

Look at your neighbor and Say he's a meat Stress.

[Langston Kernan]

He'll stretch your meat. Hallelujah. And look at your neighbor and say, we're back.

[David Borey]

We're back. We're back.

[Courtney B.]

Where did y' all get that soundbite from? He will stretch your meat. Who said that?

[Langston Kernan]

TD Jakes.

[Bethenny Frankel]

Right?

[Courtney B.]

That is not TD Jakes.

[David Borey]

That's not TD Jakes. But it is a very well known pastor.

[Courtney B.]

That's crazy. Stretch your meat. Pause.

[David Borey]

Yeah. And you will find that most of the things on here are ayo.

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah, it's a lot of that on here.

[David Borey]

It always teeters in that space for sure.

[Langston Kernan]

That's what we.

[David Borey]

I know a few.

[Courtney B.]

Yeah, Teeter.

[Langston Kernan]

That sounds like a bird name.

[David Borey]

Teeter.

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah. Yeah, good one. Yeah, I think so.

[David Borey]

Are you at all worried that because you were talking about the aliens before, are you at all worried about Barack Obama admitting that aliens exist? Like, does that give you fear? Or had you already been bought in enough that this doesn't shake you at all?

[Courtney B.]

That doesn't shake me. What shakes me is my preparation or my lack of funding for preparation. Because the reality is, is that the Earth is going to. Now we don't know how. Our first step was COVID 19, right? COVID 19, I feel like, was definitely Population control. Right. I hate to say it, but I think that's what it was.

[David Borey]

Okay, Right.

[Courtney B.]

And also those shots, I don't know what that is just yet. I can't really place what those shots were, but that was something too.

[David Borey]

Either way, I think it was delicious juice. If you tasted it.

[Courtney B.]

Did you taste it? Did you?

[David Borey]

Did you?

[Courtney B.]

When they injected it, he was like, yeah, nurse.

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah, he's a nurse.

[David Borey]

Give me a squirt.

[Langston Kernan]

I taste mango.

[Courtney B.]

I can taste it. He sucked his own arm when they was done.

[Langston Kernan]

That's the most light skinned way to take a shot. I can't taste it.

[Courtney B.]

But yeah, COVID 19 was definitely population control and DNC. That was the first step. I think that we got some more steps to go through, but eventually, I think it's a nine step process. Okay, that's a good nine step and then nine. Nine, right.

[Langston Kernan]

That's a good number.

[Courtney B.]

And then eventually the Earth is just gonna go somewhere. I don't know, it might just die. Maybe it'll be like the day after tomorrow. I don't know. But I think we need more. I agree. Bunkers, you need to be underground and we need to, you know. But you gotta have money to build that bunker. I'm trying to figure that shit out. It's expensive to Build that bunker. But I wanna get rich enough to be able to build me a bunker.

[Langston Kernan]

Cause you also gotta build a bunker, and then you also gotta stock it.

[Courtney B.]

You gotta stock the bunker with at

[Langston Kernan]

least a couple years worth of shit. Right?

[Courtney B.]

I think everybody. All them rich folks, they got them bunkers.

[Langston Kernan]

They say that's, like, under the Denver Airport, all kinds of shit. Oh, yeah.

[David Borey]

I think what really scares me with bunkers is that you don't know how many years you're gonna need stuff for. And so at some point, you are just.

[Courtney B.]

You are gonna run out. That's real.

[David Borey]

And, like, if this is truly, like, yo, we gotta go under the earth, I think we're gonna need more than a few years to, like, clear it out.

[Courtney B.]

But then eventually, aren't you able to come out and then learn how to live again? Like, don't you start killing different animals?

[Langston Kernan]

That's.

[David Borey]

If you have somebody down there with you that's studying what's happening up there top the whole time.

[Langston Kernan]

That's also if the animals made it.

[David Borey]

That's what I'm saying. Like, they gotta. You don't even know what to kill up here anymore. Rats.

[Langston Kernan]

You know what will make it all? That White Castle.

[Courtney B.]

That White Castle. Gonna make the. The White Castle.

[David Borey]

But it's gonna make. It's gonna have legs.

[Courtney B.]

And I can guarantee a roach is gonna make it.

[David Borey]

Okay. Yeah.

[Courtney B.]

So we can collect roaches.

[Langston Kernan]

If we can start crossbreeding the roaches with the White Castle.

[Courtney B.]

Let's go. I think they already breed the white roaches with the white cast.

[Langston Kernan]

Now we have a replenishing food source.

[David Borey]

Let's go.

[Courtney B.]

Somebody done had a roach in their.

[Langston Kernan]

Oh, right as we speak. Just saying every five minutes in America, someone gets a roach in their White Castle.

[David Borey]

If you don't think about it, then it's still a good White Castle.

[Courtney B.]

That's true. Literally, you just don't think about it.

[Langston Kernan]

I don't.

[Courtney B.]

No. I try not to. I don't think about that kitchen.

