← My So-Called Midlife with Reshma Saujani
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Lemonada hey Midlifers, just a quick message before we get started. You can now listen to every episode of My so Called Midlife Ad free with Lemonada Premium on Apple Podcasts. You'll also get ad free access to an exclusive bonus content from shows like Wiser Than Me with Julia Louis Dreyfus and Fail Better with David Duchovny and so many more. It's just $5.99 a month and a great way to support the work we do. Go ad free and get bonus content when you hit subscribe on this show and Apple Podcasts make life suck less with fewer ads with Lemonada Premium. Welcome to My so Called Midlife a podcast where we figure out how to stop just getting through it and start actually living it. I'm Reshma Sajani. What does the word ambition mean to you? It sounds like a dirty word, doesn't it? We've taught to have it. We're punished for showing it. We're told to shrink it or soften it or package it in gratitude and humility so it doesn't make anyone feel uncomfortable. And somewhere along the way, many of us stop asking, what do I actually want? Not what my parents wanted. Not with the culture rewards. Not what looks good on Instagram, but what aligns in my bones. Today's guest has spent her life helping women answer that question, including me. Ra Goddess is an entrepreneurial soul coach, founder of Move the Crowd, and the author of Intentional Ambition. For decades, she's helped women transform their ambition from something reactive and externally driven into something conscious, embodied, and deeply purposeful. In this conversation, we talk about the difference between chasing success and designing it. We talk about burnout, worthiness, and a thing called grace. If you've ever felt torn between wanting more and questioning whether you're allowed to have it, this one's for you. Let's get into it. Hey, Ra, how are you?
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C
I'm so good, my love. How are you doing?
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Oh, I am doing really good. I just actually did a 30 minute meditation. I've been trying to do this at lunch and it's like a game changer. I look, to be honest, I do it like once a week, but even if I can do it once a week, I feel like accomplished 100. You are very proud of me.
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C
I am.
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A
Before we start, I always ask every guest what their midlife mindset is like. How are they feeling about this moment in this time period of our lives? I've actually never asked you this question, so I'm, like, really curious about what.
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C
You'Re going to say. Yeah, I feel like this time is all about energy, my energy. I'm talking, I feel like more and more to people about the quality of their energy. And I say that because I feel like our energy doesn't lie. You know, our mind can tell us all kinds of things. You know what I mean? And even sometimes, you know, we can pump ourselves up on the heart space, but there's something about the nature of our energy that really tells us what's what and who's who. And so I'm always now paying attention to what is giving me life versus what is sucking me dry and making conscious, loving, courageous decisions about where I'm. Yes. And knowing based upon my energy.
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A
Yeah. You once taught me leaders manage their energy, not their time. And I think it's such a profound piece of wisdom. Because I will say, for most of my life, I'm just like, oh, I'm just gonna edit my schedule over and over and over again. And it wasn't actually making me feel more joyful or making me feel less anxious. Do you think that, like, we are more capable of managing our energy in midlife than we are when we're younger?
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C
I think we have a different respect for our energy when we get to midl. I think when we're young, look, in many ways, anything goes. You know, we'll try anything at least once, maybe twice. But I think there's a way in which we've lived enough that we've hit those barriers, we've hit those walls, we've probably burnt out a couple of times, so we kind of know what that feels like. And I think we just have a different respect for it as we get older.
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A
Yeah. So I want to start just by introducing. So RA has been my coach since I ran for Congress. Like, so almost every major decision and minor decision I've made in my life has come through a conversation with you. Because now we're talking about, like, almost 20 years.
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C
I know that's crazy.
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A
And I'm so glad. Like, we audio taped all of our conversations, which I have. I need to make sure that I have all of them, but which has been such a blessing because I almost feel like now I have a record of my life. So thank you for that. But to jump in, first of all, like, who is Ra Goddess, and how did you come to this work? And what is this work for people?
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C
So I like to describe myself as a doula for your most authentic self and for your highest contribution. Right. Your passion, your purpose that I'm here to help Midwife the journey for the amazing leaders and change agents and creatives that we have the opportunity to work with at Move the Crown, that our intention is to really help people be unleashed in their most authentic self so they can make their greatest contribution. And we see that as being imperative because I don't believe we're going to get the world we want to see unless we are in the truth of who we are, unless we're doing what we're here to do and bringing what we're here to bring in a way that is joyful and sustainable and life force giving.
