Summary of "How to Stop Giving a Fuck with Bozoma St John"

Podcast Information

• Title: My So-Called Midlife with Reshma Saujani
• Host: Reshma Saujani
• Episode: How to Stop Giving a Fuck with Bozoma St John
• Release Date: January 8, 2025

Introduction

In this compelling episode of My So-Called Midlife, host Reshma Saujani engages in an enlightening conversation with Bozoma St. John, a powerhouse in corporate America and the newest cast member of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Bozoma shares her extraordinary journey of overcoming personal tragedies, breaking free from conventional corporate norms, and forging her own path as an entrepreneur and reality TV star.

Midlife Reflections and Power

Reshma opens the discussion by addressing the unsettling feelings associated with midlife, questioning whether it might be a woman's version of a midlife crisis. Bozoma responds with a refreshing perspective on midlife:

Bozoma St. John (04:22): "I'm having a really good time right now in this midlife... I feel totally in my power."

She elaborates on the evolution of power through different decades of her life:

Bozoma St. John (05:17): "I think part of it is my complete and utter acceptance of who I am... Now I'm in control."

Bozoma uses the analogy of balancing weights in a workout to illustrate the importance of control over speed and ambition:

Bozoma St. John (07:22): "Now I'm in control."

Embracing Control and Presence

Bozoma emphasizes the significance of being present, especially when raising children, and how gaining control leads to greater enjoyment of life:

Reshma Saujani (07:22): "I still feel like I'm... trying to rush through the next thing... figuring out how you can be present."

Bozoma shares her trainer's advice on control:

Bozoma St. John (06:45): "Control... the rep is gonna be better for you because you are in control of the weight and your body."

The Concept of an Urgent Life

Bozoma introduces her philosophy of living an "urgent life," inspired by her book The Urgent Life. She distinguishes it from merely living a fast-paced life:

Bozoma St. John (11:37): "Urgency is like carpe diem... it's the intentional plucking of the day."

She explains the deeper meaning behind "carpe diem":

Bozoma St. John (11:55): "Carpe diem doesn't mean seize the day. It means pluck the day."

Bozoma connects this philosophy to her personal experiences of grief and loss:

Bozoma St. John (12:43): "The loss in my life made me feel more urgent about living."

Resilience Through Grief

Bozoma delves into her profound experiences with grief, having lost her first daughter after a tough pregnancy and her husband to cancer. She discusses how these losses have fueled her determination to live intentionally:

Bozoma St. John (15:13): "I have had a lot of grief, and it feels unfair... I'm gonna live my life and I'm gonna enjoy it."

She shares a poignant moment of questioning her faith during her husband's funeral:

Bozoma St. John (15:13): "Are you serious right now? Why am I sitting here?"

Despite the pain, Bozoma channels her grief into positive action, striving to live a life that inspires others:

Bozoma St. John (16:43): "I want people to look at my life and say, God damn it, she lived."

Transition from Corporate America

Bozoma recounts her decision to leave high-powered corporate roles at companies like Netflix, Uber, Apple, and Pepsi. She explains how the corporate environment often stifled her authenticity:

Bozoma St. John (21:34): "I don't miss creating in a structured environment... I don't miss the bureaucracy."

She shares her realization of not fitting into the traditional corporate mold and how that led to her liberation:

Bozoma St. John (23:27): "I'm not fitting into the mold. I'm never gonna become the CMO of the company."

Her bold move to abandon corporate norms resulted in unexpected recognition and opportunities:

Bozoma St. John (24:02): "Everybody starts paying attention to me."

Authenticity in Entrepreneurship

Embracing her true self, Bozoma founded her own hair care brand, Eve, addressing the lack of representation for women of color in the beauty industry. She describes the meticulous process of creating products tailored to her needs:

Bozoma St. John (25:46): "I created an entire system and I birthed it and I named it Eve."

Bozoma shares her journey to Guangzhou, China, to gain firsthand knowledge of the hair industry, highlighting the lack of suitable products for African American and African hair:

Bozoma St. John (30:30): "When I'm doing my hair, the hair that I'm using is not made for me. It's made for white women."

This venture not only honored her late daughter but also empowered women of color to embrace their natural beauty.

Breaking into Real Housewives and Representation

Bozoma discusses her role on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, emphasizing her commitment to authenticity and representation. She refused to conform to the typical conflict-driven narrative of reality TV, bringing her real-life drama and resilience to the show:

Bozoma St. John (36:40): "I'm showing up in the same way. I am still representing..."

She advocates for more meaningful storytelling in reality TV, showcasing real struggles and triumphs without resorting to superficial conflicts:

Bozoma St. John (39:41): "There's so much more that you can get in a life which has been lived that I don't have to resort to name calling."

Conclusion

Reshma and Bozoma wrap up the episode with mutual admiration, celebrating Bozoma's unwavering authenticity and her inspirational journey from corporate executive to influential entrepreneur and reality TV star. Bozoma's story serves as a powerful reminder to embrace one's true self, live intentionally, and break free from societal expectations to lead a fulfilling life.

Notable Quotes

• Bozoma St. John (04:22): "I'm having a really good time right now in this midlife... I feel totally in my power."
• Bozoma St. John (07:22): "Now I'm in control."
• Bozoma St. John (11:37): "Urgency is like carpe diem... it's the intentional plucking of the day."
• Bozoma St. John (12:43): "The loss in my life made me feel more urgent about living."
• Bozoma St. John (15:13): "I have had a lot of grief, and it feels unfair... I'm gonna live my life and I'm gonna enjoy it."
• Bozoma St. John (21:34): "I don't miss creating in a structured environment... I don't miss the bureaucracy."
• Bozoma St. John (24:02): "Everybody starts paying attention to me."
• Bozoma St. John (30:30): "When I'm doing my hair, the hair that I'm using is not made for me. It's made for white women."
• Bozoma St. John (36:40): "I'm showing up in the same way. I am still representing..."

This episode offers profound insights into navigating midlife with authenticity, resilience, and intentionality. Bozoma St. John's journey is a testament to the power of embracing one's true self and the impact of living an urgent life.