[David Borey]

No. My uncle. This is a weird flex, but I have an uncle who's, like, a very prominent neuroscientist.

[Langston Kernan]

Is he White Castle?

[David Borey]

No, no, no, no. He absolutely wouldn't touch it. But he once explained to me that if you look at a hot glass dog, underneath, like, a microscope, it, like, you see fuck, tons of, like, hair and bone and, like, fragments of, like, the earth. And that's how I see it. Where he was telling me. He was telling me on some. You shouldn't eat that shit. I was like, oh, I don't see nothing. Yeah, this is a hot dog also. I want it to taste like hot dog.

[Courtney B.]

Must be fire, though.

[David Borey]

That's what I'm saying. Hair might be why it tastes so good.

[Courtney B.]

And it's not like when you pull from hot dogs. Like hair.

[Langston Kernan]

No, I can't see it.

[David Borey]

They mushed.

[Courtney B.]

It ain't real. They mushed it up real well.

[Langston Kernan]

He doesn't eat hot dogs, though. He refuses.

[David Borey]

I bet he would, but I think it is sort of like in his mind.

[Langston Kernan]

Were you going crazy on hot dogs for him to say that to you?

[Courtney B.]

Look, man, a glizzy gobbler going crazy on the glizzy put relish and shit. What you put on your eye, dog?

[David Borey]

I was trying to talk to y' all like grown ups.

[Courtney B.]

You had about 15. I said maybe I could throw a

[David Borey]

fun fact into this conversation. Maybe that'll help volley the ball. You know what I mean?

[Courtney B.]

We're keeping a ball in the air. This is a romantic dance. And here y' all niggas come. I go, this one's for you, David. And you swat it. You swat it out of bounds for what? He was at a cookout, fucking up my dogs up. He's like. Was like, hey, you know they got hair and shit in there, man. Was like, I don't give a you, Uncle Mark. That put it all the way in then, by Gl. Nobody.

[David Borey]

Even the way you're having me eat the hot dog.

[Courtney B.]

It's so big, and yet it doesn't affect my throat at all.

[David Borey]

It goes all the way from back here and finds its way to the back of my throat.

[Courtney B.]

One bite.

[David Borey]

You think I'm a hot dog whore. You're being crazy.

[Courtney B.]

That is crazy.

[David Borey]

This is not how you treat people.

[Courtney B.]

Glad we got that little known fact out.

[Langston Kernan]

That was good. Though.

[David Borey]

I do think we know sometimes too much about the products that we're consuming. And I think that until. Until they do right by us for real and start actually removing all of these dyes and all of these chemicals that are absolutely unnecessary from the food across the board. I'm choosing what I'm choosing.

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah, I agree. Also, sometimes I'm choosing color. If it was all the natural color it's supposed to be. Is a hot link still so delicious?

[Courtney B.]

Is it still hot?

[Langston Kernan]

Is it still hot? What color is a hot link if they pull all. All the dye out.

[David Borey]

That is a fable I've heard since I was a child.

[Langston Kernan]

This seem Uncle.

[Courtney B.]

No, that hot link ain't that color. Hot link's really purple, you know?

[David Borey]

Hot link Light skin. That's how they supposed to be.

[Courtney B.]

Why your ass on fire after you eat it?

[David Borey]

Cause of all the red, all the

[Langston Kernan]

rib and that slice of cheese you put on it. Don't be be greedy.

[David Borey]

Yeah. There's a bunch of stuff that I think I would just rather not know.

[Courtney B.]

I agree with you on that. I feel that.

[Langston Kernan]

For real, I mean, life is hard. Give me a hot dog. No, for real, I'm saying, like what

[Courtney B.]

are we talking about?

[Langston Kernan]

That's where we're. That's.

[Courtney B.]

They literally will find anything. I mean, you technically cannot go on the inside of a grocery store.

[David Borey]

Yeah.

[Courtney B.]

You know what I'm saying? Like everything on the outside, it's supposed

[Langston Kernan]

to be on the outside.

[Courtney B.]

Everything on the outside.

[Langston Kernan]

Technically, I learned that way late. And by that I mean within the last month.

[Courtney B.]

Wow.

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah. I had never known about it.

[David Borey]

I never heard that before.

[Courtney B.]

Everything on the outside you can pretty much kind of eat. But when you start going on the inside, it's all preservatives, it's all bad, it's all stuff that can sit on shelves for long periods of time.

[Langston Kernan]

Where's the Fruity Pebbles? Dead in the center.

[Courtney B.]

Mmm. True Cap Crunch.

[David Borey]

But you know how nice grocery stores,

[Langston Kernan]

they got peanut butter, cinnamon, toast crunch.

[Courtney B.]

Now shut up.

[David Borey]

Damn.

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah, I just seen it all.

[Courtney B.]

Shut it off. Shut it up. Oh, you done fucked me up with that one. Now

[David Borey]

she gonna put that on a pizz.