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So I came to you a little baked. And what I mean by that is I came to you kind of knowing what my purpose was and that there was this journey. And part of it was just the twists and turns and the Should I's. And also just maturing into the kind of leader that I am and how to do that. Do most people come to you that way? Because some people could be listening right now and saying, I don't know what? I need you to midlife. You know what I mean? Like, I don't know what that journey is. Like, what do you say to them? And what are some of those steps? Like, I'll give you an example. You told me 20 years ago to read the Artist's Way. And you said, go on a walk and just walk into a church, a museum, like, but surround yourself around creativity. That was one thing you taught me. But what do you tell people?
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C
Yeah, I mean, I think, you know, people come to us in all shapes and forms and sizes and states of being, right? My experience is that most people know, but they're afraid, right? Or they've got constraints, or they've got conditions that stand in the way or conversations that stand in the way of their ability to own it, right? And so on some levels, when people come in owning it, you think, okay, man, 80% of the work is done. But you and I both know the what is one thing, the how is a whole other animal.
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So true. Oh, I never thought of it that way. That's right.
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C
Right. And so, you know, sometimes we got the what, but we're in a rut about the how, right? And when I say a rut about the how, what's the rut that most people are in about the how? And then I promise I'll come back to the what in a minute. But the rut that most people are in about the how is everything to do with the conditioning. What we've been taught growing up about what we can do or can't do, what we've been taught about, we can say or can't say what we've been taught about who we can be or can't be. And you know, Reshma, so much of your ministry, right, and that I've had the privilege to bear witness to over these almost 20 years has been about that next level of permission, that next level of courage, right? The next level of bravery, right? Which is really that we do get to do it our way. And for some of us, we get that memo early and we're like, off to the races. And then it's just about how we navigate the external forces. But for many of us, we don't get that memo early. So we spend a lot of years pleasing everybody, checking all the boxes, making sure everything, you know, all The I's are dotted, all the T's are crossed. You know, everybody's good. Right. My joke is that the most common mantra for women, Everybody good, Everybody good. Right. Because that's what we say before we ask, am I good? We'll ask a hundred. Is everybody else goods? Right. So this idea of the how and giving ourselves the sacred permission to really show up in our way, to really show up in ways that enliven us and invigorate us and invite us and motivate us. Right.
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I'm thinking as you're speaking about, I was reading an article about Zoram Hamdani and his mother and how his mother, basically she felt this unguarded ambition to dream big. And she gave that to her son. It wasn't even a question, you know, can I be mayor of New York without, you know what I mean, having any prior elected, real, you know, experience to do this? And I thought that, that when you see people achieve those kinds of feats, it's not that they're lockstep towards the next thing. They are able to make these massive leaps. And we confuse, I think, confidence with what you just said, which is permission from ourselves.
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C
Yeah.
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What do you think the difference is?
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Yeah, I mean, I think, and it's so great that you mentioned mothers and the example we set. Because if people have the example early and if you think about the most accomplished people in the world, you know, you all pick a category, pick an industry, pick a discipline, they often talk about the seeds that are planted by their mothers. I was taught that I could do anything. My mother told me I could be anyone. Right. And I think sometimes we don't realize what a gift that is. Because everybody doesn't get that.
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Nope.
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And that's something we don't talk about. Right. Everybody doesn't get that.
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Right.
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C
And it isn't only about what your circumstances are. Right. Because we know mothers who have come up in some of the roughest conditions still plant those seeds. Right. Versus mothers who maybe come up in very different kinds of circumstances with different sets of constraints and expectations. Right. And I'm speaking in terms of my well endowed beloveds. Right. They have to struggle too. The struggle is real over there too. Right?
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Right.
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So the difference to me between like this idea of confidence and permission, or let me say, because I think sometimes we think ego is the same as spirit.
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A
Right.
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So you gotta take me here, Reshma. Here we go. Right?
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Go, go, go.
