My So-Called Midlife with Reshma Saujani
Episode: Acceptance and Agreement Are Not the Same Thing with Lena Waithe
Release Date: June 18, 2025
Introduction
In this compelling episode of My So-Called Midlife, host Reshma Saujani engages in a profound conversation with the multifaceted Lena Waithe, renowned actress, producer, and screenwriter. The discussion delves deep into themes of midlife reflection, spirituality, the nature of legacy, and societal constructs such as the American Dream and patriarchy. Through their candid dialogue, both women explore personal growth, mentorship, and the importance of storytelling in shaping legacies.
Midlife Reflections and Spirituality
The episode kicks off with Reshma sharing her initial intentions to discuss Lena's work, such as her podcast "Legacy Talk" and "The Shy." However, the conversation quickly pivots to the power of silence after Lena recounts her experience with a Vipassana silent retreat.
Lena Waithe [05:21]: "I just like the use of that word. It's interesting because I'm coming out of this 10-day silent retreat... and it's called Vipassana."
Reshma relates by sharing her own experiences with Vipassana, emphasizing the shared journey of spiritual practice and the quest for presence and mindfulness in midlife.
Attachment, Ambition, and Detachment
A significant portion of the dialogue centers around the concepts of attachment and detachment, especially in the context of ambition. Lena introduces the idea that attachment is the root of misery, resonating with Reshma's own struggles as the daughter of immigrants grappling with materialistic aspirations.
Lena Waithe [06:14]: "It's about detaching ourselves from whatever it is we think we're supposed to accomplish by the time we turn 50."
They explore the delicate balance between ambition and letting go, where Lena shares insights from author Young Pueblo about channeling energy towards goals without the tension of needing them to materialize.
The American Dream and Its Implications
Reshma and Lena delve into the American Dream, questioning its true meaning and whom it serves. Lena critically examines how the American Dream often aligns with capitalist values, perpetuating materialism and societal status symbols.
Lena Waithe [12:39]: "Acceptance and agreement are not the same thing."
Reshma brings a personal angle, reflecting on her parents' immigrant journey and the sacrifices made in pursuit of success, which she associates with the American Dream. Lena counters by highlighting the costs of these dreams, especially for marginalized communities.
Legacy and Representation
Legacy emerges as a pivotal theme, with Lena articulating it as the intangible work one leaves behind rather than tangible possessions.
Lena Waithe [41:50]: "I think because we don't own anything. Nothing belongs to us. Yes, I have an Emmy, but a legacy is really the work I leave behind and the way in which people may remember me."
They discuss the significance of representation in shaping legacies, acknowledging milestones like Halle Berry's Oscar win while critiquing the slow pace of change within institutions like the Academy.
Lena Waithe [46:51]: "So sometimes representation can be empty, and we have to be careful not to put too much value in it... It’s a snapshot of [society]."
Reshma emphasizes the importance of telling diverse stories to provide role models and inspire future generations, particularly for girls of color.
Personal Development and Mentorship
Lena shares her journey of mentorship, crediting influential figures like Mara Brock Akil and Gina Prince-Bythewood for guiding her career.
Lena Waithe [50:02]: "I have been taught by example how to lead in that way."
Reshma highlights the value of using one's platform for good, echoing the sentiment that true leadership involves uplifting others without ulterior motives.
Silence Retreat Insights
As the conversation circles back to spirituality, Lena imparts lessons from her silent retreat, emphasizing the impermanence of everything and the importance of present-moment awareness.
Lena Waithe [53:02]: "Everything is impermanent. Everything changes."
She advocates for observing without clinging or aversion, a principle that not only aids personal liberation but also fosters healthier relationships and personal growth.
Conclusion
The episode culminates with reflections on the cyclical nature of societal change and the enduring impact of individual legacies. Lena underscores that while societal patterns may oscillate, the responsibility lies in continuously evolving and breaking harmful cycles.
Lena Waithe [55:25]: "Who do you want to be? And if you want to be someone that goes against the law of nature, you have to work really hard to stay in the same place, to keep doing the same things."
Reshma and Lena leave listeners with a powerful message about embracing change, cultivating empathy, and actively shaping one's legacy through intentional living and storytelling.
Notable Quotes
- Lena Waithe [06:14]: "It's about detaching ourselves from whatever it is we think we're supposed to accomplish by the time we turn 50."
- Lena Waithe [12:39]: "Acceptance and agreement are not the same thing."
- Lena Waithe [41:50]: "I think because we don't own anything. Nothing belongs to us. Yes, I have an Emmy, but a legacy is really the work I leave behind and the way in which people may remember me."
- Lena Waithe [53:02]: "Everything is impermanent. Everything changes."
- Lena Waithe [55:25]: "Who do you want to be? And if you want to be someone that goes against the law of nature, you have to work really hard to stay in the same place, to keep doing the same things."
Final Thoughts
This episode is a treasure trove of insights for anyone navigating the complexities of midlife, offering a blend of personal anecdotes, philosophical reflections, and actionable wisdom. Reshma Saujani and Lena Waithe create a safe space for listeners to explore their own journeys, encouraging a shift from mere survival to truly living and evolving.
For those seeking a deeper understanding of midlife challenges and the pursuit of a meaningful legacy, this episode is an essential listen.
Listen to the Episode
You can listen to "Acceptance and Agreement Are Not the Same Thing with Lena Waithe" on Lemonada Media or your preferred podcast platform.