[Courtney B.]

There you go. Oh, oh, I'm about to that up. I'mma dip it in the. Take out all the cereal and then all the cinnamon and peanut butter. Put a little pickle in that. Oh, you done me up with that one. I might, I might, I might go to Bonds right now.

[Langston Kernan]

I saw it, cuz I was getting some stuff from Ralph's the other day

[Courtney B.]

and I was like, ooh, that's. Ooh, that's tasty.

[David Borey]

That outside shit trips me out a little bit because it feels like. Then all the pastries and shit was a late ad where like they started at cheeses and milks and vegetables and meats, produce. And then they started to see that people caught on to a trend or avoiding the middle. And then they were like, all right, we're gonna end it with the bakery.

[Langston Kernan]

Cause you could tell that grocery store bakery, you could tell that's the most dangerous bakery. It's like those muffins are the muffins that's gonna kill you.

[Courtney B.]

I like them.

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah, no, they're delicious.

[David Borey]

Those are drug addicts experimenting. Do you know what I mean? The people that Work in the bakery at Ralph's.

[Courtney B.]

Yeah. No, seriously, they are. They're rehabilitated. They're sketchy.

[David Borey]

They're rehabilitated for sure.

[Courtney B.]

They're like amusement park attendants.

[Langston Kernan]

Carnies.

[Courtney B.]

Yeah.

[Bethenny Frankel]

Carnival.

[Courtney B.]

The carnival people.

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah.

[Courtney B.]

That's crazy.

[Langston Kernan]

Bakery carnies.

[David Borey]

Bakery carnies.

[Courtney B.]

Barney's is funny.

[David Borey]

Barney's, I believe, is.

[Courtney B.]

I'll crack it up. Oh, my God.

[Langston Kernan]

Hey, though, I do think, though, if they gave me, like, six months, I could design some crazy muffins.

[David Borey]

I could see you.

[Courtney B.]

Why would you put in a muffin?

[Langston Kernan]

I mean, we can't start right now. I need Runway. Yeah.

[David Borey]

Let my boys study.

[Langston Kernan]

I need some time.

[Courtney B.]

Oh, you need some time.

[Langston Kernan]

But I think I could really, like, do damage in the industry.

[Courtney B.]

You know what's crazy? How limited my thought process on muffins is. Cause I'm like, I cannot see anything outside of a banana nut or a blueberry.

[Langston Kernan]

And that's. Exactly.

[Courtney B.]

Or a chocolate chip.

[Langston Kernan]

And that's what I'm saying.

[Courtney B.]

Or a cornbread.

[Langston Kernan]

No, we're going bigger than that.

[Courtney B.]

What? Are there any other muffins? I mean, okay. Hostess does have that little speckled sprinkle joints. I'm tasty.

[Langston Kernan]

Those are good. The mini muffins. In the bag. In the bag.

[David Borey]

And I will say that they're.

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah, I'm out here.

[Courtney B.]

You're like a snackologist.

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah, I'm really outside.

[David Borey]

I will say they're being pretty loose.

[Courtney B.]

It's kind of. His knowledge of snacks is required.

[David Borey]

No, it's impressive, for sure.

[Courtney B.]

That nigga knew his. Exactly what packaging I was in. He like. Yeah, no, he keep that thing on him.

[Langston Kernan]

Wow.

[Courtney B.]

I'm impressed by that.

[David Borey]

He's been a ding dong.

[Langston Kernan]

That's a limited edition strawberry.

[Courtney B.]

He don't be calling she. We just be calling Twinkies at night. The new Twinkies.

[David Borey]

No, I. Yeah, I think they're being a little loose when they call those muffins, though.

[Courtney B.]

What do you mean? Really?

[David Borey]

The hostess. I don't think Hostess makes muffins.

[Langston Kernan]

What does Hostess make?

[Courtney B.]

What makes a muffin a muffin?

[Langston Kernan]

Hostess.

[David Borey]

Hostess.

[Langston Kernan]

A hostess.

[David Borey]

Don't get upset.

[Langston Kernan]

I understand. You're about to get upset.

[Courtney B.]

He just got a little overheated.

[Langston Kernan]

He start glitching.

[Courtney B.]

He start glitching. That's the government trying to get in your brain right there. That's what we got.

[Langston Kernan]

This.

[Courtney B.]

He started glitching.

[David Borey]

I upset him a little bit.

[Langston Kernan]

What I was going to say is that Hostess to me is the same as Taco Bell, where it's just the Same ingredients retooled into several different products.

[Courtney B.]

I don't know that I like that.

[Langston Kernan]

It's not great, but I think it's very. I think it has legs.

[David Borey]

You think cupcake and Ding Dong are the same product?

[Langston Kernan]

It's enchirito.

[Courtney B.]

It's repurposed.

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah, it's all. It's all. I think it's all. I think there was one mother Hostess product. And then through all that, they just remixed everything a little bit.

[David Borey]

Zebra cake is just.