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C
So permission is a kind of grace that we give ourselves because we believe that it is Available to us, Right. In other words, we're taught in some way, shape or form, or we have experiences where grace has had our back and we know that it exists. Like we actually have a conscious living relationship with grace, Right. Which enables us to give ourselves permission. It enables us to be courageous. And. And I want to say that both of those are practices, right? Like permission, a practice, courage, a practice. Like, that's just what it is. It grows and strengthens as we use it, Right. Like any other muscle in the body. I think confidence comes often from external influence or it comes from repetition. Right. So it's a combination, in my experience of repetition, an affirmation that builds confidence. Right? So whether we're affirming ourselves or somebody else is affirming us, and often it's someone else sees us, right? And they're affirming, like, I see you, like, oh, you got potential, or oh, you've got talent, or, oh, you've got chops, or oh, that was amazing. Right. And it's the combination of that with the repetition, doing it over and over and over and over and over and over again, where the body begins to ingrain an understanding of what this is. Right. So you think about the athletes, Naomi Osaka, right, Who's just been turning it up in all kinds of ways, right? Yes. She has shout out Ms. Naomi, but how many tennis balls has she hit to really be able to stand there, Right. And be in the game and be present at the level that she's present and accomplished at the level she's accomplished. Right. So this is the 10,000 hours conversation. This is all the things we hear in the zeitgeist. Right. But this other piece of affirmation is also incredibly important, where we experience some kind of either internal, wow, that was good. Right. Which my experience, Reshma, takes time. Takes time for us to get to that place.
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Yes.
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You know, the critic tends to take over more often than not. Or that external affirmation, somebody we respect, somebody we appreciate, somebody we admire, somebody who we believe has our best interests at heart is affirming us and encouraging us and telling us to keep going.
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A
That's right. I feel that way about my public speaking. It was a lot of just both practice and then early on, someone saying, you're really good at this, you should keep doing it. And I do think as teachers, I make sure when I see a young person who has something to say to them, oh, you're good at that. Keep at that. You know, Rasnath, you call it mirrors. Like you need people to kind of mirror back to you. You know what you may in your heart know that you have There's a moment in midlife when you realize that pushing hard isn't always the answer. You're eating well, staying active. You're doing what you know works. And somehow it doesn't work the same way it used to. That's why GLP1s have been so interesting to watch. People aren't just losing weight, they're seeing better lab numbers, more energy, fewer cravings, and a level of conf confidence that goes way beyond the scale. And now there's a pill option. 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C
Never too late, you all, Never too late. As a matter of fact, I feel like we appreciate it more when it comes later. Taking nothing away from a lot of our Gen Z rock stars, right? And all of what's coming behind them. Reshma. Because I look at your babies and I'm like, my God, right? They're gonna rule the world.
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A
They are gonna rule the world with compassion, look in love.
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C
And they get it early, right? There's just a whole other breed of beings that is coming behind us, right? But I will say that there is something about coming into it at a later stage of life where you've lived more life, where you really appreciate it. And that's not always a function of age, right? Because some of us grow up way, way faster maybe than we, quote, unquote, should have. But there's something about the lived experience that enables us to really value it more. And so I find, you know, when I'm talking to leaders who are in their 60s and 70s and even early 80s, right, and they're like having breakthroughs, this for me is some of the most incredible conversations. Because with every breakthrough you realize, oh my God, there's so much more life to be lived.
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A
What's your secret? Because, you know, I often hear a lot from the women in the 70s and 80s, I just stopped caring and that just unleashed me. But what else other than that do you feel when you meet these 80 year old women that are happy at the top of their game, et cetera, what, what are they onto that we should start doing now?
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C
Yeah, I think they appreciate the wisdom. That's that, AKA hard learned experience. Like there's a way that the wisdom and all of the experience and all of the insight begin to culminate into this incredible realization that their life is theirs to live. I think the other piece around the, you know, this question of not giving.
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A
You know, not caring, not giving a fuck, right?
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C
Come on. It's also about time. Short. I don't know how much more I got. I might have five years, I might have two years. That's much more present for us as we get older.
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That's right.
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C
So there's a sense of urgency that we're stepping into where it's like, okay, it's this is now or never. It's like, this is my time or this is my time, right?
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As you're getting older, it's like you have more freedom to be more decisive or even ruthless about your time, your energy, your resources, who you want to spend time with because you don't have a lot of time left.