[Langston Kernan]

It's cream, pastry and cake inside out and frosting. That's all. But they just like. And they package it to however you want it.

[David Borey]

I will say that they really benefit from the texture differences because I much prefer a Ding Dong to a zebra cake.

[Langston Kernan]

Zebra cakes was at school though.

[David Borey]

I feel zebra cakes is zebra cake.

[Courtney B.]

I never ate a zebra cake. I don't think I've ever had a zebra cake.

[Langston Kernan]

Really? You don't support interaction?

[Courtney B.]

Yeah, I ain't fucking with the zebras. The zebras, the zebras. Something off with the zebras.

[David Borey]

I don't fuck with him.

[Courtney B.]

Little light skinned ass snacks.

[David Borey]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I said I didn't fuck with him either. But you still felt the need to hurt me. You still were like, yeah, but I

[Courtney B.]

said, it's so easy.

[David Borey]

You were like, brother, get me right there, brother. I still don't want us to connect. FYI, I'm still keeping you at a distance.

[Courtney B.]

No, forever.

[David Borey]

Love, love, love. I think we need to take another break.

[Langston Kernan]

Okay.

[David Borey]

And then when we come back, we should do a voicemail together.

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah.

[Courtney B.]

This foil heating up my head.

[David Borey]

Yeah.

[Langston Kernan]

It's hotter than I would. I thought it was.

[David Borey]

I am starting to feel a little bit rashy underneath the foil and I would like to get it out more.

[Courtney B.]

Cooking

[David Borey]

more. Courtney B. More what Mama told me

[Courtney B.]

Foreign.

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[Courtney B.]

So good.

[Langston Kernan]

Your bill, ladies. I got it.

[Courtney B.]

No, I got it. Seriously, I insist. I insisted. First,

[Langston Kernan]

people with the Wells Fargo active

[Courtney B.]

cash credit card, preferably to pay because they earn unlimited 2% cash rewards on purchases. Okay. Rock, paper, scissors for it.

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[Langston Kernan]

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[David Borey]

Well, we're going to do this respectfully. Otherwise. Otherwise we'll end in a duel. And I mean a duel. Real life duel where only one person walks away. We can meet with guns, bottles, knives, or books and equations. But we're gonna do this like men. So get ready.

[Langston Kernan]

I'm ready. Are you? We're back.

[David Borey]

Yeah, we are back.

[Langston Kernan]

I would rather do the book equation.

[David Borey]

I don't want to fight Terrence Howard.

[Courtney B.]

Hell no. That nigga look like he really knows some shit. Yeah, he looks like he would like taekwondo your ass.

[Langston Kernan]

He seems like he would pull some shit off. Like Terrence, just pull your cheek off.

[David Borey]

He also seems like he only swings open hand.

[Courtney B.]

That's funny as fuck.

[David Borey]

You know what I mean?

[Courtney B.]

He only slapping the shit.

[David Borey]

He'll whoop your ass.

[Courtney B.]

Open hand.

[David Borey]

And I don't need that. That's my. I'm not trying to take that kind of air.

[Courtney B.]

Is a slap worse than a punch?

[Langston Kernan]

100%.

[Courtney B.]

Okay.

[Langston Kernan]

Cause you respected me enough to close your fist.

[David Borey]

A fear exists in you.

[Langston Kernan]

For me, you saw me at least as a worthy adversary. Enough that you had to prepare. You didn't even think of this. You didn't even. Especially, like, fingers wide together is a little more respect. But like, I feel when they. When you see somebody get, like, mushed almost, that's bad.

[David Borey]

You think so little of me that you didn't even wanna knock me out.

[Courtney B.]

Darn.

[David Borey]

Because you're not afraid of the retaliation.

[Courtney B.]

Ooh. Okay.

[David Borey]

Yeah.

[Courtney B.]

Interesting.

[David Borey]

Yeah. No, don't slap me, please.

[Courtney B.]

That's real.

[David Borey]

Anybody out there.

[Courtney B.]

That's why I think fighting is just like, when we grown as fuck is just kind of crazy.

[Langston Kernan]

No, it's crazy.

[Courtney B.]

Cause now if you fall, I mean, I don't know how old you are, but.

[David Borey]

38.

[Courtney B.]

Okay.

[Langston Kernan]

26.

[Courtney B.]

I'm 39.

[David Borey]

Okay.

[Courtney B.]

So I know your ass ain't no damn 26, but I said I'm gonna let him ride. Yeah.

[Langston Kernan]

That was really nice of you.

[Courtney B.]

Thank you. I was.

[Langston Kernan]

You know, I really appreciate it.

[Courtney B.]

I'm just saying, with the grace you've

[David Borey]

shown me this afternoon.

[Courtney B.]

No, I. So much grace. So much grace. But if we fall now. Yeah, nigga, you might be hurt for the rest of your life.

[Langston Kernan]

And I'm gonna choke somebody. What am I doing?

[David Borey]

It really is embarrassing when you, like, walk away from that moment. You go, that is so bene.

[Courtney B.]

Yeah. Like, why the fuck I did it? But also, they came at me crazy, too. So.

[David Borey]

Yeah.

[Courtney B.]

You know, you still gotta, like, defend yourself.

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah.

[Courtney B.]

You can't.

[Langston Kernan]

There's like a line there.

[Courtney B.]

He is. Cause there's been situations where I be like. I walk away from some shit and I be like, you should have really smacked that bitch.

[David Borey]

Yeah.

[Courtney B.]

You know, and then you feel bad. Cause you ain't smacked the bitch. Then you. I hate that feeling too.

[David Borey]

That also a bad feeling as well.

[Courtney B.]

You're like, damn, I should have did it.

[Langston Kernan]

Cause then you're just thinking about it, like.

[Courtney B.]

Yeah.

[Langston Kernan]

And you be like, this is. This would have been a different.

[David Borey]

I think once you are our age, you start to go like, oh, the feeling of having done it is actually still worse than the feeling of not.

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah.

[David Borey]

There's like. I can still find pleasure in saying all the shit that I should have said.

[Courtney B.]

Yeah.

[David Borey]

Into a fucking car mirror. That's real as I'm like on my way back home unscathed.

[Langston Kernan]

The way you slap people in your head is different than the way you

[Courtney B.]

actually slap on, man.

[Langston Kernan]

Because in real life maybe kind of it slides weird.

[David Borey]

It slides, but in.

[Langston Kernan]

In your head, that like, it makes

[Courtney B.]

that like

[Langston Kernan]

they jump.

[David Borey]

And y' all are doing this with

[Langston Kernan]

your arms and you're like trying to get in there.

[David Borey]

It's just bad. It's embarrassing.

[Langston Kernan]

No, you don't look cool throwing punches actually.

[David Borey]

Nah, dog.

[Langston Kernan]

Hey, unless you're like a real fighter. But like, people fights look so funny.

[David Borey]

They look really.

[Langston Kernan]

They look really funny. And then somebody that's like most fights, yo, I hosted.

[Courtney B.]

Me and Nick had this show on Zeus called Bad versus Wild.

[David Borey]

Okay.

[Courtney B.]

And I would narrate the fights. It was the craziest shit ever. It was like a titties out. Her wig is off. Yeah, yeah, she just slapped the shit out that bitch. That's crazy. And they were so entertained by it. It was like, why are we doing this? You're the masked singer.

[David Borey]

This is not.

[Courtney B.]

But also this is a good check.

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah, you gotta.

[David Borey]

I'm not gonna say nothing, but we should stop. But this is.

[Courtney B.]

It's insane. It's insane.

[Langston Kernan]

It's insane.

[Courtney B.]

It'd be insane to watch. But you know, people find entertainment and entertainment.

[David Borey]

You don't want to fight as a grownup. And if you are out there still fighting and you're over 35.

[Langston Kernan]

Come on, dawg, she's not coming back.

[David Borey]

You gotta stop.

[Courtney B.]

You gotta quit walking or go to boxing class or something. You know, you gotta find some other way to like get your anger out.

[Langston Kernan]

But also there's a lot of dudes at the gym who are fighting through that too.

[Courtney B.]

You see em?

[David Borey]

Uh huh.

[Langston Kernan]

Like a no job ass dude at the gym? Yeah, my old gym in Denver, there was a guy, he had his prayer mat in there. He was praying all the times a day and then working out at the Y. Oh, wow.

[Courtney B.]

Yeah, he was using the fuck out of that membership. Yo, I know they was. They was locking him in. Like, this is not what we meant

[Langston Kernan]

when we said he would be in there early.

[Courtney B.]

That's crazy.

[David Borey]

Hey, Marcus, you can come every day, but three times is too much.

[Courtney B.]

It's too much like, damn.

[Langston Kernan]

There's no rules though.

[Courtney B.]

There's no limitations.

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah, you could just.

[Courtney B.]

He and that bitch using the shower. That nigga got a shower rack radio in there.

[David Borey]

Bitch, he's eating in there.

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah, it felt like sometimes it felt like you were walking into his room.

[David Borey]

Yeah, Funny as fuck.

[Courtney B.]

That N a be like, hey, dawg. Well.

[Langston Kernan]

Cause also, there was like two. There was like two regular chairs in the front, and he'd always be sitting on one, charging two phones.

[Courtney B.]

Oh, yeah, he was homeless.

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But strong.

[Courtney B.]

But strong, but strong. Gotta stay strong.

[Langston Kernan]

That's the best way to be homeless, I think. Seriously, I'm not gonna be homeless and weak.

[Courtney B.]

One thing I'll give California is if you're gonna be home homeless, California might be the best state.

[Langston Kernan]

Oh, you think we have the best homeless people?

[Courtney B.]

Well, I feel like you have the best climate for homelessness, for sure.