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Yeah.
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You know, one of the things as I started embarking on kind of my midlife conversation journey was that there's a lot of women and I felt this way that look successful on the outside but feel restless or disconnected on the inside. I've really kind of identified for me with that feeling is that I. I have, like on a. On a latent level all the time is this restless anxiety. What is that about?
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C
Can be about a lot of things. Right. But I think one of the things that we understand, and to me, you told the truth on this one. Right. Is that this conversation of the imposter and how much, unfortunately, it still runs rampant in our society. But there's a way sometimes that we can't see ourselves. And more importantly, we haven't given the space to really understand what fulfills us because we've been conditioned to believe that, oh, you check the boxes. And if you check the boxes, that fulfillment and joy are going to come with it. Well, what we are coming to discover, and this is more and more what I've been talking about in my last book, more and more we come to discover, is that fulfillment may be its own journey that's not necessarily rooted in accomplishing the things that people think we should accomplish.
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A
What do you mean by that? Fulfillment is its own journey.
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C
It is about the opportunity to really get to know yourself at a profound soul level and to be in a loving and sacred relationship with you and you where you're telling the truth about what you really need, about what you really want, and about what gives you life. I think for so many of us, the way we've built success, or at least originally defined success, somebody handed us the playbook. Somebody else set the standards. Even people who love us told us, this is what you need to do. This is who you need to be. This is how you need to operate and move. And then you will have these things over there. But there's never been an opportunity where we maybe have gotten the chance to ask ourselves, are the things over there what I really want? And it isn't sometimes, Rashma, until we're standing over there that we're like, this ain't. This ain't it. And then in many ways, we're afraid to acknowledge this ain't it, because then we got to blow up our life, or we think we have to blow up our life right. To figure it out. But fulfillment is a soul conversation, and surprisingly for many of us, it actually comes in the little things, not in the big things.
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A
Right, yeah. What you're saying is so profound because as you started talking, I was thinking about often where I feel this conversation is with friends of mine who are unhappy in their marriage. And oftentimes the conversation is, should I get a divorce or not? And then you're like, well, there's all these other people. You know what I mean? These. My kids, my finances. Da, da, da. It's too complicated. Right. But I think a large part of this conversation is in many ways, we've put such a big stake in our relationships that we feel like we're unhappy because of them when it's not even.
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C
About them, that part.
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And it is about identifying the other things that you have to put into place. Like, I just told you, like, I've really been, you know, engaging in my meditation, my spiritual practice almost in ways that, like, I. It is coming to me. Like, it's like the world is saying, I need to. We've talked about this. Like, I need. You got to learn how to deal with you. You got to heal you so you can heal the world. Right. And so you got to learn how to be still. Right. So you can then operate in the world. And it has been such a gift to me. Right. Of bringing an enormous, like, a bit of peace that has just made all the other things in my life not seem so huge.
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C
Yeah, yeah. The quality of our life shifts when we really do create the space to fall in love with ourselves. Right. Regardless of all of the mistakes we've made or the things we've experienced or the things we could have done better. And it's that inner sanctum conversation that is the most important conversation we can ever be having. Because the truth of the matter is, everything else is filtered through that. We experience life, we experience relationship, we experience motherhood, we experience. You know what I mean? Like, another fill in the blank. It's all through the filter of how we experience ourselves, how we see ourselves, how we understand ourselves. So it would make sense logically that that should be the first place we're looking and the first place we're working. However, the truth is, often that's the last place we come. And it isn't until, sadly, mostly things fall apart that we're forced to reckon with us and us.
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A
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, Buddha says, right, you could end all suffering by ending your own suffering. I think about, like, we're in this moment of, I think everybody's so mean. I feel like the amount of times I'm walking down the street and it's like, rant. You know what I mean? Like, my dog's in the way. And it's like, you fucking bitch. It's like, wow. People are at, like, a level 10 because of everything that's happening in the world. And if everyone could just work on them, yeah, the world will move along with it. But if you're holding so much anger, suffering, resentment, you're taking it out on the entire world. I want to get to your book Intentional Ambition. And it's incredible, as all your books are, but everyone's got to read this one. And you make a distinction between ambition that is intentional, an ambition that is rooted in survival or validation. Can you define for us the difference?