[Langston Kernan]

I think this or Hawaii. Yeah, this is a great.

[David Borey]

I think the governor is a nasty motherfucker who has done some pretty bad things.

[Courtney B.]

You don't like Newsom?

[David Borey]

I think he's doing some bad shit to homeless people, specifically.

[Courtney B.]

Always specific to homeless.

[David Borey]

Yeah, I think he, like, really? Because of how many California city cities are like, quote unquote, overrun with homeless.

[Courtney B.]

Okay.

[David Borey]

He, like, has done a lot of policy shit to make it really difficult to be unhoused in, like, LA and San Francisco. But for real, for real, the climate alone does make it better than most.

[Courtney B.]

Oh, yeah. I mean, imagine being homeless in Chicago or Detroit, bro.

[David Borey]

I can't. I can't.

[Courtney B.]

That's insane. But here, I mean, I mean, it's sunny.

[David Borey]

Yesterday might have been the coldest day of the year.

[Courtney B.]

It was freezing.

[David Borey]

Yeah, it's still manageable.

[Courtney B.]

And it's still manageable. You get you a bunch of good covers and shit, you'll be all right.

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah, I used to excel at making forts, and I think that would extend. Mm.

[Courtney B.]

I got this homeless dude that live across the street from me and my neighbor. I call him my neighbor. Cause let me tell you something. They tell that nigga to move, and he come, come back and he. He redesigns his home. It is boring. I mean, it's always different, and I'm always amazed by it. I mean, he'll find a cabinet. It'd be a cabinet out there. He got a chair. We have visitors.

[Langston Kernan]

When I was in the Valley, they were really doing some great innovative.

[Courtney B.]

They're innovating.

[Langston Kernan]

Like, especially during COVID when you're taking all those walks, you'd be like, well, you. This is.

[Courtney B.]

This is a city.

[Langston Kernan]

This is a four bedroom.

[David Borey]

He's like, look, yo, I made a Victorian.

[Courtney B.]

For real. It's innovative as shit, yo.

[David Borey]

More Spanish style for me.

[Langston Kernan]

Is that a foyer?

[Courtney B.]

Niggas got chandeliers, bro.

[Langston Kernan]

They were really kind of going crazy.

[Courtney B.]

Okay.

[David Borey]

Yeah. I mean, I think Obviously, it's a. The encampments are a complicated.

[Courtney B.]

It is a complicated conversation for sure.

[David Borey]

But I think at the end of the day, the literal, like, temperature outside makes it so that, like, California has to be more ideal than fucking most places. Cause even if you go to Arizona, that's too hot.

[Langston Kernan]

It's too hot. That's.

[Courtney B.]

They can't even be outside like that. I never even thought about that.

[Langston Kernan]

And like, California, if you could live in a car, I think you could run that for a long time.

[Courtney B.]

You know what? I have a couple of friends that are living in cars and it's very interesting lifestyle, but they actually really make it work really well.

[Langston Kernan]

There are a lot of people who did it at different times in life.

[Courtney B.]

Yeah. And they figure out how to make it work. I mean. I mean, one of my friends, she like, yo, bitch, I'm trying to get a bigger car. Lay this bitch out.

[Langston Kernan]

Get a van, nigga.

[Courtney B.]

They got like a whole plan.

[Langston Kernan]

Hey, we were just talking about that. Get a van.

[Courtney B.]

Cause they sick of paying rent. People are sick of paying rent. Like, they just sick of paying for shit. You know what I'm saying? And then if you travel, like, if you're a comedian and you working all the time, you ain't even home anyway.

[Langston Kernan]

So you're talking to me 23 years old. I was like, maybe I could just do that.

[Courtney B.]

No, for real.

[David Borey]

Car can be house.

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah.

[Courtney B.]

I was in Marina down, and there was this huge van and she opened it up. She had dogs in there. She had carpet light. I mean, it was so nice. I was like, yo, this shit kind of.

[Langston Kernan]

You could do a lot to vans.

[David Borey]

Some of those people that live out of their van are a little bit of a bummer because they are choosing it to the point that they're like, well, of course you could deck this out because you have so many resources that you can afford to live this way.

[Courtney B.]

That's fair.

[David Borey]

It's more inspired.

[Langston Kernan]

You built a fireflies nook in here.

[David Borey]

Yeah. But you could have had a breakfast nook in a real home.

[Courtney B.]

In a real home, you just start choosing.

[David Borey]

It's much more inspiring when it's somebody who's like, no, I'm making it work.

[Courtney B.]

Yeah. Trying to figure it out. Yeah, it's interesting, for sure.

[David Borey]

Let's do a voicemail.

[Courtney B.]

Let's do a voicemail.

[David Borey]

We're gonna play a voicemail and then get outta here.

[Courtney B.]

People still leaving voicemails for us.

[David Borey]

They're usually specific, they're usually drunk. And they do often scold us up Top for our voice message, which unfortunately we made a mistake on that.

[Courtney B.]

And. And you'll hear, okay, yeah, David and

[Voicemail Caller]

Langson, Ebony and ivory. That's why I just call all you.

[Langston Kernan]

I don't like your tone. Ebony Lasser. Ebony.

[David Borey]

Yeah, don't do that.

[Langston Kernan]

That was crazy.

[Courtney B.]

Ebony Naivarian also.

[Langston Kernan]

I started with Indian first. It took me a second to. Yeah, I had to get into Caribbean. I was like. I was like, wow, we have people in India. No, probably not.

[David Borey]

That'd be nuts.

[Langston Kernan]

That would be nuts.

[David Borey]

I. I think that'd be irresponsible.

[Langston Kernan]

We're gonna get over there.

[Courtney B.]

They'll get us.

[David Borey]

I hope so.

[Langston Kernan]

All right, I'm sorry, continue.

[Voicemail Caller]

That's why I just call. I just call all. Yeah. Anywho, I just calling in to say hello and thanks for some new Caribbean slave all up in all your life. Life and thing is called me with Khalifa. I just called him to ask you guys if you heard about this one. So my mother told me the reason we just get hurricanes and thing over here is because the souls of our ancestry is vexated and they turn up the ocean and that is what does cause the hurricane. So tell me if all you ever heard that one. Maybe not. It might be a Caribbean lord, you know, but turn it out there also. Love the show. Love it. Love it all. You just make my mornings. So keep up the good work. Love the duo. Don't. Don't bother with these people. Just be talking long stand. You're not. You're not whining. You don't whine. You don't just, you know, real light skin.

[Courtney B.]

That's the point.

[Voicemail Caller]

Okay, I go on.

[Courtney B.]

Real light skin. You're not whining light. Nobody's even saying that. That's funny as like, I'm hearing a lot. That's not even about whining. That's not feedback I'm getting. Yeah, they supposed to be in the comments and I'm getting negative feedback. Don't get me wrong with. But it's not that I'm whining. That sh. Funny as hell.

[David Borey]

I gotta get out of this.

[Courtney B.]

You be getting shot. You don't even be knowing you about to get hit.

[Langston Kernan]

I really do go crazy on him sometimes.

[David Borey]

I just gotta get out of here.

[Langston Kernan]

I was sure she was gonna say David something, but she did not.

[David Borey]

Fuck.

[Langston Kernan]

I have heard that.

[Courtney B.]

I've heard that too. I've heard that too. That's definitely true. It's kind of like that. What's that spot in Georgia? The lake. Lake Lanier.

[David Borey]

Oh, sure, sure, sure.

[Courtney B.]

They say that apparently Lake Lanier had an entire community, black community. And then they. I don't know, they put through, like, they killed all the black people, and then they covered it with the water. And so then people do die a

[David Borey]

lot out there, live on in Lakeland,

[Courtney B.]

and they never know how these people die. The people just die out there. They drown. But it's always just like, well, how the fuck did they drown? You know, it's always. So I think that is very much true, that the souls of it. Cause, I mean, you gotta think about the slave trade and how they dropped all those bodies over the ships and stuff. I think the soul of those people, man, they turn the fuck up and

[Langston Kernan]

people think it's the Jews who control the weather.

[Courtney B.]

Nazi. Nazi.

[Langston Kernan]

I thought we were having fun.

[Courtney B.]

I don't say that. I don't even say that word. You see, that's the word to say. I don't even say that word. Listen, I don't know what he talking about. I don't even say the word. All right. All the best to you and yours. Look, you already don't be giving on no podcast saying shit like that. I don't play them games.

[Langston Kernan]

I'm saying we control.

[Courtney B.]

Y' all ain't learned nothing from Nick Cannon and Kylie. I've learned a lot from Nick Cannon.

[Langston Kernan]

I've learned a lot from Nick Cannon,

[David Borey]

and now I sit back and reap the benefits. Now it's my podcast again, and we're doing a lot more whining next week. Buckle up. Yeah, it reminds me what you're saying a little bit of, like, that Japanese forest. There's a quote unquote suicide forest where people are often choosing to go kill themselves in this forest, but they suggest that there is, like, a spiritual density there that sort of lures people to this. And I think if that is true, if we do believe in the power of energy in that way, I do believe that there probably is something along the, you know, the transatlantic slave trade path that allows for, like, negative or rageful energy to form, because places absorb that.

[Langston Kernan]

You ever been someplace and you're just like, I don't know what it is,

[Courtney B.]

but it's this off.

[David Borey]

Yeah, man.

[Langston Kernan]

Bad over here. Yeah, I feel that. I feel that sometimes. Like, what was it? There was this. It was like a place of battle had been fought, and I was there, and I was just like. It just feels heavy. Just feels not good right here.

[David Borey]

You ever. You ever been to a bar that used to be a worse bar?

[Courtney B.]

Yeah.

[David Borey]

And Then they, like, tried to fix it.