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C
Yeah, I think what I discovered, having had the privilege of sitting in the front line of people's ambitions for over three decades is, is that there are things that we want, that we believe we're supposed to want. And I want to say that I break ambition into two aspects, right? One is the desire, like, what the. What we want. And then the other is what I call the drive, which is the how we get what we want. So the what we want is often been dictated, right? It's very much what we've been talking about, right? So it is provocative for many of us to even get to what we want. And, you know, an example I'll give Rushmas. You know, as part of touring the book, we've been going to, like, tables, dinners, brunches, lunches, sitting with leaders in all different constellations of all different communities of all different backgrounds. And when I get to ask them the question, what do you really want? It's like the scariest question and the most provocative question I could be asking, right? And how dare I ask it in front of other people? Let's just add that piece on, right? Because it requires a kind of vulnerability and transparency that makes us uncomfortable because we're not used to operating that way, right? So the difference between what I call wounded ambition or ambition that doesn't really belong to us is that it's what we think we should want, is be.
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A
A doctor, engineer, or lawyer. Be this, be that. And then you're like, oh, wait, do I really want that?
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C
Is that what I really want? Or marry this particular way, right? You know, into this particular enclave or this particular class, right? Or cast. I mean, all of these conversations, right? And these are global human conversations and dynamics that show up in every facet of our lives. Intentional ambition is ambition that you choose and that you choose it from a place of genuinely what inspires you? What gives you joy? What gives you freedom, a sense of freedom? What gives you a sense of fulfillment? I think about mothers who know that they were born a mother and they're unapologetic about embracing being mothers.
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Right?
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C
And, you know, and motherhood is fraud. You know, I mean, look, we could go. We could go all the way right in that conversation in terms of what can show up on that terrain. But for someone who embraces, this is what I really believe that I was born to do, Whether it's artistry or motherhood, whatever it might be, and they surrender to it, like they allow it, and they nurture and honor and respect the desire. There is another level of joy and freedom and fulfillment that shows up.
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A
It's so interesting that you use the word ambition and motherhood, because I think ambition already had a loaded term. For me, ambition means you want to be president, you want to be Bad Bunny, you want to be. You know, I mean, it's loaded in also the professional work. But are you. Do you think we also have to redefine what ambition is?
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C
We do 100. I mean, and I think this is where we get intentional, right? Because when we think about the desires of our soul, to your point, they may look nothing like that, right?
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Like, I may be ambitious. I am ambitious about learning how to meditate in quieting my mind.
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C
Yes. See, and we're here because I'm ambitious about my peace, right? So. So I'm right next to you on the meditation cushion because I am ambitious about my peace, right? Because I understand that if my spirit is at peace, if my nervous system is regulated, so much more becomes possible through me and for me and for other people than when I'm, you know, off my rocker, literally and figuratively.
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Right?
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Not sleeping, not eating well, not exercising, whatever it is that you need to do to be who you want to be for you. That's the question of intentional ambition. Who do you want to be for you?
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A
So I imagine at these tables you're really trying to. And for highly success, probably a lot of highly successful women.
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C
Very much so.
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A
This must be hard, right? How have you been able to untangle this for them? What you're saying makes a lot of sense, but then doing it and detaching myself from what I have learned in business and been chasing ambition is a whole other game.
- [34:20]
C
Yeah. So, you know, it starts with, for many, confronting what has been in the way, you know, and creating safe and sacred spaces. Like, the whole intention for why we chose to move around the country, why we chose to tour the book this way was because we recognize, particularly given all that we've been through post Pandemic and more. Right. Is that we need safe and sacred spaces. We need safe and sacred spaces where we can tell the truth to ourselves. We need safe and sacred spaces where we can tell the truth to each other and wrestle with some of these bigger questions that we have not been able to have the room or the space to actually explore. And so particularly when you're talking about people who've achieved incredible success, and I also want to talk about people who are getting started. Right. But for people who have achieved incredible success, so much of the question is how much of that is really me. Mm. And not even from the perspective of capability as much as from the perspective of identity. Yeah, right. Like who are they holding on to as an identity and to what degree is it serving them or not serving them? Right. Joy, freedom, fulfillment, and like, that's the barometers, right? Yeah. Right. And how we see ourselves as being powerful and that connects to fulfillment directly. Right. Because if we think about our energy now coming full circle here, right. If we think about our energy as being the ultimate source of power, then we get to ask, where do we feel empowered versus where do we feel dis. Empowered. Right. And our ability to tell the truth about what we see there begins to give us access to new opportunity and new life.