[Courtney B.]

Oh, yeah, that's real.

[David Borey]

But the niggas that were there are still there, and they still doing what they were going to do.

[Langston Kernan]

That's exactly it.

[David Borey]

You understand? Y' all tried. Y' all thought you could put new walls up, and that's gonna make us act right.

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah, you put karaoke on Tuesday.

[David Borey]

You thought people were gonna quit selling

[Courtney B.]

weed in here, and that's not what it is.

[David Borey]

There's a. There's an energy.

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah, they sell Old Milwaukee.

[Courtney B.]

That is so true.

[David Borey]

Yeah, I think. I think at the end of the day, there's probably, like, a spiritual truth to the hurricanes being originated in the Atlantic and pushing that way.

[Courtney B.]

Yeah, I agree.

[David Borey]

Even if it's not technically true. You know what I mean? Some things can be true without being true. Yeah.

[Langston Kernan]

And he didn't whine once this whole time.

[Courtney B.]

He did not whine.

[Langston Kernan]

How about that? Stop projecting.

[David Borey]

I think when we listen back to this episode, there's going to be a little bit of whining. And I do call her. I hate you so much for the way that you made me feel, but I will reflect on it. And I curse you. I curse your island. Courtney, can you tell the people where they can find you?

[Courtney B.]

What cool shit you got going on? Listen. Okay, y' all can find me on Instagram. Hereal Courtney B. Also on Facebook. Herealcourtney B. Make sure you tune into we playing spades on YouTube. And you can also listen to it on Amazon or anywhere you get your podcast. Also, make sure you check me out on Wild N Out. Cause Wild N Out still runs, so make sure you catch me on Wild' n Out. Wild'. N. Wild' N. Wild'. N. And yeah, you know, I got a bunch of new projects. Also, Netflix is a joke festival. Make sure y' all catch me there, too. And I'm doing shows all over the country, so look out for your girl, Beautiful.

[David Borey]

What you got?

[Langston Kernan]

I'm also doing Netflix as a joke. If I can get a headshot with my short shoulders in it. I guess my headshot didn't work.

[David Borey]

Oh, they weren't satisfied with your headshot?

[Courtney B.]

Yeah.

[Langston Kernan]

Yeah, I gotta upgrade my headshot.

[David Borey]

Hell, yeah.

[Langston Kernan]

So if you take pictures, coolguyjokes87 on Instagram. Come see Langston and I in New Orleans for the Toledano Street Comedy Festival.

[David Borey]

That's sports drink.

[Langston Kernan]

It's sports drink. And there's another venue, but it's uptown. Easy to get to.

[David Borey]

We're gonna be doing stand up separately, and then we're gonna be doing the podcast together live podcast. Jamel Johnson Mandel, I believe, are the two guests.

[Langston Kernan]

Come on. Two of our greatest hits.

[Courtney B.]

I just did a showroom yesterday. He's the best.

[David Borey]

They're the best. Yeah, two funny motherfuckers. You don't want to come see it? Let's sell that show out. You can see me. Netflix is a joke festival. May 6 at the Elysian Theater. I'll be there. I'll be telling my best jokes for motherfuckers to listen to. You can send us [e-mail] you can give us a call at 844. Lil moms love hearing your voices. We can't get enough of it. Follow the Patreon subscribe like do all the things to the podcast to make it successful. Put your tinfoil hats on. Bye.

[Courtney B.]

Pop my butt. Pop, pop my butt. Pop my butt. Pop, pop my butt. Do you know what pop my butt meant to Harriet Tubman? Do you know what that meant? It meant a.

[David Borey]

My Mama Told Me is a production of Will Ferrell's Big Money players network

[Langston Kernan]

and iHeart podcast, created and hosted by

[David Borey]

Langston Kernan, co hosted by David Borey,

[Langston Kernan]

executive produced by Will Ferrell, Hansani and

[David Borey]

Joel Monique, co produced by Bay Wang,

[Langston Kernan]

edited and engineered by Justin Comey.

[David Borey]

Music by Nick Chambers.

[Langston Kernan]

Artwork by Dogon Krieger.

[David Borey]

You can now watch episodes, episodes of My Mama told me on YouTube. Follow at my Mama Told Me and subscribe to our channel.

[Bethenny Frankel]

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[Courtney B.]

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[Bethenny Frankel]

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[Courtney B.]

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[Courtney B.]

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[David Borey]

Janice Torres here and I'm Austin Hankwitz. We host the podcast Mind the Small Business Success Stories produced by Ruby Studio in partnership with Intuit Corporate QuickBooks.

[Bethenny Frankel]

We're back for season four to talk to some incredible small business owners.

[Courtney B.]

The big thing about working at tech is that it's ever evolving, ever changing. Everyone's a rookie. That's how fast the industry is changing. So what I'm really excited about is

[David Borey]

to be part of that change. So listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

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[Courtney B.]

This is an I heart podcast. Guaranteed human.