- [36:29]
A
There's one thing that all people on earth have in common. We move through the world in a human body. Bodies ache, they bleed, they desire, they hold the stories of our lives. And when people have power over their bodies, when they can access the care their bodies need, they can begin to write their own stories. International Planned Parenthood Federation, or ippf, is the world's largest network for sexual and reproductive health rights and justice. They are sharing real stories of people around the world. People like Alina in Malawi who walked miles to the nearest clinic to birth her baby, only to give birth along the way. Everybody holds a story and you can read just a few of them now@ippf.org everybody.
- [37:18]
D
Do you ever find yourself scrolling through headlines, especially health headlines, and just thinking.
- [37:25]
A
That can't be true?
- [37:26]
D
Well, I certainly do. 2025 brought us some ridiculous far fetched health claims and some especially terrifying changes in public health. What's in store for us in 2026? I'm Chelsea Clinton and we're back with season two of my podcast, that Can't Be True. Follow along and catch up on season one, wherever you get your podcasts.
- [37:53]
A
See, I love Power, you know what I mean? I got no power. And I think power is incredibly important to make the change that I want to make for, like, women and girls. Like, for me, that is like what I aspire to. That I can pick up the phone and be like, you need to pass that bill on childcare, paid leave. And they're so scared, you know, I mean, that they're actually going to do it. That is where I want to get to. I want us to get to a mom's first. But, like, for a lot of women, they may not feel that same comfort with power. Do you think that's true?
- [38:23]
C
Yeah, I think it depends on how it manifests in their reality. Like, here's what I do think everybody wants, Right. Which is really close to power and. And is becoming more and more the center of our work. Reshma. And I think this might be the next book for me. But influence, we absolutely want influence. And if we think about it from that perspective. Right. It becomes a whole different proposition. So what do I mean when I say influence? We want to feel good about who we are. We want to feel confident in who we are, and we want to be able to move the needle on what matters to us. And the good and confident in who we are is not an egoic conversation. It's a grounded spiritual conversation. Right. However we define it, universe, love, creativity. Right. I'm not here to tell you what deity. It's not from there. When I say it's a conversation of the spirit, the spirit is the source of your energy. Right. If again, we think about it energetically, but this idea that we love, respect, honor and appreciate who we really are outside of labels or accolades, and that we can move the needle on what really matters to us, and whether that is super mom or super mogul or super change agent. Right. But we feel like when we walk into a room, we feel like, to your point, when we pick up the phone, we feel like something different moves as a result of how we embody and express in the world. And I believe that every single person wants that. Right. Because that's about mattering.
- [40:10]
A
Yeah. And I would argue that, like, when I hear you say that as an activist, I say that, God, we need that, especially from women right now. Women need to have influence because there's things that are happening in our world right now that if the values of women, the values of mothers, the values of the feminine, you know, were present, you just wouldn't see half the things that are. We wouldn't let people die and not have medical Insurance, we wouldn't be, you know, locking up babies with ICE agents. We wouldn't. We just wouldn't be doing these things.
- [40:40]
C
Yeah.
- [40:41]
A
And that when you say influence, that's what I feel like that is what needs to shift right now.
- [40:46]
C
Well, let's lean into this all the way, Right. Why don't we, while we're here, we are being liberated from the old systems and structures for a reason.
- [40:55]
A
You feel like we're being liberated even though it feels like we're being like.
- [40:58]
C
Even though it feels like we're being pushed out right now. I want to lean into this because I think this is a really important conversation. Our energy is about architecting what's next. So, women, I want to say this to you, that our opportunity, our energy and our call is about architecting the new future. What is next? Now, if we accept the assignment, Reshma, then we are going to get a different reality. We are going to get a different world, right? If we're willing to cultivate the kind of influence that we desire that comes from the calling of our soul, that comes from our deepest aspirations, we are going to get a different reality. And to your point, now is the moment. We do got to own it, you know, so my question, what I'm asking in the book, what I asked around all the tables, and, you know, it was, what do you really want? And then the second question is, what are the new terms and conditions? What are the new terms and conditions that are going to support your true ambition being realized in the world? Because if your true ambition is realize we're going to have healthier children, we're going to have safer streets, we're going to operate differently, we're going to show up differently. And as much as we see the contrast of what we do not want, it's got to inspire us to begin consciously architecting what we do want.
- [42:35]
A
So what's the skill set you need to do that? Because I could be listening to this and be like, great. The skill set I need is to fight, burn it down and then rebuild it. Some may listen to you and say, well, the skill set you need is to not get so caught up in what's happening, right? Like, turn off Instagram. That doesn't mean you're being complacent or complicit or you're leaning out. It just means, like, don't get distracted, that part. So that's what it is.
- [43:04]
C
I think it's definitely about how we use our time and our energy. Right. Again, I come back to that, right? How Are we using our time and our energy first to fortify our own foundation and nourish our own foundation? So that is your meditation. That is your time in nature. That is your quiet journaling time. That is your walks, you know? Right. I remember speaking with a leader the other day, and she was like, quality time with my children gives me energy. So how does that get prioritized?
- [43:39]
A
Me too.
- [43:39]
C
Right? It's true. Do you know what I mean? Where it's been the bottom of the list, how does it now move up in the pecking order? Recognize you got then more to give that demanding role? If you're nourishing yourself, what they say, put your mask on first. If you're putting your mask on first. So the first thing we got to learn, Rushmore, is how to put our mask on and whatever that means for us and not belittling what we need. Right? And I say this because sometimes when we're in this conversation about aligning our energy, what gives us life versus what sucks us dry. Sometimes what sucks us dry is a little thing, and it's so little we dismiss it. But the truth of the matter is, is every time we tolerate that little thing, it's a pull on our energy force. It's a pull on our. It's a suck on our life force. You and I talk about this all the time. What is the thing? Right? And we want to be polite. And I understand. And to me, there's a difference between polite and kind. I think you can be kind and tell the truth. Right. I think you can be loving and compassionate and tell the truth, and I think you can set boundaries and be loving and compassionate and kind. Right? All those things can come. There's not trading one for the other. But I think our foundation first. And then I think the question is, what do you want? And really listening.
- [45:00]
A
So one of the gifts you've given me is kind of shifting the way that. And it goes to this conversation, like, shifting the way that you think about endings. And there's a lot of starting over in midlife, and it's easy to think about ending something as a failure. And so talk to me about why you think that, that why that's not true. Like, I think about this in terms of friendships. This is a big thing that comes up, right? It's like there's something about this stage of life where friendships are ending and there's a piece of you that feels like, oh, well, we've known each other for 20 years. I should hold on to her. Even though we don't have much in common or the relationship is draining. Teach us about how to have endings and feel good about them.
- [45:47]
C
In some ways, there is a sort of sage wisdom that says you spend the first half of your life acquiring and the last half, the second half of your life letting go. And letting go is hard, right? It's hard for lots and lots of reasons. We've been conditioned to acquire, to consume, right? So much so that we are not called citizens. We are called consumers, y'. All.
- [46:16]
A
Yeah.
- [46:16]
C
Even when people are talking about our political fate, we are called consumers. So it's in our DNA to grasp and hold on because we've also taught that there's not enough. So we tolerate and we endure and we struggle and we suffer needlessly because we believe that there's not enough. And so because there's not enough, then any old thing is just going to have to do so. This is, you know, I talk about this in the book that the threshold, the tolerance threshold. And some of us don't even understand what. What is all in there, right? Influencing it. But completion is necessary. The cycles of life, things must die to be reborn, right? So last year, my joke was that 2025 kicked a lot of ass, right? We were shedding. We were forced to shed. Sometimes we didn't want to let go of things and things were taken from us, right? So learning how to have a deeper profound relationship and appreciation for loss, whether that is death, real death, right? Literal death, or metaphorical death or however we see it, right? The loss of a job, the loss of an opportunity, and recognizing and understanding that in the cycle of life and in the evolution and growth of our soul, that completion is necessary. It's necessary, right? For our growth and evolution, you know, there is needless suffering and then there's purposeful suffering. Purposeful suffering are the things that grow you. That's the hard stuff that you live through, that you work through, a health challenge, something with a family member, you feel me, right? Something going on with a child. Yes.
- [47:56]
A
You need some purposeful suffering in your life to grow.
- [47:58]
C
Listen, my father would call it character building experiences. You need character building because they help ground you, they help level you. They help give you perspective. They also help grow your appreciation for the gifts and for the blessings, right?
- [48:16]
A
And they give you compassion.
- [48:17]
C
And they give you compassion.
- [48:20]
A
Last question for you, just to close. What is one small but honest question you want every woman to ask herself right now?
- [48:29]
C
What is not working? What is not working? And in the sanctity of yourself telling the truth to yourself about what is not working. And then my second question would be, if you had your way, how would it be? How could it be if you gave yourself the permission to tend to your energy here, right? Or your desire here?
- [48:59]
A
As always, Ra Profound conversation. This is such a gift. I know somebody so many people are gonna get so much out of it. So thank you and love you. You're the one of the best things that's ever happened to me in this lifetime. So I'm so. I'm so grateful for you.
- [49:12]
C
Thank you for having me. Thank you for all that you are and all that you do. Reshma. Truly, I love you, honor and a privilege to know you and love you.
- [49:19]
A
And to teach me and to teach me humbly.
- [49:24]
C
Humbly.
- [49:33]
A
I'm so grateful to my friend and coach Raghadis for reminding us that ambition the problem disconnection with our soul is Be sure to pick up a copy of her book Intentional Ambition and Midlifers. I want to leave you with this thought. Choose yourself. Not in a selfish way, not in a reckless way, but in an intentional way. Choose the version of you that feels aligned. Choose the work that honors your energy. Choose the life that reflects your truth. Midlife isn't about shrinking your ambition. It's about finally owning it before you go. Thank you for listening to My so Called Midlife. If you haven't yet, now's a great time to subscribe to Lemonada Premium. You'll get bonus content you can't hear anywhere else. Just hit the subscribe button on Apple Podcasts or for all other podcast apps, head to lemonadapremium.com to subscribe. That's lemonadapremium.com My so called Midlife is brought to you by Moms First. Come see what we're all about at MomsFirst US. I'm your host and executive producer, Reshma Sajani. Our senior producer is Katie Eckstek Cordova, our producer is Beth Breaux, and our sound engineer and editor is Mary Kelly of Sweater Weather. Our theme music was composed by Ivan Kurayev and performed by Ivan with Ryan Jewell and Karen Waltock. Scheduling support from Cindy Cook. Sales and distribution is by Lemonada Media. Help others find our show by leaving a rating and writing a review. And let us know what you're doing in Midlife. Follow My so Called Midlife wherever you get your podcasts or listen ad free on Amazon Music with your prime membership and be sure to follow me. Rashmistajani and moms first on Instagram, LinkedIn, and substack.
- [51:23]
B
Want to listen to your favorite Lemonada shows without the ads? Subscribe to Lemonada Premium On Apple Podcasts. You'll get ad free episodes and exclusive bonus content from shows like Wiser Than Me with Julia Louis Dreyfus, Fail Better with David Duchovny, the Sarah Silverman Podcast, and so many more. It's a great way to support the work we do and treat yourself to a smoother, uninterrupted listening experience. Just head to any Lemonada show feed on Apple Podcasts and hit subscribe Make Life Suck Less with Fewer Ads With Lemonada Premium, are you looking for ways.
- [51:57]
D
To make your everyday life happier, healthier, more productive, and more creative? I'm Gretchen Rubin, the number one best selling author of the Happiness Project, bringing you fresh insights and practical solutions in the Happier with Gretchen Rubin podcast. My co host and happiness guinea pig is my sister, Elizabeth Craft.
- [52:15]
A
That's me, Elizabeth Craft, a TV writer.
- [52:17]
D
And producer in Hollywood. Join us as we explore ideas and hacks about cultivating happiness and good habits. Check out Happier with Gretchen Rubin from Lemonada Media.